First Thank you For sharing your wisdom, second it is a Shame people walk like Zombies being unaware of how much life is worth and worth of others beside you. Lack of care and LOVE to everything they are sorrounded with. Again Thx !!!
This is so helpful. For so long, I could never understand why he wanted to be with me in the first place. I totally get it these days, more and more so, thanks to videos like this. Closure will never come from the. Must come from you growing, healing, educating yourself and creating community with decent peeps, thanks!🎉
They hate when we figure them out. It is a major narcissistic injury and triggers automatic discard. It reminds them they are not as crafty or smart as they think. As soon as I told my ex he was a narcissist I got discarded and blocked everywhere. Never heard from them again.
I tell you, having been married to one for 26 yrs and 8 months, they are quite literally devil possessed. I am floored by the selfishness and hate spewed daily.@@davidjthayer7417
I had no idea what I was doing when I unmasked my narcissist. I knew nothing about narcissism. I just knew she hadn't developed a healthy attachment with me. When I said 'You're missing a whole set of emotions that everyone else has', that was it. Boom! I was gone. I was discarded. I didn't even know what a discard was. I didn't know what a narcissistic wound was. I just knew I was experiencing the coldest and cruelest thing anyone had ever done to me. I felt constantly sick to my stomach. I lost weight. I was confused beyond belief. And all this from someone who had told me for four years that I was her soulmate. I now understand it all. I can't believe that there are people like this. I am immensely grateful that I started seeking out answers and found this channel and this community. I haven't felt this healed and positive for a decade. I love you all. - Joe
@@artluvr6170 It seems like they are learning from each other 😂. Empaths and narcissists = the two completely different worlds. Of course we can't be together.
@@jannlewandowski5540 Thank You @jannlewandowski5540. I can't run away...I'm related to them. Sometimes I feel like committing suicide...or committing a crime so I can just go to jail instead.
Looking back, I remember asking the narc a personal question about his childhood... This was after we had been dating for several months. He told me not to try to analyze him, even though I had just told him something very personal about myself. These people know exactly what they're doing, and sincerely care about no one but themselves. Thank you, Andrew, for getting me through some of my darkest days, and reminding me how fortunate I am to be out, and on my path to Healing! Much love to all❤
She wanted to "separate" so she could be happy again. I held the door open and said goodbye. She said you're not going to chase me are you, I said not this time. About a month after she moved out she came by to talk now I know hoover. She walked in the house and saw that I had put my stuff where hers was and said out loud "it wasn't supposed to work this way". She could not believe that I was ok. That was the end of a 12 year marriage, the knowledge of her lover, the knowledge of past lovers, I filed for divorce and fell down this rabbit hole😮 I have been in recovery from alcoholism for 13 years at that point and used the 12 steps as a guide, and definitely my higher power and I did the work. I walked through the fire, I did rise again to become the best version of myself I have ever known. I'm now 14 years sober, divorced and living my best life ever.... Completely single and still working on me. ❤ Thanks for your channel, you helped save my sanity!
Andrew what’s the truth believing that you don’t your one or knowing you are being a narcissist and knowing you are one. I have a friend who thinks her ex-husband doesn’t know he’s one. If you knew you were a narcissist and kept doing bad over and over again. Why would she know he is one but knows Also that he doesn’t know himself?
What a wonderful self-healing journey you've been on. Congratulations! It's very difficult to recover from a narcissistic relationship. Just ask Dr. Ramani (who specializes in narcissism and has her own RUclips channel).
2.5 years tomorrow since the discard. No contact, I slammed that door and bolted it when I figured him out. I prayed to God He would show me and He did. No one else understood. The narcissist hoovered me multiple times for 1.5 years, and I never took the bait. What a beautiful life I have now. Thank you Andrew❤
Listen to Andrew PLEASE! He IS the long-lost BEST FRIEND you have ever or will ever have. He has summed up almost 21years of a covert narcissist's final statement of "You are not my type" . I wish I had been told that first - instead of last. I will never see those decades again!
They only use their supplies for their own selfish reasons. They don't care because they're selfish. We're only stand ins to dump all their traumas on!
One of the last things my ex said to me was, "I know where I went wrong with you." It was clear right then and there that she was all about manipulation. I'm so glad to be free of that.
Once the blinding fog is lifted from your eyes, you can see them as clear as crystal. Once seen in their true colours, there is no going back and you can never unsee them. Another essential video Andrew, thank you for providing us with the tools we need to deal with them.
After I left him my ex said he "didn't think I had it in me" to leave him. To pack all my stuff up with help from a friend and move out of the house we shared while he was at work one day.
I left the house I had shared with a man for 8 years. He told a friend I wasn't going to do it. He said he was going to raise my rent. I got out, and left him on his own with my unwanted shyt in his front yard, so everyone could see I cut out on him. Haven't spoken to him yet. Don't intend to.
My narcissistic husband discarded me by committing suicide, after a nice weekend. He was trying to start again our marriage, after he admitted to living a double life, of infidelity. I just am in a state of shock! I can relate to this video.
He felt obviously very troubled and could not handle what he felt inside of him So sorry that you had to go through this Hopefully he will heal on the other side Wishing you lots of strength Tamar❤
My heart goes out to you! His ultimate passive aggressive way of showing you how much he told you he hurts, whilst really setting you up in the most hurtful and confusing situation to live on with. Dont let him win this one babe. Thank goodness no kids were hurt, and that you are free now to live a life you dreamed of.
Psychopathic narcissist's never say the phrase, I love you. That is much too committal for them. What they say is, "love you". Do you see the difference? They are not involved emotionally, that's why there is no "I" in their "love you"
Exactly right! The narcissist never wanted you to know what had really happened. It took me exceptionally long to figure it out, but eventually, I googled it...suffering relieved right away when the burden of guilt and self-torture was lifted. I liked to meditate on things and people in my past, and many times would try to share these insights and conversation with the narcissist. He would soon act bored with my thoughts, told me I needed to "get over it already" and similar dismissive words. He hated it when I "thought too much", and it is clear now that a big part of the reason was to avoid true intimacy with me in our relationship, so that he wouldn't expose his true nature to me. I was never supposed to know. He wanted me to live forever afterward in pain over our failed marriage, he wanted me to always blame myself for everything that went wrong. You see, in a narcissists' mind, *someone* always has to be the scapegoat, and heaven forbid he shared any blame.
That’s the last thing I said to my spouse when I exposed them. I said “I’m not your scapegoat B**tch”. Blocked them and now they’re trying to contact the kids and the kids don’t answer either
Yes, I was told: you don't have to think, leave it to the horses they have a bigger head. Or when you confront a care worker with his behaviour: we don't have to analyse this.
Years ago when I left, I found myself living in a shelter for women and children recovering from abuse. It surely hurt that people I cared deeply for did not care about me. Of course, the question began: "Why did you stay so long." Why?: "Because I didn't want to be alone. :) Once I left I realized I was very much alone until I got out. Funny how things work out Take care.
🥴 The most bewildering thing to me personally, is when I immediately realized.. with the information and terminology I had. IF I were seek professional help, I would be worse off by being misdiagnosed with some mental illness making me a "loose cannon "., therefore weakening any chances of being believed. You must stay alive...at first, with only your higher power and prayers for your life.
My mother once said to me "What's so great about the truth anyway?". In a snide hateful tone. I did not know about narcicism till years later. I had to go no contact with the whole childhood family. So many narcs out there now. Now I see the whole government as a narc cesspool.
If your partner discards you, your "friends and family" will very often assume that *you've* done something "dump -worthy" ~that (frequent) conclusion works in the narcissists favor -they *know* that, that is why they make a preemptive strike. Sometimes it's because your resources have been exhausted, sometimes it's because you are getting "too close" to either figuring them out -or melting their hearts -and they cannot countenance that -so they will adopt a "scorched-earth-policy" rather than risk *any* vulnerability. The vulnerable feelings trigger their formative narcissistic wound -and they would *literally* rather *die* that allow themselves to risk authentic love. It's tempting to believe that "your love can reach them" ~and that's part of why you stay in there. *Don't* .
They really should teach about narcissists when you’re in high school so that we don’t fall into their trap. Took me 30+ years to figure out who this person really was.
I got severe anxiety,and couldn't understand the first time I confronted him about his behaviour and he left my Son and I for 5 weeks...but only lived 900m away,)he could still drive past our home twice a day,but could not come to our front door to talk to me)Never been so confused,and stonewalled!!..Never again!
Jesus Christ is always knocking on your door 🚪 if you care to acknowledge, with salvation... So there is someone knocking on your door to save you it's your savior....
This hits hard for me. I'm a logical person and i almost had a mental break trying to figure out her constant issues and plot twists, not to mention the lies and constant reliance on victimhood from things that any normal adult, even a little abnormal, would have gotten through or figured out in time. I am absolutely to blame for continuing, for not realizing what was going on, for not calling it out earlier. In general I am to blame for not being strong enough to see the pattern and get tf away. It reminds me of an addict chasing the dragon. Just when you think you've got an idea and you start defining the situation, they change the terms and move the goalposts in addition to telling you that you weren't even playing the same game or by the same rules. It sends you into a tailspin and when you ask for help to get level and upright, they tell you only THEY have the right way, the real rules, the name of the game and how to win. It's the closest thing to insane I've ever experienced
@@dubaiedge I agree, you can't know what you can't know; but now that you DO know, there is no more excuses. One can't initially 'figure out' the narcissist because of your own wounding, your own distortions, your own past injuries that made it hard to see who the narcissist really was. You had someone in your life in the past who was unhealthy, selfish, dysfunctional etc., and so this way of connecting with someone was normal; you probably underestimated the impact of the narc's actions, and if they're good at the manipulation, this might be hard to see at times. Also, the narcissist is really good about making you feel special, affirming you, and like everyone else they do have some positive traits (they use them to their benefits) they brought to the relationship. The question to ask yourself is 'what is it about me that didn't see who this person was" or didn't see who they were sooner?. People sometimes see what they want to see (that was me). Depends too on the closeness of the relationship; a casual friend or coworker sometimes takes longer to pick up on than an intimate partner with whom you'd have more contact. This is a hard thing I had to admit to myself: healthy people don't get attracted to narcissists, or at least not for very long. I had to, and am still having to, look within myself and look at my own unhealthy stuff. Health seeks its own level, meaning, healthier people will be drawn to those who are at about the same level of health. When they meet a narc they don't hang around long because they pick up earlier, or early on, that something is 'off' and they 'keep it (the narc) moving' ". Don't get caught up in the victim stance; yes, you've been a victim, but don't stay there, it's the hardest thing get people out of. Work on your past and present wounding, you'd be amazed how quickly you'll identify them in the future. Dee, LPC (licensed professional therapist)
@marcladuke6302 I agree, you can't know what you can't know; but now that you DO know, there is no more excuses. One can't initially 'figure out' the narcissist because of your own wounding, your own distortions, your own past injuries that made it hard to see who the narcissist really was. You had someone in your life in the past who was unhealthy, selfish, dysfunctional etc., and so this way of connecting with someone was normal; you probably underestimated the impact of the narc's actions, and if they're good at the manipulation, this might be hard to see at times. Also, the narcissist is really good about making you feel special, affirming you, and like everyone else they do have some positive traits (they use them to their benefits) they brought to the relationship. The question to ask yourself is 'what is it about me that didn't see who this person was" or didn't see who they were sooner?. People sometimes see what they want to see (that was me). Depends too on the closeness of the relationship; a casual friend or coworker sometimes takes longer to pick up on than an intimate partner with whom you'd have more contact. This is a hard thing I had to admit to myself: healthy people don't get attracted to narcissists, or at least not for very long. I had to, and am still having to, look within myself and look at my own unhealthy stuff. Health seeks its own level, meaning, healthier people will be drawn to those who are at about the same level of health. When they meet a narc they don't hang around long because they pick up earlier, or early on, that something is 'off' and they 'keep it (the narc) moving' ". Don't get caught up in the victim stance; yes, you've been a victim, but don't stay there, it's the hardest thing get people out of. Work on your past and present wounding, you'd be amazed how quickly you'll identify them in the future. Dee, LPC (licensed professional therapist)
Hi Andrew and everyone. I never knew what a narcissist was. I used to think a narc is a "conceited person." I sure found out the hard way! When i think back, i noticed changes toward the end. SOMETHING IS WRONG! GUT FEELING saying RUN! I couldn't shake the feeling. My friends disliked him immensely, and i wondered why? ALWAYS follow your gut feeling. After tremendous weight loss and illness, i left him. He never found me. New phone #, off social media, and i moved. It took me 2 yrs to stop loving him, and it feels so good! WE WILL ALL BE FINE! Great topic, Andrew..❤❤
Boy, oh boy... weren't they surprised when they realized that I figured them out... after that point of time, they ceased tossing their stale meager crumbs at my feet, and they didn't bother to put the mask back on except for others... yes, I took stock of my situation and his behavior. Not knowing about narcissistic abuse, but I knew that I had been duped one more time by another person...my too trusting, too caring, too giving nature I ignored the warning signs at the beginning of each relationship. Love, they say, is blind... and it is 100 % true. Now, I listen and recognize the red flags. I am now taking care of myself first. I spent too many years taking care of the narcs in the past who didn't appreciate me, and my health was compromised. Irreversible conditions, but I am making healthy choices to improve the quality of my life. Not that I am complaining because considering everything, I am actually blessed. There are others that are in worse circumstances than I am. As long as I am narc free, I will be okay 😊
Yep, all of that Andrew!! I grew up thinking narcissism was someone being in love with themselves. Nothing could be further from that statement. They actually LOATHE themselves and spend their time co-opting the lives of other. They excel at information gathering and are experts at mirroring back to you whatever wants and desires you have shared with them. They are great listeners . . . but not because they care about you. They LISTEN because they are gathering information to figure out their game plan concerning you. IF you are paying attention and accepting truth when it hits, the mask will fall pretty quickly. Trust what your gut is saying when you start to hear and see strange stuff (and folk) popping up. The problem is that they are so good at emotional manipulation that you will gaslight YOURSELF in order to remain in the relationship. God HELP you if you MARRY INTO IT. It will be one long carousel ride of drama, chaos and foolishness where you have not only accepted their bad behavior but the hideous behavior of their friends. It will get more brazen as time goes on and if you have ANY love left for yourself, you WILL have your fill of it, or you will get tired, start disconnecting, and they will decide to discard. I know it doesn’t seem like it but please, please realize that the discard will be the BEST THING EVER that will happen to you. After you deal with “the dark night” you WILL see a glorious new day where you rediscover the beauty and calm of your own soul and spirit. You have to live OUTSIDE the drama to begin to realize what a sweet RELIEF it is to be DONE. It would be different if it were fixable. But it’s NOT, because then narc sees no reason to FIX anything. They are addicted to chaos, drama and dark energy. Fly, and be FREE.🦅🦅🦅
Yep, they can be in your family as well, and horrible when you find out thru some tragic experience of a parent dying and they try to destroy you, blame you, assasinate your character and act like they are the good ones while they trample on your life. Watch out people, they are in your family...take it from one who found out the hard way. Yes, you won't get closure, nothing you say will sink in that they intended on destroying you while claiming to 'help' you. ...even when you didn't ask for their help. Boy oh boy are they devious and dangerous.
I love how you say "the beautiful Carolinas." They are indeed beautiful. A pride of our nation. At one point in time, Carolina was singular and unified. The split occurred in 1712 and Carolina was actually not a female. It refers to King Charles I of England. "In my mind I'm going to Carolina." Thank you James Taylor!
When the mask finally completely slips,it's eerie. Dark eyes and his voice changed. My Intuition was spot on with him (or I stopped allowing him to gaslight me when questioning him) 12 years is how long I was fooled by my husband. The discard was brutal, just the way he liked and planned it. The divorce has started, he filed about 2 weeks after he left for the secretary from his work. The divorce process is gonna be just as much of a nightmare because they are very vindictive
I am sorry that happened to you!, Look out for yourself and get a good lawyer. Don’t try to stay friends, and get it all in writing!, Take it from someone who learned the hard way! It has been almost 19 years, and I am over it, but still single.
@brendaalter7172 I do believe I have a good attorney. When he left 2 months ago, he left with an overnight bag and that's about it. I took all his belongings out of my house and put them in my barn. Like, who leaves everything??
@brendaalter7172 I have zero desire to be "friends" ,I'm not on social media, I've blocked his email address and I don't have his number, I turned his phone off because it was on my plan. He did say to me before he ghosted me thar "it's easy to be my friend, but not my husband ". Umm...hell no! Who needs friends like that
After finding out he had been cheating (I knew deep down he had been for a while, but I finally had proof), I asked him how could he ever look himself in the mirror. He replied, "I love myself." He said it with pride, with his chest stuck out and his head high. A few days later he physically and sexually assaulted me in our home. I ran out of the house that night, never to return. He always used to say, "You don't know me." I thought I did. I thought how strange it was for someone to say that and to say it so vehemently. But he was right. I had no clue how evil he really was until the assault. Now I get it. It's been so hard moving on. 2 months of no contact. I've lost so much, but I've gained even more. I have peace and safety. These are priceless. I hope to never experience anything like this again. I don't think I would survive it.
Great video Andrew. Yes seven years of the narcissist hurting me, I saw the signs but I never thought that such an evil person existed, he was an expert liar . After being discarded I was hurt and alone I walked away to either gather myself or give up. My problem is that I don't like to give up. So with the help of this channel and alot of hard work I'm doing much better. I know closure will never come from him, so I gave myself closure and learned a valuable lesson. Thank you Andrew and thank you everyone.
Yes, give yourself closure. Its the best way forward for they could NEVER give it, they wouldn't know how and besides, they think everything is somebody else's fault.
One of the lucky ones; didn't expect it either way, just glad I financially prepared myself (always whenever living with someone) 😊 on a happier, calmer, much more peaceful life. Been no contact since April and though he owes me, it's on the side burner. I am focusing on my career resurrection & honestly, if I never feel that I still need him to face responsibility I have a year to file unjust enrichment, physical assault, hacking banks, phones, stealing my SNAP food card...then, I will pursue my due financial justice. Right now, busy living like a regular person...Namaste all ❤ give it time, and then more time. It's a long healing process with new self discoveries along the way.
@@NARCDAILYYouAreNotAlone Not to tell you want you should do Andrew. Those ear pods are not good for you in your ears. There is direct energy -- can't think name -- is going into your precious brain. Or limit use.
Great video Andrew. I've come to the conclusion that the only closure you will ever get from a narcissist relationship, comes from you. That's the 🗝 and I'm ok with that. Have a great rest of your day. 💕and ✨️
You describe the fog and confusion so well. And how they are so restless, and all of the secrets. It is endless. The lies, and the excuses are relentless, and how they get into our heads. You are spot on, thanks for this.
Also sounds like a bit of adhd, he would constantly go off off on diff tangents, interupt me,whilst i was speaking, id hated what id become because i sounded like a school teacher, " can u stop interrupting" " can u tidy up behind you pls" my ex was like that, it took me a while to work this one out .. I'm to blame too for being weak in the midst of addiction at that time and I took the cowards way in dealing with the pain instead of being strong, I couldht think clearly looking back ❤️
the narcissist blatantly disrespects you and has zero regard for the consequences that you will endure just being associated or unfortunately related to them. if you know of someone who’s life has been hijacked by a self serving narc please pray 🙏 for them. we can choose to look out for those going through similar tribulations
I remember growing up thinking "Maybe they will change when I'm an adult" I kept giving extensions and excuses for their behavior. 18 turned into 21 21 turned into 25 25 turned into 30 30 turned into 35 Landed in therapy again at 37 When the Narcs refused to give me closure stating that it was me and not them. I finally refused to take them into my 40's/future and enjoy the rest of my life toxic free. God willing, I will have an equal amount of time or more being free and happy. I am turning into the me I always knew that I was. The Narc mother hated anyone I would date but when a break up occurred, especially if that person treated me like trash, the Narc mother would suddenly be friends with them saying "Actually, once I got to know them, they were a great person". My ex spouse was the last...I hope they destroy each other.😊
Thank you Andrew. It only took me 47.5 years to figure out that the person who gave birth to me is the narcissist. At least so much of my life makes sense now. The life-long psychological manipulation and abuse, the exhorbitant theft by deception (as well as other forms of theft) that has left me with near-crippling debt, the vile, hateful slurs. The gaslighting, the invalidation, the infantile mockery in response to my objections, or heartfelt expressions of pain. The slurs offered casually with darting sideways glances to see if they acheived the intended result. The sadistic smile when I became enraged in response to verbal violence or sadistic mockery. The sheer malevolence that was my reward the relatively few times I was able to, apparently, mask my inner turmoil by displaying a relatively calm facade, and thus fail to provide the satisfying dose of narcissistic supply. The feelings of desperation, guilt and despair at having neglected, and possibly lost, the best relationship of my life (my fiancee, an abuse survivor stuck with her abusers. Still waiting, still hoping halfway around the world in a country with poor mental health care. Who was nonetheless willing to heed my call to get the help she needed, where the abusive narcissist was not), in favor of what has sadly become the worst relationship of my life. The feelings of guilt that I carry and distraction from my own, as well as my fiancee's, increasingly desperate needs...knowing full well that the aging narcissist has so used and abused every worthwhile relationship they have ever known that I am the only one left. And they wildly incapable of providing for even their most basic needs, let alone those of anyone else. No recognition, no apparent signs of self-awareness, no atonement... Little that ever so much as hinted at apology, and even when the hint was there, little apparent sincerity. For they are the real victim, always and forever, apparently to the bitter end. I have been steadily immersing myself in Dr Ramani's (clinical psychologist with special focus on narcissism and narcissistic abuse) voluminous video talks. And they have lifted the veil. Hearing the words from an everyday, fellow survivor such as yourself, one who is further along in the healing process...it helped me more than I can say. So I guess the only thing left to say is: Thank You ❤
@jamesjohnson9748 You are not alone. Same. It took me 54 year to figure it out. I thought the sadistic smile was my imagination. But it wasn’t. How on earth can a mother treat their child in this manner? Try looking up the Crappy childhood fairy. She is very good as well.
Black dark pools of emptiness! Hilarious but true. My ex fast forwarded everything, he even told ME that I loved him & that it was ok to say it, even though it was only a few weeks into the “relationship”. So many red flags that I’ll never miss again. Thank you for the enlightenment.
I remember asking my ex “why do you love me?” & this guy said “I love you bc you love me” just completely crazy. I remember 3-4 months in the relationship I just randomly search ‘what is a narcissist’ & he was all those traits. He admitted to me that he doesn’t have empathy towards people & i was so naive & attached I spent 2 year of f hell w him. His family enabled him & i was always the one to blame. I cut off my family I had no friends, I couldn’t leave the house without him or his parents, the relationship moved very fast & i ended up living w them. I got pregnant 4 months into the relationship. Fast forward my daughter just turned one & i outsmarted him & his family & said I needed a break for a week away from them with my child. (I found out he cheated) we were fighting sm that his parents were just so tired so they let me go. Little did they know I was planning to leave for 2 weeks I finally reach out to an old friend, opened up about what was going on and they helped me out of that relationship & i got my child & myself into a women’s shelter (there was also DV) it’s been now 2 years now. I’ve had a restraining order & its soon coming to an end but I’m better prepared & im pursuing full custody. I know who he is now & i know time has passed but I still know who he is as a person & im proud to say that me & my child were able to escape him & his family.
When I asked my wife what she loved about me, she said "I love the way you love me." She zero contacted me after 14 years of marriage and supporting her through her MD/ medical school.
Thank you Andrew for another great video. You’re right and when I told him I know now what you were doing to me, he confessed, and I asked him,why? He said because you were easy. My mouth flung open and I was shocked, so the 31 years with him have been based on lies and manipulation. So, I’m working on leaving but the money I saved, I had to use to pay bills because my job cut my hours. I’m still trying to save money but it’s just going to take longer now. ❤️🙏✨
Wow, I'm so sorry to hear this, 31 years is a long time. Is there no family that can help you out, put you up temporarily? I didnt have anyone to help me out financially and thought I could just bide my time, but what I didnt realise, although it was beginning to slap me across the face so I could no longer ignore it, was that my health and stress levels were at an all time low. As Andrew points out, we need to put the oxygen mask on ourselves first, else we are no use to anyone. I hope that after 31 years you are not a shadow of your former self, like I had become. God bless. ❤
A fitting video for today, as I got a call today from this lady who said our spouses were together at the airport on a flight together. I knew…..I knew that I knew.
oh no you got bit by something hope you are okay andrew big hugs it was a sickening feeling when i figured out my narcissistic friend and here i am happier than ever
Narcissists try to situate themselves in environments where people are naive: small towns, churches, schools, etc. (Kind people who want to see the best in people.) What I really wonder about is how the internet and all of this information coming out affects them. I would have to think it is getting harder and harder to run their cons 🤷♀️
For sure, the less sophisticated small orgs. There's probably been a significant increase in name changes. But the internet is starting to pick those up too, associating former & current names together. Most ppl do not bother to do background checks on those they deal with, unfortunately.
I figured him out but I didn't have time to even get my ducks in a row when I was fleeing for my life. Every question is no. I did go "No contact" and that was the key to my acceptance. 🤔 Decompression too. I have a healing life right now. And I will not take it for granted. Understand 🥺 from the start until just after my 23rd wedding anniversary. The one coming in September is the 25th anniversary. I left right after my 23rd wedding anniversary. I am now living my best life. 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉😄😄😄😄 🌹❣️🌹❣️🌹❣️🌹❣️🌹❣️
I was making every concession for this persons selfish & confusing behavior. Once I read about Narcs....It became PERFECTLY CLEAR!!! I cut bait & rebuilding every step of my life each day. Its hard, it hurts but very necessary! 🎀😘
It took me 32 yrs to finally stand up for myself. I am disabled from work injury. He trianguled my youngest daughter(17 at the time), talked and planned with her instead of me. To the point where she became resentful and extremely disrespectful. It's been 10 months. The first 4 months, I did go crazy with grief, longing, and not knowing what happened or why. He cut me off from our income, and I've been selling things to live off of, plus my little disability check of 762. He has turned all 4 of my adult children against me, and I'm no longer allowed to see or talk to my 4 beautiful granddaughters. I've yet to find a therapist who knows about complex trauma and narcissistic abuse recovery, I've been to several. I'm 53, and I'm isolated with no help. Daily living tasks are often impossible. I'm up for another surgery soon and have no one to help with recovery. I've made it thus far, and I have to believe I will continue to make it and heal from who I thought was the love of my life. He used the 2 words love you" to let me know when our conversation was over. He berated me in public and could hardly touch me without wanting sex. I became nothing, isolated, no friends, and hounded about getting my attorney to get the money, gaslight, unsupported of my frustrations with the medical industry,etc. I could be having a breakdown from pain in legs, pelvis, and back, and He would just stand there with a blank expression on his face. The worst thing is...he says this is all my fault. He has tried to leave me with no transportation several times out of spite by not paying a car loan that is in both our names. I am now paying it on my own out of disability check. God has provided me, somehow, with a way to pay it. I don't go anywhere except to Dr's. and pickup order at grocery /pharmacy. I am still in the house, thank God. Finding your channel has given me an explanation for some of my behaviors and an explanation of my husband I would always be trying to wrap my head around. Now, it makes sense I left him when our first child was a toddler because of these behaviors, mainly his rage outburts. I should have stayed gone, I was 23. I knew then something was not right about him, but my commitment to our marriage and my love for him had me going back for more.
I'm so very sorry to hear about all that you've endured for years. I can totally relate to your situation. I'm so glad to hear that you're still in the house and that you've managed to find a way to pay for the car. What an absolute nightmare! My heart goes out to you and rest assured I will remember you in my prayers. And yes, God always provides a "way". My husband last year of 32 years then, divided our family....destroyed the relationship between myself and our daughter. I'm also disabled and waiting to see a specialist for severe back/leg pain that I've had for the past two years. I have no transport and if I need surgery, no help. He has told untruths about me. I've only ever been good to him and he has betrayed me and discarded me like I was a piece of trash. I too walked out with the stroller a newborn and my eldest child who was three at the time with a packed case. I aimlessly walked around for hours before returning home....looking back I should have stayed gone too! Nothing was normal....his drinking and staying out late was a huge issue and if asked not to, he'd fly into a rage. They are deceitful and cunning and change the narrative and adapt things to suit themselves. My life was wasted looking back but like you in the early days, I thought my heart was going to burst with grief and the upheaval. We are slowly, with Andrew's help, finding our way through it. We still have challenges to face, I'm trying to find a way to keep my home but I have no means.....I'm trusting in God's mercy to keep me safe. We are better off out of it as painful as it is. We have this wonderful community and it's a blessing. I wish you every grace and blessing....stay strong. God has a plan.....our best days are still ahead of us. God bless you friend. Stay strong and much love to you. 🙏🌸🌸🌸
I am soooo sorry,my story,I could write a book. They are disgusting monsters. Your ex husband will have to answer to god. These people are delusional and think they are entitled to others lives,when they have no right to others lives. It's sickkkk,my phone is hacked,calls listened to hidden cameras. These people truly need help. It's disgusting to watch and stalk someone and I don't feel sorry for any narcs and I despise bullies.
So sorry to hear your nightmare, I pray someone will help you, I know there will be someone. I can relate to your story like all of us can, I remember the rage outbursts, they were terrifying, sending you love.🙏
Yes, you were that needle in a haystack that helped shine light on the hows and whys of this nightmare relationship. You, Drs Carter and Vaknin, have been lifesaving. While, as we all know, you need to go through this to understand it or seek professional help. Friends or family don't have a clue. It's been about two years and what you share continues to be helpful and supportive. Thank you so much Andrew 💛
I just talked to somebody going through the "realization" and they are naturally having a super hard time. They were in a relationship for 5-6 yrs with a monster. Ive noticed that they are bouncing back very quickly, and it made me think about having parents as the narc, or having a relationship with a narc. I thought that I would have given the world to have a relationship with he narc rather than parents. When I really realized my parents were sick and my siblings were in on the abuse I was 30+ yrs old, and it almost freakin killed me connecting all of the dots and seeing how everybody in my life had been there as a flying monkey/narc. Nobody was randomly in my life as a friend etc. Generally the narc chose people to insert into my life to play along in a sense. I felt like I was in the Truman show, but I felt more duped than the character. It leveled me so deep that I wanted to die. I was embarrassed to no end, and I was sick that my family, and friends would hurt me like they did. It has taken me over 3-4 yrs to get back to my old self, and Im still self sabotaging etc among many other things that were forced upon me throughput this ordeal. But after talking to my friend, and explaining more in depth of how everything works etc. I've realized, its not any easier for anybody in these f'd up situations. Husband, wife, mother, father, its all the same. It is so baffling that these scumbags will do shut like this to us that it pushes us to a deep limit of pain, disbelief, and betrayal. Its not normal in anybody's situation to get duped so hard, and that cuts a hole so deep its unreal. Its unreal that nobody believes us as well lol? But to wrap this all up, there 100% is a reason we were put into these situations, and everything does happen for a reason. I believe its spiritual, and there is a much bigger purpose for us after everything. Idk for sure what it all equates to, but Im excited to figure it out someday. Id love to hear others opinions of why, or whatever it is we made it through this stuff? Why not just kill me a long time ago? Idk, and sorry for the long post, this abuse taught me how to overthink like an expert. Thanks Andrew, and God Bless everybody going through this stuff🙏🙏🙏
Narc parents ( siblings who scapegoated me ) all sent me out into the world psychologically "De-clawed." Physical prowess has nothing to do with a self-defense priority. Anger came and went like tsunamis. Then, the lulls came which had me ashamed during post anger rages-- all my own toxic actions, I never understood. Now I know and it makes all the difference with knowing. You can now look at a manipulating Narc and see their sad, shaky path to an eventual No-Win ... and be on your way ( no energy needed to be wasted ).
I WAS called the narcissist . i WAS triangulated in with pure cruel intent .. over .. and again . all of the text book behaiviors. dont worry new person. You see .... you"ll love yourself. and if you can't . You're loved here .
Unfortunatelly I lived this. The pain forced me study about toxic e and narcissistic and I recognized the patterns. I set myself free but I can not cut him off FOREVER. He is the father of my daughter. He betrayed me and tried to keep me in the dark, in the cold. I was kept in a marriage with no hope. I transformed myself and I separ. However he tries to hoover me but I will never see him the same way.
Definitely. It's a long road to recover from a discard because there is a lot of bagage to handle. It takes months just to get over the shock the narc put us through. But you know my dad always said to me that everything you do in life comes back to you. And for me after three years of the discard i am doing great and i know that my ex narc is down in the dump. I am not happy about that, i think it is sad in a way but it is a reality. Great video Andrew. Have a beautiful day! ❤😊
Thank you Andrew. After ending a relationship with a narcissist for 7 years I had moved on. I had gotten through the pain and was in the hospital due to the stress the he put me through. He just recently tried to convince me that if I got back together with him things would be different. I called him out and told him it was the same cycle over and over. I at one point told him that his behavior is narcissistic and he said "what does that even mean?" and I know darn well he knows what that term means. I finally basically let him know that the cat is out of the bag and I know this cat all to well. For those of you that think things will get better if you are in a toxic energy sucking relationship I want you to know you can do better and you deserve better. Never forget that, or who you truly are. 💞
Your on fire Andrew! I can never get enough of your revelations about the narcissist. I always think now I know why this happened and that happened, but you always reveal yet another aspect of the narcissist that completely resonates! Always hits home and I never get bored listening. Thank you! 🙏
After 10 years of being in a relationship with a narcissist, I was discarded with no friends, job or home. I’m picking up the pieces slowly and about to relocate, I worked it out in the last few months. The many, many female Facebook friends, the lack of real connection, the constant feeling of isolation and loneliness, as well as his inability to share any real emotions. Wow he did a turn on me. You are absolutely correct, when I figured it out and called him out on his narcissistic behaviour he accused me of everything that he was doing to me.
Haha, I can GUARANTEE you that the narc houseguest could NEVER have IMAGINED I would figure out what she had done and _would do_ . She STILL doesn’t know all the stuff I predicted about her, and how ALL of it came to fruition. 😧😬😬😬 😂😂😂 GREAT video Andrew! I hope you’re having a WONDERFUL day there! Love you!!! 🤗❤️🤗❤️🤗❤️🤗
You are as nasty as the said narcissist that you talk about. Believe me you are probably not As brilliant as you think you are. I hope that you can genuinely heal the hurt instead of becoming what you say you didn't like.
Yes, so true. When I trained in nursing years ago, the incidence was 4 in 10. Now it's becoming a way of life. There are great people out there. We all need to come together. Working on it. Love you all. 💕
I figured out my narc neighbour and reported his abuse to the police. He left his two year old child home alone while he checked the mom was working from her place. The abuse I hear is terrible. He come after me twice now for reporting him again, second was hitting the kid. Mum told me he locked her in the house while he went to work in hospital. Abuse charity was going to place her and kid in a safe house but her family gave her deposit for a place of her own. I’ve contacted the medical council who is about to start their investigation into him as he is a doctor. I’ve got police protection in place. Sending healing hug. This empath is a warrior and will protect anyone from this demonic witch doctor.❤✌🏼🙏🏼
He's given me SEVERE PTSD. I have debilitating paralyzing daily panic attacks. He raped my soul. He used me while he needed me and then discarded me like garbage. My soul is raped. When he'd get mad/upset/hurt/whatever: he'd give me the silent treatment. REMINDER TO SELF: Reasons for narcissistic silent treatment: * Stonewalling * Gaslighting * Emotional immaturity * Lack of interpersonal skill * Victimhood * Dysregulation * Avoidant attachment style * Doing to me, what was done to him * Terrified of conflict * Not knowing any other way * Fear/panic/anxiety/terror * Felling incapable/not good enough * Desperation * Power over * Regaining a (false) sense of control * Punishment EVEN STILL, regardless of the above, I miss him and what we had, our friendship, our connection: WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING. But he never really cared about me. He used me and discarded me. Replaced me so easily. Why is she better than me? Why? What makes her so much more profoundly better than me? Is he her best friend now? Or maybe is there even more between them? Why couldn't he love me like he loves her? Is there something wrong with me? Is she just so much better? He's replaced me with another. In an instant: just like that. HE REPLACED ME. HE SHATTERED MY HEART. HE RAPED MY SOUL. I'm all alone and suffering in anguish, and they are living happily ever after together. The PTSD and the loneliness and the grief that he's given me... Makes it so that I can't breathe. I drowned. I suffocate. I die inside. I'm in hell with no escape. NO ESCAPE. I need him. I loved him. He raped my soul: brutally viciously violently maliciously. Every night: nightmares. Every day: panic attacks. I want to die. Every morning I wake up in despair, desperately praying to die. I can no longer bear the pain. I could die from the pain of missing my best friend. He betrayed and abandoned me, discarded me like garbage. My mind can't fathom, my heart can't comprehend. I live in perpetual panic and terror and loneliness and longing... I'm so alone in the world. I die of fear. I'm so fucking traumatized and terrorized and terrified. I'm dying inside. My soul is raped. He's given me severe PTSD. Severe! Severe! Severe! How and when will I ever heal? God, as I walk through this hell and heartache and grief, I pray you guide me and direct me and hold me and heal me... I won't be stuck in hell anymore. Enough is enough!!! It's time to be free: in Jesus's name! I’m giving my life to Jesus! 100%! ANOTHER REMINDER TO SELF: When you chase a man, you NEVER get the man, and you ALWAYS lose yourself!
Great video, One of my siblings is a narcissist., I am the baby of 7 she was the third oldest, I always knew she was different from the rest of us, I saw her manipulate them all and new she was selfish and cruel but tried to stay on her good side and I did for most of my life because she is my sister and family is very important to me, I am now 70 years old she is 79 and I finally told her I was done with her because of her constant degrading remarks about my husband (who she has met 2 times in the 40 years we have been married) He has never done or said an unkind thing to or about her or anyone, its been 2 years now and I am told she has alienated almost the rest of our surviving family, leaving her girls to suffer the brunt of her actions and it is very hard on them.
The whole damn 36 years I spent trying to figure him out. Well, he played the emotional card. Then he would completely ghost me, everyday, all day and all night. Accuse me of being cold because I couldn't figure out the emotions added into the behavior. But when dinner was cooked, and ready...he suddenly appeared. Patterns, and the same ones, over and over. My health started a turn around when I realized he only shows up for meals. He only wanted my attention when he was in my presence, and wanted me to wonder why he wasn't often in my presence. It was telling me that he couldn't understand why I never cry when we fight and argue. Because I have never played in emotions. Emotions are NOT feelings. Oh yeah..."here's your sign!" 😁 I was supposed to be stupid and cold all my life in his opinion. He sure has everyone else believing that. 🤷🏼 I'll keep on happily by myself 😁
First Thank you For sharing your wisdom, second it is a Shame people walk like Zombies being unaware of how much life is worth and worth of others beside you. Lack of care and LOVE to everything they are sorrounded with. Again Thx !!!
Welcome..😌🙏💜
Being educated has also helped me to realise the government is NOT our friend 🎉thank you Andrew 😊
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Welcome 😌💯🙏
U have that right on the nose.literally.
This is so helpful. For so long, I could never understand why he wanted to be with me in the first place. I totally get it these days, more and more so, thanks to videos like this. Closure will never come from the. Must come from you growing, healing, educating yourself and creating community with decent peeps, thanks!🎉
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They hate when we figure them out. It is a major narcissistic injury and triggers automatic discard. It reminds them they are not as crafty or smart as they think. As soon as I told my ex he was a narcissist I got discarded and blocked everywhere. Never heard from them again.
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True! But....wait for the hoover....it sometimes take 10 years.😅
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Rock, mine when crazy when I left him. He didn't touch me or hit me, but he was stunned!
@@celiamurrayyes over 10 years later I got a hoover
Probably the most disturbing part of narcissism is how common it has become.. education, self awareness & exposure is the key
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Yes it is so sad! I have shared with many and hope they listen and become educated
I BLAME Narcissism on most Republicans that consider HAVING FORMER President Chump/tRUMp as a leader. Vote blue & save America!
If a person has ever been through this once with a narcissist you’ll never put up with this ever again
So True....Engraved into your Brain Forever....
My new M O is end it at the first lie !!
The narcs are from the pits of Hell !!
Remember the devil's first language is dishonesty !!!!
@@davidjthayer7417 I know right don't ignore red flags...
I tell you, having been married to one for 26 yrs and 8 months, they are quite literally devil possessed. I am floored by the selfishness and hate spewed daily.@@davidjthayer7417
Not after listen to these videos.
They can’t do intimacy and some think intimacy is only about sex
The pinnacle of indifference is such a beautiful place to be
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I had no idea what I was doing when I unmasked my narcissist. I knew nothing about narcissism. I just knew she hadn't developed a healthy attachment with me. When I said 'You're missing a whole set of emotions that everyone else has', that was it. Boom! I was gone. I was discarded. I didn't even know what a discard was. I didn't know what a narcissistic wound was. I just knew I was experiencing the coldest and cruelest thing anyone had ever done to me. I felt constantly sick to my stomach. I lost weight. I was confused beyond belief. And all this from someone who had told me for four years that I was her soulmate. I now understand it all. I can't believe that there are people like this. I am immensely grateful that I started seeking out answers and found this channel and this community. I haven't felt this healed and positive for a decade. I love you all. - Joe
Beautiful empowerment 💯🙏😌🙌
Yeah, yeah... soulmate 😂. I laugh because they all say the same words and do the same tricks.
Empaths are often as brutally honest 😂 as children. You perfectly 👌 noticed the lack of feelings.
@@rubyjet9513 It's crazy how they all do and same the same things. They are a species onto themselves.
@@artluvr6170 It seems like they are learning from each other 😂.
Empaths and narcissists = the two completely different worlds. Of course we can't be together.
And then God intervened and sent an Angel 👼🏻 in human form
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A narcissist I know hates my guts and wants to drive me slowly insane because I figured them out.
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damienlopez, STAY AWAY FROM THEM. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.
@@jannlewandowski5540 Thank You @jannlewandowski5540. I can't run away...I'm related to them. Sometimes I feel like committing suicide...or committing a crime so I can just go to jail instead.
@@damianlopez7630 pity play??
@@annekerotterdam7499 What is pity play???
Looking back, I remember asking the narc a personal question about his childhood... This was after we had been dating for several months. He told me not to try to analyze him, even though I had just told him something very personal about myself. These people know exactly what they're doing, and sincerely care about no one but themselves. Thank you, Andrew, for getting me through some of my darkest days, and reminding me how fortunate I am to be out, and on my path to Healing! Much love to all❤
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gailyhanna5, my ex narc was spoiled rotten as a child. Anything he wanted, he got. 👍
Gorgeous woman that you are Gail
Love, PAUL
Gorgeous woman❤
Pretty & you're gorgeous Gail
The discard was a blessing.
Thank you Andrew.
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For real. Some people can only pray to be discarded. It's better than being stalked.
Yes!
She wanted to "separate" so she could be happy again. I held the door open and said goodbye. She said you're not going to chase me are you, I said not this time.
About a month after she moved out she came by to talk now I know hoover. She walked in the house and saw that I had put my stuff where hers was and said out loud "it wasn't supposed to work this way". She could not believe that I was ok.
That was the end of a 12 year marriage, the knowledge of her lover, the knowledge of past lovers, I filed for divorce and fell down this rabbit hole😮
I have been in recovery from alcoholism for 13 years at that point and used the 12 steps as a guide, and definitely my higher power and I did the work. I walked through the fire, I did rise again to become the best version of myself I have ever known.
I'm now 14 years sober, divorced and living my best life ever.... Completely single and still working on me. ❤ Thanks for your channel, you helped save my sanity!
Welcome 🙏💯😌🙌
Andrew what’s the truth believing that you don’t your one or knowing you are being a narcissist and knowing you are one. I have a friend who thinks her ex-husband doesn’t know he’s one. If you knew you were a narcissist and kept doing bad over and over again. Why would she know he is one but knows Also that he doesn’t know himself?
Wow! You are an inspiration!
I am so happy for you, John.
Keep on trucking! ❤
What a wonderful self-healing journey you've been on. Congratulations! It's very difficult to recover from a narcissistic relationship. Just ask Dr. Ramani (who specializes in narcissism and has her own RUclips channel).
The discard was very rough. But now that I’ve got the wisdom it amazes me how predictable and shallow the narcissist is.
2.5 years tomorrow since the discard. No contact, I slammed that door and bolted it when I figured him out. I prayed to God He would show me and He did. No one else understood. The narcissist hoovered me multiple times for 1.5 years, and I never took the bait. What a beautiful life I have now. Thank you Andrew❤
I have great respect for the work you do, Andrew, please never stop educating the world.
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Listen to Andrew PLEASE! He IS the long-lost BEST FRIEND you have ever or will ever have. He has summed up almost 21years of a covert narcissist's final statement of "You are not my type" . I wish I had been told that first - instead of last. I will never see those decades again!
Thanks Andrew for summing up my life in one video. That's right , get no closure, wondered what exactually happened to me!!!
Protect this man at all costs.
I gave this man 49 years of my life that he took and took and took and he's not taking anyone Thank You God bless your channel❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
He told me "You will never find someone who will love you like I do". I looked at him and said "I love myself more than you ever could".
In the Bible it says in the end times the love of many will wax cold. I just realized that must be narcissism!
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Being "discarded" by a narcissist was a true blessing! Opened up my life.
They only use their supplies for their own selfish reasons. They don't care because they're selfish. We're only stand ins to dump all their traumas on!
Man this is so spot on. This is how I found your page on RUclips. I was like wtf just happened?
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One of the last things my ex said to me was, "I know where I went wrong with you."
It was clear right then and there that she was all about manipulation.
I'm so glad to be free of that.
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They absolutely DO give themselves away IF we are really listening .. when I think back to some of the things that were said .. yikes!
@@bonniedunbar6717 It failed before that when she went too far one too many times.
Yikes!
It's so crazy! Mine said "I never thought I would hear you saying these things"...they do give you clues! We are free, thank God 🥳
Once the blinding fog is lifted from your eyes, you can see them as clear as crystal. Once seen in their true colours, there is no going back and you can never unsee them. Another essential video Andrew, thank you for providing us with the tools we need to deal with them.
Yes. I’m still angry at myself that I allowed myself to get played like this. I think that is most likely going to be the hardest part.
After I left him my ex said he "didn't think I had it in me" to leave him. To pack all my stuff up with help from a friend and move out of the house we shared while he was at work one day.
psyched, after 5 years, mine was shocked when I left. 👍🙏
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I left the house I had shared with a man for 8 years. He told a friend I wasn't going to do it. He said he was going to raise my rent. I got out, and left him on his own with my unwanted shyt in his front yard, so everyone could see I cut out on him. Haven't spoken to him yet. Don't intend to.
Yeah...they never see it coming
My narcissistic husband discarded me by committing suicide, after a nice weekend. He was trying to start again our marriage, after he admitted to living a double life, of infidelity. I just am in a state of shock! I can relate to this video.
Terri-vi5qb, God forbid! He must have been in extreme distress! 🙏
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Sorry for such a hard experience! You are very strong to share that here. I think this is so profound!!
He felt obviously very troubled and could not handle what he felt inside of him
So sorry that you had to go through this
Hopefully he will heal on the other side
Wishing you lots of strength
Tamar❤
My heart goes out to you! His ultimate passive aggressive way of showing you how much he told you he hurts, whilst really setting you up in the most hurtful and confusing situation to live on with. Dont let him win this one babe. Thank goodness no kids were hurt, and that you are free now to live a life you dreamed of.
Psychopathic narcissist's never say the phrase, I love you. That is much too committal for them. What they say is, "love you". Do you see the difference? They are not involved emotionally, that's why there is no "I" in their "love you"
Wendy, hey, you're right! ..Same here!
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I noticed this too, even when said to his child.
I noticed the narcs in my family do the same thing. They only say “love you “, not “I love you “
She said " remember we love each other " at first I thought it was cute then I started doing the math and things were not adding up !!!!
Though we did!
Once you process the hurt go celebrate 🙏🏼😊
What makes it bad is a narcissist boss that you can't speak up to. After I figured it all out from videos like yours, I gave my notice. Never again!!
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You are the best channel on Narc abuse !!!
I continue to love the narcs in my life, and I pray for them sincerely, I just don’t live with them or work with them.
For a newbie or veteran....this vlog is next level knowledge.
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Two weeks after i discarded my narc, he went to a bar and picked up some woman. He married her 2 weeks later.
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High speed narcs love moving fast
Damn.
Exactly right! The narcissist never wanted you to know what had really happened. It took me exceptionally long to figure it out, but eventually, I googled it...suffering relieved right away when the burden of guilt and self-torture was lifted.
I liked to meditate on things and people in my past, and many times would try to share these insights and conversation with the narcissist. He would soon act bored with my thoughts, told me I needed to "get over it already" and similar dismissive words. He hated it when I "thought too much", and it is clear now that a big part of the reason was to avoid true intimacy with me in our relationship, so that he wouldn't expose his true nature to me. I was never supposed to know. He wanted me to live forever afterward in pain over our failed marriage, he wanted me to always blame myself for everything that went wrong. You see, in a narcissists' mind, *someone* always has to be the scapegoat, and heaven forbid he shared any blame.
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That’s the last thing I said to my spouse when I exposed them. I said “I’m not your scapegoat B**tch”. Blocked them and now they’re trying to contact the kids and the kids don’t answer either
Yes, I was told: you don't have to think, leave it to the horses they have a bigger head. Or when you confront a care worker with his behaviour: we don't have to analyse this.
"You can always buy a new pair of shoes but you cant get time back" For sure.
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Years ago when I left, I found myself living in a shelter for women and children recovering from abuse. It surely hurt that people I cared deeply for did not care about me. Of course, the question began: "Why did you stay so long." Why?: "Because I didn't want to be alone. :) Once I left I realized I was very much alone until I got out. Funny how things work out Take care.
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🥴 The most bewildering thing to me personally, is when I immediately realized.. with the information and terminology I had. IF I were seek professional help, I would be worse off by being misdiagnosed with some mental illness making me a "loose cannon "., therefore weakening any chances of being believed. You must stay alive...at first, with only your higher power and prayers for your life.
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My mother once said to me "What's so great about the truth anyway?". In a snide hateful tone. I did not know about narcicism till years later. I had to go no contact with the whole childhood family. So many narcs out there now. Now I see the whole government as a narc cesspool.
If your partner discards you, your "friends and family" will very often assume that *you've* done something "dump -worthy" ~that (frequent) conclusion works in the narcissists favor -they *know* that, that is why they make a preemptive strike. Sometimes it's because your resources have been exhausted, sometimes it's because you are getting "too close" to either figuring them out -or melting their hearts -and they cannot countenance that -so they will adopt a "scorched-earth-policy" rather than risk *any* vulnerability. The vulnerable feelings trigger their formative narcissistic wound -and they would *literally* rather *die* that allow themselves to risk authentic love. It's tempting to believe that "your love can reach them" ~and that's part of why you stay in there. *Don't* .
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Beautiful.
I read something yesterday
"If someone treats you like an option, leave them like a choice"
Asta LA Vista companeros
They really should teach about narcissists when you’re in high school so that we don’t fall into their trap. Took me 30+ years to figure out who this person really was.
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They r getting loaded w Marxism no math English grammar history crt lgbtqui. Ugh!! Schools Don t even use their counselors correctly. At all!!!
I agree. They are everywhere, too. So this knowledge is essential
Me too. I'm on the verge on leaving after 30+ years. 9 more days, then there's no looking back!!! Enough is enough!!!!!!!!!!!!
Took me 50 years to get out of a very abusive marriage. What a waste of my life! People please RUN from these demonic people as fast as you can !!
I got severe anxiety,and couldn't understand the first time I confronted him about his behaviour and he left my Son and I for 5 weeks...but only lived 900m away,)he could still drive past our home twice a day,but could not come to our front door to talk to me)Never been so confused,and stonewalled!!..Never again!
Jesus Christ is always knocking on your door 🚪 if you care to acknowledge, with salvation... So there is someone knocking on your door to save you it's your savior....
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It's SCARY how CORRECT YOU ARE!! I love you, my friend ❤️
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Love conquers hate. We always win.❤
The Narcissist need not worry.
Yeh Raaz, Raaz hi rahega.
On a condition that he will STOP interfering in MY LIFE.
This hits hard for me. I'm a logical person and i almost had a mental break trying to figure out her constant issues and plot twists, not to mention the lies and constant reliance on victimhood from things that any normal adult, even a little abnormal, would have gotten through or figured out in time. I am absolutely to blame for continuing, for not realizing what was going on, for not calling it out earlier. In general I am to blame for not being strong enough to see the pattern and get tf away. It reminds me of an addict chasing the dragon. Just when you think you've got an idea and you start defining the situation, they change the terms and move the goalposts in addition to telling you that you weren't even playing the same game or by the same rules. It sends you into a tailspin and when you ask for help to get level and upright, they tell you only THEY have the right way, the real rules, the name of the game and how to win. It's the closest thing to insane I've ever experienced
Thank you for sharing this 💯😌🙏
How could you know what you couldn't know because you didn't know?
Know the feeling!
@@dubaiedge I agree, you can't know what you can't know; but now that you DO know, there is no more excuses. One can't initially 'figure out' the narcissist because of your own wounding, your own distortions, your own past injuries that made it hard to see who the narcissist really was. You had someone in your life in the past who was unhealthy, selfish, dysfunctional etc., and so this way of connecting with someone was normal; you probably underestimated the impact of the narc's actions, and if they're good at the manipulation, this might be hard to see at times. Also, the narcissist is really good about making you feel special, affirming you, and like everyone else they do have some positive traits (they use them to their benefits) they brought to the relationship. The question to ask yourself is 'what is it about me that didn't see who this person was" or didn't see who they were sooner?. People sometimes see what they want to see (that was me). Depends too on the closeness of the relationship; a casual friend or coworker sometimes takes longer to pick up on than an intimate partner with whom you'd have more contact. This is a hard thing I had to admit to myself: healthy people don't get attracted to narcissists, or at least not for very long. I had to, and am still having to, look within myself and look at my own unhealthy stuff. Health seeks its own level, meaning, healthier people will be drawn to those who are at about the same level of health. When they meet a narc they don't hang around long because they pick up earlier, or early on, that something is 'off' and they 'keep it (the narc) moving' ". Don't get caught up in the victim stance; yes, you've been a victim, but don't stay there, it's the hardest thing get people out of. Work on your past and present wounding, you'd be amazed how quickly you'll identify them in the future. Dee, LPC (licensed professional therapist)
@marcladuke6302 I agree, you can't know what you can't know; but now that you DO know, there is no more excuses. One can't initially 'figure out' the narcissist because of your own wounding, your own distortions, your own past injuries that made it hard to see who the narcissist really was. You had someone in your life in the past who was unhealthy, selfish, dysfunctional etc., and so this way of connecting with someone was normal; you probably underestimated the impact of the narc's actions, and if they're good at the manipulation, this might be hard to see at times. Also, the narcissist is really good about making you feel special, affirming you, and like everyone else they do have some positive traits (they use them to their benefits) they brought to the relationship. The question to ask yourself is 'what is it about me that didn't see who this person was" or didn't see who they were sooner?. People sometimes see what they want to see (that was me). Depends too on the closeness of the relationship; a casual friend or coworker sometimes takes longer to pick up on than an intimate partner with whom you'd have more contact. This is a hard thing I had to admit to myself: healthy people don't get attracted to narcissists, or at least not for very long. I had to, and am still having to, look within myself and look at my own unhealthy stuff. Health seeks its own level, meaning, healthier people will be drawn to those who are at about the same level of health. When they meet a narc they don't hang around long because they pick up earlier, or early on, that something is 'off' and they 'keep it (the narc) moving' ". Don't get caught up in the victim stance; yes, you've been a victim, but don't stay there, it's the hardest thing get people out of. Work on your past and present wounding, you'd be amazed how quickly you'll identify them in the future. Dee, LPC (licensed professional therapist)
The Day You Walk Away the JUDGEMENT ENDS....
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@@NARCDAILYYouAreNotAlone 😃ur welcome
Hi Andrew and everyone. I never knew what a narcissist was. I used to think a narc is a "conceited person." I sure found out the hard way! When i think back, i noticed changes toward the end. SOMETHING IS WRONG! GUT FEELING saying RUN! I couldn't shake the feeling. My friends disliked him immensely, and i wondered why? ALWAYS follow your gut feeling. After tremendous weight loss and illness, i left him. He never found me. New phone #, off social media, and i moved. It took me 2 yrs to stop loving him, and it feels so good! WE WILL ALL BE FINE!
Great topic, Andrew..❤❤
💞 appreciate You sharing 🌺
@@kimgordon3695 You also. Keep coming back. 💗⚘️
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Great message. And your energy is higher and happier ❤️🦋
@@gratefultobehere Goodnight Chelsea, see ya tomorrow. (I fell asleep in my recliner) lol...😊💗💕🙂💞😑
I pray for anyone going yhrough this. It can get real weird. Hopefully your safe and sound
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When the happening with the narc took place was 27.5 years ago there was no internet that i know of, but I went 100% no contact anyway...
We just have to stay away from them. Continue to learn and help warn others of these 😈 spirits!
Boy, oh boy... weren't they surprised when they realized that I figured them out... after that point of time, they ceased tossing their stale meager crumbs at my feet, and they didn't bother to put the mask back on except for others... yes, I took stock of my situation and his behavior. Not knowing about narcissistic abuse, but I knew that I had been duped one more time by another person...my too trusting, too caring, too giving nature I ignored the warning signs at the beginning of each relationship. Love, they say, is blind... and it is 100 % true. Now, I listen and recognize the red flags. I am now taking care of myself first. I spent too many years taking care of the narcs in the past who didn't appreciate me, and my health was compromised. Irreversible conditions, but I am making healthy choices to improve the quality of my life. Not that I am complaining because considering everything, I am actually blessed. There are others that are in worse circumstances than I am. As long as I am narc free, I will be okay 😊
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Mary. Like that commercial: PRICELESS!!😃👍
@jannlewandowski5540 Thank you 😊 🙏
👏 💪 Good for you. Phoenix flying high! 🙂
Yep, all of that Andrew!!
I grew up thinking narcissism was someone being in love with themselves. Nothing could be further from that statement.
They actually LOATHE themselves and spend their time co-opting the lives of other. They excel at information gathering and are experts at mirroring back to you whatever wants and desires you have shared with them. They are great listeners . . . but not because they care about you. They LISTEN because they are gathering information to figure out their game plan concerning you. IF you are paying attention and accepting truth when it hits, the mask will fall pretty quickly. Trust what your gut is saying when you start to hear and see strange stuff (and folk) popping up.
The problem is that they are so good at emotional manipulation that you will gaslight YOURSELF in order to remain in the relationship. God HELP you if you MARRY INTO IT. It will be one long carousel ride of drama, chaos and foolishness where you have not only accepted their bad behavior but the hideous behavior of their friends. It will get more brazen as time goes on and if you have ANY love left for yourself, you WILL have your fill of it, or you will get tired, start disconnecting, and they will decide to discard.
I know it doesn’t seem like it but please, please realize that the discard will be the BEST THING EVER that will happen to you.
After you deal with “the dark night” you WILL see a glorious new day where you rediscover the beauty and calm of your own soul and spirit. You have to live OUTSIDE the drama to begin to realize what a sweet RELIEF it is to be DONE. It would be different if it were fixable. But it’s NOT, because then narc sees no reason to FIX anything.
They are addicted to chaos, drama and dark energy.
Fly, and be FREE.🦅🦅🦅
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Super well said that could only be told by a veteran of the Narc experience. After the affects, is liberating beyond words.
Yep, they can be in your family as well, and horrible when you find out thru some tragic experience of a parent dying and they try to destroy you, blame you, assasinate your character and act like they are the good ones while they trample on your life. Watch out people, they are in your family...take it from one who found out the hard way. Yes, you won't get closure, nothing you say will sink in that they intended on destroying you while claiming to 'help' you. ...even when you didn't ask for their help. Boy oh boy are they devious and dangerous.
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I love how you say "the beautiful Carolinas." They are indeed beautiful. A pride of our nation. At one point in time, Carolina was singular and unified. The split occurred in 1712 and Carolina was actually not a female. It refers to King Charles I of England. "In my mind I'm going to Carolina." Thank you James Taylor!
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When the mask finally completely slips,it's eerie. Dark eyes and his voice changed. My Intuition was spot on with him (or I stopped allowing him to gaslight me when questioning him) 12 years is how long I was fooled by my husband. The discard was brutal, just the way he liked and planned it.
The divorce has started, he filed about 2 weeks after he left for the secretary from his work. The divorce process is gonna be just as much of a nightmare because they are very vindictive
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I am sorry that happened to you!, Look out for yourself and get a good lawyer. Don’t try to stay friends, and get it all in writing!, Take it from someone who learned the hard way! It has been almost 19 years, and I am over it, but still single.
@brendaalter7172 I do believe I have a good attorney. When he left 2 months ago, he left with an overnight bag and that's about it. I took all his belongings out of my house and put them in my barn. Like, who leaves everything??
@brendaalter7172 I have zero desire to be "friends" ,I'm not on social media, I've blocked his email address and I don't have his number, I turned his phone off because it was on my plan. He did say to me before he ghosted me thar "it's easy to be my friend, but not my husband ". Umm...hell no! Who needs friends like that
I represented myself in court for the divorce and he was ordered to pay me every month.
Even if you need to get a lawyer, fight back. You can win.
After finding out he had been cheating (I knew deep down he had been for a while, but I finally had proof), I asked him how could he ever look himself in the mirror. He replied, "I love myself." He said it with pride, with his chest stuck out and his head high. A few days later he physically and sexually assaulted me in our home. I ran out of the house that night, never to return.
He always used to say, "You don't know me." I thought I did. I thought how strange it was for someone to say that and to say it so vehemently. But he was right. I had no clue how evil he really was until the assault. Now I get it. It's been so hard moving on. 2 months of no contact. I've lost so much, but I've gained even more. I have peace and safety. These are priceless. I hope to never experience anything like this again. I don't think I would survive it.
Great video Andrew. Yes seven years of the narcissist hurting me, I saw the signs but I never thought that such an evil person existed, he was an expert liar . After being discarded I was hurt and alone I walked away to either gather myself or give up. My problem is that I don't like to give up. So with the help of this channel and alot of hard work I'm doing much better. I know closure will never come from him, so I gave myself closure and learned a valuable lesson. Thank you Andrew and thank you everyone.
Thank you 💯🙏😌
So glad to hear you are on the healing path, Carlos. ❤❤❤ Don't give up!!! Much love❤
Yes, give yourself closure. Its the best way forward for they could NEVER give it, they wouldn't know how and besides, they think everything is somebody else's fault.
They look fir people who don’t give up. Then they attack you saying how you give up easily. It’s disgusting.
You are right! They never wanted you to figure them out. As long as you buy their story, they will sting you along.
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One of the lucky ones; didn't expect it either way, just glad I financially prepared myself (always whenever living with someone) 😊 on a happier, calmer, much more peaceful life. Been no contact since April and though he owes me, it's on the side burner. I am focusing on my career resurrection & honestly, if I never feel that I still need him to face responsibility I have a year to file unjust enrichment, physical assault, hacking banks, phones, stealing my SNAP food card...then, I will pursue my due financial justice. Right now, busy living like a regular person...Namaste all ❤ give it time, and then more time. It's a long healing process with new self discoveries along the way.
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On Point as always! Superb! Glad I woke up even at a ripe age. I finally beat the Narc at their game. They like to blame shift the chaos they create.
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@@NARCDAILYYouAreNotAlone Not to tell you want you should do Andrew. Those ear pods are not good for you in your ears. There is direct energy -- can't think name -- is going into your precious brain. Or limit use.
Great video Andrew. I've come to the conclusion that the only closure you will ever get from a narcissist relationship, comes from you. That's the 🗝 and I'm ok with that. Have a great rest of your day. 💕and ✨️
Thank you 😌🙏💯
My closure is the total lack of empathy and all the disrespect for the genuine love I gave..
I keep listening... and it's like BINGO!! This is just sooo flippen on target. Bham! Wow.
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You describe the fog and confusion so well. And how they are so restless, and all of the secrets. It is endless. The lies, and the excuses are relentless, and how they get into our heads. You are spot on, thanks for this.
Also sounds like a bit of adhd, he would constantly go off off on diff tangents, interupt me,whilst i was speaking, id hated what id become because i sounded like a school teacher, " can u stop interrupting" " can u tidy up behind you pls" my ex was like that, it took me a while to work this one out .. I'm to blame too for being weak in the midst of addiction at that time and I took the cowards way in dealing with the pain instead of being strong, I couldht think clearly looking back ❤️
@@Mel-os3ld try to be gentle with yourself, it is hard to come to terms with our response to them at the time, I get it.
@cassandragrayes6149 they have a way of making us think everything is our fault. mind boggling.
Its hard when it's your siblings... destroys all trust...ty for video...
Welcome 💯😌🙌
the narcissist blatantly disrespects you and has zero regard for the consequences that you will endure just being associated or unfortunately related to them. if you know of someone who’s life has been hijacked by a self serving narc please pray 🙏 for them. we can choose to look out for those going through similar tribulations
💯 I sort of figured out while I was with the narcissist, the hoovers and discard was expected. I made sure that the final discard was from me ....
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You have nailed every characteristic of the narcissist and how their victims feel, in every single video. TY
I remember growing up thinking "Maybe they will change when I'm an adult" I kept giving extensions and excuses for their behavior.
18 turned into 21
21 turned into 25
25 turned into 30
30 turned into 35
Landed in therapy again at 37
When the Narcs refused to give me closure stating that it was me and not them. I finally refused to take them into my 40's/future and enjoy the rest of my life toxic free. God willing, I will have an equal amount of time or more being free and happy. I am turning into the me I always knew that I was.
The Narc mother hated anyone I would date but when a break up occurred, especially if that person treated me like trash, the Narc mother would suddenly be friends with them saying "Actually, once I got to know them, they were a great person". My ex spouse was the last...I hope they destroy each other.😊
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Well that's really shitty
No need to hope ,its EMINENT...BLEZZ # KEEP DA CHANGE
Thank you Andrew.
It only took me 47.5 years to figure out that the person who gave birth to me is the narcissist.
At least so much of my life makes sense now.
The life-long psychological manipulation and abuse, the exhorbitant theft by deception (as well as other forms of theft) that has left me with near-crippling debt, the vile, hateful slurs.
The gaslighting, the invalidation, the infantile mockery in response to my objections, or heartfelt expressions of pain.
The slurs offered casually with darting sideways glances to see if they acheived the intended result.
The sadistic smile when I became enraged in response to verbal violence or sadistic mockery.
The sheer malevolence that was my reward the relatively few times I was able to, apparently, mask my inner turmoil by displaying a relatively calm facade, and thus fail to provide the satisfying dose of narcissistic supply.
The feelings of desperation, guilt and despair at having neglected, and possibly lost, the best relationship of my life (my fiancee, an abuse survivor stuck with her abusers. Still waiting, still hoping halfway around the world in a country with poor mental health care. Who was nonetheless willing to heed my call to get the help she needed, where the abusive narcissist was not), in favor of what has sadly become the worst relationship of my life.
The feelings of guilt that I carry and distraction from my own, as well as my fiancee's, increasingly desperate needs...knowing full well that the aging narcissist has so used and abused every worthwhile relationship they have ever known that I am the only one left. And they wildly incapable of providing for even their most basic needs, let alone those of anyone else.
No recognition, no apparent signs of self-awareness, no atonement...
Little that ever so much as hinted at apology, and even when the hint was there, little apparent sincerity.
For they are the real victim, always and forever, apparently to the bitter end.
I have been steadily immersing myself in Dr Ramani's (clinical psychologist with special focus on narcissism and narcissistic abuse) voluminous video talks. And they have lifted the veil.
Hearing the words from an everyday, fellow survivor such as yourself, one who is further along in the healing process...it helped me more than I can say.
So I guess the only thing left to say is:
Thank You
❤
@jamesjohnson9748 You are not alone. Same. It took me 54 year to figure it out. I thought the sadistic smile was my imagination. But it wasn’t. How on earth can a mother treat their child in this manner? Try looking up the Crappy childhood fairy. She is very good as well.
You will be o.k.
Black dark pools of emptiness! Hilarious but true. My ex fast forwarded everything, he even told ME that I loved him & that it was ok to say it, even though it was only a few weeks into the “relationship”. So many red flags that I’ll never miss again. Thank you for the enlightenment.
Welcome 🙏💯😌🙌
I remember asking my ex “why do you love me?” & this guy said “I love you bc you love me” just completely crazy. I remember 3-4 months in the relationship I just randomly search ‘what is a narcissist’ & he was all those traits. He admitted to me that he doesn’t have empathy towards people & i was so naive & attached I spent 2 year of f hell w him. His family enabled him & i was always the one to blame. I cut off my family I had no friends, I couldn’t leave the house without him or his parents, the relationship moved very fast & i ended up living w them. I got pregnant 4 months into the relationship. Fast forward my daughter just turned one & i outsmarted him & his family & said I needed a break for a week away from them with my child. (I found out he cheated) we were fighting sm that his parents were just so tired so they let me go. Little did they know I was planning to leave for 2 weeks I finally reach out to an old friend, opened up about what was going on and they helped me out of that relationship & i got my child & myself into a women’s shelter (there was also DV) it’s been now 2 years now. I’ve had a restraining order & its soon coming to an end but I’m better prepared & im pursuing full custody. I know who he is now & i know time has passed but I still know who he is as a person & im proud to say that me & my child were able to escape him & his family.
Thank you for sharing this 💯🙏😌🙌
When I asked my wife what she loved about me, she said "I love the way you love me." She zero contacted me after 14 years of marriage and supporting her through her MD/ medical school.
Thank you Andrew for another great video. You’re right and when I told him I know now what you were doing to me, he confessed, and I asked him,why? He said because you were easy. My mouth flung open and I was shocked, so the 31 years with him have been based on lies and manipulation. So, I’m working on leaving but the money I saved, I had to use to pay bills because my job cut my hours. I’m still trying to save money but it’s just going to take longer now. ❤️🙏✨
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Wow, I'm so sorry to hear this, 31 years is a long time. Is there no family that can help you out, put you up temporarily? I didnt have anyone to help me out financially and thought I could just bide my time, but what I didnt realise, although it was beginning to slap me across the face so I could no longer ignore it, was that my health and stress levels were at an all time low. As Andrew points out, we need to put the oxygen mask on ourselves first, else we are no use to anyone. I hope that after 31 years you are not a shadow of your former self, like I had become. God bless. ❤
A fitting video for today, as I got a call today from this lady who said our spouses were together at the airport on a flight together. I knew…..I knew that I knew.
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oh no you got bit by something hope you are okay andrew big hugs it was a sickening feeling when i figured out my narcissistic friend and here i am happier than ever
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How many truths you got out Andrew! That hits hard for me
Thank you for educating people and hopefully before insanity
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he is wise this Xristodoulos clone...tiz in the genes !!! he is a Clone Resistance warrior.
Narcissists try to situate themselves in environments where people are naive: small towns, churches, schools, etc. (Kind people who want to see the best in people.) What I really wonder about is how the internet and all of this information coming out affects them. I would have to think it is getting harder and harder to run their cons 🤷♀️
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For sure, the less sophisticated small orgs. There's probably been a significant increase in name changes. But the internet is starting to pick those up too, associating former & current names together. Most ppl do not bother to do background checks on those they deal with, unfortunately.
Very true
I figured him out but I didn't have time to even get my ducks in a row when I was fleeing for my life. Every question is no.
I did go "No contact" and that was the key to my acceptance. 🤔 Decompression too. I have a healing life right now. And I will not take it for granted. Understand 🥺 from the start until just after my 23rd wedding anniversary. The one coming in September is the 25th anniversary. I left right after my 23rd wedding anniversary.
I am now living my best life. 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉😄😄😄😄
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I was making every concession for this persons selfish & confusing behavior.
Once I read about Narcs....It became PERFECTLY CLEAR!!!
I cut bait & rebuilding every step of my life each day.
Its hard, it hurts but very necessary! 🎀😘
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It took me 32 yrs to finally stand up for myself. I am disabled from work injury. He trianguled my youngest daughter(17 at the time), talked and planned with her instead of me. To the point where she became resentful and extremely disrespectful. It's been 10 months. The first 4 months, I did go crazy with grief, longing, and not knowing what happened or why. He cut me off from our income, and I've been selling things to live off of, plus my little disability check of 762. He has turned all 4 of my adult children against me, and I'm no longer allowed to see or talk to my 4 beautiful granddaughters. I've yet to find a therapist who knows about complex trauma and narcissistic abuse recovery, I've been to several. I'm 53, and I'm isolated with no help. Daily living tasks are often impossible. I'm up for another surgery soon and have no one to help with recovery. I've made it thus far, and I have to believe I will continue to make it and heal from who I thought was the love of my life. He used the 2 words love you" to let me know when our conversation was over. He berated me in public and could hardly touch me without wanting sex. I became nothing, isolated, no friends, and hounded about getting my attorney to get the money, gaslight, unsupported of my frustrations with the medical industry,etc. I could be having a breakdown from pain in legs, pelvis, and back, and He would just stand there with a blank expression on his face. The worst thing is...he says this is all my fault. He has tried to leave me with no transportation several times out of spite by not paying a car loan that is in both our names. I am now paying it on my own out of disability check. God has provided me, somehow, with a way to pay it. I don't go anywhere except to Dr's. and pickup order at grocery /pharmacy. I am still in the house, thank God. Finding your channel has given me an explanation for some of my behaviors and an explanation of my husband I would always be trying to wrap my head around. Now, it makes sense
I left him when our first child was a toddler because of these behaviors, mainly his rage outburts. I should have stayed gone, I was 23. I knew then something was not right about him, but my commitment to our marriage and my love for him had me going back for more.
Thank you for sharing this 💯😌🙏
I am disabled as well...I am praying for you...God will see you through this...be glad you are still alive...
I'm so very sorry to hear about all that you've endured for years. I can totally relate to your situation. I'm so glad to hear that you're still in the house and that you've managed to find a way to pay for the car. What an absolute nightmare! My heart goes out to you and rest assured I will remember you in my prayers. And yes, God always provides a "way". My husband last year of 32 years then, divided our family....destroyed the relationship between myself and our daughter. I'm also disabled and waiting to see a specialist for severe back/leg pain that I've had for the past two years. I have no transport and if I need surgery, no help. He has told untruths about me. I've only ever been good to him and he has betrayed me and discarded me like I was a piece of trash. I too walked out with the stroller a newborn and my eldest child who was three at the time with a packed case. I aimlessly walked around for hours before returning home....looking back I should have stayed gone too! Nothing was normal....his drinking and staying out late was a huge issue and if asked not to, he'd fly into a rage. They are deceitful and cunning and change the narrative and adapt things to suit themselves. My life was wasted looking back but like you in the early days, I thought my heart was going to burst with grief and the upheaval. We are slowly, with Andrew's help, finding our way through it. We still have challenges to face, I'm trying to find a way to keep my home but I have no means.....I'm trusting in God's mercy to keep me safe. We are better off out of it as painful as it is. We have this wonderful community and it's a blessing. I wish you every grace and blessing....stay strong. God has a plan.....our best days are still ahead of us. God bless you friend. Stay strong and much love to you. 🙏🌸🌸🌸
I am soooo sorry,my story,I could write a book. They are disgusting monsters. Your ex husband will have to answer to god. These people are delusional and think they are entitled to others lives,when they have no right to others lives. It's sickkkk,my phone is hacked,calls listened to hidden cameras. These people truly need help. It's disgusting to watch and stalk someone and I don't feel sorry for any narcs and I despise bullies.
So sorry to hear your nightmare, I pray someone will help you, I know there will be someone. I can relate to your story like all of us can, I remember the rage outbursts, they were terrifying, sending you love.🙏
You nailed it EXACTLY. Thank you!!!
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Yes, you were that needle in a haystack that helped shine light on the hows and whys of this nightmare relationship. You, Drs Carter and Vaknin, have been lifesaving. While, as we all know, you need to go through this to understand it or seek professional help. Friends or family don't have a clue. It's been about two years and what you share continues to be helpful and supportive. Thank you so much Andrew 💛
Welcome 💯💯😌🙏
I just talked to somebody going through the "realization" and they are naturally having a super hard time. They were in a relationship for 5-6 yrs with a monster. Ive noticed that they are bouncing back very quickly, and it made me think about having parents as the narc, or having a relationship with a narc. I thought that I would have given the world to have a relationship with he narc rather than parents. When I really realized my parents were sick and my siblings were in on the abuse I was 30+ yrs old, and it almost freakin killed me connecting all of the dots and seeing how everybody in my life had been there as a flying monkey/narc. Nobody was randomly in my life as a friend etc. Generally the narc chose people to insert into my life to play along in a sense. I felt like I was in the Truman show, but I felt more duped than the character. It leveled me so deep that I wanted to die. I was embarrassed to no end, and I was sick that my family, and friends would hurt me like they did. It has taken me over 3-4 yrs to get back to my old self, and Im still self sabotaging etc among many other things that were forced upon me throughput this ordeal. But after talking to my friend, and explaining more in depth of how everything works etc. I've realized, its not any easier for anybody in these f'd up situations. Husband, wife, mother, father, its all the same. It is so baffling that these scumbags will do shut like this to us that it pushes us to a deep limit of pain, disbelief, and betrayal. Its not normal in anybody's situation to get duped so hard, and that cuts a hole so deep its unreal. Its unreal that nobody believes us as well lol? But to wrap this all up, there 100% is a reason we were put into these situations, and everything does happen for a reason. I believe its spiritual, and there is a much bigger purpose for us after everything. Idk for sure what it all equates to, but Im excited to figure it out someday. Id love to hear others opinions of why, or whatever it is we made it through this stuff? Why not just kill me a long time ago? Idk, and sorry for the long post, this abuse taught me how to overthink like an expert. Thanks Andrew, and God Bless everybody going through this stuff🙏🙏🙏
Welcome 💯🙏😌💪☀️
Narc parents ( siblings who scapegoated me ) all sent me out into the world psychologically "De-clawed." Physical prowess has nothing to do with a self-defense priority. Anger came and went like tsunamis. Then, the lulls came which had me ashamed during post anger rages-- all my own toxic actions, I never understood. Now I know and it makes all the difference with knowing. You can now look at a manipulating Narc and see their sad, shaky path to an eventual No-Win ... and be on your way ( no energy needed to be wasted ).
I WAS called the narcissist .
i WAS triangulated in with pure
cruel intent .. over .. and again .
all of the text book behaiviors.
dont worry new person.
You see ....
you"ll love yourself.
and if you can't .
You're loved here .
Have a good day. God bless you, thank you again.
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Unfortunatelly I lived this. The pain forced me study about toxic e and narcissistic and I recognized the patterns. I set myself free but I can not cut him off FOREVER. He is the father of my daughter. He betrayed me and tried to keep me in the dark, in the cold. I was kept in a marriage with no hope. I transformed myself and I separ. However he tries to hoover me but I will never see him the same way.
Definitely. It's a long road to recover from a discard because there is a lot of bagage to handle. It takes months just to get over the shock the narc put us through. But you know my dad always said to me that everything you do in life comes back to you. And for me after three years of the discard i am doing great and i know that my ex narc is down in the dump. I am not happy about that, i think it is sad in a way but it is a reality. Great video Andrew. Have a beautiful day! ❤😊
Marie France, we will all be fine. Yes, it takes TIME..💗🌸🙏
@@jannlewandowski5540 You got that right my friend! 💯🙌💪😁
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Thank you Andrew. After ending a relationship with a narcissist for 7 years I had moved on. I had gotten through the pain and was in the hospital due to the stress the he put me through. He just recently tried to convince me that if I got back together with him things would be different. I called him out and told him it was the same cycle over and over. I at one point told him that his behavior is narcissistic and he said "what does that even mean?" and I know darn well he knows what that term means. I finally basically let him know that the cat is out of the bag and I know this cat all to well. For those of you that think things will get better if you are in a toxic energy sucking relationship I want you to know you can do better and you deserve better. Never forget that, or who you truly are. 💞
Thank you for sharing this insight 💪💯🙌💯
Your on fire Andrew! I can never get enough of your revelations about the narcissist. I always think now I know why this happened and that happened, but you always reveal yet another aspect of the narcissist that completely resonates! Always hits home and I never get bored listening. Thank you! 🙏
Welcome 😌💯🙏
After 10 years of being in a relationship with a narcissist, I was discarded with no friends, job or home. I’m picking up the pieces slowly and about to relocate, I worked it out in the last few months. The many, many female Facebook friends, the lack of real connection, the constant feeling of isolation and loneliness, as well as his inability to share any real emotions. Wow he did a turn on me. You are absolutely correct, when I figured it out and called him out on his narcissistic behaviour he accused me of everything that he was doing to me.
Thank you Andrew for keep the flag flying❤
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You sound like you were living in my house. You spoke exactly what I have been through. I am out now and still healing.
Haha, I can GUARANTEE you that the narc houseguest could NEVER have IMAGINED I would figure out what she had done and _would do_ . She STILL doesn’t know all the stuff I predicted about her, and how ALL of it came to fruition. 😧😬😬😬 😂😂😂
GREAT video Andrew! I hope you’re having a WONDERFUL day there! Love you!!! 🤗❤️🤗❤️🤗❤️🤗
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You are as nasty as the said narcissist that you talk about. Believe me you are probably not As brilliant as you think you are.
I hope that you can genuinely heal the hurt instead of becoming what you say you didn't like.
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Educated empath = Jennifer 🦸♀️ superpower!❤️🙌🤗
Yes, so true. When I trained in nursing years ago, the incidence was 4 in 10. Now it's becoming a way of life. There are great people out there. We all need to come together. Working on it. Love you all. 💕
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Powerful Andrew! This video is really uplifting. It shows that we are not idiots - even if the narc think so, and wanted us to believe it. Tx.🙏
Welcome 🙏😌💯
I figured out my narc neighbour and reported his abuse to the police. He left his two year old child home alone while he checked the mom was working from her place. The abuse I hear is terrible. He come after me twice now for reporting him again, second was hitting the kid. Mum told me he locked her in the house while he went to work in hospital. Abuse charity was going to place her and kid in a safe house but her family gave her deposit for a place of her own. I’ve contacted the medical council who is about to start their investigation into him as he is a doctor. I’ve got police protection in place. Sending healing hug. This empath is a warrior and will protect anyone from this demonic witch doctor.❤✌🏼🙏🏼
He's given me SEVERE PTSD.
I have debilitating paralyzing daily panic attacks.
He raped my soul.
He used me while he needed me
and then discarded me like garbage.
My soul is raped.
When he'd get mad/upset/hurt/whatever:
he'd give me the silent treatment.
REMINDER TO SELF:
Reasons for narcissistic silent treatment:
* Stonewalling
* Gaslighting
* Emotional immaturity
* Lack of interpersonal skill
* Victimhood
* Dysregulation
* Avoidant attachment style
* Doing to me, what was done to him
* Terrified of conflict
* Not knowing any other way
* Fear/panic/anxiety/terror
* Felling incapable/not good enough
* Desperation
* Power over
* Regaining a (false) sense of control
* Punishment
EVEN STILL, regardless of the above,
I miss him and what we had,
our friendship, our connection:
WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING.
But he never really cared about me.
He used me and discarded me.
Replaced me so easily.
Why is she better than me? Why?
What makes her so much more profoundly better than me?
Is he her best friend now?
Or maybe is there even more between them?
Why couldn't he love me like he loves her?
Is there something wrong with me?
Is she just so much better?
He's replaced me with another.
In an instant: just like that.
HE REPLACED ME.
HE SHATTERED MY HEART.
HE RAPED MY SOUL.
I'm all alone and suffering in anguish,
and they are living happily ever after together.
The PTSD and the loneliness and the grief that he's given me...
Makes it so that I can't breathe.
I drowned. I suffocate. I die inside.
I'm in hell with no escape.
NO ESCAPE.
I need him.
I loved him.
He raped my soul:
brutally viciously violently maliciously.
Every night: nightmares.
Every day: panic attacks.
I want to die.
Every morning I wake up in despair,
desperately praying to die.
I can no longer bear the pain.
I could die from the pain of missing my best friend.
He betrayed and abandoned me, discarded me like garbage.
My mind can't fathom, my heart can't comprehend.
I live in perpetual panic and terror and loneliness and longing...
I'm so alone in the world. I die of fear.
I'm so fucking traumatized and terrorized and terrified.
I'm dying inside. My soul is raped.
He's given me severe PTSD. Severe! Severe! Severe!
How and when will I ever heal?
God, as I walk through this hell and heartache and grief,
I pray you guide me and direct me and hold me and heal me...
I won't be stuck in hell anymore. Enough is enough!!!
It's time to be free: in Jesus's name!
I’m giving my life to Jesus! 100%!
ANOTHER REMINDER TO SELF:
When you chase a man,
you NEVER get the man,
and you ALWAYS lose yourself!
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My dad did most that stuff to me
Great video, One of my siblings is a narcissist., I am the baby of 7 she was the third oldest, I always knew she was different from the rest of us, I saw her manipulate them all and new she was selfish and cruel but tried to stay on her good side and I did for most of my life because she is my sister and family is very important to me, I am now 70 years old she is 79 and I finally told her I was done with her because of her constant degrading remarks about my husband (who she has met 2 times in the 40 years we have been married) He has never done or said an unkind thing to or about her or anyone, its been 2 years now and I am told she has alienated almost the rest of our surviving family, leaving her girls to suffer the brunt of her actions and it is very hard on them.
Hair looking good Andrew. But yeah, they think everyone is blind except them.
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Salaam Andrew...keep us going 💚
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The whole damn 36 years I spent trying to figure him out. Well, he played the emotional card. Then he would completely ghost me, everyday, all day and all night. Accuse me of being cold because I couldn't figure out the emotions added into the behavior. But when dinner was cooked, and ready...he suddenly appeared. Patterns, and the same ones, over and over. My health started a turn around when I realized he only shows up for meals. He only wanted my attention when he was in my presence, and wanted me to wonder why he wasn't often in my presence. It was telling me that he couldn't understand why I never cry when we fight and argue. Because I have never played in emotions. Emotions are NOT feelings. Oh yeah..."here's your sign!" 😁 I was supposed to be stupid and cold all my life in his opinion. He sure has everyone else believing that. 🤷🏼 I'll keep on happily by myself 😁
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