What happened when Abel dumped his first girlfriend as a widower? Get your free e-copy of Abel's memoir Room for Two and find out for yourself. Simply sign up for his newsletter to get the free copy of the book as well as the latest on his new books, videos, and other projects. More information at www.abelkeogh.com/newsletter-2/
This came across my email today (July, 2022) Abel....and it could not have come at a better time! My widower "dumped me" (as you call it) and he says I dumped him. When the man you love says "I don't want to be in a relationship, my heart still aches for late wife and I feel like I'm letting her down", anyone with any sense MUST walk away. You have to appreciate the honestly (if those actually are the reasons) and walk away. You know after almost 2 years that it's time. Now my widower wants to be friends and "hang out". I said no, but if he wants to be in a committed relationship like we had early on and he's not afraid to introduce me to all of his family and friends (he hid me from so many important people in his life!) to let me know if I'm still around. He used the "widower card" so much... Heartbreaking for me, but I thank God that He gave me good judgment to see through the lies, etc.! Although I watched this video some time within the past 3 years, I watched it again today. PERFECT TIMING FOR ME, ABEL. Thank you so much!
YOU CAN'T BE FRIENDS!! Move on. He needs to grieve. Lonliness often wins over grief and you will never know if he has come back to you out of loniless or because he is truly ready. You will always be left with that uncertainty. Let him go, if he does his work and your paths cross again, then hey maybe there is something to look at, but if they aren't willing to look at their grief now, they might never be able to. You don't want to be a placeholder. Life is too short!!
Ladies....Abel's advice in this video applys to dating a widowed or a divorced man, too - ANY MAN...... Listen carefully to what he says. Watch this video SEVERAL times till it sinks in..... A lot of men- divorced, widowed or single are only looking for companionship/filling a hole in their heart. Most women are hoping for a relationship. They break up with you & the they always come back like a stray cat. Keep the cat. 🐈 Kick the guy out. : )
YOU ARE AWESOME and have saved me🙏. I wasn't dumped, I dumped him becuase of very points you brought up. Im no rebound or new body to f***. I deserve a whole and healed partner who did the work of recovery already. It was obvious he wanted emotional connection and intimacy but with the wrong motive. Not at my expense! 🏃
Amen.. just let it go.. I just let my widower go.. one year.. after 6 months it started falling apart.. it was miserable trying to be into this crazy ness .. I loved him and wontons miss his behavior towards me .. he has to be mom and dad for his 3 adult kids.. that takes all his time.. last straw.. a huge birthday party for his daughter and I wasn’t invited!!! Then he sends me pics and movie of the band there..and all the fun they were having… I was ostracized from his family.. DONE.. claims her daughters just aren’t ready for a new woman in his life.. they were for the first 4 months.. went to their homes babysat their kids on and on.. then all of a sudden.. nope. Mom has been gone 2 years this month… I feel sorry but the drama is gut wrenching!! This will take a while and possibly a therapist to deal with his behavior. Just last week telling me he wanted to move in with me.. planning trips to the mountains!! Ya’ll LET IT GO
Don’t kiss his ass. Move on. It’s going to b hard to do but it’s the only way to survive. It’s ok to hate him while your recovering. Why not? He played you and dumped you. That may sound harsh but that is in simple terms exactly what happened. Don’t worry, the day will come when you no longer hate anymore. This method helps you get over him quicker. Absence does NOT make the heart grow fonder. That’s a myth. Stay out of places that trigger memories. He’s not coming back to you. Accept it.
At least you called her and said it was over, my widower just stopped communicating and ignored my text. I even said if you have moved on with someone else, please let me know, but if you do not respond to this text, then I will know you have" I did not get a response to the text:-(((( its painful to be ignored and to have a breakup where you just walkaway with saying absolutely nothing!!
I finally ended it., I am exhausted.. he said he understood… I am finally done and feel wonderful., he destroyed all my feelings toward him.. all gone.. I don’t really want to even visit him.. it’s been 1 year and 1/2…he is 68 and losing it physically.. not healthy.. his grown kids and grandchildren are first.. he did not want me to be involved with his kids couldn’t treat me as his girlfriend when we were with them. So, he was included in all my adult kids.. my granddaughters always buying them things spending spending!! But he wouldn’t let me in his family things out of town or in town anymore… m feelings are now void.. Sandee
No no, I can just be friends. As far as having a real relationship, he has totally blown it. I have been extremely understanding. I get what he is going through, but sorry it can't be all about him. I have feelings too. Life is hard and I have lost a lot of people, so yeah. I am not a consolation prize, I am just myself. Who he had before was a very lovely person and I do feel bad that she is not here. I don't expect him to not have feelings for her, but he sure is blowing it now. He is too afraid to tell his grown kids that he likes me. It is over and I mean over. I gave this almost two years. This is stupid, but I will be friends. And I will start dating again as well.
Going back and watching old videos. I am a widower of 8 months. Thinking about dating again. Not really breaking up, but would ever advise a widower to put a relationship on hold (no contact) for a couple of weeks to let the widower stop and think about where he wants to go in a relationship.
Accept reality. A certain percentage take time to heal. They remain in their own worlds. Older people are resistant to change and relationships take bending...changing everything to succeed. Both have to blend and change but there must be respect total respect and appreciation of the prior spouse...the father or mother of the children. They can't be forgotten, and must be a sense of peace.
I'm in a similar situation only I was dating a widow. We were happy and in love but then she suddenly broke up with me because she still misses her late husband. He died suddenly back in May so it's only been 5 months. I admit, we moved fast but I genuinely love her, love her daughter, and see a future with her. She told me she needs some time to figure herself out, get back into therapy, and work on herself. According to her, that was the only reason for the breakup. She told me it wasn't goodbye but I do love her and because of that, I have let her go and respect and understand her decision. But I am not giving up on her. We weren't together long but what we had was real. I know it in my heart. So for right now, I'm giving her time and space.
Ironically I went to find the comment I made on another video and I found this one...my W broke up with me tonight. Saying because he made a promise to his late wife on her death bed and when I asked him about our discussions and commitment to being married and sealed together and his response was "it was my way of justifying dating you". Heart broken. So much for being his "Valentine"...
My widower broke up with me after two years. This is our second time. The first in our mid twenties and now late 50’s. I was the girl before his wife and the one after. What is so confusing is that he told me subconsciously he thinks I might be the love of his life, and it was killing him not to hold me and he wanted to linger…but he still broke up with me. I had to walk him out of the house. He wouldn’t take his things and said I should hold it hostage and he conveniently forgot my keys. He still ❤ my Facebook posts and after a month of no contact sent me a meme about art in PM. How do it interpret his behavior?
Mine broke up with me he says it's not going to work because hes not the man I want him to be. And that he feels he dated too soon. His wife been dead a year. He refuse to text me back or call me back. Why? We only have two dates. Supposed to go to baseball game. He stated the tickets, were expensive I sent him a link to cheaper tickets. Being helpful.. I'm pissed. Heartbroken. I never mentioned long term relationship. Or anything. I second woman he dated. He never said he's dating anyone else. Any advice?
The thing is..widower or not after dating, a man can decide that it's not feeling right. People have forgotten what dating is...it is getting to know a person & finding the right one. Again, it really doesnt matter too much if the person is a widower, divorced, single. Okay, and for ANYONE who is dating...END one relationship before starting another. Abel, you kept that woman & when you secured another woman, you then decided to tell the first one that things arent right. If you dont have something going right with someone, you will know right away. Dont just keep for whatever benefit (not love) And a HUGE tip..do not tell the first someone that you met & are seeing someone else - Take that to heart- it's bad enough to start up a second relationship before letting first one go- but you DO NOT have to add insult to injury- she will heal faster if she isnt sitting around thinking of you with someone else. And women, or men, if someone lets you go once because it was not right, it never will be- you do not have to make yourself out to be desperate
Many want to suss out women in a few dates looking to marry quickly. Very bad behaviour. Obviously they miss the partner but also like a boy in a candy shop now soo many women to date and try out
We are not together right now so we are only chatting through phone but he told me he will come to relocate to where I am living now when he finish with what he is doing, so please can you kindly give me some advice on how to go about our communication till we get to meet each other
Hmmm I was convinced this was like my situation until last bit. My widower said he is happy being friends and still not over late wife and cant face go to grieving counslr.........BUT at same time he does everything fr me...DIY in my house, driven miles after work to pick up thing fr me, researches and buys things fr me etc etc...I think this is a sort of compensation fr not being able to give me any emotional/physical stuff...only hugs and kisses. Now Im just not sure......😕
I an a widow. I've had a yr. He has 6 months. We spoke for a month on video chat. We discussed in depth the pitfalls, we are building solid bricks, we said we will avoid making mistakes, intellectuals (we have everything in common, cept communication.m). He read books on grieving, I watched the RUclips. He came out then went home only to realize, it wasn't the same. He needed me that weekend. I made the several hour drive to see him. He felt better, I felt better. He had business out here and stayed with me. It was fun. Then I was rushed in and out of stores, on the second instance i left with.him and at the car I asked. "Aree we in rush?" I left him know calmly that I was asking questions to the clerk of something I want to know." It makes me geek like my questions aren't important. " He remained quiet. I asked, " Do you have something to say on regards to what I expressed ?" His answer, "I'm thinking I want to go home." You know I asked, " why because I shared how I feel? How are we going to get to know more of each other? " Well it's not fun, its sad and your were angry". I paused, thought and said, "Maybe your right." It killed me because if the love ❤️ I still have for him. He left, 2 hours ago. I never raised my voice, I was in a submissive demeanor but expressing a truth. I waited till we were in the car not to cause drama. So... where does widower have the free card. Id like you to express more on what you weren't proud of, how it ended because you weren't ready. 😢 If he wasn't ready but took it all the way to promises and etc.
What happened when Abel dumped his first girlfriend as a widower? Get your free e-copy of Abel's memoir Room for Two and find out for yourself. Simply sign up for his newsletter to get the free copy of the book as well as the latest on his new books, videos, and other projects. More information at www.abelkeogh.com/newsletter-2/
This came across my email today (July, 2022) Abel....and it could not have come at a better time! My widower "dumped me" (as you call it) and he says I dumped him. When the man you love says "I don't want to be in a relationship, my heart still aches for late wife and I feel like I'm letting her down", anyone with any sense MUST walk away. You have to appreciate the honestly (if those actually are the reasons) and walk away. You know after almost 2 years that it's time. Now my widower wants to be friends and "hang out". I said no, but if he wants to be in a committed relationship like we had early on and he's not afraid to introduce me to all of his family and friends (he hid me from so many important people in his life!) to let me know if I'm still around. He used the "widower card" so much... Heartbreaking for me, but I thank God that He gave me good judgment to see through the lies, etc.! Although I watched this video some time within the past 3 years, I watched it again today. PERFECT TIMING FOR ME, ABEL. Thank you so much!
YOU CAN'T BE FRIENDS!! Move on. He needs to grieve. Lonliness often wins over grief and you will never know if he has come back to you out of loniless or because he is truly ready. You will always be left with that uncertainty. Let him go, if he does his work and your paths cross again, then hey maybe there is something to look at, but if they aren't willing to look at their grief now, they might never be able to. You don't want to be a placeholder. Life is too short!!
Ladies....Abel's advice in this video applys to dating a widowed or a divorced man, too - ANY MAN...... Listen carefully to what he says. Watch this video SEVERAL times till it sinks in..... A lot of men- divorced, widowed or single are only looking for companionship/filling a hole in their heart. Most women are hoping for a relationship. They break up with you & the they always come back like a stray cat. Keep the cat. 🐈 Kick the guy out. : )
YOU ARE AWESOME and have saved me🙏. I wasn't dumped, I dumped him becuase of very points you brought up.
Im no rebound or new body to f***. I deserve a whole and healed partner who did the work of recovery already.
It was obvious he wanted emotional connection and intimacy but with the wrong motive.
Not at my expense! 🏃
Avoid widowers to date unless they have had a lot of time to heal and know what they want. Do not be the one they heal with then dump you
That was me
Amen.. just let it go.. I just let my widower go.. one year.. after 6 months it started falling apart.. it was miserable trying to be into this crazy ness .. I loved him and wontons miss his behavior towards me .. he has to be mom and dad for his 3 adult kids.. that takes all his time.. last straw.. a huge birthday party for his daughter and I wasn’t invited!!! Then he sends me pics and movie of the band there..and all the fun they were having…
I was ostracized from his family.. DONE.. claims her daughters just aren’t ready for a new woman in his life.. they were for the first 4 months.. went to their homes babysat their kids on and on.. then all of a sudden.. nope. Mom has been gone 2 years this month… I feel sorry but the drama is gut wrenching!! This will take a while and possibly a therapist to deal with his behavior. Just last week telling me he wanted to move in with me.. planning trips to the mountains!! Ya’ll LET IT GO
Don’t kiss his ass. Move on. It’s going to b hard to do but it’s the only way to survive. It’s ok to hate him while your recovering. Why not? He played you and dumped you. That may sound harsh but that is in simple terms exactly what happened. Don’t worry, the day will come when you no longer hate anymore. This method helps you get over him quicker. Absence does NOT make the heart grow fonder. That’s a myth. Stay out of places that trigger memories. He’s not coming back to you. Accept it.
At least you called her and said it was over, my widower just stopped communicating and ignored my text. I even said if you have moved on with someone else, please let me know, but if you do not respond to this text, then I will know you have" I did not get a response to the text:-(((( its painful to be ignored and to have a breakup where you just walkaway with saying absolutely nothing!!
I finally ended it., I am exhausted.. he said he understood… I am finally done and feel wonderful., he destroyed all my feelings toward him.. all gone.. I don’t really want to even visit him.. it’s been 1 year and 1/2…he is 68 and losing it physically.. not healthy.. his grown kids and grandchildren are first.. he did not want me to be involved with his kids couldn’t treat me as his girlfriend when we were with them. So, he was included in all my adult kids.. my granddaughters always buying them things spending spending!! But he wouldn’t let me in his family things out of town or in town anymore… m feelings are now void..
Sandee
He's was not worthy.of you❤
No no, I can just be friends. As far as having a real relationship, he has totally blown it. I have been extremely understanding. I get what he is going through, but sorry it can't be all about him. I have feelings too. Life is hard and I have lost a lot of people, so yeah. I am not a consolation prize, I am just myself. Who he had before was a very lovely person and I do feel bad that she is not here. I don't expect him to not have feelings for her, but he sure is blowing it now. He is too afraid to tell his grown kids that he likes me. It is over and I mean over. I gave this almost two years. This is stupid, but I will be friends. And I will start dating again as well.
@Deborah Joy Longstaff that was a very thoughtful reply. Thank you!
Please listen to Abel as I wish I would have listened to his advice and never went back!
Going back and watching old videos. I am a widower of 8 months. Thinking about dating again. Not really breaking up, but would ever advise a widower to put a relationship on hold (no contact) for a couple of weeks to let the widower stop and think about where he wants to go in a relationship.
Excellent advice, and timely, too.
Accept reality. A certain percentage take time to heal. They remain in their own worlds. Older people are resistant to change and relationships take bending...changing everything to succeed. Both have to blend and change but there must be respect total respect and appreciation of the prior spouse...the father or mother of the children. They can't be forgotten, and must be a sense of peace.
How horrible you used a woman to fill the whole in your heart, while destroying her, very selfish
Why is nobody addressing that?
This was exactly what I needed to hear this morning. Thank you!!
The Phoenix relationship Abel had was a temporary band aide a lot of people fall into. Don't be the band aide relationship.
Great info! Thank you.
I'm in a similar situation only I was dating a widow. We were happy and in love but then she suddenly broke up with me because she still misses her late husband. He died suddenly back in May so it's only been 5 months. I admit, we moved fast but I genuinely love her, love her daughter, and see a future with her. She told me she needs some time to figure herself out, get back into therapy, and work on herself. According to her, that was the only reason for the breakup. She told me it wasn't goodbye but I do love her and because of that, I have let her go and respect and understand her decision. But I am not giving up on her. We weren't together long but what we had was real. I know it in my heart. So for right now, I'm giving her time and space.
@Clayton Update?
Well, what ever became of it? I just got dumped by a widow and I am very confused. I know she cares but she is so conflicted.
Please give us an update.
Ironically I went to find the comment I made on another video and I found this one...my W broke up with me tonight. Saying because he made a promise to his late wife on her death bed and when I asked him about our discussions and commitment to being married and sealed together and his response was "it was my way of justifying dating you". Heart broken. So much for being his "Valentine"...
Sorry for the heartbreak, Angela. Stay strong and you'll be better and stronger for the experience once the pain passes.
This hurts! But its the truth.
I'm not sure he is telling the truth. If he was then why did he start dating you in the first place.
@Angela Sounds like a crock of sh*t. He probably said that just to end things quickly. What a d*ck. Sorry, Abel.
My widower broke up with me after two years. This is our second time. The first in our mid twenties and now late 50’s. I was the girl before his wife and the one after.
What is so confusing is that he told me subconsciously he thinks I might be the love of his life, and it was killing him not to hold me and he wanted to linger…but he still broke up with me. I had to walk him out of the house.
He wouldn’t take his things and said I should hold it hostage and he conveniently forgot my keys.
He still ❤ my Facebook posts and after a month of no contact sent me a meme about art in PM.
How do it interpret his behavior?
Mine broke up with me he says it's not going to work because hes not the man I want him to be. And that he feels he dated too soon. His wife been dead a year. He refuse to text me back or call me back. Why? We only have two dates. Supposed to go to baseball game. He stated the tickets, were expensive I sent him a link to cheaper tickets. Being helpful.. I'm pissed. Heartbroken. I never mentioned long term relationship. Or anything. I second woman he dated. He never said he's dating anyone else. Any advice?
Let it go. He's not ready to date. Be grateful you found this out after 2 dates.
@@DatingaWidower why the heck hes doing it .if hes not ready profile on dating site.. is he crazy?
@@mecca115able Widowers date before they're emotionally and mentally ready to do so. It's just the way they're wired.
@@DatingaWidower well why don't they stay off of dating sites wasting people's time! Idiots.
The thing is..widower or not after dating, a man can decide that it's not feeling right. People have forgotten what dating is...it is getting to know a person & finding the right one. Again, it really doesnt matter too much if the person is a widower, divorced, single. Okay, and for ANYONE who is dating...END one relationship before starting another. Abel, you kept that woman & when you secured another woman, you then decided to tell the first one that things arent right. If you dont have something going right with someone, you will know right away. Dont just keep for whatever benefit (not love) And a HUGE tip..do not tell the first someone that you met & are seeing someone else - Take that to heart- it's bad enough to start up a second relationship before letting first one go- but you DO NOT have to add insult to injury- she will heal faster if she isnt sitting around thinking of you with someone else. And women, or men, if someone lets you go once because it was not right, it never will be- you do not have to make yourself out to be desperate
Again… I am so crushed!
Many want to suss out women in a few dates looking to marry quickly. Very bad behaviour.
Obviously they miss the partner but also like a boy in a candy shop now soo many women to date and try out
His 1st date rejected him .
Thanks I appreciate
Anyone tried the Episoketren System (search on google)? We've heard many amazing things about this popular training program.
What does he mean when he says he has had me in his thoughts the whole of the day?
Means he's been thinking about you. It's a good thing.
@@DatingaWidower Excellent video, Abel.
We are not together right now so we are only chatting through phone but he told me he will come to relocate to where I am living now when he finish with what he is doing, so please can you kindly give me some advice on how to go about our communication till we get to meet each other
Be careful and take it slow for yourself. Don’t let the widower waste his money for relationship for bad reasons.
How about wasting her time?!!!
Hmmm I was convinced this was like my situation until last bit. My widower said he is happy being friends and still not over late wife and cant face go to grieving counslr.........BUT at same time he does everything fr me...DIY in my house, driven miles after work to pick up thing fr me, researches and buys things fr me etc etc...I think this is a sort of compensation fr not being able to give me any emotional/physical stuff...only hugs and kisses. Now Im just not sure......😕
It's called "companionship" = "friendship".
And can you please explain why he says things but don't do what he says?
Men express their real feelings through their actions. Instead of listening to what he says, watch what he does.
@@DatingaWidower EXACTLY! Actions speak louder than words! Talk is cheap!
I an a widow. I've had a yr. He has 6 months. We spoke for a month on video chat. We discussed in depth the pitfalls, we are building solid bricks, we said we will avoid making mistakes, intellectuals (we have everything in common, cept communication.m). He read books on grieving, I watched the RUclips. He came out then went home only to realize, it wasn't the same. He needed me that weekend. I made the several hour drive to see him. He felt better, I felt better. He had business out here and stayed with me. It was fun. Then I was rushed in and out of stores, on the second instance i left with.him and at the car I asked. "Aree we in rush?"
I left him know calmly that I was asking questions to the clerk of something I want to know." It makes me geek like my questions aren't important. "
He remained quiet. I asked, " Do you have something to say on regards to what I expressed ?"
His answer, "I'm thinking I want to go home."
You know I asked, " why because I shared how I feel? How are we going to get to know more of each other?
" Well it's not fun, its sad and your were angry". I paused, thought and said, "Maybe your right." It killed me because if the love ❤️ I still have for him. He left, 2 hours ago.
I never raised my voice, I was in a submissive demeanor but expressing a truth. I waited till we were in the car not to cause drama. So... where does widower have the free card. Id like you to express more on what you weren't proud of, how it ended because you weren't ready. 😢 If he wasn't ready but took it all the way to promises and etc.