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Thanks Abel, really sound advice. I'm a Mexican living in Argentina. My late wife (Argentinian) was diagnosed with ALS three years ago, this made me decide to move down here so that she would be able to spend her last months/years with her loved ones. After a terrible two-year period she finally passed away seven months ago and I started dating someone about four months ago. Needless to say, my late wife's siblings went thru the roof, reaching a point of nearly breaking the relationship, It didn't happen only because I kept things cool. In my case, My wife's death caught me in a different country, with no real friends/family of my own and no job since I had given up everything to take care of her. Loneliness loomed, fortunately, this world is filled with wonderful people, new friendships started, new relationships developed and I find myself today with a whole new world around me, I'm not even considering returning to my country. As you said I had to prioritize, put my new partner first, new friendships along and old, sour, acquittances for a better time, or never. On a separate note, this video is really moving and fully reflects my feelings on the matter.
😢😢😢😢So Abel's advice is destroying my second marriage. My wife has read his book and watched his videos and now is measuring our journey based on Abel's choices to not go to Crista's grave. To break off relationship with his first mother in law. Abel's advice only cares for the new spouse as he champion's Julie and her role in every way. The overall message to grieving widdowers is "get over your dead spouse as quickly as possible and avoid her coming up at all costs. Well it's wrecking my second marriage of 9 years. Thanks Abel
Abel is right on let me tell ya. I’m a hospice nurse of 25 years and widowed twice. He speaks truth. Listen to him !! I promise you , you’ll Be wiser for it! Get clinical and formal Counseling as well…you’ll be glad you did!! Abel is awesome And I’ve recommended him to many people
Thank you for this. It’s hitting home , in a serious relationship with a widower, and this is a recent issue/argument of ours. Good to hear other perspective.
Best wishes Crystal. I’m Facing the same I felt like I was in a fishbowl and we stopped talking for a bit. He was soooooo involved with friends and family that I felt totally breadcrumbed almost all the time. We get along so so well but it was a constant let down when he has to “squeeze” me in his schedule. Most Of The time he included me but I just don’t want to be constantly attached at the hip to all The friends etc. Even cousins. Constant texts. It was crazy. Anyway stay strong and don’t get discouraged. I’m Sure glad to Have found Abel
I think most women dating a widower want balance but also on the other hand, need to feel like they are a priority in the widiwer's life at the same time because they are making the widower a priority in their lives. No woman dating a widower or a divorced man wants to feel like second best. Widowers, do you want the woman you are dating or have a relationship with, treating you like second best?.......Every situation is different and a lot depends on the children's ages, if there are children. Obviously, younger children need special consideration over adult older children.
Dating a widower is hard. He misses his wife of many years. If he doesn't tell his children of the new relationship, it makes the new lady feel irrelevant. A low priority. It's best to cut him lose and release those confusing feelings. She deserves better. He may never find a person to feel his void. A big lose for him to always live in the past and miss out on amazing future loving relationships. His family could be selfish to expect this. He needs to be true to himself.
I always look forward to your videos, Abel. This is an important and somewhat touchy subject. Thank you again for sharing your thoughts and perspective. Your advice is just always helpful.
Amen!! Good advice and it really came from your heart and touched my heart. You deserve all the happiness and love in your life with Julie after what you have been through. Your videos have been very helpful. Thank you!!
Excellent video, sad & happy simultaneously. My widower has two grown children, he thinks they're happy he's in a new relationship, but they're most likely not so pleased he moved 5000 miles away.
Thank you for being so honest with your advice. You are putting your feelings out there. That's difficult. I'm a widow four years now. I'm dating a widower for two months now. We cant meet each other because we are in lockdown because of the covid virus. The widower and I have made a very strong connection. We are talking everyday and video calling. It's hard. Its difficult to progress this relationship. We reassure each other that well get through it. I know that social distancing is more important now for everyone. Thank you again for this very real video.
His wife passed 2 1/2 years ago. We’ve been dating 1 1/2 years. His kids, grandkids, great grandchildren are his priority. His home is a monument to his deceased wife. I fill in his loneliness. His family wants nothing to do with me. My family loves him. I ended the relationship bc any person I love will sit at my table or not at all. He won’t even mention my name to them or talk on phone with me if they are there. Maybe he is still in love with his wife. Idk. They have deleted my texts on his phone. I’m not allowed to mention him on Facebook. It’s hopeless.
My widower and I are 2 years in, dated 1 year and took things slow, about to be together for 1 year. I was on a few dating a widower groups on FB, and at first it helped me, but soon became a negative for me. Everyone relationship is different, it isn’t all text book. After leaving the groups, I was able to cope better. I know what I have issues with I. Our relationship and I bring them up when need be. We take it Day by day, it’s a learning experience for both of us.
My guy was very ready for me and our relationship but he never redefined his friends and grown kids. He let them rule the roost and I said adios….he just couldn’t deal with their overbearing opinions and manipulation. So I knew where I stood. Family and friends first …woman ya love second…equals I’m outta here. Lol
Dating a widower can be complicated. We are learning to embrace a new “self.” As parents, we have a responsibility to our kids. Part of that is to honor their mother. Dating someone new means blending new relationships into your current ones. It’s not an either/or but a both/and. You can do both but you have to re-balance your life. It’s not just about you. You have to consider your kids and family.
Agree with every thing you said, except a lot of widowers don't get this. They do think "it's all about them"........ This really isn't too different than learning to blend someone new in a divorced situation. A newly divorced situation needs to learn balance with the ex and any new partner they have or you have and balancing kids, grandparents, etc.
Abel, I don't think it's my phone, it doesn't happen with every video but playing this it does happen.. Your video is being sped up really fast and it's not your normal pace. It sounds very odd, and I wanted you to be aware, so you could check into it. It's so fast, it's hard to listen too. So hope this helps you check into getting it fixed. Your videos are super helpful, so they deserve to be shared in their best light. Thank you so much for all you share!!-
I have a question.. I am dating a widower and his mother in law still lives with him.. He also keeps a picture of himself and his wife on his background on his phone which I see all the time. We have been together 7 months and doesn't tell me and won't discuss how he feels about me.. He changed the subject. I'm I wrong about thinking big red flags.. He also had not gotten rid of his wives' things...advise? Thank you
@@DatingaWidower thank you for your time and reply..I will be talking with him to see where our relationship is heading.. That way I can make a decision
Choose yourself. Tell him it bothers you. If he doesn’t change, leave. If it’s been 7 months then he clearly ought to be able to respect and keep You first. Don’t tolerate being second best
May be good advice but there is a need to be very careful with new relationships and with advice from previous friends and family. The ol saying that "when you are in love, a pimple looks like a dimple" holds true for a widower. When you're excited about a relationship, you may not see the difficulties with the new partner. I am a widower of 5 months and have 6 children. I have responsibilities to my children. I hear too many people say you must do what is right for you in a lot of RUclips comments and this, to me, is an immature thought process. I believe you must do what you "ought" to do rather than what you "want" to do. That means being cautious, respectful or all parties (your children most importantly) and your partner, including listening to friends who may see sides of the new partner that you may be blind to. This means you have to discern and select a partner carefully. It is the same advice I give my older girls...to have a wonderful marriage (and my late wife and I had a wonderful 25 year marriage) the key is to select the right partner at the start (not the attractive Alpha male nightclub tough/bad guy type). If you make a mistake here, you may never recover from that bad decision and set yourself down a painful broken path. This will hold true for me (selecting carefully) should I ever decide to look for someone new.
I think it's very sad quite frankly. What happens if that relationship breaks down, and you have no friends or extended family to support you or hang out with? Its too much loss and grief, and I can tell you are not happy with all those decisions, far from it.
That is EXACTLY what a lady companion of my widowed father is doing!! She is 60and my Dad is 75. They knew OF each other from church. My Dad asked why she never spoke to my parents at church. This woman told my Dad..." I thought you were a JERK!" She didn't really know him at the time though...fast forward to after my moms death...she agrees to go out to eat with my dad...he wanted companionship. He said he will not get married ever again...This woman has now realized that my dad is QUITE WEALTHY -- ALL OF a sudden...she is practically controlling his entire life. Holds her family get togethers at my dads house- and walks right in his house- picks up his phone listens to his messages- reads texts- erases messages...and she tells me that she is way more than his friend...uggh
Why would he get involved in a relationship?A week after his wife's death and then I met him.Everything was great, but he was seeing her at the same time.She's 17 years younger than they am.And made a comment that he's a lover, her life.They barely know each other
Want to know how Abel told others about Julianna? Get your free e-copy of Abel's memoir Room for Two and find out for yourself. Simply sign up for his newsletter to get the free copy of the book as well as the latest on his new books, videos, and other projects. More information at www.abelkeogh.com/newsletter-2
Thanks Abel, really sound advice. I'm a Mexican living in Argentina. My late wife (Argentinian) was diagnosed with ALS three years ago, this made me decide to move down here so that she would be able to spend her last months/years with her loved ones. After a terrible two-year period she finally passed away seven months ago and I started dating someone about four months ago. Needless to say, my late wife's siblings went thru the roof, reaching a point of nearly breaking the relationship, It didn't happen only because I kept things cool. In my case, My wife's death caught me in a different country, with no real friends/family of my own and no job since I had given up everything to take care of her. Loneliness loomed, fortunately, this world is filled with wonderful people, new friendships started, new relationships developed and I find myself today with a whole new world around me, I'm not even considering returning to my country. As you said I had to prioritize, put my new partner first, new friendships along and old, sour, acquittances for a better time, or never. On a separate note, this video is really moving and fully reflects my feelings on the matter.
Thanks for the kind words, Francisco. I'm glad the video helped you. Hoping your next chapter in your life is just as happy as the previous one.
😢😢😢😢So Abel's advice is destroying my second marriage. My wife has read his book and watched his videos and now is measuring our journey based on Abel's choices to not go to Crista's grave. To break off relationship with his first mother in law. Abel's advice only cares for the new spouse as he champion's Julie and her role in every way. The overall message to grieving widdowers is "get over your dead spouse as quickly as possible and avoid her coming up at all costs. Well it's wrecking my second marriage of 9 years. Thanks Abel
Why did your wife decide to seek out marriage advice in the first place?
Abel is right on let me tell ya. I’m a hospice nurse of 25 years and widowed twice. He speaks truth. Listen to him !! I promise you , you’ll
Be wiser for it! Get clinical and formal
Counseling as well…you’ll be glad you did!! Abel is awesome
And I’ve recommended him to many people
Thank you for this. It’s hitting home , in a serious relationship with a widower, and this is a recent issue/argument of ours. Good to hear other perspective.
I think it's okay and sometimes advisable to share these videos with your widower.
I am wishing you well in your relationship.
Yes, share the video with your W. Let Abel be the bad guy. :)
If he puts his foot down too much, that's a serious warning sign.
thank you 🙂
Best wishes Crystal. I’m
Facing the same I felt like I was in a fishbowl and we stopped talking for a bit. He was soooooo involved with friends and family that I felt totally breadcrumbed almost all the time. We get along so so well but it was a constant let down when he has to “squeeze” me in his schedule. Most
Of
The time he included me but I just don’t want to be constantly attached at the hip to all
The friends etc. Even cousins. Constant texts. It was crazy. Anyway stay strong and don’t get discouraged. I’m
Sure glad to
Have found
Abel
I think most women dating a widower want balance but also on the other hand, need to feel like they are a priority in the widiwer's life at the same time because they are making the widower a priority in their lives. No woman dating a widower or a divorced man wants to feel like second best. Widowers, do you want the woman you are dating or have a relationship with, treating you like second best?.......Every situation is different and a lot depends on the children's ages, if there are children. Obviously, younger children need special consideration over adult older children.
Hits home. He is currently much higher on my priority list than I am on his. Needs to be some adjustment to that.
Dating a widower is hard. He misses his wife of many years. If he doesn't tell his children of the new relationship, it makes the new lady feel irrelevant. A low priority. It's best to cut him lose and release those confusing feelings. She deserves better. He may never find a person to feel his void. A big lose for him to always live in the past and miss out on amazing future loving relationships. His family could be selfish to expect this. He needs to be true to himself.
I always look forward to your videos, Abel. This is an important and somewhat touchy subject. Thank you again for sharing your thoughts and perspective. Your advice is just always helpful.
Amen!! Good advice and it really came from your heart and touched my heart. You deserve all the happiness and love in your life with Julie after what you have been through. Your videos have been very helpful. Thank you!!
Excellent video, sad & happy simultaneously. My widower has two grown children, he thinks they're happy he's in a new relationship, but they're most likely not so pleased he moved 5000 miles away.
Thank you for being so honest with your advice. You are putting your feelings out there. That's difficult.
I'm a widow four years now. I'm dating a widower for two months now. We cant meet each other because we are in lockdown because of the covid virus.
The widower and I have made a very strong connection. We are talking everyday and video calling. It's hard. Its difficult to progress this relationship. We reassure each other that well get through it. I know that social distancing is more important now for everyone.
Thank you again for this very real video.
His wife passed 2 1/2 years ago. We’ve been dating 1 1/2 years. His kids, grandkids, great grandchildren are his priority. His home is a monument to his deceased wife. I fill in his loneliness. His family wants nothing to do with me. My family loves him. I ended the relationship bc any person I love will sit at my table or not at all. He won’t even mention my name to them or talk on phone with me if they are there. Maybe he is still in love with his wife. Idk. They have deleted my texts on his phone. I’m not allowed to mention him on Facebook. It’s hopeless.
They were married 52 years ago….
My widower and I are 2 years in, dated 1 year and took things slow, about to be together for 1 year. I was on a few dating a widower groups on FB, and at first it helped me, but soon became a negative for me. Everyone relationship is different, it isn’t all text book. After leaving the groups, I was able to cope better. I know what I have issues with I. Our relationship and I bring them up when need be. We take it Day by day, it’s a learning experience for both of us.
Update?
My guy was very ready for me and our relationship but he never redefined his friends and grown kids. He let them rule the roost and I said adios….he just couldn’t deal with their overbearing opinions and manipulation. So I knew where I stood. Family and friends first …woman ya love second…equals I’m outta here. Lol
Same here
Not dating a widower, but love your show for general dating advice.
Dating a widower can be complicated. We are learning to embrace a new “self.” As parents, we have a responsibility to our kids. Part of that is to honor their mother. Dating someone new means blending new relationships into your current ones. It’s not an either/or but a both/and. You can do both but you have to re-balance your life. It’s not just about you. You have to consider your kids and family.
Agree with every thing you said, except a lot of widowers don't get this. They do think "it's all about them"........ This really isn't too different than learning to blend someone new in a divorced situation. A newly divorced situation needs to learn balance with the ex and any new partner they have or you have and balancing kids, grandparents, etc.
At what point in the relationship does the new woman become a piece of that family puzzle?
Abel, I don't think it's my phone, it doesn't happen with every video but playing this it does happen.. Your video is being sped up really fast and it's not your normal pace. It sounds very odd, and I wanted you to be aware, so you could check into it. It's so fast, it's hard to listen too. So hope this helps you check into getting it fixed. Your videos are super helpful, so they deserve to be shared in their best light. Thank you so much for all you share!!-
Thank you. I think with children, it makes things more complicated.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
I have a question..
I am dating a widower and his mother in law still lives with him.. He also keeps a picture of himself and his wife on his background on his phone which I see all the time. We have been together 7 months and doesn't tell me and won't discuss how he feels about me.. He changed the subject. I'm I wrong about thinking big red flags.. He also had not gotten rid of his wives' things...advise?
Thank you
Yes, these are red flags, Julianna. Don't tolerate behavior from him that you wouldn't put up with from a single or divorced man.
@@DatingaWidower thank you for your time and reply..I will be talking with him to see where our relationship is heading.. That way I can make a decision
@Debz thank you so much!.. It's now been two years and nothing has changed. I think it's time for me to move on and never date another widower
Choose yourself. Tell him it bothers you. If he doesn’t change, leave. If it’s been 7 months then he clearly ought to be able to respect and keep
You first. Don’t tolerate being second best
@jules2655 I never will again
May be good advice but there is a need to be very careful with new relationships and with advice from previous friends and family. The ol saying that "when you are in love, a pimple looks like a dimple" holds true for a widower. When you're excited about a relationship, you may not see the difficulties with the new partner.
I am a widower of 5 months and have 6 children. I have responsibilities to my children. I hear too many people say you must do what is right for you in a lot of RUclips comments and this, to me, is an immature thought process. I believe you must do what you "ought" to do rather than what you "want" to do. That means being cautious, respectful or all parties (your children most importantly) and your partner, including listening to friends who may see sides of the new partner that you may be blind to. This means you have to discern and select a partner carefully.
It is the same advice I give my older girls...to have a wonderful marriage (and my late wife and I had a wonderful 25 year marriage) the key is to select the right partner at the start (not the attractive Alpha male nightclub tough/bad guy type). If you make a mistake here, you may never recover from that bad decision and set yourself down a painful broken path. This will hold true for me (selecting carefully) should I ever decide to look for someone new.
I think it's very sad quite frankly. What happens if that relationship breaks down, and you have no friends or extended family to support you or hang out with? Its too much loss and grief, and I can tell you are not happy with all those decisions, far from it.
Some women are good at manipulating their partner to isolate himself from his remaining family and friends.
That is EXACTLY what a lady companion of my widowed father is doing!! She is 60and my Dad is 75. They knew OF each other from church. My Dad asked why she never spoke to my parents at church. This woman told my Dad..." I thought you were a JERK!" She didn't really know him at the time though...fast forward to after my moms death...she agrees to go out to eat with my dad...he wanted companionship. He said he will not get married ever again...This woman has now realized that my dad is QUITE WEALTHY -- ALL OF a sudden...she is practically controlling his entire life. Holds her family get togethers at my dads house- and walks right in his house- picks up his phone listens to his messages- reads texts- erases messages...and she tells me that she is way more than his friend...uggh
Why would he get involved in a relationship?A week after his wife's death and then I met him.Everything was great, but he was seeing her at the same time.She's 17 years younger than they am.And made a comment that he's a lover, her life.They barely know each other
Also made the steps.On move out because they're at the same age and he got jealous