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Being recently widowed myself I talked to a couple where the man is 70 and his new wife is 53. She is perfectly comfortable of him talking openly and often about his late wife. The new wife is such a sweetheart and she doesn’t want to take away any of his memories of her and thinks it would be immature to get jealous or feel like competition. Shes very mature and accepting of it, she even asked questions about here and really feels for his loss but also offers him alot to cherish her by. I’ts clear he realizes he had found a gem with this woman. She didnt want him to change anything.
He always refers what they did together and express how he misses her,he claims he is stuck and has a void,he can't find a match of his 28 years with her and now it's 3 yrs since she passed on,he is very depressed and angry I left this guy I don't think he is ready for me
This is great video, Abel! I agree, widowers usually don't think when they have a memory of LW and bring it up. It's okay to do this occasionally. As long as he doesn't bring this every 5 min lol. But don't freak out ladies, and don't flip out on him, just tell him nicely that it bothers you!
I saw a show where the man had a slender console like piece of furniture that was attractive and stored selective mementoes of his late-wife inside it. They were there for children or anniversaries or whatever but not on display. I thought that was a cool idea, if desired.
3:38 I think these 2 videos are the most helpful !! I won't ever date another widower even with the good info from Abel. Too much! You may think ,a widower will be mature,has experienced a serious relationship, will be honest want to share life blah blah. Most just want an ear , friend ,warm body till they have gotten thru the worse.
Thank you, Abel, for posting this! I’ve been dating this man for about 6 months and I recently found out about his deceased fiancé last month when he accidentally mentioned her name instead of mine. It finally made sense why he was sometime hot and cold. She had passed away a month before we first started dating. We finally had a talk the other week about where we at and I asked if he was emotionally ready to date exclusively or wanted to take it slow. He wasn’t ready for labels yet, but he would prefer to start slow. He also said, “My philosophy is to enjoy the moment and see where it goes.” But he doesn’t want to date other people since “It’s quite tiring to start all over.” I should have ask, after listening to your video, to define more on what slow entails. We became physical a few months back but now I’m questioning if I should hold back the physical bedroom activities and try to go back in the early stage of dating. Would it be too late to ask him to redefine what slow means to him after we already passed the “Talk” stage? Or do you think he was looking to fill out a void?
I cannot believe that he said "big deal" to if he tells his girlfriend what he and the late did ( a special moment). Mine actually talked about collecting hot- wheels with Beverly and how he needs to do that again. And he did. So, I'm assuming that's no big deal after all the "alive human" just needs to suck it up. Not sure if Abe realizes what a slap that is to the alive human girlfriend. Who is she a band-aide for his loss ? Who cares how she feels. The deceased wife is glorified for the rest of his life. But I guess the new one can be there for him forever
I've been dating an elderly widower for 6 months. His wife died a year ago. Her pictures are around and they do not bother me. I think some women may be over-sensitive, and I must be under-sensitive. B
@@TheTabdebutante true. When the spouse dies. The pictures should be put away to make room for new memories. That man is not taking the relationship anywhere.
My husband was creamated, and i have his ashes in a beautiful urn . What shouldc i dg with his ashes when i start dating again i thought about giving them to my daughter. Im not dating yet. It will be 2 years in February sense his death.
You can ask your daughter if she wants them. But if not, I recommend finding a special spot and scattering them. It's psychologically very beneficial to have that final goodbye.
That’s what he told me in the text. That he shouldn’t have kissed me on our second date because he felt we were going too fast, and he wanted to go slow, so that it could develop.
I am dating a widower who still wears a pendant saying Steve and Sue Forever (he and his late wife), takes it off when we go to bed, but then puts it straight back on..... He also wears a ring that she bought for him and won't take it off. We have been together 4 months and he has been widowed 15 months...... what do you think?
Hi Abel. Im dating a widower for 6 months. He found his LW journal and he is questioning some of her writing.. some reflect on their marriage... other refer to her spiritual journey and her struggle with cancer.
Hi My boyfriend is a widow with two grown up daughters that live far away. I am a divorcée with one daughter and one son, both grown up and working also living independently. We have been dating for almost two years. After we met, I fell in love rather quickly and I felt he was quite interested and enthusiastic about our relationship. From the very beginning, I was clear in my serious intents to marry again if the right person came along. In other words,
When you have been married a long time its difficult to discuss past events and locations without using the word we or late wife since marriage was a big part of who you were back then. The widower generally doesn't mean to hurt you when he references her. Its just how his memory works about the past. Widowers, for their part, must be conscious of the hurt this can cause in his new relationship and avoid bringing up the late wife continually with reference to the past events or locations. I think Abel has addressed this in his other videos that being a widow or widower being a work in progress so if he or she slips up, some mental forgiveness is warranted as there was no intention to make you feel bad. Just move on past it.
If its an issue that affects your relationship with him, you should just tell him. He might be unaware of the effect on you. Guys aren't always sensitive to how what they say affects women, even without being a widower. I don't refer to my late wife as my wife. I use her first name with people who knew her if the topic comes up. I don't know if that would lesson your reaction or not if he referred to her simply by her name. If he is talking about his late wife all the time, he might not have moved on from his grief. That is a judgment you will have to make.
@@Malachor8091 maybe the best thing is to relocate if one marries after a spouse dies. Just move to another state or country and start new memories there. Meet new people so the old friends will fade away.
The widower hates it when I talk about my husband even though he stuck with his wives in the pictures on the wall. I do want to tell about the temple ordinance of my husband since I am active Mormon and he is a ExMormon. I can fell that he is no faith in God and Jesus Christ.
What did it take for Abel to push past his grief and open his heart to Julianna? Get your free e-copy of Abel's memoir Room for Two and find out for yourself. Simply sign up for his newsletter to get the free copy of the book as well as the latest on his new books, videos, and other projects. More information at @t
Being recently widowed myself I talked to a couple where the man is 70 and his new wife is 53.
She is perfectly comfortable of him talking openly and often about his late wife.
The new wife is such a sweetheart and she doesn’t want to take away any of his memories of her and thinks it would be immature to get jealous or feel like competition.
Shes very mature and accepting of it, she even asked questions about here and really feels for his loss but also offers him alot to cherish her by.
I’ts clear he realizes he had found a gem with this woman.
She didnt want him to change anything.
He always refers what they did together and express how he misses her,he claims he is stuck and has a void,he can't find a match of his 28 years with her and now it's 3 yrs since she passed on,he is very depressed and angry I left this guy I don't think he is ready for me
This is great video, Abel! I agree, widowers usually don't think when they have a memory of LW and bring it up. It's okay to do this occasionally. As long as he doesn't bring this every 5 min lol. But don't freak out ladies, and don't flip out on him, just tell him nicely that it bothers you!
Glad you enjoyed it, Tatiana.
I saw a show where the man had a slender console like piece of furniture that was attractive and stored selective mementoes of his late-wife inside it. They were there for children or anniversaries or whatever but not on display. I thought that was a cool idea, if desired.
3:38 I think these 2 videos are the most helpful !! I won't ever date another widower even with the good info from Abel. Too much! You may think ,a widower will be mature,has experienced a serious relationship, will be honest want to share life blah blah. Most just want an ear , friend ,warm body till they have gotten thru the worse.
I have so much to say on this topic! It can be overwhelming
Although I'm late to this video, thanks for sharing.
Thank you, Abel, for posting this! I’ve been dating this man for about 6 months and I recently found out about his deceased fiancé last month when he accidentally mentioned her name instead of mine. It finally made sense why he was sometime hot and cold. She had passed away a month before we first started dating. We finally had a talk the other week about where we at and I asked if he was emotionally ready to date exclusively or wanted to take it slow. He wasn’t ready for labels yet, but he would prefer to start slow. He also said, “My philosophy is to enjoy the moment and see where it goes.” But he doesn’t want to date other people since “It’s quite tiring to start all over.” I should have ask, after listening to your video, to define more on what slow entails. We became physical a few months back but now I’m questioning if I should hold back the physical bedroom activities and try to go back in the early stage of dating. Would it be too late to ask him to redefine what slow means to him after we already passed the “Talk” stage? Or do you think he was looking to fill out a void?
Yes, get him to define what going slow means. If he cant' give you specifics, then he doesn't know what he wants from the relationship.
you have already screwed up. leave and find someone with no baggage.
I think a pic of LW in kids room is more than fine! If my widower had a child I would love for the child to honor Mother. That's normal!!
Right? It would be weird to try to erase all that previous life and love
I cannot believe that he said "big deal" to if he tells his girlfriend what he and the late did ( a special moment). Mine actually talked about collecting hot- wheels with Beverly and how he needs to do that again. And he did. So, I'm assuming that's no big deal after all the "alive human" just needs to suck it up. Not sure if Abe realizes what a slap that is to the alive human girlfriend. Who is she a band-aide for his loss ? Who cares how she feels. The deceased wife is glorified for the rest of his life. But I guess the new one can be there for him forever
I've been dating an elderly widower for 6 months. His wife died a year ago. Her pictures are around and they do not bother me. I think some women may be over-sensitive, and I must be under-sensitive. B
no your not ,,you should come 1st period
@@TheTabdebutante true. When the spouse dies. The pictures should be put away to make room for new memories. That man is not taking the relationship anywhere.
@@eileenwatt8283 yes agree fully with you and he did so much more than allowed,it cost me overall it was not worth the waste of my time sadly
Some day they will bother you
The W I am dating is opposite, he never talks his L W
My husband was creamated, and i have his ashes in a beautiful urn . What shouldc i dg with his ashes when i start dating again i thought about giving them to my daughter. Im not dating yet. It will be 2 years in February sense his death.
You can ask your daughter if she wants them. But if not, I recommend finding a special spot and scattering them. It's psychologically very beneficial to have that final goodbye.
That’s what he told me in the text. That he shouldn’t have kissed me on our second date because he felt we were going too fast, and he wanted to go slow, so that it could develop.
I am dating a widower who still wears a pendant saying Steve and Sue Forever (he and his late wife), takes it off when we go to bed, but then puts it straight back on..... He also wears a ring that she bought for him and won't take it off. We have been together 4 months and he has been widowed 15 months...... what do you think?
get out
Hi Abel. Im dating a widower for 6 months. He found his LW journal and he is questioning some of her writing.. some reflect on their marriage... other refer to her spiritual journey and her struggle with cancer.
What do you mean he's questioning some of her writings?
I want my man to talk about the past because it helps me to understand him. I talk about my husband to him.
Hi
My boyfriend is a widow with two grown up daughters that live far away. I am a divorcée with one daughter and one son, both grown up and working also living independently. We have been dating for almost two years. After we met, I fell in love rather quickly and I felt he was quite interested and enthusiastic about our relationship. From the very beginning, I was clear in my serious intents to marry again if the right person came along. In other words,
When my W mentions a place he's been to with his LW, I'll fire back with something about my Ex I
Does it improve your relationship with him to fire back?
When you have been married a long time its difficult to discuss past events and locations without using the word we or late wife since marriage was a big part of who you were back then. The widower generally doesn't mean to hurt you when he references her. Its just how his memory works about the past. Widowers, for their part, must be conscious of the hurt this can cause in his new relationship and avoid bringing up the late wife continually with reference to the past events or locations. I think Abel has addressed this in his other videos that being a widow or widower being a work in progress so if he or she slips up, some mental forgiveness is warranted as there was no intention to make you feel bad. Just move on past it.
If its an issue that affects your relationship with him, you should just tell him. He might be unaware of the effect on you. Guys aren't always sensitive to how what they say affects women, even without being a widower. I don't refer to my late wife as my wife. I use her first name with people who knew her if the topic comes up. I don't know if that would lesson your reaction or not if he referred to her simply by her name. If he is talking about his late wife all the time, he might not have moved on from his grief. That is a judgment you will have to make.
some widowers need to seek companionship of widows so they can understand each other better...empathy rather than sympathy.
@@Malachor8091 maybe the best thing is to relocate if one marries after a spouse dies. Just move to another state or country and start new memories there. Meet new people so the old friends will fade away.
The widower hates it when I talk about my husband even though he stuck with his wives in the pictures on the wall. I do want to tell about the temple ordinance of my husband since I am active Mormon and he is a ExMormon. I can fell that he is no faith in God and Jesus Christ.
Maybe it's time to both focus on the living instead of the dead.