Buddy, not an expert but, you did a phenomenal job for the family. I'm saving and sending this link to ALL my friends, family and hopefully any dating apps any of us use. What makes someone an expert is research, practice, and mastery. This is a masterful video. I am in a kitchen table polyamorous relationship with two women who live with me in separate rooms while both are passively looking or dating and have been for 5 years. Your clarity on terms will help me concisely address questions from others. Your speech, eloquent delivery, and being thorough makes it a valuable resource. Thank you again for your time and effort it's of infinite usability. You will save me a lot of time and miscommunication. 🙏 From our polyamfam to yours.
I totally agree with him. Non-monogamy/polyamory is not cheating. “Cheating happens when people break agreements”. So it is wise not to enter any agreement. where all parties needs are not met.
Would love to see more about platonic partners and how asexuality fits into nonmonagamy. The most often question I get asked is "well then what's the difference between your partners and your friends?"
I know that this is an old video, but I still had to say this: I really like the inclusion of the word "intimate" rather than "romantic" in the definition of polyamory. As an aroace person, I find it to be much more comfortable and inclusive. One may have a romantic relationship and a QPR with somebody else, for instance. So thanks.
To me the ethical part comes from not knowingly participating in someone else cheating on their partner. My partner was contacted by someone looking to hook up and it quickly became clear she was looking to cheat on her husband. He said no thanks and suggested she work on her communication with him.
You sir are helping me so much! I fell in love with a non monogamist, married woman and sometimes I am really struggeling with this whole consept. You and your videos are gold for me! Thank you!
As someone who has been part of the kink community and is solo poly...I GREATLY appreciate the definitions and inclusion in this video. Kink dynamics get forgotten about all the time when it comes to NM so this was nice to see. (Had to quickly subscribe and like :) )
Great video! I have been thinking lately that we actually need one or two more terms to be introduced to help reduce misunderstandings. Specifically: When a person wants to have only one intimate relationship, and they want to be their partner's only relationship, we say that person is monogamous. When a person is in an intimate relationship with a polyamorous person, and supports their partner without reservation, and experiences compersion, and actively works through any feelings of jealousy or anything else that could damage their relationship, and has no desire for more than one partner for themselves, we say that person is monogamous. There is a big difference between "I don't want more than one partner" and "I want mutual exclusivity." I think the distinction is critical, because there are questions that get asked a lot, like "Can a mono/poly relationship work?" The answer depends greatly on what being "mono" means.
you are literally the best! Thank you for really helping me on my journey learning about polyamory- newbie here too! Also always supporting you and got some swag
I think you have done a great job of defining different forms of non-monogamy and I definitely agree that labels are confusing but I also think this will really help to shape my relationships in the future. Thank you so much xx
The beauty of this, and non- monogamy in general, is its fluidity and changability. From this video alone, I can be inspired by an endless combination of non-mutually exclusive attributes from *any* of these archetypes, and my wife and I can create our own choices on what we each want, as individuals and partners. Great stuff, dude!
This was really useful! In this youtube format I get information in a way (deep, thorough) that through Instagram reels/shorts I usually cannot. Thanks, Chad!
I just started watching! I like all of your videos so far and your voice, speed and cadence are all very engaging and perfect. Slow enough to comprehend, fast enough to feel like it’s at a fast enough pace for my busy-ass life! The content is great too. Straight forward, concise without being over-simplified. Great stuff!
Very well-made video. I've been in and out of various (mostly) monogamous relationships for years and spent a fair bit of time single as well. As I get older, I tend to think a fairly conventional monogamy or "monagamish" relationship are the most pragmatic approach for most, if not the most fulfilling (or even "ethical" for that matter). It seems like more elaborate NM situations are a luxury most can't afford in this economy. It seems like most people barely get what they need, never mind what they want.
Thanks for the video. I appreciate the extended format that's not available on Tiktok. I'd love a kitchen table style polycule, but so far it hasn't worked out. His previous partner automatically didn't like me, and he's not too keen on my recent potential romantic interest. We're both still open to other relationships, but circumstances have us just with each other. There's also kink involved, so, I guess I do have another partner, but that is kept separate because of distance.
Polyamory does often involve situations that didn't pan out quite how we expected. I've had my fair share of that too. It sounds like you're taking it easy and being open to opportunities that come along. That's a great mindset! Best of luck finding relationships that fit with your style.
I'm so happy you're able to put it across in a way that doesn't confuse someone who is on the fence, or on either side, for that matter. Thank you. This should help a ton of people arrange their thoughts better!
Thanks a lot for the informational content. I found your channel a bit back and it helped me through the blow-up of my first non-monogamous relationship. The knowledge really empowers me. Thanks again.
What a lovely video. I was surprised and pleased with how much of this I already knew but I don't know how I've learned it! Loved the definition of cheating. Excellent definitions all through!
Thanks for making this :) I think I am more open relationship then poly because I’m always looking for a primary partner and then additional “friends with benefits” styles but who knooowwsss it’s so confusing sometimes
Ah, thank you! I was trying to find a decent video on terminology. For a while, I was confused about whether or not I would be considered non-monogamous/polyamorous, as I was open to _some_ of the relationship dynamics I had heard about, but not others. The only descriptor I heard from people in these varying relationships was "polyamorous," so that threw me off and had me confused lol. (For the curious, the relationship dynamics I am open to are monogamy, polyfidelity, and solo polyamory.)
Fantastic video! I like the term designer relationships (like the book) probably falls somewhere around relationship anarchy maybe? Looking forward to part 2 of this. :)
Hey, thank you for your videos, I couldn't find any informations in blogs (they only give references and definitions, not experiences of life). I fell in love with a girl that was already in a relationship (as they were far from each over they accepted the fact that some things could happen outside their relationship) she fell in love with me too and his boyfriend agreed that my now girl could date him and me. I have established contact with her boyfriend, we actually get along well. Of course that was not that easy at all, (we had intimate relationship, then did as if we were together, without her saying that she was willing to be with me...) our past (I've been cheated on, an she was the other one but did not knew of it) relationships, our mental health our priorities (her being in a extremely demanding course) create a lots of challenges. I tend to not contact her when she is with her boyfriend, because I get to see her evry day, I do not pass her clothes when she is visiting her family etc... She tells us about her other partner a little. But the question is : I said my family I had a girlfriend, I would like to present her to them (didn't tell she is poly) On the other hand, she has not told one : that she like girls, two, that she was polyamourous. How can we navigate that? I don't want to end like mix secret relationship but the situation is really hard already for her. I don't want also that my relationship with her deteriorates her relationship with her boyfriend (they actually manage it well for now)
I fall under monogamish 😅 I enjoy people experiencing others and living life. I trust my partner etc. Also there's not a lot of good options to mingle haha. I have the say so to explore further if I'm comfortable. But overall I'm happy with just my partner. Flirting is more beneficial for me.
o.o dang I wish I had your video when I was trying to learn open polyamory, I was very monogamous at one point in my life, though thanks to my ex-husband being monogamous is a red flag for me. So, I tried polyamory, then went to open polyamory.. Though now that I'm away from the one I had a open polyamory relationship with.. I'm not sure if I'm still polyamorous or not.. I can't do closed triads, I not into sexual part of stuff anymore.. I'm trying to figure where I fit now..o.o.. Anyways, Thankies for your video it helps on many levels..
Thank you so much for this, Chad! Beautifully done, I agree with everything! Have you read “Open deeply “? Currently reading it with my partner and can’t recommend it enough, lots of great insights for a trauma/relationship therapist. Can’t wait for your next videos! Have a great one, cheers from Ukraine ❤
It's hard to find info about cheating and making amends in ENM. Mainstream cheating info applies, for sure, yet there are some dynamics, like introducing veto power after a cheating situation or demanding a change in structure, or something else. Anyone with thoughts?
I want to thank you so much for making these videos. My Nesting Partner and I have been together for 13+ years and pretty much always poly. Recently my partner found her first what we would call serious relationship. I have been dealing with some serious jealousy and feeling of uncertainty. You videos have helped me immensely and well as a lot of talking with my partner. I came from a very Roman Catholic family and that was my biggest obstacle to over come and basically undo a lot of programing for a lack of a better term. Do you have any advice on talking to our children about our choices ? we believe in being open and honest with all our children to a point where our kids have never believed in Santa. Also advice on talking to older relatives about our choices ? one of the problems we have been trying to overcome is a i have a sibling that is also poly and went about bringing her partner into to poly in the worst way possible by tell them they would take away his child if he didn't agree. so we are trying to educate our family a bit.
Thank you for sharing! I can't really speak to the child part. I have ideas of what I would say, but I don't have children so I really don't know what it would be like in a real-world scenario. For older people I'd say try to meet them where they are as much as you can. Open the door to invite them to talk, but only continue if they accept. You want them to be as comfortable as possible. Try to explain things through a lens that monogamous people understand. I'm not sure exactly what that entails, but I find a good mix of familiar and new information is the best way to introduce someone to, well, anything really. I'll have to think about this some more. Maybe the topic of a future video!
Question.... if an Individual is interested in joining a Couple to become a Throuple but has had a close relationship with one individual in that relationship but that Couple obviously shows signs of Limerence but everyone is interested but the Outside individual has nervous thoughs not being jealous but of the Limerence in the relationship What is some steps they can take together to ease into the relationship positivity
You mention polyamory is complex, but so is monogamy. When I get comments from acquaintances that my polyamorous relationship seems complicated, I remind them of how even monogamous couples have different levels of rules on how they share money, how much alone time they can have. I even have met monogamous couples who consider masturbation as cheating. All relationships are complex. We just don't have hundreds of years of polyamorous books, movie, rom-coms to help give us terrible guidance on how are relationships should look like.
My mother only understands the term swingers. Her sister, my Aunt, was a swinger for a very long time and so it is the only exposure she has had to non-monogamous relationships. Even tho it is not accurate, I just don't have the patience to teach her more. I'm just grateful to my elders in the family for breaking her into accepting homosexuality and non- monogamy. The gods know it has been a hassle trying to teach about transgenders and address the bigotry there. Without those before me that laid down the ground work on those things first this would be much more difficult.
I was actually going to make a video about this too so many people do not understand that polyamory is about relationships not klink dymamics or seggs, I know so many non-monogamous who call themselves Poly and it's like. Lol no you aren't, same thing goes for almost anyone who calls themselves ENM, there's a 99% chance they're just non-monogamous and looking for s third
The difference between open relationship and polyamory is open relationship is when you have sexual or intimate relationships outside of your own relationship. Polyamory is having multiple people in a relationship with the knowledge and consent of that group
Im really stoned trying to type this 😮💨 I knew my partner was poly before we got together. (We were best friends for 5 years) over 2 years after getting together we're engaged now, and we both want to sexually experience/ experiment more. But I've never considered non-monogomy and it's DEFINITELY something that was considered taboo in my family. Anything against the "norm" or whatever is bad 🙄 This change is very hard for me. Even with 100% communication. It's hard hearing him talk about other people. And its hard to think about him talking sexually or being intimate with other people. Any tips?
I would argue that a close triad is not polyamory. Because a close triad does not describe, reflect the meaning or definition of polyamory (poly = many ~ amorous = loves = Open and unlimited). Because the triad is closed. How can something that is closed be open and free? There is no freedom in something that is closed. Yes,, A closed triad could be considered as non-monogamy. Because there are more than 2 people in the relationship. I feel that a close triad should be considered as polygamy or polygyny. Depending on the sexual orientation of the 3 people involved in the closed triad. Yet,, it is all good. It is wonderful that people customize their relationships. Anyway, they choose. I also feel there are way way way too many labels lol but if we are going to use labels,, it is good that we discuss them openly. My hope is that one day we can narrow things down to maybe one or two labels. I can only hope that makes sense to people. Remember, this is just my observation and opinion. I am sure I triggered someone’s cemented belief systems. These days it seems so easy to upset people over minor trivial points of view. People that nitpick and enjoy haggling. For those who may take issue and feel the need to lash out at me,, Remember We’re all on this journey together. We are each challenging, social, and religious conditioning and social norms. So take the time to reread what I’ve written,,, “Think” and see if it connects with you. If not, it’s all good.
I am still struggling with the concept. I had a friend buy me ethical slut I read it. I was astounded and honestly terrified when I think it was one of the authors claiming she was 15 years married Suddenly she declares to her husband she's gonna do polyamory. She discovers that it's the best thing she's ever done. Am at a loss. Wish I could figure out why I am not jumping on the band wagon. Online interactions seem to be my only examples. I realize many of you may not regard it as authentic for me it's my only opportunity to explore and it's challenging. I can't help but feel if they're not with me it makes me feel like I am unwanted or unable to please someone I have been close to. I know jealousy is referred to in a whole different perspective. Jealousy being hey I got a strong feeling about this so I need to talk about it. I am really stuck and not sure what I should do. Not trying something can appear close minded, but I know it's awkward to push through. Many seem helpful and supportive but it's difficult 😊
It's something you have to want for yourself. A lot of people, especially those already partnered, aren't looking for a "primary" relationship. For those people being a secondary partner is their ideal situation. I agree it's not super healthy to want a more primary type partnership and be forced into a secondary position.
The great part about polyamory is EVERYONE in the relationship is free to find multiple partners. So, if you fall for someone to whom you will be a secondary, you can keep searching for your primary while still loving them 🥰 it might get a bit messy if you mix hierarchical and non-hierarchical relationships, but again, if everyone communicates clearly and is mature and understanding about it, then everything should be ok.
There's nothing about the word romantic nor its definition that infers "sex." Conversely, a large number of people who hear the word "intimate" relate that word to sex...
That's why I like using the word intimate. I don't want to counter the myth that polyamory is all about sex by saying it's not about sex at all. That's just not true. For allosexual (non-asexual) people sex is an important part of their relationships. At the end of the day polyamory is much more about relationships regardless of the role that sex plays in them.
Genuine inquiry: where did the poly community adopt “don’t ask, don’t tell” from? The original term was used in the military telling gay applicants not to be open about their sexuality. So, I find it concerning if some people in the poly community adopted the term knowing where it came from.
If you're doing anything like that, open marriage or swinging it means you want to be with other people. That's the psychological explanation. There's all kinds of negative dark trait attributes to short-term gratification in love.
@@fppro1679 from my personal experience. They’re separate lifestyles. Some cross over. The swinger scene is more of something you just do vs a full time identity
i have listened to 1.42 seconds of this and while i am very proud of myself seeing as how i shall mourn the time i have lost listening to the most vile thing i have ever heard i do bid you all farewell and pray that i never come across any of you. bye now 😢
And yet you took more time to comment. 🤔 We're just doing what makes us all happy. No need to go out of your way to spread senseless negativity. Thanks for the engagement though. The algorithm really likes that. 👍
![Noob To Max With DRAGON REWORK In Blox Fruits [FULL MOVIE]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/LnBMOinoOvA/mqdefault.jpg)
Buddy, not an expert but, you did a phenomenal job for the family. I'm saving and sending this link to ALL my friends, family and hopefully any dating apps any of us use. What makes someone an expert is research, practice, and mastery. This is a masterful video. I am in a kitchen table polyamorous relationship with two women who live with me in separate rooms while both are passively looking or dating and have been for 5 years. Your clarity on terms will help me concisely address questions from others. Your speech, eloquent delivery, and being thorough makes it a valuable resource. Thank you again for your time and effort it's of infinite usability. You will save me a lot of time and miscommunication. 🙏 From our polyamfam to yours.
So you have 2 girlfriends who both sleep around. Sounds um, delightful
Cringe
I totally agree with him. Non-monogamy/polyamory is not cheating. “Cheating happens when people break agreements”. So it is wise not to enter any agreement. where all parties needs are not met.
Would love to see more about platonic partners and how asexuality fits into nonmonagamy. The most often question I get asked is "well then what's the difference between your partners and your friends?"
This is one of the reasons why I always differentiate between romance and sex.
Should do a part 2 about terms like nesting partner and anchor, etc
I definitely plan on making more terminology videos in the future.
I know that this is an old video, but I still had to say this: I really like the inclusion of the word "intimate" rather than "romantic" in the definition of polyamory. As an aroace person, I find it to be much more comfortable and inclusive. One may have a romantic relationship and a QPR with somebody else, for instance. So thanks.
To me the ethical part comes from not knowingly participating in someone else cheating on their partner. My partner was contacted by someone looking to hook up and it quickly became clear she was looking to cheat on her husband. He said no thanks and suggested she work on her communication with him.
Excellent video tho, thank you!
You sir are helping me so much! I fell in love with a non monogamist, married woman and sometimes I am really struggeling with this whole consept. You and your videos are gold for me! Thank you!
So glad to be helpful! Comments like this give me purpose to keep making videos. Thank you.
Y'all, as someone who is only in the early stages of learning and educating myself this channel is a treasure trove! More videos pleeeeeasse 🤩
As someone who has been part of the kink community and is solo poly...I GREATLY appreciate the definitions and inclusion in this video. Kink dynamics get forgotten about all the time when it comes to NM so this was nice to see. (Had to quickly subscribe and like :) )
Great video! I have been thinking lately that we actually need one or two more terms to be introduced to help reduce misunderstandings. Specifically: When a person wants to have only one intimate relationship, and they want to be their partner's only relationship, we say that person is monogamous. When a person is in an intimate relationship with a polyamorous person, and supports their partner without reservation, and experiences compersion, and actively works through any feelings of jealousy or anything else that could damage their relationship, and has no desire for more than one partner for themselves, we say that person is monogamous. There is a big difference between "I don't want more than one partner" and "I want mutual exclusivity." I think the distinction is critical, because there are questions that get asked a lot, like "Can a mono/poly relationship work?" The answer depends greatly on what being "mono" means.
This please!
I know this is way old, but could that maybe fall under the "monogomish" ? Just as a curious thought
This is so interesting! I am a therapist and like to stay up-to-date on things for the sake of helping my clients, so thank you for the education! 🫶
you are literally the best! Thank you for really helping me on my journey learning about polyamory- newbie here too! Also always supporting you and got some swag
Thanks so much for the kind words! ❤️ And also a big thanks for supporting the shop.
I think you have done a great job of defining different forms of non-monogamy and I definitely agree that labels are confusing but I also think this will really help to shape my relationships in the future. Thank you so much xx
Im new to poly lso this video helped alot. All the different terms are hard to get use too.
I'm glad it was helpful! It can all be very confusing, but it starts to become more intuitive after a while.
As someone new to this world, this was very helpful! 😊
Thank you! That's one of my main goals with my content. Comments like this motivate me to keep doing what I'm doing.
The beauty of this, and non- monogamy in general, is its fluidity and changability. From this video alone, I can be inspired by an endless combination of non-mutually exclusive attributes from *any* of these archetypes, and my wife and I can create our own choices on what we each want, as individuals and partners. Great stuff, dude!
Absolutely right on point.
I’m in a long distance kitchen table polyamory relationship.
One year in (many more to go)
This was really useful! In this youtube format I get information in a way (deep, thorough) that through Instagram reels/shorts I usually cannot. Thanks, Chad!
I just started watching! I like all of your videos so far and your voice, speed and cadence are all very engaging and perfect. Slow enough to comprehend, fast enough to feel like it’s at a fast enough pace for my busy-ass life! The content is great too. Straight forward, concise without being over-simplified. Great stuff!
Found a lot of terms confusing prior to seeing your video. Big thank you.
Very well-made video. I've been in and out of various (mostly) monogamous relationships for years and spent a fair bit of time single as well. As I get older, I tend to think a fairly conventional monogamy or "monagamish" relationship are the most pragmatic approach for most, if not the most fulfilling (or even "ethical" for that matter). It seems like more elaborate NM situations are a luxury most can't afford in this economy. It seems like most people barely get what they need, never mind what they want.
You are greatly appreciated. Keep up the amazing work.
Thank you for this video! There isn’t a lot of good media out there on polyamory, so I’m very glad that you’re sharing this!
Yeesss!!! I'm so excited for the upcoming content. Thank you!
Yess very well said thank you!
Thank you!! Sharing with friends- this is incredibly helpful!!
Ugh, I love this so much! Will be sharing 💛💛💛
Thanks for the video. I appreciate the extended format that's not available on Tiktok. I'd love a kitchen table style polycule, but so far it hasn't worked out. His previous partner automatically didn't like me, and he's not too keen on my recent potential romantic interest. We're both still open to other relationships, but circumstances have us just with each other. There's also kink involved, so, I guess I do have another partner, but that is kept separate because of distance.
Polyamory does often involve situations that didn't pan out quite how we expected. I've had my fair share of that too. It sounds like you're taking it easy and being open to opportunities that come along. That's a great mindset! Best of luck finding relationships that fit with your style.
I'm so happy you're able to put it across in a way that doesn't confuse someone who is on the fence, or on either side, for that matter.
Thank you. This should help a ton of people arrange their thoughts better!
I've been waiting for this video for when u first brought it up on tiktok. Thank u im publicing posting to my Facebook for my family and friends
Thanks a lot for the informational content. I found your channel a bit back and it helped me through the blow-up of my first non-monogamous relationship. The knowledge really empowers me. Thanks again.
0:56 Non Monogamy
1:33 Polyamory
3:47 Don’t Ask Don’t Tell
4:07 Hierachy
5:33 Open Relationships
6:10 Monogamish
6:31 Swinging
7:04 Relationship Anarchy
7:35 Kink
7:58 Cheating
Dude, this is fantastic! When I'm ready to be openly out, I'm so gonna share this on my social media!
What a lovely video. I was surprised and pleased with how much of this I already knew but I don't know how I've learned it! Loved the definition of cheating. Excellent definitions all through!
Thank you! I tried to be very careful with my wording. I know people can easily get confused if even a couple of words are off.
You are so informative! Thank you for sharing!
Really helpful video. Thank you.
Thanks for making this :) I think I am more open relationship then poly because I’m always looking for a primary partner and then additional “friends with benefits” styles but who knooowwsss it’s so confusing sometimes
Thank you sooooo much for taking the time to make these videos, these are so important.
Ah, thank you! I was trying to find a decent video on terminology. For a while, I was confused about whether or not I would be considered non-monogamous/polyamorous, as I was open to _some_ of the relationship dynamics I had heard about, but not others. The only descriptor I heard from people in these varying relationships was "polyamorous," so that threw me off and had me confused lol.
(For the curious, the relationship dynamics I am open to are monogamy, polyfidelity, and solo polyamory.)
This is very informative. Thank you ❤
So thanks Polyamfam! Great vid
Thank you so much for helping me through your videos :) it really helps me :) my partners and I love watching your video's!
Fantastic video! I like the term designer relationships (like the book) probably falls somewhere around relationship anarchy maybe? Looking forward to part 2 of this. :)
New to non monogamy. This has been helpful. 😊
Amazing and informative video
you should talk more about emotional polyamory like please im begging u
and relationship anarchy as well?
10/10 best reference out there
Excellent 🙂
Hey, thank you for your videos, I couldn't find any informations in blogs (they only give references and definitions, not experiences of life). I fell in love with a girl that was already in a relationship (as they were far from each over they accepted the fact that some things could happen outside their relationship) she fell in love with me too and his boyfriend agreed that my now girl could date him and me. I have established contact with her boyfriend, we actually get along well. Of course that was not that easy at all, (we had intimate relationship, then did as if we were together, without her saying that she was willing to be with me...) our past (I've been cheated on, an she was the other one but did not knew of it) relationships, our mental health our priorities (her being in a extremely demanding course) create a lots of challenges. I tend to not contact her when she is with her boyfriend, because I get to see her evry day, I do not pass her clothes when she is visiting her family etc... She tells us about her other partner a little. But the question is : I said my family I had a girlfriend, I would like to present her to them (didn't tell she is poly) On the other hand, she has not told one : that she like girls, two, that she was polyamourous. How can we navigate that? I don't want to end like mix secret relationship but the situation is really hard already for her. I don't want also that my relationship with her deteriorates her relationship with her boyfriend (they actually manage it well for now)
your simply the best!
Great video man!
Fantastic video! Everything you said was spot on! Thank you! 👍🏻👏🏻
Thank you sir
Thank you for this video!
I fall under monogamish 😅
I enjoy people experiencing others and living life. I trust my partner etc. Also there's not a lot of good options to mingle haha. I have the say so to explore further if I'm comfortable. But overall I'm happy with just my partner. Flirting is more beneficial for me.
o.o dang I wish I had your video when I was trying to learn open polyamory, I was very monogamous at one point in my life, though thanks to my ex-husband being monogamous is a red flag for me. So, I tried polyamory, then went to open polyamory.. Though now that I'm away from the one I had a open polyamory relationship with.. I'm not sure if I'm still polyamorous or not.. I can't do closed triads, I not into sexual part of stuff anymore.. I'm trying to figure where I fit now..o.o.. Anyways, Thankies for your video it helps on many levels..
Thank you so much for this, Chad! Beautifully done, I agree with everything!
Have you read “Open deeply “? Currently reading it with my partner and can’t recommend it enough, lots of great insights for a trauma/relationship therapist.
Can’t wait for your next videos! Have a great one, cheers from Ukraine ❤
All I know is I got 3 partners at the moment and I love them, so who cares about the words so much, right? Whatever works, works
You talked about making a video on non-monogamy books, did you do that? I would be interested:)
I haven't yet, but I want to! I put way too much on my plate, so things tend to take a long time. Trying to get better about that!
It's hard to find info about cheating and making amends in ENM. Mainstream cheating info applies, for sure, yet there are some dynamics, like introducing veto power after a cheating situation or demanding a change in structure, or something else. Anyone with thoughts?
I want to thank you so much for making these videos. My Nesting Partner and I have been together for 13+ years and pretty much always poly. Recently my partner found her first what we would call serious relationship. I have been dealing with some serious jealousy and feeling of uncertainty. You videos have helped me immensely and well as a lot of talking with my partner. I came from a very Roman Catholic family and that was my biggest obstacle to over come and basically undo a lot of programing for a lack of a better term. Do you have any advice on talking to our children about our choices ? we believe in being open and honest with all our children to a point where our kids have never believed in Santa. Also advice on talking to older relatives about our choices ? one of the problems we have been trying to overcome is a i have a sibling that is also poly and went about bringing her partner into to poly in the worst way possible by tell them they would take away his child if he didn't agree. so we are trying to educate our family a bit.
Thank you for sharing! I can't really speak to the child part. I have ideas of what I would say, but I don't have children so I really don't know what it would be like in a real-world scenario.
For older people I'd say try to meet them where they are as much as you can. Open the door to invite them to talk, but only continue if they accept. You want them to be as comfortable as possible. Try to explain things through a lens that monogamous people understand. I'm not sure exactly what that entails, but I find a good mix of familiar and new information is the best way to introduce someone to, well, anything really.
I'll have to think about this some more. Maybe the topic of a future video!
Question.... if an Individual is interested in joining a Couple to become a Throuple but has had a close relationship with one individual in that relationship but that Couple obviously shows signs of Limerence but everyone is interested but the Outside individual has nervous thoughs not being jealous but of the Limerence in the relationship
What is some steps they can take together to ease into the relationship positivity
You mention polyamory is complex, but so is monogamy. When I get comments from acquaintances that my polyamorous relationship seems complicated, I remind them of how even monogamous couples have different levels of rules on how they share money, how much alone time they can have. I even have met monogamous couples who consider masturbation as cheating. All relationships are complex. We just don't have hundreds of years of polyamorous books, movie, rom-coms to help give us terrible guidance on how are relationships should look like.
My mother only understands the term swingers. Her sister, my Aunt, was a swinger for a very long time and so it is the only exposure she has had to non-monogamous relationships. Even tho it is not accurate, I just don't have the patience to teach her more. I'm just grateful to my elders in the family for breaking her into accepting homosexuality and non- monogamy. The gods know it has been a hassle trying to teach about transgenders and address the bigotry there. Without those before me that laid down the ground work on those things first this would be much more difficult.
I was actually going to make a video about this too so many people do not understand that polyamory is about relationships not klink dymamics or seggs, I know so many non-monogamous who call themselves Poly and it's like.
Lol no you aren't, same thing goes for almost anyone who calls themselves ENM, there's a 99% chance they're just non-monogamous and looking for s third
The difference between open relationship and polyamory is open relationship is when you have sexual or intimate relationships outside of your own relationship. Polyamory is having multiple people in a relationship with the knowledge and consent of that group
Im really stoned trying to type this 😮💨
I knew my partner was poly before we got together. (We were best friends for 5 years) over 2 years after getting together we're engaged now, and we both want to sexually experience/ experiment more. But I've never considered non-monogomy and it's DEFINITELY something that was considered taboo in my family. Anything against the "norm" or whatever is bad 🙄
This change is very hard for me. Even with 100% communication. It's hard hearing him talk about other people. And its hard to think about him talking sexually or being intimate with other people. Any tips?
Going through something similar. Would love to hear what you've experienced since you left this comment
I would argue that a close triad is not polyamory. Because a close triad does not describe, reflect the meaning or definition of polyamory (poly = many ~ amorous = loves = Open and unlimited). Because the triad is closed. How can something that is closed be open and free? There is no freedom in something that is closed. Yes,, A closed triad could be considered as non-monogamy. Because there are more than 2 people in the relationship. I feel that a close triad should be considered as polygamy or polygyny. Depending on the sexual orientation of the 3 people involved in the closed triad. Yet,, it is all good. It is wonderful that people customize their relationships. Anyway, they choose. I also feel there are way way way too many labels lol but if we are going to use labels,, it is good that we discuss them openly. My hope is that one day we can narrow things down to maybe one or two labels. I can only hope that makes sense to people. Remember, this is just my observation and opinion. I am sure I triggered someone’s cemented belief systems. These days it seems so easy to upset people over minor trivial points of view. People that nitpick and enjoy haggling. For those who may take issue and feel the need to lash out at me,, Remember We’re all on this journey together. We are each challenging, social, and religious conditioning and social norms. So take the time to reread what I’ve written,,, “Think” and see if it connects with you. If not, it’s all good.
I am still struggling with the concept. I had a friend buy me ethical slut I read it. I was astounded and honestly terrified when I think it was one of the authors claiming she was 15 years married
Suddenly she declares to her husband she's gonna do polyamory. She discovers that it's the best thing she's ever done. Am at a loss. Wish I could figure out why I am not jumping on the band wagon. Online interactions seem to be my only examples. I realize many of you may not regard it as authentic for me it's my only opportunity to explore and it's challenging. I can't help but feel if they're not with me it makes me feel like I am unwanted or unable to please someone I have been close to. I know jealousy is referred to in a whole different perspective. Jealousy being hey I got a strong feeling about this so I need to talk about it. I am really stuck and not sure what I should do. Not trying something can appear close minded, but I know it's awkward to push through. Many seem helpful and supportive but it's difficult 😊
Please please please talk about poly parenting and/or coparenting, or maybe interview someone else who is knowledgeable about that.
No mention of polygamy/polygny?
I'm not sure how I missed that one. Dammit. You're right it should really be in this video. My bad!
How do you cope become secondary in the long run? I feel like its not healthy…
It's something you have to want for yourself. A lot of people, especially those already partnered, aren't looking for a "primary" relationship. For those people being a secondary partner is their ideal situation. I agree it's not super healthy to want a more primary type partnership and be forced into a secondary position.
The great part about polyamory is EVERYONE in the relationship is free to find multiple partners. So, if you fall for someone to whom you will be a secondary, you can keep searching for your primary while still loving them 🥰 it might get a bit messy if you mix hierarchical and non-hierarchical relationships, but again, if everyone communicates clearly and is mature and understanding about it, then everything should be ok.
There's nothing about the word romantic nor its definition that infers "sex." Conversely, a large number of people who hear the word "intimate" relate that word to sex...
That's why I like using the word intimate. I don't want to counter the myth that polyamory is all about sex by saying it's not about sex at all. That's just not true. For allosexual (non-asexual) people sex is an important part of their relationships.
At the end of the day polyamory is much more about relationships regardless of the role that sex plays in them.
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I find your videos helpful, however I am very against associating with people who are in polyamorous relationships because of trauma.
You forgot Garden Party polyam 😇
Genuine inquiry: where did the poly community adopt “don’t ask, don’t tell” from? The original term was used in the military telling gay applicants not to be open about their sexuality. So, I find it concerning if some people in the poly community adopted the term knowing where it came from.
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Not intimate relationships internment relationships or family, friends or acquaintance.
What are your pronouns?
The other word... gross.
It's not necessary to put down others for doing what makes them happy. It's not for you. Great. Live and let live.
@@polyamfam It's not a put-down. I just see it as gross.
No one cares.
Cringe
93% of open marriages and in divorce.
Not a whole lot of hard data . I tend to not consider “swinging “ to be an open marriage. It’s more of a kink in my opinion
If you're doing anything like that, open marriage or swinging it means you want to be with other people. That's the psychological explanation. There's all kinds of negative dark trait attributes to short-term gratification in love.
So do monogamous marriages lmfaoo
I'm sure they do, but they don't fail at the rate of 93%! Lmao!!!
@@fppro1679 from my personal experience. They’re separate lifestyles. Some cross over. The swinger scene is more of something you just do vs a full time identity
Y’all are trifling
cool can you guys all move to remote locations on the corners of the earth 😊
i have listened to 1.42 seconds of this and while i am very proud of myself seeing as how i shall mourn the time i have lost listening to the most vile thing i have ever heard i do bid you all farewell and pray that i never come across any of you. bye now 😢
And yet you took more time to comment. 🤔
We're just doing what makes us all happy. No need to go out of your way to spread senseless negativity. Thanks for the engagement though. The algorithm really likes that. 👍
You probably come across us everyday.
Who gives a s***t. Just say you are Solo Poly and we are all good. 😂
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