I learned a lot in a short time here. As look back it becomes crystal clear. He is sick, not me. My pain will heal, his never will. Thank everyone here. Reading comments helped me not feel so alone. Thank you Andrew, May we all find our peace.
@@cc1k435 I know, My ex mother in law demanded everything from everyone. When she was wrong, she had a way to make your fault. No wonder he was that way.
Oh dang this hits harder than most of your videos. His cousin called out of the blue talked a lot of nonsense then asked "would you ever go back with him?" I said hell no!! I would love to have a partner but cannot open myself to another another person.
Yes, certainly there was a specific agenda. Once obtained, and we caught on, the vicious destruction went into high gear. Then the hurricane vanished! He didnt leave a clean up crew. It was just you or me. You're greater than he is miniscule. You're better than he is vile. You are more resilient than he is weak. You're more beautiful than He is grotesque. He wouldn't believe it but.... You are just simply amazing! Strong towers can't be easily demolished! You ARE one STRONG TOWER! Blessings!
I told my Bf,her x narc hubby,had her figured out before the marriage. She told me today, that he made a fuss to have his name on the first line of the deed ,she said the lawyer gave her a look,like you better be careful,Little did she know what was coming down the pike..
There is already an expiration date from the moment you meet them. And no matter how much you give or do for them, there will always be other supplies you’re competing with anyway. They will always inevitably get bored and tired of the same source regardless.
At the discard, after 20 years, he told me he knew it was not going to work after the first year. Yet he used fear, guilt and shame etc. repeatedly to make me stay. Thank you, Andrew, for educating people and telling the truth!🌸
@@jannlewandowski5540 Yes, even sooner. But unfortunately they do not even teach it to psychology students, a friend of mine who had just graduated never heard about it...
Hi Andrew and Everyone! Oh Wow, what a topic! If I could go back in time! If only I didn't go out with him, and listen to my GUT feeling, my life would be sooo different today. Everything took a hit, including my health, then my life was at stake. When you're in love, you're not supposed to be in the Hospital in ICU! I was almost over. Thank God I'm here today with all you beautiful people. He was never satisfied unless he got everything he wanted. GREED was all over his face, down to a nickel. I paid for everything. FUTURE FAKING was so mean & Cruel, while a 5 year engagement ended up as a LIE...It was way over from the beginning. I'm thankful for this room, and all the great people in here. Andrew, you are an ANGEL.❤😇
Andrew, I am going through a divorce and your channel is heaven sent. I would have never thought so many people were suffering this same pattern of abuse if not for your videos and the people in the comments. I hope you realize how strong of a community you have brought together. I look forward to your words of wisdom that help remind myself to keep going everyday. Narcissistic abuse creates trauma in our minds. It will take some time in counseling to restore my mental health. Your videos are motivational and make me feel less alone in this journey. Thank you Andrew 🙏
I got divorced from this narcissist in March. It was sad for me at first but 4 months later I am so happy to have gotten divorced and to no longer be lawfully bound to him. I have gone no contact, he is blocked and I am getting on with my life and am at peace and so much happier than when I was married. You will probably feel some sadness at first too once the divorce is finalized, but the sadness won't last. Hang in there !!
@@catlady715 thank you so much for your kind words Cat Lady ❤️ It is true I have pain in my heart. He got physical so I had to put a restraining order. I wanted a fairy tale and the result ended up far from that. Thank you for reminding me there is a light at the end of the tunnel, these videos help a lot ❤️
Not all narcissists are our spouses, but a narcissist is a narcissist. Mine is my mother I’m 61 years old finally had to go no contact, it’s been the most peaceful time of my life. I’m terribly sorry your going through this but YOU can do this 💖🙏🏼 Stand strong and know your far from alone , May Gods blessings be upon you 🙏🏼💞 everyday away from the narcissist is a better day .
You are not alone - this community stands together and is behind you. And God has a perfect plan for all of our lives...plans to prosper us and plans to give us hope and a future - Jeremiah 29:11. We are blessed in our pain to have Andrew teaching us about this abuse. Keep moving forward, your best days are still ahead of you. God bless 🙏🩷🌸🌸🌸
Yes, used up and thrown away like trash. Raped on the honeymoon, financial abuse and the whole family was against me!!! I wasn't the hateful person they wanted me to be. I trugged through 28 years including dating. A totally sad situation. I should have left after two weeks of marriage in both narc husband's life!! Thank you Andrew, it's better to walk away with out shame, so that we can survive these situations!!!
Much better these days, as a veteran of narc abuse, I'm healed and realising the bad energy! Being loved by family and myself care is something I take stock in. Thank you Jann, I enjoy all your comments!!!
Exactly. As soon as I began creating boundaries to protect myself from the rage fits and the unsupported accusations, I was discarded. I had some dark, dark days trying to figure out why I was the subject of the silent treatment that lasted for weeks. 33 years of changing myself to try and meet and overcome the never ending changes in expectations, accusations, and abusive treatment. My therapist said this very thing - that my efforts kept the marriage together for years after it should have ended. I could not give any more, and could not change any further, then the discard.
I’m so sorry 😞. It sounds eerily similar to my situationship. I was under the delusion that we were building a future together as we we’re married with children but nothing could be further from the truth as I was the only one making all the sacrifices while my ex just took and took. I feel so duped. I suppose that’s what’s meant when they say to forgive yourself. I struggle with that and my inability to trust myself as I was so blindsided. Absolutely traumatized.
Do the Happy Dance. Your Free. Do whatever you want. Forgive yourself. Don't ponder on the Narc. They do everything for shits and giggles. It took four Narcs to convince me that it has nothing whatsoever to do with me. Has everything to do with the Toxic within themselves. Can't wake the Dead, but they sure do want to leave a lasting impression on your soul. Change the picker. What I did is change what I was attracted to. Sounds nuts, but eight years of no drama having a partner that gives a care and can love is the real deal. It is the lesson. It gets better.
Everything you said is true and happened to me. I lost almost everybody and everything. The relationship with the narcisist was over before it ended. Narcisists are driven by evil and evil destroys everything but your soul. Thank you. God bless you ❤
The whole triangulation thing! I couldn't figure out why his ex was still in the picture (I get it, some normal people can remain friends) but I understand now it's supply for him and angst for me. Now he's flirting with a friend's wife in front of me. . . (he's overt -- life of the party type). And yes, many a time I have said to myself "how much more of this can I take? It's almost like he's testing me" . . . He is! Thank you for explaining the crazy making!
If you decide to see a therapist be very careful that they understand narcissism. I saw a therapist and he encouraged me to stay in the relationship. This was at a time when I hadn’t been with the narc that long and it would’ve been much easier to get out. I believed him because he was a professional but I see now that all the advice he gave me was very damaging. In my opinion that therapist ruined my life so beware!
Im on my 3rd discard and my LAST discard! Im so glad for you Andrew..i think the most difficult thing about the discard is that they dont give you a reason..they just up and ignore you without any closure.
I forgive and believe he has changed... only to see him return to his old nasty self when life gets a bit hard. It is a viscious pattern of hope, reality and heartache. I am tired of a yo-yo life. There is no stability with a covert narcissist. I have had to live from day to day for 30 years never knowing what will happen next without any relationship security. I just want to exhale and feel peace without fear of his next move. I am finally realizing that I will never be or do enough for my covert narcissistis husband. My heart goes out to anyone living a similar life.
I feel you Monalisa, I went through the same as you for 35 years, we have been separated for the last year, and although it’s been really tough at times adjusting, I can finally breathe, found inner peace, am slowly healing and finding my self again. I wish you all the best, listen to your inner voice, it will guide you in the right direction 🙏🌷🌿😊
Thanks Andrew ♥️ you are helping me on my journey. Recently brutally discarded by my husband of 12 years. The most difficult realization Is knowing they were never real. So mind twisting
It's horrid wondering who they really were after it's all said & done. We had been sleeping next to a changeling. Creepy as hell to be blind to what we finally see later.
It took me a long time to process I spent almost two decades with someone I never knew. You are right, " they were never real ". One thing I've learned in time is eventhough she wasnt real, I was. So were you. All of your thoughts, and emotions were real. They all make sense now, and with your awareness comes clarity. Clarity will provide you with peace. You are on the right path😊
I'm a recovering ppl pleaser and an empath, trying to leave before the discard. I'm working on myself and my finances so I can leave. In the meantime, I fear the sudden discard as it couldn't be a worse time in my life financially and physically, which has left me at the mercy of the narcissist. I also have a narcissist father destroying my elderly mother at the same time and had a narcissist "friend" attack and dump me this year while dealing with a serious physical injury and no pain management. That friend has tried to come back into my life many times since then, and I refuse to let them back in. Once I see the mask slip 1 time with anyone, I'm done. I've wasted too much time on narcissist, and I'm fighting to get back my life.
Keep fighting to get out and find your own place! You can do it! Look for help from gov't agencies. Ask a counselor. There are people who will help you! Namaste!
This is my predicament. I agreed to house sit ex narc's home while he traveled after retirement. He was never home much during our relationship. He was an OTR truck driver. He said he had cruises planned, and was going to visit several national parks. He bought a new truck for the travels. We'd been apart no contact for 4 years. I gave up my apt to house sit his house and cats. I was going to save my rent money so I could finally move out of state. I had previously lived in this house with him 20 years. The house was totally trashed and filthy. I told him I'd clean it up, and I did. Then he tells me he changed his mind about traveling. That would mean he'd be with me 24-7! I didn't have the money yet to leave. He began demanding I cook, have sex, be nice, pay rent, etc. I hadn't agreed to any of that. This was supposed to have benefitted me, not him. I agreed to stay in the house to keep squatters out, and now he calls me a squatter. I'm close to being able to leave. He's older now, and his behavior has worsened. He insults me, talks bad about me to neighbors, says derogatory stuff about me while on the phone so I can hear, etc. If you go no contact, stay that way. Don't answer one text or email or you'll possibly end up like me. Entrapped again.
I still come back here for the wisdom , still so busted up from everything. And each new knowledge piece I learn makes all the "non-sense" make sense. The crazy thing is I have opened up a line of dialogue again. I pray I find the strength to just block them. I still entertain maybe I was the narcissist or the bad one. Yet watching these, and writing this, kind of shows me that probably wasn't the case at. When I first met her I was "the man" , woman lining up just to want to date me. Now I am a shadow of what I was. The phone is silent. I feel the third and best version of me is there. And I handle all or any challenges now with little effort. But man, I would not wish this experience on my worst enemy.
Awkward positions is so right. They say something so out there then they pause. Waiting to see if you buy it. You are so confused and it pushes you farther into the fog that you are speechless. Then they think a ha she bought it.
At this moment....I was triggered by the Christmas Gift part of the Video. I listened to Him (the Ex.)...all Year long. I knew His likes and dislikes. Therefore, I delighted in getting Him something that would fill His Heart...that really showed Him that I 'Heard' Him. He didn't do the same for Me . I would pick out what I wanted ..sometimes even buying it myself, yet with His Credit Card. I had no surprises on Christmas Morning...ever.....nothing that ever showed Me that He cared to know Me at all. I put on a good front....so as not to ruin Christmas Day or any days to follow. I left after 10 yrs ...Yeah Me !!! It still makes Me think. At 63 yrs of age....I have never experienced anyone that really listened, yet it hasn't made Me not listen to Others.🤷♀️❤ Oh, I forgot to add....when I did leave, while packing, He made quick mention to not dare take the certain items that I had given Him for Christmas or otherwise. Now isn't that the truth of the Narcissist???? Sickening, isn't it?
I stayed so long couse i never know for better it became normal to me all that competition,sick mind games i started to become them ,act like them very disturbing situations ,i wasnt myself at all
The long pause at the beginning of the video said more than enough 🙂 A very good point was made. In the devaluation stage it is amazing how much you’re willing to put up with when all along things should’ve ended so much more quickly. It’s still difficult to process how there can be two people living inside of one person. You never, ever, ever would’ve expected someone to act or behave in such a way. Not in a million years. The outward portrayal does not reflect who someone is deep down inside. “Being in a toxic narcissistic relationship, being browbeaten, being gaslit, stonewalled, given the silent treatment, experiencing rage fits, financial abuse, having your social circle blown up, not being comfortable in your own house.. all of these things, what do they add up to? It adds up to abuse on multiple levels.” Thank you for driving these points home. Also, a sincere thank you for all of the dedication, work, and wisdom you put into your videos. They’re very encouraging!!
Married day one. Slow death begins same day. Depending on what you’re made of it can be anyone’s guess? Making them happy became your only real goal in living. What a challenge! I was really good at it and I still got fired for a younger model
It’s a blessing when those relationships have their expiration dates ❤❤❤ never see it at the time (usually) it’s in looking back that it was MERCY that set us free.
Andrew i love the side glance you do at the begining of every videos. You are so funny. You make me laugh every time. I can't help it. Another great video thank you. Have a fun and lovely afternoon. ❤😁
Believing everything they said!!!! Married and been married for 17 years together 21 years!! It’s crazy Everything you said is him to a T!!!!!! It was a feeling like no other I really believed we were souls mates!! He still says it to this day!! But he’s a spoiled brat “mommy’s boy” but it’s always about him what he wants. If we argue he makes it about him!! I’m the bad one he’s the victim!! But I just found this channel and realized NARCISSIST. IS A TRUE THING! I can’t believe he IS EACH AND EVERYTHING YOU AND OTHERS STATE NARCISSIST IS!!!!! Thank you so much I’m getting ready to make a plan!!!!! I’m getting the F&CK OUT!!
Wishing you peace,strength and courage for your escape 🙏🤍 I was recently brutally discarded by my husband of 12 years. I had no idea how much abuse I was accepting until he left.
Do you ever see the negative comments of big changes? Example... My older son has a great lead on moving out to a place in walking distance of work, a town where alot of activities happen and in with a friend. I'm so proud of him; where he brings up he won't have a car, he's going to be renting with another friends friend. Not one of his own friends. It's a town with alot of bars. Etc. My son is experiencing the N. Fog where he is stuck here and does not have the support from dad that he Can do these things on his own. He is 25 and I'm hoping he will fly high entering his new life. ❤
Sometimes I think they wanted to ruin my entire life... I feel like I got tail rott.People who discard I get it. I always said they are excellent actors
You're absolutely right Andrew, when we look back we realise we were discarded many times in the relationship, but it's only with hindsight we understand that. For me, those lightbulb moments of recognising the many discards has really helped solidify the fact that this person had no care for me at all. He never saw me as anything other than a source of supply. It's tough to deal with this at first, but it really helps to dissolve the traumabond. Wishing love and light to everyone in this wonderful community. ❤️🕯️
Wow! You scare me with these facts. It’s all good though. It just awesome to know that the situation will never happen again. What makes me so sad is that the family knew but they help took advantage of me by taking from me. God help them though. What goes around comes around
The many comments are very upsetting. So many injured people. And the narcissist plays according to his playbook. I was in shock and denial when I was discarded and yet now I see my story is the same as all of yours xxx
Thanks Andrew for encouraging us yet again today. It was definitely over before it started. After 32 years in the relationship, last year, hell was unleashed on me. I can honestly say looking back and in hindsight, the day after the wedding, I felt a "shift"... I didn't understand it at the time but i do now. It was as if there was a shift in energy and i picked up on it in my "gut", literally felt him change before my eyes. He gave me this empty stare and that was the start of it, me walking on eggshells with a hollow feeling, wondering what was wrong, constantly questioning myself and working tirelessly and trying to get back to that euphoric stage. It was never going to feel the same again. I fell for his mask...it was all for show with him...nothing was real...he would throw me nuggets from time to time and hence the hamster wheel, until one day i called him out on his behaviour and thats when he showed me his real self - nasty.
This is a fairly common story. Once they marry, to them they 'got' you. They don't have to 'try' anymore. They think they're home free so now can unleash full control over a spouse.
I had an eerie feeling during the love bombing.....I knew deep down and in my heart that it was not going to last........I have just started coming out of the zombie-like, trance-like state. Thank God! I have begun to see that they were just a part of my life, NOT my whole life.
I understand where you’re coming from. Reflecting on things I too knew something was off during a first romantic dinner, but I chose to look the other way. It was when he kept talking about himself and never asked me anything about myself. I was polite, but I knew it didn’t feel right. I’m glad you shared this. You’re not alone.
No truer words ❤❤❤ And a video on MULTIPLE DISCARDS in the relationship would be phenomenal 🙌 🙌🙌 Thank you for sharing the wisdom. I knew it was over before it ended in personal and professional narcissistic relationships. We should congratulate our intuition - because it was CORRECT 💯❤️💪🙌🙏
Well i like this idea to congratulate our intuition. Thanks Chelsea for the suggestion. I hope that everyone here follow your lead. Have a great afternoon ❤❤❤❤💪🙌😊
Soon after the discard, he was with a new girlfriend within few days, texted he wanted everything he had given me as present packed in a box for him to collect, started social gatherings at his new girlfriend's flat to defame my name before work colleagues, telling them very personal painful experiences of my life and family, wrote to my boss to get me fired, gaslighted me as much as he could at work, until the boss expressed his intention to fire the both of us. That is when he disappeared for 3 blissful years. Now he is back at work ,and I am avoiding him and his new partner as much as I can. I you might think, may be you offended the guy terribly, or you mistreated him in some horrible way! No, I just said it was impossible for him to move into my flat because I had to look after my son and my father.
Yes my relationship lasted a long and wonderful time because he was ill. Once we had used all my money to cure him, he located new supply and left. It was brutal.
Iv been 💯 happy with life took me a long time . I’m now living my best life . Me and my dog couldn’t ask for more .. Thanks Andrew and God bless .. namaste 🙏 🧘♀️
Im Probably the most trauma bonded person on the planet Been waking up every day for the last 20 yrs thanking God for my many blessings Kids, work health although that's biggining to show signs of wear. And then spending the rest of each day dreaming about what my life would be without her in it. Torn between standing up for myself and doing whats best for my kids. Walking that fine line between sanity and complete and total chaos. I've been watching your videos. I'm greatful that your there and doing them. Today's was really really soooo true. She's always checking, like everything. I feel like the thief that mistakenly leaves his wallet at the scene. Wanting to get caught. Sad part is she wouldn't leave. Just use this info to punish me. Anyways, thanks again. I'll just sign off as One of these days.... Blessings to all
I have been in trauma bond for a couple of years after the divorce until Andrew opened my eyes. It's OK. Most of us go through it. Grey rock. I love it. Leaves them confused . The best to you..❤❤
“You found fools gold” this is such a perfect colloquialism because it truly describes what you get with a narcissist. One year into the marriage I began asking the narcissist to refrain from doing things that were offensive to the marriage, such as meeting women for dinner, without my knowledge, and going out of town with women. Oh yeah not to mention taking out loans! The narcissist refused to comply with my request so I left. I was a hoovered back and stayed for another seven years before being discarded….this time with baby in tow. The biggest mistake I ever made was going back. I can now see how he literally played me. Listen to this video it is true and can save your life. I am slowly rebuilding my life and it’s not easy. I have to share custody with a demonic being. I pray every day for my protection, and for my child’s protection. Great video!
It’s uncanny the way they blind side you, and you ignore the red flags and don’t trust your own instincts. If you had, you would not have stayed with them for as long as you did. When I saw a particular photo of the ex narc husband, I remember saying to myself,” if I didn’t know this man, I would say that this person is a psychopath”. I should have listened to my myself and ran away as quickly as I could, but I was trapped in marriage with him with a child, no money of my own, on the other side of the world with no family or loved ones for support and guidance.
🌱🌿the worst thing is trying to build trust again. We are all so deeply scared that my guess is were all tainted with a lack of trust for any one new coming into our lives. Even if we are being our authentic selves we run the risk of looking like we are trying too hard!! All we can do is continue to BE our authentic selves even if we have a path and life of solitude, so be it. One life One journey We are wiser now And well biten. Calm winds calm the nervous traveller!! 🌼💕🌱🌿🍃🕊️🎶
Really good Andrew spot on. I remember in the beginning with the love bombing and thinking each time he did it it was like reading from a script and the texts were all the same. I thought it was odd and obviously this was a huge red flag, but I ignored it as I sure we all did,in fact it got boring, in the end I wanted to tell him to change the record. Then as you say, as soon as I reciprocated and told him I loved him that was most certainly the beginning of the end and the devaluing started. Soon after he introduced his “really good friend”. They really are so predictable when you get the wisdom and know what to look for. I eventually walked away and have been out of the relationship around 16 months(I gave up counting I have better things to do with my life than think about him), I do sometimes run into him but I feel nothing he’s a complete stranger to me now.
I had lots of intuitive thoughts when I was still in this relationship and the title of this video was one of them, together with "you are afraid of being alone but you are alone already".
100 % I was selected to care for his patchwork family , for his 3 kids from the first marriage. After 16 years when they were grown up and adult, He discard me for a better very rich supply, money and hope for prestige and better chances . I lost also the 3 boys I cared and loved for . Since 3 years absolutely no contact. I am healed now but it took more than 2 years to heal my broken and betrayed heart. I never expected that he was this kind of person to be able to do such evil. I did not want to see the red flags. Thank god knows everything better. I prayed for not loosing my family . But God knows better and decided different. Now after 3 years I can say Thanks you saved me , I did not know better .
The time when I just had fallen in love with him and texted "I don't want to be at work, I just want to be home with you." And he answered, "You're in love!" In retrospect, it's like that's when he knew he had his hooks in me. Then the discarding comments began and I would try to emotionally move away from him and he would hoover me back in. Then, he moved into my home. Then he asked me to marry him 5 times, but I turned him down because of his explosive, alcoholic induced behavior. Then he tried to physically fight me to the point of me getting a restraining order. I literally had to get a neighbor who was twice his size to fight him off, and then I kicked him out! On the exact day of the expiration of the restraining order...he called! In that one years time, he had been with a new woman and beat her up as well. I feel so bad for his wife and child and wonder sometimes how much he put them through. This is just ONE of the narcs I encountered! The good news is I'm here to speak on it and to get educated by Andrew on what I went through and to let you know you WILL get through this. Namaste everyone!
He discarded me when I lost my job, when I got ill, when my children had life crises....it couldn't have been a worst time. How did you know, Andrew? He built up his next relationship behind my back.... But it's over , I'm recovering, each day is getting better, I'm safe now, I'm my own engine now and it's incredible what I'm managing now without HIM. Your words frame my experiences , they explain everything and enable me to burn it for ever ! I understand everything so much better since I got educated ! God bless you, Andrew and please stay for us as long as you can!!
Almost every relationship with the exception of a few… my father, one friend and God … why? Bc my mother is a Narcissist who I still live with at 45 plus molestation by certain community members… I was a mess and attracted terrible people many times …I’m amazed, I’ve survived as best anyone could, no one would know…no wonder God kept helping me… He knew what I was really up against. Now that I’ve suffered a stroke at 39 rebuilt myself from the ground up w Gods help when I asked… 🙏🏾 please just make it so I can be myself… He made it so and Im never looking back. Genesis 19:26 But Lot’s wife… began to look back, and she became a pillar of salt.
Great video Andrew. So very true, I saw the signs that he wasn't who he pretended to be he lied about everything especially when he said he loved me. When it finally ended I was very hurt and devastated but I now see that it was the best thing that could have happened. I can't imagine being with him another moment so in a way it was a blessing. I'm doing much better now I'm healthy and I have much less stress. Thank you Andrew and thank you everyone.
Hey Andrew and friends! Hope you’re all having a GREAT day! Sorry I haven’t been around today… I haven’t been feeling very well 😞😞😞 high blood pressure. Anyways, gonna try and get some rest. Love y’all!!! 🤗❤️🤗❤️🤗❤️🤗❤️😇😇😇
I was wondering about you…but was really busy and not connected for a bit. I will pray that BP settles down ❤❤❤🙏🙏🙏 Big 🤗 and hope you’re doing self care ❤
It was over and never meant to go long term. My ex-Narc was playing 2 parts of her plan at once. #1-keep me off balance where my only goal was to get along amicably. #2 Using me as fuel/supply as technician and eventually a booster stage rocket for her ambitious OCD drive for her career goal. Once the rocket was launched, the booster stage ( me ) was jettisoned back to Earth, falling in flames. She attained her career goals and sadly ( yes, still feeling badly for her), she fell ill. Thanks, Andrew- you've added to living my best life in the Now!👍🚀⏳
I hate to say this but I’ve never felt more homicidal than dealing with a narcissist. They just don’t care and they don’t ever seem to face karma. Meanwhile they ruin our lives and we have to crawl our way up to standing on our feet again. It’s so unfair. I hate narcissists.
Thanks to you and your encouraging words I am out of the abusive environment my narcissistic husband of 23 years created for me and my son . I am homeless but happier because I am not being harshly abused anymore. Namaste ❤❤❤
You are not alone. Same situation but 37 years and I ended the relationship 4 months ago. Still a work in progress and my son was a victim too. Hoping my son sees it and can figure it out. Stay Strong 💪🏼 🤗💫
The narcissist told me, "I am your worst nightmare!". And true enough, the dark entity didn't disappoint. 5 years. in your other video about the silent treatment, me and my daughter are in the silent treatment with that hag. We are DONE.
@@jannlewandowski5540 it takes a long time for us to heal because we've been pouring from an empty cup. Aside from the pouring, the narc also stole from that cup.. I am training my 10 yr old with tools on how she can maneuver her way around this kind of mental illness. It'll take us time to find ourselves, to gather the pieces.. and you will be stronger than ever. Because you learn now to control and chose who has access to you.
Andrew, it sounds like your narc put you in a lot of debt. I'm so sorry (if that happened to you). I didn't get into debt, but couldn't reach financial goals at a higher level with my 4-year narc. Thankfully I've been recovering in the last 3 years.
It's so sad but true...and I have to admitt that that expensive lesson of life was very useful. I had to analyse my whole life after survival. And now I feel so good in best ( at least I hope is ) version of me. I also didn't know and I couldn't know that so evil and bad persons exist. Now I know and when I feel them have no time for them, learned to say no and it feels sooo good. 😊
@@jannlewandowski5540 We all had the same experiences, only with different details. It was painfull to learn, price payed high. But from new point of wiew...it helped us also to change, to be smarter, to learn not only about them but the even more important to learn about us. Rest of our lifes could be and will be great what narcissist will never achieve.
I agree with you all on this thread reply and feel the same. We are stronger and better and wiser now. Thank goodness we got out of that inky toxic mist they created and tried to trap us in ! Free = more peace.
I took a short break to tune in... Great video, Andrew... all true... I was just visited by a black dragonfly purched above my pot of white petunias. A powerful symbol of transformation and change... from one stage of life to another.. much introspection to do while i stitch...😮💨🙏😊
Ohh man brother, you hit this one right on the head, realizing that I never mattered was rough indeed , but that being said I’ll never ever forget it again and the loss of drama 🎭 is not missed one bit 👊🏻 God bless you Andrew , and this special family 🙏🏼💞
Yes I had a gut feeling at the beginning. I should have gone with the fact and walked away . Wish I had now . Would have saved the pain etc. Thank you Andrew for yourgreat work xx
Too funny, Andrew. I have just been sorting out things to discard, and I have a category called "not bad". Reminder: it it's not heck yeah, it's heck no.
🎉 looking back on the narc relationship its like shovelling mud up a hill.. really impossible. Such ungratefull .selfish.blue blooded .abusive individuals. . Andrew your back drop looks like a painting sounds and looks beautiful and peaceful the birds sound happy 😊🎉❤
I go through Andrews lessons. I pick out the ones that relate to what happened to me. And of course my daily dose of reason with all the great people here. Stay safe, narc's are tricky. 💖
Yup, at the discard I was told "I told you that my relationships didn't last"....my response to the narc was " I didn't know that meant it was over before we got started"....narc was stunned...Thank you Andrew for our energy, hard work and wisdom in your sessions. It was a long time ago now, lot of hard work and pain to emerge on the other side...your tapes validated my experience!
Thank you Andrew for your work. The pain of these relationships is very real. Your work is greatly appreciated. Your words have helped many and I pray for your continued strength. Well done.
Thank you Andrew So Very Much For Sharing This You Are Absolutely Right. I Wish That I Would Of Seen This 9 Years Ago. The Narcissist Used Me Destroyed My Life My Self-worth And Self Esteem. He Used Me Discarding Me Treating Me Like I Never Existed. The Abuse Was So Brutal Im Seeing A Trauma Therapist And I’m Also Seeing A life Coach. To Repair My Life .Narcissistic Abuse Is Beyond Evil 👿 Brutal Cruel Torturing Abuse
If you can see how it had so much to do with what they did, you have every hope of being your best self in life ahead. They've gone, and you still have yourself. ❤
"Think about it"...Think about every supportive, nurturing and amazing thing that you did in order to provide support - care - provision in that relationship. In a normal and sincere relationship..that spouse would be talking you up 'lovingly' to his friends and co-workers. He/She would be definitely... showing your own children how much they appreciate you. They would be showing you by their own actions..that 'nobody' comes before you and your children. Fact. Please know the 'difference' 🙏🙏🙏💌
![I.N "HALLUCINATION" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/n5B5q1Hwt_U/mqdefault.jpg)
I learned a lot in a short time here.
As look back it becomes crystal clear.
He is sick, not me.
My pain will heal, his never will.
Thank everyone here. Reading comments helped me not feel so alone.
Thank you Andrew,
May we all find our peace.
Welcome 😌🙏💯
It helps me, too, though it's also troubling to see how much of this there is going on every day. 😳
❤❤❤
@@cc1k435 I know,
My ex mother in law demanded everything from everyone.
When she was wrong, she had a way to make your fault.
No wonder he was that way.
You're 100% right! His pain will NEVER heal..👍💕⚘️
I think it was over before it even started I just didn’t know it yet…
Oh dang this hits harder than most of your videos. His cousin called out of the blue talked a lot of nonsense then asked "would you ever go back with him?" I said hell no!! I would love to have a partner but cannot open myself to another another person.
Yes, certainly there was a specific agenda. Once obtained, and we caught on, the vicious destruction went into high gear. Then the hurricane vanished!
He didnt leave a clean up crew.
It was just you or me.
You're greater than he is miniscule.
You're better than he is vile.
You are more resilient than he is weak.
You're more beautiful than He is grotesque.
He wouldn't believe it but....
You are just simply amazing!
Strong towers can't be easily demolished!
You ARE one STRONG TOWER!
Blessings!
🎯
I told my Bf,her x narc hubby,had her figured out before the marriage. She told me today, that he made a fuss to have his name on the first line of the deed ,she said the lawyer gave her a look,like you better be careful,Little did she know what was coming down the pike..
Facts
today's a bad day for me. Unparalleled sadness from all I've lost. I built a life for 36 years with liar, a deceiver, a person I didn't even know.
😌💯🙏
❤❤❤❤it hurts 😢I know hunny
Feel it grieve it and
Stay strong and take care of you
STAY STRONG, IT WILL GET BETTER. PLEASE TRUST ME, LIFE IS ALL UP TO YOU NOW.
U got this! 💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻 Give yourself TIME to heal.❤️🩹 U will get there!!!🙌🏻💯💯©️
The ONLY thing that was real in your relationship was the LOVE and passion YOU brought to the relationship.
RIGHT ON!
There is already an expiration date from the moment you meet them. And no matter how much you give or do for them, there will always be other supplies you’re competing with anyway. They will always inevitably get bored and tired of the same source regardless.
💯
Wish I knew this 12 years ago
None so blind for those who can’t see. To be educated early would be helpful. 😢
At the discard, after 20 years, he told me he knew it was not going to work after the first year. Yet he used fear, guilt and shame etc. repeatedly to make me stay.
Thank you, Andrew, for educating people and telling the truth!🌸
Welcome 😌🙏💯
Sure wish they'd let us in on those thought a whole lot sooner! 😕
eleonorabar, That is awful. They are all evil, they are MONSTERS! So sorry you had to hear that..🙏⚘️💕
I still believe they should teach NARCISSISM in Senior year of High School. Before they go out in this world, EDUCATE them about these vicious people.
@@jannlewandowski5540 Yes, even sooner. But unfortunately they do not even teach it to psychology students, a friend of mine who had just graduated never heard about it...
Hi Andrew and Everyone! Oh Wow, what a topic! If I could go back in time! If only I didn't go out with him, and listen to my GUT feeling, my life would be sooo different today. Everything took a hit, including my health, then my life was at stake. When you're in love, you're not supposed to be in the Hospital in ICU! I was almost over. Thank God I'm here today with all you beautiful people. He was never satisfied unless he got everything he wanted. GREED was all over his face, down to a nickel. I paid for everything. FUTURE FAKING was so mean & Cruel, while a 5 year engagement ended up as a LIE...It was way over from the beginning. I'm thankful for this room, and all the great people in here. Andrew, you are an ANGEL.❤😇
Thank you for sharing 😌😇🙏💯
Brave girl, you made it. You survived such brutality, you are a champion
@@kathleendubois7128 Kathleen, thank you, YOU WILL BE FINE ALSO..👍❤💕
@@MK-lg1grHe gave me a ring too. It was all FAKE! He had no intentions of getting married.
I love you and everyone here! Thankyou for sharing. Your words help reassure me to the truth and put me at ease on my own path. Thankyou! ❤❤❤
You aren’t alone 👍🏽 perfect …we are aware now of the walking dead the Narc a empty soul that walks the earth.
Andrew, I am going through a divorce and your channel is heaven sent. I would have never thought so many people were suffering this same pattern of abuse if not for your videos and the people in the comments. I hope you realize how strong of a community you have brought together.
I look forward to your words of wisdom that help remind myself to keep going everyday. Narcissistic abuse creates trauma in our minds. It will take some time in counseling to restore my mental health. Your videos are motivational and make me feel less alone in this journey. Thank you Andrew 🙏
I got divorced from this narcissist in March. It was sad for me at first but 4 months later I am so happy to have gotten divorced and to no longer be lawfully bound to him. I have gone no contact, he is blocked and I am getting on with my life and am at peace and so much happier than when I was married. You will probably feel some sadness at first too once the divorce is finalized, but the sadness won't last. Hang in there !!
@@catlady715 thank you so much for your kind words Cat Lady ❤️ It is true I have pain in my heart. He got physical so I had to put a restraining order. I wanted a fairy tale and the result ended up far from that. Thank you for reminding me there is a light at the end of the tunnel, these videos help a lot ❤️
I am so sorry you’re going through this Hell. Hang in there and take care of yourself! Andrew is definitely Heaven sent ❤God Bless you!!
Not all narcissists are our spouses, but a narcissist is a narcissist. Mine is my mother I’m 61 years old finally had to go no contact, it’s been the most peaceful time of my life.
I’m terribly sorry your going through this but YOU can do this 💖🙏🏼
Stand strong and know your far from alone , May Gods blessings be upon you 🙏🏼💞 everyday away from the narcissist is a better day .
You are not alone - this community stands together and is behind you. And God has a perfect plan for all of our lives...plans to prosper us and plans to give us hope and a future - Jeremiah 29:11. We are blessed in our pain to have Andrew teaching us about this abuse. Keep moving forward, your best days are still ahead of you. God bless 🙏🩷🌸🌸🌸
Yes, used up and thrown away like trash. Raped on the honeymoon, financial abuse and the whole family was against me!!! I wasn't the hateful person they wanted me to be.
I trugged through 28 years including dating. A totally sad situation. I should have left after two weeks of marriage in both narc husband's life!! Thank you Andrew, it's better to walk away with out shame, so that we can survive these situations!!!
Welcome 😌🙏💯
Jan, I'm so sorry to hear that. Keep coming back to this room. Take care of yourself and you will be fine. Time heals..❤❤⚘️💞
Much better these days, as a veteran of narc abuse, I'm healed and realising the bad energy! Being loved by family and myself care is something I take stock in. Thank you Jann, I enjoy all your comments!!!
@@janetroberts5140 I recently celebrated 12.4 years away from him. TIME does heal..👍💕
Es i was raped too by my ex husband i get it. What goes through ur mind its horrific😢😢😢
One can't lose nothing in this lifetime they never truly had ,family friends and all......
💯💯😉
Exactly. As soon as I began creating boundaries to protect myself from the rage fits and the unsupported accusations, I was discarded. I had some dark, dark days trying to figure out why I was the subject of the silent treatment that lasted for weeks. 33 years of changing myself to try and meet and overcome the never ending changes in expectations, accusations, and abusive treatment. My therapist said this very thing - that my efforts kept the marriage together for years after it should have ended. I could not give any more, and could not change any further, then the discard.
I know exactly what you went through 🥰 I was always married 33 years 😉 same treatment, never going to change! I’m free and loving life 😃
I’m so sorry 😞. It sounds eerily similar to my situationship. I was under the delusion that we were building a future together as we we’re married with children but nothing could be further from the truth as I was the only one making all the sacrifices while my ex just took and took. I feel so duped. I suppose that’s what’s meant when they say to forgive yourself. I struggle with that and my inability to trust myself as I was so blindsided. Absolutely traumatized.
Sounds familiar. Narcopath is very accurate
Do the Happy Dance. Your Free. Do whatever you want. Forgive yourself. Don't ponder on the Narc. They do everything for shits and giggles. It took four Narcs to convince me that it has nothing whatsoever to do with me. Has everything to do with the Toxic within themselves. Can't wake the Dead, but they sure do want to leave a lasting impression on your soul. Change the picker.
What I did is change what I was attracted to. Sounds nuts, but eight years of no drama having a partner that gives a care and can love is the real deal. It is the lesson.
It gets better.
Everything you said is true and happened to me. I lost almost everybody and everything. The relationship with the narcisist was over before it ended. Narcisists are driven by evil and evil destroys everything but your soul. Thank you. God bless you ❤
Welcome 🙏😌💯
izawaniek2, I understand everything now. It's all clear to me. Everything was a LIE! 💞😑⚘️
Yup.
She dragged it out seeing how much she could control me. I asked her "are we done or not?" and she discarded me.
I wish her well. *tee off*
💯💯😉
The whole triangulation thing! I couldn't figure out why his ex was still in the picture (I get it, some normal people can remain friends) but I understand now it's supply for him and angst for me. Now he's flirting with a friend's wife in front of me. . . (he's overt -- life of the party type). And yes, many a time I have said to myself "how much more of this can I take? It's almost like he's testing me" . . . He is! Thank you for explaining the crazy making!
Welcome 😌💯🙏
If you decide to see a therapist be very careful that they understand narcissism. I saw a therapist and he encouraged me to stay in the relationship. This was at a time when I hadn’t been with the narc that long and it would’ve been much easier to get out. I believed him because he was a professional but I see now that all the advice he gave me was very damaging. In my opinion that therapist ruined my life so beware!
It ended before it started. I just didn't see it and fought to keep something alive that never should've lived.
😌💯🙏
Im on my 3rd discard and my LAST discard! Im so glad for you Andrew..i think the most difficult thing about the discard is that they dont give you a reason..they just up and ignore you without any closure.
I forgive and believe he has changed... only to see him return to his old nasty self when life gets a bit hard. It is a viscious pattern of hope, reality and heartache. I am tired of a yo-yo life. There is no stability with a covert narcissist. I have had to live from day to day for 30 years never knowing what will happen next without any relationship security. I just want to exhale and feel peace without fear of his next move. I am finally realizing that I will never be or do enough for my covert narcissistis husband. My heart goes out to anyone living a similar life.
I feel you Monalisa, I went through the same as you for 35 years, we have been separated for the last year, and although it’s been really tough at times adjusting, I can finally breathe, found inner peace, am slowly healing and finding my self again. I wish you all the best, listen to your inner voice, it will guide you in the right direction 🙏🌷🌿😊
Thanks Andrew ♥️ you are helping me on my journey. Recently brutally discarded by my husband of 12 years. The most difficult realization Is knowing they were never real. So mind twisting
Welcome 💯😌🙏
It's horrid wondering who they really were after it's all said & done. We had been sleeping next to a changeling. Creepy as hell to be blind to what we finally see later.
Sadly, just came to that realization a couple of days ago. Who was she for 14 and a half years?
It took me a long time to process I spent almost two decades with someone I never knew. You are right, " they were never real ". One thing I've learned in time is eventhough she wasnt real, I was. So were you. All of your thoughts, and emotions were real. They all make sense now, and with your awareness comes clarity. Clarity will provide you with peace.
You are on the right path😊
I'm a recovering ppl pleaser and an empath, trying to leave before the discard. I'm working on myself and my finances so I can leave. In the meantime, I fear the sudden discard as it couldn't be a worse time in my life financially and physically, which has left me at the mercy of the narcissist. I also have a narcissist father destroying my elderly mother at the same time and had a narcissist "friend" attack and dump me this year while dealing with a serious physical injury and no pain management. That friend has tried to come back into my life many times since then, and I refuse to let them back in. Once I see the mask slip 1 time with anyone, I'm done. I've wasted too much time on narcissist, and I'm fighting to get back my life.
Thank you for sharing this 😌💯🙏
Keep fighting to get out and find your own place! You can do it! Look for help from gov't agencies. Ask a counselor. There are people who will help you! Namaste!
This is my predicament. I agreed to house sit ex narc's home while he traveled after retirement. He was never home much during our relationship. He was an OTR truck driver. He said he had cruises planned, and was going to visit several national parks. He bought a new truck for the travels. We'd been apart no contact for 4 years. I gave up my apt to house sit his house and cats. I was going to save my rent money so I could finally move out of state. I had previously lived in this house with him 20 years. The house was totally trashed and filthy. I told him I'd clean it up, and I did. Then he tells me he changed his mind about traveling. That would mean he'd be with me 24-7! I didn't have the money yet to leave. He began demanding I cook, have sex, be nice, pay rent, etc. I hadn't agreed to any of that. This was supposed to have benefitted me, not him. I agreed to stay in the house to keep squatters out, and now he calls me a squatter. I'm close to being able to leave. He's older now, and his behavior has worsened. He insults me, talks bad about me to neighbors, says derogatory stuff about me while on the phone so I can hear, etc. If you go no contact, stay that way. Don't answer one text or email or you'll possibly end up like me. Entrapped again.
I still come back here for the wisdom , still so busted up from everything. And each new knowledge piece I learn makes all the "non-sense" make sense. The crazy thing is I have opened up a line of dialogue again. I pray I find the strength to just block them. I still entertain maybe I was the narcissist or the bad one. Yet watching these, and writing this, kind of shows me that probably wasn't the case at. When I first met her I was "the man" , woman lining up just to want to date me. Now I am a shadow of what I was. The phone is silent. I feel the third and best version of me is there. And I handle all or any challenges now with little effort. But man, I would not wish this experience on my worst enemy.
Awkward positions is so right. They say something so out there then they pause. Waiting to see if you buy it. You are so confused and it pushes you farther into the fog that you are speechless. Then they think a ha she bought it.
At this moment....I was triggered by the Christmas Gift part of the Video.
I listened to Him (the Ex.)...all Year long. I knew His likes and dislikes.
Therefore, I delighted in getting Him something that would fill His Heart...that really showed Him that I 'Heard' Him.
He didn't do the same for Me .
I would pick out what I wanted ..sometimes even buying it myself, yet with His Credit Card.
I had no surprises on Christmas Morning...ever.....nothing that ever showed Me that He cared to know Me at all.
I put on a good front....so as not to ruin Christmas Day or any days to follow.
I left after 10 yrs ...Yeah Me !!!
It still makes Me think.
At 63 yrs of age....I have never experienced anyone that really listened, yet it hasn't made Me not listen to Others.🤷♀️❤
Oh, I forgot to add....when I did leave, while packing, He made quick mention to not dare take the certain items that I had given Him for Christmas or otherwise.
Now isn't that the truth of the Narcissist???? Sickening, isn't it?
Christmas was always hurtful, He would ask what I wanted, get something else.
He never wrapped one gift. It always had the price tag on it.
Good analogies Andrew. " They have cast you in their movie". Keep it up!
The average person would not believe a word of this. That makes us above average😅.
💯🙏😌
@@NARCDAILYYouAreNotAlone I am getting concerned that I might be developing narcissistic traits...for instance..stonewalling/no contact😬
I stayed so long couse i never know for better it became normal to me all that competition,sick mind games i started to become them ,act like them very disturbing situations ,i wasnt myself at all
THANK YOU ANDREW. ALL TRUE WHAT YOU SAID.I was married to one.He died of Bone Cancer. Think about That for a minute, as you say.😊
My therapist told me it was over before it started. I was doomed to failure before I met her.
😌😌
The long pause at the beginning of the video said more than enough 🙂 A very good point was made. In the devaluation stage it is amazing how much you’re willing to put up with when all along things should’ve ended so much more quickly. It’s still difficult to process how there can be two people living inside of one person. You never, ever, ever would’ve expected someone to act or behave in such a way. Not in a million years. The outward portrayal does not reflect who someone is deep down inside.
“Being in a toxic narcissistic relationship, being browbeaten, being gaslit, stonewalled, given the silent treatment, experiencing rage fits, financial abuse, having your social circle blown up, not being comfortable in your own house.. all of these things, what do they add up to? It adds up to abuse on multiple levels.” Thank you for driving these points home. Also, a sincere thank you for all of the dedication, work, and wisdom you put into your videos. They’re very encouraging!!
Welcome 🙏😌😇💯
🙏😌😇💯 thank you again
🤍 🕊️
its his signature move
The face he makes is priceless 🤣
Thank you for your insight into everything I’ve tolerated 😮
…in the beginning of the euphoria stage, feels so go… Day 1 of kumbaya… then the first time the mask falls… all downhill from there
The beginning and the end is explosive (beginning: in an enthusiastic way, ending: in a horrible way).
Oh wow! I came home to an empty house! Just like you said! So traumatic! You hit the nail on the head!
💯 It was just difficult to accept and leave , it is not easy with the narcissist, and it is also not easy to leave ...
Married day one. Slow death begins same day. Depending on what you’re made of it can be anyone’s guess? Making them happy became your only real goal in living. What a challenge! I was really good at it and I still got fired for a younger model
💯💯😉
💖
marygaelen, God bless you. You will be fine. TIME and Prayers helped me, plus coming in this room..🙏💕⚘️
It’s a blessing when those relationships have their expiration dates ❤❤❤ never see it at the time (usually) it’s in looking back that it was MERCY that set us free.
Andrew i love the side glance you do at the begining of every videos. You are so funny. You make me laugh every time. I can't help it. Another great video thank you. Have a fun and lovely afternoon. ❤😁
Good afternoon Marie France..💕😃
@@jannlewandowski5540hello Jann 😇💖
Welcome 😊😉😇
Believing everything they said!!!! Married and been married for 17 years together 21 years!! It’s crazy Everything you said is him to a T!!!!!! It was a feeling like no other I really believed we were souls mates!! He still says it to this day!! But he’s a spoiled brat “mommy’s boy” but it’s always about him what he wants. If we argue he makes it about him!! I’m the bad one he’s the victim!! But I just found this channel and realized NARCISSIST. IS A TRUE THING! I can’t believe he IS EACH AND EVERYTHING YOU AND OTHERS STATE NARCISSIST IS!!!!! Thank you so much I’m getting ready to make a plan!!!!! I’m getting the F&CK OUT!!
Wishing you peace,strength and courage for your escape 🙏🤍 I was recently brutally discarded by my husband of 12 years. I had no idea how much abuse I was accepting until he left.
robyn6160, I wish you the BEST..YES! GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE. I SAY HELL BCSE HE IS A DEVIL.👹
Very poor parenting of these children growing up.
IT is. AND, often molestation as well in the child.
Do you ever see the negative comments of big changes?
Example... My older son has a great lead on moving out to a place in walking distance of work, a town where alot of activities happen and in with a friend. I'm so proud of him; where he brings up he won't have a car, he's going to be renting with another friends friend. Not one of his own friends. It's a town with alot of bars. Etc. My son is experiencing the N. Fog where he is stuck here and does not have the support from dad that he Can do these things on his own. He is 25 and I'm hoping he will fly high entering his new life. ❤
Sometimes I think they wanted to ruin my entire life... I feel like I got tail rott.People who discard I get it. I always said they are excellent actors
Existing not Living!!! So true. Coming out of the fog is so profound..
Well, he found out that I would put up with for a long long time, until....and then he was surprised to find out he found my limit, lol
You're absolutely right Andrew, when we look back we realise we were discarded many times in the relationship, but it's only with hindsight we understand that. For me, those lightbulb moments of recognising the many discards has really helped solidify the fact that this person had no care for me at all. He never saw me as anything other than a source of supply. It's tough to deal with this at first, but it really helps to dissolve the traumabond. Wishing love and light to everyone in this wonderful community. ❤️🕯️
We are and always were people of high value, now we are awake and aware and Educated,T.Y.ANDREW✨✨🤍
Welcome 🙏😌💯
Amen, sister❤
❤😊
AMEN!!
you did a great job.
Wow! You scare me with these facts. It’s all good though. It just awesome to know that the situation will never happen again. What makes me so sad is that the family knew but they help took advantage of me by taking from me. God help them though. What goes around comes around
The many comments are very upsetting. So many injured people. And the narcissist plays according to his playbook. I was in shock and denial when I was discarded and yet now I see my story is the same as all of yours xxx
😌🙏💯
Thanks Andrew for encouraging us yet again today. It was definitely over before it started. After 32 years in the relationship, last year, hell was unleashed on me. I can honestly say looking back and in hindsight, the day after the wedding, I felt a "shift"... I didn't understand it at the time but i do now. It was as if there was a shift in energy and i picked up on it in my "gut", literally felt him change before my eyes. He gave me this empty stare and that was the start of it, me walking on eggshells with a hollow feeling, wondering what was wrong, constantly questioning myself and working tirelessly and trying to get back to that euphoric stage. It was never going to feel the same again. I fell for his mask...it was all for show with him...nothing was real...he would throw me nuggets from time to time and hence the hamster wheel, until one day i called him out on his behaviour and thats when he showed me his real self - nasty.
This is a fairly common story. Once they marry, to them they 'got' you. They don't have to 'try' anymore. They think they're home free so now can unleash full control over a spouse.
My situation is grim for them now! THEM , THEY WHO AND WE BUT DEFINATELY NOT ME. IM FREE.
It was over an we never even seen it coming..but we know now !!! Blessings 🙌
I had an eerie feeling during the love bombing.....I knew deep down and in my heart that it was not going to last........I have just started coming out of the zombie-like, trance-like state. Thank God! I have begun to see that they were just a part of my life, NOT my whole life.
sha, I also felt WEIRD! My gut feeling was telling me to RUN. I stayed 5 years, and I had to leave him otherwise I wouldn't be here.💞🫠⚘️
🙏😌💯
I understand where you’re coming from. Reflecting on things I too knew something was off during a first romantic dinner, but I chose to look the other way. It was when he kept talking about himself and never asked me anything about myself. I was polite, but I knew it didn’t feel right. I’m glad you shared this. You’re not alone.
@@danielle1103 thank you, sweetie. Have a great day.
Lol Andrew you are something else
Our Andrew is DEFINITELY ONE of a kind! Love him!!! ❤️😇❤️😇❤️😇
The relationship had a expiration date at the first word of " Hello, from the Narcs point of view.
No truer words ❤❤❤
And a video on MULTIPLE DISCARDS in the relationship would be phenomenal 🙌 🙌🙌
Thank you for sharing the wisdom. I knew it was over before it ended in personal and professional narcissistic relationships. We should congratulate our intuition - because it was CORRECT 💯❤️💪🙌🙏
Chelsea, how r u today? I came in here about 1/2 hr late. Glad you're here.💕😃💞🫠
@@jannlewandowski5540 hi I’m good. How are you? I was VERY late. Just got to the lake. Filling my cup is so easy here 🌳 🌊 ☀️
Well i like this idea to congratulate our intuition. Thanks Chelsea for the suggestion. I hope that everyone here follow your lead. Have a great afternoon ❤❤❤❤💪🙌😊
@@mariefrancebourget1749 I never thought of it that way either. Go Chelsea! Have a nice evening...🫠👍⚘️
@chelseapeterson2254 Chelsea, that's pretty cool about our intuition! You go girl!!👍👍💞💪
Too bad we were not raised w/this information.❣️
Soon after the discard, he was with a new girlfriend within few days, texted he wanted everything he had given me as present packed in a box for him to collect, started social gatherings at his new girlfriend's flat to defame my name before work colleagues, telling them very personal painful experiences of my life and family, wrote to my boss to get me fired, gaslighted me as much as he could at work, until the boss expressed his intention to fire the both of us. That is when he disappeared for 3 blissful years. Now he is back at work ,and I am avoiding him and his new partner as much as I can. I you might think, may be you offended the guy terribly, or you mistreated him in some horrible way! No, I just said it was impossible for him to move into my flat because I had to look after my son and my father.
Yes my relationship lasted a long and wonderful time because he was ill. Once we had used all my money to cure him, he located new supply and left. It was brutal.
kathleendu, I can relate to you 100%. 💕🫠
@@jannlewandowski5540 thank you. Hang in there. It's hard to understand how people can behave like this. Xxx
Good God. 😮I hope you are free now.
😢. I'm sorry.
Iv been 💯 happy with life took me a long time . I’m now living my best life . Me and my dog couldn’t ask for more .. Thanks Andrew and God bless .. namaste 🙏 🧘♀️
Im Probably the most trauma bonded person on the planet
Been waking up every day for the last 20 yrs thanking God for my many blessings
Kids, work health although that's biggining to show signs of wear. And then spending the rest of each day dreaming about what my life would be without her in it. Torn between standing up for myself and doing whats best for my kids. Walking that fine line between sanity and complete and total chaos. I've been watching your videos. I'm greatful that your there and doing them. Today's was really really soooo true. She's always checking, like everything. I feel like the thief that mistakenly leaves his wallet at the scene. Wanting to get caught. Sad part is she wouldn't leave. Just use this info to punish me. Anyways, thanks again.
I'll just sign off as
One of these days....
Blessings to all
I have been in trauma bond for a couple of years after the divorce until Andrew opened my eyes.
It's OK. Most of us go through it.
Grey rock. I love it.
Leaves them confused .
The best to you..❤❤
Thank you.. grey rock it is😊
Keep coming back. The path will open the way when ready 💪
“You found fools gold” this is such a perfect colloquialism because it truly describes what you get with a narcissist. One year into the marriage I began asking the narcissist to refrain from doing things that were offensive to the marriage, such as meeting women for dinner, without my knowledge, and going out of town with women. Oh yeah not to mention taking out loans! The narcissist refused to comply with my request so I left. I was a hoovered back and stayed for another seven years before being discarded….this time with baby in tow. The biggest mistake I ever made was going back. I can now see how he literally played me. Listen to this video it is true and can save your life. I am slowly rebuilding my life and it’s not easy. I have to share custody with a demonic being. I pray every day for my protection, and for my child’s protection. Great video!
Thank you 😌🙏💯
Your illustrations are spot on... fool's gold and lemon! It's the truth. The truth has set so many of us free! ❤
It’s uncanny the way they blind side you, and you ignore the red flags and don’t trust your own instincts. If you had, you would not have stayed with them for as long as you did.
When I saw a particular photo of the ex narc husband, I remember saying to myself,” if I didn’t know this man, I would say that this person is a psychopath”. I should have listened to my myself and ran away as quickly as I could, but I was trapped in marriage with him with a child, no money of my own, on the other side of the world with no family or loved ones for support and guidance.
🌱🌿the worst thing is trying to build trust again.
We are all so deeply scared that my guess is were all tainted with a lack of trust for any one new coming into our lives.
Even if we are being our authentic selves we run the risk of looking like we are trying too hard!!
All we can do is continue to BE our authentic selves even if we have a path and life of solitude, so be it.
One life
One journey
We are wiser now
And well biten.
Calm winds calm the nervous traveller!!
🌼💕🌱🌿🍃🕊️🎶
💯🙏😌
Really good Andrew spot on. I remember in the beginning with the love bombing and thinking each time he did it it was like reading from a script and the texts were all the same. I thought it was odd and obviously this was a huge red flag, but I ignored it as I sure we all did,in fact it got boring, in the end I wanted to tell him to change the record. Then as you say, as soon as I reciprocated and told him I loved him that was most certainly the beginning of the end and the devaluing started. Soon after he introduced his “really good friend”. They really are so predictable when you get the wisdom and know what to look for.
I eventually walked away and have been out of the relationship around 16 months(I gave up counting I have better things to do with my life than think about him), I do sometimes run into him but I feel nothing he’s a complete stranger to me now.
I had lots of intuitive thoughts when I was still in this relationship and the title of this video was one of them, together with "you are afraid of being alone but you are alone already".
Andrew, have you ever heard of a narcissist calling you a narcissist. No way!😅
100 % I was selected to care for his patchwork family , for his 3 kids from the first marriage. After 16 years when they were grown up and adult, He discard me for a better very rich supply, money and hope for prestige and better chances . I lost also the 3 boys I cared and loved for . Since 3 years absolutely no contact. I am healed now but it took more than 2 years to heal my broken and betrayed heart. I never expected that he was this kind of person to be able to do such evil. I did not want to see the red flags. Thank god knows everything better. I prayed for not loosing my family . But God knows better and decided different. Now after 3 years I can say Thanks you saved me , I did not know better .
I understand completely..💯💯💯
Thank you Andrew. The fog clears.
Welcome 😌🙏💯
The time when I just had fallen in love with him and texted "I don't want to be at work, I just want to be home with you." And he answered, "You're in love!" In retrospect, it's like that's when he knew he had his hooks in me. Then the discarding comments began and I would try to emotionally move away from him and he would hoover me back in. Then, he moved into my home. Then he asked me to marry him 5 times, but I turned him down because of his explosive, alcoholic induced behavior. Then he tried to physically fight me to the point of me getting a restraining order. I literally had to get a neighbor who was twice his size to fight him off, and then I kicked him out! On the exact day of the expiration of the restraining order...he called! In that one years time, he had been with a new woman and beat her up as well. I feel so bad for his wife and child and wonder sometimes how much he put them through. This is just ONE of the narcs I encountered! The good news is I'm here to speak on it and to get educated by Andrew on what I went through and to let you know you WILL get through this. Namaste everyone!
He discarded me when I lost my job, when I got ill, when my children had life crises....it couldn't have been a worst time.
How did you know, Andrew?
He built up his next relationship behind my back....
But it's over , I'm recovering, each day is getting better, I'm safe now, I'm my own engine now and it's incredible what I'm managing now without HIM.
Your words frame my experiences , they explain everything and enable me to burn it for ever !
I understand everything so much better since I got educated !
God bless you, Andrew and please stay for us as long as you can!!
😌💯🙏😇
Almost every relationship with the exception of a few… my father, one friend and God … why? Bc my mother is a Narcissist who I still live with at 45 plus molestation by certain community members… I was a mess and attracted terrible people many times …I’m amazed, I’ve survived as best anyone could, no one would know…no wonder God kept helping me… He knew what I was really up against. Now that I’ve suffered a stroke at 39 rebuilt myself from the ground up w Gods help when I asked… 🙏🏾 please just make it so I can be myself… He made it so and Im never looking back.
Genesis 19:26 But Lot’s wife… began to look back, and she became a pillar of salt.
🙏😌🙏🙌
I needed this today…I am in a huge mess with a narcissist. I was duped 😢
You just said the entire reality of my 40 yr relationship with the parasite 😓
Great video Andrew. So very true, I saw the signs that he wasn't who he pretended to be he lied about everything especially when he said he loved me. When it finally ended I was very hurt and devastated but I now see that it was the best thing that could have happened. I can't imagine being with him another moment so in a way it was a blessing. I'm doing much better now I'm healthy and I have much less stress. Thank you Andrew and thank you everyone.
it was over before it even started i knew that right from the beginning yay love happy smiley andrew happy thursday my friend ❤☺️
For sure, I was always hoping he would come back to me in his behavior, the way we once were (or rather, the way I thought we were). 😢
💯💯😌
I know that feeling. 😢it never was.
After 21 years of mind games,devaluing....I fear even making new friends..It seems narcissim is growing and they are very clever...
😌🙏💯
Hey Andrew and friends! Hope you’re all having a GREAT day! Sorry I haven’t been around today… I haven’t been feeling very well 😞😞😞 high blood pressure. Anyways, gonna try and get some rest. Love y’all!!! 🤗❤️🤗❤️🤗❤️🤗❤️😇😇😇
It's understandable Jennifer take good care of yourself dear ❤❤❤😊
@@mariefrancebourget1749 Thank you Marie! Last night was pretty frightening ❤️❤️❤️❤️🤗🤗🤗
I was wondering about you…but was really busy and not connected for a bit. I will pray that BP settles down ❤❤❤🙏🙏🙏
Big 🤗 and hope you’re doing self care ❤
@@jennifernewton4637 i hope you will feel better and sleep well tonight. 😴
@@gratefultobehere Thank you SO MUCH Chelsea!!! 🤗❤️🤗❤️🤗❤️🤗 Been resting and trying everything I can to lower it!
Everything you’re saying is so true.
Wow!! Thank you, my friend!! I love you!! ❤😊
Welcome ❤️😌
3yrs 4months, glad I never moved in with him,😂😂🎉🎉🎉
😌🙏💪
True words of wisdom! Your videos help explain what happened to me and the WHY I wanted to know. Thank you
Welcome 😌🙏💯
It was over and never meant to go long term. My ex-Narc was playing 2 parts of her plan at once. #1-keep me off balance where my only goal was to get along amicably. #2 Using me as fuel/supply as
technician and eventually a booster stage rocket for her ambitious OCD drive for her career goal. Once the rocket was launched, the booster stage ( me ) was jettisoned back to Earth, falling in flames. She attained her career goals and sadly ( yes, still feeling badly for her), she fell ill. Thanks, Andrew- you've added to living my best life in the Now!👍🚀⏳
Thank you for sharing this 😌💯🙏
Solid analogy
I hate to say this but I’ve never felt more homicidal than dealing with a narcissist. They just don’t care and they don’t ever seem to face karma. Meanwhile they ruin our lives and we have to crawl our way up to standing on our feet again. It’s so unfair. I hate narcissists.
Thanks to you and your encouraging words I am out of the abusive environment my narcissistic husband of 23 years created for me and my son .
I am homeless but happier because I am not being harshly abused anymore.
Namaste ❤❤❤
Namaste 🙏😌🙌
You are not alone. Same situation but 37 years and I ended the relationship 4 months ago. Still a work in progress and my son was a victim too. Hoping my son sees it and can figure it out. Stay Strong 💪🏼 🤗💫
Keep looking for a place to live. You will find it eventually. At minimum, find a woman's shelter. You are not alone
Praying you find a home soon, I got one a few months ago with my son, no abusive ranting anymore for me! May Jesus bless and keep you
You are hilarious Andrew. I love your videos.
"It was already over
before it ended." - Taylor Swift ( maybe) lol
😌😇💯
The narcissist told me, "I am your worst nightmare!".
And true enough, the dark entity didn't disappoint. 5 years.
in your other video about the silent treatment, me and my daughter are in the silent treatment with that hag.
We are DONE.
fra, I left mine after 5 years also. I was broke too..💞😑
💯🙏😌
@@jannlewandowski5540 it takes a long time for us to heal because we've been pouring from an empty cup. Aside from the pouring, the narc also stole from that cup..
I am training my 10 yr old with tools on how she can maneuver her way around this kind of mental illness.
It'll take us time to find ourselves, to gather the pieces.. and you will be stronger than ever. Because you learn now to control and chose who has access to you.
Andrew, it sounds like your narc put you in a lot of debt. I'm so sorry (if that happened to you). I didn't get into debt, but couldn't reach financial goals at a higher level with my 4-year narc. Thankfully I've been recovering in the last 3 years.
Wow, short time crammed with Thee actual knowledge of exactly what to-do MOVE-NOW...If feeling threatened...thank you 4 listening love is truth...
Andrew you are so healing PLUS I love how you turn your head before the episode... it says volumes!❤
😇❤️🤭
It's so sad but true...and I have to admitt that that expensive lesson of life was very useful. I had to analyse my whole life after survival. And now I feel so good in best ( at least I hope is ) version of me. I also didn't know and I couldn't know that so evil and bad persons exist. Now I know and when I feel them have no time for them, learned to say no and it feels sooo good. 😊
Tatjana.B I know exactly what you mean! 💕🙂
@@jannlewandowski5540 We all had the same experiences, only with different details. It was painfull to learn, price payed high. But from new point of wiew...it helped us also to change, to be smarter, to learn not only about them but the even more important to learn about us. Rest of our lifes could be and will be great what narcissist will never achieve.
I agree with you all on this thread reply and feel the same. We are stronger and better and wiser now. Thank goodness we got out of that inky toxic mist they created and tried to trap us in ! Free = more peace.
I took a short break to tune in... Great video, Andrew... all true...
I was just visited by a black dragonfly purched above my pot of white petunias. A powerful symbol of transformation and change... from one stage of life to another.. much introspection to do while i stitch...😮💨🙏😊
How beautiful 😃
Ohh man brother, you hit this one right on the head, realizing that I never mattered was rough indeed , but that being said I’ll never ever forget it again and the loss of drama 🎭 is not missed one bit 👊🏻
God bless you Andrew , and this special family 🙏🏼💞
Yes I had a gut feeling at the beginning. I should have gone with the fact and walked away .
Wish I had now .
Would have saved the pain etc.
Thank you Andrew for yourgreat work xx
Too funny, Andrew. I have just been sorting out things to discard, and I have a category called "not bad". Reminder: it it's not heck yeah, it's heck no.
😌🙏💯
🎉 looking back on the narc relationship its like shovelling mud up a hill.. really impossible. Such ungratefull .selfish.blue blooded .abusive individuals. . Andrew your back drop looks like a painting sounds and looks beautiful and peaceful the birds sound happy 😊🎉❤
I go through Andrews lessons.
I pick out the ones that relate to what happened to me.
And of course my daily dose of reason with all the great people here.
Stay safe, narc's are tricky. 💖
Yup, at the discard I was told "I told you that my relationships didn't last"....my response to the narc was " I didn't know that meant it was over before we got started"....narc was stunned...Thank you Andrew for our energy, hard work and wisdom in your sessions. It was a long time ago now, lot of hard work and pain to emerge on the other side...your tapes validated my experience!
Susanroberts91, I call that my GUT feeling. I was getting them all along. Love stopped me from listening. 🙏🫠⚘️
Thank you Andrew for your work. The pain of these relationships is very real. Your work is greatly appreciated. Your words have helped many and I pray for your continued strength. Well done.
Thank you Andrew So Very Much For
Sharing This You Are Absolutely Right.
I Wish That I Would Of Seen This 9 Years Ago.
The Narcissist Used Me Destroyed My Life My Self-worth And Self Esteem.
He Used Me Discarding Me Treating Me Like I Never Existed.
The Abuse Was So Brutal Im Seeing A Trauma Therapist And
I’m Also Seeing A life Coach.
To Repair My Life .Narcissistic Abuse Is Beyond Evil 👿
Brutal Cruel Torturing Abuse
Very evil 😈 I'm going through a divorce now
@@ladyvirgo013
Thank you I Know What You Are Going
Through 🙏
They Are Pure Evil
If you can see how it had so much to do with what they did, you have every hope of being your best self in life ahead. They've gone, and you still have yourself. ❤
@@cc1k435
You Are Absolutely Right Ty
So Very Much For Sharing
@@ladyvirgo013 You said it! They are DEMONS. 👹
Omg, that extended sideways look was more poignant than ever before, wow truly hit home 😊😊
Back again 😭
Thanks for the powerful insights and reminders ❤️
Keep on helping us wounded and persevering individuals 👍
"Think about it"...Think about every supportive, nurturing and amazing thing that you did in order to provide support - care - provision in that relationship. In a normal and sincere relationship..that spouse would be talking you up 'lovingly' to his friends and co-workers. He/She would be definitely... showing your own children how much they appreciate you. They would be showing you by their own actions..that 'nobody' comes before you and your children. Fact. Please know the 'difference' 🙏🙏🙏💌