8 Signs You Are Dealing with Narcissistic Abuse

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  • Опубликовано: 23 дек 2024

Комментарии • 12 тыс.

  • @Psych2go
    @Psych2go  4 года назад +1350

    Here's a video that we did yesterday, that you guys can check out: ruclips.net/video/bVK6lhpL8iU/видео.html

    • @florescabin
      @florescabin 4 года назад +20

      What about the healthy side of healing from NPD?

    • @eugenijusdolgovas9278
      @eugenijusdolgovas9278 4 года назад +8

      Please don't say "brand new", because it really makes channel sound cheap, compared to it's actual value.

    • @sunwoniee
      @sunwoniee 4 года назад +8

      Thank you! ❤️

    • @Psych2go
      @Psych2go  4 года назад +20

      @@florescabin Can you share a few examples?

    • @deadaccount8054
      @deadaccount8054 4 года назад +14

      @@eugenijusdolgovas9278 ???

  • @Priincesciita
    @Priincesciita 4 года назад +24508

    I never understood how people got into and stayed in abusive relationships until I was in one

    • @mimsmusicchannel8499
      @mimsmusicchannel8499 4 года назад +385

      same here

    • @DaveG-kb2sr
      @DaveG-kb2sr 4 года назад +598

      Ditto. Heartbreaking to go through, but learn a lot about ourselves in the process.

    • @psychadellicsweater8311
      @psychadellicsweater8311 4 года назад +295

      @@williamlevy6964 What the fuck? No it isn't. No one in a abusive relationship reacts to dominance like that unless they have some sort of weird kink. If anything, it might scare them or remind them of something their past/current abuser did. Sidenote, what the fuck are you talking about? "Because *you* sexually respond to dominance"? What's that supposed to mean? Asexual people exist, and some of us don't sexually respond to anything. So why do you think you have the right to make such vulgar accusations?

    • @williamlevy6964
      @williamlevy6964 4 года назад +22

      @@psychadellicsweater8311 It's not an accusation , it's a fact. I get it, it's a humiliating fact but it's still a fact.

    • @ilikemusic2726
      @ilikemusic2726 4 года назад +13

      this

  • @pippipster6767
    @pippipster6767 4 года назад +9218

    The day you realise you just not taking it anymore ... is such a good day.

    • @NikkiJ
      @NikkiJ 4 года назад +78

      Facts

    • @jasonspinning8487
      @jasonspinning8487 4 года назад +118

      IM RIGHT THERE

    • @mjglover4013
      @mjglover4013 4 года назад +264

      But where do you go? What if you really have nowhere to go? This is a big problem for many people.

    • @pippipster6767
      @pippipster6767 4 года назад +87

      Happy Harry 1509
      I’m not saying it’s easy. And in some cases it may be exceptionally hard. But there is always a way.

    • @UilliamOhann
      @UilliamOhann 4 года назад +61

      How do you make that day last?

  • @therealcookingwithyolanda
    @therealcookingwithyolanda 3 года назад +2716

    The misinterpretation of my words and arguing was the worst. And they always say it’s you doing that. When it’s clearly them.

    • @Freshhcoatsandco92
      @Freshhcoatsandco92 3 года назад +28

      THISSSS

    • @melbwil
      @melbwil 3 года назад +7

      Absolutely

    • @laviki5190
      @laviki5190 3 года назад +23

      Lawd yessss!!! It made me so confused😩😩😩

    • @JulieMKi
      @JulieMKi 3 года назад +4

      look up Patricia Evans on verbal abuse

    • @frankifinelli5793
      @frankifinelli5793 3 года назад +6

      Wish he would care
      Can't take this back and forth
      Of him saying he lives me then taking that away.

  • @Stephchang-d3l
    @Stephchang-d3l Месяц назад +125

    Trust your gut. That knot that you always have in the pit of your stomach. The overthinking you have to do about every conversation or interaction. The thinking through how you’re going to have a conversation to get them to notice you or understand you… All of it is not normal. They will tell you that you’re overreacting or dramatic. They will tell you that you’re being overly sensitive… But you’re spot on.
    Give yourself time to analyze and unpack the turmoil/living hell you lived in, but don’t live in the analyzing . I continued, and still continue, to realize… Oh… So this was all part of the narcissism too… it is so deep and sick that you could spend the rest of your life analyzing and unpacking it. You have to give your thinking some boundaries. I actually had to set a timer and tell myself… OK you get an hour to think about this today and then you’re doing what is on your agenda. Oh… and… make yourself an agenda or list and DO IT …. Sometimes I had to force myself just to brush my teeth and get a shower… But you must stick to some sort of schedule.
    Forgive yourself for being vulnerable. I couldn’t get over the 23 years I had wasted. I couldn’t stop beating myself up for not being smarter and stronger quicker. I had to remind myself that I was the perfect match. As an only child of older parents, I was younger when they died and I had no family. His family became my family and he knew he had me. I had to remember my intentions were good and decent and God will honor what I did. I wanted to keep the family together and believe that no one could be as evil as his actions were showing me.
    Make safe changes. You don’t want to make big changes like changing jobs or moving across the country, although there are people that have no choice and have to do this. But make small changes like your hair color. Drive a different way to work. Wear a different style.
    As much as possible… spoil yourself. Do what you need to make yourself feel pretty or handsome. Order the decadent chocolate cake.
    Never feel ashamed. I remember that some people treated me like I was that homeless person that they felt sorry for but if they didn’t look it would all go away. I was embarrassed and ashamed. The beautiful part about it is I found out who really does care about me. You don’t have to have a lot of blood relatives to have family. You will find the people that mean the most; There will be loyal friends who you can let yourself be raw with… let it happen.
    Do no start looking for a relationship! I initially remember feeling as though I had to go out with people to feel desirable and flattered. I was in no way ready to be a partner to anyone until I could tell myself “You still got it girl!” and really believe it.
    NEVER look back or second guess yourself! It will never get better if you go back. And they will try to get you back. There’s never break up with a narcissist. As long as you allow it, they will continually try to get in touch with you and lead up to begging you to come back. It feels flattering but it is empty and meaningless. My ex-husband who ended up with a very young girl who has emotional and mental problems (I was her mentor in our church) has recently tried to ask me to give him just “one more chance” 5 days after the girl broke up with him. Every single time he did this In the past, The forgive me speech and crying was the same and his behavior was even worse with each time I went back. This is an addiction for you.. not love and addiction is hard to kick. Speaking of addiction… be careful not to pick up any others … pills, alcohol, shopping
    Train your thoughts. Don’t let the tail wag the dog. When you start to go down that path of negative thoughts and telling yourself life is going to be forever gloom and doom, remember that being apart from this monster is THE BEGINNING of a new life and the pain will lift.
    You were more alone and in danger with them than away from them. That’s it… buoy…. Ya!
    Take care of yourself. This healing needs all the healthy habits you can muster. When you’re feeling as though you’re having a strong moment, and you will see a pattern of times that you feel a bit stronger, pre-plan meals so that when you’re feeling really bad all you have to do is get in the refrigerator and heat something up. Put toothpaste on the brush so all you have to do is pick it up. Take melatonin to get rest. Take vitamins/supplements.
    NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT…. Forever… you are doing this to heal not to get a reaction out of them or try to get them to love you.
    Keep talking to other survivors and remember that you are just that… A SURVIVOR. There will come a day that you will be helping others.
    Never feel bad for them. My ex-husband‘s mask has finally come off and he can’t keep the façade up anymore. It is pathetic. My adult children know not to discuss what is going on with him with me and I don’t ask. Don’t ask!!! They will look for every opportunity to tug on your heartstrings.
    Don’t wallow in thinking they are happy. They are desperately unhappy. They will never be happy and will delight in any weakness they see in you, so again…. ZERO ZILCH CONTACT or GRAY ROCK flat, noncommittal tone with as few words as possible.
    Count your blessings I remember looking at everybody around me and thinking how happy and lucky everybody else looked. Everybody has stuff going on. Yours is just super big at the moment. So look for blessings . I thanked God for little things that weren’t so little… a job close to home, my frig worked, I didn’t catch a cold from my first grade class (again.. take care of yourself). Some days it seemed ludicrous that there was a blessing, but sometimes the blessings were the things God Prevented from happening.
    Keep track of your progress. Three years away from my husband, looking back at my journey, I cannot believe how far God has brought me. You will be a new, better version of you if you don’t let the tail wag the dog.
    Knowledge is power. Read everything you can about this but again… Set boundaries for yourself… don’t stay stuck
    Boundaries boundaries boundaries I started to realize that I didn’t have boundaries set for myself at all. It was easy for people to tell me the way it was going to be and just assume that it would just be that way without me standing up for myself. Find confidence in putting your needs and emotional health first. You are not being selfish.
    Additionally, If you need to find out about a cheating narcissist; send a request to: Barryinvestigation@gmail. com.

  • @pattyyycaake
    @pattyyycaake 3 года назад +3322

    This is so hard to watch. To finally accept that someone you love and thought you wanted to spend your life with was just smoke and mirrors. I’m having all of the signs of anxiety I just want to heal I don’t want this ugly feeling of loneliness upon me. That man didn’t love me , he loved the way I loved him and what I can do for him. The day you realize you can’t change these people is the day of awakening. Currently almost 1 whole month of no contact. Please pray for my strength.

    • @Grimshawe
      @Grimshawe 3 года назад +59

      You can do this!! 🥺❤️

    • @acornsmasher6215
      @acornsmasher6215 3 года назад +42

      You got this, girl! Keep looking to the future and know that one day you'll look back on all of this and wonder how you could have ever regretted leaving a situation like that.

    • @jaknkee
      @jaknkee 3 года назад +33

      I hear you because I was in a similar situation for many years. Loneliness, depression, anxiety, isolation--yes, I have had those, too, and sometimes still deal with them. I can honestly say that those feelings diminish as time goes on. Remember that healing takes time-even if you (and I) would prefer that it didn’t! It helped me to talk to a therapist for a while and it may help you, too. (She was able to help me deal with conflicting thoughts and emotions-especially when I was hurting badly.)

    • @paulcoyle4160
      @paulcoyle4160 3 года назад +8

      @@okiefoodieking it well get worse trust me my ex took my kid lied in court..there sly walk away u deserve better..they only nice wen they love bombing g u look it up..xxxxx

    • @naril2417
      @naril2417 3 года назад +8

      Stay strong 🤍🤍🤍

  • @latinlovervanvoorst
    @latinlovervanvoorst 2 года назад +2745

    One thing I learned after 17 years of dealing with a narcissist is they are always the victim, or the hero, but never the villain

    • @thomasgrabowski2202
      @thomasgrabowski2202 2 года назад +42

      ooo 🙌🙌🙌🙌 so fucking facts.

    • @fable_enthusiast
      @fable_enthusiast 2 года назад +32

      If a normal day as passed my mother will try to bring people down at work, come home and say how she was the best one and people treat her like shit

    • @kristenwolfe5272
      @kristenwolfe5272 2 года назад +9

      Yes!! You said it perfectly!!

    • @sohagdawn
      @sohagdawn 2 года назад +8

      Dud im feeling like im the narcissist in my relationship what should i do

    • @Jasmera
      @Jasmera 2 года назад +18

      @@sohagdawn go get professional help

  • @TinyWolfxx
    @TinyWolfxx 4 года назад +3253

    Getting tangled in a circular argument with a narcississt is one of the most draining things on earth. Its possible the argument will never end and you'll just end up confused and feeling like a horrible person.

    • @winterblossom4446
      @winterblossom4446 4 года назад +30

      Im going to be honest. I'm in the midst of emotional physical & financial abuse at this very moment in my life. The narc that abuses me is my own adult son. he doesnt even live with me- Ive only seen him 3 times in the past 6 months yet he managed to attack me physically yesterday!! He stalks me and any women he can involve. The ONLY thing that makes me feel better is the idea the HOPE that I can help someone else. That this lesson, this pain will help someone else. Look you'll meet all kinds of narcs in your life. In fact, we all fall on the narc spectrum and some really amazing beautiful successful ppl may rank high on the narc spectrum. When you meet ppl who rank high on the spectrum? You better beware. And dont pro-create with a narc or you'll be paying the price for you entire life. My 25 yr old son is a dark triad narc. He abuses women, children, animals. His father was a violent arrogant abusive womanizer & a successful hustler. I was stupid. My son is like his father only 100x worse. He is only 25 and has a rap sheet. He beats up the one gf he has and gets thrown out. He is barely above homelessness. If you saw him you'd think he was a heroin addict. Its not drugs. Its dark triad narcissism. He cant come into my home ever again for years already. Bc he has physically attacked everyone in the house. RUN. If you are not legally bound or in any way related to the narc that you know? RUN. the narc will want you forever. Thats a given. They dont even experience love the same way you & I do. To them, you're like a source of water. They will never forget where the water source is & They will never stop checking back to see if you have any more water

    • @Imtoobusyslayingrn111
      @Imtoobusyslayingrn111 4 года назад +22

      Mckenna Champion same but it’s my mom and sister and both of them shut me out I’ve just given up and I don’t respect them anymore

    • @leafside
      @leafside 4 года назад +34

      I feel this way with my mum... It’s got to a point where I can’t be bothered to put the energy into trying to make her see my dude of things, because she’s UNABLE to see things from my perspective because she doesn’t have the tools within herself to.... So it’s got to the point where I have to just treat her at the level she is..not talking about certain things.. sharing certain things... etc... it’s sad but that’s his needs to be for now..

    • @jay-s9y1c
      @jay-s9y1c 4 года назад +34

      It really is and it can leave you feeling intimidated to bring up any issue with any person moving forward. It's so disorienting.

    • @pritigupta8165
      @pritigupta8165 4 года назад +29

      Exactly what I feel.. I feel so lost and out of energy.. I feel like I'm guilty of everything 😭

  • @glimmerxp
    @glimmerxp Год назад +706

    remember not every narcissist will match this 100% but if you feel a constant anxiety around a person instead of comfortability it’s a good idea to listen to what your body is telling you and to get away from that person

    • @ladyfatme
      @ladyfatme 8 месяцев назад +9

      Your comment is everything I needed right now. Thank you!

    • @dark7angel456
      @dark7angel456 8 месяцев назад +14

      Exactly. They are manipulative and it feels unsettling n off.

    • @MennaBusiness-w9t
      @MennaBusiness-w9t 7 месяцев назад +10

      thanks. It is also enough if they don't respect us and show no empathy and repeat their behaviors and their values don't align with ours so it's always better to cut the ties

    • @Stein99
      @Stein99 5 месяцев назад +6

      Yes, please leave no matter what. A boss, a partner, a mother, a father in law. No excuses. My friend developed fibromyalgia from working under a narc boss. Don't take it ....leave!

    • @Carrahboo82
      @Carrahboo82 3 месяца назад +2

      Unfortunately, mine matches 100%.

  • @daniellebeauty93
    @daniellebeauty93 4 года назад +877

    He always told me “you have no idea how nice I am to YOU.”
    He tried to make me feel guilty for regular human decency.

    • @dingfeldersmurfalot4560
      @dingfeldersmurfalot4560 3 года назад +24

      My dad always said he fed us and put a roof over our head. As if it were something like was going way out of your way for your kids, who probably deserved much less but just got incredibly lucky. He didn't feel he had any responsibilities outside of that. Keeping us alive already granted him hero status.

    • @victoriaeyogtn
      @victoriaeyogtn 3 года назад +18

      It's the same thing he kept telling me. That I'll never meet a man who treats me well like him. That God gave me everything but I'm spoiling it all.

    • @knowyourkismat
      @knowyourkismat 3 года назад +18

      Yes!!! Omg. “You’re lucky I even make time for you there’s a lot of people that want to see me and I yet right now I’m choosing to spend my time with you and even thats not good enough for you” UGHHHH

    • @Sara-js2te
      @Sara-js2te 3 года назад +7

      Wow. This is totally what I'm going through and I keep breaking up and then getting back with this person. What is wrong with me. Ugh

    • @lewispigeon4190
      @lewispigeon4190 3 года назад

      Mine tells me that I have no idea how much she loves me

  • @VirtualnomadVirtualnomad
    @VirtualnomadVirtualnomad 3 года назад +2974

    I think one thing common with Narcissists is how draining they are. You can feel as if your life, joy, happiness, dreams get drained a way. Dealing with a narcissist is like being someone s unpaid servant

    • @mchl53
      @mchl53 3 года назад +32

      Exactly!

    • @susannehobbs7817
      @susannehobbs7817 3 года назад +22

      Exactly!

    • @keyrone77
      @keyrone77 3 года назад +47

      Absolutely, if you find yourself “putting up” with someone’s behavior it’s time to address it......... Simples

    • @kaymuldoon3575
      @kaymuldoon3575 3 года назад +30

      So true. A friendship or relationship with a narcissist is exhausting.

    • @davidwilkinson3723
      @davidwilkinson3723 3 года назад +51

      Another common thing they have in common is it's all about them and how they can use you to get what they want.

  • @queendementedvybe8404
    @queendementedvybe8404 3 года назад +2657

    They never admit their wrong. And they love to push your buttons they hate to see you happy. Anything you enjoy they hate. They leave you so angry because they repeatedly disrespect and argue every single day.

    • @mikedoyle7300
      @mikedoyle7300 3 года назад +26

      How True.

    • @andreamiller8684
      @andreamiller8684 3 года назад +17

      100% true

    • @svoxo87
      @svoxo87 3 года назад +95

      They say you're argumentative and you tell them they're combative. But really they just don't like being called our for their shit. So now I'm confrontational . Yeah ok . I call shit that don't fly with me so now I'm the bad person 💁🏽‍♀️

    • @yannaandrea2938
      @yannaandrea2938 3 года назад +8

      Not one lie was told!!

    • @fatpugg3507
      @fatpugg3507 3 года назад +15

      My ex wife said these words too me...I'm gonna say something to you I never said in 9yrs, I'm sorry, this was after the divorce, and then it hit me, I wasted 11yrs of my life, with someone who only now, since she was in a bad place in her life, too say I'm sorry, WOW The arrogance of it all.

  • @SofaKing_Gee
    @SofaKing_Gee Год назад +168

    As hard as it is and as much as I cry , I AM SO GLAD I FINALLY CHOSE ME AND WALKED AWAY..
    Don’t ever let anyone dim your light, you are meant to shine ✨

    • @MeliDeeX
      @MeliDeeX 10 месяцев назад +5

      💯💯💯 they will dim your light down to nothing & I mean "nothing". I was there & also vowed it could never be me but here I am able to state it too was me

    • @peacebalancetruth
      @peacebalancetruth 9 месяцев назад +1

      @@MeliDeeX 🤝

    • @busrakilic9075
      @busrakilic9075 8 месяцев назад +2

      He told me he’s the sun it’s his time to shine. Can you believe that?

    • @SiaRaineer-jd3pi
      @SiaRaineer-jd3pi 5 месяцев назад +1

      So did I. I am soooo much better now without him than I ever was before.

    • @man_5i
      @man_5i 4 месяца назад +2

      one of the best words I've read on psych2go! thankyou for saying so. we're meant to shine ✨ cheerup everyone, everything will be fine as long as you choose yourself. believe in yourself!

  • @efthimios
    @efthimios 2 года назад +1862

    This is so accurate , especially the trauma bond- and how they never ever apologize for anything

    • @kristinaruvinova5718
      @kristinaruvinova5718 2 года назад +57

      Mine would apologize -sometimes-. But he would never ever mean it as the same problems have kept on happening for years and years. Sometimes he just says "sorry" in hopes that the conversation will just end, so a sorry with no meaning behind it really.

    • @reelfly
      @reelfly 2 года назад +34

      Never apologize because nothing is ever their fault. No accountability whatsoever. Smh

    • @0fenderbender
      @0fenderbender 2 года назад +6

      @@kristinaruvinova5718 What if they do apologize, it just sometimes takes a few days of self reflection to get there? When my girlfriend is in one of her moods where everything is manipulated against me, she does come back a few days later aware of what she did and how it was wrong and apologizes.

    • @kristinaruvinova5718
      @kristinaruvinova5718 2 года назад +7

      @@0fenderbender that's good that she does that but you should talk to her about how it hurts you in the process cuz you don't know where the relationship is in that time she is taking to herself. Also, the other question to ask yourself is... Does she apologize and then do the same thing days later? Cuz then it's a meaningless apology and she didn't try to work on what was causing the issue in the first place. I'm not saying everything should be resolved from one apology, but it's easy to tell when people are at least trying to be better vs. they go back to doing the same thing over and over again when they are pissed off.

    • @0fenderbender
      @0fenderbender 2 года назад +3

      @@kristinaruvinova5718 The thing is...she has traits of BPD and Narcissism but not all of them. She is capable of introspection, she is capable of being empathetic, and she is capable of working towards being a better person. She will work on her reaction and actually get better but sometimes certain things are just too much for her to handle and she will revert back. It's unfortunately not so clear cut which makes everything so difficult. She just has such a difficult time controlling her emotion or her anger and it's like she is always in this constant state of fight or flight. I feel like a yo-yo.

  • @darkflower78
    @darkflower78 4 года назад +848

    I’m making a plan to leave. And I’m working on my emotional and mental health so I don’t come back.

    • @jjmurphey88
      @jjmurphey88 4 года назад +39

      Very brave. Your future self thanks you.

    • @susanneedham2836
      @susanneedham2836 4 года назад +11

      I wish you well.pray for gods protection and wisdom.

    • @mejinannena5384
      @mejinannena5384 3 года назад +1

      do you still love him?
      if you do and don’t wanna leave i can refer you to someone who can help you prepare a love spell

    • @mejinannena5384
      @mejinannena5384 3 года назад +1

      @Adam Sandler yes i know
      a great man helped me and prepare a love spell for mine and it worked out for me

    • @lamar3448
      @lamar3448 3 года назад +8

      This is me now... so me, right now... I’m in so much pain and have been, I WANT MY HAPPINESS BACK! 😔

  • @quailchow
    @quailchow 4 года назад +1606

    Things that nailed my relationship on the freakin head.
    1.Incapable of a genuine apology.
    2.Easily triggered.
    3."I don't deserve this disrespect"
    4.Projecting their bad behaviors onto you.
    5.Disasters are always looming. Relationship is unstable.
    6."Hey I'm still talking!" Meanwhile the narcissist is ignoring.
    7."We're not going to talk because you're so dramatic"

    • @OlympiaSophie
      @OlympiaSophie 4 года назад +47

      I really felt 1 and 7. The dramatic one is like they are gaslighting you. It's a horrific type of abuse

    • @OlympiaSophie
      @OlympiaSophie 4 года назад +2

      @@quailchow Probably not... and if they do they will have to start from themselves and work from the inside out

    • @sarangkim6373
      @sarangkim6373 4 года назад +10

      *I think my lover is going to abandon me*
      *I think my business will go wrong*
      *I think my friend will gossip about me*
      This baseless imagination turns on the switch of your anxiety. In this state, a logical approach is meaningless. If you can't calm down this anxiety, your imagination already becomes a reality. That is why you get anxious and impatient
      *search youtube "paradox of I can do it"*

    • @David-yz2qf
      @David-yz2qf 4 года назад +8

      And to add to your #7, "we're not going to talk because you're too insecure to have a real conversation" which I was told every 3 days ever since I was 6 years old for 15 years of my life while I was growing up with a psychopath piece of shit

    • @edithsmith4485
      @edithsmith4485 4 года назад +10

      i’m so in love with my toxic boyfriend. i’ve never argued like this in other relationships. but it’s prob bc i never cared what they did. and now i do. bc i love him. and he has changed so much since i first met him. but idk if i can fully fix him. but what i do know. is i can’t leave him, i love him. only thing trapping me in the relationship, is me

  • @Noah_Pender
    @Noah_Pender 8 месяцев назад +42

    It's so hard to leave someone I love, but I know doesn't really love me, but loves the control they have over me.

    • @googleuser4034
      @googleuser4034 8 месяцев назад +1

      You deserve to be happy 💕💕 don’t stay somewhere where you are not loved or respected.

  • @ifiwereme
    @ifiwereme 4 года назад +796

    "If someone in your life doesn't share your values and doesn't care about your feelings, then this is not a healthy relationships for you."

    • @RobertWLarson1
      @RobertWLarson1 3 года назад +7

      I stayed as long as I did because she told me she would go to the police and say I raped her. After my pastor told me I should just leave and let her say whatever she was going to say, I left. Sure enough I got back to back paragraph long texts calling me a rapist and threatening me with going to jail.
      And I don't what she does. I can go home and not be yelled at lied to and beat up now. I am free and she will never hurt me again. She will never take my money again either.

    • @vodkavuitton
      @vodkavuitton 6 месяцев назад

      Duh

    • @LSakunthala-ek8em
      @LSakunthala-ek8em 2 месяца назад

      My dad was mocking my wedding when my ex-father -in- law threatened to stop it.
      I have 3 men as enemies now.

  • @YasiaAliyah
    @YasiaAliyah 4 года назад +2605

    Worst part is when the narcissist lies and flips the script so well to make themselves the victim, that they actually convinced other people that you’re the horrible person that they say you are. You don’t even get to defend your character😭

    • @TheManuella3
      @TheManuella3 4 года назад +68

      That is bad... As long as the majority of those close to you know the real Yasia you are good. The other person's claims against you won't matter. It happend to me. My family, colleagues and friends was behind me all the way.

    • @autumn2545
      @autumn2545 4 года назад +6

      Exactly :(

    • @isabellamiller9018
      @isabellamiller9018 4 года назад +12

      Amber Heard ?

    • @dancingqueen6866
      @dancingqueen6866 4 года назад +24

      😭😭😭 current situation... and I’m stuckkkkkkkkk 😭😭😭😭😭😭helpppp pleaseee

    • @TheManuella3
      @TheManuella3 4 года назад +23

      @@dancingqueen6866 get out girl it will only get worse...Choices: Broken, bruised or in a bag? Not even a restraining order could get my person to understand, they are sick and feel invincible.

  • @kenny-nk5db
    @kenny-nk5db 4 года назад +2389

    ♡ summary of the video ♡
    1. Your relationship is not kind, caring, or sane
    2. You’re dealing with immature behavior and give up pieces of yourself to comply
    3. You are behaving in ways that you normally don’t
    4. You find yourself trying to prove that you’re a good person
    5. You are mopping up the messes
    6. Your boundaries are being disintegrated
    7. You feel addicted, disjointed, and manic
    8. You’re suffering from abuse symptoms
    i recommend watching to learn more 🦋
    stay safe, i love you all sm.

    • @v9654
      @v9654 4 года назад +19

      Thanks♥️

    • @Canadian_Goose007
      @Canadian_Goose007 4 года назад +30

      Thanks. This sounds exactly like my parents. I'm planning on leaving the house when I can afford an apartment or house.

    • @clorox5002
      @clorox5002 4 года назад +27

      *When you apply to every symptom:*

    • @natb3626
      @natb3626 4 года назад +23

      Wow! I thought I was going crazy... 💔

    • @KAlitxatl
      @KAlitxatl 4 года назад +12

      Aaw shit😔
      This just made me realize that my crush/friend has made me feel this way.
      It’s really hard tho bc I can’t help but see the good in him and if I were to finish our friendship I’d feel like I gave up on him. And I don’t want to give up on him but I really do feel like I have lost my integrity with him. I’m always scared saying the wrong thing, somehow I’m always the bad guy, I always have to prove myself even tho the evidence and my intentions are crystal clear. Yet there I am wanting and hoping we can talk through it and work things out. And we usually do. But I’m getting exhausted with the same cycle. I want to be there for him and care for him but with his trust issues and toxic behavior it’s extremely difficult.
      Also tysm love u too tchalamet, stay safe ♡

  • @kuribayashigio
    @kuribayashigio Год назад +42

    Fibromyalgia hit me like a truck during my last relationship, and when I started breaking free, it started stopping too. I cried so hard watching this. Thank you. I will never again forget how priceless freedom is.

  • @dayjaferreira2609
    @dayjaferreira2609 Год назад +930

    I literally asked myself yesterday “how bad does it have to get before I realize I need to leave?” Wow this is really confirmation. Only happy tears from here on out

    • @Sirg17x
      @Sirg17x Год назад +10

      It took me over 11 years to notice what it was. She chose to separate, but kept the manipulation rolling even while out of our home. I shared this with friends I made online and they said it sounded like narcissisms. I didn't have a name for this cycle that I always blamed myself for until I started researching the topic. Narcissism was always one of those negative terms people threw around so lightly in movies when breaking up. It never had a meaning. Now I have a name for the manipulation, mental, and emotional abuse that has left me so exhausted in my soul for years.

    • @alaalfa8839
      @alaalfa8839 Год назад +11

      It seems toxic people are toxic because the power was taken from them by wrong parenting or by the wrong school system, where kids lose passion for knowledge, or hobbies or relationships etc.
      therefore they learn to take power from others because the power was taken from them at a certain age by learning wrong habits and self-worth.
      Instead of learning to give power to each other through love and care.

    • @Lexsi.marie14
      @Lexsi.marie14 11 месяцев назад +2

      I asked myself this same question. This is when you know it’s time

    • @missygeno4391
      @missygeno4391 9 месяцев назад +4

      Same here. And waiting on a sign from God

    • @victoriagill5842
      @victoriagill5842 8 месяцев назад

      Who do you leave alcoholic narcissist

  • @oopsie8294
    @oopsie8294 4 года назад +779

    Watching this just made me cry.... I can’t believe I tolerated this for so long...

    • @classifiedinformation6353
      @classifiedinformation6353 4 года назад +17

      You don't need them. It is time for you to leave.You need to realize that you are worth more than you think.

    • @HealingIndigoMoon
      @HealingIndigoMoon 4 года назад +3

      ♥️♥️♥️

    • @SquishyGrayMatter
      @SquishyGrayMatter 4 года назад +4

      Same

    • @shellyfrye7404
      @shellyfrye7404 4 года назад +8

      30 years for me and still here. Narcissist build their relationships on FEAR not LOVE. and the opposite of LOVE is not hate but FEAR

    • @CharmedBoyWitch
      @CharmedBoyWitch 4 года назад +9

      Me too. Our hearts are stonger than our minds. So its hard to end a relationship even if youre the one being abused

  • @texasgent4694
    @texasgent4694 3 года назад +1353

    The most telling sign you're Dating a Narcissistic Person is when you have ZERO say at all and they get mad anytime you try to express your feelings or concerns and make you feel guilty for doing so,they go out of their way to make sure they ALWAYS have the Upper Hand in the Relationship, because for a Narcissist it's ALL about control

    • @lisashelkey8413
      @lisashelkey8413 3 года назад +25

      Oh my Lord a hundred percent spot-on I love how they ask you why you're acting like you're acting say if you're upset and you express why you're upset and you answer their question but then talk over you cut you off stop you from telling them while you're hurting that's my other half oh yes always has to have upper hand in the relationship to where at the spare room is clean like last night and he went and blew all his money that he had for the week for work out of town on a gambling machine came and dumped everything out a two dressers every piece of my clothing knocked every thing on the floor of the bedroom and told me I had 5 minutes to clean it up and if I didn't clean it up there was going to be consequences always tells me my kids cannot come and stay with me one moment he wants doesn't want me to work which I'm working because that's one thing that I can have going on in my life that he cannot control because it's a closed private club that he not a member of and never will be. The abuse is always the other person's fault I get told every time this is what you make me do you say the one word that triggers me. Which I've learned to not feed into it a lot or just makes it worse I tried to be nice and calm even well being tore down emotionally verbally and physically it does not help and yes it's all about control

    • @texasgent4694
      @texasgent4694 3 года назад +12

      @@lisashelkey8413 sorry for the late reply, just remember that it's not ok to be treated like a Doormat and don't buy into the whole "You make me do this crap" things only get better when you realize that you deserve better, which you obviously have

    • @FMByakugan
      @FMByakugan 3 года назад +25

      They are always "right", and only seem to demonstrate real feelings when things are tumbling down for them, for us to feel sorry for them, and then continue the same old attitudes afterwards

    • @Justicz1850
      @Justicz1850 3 года назад +4

      Exactly!

    • @pukljica
      @pukljica 3 года назад +5

      @@FMByakugan exactly what my mom did for a christmas,she acted kind cos I went no contact for 3 months and everyone was like oh look she loves you..suckers!I said yeah for how long she loves me,till the first time I will say something she doesnt aprove,if she knows how to be kind,then shes mean on porpouse most of the time,its all a manipulation to gane back control!When she sees shes loosing control etc.she plays the nice or victom card.But now Iam on to her,tnx god for info like this etc.,so we know were not crazy and try to heal as much as possible knowing they cant and wont change if they would want to they would have to admit is not always other peoples fault and they will never do that!So I wish much strainght&healing to all&to live narc.free some day🙏💗

  • @tommyparkerparker
    @tommyparkerparker Год назад +674

    The thing with narcissists. Based on my experience with them that they expect you to be nice to them all the time and at the same time, they treat you like garbage.

    • @Fujimebananas
      @Fujimebananas 7 месяцев назад +10

      100%

    • @Peace-12230
      @Peace-12230 7 месяцев назад +6

      Sooo true, why do they do this?

    • @tommyparkerparker
      @tommyparkerparker 7 месяцев назад +20

      @@Peace-12230 They can dish it out but can’t take what they dish out.

    • @Serena-cq9hn
      @Serena-cq9hn 5 месяцев назад +3

      Yeah they don't understand consequences when you don't feel like talking to them after their verbal putdowns.

    • @ClowningAroundForFun
      @ClowningAroundForFun 5 месяцев назад +4

      Could you not group us all together? Like, that's like saying all autistic people are . . . Well, *anything* . It's abelist. Not all narcissists are abusive and not all abusers are narcissists. I'm not saying this to be rude, or to point fingers, because you probably didn't know, and I don't fault you for that.

  • @melleromarin5290
    @melleromarin5290 4 года назад +667

    The signs are more subtle. I wish it was this easy to spot them. There's a lot of manipulation going on, that make you feel they're the nicest people ever and you need them in your life. I wish this was portrayed.

    • @BxgorJess
      @BxgorJess 4 года назад +37

      Its really not hard to tell. If you feel anxious or stressed, those are the 1st signs. If they say something didnt really happen how it did, & it makes you question your reality, thats another sign. When they use anger to get what they want is another. If they start a dispute & as soon as you speak on how you feel they stonewall you (stay quiet), is another sign.
      Orrrr...(this might trigger you but it might be able to help you) maybe youre the narcissist.
      Best wishes.

    • @melleromarin5290
      @melleromarin5290 4 года назад +33

      @@BxgorJess I agree. But they aren't as clear at first. I spent 2 years in that relationship to realize. It happened a year ago. And I still suffer from post trauma symptoms. I really felt like I couldn't live without her besides the anxiety and stress. I still defended her afterwards. She now looks like "the good one" and stole all my friends (and put them against me). They really do not look evil, that's my point.

    • @BxgorJess
      @BxgorJess 4 года назад +10

      @@melleromarin5290 you cant blame your friends either though. This isnt to victimize you, but you were attracted to her, no?. Something about her wheeled you in. The same it has to be for your friends. Hopefully they realize it before its too late. Theyll come asking for your forgiveness, & thats totally up to you. Sometimes we tolerate this behaviour because of the way our parents treated us. Acknowledge it isnt your fault. Change what you do acknowledge & move on. We need this kind of thing to get through life sometimes to figure out what we do want & need. I hope you take everything youve learned from that relationship & thise friendships w you. Best wishes!.

    • @melleromarin5290
      @melleromarin5290 4 года назад +14

      @@BxgorJess No! Not blaming nobody here. Not myself either. My victim mentality is over. I just got a little emotional writing the comment, that's all. Thanks for your words, energy and advice! Even though I'm NOT grateful for her, I don't regret the experience. I've grown a lot as a woman. IT DOES GET BETTER. Have a nice day, sweetheart!

    • @BxgorJess
      @BxgorJess 4 года назад +6

      @@melleromarin5290 ufff. Look at you go!. Yessss, girl!. There you go 😊😊😊😊😊

  • @NarveyTheDuckToller
    @NarveyTheDuckToller 2 года назад +2116

    This really touched on how I’m feeling right now. The worst part is knowing someone is bad for you but not being sure what the right decision is

    • @more1362
      @more1362 2 года назад +37

      I agree 100%, it’s a horrible feeling

    • @SimplyyHelen
      @SimplyyHelen 2 года назад +47

      Totally feel the same.. I know this specific person is bad for me. Bad habits are stating to come back and they make me feel like looking after myself is selfish.. I’ve come a long way to make time for me and my mental health and it is going backwards now. Besides that I just can’t leave this person. I don’t want to be alone :(

    • @aminaaasnur
      @aminaaasnur 2 года назад +21

      You’re not alone Helen, I know exactly how you feel. But you are are worthy of more! You are amazing and loved and you deserve an epic love story, love yourself. You will only experience an epic love once you leave this abuse. I wish you all the best, you are a strong, beautiful and independent, you’re not alone 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

    • @Reptilian-42
      @Reptilian-42 2 года назад +38

      For the people whose romantic partner is the narcissist. Leave sooner rather than later. I've been with one for over 10 years. At the 3 year mark is when I noticed it and prepared to leave. Shortly after that his father died and I stayed just to pick up the pieces. My bc failed and I became pregnant. I have a daughter with him and I walk on eggshells everyday. Don't hesitate.

    • @WarmGlowinWarminGlow
      @WarmGlowinWarminGlow 2 года назад +4

      @@Reptilian-42 can you get away from him, now?

  • @Ayawahamin
    @Ayawahamin 4 года назад +501

    Yep. The begging and the pleading for BASIC RESPECT *sigh* That should have been the red flag I ought to have payed attention to.

    • @victoriaeyogtn
      @victoriaeyogtn 3 года назад +4

      Yes

    • @lamarasawyer850
      @lamarasawyer850 3 года назад +5

      It's okay. Now you know better.

    • @Ayawahamin
      @Ayawahamin 3 года назад +8

      @@lamarasawyer850 I sure do, and I know what I've had to learn will serve me in future relationships with anyone 🙏🔥

    • @kiab420
      @kiab420 3 года назад +1

      same😭

    • @ArmaanKumar2000
      @ArmaanKumar2000 3 года назад +1

      Oh god, same!

  • @ruthvaughn6843
    @ruthvaughn6843 6 месяцев назад +27

    That man has broken my spirit 😔 everyday I realise more events or behaviours that sound like narcissistic abuse. I had no idea. And now I feel more broken that I let this happen. Please send loving vibes to me, I'm healing.

    • @amysworld_xx
      @amysworld_xx 4 месяца назад +1

      Me too and now im a solo mum . Should have realised sooner :(

    • @VibingandStriving
      @VibingandStriving 2 месяца назад

      @@amysworld_xxI hope you guys both doing ok now 🥹

    • @nalgasasadas2232
      @nalgasasadas2232 Месяц назад

      Im dealing with the same thing sweetheart you are not alone

    • @natscat4752
      @natscat4752 Месяц назад

      Sending healing vibes your way. Hope you are doing ok. Realise that this situation can and does happen to a lot of people. Currently dealing with endless vile messages from my ex because I found someone new.

    • @ruthvaughn6843
      @ruthvaughn6843 Месяц назад

      @@natscat4752 thanks 🙏 and just don't reply to vile texts ever. I hope you find peace

  • @graciemartin8516
    @graciemartin8516 4 года назад +1934

    And my parents wonder why I stay in my room all the time

    • @summerbreeze4709
      @summerbreeze4709 4 года назад +218

      Gracie Martin I feel you on that next level. I’m not lazy, I just don’t want to interact with you

    • @shamiaroseborough5449
      @shamiaroseborough5449 4 года назад +31

      Me too

    • @linslay2003
      @linslay2003 4 года назад +29

      I feel that so much.

    • @LilJagger
      @LilJagger 4 года назад +21

      Me too ):

    • @hamimsyahrumahmadmokhtar5662
      @hamimsyahrumahmadmokhtar5662 4 года назад +58

      I wish I get to stay in my room 24/7. My parents will still drag me out of my room. Even if I don’t want to...

  • @maryjanedragulin
    @maryjanedragulin 3 года назад +400

    My heart goes out to anybody whose been through this. It was the worst relationship I've ever been through. I have never felt so broken and confused after a relationship in my entire life.

    • @britbrit8058
      @britbrit8058 2 года назад +3

      Yes I felt so confused just couldn’t understand why

    • @YourNameHere141
      @YourNameHere141 2 года назад +2

      I'm sorry you had to encounter such things. Don't let this make you feel any less of a person. I hope you find your peace again

    • @us4damons
      @us4damons 2 года назад +1

      Ugh saaaaaame😪

    • @mariagomez5893
      @mariagomez5893 2 года назад +8

      It’s horrible… the mental and emotional abuse you go through is unreal.

    • @Ashley-jx7sw
      @Ashley-jx7sw 2 года назад +7

      I’m in the same boat. I’m currently throwing up food that I finally got myself to eat after 3 days. I’ve never felt so broken about something in my life. Didn’t even feel this sad about my mother deceiving me

  • @LifeasKCxoxo
    @LifeasKCxoxo 3 года назад +804

    It was weird how we’d be having a great day or weekend and he’d randomly sabotage it. He’d say something cruel knowing what would hurt me or start flat out ignoring me. The mixed signals kept me around because i was always waiting for it to get better. It truly felt like a roller coaster.

    • @xxlizziezxxful
      @xxlizziezxxful 3 года назад +18

      Yes my narc avoided me a lot and ignored me frequently and anytime I’d confront it he’d DARVO me and gaslight and make me feel like I’m the one who’s in the wrong.

    • @trynatural23
      @trynatural23 3 года назад +16

      YEEESSSSSS! THE BEST WEEKENDS!! OMG! I THOUGHT IT WAS ALL MY FAULT! THIS COMMENT JUST SAVED ME!!! YES YES YES!!!💯♥️

    • @thenightporter
      @thenightporter 3 года назад +20

      Narcs don't like to see others being happy. I have anxiety and depression. One day I was visiting my parents. My father feels threatened when my mother and I are having a conversation about a common interest, like a true crime case. One time I was smiling or laughing at something my mother said. My father smirked and sneered and said to me, " what do you have to be happy about? You still don't have a job. You're overweight."

    • @lindagithaiga1974
      @lindagithaiga1974 3 года назад +5

      I had a close friend who always did this to me-when we were having fun she just had to say something stupid to offend me and I just got fed up

    • @tamioye2984
      @tamioye2984 3 года назад +8

      Right. He’d sabotage it but would say it’s you.

  • @rl3104
    @rl3104 7 месяцев назад +9

    4 years with a narcissist, I had no idea I was in a trauma bond and he was a narcissist and videos like this made me realize it and I’ve been gone for good, no contact for 9 months now. Trying to calm my nervous system and get back to me!

    • @n_xvia
      @n_xvia 2 месяца назад

      I know I'm a little late to reply, but I'm so proud of you. You're doing so amazing. I was only with one for just over a year and our relationship ended 2 days ago, I know it's good, but it's still so hurtful and hard to process. I'm so happy you managed to get out of the situation you were in

  • @grandpianist4423
    @grandpianist4423 4 года назад +500

    "As you water their ground, yours dries up."

    • @danic8073
      @danic8073 3 года назад

      Is that shakespeare

    • @williamhufnagel8790
      @williamhufnagel8790 3 года назад +2

      That made do much sense... It's an addiction.. I wasted years of happiness on a women who couldn't deal with her need for instant gratification...

    • @bustinjieber9600
      @bustinjieber9600 3 года назад +1

      @@williamhufnagel8790 I am still dealing with this kind of person, I hope one day I will find my way out.

    • @flordiaz5273
      @flordiaz5273 3 года назад +3

      Fuck 💔 I cared for him so much and tried to be there for him when all he would do was give 0 fucks abt me

    • @susannehobbs7817
      @susannehobbs7817 3 года назад

      Exactly!

  • @jacquelinebeltran8186
    @jacquelinebeltran8186 2 года назад +816

    I was avoiding this video for so long because I didn’t want to hear what I already knew and felt in my soul. I’ll forever be grateful for this!

    • @littlesushie
      @littlesushie 2 года назад +9

      I hope you find the strength and resolve to grt out

    • @mahjonglivestreaming4535
      @mahjonglivestreaming4535 2 года назад +8

      May be the way I talk , iPhone picks it up and shove this video in my face

    • @ToyKeeper
      @ToyKeeper 2 года назад +8

      I hope your journey will lead you to a better place in life. I'm trying to do the same.
      My ex-partner stopped by a few weeks ago to "we need to talk about our relationship" at me, which was weird because we haven't really been _together_ for years. She yelled at me, I cried, she yelled more, she made a bunch of accusations, and eventually she left. And her phone has voice commands enabled. The next day, youtube started recommending videos to me about dating narcissists. So I clicked a few, and ... a ton of things about our relationship finally make sense.

    • @andrew6297
      @andrew6297 2 года назад

      Did you stop your behavior?

    • @tishaxdollface776
      @tishaxdollface776 2 года назад

      Omg same

  • @Sam-rz4rd
    @Sam-rz4rd 2 года назад +1674

    aww, its like yall wrote a biography about my personal relationship with my mum! Shout out to all the kids out there that were raised by a deluded, mean and childish parent.

    • @oliviaharriman9488
      @oliviaharriman9488 2 года назад +58

      My mum also has NPD it's so difficult. Took me along time to realise I wasn't the problem x

    • @mymindseyesees2002
      @mymindseyesees2002 2 года назад +99

      Yeah that’s me. My mother never never see’s or admits her wrongs ever. And the worst thing is everyone thinks that I am ungrateful and the bad one if I ever say anything.

    • @atedinahalf6288
      @atedinahalf6288 2 года назад +42

      My mom's a wineo. A drinker.
      She mentally destroyed me as a child.
      If I wanted to wear a shirt I like?
      That's gayy!
      Mom, I just want the shirt
      It's okay, I still love you for being gay
      Just a small example. I use to be a herion addict because of it. I believe everything she said because she was my mom.
      I never realized how good a person treats you till I meant my girlfriend. It's weird to wake up in the morning and not be yelled at for existence.

    • @atedinahalf6288
      @atedinahalf6288 2 года назад +11

      @@mymindseyesees2002 Does she attack you at random times?

    • @nikkafritz5568
      @nikkafritz5568 2 года назад +4

      @@mymindseyesees2002 are we the same person

  • @Shadowman...
    @Shadowman... Год назад +13

    This is *THE BEST VIDEO on NARCISSISTIC ABUSE I'VE SEEN* ~ Should be mandatory viewing for High school students.

  • @45someone
    @45someone 3 года назад +1236

    The hard thing is when you believe them to be a good person inside that has just been tarnished by the world and you believe you can help them find their peace; while breaking your own.

    • @akibalnur8070
      @akibalnur8070 3 года назад +5

      Don't even bother with the inferior humans called narcissist.

    • @45someone
      @45someone 3 года назад +5

      @@akibalnur8070 I’m trying bubba 🥺 Thank you

    • @akibalnur8070
      @akibalnur8070 3 года назад +2

      @@45someone Welcome. I wish you can have all the good things of this world

    • @eye4aneye39
      @eye4aneye39 3 года назад +6

      So very true

    • @MantisBlack420
      @MantisBlack420 3 года назад +26

      im always pressured to understanding them and what they went through, but they blatantly refuse to see what they put me through. wish i could leave, but im a minor and he's my dad :/

  • @RaVenX_exe
    @RaVenX_exe 3 года назад +555

    I remember begging and pleading with my expartner to just be nice to me, to please just stop yelling at me and just be nice to me, all I could see was disgust on his face. Cant believe a loved one would do that😔

    • @sarahwoolf4224
      @sarahwoolf4224 3 года назад +28

      I have done the same thing. Begging to just not be yelled at...

    • @sarahwoolf4224
      @sarahwoolf4224 3 года назад +12

      @いつも愛しています it's horrible manipulation. We're prey for those predators. I'm trying hard to get stronger and learn as much as possible about my situation. If we can save "us" or I will have to just walk away forever.

    • @sarahwoolf4224
      @sarahwoolf4224 3 года назад +1

      @いつも愛しています I'm sorry you went through all that. Stay strong, you don't deserve to be treated so horribly. My man is going in rehab for his drug problems. I'm hoping he treats me better when he gets out or we're done also.

    • @d.l.l.6578
      @d.l.l.6578 3 года назад +2

      Then he isn’t a loved one!!!!!

    • @jvbmochi
      @jvbmochi 3 года назад +9

      I've been doing this lately to my partner. I beg him to be nicer to me, because that's all I want

  • @FMeister94
    @FMeister94 4 года назад +936

    This episode broke me. It's so tragic people find themselves in these toxic relationships.

    • @HikaruFER
      @HikaruFER 4 года назад +17

      You know the part of 5:40? My cousin is doing that with her current bf.
      Once, he told her he may be going to her house at 5pm, she waited and at 6pm decided to call and see what happened, he didnt pick up, try again later, didnt pick up, text him, and he saw the msg but didnt reply, this keep going on till 10pm, he still didnt pick up, didnt call back, didnt reply, and kept reading the msgs she send him. At that point she text him to break up and stuff and less than 5 minutes later he called her... What happened? Less than a week later she forgive him (again!) and its so sad shes holding onto that crappy relationship... i think thats cuz she doesnt think she can get someone better...
      After all the things that she told me about him and what he do to her, i noticed narcissistic traits. She said its hard for her to not forgive him, even tho she know many of the things he do hurt her. I just dont get... Sadly, i cant do anything, she its (really) old enough to choose her partner and if she decide to choose someone that doesnt treat her well, well, thats her problem...

    • @expensivegurl1112
      @expensivegurl1112 4 года назад +11

      @@HikaruFER are they still both together? Im not a professional or anything but their relationship is really unhealthy.. if he does that not so often then i personally dont mind but if he does so frequently or worse is just trying to make her feel insecure and cling more onto their relationship more then that's just toxic

    • @jadonskatoff4726
      @jadonskatoff4726 4 года назад +11

      Im just here to diagnose my parents m8

    • @liliam.8009
      @liliam.8009 4 года назад +15

      Same here... it perfectly described my ex to the letter. He once he even said to me that my feelings were irrelevant. I was dumbstruck, yet I stayed for a long while because I believed him... He made me out to be this terrible person that the better part of me knew I was not. I loved him dearly yet he treated me like garbage by belittling and even physically hitting me. It's been a month already and I'm happy to say that I finally, FINALLY feel free

    • @alexn.2901
      @alexn.2901 4 года назад

      Why are you so early

  • @ammarahnaeem5028
    @ammarahnaeem5028 Год назад +59

    I had a friendship like this since I was a child and I am glad to have finally had the courage to move on without them. This video is incredibly educational and helpful, thank you so much!!

  • @TheManicMarsupial
    @TheManicMarsupial 4 года назад +1096

    It’s a bit difficult to leave a narcissistic relationship when the narcissist is a parent/guardian. Especially since they’ve pretty much programmed how you respond.
    This really hit home.

    • @rentaros6475
      @rentaros6475 4 года назад +90

      yeah my mom fulfills all of those criteria, it feels natural but it really shouldnt be.

    • @BxgorJess
      @BxgorJess 4 года назад +58

      Everytime they make you feel uncomfortable, record a voicenote saying how you feel. If you cant record, write it down. Every time you feel you dont want to do something or comply w whatever they want, & you feel anger or sad, its important you acknowledge it & write it down. You need to know that they need to value your emotions in order for them to also get what they want. Once you start doing this, it may not get better between you two because narcissists dont change. But you build your courage & confidence. When you get older, itll all be worth it cuz youll recognize all the red flags w anyone else. Best wishes!.

    • @karina_martinez420
      @karina_martinez420 4 года назад +7

      My step dad babeyyyy hes just an awful person my mom is so blind to him

    • @TBVDSCCassandra
      @TBVDSCCassandra 4 года назад +30

      Agree. This is my mom...I can't help but forgive her and then I kick myself later for doing so.

    • @lindseymarie321
      @lindseymarie321 4 года назад +57

      Growing up with narcissists makes one more likely to end up with one as a partner, because you grew up thinking emotional abuse is normal. It’s not normal and without doing the work to learn what’s abuse and what isn’t, one can stay trapped in toxic relationships taking all the blame, thinking you’re just too sensitive, walking on eggshells and trying to be a people pleaser, because that’s what you were raised to be.

  • @sebastianmaker6798
    @sebastianmaker6798 4 года назад +737

    Leaving my parents was the best choice I ever made. I've never been happier. I used to think I was just a sad person, that I was naturally miserable. My home is happy, I love my girlfriend, my world is brighter.

    • @sebastianmaker6798
      @sebastianmaker6798 4 года назад +12

      @Norian Anne How funny, I'm a pharmacy technician. Interesting that we both ended up with jobs where we get to care for others.

    • @sebastianmaker6798
      @sebastianmaker6798 4 года назад +18

      @@andreykuzmin4355 That's a very common feeling and you aren't alone. And honestly, I don't blame you for not feeling anything. How can you feel love and adoration toward someone who lashes out at you? It will take time to heal, but setting yourself apart from her will be good in the long run. I'm proud o you for what you've done, even if we've never met face to face.

    • @UnePaquerette
      @UnePaquerette 4 года назад +9

      @@sebastianmaker6798 just a quick personal question (don't answer if you don't feel like it, it's totally fine) : since it's known we replicate some schemes our toxic parents did, even without wanting to, how are you able to chose to have a family by yourself? that's a genuine question btw, no judgment, just trying to understand

    • @sebastianmaker6798
      @sebastianmaker6798 4 года назад +33

      @@UnePaquerette Well, I'm not alone. Both me and my girlfriend come from abusive homes and we've slowly created our own family. Our closest friends have become what will eventually be aunts and uncles (once we have kids). My art professor and his wife became a grandmother and grandfather to my girlfriend's younger brother. On top of that, we both regularly go to therapy and have frequent conversations about how to handle various scenarios. She and I are highly committed to ending the cycle of abuse that our families have perpetuated for multiple generations.

    • @UnePaquerette
      @UnePaquerette 4 года назад +10

      @@sebastianmaker6798 looks super healthy congrats !! And thanks for answering :)

  • @germainelowpt7206
    @germainelowpt7206 2 года назад +1117

    1 - Your relationship is not kind, caring or sane
    2 - Give up pieces of yourself to comply
    3 - You are angry, disjointed and behaving in ways you normally don’t
    4 - Trying to prove (them) you are a good person
    5 - You are mopping up the messes
    6 - Your boundaries are being disintegrated
    7 - You feel addicted, disjointed, manic
    8 - You are suffering from abuse symptoms

    • @carlosdossantossouza6141
      @carlosdossantossouza6141 2 года назад +7

      @@storiesrus.5114 you need to leave now man

    • @linschannel2631
      @linschannel2631 2 года назад +6

      THX, sir.

    • @zerohandlesforme
      @zerohandlesforme Год назад +6

      Both my parents

    • @joycehemminger7611
      @joycehemminger7611 Год назад

      #3 I was never angry I just kept burying all my feelings of hurt, disappointment and depression. But after almost 35 years!, I had a short affair with a man who was very sweet, loving, caring and compassionate. And from what he has told me his wife was narcissistic too. Both of our exs would get angry at us and say things to us like, f--k you. You stupid f--king person. And it wasn't that we did anything seriously wrong or bad to them to cause them to talk to us like that. And they would both brag about how other people thought that they were sexy and good looking. And we're pretty sure that both of them had multiple affair during our marriages. And they both thought that they were better than other people. Me and the other man knew adultery was a sin that we shouldn't have done. But our exs treatment of us made us both do something that we knew was wrong because we were so desperate for love, respect, appreciation and understanding.

    • @sierrajackson-bo7ve
      @sierrajackson-bo7ve Год назад +5

      This my dad

  • @krishnazawar8338
    @krishnazawar8338 Год назад +22

    I am in tears after listening to this. Every word in this video is relatable to me. It gave me confidence to believe that it's not my fault all the way long and that I should not look down upon myself all the time in my relationship. Thank you.

  • @ThatSunflowerGenasi
    @ThatSunflowerGenasi 4 года назад +515

    Being in a relationship with a narcissist is like plugging yourself into another person’s life and never being able to unplug. Sucking the life and any sense of identity out of you. I was so relieved to get off the emotional roller coaster. I experienced the addiction “trauma bonding” to the narcissist... it was so crazy because they did something wrong to me and I attempted a breakup-then I felt lost and wanted them back even though they were the problem.
    I gave them 3 chances and at my last straw I told them I was done with them and ghosted them...I blocked them and they called and called left texts and voicemails but I ignored them all. I did listen to a few voicemails (they went from pleading to questioning to desperate and for the final act hinting at potential self harm. I didn’t fall for any of it. I was free and I could breathe without someone taking up every second of my day.

    • @nicolesugrue6200
      @nicolesugrue6200 4 года назад +22

      I feel every single thing you've said and living it too, with my daughters dad. I feek sucked dry. And still find myself not wanting to have this life anymore, but not ready to see him moving on with someone else. And thats so toxic And Im ashamed of myself for feeling that way. Hes walked out and abandoned me so many times I literally have lost count. Im so glad you got out. Im next

    • @ThatSunflowerGenasi
      @ThatSunflowerGenasi 4 года назад +14

      Nicole Sugrue I’m so glad to hear that my experience resonated with you. You’re worthy of better treatment and loyalty. Someone that’ll care for you and nourish your soul. Someone that moves in and out of your life only ties you deeper into the toxicity of the relationship. The pain of leaving this person is temporary-but the pain of staying can last forever. It’s better to hurt then heal than continue to experience the hurt continuously with no end in sight. I’m praying for a light to guide you out.

    • @nicolesugrue6200
      @nicolesugrue6200 4 года назад +5

      Thank you so much. Seeing this video last night and seeing your experience really stuck with me. Be well❤❤

    • @ThatSunflowerGenasi
      @ThatSunflowerGenasi 4 года назад +5

      Long Live Liberty Yes yes and yes! Heavy on the “right to life” part! The first step to freedom is breaking away. Now it’s time for internal love from oneself and nurturing the soul that has been drained. Self reflection is essential in these moments. One doesn’t realize how much they tolerate until the mind is breaking down and the emotions are scattered...and unfortunately the person that should be a comforter and a listening ear is the one causing the mental turmoil.

    • @LadywatchingByrd
      @LadywatchingByrd 4 года назад +1

      Stay strong. Dont let them hoover you.

  • @crystalanamericaninsicily
    @crystalanamericaninsicily 4 года назад +750

    It's ALL about what THEY want. Your happiness is of no importance. But it is. DUMP them.

    • @anujoseph_10
      @anujoseph_10 3 года назад +15

      Okay. But how to dump your father?!

    • @crystalanamericaninsicily
      @crystalanamericaninsicily 3 года назад +6

      @@anujoseph_10 If someone doesn't respect you...you keep them out of your life. Your happiness is the only thing that's important.

    • @teresawaid6088
      @teresawaid6088 3 года назад +2

      Exactly It's my daughter's world she just lets my live her I only wish i knew how to handle it

    • @crystalanamericaninsicily
      @crystalanamericaninsicily 3 года назад +2

      @@teresawaid6088 Father. Daughter. You're a person...they need to respect you. Talk. Communicate. Say your behavior is hurting me. Why are you you so hostile. That doesn't work. Try. No contact.

    • @teresawaid6088
      @teresawaid6088 3 года назад +2

      @@crystalanamericaninsicily I've tried to talk to her but she doesn't want to hear nothing i say I really don't know if i can walk away she is my baby girl I keep praying and praying that she'll come around but she's stubborn! She knows how she's hurting me doesn't seem to bother her at all

  • @jax.1125
    @jax.1125 4 года назад +371

    It's actually f scary how long I tolerated this. Holy shit.
    To everyone commenting their stories, I hope you can get out of that environment or find a way to protect your energy. I'm sending prayers and so much love to every single one of you ❤️ you will heal

    • @nevergonnagivesomeofyouup7335
      @nevergonnagivesomeofyouup7335 4 года назад +5

      I still have to, my older brother is narcissistic and I can't get away from him

    • @bryancowan8516
      @bryancowan8516 4 года назад +2

      Me too but I just found out it was my own family lol 😂 I think it's funny

    • @mintystarmagic
      @mintystarmagic 4 года назад +3

      3 years. Ive dealt with a nasty bitch for three years and I think that put a toll on me. I feel you buddy :(

    • @aliceinamberland7570
      @aliceinamberland7570 4 года назад +2

      Same.. going on 13 years now 😐

    • @Mariue8553
      @Mariue8553 4 года назад

      @@nevergonnagivesomeofyouup7335 Same, mine is my older sister, so tired

  • @Patrick-du8iw
    @Patrick-du8iw 9 месяцев назад +7

    been in an relationship for almost 10 years and just realised 2 months ago that she has vulnerable narcissistic traits and abused me emotionally through gaslighting, ignoring behaviour and alot of the other stuff mentioned in the video. I almost gave up on myself and had suicidal thoughts. I was always the fault and was held accountable for her emotional state. I questioned everything about myself and still doing it. Im in therapy now and getting better. To all who suffer from narcissistic abuse, LEAVE and NEVER GO BACK! Thank you for the enlightening content! Without this I wouldn't have realised the situation I was in. You saved my life!

    • @Dolo7414
      @Dolo7414 8 месяцев назад

      Dude

    • @n_xvia
      @n_xvia 2 месяца назад

      Im so proud of you, I'm so glad you managed to get out of yout situation and you're in a better place. Im so sorry you had to go through that, its such a terrible thing to have to experience. I was in a relationship like that for a year, I can't imagine 10x that

  • @sophmatcha
    @sophmatcha 4 года назад +281

    I lost myself trying to fix a toxic relationship

    • @Chalisou
      @Chalisou 4 года назад +2

      you will find yourself again

    • @oklol1755
      @oklol1755 4 года назад +7

      You lost a weaker part of yourself, making way for the stronger

    • @sophmatcha
      @sophmatcha 4 года назад +2

      OK LOL / wow thank you that really helped 🥺

    • @winterblossom4446
      @winterblossom4446 4 года назад +2

      maybe it was a warning from God
      dont have a baby with a narc. BE VERY wise and careful with your body and your heart

    • @bbriyes
      @bbriyes 4 года назад +1

      Yes, I tried to help my "friend" to get better and get the help, then turned 180 then blamed me for being "psychotic" and "delusional" even though he was the one that was narcissistic. Waste of time tbh.

  • @mistymaria2414
    @mistymaria2414 4 года назад +1364

    I left my narcissist ex & 6mo later I met the best man everrrr 😍 I’ve been happy ever since & I married him 3 year later 🥰🥳 leave them & find love, ppl!! You deserve it!! 😌❤️

    • @ekaputriseptiyani220
      @ekaputriseptiyani220 4 года назад +43

      Wowww, I'm glad you can make it sisss

    • @HOB97
      @HOB97 4 года назад +36

      So good 🙏🏼It makes me happy to read some encouraging words.

    • @LOVEbelOwable
      @LOVEbelOwable 4 года назад +56

      I've been through the worst 3 years of my life questioning reality, questioning myself as a woman I've been used for sex, I've been emotionally abused, I've been manipulated & controlled & I'm praying God helps me heal myself so I can allow a good man into my life, I'm happy you were able to move on & I'm waiting for my happy ending patiently

    • @ElizRued
      @ElizRued 4 года назад +12

      i'm so happy for u and i agree. dont lose hope. work on yourself and love/respect yourself and you will find an amazing person. i did too and my partner and me are so happy :)

    • @yogaflame4128
      @yogaflame4128 4 года назад +8

      My closest friend is on the narc spectrum and I tell him “when that girl finally leaves you, she’s gonna meet her husband.” They just broke up. 🙂

  • @pollywilliams759
    @pollywilliams759 3 года назад +303

    This definitely hits,I’m in tears, you never realize how much you put up with until you sit back and really think about it,sometimes it seems like choosing yourself over someone else is the worst decision and it’s a very tough feeling to struggle with

  • @x-2954
    @x-2954 9 месяцев назад +231

    When dealing with narcissism, you should know that it’s not personal. “It isn’t personal” is one of those cliches used to cushion all kinds of bad actions taken by people who need an out for being immoral, but in this case it actually gets near the truth. Narcissists don’t know how to love or be a friend; they can’t afford to spare the energy to learn, because they’re always in a state of high emergency, cataloging potential threats and redoubling their defenses. When they claim to love you, it means nothing. They may even think they mean it, but they don’t understand the concept - they can’t feel it. They never attach to you or anyone else. Other people are paper cut-outs to the narcissist, like those cardboard figures of celebrities you pose next to for a selfie. Narcissist value their own children only as mirrors of themselves. When they destabilize you or attack you, it means nothing. They are stuck in an endless conversation with themselves, in which you are an inanimate object, to be assigned their own faults and used as a surrogate punching bag for their hatred of themselves. When they toss you out, it’s no more meaningful than a junkie tossing away a needle; when they try to reel you back in, it only means that they tired of the new drug and need a hit of the old. None of this is personal. They’re too terrified to have personal relationships, opting instead for extraction of admiration from a subservient partner whose range of action they strictly constrain. This is not personal. None of it. The narcissist does not know who you are - it doesn’t know how to know other people. Like the vampire or the chainsaw-wielding creature in the horror film, it’s from another world, bereft of the concept of human connection. Moreover, People wonder why they end up hurt, seriously hurt, and even killed for their own actions. Cheating is a choice and there’s simply a lot of ignorance in the process.... Thank you so much for helping me out Metaspyhub@gmail. com. Your advice and services helped me so much. You are a lifesaver !!! The information you gave me about my cheating partner when you gave me access to his phone was everything I needed to get,.. thank you very much..

    • @Avogadros_number
      @Avogadros_number 8 месяцев назад +17

      Wasn’t expecting this to be an ad for a scam service 😂

    • @JH-td4mn
      @JH-td4mn 7 месяцев назад +12

      Well it started off really well 😂

    • @anobody7888
      @anobody7888 7 месяцев назад +6

      girl not the ad smh

    • @lizardman6515
      @lizardman6515 4 месяца назад +5

      Ok this made sense except that ad at the end wtf

  • @alexvokoun9272
    @alexvokoun9272 3 года назад +267

    This made me cry. I just got out of a horrible relationship. It made me feel like I was worthless and trapped. I was finally able to get out of it. But it’s been a rough road. I still have nightmares over it. But I am slowly getting better.

    • @sanschmidt5457
      @sanschmidt5457 3 года назад +5

      I wish you healing! You can be really proud of yourself that you got out. I promise you, you will survive this and at some point the pain will have lost its sting and life will be good again!

    • @monikatetwal6783
      @monikatetwal6783 3 года назад +4

      More power to you!

    • @lizziek2503
      @lizziek2503 3 года назад +1

      Me too.. I used to have nightmares about him but at the same time miss him and I find it so hard to wake up in those mornings when I dreamed about him... I would be stuck in bed with tears.

    • @aylinlugo8031
      @aylinlugo8031 3 года назад

      ❤️🙏

    • @BeBeBraveSpirit
      @BeBeBraveSpirit 3 года назад +4

      I was wondering if nightmares about your abuser is common because I’ve had them and it’s always so mentally traumatizing that even in your sleep you can’t escape the abuse.

  • @zoranabanana
    @zoranabanana 4 года назад +203

    This explains why I had a psychological breakdown last summer and ended up in a psych hospital because my soul couldn’t take anymore abuse from other ppl

    • @ekaputriseptiyani220
      @ekaputriseptiyani220 4 года назад +4

      I hope you are doing well now, Zoe

    • @Psych2go
      @Psych2go  4 года назад +11

      We hope this video helped! Who does this video remind you of? And what do you plan to do next to heal from the situation?

    • @ravenel2
      @ravenel2 4 года назад +18

      That is the worst of it-the sane victims are made sick from the perpetrator’s crazy mind games. I hope you will have a beautiful future free from abuse.

    • @lastgalnj3302
      @lastgalnj3302 4 года назад +5

      Hang in there Zoe. Its hard to be a sensitive soul in a harsh world. Try to focus on one beautiful thing in the world everyday. If you can manage just one it can keep hope alive. A puppy, a flower, a piece of fabric, a cloud, rain drops against glass. When i feel dark i try to focus in a thing of beauty. People are often hurtful but color of a crayon the setting sun or the smell of clean laundry can only bring joy.

    • @lastgalnj3302
      @lastgalnj3302 4 года назад +5

      Psych2Go i walked away from a narcissist last week and tonight i did something i never thought i could - after several insta messages from her attempting to shame and bully me, i blocked her. She must have freaked and had one of her co-workers message me. I wanted to get down into the mud w her but instead...i blocked that girl as well and made my acct pvt. Im kind of proud of myself. I didnt crawl back to apologize just to appease her. She is family and in terms of those relationships it is costing me a lot but not as much as lowering myself and bowing down to her and always trying to prove my value by doing and buying things for her, putting up with her constant criticism and the wrath for disagreeing with her.

  • @markymark3668
    @markymark3668 4 года назад +249

    I sacrificed everything to leave my narc. All my material possessions are gone and a dog I loved more than anything. I had to move back into my parents basement. It seems like on the surface I have nothing left. But I have more now than I ever have. The items were just things that could be replaced. I miss the dog, but I took the other one so it wasn't a complete loss. It may be my parents basement but its better than a cold park bench. It doesn't seem like much, and I have a long road ahead of me to truly be happy and regain my sense of worth and self respect, but its a road I can at least see.
    You all deserve the same clarity and happiness and safety. I believe safety and happiness is a human right, no one should have to pick between those and making someone else happy. You are worth so much more than that. We all are. It may seem daunting and it is. But every journey begins with a single step... and I have never regretted taking that step, even for a second.

    • @abbycheney3113
      @abbycheney3113 4 года назад +7

      i'm so happy for you!!

    • @markymark3668
      @markymark3668 4 года назад +2

      @@abbycheney3113 thank you! 😊

    • @christinesinclair3399
      @christinesinclair3399 4 года назад +3

      Sooo brave... so sad about your doggy... I’m in the place you were..😢😢

    • @markymark3668
      @markymark3668 4 года назад +3

      @@christinesinclair3399 It's okay I have come to terms with it. I am in a much better place now than I was before. I'm sorry and I hope everything works out for you. I know it is hard but you HAVE to put yourself first.

    • @shrxyeah6264
      @shrxyeah6264 4 года назад +2

      I wish you loads of luck and I really really wish you a wonderful life ahead! 💓💓

  • @thompsonlauren1004
    @thompsonlauren1004 9 месяцев назад +129

    There are many different signs. These include spending time on phone that was not spent previously, withholding sex from you, withdrawing in communication with you, agitation or anger over Petty stuff or making up situations to get angry or agitated over, lying, being secretive in any way, randomly spending more time caring for and pampering oneself such as putting on makeup or wearing cologne or coloring hair etc. Any type of changed behavior that is not aimed at pleasing or benefiting your relationship. With all of that though, follow your gut. your gut is telling you that something isn't right and it's telling you that this could or is happening, therefore listen to it. Just Free yourself from all of it! Run and don't look back. Go 100% no contact. The mental and emotional abuse is not okay at all! Do not bring anything up to her. Don't try to rationalize or have a conversation about anything. Don't let her know that you know she's in narcissist. All of that can cause a narcissistic rage. If you have not yet witnessed one of those just trust me that you don't want to! A narcissistic rage is beyond any rage I have ever seen or witnessed in my entire life. I am an army combat veteran and served front lines for a year and afghanistan. I have abuse going back from as long as I can remember, the first time in my personal memory is 2 years old. With everything I have been involved in, and my rape, other sexual abuse, their physical abuse, etc in narcissistic rage is by far the worst! If you need to contact your local police department and start a new contact order. No one can protect you like you can! free yourself from it all and move forward in your life. The minute you run and go no contact is the minute your life begins again. If need be seek out professional help. Therapy is the best thing I did for myself. The best gift I gave to me! The abuse is so deep and overwhelming that having a professional guide you through the steps of the healing process is extremely beneficial! Just remember, there is great strength in asking for help. There is great lack and strength or no strength at all in putting on a mask and hiding behind the opinions of society and pretending that you are okay! As human beings we all witness A Time In our lives where we are not okay! Those that heal, move past, and move forward, and have a brighter future are those who ask for help and do the work that is needed through the help! I'm so sorry you are going through this and I wish you the very best! Good luck! Always remember that you are stronger than you believe you are, you are worthy and deserving of better and always, and you are enough just the way you are and who you are today! Take this time for you! Get yourself again. Fix that meal that you're all time favorite, rent that movie you've been wanting to see, have a guys night out with your best friends, remodel a room in your home, go purchase that item you've been wanting to for so long, just do for yourself! Self-acceptance, self-love, and being able to forgive yourself is far more important than what anyone else can give to you! Believe in who you are! You deserve nothing less than that! You're not alone! Feel free to tag me in any other questions that you have! I'll help if I can. Additionally you can hire a cyber expert to help you get remote access to their phone so you can track them and monitor all of their activities without them knowing. You may locate the top cyber specialists locally at Digitalinvestigate@gmail. com, where you can engage a well-trained professional to assist you..........

    • @lynnettejordaan5761
      @lynnettejordaan5761 8 месяцев назад +1

      YOU DESCRIBE M LIFE EXACTLY!!!!

    • @Avogadros_number
      @Avogadros_number 8 месяцев назад +10

      You bots are getting too sophisticated 🤦‍♂️😂 I agreed and felt everything you said and then you hit me with the scam ad.

    • @Lena-cz6re
      @Lena-cz6re 2 месяца назад +1

      Putting on make up or cologne is a sign of a narcissist? What...? Another chat GPT created bot post advertising scammer services. Shame on you.

  • @sarahmyers60
    @sarahmyers60 2 года назад +858

    I watched this video a year ago and left my 6 year relationship a month later. In June I’ll be a year free. Thank you for putting out awareness and education.

    • @once9453
      @once9453 2 года назад +9

      Congratulations

    • @abubomom2
      @abubomom2 2 года назад +7

      Good for you I wasted 15 yrs

    • @tomb3582
      @tomb3582 2 года назад +4

      You really didnt realise you were abused? someone had to tell you? what is wrong with you? if you dont like the relationship then leave? Whatever, good thing you did. Atleast you are happier now... just blows my mind someone else had to make you realise lol.

    • @whisperingshadowXI
      @whisperingshadowXI 2 года назад +42

      @@tomb3582 That's the kind of shaming abusers use to manipulate people into staying with them. The victim knows something isn't right, but the abuser uses their insecurities to belittle then while trying to use romantic gestures and sweet talk to convince them they're a good person and the victim is just blowing it out of proportion. And most importantly, the abuser is already a very important and big part of the victim's life. Most people in abusive relationships don't realize they're in one until they're really invested/committed and then you worry that if you leave it you're somehow an inferior/lesser person for doing so. And yes, your abuser will do their utmost to convince you that you are a failure of a partner and try to guilt you by saying bs like "If this is how your long-standing relationship with me ended, then that's proof you're incapable of being in a long stable relationship with anyone and it's all your fault." Oh and they'll casually mention that they'll find another partner in a snap, inadvertently revealing just how little you actually mattered to them.
      You are lucky to have never found yourself involved with someone important to you and realizing they're really an awful person to you and any "attempts" at making up with you were really just excuses to keep you around to do the same shit again.

    • @abubomom2
      @abubomom2 2 года назад +4

      @@whisperingshadowXI exactly this is an abuser and you can see by his effort to harm
      Me here that it is deeply imbedded in their personality. It’s very sad because your spirit didn’t come all the way to earth to cause pain to others. My ex was found dead in a staircase 2 months ago. No one claimed him after four days on life support. The plug was pulled and he is gone. He died alone and I warned him this would happen.

  • @prisdia7965
    @prisdia7965 2 года назад +377

    I feel so trapped 😞 hence why I’m watching ths video today. Thank you for the last words “ We lose a lot by leaving but we gain a lot more by rebuilding ourselves and a happier life”

    • @nanamksnsks8523
      @nanamksnsks8523 Год назад +11

      Leave the person. Life is too short you may be death by tomorrow you want to spend your last days in pain ?

    • @christiller2739
      @christiller2739 Год назад +9

      The longer you stay with a narcissist, the more you will lose yourself. It's very unhealthy, so please find the strength to get away.

    • @lilydawn365
      @lilydawn365 Год назад +6

      I just left and was abused? Lost everything 💔 but at least I'm safe and healing

    • @Ladybugginit
      @Ladybugginit Год назад +5

      I’m in the same boat. I can’t stop crying

    • @jessed197
      @jessed197 Год назад +1

      I'm so sorry you're dealing this this. I hope you make the right decision for yourself. My heart breaks reading these comments. I left an abusive relationship just over a year ago. Also almost a year sover from crystal meth. Love gets better. I promise.

  • @PancakeX
    @PancakeX 4 года назад +163

    This made me cry a lot. I wasted a decade to this and am struggling to recover.

    • @Chalisou
      @Chalisou 4 года назад +8

      I gave almost 6 years of my life to a man i now realize was a covert narcissist. I am in the process of recovery, it has been the hardest struggle of my life (in the midst of a pandemic, no less). you aren't alone. sending strength and healing your way... "a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step"

    • @sheilaflores5473
      @sheilaflores5473 4 года назад +8

      I have 15 yrs wasted. It took over a year to get to the point of watching these kinds of videos without crying or feeling angry (at myself). The "but why?!" has finally been answered and the answer is...there is no good answer. A narc does these things. They would have done it to anyone who would allow it. They will do it to the next person. And there's nothing you can do about it but HEAL YOURSELF. I will still have to deal with him on occasion but there is a huge shift in my soul when I do. The anger rages inside when he is near. The anxiety is sky high. But when he leaves it feels like the discard all over again. The difference between then and now is that it only lasts a few minutes until I realize I don't want a man like him...ever again.

    • @TheJuicy4585
      @TheJuicy4585 4 года назад +7

      Same here. Its been 8 years. I'm trying to get away but I have to figure out a plan first. I have 4 kids so it's not that easy.

    • @healingIRT
      @healingIRT 4 года назад +1

      Me too, 16-25!

    • @nailswhope
      @nailswhope 4 года назад +1

      I just got out of a 14+yr relationship Losing myself, I'v been disabled with No income & a 13yr old Son , You are not Alone and My Dm's are open & I opened a @Nailingabuse for education & support.
      I'm doing a D.V. Awareness GiveAway💜 2020 & Collaboration!!

  • @MrPianoman12345
    @MrPianoman12345 4 месяца назад +1

    You have such a kind and gentle voice.
    From my experience, the more empathetic you are, the stronger the trauma bond and the more difficult it is to break it.
    Been struggling for months and at times my life felt worse now than before going no contact, but watching this video is encouraging to know that I am not alone in this.
    Thank you once again.

  • @Ryasyd
    @Ryasyd 4 года назад +357

    "Just walk away" as if finances don't get entangled. Shit gets messy, bridges are burned and there is not really anyone else who cares after a while. Just leaving is easier said than done.

    • @keepingupwithabri5116
      @keepingupwithabri5116 4 года назад +33

      Nobody talks about this as much !! You can’t always just walk away

    • @keepingupwithabri5116
      @keepingupwithabri5116 4 года назад +14

      @@Ryasyd absolutely and extremely relatable , constantly scared your making the wrong decision based off of mental health as well , it sucks and is such a sad vicious cycle I hope you find your opportunity out ❤️

    • @sleepy_cinnabun
      @sleepy_cinnabun 4 года назад +8

      And the amount of insecurities i have with myself i just think no one could love me after

    • @Tony-dh
      @Tony-dh 4 года назад +8

      @@sleepy_cinnabun of course there is someone out there just waiting on you to turn up. But you can’t, because you are still with your narcissist.
      Work on yourself, healthy living, fitness, good food. No alcohol no cigarettes no drugs. New clothes haircut shoes.

    • @RowanArk
      @RowanArk 4 года назад +13

      Especially if its your parents

  • @Amysbiblereads
    @Amysbiblereads 4 года назад +172

    2 narc ex’s. 1 lied about having cancer and caused me to lose my baby. The other controlled, stalked and harassed me so much i had to get a restraining order. I’m writing a book on this experience. It’s scary. If you’re in this situation. Run. Please. They can’t and WONT change.

    • @Amysbiblereads
      @Amysbiblereads 4 года назад +8

      Ashley god bless you. Thank you so much!

    • @lavenderdemons
      @lavenderdemons 4 года назад

      The ableism really jumped out

    • @Amysbiblereads
      @Amysbiblereads 4 года назад +2

      CielPhantomhiveReacts sorry?

    • @pichmolm
      @pichmolm 4 года назад +1

      @@lavenderdemons
      Sorry?

    • @shazbros
      @shazbros 4 года назад

      Oh God, stay safe. The second one sounds so dangerous.

  • @foreverandalways105
    @foreverandalways105 2 года назад +529

    I watched this video about a year ago when I was living with my emotionally abusive and narcissistic partner. I vividly remember watching this and convincing my self that this wasn’t the case and my partner didn’t do these things, because he had convinced me so well that I was interpreting everything wrong. Now I’m out of that hell hole and watching this video again it is so reaffirming. My gut and soul were screaming at me the whole time. I developed fibromyalgia, severe depression, and anxiety like I’ve never experienced. I knew what was happening, but this man truly made me blind to it. That’s how good they are. Sending love to those who find themselves with these people, they are truly soul suckers.

    • @chelleantoinette7829
      @chelleantoinette7829 2 года назад +12

      @Morgan May Thank you for sharing and good for you for getting out. I'm going through it right now and I'm looking for to getting to where you are. It's been 3 1/2 long exhausting years I'm over it.

    • @foreverandalways105
      @foreverandalways105 2 года назад +6

      @@chelleantoinette7829 sending you love ❤️Reach out for help. I noticed that I felt a barrier- like I was trapped and there was no end in sight. I had finally told my mom about everything and she helped me get out. It bubbles up until you physically can’t do it anymore.

    • @beheshtasiddiqui900
      @beheshtasiddiqui900 2 года назад +6

      When I got a panic attack during arguments or when he was blackmailing me he told that I was faking it just to stop him and I can't fool him.

    • @Roxy89471
      @Roxy89471 2 года назад +3

      SAME HERE! Really ruined my peace of mind

    • @davidkepley9634
      @davidkepley9634 2 года назад

      I can tell your a Sweetheart by your choice of words, wish you the best!

  • @heartsticky
    @heartsticky 4 месяца назад +3

    this video gave me the last bit of encouragement i needed to walk away from my abusive relationship. thank you.

  • @mds67991
    @mds67991 4 года назад +377

    I’m not completely sure if they were narcissists, but I got lucky. I stopped trying to get them back in my life even though I thought I needed them, and even though they tried to guilt me, I reminded them that they dropped me first and that I was done. I faked my confidence and appeared self assured, and they bought it. They both officially dropped me.

    • @lelugamer4580
      @lelugamer4580 4 года назад +5

      I’m happy for you! But did you feel like you still wanted to hang out with them even though after you hang out with them you feel bad and not happy???

    • @mds67991
      @mds67991 4 года назад +10

      Lelu Gamer yeah, but it felt more like I needed to than wanted to. I felt as if I needed them in order to be even remotely considered a person.

    • @lelugamer4580
      @lelugamer4580 4 года назад +11

      ❤️Missy Girl❤️ with my toxic friend I didn’t feel like I needed her in my life she was rude to me and I was trying to be nice to her but she just uses me now I’m not friends with her anymore and I’m very happy about it!😆

    • @mds67991
      @mds67991 4 года назад +9

      Lelu Gamer I’m so happy you got out of your bad situation!!! I wish you luck in the future!!!!!

    • @lelugamer4580
      @lelugamer4580 4 года назад +3

      💞Missy Girl💞 that is so sweet! I wish you the best luck to! And I hope you get Great friend!🥰

  • @MrBadgerbingo
    @MrBadgerbingo 3 года назад +699

    when they watch you disintegrate in front of them because of their gaslighting and lies, and then, when they've apologised and you think you've made a breakthrough , they do it all over again to you.

    • @serene1486
      @serene1486 3 года назад +19

      this just happened to me with my ex, I was being vulnerable and he apologized many times for his bad behavior (but it felt like just apologizing he didn't acknowledge what he did), then pause some hours he came back gaslighting me, I blocked him for real now.

    • @MrBadgerbingo
      @MrBadgerbingo 3 года назад +12

      @@serene1486 good, don't go back, they never, ever change.

    • @serene1486
      @serene1486 3 года назад +12

      @@MrBadgerbingo the truth is, breaking up with him makes me feel like I'm the one at fault, bc he doesn't wanna accept the wrongdoings of his actions that I've pointed him out, he just wanted me be the wrong one, the one doing him wrong :(

    • @MrBadgerbingo
      @MrBadgerbingo 3 года назад +15

      @@serene1486 He won't say what you want him to say. When i was in this situation it drove me crazy that my ex refused to see how badly she'd behaved. She even claimed that she'd told me there was 'someone else' when we first started dating. Ultimately it's a total waste of time engaging with them, you'll never get the answers you want. So all you need to do is ask yourself, is this person making me happy? That is ALL that matters. Like someone wrote in the comments, the day you wake up and think 'i'm not taking anymore of this bullshit, i deserve better' is a good day. What they don't realise is that with every lie you love them a little less. One day there's no love left and you just.. don't.. care anymore. That's the day they realise what they did.

    • @serene1486
      @serene1486 3 года назад +4

      @@MrBadgerbingo he came off to me so much problematic I've seen red flags, even his ex called him out toxic and he became vulnerable to me saying he really wanna change, he didn't. when we broke up he became so sweet and tell me everything I wanna hear from him, good thing I've ended everything about him. he's so scared of this image of "being toxic", he don't even want to hear that as if he never have this tendency to self-reflect
      thank you for replying my comment, really eye opening for me and made my day that I deserve to be happy. I'm still struggling with letting him go, this idea of him wanted to change but nah it ain't worth the time, its not worth it
      I just wish further he won't do nasty things to me again. even after we broke up

  • @FaizKhan-xp4mp
    @FaizKhan-xp4mp 2 года назад +1536

    Today I finally gathered the courage to get out of such a relationship... It hurts but I feel lighter... I can relate to all the points in the video...

    • @livtieszen6364
      @livtieszen6364 2 года назад +28

      good for you!!! you deserve kindness and love!!! I am so proud of you ❤

    • @TownTarlet
      @TownTarlet 2 года назад +13

      Send update please! No matter what has happened it is up to you

    • @FaizKhan-xp4mp
      @FaizKhan-xp4mp 2 года назад +40

      @@TownTarlet That girl is still calling me everyday to patch things up ... But I have made my mind... And everytime she calls it just makes me stronger...

    • @Tee-oc8ks
      @Tee-oc8ks 2 года назад +2

      Same

    • @ermwhatthefreak..
      @ermwhatthefreak.. 2 года назад +3

      how did u get out of one? i need answers

  • @luvours
    @luvours Год назад +8

    This checks every boxes of my journey with a narcissist partner. My love is gone, myself became empty, I’m in total isolation and suffering from depression, only lingers for other family members to have a short and joyful conversation which I can never seem to get from the narc.
    I watched this video at a time when my narc discarded me right after this year’s Christmas, forcing me to move out in two weeks from a house that was under my name, forcing me to stay away from our 3 kids.
    The pain is real, the struggle is constant, I’m stuck in wanting things to go back to “norm” or break free, start over by myself, and have a chance to finally heal from years’ abuse.
    I just need to know I am strong, and it will get better, I just need a little bit help and strength to get through this.

    • @qrpcoaching8198
      @qrpcoaching8198 Год назад +2

      Sorry but it will not get better. Leave while you still can and choose your own happiness!!

    • @Dolo7414
      @Dolo7414 8 месяцев назад

      I’m in the same boat.. and it’s 5am I haven’t slept and Im going to make my 4th attempt to go stay with my mom and youngest brother in there two bedroom apt..

    • @Dolo7414
      @Dolo7414 8 месяцев назад

      Yeah I’m lost

  • @eyetrollin710
    @eyetrollin710 2 года назад +365

    They pushed you they twist you they manipulate they are never sorry and when you finally break you're the bad guy,, if their actions hurt you well that's your problem for being hurt because you're not allowed to have emotions unless they dictate them

  • @shelby4730
    @shelby4730 3 года назад +232

    i was in a relationship with a narcissist for over a year. i finally broke it off about a month ago and man, it really breaks you. they make you feel like you’re a horrible person. it hurts like hell. he used to tell me that i need to “fix myself” if i want to be in a relationship with him. the behaviors he wouldn’t accept, he did the exact same thing. and when i would bring up something that would bother me, he’d make me feel so awful for even bringing the topic up. i’m still trying to heal from that relationship and teach myself that i am not hard to love. i have remind myself everyday that i am worthy of love and care. i still hear from others that he goes around, telling people that he doesn’t care about my feelings. the thing that hurts the worse is when you realize the relationship was one sided all along.

    • @pavithraj2303
      @pavithraj2303 3 года назад +5

      Can relate friend. Get into a spiritual practice like meditation and find your purpose in life. everyday like a mantra tell yourself that you are worthy and enough. try to bring back the good qualities that person destroyed that you had. And remember always YOUR happiness come first, then you think about others. Its not being selfish its being self aware. Wish you all the best for your recovery. Please hang in there it can be done ive done it ❤️

    • @GonkBoy66
      @GonkBoy66 3 года назад +4

      I’m going through this right now. Please tell me it gets better. 🥺

    • @jeremyarroyo8378
      @jeremyarroyo8378 3 года назад +5

      @@GonkBoy66 it gets better man. You feel like your free again. Your soul comes to life when you cut that cord. Just time

    • @mommusicandmakeupcaseywalt4793
      @mommusicandmakeupcaseywalt4793 3 года назад +3

      I've been with a couple of them and last night I left one. I've decided to love myself and take care of me and my son. There is nothing wrong with loving yourself by leaving a toxic person.

    • @rickv78
      @rickv78 3 года назад +1

      So true !!!

  • @princesschelsea1558
    @princesschelsea1558 2 года назад +411

    Put up firm boundaries with my mom this past weekend and called out her behavior in a polite but firm way. Trauma bonding makes me want to apologize and take full blame, but I’m standing strong. I deserve to be treated fairly ❤️

    • @arie298
      @arie298 2 года назад +12

      you absolutely do ! good for you love

    • @princesschelsea1558
      @princesschelsea1558 2 года назад +2

      @@arie298 thank you 😊

    • @princesschelsea1558
      @princesschelsea1558 2 года назад +6

      @@ME-gy6hi that’s great to hear! My mom has come around and so far is respecting the boundaries I put up so I’m happy 😊 it was a rough start but her closest friend agreed with the boundaries I put up and has been trying to break my mom of her lazy entitled attitude as well. She’s been a helpful influence on my mom for sure

    • @Datb2
      @Datb2 2 года назад +4

      i apologized and took blame for evrything when i didnt even do anything I couldnt believe myself. i blocked her after tho

    • @GothicAmethyst85
      @GothicAmethyst85 2 года назад +3

      I’m trying to do the same. Glad you are standing firm and I hope things get better for you.

  • @shelleyboggs
    @shelleyboggs 8 месяцев назад +134

    Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I hired a private detective Barryinvestigation@gmail. com. Once I knew what the narc was up to, it got easier to get over that lying, cheating, sack of doo doo, loser. I didn’t need closure from the narc, I paid for it. Best money I EVER spent!

    • @Lena-cz6re
      @Lena-cz6re 2 месяца назад +1

      wtf, stop placing fkn ads for services under such videos. You are clearly praying on vulnerable people and it's clear you don't know what narcissistic abuse actually is. They are the ones threatening to leave the whole time just because you try to assert your boundaries, not the other way round. This is not helpful, it's probably one case of the abused actually being the abuser.

  • @shelby4730
    @shelby4730 3 года назад +218

    if you’re reading this and you’re in a relationship or have a relationship with a narcissist, please, please leave. i finally put an end to a year long relationship with a narcissist, and i have not felt so so free and happy in so freaking long. please, make the decision for yourself and put yourself first this time. you deserve it. i promise.

    • @paulinalosch3105
      @paulinalosch3105 3 года назад +3

      i dont know how tho

    • @gnarlyghoul3203
      @gnarlyghoul3203 3 года назад +1

      and nothing hurts anymore i feel kinda freeee😌🥺

    • @shelby4730
      @shelby4730 3 года назад +5

      @@paulinalosch3105 i thought the exact same thing after i broke up with my ex. it hurts and you feel lost/hopeless. kind of like you’ll never be able to let go of them and that they’re the only one you have. i thought i would be alone if i were to break up with him. but i was so wrong, cause i actually gained so many more friendships and was able to rekindle some even. when i was in that relationship, the only relationship i focused on was him. and when i let him go, i finally got my power and freedom back. i promise you, you are so strong and you will be so free if you let go of toxic relationships. it hurts like hell at first, but you will be okay. you will make it. i don’t know you or your situation but i just want you to know that you got this and you have my support.

    • @shelby4730
      @shelby4730 3 года назад +1

      @@gnarlyghoul3203 i’m so happy to hear that🥺 you deserve all the happiness

    • @shelby4730
      @shelby4730 3 года назад

      @Barbara Zizic ❤️❤️❤️

  • @AwakenToReality
    @AwakenToReality 3 года назад +143

    I want to say that not only I come to watch videos but read the comments. It makes me feel I’m not alone and that I get to hear other people experiences or solutions. So thank you everyone who shares their stories because believe it or not. Your story is helping someone get through rough times!!!! 🎉🙂🙌 Thank you!!! 🙌

  • @patiencemuru7745
    @patiencemuru7745 3 года назад +290

    My last relationship was exactly like this. I was at a point where I was questioning myself and my reality. Was I not a good person like I thought I was? I have been always good with people. I talk to people everyday at work. I have amazing friends. I'm doing really well for myself. It didn't seem like it was enough.
    This person made me feel like wasn't the person I thought I was. Always was putting me down. Getting upset over things that didn't make sense. Nothing I said or did to reassure them mattered.
    It was exhausting, and was damaging my mental health and well being. So I left. It was hard and I"m still recovering from it. Through it all, it was the best decision. Never settle. Your happiness and well being is more important.
    If your partner is doing this to you, leave. It is better to be by yourself, than to be with someone who makes you feel like you are worthless. You don't need anybody but yourself.

    • @spicypotato666
      @spicypotato666 2 года назад +1

      Don't mind my pfp I'm doing this on my browsing profile, what can someone do if they're in a cycle of abuse. I don't have anyone to turn to, my own parents thrown me out at eighteen so I got with someone to house me, and we ended up in a relationship. I have nowhere to turn to, is there some kind of help resource for housing? I just want to get away and be free but it's hard.

    • @blessedsoul949
      @blessedsoul949 2 года назад +2

      My previous relationship was draining too,I lost so much weight due to the emotional torture.Its three months since I was dumped and I feel much better and happier.I even get to sleep better at night.I really thank God it ended.He tried coming back into my life but I stood my ground and vowed to never take him back!

    • @Heidi_137
      @Heidi_137 2 года назад +5

      In incredible how they act from the very same playbook, even the ones who don't know they are narcs. I feel you and am happy you are out, for me it was 4yrs and now after educating myself about narcs and abuse I see I was with one. Took moving to another continent to get rid of him, even then, but eventually, I did lose him. I had to change my last name too to get away but I'd do it again if need to! I strongly advise you to leave quietly, get your things in order and don't tell when and where you are leaving, make sure you are untraceable. Trust me on this one, they don't accept defeat and you could be in danger. I tried to leave several times and honestly but I ended up with a dislocated shoulder and wrist, he never was physical with me before I was serious about leaving. I pretended I was staying but a yr later I was ready and left without a trace while he was away for the weekend with his friends partying. Be careful.

    • @slim123jim
      @slim123jim 2 года назад +1

      I know how you feel. You’re describing my last relation exactly. It took me 3 years but I finally left. Don’t reply anymore to her manipulation. And I’m sure no one in her family will believe me. She prob already tarnished my image beyond repair

  • @Love-Runs-Blind
    @Love-Runs-Blind Год назад +44

    I could relate most of the points with myself. Being in a toxic relation where I had to literally prove my worth and broke myself in the process of understanding and loving her unconditionally just to realise how manipulative, ungrateful and inhuman a lady could be

  • @aakanshasingh754
    @aakanshasingh754 2 года назад +326

    I'm literally crying rn. Just a whole lot of memories flood my mind with how this certain someone controlled my thoughts and gaslighted me for so long. Thank you for this video.

    • @Jantangan
      @Jantangan 2 года назад +4

      Good luck, have lots of fun getting through the new well deeserved freedom, but still: gaslighters spoil their own life if left alone, all it takes is not having other people as an abused stop point for their behavior. You can now simply observe or leave it behind, both equally rewarding

    • @xoxo_tani
      @xoxo_tani 2 года назад

      same here ................ i can feel u 🥺🫂

    • @aakanshasingh754
      @aakanshasingh754 2 года назад

      @@Jantangan Thank you🥺😇

    • @archerian1
      @archerian1 2 года назад +2

      I ve watched this video three times now.... it is word to word accurate for the relationship I was in.

    • @aakanshasingh754
      @aakanshasingh754 2 года назад +4

      @@archerian1 ☹️😞 isn't it weird that even after knowing that we were not in the wrong, we end up blaming ourselves for being naive!? Did you feel the same way?

  • @drumdad54sdl47
    @drumdad54sdl47 2 года назад +385

    I've heard it said that healing from narcissistic abuse is like getting over a drug addiction. That is spot-on and exactly how I've felt since going no contact with a narc one year ago. The cognitive dissonance and trauma bond has been bewildering at moments..
    But I do feel the ground getting more solid under my feet.

    • @raginglemur9238
      @raginglemur9238 2 года назад +13

      Its so hard man. She still calls me at 4am telling me she misses me. I know I miss her too. But I don’t want to get hurt again ….

    • @taraarrington2285
      @taraarrington2285 2 года назад +8

      I agree except he ghosted me and convinced everyone that traumatizing me is for my own good. I pray daily for all these people.

    • @ershipmoth6017
      @ershipmoth6017 2 года назад +5

      Hi, I feel the same. As an addict. My mind is certain that he leaving me was probably life saving, but in the same time I miss him and still fantasize about him coming back and I hate myself for that. I know I just cannot allow it. He would just torture me more and leave me anyways, just sicker and poorer. I cannot go no contact as we have six year old kids together. Trying to keep it to shortest messages possible and no talk by phone or face to face. I need more composure to do that.

    • @JohnSmith-wo7ns
      @JohnSmith-wo7ns 2 года назад +4

      Same for me, In my case she was so uncaring, I felt frustrated and lonely, she chewed me up spat me out and blocked me. Bizarrely I miss her and think of her all the time as I am now obviously, and this is 8 months on.

    • @taraarrington2285
      @taraarrington2285 2 года назад +3

      @@JohnSmith-wo7ns I had the same done to me. God bless

  • @miryamishot
    @miryamishot 4 года назад +329

    I need to be myself again. Being in a relationship where they hide you and make you think it’s normal is emotional abuse. I was so stupid

    • @annatl9141
      @annatl9141 3 года назад +24

      Don't blame yourself. Now you know better.

    • @bethanycharlotee1645
      @bethanycharlotee1645 3 года назад +18

      You were not stupid you were abused and manipulated and none of it was your fault, I hope you find yourself again

    • @stephanieburgess8217
      @stephanieburgess8217 3 года назад +5

      Never understood why you’d want to date someone and then never want to hang out. Never made any sense to me and when I brought it up I was “needy” and he was just hanging with friends but it was for hours and hours and hours without telling me where he was or when he’d come home to me.. I have every right to ask where you are at 2 AM when you left at 10 to give someone a ride home and you refuse to answer simple texts of where are you? You on your way home? A simple I decided to leave town snd go to so and sos house and no I’m not on my way home yet but I’ll let you know when I leave is not that hard or picking up the phone when I call rather than immediately send my phone call to voicemail.. oh yeah that happened and I was the one blamed for that night when I had no idea where he went and all I knew was he had been gone for hours and he had my car so I called non emergent dispatch to see if he had been in a car wreck or possibly picked up by police for a bar fight as he told me his friend was a belligerent drunk.

    • @game-enjoyer13
      @game-enjoyer13 3 года назад +4

      My ex girlfriend was so clever, that in hindsight, she was trying hard to get me to be who she wants me to be, not who i am. And she did it albeit very cleverly. In the end i’m obviously ok and it never got way too bad. And i’m still me lol.

    • @firesun6988
      @firesun6988 3 года назад +6

      No you are not stupid. I was in a relationship for 18 years 2 beautiful kids with him and thank God it's been 4 years since I said goodbye I even drove him to the train and left them there🙂 I'm so glad and feel better. still trying to build myself up it's not easy🙏🏻🙏🏻

  • @shanebell1
    @shanebell1 5 месяцев назад +2

    It's insane how relatable this is. I feel so weak but this video has given me strength

  • @AmandySue
    @AmandySue 4 года назад +186

    My last 2 exes were narcissists. I felt like I was acting out of character and they definitely brought out the worst in me.

    • @goldfish8325
      @goldfish8325 4 года назад +7

      You're very pretty ✨👩✨

    • @sanjeevsingh9500
      @sanjeevsingh9500 4 года назад +2

      How did you manage to get out of it
      Please help me out

    • @AmandySue
      @AmandySue 4 года назад +8

      @@sanjeevsingh9500 I'm sorry you're going through this right now =(. What helped me leave the toxic relationships is that I finally put my foot down and had enough. I was constantly having panic attacks and felt like a zombie. I knew this was not how I wanted to live for the rest of my life. It took a courage, but I decided to love myself more than I loved them and respect myself. It felt weird, but I learned to be selfish and put myself first.

    • @sanjeevsingh9500
      @sanjeevsingh9500 4 года назад +2

      @@AmandySue thank you for replying...
      I hope I too find some courage....
      But the thing is I am facing some problems in my professional life also, leaving my gf may aggravate my misery. But still I am looking for ways to end this.

  • @cynthiaportillo2060
    @cynthiaportillo2060 3 года назад +302

    He tells me our relationship is either his way or no way, he’s used things I told him about my past against me and brings up the fact I can’t have children constantly to hurt me...I want to leave I know I deserve better because I’ve had better :(

    • @samigorexoxo
      @samigorexoxo 3 года назад +17

      Mine literally used that against me too. It’s been a week. We can get so much better Queen. Leave. Be happy. It’s hard but I know it’s going to be worth it.

    • @miguelchippsinteligente6072
      @miguelchippsinteligente6072 3 года назад +1

      Try listening to jorden Peterson its dangerous value ur self its two ways ur important 💖👻💎👨‍🎓👩‍🎓🗽🤍⚖🦈🐒🌪🌬♟don't get institutions

    • @TheBenchGuy787
      @TheBenchGuy787 3 года назад +1

      I feel u same here ive suffer for 10 years in a relationship with a narsasist bitch and now i have anxiety depresion diabities and panic ataks I dont work out any more

    • @aidentoons
      @aidentoons 3 года назад +1

      @@TheBenchGuy787 Please read those Instagram posts I put there, you have to realize labeling people with npd as abusers will stop victims of abuse that have npd from being heard.

    • @AceKite00
      @AceKite00 3 года назад +6

      You have to go cold turkey; Just throw your phone somewhere and don't answer it for a week. Focus on yourself PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! Your partner is a parasite, and you deserve a nice, warm, kind, loving individual who RESPECTS you.

  • @kayleigh2265
    @kayleigh2265 2 года назад +468

    The damage a narcissistic mother can do to your wellbeing is unimaginable. There's no healing until she's out of my life

    • @peachpeonie
      @peachpeonie 2 года назад +27

      My heart goes to you. Mine is the father and I just went no contact 3 months ago. Before that it seemed that it would never end :(

    • @prana6444
      @prana6444 2 года назад +2

      ❤️❤️

    • @juneyahjeanette9936
      @juneyahjeanette9936 2 года назад +10

      She’s been out of my life since Mother’s Day, I’ve never been happier.

    • @milars
      @milars 2 года назад +3

      @@uptownpotatoes I’m so sorry. Sending love and good vibes your way. You are so strong ❤️

    • @Deeciphered15
      @Deeciphered15 2 года назад +12

      @@peachpeonie mine was also my father. He had a habit of going off and doing his own thing for months and then he'd come back into town and if I didn't drop everything to see him I was the person who didn't care.
      He took his own life a year ago, making the decision for me since at the time I was really struggling with if I should go non contact or not. I wouldn't talk to him for months and then he'd call and I'd know it was a bad idea and that I'd almost always leave his apartment in tears but I'd go anyway.
      It sounds like a horrible thing to say but since his death I've had the opportunity to experience life without constantly fearing what he'd say or think or without having to worry that he'd try and draw me back in at any moment.
      Still so many of these things hit home. Especially with the trauma bond, I still catch myself thinking that I want to see him or talk to him again and I have to ask myself why do I even want that?

  • @KimberlyAlvarez-fw5vj
    @KimberlyAlvarez-fw5vj 8 месяцев назад +2

    For real 100% every single detail that you provided in this video. I’m so sad and yet so happy to know that I’m not crazy and that I can stop second guessing myself. Thank you so much for sharing this!!!

  • @arlenenolte8475
    @arlenenolte8475 3 года назад +147

    I was married to a narcissist. I left the relationship but not before it had saddled me with depression, anxiety, fibromyalgia and extreme social anxiety. This video is very accurate. Thank you.

    • @askquestionsplz
      @askquestionsplz 3 года назад +7

      good for you! someone close to me is leaving a relationship like that and her being away from him just a bit improved her mental health dramatically

    • @rudhisundar
      @rudhisundar 3 года назад

      You got to do "Gayatri Mantra" 108 times a day, you will get rid of it.

    • @falakzaiba7244
      @falakzaiba7244 3 года назад +1

      How did you stand up for your self. Right now I am going through all this and planning to walk away. It's a 11 year old relationship

    • @abutterfly7975
      @abutterfly7975 3 года назад

      Me too x2

  • @FullyYoked
    @FullyYoked 2 года назад +517

    It’s really hard to identify when you’ve grown up with narcissists that aren’t physically abusive and only mildly mentally and emotionally abusive because you think it’s normal until you realize how unsatisfying it is and what you’re missing.

    • @bethwondrely4371
      @bethwondrely4371 2 года назад +12

      Read my story. If you still have them in your life, try to speak to them calmly and tell them that you love and/or care for them. If they continue to think it's all your fault, you will find the strength in yourself to say goodbye. It hurts, yes, but that pain is nothing to the pain you'll have if you stay. I hope life is good to you🙂

    • @Pinky-nc7ml
      @Pinky-nc7ml 2 года назад +35

      I understand this. My mother is a narcissist. She rarely apologizes for anything and usually after a fight, the next day she pretends it never happened instead of apologizing. She guilt trips by saying that "It's always my fault,. It's always the mother's fault" whenever something upset her. She (still) constantly complains about how much she hate our house and when she gets really angry, she slams cupboard doors, sometimes breaking them, and slams doors while yelling. She constantly blames her problems on everyone else. Saying how my father is the reason why we live in the house that we do. Basically making my father a scapegoat for practically everything. Or when I was a kid, blaming me for making her mad. Or when she would get mad, she'd say "no wonder you have no friends" or "no wonder you don't have a boyfriend".
      I sadly still live with my parents currently. I also have depression and anxiety. But I'm working and trying to save up to move out. But I do understand being attached to them. It's a cycle of her being nice for a few days or weeks, then out of nowhere, she's angry and everyone and everything and starting fights and saying horrible nasty things about myself or others. And I constantly feel drawn back even after the hurt she's put me through. I hate it but I also realize I might still have this problem even when I move out. Where I'll want to call her and talk to her. And tell her things I didn't originally want to tell her. Until she hurts me again. And the cycle continues

    • @ohmatron8360
      @ohmatron8360 2 года назад +4

      @@Pinky-nc7ml good luck, love x.

    • @wieldylattice3015
      @wieldylattice3015 2 года назад +9

      @Pinky 365 I’m in a somewhat similar situation but nowhere close to as bad. My mom tries to be aggressive, assertive, dominant, blame things on me and my dad, even things that don’t make any damn sense and couldn’t have possibly happened. As much as I’m nervous about it, I pray to god I’ll get to college and can maybe start cutting ties

    • @FullyYoked
      @FullyYoked 2 года назад +2

      Pinky 365 They say depression is nature’s way of letting you know your boundaries have been crossed. Also in Reiki they talk about cutting the cords- It’s a real thing that they’re sucking your energy but you don’t have to be mad about it - just cut them off and take care of you. You can see them like the species that they are- low and inferior to you. Respect them for that and move on in kindness. Cant change stupid but you can stop pretending you are as dumb 💖✌🏼

  • @thrasherwartooth
    @thrasherwartooth 4 года назад +202

    My mother has done every single one of these. All this time I thought I was crazy

    • @jacquelynpowell7964
      @jacquelynpowell7964 4 года назад +2

      That's what they want you to think.

    • @vanessagarcia8059
      @vanessagarcia8059 4 года назад +9

      It sucks bc u love them so much but they are so damaging to your life

    • @bryancowan8516
      @bryancowan8516 4 года назад

      @@vanessagarcia8059 yes so true

    • @poulomi__hari
      @poulomi__hari 4 года назад +4

      My mom as well. She made a scene for the silliest thing in the world.

    • @blueinczone8891
      @blueinczone8891 4 года назад +1

      Sometimes parents behaves in the way they were raised by family or cultural factors, now is up to you to break free from this and learn from this so unfair & painful lesson, I am so sorry to hear this injustices are happening. I’m a loving mother, can’t imagine doing this thing to my children. Don’t stay resentful in life , use pardon and decide never repeat this pattern that we’re teached to you. 💌

  • @akamered4483
    @akamered4483 Год назад +8

    The sentence at 3:00 couldn't be any more accurate.
    One of my biggest fears is becoming like my mother, so I am hellbend on being a good person and almost obsess over the idea. This comes with second gussing myself, thought spirals, not being sure if I should rely on my feelings since they got manipulated and (it feels like) "rewired to be inaccurate" over my whole life and generally questioning my reality and values, if they got somehow "poisend" by my mothers abuse.
    All of this being followed up by THE biggest fear: That I have reached a point of no return, where I am either inevitably becoming an abuser myself or will never fully heal from the trauma that is infecting my brain, but will always stay a vulnerable victim for her and/or potential future abusers to exploit and destroy.
    Thanks to anyone who read this, I just really needed a place to vent.

  • @coriculp
    @coriculp 2 года назад +626

    So spot on for my 30 year marriage. I broke free 1 1/2 years ago. It’s been an amazingly peace-filled year. 🥰

    • @Mimi-tr6tc
      @Mimi-tr6tc 2 года назад +8

      How did you do it?

    • @coriculp
      @coriculp 2 года назад +46

      @@Mimi-tr6tc I spent about a year planning, saving and working on the future. Then on Dec 31, I walked out and have not looked back. I had to leave so much of what I loved, but I’m finding new treasures in a peaceful life.

    • @munterboy9298
      @munterboy9298 2 года назад +19

      Hi. Did you have children? I'm in a relationship with a narcissistic wife we have 2 young children, knowing her she would make my life hell and make it incredibly hard to see them again. I'm thinking to try stick it out till they are older but there have been many times iv contemplated taking my life. These people need to be locked up and away from society.

    • @hansgurl
      @hansgurl 2 года назад +10

      @@munterboy9298 You can do it. Just
      be prepared and make sure you document everything. Record if you can her so you have proof. As well as screen shot any text messages. Take her to court so you can see your kids

    • @gogi682
      @gogi682 2 года назад +11

      40 years of marriage, the last 15 slowly began as emotional abuse/then narcissistic...I'd never heard of these words til very recently. And it is getting worse. There is no reasoning, no 'sorry's', blame for me. Gaslighting, lies, Cheating, entitlement, I am in disbelief that this is even happening, I thought I had a wonderful husband, and family. I'm in anxiety, depression, I'm at a loss, and for now staying as I want the beautiful family I had (he is nicer to strangers he doesn't know or even like, ) I read somewhere they are like that....He says everyone likes him, no one likes me. My lover and best friend has turned into someone I don't know.

  • @janycebrown4071
    @janycebrown4071 3 года назад +481

    To all the empaths out there ❤️ We attract narcissists, please be careful. They don't ever change. You can't change the narcissist ❣️NO CONTACT is the only way to free yourself 😌

  • @theolivianicolestories
    @theolivianicolestories 3 года назад +1647

    To the person reading this:
    You are who you are.
    You are a gorgeous and beautiful creation.
    You are a masterpiece.
    You are who you are.
    You are strong and courageous.
    You can absolutely do it.
    You are powerful.
    Remind yourself that you are who you are.
    Move forward with your determination, and conviction.
    You can absolutely do it.
    Have a great day ahead,
    Remember you are who you are.
    ❤️❤️❤️

    • @insanelymaddy3190
      @insanelymaddy3190 3 года назад +18

      Thank you, wish you the same.. Loads of love

    • @theolivianicolestories
      @theolivianicolestories 3 года назад +4

      @@insanelymaddy3190 ❤️❤️❤️

    • @paulitagallardo9616
      @paulitagallardo9616 3 года назад +13

      Thank you I really needed that. 10 minutes ago I made a decision that either I'll remember as a historic moment or regret what happened tonight.

    • @theolivianicolestories
      @theolivianicolestories 3 года назад +8

      @@paulitagallardo9616 You're welcome! Please remember always that the universe appreciates you! ❤️❤️❤️

    • @juremermahusay2336
      @juremermahusay2336 3 года назад +9

      I love this message
      but when i knew that i have these kind of mentality disorder I can't sleep at night please i need help
      Anybody can help me
      I need someOne to talk

  • @raikuthedragon3907
    @raikuthedragon3907 4 месяца назад +1

    This has been a good resource. I’ve recently been questioning if my childhood best friend was a narcissist and I think she is. I kept leaving and coming back over and over again thinking, hoping, things would get better. In some ways they did but after several months of being reconnected, we fell back into the same cycle. I’d feel like a pet, like i couldn’t to anything right and like I was unworthy of love. She gets annoyed whenever I talk about anything outside of our relationship or when I talk about my personal feelings. I thought it was autism and ocd but after watching this I think there’s more to it. I plan to finally break away once and for all and have my mom stand by me to keep me from going back.

  • @samanthageorge6267
    @samanthageorge6267 4 года назад +250

    Anyone else wish they can just go back in time and stop yourself from dating someone in particular???

    • @kiab420
      @kiab420 3 года назад +10

      me all day nigga ruined my life

    • @OutragedPufferfish
      @OutragedPufferfish 3 года назад +7

      I wish I could go back in time and tell my child self to ignore that thing called my "mother"

    • @embrianne2286
      @embrianne2286 3 года назад +6

      I think it was
      Good for me. Helped me grow. But yes, sometimes I do wish that

    • @chanelluvrr
      @chanelluvrr 3 года назад

      yes

    • @SinusCraig
      @SinusCraig 3 года назад +1

      Oh my god yes. I left him a year ago and much of the trauma has been healed. I think I learned a lot from that experience, but I still get angry sometimes when I thought of things he did and said. A friend told me one of the most important sentences I have ever heard: a yes is so much easier and clearer than a no. in future I will always keep that in mind when in doubt about a relationship.

  • @kathrynalexisvillarreal
    @kathrynalexisvillarreal 4 года назад +111

    “by leaving, we can achieve the greatest gain”❤️

    • @lioydwilliams1850
      @lioydwilliams1850 4 года назад

      Kathryn Gehrett,hope you are not with a narcissist cause you are too precious!

  • @meganlok3314
    @meganlok3314 3 года назад +208

    This video and reading everyone's stories in the comments have made me realize that I am not alone in what I am feeling. I made my big stand against my abuser today. I don't need this toxicity in my life as I am pregnant.

    • @lifelessnerd6127
      @lifelessnerd6127 2 года назад

      bet u are with him now

    • @deepthimadabushi842
      @deepthimadabushi842 2 года назад +2

      My abuser was a childhood friend who is now become a psycho. I blocked him every where. And filed for a harassment complaint and also trying to get a restraining order for my safety

    • @miaanders4444
      @miaanders4444 2 года назад +7

      I am pregnant and it is hard letting go of the dreams sold. somedays are better than others. and no matter what you chose and even if you go back it doesnt make him right and it doesnt make you wrong. its really hard to let go even when you know they dont have your best interest at heart. you are not alone. I think what we need most is positive support and hope and therapy. I hope you are doing well. Love & Light.

    • @alisonmcalistair
      @alisonmcalistair 2 года назад +3

      @@lifelessnerd6127 wow what a horrible bitter thing to say. Why don’t you take that negative attitude elsewhwre

    • @bridgettchapman5020
      @bridgettchapman5020 2 года назад +1

      RUN NOW!! RUN AND DONT EVER GO BACK PLEEEEASE!! I stayed because of this BIGGEST mistake of my life!

  • @glennbouthillette800
    @glennbouthillette800 Год назад +3

    This video completely opened my eyes to the truth. And the comments here opened my eyes even more.
    I’m living with a roommate that has the same exact abusive narcissism as described here. He doesn’t just do this to me but to many others including my true friends who have actually been more there for me than he ever has.
    I just need to have the courage to take that step to completely cut him off from my life for good.

  • @susanjones3513
    @susanjones3513 3 года назад +299

    This vital information needs to be taught in schools, community centers, and anywhere else young people gather. Repeatedly.

    • @AnnaL-ku9yw
      @AnnaL-ku9yw 3 года назад +4

      💯

    • @carrgor
      @carrgor 3 года назад +6

      I wish I could give this comment a trillion thumbs up, there's leaders and people like this even in Churches. All aspects of unhealthy relationships should be brought to awareness everywhere possible. I've wasted years of my life not realizing that once I become an adult I didn't have to tolerate toxic people, family nor "friend" nor boyfriend. It's only recently that there's emerging mental health awareness but there's still a massive amount of people who aren't acknowledging who in their lives that continuously negatively effect their mental health so they're not taking steps to change it. Some have died uninformed.

    • @Jackgritty28
      @Jackgritty28 3 года назад +3

      Cognitive dissonance, very confusing to know what's going on, immature behaviour, preferential treatment, if you don't get your way, ask yourself the question, does it make sense, accused of something you didn't do, disaster looming, set boundaries or suffer, criticised and abandoned as a result, seek help⚠

    • @jonathanpolo7156
      @jonathanpolo7156 2 года назад

      They need to be labeled like sex offenders

    • @p3dromusic
      @p3dromusic 2 года назад

      Song on Narc Abuse, check it out: ruclips.net/video/dCZaZI4FiEM/видео.html

  • @missysmessage722
    @missysmessage722 Год назад +505

    Watching this gave me the confidence and re assurance to say NO because the ex wanted to come over today. I was extremely tempted but this video helped me stand my ground!

    • @rohithcoo3595
      @rohithcoo3595 Год назад +9

      Saved your life

    • @shatteredscry
      @shatteredscry Год назад +7

      Watch it every single time

    • @leeaschmidt2490
      @leeaschmidt2490 Год назад +3

      I wish you all the strength. And dont be ashamed and don’t despair if you give in to the temptation once! There are more chances!

    • @Louis-dk2mj
      @Louis-dk2mj Год назад +2

      An ex is just that. Why are you still in contact?

    • @lynneellis2516
      @lynneellis2516 Год назад +2

      Good for you. Stay strong and keep moving forward

  • @c-mac8886
    @c-mac8886 3 года назад +332

    It’s so important to emphasize that these relationships are not always romantic partners. Mine was a best friend. I’m so much better physically and mentally since walking away.

    • @mehakmansoori2028
      @mehakmansoori2028 3 года назад +15

      Same, my friend is like this with victim mentality. They don't need help and also don't want to do anything they just want to complain and want us to feel sorry for them every time even for petty things
      Because of my exams I stopped talking to her and I feel AMAZING.

    • @JP-xw5wp
      @JP-xw5wp 3 года назад +16

      same, it's so hard for me because you never know if they are mad at you or what you did wrong. She makes me look like a terrible person over minor things which she remembers for months and years

    • @merrymcgahagin3294
      @merrymcgahagin3294 3 года назад +2

      Mine is my 3 adult children, ex husband and a son-in-law. Sadly I've been exiled but turns out it was best for me, so I've thanked them for staying away.☺

    • @ninafrederick6048
      @ninafrederick6048 3 года назад

      Same

    • @LoveHestia_
      @LoveHestia_ 3 года назад +9

      Had this same experience with a best friend. it is so mentally freeing when you finally let go and move on.