I want you to know this video changed my life. I watched it for the first time 6 months ago, and was deeply convicted. My marriage has been changing for the better ever since. We've been married for almost 10 years, and this is the first anniversary where I can honestly say I am in love with my husband. Thank you for calling me out on what I didn't even know I was doing.
I used to get inwardly upset with my husband for leaving his socks on the floor. One day a very young husband died in the community. God asked me if I would rather I didn't have a husband at all, or pick up his socks. It is now my pleasure to pick up his socks!
@@lidquantum4682 i think one main point in the video is that sometimes “just communicating” doesn’t work. when that happens, other things must change- like our attitude.
This was so good...I notice once I stop trying to change my husband in areas were he lack in.. I notice an amazing shift took place in our marriage for the good..I also notice it was more of me needing the improvement than my husband..God surely discipline and teaches his children" Hallelujah🙌🏾
It's very important as a single woman to take note of the fact we ought to really pray and be vigilant about who you choose to submit to. I am so glad to have come across this content whilst still single. It has helped me weigh what is important and what I can adjust to 🙏🏼...
I agree I was married to a man for 25 years who was atheist, womanizer, refused to hold a job, and was verbally and physically abusive. I met him in a time of my life that I was very rebellious and I got pregnant before we got married. I was rebellious from being raised in an extremely loving and strict Christian household. With the birth of my first child I renewed my relationship to God. And I turned myself inside out, went to counseling, went to marriage counseling, sought counsel by many pastors and priests. We ended up divorcing after 25 years and the abuse nearly killed me. The fact is everything you say is true. From a very hard road to go on I learned the value of the verse that states a couple should never be unevenly yoked. If you are a Christian and you value your walk with God you must not marry an unbeliever. Blessings and much love in Christ
So well said 👏🏾👏🏾. I’ve been married over 7 years and unfortunately made some of these mistakes. They never work. My husband is so grateful that I treat him like the leader and man that he is. Thank God for correction. Our home is peaceful.
I had the opposite issue. I accepted my husband at face value but he tirelessly tried to change me after we got married. I didn't see at the time how abusive it was. Fortunately we got help as our lives fell apart and went through a lot of personal healing. I have to admit that the number of books out there directed to Christian wives is nauseating. There should be much more emphasis in the Church on exhorting men to be submitted (yes submission is for men first in the family) to Christ and to become sacrificial servant leaders to their families.
29min in...its TRUE. A Real man will not be told what to do by a woman. My husband gives me the highest respect...but I do NOT try to control him or tell him what he NEEDS to do. He is a man who takes his responsibilities seriously and he is self disciplined and does not need me to do that. He needs me to be is Help Meet 💗
@@sakuraesther6309 Ephesians 5:22-28 22 Wives, obey your husbands as you obey the Lord. 23 The husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head of the church people. The church is his body and he saved it. 24 Wives should obey their husbands in everything, just as the church people obey Christ. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church people. He gave his life for the church. 26 He did that so that he might make the church people holy, when they were washed with water by God's word. 27 He gave his life for the church so that one day he can look at the church and see that the people are great and wonderful. The people of the church must have no dirty spot or wrinkle or any thing like that. But they are to be holy and good. 28 So husbands should love their wives as they love their own bodies. The man who loves his wife loves himself.
What if he isnt doing what he should and broken things arent fixed and h neglects his spiritual duties?! I wont tell him what to do but at what point can we lovingly remind him to stop playing video games and watching videos and fix something? Dont nag, say it once and pray but that thing still needs to be fixed? Hire someone and pay 10x more? Fix it yourself? We need to realize BOTH are responsible for putting in their 100%. Its not going to be working or healthy unless both submit to Christ and the Bible first
Proverbs 14:1 (KJV) Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands. What you are saying reminds me also of this scripture. Stay blessed.
I know you're stuff is directed towards black women, but this white girl from Flint, Mi is soooo appreciative. I was not raised in a manner that taught me these things. I am from a Christian home, and I am grateful, but my mom worked and my dad spoiled her and did half of her work. It's actually very bizarre. So many of these things are me...I have been begging the Lord to help me change...realizing our problems are not all my husband's fault! I've been listening to your vids for a few days and I already can tell there's been a change in my home...BLESS.
@@andycalimara you don't know half the truth. Yes. She was and is spoiled, to this day. He works twice as hard as her. You sound pretty bitter, but you don't need to be.
@@AAMtruthteller I’m not bitter. I just don’t think that your mother was spoiled. Your father was a grown man who recognized that a household takes two adults to run. You don’t know me to call me out of my name, so don’t post things about your personal life that you don’t want people to call you out on.
I am near marriage. I am so grateful God has lead me to the channel. I have. Started to clean my house. I am truly trusting God for a husband. Woman truly need to appreciate their husbands
I wish this video was available to me like 4 years ago! I’m 5 years into my marriage I have screwed up in my marriage so much via pressuring, not accepting, not putting my foot down regarding serious marriage issues, and highly disrespecting my husband. Love your videos! Ugh you have no idea how much these are helping guide me. Thank you so much ❤️
Married 10 years this summer and you are so right . I found the most effective way to influence change is to pray about a time to bring something up, and then say it once and pray to God for change my husbands heart about the matter if it’s his will. I used to be a bossy Italian woman lol. But now I see I have much more influence with kindness and respect and then backing up and relying on prayer to ultimately bring about a change . ❤️
When one only focuses on the faults of another, especially his/her spouse. The faults blind him/her from seeing any good the other is doing and it makes the faults magnified. Very dangerous path to travel. Thank you for your videos.
I really love your perspective on this! You always give me SO much to think about when it comes to how I view my role as a wife, my husband and my marriage. Even the idea of looking at my husband as a GIFT from the Lord-that mindset shift alone has changed things! You are out here impacting marriages for the better. Also, happy 10 year anniversary!
🥺 lots of these apply to me. My thoughts are so selfish. I’ve had to work on meditating on Jesus and do what I’m told in His word and give grace. Because sometimes i forget what I’ve been forgiven for and also, our husbands have to deal with us as well.
Yes your husband should extend Grace when you do. Don't walk in condemnation though, now that you have identified the issues, graciously apologize to your husband and work on fixing them.
What are you doing with the onions you chopped and put in a jar? I love watching you show what a Proverbs 31 woman looks like. You are such a breath of fresh air.
Ugh. I need to repent. I’ve been trying to be my hubs’ “Holy Spirit” and that is NOT my place. After 10yrs of marriage, I was doing a GREAT job treasuring my hubs in spite of flaws. But now after 18yrs of watching my hubs go through the same self sabotaging cycles he’s been going through our whole marriage, I’ve become critical and impatient and I express SO much disapproval towards him even so that my affections for him has cooled. I just want to see him succeed so badly. But I don’t have the right to try and be my hubs’ Holy Spirit…. I need to continue to pray for him and encourage and not get weary in doing what’s right towards my husband. **sigh** I have some apologizing to do.
I have just never evr thought of it like that -trying to be their Holy Spirit, their motivator and teacher. Wow. You're right it's not our place to be that for our husbands. Really appreciated your comment. Makes me do some soul searching . Love all these ladies commenting, it helps me as well, so much.
So happy I found this video. I do try to control and shape my husband and this was so helpful to find women that do not promote the common things society says our husbands should be like
My husband's poor money mgmt skills showed farelt quickly in our marriage. Our differing money values showed as well. We shared accounts for a few years and when we did I was increasingly resentful and frustrated because his choices and decisions caused suffering. So when I got my own acct so I can have control over my own money, he got upset. To me he shouldn't be. I stopped trying to change him and criticize him, but I also did what alleviated my resentment and frustration. It's a problem when we criticize, it's a problem when we stop and make changes.
Some very good insights , but I think that its important for the husband and wife to teach each other and make each other better ..it can be helpful to make suggestions to each other and voice concerns especially if you feel mistreated. If it's done in a respectful and healthy manner it can be helpful to keep the marriage strong and for the development and growth of both individuals.
Even if its done respectfully it; its not guaranteed to be listened to or accepted by the other spouse. God has taught me to pray, mention it once and leave it with him and God. Even if it is hurting me or the kids, I cannot make another person change nor understand what they are doing wrong if they wont see it or have warped their view away from Christ so much they cannot see how they hurt others. We must pray and leave our hurts and pain with God abs trust He will help us with our husbands!
I came across your videos at such a perfect time in my life. I have been deeply considering and examining what my proper role as a wife and mother should be (prior to recently, my pride wouldn't have allowed me to receive such teachings) But ever since I've softened my heart to this subject, the Lord has been sending me many teachings and confirmations. It's almost as if the Lord said, "Here child, now you are ready to hear this." Thank you for sharing your important revelations to us! You are building and edifying the Kingdom! God bless you.
As a counselor I have learned the things we see as deficient in others(husbands, friends, family) is like holding a mirror up to see our own sense of inadequacy so we highlight it in others to deflect the thoughts away form ourself. For example if you find someone snobbish or prideful then your pride is actually being threatened by them. Next time you find fault in your husband or other ask yourself what is it about this behavior that is triggering me to feel unsafe, unvalued and unworthy and then take that to the Lord. Make it about what it is about and not trying to pass the buck onto someone else's character.
Oprah called this the "you spot it, you got it" problem. Any time you hone in on someone else's character flaws it is because you subconsciously are recognizing it & recoiling from it within yourself.
EXCELLENT video as always! One of the things I rejected in Hellen’s book is, 7:48 where she mentioned “bad temper” as just a “character flaw”. Titus 2:2: “Teach the older men to be Temperate, worthy of respect, self controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance.” Titus 2:6: “Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled.” As someone who grow up with a father who had a very violent temper, I had to watch my mom walk on eggshells on a daily basis. Eventually, that trickled down to us kids. The bad temper can lead to violence in the home and create situations where the wife and children fear for their lives. It is more than a flaw; it should be a DEALBREAKER. That is why I ALWAYS pay attention to a man’s temperament, especially in moments of high stress. And I will REJECT that man during courtship if he flies into fits of rage. I understand that temperament is not grounds for divorce in the Bible. So that is why I am very observant of this during courtship. Just my two cents. I love your work ❤️
Yes, please do a video on finances. Many of the things Helen listed were things I experienced and did in my last relationship as well and I am glad to hear and learn about them. I'm single as in not married but also recently broke up with a partner of almost 2 years. I found your channel to be soooooo helpful as a Christian woman, newly born again hahahah and could really do with some guidance in finance department before entering a marriage.
So interesting how listening (or reading) to something in a different season of life the information speaks differently but equally as important as the first time.
Wow, this was such an amazing video!! Thanks so much. I am truly humbled by the lessons I took from this video. I am not married but almost was (thankfully, not) and made practically ALL of these mistakes ON TOP of being intimate with a man who was not my husband. I basically listened to worldly advice and had no idea what God and godly people had to say about relationships. This is the first time in my life that I feel like I’m starting to get some clarity about how it is I should choose a partner and how I should act in a relationship. There’s a clear delineation between right and wrong. I cannot thank our Heavenly Father and people like you enough for putting out sound, true relationship advice. Just subscribed! Looking forward to the dresses!
I am so grateful I stumbled upon Fascinating womanhood, it changed my life. I'm also a young wife, married for seven years, together for 15. We are highschool sweethearts. I'm so glad I found your channel. Thank you for sharing your thoughts 💛
Oh my gosh, this video was... breathtaking! I was clapping my hands so hard, especially toward the end. I have been working on my femininity after realizing how broken I am as a woman. I thank the Most High for your videos and wisdom. I strive to be Proverbs 31 and I am loving the process!
I'm not married and this video has been stubbornly poping up on my timeline and since I like your hair, I gave in watched it. You're preaching real gems
Married 13 years and I can tell you my husband doesn’t want to be controlled and I would find him less attractive if he did. Marry a real man while making sure he is also an understanding, loving and merciful leader.
This is SUCH an important topic. This can literally make or break a marriage. We need to stop trying to change our husbands. Offer our view and advice a few times, and then leave as that. Pray God changes his heart. This is majorly important, ladies. I'm learning this myself.
I actually found myself face to face with this issue. I was complaining about things I felt my husband wasn't doing and the Lord struck lightning and thunder. I was afraid but just kept on because I was so upset. The entire night I was going back and forth because the holy spirit was correcting and rebuking me and I had to repent to get ease. From that moment I decided I would try my best never to complain that way. I'm happy for this video because I didn't understand why the Lord was so displeased with me and it wasn't as if I'm making things up and it was making me uncomfortable. Your videos are very edifying thank you.
I found your channel a few days ago and I've watched some of your videos now. And wow!! This is sooo good and sooo challenging! Thank you! ❤ God bless you and your family! I live on a small farm in Sweden with my husband, who's originally from England, and our 3 children, ages 6 years, 1,9 years and a newborn 2 months old. We've been married for 8 years now. And I know things needs to change, and this is just so good to hear! You don't hear this many other places!
Would love tp see a video about the daily list of activities that you do, how you determined all of the actions, etc. I heard you mention this in another video 😃
I married my husband both of us were not Christian and we got married and both got baptized and We serve at church but I don't feel that my husband knows how to lead spiritually I am hoping he will be willing to learn and ask our brothers from church for some guidance.
Wow! Thank you. I am married to a wonderful Christian man for 40 years with 2 successful adult children. I have spent our lives fighting to defend my husband from family (his and mine), church leaders and anyone else who have wanted to use him. Jealousy has been the motivation. They tried to manipulate us into doing their bidding - jobs they didn’t want to do - and criticized us in every way for no reason. A narcisistic bunch. But since the oldest ones have passed into eternity, the truth has shown itself. I’m glad God protected us, and still does from those wolves. The last encounter, when someone mockingly told me (at a wedding reception we were attending) “Well your husband is so perfect.” My reply, “Well he’s perfect for me!” She hasn’t spoken to me since. Yay!!!
Girl this video helped me so much, my mother is a Christian modest women and says these things to me but I don’t listen lol. I don’t know why but hearing it from a women near my age group makes it stick. I do not dress modestly and don’t know if I will anytime soon, but I love your videos so much and they have helped me be a better wife and homemaker!!!
Okay I REALLY like this, ive been thinking about this myself. When I write in my Journal I’ve started writing down all the good things he brings to my life, and realizing that yes that little things and faults he has… compared to all the good and blessing, are little. I see I was being petty in the way I looked at him (the fault in my ways), and possibly blocking my own blessings. Also YES thinking this way it better for both our mental health and therefore making our relationship stronger. I’m not perfect he’s not perfect we’re both only human.
it is so very much easier to wait for someone who you are compatible with in every way that is important to you. Opposites attract but similarities stay together. So much better to wait for someone you have deep peace about in your heart. Save yourself the tears, marriage is hard enough.
Also, I never tear him down for not providing.. I’ve been doing everything that I can to encourage him but you cant force someone to change… so… prayerful because God does not want me to leave…
This was soooo good! I unfortunately relate to a few of those things. I see that it is important to only marry a man that has faults that you would stay with whether they change or not. Sometimes it’s good to wait for the Lord build and correct before you say “I do”.
Yes, again, one of the lessons my grandmother taught me. Marry only the faults you could live with, because he may not change. Thank you for watching and commenting I always love reading your take on these topics.
My brother is having issues with his fiancé. They come over and he is so rude to her. He won’t answer her or when she is busy and she asks him for a simple thing he ignores her. What do we do in that situation? He doesn’t bend for her at all. And she bends over backwards. There is no give. They both work and he is very lazy. Only sits on video games in free time and won’t get off to do a date night once a week. I don’t know how to help because I love his fiancé and I don’t want him to be stupid and lose her.
As sad as this is to say, your brother isn’t a worthy husband. He’s not husband material. So, my advice would be for you to suggest for her to rethink their relationship before she gets married to him. That’s the best thing you can do for her.
I am currently not married or dating, but I was able to gleam for this episode and pull so much from it that I believe that Lord has already been revealing to me about how to operate within my own home and family. As a single woman, I have thoroughly been enjoying your channel which is amazing to me. I love what you are doing! Your light of Christ definitely shines brightly, keep shining 😉😊
This is the second time I am listening to this video and have saved it for future listens. This is so true and hard to do! Especially if you are Type A like me and think you know best. I am praying God helps me in this area and feel him growing and maturing me in this season of my marriage. We will be celebrating 5 years of marriage this July 😄
Wish I could get this video straight up in Spanish 😁 Have a friend who doesn't speak English, who needs to hear this. They were both non-Christian going into the relationship, she became a born-again new creature in Christ and has since then been pressuring him to live the Christian life too. Needless to say it has awakened a monster in him.
I definitely have the controlling wife issue myself. My mom was also very controlling and married a passive man. So that was the dynamic I was raised in. My husband is not as passive as my step father was, but he definitely will allow me to run the show if I try. I am working on keeping my mouth shut about a lot of things and not being so controlling.
Thank you so much for this book review and transparency. I feel so convicted and I know threw the help of the Holy Spirit I can do things differently and become a better wife.
I've been married 27 years. I so agree with the Christian husband, Ironically my husband was a believer, I was not he brought me to church I became a reborn Christian he became a backslider. I agree it is very hard to not push or disagree with things he does and doesn't do , keep stumm & only try to encourage with an open invitation and pray continually.
Loving these book reviews I may have to actually get this one. I have been married almost 6 months and I am glad that I feel like I am going in the right direction!
My mother IS the ultimately controlling wife. And it is heartbreaking because my father is such a gentle, lovely, gentleman. He was a great provider and is a loving father. He tries his hardest to make my mother happy, always doing as she demands. But something is broken inside of her and nothing is ever going to make her happy until she deals with that. So, that leaves my father being badgered, nit picked, criticized, and when he doesn't do what she demands; shut out and given the silent treatment. This has had a very bad effect on all 4 of their kids. Luckily, I have a relationship with the Lord & try to understand these principles laid out for wives (altho I fall short many times) and have been married for almost 20 years, but 1 sister lives with a man that she isn't in a relationship with and can't get along with anyone, 1 sister married a wimp of a man - who won't get a job, keep a job, take care/provide-dead weight- for her and she treats him just as our mother treats our dad, and 1 brother who absolutely refuses to marry because he said they made marriage look like torture. Wives need to keep in mind that this type of behavior repels all other people too. no one wants to hang out with a couple where the wife is berating her husband & he tolerates it. It is sooo uncomfortable. My mom's behavior makes it very hard to treat HER in a loving manner. Everyone just does what she wants to make her shut up or they ignore her, which fuels her insecurities & makes her act like this even more.
Another good video. I think, of course this applies to men who, as mentioned, are living a Christ like life. They are doing their jobs and respecting their wives. I have an amazing husband, and I have found myself trying to, as your title stated, building him like a build a bear. This refocused me to remember that I truly am lucky to be married to my husband and I need to praise him more and love him as he is, just as he loves me as I am despite my many flaws.
When you said you were 32 i almost fell out of my chair! sis you could pass for at least 18! I’d love to know what your diet and skin care routine is like!
I feel so bad for all the hard working men out there just trying to work hard for their family and coming home to ungrateful, disrespectful and unloving wife and kids!
I don't know, I don't think just making enough money for basic needs is enough, we need savings for God knows so many uncertain realities, would love a video on that and maybe a introspective video
26:41 I find it so hard to listen to this rn. I’m almost 9 months pregnant, have to work FT, get criticized for all of my short comings by any and everyone and when I ask for help, there’s more criticism. Prt of me wants to disappear or just shut down and not even bother asking for help because when I need it not even my husband wants to show up 💔 I’ve been trying to not be that type of woman but it’s getting harder and harder to allow myself be a helper and keep up with the home
I am so glad my husband is not “real man” as it turns out from this video:)) We are both breadwinners and equal partners. I consider myself a human being first who happens to be a married woman and a mother of two in whose life freedom of opinion and equality are the most important values. I wish you all the best in your endeavours!
Im getting married in 70 days! So this video is so helpful for me to think about! & reference in the future! I look forward to the video on money & finances! My husband to he is in Medical School. So I will be the main provider until he goes into residency.
Hi! I was wondering: why not wait until he finishes Medical School before you get married? Being the main provider during your future husband's studies might add unnecessary stress on you and in your marriage... especially if your family welcomes children before he starts or is settled in his career. Anyway : Congratulations, lots if love💜
@@Search4Cherise I had our babies while my husband was working and studyins at the same time for 8 years! I found it overwhelming. That's why I asked. I'm sure you will do very well. Thank you for your answer.
@@plantbasedtv thank you four honesty & wanting to share from a sincere heart! 💙 I know these are gonna be some hard years, lots of stress - but after the storm there’s a rainbow! 💪🏿🙏🏿
Is it wrong to want him to contribute to our household? Cleaning, helping with cooking when I am still at work? The biggest issue is finances. I want to save money, he always want to spend when we have money. We have in the past, had to go without eating so our kids could eat. This is the main reason why I like to keep money saved in case.
I want you to know this video changed my life.
I watched it for the first time 6 months ago, and was deeply convicted. My marriage has been changing for the better ever since. We've been married for almost 10 years, and this is the first anniversary where I can honestly say I am in love with my husband. Thank you for calling me out on what I didn't even know I was doing.
This is BEAUTIFUL to hear❤❤❤
I used to get inwardly upset with my husband for leaving his socks on the floor. One day a very young husband died in the community. God asked me if I would rather I didn't have a husband at all, or pick up his socks. It is now my pleasure to pick up his socks!
You could just communicate bro
🙂💜
Now THATS how you humble somebody. 😭
@@lidquantum4682that too
@@lidquantum4682 i think one main point in the video is that sometimes “just communicating” doesn’t work. when that happens, other things must change- like our attitude.
This was so good...I notice once I stop trying to change my husband in areas were he lack in.. I notice an amazing shift took place in our marriage for the good..I also notice it was more of me needing the improvement than my husband..God surely discipline and teaches his children" Hallelujah🙌🏾
Wow same here I noticed the exact same thing too! 💕
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It's very important as a single woman to take note of the fact we ought to really pray and be vigilant about who you choose to submit to. I am so glad to have come across this content whilst still single. It has helped me weigh what is important and what I can adjust to 🙏🏼...
💞
I agree I was married to a man for 25 years who was atheist, womanizer, refused to hold a job, and was verbally and physically abusive. I met him in a time of my life that I was very rebellious and I got pregnant before we got married. I was rebellious from being raised in an extremely loving and strict Christian household. With the birth of my first child I renewed my relationship to God. And I turned myself inside out, went to counseling, went to marriage counseling, sought counsel by many pastors and priests. We ended up divorcing after 25 years and the abuse nearly killed me. The fact is everything you say is true. From a very hard road to go on I learned the value of the verse that states a couple should never be unevenly yoked. If you are a Christian and you value your walk with God you must not marry an unbeliever. Blessings and much love in Christ
Thank you for this
Pp
Amen
🙂💜
😇
So well said 👏🏾👏🏾. I’ve been married over 7 years and unfortunately made some of these mistakes. They never work. My husband is so grateful that I treat him like the leader and man that he is. Thank God for correction. Our home is peaceful.
Blessings sister in Christ
I had the opposite issue. I accepted my husband at face value but he tirelessly tried to change me after we got married. I didn't see at the time how abusive it was. Fortunately we got help as our lives fell apart and went through a lot of personal healing. I have to admit that the number of books out there directed to Christian wives is nauseating. There should be much more emphasis in the Church on exhorting men to be submitted (yes submission is for men first in the family) to Christ and to become sacrificial servant leaders to their families.
Agreed
Amen 😍
Amen
1000%
I dont think she agrees with you here
29min in...its TRUE. A Real man will not be told what to do by a woman. My husband gives me the highest respect...but I do NOT try to control him or tell him what he NEEDS to do. He is a man who takes his responsibilities seriously and he is self disciplined and does not need me to do that. He needs me to be is Help Meet 💗
But can he control you or tell you what you need to do???
@@sakuraesther6309
Ephesians 5:22-28
22 Wives, obey your husbands as you obey the Lord.
23 The husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head of the church people. The church is his body and he saved it.
24 Wives should obey their husbands in everything, just as the church people obey Christ.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church people. He gave his life for the church.
26 He did that so that he might make the church people holy, when they were washed with water by God's word.
27 He gave his life for the church so that one day he can look at the church and see that the people are great and wonderful. The people of the church must have no dirty spot or wrinkle or any thing like that. But they are to be holy and good.
28 So husbands should love their wives as they love their own bodies. The man who loves his wife loves himself.
💕
What if he isnt doing what he should and broken things arent fixed and h neglects his spiritual duties?!
I wont tell him what to do but at what point can we lovingly remind him to stop playing video games and watching videos and fix something?
Dont nag, say it once and pray but that thing still needs to be fixed? Hire someone and pay 10x more? Fix it yourself?
We need to realize BOTH are responsible for putting in their 100%. Its not going to be working or healthy unless both submit to Christ and the Bible first
Proverbs 14:1 (KJV) Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.
What you are saying reminds me also of this scripture. Stay blessed.
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100%
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I’ve been married two months and you are definitely cutting my learning curve thank you 🤍
I’ve been married 1 month this info is priceless
This was so true and needed especially with black women. Keep sharing sister because we are waking up and becoming Kingdom Wives.
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I know you're stuff is directed towards black women, but this white girl from Flint, Mi is soooo appreciative. I was not raised in a manner that taught me these things. I am from a Christian home, and I am grateful, but my mom worked and my dad spoiled her and did half of her work. It's actually very bizarre. So many of these things are me...I have been begging the Lord to help me change...realizing our problems are not all my husband's fault! I've been listening to your vids for a few days and I already can tell there's been a change in my home...BLESS.
We are all women sister... no matter the skin color or race 🥰 May God bless you on your journey in Him!!
So your father recognized that a household needed two people to make it work because both he and your mother worked….and your mother was spoiled? Nah.
@@andycalimara you don't know half the truth. Yes. She was and is spoiled, to this day. He works twice as hard as her. You sound pretty bitter, but you don't need to be.
@@AAMtruthteller I’m not bitter. I just don’t think that your mother was spoiled. Your father was a grown man who recognized that a household takes two adults to run. You don’t know me to call me out of my name, so don’t post things about your personal life that you don’t want people to call you out on.
I am near marriage. I am so grateful God has lead me to the channel. I have. Started to clean my house. I am truly trusting God for a husband. Woman truly need to appreciate their husbands
I wish this video was available to me like 4 years ago! I’m 5 years into my marriage I have screwed up in my marriage so much via pressuring, not accepting, not putting my foot down regarding serious marriage issues, and highly disrespecting my husband.
Love your videos! Ugh you have no idea how much these are helping guide me. Thank you so much ❤️
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Married 10 years this summer and you are so right . I found the most effective way to influence change is to pray about a time to bring something up, and then say it once and pray to God for change my husbands heart about the matter if it’s his will. I used to be a bossy Italian woman lol. But now I see I have much more influence with kindness and respect and then backing up and relying on prayer to ultimately bring about a change . ❤️
When one only focuses on the faults of another, especially his/her spouse. The faults blind him/her from seeing any good the other is doing and it makes the faults magnified. Very dangerous path to travel. Thank you for your videos.
I really love your perspective on this! You always give me SO much to think about when it comes to how I view my role as a wife, my husband and my marriage. Even the idea of looking at my husband as a GIFT from the Lord-that mindset shift alone has changed things! You are out here impacting marriages for the better.
Also, happy 10 year anniversary!
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🥺 lots of these apply to me. My thoughts are so selfish. I’ve had to work on meditating on Jesus and do what I’m told in His word and give grace. Because sometimes i forget what I’ve been forgiven for and also, our husbands have to deal with us as well.
Yes your husband should extend Grace when you do. Don't walk in condemnation though, now that you have identified the issues, graciously apologize to your husband and work on fixing them.
What are you doing with the onions you chopped and put in a jar?
I love watching you show what a Proverbs 31 woman looks like.
You are such a breath of fresh air.
Ugh. I need to repent. I’ve been trying to be my hubs’ “Holy Spirit” and that is NOT my place. After 10yrs of marriage, I was doing a GREAT job treasuring my hubs in spite of flaws.
But now after 18yrs of watching my hubs go through the same self sabotaging cycles he’s been going through our whole marriage, I’ve become critical and impatient and I express SO much disapproval towards him even so that my affections for him has cooled. I just want to see him succeed so badly.
But I don’t have the right to try and be my hubs’ Holy Spirit….
I need to continue to pray for him and encourage and not get weary in doing what’s right towards my husband. **sigh** I have some apologizing to do.
I have just never evr thought of it like that -trying to be their Holy Spirit, their motivator and teacher. Wow. You're right it's not our place to be that for our husbands. Really appreciated your comment. Makes me do some soul searching . Love all these ladies commenting, it helps me as well, so much.
Holy Spirit speaking to me through this!! I definitely struggle in this area
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So happy I found this video. I do try to control and shape my husband and this was so helpful to find women that do not promote the common things society says our husbands should be like
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My husband's poor money mgmt skills showed farelt quickly in our marriage. Our differing money values showed as well. We shared accounts for a few years and when we did I was increasingly resentful and frustrated because his choices and decisions caused suffering. So when I got my own acct so I can have control over my own money, he got upset. To me he shouldn't be. I stopped trying to change him and criticize him, but I also did what alleviated my resentment and frustration. It's a problem when we criticize, it's a problem when we stop and make changes.
Some very good insights , but I think that its important for the husband and wife to teach each other and make each other better ..it can be helpful to make suggestions to each other and voice concerns especially if you feel mistreated. If it's done in a respectful and healthy manner it can be helpful to keep the marriage strong and for the development and growth of both individuals.
Even if its done respectfully it; its not guaranteed to be listened to or accepted by the other spouse.
God has taught me to pray, mention it once and leave it with him and God.
Even if it is hurting me or the kids, I cannot make another person change nor understand what they are doing wrong if they wont see it or have warped their view away from Christ so much they cannot see how they hurt others.
We must pray and leave our hurts and pain with God abs trust He will help us with our husbands!
Every time I watch your videos, all I can do is stop and think. Such strong points to reflect on. Thank you.
Might I just say how physically beautiful you are! Your look just emphasizes the importance of natural beauty.
I came across your videos at such a perfect time in my life. I have been deeply considering and examining what my proper role as a wife and mother should be (prior to recently, my pride wouldn't have allowed me to receive such teachings) But ever since I've softened my heart to this subject, the Lord has been sending me many teachings and confirmations. It's almost as if the Lord said, "Here child, now you are ready to hear this." Thank you for sharing your important revelations to us! You are building and edifying the Kingdom! God bless you.
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As a counselor I have learned the things we see as deficient in others(husbands, friends, family) is like holding a mirror up to see our own sense of inadequacy so we highlight it in others to deflect the thoughts away form ourself. For example if you find someone snobbish or prideful then your pride is actually being threatened by them. Next time you find fault in your husband or other ask yourself what is it about this behavior that is triggering me to feel unsafe, unvalued and unworthy and then take that to the Lord. Make it about what it is about and not trying to pass the buck onto someone else's character.
Oprah called this the "you spot it, you got it" problem. Any time you hone in on someone else's character flaws it is because you subconsciously are recognizing it & recoiling from it within yourself.
EXCELLENT video as always! One of the things I rejected in Hellen’s book is, 7:48 where she mentioned “bad temper” as just a “character flaw”.
Titus 2:2: “Teach the older men to be Temperate, worthy of respect, self controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance.”
Titus 2:6: “Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled.”
As someone who grow up with a father who had a very violent temper, I had to watch my mom walk on eggshells on a daily basis. Eventually, that trickled down to us kids. The bad temper can lead to violence in the home and create situations where the wife and children fear for their lives. It is more than a flaw; it should be a DEALBREAKER. That is why I ALWAYS pay attention to a man’s temperament, especially in moments of high stress. And I will REJECT that man during courtship if he flies into fits of rage.
I understand that temperament is not grounds for divorce in the Bible. So that is why I am very observant of this during courtship.
Just my two cents. I love your work ❤️
Yes, please do a video on finances. Many of the things Helen listed were things I experienced and did in my last relationship as well and I am glad to hear and learn about them. I'm single as in not married but also recently broke up with a partner of almost 2 years. I found your channel to be soooooo helpful as a Christian woman, newly born again hahahah and could really do with some guidance in finance department before entering a marriage.
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So interesting how listening (or reading) to something in a different season of life the information speaks differently but equally as important as the first time.
Ladies, walking the walk in our own lives creates impact upon those around us, as well as garnering favor from our husband and from the LORD.
Wow, this was such an amazing video!! Thanks so much. I am truly humbled by the lessons I took from this video. I am not married but almost was (thankfully, not) and made practically ALL of these mistakes ON TOP of being intimate with a man who was not my husband. I basically listened to worldly advice and had no idea what God and godly people had to say about relationships. This is the first time in my life that I feel like I’m starting to get some clarity about how it is I should choose a partner and how I should act in a relationship. There’s a clear delineation between right and wrong. I cannot thank our Heavenly Father and people like you enough for putting out sound, true relationship advice. Just subscribed! Looking forward to the dresses!
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I love how you stand by the Word unapologetically.
I am so grateful I stumbled upon Fascinating womanhood, it changed my life. I'm also a young wife, married for seven years, together for 15. We are highschool sweethearts. I'm so glad I found your channel. Thank you for sharing your thoughts 💛
Very much needed, thank you. I now see what my man has been trying to tell me❤ I gotta do better. I didn't realize how mean I was being to him :(
Oh my gosh, this video was... breathtaking! I was clapping my hands so hard, especially toward the end. I have been working on my femininity after realizing how broken I am as a woman. I thank the Most High for your videos and wisdom. I strive to be Proverbs 31 and I am loving the process!
I'm not married and this video has been stubbornly poping up on my timeline and since I like your hair, I gave in watched it. You're preaching real gems
Married 13 years and I can tell you my husband doesn’t want to be controlled and I would find him less attractive if he did.
Marry a real man while making sure he is also an understanding, loving and merciful leader.
This is SUCH an important topic. This can literally make or break a marriage. We need to stop trying to change our husbands. Offer our view and advice a few times, and then leave as that. Pray God changes his heart. This is majorly important, ladies. I'm learning this myself.
May God continue to give you grace and wisdom as you provide for us such content. Thank you. ❤❤love from 🇰🇪 Kenya.
I actually found myself face to face with this issue. I was complaining about things I felt my husband wasn't doing and the Lord struck lightning and thunder. I was afraid but just kept on because I was so upset. The entire night I was going back and forth because the holy spirit was correcting and rebuking me and I had to repent to get ease. From that moment I decided I would try my best never to complain that way. I'm happy for this video because I didn't understand why the Lord was so displeased with me and it wasn't as if I'm making things up and it was making me uncomfortable. Your videos are very edifying thank you.
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It really landed with me that you would not criticize a gift you were given let alone that from the Lord!
So many great points! This is really helping me to be a better wife!
Bindi may God enlarge you further, you are a blessing from God
I found your channel a few days ago and I've watched some of your videos now. And wow!! This is sooo good and sooo challenging! Thank you! ❤
God bless you and your family!
I live on a small farm in Sweden with my husband, who's originally from England, and our 3 children, ages 6 years, 1,9 years and a newborn 2 months old. We've been married for 8 years now. And I know things needs to change, and this is just so good to hear! You don't hear this many other places!
I loved this teaching. This is spot on. Thank You, Father, for showing us how to love one another the way that You love us. AMEN 🙏🏽💖
Would love tp see a video about the daily list of activities that you do, how you determined all of the actions, etc. I heard you mention this in another video 😃
I married my husband both of us were not Christian and we got married and both got baptized and We serve at church but I don't feel that my husband knows how to lead spiritually I am hoping he will be willing to learn and ask our brothers from church for some guidance.
These videos are so nourishing... seriously.
Wow! Thank you. I am married to a wonderful Christian man for 40 years with 2 successful adult children.
I have spent our lives fighting to defend my husband from family (his and mine), church leaders and anyone else who have wanted to use him. Jealousy has been the motivation. They tried to manipulate us into doing their bidding - jobs they didn’t want to do - and criticized us in every way for no reason. A narcisistic bunch.
But since the oldest ones have passed into eternity, the truth has shown itself. I’m glad God protected us, and still does from those wolves.
The last encounter, when someone mockingly told me (at a wedding reception we were attending) “Well your husband is so perfect.” My reply, “Well he’s perfect for me!” She hasn’t spoken to me since. Yay!!!
Girl this video helped me so much, my mother is a Christian modest women and says these things to me but I don’t listen lol. I don’t know why but hearing it from a women near my age group makes it stick. I do not dress modestly and don’t know if I will anytime soon, but I love your videos so much and they have helped me be a better wife and homemaker!!!
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Okay I REALLY like this, ive been thinking about this myself. When I write in my Journal I’ve started writing down all the good things he brings to my life, and realizing that yes that little things and faults he has… compared to all the good and blessing, are little. I see I was being petty in the way I looked at him (the fault in my ways), and possibly blocking my own blessings. Also YES thinking this way it better for both our mental health and therefore making our relationship stronger. I’m not perfect he’s not perfect we’re both only human.
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Love your videos Bindi, you’re a great role model, wish my mom taught me those things growing up.
God bless xx
It’s very satisfying to see other women choosing to become greater wives in a mature way. I love your content🥰☺️
it is so very much easier to wait for someone who you are compatible with in every way that is important to you. Opposites attract but similarities stay together. So much better to wait for someone you have deep peace about in your heart. Save yourself the tears, marriage is hard enough.
My husband is Christian, he is a great leader…but the provision part… not so much… praying and hopeful… but also over it…
Also, I never tear him down for not providing.. I’ve been doing everything that I can to encourage him but you cant force someone to change… so… prayerful because God does not want me to leave…
Ouch and amen. Wow. Thank you for this perspective. 💛
This was soooo good! I unfortunately relate to a few of those things. I see that it is important to only marry a man that has faults that you would stay with whether they change or not. Sometimes it’s good to wait for the Lord build and correct before you say “I do”.
Yes, again, one of the lessons my grandmother taught me. Marry only the faults you could live with, because he may not change. Thank you for watching and commenting I always love reading your take on these topics.
@@Bindi_Marc This is gold!
My brother is having issues with his fiancé. They come over and he is so rude to her. He won’t answer her or when she is busy and she asks him for a simple thing he ignores her. What do we do in that situation? He doesn’t bend for her at all. And she bends over backwards. There is no give. They both work and he is very lazy. Only sits on video games in free time and won’t get off to do a date night once a week. I don’t know how to help because I love his fiancé and I don’t want him to be stupid and lose her.
As sad as this is to say, your brother isn’t a worthy husband. He’s not husband material. So, my advice would be for you to suggest for her to rethink their relationship before she gets married to him. That’s the best thing you can do for her.
Well why don't you marry her then, just joking. I will say leave them and don't get involved.
I am currently not married or dating, but I was able to gleam for this episode and pull so much from it that I believe that Lord has already been revealing to me about how to operate within my own home and family. As a single woman, I have thoroughly been enjoying your channel which is amazing to me. I love what you are doing! Your light of Christ definitely shines brightly, keep shining 😉😊
This is the second time I am listening to this video and have saved it for future listens. This is so true and hard to do! Especially if you are Type A like me and think you know best. I am praying God helps me in this area and feel him growing and maturing me in this season of my marriage. We will be celebrating 5 years of marriage this July 😄
Wish I could get this video straight up in Spanish 😁
Have a friend who doesn't speak English, who needs to hear this. They were both non-Christian going into the relationship, she became a born-again new creature in Christ and has since then been pressuring him to live the Christian life too. Needless to say it has awakened a monster in him.
I definitely have the controlling wife issue myself. My mom was also very controlling and married a passive man. So that was the dynamic I was raised in. My husband is not as passive as my step father was, but he definitely will allow me to run the show if I try. I am working on keeping my mouth shut about a lot of things and not being so controlling.
Thank you have opened my eyes so much.
Can you talk about self care as a stay at home mom? How do you care for yourself in terms of mind, body and relationship with God?
Btw love your content. God bless you
I love how she takes one of those last carrots to eat it even though the camera could not see!!! 😁😁🥰🥰🥰
I’m a 59 year old un-happy married man. Subscribed
This is what I've been needing to hear. Bindi, you are a blessing.
Thank you so much for this book review and transparency. I feel so convicted and I know threw the help of the Holy Spirit I can do things differently and become a better wife.
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I've been married 27 years. I so agree with the Christian husband, Ironically my husband was a believer, I was not he brought me to church I became a reborn Christian he became a backslider. I agree it is very hard to not push or disagree with things he does and doesn't do , keep stumm & only try to encourage with an open invitation and pray continually.
Loving these book reviews I may have to actually get this one. I have been married almost 6 months and I am glad that I feel like I am going in the right direction!
My mother IS the ultimately controlling wife. And it is heartbreaking because my father is such a gentle, lovely, gentleman. He was a great provider and is a loving father. He tries his hardest to make my mother happy, always doing as she demands. But something is broken inside of her and nothing is ever going to make her happy until she deals with that. So, that leaves my father being badgered, nit picked, criticized, and when he doesn't do what she demands; shut out and given the silent treatment. This has had a very bad effect on all 4 of their kids. Luckily, I have a relationship with the Lord & try to understand these principles laid out for wives (altho I fall short many times) and have been married for almost 20 years, but 1 sister lives with a man that she isn't in a relationship with and can't get along with anyone, 1 sister married a wimp of a man - who won't get a job, keep a job, take care/provide-dead weight- for her and she treats him just as our mother treats our dad, and 1 brother who absolutely refuses to marry because he said they made marriage look like torture. Wives need to keep in mind that this type of behavior repels all other people too. no one wants to hang out with a couple where the wife is berating her husband & he tolerates it. It is sooo uncomfortable. My mom's behavior makes it very hard to treat HER in a loving manner. Everyone just does what she wants to make her shut up or they ignore her, which fuels her insecurities & makes her act like this even more.
Another good video. I think, of course this applies to men who, as mentioned, are living a Christ like life. They are doing their jobs and respecting their wives. I have an amazing husband, and I have found myself trying to, as your title stated, building him like a build a bear. This refocused me to remember that I truly am lucky to be married to my husband and I need to praise him more and love him as he is, just as he loves me as I am despite my many flaws.
Hi, Bindi may God bless you I see u as my role model. 😮
When you said you were 32 i almost fell out of my chair! sis you could pass for at least 18! I’d love to know what your diet and skin care routine is like!
I needed this wisdom, glory to God, grateful for your channel!
I feel so bad for all the hard working men out there just trying to work hard for their family and coming home to ungrateful, disrespectful and unloving wife and kids!
Thanks for this Bindi God bless you.
I'm married to a real man and my ego has suffered greatly lol.
Really liking this content! Looking forward to pt 2.
Yup... that's true about a real man
I don't know, I don't think just making enough money for basic needs is enough, we need savings for God knows so many uncertain realities, would love a video on that and maybe a introspective video
26:41 I find it so hard to listen to this rn. I’m almost 9 months pregnant, have to work FT, get criticized for all of my short comings by any and everyone and when I ask for help, there’s more criticism. Prt of me wants to disappear or just shut down and not even bother asking for help because when I need it not even my husband wants to show up 💔 I’ve been trying to not be that type of woman but it’s getting harder and harder to allow myself be a helper and keep up with the home
Having to work ft take care of the house anlt 9 months pregnant is a lot. That means your husband is not doing his job correctly either though.
1. A Christian
2. Provider
3. Leading spiritually
I am enjoying this content
You have been a blessing to me in more than one way. I thank God for sending you to me when He did. I'm making adjustments now.
I really needed this video. Thank you ♥️
What a wonderful comparison to the Israelites!! I thank the Spirit for revealing that to you so you could share it with us ❤️
A voice of reason in a confused world
This is so right, you can't change a man, that's up to God!
I am so glad my husband is not “real man” as it turns out from this video:))
We are both breadwinners and equal partners. I consider myself a human being first who happens to be a married woman and a mother of two in whose life freedom of opinion and equality are the most important values.
I wish you all the best in your endeavours!
Im getting married in 70 days! So this video is so helpful for me to think about! & reference in the future!
I look forward to the video on money & finances!
My husband to he is in Medical School. So I will be the main provider until he goes into residency.
Hi! I was wondering: why not wait until he finishes Medical School before you get married? Being the main provider during your future husband's studies might add unnecessary stress on you and in your marriage... especially if your family welcomes children before he starts or is settled in his career.
Anyway : Congratulations, lots if love💜
@@plantbasedtv because we are waiting until we are married to have sex. 🤣 & I’m not trying to wait 3 more years & neither is he. 🤣
@@plantbasedtv also we plan to not have any children until he is in residency, so three years! 🙏🏿
@@Search4Cherise I had our babies while my husband was working and studyins at the same time for 8 years! I found it overwhelming. That's why I asked. I'm sure you will do very well. Thank you for your answer.
@@plantbasedtv thank you four honesty & wanting to share from a sincere heart! 💙 I know these are gonna be some hard years, lots of stress - but after the storm there’s a rainbow! 💪🏿🙏🏿
You are gracious. God bless you 🙏Already love you and identify with you in your way of being and seeing things🙏
I wish somebody told me all this before I got married
This is gold... 🙌🏾
YAH bless you my sister.
Is it wrong to want him to contribute to our household? Cleaning, helping with cooking when I am still at work? The biggest issue is finances. I want to save money, he always want to spend when we have money. We have in the past, had to go without eating so our kids could eat. This is the main reason why I like to keep money saved in case.
So glad to have come across your channel, thank you for sharing so much wisdom!
Needed to hear this! Thanks so much God bless you and your family 👍🌹❤️
This is really helping me thank you for these videos