The anatomy of a narcissistic breakup
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 13 янв 2024
- ORDER MY NYT BESTSELLING BOOK 📖 "IT'S NOT YOU"
smarturl.it/not-you
SIGN UP FOR MY HEALING PROGRAM: doctor-ramani.teachable.com/p...
GET INFO ABOUT MY UPCOMING PROGRAM FOR THERAPISTS
forms.gle/1RRUz41eWswjw63o6
SIGN UP FOR MY MAILING LIST
forms.gle/Bv9GNuMSR55PKTjQ6
LISTEN TO MY NEW PODCAST "NAVIGATING NARCISSISM"
Apple Podcasts: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast...
Spotify: open.spotify.com/show/2fUMDuT...
Stitcher: www.stitcher.com/podcast/how-...
iHeart Radio: www.iheart.com/podcast/1119-n...
DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT. ORDER MY NEW BOOK "IT'S NOT YOU"
smarturl.it/not-you
SIGN UP FOR MY HEALING PROGRAM: doctor-ramani.teachable.com/p...
GET INFO ABOUT MY UPCOMING PROGRAM FOR THERAPISTS
forms.gle/1RRUz41eWswjw63o6
SIGN UP FOR MY MAILING LIST
forms.gle/Bv9GNuMSR55PKTjQ6
LISTEN TO MY NEW PODCAST "NAVIGATING NARCISSISM"
Apple Podcasts: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast...
Spotify: open.spotify.com/show/2fUMDuT...
Stitcher: www.stitcher.com/podcast/how-...
iHeart Radio: www.iheart.com/podcast/1119-n...
DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT. 
Развлечения
No one will hate you more, than a narcissist who used to tell you "I love you".
I m sorry that you went through that .
Yes, telling you that empty, meaningless, "I love you", but really already hating you the whole time in their hearts.
I know for a fact, my ex hated me from the day he set his eyes on me, when he asked me to "marry" him, and I said, to my own detriment, "yes", through the entirety of our pimp/whore relationship, to the bitter and resentful end, and to the present day, as far as I know.
I'm thankful to finally know the Truth and that evil union is finally over. Now, let the healing begin....hopefully.
They hated you the whole time they told you, "I love you." They were repulsed by you because you are a lesser being.
💯
I thought this was an interesting comment that time you posted on one of Dr Ramani's other videos. The fact you have posted it verbatim, makes me think there's a story there. Would you mind sharing a little bit more if it's not too painful?
No one falls in love faster than a narcissist trying to get fresh supply
Pretends to love - they cannot truly love or be loved. They are opportunists.
Wow, such a simple statement that captures so much of the reality! ❤️👍
Or also in mines case- needs a place to live! 😂
Sure any free opportunity
Funny but true.
Break up with a narcissist is a whole different feeling then a break up from a Person that isn't a narcissist.
Normal Break up broke my heart. Break up from a narcissist my soul broke. I was stripped to nothing. I almost didn't make it through.
Here I am 2 years later, loving myself with my strong boundaries, morals and values. 😊
I can relate. Soul crushing is an understatement. I wanted to die. Feeling better and better as time goes on but for me it's only been 7 months. Sending healing energy🙏💓
Yes THANK YOU!
Yes! This is my experience too!
I'll be there soon! Thank you for sharing.
❤
The relationship fell apart the moment the light turned on in my head, and I realized that although I loved this person, I deserved to be treated better. And through your videos, I see the red flags I missed, and I see the patterns you've pointed out to be aware of. I realized I was in a toxic narcissistic relationship, and I was losing myself in it. And I was nothing but supply. Hurts so, so much to face that truth, BUT I feel free and powerful. Every day that passes, it hurts a little bit less, and I feel stronger and happier every day. Like you said, Dr. Ramani: "You're much more than your narcissistic supply." Thank you! ❤😊
Same boat!
On the path with u..
Me too! Pass me an oar so we can move away faster!
Me too!!! I know exactly what you mean!!!
Your story is my story.
Working on freeing myself has just begun.
I don't miss feeling like I'm having a nervous breakdown every day of my life. Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for explaining this dynamic so well. 💝
Nervous breakdown! This!!!!
That’s a great explanation of what life is like living with a narcissist!! The things you have to expend and waste time and energy on, the worries that follow you, the inhibition from expressing your emotions and thoughts and being your authentic self. Gosh it is a nervous breakdown every day. It’s so exhausting and taxing. It’s devastating to lose touch with yourself. I think you don’t always realize until you’ve been free from it just how harmful it is on your heart, mind, and soul. Thank you for your comment ❤
I turned to Jesus Christ and Trust God Almighty and pray continually, Jesus Christ said To watch and pray,,,, the Narcissistic spirit is of the darkness, and don't believe the Lies of the devil 🌑 stuff
I felt so stressed & nervous the entire 6 wks of dating one!
Yesssss, nerves on high alert 24/7, walking on eggshells.
Narcissist abruptly leave when they believe they have secured your replacement. If they attempt to secure your replacement and the plans fall through, That's when they come back with love bombing and revaluation.
They can't risk being truly alone. So they will never abruptly leave unless they have someone in mind
So true. That’s why if you try to leave first and they don’t have any other supply or all the supply they get elsewhere is perceived by them as inferior, they will bullshit you with an Academy Award worthy performance. They aren’t afraid of losing you, they are afraid of losing your supply. Although it might look and feel on a visceral level like they are be emotional about you leaving, really what they are so emotionally and frantically about is the prospect of losing Grade A supply from you. They often don’t want to feel the sting of defeat in losing emotional control over you, or relevance to you or the ability to influence you unless they have something else lined up first.
I agree. They will not discard you completely unless they have your replacement lined up for them. Once secured you're history. They cannot be alone and will ALWAYS have a replacement lined up BEFORE the discard.
It hurts extra much. It makes me feel I am easily replaceable and I don’t matter. He was my first.
@xoxjelloxox you will be find work on your healing stay busy as much as you can just learn from it like I did
@@jameslumpkins4609 my heart hurts 😢
It was all of a sudden. He just decided that was it. Lack of intimacy, ghosting, devalued, and discarded. It's been rough not going to lie. I will survive.
You’ll be happier without them, trust me
Anyone can decide when a relationship is over with. We can only lose the wrong person.
Karma always has an address.
People fall out of love and grow apart. Happy couples don't break up. We cannot control other people . Only we can control ourselves.
Understanding attachment styles, how behavior effects relationships.
We are subconsciously or consciously attracted to people who resemble our childhood caregivers
For healing - The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman
The Body Keeps The Score Brain Mind And Body In The Healing Of Trauma--- Bessell Van Der Volk
The Untethered Soul by Micheal Singer
What The Heck Is Self Love Anyways? by Jonathon Aslay
Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix IMAGO
Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin
Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters
James Sexton has great educational podcasts.
Same here. My ex bf couldn't confess, practiced ghosting, no accountability and lack of empathy. One day he just left me to marry another woman abroad. I didn't know until one of his sisters told me. He was one of the biggest cowards I've ever met in my life. I didn't know anything about narcissism then but it's clearer now after watching these videos
@@Limemelon2023cowardice is a theme with them
I was like this to my ex i didnt love, was I a narcisist or just didnt love her enough?
Love comes to you when you don't expect it and leaves when you need it the most. The most cruelest thing to do is tell someone you love them and spend everyday slowly destroying them. Narcissists forget about you, when they don't need any more favors.
Had a sociopathic narc do that to me. After that, I have decided to learn as much as I could about narcissistic personalities and sociopaths. It’s so important to know that all that glitters and ain’t gold. After all the promises and flattery, and flirting and exhilarating spontaneity and proclamations of love and these people will low key be cheating on you with not one but multiple people and may even act like they never even said they liked you let alone love you. That’s what’s waiting for you on the other side of flattery, charm and charisma, soul destruction!
Had a sociopathic narc do that to me. After that, I have decided to learn as much as I could about narcissistic personalities and sociopaths. It’s so important to know that all that glitters and ain’t gold. After all the promises and flattery, and flirting and exhilarating spontaneity and proclamations of love and these people will low key be cheating on you with not one or multiple people and may even act like they never even said they liked you let alone love you. That’s what’s waiting for you on the other side of flattery and charm.
Love is just a four-letter word. It means nothing unless you express it. If you give someone flowers, you say, "These are for you," because it's not just about handing them over
For neurotypicals the feeling comes first and then the word. The narcissists are so mired in their downward bringing selfishness so steeped in a continual replay of trauma that they are not able to feel the feeling represented by the word love; which is sad cause in that way at the deepest levels they are truly cut off from the true source of all life and wellbeing: love. Sad, the best they can do is pantomime and mouth out the word, the sentiment behind it is a but a distant abstraction, if even that much for such malaised and envious souls.
Mine left me long ago in every sense but physically. How they can exist in this alternate universe and think it’s normal or believe anyone else will is beyond absurd. Fascinating to witness, truly Twilight Zone bizarre. 🦇💩!! smh😑🤦🏻♀️
Lucid dreams my damaged beloved tribe, good night 🌙 blessed be 🙏🏼✌🏼💜
He hugged me and said, “I couldn’t love you anymore than I do right now.” Two weeks later, he was done with me. I was married for 30 years. They all have an end date even after many years and experiences.
Me, after 37 years.. I'm so sorry Julie.
Same happened to me after 27 years and two beautiful kids. Never saw it coming. Sure, we had our issues /problems like everyone does. But to claim you love a person so much for so long, and then have the ability to instantly discard them like trash- that takes a special kind of evil/mental illness. I'm so sorry that this happened to you (and others). No one deserves this kind of treatment and absolute heartbreak. All the best to you. Move forward and make your life happy again.
@@thewanderer6637 Thank you. I’m good now. I see the whole picture. I get it. Not normal at all but I do understand how and why I was vulnerable to these kinds of relationships.
My narcissistic dad did this, abandoned me at 30 years old, just out of nowhere. Divorced my mother after 43 years, remarried her past best friend and, then, abandoned us.
@@ac-hk4fs Yes, it is completely abnormal and other people will never get it if they haven’t had the experience. Although, I’d never wish it on anyone. I’ve had great counseling so I’m on the other side now. I have learned so much.
I don't miss being cheated on, devalued, lied to or blamed.
I do miss her personality, intelligence, our memories, and the person I thought she was. More than anything.
🙏 I feel your comment
i can`t cope with the idea that the one i loved more than anything in the world dosn`t really exist
I feel you on this
Exactly!!!
that person wasn't real, it's a projection of your own personality
It wasn't normal. I knew there were serious problems with my girlfriend, but I couldn't figure it out. It was only in the last two months that I learned about narcissism. It wasn't until I left and studied extensively that I finally learned the truth. From what I can see, she is what they call a "malignant narcissist." Since we broke up nine months ago (I went full, no contact), it has been radio silence, no communication from her, and none from me. I blocked her in every way possible and I have not snooped her at all. Do I think about her? Yes, every day though I have never reached out. If I get the urge, I read my list of the horrible things she did and that stood me in my tracks, every time.
Good on you, well done. I’m going through the same atm. It’s going to be awkward as we’re work colleagues.
It’s like your explaining my exact situation
A list of all the bad things works really well 👍
Man I'm just go e say this narc bitches be crazy asf
@@chakra1330for me it’s the screenshots I took of him cheating on me that keeps me away
You told the story of my life- 15 years married, best friends,2 kids. Left suddenly for new love- only difference is, she didn’t want him. He interpreted this as part of her wonderfulness- of course she would never date a married man. 3 weeks later, he called, sobbing to come home. I told him to get help and then we’ll talk. Never happened, it’s now 30 years later. He has been alone with no other lasting relationship. Karma.
How satisfying!
Yep
He’s narcissistic he couldn’t have interpreted it as a part of “her wonderfulness” No, no, honey he interpreted it as part of his! And apparently got what his delusional self had coming to it!
To many people don't invest in a relationship, and get some sex, as long as they keep attracting the opposite sex. And then it's a competition about who is the most admired.
@@KristonMahr So true! And they wonder why there is always so much drama in their relationships! You hit the nail on the head they turn companionship into competition. They poison the waters of nourishment with this crap and wonder why the water (symbolic for nourishment) is poisoned.
It’s shocking how fast some guys move onto someone else, while still pursuing me. Or how quickly they go suddenly go cold if you ever try to have a real conversation about anything that they did that hurt or bothered you. No accountability. Super disturbing. Learning to be careful who I let into my life and get to know them slowly while keeping my boundaries. They usually show their true colours eventually. I’d rather be single than with abusive people. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
Discernment and intentionality. Many relationships are transactional. Casual relationships have become the norm. It's wise to have your circle vet them. Definate boundaries a backbone and dealbreakers in place that you adhere to.
Online dating equals abundance It has marginalized people and bastardized the dating process. The truth comes out eventually. You truly find out who someone is when you live with them. You need to run a background check. We meet and date complete strangers. A stranger can say anything.
Discern character disposition and behaviors. Common sense before emotions. Never doubt patterns. AKA The track record. People rarely change.
Compatibility is based on shared values, beliefs, emotional maturity a blendable lifestyle, a shared vision - goals and worldview.
Safe People by Henry Cloud
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
8 Dates defines the mechanics of healthy relationships.
Interrogate Your Partners Their Past Is Your Future -;Sam Vaknin podcast
The Paradox Of Choice Ted Talk.
Beautiful reply.
Yes their seems to be a plague of evil men.
It's not guys or girls. It's a character of a spirit.
Women's mating standards are higher. It's a statistical fact.
It’s the patriarchal society we live in. In order to oppress people they have to be dehumanized for the system to work. The majority of men aren’t necessarily narcissistic but are taught narcissistic traits that are normalized.
My breakup was long and drawn out. My ex-husband threatened me multiple times to divorce me, but then I guess he enjoyed seeing me jump through hoops and bend myself into further knots because he never acted on his threats. Until one day after not taking his shoes off -- his shoes were tells that he was about to say something horrible to me, so I knew something was up -- he told me he wanted a divorce. And this time I did not argue or get too angry and I said okay. I had begged him for three years to go to marriage counseling because he repeatedly told me he was upset and unhappy, yet he wouldn't give me one hour a week to fix it. The last time he said he wouldn't go to marriage counseling, I told him that I'd remember that if he ever expected me to do anything for him. Also at that point I was so sick of the abuse and neglect, I started standing up for myself and pointing out his BS, which he didn't like. So of course, I had to go.
It was never a marriage. Never. It was me versus him. It was him using me to get where he was and taking me down in the process. I had so many goals and things I wanted to accomplish, but being married to a narc is indeed a full time job. I devoted so much of my flagging energy to making HIM happy while he barely gave anything in return. I lost who I was. I didn't succeed at anything I set out to do. As much as I didn't want to go back home to my narc family, I had no choice. But at least here with them, I have friends again and a small support group that can help me deal with my family, whereas with him, he was all I had and it was a whole lot of nothing.
A few months ago, I got a wild hair up my rear and decided to look at his twitter feed. His pinned tweet was a group of wedding pictures to his new, younger wife. We had not been divorced a full year before he got remarried. I can't tell you the waves of relief that washed over me that now the Eye of Sauron was looking the other way! His new victim was a coworker, which confirmed to me that he had been grooming and cheating while we were married. He never mentioned this girl even once, but she'd been working with him for years. The worst/weirdest part was that she is a carbon copy of me, and her name is even similar to mine.
Ah well. That decade+ with him was a time I wish I could completely erase from my life and have a do over. I did things that I would never ever ever have done if I wasn't in such a terrible place with such a terrible person. Now I'm in therapy, and I'm trying to heal my trauma from childhood, trying to put my life back together and get what I never got from anyone, least of all the people whose blood I share and who said "I love you" while they abused.
Stay strong, survivors. A discard is the greatest gift a narcissist will ever give you.
Thank you, Dr. Ramani.
I left him. OMG 9 years later and he’s still interfering in my life through our autistic son for his own agenda.
Was with him from 19 to 53. Next serious relationship-again with a narc. I’m learning now. Knew nothing about narcissists prior to these two experiences. 😢
Similar story…
Sounds like my story!
Same here. My god they are so similar. He got married quite soon. His new wife after two years is already filing for divorce 😅 smarter than me I stayed 13 yrs with him. He is still trying to abuse me using our sons. They are monsters
@@Periquinfornite I extend you my deepest sympathies and the best digital hugs. It's an awful situation to be in. The only difference with me is that my ex didn't want children, so I'm not tied to him for the rest of my life, fighting with him about how to take care of the kids. I am so sorry you're having to endure parental alienation and this nasty demon sucking the life and energy out of you and your boys.
I hope you can find some good ways to cope and care for those sweet children. Nobody deserves this, and be kind to yourself because that monster isn't a creature of your own making. Bless you.
Not only they think they have big hearts, they are chosen ones, no one understand them... but they will tell you something bothers them from other people while they do the exact same thing OR they will lecture you on what you should do while they do the opposite!! It's an interesting but horrifying thing to witness.
They are some sad mixed up mofos!
Omg!!!! Perfect description!!! Thank you
All the time….
! K k k. Vvv. Can. Nvnvn. M n. M my m m ok n. V v vnvnvnkvv nvn can. Connie b. Vnvnvv kv. No can k v kn knock vvvnvm no nkvvvvkvkvvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnlnvkk bo vnvnvnvknvkvnkvkkvkknvkkvnv kvnvmvnkkkkvnknnnvnvnvnvknvnvnkvvnkvnvnvknvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvkvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnkvkvkvkvkkkvnnvnkvkvvnvnvhvnvnvnvnkvvnvnkvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvkvkvkknvnncvnvnvnkvvnvnkvkvkvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvkvnvnvnvnvnvknvnvnkvvnkvvnvnkvvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnkvnvnvnvnkvvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnkvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnkvvnkvvnvnvnvnvnvnkvvnvnvnvnvnvknvnvnvnvknvnvncnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnkvnvnvnvnkvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvknvnkvvnvnkvvnkvkvnvnvnvnvnvnvknvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnkvnvknvnvnvnkvvknkvkvkvvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnkvnvnkvvnkvvnkvvnvnkvkvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvkvnvnvnkvkvvnkvnchvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnkvnvnvnvnvnkvnvknvnkvvnkvvnkvvnvknkvnkvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnkvvnvnkvvnvhvnkvvnkvkvnvnvnvknkvkvkvvnvnvnchvnvnvnkvvnkvkvnkvkvvnkvkvnvnkvvnvnvnvnvnkvvnvnvnvnkvnvnvnvnkvkvnvnkvnvnvknvnkvvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnkvkvvnvnvnvnvnvnvnkvnkvvknvnkvkvvknvnvnvnvnvnkvvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnkvkvkvvnvnvnvnvnkvvnkvnkvkvnvknkvnvnkvnvnvnvnkvnvknvnvnkvkvvnvnchvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnkvvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvkvnchvnnvnvkvvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvhvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnnvnkvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvvvnchvnkvkvvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnkvvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvvnvkvvvkvkvvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvvkvvvnvvnvnvcvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvcvnvkvvvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvkvvnvnvkcvvnvnvvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvncjvvvnvnvvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvvvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvvck v very😫😫😫😫🍚🍚🍚🍚🍚🍚🍚🍚🍚🍚🥩🥩🥩🥩🥩🥩🥩🥩🥩🥩🪷👝⛅️⛅️🌕🍂🍀🐘🪶🪶🦗🙁😠😞🐘🐘🪵🐘👓🐘👓👓👓👩🦽➡️🙊👓👩🦽➡️🐘🙊🪶🙊🐘🐘🐦⬛🐤🐤🐦⬛🙊🙊🙊🐘🙊🐘👓👓👓🐰🛰️🛰️🛰️🛰️🗺️🫕🫕🫕🫕🫕🫕🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🫒🍠🥖🥖🫐 lblnkbknknklnknknknknlnknknlnknknknknlnvnvnknknknknknknknknknknknknknknknknknvnvnknknknknknvnvnvnvnknknkbkbkbkbkbkbkbkbkbkbkbkbkbkbkbkbkbkbkbkbkbkbkbkbkbkbkbkbkbkbkbkbkbkbkbvkkkncncncnvkvknon vnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnvnv. Mcc. ,c,c,cv b ok,cc,c,c,,c,c,c,bc
Yes!!!! I get this.
Narcissists are sort of like addicts, They love you as long as you have something to offer them. But in reality they are either not capable of loving themselves or are so in love with themselves there is no room for you at all.
Yes I find they adore themselves.....like really adore themselves
"Your feelings don't matter" "This conversation is over" That's on you, not me." "You are boring when you are sober." "I never romanced you because you weren't fun." I walked away 3 months ago but I really miss the person I thought he was.
I understand missing the person you thought someone was.
Congratulations on walking away. ❤
I was the one that walked out. I knew it was coming for a long time. One day I really sat by myself and put the pros n cons on a mental scale and said yeah I need to get out now. I started arguing n bitching as much as he did and said this isn’t me! Time to go! I left on 5/8/23 and haven’t looked back nor been back. I’m the happiest I’ve been in 4 decades with him. He still can’t believe it
Congratulations!! I love how we remember the date we left. I left on 9/25/21, and like you, I’m so happy! Congratulations, again, on your freedom and joy!!
@@ginalorraine1899 yes the date is very meaningful! On the 8th of every month since I left my kids take me out to lunch or dinner to celebrate my freedom! I had no idea they had been sitting around all these years just praying I’d leave their dad..
A narcissistic sees relationships as convenience only. At the expense of everything else.Because it never meant anything to them in the first place.
I think it's important to remember that even when you know what narcissism is, and you're aware to look out for red flags, that narcissism can still come in forms you don't expect and that fly beneath your radar.
So true, the are pathological liars and master manipulators
Yep.
This is so true
No red flags and he dropped me after a year- 8 days no contact- it really hurts- and I’ve been here twice before- need to fix my subconscious- I can’t do this again 😩
I believe, as a consolidation, that as narcissists age, they become so much more challenging to deal with. My ex was narcissistic and has remarried. They seem blissful and are building a new house, the house of my former dreams.
I came to realize that I was raised by a narcissistic mother, which may account for why I chose and stuck with a narcissistic husband until he left me 27 years later. My mother recently passed away. The last year of her life, she treated me with hateful contempt, even more so than earlier in my life. I believe that narcissists become even more horrible to deal with as they age. I guess they realize death is bigger than they are, and maybe they question what happens after death, I don't know. All I know is my mom left this earth screaming and clawing at her life. She did not want to go, and acted like she wanted to take me with her.
What I saw in her death was a flash vision of what I could have had to endure had I remained in that terrible marriage. Just remember, with narcissists, it always gets worse, even though you cannot image how. They want to drag you to hell with them. Be glad you are no longer in the relationship and don't have to accompany them.❤
I love it when you wrote that death is bigger than them. I think about that quite a bit.
How traumatizing to watch your mom act that way! 🥺
They absolutely want to drag you into their hell. And I get not imagining how things can get worse and the need get out.
At first my ex pretended to fear nothing. My ex's son told me that he, my ex, who I call the 'wasband', was terrified of the ocean. And he was/is. I'm not. I love it. Ex-wasband went to therapy for years - to learn how to pretend to be human. One of his 'takeaways' was to 'admit a personally harmless weakness.' He actually confessed that the ocean terrified him because it was 'bigger than him.' It could swallow him; consume him; it could erase him. He had no capacity to feel wonder at its vastness; comfort in the fact that there ARE things bigger than any of us; and that we are still here...to me it's my most tangible evidence of his petty self-idolatry. I believe that for 'them' death means annihilation - and that any petty narcissistic injury, even if unintentional (having to wait behind one person in line; a baby not sleeping through the night) triggers them at the same intensity. They can hide/compensate when they are 'spry' but aging limits us all...
@@workinprogress3707 “to learn how to pretend to be human” 😂
The "I love you is more like hello" gave me a cold sweat...
😞
Be careful of people who use others. They will tell you everything you want to hear:-/
Every time I have a moment of deep sadness thinking about the shocking way my ex betrayed me gaslighted me then dumped me I watch this video and I feel a bit relieved. Thank you Dr Ramani for all your precious work. This means a lot
Being asked to be blind to betrayal, or ignoring the red flags is self abuse. It’s an individual ignoring their inner “butterflies” to be in a crap fit of a situation ship. The butterflies are actually stress responses and your body telling you…RUN.
Don’t settle for a familiar relationship that will not fulfill, sustain or nurture you.
You are a diamond DR Ramani. Your channel breaks curses and I am truthfully thankful.
My narcissist used me to hurt his former partner, then threw me away when I questioned his sensitivity? I'm grateful I didn't spend as much time with him as she did.. but it's a problem for me.
They're so Charming in the beginning. I have abandonment issues and a narcissistic mother.
They use your weaknesses.
Thank you so much for your help. I'm so glad I found you!
I broke up with my boybriend of 10 years with narcissistic tendencies. 2 weeks after I moved out he brought me some of my things and proudly anounced "I met someone."
I was genualy happy because I was feeling so bad for leaving him. When I expressed my happyness I could see his expression crumble. He was so angry that I was happy for him and accused me I am faking my happiness for him. He wanted to hurt me and It didn't work and he couldn't get over that.
I think the metaphor of being able to pull up a plant that is not well rooted is effing brilliant! Of course, they move on easily because, as you say, nothing is deep for them. Just love your metaphors.
my narc hubby worked overseas on our 9th year and i found out years later, that his first (cheating) relationship started 2 months after he left the country. When I found out everything, all the girls (bec I was able to open his email and he never deleted his messages for 5 yrs), I was reeling. When I confronted him, he wanted me to switch to "friend mode" because he was "depressed" that the present girl found out about me. He wanted me to listen to his sad stories post their separation. When I asked him why her, he said she was like me, but better - that she was a manager at a big company, wore heels and makeup. I was so bewildered at all of it. It was really crazy. I couldnt even understand how he wanted me listen to their relationship woes. It felt like this was a different person. I found enough courage to stop talking to him. Now these videos help me understsnd what I went through. Thank you Dr. Ramani.
As much as it hurts to know.. Your hubby gave you a wake-up call about the realities of life - that everything here on, even we human beings, are subject to change.
That is nuts. I hung out with my narc ex a couple of months after our breakup. I guess I was looking for closure. She said she thought that I was there to win her back, but I said no. Then she proceeded to giddily text her ex in Texas, and she told me that she was considering moving there to get back with him, because he was talking about buying her a car. I think she was trying to make me jealous? Didn’t work. Ick.
Narcissistic "partners" abused me into breaking up with them. The one exception was someone who neglected me into the breakup. Very confusing. The one I married forced me into the breakup by his unimaginable cruelty. I wished he would get a new partner to distract him from his cruel focus on me, but looking back I think he had girlfriends, but managed to torture me while lovebombing others. I do not underestimate their ability to shapeshift anymore.
Same thing happened to me me
Exactly...they think that you will never leave and that you are only allowed to leave when they want you to. I used to try to get them to break up with me to let me leave because they would never let me...and that just made EVERYTHING worse.
Same. Happening to me now 😔 hurts a lot.
Happening to me as well. I just am told I can’t “forgive and forget” abuse, sa,abandonment and cheating. That’s why I don’t get love anymore and he just looks at me with contempt asked me to apology for being a “bad” partner. That’s when u was done.
Married 40 years, he just blind sided me. God is good, and He’s helped me heal. ❤ Thank you for the videos. It truly helps to know about the personality disorder.
Sorry to hear it…21yrs (w/an 11y/o son) and she moved out on her own, then began dating…I honestly believe the trash took itself out…
Good Luck❤️🩹
Before you watch this video grab a piece of paper and write these 2 things down..First remember they have a never ending mindset of an 8 year old.. it's all about lack of responsibility and what they can get without having to be responsible...2nd, something Dr. R says in this vid, They left because it became too emotionally demanding....Right? We in a normal relationship rely on the other when life happens. In a narc relationship we are left holding the bag for both and we get tired, so as we occasionally reach out to the other they pull away because they have no responsibility and want to keep it as an 8 year old does..no responsibility..and if we attempt to push the issue because we need help, they go look for someone else to play with...ok keep these two things in mind when watching this, forget the mask and see them as an 8 year old....made sense to me....
My father, the narcissist abruptly divorced my mother after 43 unhappy, cheating and scandalous years. 2 months later I woke up one morning and my father had remarried my mothers past, best friend and moved 2,000 miles away. He never got in touch with me until years later. I can’t tell you what that did to me. I was only 20, and felt rejected and abandoned by him. He just didn’t care. My mother went into a deep depression so it felt like I had lost both of my parent’s. Years later when I was in my 40’s, I went to his deathbed in hospice and he couldn’t even look at me. His abrupt decision to leave, ruined my life. At 66, I’m just starting to get it together after all the years of devaluing and shaming me. The message I heard loud and clear for all those years is what a failure I was. These narcissists leave a very permanent mark on our lives.
Well what you summed up for me is you by buying into his perspective or what you thought his perspective was of you. you create your own reality you didn’t have to believe him you didn’t have to buy into it he left your life at 20 you kept him alive he did you a favor by leaving reprogram your brain to understand this and you will have joy abundance beyond. Stop playing the victim card your daddy is not responsible for your choices🤮🤯😜 nor for your daily life especially after 20 years old assume responsibility ❤stand up straight put a smile on your face be grateful go get outside and play -you child.Oh you poor poor thing not❤😮💎
@@menotyou6254😡
It stings losing a parent or not having one available as a child. I feel it with you
00:29 - Drawn Out vs Sudden
11:47 - Why is it easy for the narcissist to cut you out?
20:27 - Coping with your feelings when the narcissist starts a new relationship
30:30 - Did the narcissist love you?
38:22 - Why do you miss the narcissist?
This is off subject as pertaining to this video; I saw earlier vlogs of yours today, I had the misfortune of working for/with an extreme narcissist for years. Before that I worked with abused/neglected adolescents in a group home. I found it wonderful, and rewarding, but experienced extreme burn out, rational detachment was not my strong suit. What is your secret to staying so seemingly grounded, while dealing constantly with such negative behavior.
Thank you for the timestamps. ✍
I know there is no way he ever loved me,so im just concentrating now on loving myself now
The breakup comes out of the blue. I've had enough NARCISSIST in my life i can spot them pretty much right from the start. I let things play out to be sure im dealing with a NARCISSIST, so when the devaluation and discard comes im not cought off guard.
If I didn't need social media for business, I wouldn't use it. As for my narcissistic ex, I blocked her in every way. To this day, nine months later, I have no idea what she's doing. I have disciplined myself to not look. And I never will.
Same. It’s just less painful this way.
Recently was left by a narcissist. I had a sneaking suspicious feeling during the marriage, but never really researched it until after i was dumped out of nowhere and she started dating someone two weeks after...then started dating someone else the same day she left that guy two months later. The irony is she used to watch your videos while we were married.
He crossed the line sexually with me and I withdrew a little bit to get help. Couples therapy was disastrous and ended up with hm using the R word multiple times, fight with the therapist and the therapist reaching out to me privately because I was unsafe.
he started verbally harassing me every time we were alone. Which made me shut down more. During the days it was businsss as usual. We played with the kids, at dinner together… he would do things I always asked him to do that he refused. then night came and he would ask to talk calmly. I would tell him I would listen and then he would be begin spinning a alternate reality. When I wouldn’t apologize for things I didn’t say he would get to to a rage. I was afraid of him and his behavior.
The cliff notes are I found a letter. I think it was on purpose. From his gf at the time. It was fate. They were soulmates. He deserves so much better than me. “Congratulations on your divorce”
We weren’t divorced and our oldest was going into surgery - for the second time.
The first time a couple years back. I was so scared. He held my hand and comforted me. Now I was alone. Trying to understand why I couldn’t have just been ok with how he treated my body like I wasn’t a person. I couldn’t I just let that go. He has needs, I’m broken. I repeated all of the things he said to me or made me feel.
I found her social media and read their love story through her eyes. I remember feeling the same way about him and it hurt worse than I could ever imagine. Then, I found the sex tape. I shouldn’t have watched it…but I don’t think I wouldn’t have allowed myself to believe any of it if I didn’t see it with my own eyes. She tried to photoshop identifiable things about him. We were together 14 years - I knew every inch of him.
I never told him that I knew or let on. We had dinners together. Played with the kids and he would tell me he had to go out of town. Give me his schedule like he always would… leave our children crying and confused. For the first time I saw the kind of man I had married.
He lied with too much ease for this to be the first time.
I think the supply found out that he wasn’t divorced or was lying about another woman. ( she tweeted about it). He came home and took it out on me and the kids.
He calls me his abuser. He told people I stole from him. He degraded me to my face told me I was useless and didn’t deserve my child or my dog. He told me I was broken sexually and that “he was sexual person” he told me the only time things were “hot” was after he had so deeply psychologically abused me I tried to degrade myself to keep him.
My crime was listening to my body. How unsafe I felt with him while vulnerable. I put up boundaries to shield me from his threats of self harm, guilt and using my secrets as weapons. He pitied me, he said while making me beg him. Giving me the prompts “what will you miss about me” giving me lists of things I needed to do to stay “clean the house” lol
He is correct. I would be just fine. I would never look back. It’s hard getting back on my feet but I’ve learned so much about myself and the depths of human nature. I am just fine. You will be too.
Hang in there mama, and thank you for sharing! I'm in 33 years, two teenagers with my narc. Complete discard 4 years ago when I was at my most vulnerable ever, having lost both parents to cancer, mom's sister to Covid, and two close family friends. It's absolutely crushing, on top of my grief I was trying to figure out what did I do to deserve that? How can someone throw away 30 years of life, just like that? He is not the man I married. I've been in a psychiatric hospital for a month, staying at a residential place now. Trying not to worry about the future, but now I finally KNOW I have to end it. He's to much of a coward to even bring it up. He want to drive me insane and then blame me for " breaking up the family". Fine. I do t care anymore. This is not a way to live. I'm getting stronger, and I'll be ready! Thank you, and to you too Dr. Ramani! ❤
Hugs! You deserve so much good and healthy love!
@@HanaPazdirkova thank you, Hana. I am so sorry for your losses and all of the challenges you’ve faced. You are stronger than you know. If anything positive can come from these horrible circumstances is that we can find community and uplift each other. Rooting for you ❤️
@@ckl5801 🙏 thank you for your kind words. Every once and a while Dr. Ramani post a topic that hits really close to home. When these relationships end, it’s unlikely anything you can imagine. I thought I would lose my mind so hoping anyone reading going through something similar knows that they aren’t alone and can make it on the other side -even if that is hard to see. Two years and I still take it day by day but life is so much better now.
lol. ended 2 years ago and she got into a new relationship a few weeks later. fast forward to now and we recently met up after she randomly unblocked my number to reach out.
it’s exactly as you said Dr. Ramani, they don’t change. i never even thought of her as a narcissistic person before because i was oblivious to it. but watching the few videos that i have from your channel has made it very clear the type of personality she has.
Isn't it remarkable how, once recognized, how easy it is to pinpoint and even predict what they do? Thank God for you Dr. Ramani. You've really made me feel like there's SOMEONE in my corner.
Got out one week ago. Having 2 different cancers in 2023 was the beginning of the end. Getting wonderful support and attention from so many others, made him CRAZY. I appreciate all of your work Dr. Ramani. Has helped me a lot. Thank you.
so sorry to hear this. they don't care. you can literally pass out in front of them and they'll walk over you. if they're ill, another story completely. You'll be better without him...believe me...once you actually get over the shock of it.
"I never saw it coming."
Me neither
27 years came out of nowhere. He said you deserve someone better than me. I guess his new supply doesn’t deserve better than him!!! All of this just sucks and hurts like hell. I am dealing with how can someone who says they love you just toss you out like trash and not care??? You never existed, try to wipe you out of their mind. Post cruel, disrespectful, humiliating things on social media. Then everyone telling him how happy they are for this new love. The world is filled with cruel people.
Thirty five years married, bought a 36 foot sailboat preparing for my retirement the next year. One month we sailed for two weeks, looked at retirement homes, prepared the boat for sailing long distances in retirement. The next month he wanted out after I discovered a picture of an unknown woman on our boat. Blamed me, ghosted me and rewrote our history. Three months later , He seduced the mind of a stranger online (her words) and immediately moved in with her abandoning me and his finances.. Still in shock after four years divorced.
I asked him if he ever loved me. He put his head down and looked at the floor. Then he said I was always twisting everything.
They are so insecure they can't even love themselves. How can they love anyone else?
He was telling me for 3 years that he did and than suddenly he tells me that was an illusion he had. Absolutely no empathy for how the other person will feel … and as he is saying this to me , in parallel he is lovebombing his new supply exactly the way he was doing with me. Nothing different, just copy/ paste. How not to become crazy going through it …
You are such a blessing. Thank - you for posting this information.
I’m going through this at the moment. About three weeks in and although I’m not having body triggers or strong reactions every minute of the day trying to figure it out - dealing with the idea he was already with someone but I just shake my head. Shake it in disbelief someone does this.
So is the entire relationship fake to them. Having trouble understanding supply in context to the relationship. I’ll say he is the sweetest narcissist and up until he told me to leave I was positive he was 100% in. What an ass.
A narc support group would be a good thing. Thank- you so so much for your time and energy put into this.
Yep been there, and he was engaged within 6 months. But, in reality, their new love started 6 months before our relationship ended. I had to just move past it all. It took about 7 years to find my current partner, which is a much healthier relationship.
Just broke up 3 weeks ago. He used to call me bipolar when I was gray rocking (he said I was cold, he doesn't even know what bipolar means lol). Now his friends are calling me crazy. At least my reflexes have improved from dodging all the flying monkeys lol
Omg Dr Ramani You SAVED ME FROM ME!
Thank you so much Dr. Ramani. The work you do and the way you help people is second to none. You and The Holistic Psychologist are the great healers of our time. ❤
Agreed and Idk what I would do without her. She has been getting me through the trauma of my breakup with my narcissistic ex. It's only been 6 months now since the breakup and yes he has already found a new supply who was already in the picture before we broke up. Sometimes I am just astounded by how Dr Ramani knows everything that we have gone through with these narcissists. Thank goodness she does And thank you Dr Ramani for everything ❤️
Did they love me? ... Do they miss me?......Thank you, what you said was really helpful... For me breaking up with my parental narcissist and going no contact was really difficult. I was ruminating daily for a year after. When songs would play on the radio that reminded me of them I was triggered. So many other random things would trigger it too .... When I found your videos it cleared so much up for me. Three years out from no contact I ruminate far less and am more present when it happens. I try to think of what in my environment triggered this and be patient with myself. Your videos really walked me out of a dark place and I appreciate you and your work so much. (I have your book pre-order and I will be reading it as soon as I get it 😊)
Apartment lease was cancelled. Moving truck was scheduled in one day, then "I'm not feeling it.". Younger chick...But...it woke me up to narcissism and the relationships prior that I needed to wake up to...I was a magnet 🧲 for narcs.
You have saved me from so much pain, anxiety, and self doubt. Thank you.
we were toxic for years, and while I saw it coming, it's still complicated. nonstop conflict. in all honesty, I tuned out, I quit expecting love, caring, affection, soon after we married.
It has been a long drawn out break up. I ended it last month, he has been trying to work it out but not see me in person. He abused me physically, psychologically, and emotionally. It has always been my fault. I was triangulated with his ex baby mama. He went back and forth between us and I don’t trust him at all. He thinks I’m overreacting by leaving. He will say he’s coming to see me and not come and then text me asking why I didn’t get mad he didn’t come. This has been all a game. When I bring up the abuse he said the abuse was meant to show me how much he wanted me to stay with him and how much he loves me since it only happened when I tried to to leave him. I’ve been no contact for a week. I am so desperate to heal. This is not love. I deserve better. I am more than a supply 💔
The accuracy of this is astounding. Thank you 🙏🏻
You're looking great, doc. I loved the stuff at the end of this vid where you explained so much about WHY do I miss my narcissist so MUCH? Post-it notes coming right up around my house. Such a great idea. All the negatives that we DON'T miss. Wasting all my time, feeling like a dirt clod, knowing, but refusing to fully acknowledge that I'm being used--not loved, losing control of my free will, emotional roller-coaster, starting to lose my grip on my faith, and much more.
Thank you Dr Ramani 🙏🏻 You truly have given me SUCH peace and clarity with what I’m going through. This is all very fresh and RAW for me right now. Our on and off again relationship has damn near left me for dead. I was with my narc for almost 6 years. I thought this was “my person”. He was everything I’d ever hoped and dreamed of. I have some of the most amazing memories with him. On the other hand, he was a complete monster, cruel, and evil towards me. I gave up and lost everything trying to make him happy. It was never good enough.
No one understands this PAIN….it hurts SO bad. It’s devastating.
It’s VERY hard to be alone and NOT miss him. I have severe anxiety and can barely function without him some days. These evil people literally rewire your brain, cause complete destruction with others lives, and when you can’t give them anymore, they dispose of you like yesterday’s trash. This pain….. almost too much to bare.
Your videos give me peace and help me understand a little bit of the complete chaos they cause. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. My Heavenly Father is the ONLY thing that’s gonna pull me through this. May He bless you for the work you do to help those of us crying for someone to understand and help us heal ❤️
Never saw it coming !!!
The relationship and commitment was actually never there. You only considered a another supple ….
Love ‘em, like ‘em but don’t ask anything of ‘em. The narcissist can’t handle emotional attachments and doesn’t do well with accountability or responsibility.
Truth!!!
Take aaalllll the energy you poured into trying to please and heal the narc, and re-focus it on yourself. You are love and light. Break your own heart to save your soul. Pay attention to your soul!!! It is all you have, and it is everything you need.
I’ve had this happen with friends too. Where I was super kind and supportive despite their issues and they suddenly ghosted me and I have no idea why. It’s hurtful also but remembering it’s not my fault. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
After realizing that I was with a covert narcissist then I started going back to review everything that had happend in the past year & few months of being in it & knew how to interpret the behavior for what it actually was & meant as opposed to how I was seeing it based on me being kind & understanding because of all the lies I was being fed!
I finally ended the relationship wondered how he seemed not affected & didn't even try at all. Everything makes so much sense now that I am listening to this.
Thank you.
Yep.. me too! I recently ended it around Christmas and figured it all out.. I was beside myself but yes, looking back it all makes such sense! I just wished I hadn’t ignored all those red flags…
My husband took his life 40 days ago..That was pretty sudden. I had no idea. Left me a note that said "You won Congratulations".. I cant get over it..Gutted me..I need to go on.
So sorry. Praying for strength and peace to you
I'm so sorry,I will pray for peace for you
Oh wow. Manipulation to the end. Painful. But you are free. Hope you are ok
I’m so sorry that happened to you, but it’s not your fault! I hope you will find some comfort after some time has passed. That was an unkind note to leave. 😢
Married him at 15. He was 25. 52 years later, he literally kicked me out without a dime. I don't hate him nor do I love him. I feel nothing. Thanks to you and your time, I'm making progress.❤ I'm 68 and live in a leaky camper and he lives in the 300 thousand dollar home.
My EX fiancé definitely was a narcissist! We were so I thought happy together (10 years) and just 1 day he walked out on me and our family. He blocked me from everything before he disappeared! Never gave me a reason to why he ended our engagement/relationship. He is a COWARD! For 10 years on/off he was a narcissist and I always felt it was my fault because he made me feel that way. I’m glad he is gone because I deserve better.
Yes, you do!!!!! 👏🏽 At least y’all didn’t get married, so that’s good. But that is a long time. I’m sorry. Totally NOT your fault. You’ll find your person when you least expect it! 😊
These videos are like looking back over my life for the last 24 years. My ex wife a classic altruistic narcissist whom I could never ‘reach’. It all makes sense and I’m dealing with a lot of devastated emotions, particularly for our son. Thank you for these wonderful resources. I wouldn’t be here to tell the tale without your wisdom.
I've been through both. The long and short breakups were obviously two different people.
In the span of a few hours I experienced love being expressed, talk of buying a home together, and then getting broken up with for bringing up a concern. He didn't see how insane that was.
It happened every time I brought up a concern, boom broken up with- this went on for a longgg time. In turn, this ultimately "trained" me to really pick and choose what I spoke up about and I would still go into every discussion with the fear of being broken up with and just about every time it still did happen so I would mention the fact that i couldn't bring up anything without him breaking up with me or immediately turning it around on me. At some point I told him if it happens again I'm walking away and it did which I foolishly forgave and went back into it but made it clear that would not happen again. And it didn't. Things got to a point where I left and have not gone back because I have not seen any thread of improvement in the biggest issue. It is what it is and I have been enjoying my time alone.
This happened to me. We were married for 28 years and within 3 weeks she was with someone else. Looking back I am fairly sure she was already with him. For a couple of months before she handed me divorce papers she was going out a lot with so called "work friends". It has been 3 1/2 years and it still hurts. The whole marriage I thought all the gaslighting and baiting was normal marriage crap. About the question "did she ever love me?" Looking back my belief was she never loved me, but loved the fact I got her away from her parents and their disfunction. This off course hurts, but it does help me work through the pain. I am one of those people that has to fix things and having a logical answer, no matter how much it hurts, makes it easier to deal with.
Thank you so much for this. I left my wife of basically 34 year, 27 days ago. I found your channel a week ago and have watched many of your vids. You've explained what I never truly grasped or recognized all these years, the nature and dynamics of being the whipping post in a long term narcissistic abusive relationship.a week ago I was completely and utterly emotionally broken but you've helped understand it now,reassure me I'm not crazy and it wasn't my fault, or that I should feel badly about all I am wrestling with in my head. Especially the absolute and utter lack of remorse from a person I spent my entire life with. That was the most brutal part. Mine was a long gradual roller coaster type decline that ended suddenly in the form of a parasocial delusional relationship with a famous musician who we toured with. What a nightmare. Then I found the letters. A brutal nightmare I'm still coming to terms with. Thank you for your help with all of this.
He went to Florida to visit a friend. Everything was ok when he left. He came home 5 days later and ended the 4 year relationship. I blocked him and went no contact.
Ignore social media. Excellent advice!
Oh it was sudden and via text. It was humiliating and devastating after nearly 7 years. We lived together, I have 2 kids. He was domineering and controlling but I was deeply in love with him. 7 months have passed and I'm healing more and more everyday. Thank you for these videos.🙏
❤ love the daily doses of reality- yes you write our stories- thank you! Alone is so wonderful!
I'm going through this right now. After 29 years together (22 married, we have 2 teenagers together). We'd been in couples therapy for a long time, but he thought we needed to change therapists because he said we "weren't getting anywhere" with the old one. Within the first five minutes of our first session with the new therapist, he told me that he wanted a separation. Come to find out, the new therapist frequently works with divorcing couples to help them hammer out separation agreements -- the old one didn't do that kind of work.
This all happened less than 6 months after I had surgery on my spine. I thought that after I had my surgery & regained my mobility (I couldn't walk unassisted for 2.5 years), things would get better between us. It seemed like they really were, too. I was blindsided when he told me he wanted to move out, but I didn't fully realize that I was being discarded until he told me just before Christmas that he wanted to move forward with a divorce.
So deeply sorry to hear this 😢. I read that narcissists don’t like sick or handicapped folks because that care requires empathy, kindness, patience, and attention away from the narcissist.
@@GabrielleP310 He got a lot out of telling people how hard my illness was on him during that time.
Omfg your narrative in the first 12 seconds was so spot on it subconsciously felt like a mocking personal attack to me 😂😂😅
It's absolutely insane how we all have such the same cookie cutter experiences with these types of "people" in our lives
I am so glad to have come across you Dr. Ramani. I am seeing that things are making a lot more sense now. I am also almost halfway through your book and I am enjoying it a lot. Thank you for bringing light to the tunnel I'm still working my way out of.
I think i was a truth teller growing up, and it was very difficult to realize that after marrying and divorcing a narcissist, that my truth teller perspective was incomplete. Regardless of being a narcissist, she had some valid points that helped me become a better person after I won the space to change, away from her.
He booked a viewing for a wedding venue a week before leaving and telling me how in love he was. Total confusion
You are beautiful and deserve the best and someone who will truly love and appreciate you…demonstrating love.
Thank you for being so kind ❤
Dr. I appreciate your work. You have given me vocabulary. My adult daughter is the worst narcissist in my life. She had me on a pedestal and I was a good mother and ten she knocked me off with a bat.
She told everyone that we knew I was crazy. This all came out of nowhere. She called Crisis Services and wouldn’t stop until I was locked up. I had no mental health history whatsoever before this.
I cannot tell you how this affected my life and in the midst of this I took my estranged husband back who was the only person on my side and now I am divorcing him.
I fought an 8 year battle in the NYS federal court over what was done to me and only got 15k and I know this man tried to use this against me. I had to sell my house and leave the State for peace and now that we are in Georgia and I need him financially…well that’s why I am divorcing him and it’s been a rough 2 years.
This was intense this morning, spot on. Scary how you "know" my Ex to a T. He lost his way in a way I never thought possible. I feel like my children and I have paid a huge price for his bad behavior. He went and got an "Escort," well really his yoga teacher. He took her all over the world. Photo's all over online. He never took his children anywhere. They no longer have a relationship with their father. It's unbelievable to me still? He walked away from his beloved children? How? Why? This is not who I married?
Mine was the long long long breakup. He literally broke up with me hundreds possibly a thousand times over a year and 8 months, until he finally was done.
Mine actually texted me " Big dummy... i never loved you"... after 27 years. I responded with... " for once your words and actions match."😐
Hell has no length
Your book literally just arrived while I'm watching this video. Can't wait to start to read it. You already helped me so much, I've watched hours of podcasts with you in the last 2 weeks. Cannot thank you enough, understanding really helps me to heal. It's gonna be a long journey but it would be a lot harder without you.
I keep coming back to this video because everything I questioned in recovery is highlighted with the exact same words that she used when leaving... How has human civilization gone on for so long and we're just now starting to detect this trend?
I want to thank you for everything you're doing for your listeners, your clients, and what you have done for me personally. My life is abundantly healthier because of your RUclips channel and I'm deeply grateful. I hope you know on some level that you are also helping people understand the behaviors of demigods and dangerous people in positions of power and leadership all over the world. Pam Hemphill has been speaking out about how she BROKE UP with the extremists who almost lead to her death. She refers directly to the narcissism, love bombing, and gas lighting used to brainwash her. I know you don't get political and I respect you for it. So, I just want you to know that you are making a difference on many levels. Thank you.
Mine blindsided me and after 9 years he left, he overnight moved directly back into his ex wifes house claiming they hadn’t discussed it but he was doing it for his 15 yr old son. But he’s been contacting me every day trying to see me. Typical discard and hoover.
It’s so painful.
I never knew what narcissism was. It's real. I'm being tore up by baby mom with my kid. Thank you for the teaching it help a lot. My dealing with her cause my son's to suffer connection with me. 😢
My father disappeared frequently...until he found another woman who was from a financially responsible woman and family he thought were wealthy people....then he did the same to her...a kind and wonderful stepmom..she passed and then the third woman matched him and turned the tables..My entire life I watched this horrible behaviour.
No relationship no risk, happiness all the time.
Be strong enough to be honest and kind
This compilation is so healing. Thank you! 🙏🏼 ❤
I left a narc 3 weeks ago. Ive been busy with my work and I'm so grateful that my feelings are over. Every time he pops up in my mind is irritating. 😅
I was married for 23 years. When we were dating if she didn’t like something I was doing or saying, she would threaten she was going to break up with me. When we were engaged, if she wanted to change my point of view or anything I was doing it was, I’m not going to marry you. After marrying she would threaten to divorce to keep me in line. She would threaten divorce on an average of 3 to 6 months. every time she would threaten to leave me I would hurt inside so much I didn’t wanna live anymore I would do whatever she wanted and say whatever she needed to hear. She would also abandon me by stranding me wherever we were (e.g. Grocery stores, malls, and in our last couples therapy session she didn’t like what I was saying to the therapist, so she got up and took the car. I walked for about 2 miles until I finally was able to hitchhike the rest of the 20 miles. I had an accident in which I tore up everything in both knees and couldn’t walk. I had to stay in a nursing home because she wouldn’t take care of me (she was mad because I had been procrastinating on fixing some things around the house and now my injury was going to put that off for a long time and that I hadn’t gotten it done before I got in the injury, knowing how klutzy I am). She called me while I was in there to tell me how hard my injuries made her life and that her therapist said it was a good time to tell me she wanted a divorce. When the insurance ran out I came home and she put me in the basement even though the doctors told her to put me on the first floor because I shouldn’t walk stairs. She would not answer the door for my therapist, even if she was in the living room but instead I’d have to hobble upstairs to let them in after they announced themselves on the intercom. She would only visit me in the basement to explain to me how hard it was for her. I got a lawyer to file a divorce, she found out and asked me not to file for a divorce so we could file amicably together. Then she filed for the divorce on her own. She got a restraining order against me stating I was dangerous and had concealed carry permit and lots of guns. I don’t have either any guns or any permit (she did this without a lawyer and her her lawyer made her withdrawal the request). She’s gone through a list of therapist until she found the therapist that told her what she wanted, which is everything is my fault. Like when she would literally follow me around for two hours, yelling at me and then I’d yell back and she tell me I was unstable and I need anger management. I believed I was a crappy person, and I was lucky to have her in my life. We have four daughters and are still going through the divorce. Now I have happiness and sadness. happiness that I’m out of the relationship, my four daughters and in the life I’m starting to live now. Sadness for all the years I wasted, hating myself. I just wish I could afford therapy.
You are here for a reason!
There are lots of resources on the internet to help you heal. The important part is to really do and believe what these good sources say. Best of luck in your healing.
You hit that nail right on the head! Thank you so much.
He left me when I became pregnant and told him I was scared of this relationship and bringing a kid into it. He told me I was the narcissist and monster.
Being the damaged scapegoat, I realized that I would not be a good parent . I got a vasectomy . Most scapegoats would not be good parents . This sterilization should be the norm for the scapegoat. scapegoat
I felt it coming for a while. However, I finally ended the relationship with a nervous breakdown. HE was the one who said he didn’t see it coming. Couldn’t handle it anymore.