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Thank you for this. My widower's 90 year-old mother recently died. She was sick for 6 weeks before she passed, and he and I provided care for her. I went with him back to his hometown (out of state) where we also arranged her funeral together. His late wife's three sisters and their husbands were at the visitation and funeral. I was as kind to them as possible and did not shy away from thoughtful conversation about their late sister and acknowledging their loss of her. One had a family gathering the night after the funeral to which we were invited. It went well, and again, all 3 sisters were there with their husbands. As I said my goodbyes to each sister individually and privately, we hugged, and I quietly thanked each for her kindness. I believe they knew I was thanking them for being welcoming to me when they could have been cold. My partner said it was the perfect thing to say. His wife of 37 years has been dead almost 3 years. He and I have been together for almost 11 months now. The night before the gathering, one of his adult daughters had given me a "heads up" that the sister who was hosting the gathering was having a hard time accepting our relationship. Of the 3 sisters, she had been the closest to his late wife. When I said goodnight to her, I hugged her and thanked her for her hospitality and for her kindness. I think your advice to be patient, kind, and understanding of their loss is hugely important. Edit: I forgot to mention, two of them friend requested me on FB the following day.
I have watched many of your videos and I really appreciated this one. I became a widower over 10 months ago after my late wife's long illness. I have been dating a wonderful woman for several months. The only push back I have experienced is from my daughter. I think the suggestions in this video will be very helpful for my girlfriend and me. Thanks!
Good stuff! Halloween is coming up and what typically happens at my widower’s house is a fire pit, chili, Hot apple cider, and goodies for all of the neighborhood kids and parents. (It’s also his birthday) He told me that he wants me there so I will be. I have had the opportunity over that last 5 weeks to get to know his kids, 13 & 14 with weekend activities with my 8 year old son. It’s a slow process. When emotions run high with his daughter he reminds me that it’s not me and that she will be okay. Just like you say in this video, I stay kind, smile, and try not to take things personally. But this Halloween event has me on the stressed out side of things. I will breath and I will be okay. We have been dating since the beginning of March. I love this man. He knows it too, however I am more focused on showing it than saying it. He is a gift. By the way, we went to Prom last weekend (Zombie Prom) and we posted on FB for the first time together. Lol. The cat is out of the bag!
I hope everything goes well and will continue to go well. It really does take time and a lot of patience, doesn't it? And we grow in the process. I am wishing you and "your" widower happiness ❤️
Oh Dear, Definitely! And time and patience hasn’t been my MO in the past, lol. I knew he was a keeper that first night but had serious reservations about him having a spouse pass away just last year. It’s been crazy. Lots of self growth and focusing on my own happiness. It’s paying off and just keep looking forward to more tomorrows. 😊
@@slyddon9640 I understand. It has been a challenge for me, and we don't have minor children. Thankfully, we have this YT channel and Abel's help! There isn't enough guidance of this kind out there, in my opinion.
I dated a widower 5 years. I was the first person the widower dated. Everyone on his side of the family & friends were fine with our relationship. The problems we had were with the newly college graduated son/only child and the ex-mother in law. I didn't see them that often but when I did they either ignored me or the m-in-law would give me a fake half smile, put her nose up in the air and keep walking. There were never any mean words said. I always got looks & glares from the son and his girlfriend like I was some kind an alien with 3 heads. The times I did see them I always made it a point to say hello and smile and I just got blank looks back from the son. I thought within time things would get better. We dated for 5 years and the W had my back. About 2 1/2 years into our relationship, the son got married. His attitude only got worse after the wedding to the point of telling his dad he resented me being at the wedding and if he didn't "get rid of me" he was never going to see his grandkids. And the grandmother/m-i-law would coddle her grandson like they were a team. Time went on and the father and son stopped talking. The widower saw the in-laws once in a while. Then I found out she was trying to set him up with a woman from church-someone she liked and was accepting of.......As time went on, the widower started to get crabby & short tempered with me when nothing was going on. I finally sat him down and long story short he admitted he was very upset that he and his son haven't talked and upset that his son was acting the way he was and he was taking it out on me. I told him call your son, ask him to meet you for dinner, talk thing out, etc....Long story short, they talked and the son was even more adamant which the grandmother would feed into. I felt like the widower had my back for the majority of our 5 years together but the last year, I could feel a change that he didn't have my back 100%. He started saying things like, "I lost my wife. I don't want to lose my son, too". The only thing standing between him and his son was our relationship.....A few other small things happened after that and I could see and feel I was wasting my time. The widower would have kept things going but I ended everything abruptly. I gave too much time and patience to this relationship. I thought as long as the widower had my back we would be ok. But the first inkling when I saw he didn't, I knew it was the end. It took a couple of months for me to let go but once I left, I haven't looked back since & I really regret not ending things sooner. The widower contacted me several times afterI left but I couldn't be bothered. He wanted to "be friends"....lolol....If you didn't have my back after giving you 5 years of my life, why would I want to be "friends" with you? Like Abel has said in his videos, what is going to change in the next year?...... So why am I sharing all of this? Just to help open the eyes of people dating widowed people had bad things can get. I know my case is probably extreme but know toxic adult children can be can be a deciding factor on whether or not your relationship will last. If you see extremes happening like this, do yourself a favor and get out. Maybe if you live on opposite sides of the country it would work but living in a somewhat close vicinity where family is close, forget it.
Great advices, Abel!! I have no problem with W family, they all love me and never make me feel uncomfortable or second best, I have some struggles with some friends, like their mutual friends, especially LW best friend, who happens to be our neighbor lol. She stopped talking to my fiance, and of course she hates me. Only because she is our next door neighbor, we still say hi, to keep the peace. But his friends are very nice to me. I love his mother and call her Mom. I feel so comfortable in this family, they are very welcoming and accepting, so I am super blessed! His LW family seem accepting, but the LW didn't have parents. Only 2 brothers and aunts, and they are accepting and not rude. And my fiance talk to them occasionally. Never hang out or visit them, which I don't mind him to do it. But it's all about the priorities. And from what I can see we are on the right path! We are very happy!!
Males/brothers and brother-in-laws of widowers generally seem to have no problem with the widower moving on & many wish him well. The widower's parents also general,y are accepting......The people who have a hard time are the females around the widower- sisters of the deceased, her parents, her friends and sometimes the children both male & female.....The cat claws come out with the female friends & relatives.....You are lucky the w only had 2 brothers. Forget that female neighbor. It's amazing how other people are so judgemental when a W decides to move on.
Earth angel. I’m at that point too. I’m sick of it. They don’t even speak to me at family functions. To heck with it. Not wirth it. I’m classy, smart, nice looking, kind, polite, loving, warm hearted and giving. To heck with them. Life is too short to tolerate bs you don’t deserve
I’m dating a widower of 8 years. Since his wife’s death, he has hosted an annual golf outing to raise money for breast cancer in his deceased wife’s name. Though we haven’t discussed it, it’s coming up and it’s making me wonder what it might be like to be with him long term. Any thoughts on this?
6/19/19....Sometimes it just takes time to get over grief/loss/feelings towards the person who has died.... But remember the "late friend" with good memories/fun times & go on with your life....😉
What did it take for Abel to push past his grief and open his heart to Julianna? Get your free e-copy of Abel's memoir Room for Two and find out for yourself. Simply sign up for his newsletter to get the free copy of the book as well as the latest on his new books, videos, and other projects. More information at www.abelkeogh.com/newsletter-2/
Thank you for this. My widower's 90 year-old mother recently died. She was sick for 6 weeks before she passed, and he and I provided care for her. I went with him back to his hometown (out of state) where we also arranged her funeral together.
His late wife's three sisters and their husbands were at the visitation and funeral. I was as kind to them as possible and did not shy away from thoughtful conversation about their late sister and acknowledging their loss of her.
One had a family gathering the night after the funeral to which we were invited. It went well, and again, all 3 sisters were there with their husbands.
As I said my goodbyes to each sister individually and privately, we hugged, and I quietly thanked each for her kindness. I believe they knew I was thanking them for being welcoming to me when they could have been cold. My partner said it was the perfect thing to say.
His wife of 37 years has been dead almost 3 years. He and I have been together for almost 11 months now.
The night before the gathering, one of his adult daughters had given me a "heads up" that the sister who was hosting the gathering was having a hard time accepting our relationship. Of the 3 sisters, she had been the closest to his late wife. When I said goodnight to her, I hugged her and thanked her for her hospitality and for her kindness.
I think your advice to be patient, kind, and understanding of their loss is hugely important.
Edit: I forgot to mention, two of them friend requested me on FB the following day.
Great story. Thanks for sharing.
I have watched many of your videos and I really appreciated this one. I became a widower over 10 months ago after my late wife's long illness. I have been dating a wonderful woman for several months. The only push back I have experienced is from my daughter. I think the suggestions in this video will be very helpful for my girlfriend and me. Thanks!
Good stuff! Halloween is coming up and what typically happens at my widower’s house is a fire pit, chili, Hot apple cider, and goodies for all of the neighborhood kids and parents. (It’s also his birthday) He told me that he wants me there so I will be. I have had the opportunity over that last 5 weeks to get to know his kids, 13 & 14 with weekend activities with my 8 year old son. It’s a slow process. When emotions run high with his daughter he reminds me that it’s not me and that she will be okay. Just like you say in this video, I stay kind, smile, and try not to take things personally. But this Halloween event has me on the stressed out side of things. I will breath and I will be okay. We have been dating since the beginning of March. I love this man. He knows it too, however I am more focused on showing it than saying it. He is a gift. By the way, we went to Prom last weekend (Zombie Prom) and we posted on FB for the first time together. Lol. The cat is out of the bag!
I hope everything goes well and will continue to go well. It really does take time and a lot of patience, doesn't it? And we grow in the process. I am wishing you and "your" widower happiness ❤️
Oh Dear, Definitely! And time and patience hasn’t been my MO in the past, lol. I knew he was a keeper that first night but had serious reservations about him having a spouse pass away just last year. It’s been crazy. Lots of self growth and focusing on my own happiness. It’s paying off and just keep looking forward to more tomorrows. 😊
@@slyddon9640
I understand. It has been a challenge for me, and we don't have minor children.
Thankfully, we have this YT channel and Abel's help! There isn't enough guidance of this kind out there, in my opinion.
I dated a widower 5 years. I was the first person the widower dated. Everyone on his side of the family & friends were fine with our relationship. The problems we had were with the newly college graduated son/only child and the ex-mother in law. I didn't see them that often but when I did they either ignored me or the m-in-law would give me a fake half smile, put her nose up in the air and keep walking. There were never any mean words said. I always got looks & glares from the son and his girlfriend like I was some kind an alien with 3 heads. The times I did see them I always made it a point to say hello and smile and I just got blank looks back from the son. I thought within time things would get better. We dated for 5 years and the W had my back. About 2 1/2 years into our relationship, the son got married. His attitude only got worse after the wedding to the point of telling his dad he resented me being at the wedding and if he didn't "get rid of me" he was never going to see his grandkids. And the grandmother/m-i-law would coddle her grandson like they were a team. Time went on and the father and son stopped talking. The widower saw the in-laws once in a while. Then I found out she was trying to set him up with a woman from church-someone she liked and was accepting of.......As time went on, the widower started to get crabby & short tempered with me when nothing was going on. I finally sat him down and long story short he admitted he was very upset that he and his son haven't talked and upset that his son was acting the way he was and he was taking it out on me. I told him call your son, ask him to meet you for dinner, talk thing out, etc....Long story short, they talked and the son was even more adamant which the grandmother would feed into. I felt like the widower had my back for the majority of our 5 years together but the last year, I could feel a change that he didn't have my back 100%. He started saying things like, "I lost my wife. I don't want to lose my son, too". The only thing standing between him and his son was our relationship.....A few other small things happened after that and I could see and feel I was wasting my time. The widower would have kept things going but I ended everything abruptly. I gave too much time and patience to this relationship. I thought as long as the widower had my back we would be ok. But the first inkling when I saw he didn't, I knew it was the end. It took a couple of months for me to let go but once I left, I haven't looked back since & I really regret not ending things sooner. The widower contacted me several times afterI left but I couldn't be bothered. He wanted to "be friends"....lolol....If you didn't have my back after giving you 5 years of my life, why would I want to be "friends" with you? Like Abel has said in his videos, what is going to change in the next year?...... So why am I sharing all of this? Just to help open the eyes of people dating widowed people had bad things can get. I know my case is probably extreme but know toxic adult children can be can be a deciding factor on whether or not your relationship will last. If you see extremes happening like this, do yourself a favor and get out. Maybe if you live on opposite sides of the country it would work but living in a somewhat close vicinity where family is close, forget it.
Great advices, Abel!! I have no problem with W family, they all love me and never make me feel uncomfortable or second best, I have some struggles with some friends, like their mutual friends, especially LW best friend, who happens to be our neighbor lol. She stopped talking to my fiance, and of course she hates me. Only because she is our next door neighbor, we still say hi, to keep the peace. But his friends are very nice to me. I love his mother and call her Mom. I feel so comfortable in this family, they are very welcoming and accepting, so I am super blessed! His LW family seem accepting, but the LW didn't have parents. Only 2 brothers and aunts, and they are accepting and not rude. And my fiance talk to them occasionally. Never hang out or visit them, which I don't mind him to do it. But it's all about the priorities. And from what I can see we are on the right path! We are very happy!!
Males/brothers and brother-in-laws of widowers generally seem to have no problem with the widower moving on & many wish him well. The widower's parents also general,y are accepting......The people who have a hard time are the females around the widower- sisters of the deceased, her parents, her friends and sometimes the children both male & female.....The cat claws come out with the female friends & relatives.....You are lucky the w only had 2 brothers. Forget that female neighbor. It's amazing how other people are so judgemental when a W decides to move on.
I don't have time to try win anybody over! If im not liked then it's time to keep it moving!
Earth angel. I’m at that point too. I’m sick of it. They don’t even speak to me at family functions. To heck with it. Not wirth it. I’m classy, smart, nice looking, kind, polite, loving, warm hearted and giving. To heck with them. Life is too short to tolerate bs you don’t deserve
@user-tq6mi6vp6s yes it's definitely not worth it one bit! They treat you like you had something to do with the death smh!
@@earthangel3240 so so sad. Keep your chin up. I think I’ll just get a dog and I’d be happier. lol.
@user-tq6mi6vp6s OH I been left that situation lol and yes dogs are great they will never betray you 🙂
GREAT advice! Thanks Abel!!
Very Good Advice. Thanks.
I’m dating a widower of 8 years. Since his wife’s death, he has hosted an annual golf outing to raise money for breast cancer in his deceased wife’s name. Though we haven’t discussed it, it’s coming up and it’s making me wonder what it might be like to be with him long term. Any thoughts on this?
Discuss it with him and decide if it's a deal breaker.
6/19/19....Sometimes it just takes time to get over grief/loss/feelings towards the person who has died....
But remember the "late friend" with good memories/fun times & go on with your life....😉