How To Cope When The Narcissist Has Moved On
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- Опубликовано: 28 май 2024
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
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My heart shattered into a million pieces 2.5 years ago - the pain was incredible- I was so enmeshed …. The steps you described really helped
1. Exercise - a new routine
2. Traveling, a new hobby … anything that gives distraction
3. Definitely no social media - no lurking, etc and no contact
4. Staying home / soothing environment
5. Time, Time, Time
For everyone, who is just at the beginning of this journey, please know that every day that goes by will bring you closer to the light at the end of the tunnel. Freedom is priceless
Thank you Petralee. Me too. I hope your life and future are beautiful. 🥰🙏🏼🍀
Currently doing this, after ending my engagement with a narcissist
This was so helpful
I have never felt at such a loss, he’s moved on and gone on holiday with someone less than half my age.
Thank you so much for this❤
When the narcissist has moved on, you need to grieve them and recognise that it was a false character that they used to manipulate you. Then you can use this opportunity to put the focus back on yourself and your own life. Use this time to heal and become stronger. So that you will be ready, just incase they come back. Narcissists hoover their victims 7 times on average, before it’s finally over.
🌺 Hello fellow Narc Survivor! Doesn't the "Target" attempt to Leave the abusive situation 7 times also? There's so much to wrap my understanding around! 🩷🙏🤚 Much Gratitude for your contribution to the Distribution of Knowledge!! Blessings!💞💞💞
I really needed this today I was feeling extremely depressed and low thank you Dr Ramani ❤🙏🏽
I'm almost sick of "oh good let them go,you are some much better off with out them" yes thats right. But really makes me sick they get away with being a evil person. Its not fine its sick.Don't let me even get started on there flying monkeys. We all know we are better off with our them,and they will get it in karma just sad how long we have to wait for it.
@@emmajohnson6955 💞💞💞 I totally agree with you🩷... I had to give up most everything & everyone in order to save myself. The losses were immense however I had to save my life... 💞💞💞 Love for yourself! 🩷 Peace for you! 🩷 An Abundance of Blessings! 💞💞💞
Some of the sadness comes from knowing and seeing that you cared about a mask and if they had been what the mask was then what happened would never have transpired.
He took her on the same trips and even gave her the same gifts that he gave to me. At first, I was stunned. Then, I felt sorry for her.
Them moving on might be the best thing that can happen..its a miracle. We should learn how to cope if they don't move on. their getting away after being horrible and they might come back
I agree most will rebound into another and other than expect you to listen to all their wounds again when it didn't work out.
I can't wait for my ex to move one, I'm sick of it. I'm ready to move on too.
My ex was on his third relationship in less than a year, by the time we got to divorce court. The judge admonished him for posting his escapades online where everyone could see them. It was devastating that a 35 year marriage meant nothing to him. I wanted to warn the next wife, but love bombing makes one think the rescue attempt is just bitterness or jealously. Grateful to be taught this is a pattern and it was not just my lousy experience.
Don’t worry about warning the next, the next is the distraction that saved you from a lifetime of abuse. Other people will come to their own conclusions otherwise it’s the nexts job to look after themselves.
I just ended a 28 year marriage with a narcissist and our judge awarded me 100% & he had to pay my attorney fees after he spent every penny and was literally in contempt. He spent $2k in 13 days on restaurants and alcohol & no bills! 🙄 Glad to be free! Congratulations to you. Here’s to our next chapter 😊
@@regulus7181 Yes and like in my case hes been having an affair and she knows how he treats me and still is thinking he is a great guy.? She has heard me many times tell him go stay with her and she hears him say never. So she is just a very vulnerable dense person thinking how wonderful a guy he is. I keep telling him I am so happy she came along to take me out of my misery. And ask him to leave. But not a chance he will and lose. And she knows thats why he wont. Unreal terrible after all these years. And I am more grossed out how horrible he is treating her but she has to obey. Until his removal of me. But I am going to make sure I am not screwed over this. And it is making him more evil. He really has serious mental issues I think. Just need to get through the net while. hugs
Rejoice in knowing that you no longer deal with toxic waste
Not just broken heart, but broken spirit as well.
I don't want to have another relationship. I just want to heal. Eventually I get to die and be free
Yes but we have to live first; it's a hard lesson to learn.
You are already free, that makes all the pain worth something
I have been hurt a lot most of my life. It's a lot of psychological pain accumulated. Trying to learn to work through it like y'all are saying
I get you
I’m so sorry for all that you’ve been through. I get it. Have faith. You’re going to be okay and your life will get better. 🙏🏼❤️🩹🙏🏼
8:57 *A broken heart is the worst pain and suffering ever.*
"You don't see checkmate yet but it's coming... " I needed to hear that. Thank you for all you do.
No longer suffering I feel sorry for my narc He’ll be in a perpetual cycle of dysfunction and has lost the best thing he’s ever had…me!! 😉✌️❤️
I know there are people suffering with this struggle right now. Having been through it and maybe going through it again I know that there will come a day where I realize how lucky I am that that relationship ended. Sometimes rejection really is protection.
My breakup happened very quickly, but at the time, I didn’t even realize I was being discarded (hadn’t figured out the whole Narcissism-thing yet). There was so much “on again, off again” behavior going on that I didn’t know what was happening. I was very confused & crying a lot. Finally, a mutual friend told me that he was going to a bar and seeing other women. I was shocked at this behavior because I never thought he would try & pick up girls from a bar! But that NEED for SUPPLY is so great, & I guess he hadn’t yet groomed anyone new. Once I heard that, I lost a lot of respect for him due to the ease at which he seemed to be able to just “move on”. In hindsight, I don’t think we really had a real relationship. I was just a “fix” for his addiction to Supply. It hurt a lot at the time, but now I thank God he broke up with me!
So sorry for you . Seems very much like mine situation , he just picked up someone from the bar and 1 month later they are living together together, he takes her on holidays to the places we used to go , the same restaurants and cafes. I was terrified and horrified to see that and realize it any new reality and that person I was having relationship was just a sick con artist. Horrible nightmare and I hope someday soon the pain will go away and I will be able to trust men again
Yes ! They pull out their playbook, dust it off, and use it again. Oh wait…my Narc didn’t need to dust off his playbook. He kept it close by: so much that it developed a shiny patina. The narcs are so transparent once you see this game. THAT is your power. See them for what they are, and be glad the Narc is now someone else’s problem ❤️💪
I'm there at the moment. I feel so rejected and don't know how to cope. I just wish I could cut the last 6 years out of my life. My heart is shattered.
I was married 23 years to a narc. He was previously married 18 years. I noticed that he repeated the places he took his first wife with me. Same trips, same restaurants, same activities. In the devalue stage, he repeated the same disgusting behaviours (previously I did not know these things. At the time of devaluation he bragged about what he did to his first wife. Up until then, I thought that he had been the victim.) Then, after I divorced him, he sent pics of his new pursuit in the same park where he had taken me, despite living in a large city with about 100 parks. He had this script he kept repeating with endless number of women.
So familiar your story!!!
I had a similar experience, although not as long a duration.
It's kind of funny how these clowns really do allot of the same behaviors! My ex did too, he even went out of his way, from where he moved to. And posted pictures of them on social media, at this park we always went to together! 😅
Yep, but more sinister, to discard he put AVOs on his ex, did everything to discredit them, even destroy them, usually still in the relationship as far as the 'ex' knew, and the narc quickly moved on to another victim.
Same but I’m free , never again
Good morning from Jamaica 🙏🇯🇲 You have come into my life October 2023. I have known my evil story but never knew of anyone who has been in my narcissistic life. My body, nervous system since 1993 is distressing. I pray The Psalms daily. You are a God sent. Very powerful encouragement.
Thanks!!!!!!!…. This video came at the perfect time! I just saw a vacation photo of my ex with “the love of his life “ & I started to ruminate about the good times smh. This snapped me back into reality 😅
Their entire life strategy revolves around adding insult to injury.
I love this as I have lived this hell. Now I sit back and live my life as he jumps from one to next onto 8th wife. They seem to get younger too. It's great to be aware now. They have made this a pattern of behavior
thank you for this.Wow, mine will most likely do this to. He does not want to get old. Wants to stay forever young. And he is a very miserable man. Had everything going for him family wise. Just always strayed now found the one. I am trying to get him out to go to that one. She has heard him say he will not while I caught them. He would always answer the phone so I would not be suspicious. But he would mess up with 'we' while talking to me when he was supposed to be going somewhere by himself..I am sort of sorry he has her that sucked in, however I have told him she has saved my life. Now he is mad because he thinks everything we own is his and I should just deal with that....his way. But I will not let that happen. hugs for this it is very positive information.
I found out about my replacement the last time the narc tried to Hoover me, last summer. He was drunk and I think for a minute he forgot he was talking to me and thought he was talking to her (we were on the phone).
It was yet another peak behind the curtain-their supply is definitely interchangeable.
He began the Hoover process by telling me everything I wanted to hear-that he was so wrong and that he wanted to buy me a home so we could live together…he meant none of it. After all we’d been through for years…it was nothing to him.
Hi Dr Ramani. From what I've personally seen and heard, the narcissist only moves on to other people. Even the ones who marry, end up cheating. Yes, they move on, but not the way an empath does.
Oh don't worry they will just put the new one through everything they put you through and once the new supply is done with the narcissist. Well now it's a perfect time to hit you up and see if you wanted to be a supply again since the position is open now! Will he treat you better if you give him a chance? HA no!
We tend to not tend to "broken hearts," I never thought about this concept before. You are so spot on, Dr. Ramani. Very good advice, thank you 😊
Honestly, her moving on is more concrete than anything else, I hope she's happy. I hope the next one doesn't get hurt. I hope she can stop being so cruel.
It's hard to call my ex narcissistic because I still have deep feelings for him and I feel the need to defend and talk him up, even though there is no reason to. He moved on so quickly to a new supply and I found it heart-shattering, comparing myself to her in every way, wondering if she would go through the same cycle I went through, or if I was the only person he'd ever abused. It has helped to hear that this cycle will occur and yes, while she might be in that love bombing initial cycle, I went through it as well and know very well how real and alluring it feels. I've had a habit of looking at social media but I think I'm going to use all my skills to cancel on that because I know it's harming my healing. I need to work on my life and healing now.
Updates? That’s happing to me rn..
A close relative to my partner recognized he was a narcissist , her mother was a narcissist. She sent me a few of your videos, since I left I have been watching a lot of them.
Dr Ramani makes me feel validated in my feeling, which is important in my healing journey. Very few people understand narcissism.
Thank you for putting words on those feeling and emotions
My husband who is, well his mother is to. I did not realize this until my drama now with him. My husband hated her for the longest time. Wanted nothing to do with her. Now he likes her again. And he turned into her. I am so glad I am realizing why my life went the way it has with him and he could just break my heart for that new one that already knows he is a creep and had no problem just letting me be hurt. And she is waiting for this wonderful man who loves her to basically screw me so he does not have to give me half. What a horrible person he evolved into. But Dr Ramanit really helps me cope. And be STRONG. I am going to get through this because of her. hugs
Yes, they move on fast. My ex-friend easily had a new girlfriend after his second divorce. His second marriage was also quickly after the first one. 😮
With his charisma & sex appeal, the narcissist who bro bombed me has a continuous availability of new suppy. The thing I know now is that his treatment towards me wasn't personal. He's doing this to everyone. That's a huge relief & allows me to let myself off the hook & be more self accepting.
This is a very weird thing to say, but I don't think that narcissistic people move on from the people they victimize. What I think they do is they recycle the people they've tormented. When I left my chaotic relationship, I decided to move on and go on a healing journey. My narcissistic ex still keeps messaging me, emailing me. Like he was seeking for attention from me. I starved him of it and block him.
They do let go when they die!😂. But you still feel nothing after don't you.😢
I find this to be true, too. When we we last together, my ex treated me with contempt, disgust, and complete disdain. It was so sick and cruel and abusive.
Yet for months after I left him, he would call and text as though nothing happened. I finally, finally blocked him for good last summer when he let it slip that he actually had a new girlfriend. I used to think he kept in touch because he loved me, but it wasn’t about love. The concept of “supply” just confounds me, but it provides the best explanation for what must be going on in his head.
You described an addictive need, an uncontrollable craving. That's all we are to them.
Much like a person with a food addiction hides 'forbidden things' like sweets. Or an alcoholic who hides small bottles in the back of closets or behind storage bins in the garage. Those hidden and forbidden symbols of addiction aren't self-renewable; when they're gone, they're gone and must be replaced.
Victims of narcissists are similar in some respects to the hidden and forbidden symbols of addiction and shame narcissists hide; we aren't inanimate objects however. We can choose not to be hidden and used when reached for to feed an addictive craving, only to be re-hidden after they get their fix.
You're doing the right thing by taking yourself off their menu and denying them a quick addiction fix. 👍
Agree.
You're very brave. I still hope to hear from my ex; I don't think he was a narcissist, but he definitely had some covert narcissistic tendencies. I worry if I gave him enough chances or what I'd do if he ever came back, which is looking very unlikely at this point, but still, that thought is always there.
You have no idea how you helped me…. Sitting at the airport with my bags after being kick out, listening to your videos on loop.
I am forever grateful for your work!
my ex hid me on social media, ruined my birthday, cheated on me, gaslighted me and blamed it all on me, (even though i would bend over backwards cleaning up after his shitty housemates, supported him when he found out his mum was homeless, constantly tried to support his dreams and tried my best to be a good partner in his life)… the new supply is getting taken on holiday after 2 months of being with him (we were together for 1 year), shes getting flowers, fancy dates, posted all over his platforms but he kept me like i was a dirty little secret. and its so infuriating watching him pretend to be a good person, he was so different with me but said we were soulmates/i was his person blah blah blah… looks like it.
The past 15 years I was in a relationship with a narcissist that was diagnosed with NPD in our 14th year. I've told everyone I know, after that marriage, I'm good for another 15 years on my own, healing from past traumas instead of falling for another narcissist, but Dr. Ramani, you're correct, there comes a day in the distance, you don't think of them that day and it's a great thing a win finally
Everyone jumps to conclusions. It's intense. Imagine having a girlfriend you've never met. It's insane. It's not a healthy situation at all, and I don't owe anything to someone who's gaslighting me on a daily basis. This person has never even once shown their existence to me.
I was my mothers supply until i was in my early 30's. Now she is really going through a tough time and i heard she has lost weight and is anxious now i'm gone, her partner left too so she has lost all that held her together. My young son goes down to say hello twice a month. I don't want to go back, but i feel sorry for her. My logic and compassion is in conflict.
I have other siblings that now have to step up and they despise me for it. I am a human being with my own issues and family, i cannot save her. I'm lonely and sad but i cannot burden others, so i stay away and seem cold but i need to survive for my son
Edit: My mum beat me and exploited me up until my early 20"s and hated me with men, She beat me before dates, so i had to cancel. She destroyed me so i could not turn up, she beat me verbally, mentally, physically and emotionally. DON"T EVER LET ANYONE TREAT YOU LIKE THAT!
Narcissists always come back to ruin our achievements in coping, but the analogies and metaphors in this one are absolute next level. Smart, wise... so awesome. Love this channel!
Does anyone low key laugh with her she cracks me up n so beautiful! I wish I could tell you my narc story dr Ramani😅 ty 4 all u do
Agreed.. Dr. Ramani is beautiful, humorous and helpful. I am not going to quit watching and following her.
The harshest and most unfair thing that we survivors have to learn to cope with is not the narcissist moving on, but that we have been misled, lied to and outright scammed and manipulated to believe that a person existed when in fact it was just a masquerade, a charade, a character, a play. And we were played for fools.
Specially as we're going through Scorpio ♏ season, the harshest lesson indeed is letting go and moving on in order to heal.
This is one of your BEST communications. A broken heart under these Cluster B conditions is excruciatingly painful. The ghost in a shell of a shadow.
It’s been a year and a half I pray to never go through again 🙏🏻. 20+ years with the person you thought was forever is so hard to unlearn.
Thank you! I can't even try to be "indifferent to my main source of suffering because the narcissist is my beloved son. It has been a long road, I am "no contact" bc I need to be, but it sucks. I do love and miss him. Could you maybe do a video on parental alienation? Thank you!!!👍❤❤❤
Yes! This is me too & there seems to be so little about this twist of NPD. I miss him so much and my heart is 💔and the enablers are other family members which is tricky too.
Do you have support? Where did you find it? Ty for posting
sadly no support or understanding from anyone especially my fam, just gaslighting. Thank god for Dr. Ram, she keeps me sane!👍@@ReikiandResonance
My narc guy had a history of cheating. The biggest walking talking red flag I had ever seen. He cheated on his first girlfriend as soon as he was in a long distance relationship with her, then he cheated on his second girlfriend to be with me as soon as he was again in a long distance relationship with the second girlfriend. Then now when he finally moved back to the same city due to professional reasons, he now dumped me to patch things up with the previous girl. These people constantly need the supply, man that’s awful!
How on earth did he get into a relationship only 2 months after 6 yrs living together? I’m exhausted to even think of a new relationship. Astonishing
Worst part of them moving on is knowing they will continue with their current and new supplies who are not aware. It's very sad but I understand we all need to figure it out on our own. Thank you Dr. Ramani for your words of wisdom and validation.
They never go away. And keep vorming back.
God is a healer, I gave my heart to God and He brought so much peace after my narcissist relationship....I've never felt so much pure joy in my heart
Dr. Ramani I think it’s fabulous that you are launching a program for therapists so they can more clearly understand how to help victims. Thank you for that.
I left the passive aggressive covert narcissist ex husband after 14 years of insane marriage. He moved someone else in after 3 weeks. I had no clue there was someone waiting in the wings. Honestly I didn't mind at all. The relationship didn't last a year. No clue if there was anyone else. Don't care at all. Recovery healing and growth means that he does not affect me at all
Narcisists and cults are alluring in the beginning but turn into a nightmare horror show later on. And evil does not spare anyone - enablers and flying monkey included. It is just a matter of time. Thank you dr Ramani❤
A broken heart from a cluster b relationship is not even a broken heart, it is trauma as bad as it gets. PTSD as if you just came out of a combat zone.
The narcs in my life have moved on, but I know that they’ve left a landscape full of wreckage along their path. I’m not feeling anyway, b/c they’re no spring chickens and they have problems with everyone. It’s going to get to the point that their reputation precedes them and their old age is going to be their punishment.
Nov 6 can’t move on, women our age are becoming so narc savvy and he is so transparent.
What is helping me is knowing they never changed. Mine dumped me, wanted to keep me around with mixed messages and had another boyfriend one week later who by his own account loves her deeply which means they were likely together before. It’s sick and disgusting and to top it off she is a therapist who claims to be a “codependent.” Ugh
DO NOT tell the new supply…. I tried to tell my ex best friend/roommate that her new bf is a narc… he was fresh out of a divorce playing the victim and she gave him a key to our place not even 6 months of them knowing each other. I found out he started bringing women home during the day and sleeping with them in her bed because I literally caught him in the act. When I tried to tell her she got mad at me and let him get in face and scream at me….THEN since I was single at the time she ignored me and pulled the “you’re just jealous” card…. I was heartbroken….10+ years of friendship with this girl in the trash over a guy she knew for a short time…. He also wound up dumping her later on. She had to learn and I wasn’t going to be around for her. I actually saw her not that long ago and I could tell she wanted to talk to me but I have nothing to say to her.
Together off and on for 25 years. I left the country for three months. He met someone else, and a year later he'd married her - his mother's buttoned-up choice - and had a child, then another. Another twenty years later, he still calls and wants to talk. Right. I thought it was Love. The 'cracks' were wide enough to fall through. I'm still sickened by my naivete.
My first narcissist relationship happened many years ago. She cycled quickly through several more guys while she played the same game. She's been married for many years. I don't know her husband. But I've seen serious hints that she has caused him terrible damage. I pray for him every day. And due to my own issues I had several more relationships with other narcissists. This has all been a life ruining and painful situation. I'm old now. And only now am I beginning to understand. I saw many red flags. But they didn't make sense. So now put what we learned into looking at the attacks and inhuman terrorism in the mid east. This is a cancer of the soul that affects more than male female relationships.
Thank you DR Ramani. You are amazing. I hope you don't mind if I share this on my channel.
This is me.
In my 20's, I left a relationship, and it was so much easier to heal. This was back in the late 80's early 90's. This one, ended last year, after 12 years. I am still struggling and Social Media does not help.
It is taking me so much longer to heal. Seeing him having moved on with the lovey dovey profile pic, was devastating. For all of the reasons you mention in this video.
I am in therapy and now studying Psychology, to hopefully work with traumatised women.
Blessed Be to you ❤🙏
When the narc has moved on, see the truth of what they are or anything that makes it easier to process…thanks again dr Ramani. ❤️
How do you get over the discard phase . Never felt so rejected 😢but I can never go back .
They never really move on unless they think the target is completely destroyed.
what sucks is when they lie and cheat on you, but paint your hurt and reactions to their lies and infidelity as abuse. then get people to call you things like a Cho-mo or a cuck plus tell tons of people all of this false info to slander you so they don't look like the villian. who TF wouldn't move on.
I honestly will never know who the new narcissistic supply for the family of origin is, because after I pointed out simple truths THEY ALL TURNED on me and ice me out completely. I actually find losing that one side of the family NOW, is a blessing in disguise, I don't have them playing mind games with me, I don't have them gaslighting me. I actually haven't been able to figure out who the heck I am since they all told me to F off.
Same. I really don't know who my family is any more. My mother had a big 'secret'....that part was no secret. But when I asked a cousin about it, I was immediately struck by the fact he knew what my mother's secret was and I did not. I was cut out of the family after that. I have since wondered if my cousin WAS the secret and that he was my mother's son. So I really don't know who my family is any more and it really doesn't matter because I have been ostracized for asking questions.
@@l.5832 My sympathy is on the cousin,
I honestly know what you mean to grow up in a family that you thought cared about you loved you had your back. Then when you turn around and show them the evidence that they're acting like immature people that's when they get all insecure and end up icing you out. I saw through my family's BS when I was about five years old period plus I'm not the only one in the family (extended) system that had called my family out on their crap as well. I'm not as crazy as everyone makes me out to be. I mean yeah I lost the family that I grew up in, but on the other hand, I gained the other side of the family which is the SANE side of the family at least with thoughts of the family I can be my authentic self. I was always curious growing up as to why I could not find somebody in my extended family or my family of origin anyone who was like me, I was the only one who was trying to be authentic but because of circumstances, it wouldn't allow.
After more than 14 years of that first "love" with a narcissist the suffering is still on. CPTSD, and inmune disease and so many other things are gifts from that first relationship. I'm 34 and I think I'm not going to have a human relationship ever again. It doesn't get better but worse.
I know how you feel, it's awful. Sorry about that.
It's been 3 years. How the hell does anyone pull themselves out of this?
You still feel the same way?
I hope you have found a way out. It can take years. You have to decrease contact with the narcissist and focus on you. Your job, friends, volunteer work etc.
Coped very well. Happy that l could play my heavy metal music in peace and just relax. 19 years single and staying that way.
Thank you for this video. Very reassuring. The divorce from my wife of 20 years was final a year ago. I don't know if she really is a narcissist, but she sure has the majority of the characteristics you have described in this and other videos. I have been in fairly frequent contact with the ex because she has insinuated herself into the lives of and co-opted my 2 adult children and 3 young grandchildren. Last week she contacted me saying "I just wanted you to hear it from me, but the guy I have been dating for 2 months and I are now in a serious relationship." This is the first guy she went out with since our divorce. When I meet the ex 24 years ago, I was a widower. The new guy is a widower. I would bet that you are 100% correct that she is love bombing him, as she did me, she will discard him as she did me. Looking back, I am so grateful to her for ending it with me because I was miserable with her for many years of shaming, criticism, judgemental, witholding affection etc. Your videos are so helpful in letting me know that rumination is not unusual and for acknowledging to myself what I had been living with for way too long.
She even showed me the new supply and told me how much better he is than me. Words fail me 7 years down the pan.all I did was spend my money on her.
Some people are just too stupid to realize that in this world we all get back what we give out. Long ago, I went into therapy for awhile and complained to my counselor about how my ex callously disregarded me....then discarded me...which left me broken, reeling, moody and semi -functioning for what seemed like forever. After I told her of all that had happened, and all I was senselessly put through, she responded with words that resonated for years to come. She said: "Eventually, everyone's luck runs out" . And for my ex---it most certainly did....taking a full seven years for karma to do its thing. I like to think my mom in heaven maybe had a little something to do with the payback he got---if she in the afterlife was somehow aware of how badly he treated me at times for no discernible reason.
The narcissist and the new supply, don't get bothered with it. Just remember how that person treated you. Also, it's just a matter of time until the new supply catches on and be exposed to the narcissistic game. So, just sit back, lay back and watch the narcissist destroy itself, again its just a matter of time.
I'm not getting hoovered as he did move on to a better superficial life than the one he had with me. I do hope I can learn when the cheating narcissist and his accomplice break up.
No, I do not want to warn her that he's a narcissist. She's a grown up who should have known better than to be an accomplice in cheating. That's on her.
This is so right on Doctor Ramani. Thank you for addressing the pain and suffering. Intellectual understanding of this can only carry someone so far. It's the terrible pain I can't deal with.
Just today my boyfriend told me "It's non of your business with what im doing and with whom im talking"
It really hurts me and in one moment i caught myself crying..
So I’m gonna tell you that this is 100% spot on true. He’s doing with his new object exactly what he once did with me. He’s a sick and twisted F….
Thank you ,Dr.Ramani,timely words for my healing heart,appericate you
Dear Dr. Ramani 🙏😊
Growing up in a narcissistic system (family) was very difficult for me. Even today I still don't understand certain human basics. When I talk to other people about this topic, it doesn't bring any further insights. For example, I don't understand what needs or boundaries are. How are these made up? What can influence them? What are personal, what are social or cultural needs? Certain basics were never explained to me. And when I ask someone to explain this the only answer I get is: "If you don't know, who will know?" Could you perhaps imagine making a video about it?
❤
Maybe I'm lucky in a way... My narcissistic ex-partner was on disability and couldn't afford to live on his own which of course made me feel like I couldn't just kick him out. The luck I mentioned is that he started communicating with former friends and schoolmates from his home state via Facebook and phone calls, many of them female. It took awhile but I realized he was trying to suck me back in by making me jealous since Ii was no longer giving him what he needed as far as Manipulation and drama. Too late! I was trying to figure out a how to rid myself of him after 14 long years so I encouraged him and he eventually found one who agreed to allow him to move in with her. It has been a few years now and I'm still healing from the effects of the abuse but at least the breakup went as smoothly as I could have hoped.
It got to a point where I’m afraid to watch Dr Ramani’s video, and I mean in no way offense by that, it’s just so so hard to discover that the heartache I’m feeling, well crushing me is more like it is not even that special…I feel like I’m dying and I don’t have any will to live, so how is something so terrible apparently so common ? Why didn’t I know all this 14 years ago, before I started to loose all my joy and happiness…those videos are amazing and I hope they help so many people out there. I wish I could see them back then, maybe it wouldn’t be this hard. 😢
For me Personally, Checkmate WAS called a long time ago. Officially it has been called & accepted as well. One day it WILL be called by True Justice itself. I wish the abusive, toxic, unhealthy Narcs & those associated with them, the best. They're going to need it. ⚖️🙏🏼⚖️🙏🏼⚖️🙏🏼⚖️🙏🏼⚖️🙏🏼⚖️©️
"let's focus on you first😮" who??:over fifty learning I don't take care of me let alone "first," I really let myself down. I have been working on myself all my life but, the work has only begun, recovery from this empty "relationship" that I worked harder than I have at anything. I feel like I will never recover. Dr. Ramani is a gift from God to me. I found out what a narcissist is 2020. I had no clue. I get why "no contact" is SO crucial! Stepping back to see clearly what has been going on, I see why he wouldn't leave my side even one day away or out of town. Beating my head against the wall for years, the most maddening gaslighting. Thanks to Dr Ramani's #1 best selling author🎉 people will no longer be ignorant nor wasting time, precious time on these hurtful people ❤
Dr. Ramani is a genius, you know I have been discarded with my 3kids and not even being provided for, he has not divorced me yet just married a 2nd wife, its like he is doing things to make me leave on my own. Now he has completely stopped coming and I was really feeling jealous thinking this other woman is so lucky she is getting treated so well right now.. you have answered quite a number of my ruminations honestly, I was almost giving up on my never ending thoughts, one day am okay the next day am really weak and self sabotaging myself
You were with someone causing serious damage. You escaped. That's a win.
Immediately I was reminded of an event as you spoke. Decades ago, i was 19. My brother's friend 22. His fiance chose, days before getting married, to break up. Very controlling. Always demanding.
Now heart broken we spoke. He was not of the same church as her and not baptized. Her parents hated him. The church said they were unequally yoked.
They fought everything together. Than without notice she ended it. No closure. No explanation.
I should point out at this moment I was known for my psychic telling. The ability to speak future events.
He laid a shell shocking piece of news to me, he just received news she had already found someone new. She was engage. Just days after thier breakup.
My response was to see the coming future events with some maturity I did not currently have.
I feel so very bad for you. No not for what's happened but what's going to happen. She is not done with you, it's all coming back to you.
They're getting married. Do nothing. Cause it will end abruptly. Than she will come back to you. When she does know this whatever she says she has not yet divorced him. She will come crying to you touching you while she is still married. You must reject her.
She will not treat you well. She is willing to cheat on you for some time with this guy. She will marry this guy and cheat on him. She would marry you after him and cheat again on you. Added to it she will trash talk you while she cheats on you.
All I'm saying is she's not done yet
The events panned out to the detail. He had the senses to realize and reject her advances and touching.
Turns out this girl and her parents lack morals and integrity
So when you escape a narcissist you need foresight. When you aren't over it you definitely have little to no foresight.
Love your insights. Beautiful inside and out! Thank you for your ongoing commitment to educating us on these demonic people. You are appreciated! ❤️❤️
❤️🙏🌺 Forever Grateful for the Gift of Dr. Ramani & the Team!! 🌺🙏❤️
I love it! Dr. Ramani thank you for being so awesome!❤
Your podcast is one of my greatest treasures. Thank you .
I am suffering now. This video helped a lot. Thank you so much
Thank you Dr. Ramani. I ended my engagement almost 2 years ago with my ex and have been in therapy and a support group trying to move on. I recently felt like I took 1,000 steps back because he created a new social media account and it popped up in my “people you may know” feed. Turns out he was engaged to a new woman that I had never seen 5 months after we broke up, and they recently got married. It has really been messing with my emotions, and what’s worse is that some of my support people in my life didn’t believe me when I said that I didn’t go looking for him and that I had him blocked. They think that I was doing searches and keeping tabs on him. It’s just hard because I am not fully over the hurt that he caused me, and then I think about how he is married to someone else so I feel like a fool for not being past it yet.
You're not a fool. You're normal human with normal emotions. Narcissists can't feel connection. They never really move on cause they never were in it in first place. Same way he isn't in it with her now. Just going through motions. They like to build the illusion of normalcy around them. But it's just an empty shell. There's no substance
7 months free, and I’m so struggling! Angry, hurt!
Allow yourself more time, and try to focus on things that bring you joy and distraction. Job, friends, volunteer, support groups etc.
I truly love this woman, and God bless her for putting her heart and soul to lift the black cloud that weighs upon those who have been wronged!
I felt at the time confused, heartbroken and I felt like I was raped .
In the end, I logically thought through things, and we have one life to live and why would I want to give another day to someone who’s mentally unstable !
Doesn’t matter how much money the person pretends or have..it’s a show! Tax write offs!
I promise this..give yourself the time and don’t believe the bullshit that’s put on social media. I don’t care if they’re getting married at the most expensive venue.. that is not to portray the love they have for their spouse but it’s all about them. Also, they want you to hear about it along with other people to just rub it in.
There is no difference between you and the new person or the next.. whomever at the time feels less troublesome is held.. until they get bored.
Mark my words, you’ll look back and wonder at yourself what the hell was I thinking ! ??
It’s just hard to comprehend because they look normal and at times act normal, but in their minds it’s chaotic.. believe me they are the ones to be felt sorry for. They will forever feel alone. You will move on to your best life now wiser and stronger🙏🏻
In the case of my ex, it would be easier if he had actually moved on to someone else. Instead, he is hanging around hoping to get more resources out of the divorce and acting needy around me trying to make me feel sorry for him. As Dr Ramani says, everything always happens at the narcissist’s pace.
He very likely has someone else that you just don’t know about.
@@Sara-May possible but he’s doing a good job of hiding it. I hope he’s found a sugar mommy so he stops asking me for money!
You CAN prevent another person from being hit by the semi that is a Narcissist. You CAN cut their time having their souls destroyed in half. I’ve been on both sides of this. Just give a warning and go back to your own life. If women don’t speak up for women, who will? If empaths harden their heart and don’t warn another empath, who will? Once you’ve warned them, you can sleep at night, you can brush yourself off and trust the seed you planted to sprout on its own. To not warn them is unthinkable.
I did it and just like Dr. Ramani stated it didn’t work. In fact, she felt compelled to go all out about their relationship on social media. I told her indirectly without getting personal. I thought she would be able to come to her own conclusions.
@@Matriarch57 it’s not about whether it worked. Sometimes you can stop someone from walking into traffic. Sometimes not. You never quit trying to stop others though, or you’ll stop being human.
This is codependency and attempts to control a situation that is not ours to manage. Let adults be responsible for themselves.
To warn unsuspecting potential victims is NOT codependency. I wish I was educated about narcissism 40 bloody years ago.
@@Matriarch57 thank you!
I’ve blocked and thank goodness for me, he’s not on social media
This is all true; my narc has no shame whatsoever and it has made the “moving on” phase a horror show.
This video couldn't come at a better time. I grey rocked my best friend of over 20 years about a year ago after we had a little disagreement where I didn't side with her view and she called me a traitor but refused to discuss it further. No apology, no accountability then comes back to me like nothing happened that caused me to go back and reflect on our relationship history and true enough there were many instances of abuse that I brushed aside because I thought that was friendship, you give and turn a blind eye. Recently, I saw her at the wake of a common friend's mom. My feeling upon seeing her was "flight", I was not ready to speak to her face to face, or even know how to be civil and pretend like nothing has come between us. I went home and for the next few days I fell into a tailspin of rumination and self blaming, just like what you said in this video. I had to go talk to my friends who were my support when the relationship broke down to ask if I was the "bad" person or I was not a friend enough to ruin this 20 yr friendship. My husband sat by my side and help me re-count all the nasty things she did that merited this breakup. You are right this is a heartbreak that demands self care, self love and time. Thank you, Dr Ramani, for reminding us to be kind to ourselves. Thank you for standing alongside us as we slowly get up and stand tall with our chins held high.
My cats over here are giving very skeptical looks Dr. R!
Kidding, thanks for another great video.
I happened to meet him on an internet forum I was a member of (the same one, where he met his next narcissistic supply) and when he found her, he dedicated the same song to her, that he had dedicated to me at the beginning of our relationship. Back then, he insisted to say that it was "our song"( Isn't that kind of funny and- at the same time- a bit rediculous?)
Αs far as my cat is concerned, it certainly doesn't compare to the narcissist, because she has feelings, and she shows them to me. Constantly and continuously. 🥰
Many thanks, once again, Dr.Ramani, for being the light that guides us out of the dark paths of the narcissistic labyrinth we're in. ❤
Unrelated to narcissistic abuse, I always wanted to be a hero in the past and it has almost always backfired in a negative way on me… my narcissist actually helped me in a way because I now know that people have to learn their own lessons like I’ve learned mine… and that in itself was my hardest lesson because I’m an empath. 🤦🏻♀️
Whether you were informed or not by others. You live and learn. This makes you wiser next time.
The biggest problem is recognizing the narcissistic personality traits that you have unconsciously adopted. Letting the anger out, sticking together the pieces that are left of yourself and letting the light in.
Happy Saturday my friends!❤