"Polyamory never lasts!" | 30 Years of Polyamory

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  • Опубликовано: 1 янв 2025

Комментарии • 113

  • @chojay13
    @chojay13 Год назад +134

    As a Serial Monogamist who opened herself to Poly and discovered Monogamy is likely best for her, 100% agree that the experience of Poly made me a better person. It's such a different experience that makes you face demons that normally are overlooked, normalized, or even seen as a "good thing" when really it was detrimental and toxic to my well-being.
    Poly not only made me a better person, but it ironically made me better at Monogamy and being a partner.

    • @polyamfam
      @polyamfam  Год назад +24

      That is a fantastic way to put it. I'm glad you had a good experience full of growth!

    • @cornerstorefuneral
      @cornerstorefuneral Год назад +18

      @@polyamfam Same here - still not sure if mono or poly is best for me, but my foray into poly made me look REALLY hard at myself: who am I, what do I value, what do I need, what am I insecure about, am I codependent (the answer for that one was yes lol), and more. I've started questioning more and more relationship norms and identifying ones that don't fit with me.

    • @cornerstorefuneral
      @cornerstorefuneral Год назад +7

      I also made the decision to step back from any sort of non-monogamy while my partner and I figure some stuff out.

    • @rnbsteenstar
      @rnbsteenstar Год назад +4

      I've questioned serial mono and concluded that for me that it would not make sense. But thank you for sharing that.

  • @whatsup3d
    @whatsup3d Год назад +72

    I've been polyamorous for 29 years, with one partner for 29 years and my other partner for 18 years, We are a V with me in the middle.

  • @xandermcdonald1396
    @xandermcdonald1396 Год назад +14

    Only 30 years?! I started in the '80's, before the Internet, when poly folks hung out on BBS's, Usenet and late nights at sci fi conventions. There is so much terminology now, it's hard for the oldtimers to keep up with. I agree with everything Kyros said. Echoes of my own history in his story. I enjoyed this very much.

    • @belzweis9568
      @belzweis9568 Год назад +2

      Ya it's beautiful people Create new words to better convey our thoughts more precisely, however if we want to stay Educated we must continue to learn like how our elders often were behind us when we were young it's a beautiful thing The Torch of Knowledge being passed by & propelled by the next generation

  • @DieAlteistwiederda
    @DieAlteistwiederda Год назад +31

    I'm not poly but have been with my partner for over 13 years now but we aren't married and that makes some people think as well that it won't work out, isn't that serious or just isn't a real relationship. So I felt the beginning where he spoke about how people STILL tell them all that their relationship won't work out even though it has lasted just fine for that long. Longer than many other peoples relationships which I also agree with because I've seen many of them fail around us while we just kept vibing all these years.
    Open communication about all aspects of our lives is truly why this has worked out so well. Something many people struggle with very much in their relationships from my experience.

    • @zayithintj9379
      @zayithintj9379 Год назад +3

      Get better friends who support you instead of them programming you with their own fear and negativity. 13 years? Kudos dude. It sounds like you are doing just fine. If it works for you, don't fix it.

  • @iantbailey
    @iantbailey Год назад +55

    I so appreciated this interview and hearing Kyros talk about his relationships! Wish I had time to go on about it but I’ll say at least that I feel seen and reassured as a late-20’s non-monogamous gay man. My interest has been there for years but it has only recently become possible to start exploring this. Thanks for this vid and I’ll definitely be sharing with my friends and family.

    • @polyamfam
      @polyamfam  Год назад +5

      I'm so glad it helped you out!

  • @DJGaming35744
    @DJGaming35744 Год назад +12

    I mentioned to a casual friend once that I was poly and he said "See, real life isn't like what you see in anime. Harems aren't actually something that work."

    • @polyamfam
      @polyamfam  Год назад +6

      🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️ "See, polyamory isn't what you hear from other monogamists. It isn't actually harems."

  • @lou_ster_the_pot
    @lou_ster_the_pot Год назад +32

    I need more of these like women need more rights in America 🎉❤

  • @andreasmalikae472
    @andreasmalikae472 Год назад +39

    Thanks for the video and I am sending huge thanks to Kyros. Thanks for accepting a trans* sibling as your kid. 💜💜💜 this nearly brought me tears. We need more people like you ! Also, a big thanks for this important testimony. 😊

    • @polyamfam
      @polyamfam  Год назад +9

      I absolutely love that part of his story too. It's a reminder that there are wonderful people out there.

  • @LucMMailloux
    @LucMMailloux Год назад +18

    Great conversation! When y'all were wrapping up I was like "what? It's been 30 minutes already?!" Thanks for sharing :)

    • @polyamfam
      @polyamfam  Год назад

      Thanks! I did my best to edit so it wouldn't feel like it was lingering on.

  • @marienoellebl
    @marienoellebl Год назад +27

    Bring the content where you feel you wanna go Chad! Thank you for trying this new format, this interview is gold.

    • @polyamfam
      @polyamfam  Год назад +2

      I'm trying to follow the dopamine on both of my accounts. Just a few too many options. 😅

    • @marienoellebl
      @marienoellebl Год назад

      @@polyamfam "Nes". Flirting with new projects without the time and energy to do it... ruclips.net/user/shortsoVO9aoWhqpI

    • @zayithintj9379
      @zayithintj9379 Год назад

      @@polyamfam Exactly. That's the fun factor. I run the local Qigong, Tai Chi, Tai Chi Chih meet up group and always start off our classes with a joke, since it gets the group laughing and smiling (just that alone sends a shot of serotonin and dopamine, relaxing them breaking them their thoughts.) They all leave chuckling and smiling, and sends me into weekend mode from work day mode, starting with a good nights sleep. In that Jungian group study we moved as an organism, playing always laughing and smiling, eg go bar hopping and just drinking coffee; playing charades, always good for a laugh. Whatever we did, we did as a group, always fun. And it was really attractive. We couldn't wait to be together.

    • @zayithintj9379
      @zayithintj9379 Год назад

      Agreed

  • @lifeisrocqi
    @lifeisrocqi Год назад +12

    8:04 now I need to go process how much of my stuff is actually FOMO lol
    I knew it wasn't jealousy. I referred to it as envy. But FOMO is up in there too

    • @Ammiller5
      @Ammiller5 Год назад +2

      Same here, I think i have fomo vs jealousy!

    • @shevaunhandley1543
      @shevaunhandley1543 Год назад

      Absolutely agree with you there. When my partner is out dating and doing the thing, I'm sitting there spiralling in intense FOMO before I get my shit back together and remember compersion. I get jealous when emotions are shared though. That's when I have *serious* work to do.

    • @lifeisrocqi
      @lifeisrocqi Год назад

      @@shevaunhandley1543 "get my shit back together" took me out 🤣🤣🤣
      It be real lol
      I don't even experience compersion like that so I just take time and space for me to process my feels

  • @cassandralurign6049
    @cassandralurign6049 Год назад +5

    Since I was 3 I always would talk about my family with playing with my toys or dolls telling my mom about my multiples of husband and how their was one lady who is a mommy to one of my husband’s my mom didn’t understand where I ever even got the idea this was in the early 90’s and she would try to tell over the years when I would say the same thing as I age and I remembered around 7 believing firmly that is how life is only when I got older did I try to turn that thought inward but over times I felt like something wasn’t rite inside me. I would be in serious monogamous relationship but always have these crazy emotions and connections with other people and feel horrible and close myself from everyone. Only untill the later 30’s have I come to terms that this is never going to change and I need to just embrace this as me even if I don’t get into a poly physical relationship I’m coming to terms that I really am happier acknowledging something iv known I am and not feel broken.

  • @chojay13
    @chojay13 Год назад +13

    Also, 100% you have the presence and personality for more podcasty/dialogue type formats. More please.

  • @amandafrancis617
    @amandafrancis617 Год назад +17

    I so appreciate this video. Being "newly" poly has been challenging, and listening to tou talk so openly about it has brought new understanding.

    • @polyamfam
      @polyamfam  Год назад +2

      Doing what I can to bridge that gap! Glad it helped.

  • @felixflitou
    @felixflitou Год назад +15

    This is my favourite video of yours so far. And I say that even though you put the bar pretty high, but hearing people with a lot of life experiences I haven't (about polyamory but not only) is really interesting. I'd be very interested into more of this format!

    • @polyamfam
      @polyamfam  Год назад +1

      Awesome. Thanks for the feedback. I've got at least one more of this format to come. Hopefully more!

  • @nicolejoswiak9860
    @nicolejoswiak9860 4 месяца назад +2

    I've been with one of my partners for 11 yrs (legally married for 10 yrs) and the other for 10 years (ceremonially maried for 5 yrs). The primary relationship is a V but we do have a larger polyclue through one of my partners. My life is so normal/stable i dont feel polyamorus, I feel like I'm monogamous with two people.

  • @Ammiller5
    @Ammiller5 Год назад +8

    This interview is wonderful, it's great to hear from someone who has been poly for so long!

  • @NancyLiedel
    @NancyLiedel Год назад +5

    Thirty years poly, not always the same partners, but one is thirty years. I found poly at a Science Fiction Con too😂😂😂😂😂

  • @wanderlustqueen13
    @wanderlustqueen13 Год назад +9

    I love this! My partner isn't as sure about polyam as I am. This is a great interview for him to watch.

    • @polyamfam
      @polyamfam  Год назад +2

      I hope it helps y'all out!

  • @michaeloneil206
    @michaeloneil206 Год назад +2

    The algorithm knows! Married to my husband for 11 years and currently going through a separation. We've had an open relationship for 2 1/2 now. We're not on bad terms, but our paths have diverged and I suspect they may not merge again. Being open, I've realized that there may not be just 'one' person out there for me. I have a lot of love to give and the idea of poly has certainly entered my mind palace as of late. This conversation between you two was so good and insightful. While the idea of ANY kind of relationship is the very last thing on my mind, exploring new ways of thinking aren't. Thank you for this channel! Now to go watch more!

  • @alexandranoi
    @alexandranoi Год назад +3

    The intro to the sponsor break made me laugh out loud. Thank you. 😂

  • @ruthsmith7520
    @ruthsmith7520 Год назад +3

    I loved "I want to be happy today." Yes!

  • @annawswe522
    @annawswe522 8 месяцев назад +1

    "My guys are great" Yes sir, your guyes ARE great! Thank you for sharing the stories from your life.

  • @MayLovesNailpolish
    @MayLovesNailpolish Год назад +1

    SO WHOLESOME! And laughed so hard at the sudden stonsorship note! 😂😂😂 Youre hillarious!

  • @ThePunkmom
    @ThePunkmom Год назад +2

    Lovely interview. As a person in a triad for 27 years, this was very nice.

  • @lynnlemon2539
    @lynnlemon2539 Год назад +3

    ❤ "I just want to be happy" love it!

  • @juliansanders12
    @juliansanders12 Год назад +5

    What a great storyteller!

  • @nellie2m
    @nellie2m Год назад +3

    I've been poly now for five years, one committed relationship for four years, and a second relationship for two years now. Just waiting for someone near me to assume its been only a month or so lol.

  • @bethany3549
    @bethany3549 Год назад +2

    I think this is the video that is going to help me the most. Me and my husband have started looking for a third and he went on a date with the one we have in mind and it scared me so bad. But talking about it and getting reassurance helped so much.

  • @Slowfweek15
    @Slowfweek15 Год назад +2

    11/10 Love this format. Actually hearing people talk about their experiences and how they've navigated through things as the world has ebbed and flowed with polyam, it's an absolute treasure. Thanks Chad!

  • @dresdenvisage
    @dresdenvisage Год назад +7

    Congrats on getting a sponsor 😂

    • @polyamfam
      @polyamfam  Год назад +3

      Thanks! He's kind of a douche though.

    • @honema123456789
      @honema123456789 Год назад +2

      @@polyamfam I think he's pretty cute tbh

  • @connytigerspice4756
    @connytigerspice4756 Год назад +2

    I really love this video! It's so great to hear more about what polyamory is for other people 🥰

  • @FletchTheNightKeeper
    @FletchTheNightKeeper Год назад +6

    Yay, love some gay Poly representation!

  • @fabio.lous_
    @fabio.lous_ Год назад +3

    Ohh this interview was so great! I loved it! And all the polyamorous life experiences we can get access on, the better right? I love to hear stories, specially the ones that worked out

  • @dresdenvisage
    @dresdenvisage Год назад +3

    Woot! I've met quite a few long term poly people / couples.

  • @RWAsur
    @RWAsur Год назад +1

    This was an excellent interview, thank you for your clarity and sharing your experience!

  • @kristynasteinerova2036
    @kristynasteinerova2036 2 дня назад

    I really enjoy these interviews and your content in general, please make more.

  • @elizabetterave
    @elizabetterave Год назад +4

    I would totally listen to your podcast if you had one 😍

    • @polyamfam
      @polyamfam  Год назад

      The idea has been tossed around. Who knows what the future holds!

  • @nutsywaterbelly3115
    @nutsywaterbelly3115 Год назад +3

    Love the interview format. And the short clips from it. Definitely looking forward to more. Also like the skits and short vids. You're doing a great job

  • @CCCeramics
    @CCCeramics Год назад +2

    This was really great. I hope you explore more long form content in the future!

  • @cammeroholt
    @cammeroholt Год назад +5

    Just found your channel and I love it!! Thank you for making all this great content.

  • @PliptaEredar
    @PliptaEredar Год назад +3

    Amazing video thank you!

  • @joyredmond7822
    @joyredmond7822 Год назад +4

    This was so interesting, Chad! Great interview!

  • @kimisjustokay
    @kimisjustokay Год назад +3

    Thank you! This was really great and really helpful

  • @gnotknormal
    @gnotknormal Год назад +1

    Amazing. It's so nice to hear this sort of experience from people. Really enjoyable to watch, thank you!!

  • @peacockniki
    @peacockniki Год назад

    I liked you chatting with him, I would like to hear more chats with positive poly people 😊

  • @Mindwalkerdotnet
    @Mindwalkerdotnet Год назад +1

    That was an amazing clear and helpful discussion. Thanks. 😊

  • @willowgalusha4161
    @willowgalusha4161 Год назад

    i loved these conversational videos between you and another poly person. Super helpful to get more perspectives, especially from seasoned polyamorists. I've been poly for about two years but have already been through a lot of wacky situations and seeing that that's a common occurrence for people is super validating

  • @irmaakesson3421
    @irmaakesson3421 9 месяцев назад

    Really like your videos! Please never stop!

  • @belzweis9568
    @belzweis9568 Год назад +2

    'The Overarching Culture We live in is the air we breath, we don't see it's just there existing, when we step outside that air We look at the World Differently, & the World looks at us Differently' - Understanding Homosexuality by (*)

  • @Grade_A
    @Grade_A Год назад +1

    Thank you

  • @kv_kingdom365
    @kv_kingdom365 Год назад +1

    This was very enlightening. Thank you for making this video.

  • @thegralien3188
    @thegralien3188 Год назад +1

    Thank you so much. It was very helpful and you have given a lot of hope for the future

  • @AnadiaDK
    @AnadiaDK 4 месяца назад

    Thank you for all these helpful videos you've made! I really hope you'll be making more in the future if you feel up to it!

  • @April_Animates_Stuff
    @April_Animates_Stuff 4 месяца назад

    This was so interesting! We need to spread more stories like this

  • @GoldenredDragon
    @GoldenredDragon Год назад +1

    This was fun! I always enjoy your content! I’ll have to get used to switching to RUclips tho ^^

  • @crystal-pupa
    @crystal-pupa Год назад +1

    this was an excellent video, enjoyed it very much!!

  • @elizabetterave
    @elizabetterave Год назад +1

    Thank you so much for this!!

  • @thecrow7818
    @thecrow7818 Год назад +1

    Love this. Please me longer videos!!

  • @vivoluos6541
    @vivoluos6541 5 месяцев назад +1

    I tried it. Its just not for me. I guess everyone is different. If it work for you who i am to judge you. Bless you with your own life decisions.

  • @luizfernandoteixeiradasilv3045
    @luizfernandoteixeiradasilv3045 Год назад +2

    This is one of the most important RUclips videos I’ve ever watched. Me and my partner, after 15y of monogamous relationship, have started to experiment with polyamory and in this first months is really easy to feel judged and misunderstood by everyone else.
    It feels as if I am no longer understood by my friends.
    Most of what you read and hear are a combo of “myths and prejudices”.
    So contents such as yours really fells like a hug for me in this moment. Thanks for sharing !

    • @thefulcrum
      @thefulcrum 4 месяца назад

      Hope you're still going strong. I found that finding a supportive community is so important. If that's important to you too, hope you have done the same :)

    • @hyuston7270
      @hyuston7270 23 дня назад

      @@luizfernandoteixeiradasilv3045 oh I feel sorry for you, wtf is wrong with people nowadays...

  • @ambah_is_learning
    @ambah_is_learning Год назад

    I have been lole everything. New to Solo Poly and I've relied heavily on your knowledge snd humor

  • @usalscorner
    @usalscorner Год назад +3

    Talk about small world...Click on an interesting looking video and the person being interviewed is the priest that was half of the team that married me to my first wife in the mid-90's.

  • @nellie2m
    @nellie2m Год назад +3

    Love your snake shirt btw

    • @polyamfam
      @polyamfam  Год назад +2

      Thanks! That one's my design too, though it's not on the polyamfam shop because it's not exactly relevant to polyamory.

  • @brianaomundson
    @brianaomundson Год назад +1

    I really liked this too!!

  • @spoof2245
    @spoof2245 Год назад

    More of these please

  • @arianegratton6166
    @arianegratton6166 Год назад +3

    More please 😁

  • @Spacesiren777
    @Spacesiren777 Год назад +3

    so beautiful video

  • @kourtneymorton3580
    @kourtneymorton3580 8 месяцев назад

    How does one get over the FOMO in a triad.
    Also is a triad “technically” 3 separate relationships?

  • @ladyjayee
    @ladyjayee Год назад

    I am really happy you all are so happy. I had my friend buy me a copy of the ethical slut. She had previous experience doesn't practice it now. I read it spent about 5 audible credits on other audible books related to polyamory. I am doing my best to appreciate all this. I have had an interesting online connection with another man and woman who are established in a poly but secure relationship. I have been told that I am appreciated loved and they want me to meet them perhaps move in.....I am not bi although a bisexuality test I took I scored 105 (100-130) suggests bi curious. I have no idea what to think or feel. I am not as jealous which is surprising but unique. I know they plan to marry. I am not really sure about the thing. Everyone just says go with the flow just do it enjoy it. We'll I can't enjoy it if I know I would be known as what I believe to be secondary. I have been frustrated by alot of guys who treat me like just another girl rather than someone important enough to be special enough to be someone's only girl. I have frustrated to break myself out of this difficult life long paradigm. I dont even know how to even look at it. I am trying my best but yet it feels like it's such an uphill battle yet I was urged in a past relationship. So I am either corrupt and maybe confused because I have no friggin idea if my thoughts are my thoughts. I really want to get married and if I choose to embrace this dynamic I never will get that and to be honest I don't know if I can do that. But they love me I get along with the girl. She's a metamour I don't know if I am bi awkward exploring that have no idea what will happen if we ever meet. I am just in a difficult place and wish the difficulty I am having would stop....
    A friend online shared this with me which constantly compells me to really consider it. I am truly lost but I don't know how to accept to be just a secondary. I am not sure how this dynamic will unfold not sure if my feelings can endure the hardship trying to get comfortable....

  • @potunny
    @potunny Год назад +1

    very fun video

  • @zayinked9174
    @zayinked9174 Год назад

    Small tip for future videos/interviews.. don't have the mic on/close to the table because the incessant poking/tapping was a decided distraction. It muffled a lot of the conversation.

  • @janlaag
    @janlaag 10 месяцев назад +1

    This guy had a beautiful quadruple (is this how it's called?) but they broke up because the mindset of some fkng lost loser managed to sneak into the emotional system of one of them to terrorise him, that's a damn sad story.
    Those creeps with broken mindsets giving people shit when people are actually living by love are such losers, it's very sad that most people aren't aware of how to defend their own peace from such brokenness and instead get broken too.

  • @zayithintj9379
    @zayithintj9379 Год назад

    Hi Guys, love your site Chad. Thoroughly loved your story Kyros. I'm a Polyamorous Christian activist. Both my polyamorist wife and I were historical trackers of cultures with no internal history of their own, but only observed by peoples they came into contact with and used both Gibbons, heraldry, and array of sciences, to get insights by living it inside our home. Did many studies like this together, but the best of all is an ongoing study from a prophetic future state, a state founded by Yeshua/Jesus (who is both polyfidelic and polyamorist) to found the Worlds First Polyamorist State (...yeah, I know...surprise). Where NO ONE IS LOST, and I do mean NO ONE. I've got no problems with other Christian cowgirls and cowboys dragging off polys from their sinned filled ways; a half hour with me and they're left stunned and speechless, backing up making signs of the cross as they make for the exit signs, using the Bible alone to do it. My focus is communal structures of less than 32 people because more than that you lose the intimacy (source-Kerista). Unfortunately, monogs saying they don't see poly structures lasting is a real phenomenon, but isn't just isolated to polys, when one has just a 50/50 chance in a monog marriage ending in divorce as well, they can't say it's just a poly thing. I've been working to introduce a 12 step/ Jungian communal model to the polyamorist world to help solve this very problem of longevity. I was involved in an experimental Jungian grouping of members of various 12 step groups with roughly 20 core members, and it was one of the most wonderful fulfilling experiences of my life. I did a comparison study of two Gestaltian centric communes, Oneida (religious) and Kerista (secular), both failed communes and why they failed; then compared it to my experimental 20 group egalitarian Jungian model that was really organic and serendipitous and individually focused, with intimacy levels off the charts that a monog marriage nor singular 12 step group alone can't come close to, and so damn attractive that no one of that core 20 wanted out, we all wanted in. Listening to Kyros and his success story and that of my Jungian group study had a lot in common, flexibility not rigidity; the fun factor; 3 part harmonies in the group, and then again acapella in the car within my clique; communication, everyone had a voice, or could pass and listen with the 12 step format; hugs were frequent , (so never underestimate the power of a hug. It can save a life. It saved mine.) Nothing was forced or controlling; the 12 step factor cancelled out any religious, or any other differences, but all 20 of us were lock step spiritually; we were all focused on improving ourselves not anyone else ;all fear evaporated into the deepest trust imaginable, we all loved and trusted each and every person of that group. It was liberating, freeing. It was like giving water to dying plants, and watching the plants come back to life, and watching each of them grow individually, and blossom. Everyone experienced the freudenfreude of that daily. We all literally loved each other back to life. Jealousy, pah! What's that? We were the family we always wanted. That's just a taste. Boundaries, TRUST(big factor).

  • @conlon4332
    @conlon4332 2 месяца назад

    20:35

  • @TurtlesAllTheWAy
    @TurtlesAllTheWAy Год назад

    This Thumbnail looks super cringe but i love your content and the other thumbnails are great!

  • @kaijufan2
    @kaijufan2 Год назад +1

    Ok you interviewed a rare one but these are 3 men. Will you be interviewing 2 women & 1 man, 2 men & 1 woman poly relationships that last longer than 8 years anytime soon?

    • @Trashley652
      @Trashley652 11 месяцев назад +5

      Lmao y'all will never be satisfied

    • @kaijufan2
      @kaijufan2 11 месяцев назад +3

      @@Trashley652 Well your username is spot on lol

    • @SweetSkies478
      @SweetSkies478 9 месяцев назад +1

      Worry about ur failed relationships as opposed to the consensual relationship dynamics of other people

    • @darlagoddesshate
      @darlagoddesshate 2 месяца назад

      Do you think what you said fits the definition of a moving goal post?

    • @kaijufan2
      @kaijufan2 2 месяца назад

      @@darlagoddesshate No it doesn't. Maybe you have a hard time comprehending what I'm asking. Chad had to search deep to find a rare poly relationship that lasted longer than 10 years. If poly relationships are so successful, how come he didn't find any more?

  • @makaylamelendez2393
    @makaylamelendez2393 Год назад +1

    Is Kyros on insta? If so, what’s their handle? I saw they’re on tik tok but I don’t have tik tok😆