8 Things Parents Shouldn't Say to Their Child
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- Опубликовано: 31 авг 2021
- Have your parents ever told you something that, to this day, still makes you tear up every time you think about it? Our words hold so much more power than we realize, especially over others. But most of us don’t even realize that we’ve said something wrong until it’s too late and the damage has already been done. That’s why we’re taught from a young age the importance of thinking before we speak, a lesson we ought to remember even as adults and especially as parents.
DISCLAIMER: If you can relate to any of these signs, please do not take this feedback as an attack on your character. This video was meant to be a self-improvement guide for those of you who have been feeling a little stuck.
Is your child depressed? Watch this video to know: • 8 Signs Your Child is ...
Writer: Chloe Avenasa
Script Editor: Vanessa Tao
Script Manager: Kelly Soong
VO: Amanda Silvera
Animator: Sun Biscuit
RUclips Manager: Cindy Cheong
References:
Burnett, P. C., & McCrindle, A. R. (1999). The Relationship Between Significant Others’ Positive and Negative Statements, Self-Talk, and Self-Esteem. Child Study Journal, 29(1), 39-39.
Colonnesi, C., Draijer, E. M., Jan JM Stams, G., Van der Bruggen, C. O., Bögels, S. M., & Noom, M. J. (2011). The relation between insecure attachment and child anxiety: A meta-analytic review. Journal of Clinical Child & Adolescent Psychology, 40(4), 630-645.
Jadon, P. S., & Tripathi, S. (2017). Effect of authoritarian parenting style on self esteem of the child: A systematic review. International Journal of Advance Research and Innovative Ideas in Education, 3(3), 909-913.
We have a very important video for parents or parents-to-be on "8 Signs Your Child is Depressed (For Parents)" WATCH: ruclips.net/video/Oyf9kEmLg7Y/видео.html
My mom said I have to be more like my cousin sometimes I feel like I’m not good enough
Yeah, comparison 😔
You missed a major one; "I don't love you anymore." This was often said to me if I was misbehaving, and taught me love is conditional. However, after the first time it was said, even though there were times afterwards I felt my dad loved me, it could never be unsaid. It 1) gave me the power to push him away by misbehaving on purpose, 2) I never believed his words about how he felt anymore, because I could see his feelings fluctuated, but sometimes he told me he loved me when he was using excessive force, and sometimes he told me he he didn't love me when he was crying because he said I hurt him. All that emotion was summed up in a single sentence. I got the impression he was a liar, and that if he really loved me, it wasn't a kind of love that felt familiar to me.
As an adult I often pushed people away. But I never, never used this phrase. I didn't have any confidence in my ability to recognize love, or truly to feel it. And I never believed romantic gestures, romantic words. My dad would hurt my Mom, and the next day it would be flowers and chocolate.
i heard cause i said so by my parents 24/7 and i thought they hated me😭😭
@@actuallyeli8768same like WHY DONT THEY JUST TELL US 😭😭😭😭
"I wish I had never given birth to you!"
"You never did, Dad."
@DimDomBun They Sure do :(
Wow. Nice one
👏👏
“learn when to pull out then”
that's exactly what my mother says... i always reply with "condoms are a thing" just to make her mad, like she did with me the first time she said it
**offers virtual hugs to everyone down in the comments section who’s been mistreated by a parent**
I've been blessed to have an amazing loving family, but is there any possible way I could get a huggo- 🥺
Dusk Tundra sending virtual hugs 🤗
@@poojashivaani3628 AWW thank you!
Thanks... it's just hard to see my worth when my parents care more about thier boyfriends or girlfriends than me...
@@stellerate you are a beautiful person, God knows the plans he has for you, God bless you and your beautiful heart.
"quit crying or i'll give you a reason to" = not knowing how to comfort people
who tf says that, how can people be this stupid wtf
Lack of empathy
thats legit just mental
👉👈
my mom says that to me i literally hate her, i love her as a mom but i hate her as a person
"Be careful with your words. Once said, they can only be forgiven but never forgotten."
If they're not forgotten then they're not forgiven. Remembering that bad stuff others did to you is called a GRUDGE. That shows you haven't forgiven them yet.
True
I was never asked for forgiveness
Christianity was explained as if you cannot forget, you never truly forgive.
Forgiveness is for you, not for the transgressor.
It releases your own burden of their actions.
I can see how a burden is lifted.
@@beerye9331 is getting revenge bad?
"everyone have problems, your problem isn't a big deal"
everyone has problems that doesn't mean my problem is less important I deserve to be loved.
Exactly. Bts taught me so much 💜 also Ariana is the definition of female empowerment 💅
It depends on HOW they said it and what your problem is. Some kids (and adults) are overly dramatic and don't learn how to be resilient or take care of themselves. Everything is a tragedy or a catastrophe. When I am discussing my own problems with someone, often I use brevity and humor. Because yes, we all have problems and we can overcome most of them and some people have it much worse. Of course it doesn't mean that yours or my problems are not important. Sometimes I will say, it is not a competition. Even though I am going through something really horrible right now, doesn't mean I cannot have compassion for your problem or feelings.
My mom said something a little bit like this-I was 11, I think. It’s the reason I don’t tell them anything that deeply affects me. ʅ（◞‿◟）ʃ
my mom said I don't have depression because I have the most convenient life ever, which is true. I think everyone has problems, but they're measured against each person's life until now. someone who's barely getting by every day might think that the rich whine about the stupidest things, but if they had been rich themselves, they'd also whine about the same problems.
I always used to say “your biggest problem is having a well behaved child that you think isn’t good enough and I still have to listen to you complain. So my problems deserve that too.” I was a very self assured child.
It's true that some parents only care about their children's grades, they say nobody's perfect but expects perfection from them.
The delicate irony of life ;-)
Unfortunately so.
And sometimes they only care about other people's grades only if they are higher. If they are lower they just say: "I don't care about others grades!!!"
But still use others as a comparisson with you, making you feel worthless.
True, no one is perfect, but they can be better and better
H Y P O C R I T E S !
The worst that's not on the list. Is telling your kid "You can't do that, what makes you think you can?" Yes I was told this as a kid. Still struggling with the damage to this day.
Oddly enough... in me it triggered the "watch me" response.
"that person couldn't do it, what makes you think you can? Are you better than them?" now it makes me laugh hysterically for some reason
“Stop crying before I really give you something to cry about!”
-Dad
*(gets belt)*
It took 3 baby cows to make this.
happens too much😥
@@Idiotic_B_Purcellbut it only took two people to make you.
@@ArtWarlock
wow, toxic over a joke much?
Mum😢 she is Dead now 😊
Parents often say things that they'll never remember...but their children will never forget.
The axe forgets, but the tree remembers
That’s the problem.
❗❗❗
Yep
Like when a parent calls you a beast of burden but actually uses the “bad” word?
Seriously, Parenting needs to be a subject at school, so that kids will know how to look after a younger person. Would be a lot more practical than teaching things you will never use in life....
Yeah!
Exactly
Yes some of the subject ive chosen will help me and not other's, But at least i had the choice even if its 3 years later
It will also make it easier to brainwash kids,
so that the kid(s) become a copy of you and not themselves.
(educated in children and youth work)
That's why : study and job are 2 different worlds. Why there is not lessons of mental health and life in school ?
@@Sanovia-Is-My-Name Ik, exactly. If I want to be a chemist, the Sciences will help, if I want to be an engineer, Maths will help. But it only benefits you if you want to go on that stream only. There is literally no practical stuff taught in school🙄🙄
"Because I said so" is a big cause of people not being able to say no. Because asking "Why do I have to" and getting the answer "Because I said so" just made it seem like there was no point in saying no to anyone, regardless of what they were asking and how harmful it could've been...
Thanks for saying it for me, not my parents, but my older sister always says “because I said so” when I was little, now I can never say no and no one believes me :(
Every kid needs parents but not any parents needs kids
"Because I said so"
"This is stupid."
"You're being ridiculous."
"You need to grow up."
"I never had this problem with your sister when she was your age."
Yes, I have a very loving mother.
this is the one
i have the same things, but it’s more with my dad
Me too and my sibling are her everything
Is the first one a bad quote?
@@akazienoel2009 Yeah, your parents shouldn't be guiding you under the idea that their word is good just because it came from them. They should be providing you with actual reasons, it encourages communication and not superiority, and means they see/treat you as equal. So "Because I said so" is the exact opposite, it's giving them superiority just because it came from them.
“You’ll experience worse, toughen up”
Whether it’s emotional or physical pain, you’re allowed to feel it. Just because someone “has it worse” doesn’t mean you can’t feel it. Pain isn’t a competition
"You'll experience worse," was very bad for me when I was suicidal because it told me that I wasn't going to be able to handle any more and that if I didn't want to experience that it would be better if I wasn't alive.
I'll be giving you worse tomorrow, so TOUGHEN UP by then!
Pain isn't a competition, but a fight that some of you guys can't fight alone. So try to seek help!! You can talk to me if you'd like, I won't judge you, I promise!!! ^u^
@@Velvet62211 power move
Ik...I hate the invalidation we receive when we express ourselves not bcuz we need validation,just bcuz we need to feel Heard or understood
"You should be grateful for what you have, others are having worse than you." (Sorry for my terrible english)
It was the same thing everytime. This phrase, was always brought up whenever i speak to my parents about my own problems. It really destroyed me on the inside, making me feel like i shouldn't feel sadness or being depressed, and if i do...
then im just ungrateful.
I have a baby sister and I have said a few of these things to her. It's a good reminder that my words are impactful and I need to continue working on putting thought behind my words. Thank you for the reminder.
Before I even watch, I have been told by my mother that “I wish I never gave birth to you” I didn’t cry but I think about it a lot , im a guy if it matters or not
Of course it matters. :) I'm very sorry you were told that by your mother.
Or as my "you should never born"...
I wasn’t told this, but I know my birth tied my mom to my abusive father longer. My grandmother resented us after they split. Even thinking this is so harmful and hurtful.
I countered this dialog with positive affirmation & subliminal positive affirmation tapes about 30 years ago.
We’re not supposed to be aware of the statements, but I heard “You deserved to be born”
That powerful statement resonates still today.
That you are male matters. That YOU deserved to be born is TRUE. I hope this statement helps you. Also, look up a writing called “The Desiderata” read & repeat, repeat, repeat! We may not be able to erase those old tapes, but we can record over them these new, accurate thoughts to challenge the damaging words. You were powerless when you heard this. You are not now.
I hope this helps you
Hey, you're good enough to exist. I'm so sorry your mother said that to you. That wasn't okay at all.
And hell, it doesn't matter if you're a guy. You matter enough and you are valid!
My mom called me a psychopath and left me when I was 6 🗿
I hear “because I said so” and “I’m the parent here” all the time. And yes the results are accurate, I’m very defiant, sneaky, and easily aggravated by my parents
I ended up as the former; withdrawn, socially inept and really lacking in confidence, while my younger brother was the aggressive, rebellious and deceptive type. I've gotten a lot better in recent years but it was trippy as hell to hear those descriptions because that was literally me and my brother growing up
I live the same life as you 🙂😓
@@angelnavarro3387 Same happy ur doing better now all the best for future. U can do it! 🙂
Sameeee
Defiant and sneaky
SUPER ACCURATE
A few weeks ago, my mother said that i am a waste of money, all cause i didnt do my activities in time. She said that my brain is of a third grader, I inspire to be an artist but she said that my art is trash. Really made me think why i didnt get miscarriaged or abortioned or kick out..
This made me tear up.
Those who relate with me, lets try to get through this and ignore their words.
Don’t give up on being an artist! The last time that happened, it ended horribly.
I feel so sorry for you, but I can relate a lot. Never give up your dreams! Your mother is the Problem Not you. have a good day💗💗
Heyy. I can understand you, you don't know how I can relate to you. Just about an hour ago my parents said it's such a waste that they gave birth to me and wish I was better gone dead. It hurt so much that I wanted to kill myself but I thought about my siblings and just left. I'm done with life but yeah. I should just keep going
@@jules02496💀💀💀 you talking about hitl-
Once you are an adult you can pick a friend group that will be a supportive family.
We push down instead of lift up, and we reject truth.
The funniest conversation I've had with my parents went something like this:
“You don't deserve half of the things you have.”
“Does that include my PTSD?”
That's not funny that's facts 💀
-Bentellect
@@r31yn ive never seen someone quote bentellect LMAO
@@mrcoolguy12929 lmao ikr-
It's a very rare sight indeed
I had one with my dad and it went like this “You don’t deserve a lot of the things you have”
me “Is my depression and anxiety included in that”
That is the funny?
When parents are unfulfilled as human beings, they either try to fulfill themselves through their children or are envious of their children's success. Such parents are selfish and care less about their children's feelings, passions and opinions.
My dad says I'm rude for sharing my idea and calls it offensive argue.
Children raising children!
Well I influenced, I don't wanna be like this, but I sometimes do this to my friends, im controlling myself now
:-(
Yup that's my mom
6 of these things are sayd to me and that "I am going away and never come back" don't even hurts anymore...
Me, an adult who got hurt by things my parents said, here to make sure I can avoid these with my own kids
"90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lie down again" - Marge Simpson
Well why have a kid if you KNOW it's a struggle
@Duck ikr- Then they even blame it on us... It's not our fault though
@Duck @Mariam
Ya, that's totally f stupid things that parents have being do to their children🙄
@@talonh.7416 Well if you are the kid you know it's a struggle to constantly being pushed away and never getting the attention you need. I know it's not the parents fault but, at least try to remember the things you needed as a kid.
When parents says you lie, whereas you don't... fell destroy.
My mom’s said “I’m leaving” multiple times and even tho she hasn’t left I’m still scared it’ll happen eventually with anyone else I get close to lmao
Same haha-
My dad never said anything like that but he did leave. (My parents are divorced) then come back like it’s nothing. Now when I fight with ppl I’m scared they’ll just pick up and leave me.
Same lol
My mom used to say that, but stopped when I was a teenager when I handed her a suitcase.
My parents said that so much I didn't believe them, then one day they did....
There back now but every time I do something and get in trouble I freak out because they left me (2x btw)
"I brought you into this world and I can take you out of it" - my mom
"I'm leaving and never coming back"
*please don't make me relive it...*
💀
Ever since I was 9 years old,
"You're just like your father"
On my 18th birthday, I was sat down and told all about how HORRIBLE he was.
Years later, I'm still thinking about it..
You're not the only one, my father did somethings and when my mom told me that, makes me fear of that
My mom keeps saying I’m like my dads family. And their horrible and it makes me want to cry 😭
Dawww bb, don’t listen to the fricker who told you that. You’re your own person; you have every right to grow, love yourself, and love other people better than how you had been loved. Hugs to ya
My dad cheated on my mom and left her. Later they got divorced. Sometimes when she's upset cz I didn't get the highest grades she says I'm horrible and ungrateful like my father and don't care about her at all when in reality I try my best to get her praise and do things I don't like cz she wants me to. She's never praised me. My relatives praise me because they like that I'm calm and obedient child but she tells them don't praise her for the bare minimum when she can't even get good grades. She once told me only if I had bigger eyes I'd be pretty and not this weird looking. It hurt since I was like 9 and asked her if I was pretty cz apparently my classmate (bullies) said I wasn't and I wanted truth from my mom
But it's expected since she herself had toxic mom and traumatic childhood that still affects her to the point she got hospitalised and I cried so much. My grandmother used to yell at her a lot and even blamed her for divorce when my dad's the culprit. Mom's always been a good child getting highest grades and friendly but she's still not good enough to my grandmother. I hope I'd be able to break the cycle and won't be like them.
"You've done enough"
I can never describe the guilt that it has on you, especially if you suffer from self-loathing.
That one feel like several knives stabbing your heart at once, I hate that one.
I know the feeling. Self loathing is something I excell at heh.
Fr...
Well you probably screwed up, spilled something, or pissed someone off. Maybe it was a wake up call for your little ass
FR
I was told by my Step-Dad, repeatedly, that I cost him so much money. I’d rather get beaten, which I was.
I always thought my parents were bad people, but watching this made me realise that they are even worse than I thought. Most of these I relate to, most of these were said to me, if not all. I'm so sorry for people that had worse lives too, going through all of these and more ❤
The divorced parent version of "I'm leaving and never coming back"; "If you don't like it here then you can go live with 'other parent'." That can hurt even more if the parent you don't live with is an asshole.
All my fucking life my divorced parents were too childish to talk to each other so I had to be messenger between both, and I got contradictory orders from both all the time so i ended up always disappointing one of them despite my best efforts. It was so tiring. I can't count the number of times i broke down in tears because I felt like I could not satisfy both of them. I always felt like I made something wrong even though I tried to make compromises so both of them are happy, never worked out. I'm 20 and living alone, but still to this day I get the "you prefer your other parent don't you ? Then don't come to me when you'll be in need i won't even open the door."
I grew up with my grandma and anytime she was mad at me or I wasn't who she wanted me to be she would say "you're going to go live with your mother."
My mom has said that to me.
@@victoriatzyu_shinobu so sorry for you, you deserve better
@@Peultaro oh god I can't imagine the pain....you just make me grateful that I have good parents...may you have a happy life as well 😔
"Big boys/girls don't cry!" We all do, being able to express emotions openly is important and it is important to talk about feelings, teaching that you have to hide your pain and "be strong" "man up" etc can be very damaging!
Let's not forget the classic variation, "Stop crying or I'll give you something to REALLY cry about!" Thanks, dad.
Been told this my whole life. My mom believed that hiding your pain and not crying was a form of maturity and strength and throughout my childhood I was always yelled at for crying or gotten angry at whenever I was upset. So now it's difficult showing emotion and opening up around others.
Ur rude i wont stop crying like a fat baby thats what i tell them
I still get told that and they know that they’ve made me weak over the years it’s a scar that’s with me that never heals
“Don’t be such a crybaby” is one i have been told a lot by my parents. Made me believe for years that there is something horrible wrong with me.
I’m a dissapointment, aren’t I? My parents are making me actually want to run away from home. But my sister is here and I love her. Shes the only reason I’m not depressed.
I remember hearing every one of these growing up apart from the last one. They didn't threaten. They just left.😊 My mother was 16 and my dad was 20. I learned to be independent, educate myself, to watch and learn from the people around me so I don't have to make the same mistakes and many other useful things from a very young age. I still have it pretty rough from what people say, with all my health issues, having days when I can barely move. But it's all normal to me. Like with anyone, some days are better than others. Another thing I heard alot was, "don't complain, it could always be worse." but not worded so eloquently. 😊
"I'm leaving and never coming back."
Out of all the things mentioned in this list, this one really hits close to the past when my "mother" used that against me because I wouldn't do what she wanted. I am so angry at her. I am so angry of what she did, and I am grieving and sad at the fact that she will just continue to be a narcissistic, abusive, manipulative person. And I am reminded that parents are not supposed to be like her and my "father."
Hey, just know that family is a starting point, it's not a guarantee. I hope you find away out of that/ are out of that situation.
ok
No kidding, my father did this to me so many times and when I was crying he would feel better about himself.
@@triciahenry4674 that's awful. I'm so sorry to hear that. You deserve better!
I can't believe people literally get satisfaction from the fact that they just tore someone apart or hurt them. But then again, people like him DO exist. I hope you can find a way to stay away from him. You do not deserve him. I don't mean it like a condescending way, I mean it like you deserve someone who does not treat you like that.
Mee tooo...My mom do that, but hopefully my father's was always there to help me, but things doesn't go it should. After years, my both mom and dad change, mom was good enough but something was wrong. My mom started to make me feel like my grades is the biggest thing. I mean my both parents did, I am not telling that I am ungrateful for what I have or my parents but the thing is that my both parents are nice but they doesn't care about me that much, as an teenager I am fully depressed, Don't know what to do, where to go..... at last just hoping that I will come out of this depression and also if you are depressed then hoping that you come out of this thing too.
And hope that your parents or your any close one try to understand you.
Toxic parents may laugh now, but they should prepare to cry later, as their actions towards their torn child will come back and haunt them.
yup. my mother always says "when you are 18 you are out of my house"... yep I sure will, and I never will fucking comeback. Worst thing is she's my only parent here, so I would have to travel like 1.500km just to have a house... Gotta love life
The now grown kids are the ones making the nursing home decisions....
@@user-df3ty8ei2u uk my mom also says it that either I will live in the house or she . Then she says that we will throw u out of the house. My father says after u r 18 jst leave the house and yeah I will leave and live my life according to how I want it to be. Not barred by parents neither society
@@user-df3ty8ei2u right
@@brittanyloggins6514 DUDE LIKE
I was always told “you didn’t try your hardest…” to this day it’s a phrase that sticks with me when I fail at anything, even if i gave it my all. It’s really messed me up to the point where I just give up or over work at the slightest hint of failure
Oh how I feel you.
I heard all of those while listening to them uplift and support my younger siblings to make themselves look better.
I haven't seen my parents since my sister's funeral 8 years ago.
I dont have time for them ever.
"Your fine"
"Stop worrying"
"Your not trying hard enough"
"If your not going to do it, its nothing to worried about"
Caring more about if the things in our house than my physical health
Well if you ever make someone in ur house cry... Say its payback
“If you’re not going to do it, it’s nothing to worry about?”
Ah yes. I wish I could say this to my father without getting my mouth popped. If you want this house clean, you do you portion. Now that mom actually has a job, there is no reasoning behind ‘I’m the only one to do things around here!’ Plus, she’s the one that is involved in her kids lives.
Minor spelling mistake
This is my entire household 🥲
“Can you just look happy?”
“I had to cover for you again because you looked depressed, just try to smile more. I’m getting tired of covering your depression”
Here is some of mine:
“Don’t make us look bad”
“ You’re still talking”
“You’re suppose to obey me”
“You’re spoiled”
“I brought you into this world I can take you out of it”
🙃
im so sorry!
The last one sounds like a death threat
The last one.😶😶
Looks like all the kids are just a liability in this rushing life.
@@animationprojects2635 omg I feel so bad,dw sometimes parents get angry,they still love you
I've been told "your spoiled"
Like.. b*tch.. YOU give me things I never asked for?!
"Your problems are nothing compared to your sisters! Go and sort it out yourself!!"
I wasn't saying that I had it worse. I just had something that I wanted to talk to someone about, and with someone that I was told I could trust. And I had that spat at me.
Then, years later, I was criticised for not confiding in them. You can't win.
Now, to me, that comment shows comparison, favouritism, lack of empathy, lack of caring and a lack of decent parenting. And I've had it for my whole life. My sister is the golden child and I've lived all of my life in her shadow. I am the scapegoat and I'm very glad to be that in some ways.
I will never forget those two sentences and the manner in which they were delivered. They helped to open my eyes.
"I don't have time for you" "i wish you were more like" and "why didn't you" hit very close to home for me. I have 5 sibling and i always feel like i have to earn my mothers attention.
#9: "Oh, he/she probably just has a crush on you!"
Teaching your child that "oh, if they are bullying you they probably have a crush on you!" Is basically telling them that abusive relationships are normal. My mom told this to me when I was 10 years old. I just got out an abusive relationship a month or two ago.. at first, I thought it was healthy. But, as time went on, I realized that it was definitely not. If you make a part two, can you please add this? It would make my day and it will spread the word.
It is so toxic and wrong that society teaches little kids that when a person likes you they pick on/bully you. That teaches them that people hurt those they love and should they enter an abusive relationship, they are going to stay in that situation because they were taught “when someone bullies/harasses you they means they like you!”
@@paisleighyt6153 Hey I just wanted to say You can say Person instead of Boy/Girl and They instead of He/she.
@@drivak you’re probably right. I should have considered that option
@@paisleighyt6153 no worries !
Ok but, WHAT KINDS OF FATHER OR MOTHER SAYS THAT TO CHILDREN
Kids if you reading this remember that when someone bullies you, you talk to your guardian or the principal
Psych2Go: 8 Things Parents Shouldn't Say to Their Child
My parents: doing every single thing that opposes it
Same-
My dad litterly yeets me outta space and says sorry after that and never change.
Same 😭😭
@@CUBISSSTZ same
and it hurts
Yea, since the day we moved into our new place.
Not only the negative effects you stated, they would probably grow up like them!
I watched this to make sure I never say any of this to my future kids.. But then I realized my parents said most of these things to me.
"Because I said so" gets my blood BOILING. That tells the child that they are obliged to do whatever someone tells them to do. Also, it sets the mentality that they could do anything they want when they're an adult, and children have to obey them.
However the only way to make obedient children is this.If the children don't want to break the marriage they better listen to the parents ... Beacause they said so!
@@marioskapetanakis i don't want to do something and shouldn't be obliged to do something without reason. also, we don't want _obedient_ children, we want _respectful_ children who know when to have a voice, and that their voices are valuable. to teach a child that their opinion is invalid is setting them up for self-esteem issues in the future. Respect is not obedience.
Side note: It's the parent's fault if the marriage doesn't work. Why? Well, the kid certainly didn't ask to be there, and is only doing what they think is right. The parent's teachings are the ones that will calm the kid and therefore calm the marriage. Putting the blame on a kid who didn't know better is terrible.
@@justyouraveragelimeenjoyer8675 well said!
my parents do that every day and my brother is ze favorite so if he does something wrong i get in trouble and i ask and they say bc i said so and bc of all this stress and stuff i think that caused my adhd 😌
@@Ima_Dead_Bat Tell them. Tell them how this treatment is from your perspective. It doesn't matter if they're the adult or not, you are a human being worthy of respect. "Because I said so"? Fight back. Respect is earned not due, and that does not stop for parents. "You're under my roof" they'll say. Remember this: It is not your obligation to respect your parents regardless of how they've treated you. At the end of the day, them providing for you is doing the minimum for being a parent. You are a human, and more importantly, their child that they are supposed to care for. That is not gaslighting. It's the truth. So tell them.
The fact that I literally cried watching this just shows how much emotion I have pent up inside and how much I can relate to all of the things in video
Same 😓😞
Well i feel you my tears rlly wont stop..
Well i feel you my tears rlly wont stop..
I knowwwwww!
🫂
The fact this is how I’ve been treated my whole life thinking it was normal
My mom often said “tell them what’s wrong with you, don’t talk about us” when I got so ill they reported it.
ㅤ~timestamps͜••~
1- 00:58 what's the matter with you
2- 01:31 i don't have time for you
3- 02:10 i wish you were more like...[insert name of friend/sibling here]
4- 02:42 you're a disappointment to me
5- 03:11 why didn't you...[insert thing here]
6- 03:43 because i said so
7- 04:20 (funni numbe) what are people going to say?
8- 04:56 I'm leaving and never coming back
guys if you relate to any of these I'm sorry
After translating whatever memories I had of my mother’s worst characteristics, I think she said some of THESE…
@@SakuraPottage same
Overused
@DimDomBun same here 😞
5 + 7 for meeeeeeee
my parents FINALLY agreed to let me see a therapist for my OCD after i asked them for years 😭😭💗
good for you 🤗
@Not RickRoll 👇... duh, thanks bro :)
Oh my fucking god I went to a therapist for my ocd too… what’s the weirdest thing you’ve thought because of ocd?
That's amazing💖
Goodluck
Ohhh.. that kinda tough to ask them for so long...
Speaking personally, the 'why didn't you..' one couldn't be more true. Not just 'why didn't you achieve x' but also 'why didn't you do x', 'if you had just done x' - the amount of self-blame I now have for everything after hearing those words so much is astounding.
*Hug* I'm sorry this happened to you.
You left out "I'm not going to waste money on..." buying you detangler, taking you to swim meets, sending you to college, getting a babysitter, buying you dinner when you are hungry, taking you to the emergency room, making your lunch for school every day.
The fact that even if it was said only once it lives in the child's head forever is so terrifying☹️☹️
Red flag your parent's toxic/better to know, boring pathetic individuals!
True, 32 years after, I remember all the negatives sentences my parents told me, remember all the negatives memories.
And cause we are not computers, we can't deleted theses bad memories. Yes, It will stay forever even if you would delete it, we can't, it stay.
cant relate bro...
Mom guilt. I know I've said "because I say so" in relation to stuff like chores and I know my mother did to me.
Telling a parent not to compare kids with others is like telling a metal don't sink in water
One thing I'd maybe like to add to this: "It's my fault you're like this," "We parented you badly," "We were being too nice/We spoiled you." This indirectly says that the child is bad but also seems to imply that there is no way to change what has passed.
THIS
THIS NEEDS MORE LIKES
YES MY MOM SAYS "where did i go wrong with you"
BYE THIS IS WHAT MY MOM SAID TO ME AND MY BROTHERS-
This hit like a full speed train.
I’ve been told these (and more) things by my mother and it hurt to watch this because of how much it brings back the memories. However, I am so glad to know that I am not alone in this, and that no one else is alone either ❤❤❤
“I wish you were dead, I would cry for a few days but at least I would live in piece” -my mother🫡
I'm a parent PLUS a victim of child abuse, so this touched A LOT harder then most might understand. There was times where I wanted to say "What will people think!?" But before I even started acting like my adopted mom, I shake my head and say "So what people think?....." and tell them how awesome, beautiful/handsome, positive, independent, amazing children they are! Pointing out the positive challenges that they themselves over come, even thou they saw a lot of horrible negative things from my ex husband and I. Them, themselves try to be my little heros. But I stand up and them know "Its ok kiddos, I ain't going to have him hurt you...." which they did explain when they got older that it hurt them not knowing what to do to help. I thanked them for trying but explained "There was nothing you could've done immediately, he could've come to you and with his hateful words. Even try to beat you to be scared to get help from the police or anything, it was best in my mind to keep you guys safe to make sure you where somewhere I can trust to go away for months on end. That way you guys didnt get hurt nor afraid to be in the house, and I was making a plan to safely get us somewhere safe permanently." Sadly back then I didnt have ANY help from my adopted family who was near by, my adopted dad was trying his best to do what he could do. Taking the kids to his place if big enough in Hawaii, or even sending money and food, clothes whatever needed to be done if they need it. I sacrificed a lot for them because the love and joy I bring to them was endless, so why put them threw hell when they dont need it? I promised myself I WOULDN'T for any reason follow my adopted mom's footsteps, and cut off the negative view point to my kids and made myself a shield for them. Yes I did come home with bruises, cuts and even wounds. But I know my kids where safe everytime, and my friends as much as they could help me a lot for them. Now I'm a grandma myself, and they have so much love. Even when I'm not psychically there, I try to keep up with their lives as much as they gave love to me. 💖
Do you know who is beautiful? Read the second word ♥ u r amazing n god bless you❤
@@sandhanitizer6260 thank you ^_^
@Sleepy Frog I try, parenting is SUPER hard but worth it if you know the positive points of being a parent. Was there times where I want to give up? Most definitely, but I never did
@@littlepsycopopmaryith8618 ;)
Omg are you okay?!
“I rather have her as my daughter than you”
“You were the reason i couldn’t follow my dreams”
“You were an accident”
“Why are you crying? It’s annoying”
“You are stupid for ‘falling in love’” after she found and read my diary when i was 14
“You frustrate me”
Later on she tells me she told me all of those things to “make me tough” I live with low self steem, and she wonders why i never talk to her about anything. Why i never tell her about my feelings. I’ve never shared much to her about my relationships and often throws a comment here and there that she would like grandchildren, which i usually ignore and i make sure she never sees me cry.
I don’t hate her, i don’t think i could ever hate her. She was a very young mom without guidance from anyone but i will never forget the things she told me and as much as she wants a cute mother/daughter relationship, i don’t think i can fully do that
You are good enough. I love you.
Your amazing. Your gonna have much success one day, and you are enough. I love you.
My mom told me several times she wish she could kill me and bunch of other stuff. I got used to those so now it doesn't hurt as it used to be. Just like you I don't hate her but I hate me to the core cuz she always made it look like I'm the mistake. I wish all of us with parent issues will get better.
Same. The first one hit hard as she always tells me this. I don't cry in front of her cz she thinks it's stupid and I'm weak. She thinks my interests are useless in life and I should only study. But she does love me and works hard to give me what I want. It's bittersweet
I lost brain cells from that please help
"yeah i knew u was in big trouble i just pretended i didn't so maybe everything will work itself out somehow"
"all give you a reason to cry if you keep crying"
I answered back to my parents with "You already have." and I would use that some line back to them on the rare occasions they did cry (usually my mother).
Parents always ask us to be grateful for them but sometimes I feel that they should realise that they are grateful to have us too.
Absolutely right...😢
Something i learned is often mothers do this listen, interupt, advice, leave. As soon as they hear something they dont like our words freeze and act as if we weren’t just talking. My family is my friends. They listen then give advice then listen.
Why should they be grateful to have us? We just bog their lives down by wasting their time, money, and energy.
More things that can damage a child:
1.they always ignore you and never listen
2.they shout at you for not doing something their way
3.they tell embarrassing story’s to their friends about you
4.they don’t care how you feel
5.they threaten to hit you or hit you
(Edit: wow thanks for the likes everyone I hope you are having a great day!)
(Edit again: thx for all these likes I know life can be challenging because of ur parents making u have depression or anxiety but remember that u are perfect in ur own way and don’t let ur parents or something else tell u that ur not :D)
ahh the third i relate to, my mom always talks to people about stuff ive done and so on, even when im right there and some of the stuff, i really would want being talked about :/ plus im always scared that if i tell here something important shell just go and tell everyone else, cause both my mom and sister tend to not be able to keep things a secret, at all :(
Mood to all
These things leads to suicide!
All of these happens to me. . .😞
@@bruhhh69 you okay??
2 and 3 for me
did you ever heard "oh ur crying ? Stop or i will give you a reason to cry"
And they have the audacity to say "I never did that" or "stop lying to (that person) "
"Parents may forget but the childs mind never will" phrase by me (i think)
"I wish you were more like..."
I remember a story of my mother. She said that she has a friend who encourages her son to be more like me. The son of my mom's friend replied with: I don't care about grades. When I heard that story, I was not happy because I am a friend of the son of my mom's friend and he is honestly a nice person to be around with. Even though I was used as an example, I felt bad because that kid did not need to change anything about him.
This is what my parents used to tell me too. I have siblings and i'm the middle child, and i've often heard that the middle child is always the weirdest of the brothers and sisters. I am also often compared to my brother and sister. I feel annoyed when that sentence comes out again. I just ignore it because i like being myself
"What are people going to say?" hits the hardest. I'm pretty confident a massive part of my lack of self-esteem and absolute fear of being and expressing my real self freely was caused by my mother constantly repeating this over and over to me. Ever since I was a teen I feel like I stopped living to conform to this stupid threat. I ended up being the pale shadow of my real self just because I hide as much of me as I can, because I'm absolutely terrified of being judged in any way. Both by her and by people outside. Suddenly all of the things I liked made me 'childish', 'stupid' or 'they'll think you have an uncaring mother!'. Good job mom, this is how you created the gray, apathetic, dull me you despise so much. You didn't treasure the colorful, confident, happy kid you once had and insisted for her to turn into this. Now don't complain if I barely exist.
I'm sorry you had to hear that. I don't really know what to say, but... I hope things get better, and that one day you can find pieces of that happy child inside you.
same, my mom doesn't say things, she's kinda nice. But in 5th grade I felt very insecure about my looks, actions, and my ODD. It really hurt when kids would laugh when I cried because I couldn't control it, back then Counselors were there and helped my problems but I'm still very insecure about my weight all the time, it's like everything I do makes me not fit in.
came out as lgbtq+ last year, my mom said it was just hte internet influencing me, and that it was only for attention and a trend, still hurts to this day
“Do it right the first time, and you won’t have to do it again”.
Man this hits close to home, I had really strict parents growing up and it has definitely ruined my self esteem.
I poured my heart out to my dad once in a letter. He yelled at he and told me I should be ashamed of what a terrible son I was. Sorry for everyone else with bad parents.
The bottom line is /was not enough money, government likes to keep the people at each others throats. The writing is on the wall.
I did the opposit. My father demanded me to pay 20K while he knew I was homeless. But I knew he had cancer. So in return I wished him another 20.000 tumors in advance. After I remembered him what a terrible father he is. People like that can't get enough cancer.
I didn't understand a single thing u said but also I understanded its not a nice comment either
@@RaufurPiercer Critical thinking is not available to all genotypes. That needs to be understood first and foremost. I deal with it daily , for decades.
@@arsenelupiniii8040 Can you explain in greater detail what you mean by this?
"I wish you were more like this"
This is one if not the Most harsh thing you could ever tell to your own child..
True like I will be compared to everyone
@@tofu_007 same tho 🧍🏻
@@tofu_007 but whenever you did something better than them they always go "Dont compared yourself to others"
Same my mom who always compare me to my younger cousins like "why can't you be like him" or "look she dance a lot why can't you be like her" i get so angry whenever i heard those words..
@@azunkor422 Yaa
"I don't even know why I come home anymore" -My mom
The word "failure" scares me now Im completely afraid to fail anything
Two statements that my parents said to me that have stuck with me:
1) when I expressed that I was no longer apart of their religion “I thought we raised you better than that.”
2) When graduating with my bachelor’s degree “we never thought you’d get this far!” (I have a doctorate now)
damn hope ur happier
Wait what religion were you before and what are you now
@@PoutineVR nondenominational Christian and now atheist/nonreligious
@@whisper_dvm5157 what does nondenominational mean
They don’t belong to a specific branch of Christianity, a more general/broad set of beliefs. A denomination is a branch of Christianity
Wow. I initially watched this from the perspective of a parent wanting to avoid saying these things to my child. I discovered that I’ve heard almost every single one of these from my parents. It’s no wonder I developed so many mental health issues and self esteem issues. I’m healing though and I will be a better mother to my child.
My mother also said many of these things to me as a kid. It's great that you're actively researching what to avoid as a parent, and I wish you and your child the best in the future!
That's exactly what I want to be when I grow up ❤
Thank you SO much. We need more mothers like you. I wish my mother realized this. Or my dad.
😊❤ You will
Having this video pop up on my homepage and then watching it made me realize why I'm emotionally a mess. Coming from a one parent household, being the first born, told "I never wanted you." "You are a mistake" etc; etc;. I see why I don't trust people and why I fear things in my life over all.
How awful to have heard that. Earth wanted you here.
You’re not a mistake. 🫂
*Sigh* I have experience all of this from the past till now... My parents would often say this, especially my Mother. She did compare me with the other children. "Look, how much grades you've got on your exam. Can't you be more like your friends? Why do you have to get such grades like this? Are you trying to embarrass me?" or "Omg, Look at your friend from that xxx years ago! She is extremely talented! Why can't you be like her?"
Like... Literally everytime my mother said those kind of words, I'd feel something inside... My heart almost breaking into pieces. It's so heartbreaking everytime my mother says it...
"Be careful with you're words"
"They can only be forgiven but never forgotten"
I fell this...
it's hard to be the perfect person that they want you to be, love you're kid's the way they are......
My parents were never there for me except when I was a kid. I had to do everything for myself. I was also taught that school was a gateway for big apportunities and could change your life. They always told me grades were more important.but with that I instantly never felt good enough. Or if they were there for me anymore
When you're at your parents' house you can't get the space you need...... Every child or person needs time to be alone......
(I'm not saying all parents)🙂
I once shouted on my dad cause he was saying that I am stupid and I know nothing without even listening to me and then he sad "this kid doesn't have any manner it's all because you (mom) didn't teach her manners"
And then my mom pushed all the blame on me that I ruined my day
I don’t think my parents care though.
And here we have my parents, after one says extremely hurtful things, the other one comes and tells me to "forgive and forget" and "now we're done with this" as if them telling me to forget and move on means I'll magically forget everything they did. Nah, I just learned to stay silent about it as talking about it clearly wasn't an option.
I told my mum I want to a lawyer. Her words were, "Your grades aren't high enough. You are way too stupid for such a job." I'm now having conversations with my careers advisor at my school and she said, "You can do it, you would be a perfect fit in a law firm."
And at this moment and time, I don't care what my mum has to say about it, I'm making my dreams come true whether she likes it or not.
You will you just gotta keep pushing through, and your mom is only trying to get you to have better grades bc for some reason they prioritize grades over self esteem
I have a similar story, my mom’s against me getting an art degree because “getting a job in art isn’t reliable.” She was really discouraging, and all throughout my life I practiced art and being creative so it’s a passion of mine. I like turning people’s ideas into reality through an art piece, it’s why I never complain about art projects ( and always strive to meet the deadline, cause in real life they prepare you for real art work deadlines.) But now that I’m surrounded by other people who have similar passions they’ve seen my work and are confident and reassuring to me that I can get an illustration degree and go into that field.
I hate how discouraging some people are, because even if it’s for a good reason, it’s not good enough to cement someone down. Cause how will you or anyone know that they can’t do it, if they don’t try.?
Good..and you'll do it too m. You have the smarts, the determination and the desire.. that's why you WILL do it!! Congratulations and God bless you!!
Quillio
You can do it!!!!! I believe in you we all do!!!
I hear “what’s wrong/the matter with you?“ and “wish you were more…” and “I can speak to you however you want.” And always whenever I ignore them, “why don’t you love/talk to me?” But I try to love my parents, it’s just hard sometimes…
“Because I said so.”
Yeah you said so… but I don’t feel comfortable with your rules….
“YOU PROMIsED….”
Yeah I did. But some promises must be broken.
Some people actually deal with this…. Regularly. Please be careful of what you say parents
There's a thing that mostly my parents say to me whenever I'm crying : "You have nothing to cry for" . And it hurts hearing that from them after telling them not to.
my mom says the same thing to me
Hey, I hope you know you have every right to cry if you're upset and its okay to.
It does hurt when your parents invalidate your feelings me personally my dad says “stop crying it’s no big deal.” And when he says that it just makes me cry more no matter how hard I try to stop crying
My dad said that to me today, but guess who can turn off and in their emotions now? 😃
my parents always say that to me when i cry
“If we didn’t have you we wouldn’t be in this situation” it still hurts till this day but I’m getting better from it!
* virtual long hug* Hope we can move past the past. We deserve to be happy and peaceful
Hey, I got this dialogue too. U are not alone dear. Hope u heal your wounds like I am doing too...
good luck healing , i have a lot of faith in you😁 and i'm glad you are getting better, it takes a lot of strength
Ive had that too but its " if your damn mom didnt diside to f-up in highschool we wouldnt be raising a mess like you" ( from granddad in fight ). I give virtual hug! Were all in the same strom. You got this.
Well, truly phenomenal parents, there's something called a condom...?
Yep all of it, my mom growing up always said these things, which led to all my siblings and either having anger issues or self esteem issues and anxiety.
She denies she ever says these things and with lie through her teeth to make her look better.
When I confront her about these things she starts getting angry and claims I always make her feel like shit, it’s why I can’t confront things.
This is one of your best presentations so far. It would be wonderful if you could take it on the road and do town hall meetings. Some parents failed to realize that their words are as painful as physical abuse.
When a child is born, a parent is born too, that person existed before, but the parent is completely new🙏
:)
@i hit fortnite kids true and if u can't be a parent just don't give birth
But why abuse children if you can't handle us
@i hit fortnite kids true and if u can't be a parent just don't give birth
But why abuse children if you can't handle us
This is pretty wise 🤔 Wow, food for thought!
@@cv1148 I must agree. In some cases people are not able to prevent getting pregnant due to some mistake, or beliefs, or other things
But if there is some way to prevent the unwanted pregnancy in the first place, such as protection or even abstinance, I think that is better than having to bring someone unwanted into the world to suffer
(Just to cclarify, just because they are unwanted by the parent at first doesn't mean no one will want them, nor does it mean the parent won't change their mind. But well, they are gonna get pretty mentally hurt and feel really worthless if their own parents are not invested in them. So its better not to subject someone to this situation.)
"You're useless"
"You're just a waste of space"
"Look at her, she's thin, why can't you be like her?"
"If you've studied harder, you could've been part of the quiz bee!"
"We'll go and drop you off to your tita next morning, you're not gonna live here anymore"
"Why can't you be like her?"
I get it, I get it. I'm imperfect, but I try my best.
i am so sorry
Hey you are perfect it just they can’t see your perfect.Try to allow yourself to see your perfect ❤️
I know that feeling, just know that it is not your fault. Stay strong. Mahirap pero kaya naten to
My mom wanted to kill me when I was 5 is that normal thing?
@@meowimacat9050 I just hope you are okay.What’s your age?Have you tried to get help ?
That last one hits HARD. My mother made that threat often before storming out of the house and not coming back for hours.
This can hurt a child forever
This is why I want to be a supporting mother in the future, yet still have a respectful child. 🥺
After watching this u probably will
After watching this u probably will
Good Luck 👊😇
Same
"What's wrong with you?"
"You're being dramatic"
"Stop being like this"
"Just leave then, go!"
"You're so selfish"
"No. You don't want to die. Stop it."
"No one will ever love you if this is how you're going to act"
"I don't care"
"Go away! Leave me alone"
Now I live a life of emptiness and distance from everyone/everything.
You were made for a purpose by the God who created you. He loved you enough to put on flesh, die for your sins, and rise from the dead so that you could have eternal Life through the belief in Jesus Christ. You are certainly loved. 🙏🏾
I felt this in my soulllllll
@@themadlass5584 :)
@@IWonder474 :)
Relate though i still learn to have normal relationship with other people but a bit traumatized on having a serious relationship coz im afraid il end up like my mom always crying and i dont want my kids to suffer those kind of hurtful words if i have my own family.
“ My life would be so much better and easier if you weren’t here “
-my dad
My mother said “LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID” to me when we got into a argument. I still think about it and it’s been days…
"I'm leaving and never coming back" would be a blissful thing my "mother" would ever say to us. Not having her in our life could have saved us a lot of psychological trauma we're currently battling. Some people should not be parents
When I was in highschool and had my first psychological breakdown, I tried to walk to the mental hospital by myself. She picked me up and drove me but said if I got out of the car, she would never talk to me again and I was on my own. I gleefully got out of the car and for 2 hours was sitting in psych care ecstatic that I could finally be free. I was crushed when she showed up. Haven't talked to my mom in almost 10 years. The greatest gift she could have given to me is leaving and never coming back.
@@unusedrock308 i feel bad for u hope ur doing just fine now
My mom did that very thing, left because she wanted to see what “opportunities” were out there and lived with my uncle for 5 months. At the end she couldn’t find a job, and came back. My dad, sister and I were very happy those 5 months. Now, thankfully I moved out 2 years ago and never looked back. Never been more happy in my life!
@@darrylldale7738 I am! Lots of therapy and have to work to get out of survival mode. But I have thrived since cutting my family out of my life. The adult world is a cakewalk compared to my time as a kid.
I feel you on that.
“You’re not part of my family” is definitely another one. I will never forget how painful that feels when being said by my mum is.
Wow, then home must be the new hell 🔥
my mum says the same thing... I'm an Indian
@@evablaze4301 lol same
@@tea4285 u Indian?
"I'm leaving and never coming back"
"Thanks for the trust issues mom, do you think I forgot what you said a long time ago"
I love these clips, it shines the light on exact things that my subconscious buried or thinks is "normal". My family are all Narcissists, and out of 3 kids, I am the only one who survives. The impact of parental abuse on children is phenomenal. The only reason I survived, is because I got into trouble and was sent to prison at a young age. It is horrifying and sickening to realize that the women in PRISON treated me better (as a teen and young adult) than my own parents.