It's not just narcissists. Being an empath is a curse most days. All the people I try to help and are always there for are so rarely there for me when I need it most.
I think you should fill your own cup and set boundaries. Being an empath could make you feel it’s a curse most days when you’re not learning that. But I do believe being an empath is way far from being a curse. I believe it’s a blessing. It just prove that you are powerful and very connected, but to see it, you need to see yourself first. ✨ I send you love and strength 🙏🏾💪🏾💕
@@Psych2go They usually get me to do want they want and don't try to listen to my pov and sometimes even manipulative I don't know for sure about my dad , where as my mom, yes she's a total narc She starts to shout when I try to oppose her and sometimes throws stuff at me to make me do her work PS : I LIVE WITH THEM 😭😭
It´s not love. Just s*x. Narcs don´t know, how to genuinely love someone. They don´t even love themselves. They´re just master fishermen, trying to lure anyone into their trap and abuse them afterwards.
"I love you, it's just that intimacy is a burden to me. Also I don't want to be there alone, what would they think if they see I don't have my boyfriend with me?" it's strange to realize you're just an accessory
Once, a nascissist told me i was being selfish for setting boundaries and putting my healthcare first, can you believe it?? Thanks for the helpful video!
I had similar. Mine said that I was clingy for wanting basic reliable communication, they were my best friend and actively said they wanted to be friends, for context.
Narcissism is like a dormant mind-virus that can cause itself to activate and spread via toxic behaviour causing others to be toxic. Truly, truly, I have lost count of how many damaged women I've known who told themselves and everyone else that they're lovely empaths, who had their minds warped by a far more toxic boyfriend. This scenario has happened to me repeatedly in life: The lady comes crying to me all emotionally mixed up. "Wah wah wah I hate my boyfriend / husband. He's no good. Abusive even. I can't leave him though. Parent X did terrible thing Y when he was Z years old. So I've been cheating on him, even having full-on affairs behind his back, and now I'm toxic trauma dumping on you, as I lead you on with a kiss and a fondle and get your hopes up. Then after you spend a week or two trying to get me to dump his toxic rear, all stressed out on my behalf due to my remarks about possible self-harm, I'm going to go ice cold on you, and treat you like a delusional incel who I never led on" And so an extremely Toxic boyfriend caused a toxic, cheating, manipulative, emotionally abusive girlfriend to happen to other men. Who then likely became a bit toxic themselves and so the merry-go-round of horror continues. Shoutout to a 'radical feminist' ex of mine who melodramatically whinged about a boyfriend who wasn't keen on doing household chores as though he was extremely abusive, led me on then showed no interest, after years of me running around picking up the pieces after every drama, only for her to be completely useless when I had a *truly serious* crisis going on, blank me, not reply to my texts. Later on I found out she was one of a rancid, semi-incestuous circle of cheaters who'd all had affairs with each other behind their partners backs. This One True 'Feminist' 'empath' was actually: A cheating, manipulative, emotionally unstable, hypersensitive covert narcissist deluding herself and fooling others into believing she's an empath and never once did anything wrong.
@@marylu2216 I hate to have to tell you this, but this kind of reaction is exactly what this wally wants. The absolute best thing you can do is just ignore them, or if you must, report them for constant harrassment. I'm not generally a fan of reporting people, but sometimes needs must! There are two rules of the internet that everyone should be taught before you ever go online: 1. Don't feed the trolls. 2. Don't argue with idiots, they'll drag you down to their level and beat you with their superior experience. I break these rules all the time, but that's because I myself am a semi-reformed Master Troll, who feasts daily on amateur trolls and plays with their minds for my own dark amusement.
So sad to see so many people relating to having an experience like this with a narcissist. It’s important to avoid these warning signs. It’s never worth it 😢
@@quit83636 I think someome in my family is also. The person suffered trauma thought I'd mention that. But they lack empathy and only think of their own self gain. I try to connect with them, teach them but they are not open to accepting the reality and lack humility. I'm trying my best but feel like giving up sometimes. The person is very jokey, has bad vibes and mocks a lot. So I can never have a normal valuable convo with them if need be. I DNT kW wat to do
I blocked my narcissist in August 2021 and that was the best decision that I ever made! I am sending light, love, peace and harmony to anyone who is attempting to get out of that situation because it definitely is a challenge. 🙏🏽
@@johntaylor4810 going on 2 years! I’m at peace and in a much better place. You got this. Once you get fed up, you will cut ties and be strong enough to not go back.
Mine earned themselves a restraining order and had to have her family comes pack up all her shit which I'm sure was a narc injury she's never experienced... I just hope she's not hurting anyone else but I know that will never stop
Just broke off a friendship after finding out she was becoming toxic for me and doesn't validate my feelings anymore, I'm still coping and it still hurts but i hope one day i can look back and see I've grown!!
“The truth is that no matter how nice the narcissist was… at the beginning of the relationship or even after a fight. They never loved their partner” This phrase felt like a jar of cold water, and has made me finally get my ex out of my head. I can’t explain well enough how grateful I am to you
Timestamps 1). Narcissists will never fullfill the covert contract 1:01 2). You can't save someone who doesn't want it 2:37 3). Emotions can't replace your brain 3:57 4). Narcissists are disordered and morally bankrupt 5:22 5). It's all a fantasy it's not real 6:59 6). Abuse means genuine love was never part of the picture 7:51 Hope this helps you out. 💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙
Just broke off a terrible relationship with a narcissist. A lot of this was true :") He was manipulative and made me feel bad for him, so I felt guilty and stayed. It was so draining. Never let me question him, and expected me to listen to him all the time, no matter what. Trying to pressure me into the grossest things, for money. I finally got out. I feel a lot better now :")
It’s like a drug. Once you’re off the relationship you have to do all the work to stay away. At this point, you know you have the strength to do that because you walked away.
My narcissistic father disowned me a week ago for trying to put down boundaries with him. Then, he belittled me and said he’d want something to do with “the daughter he loves, with her own thoughts and feelings” as long as I A) don’t respect my boundaries I need with him and B) don’t prioritize my freedom and relationship with my fiancé. He talked down to me as if I was a child when I’m a grown-ass woman. I could NOT believe what I was reading. Oh yeah, did I mention that he turned HIS disowning me into ME walking away from the family…. Right.
They always turn everything around, so they can be viewed as ’victims’. When i walked away, i lost most of my family in smear campaigns. But hey, i gained freedom and that one is more valuable, than all the people within the family with all the shallow ties. Family should not be people tied by blood relations, but people, you mutually want to be around with. You should watch out, however, because when we grow up with narcissists, we tend to seek relationships with people, who have similar (or the same) "qualities" and we tend to make a so-called "trauma bond" with them. Also, there are multiple types of narcissists and each acts differently (most different in the group is covert narcissist).
"This isn't a single accident. This is conscious repeated garbage behavior over time." Yup 💯 save yourselves empaths! No narcissist is ever worth losing your time or energy over
Yeah.... an abusive home into an abusive marriage to a narcissist....over 25 yrs later I'm 51 and have been on my own for the last 5 yrs. Intense therapy and finally learning to live for myself and this video is seriously SPOT ON.
I'm so sorry, glad you're FINALLY out of there once and for all, and hopefully you can avoid any narcissist that gets in your path. Do you have any advice on how to not get caught in a relationship with a narcissist? I grew up with a narcissistic parent and I was confident that I'd be able to identify when I was around one, but a lot of people say growing up with a narcissist actually makes it more likely you'll miss the signs.
Yes Julia the years were the same for me and your age at the time also. I am 65 now it took me almost 10 years to figure all this crap out. I still listen and get informed about narcissism. I have a neighbor that I moved next door that is a huge narcissist huge huge. at first it frightened me me to have it happen again and then with the information that I knew and the confidence that I have built up by watching these crazy narcissist videos, my confidence just soared. now practice on her but only when necessary. We have to be careful however, these people are so tricky and can pull an empath away from the truth of who they are quickly.
Well done you. I amsimilar, my mother was a narcissist and I went into codependent relationship with emotionally abusive partner. 22 years later making decision to leave. I am now 67 and wish it hadnt taken me so lomg to learn about narcissim. My partner is a so iopath with narcissitic traits too. It has been a hard journeybut I have finally learned the truth! cx
The hardest pill for me to swallow was that with narcissists, abuse means they never truly loved you. It's true though, as soon as I called my stepmother out for being unfair, she left us, blamed us, and went onto another relationship a couple months later. She is truly morally bankrupt and I have no respect for the woman whatsoever. I'm also tired of letting her continue to dictate my life long after she's been gone.
As an empathic child of a narcissistic mother, who still won’t respect my boundaries after I cut her off, I have to say to anyone who will read this… YOU ARE WORTHY OF UNCONDITIONAL LOVE and just bc someone’s family doesn’t mean you have to stay around them.
The last one was the one that had me like the avatar, hyperventilating and clutching my heart, when the realization hit me like a bulldozer and I finally broke things off with my fianceé. It took years of trying to figure him out, trying to understand him, trying to appease, support, be patient, be loving. And trying to communicate ‘why’, ‘how’ and the ways he was hurting me emotionally, spiritually, and financially until it clicked. Right when the rollercoaster was going to start again. ‘This isn't the behavior of someone in love with me. This is the behavior of someone that loved using me. And in that case...hes never been in love with me to begin with.’
Ugh that's the absolute worst, too. I went through the same realization and pain after breaking it off with a long-term boyfriend after I discovered the truth of his lies. It left me crying for hours, feeling heart-empty and broken, world upended, betrayed, shaking, and in shock. The stress of it even increased all my normal body aches and pains. You start questioning everything throughout the relationship and finally have to accept the fact that all those years you invested into the relationship was for nothing. You're left with a few happy memories of the good times but nothing else. It freaking sucks. My heart goes out to you for having gone through that.
@thinkinginn7443: Honestly, what you said was just as profound as the "dry horse pills of truth" in this video. I left my situation about 4-5 weeks ago, and the love feeling so intense and so real is the hardest part to cope with. But I also know logically that someone that really loved me would not have put me through the classic narcissist abuse cycle (idealization, devaluation, discarding, and hoovering) *REPEATEDLY* for almost 3 years. I hate that so many videos just say "they didn't love you" and just leave it at that. It seems so disingenuous and incomplete to me to say that because you KNOW that some kind of love for you was absolutely there. However, what you said hit the nail right on the head for me and really opened my eyes even further... I now know she absolutely did love something about me, *she loved using me*. It's a bitter pill, but I just wanted to thank you so much for providing me with this concise and accurate viewpoint. This journey is a lot like putting a puzzle together with pieces that you pick up all over the place along your way. With each puzzle piece you find, the picture gets clearer, and they get uglier and more repulsive.
I’m an empath AND autistic. It’s a double whammy for me. Sadly this video made me realize I am the lamb that gets trapped with predators. And I think it’s because I have a challenging time recognizing what’s real and what isn’t 😪.. lessons to be learned. Going to practice this now!
Me too. Getting free from this toxic person has been liberating though. What a relief. Find someone that genuinely loves you and cares about your health and wellbeing etc
Same here, but autistic/ADHD 😊 I'm in the process of healing making the same mistakes over and over again in all circumstances. Therapy helps me so much. But there is a lot of work in front of me, reinventing myself. I surpressed my strong feelings for a long time and was overwhelmed by them, so I didn't resolve them. 😅 In the end, I'm getting better every single day, and I'm glad to be alive 🙏
I’ve been targeted several times by narcissists as an HSP empath. I’m currently being harassed/stalked. I’ve learned so much on how to recognize the warning signs and what to do EARLY in a relationship, don’t let things slide. It will get worse. Dr Ramani on RUclips has been a lifesaver! Truly. She’s genuinely helped me remove myself from their life and also then understand their response and how to deal.
I’m being harassed as well but I’m not sure if he’s a narcissist. I’ve blocked him countless times and creates new emails to iMessage me, creates new social media accounts to find me. I’ve begged him to leave me alone and even cursed him out and got aggressive. He still does it. To make matters worse, I love him. And he doesn’t love me. Yet he will not leave me alone no matter what I say (in the past I’ve admitted I loved him)…. It’s highly distressing and idk what to do :(
I am an empath and tried to help a friend narcissist but she never wanted to change her ways. Every time we hung out was for her own selfish benefit. If she was not getting private DMs from random guys (on social media) from the memories we made together, she wouldn’t enjoy her time with me. Always on her phone and displaying this false reality but she is struggling and living a fake life. Her masks fall off. I cut her off for good. She never listened to my advice, took advance of my kindness-generosity and attacked family. She was too clingy, manipulative and drained my energy while I was with her. I’m so glad I’m free from the shackles and able to recharge, grow and move on from this. Our friendship only lasted for 6 months. A good learning experience.
I was infatuated with a narcissist about seven years ago and I had not been in a relationship before so I had no idea what a normal relationship looked like. She made my life hell, playing with my emotions, leaving me out in the cold and then hooking me back in when her supply was low. It took me a whole year and a half and an internet article to realise just exactly what she was and to get the hell out of there. Ended up cutting all contact with her and my life has much improved since then.
It took me until 40 years old to finally cut mine off and it was hard to shake her because her and my brother are two of the same.now both of them went no contact with me trying to punish me for not playing the game anymore and I let that be the time when I did the same. They tried to slander my name to others but I zoned it out and stopped caring. If it hit the ears of a person who believes that so be it.Ive been free for a few years and man feels great!!!
This is like the worst karmic experience possible for an empath, thus we get proper stronger barriers and safer from abuse after going through it. We just learn a lot, because it hurts us so much that we never want to go through this again. Truth is, the narcissist can't live without an empath to feed on their ego. So they just keep going from one victim to another. The emptiness of their heart, is by definiton, their own punishment. Let go and be free, there's always another empath who will apreciate you the way you really deserve 💜
Very well said! The whole experience creates some kind of upgrade in an empath that makes our intuition grow stronger like a super fine tuned instrument. Then , suddenly, we start noticing really nasty things in others, not only in potential romantic partners. It feels like an awakening or as if a veil was removed for good.
I knew a narcissist who was born an empath, and I've read in "The INFJ Revolution" that it's possible that all narcissists used to be some type of highly sensitive person. It seems to explain a lot from my experience, it was like finding an exact evil twin version of myself. I was wondering if you guys could dig up some info and share on that idea. I've found little on the web about any of it so far, but it would be nice to hear about the narcissists who think that they're heroes and still have emotions with good intentions, they just still believe that their control or "healing" is what the other person actually needs, and they can't understand how they could be wrong, or how seeing a therapist is what they need instead of trying to help people while they're broken. My mom is like that, not fully evil, she just doesn't want to fully admit that she causes harm and not benefit when she tries to help tons of people in every charitable way she can while trying to suck praise and sympathy from everyone. I believe it's harder to deal with the partial narcissist because there is something left that isn't fully committed to the dark side, and it's an even better trap than a good act. Anything you'd like to share in reply?
Wait a second, how can the HSP be narcissist? I as a HSP know that no human is perfect. I personally think you psychologist gone too far for this. Don't turn this into the witch hunt.
I just got kicked out of my narcissistic mother's house, she was always so manipulative, trying to get me to hate my dad and holding the gifts she gave me over my head. I'm glad I'm out of there, sure, not under the best circumstances, but I'm out of there and that's all that matters.
You're happy. That's what matters most. I witnessed a significant other throw her husband into a shelter for "reasons." Knowing what I know, all I could think was, "He'll have more peace in a shelter than he does there."
The best thing I ever learned how to do was to stop being afraid of losing friends for questioning or speaking up. Actual friends will take questions and critiques in mind, even if they don't necessarily agree. The next best thing I learned was that not everyone can be guided to be the best versions of themselves and not everyone will give as much as they get. When it gets to the point where I feel I'm giving too much of myself (my time, energy, support) and getting little or nothing back, then I've learned to take a huge step back at that point. I stop giving that person as much of myself and focus instead on others who actually give what they get. Nowadays if someone doesn't act like they care, then I just let that distance widen between us. I am not going to chase after people to convince them to show me a basic amount of respect. Sometimes those people have a change of heart, improve themselves, and start putting in effort, even if it's years later. If that's the case then I will step forward again and give it another try.
Ive been having a hard time getting over my ex who was a narcissist. I broke up with her because of her repeated mental and emotional abuse but i still have all these feelings im trying to get rid of. This video really helped me put things into perspective and think about the situation logically. It has helped me move forward. Thank you so much! Love!
I almost feel sorry for men rather than women, dealing with Narcissistic romantic partners. Men are largely the majority of (endless) Romantic. I know this because I was 35 years a Florist....Hopeless romantics keeps the industry going. Men mostly. Sorry for your pain in separating. I hope this helps. Pray for "Emotional detachment"
I just broke off a 7 month relationship last month bc she was through and through a narcissist. Always using me and taking, and never giving in return. I feel like I'm going crazy with all this chatter in my head. I maybe get 4 hours of sleep now a days -.-" Freaking women man...2nd one I've dealt with.
As an empath, I have to say it’s not all sunshine and rainbows. If I’m surrounded by people who are all stressed out, I will absorb that, and feel stressed out as well, which isn’t great when I don’t know why I’m stressed. I’m so happy to help people out, but too much is too much, if multiple people are dumping their emotions and situations on me, it gets hard to keep up, we just need a break sometimes. It also gets stressful with arguments, arguing can be fun, but at some point it gets to be too much. I’m also diagnosed with anxiety, which doesn’t help. So I may be anxious, and everybody can usually tell. I try not to make a big deal out of it if I am because it usually isn’t a big deal, I just have to push through with logic, and rationality. Sometimes though I need a little extra help, an outside voice to tell me its nothing to worry about.
Being an empath is mostly a trauma response. We learned to be hyper attuned to the energies (emotions) of the people around us because we had to in order to stay as safe as possible. As adults we now are walking alerts for negative energies/emotions for that reason. Subconsciously we still feel the need to protect us by gaining a certain degree of predictabilty. It's a coping mechanism. Being aware of this/becoming conscious of it helps a lot to set healthier boundaries. Then it is more of a gift than a curse that we developed empathetic skills.
It’s eery how formulaic this whole thing was. She love bombed me, had me believing she was “the one”, then when things started getting better for her, she discarded me, cheated on me and found supply. Her new supply would run out every 2-3 months and then she would re-insert herself back into my life. And it went on like this for a year and half, chipping away at my confidence and mental health until I finally blew up, got angry and cut her off and walked away. I realize now that I was trauma bonded to her and fixated on the idea that I could save her, but there’s no saving people from themself. Thank you for your content. It’s been 7 months since I walked away, 4 months since I’ve gone full isolation and I’m finally remembering who I was before that nightmare of 2.5 years. I hope everyone who finds themselves in these abusive, toxic dynamics finds a way out and heals. 💚🙏
Same thing happened me for 1 month and a half only she ruined my confidence, took away my energy im a highly motivated person and successful im planning to not go back no matter how lonely i get i hate her really i hate her
Same exact situation. Got trauma bonded to a narcissist without realizing it. Eventually found the strength to cut her off and walk away. I realized she was just getting me more and more stuck in a perpetual state of confusion and lack of confidence about myself, lack of connection with any real authentic sense of self on my side, and just turning into an emotional lapdog for her. I've healed a lot since cutting her off, but there are still wounds. Now I have to confront my problematic behaviors and beliefs from being too much of an empath. I have to accept that that behavior made me vulnerable, and that it predisposes me to inequitable relationships. It's sad and hard for me to wrestle with that. Hopefully just more mindfulness practice, time, and space will help me harden my boundaries, find healthier relationships, and move on. It's tough. Sending warm vibes to others going through the same struggles and challenges. Take care of yourselves! For future relationships, if it ever feels off, just leave. You don't need any further justification to end a relationship besides the fact that it doesn't feel good for you. That lone is cause enough to go your own way.
The hardest and most agony thing for me to learn from my covert narcissistic "situationship" (because to a narcissist your not in a "relationship" or a "marriage") was .. she just didnt care, which i had to learn to acept and it helped me find closure.. was that .. she just didnt care.. and she never did.. it was all a game of power and control... and once i saw this... i told myself.. so why should I care.. and that was when I learned to let go and heal.. but its so hard..
*This is long, but hopefully some of ya'll will be encouraged by this story and you'll see the light in the tunnel. Don't hang in there! Run before it crushes you* I've dated a narcissist, in the beginning he seamed like a good person, being nice, kind, helpful, BEING THERE for me, giving gifts etc. I thought it was real love, so I gave him everything - my time, my body, my mind, absolutely throwing my core values out of the window (I'm christian). He even said many times he wants to marry me, he wrote me a poem, he was nothing but an angel. After a while it slowly started to change. I started having major anxiety attacks and my mood was just swinging because I felt like I was being alone (my family wasn't supportive, and he wasn't supportive, I felt like I was in between two rocks that were about to squish me until my insides come out). He started manipulating more. I was very depressed staying at my house, so I stayed at his, and boy he made me miserable.. There was nothing good I ever made, I started getting worse at EVERYTHING I was once good at - cooking, producing/writing music, being pretty, even my studies and work started crumbling down, I was no longer the person I was before. I didn't realise at that time how badly abused I was (physically, mentally, sexually, You name it) I kept on believing what he was saying ("I would never hurt You") despite it didn't match his actions. I didn't like travelling from one place to another and I was lying to myself that I don't live with him because I pay rent elsewhere (even tho I spent 90% of my time in his house) but he finally made me agree to moving in together + a few friends, even tho I told him clearly I can't afford it and he'd have to help me. He said he will, shortly we found a house and got it all ready.. The day I moved out of my flat he broke up with me leaving me without a place to stay (I slept on my friend's chair-bed for 2 weeks). Did you ever think how horrible it is not having a place where you can freely cry? I never thought of that before, but those 2 weeks made me suffocate. I found new flat and a new job, I was still hopeful. He invited me for his band's biggest gig at the time, I went, and I saw him with a girl.. I knew her. A girl who was his guitar student (same age, don't worry), a girl who I was supposed to not worry about. I took it hard.. after a week or two I stopped having any contact with him. It was in September 2021. I have no idea about his life and I put all the effort to make sure he doesn't know what's going on in my life either. Throughout this time, nobody seemed to be there for me. Everybody had a weird picture of me. At that time I felt so intensely that even tho everybody's out, God was still holding on to me. I never felt it so strong and I will never forget it. After it all, I was SO damaged, hurting and just didn't trust anybody. I was unstable and wondering if I should move out and just live a quiet life alone until I'm gone (really dramatic), but there was no way for me to do so. I stayed, I put up with all those emotions and questions I had no answers for. Most of my family still doesn't know how bad my relationship was. I started going back to church again, reunited with ooold friends, made some new ones, and there I met the love of my life (no jokes this time). I was given a gift - a person who truly cares and loves me despite my issues and insecurities (After all that mess, I can be difficult to deal with). Trust me when I say - there is love that You're dreaming of!! Someone will be able to take care of You and to receive care from You! There is a person almost - as if made for You! I know it sounds cliche, but I'm not kidding. I'm marrying him in two weeks and I CAN'T WAIT! I could write another massive paragraph about him alone.. He's beautiful - a person I have never stumbled across before. A real treasure. Wait with Your love, my dear empaths - don't awaken your love before its time, hold on to this one, it might save your life (or at least a chunk of your lifetime). Be there for people but man, shield yourself, don't give all of you, you're just a human being. You're worth so much more than what they make you feel like you are. Don't awaken Your love before its time 💜 You're SO loved! Take care! xx EDIT: I left it here because I felf like God wanted me to share for those who need someone to relate to, maybe learn on my mistakes. I'm sorry to see so many of You relating to this, but trust me life can get better 🥰 Don't hesistate to hit me up if You need someone to talk to! 💜💜 by the way God loooooves You, and sometimes you may think He doesn't, give him a chance tho! If You let him help You, He will really change Your life. I'm only able to talk about it, because of how God pulled me through and out if this. And when I thought i was unlovable, He first showed me, I am precious to him, and then gave me my husband to show me a true love in our human form! It's something I can't describe, it's beautiful! Don't give up!!! 💜
I read this and got teary eyed, i am so sorry to hear you went through this experience nobody deserves to get used and abused , but i am glad and happy you found your person and hope with all my heart that god sends you a lot of happiness together, god bless !
Thank you ❤ currently going through separation from ex husband. I am one of the few blessed and fortunate ones who have supportive family and friends. One of my biggest worries is finding a new companion. I want to have kids and my own family. I hope I can meet my true life partner soon
I'm now living with my dad to stay away from a narcissistic family member. We were just having a conversation about empathy and narcissistic behavior when I got the notification for this video. We needed this right now! Thank you Psych2go!!! 💙
My first relationship was with a narcissist. It was a really hard pill to swallow realizing it was never “real” during the 2 years I spent with him. I’m over that dirt bag now, but I’m still recovering from the self hatred of why I let myself get into that situation and why I didn’t get out sooner. I wish I never met him because of all the trauma and hurt, but at the same time its made me more aware and independent. If you’re going through this with your partner, please leave them. You deserve and are worthy of true love, no matter what they tell you. Don’t let them get inside that beautiful mind of yours.
I'm glad for this experience, I learned a lot, a lot about myself, what I deserve, how to love myself, and what to watch out for. Going to avoid making this mistake again and wasting time.
My mom is the narcissist and abuser in my life. She cut me off from everyone who would be strong enough to take me away from her. She gaslighted me into believing that she's the only person I could rely on and always punished me for doing things my way. I moved out two and a half year ago and I still get panic attack like symptoms when I think or talk about her. I got pretty stable over the past years but whenever she talked with me I get all anxious and uncertain and feel completely lost and helpless. I am afraid of her. She is my abuser. My mother, the person who should protect me from all harm and love me unconditionally, is my abuser. Since I can think. As long as I'm her good little daughter she is the perfect mother but as soon as I start to be an independent person she turns into a furious angry monster. She would do anything to keep me down and she ignores me since I started to go public about the abuse in order to free my younger sister from her. She hates me for ruining her reputation as the loving mother and hardworking life and showing her that I'm no longer her victim and I will fight for my and my sisters life. I still feel unsure whenever I talk about how I ruin her life since she keeps telling me how mean I am to her and what a bad person I am for making her look bad. But it's her fault. She did and does all those things. I just refuse to let her keep doing those wrong things. I'm not snitching. I'm saving my sister from our mothers manipulation. My sister isn't as resilient as I was thus she needs more help and as long as mom has a say in it, my sister won't be allowed to go to therapy since that would harm my mother. It's hard to swallow the fact that there isn't any love and that she won't change. It hurts so much and I'm sure that the topic will haunt me once I become a mother myself... That's why I need to have therapy now, so my children won't be affected by my own trauma.
This is my current situation and I’m so tired. I’m an only child though so it’s just me alone dealing with this shit. And family will never care or help. I’m tired of feeling scared but I’m am.
@Peony Hanabashi & @Talliah Donatien I'm sorry that this is something that you are both going through. When you are ready, you both have the strength to do what you need to do in order to help yourselves. You can always come back here to get any support you require to keep going n to confirm that you are taking the right steps. Good luck 🤞🏿🍀😸
I applaud you for getting therapy. Not receiving love or protection from the very people who brought us into the world is so damaging that it will affect all of our personal relationships. Good for you for being your own and your sister's advocate.
I really like the level of detail you go through to deconstruct narcissism in a concise manner. My sisters and I have all three been involved in romantic situations with narcissists. Everything the empath does in that situation comes under scrutiny, because they are now an extension of the narcissist, rather than their own person. It's an absolutely horrifying situation to find yourself in. I can't thank you enough for making this content so accessible to everyone; it is instrumental in helping people escape abusive situations.
Exactly. We have to separate to find ourselves again. I'm doing that right now. (Escape plan in action) It's bizarre how they can twist things to make you look guilty. I lost myself, now I'm getting me back. Good friends who have been through this helps.
This all sounds like Leftism 101: the victim groups that continually expand the definitions of how they are victims of society or just anyone who isn't them, with their "lived experience" that is somehow YOUR problem to continually fix for them.
Just got out from this kind of relationship. It sucks 😞 She manipulated me the whole time, she made me believe with those sickening lies. I never ever thought I'd encounter a narcissist in my entire life. Thank you psych2go for these kind of videos, it would really help a lot of people especially those who are experiencing this rn. They need to get out from that grasp asap.
Yes! I was have been dealing with a hardcore narcissist and all these pills were genuinely hard to swallow! Thanks team for making me see the whole picture correctly and entirely! ❤️
@@Psych2go I really don't know, I have been following y'all for quite sometime now to understand psychology and I happened to see these but I was still stuck wanting to heal the narcissist, and now I am on crossroads where I want to stay and yet move on. He was my best friend and he's done more than I could ever give him. But again, things are not the same as they were in the beginning or even until a few months, tho he's never had anything much to gain from me. A narcissist is a narcissist and... It's overwhelming to deal with one or even to let go!
@@Psych2go I tried to heal a covert narcissist... I used my blood and life force to get her better. I've should have stopped wasting 10 years on her, which almost killed me since I've have diabetes type 1. Tried killing me with insulin... And worse of all I wanted her back. Because I feelt sorry for her still... 10 years lost intill the end I've screwed my head back where it should be. Feels like a void in me after all these years and I was actually in love in her. 🤢
Hi I'm 18 years old and I'm from the Philippines,Iam glad to say that I am now taking my undergraduate study in BS-PSYCHOLOGY for the years of watching this RUclips channel,thanks Psych2go for helping and inspiring the youth like me in the knowledge of our mental health.
My narcissist blamed me for 14 years that I wasn't trying hard enough to fill her needs. She even blamed me for being the narcissist and claimed I was emotionally abusing her trying to elicit more sympathy. I finally said enough and have felt so much better. I needed to learn to respect myself. I miss her some days, but the more I discover myself again the less I ever want to go back to that. Thanks
Everything in this video has happened to me recently with a narcissist friend. We’re no longer friends now but I have learned a lot from this experience. In the end I’m sad that I’ve lost someone I thought was a friend but on the other end I’m glad I’ve cut her out of my life. The drama was emotionally draining
ah yes, a narcissist. my ex was a narcissist, on the outside she's the council president in school and netball captain too. at the end of the relationship i realised she was only using me and she has no regrets. she dated me when i was still naive about narcissists and left me when she felt 'bored'. narcissists are MANIPULATIVE and we should not go back to hurt ourselves again. don't give them a chance 😢‼️
@@Psych2go well, I hope we can all be cautious about seeing both the good and bad sides of a person and not only the 'good side', which is very important. Also, even though a narcissist may leave a bitter taste in you after the relationship, stay true to yourself and people who still care for you! also relationships aren't everything, take care of your emotional well-being too, for example, learn to love yourself and learn to be happy without depending on others :)
I'm not an empath, at least I don't feel like I am, but I was in a relationship with a narcissist for years and, yeah, it was hell. That last pill was oh so hard to swallow, but once I accepted it suddenly everything made sense. And more importantly: once I accepted it, only then I was truly free again.
Helped a lot to realise the person I loved never actually existed, but was only a role the narc played. Allowed to kind of mourn a deceased (who's body is still walking around, like a zombie - so not quite, but you get the picture). Also to see that I seem to have needed this rough lesson, so the time wasn't wasted.
Omg! This video has HELPED me so much! Thank you for these hard truths! It was the hardest to realize that the narcissist never loved me... as evidenced by the severe abuse. I didn't lose a relationship, I lost a life sucking vampire! Thank you!
It’s a hard pill to swallow when you realize not only your parents are narcissists… but your EX is too. I was dealing with so much manipulation and anxiety… it hurts too much to think about. But I think this finally opened my eyes.
I dealt with so many bullies throughout childhood to graduation and some of them were definitely narcissists in a way. My parents were really busy, so some of our relatives helped look after me and my brother. We used to have nanny too. But a few of them were both narcissists and abusive. I got beat up a lot as a kid. Adults’ temper, but as long as my brother was safe, that was all that matter. We couldn’t do anything much because of our living conditions back then. And my parents were trying their hardest for us. We moved around quite a bit so we came across different types of people. I wouldn’t call myself an empath, but I can relate to certain experiences because I’ve gone through them too. The scary part is that I’m afraid of hurting others too, emotionally that is. I don’t want to become like those who hurt me. Thank you for this video. I really still have so much to learn.
@@KyleUltima9189 Thank you for your kind words. Those dark moments make me appreciate the gentleness and kindness from others more. I just have to believe that I’m safe and can protect myself and those I love now. Please take care, and I hope you have a great day. 💟
I feel like I have narcissistic tendencies from a rough childhood and early teen life, and yet I also still remember the empath I was who always wanted to make everything better (even though I was eventually broken). Now I am watching the only person who ever accepted me for who I was, and showed me unconditional love reach her breaking point and have to walk away from 12 beautiful and challenging years, because of my stupid patterns. I'm cycling through all of the stages of grief while trying to find the strength to better myself without an alterior motive, failing miserably because I've lost all respect for myself, by how I've hurt such a beautiful being, and the only thing that's getting me through it is just looking at it all and collapsing in to tears as I realize that it's probably too late, and she is doing what is best for her, which ultimately is best for us... I guess... I hate this so much. It's the hardest thing I've ever experienced. If only I had realized these things sooner, I could've gotten out of my head and taken the time to listen. This isn't a cry for help, just a digital sand mandala of generational pain. We have a beautiful 5 year old son together, so we will always be connected, but to think that I wasn't there for her the way she way was for me, brings me the most agonizing sadness and anger that I've ever felt. I guess if anything, I'd like to say some of us out here don't just cut people off or surrender to apathy when we don't get what we want, but the urge to do so was there like a parasite trying to take control of my body and mind. Honestly I'm probably lucky to be a little schizo because I was able to play the dark stuff out enough to see it as an aspect of myself that *I* need to be present with and not project onto someone who has been there for me through thick and thin........ even if I can't be the one who meets her needs.... what I would give to overcome these things and come back to win one for the home team. I could've been the first in my family to do it right, but it looks like the only constellation I will have might be knowing that her and my son are happy and bettering myself because it's never too late, and life's too precious to throw away, even when it seems impossible to cope with. This is my breaking point. I'll never forget this feeling.
@@aliendeathrocker Thank you. It's been a challenging journey going back and looking at myself, my actions, and my mind. I still have a long way to go, but I can gladly say It's happening.
I'm a diagnosed narcissist, I take pills for situations I caused. And it's just frustrating how they put us as bad people. Narcissism it's a disorder, such as ADHD and OCD, which means that's it's not our choice to be like this. Yes, we need help and maybe prescriptions, but that does not mean that we like seeing people get hurt.
i think that your self awareness is great but it’s not that people are portraying it as bad: it’s that real people are being hurt by this condition and what’s more is that the nature of the condition makes it hard to diagnose because how many narcissists can admit they are? it becomes a toxic cycle that harms the people involved but i am so glad that you are getting help and trying. i wish more people would.
@@De-tw7by I was sent to a psychologist from school, from bad things I provoked. The psychologist said I had a strange behavior from my age, and that we had to work in my state of mind about other people. She referred me to other mental field doctors, I didn't know anything until they told my parents, that I got diagnosed as a narcissist. I got in a horrible denial, bc of course I thought I knew better than them, and they gave me pills for my impulses. And in then I just accept and tried my best to keep people save from my narcissism.
This video resonates with me & my most recent relationship that I've struggled with for so long & finally left a little over a month ago.It is a very bitter pill to swallow,especially the fact that it was all an illusion to supply & validate the twisted narcissist! I appreciate the wisdom of knowing that "time lost" is far better to acknowledge,than to continue to waste more precious time,catering to these misfits.They really do make you feel more frustrated,lonely,& invisible,with zero return of compassion or empathy.The Narc that I was involved with has been reaching out to me since I've left gaslighting,deflecting,lying,& refusing any accountability for the deceitful cheating creature that I had found them out to be! It's mind-blowing by any standard. I've never encountered someone who would take so much,& give zero in return. Thank you for these bitter pills of truth,as it tied up a lot of loose ends in why I was doing what I was doing,for so long even though the red flags were evident since the beginning. My sympathies to all going through & having gone through this trauma!🕊✨️
the accuracy of this video. I’m so proud of my Empathic self, a few weeks ago I decided to stand up for myself. Only a few months ago, my aunt explained to me that you can’t change a Narcissist, but you can always be in control. Thank you Psych2Go for another great video ❤
This sounds exactly like a relationship with a narcissist I got out of last year. I think this is one of the first videos of yours that’s actually triggered me, but in a productive way if that makes sense. I’ve been working on acknowledging the trauma I’ve went through instead of pretending it doesn’t exist. This way I can actually start to heal❤
That beginning about Narcissists trapping an Empath and never letting go gave me chills since I was adopted by a Narcissist and often at many times throughout my life been called "too" empathic.. EDIT: I would be interested in seeing a video on how the psyche of a Narcissist parent and how they cope when finding out their kid may be neurodiverse?
I was married to one for almost 20years, knew her for 26, and it hurt to have this realization recently. I had to get rid of the idea that they ever cared about me. The most painful thing honestly was the time that I lost and can never get back. It's not even the fact that I will have trust issues for years to come if not permanently. It really is the time. After an explosive moment which forced her hand to pack up and leave, our children who are all with me by their choice, see their mother for the person she is. Unmasked and persona exposed, she tucked tail with embarrassment because the children which have been a shield and sword for her were no longer available, and they saw that they too were being wielded for her own needs and selfish battles. Everything is all about her, and they saw it in 8k HD. If you have or are dealing with this, cut the cord. It is the best thing to do for yourself. You are definitely not alone in your experiences. It will take time, and I have no idea how much, but like all things in life....this too shall pass. The sun will come up, and it will go down. Life is there to be had between then.
I am an empath , recovering people pleaser and I don’t “ people “ anymore. I will always be there for others , no matter what. It’s automatic and no prethought is present… true or pure altruism. I have survived way too much trauma and abuse in my life and can’t bear to see others suffer . But now , I’m a hermit and rarely go out anymore. My last relationship almost killed me … literally and spent 2 weeks in the psychiatric hospital under lockdown. Also that contract is not me , I never have had expectations of anyone because people will constantly let you down, I accepted that fact a long long time ago
Grew up with one as a father. I recognize them when I see them, and often have to tell my friends that they are dealing with a narcissist. They usually don't believe me until it's over, which is typical for such a relationship. It's sad and it sucks.
I had the biggest "OH" moment when you got to talking about how an empath feels like the love was real before something went wrong. I've been questioning that for some time after my last relationship that went south. Now I get it.
Not all narcissists are evil, an example; my narcissistic bf is a diagnosed narcissist and he was very manipulative and self centered but also at times generous, but he noticed his manipulative traits and he’s working on bettering himself, I feel he truly loves me, he isn’t evil he’s just sick.
This I believe doesn’t only apply in an intimate relationship, but in a ‘friendship’ as well. Been super close with a narcissist for a good 3 years of my youth. We had so much in common and it seemed like only he could understand me as a friend. Unfortunately no, time and time again I was emotionally walloped by him and had me thinking I’m the one who always messed up. Until a week ago I completely dropped him without a word. Keynote here: “Dude what happened?” “Did something go wrong?” Don’t explain, a narcissist doesn’t self reflect. Point is, if you’ve ever got hung up over a narcissist, don’t forget that the world is full of beautiful people and I’ve had the pleasure of meeting so many of them❤️ To those who’re still recovering and trying to grasp a sense of reality, hang in there there is so much more to life❤️💯🥰
Make sure your empathy isn't actually people pleasing to avoid conflict and to feel safe. You must set boundaries and treat yourself right first. If you do this, you'll never fall victim to a narcissist. True self reflection is needed to discover this.
Hard to swallow pills? More like liberating truths! ✨ yeah, it’s heartbreaking and mentally draining to break free from a narcissist, but realizing you are the one in charge to break the spell turns out to be very empowering too, in the aftermath, of course.
Scarily this describes my previous relationship (and partner) to a tee. And I lived that for ten years, ten years where he slowly, carefully removed all my support networks so I only had him to rely on. Between the physical, sexual abuse that followed I'm not sure how I survived but I'm glad I'm free from that, from him now - though my confidence still suffers as a result for the moment.
@@Psych2go I removed his stuff from my house, all bills in my name - the physical stuff was easy, the emotional stuff less so. I've gone through a series of conflicting feels, I even felt guilty at points like I abandoned him - he'd so insidiously weaved his way into my life that I felt lost without him. I remember the first time I had to go shopping by myself I was absolutely terrified, it was all alien because I was boxed to our home for years (he didn't like me leaving the flat). Now? I love going out, not being beholden to someone, I love simple things like getting groceries. I'm still nervous at times but the more time goes by the stronger I feel and one thing I know now I will NEVER let myself fall into this trap again. I deserved better than that, I deserve better than that 🙂
I'm so glad you made it. Ten years is a long time and I find it inspiring that you're making your way still. Best of luck to you ❤Stay safe and take care
When I called out a female colleague at university for lying, I was made out to be the bad guy and was accused of making up rumours about this person even though I DID NOT. I was a very good mate to this female student before this. For the last 6-7 years, I had colleagues and acquaintances Who were definitely narcissists towards me even when I was being polite. When I was going through my difficulties they were being nasty towards me which upset me. A lot of time I brushed it under the carpet and to me it was a build up of my emotions. No one was there for me. I have learnt to focus on myself. Thank you so much Psych2Go, this is an powerful video.
0:00 intro 1:01 1. Narcissists will never fufill the covert contract 2:36 2. You can't save someone who doesn't want it 3:56 3. Emotions can't replace your brain 5:22 4. Narcissists are disordered and morally bankrupt 6:59 5. It's all a fantasy; it's not real 7:51 6. Abuse means genuine love was never part of the picture 10:02 outro
Oh my goodness, I needed to hear this. I had myself thinking the “I need to work on myself” was genuine, but realized I was constantly putting in way more effort to make up for the effort she wasn’t putting in
This video is great. The only thing I have to say is everyone isn't just one or the other but people can switch between them. I've had issues with a narcissistic experience with my ex's but I've also been the narcissistic person in relationships.
This has really helped me to realize that this was the exact relationship I had with my dad Ive come to realize that ive really needed to get away from him or stick up for myself this really helped me realize my own self importance and that the way he acted was not right thank you
I like that you said you needed to get away from him or stick up for yourself. When I have been in difficult situations, it has been hard for me to remember my options. And sometimes problems do get resolved simply by standing up for yourself. When it doesn't...the problem is with them. Not you.
This is so accurate. I've exhausted my relationship with my relatives thanks to the fact that my dad gets power trips from controlling people or things and my mom used my empathy against me by playing the victim card all the time to earn favors. Things would basically happen this way: Our pet needs help. "But your father will become furious with the bills! Oh he controls me so much I am so powerless i cant even pay a vet please never get married love is a lie!" My dad is cold towards the pet thanks to the attention they're getting, because he's a jerk who can't tolerate sharing his family, belongings and house with someone else, backing my mom's stories. Cue me spending the little money I had because I love my pet and also believing my mom was being controlled by a freak (emotional manipulation, gatekeeping my potential relationships, financial abuse). "Don't let your father find out the pet has been to the vet or he will be furious!!" My dad never hears from it. Calls me out because I never moved out of their place, says I never help with shit (after all, he never learns that I'm solo carrying vet bills on my minimum wage which rendered me unable to move out). We fight. Later I'd overhear my mom going full double agent style and trashing me to my dad to gain brownie points with him. The other day she'd feign sympathy by trashing my dad to me to gain brownie points with me. Yet if I argued with him in her presence, she'd take his side and both of them would back me into a corner by supporting each other and calling me unstable/spoiled/unbearable. I'm forced to shut up, retreat, and later she'd either go "why are you so angry? Your dad is a good man!!!" or "you have to stop talking back, I had to take his side for you!" Or "I cannot tolerate the way you two argue anymore, I do everything to calm both of you down I just want some peace and quiet I should just run away or kms!" She literally thrived off this chaos for years until I realized this wasn't normal family crap. Then I slowly became numb. I talk to them only if i cant avoid it, and when I do I have to force myself to pretend im perfectly fine. I can barely feel anything for people anymore, I just care about my fur baby lmao
Omg...same thing happened to us when we had our cat. Everyone loved her except him. I never even peeped that the fact that he was not getting all the attention was the reason why 🤯 Anytime my narc father was on one of his tirades and we tried to stand up for ourselves our mother would tell us to "shut up", "Children don't swear at Adults" (Gambian [African] Proverb), "He didn't mean it", "You dont understand what he means" or some other bullshit. Meanwhile he beat on us like we were tambourines. Thankfully my siblings (with the exception of 1) are nothing like them and chose to see the light. It's hard when it's a parent let alone 2. However no act of cruelty like this goes unpunished. Hang in there bud 💛
@@FutureFendiFsnista I'm so sorry you've gone through similar experiences before. The powerlessness and confusion that came from growing up in an environment full of mixed messages screwed up my head big time, I hope you managed to heal if it happened to you too 😔 The weird thing about my fam is that... Sometimes, both of my narcs would be nice to the pets, eventually love bomb them (it's not unusual for my mom to pamper a pet for a while and my dad show up claiming she's not giving him enough attention because of them), yet sometimes they'd work against them, other times they'd blatantly neglect them like in the example above, next they'd prioritize anything except the pet while claiming they love them. My mom had a weird hecking habit of buying snacks, toys and gifts to other relatives' pets and not doing the same for hours. I've even questioned her before, "why don't you bring some for ours?" But there's no clear answer. I've seen them sometimes cry when no one was looking when we lost pets in the past, tough, so I'm inclined to believe they maybe do/did kind of, sort of love them. It's just a really freaking weird way to "love" someone, idk. Must be a constant struggle to ponder over whether an action is working on your side or not all the damn time. I'm not a mental health professional so I'm not sure if I can backup my argument about their true feelings much 😅 That doesn't mean I'm okay with their behavior, though. Everyone deserves to be loved unconditionally by their parents, fur babies included...
I have faith that people with NPD can get better if they decide to. Sadly a lot of people with NPD don’t even realize what they’re doing. And bc of this it’s extremely difficult for them to get help. It’s possible to get help and move through this. NPD is curable 🖤 Many hugs to all those who have been abused by someone with narcissism or NPD. Y’all can and will get through this. Many hugs to the narcissistic folks and those with NPD. Y’all can and will get through this. *I would love to see y’all do a video on those suffering from NPD. It could be very helpful and possibly- hopefully- push folks to seek the help they need.* May NPD grow smaller and smaller so no one has to go through this abuse.🖤🙏🏾🖤
There's an interesting article on The Cut titled "What It's Like to Have Narcissistic Personality Disorder", about a chap who was becoming self-aware and trying to get help for his personality problems. In my experience as someone who was a somewhat toxic, multi-drug addict, my belief is: People who are in the mild-moderately toxic half of the spectrum can maybe learn to be better, as long as someone can find some way to motivate them. A good angle would be their self-interest and pointing out how their own behaviour makes them unhappy. People in the moderate-maximum half however, are totally, completely beyond ever getting any better. This end of the spectrum is high scoring Dark Personalities, Dark Triad / Tetrad. They are forever incapable of understanding that *they are THE problem* . Serial killers, gangster bosses, mass murdering dictators. There is no hope for such people and the kindest thing for all is to give them the hemp fandango. At one extreme of the Horseshoe of Morality is being so selfish you damage your own mental health, ruin your own life, damage the lives of those close to you, and damage society. The 'opposite' extreme of the Horseshoe is: being so selfless you damage your own mental health, ruin your own life, damage the lives of those close to you, and damage society, by being a weak, piteous, easily manipulated doormat. Self-interest is normal. Ourselves is all we'll ever truly know, and not very well at that. We should always try our best to not screw over other people, especially for no good reason. Human civilisation depends on pro-social behaviours. It also depends on kindness. Be as kind as is practical, but not a doormat and pushover who is easily exploited by the worst people.
@@Softtransboy My pleasure! I've been told repeatedly I'm one of the most unusual people on social media, both as a compliment, and as an attempt at an insult. I am likely to return to education next academic year and pursue becoming a clinical psychologist. I have much lived experience of problems, and also done a lot of reading, learning and working on myself. I am putting together several playlists of psychology, mental health, critical thinking, some for specific diagnoses too. When it comes to Politics, talking about Horseshoe Theory often upsets people every which way at once, much to my amusement, but applying the concept to random things like Psychology, Morality, heck, even Religion, Spirituality, even Buddhism yields interesting and often helpful results 😂😂 Eg: Delusional New Age Narcissists think that if they meditate for 20 years facing a wall they'll gain magical powers. Their 'opposite' is just as misguided and thinks buddhism is entirely mystical gibberish, because of people like that. Buddhism itself is on a spectrum from totally logical to mystical gibberish, and I like both but prefer the more logically sound end such as Zen.
It's too ironically 'narcissistic' to scapegoat an entire group of people being less served by the mental health system. The cycle should be broken and narcissistic abuse needs to be understood as it's present in more than just people with NPD. And labeling someone as just a mere 'narcissist' Feels so utterly lazy and, again, ironically lacking in empathy. Everyone with these traits that I've known have been severely abused throughout the formative years of their lives. I'm not saying untreated, traumatized, mentally ill or disordered people are totally fine. I've survived too much narcissistic abuse. But, in labeling people 'narcissists', I realized a long time ago that dehumanizing people is kinda only also a coping mechanism. Understanding narcissism and etc isn't just an important step in healing, but, in breaking the cycle that makes things so terrible to begin with. It shouldn't be compared to a Greek Myth. *that* Is cruel and unempathetic. I'm not saying billionaires with narcissism or, let's be fair, the essence of capitalism and evil, are, like, the neatest people and that I like them... At all. I'm saying this is far more complicated and pop science edutainment videos might help you escape an abusive relationship... But, only to escape it in one way. And to leave it to the next generation; Traumagenesis. Recursion. History repeating itself. I'm not saying it's your job to singularly fix society, but, people can be so much better than this. I have many critiques of simple solutions and explanations. Maybe they help for a time, but, not forever. Not me.
Honestly one of the hardest things about breaking free from a toxic relationship like this and educating yourself on narcissists and the like; is seeing people in your life readily run to or stay to these types of relationships. You see the wolf in sheep's clothing and know what they're going to do and why they do it, but all this knowledge can't save others 😞. Us preaching about needing self-love/respect, but them defending all of their emotional and verbal abuse. They tolerate everything until they perform a final taboo like cheating but even then, they view it as something to fix/work on. It's so heartbreaking 😞😞😞
My mother is a narcissist while I'm an empath. She always made me feel like I was responsible for her feelings and her happiness and like raising me was such hard work that I simply had to do anything she wants like I owed her my service. But I never asked her to raise me. I even told her the opposite multiple times. But I still feel like I have to serve others to be useful so I can be worthy of my place in the community. It's so hard to unlearn such deep beliefs...
This is so true, and sad to deal with if you are on one of these relationships, my "best friend" and I were like brothers for about 7 years, we were both sad lonely kids when we met and that made us bond super hard, we even became roommates, I always felt we were both in the same boat of helping and supporting the other, I was the caretaker and he was like in the driver seat but he "was always" there for me, so I overlooked a lot of the things and ways he would always tale advantage of situations or how he would manipulate things to get what he wanted, I saw how he did it to others but always thought that since we were so close he wont ever be so harsh or mean to me, I'd take care of a lot things financially cause I didnt care he was my brother...well guess I should've listen to my gut feeling or not overlooked things, cause a year in of living together, he found a boyfriend that could supply everything I was providing and more ($$$), so he just told me out of nowhere he was leaving in 6 days to live together with him now, and them stopped talking to me...I was left alone trying to understand what had happened and how come from one day to the other we moved from brothers to strangers, I felt a lot of guilt thinking what could have I done different or why had I caused this...but I decided to take the stand of just letting things go, months later and after turning inwards and asking myself why did I allowed that to happen to me, and to question why was looking for reasons on how could this be my fault? That I actually came to realize I was just a bit of a flag in the wind when it came to people I felt close, and they could walk all over me and I would allow it, now I see that all those years the signs were there in the front page, I just decide them to ignore it to try to have a friend. Its been months of a lot of internal work to heal the things that made me such an easy prey for people like that, and now what I feel is that it was good riddance, it hurt a lot feeling like you are just disposable, but now I see that you have to be the one in charge of taking care of yourself and that as dark as it sounds sometimes the people who is the closest could actually be the ones are not good for you. Its funny cause I saw him briefly on a bar a few months after, it was the first time we saw each other and he just turned his face away from me, I felt weird but also I now see that the friendship and love was never real or mutual, and I was a prop for him to feel a lot of needs he had. Now I think about it and sometimes I miss my friend, and I dont hate him, but there is no way in the world he can get close to me or we can even go back to talking, I have 0 trust on his intentions and if someone really loves you they dont replace you once someone "better" comes in, hell was the journey but it made me realize I have a lot of good things in me and that I should be a bit careful about who I share them with, I hope he is fine and dont wish him bad, but also I hope we never cross paths again. I wanted to tell my story somewhere cause I really dont have anybody close enough to share this with and also so if someone reads it and its going thru something similar they can now it happens and sometimes we have to do the heavy lifting of letting the person go and accepting to see them for who they are, I never imagined that a 7 year old friendship that was so "strong" would disappear one day to the other, but also I never took steps into calling out or acting on the red flags all those years out of fear of losing someone I loved, now I feel I should have been braver quicker and have those conversations or discuss those thoughts I had, because maybe our friendship wasnt really that strong and I was more like a vehicle for him than a friend. Anyway I hope that if someone goes thru something similar they see that they are worth it and should not allow anybody just take advantage out of fear of being alone or hurting their feelings if you express your needs, in the end for me I see now that there was no real love in that friendship, but also feel ok to let it go, eventhough hurt like hell, cause I rather be alone and happy than next to someone that made me feel incomplete and played off my insecurities to fill theirs, thats not love. Anyhow hope that everyone has a good day ^^
It's so painful to lose friends like that, I know this pain all too well. I hope you find true friends and that you heal from this. *Hugs* Hang in there.
Question them too much or put too many boundaries down, they block you first, deeming you as a serious threat, espcially if you try to make them accountable for misdeeds
Living with a narcissist right now. Crashing with a friend temporarily while I figure out my next steps. Can't afford to pay two rents for the remainder of the lease so going to house sit as much as I can and visit my family at the end of december. Moving in February. Each day is agonizing and draining living with a narcissist. I can only truly rest when I am out of that space.
I've read that unfortunately narcissism can only be reversed at a young age. Statistically when someone with narcissism reaches 30, they've spent too much time in this way of thinking and can very very rarely still be reversed. I believe that all people have emotion, but I've seen that when they begin to implement narissistic thinking (usually at a very young age, learned from a parent or an adult in their life), they bury all of their feelings deep deep inside till they can't feel them anymore. I've seen this in my father, who I've never seen cry in my entire life. The longer emotions buried, the less the chance to get better sticks around. I believe it starts as them thinking that if they can't feel emotion, they can never get hurt. I have tried this myself, and it feels way worse than cutting. It feels like you are cutting your soul, and the result of this is a deep, dark hatred of self, and anger issues, since this is a very unhealthy way of dealing with emotions. Despite narissists being obssesed with themselves and their ego, they despise themselves and will never love or accept themselves, therefor, they will never seek to receive help. They adopt this belief that nothing is wrong with them, and this is what kills the people around them. As for my abusive father, he may always be completely in denial that his actions, as I was growing up, has affected me at all. I feel so free after cutting him off from my life entirely, and he honestly doesn't seem to care, which hurts, but if he's meant to change down the road, then he will. He doesn't need me there, and I don't need me there. And now I can identify such traits in others, so I suppose I've gained a superpower, but that's not the only one. Unfortunately I've also frequently disassociated in my childhood to protect myself from much of the manipulation, so I'll probably be picking at that superpower for the years to come. Too many protective powers, not enough love. I actually don't know who I am after this, but that's life - figuring it out.
As an empath I have been in many fake friendships and have 100% been taken advantage of and it really hurts it feels like someone stabbed you in the heart but it’s okay because now I found real friends who care and support me and really have my best interest at heart ❤ I’ve moved on and feel safe now sure I still think about my old “friends” but that’s something that I can learn from and I hope that if anyone is in a toxic friendship If you see this I want you to know it will be okay and you will move on you won’t forget it but you will be okay and safe one day
💚 I personally know filial piety toward a narcissist parent isn't easy by a long shot. All I can say is that the pain eases after they pass. Sometimes the more you understand the dynamics of what someone put you through just makes you want to throw up! Please protect yourselves! Narcissists are the closest thing to someone poisoning you everyday. See their apple for what it is!
Listening to this was like listening to the story of my marriage. We have been separated for nearly 3 years and I am still broken by it. Thank you for this as it has helped me on my way to understanding
I am a very empathetic person and sadly I fell in love with a narcissist, the first year of relationship she was so kind, so lovable, so warm and thoughtful, but after one year passed, she started to show her true self and well I let it happen I didn't accept or could see what she was doing to me cause I loved her and to be honest I still do, she broke up 3 times with me which I 2 of those times she wanted to come back and well I forgave her 2 times, the 3rd time I tried to get back to her and she just simply said "no" after all I did for her, she just dumped me like nothing, right know I'm struggling with depression after all of this, she made so many promises to me, she even told me we were going to get married. All just a fantasty.
Pretty true. The biggest narcissist in my life is my mother. A narcissistic mother can really mess you up. Ultimately leaving you feel inadequate, useless, and unloved. These days I only hear from her when she wants something. I guess she's always been that way.
I know exactly how you feel… and then you realize that all along you were the only one initiating contact/making effort while they just discarded you like garbage. sometimes it’s hard not to respond.. and that’s cause we’re so use to it and trauma bonded
I never thought I was an empath but I really like being kind but my mom makes me feel like I'm dumb and I know she's a narc because here's an exact quote from my Birthday she said: "Just think about (I forgot, maybe something about how it's my B-day) and how you have the *best mom ever*" and that's a very narcissistic quote.
I'm definitely an empath and I have come to learn that kindness really pays off. I enjoy it too. Not sure if this was a narcissist, but I once met a kid online that was a complete drama queen. Everytime I joined their chat lobby, they would always demand control over the situation and whine when they didn't get their way. I've been cursed out many times by this kid. They also often played the victim when they didn't get their way, just sitting in a corner and going "woe is me.." And sometimes, that's all they ever did, regardless. As an empath, I did try to offer a different perspective and a hand up out of this pit of theirs, but it never worked. In fact, I don't think they ever showed any empathy or kindness at all, even when I apologized. Eventually, I started to just roll my eyes - "Not this again..." Luckily I was able to pick up on this fairly quickly and was drained to the point of, "I'm wasting my time." And cut off all contact with this kid. If they get upset over it, well.. I don't think I really care anymore. They may or may not have needed some help, but clearly I'm not the person for this. I'm outta here.
I feel annoying when I help people. Though I enjoy helping people, so I become questioned of my actions when I'm not able to help people. Leading to me not being able to happy with myself. Because a failing of the other person, though that could just me being not able to accept that not everyone needs help. Their's also an amount of myself not being able to know how to help with something. Which leads me to question my ability to do something for someone when it's not within my ability.
Im an Empath and i feel like my brother is a Narcissist from what you say. At a young age he would always pretend to be nice and be my friend only to harm me further. i cared a lot about others and always forgave him without realising he would just use it to hurt me more. He wouldn't only bring harm to me, but to others and I would just have to go through it. Everything you say described him.
As a person with autism who struggles with social skills, I find this deeply stigmatizing. You're basically saying people with social skills are caring, and people without social skills are uncaring. That's so stigmatizing and messed up. I might struggle with social skills, but I'm the most caring person around. I'm the only one who would comfort a depressed stranger, save a trapped bug, go to a homeless shelter and ask how I can help, and even date someone that I myself don't feel any attraction to just because I want THEM to feel better and less lonely. What if I really was better than everyone in my whole dorm? I'm the only person who always does my best to stand with those who are hurting. Everyone else just flippantly brushes people off. Even as an autistic, screwed up narcissist, I can honestly say that my heart is pure. I only want to cause healing and let the weak come before the strong. You see, empaths aren't inherently caring. They're just good at playing politics and framing narcissists for the harm they do. And I don't appreciate how empaths, instead of helping people like me feel understood, intentionally and cruelly use their powers to harm me. It's not cool, and empathic powers aren't an excuse to hurt people. I'm the real superhero. They're the supervillains. But empaths, no matter how thick a web you weave, God always knows the truth.
The real bummer is when they become stalkers. Telling everyone there's something wrong with you because you rejected them. And it works! They believe him or her. I was attacked for not thinking she was pretty. It's rough out there. I especially appreciate the end of the video. We must focus on the future!
I just recently got out of a relationship, all of these were checked off and I didn’t even know it. I don’t think he even knew it either. Just blinded by anger and narcissism. I’m glad I got out before my daughter or I were physically truly hurt.
I remember watching these videos back in 2019 when I got out of an abusive relationship with a narcissist. I didn't realize how manipulative and emotionally abusive they were for a long until the following years. Then I realized that my parents inflicted a lot of similar treatment on me, and they still try to. In that relationship, I often thought "my parents have said these things to me before, so it must be okay and true." Now, I'm actively trying to cut contact with them, one step at a time, but they live so close by and are close with the rest of my family that I don't know how to avoid them if they retaliate
Thanks, I needed this so much. Being an empath is both a blessing and a curse these days. The endless cycle of hurtful behavior rang so true for me. I just chose to ignore it over and over again.
I’ve never considered my best friend a narcissist. We’ve had this beautiful friendship for almost 5 years now. We’ve always supported each other, we’ve always cared for each other, we’ve always been there for each other. It seemed like the perfect friendship to me, so much so that I put her up in a pedestal and saw her as this glorious being. We’ve had our disagreements and to me that’s a normal part of any relationship because even though we understood each other in such deep levels i could acknowledge the fact that we weren’t the same. She said that I’m her soulmate. The thing is, there have been times when I’ve felt like my feelings have been disregarded and I hadn’t had the courage to ever say anything about it because like the video explained i had this gut feeling that would tell me that she wouldn’t be able to put herself in my shoes. I was right, my gut feeling never fails me. I confronted her about it through text like a day ago. A month ago we were so good, hanging out, communicating consistently and it was great but suddenly and to me out of nowhere she disappeared, with no explanation. This is something she’s done in the past and i just had to learn to respect it because my gut would tell me that I shouldn’t say anything because she wouldn’t be able to understand my feelings. So basically this past month shes been dealing with some personal things as I imagined and I respect that she took her space to better understand herself, her emotions, what she’s going through. To me it’s very important for her to do that, to take her space in order to be able to get to a better place mentally. But i was hurt because it all happened so suddenly and out of nowhere i knew nothing about her, i was worried, i was concerned, i was scared. So many questions ran through my head, so many negative thoughts. I thought my best friend had abandoned me. In the midst of all this i decided to confront her about it and i expressed how the way that she went on about it hurt me and she just didn’t care, she literally wrote “idc” because i was “making it about me”. I even ended up apologizing for “making it about me” and she just brushed it off as if my feelings meant nothing, as if my feelings weren’t valid. She literally invalidated my feelings and she even went about it in a rude way. She took her space because she needed to go through some things by herself, I completely respect that. It’s something that I’ve practiced all my life so i get it. What I don’t get is how she could not care about how that could affect the people that love and care for her, how her disappearing could’ve hurt her best friend. I was worried and of course I wanted to help, she didn’t need help and that’s fine but maybe she could’ve let me know that she was gonna take some time to heal herself by herself. I don’t think that’s selfish, I don’t think it’s selfish to believe that your best friend will take your emotions in to consideration before literally going MIA. She was even rude but I couldn’t take that to heart because it wasn’t about me. Basically I wasn’t allowed to feel any type of way because what she’s going through has nothing to do with me. I only expected her to say something like “hey, im going through something and it’s gonna take me some time, you probably won’t know about me for a while but I want you to know that i love you and I’ll get back to you at some point. Please don’t worry about me I’ll be fine, okay.” It’s like yes, do you, heal, take your space and all of the time you need, i support that. What i just can’t seem to understand is how she’s not able to see how the way that she went about it could’ve been damaging, is damaging. I love my best friend but I don’t believe I deserved to have my feelings shut down. I’m only human and I’m not perfect and maybe I’m wrong for expecting that from her but what can i say, that’s just me.
It’s easy to confuse empathy with people pleasing. Being empathic simply means you are able to feel what another person is feeling. It’s not about rewards or reciprocation.
I love this video, everything is true, you'll see this thing when you're on a relationship with a narc, specially when she showed the calendar with the bad days, this specially made me laugh because when I was in the relationship I always had this feeling "We've been okay for a week straight, the next argument is about to come", I had this so internalized that it became a game to me and I'll try to predict when the next tantrum was going to come and if I could avoid it, never could and I was always walking on egg shells, run from people like this, don't enter this nightmare.
Have you ever been in love with a narcissist?
Unfortunately 😢
Yes I find them really hard to read and there very often have little emotions to me
No
I have to go to school
I was married to one 😔 the toll it took on my body I still feel today.
It's not just narcissists. Being an empath is a curse most days. All the people I try to help and are always there for are so rarely there for me when I need it most.
Same here. It pisses me off.
Stop being a therapist for free. You won't feel bad. Start charging for your time.
I think you should fill your own cup and set boundaries. Being an empath could make you feel it’s a curse most days when you’re not learning that. But I do believe being an empath is way far from being a curse. I believe it’s a blessing. It just prove that you are powerful and very connected, but to see it, you need to see yourself first. ✨ I send you love and strength 🙏🏾💪🏾💕
I agree, I check up on alot of people but they never check up on me...but that's how it is I guess
Wh you just gotta put your foot done, boundaries. It sucks though cause we usually have a good heart
The biggest problem is empaths can only learn this genuinely when it's too late.
I've been in a lot of pain for a long time since learning these matters.
Soooo true
Jesus Saves 🙏
You're very right.
@@austinshaw1784 RELIGION IS NARCISSISM. Love me above all others or else you will go to hell. - literally textbook abuse.
It hurts even more when the narcissists are actually your parents :(
It truly does.. how is your relationship with parents like?
@@Psych2go distant and annoying. They’re still immature
Hope you two will finally get good and caring people around you !
@@Psych2go They usually get me to do want they want and don't try to listen to my pov and sometimes even manipulative
I don't know for sure about my dad , where as my mom, yes she's a total narc
She starts to shout when I try to oppose her and sometimes throws stuff at me to make me do her work
PS : I LIVE WITH THEM 😭😭
AND OFTEN THEY ARE YOUR PARENTS
It is heart crushing when you realize you were only a tool to be used. The love & intimacy seemed so real.
Yes, good thing I have a strong intuition and can see through their facade. No more wasting time. Put yourself first. You deserve better. ❤
@@crabcakes4194 thank you for the input.
This is the worst part. I m hoping it gets better.
It´s not love. Just s*x. Narcs don´t know, how to genuinely love someone. They don´t even love themselves.
They´re just master fishermen, trying to lure anyone into their trap and abuse them afterwards.
"I love you, it's just that intimacy is a burden to me. Also I don't want to be there alone, what would they think if they see I don't have my boyfriend with me?" it's strange to realize you're just an accessory
"A karmic lesson of exactly what love is not" "Love does not involve abuse". So simple so true.
No woman is happy 💀
Yes, I feel bad for people who fall for the twin flame nonsense
@@Ariespath9 oh, look, a narcissist
Not true
Once, a nascissist told me i was being selfish for setting boundaries and putting my healthcare first, can you believe it?? Thanks for the helpful video!
Yes, I can believe it, this person thing you only live for them and they are the owners of your body, congratulations on blocking him!
Thanks for sharing your experience. It's important to put yourself first!
I had similar. Mine said that I was clingy for wanting basic reliable communication, they were my best friend and actively said they wanted to be friends, for context.
Narcissism is like a dormant mind-virus that can cause itself to activate and spread via toxic behaviour causing others to be toxic. Truly, truly, I have lost count of how many damaged women I've known who told themselves and everyone else that they're lovely empaths, who had their minds warped by a far more toxic boyfriend. This scenario has happened to me repeatedly in life:
The lady comes crying to me all emotionally mixed up. "Wah wah wah I hate my boyfriend / husband. He's no good. Abusive even. I can't leave him though. Parent X did terrible thing Y when he was Z years old.
So I've been cheating on him, even having full-on affairs behind his back, and now I'm toxic trauma dumping on you, as I lead you on with a kiss and a fondle and get your hopes up. Then after you spend a week or two trying to get me to dump his toxic rear, all stressed out on my behalf due to my remarks about possible self-harm, I'm going to go ice cold on you, and treat you like a delusional incel who I never led on"
And so an extremely Toxic boyfriend caused a toxic, cheating, manipulative, emotionally abusive girlfriend to happen to other men. Who then likely became a bit toxic themselves and so the merry-go-round of horror continues.
Shoutout to a 'radical feminist' ex of mine who melodramatically whinged about a boyfriend who wasn't keen on doing household chores as though he was extremely abusive, led me on then showed no interest, after years of me running around picking up the pieces after every drama, only for her to be completely useless when I had a *truly serious* crisis going on, blank me, not reply to my texts.
Later on I found out she was one of a rancid, semi-incestuous circle of cheaters who'd all had affairs with each other behind their partners backs. This One True 'Feminist' 'empath' was actually:
A cheating, manipulative, emotionally unstable, hypersensitive covert narcissist deluding herself and fooling others into believing she's an empath and never once did anything wrong.
@@marylu2216 I hate to have to tell you this, but this kind of reaction is exactly what this wally wants.
The absolute best thing you can do is just ignore them, or if you must, report them for constant harrassment.
I'm not generally a fan of reporting people, but sometimes needs must!
There are two rules of the internet that everyone should be taught before you ever go online:
1. Don't feed the trolls.
2. Don't argue with idiots, they'll drag you down to their level and beat you with their superior experience.
I break these rules all the time, but that's because I myself am a semi-reformed Master Troll, who feasts daily on amateur trolls and plays with their minds for my own dark amusement.
So sad to see so many people relating to having an experience like this with a narcissist. It’s important to avoid these warning signs. It’s never worth it 😢
It’s true. How do you think people should avoid the situation?
It's fucked up when the narcissist is a family member. You need to meet them for your whole life
My dad is a narcissist, it’s so hard with him. Also I see u comment everywhere LMAOO
@@quit83636 I think someome in my family is also. The person suffered trauma thought I'd mention that. But they lack empathy and only think of their own self gain. I try to connect with them, teach them but they are not open to accepting the reality and lack humility. I'm trying my best but feel like giving up sometimes. The person is very jokey, has bad vibes and mocks a lot. So I can never have a normal valuable convo with them if need be. I DNT kW wat to do
I swear I see you everywhere
I blocked my narcissist in August 2021 and that was the best decision that I ever made! I am sending light, love, peace and harmony to anyone who is attempting to get out of that situation because it definitely is a challenge. 🙏🏽
Thank you! It's very difficult but I'm getting there! I hope you keep no contact!
Congrats! Blocking someone so toxic probably set you free! You feel so liberated after!
@@johntaylor4810 going on 2 years! I’m at peace and in a much better place. You got this. Once you get fed up, you will cut ties and be strong enough to not go back.
Mine earned themselves a restraining order and had to have her family comes pack up all her shit which I'm sure was a narc injury she's never experienced... I just hope she's not hurting anyone else but I know that will never stop
Just broke off a friendship after finding out she was becoming toxic for me and doesn't validate my feelings anymore, I'm still coping and it still hurts but i hope one day i can look back and see I've grown!!
“The truth is that no matter how nice the narcissist was… at the beginning of the relationship or even after a fight. They never loved their partner”
This phrase felt like a jar of cold water, and has made me finally get my ex out of my head.
I can’t explain well enough how grateful I am to you
Kicked a narcissist out of my life on August 1st 2021, my life has never felt better.!!!!
Timestamps
1). Narcissists will never fullfill the covert contract 1:01
2). You can't save someone who doesn't want it 2:37
3). Emotions can't replace your brain 3:57
4). Narcissists are disordered and morally bankrupt 5:22
5). It's all a fantasy it's not real 6:59
6). Abuse means genuine love was never part of the picture 7:51
Hope this helps you out. 💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙
Thank you for the timestamps
You js spoiled the video for me🤦♀️ Was so excited to see the things in the video instead of a comment section.
@@Aya_754 just watch the video first then check the comment section
@@Aya_754 sorry about that
@@Aya_754 damn chill, it’s a video psychology what “spoilers” are you talking about 😭
Sometimes all you need to do is say it respectfully. You do not owe kindness to those who intentionally harmed you. Do not throw pearls to swine.
Just broke off a terrible relationship with a narcissist. A lot of this was true :") He was manipulative and made me feel bad for him, so I felt guilty and stayed. It was so draining. Never let me question him, and expected me to listen to him all the time, no matter what. Trying to pressure me into the grossest things, for money. I finally got out. I feel a lot better now :")
I’m so sorry you went through this but I’m happy you had the courage to leave ❤
@@khalilahd. Thank you, that means a lot :") ❤️ It was hard, but a friend helped me see him from the right perspective finally, and I got out of there
Good for you! Keep your radar up and don’t let anyone else sick into your life.
@@4KindnessGal thank you, I'll sure try :)
It’s like a drug. Once you’re off the relationship you have to do all the work to stay away. At this point, you know you have the strength to do that because you walked away.
My narcissistic father disowned me a week ago for trying to put down boundaries with him. Then, he belittled me and said he’d want something to do with “the daughter he loves, with her own thoughts and feelings” as long as I A) don’t respect my boundaries I need with him and B) don’t prioritize my freedom and relationship with my fiancé. He talked down to me as if I was a child when I’m a grown-ass woman. I could NOT believe what I was reading. Oh yeah, did I mention that he turned HIS disowning me into ME walking away from the family…. Right.
Dont walk. RUN
A blessing in disguise! Get help!
There is an animator named Ralf that have a narcissistic father who abandoned him. He would relate to your story.
@Megaten the only treatment is death
They always turn everything around, so they can be viewed as ’victims’. When i walked away, i lost most of my family in smear campaigns. But hey, i gained freedom and that one is more valuable, than all the people within the family with all the shallow ties. Family should not be people tied by blood relations, but people, you mutually want to be around with.
You should watch out, however, because when we grow up with narcissists, we tend to seek relationships with people, who have similar (or the same) "qualities" and we tend to make a so-called "trauma bond" with them. Also, there are multiple types of narcissists and each acts differently (most different in the group is covert narcissist).
"This isn't a single accident. This is conscious repeated garbage behavior over time." Yup 💯 save yourselves empaths! No narcissist is ever worth losing your time or energy over
Yeah.... an abusive home into an abusive marriage to a narcissist....over 25 yrs later I'm 51 and have been on my own for the last 5 yrs. Intense therapy and finally learning to live for myself and this video is seriously SPOT ON.
I'm so sorry, glad you're FINALLY out of there once and for all, and hopefully you can avoid any narcissist that gets in your path. Do you have any advice on how to not get caught in a relationship with a narcissist? I grew up with a narcissistic parent and I was confident that I'd be able to identify when I was around one, but a lot of people say growing up with a narcissist actually makes it more likely you'll miss the signs.
Good for you, I’m happy you got out of that and are getting healthier every day, we love to see it!!!! ♥️♥️♥️
Yes Julia the years were the same for me and your age at the time also. I am 65 now it took me almost 10 years to figure all this crap out. I still listen and get informed about narcissism. I have a neighbor that I moved next door that is a huge narcissist huge huge. at first it frightened me me to have it happen again and then with the information that I knew and the confidence that I have built up by watching these crazy narcissist videos, my confidence just soared. now practice on her but only when necessary. We have to be careful however, these people are so tricky and can pull an empath away from the truth of who they are quickly.
@@gianna526 Dr Ramini
Well done you. I amsimilar, my mother was a narcissist and I went into codependent relationship with emotionally abusive partner. 22 years later making decision to leave. I am now 67 and wish it hadnt taken me so lomg to learn about narcissim. My partner is a so iopath with narcissitic traits too. It
has been a hard journeybut I have finally learned the truth! cx
The hardest pill for me to swallow was that with narcissists, abuse means they never truly loved you. It's true though, as soon as I called my stepmother out for being unfair, she left us, blamed us, and went onto another relationship a couple months later. She is truly morally bankrupt and I have no respect for the woman whatsoever. I'm also tired of letting her continue to dictate my life long after she's been gone.
Yes, signs of abuse is also a sign of not love. If someone really loves you, they will work on themselves to be a better version for you.
As an empathic child of a narcissistic mother, who still won’t respect my boundaries after I cut her off, I have to say to anyone who will read this… YOU ARE WORTHY OF UNCONDITIONAL LOVE and just bc someone’s family doesn’t mean you have to stay around them.
The last one was the one that had me like the avatar, hyperventilating and clutching my heart, when the realization hit me like a bulldozer and I finally broke things off with my fianceé.
It took years of trying to figure him out, trying to understand him, trying to appease, support, be patient, be loving. And trying to communicate ‘why’, ‘how’ and the ways he was hurting me emotionally, spiritually, and financially until it clicked. Right when the rollercoaster was going to start again.
‘This isn't the behavior of someone in love with me. This is the behavior of someone that loved using me. And in that case...hes never been in love with me to begin with.’
Ugh that's the absolute worst, too. I went through the same realization and pain after breaking it off with a long-term boyfriend after I discovered the truth of his lies. It left me crying for hours, feeling heart-empty and broken, world upended, betrayed, shaking, and in shock. The stress of it even increased all my normal body aches and pains.
You start questioning everything throughout the relationship and finally have to accept the fact that all those years you invested into the relationship was for nothing. You're left with a few happy memories of the good times but nothing else. It freaking sucks. My heart goes out to you for having gone through that.
@thinkinginn7443: Honestly, what you said was just as profound as the "dry horse pills of truth" in this video. I left my situation about 4-5 weeks ago, and the love feeling so intense and so real is the hardest part to cope with. But I also know logically that someone that really loved me would not have put me through the classic narcissist abuse cycle (idealization, devaluation, discarding, and hoovering) *REPEATEDLY* for almost 3 years.
I hate that so many videos just say "they didn't love you" and just leave it at that. It seems so disingenuous and incomplete to me to say that because you KNOW that some kind of love for you was absolutely there.
However, what you said hit the nail right on the head for me and really opened my eyes even further... I now know she absolutely did love something about me, *she loved using me*.
It's a bitter pill, but I just wanted to thank you so much for providing me with this concise and accurate viewpoint.
This journey is a lot like putting a puzzle together with pieces that you pick up all over the place along your way. With each puzzle piece you find, the picture gets clearer, and they get uglier and more repulsive.
I’m an empath AND autistic. It’s a double whammy for me. Sadly this video made me realize I am the lamb that gets trapped with predators. And I think it’s because I have a challenging time recognizing what’s real and what isn’t 😪.. lessons to be learned. Going to practice this now!
Same thing here. My life is a living hell right now
Me too. Getting free from this toxic person has been liberating though. What a relief. Find someone that genuinely loves you and cares about your health and wellbeing etc
Same here, but autistic/ADHD 😊
I'm in the process of healing making the same mistakes over and over again in all circumstances. Therapy helps me so much. But there is a lot of work in front of me, reinventing myself. I surpressed my strong feelings for a long time and was overwhelmed by them, so I didn't resolve them. 😅
In the end, I'm getting better every single day, and I'm glad to be alive 🙏
Im surounding them
I count Yesterday 16 person around me.
I think you will really understand if you read a book called the Laws of Human Nature
I’ve been targeted several times by narcissists as an HSP empath. I’m currently being harassed/stalked. I’ve learned so much on how to recognize the warning signs and what to do EARLY in a relationship, don’t let things slide. It will get worse. Dr Ramani on RUclips has been a lifesaver! Truly. She’s genuinely helped me remove myself from their life and also then understand their response and how to deal.
Congratulations, Don't feed this monsters, stay safe!
Oh no...that's so scary...I'm so sorry my friend. Hang in there and stay safe. 💛
Hi! Please get help from the police and/or a restraining order. I hope you're safe!!
Yes, she has been a lifesaver for me these last two weeks! I have learned so much from her.
I’m being harassed as well but I’m not sure if he’s a narcissist. I’ve blocked him countless times and creates new emails to iMessage me, creates new social media accounts to find me. I’ve begged him to leave me alone and even cursed him out and got aggressive. He still does it. To make matters worse, I love him. And he doesn’t love me. Yet he will not leave me alone no matter what I say (in the past I’ve admitted I loved him)…. It’s highly distressing and idk what to do :(
I am an empath and tried to help a friend narcissist but she never wanted to change her ways. Every time we hung out was for her own selfish benefit. If she was not getting private DMs from random guys (on social media) from the memories we made together, she wouldn’t enjoy her time with me. Always on her phone and displaying this false reality but she is struggling and living a fake life. Her masks fall off. I cut her off for good. She never listened to my advice, took advance of my kindness-generosity and attacked family. She was too clingy, manipulative and drained my energy while I was with her. I’m so glad I’m free from the shackles and able to recharge, grow and move on from this. Our friendship only lasted for 6 months. A good learning experience.
I was infatuated with a narcissist about seven years ago and I had not been in a relationship before so I had no idea what a normal relationship looked like. She made my life hell, playing with my emotions, leaving me out in the cold and then hooking me back in when her supply was low. It took me a whole year and a half and an internet article to realise just exactly what she was and to get the hell out of there. Ended up cutting all contact with her and my life has much improved since then.
Ya this all so true
I needed this. My mother is a narcissistic and it’s been a long journey of not wanting to cut ties with her but yet it draining me entirely.
i'm in the same stuff 😂
Same here.. Narc mom...
It took me until 40 years old to finally cut mine off and it was hard to shake her because her and my brother are two of the same.now both of them went no contact with me trying to punish me for not playing the game anymore and I let that be the time when I did the same. They tried to slander my name to others but I zoned it out and stopped caring. If it hit the ears of a person who believes that so be it.Ive been free for a few years and man feels great!!!
This is like the worst karmic experience possible for an empath, thus we get proper stronger barriers and safer from abuse after going through it. We just learn a lot, because it hurts us so much that we never want to go through this again. Truth is, the narcissist can't live without an empath to feed on their ego. So they just keep going from one victim to another. The emptiness of their heart, is by definiton, their own punishment. Let go and be free, there's always another empath who will apreciate you the way you really deserve 💜
Very well said! The whole experience creates some kind of upgrade in an empath that makes our intuition grow stronger like a super fine tuned instrument. Then , suddenly, we start noticing really nasty things in others, not only in potential romantic partners. It feels like an awakening or as if a veil was removed for good.
@@omararturoramirez5262but, How to heal from that? I feel so hurt 😢
I knew a narcissist who was born an empath, and I've read in "The INFJ Revolution" that it's possible that all narcissists used to be some type of highly sensitive person. It seems to explain a lot from my experience, it was like finding an exact evil twin version of myself. I was wondering if you guys could dig up some info and share on that idea. I've found little on the web about any of it so far, but it would be nice to hear about the narcissists who think that they're heroes and still have emotions with good intentions, they just still believe that their control or "healing" is what the other person actually needs, and they can't understand how they could be wrong, or how seeing a therapist is what they need instead of trying to help people while they're broken. My mom is like that, not fully evil, she just doesn't want to fully admit that she causes harm and not benefit when she tries to help tons of people in every charitable way she can while trying to suck praise and sympathy from everyone. I believe it's harder to deal with the partial narcissist because there is something left that isn't fully committed to the dark side, and it's an even better trap than a good act. Anything you'd like to share in reply?
I don't have the words to explain why exactly I found this comment particularly helpful, so I'll come back and edit this.
Wait a second, how can the HSP be narcissist? I as a HSP know that no human is perfect. I personally think you psychologist gone too far for this. Don't turn this into the witch hunt.
@@learner8509 i think when the HSP was abused.. especially as a child. it can harden and sour a soul. generational curses
@@emilybrazeau1929 they can choose between keeping their hatred or abandoning their dark past to find a new life.
@@emilybrazeau1929 and, of course, find themself a new place to live.
I just got kicked out of my narcissistic mother's house, she was always so manipulative, trying to get me to hate my dad and holding the gifts she gave me over my head. I'm glad I'm out of there, sure, not under the best circumstances, but I'm out of there and that's all that matters.
❤❤❤
Grtt.. Gud for u❤❤👍
You're happy. That's what matters most. I witnessed a significant other throw her husband into a shelter for "reasons." Knowing what I know, all I could think was, "He'll have more peace in a shelter than he does there."
Worst experience ever. I'm still healing and learning about narcissism. Thank you for this video ❤️
The best thing I ever learned how to do was to stop being afraid of losing friends for questioning or speaking up. Actual friends will take questions and critiques in mind, even if they don't necessarily agree.
The next best thing I learned was that not everyone can be guided to be the best versions of themselves and not everyone will give as much as they get. When it gets to the point where I feel I'm giving too much of myself (my time, energy, support) and getting little or nothing back, then I've learned to take a huge step back at that point. I stop giving that person as much of myself and focus instead on others who actually give what they get. Nowadays if someone doesn't act like they care, then I just let that distance widen between us. I am not going to chase after people to convince them to show me a basic amount of respect. Sometimes those people have a change of heart, improve themselves, and start putting in effort, even if it's years later. If that's the case then I will step forward again and give it another try.
Ive been having a hard time getting over my ex who was a narcissist. I broke up with her because of her repeated mental and emotional abuse but i still have all these feelings im trying to get rid of. This video really helped me put things into perspective and think about the situation logically. It has helped me move forward. Thank you so much! Love!
I almost feel sorry for men rather than women, dealing with Narcissistic romantic partners.
Men are largely the majority of (endless) Romantic.
I know this because I was 35 years a Florist....Hopeless romantics keeps the industry going.
Men mostly.
Sorry for your pain in separating.
I hope this helps.
Pray for
"Emotional detachment"
I just broke off a 7 month relationship last month bc she was through and through a narcissist. Always using me and taking, and never giving in return. I feel like I'm going crazy with all this chatter in my head. I maybe get 4 hours of sleep now a days -.-" Freaking women man...2nd one I've dealt with.
As an empath, I have to say it’s not all sunshine and rainbows. If I’m surrounded by people who are all stressed out, I will absorb that, and feel stressed out as well, which isn’t great when I don’t know why I’m stressed. I’m so happy to help people out, but too much is too much, if multiple people are dumping their emotions and situations on me, it gets hard to keep up, we just need a break sometimes. It also gets stressful with arguments, arguing can be fun, but at some point it gets to be too much. I’m also diagnosed with anxiety, which doesn’t help. So I may be anxious, and everybody can usually tell. I try not to make a big deal out of it if I am because it usually isn’t a big deal, I just have to push through with logic, and rationality. Sometimes though I need a little extra help, an outside voice to tell me its nothing to worry about.
POV: you got a bot trying to “fix your relationship”
I’ve never been in a relationship 🤦♀️
Congrats you described what an empath is
this is me as well
Being an empath is mostly a trauma response. We learned to be hyper attuned to the energies (emotions) of the people around us because we had to in order to stay as safe as possible. As adults we now are walking alerts for negative energies/emotions for that reason. Subconsciously we still feel the need to protect us by gaining a certain degree of predictabilty. It's a coping mechanism. Being aware of this/becoming conscious of it helps a lot to set healthier boundaries. Then it is more of a gift than a curse that we developed empathetic skills.
Everyone Find ourselves as Empath & the other person as Narc.
It’s eery how formulaic this whole thing was. She love bombed me, had me believing she was “the one”, then when things started getting better for her, she discarded me, cheated on me and found supply. Her new supply would run out every 2-3 months and then she would re-insert herself back into my life. And it went on like this for a year and half, chipping away at my confidence and mental health until I finally blew up, got angry and cut her off and walked away.
I realize now that I was trauma bonded to her and fixated on the idea that I could save her, but there’s no saving people from themself.
Thank you for your content. It’s been 7 months since I walked away, 4 months since I’ve gone full isolation and I’m finally remembering who I was before that nightmare of 2.5 years. I hope everyone who finds themselves in these abusive, toxic dynamics finds a way out and heals. 💚🙏
Same thing happened me for 1 month and a half only she ruined my confidence, took away my energy im a highly motivated person and successful im planning to not go back no matter how lonely i get i hate her really i hate her
Same exact situation. Got trauma bonded to a narcissist without realizing it. Eventually found the strength to cut her off and walk away. I realized she was just getting me more and more stuck in a perpetual state of confusion and lack of confidence about myself, lack of connection with any real authentic sense of self on my side, and just turning into an emotional lapdog for her.
I've healed a lot since cutting her off, but there are still wounds. Now I have to confront my problematic behaviors and beliefs from being too much of an empath. I have to accept that that behavior made me vulnerable, and that it predisposes me to inequitable relationships. It's sad and hard for me to wrestle with that. Hopefully just more mindfulness practice, time, and space will help me harden my boundaries, find healthier relationships, and move on. It's tough.
Sending warm vibes to others going through the same struggles and challenges. Take care of yourselves! For future relationships, if it ever feels off, just leave. You don't need any further justification to end a relationship besides the fact that it doesn't feel good for you. That lone is cause enough to go your own way.
The hardest and most agony thing for me to learn from my covert narcissistic "situationship" (because to a narcissist your not in a "relationship" or a "marriage") was .. she just didnt care, which i had to learn to acept and it helped me find closure.. was that .. she just didnt care.. and she never did.. it was all a game of power and control... and once i saw this... i told myself.. so why should I care.. and that was when I learned to let go and heal.. but its so hard..
*This is long, but hopefully some of ya'll will be encouraged by this story and you'll see the light in the tunnel. Don't hang in there! Run before it crushes you*
I've dated a narcissist, in the beginning he seamed like a good person, being nice, kind, helpful, BEING THERE for me, giving gifts etc. I thought it was real love, so I gave him everything - my time, my body, my mind, absolutely throwing my core values out of the window (I'm christian). He even said many times he wants to marry me, he wrote me a poem, he was nothing but an angel. After a while it slowly started to change. I started having major anxiety attacks and my mood was just swinging because I felt like I was being alone (my family wasn't supportive, and he wasn't supportive, I felt like I was in between two rocks that were about to squish me until my insides come out). He started manipulating more. I was very depressed staying at my house, so I stayed at his, and boy he made me miserable.. There was nothing good I ever made, I started getting worse at EVERYTHING I was once good at - cooking, producing/writing music, being pretty, even my studies and work started crumbling down, I was no longer the person I was before. I didn't realise at that time how badly abused I was (physically, mentally, sexually, You name it) I kept on believing what he was saying ("I would never hurt You") despite it didn't match his actions.
I didn't like travelling from one place to another and I was lying to myself that I don't live with him because I pay rent elsewhere (even tho I spent 90% of my time in his house) but he finally made me agree to moving in together + a few friends, even tho I told him clearly I can't afford it and he'd have to help me. He said he will, shortly we found a house and got it all ready..
The day I moved out of my flat he broke up with me leaving me without a place to stay (I slept on my friend's chair-bed for 2 weeks). Did you ever think how horrible it is not having a place where you can freely cry? I never thought of that before, but those 2 weeks made me suffocate.
I found new flat and a new job, I was still hopeful. He invited me for his band's biggest gig at the time, I went, and I saw him with a girl.. I knew her. A girl who was his guitar student (same age, don't worry), a girl who I was supposed to not worry about.
I took it hard.. after a week or two I stopped having any contact with him. It was in September 2021. I have no idea about his life and I put all the effort to make sure he doesn't know what's going on in my life either.
Throughout this time, nobody seemed to be there for me. Everybody had a weird picture of me. At that time I felt so intensely that even tho everybody's out, God was still holding on to me. I never felt it so strong and I will never forget it. After it all, I was SO damaged, hurting and just didn't trust anybody. I was unstable and wondering if I should move out and just live a quiet life alone until I'm gone (really dramatic), but there was no way for me to do so. I stayed, I put up with all those emotions and questions I had no answers for. Most of my family still doesn't know how bad my relationship was.
I started going back to church again, reunited with ooold friends, made some new ones, and there I met the love of my life (no jokes this time).
I was given a gift - a person who truly cares and loves me despite my issues and insecurities (After all that mess, I can be difficult to deal with). Trust me when I say - there is love that You're dreaming of!! Someone will be able to take care of You and to receive care from You! There is a person almost - as if made for You! I know it sounds cliche, but I'm not kidding. I'm marrying him in two weeks and I CAN'T WAIT! I could write another massive paragraph about him alone.. He's beautiful - a person I have never stumbled across before. A real treasure.
Wait with Your love, my dear empaths - don't awaken your love before its time, hold on to this one, it might save your life (or at least a chunk of your lifetime). Be there for people but man, shield yourself, don't give all of you, you're just a human being. You're worth so much more than what they make you feel like you are.
Don't awaken Your love before its time 💜
You're SO loved! Take care!
xx
EDIT: I left it here because I felf like God wanted me to share for those who need someone to relate to, maybe learn on my mistakes. I'm sorry to see so many of You relating to this, but trust me life can get better 🥰
Don't hesistate to hit me up if You need someone to talk to! 💜💜 by the way God loooooves You, and sometimes you may think He doesn't, give him a chance tho! If You let him help You, He will really change Your life.
I'm only able to talk about it, because of how God pulled me through and out if this. And when I thought i was unlovable, He first showed me, I am precious to him, and then gave me my husband to show me a true love in our human form! It's something I can't describe, it's beautiful! Don't give up!!! 💜
I read this and got teary eyed, i am so sorry to hear you went through this experience nobody deserves to get used and abused , but i am glad and happy you found your person and hope with all my heart that god sends you a lot of happiness together, god bless !
I am here now. So hard to leave 😢
@@melishawilliams1157 I'm so sorry 😓
I can relate to so much of your story. Wow. There are spiritual vampires out there & we must protect our loving souls from them at all times
Thank you ❤ currently going through separation from ex husband. I am one of the few blessed and fortunate ones who have supportive family and friends. One of my biggest worries is finding a new companion. I want to have kids and my own family. I hope I can meet my true life partner soon
I'm now living with my dad to stay away from a narcissistic family member. We were just having a conversation about empathy and narcissistic behavior when I got the notification for this video. We needed this right now! Thank you Psych2go!!! 💙
@DONT CLICK MY VIDEOS!! MY VIDEO IS FOR COURAGEOUS i wont
they really know when we have a problem
No worries! Feel free to share this video with someone who might need it.
My first relationship was with a narcissist. It was a really hard pill to swallow realizing it was never “real” during the 2 years I spent with him. I’m over that dirt bag now, but I’m still recovering from the self hatred of why I let myself get into that situation and why I didn’t get out sooner. I wish I never met him because of all the trauma and hurt, but at the same time its made me more aware and independent. If you’re going through this with your partner, please leave them. You deserve and are worthy of true love, no matter what they tell you. Don’t let them get inside that beautiful mind of yours.
I'm glad for this experience, I learned a lot, a lot about myself, what I deserve, how to love myself, and what to watch out for. Going to avoid making this mistake again and wasting time.
I feel you...
My mom is the narcissist and abuser in my life. She cut me off from everyone who would be strong enough to take me away from her. She gaslighted me into believing that she's the only person I could rely on and always punished me for doing things my way. I moved out two and a half year ago and I still get panic attack like symptoms when I think or talk about her. I got pretty stable over the past years but whenever she talked with me I get all anxious and uncertain and feel completely lost and helpless. I am afraid of her. She is my abuser. My mother, the person who should protect me from all harm and love me unconditionally, is my abuser. Since I can think. As long as I'm her good little daughter she is the perfect mother but as soon as I start to be an independent person she turns into a furious angry monster. She would do anything to keep me down and she ignores me since I started to go public about the abuse in order to free my younger sister from her. She hates me for ruining her reputation as the loving mother and hardworking life and showing her that I'm no longer her victim and I will fight for my and my sisters life. I still feel unsure whenever I talk about how I ruin her life since she keeps telling me how mean I am to her and what a bad person I am for making her look bad. But it's her fault. She did and does all those things. I just refuse to let her keep doing those wrong things. I'm not snitching. I'm saving my sister from our mothers manipulation. My sister isn't as resilient as I was thus she needs more help and as long as mom has a say in it, my sister won't be allowed to go to therapy since that would harm my mother. It's hard to swallow the fact that there isn't any love and that she won't change. It hurts so much and I'm sure that the topic will haunt me once I become a mother myself... That's why I need to have therapy now, so my children won't be affected by my own trauma.
This is my current situation and I’m so tired. I’m an only child though so it’s just me alone dealing with this shit. And family will never care or help. I’m tired of feeling scared but I’m am.
@Peony Hanabashi & @Talliah Donatien
I'm sorry that this is something that you are both going through. When you are ready, you both have the strength to do what you need to do in order to help yourselves. You can always come back here to get any support you require to keep going n to confirm that you are taking the right steps. Good luck 🤞🏿🍀😸
I applaud you for getting therapy. Not receiving love or protection from the very people who brought us into the world is so damaging that it will affect all of our personal relationships. Good for you for being your own and your sister's advocate.
I really like the level of detail you go through to deconstruct narcissism in a concise manner. My sisters and I have all three been involved in romantic situations with narcissists. Everything the empath does in that situation comes under scrutiny, because they are now an extension of the narcissist, rather than their own person. It's an absolutely horrifying situation to find yourself in. I can't thank you enough for making this content so accessible to everyone; it is instrumental in helping people escape abusive situations.
Exactly.
We have to separate to find ourselves again.
I'm doing that right now.
(Escape plan in action)
It's bizarre how they can twist things to make you look guilty.
I lost myself, now I'm getting me back.
Good friends who have been through this helps.
This all sounds like Leftism 101: the victim groups that continually expand the definitions of how they are victims of society or just anyone who isn't them, with their "lived experience" that is somehow YOUR problem to continually fix for them.
I’m going to cry holy crap…. Every single word resonates with me. All I needed was validation… I was right all along… this video was made for me…
Just got out from this kind of relationship. It sucks 😞
She manipulated me the whole time, she made me believe with those sickening lies. I never ever thought I'd encounter a narcissist in my entire life. Thank you psych2go for these kind of videos, it would really help a lot of people especially those who are experiencing this rn. They need to get out from that grasp asap.
Bro, I'm sorry for what you had to go through, everything is going to get better!
Yes! I was have been dealing with a hardcore narcissist and all these pills were genuinely hard to swallow! Thanks team for making me see the whole picture correctly and entirely! ❤️
You are very welcome. How are you feeling now?
@@Psych2go I really don't know, I have been following y'all for quite sometime now to understand psychology and I happened to see these but I was still stuck wanting to heal the narcissist, and now I am on crossroads where I want to stay and yet move on. He was my best friend and he's done more than I could ever give him. But again, things are not the same as they were in the beginning or even until a few months, tho he's never had anything much to gain from me. A narcissist is a narcissist and... It's overwhelming to deal with one or even to let go!
@@Psych2go I tried to heal a covert narcissist... I used my blood and life force to get her better. I've should have stopped wasting 10 years on her, which almost killed me since I've have diabetes type 1. Tried killing me with insulin... And worse of all I wanted her back. Because I feelt sorry for her still... 10 years lost intill the end I've screwed my head back where it should be. Feels like a void in me after all these years and I was actually in love in her. 🤢
Hi I'm 18 years old and I'm from the Philippines,Iam glad to say that I am now taking my undergraduate study in BS-PSYCHOLOGY for the years of watching this RUclips channel,thanks Psych2go for helping and inspiring the youth like me in the knowledge of our mental health.
BS-psychology? like as in bullshit psychology lol?
Congratulations! 😊
@@dietofvormsIt means "Bachelor in Science". What you said was very disrespectful.
@@woozywolf_ LMFAOOOO
My narcissist blamed me for 14 years that I wasn't trying hard enough to fill her needs. She even blamed me for being the narcissist and claimed I was emotionally abusing her trying to elicit more sympathy. I finally said enough and have felt so much better. I needed to learn to respect myself. I miss her some days, but the more I discover myself again the less I ever want to go back to that. Thanks
Everything in this video has happened to me recently with a narcissist friend. We’re no longer friends now but I have learned a lot from this experience. In the end I’m sad that I’ve lost someone I thought was a friend but on the other end I’m glad I’ve cut her out of my life. The drama was emotionally draining
ah yes, a narcissist. my ex was a narcissist, on the outside she's the council president in school and netball captain too. at the end of the relationship i realised she was only using me and she has no regrets. she dated me when i was still naive about narcissists and left me when she felt 'bored'. narcissists are MANIPULATIVE and we should not go back to hurt ourselves again. don't give them a chance 😢‼️
I’m so sorry to hear that… what did you take away from the experience?
@@Psych2go well, I hope we can all be cautious about seeing both the good and bad sides of a person and not only the 'good side', which is very important. Also, even though a narcissist may leave a bitter taste in you after the relationship, stay true to yourself and people who still care for you!
also relationships aren't everything, take care of your emotional well-being too, for example, learn to love yourself and learn to be happy without depending on others :)
I'm not an empath, at least I don't feel like I am, but I was in a relationship with a narcissist for years and, yeah, it was hell. That last pill was oh so hard to swallow, but once I accepted it suddenly everything made sense. And more importantly: once I accepted it, only then I was truly free again.
Helped a lot to realise the person I loved never actually existed, but was only a role the narc played. Allowed to kind of mourn a deceased (who's body is still walking around, like a zombie - so not quite, but you get the picture).
Also to see that I seem to have needed this rough lesson, so the time wasn't wasted.
Omg! This video has HELPED me so much! Thank you for these hard truths! It was the hardest to realize that the narcissist never loved me... as evidenced by the severe abuse. I didn't lose a relationship, I lost a life sucking vampire! Thank you!
And you didn't lose YOURSELF. Good for you Roberta.
It’s a hard pill to swallow when you realize not only your parents are narcissists… but your EX is too. I was dealing with so much manipulation and anxiety… it hurts too much to think about. But I think this finally opened my eyes.
I dealt with so many bullies throughout childhood to graduation and some of them were definitely narcissists in a way. My parents were really busy, so some of our relatives helped look after me and my brother. We used to have nanny too. But a few of them were both narcissists and abusive. I got beat up a lot as a kid. Adults’ temper, but as long as my brother was safe, that was all that matter. We couldn’t do anything much because of our living conditions back then. And my parents were trying their hardest for us. We moved around quite a bit so we came across different types of people. I wouldn’t call myself an empath, but I can relate to certain experiences because I’ve gone through them too. The scary part is that I’m afraid of hurting others too, emotionally that is. I don’t want to become like those who hurt me. Thank you for this video. I really still have so much to learn.
Oh one more thing! dont let them effect you, be who YOU want to be! And don't hesitate to defend yourself your a good person!
@@KyleUltima9189 Thank you for your kind words. Those dark moments make me appreciate the gentleness and kindness from others more. I just have to believe that I’m safe and can protect myself and those I love now. Please take care, and I hope you have a great day. 💟
I feel like I have narcissistic tendencies from a rough childhood and early teen life, and yet I also still remember the empath I was who always wanted to make everything better (even though I was eventually broken). Now I am watching the only person who ever accepted me for who I was, and showed me unconditional love reach her breaking point and have to walk away from 12 beautiful and challenging years, because of my stupid patterns. I'm cycling through all of the stages of grief while trying to find the strength to better myself without an alterior motive, failing miserably because I've lost all respect for myself, by how I've hurt such a beautiful being, and the only thing that's getting me through it is just looking at it all and collapsing in to tears as I realize that it's probably too late, and she is doing what is best for her, which ultimately is best for us... I guess...
I hate this so much.
It's the hardest thing I've ever experienced. If only I had realized these things sooner, I could've gotten out of my head and taken the time to listen.
This isn't a cry for help, just a digital sand mandala of generational pain. We have a beautiful 5 year old son together, so we will always be connected, but to think that I wasn't there for her the way she way was for me, brings me the most agonizing sadness and anger that I've ever felt.
I guess if anything, I'd like to say some of us out here don't just cut people off or surrender to apathy when we don't get what we want, but the urge to do so was there like a parasite trying to take control of my body and mind. Honestly I'm probably lucky to be a little schizo because I was able to play the dark stuff out enough to see it as an aspect of myself that *I* need to be present with and not project onto someone who has been there for me through thick and thin........ even if I can't be the one who meets her needs.... what I would give to overcome these things and come back to win one for the home team.
I could've been the first in my family to do it right, but it looks like the only constellation I will have might be knowing that her and my son are happy and bettering myself because it's never too late, and life's too precious to throw away, even when it seems impossible to cope with.
This is my breaking point. I'll never forget this feeling.
God bless you! I hope you find your light.
Asa, writing this was very brave and shows a lot of growth and I'm proud of you. I hope you heal and find peace and happiness.
@@aliendeathrocker Thank you. It's been a challenging journey going back and looking at myself, my actions, and my mind. I still have a long way to go, but I can gladly say It's happening.
I'm a diagnosed narcissist, I take pills for situations I caused. And it's just frustrating how they put us as bad people. Narcissism it's a disorder, such as ADHD and OCD, which means that's it's not our choice to be like this. Yes, we need help and maybe prescriptions, but that does not mean that we like seeing people get hurt.
i think that your self awareness is great but it’s not that people are portraying it as bad: it’s that real people are being hurt by this condition and what’s more is that the nature of the condition makes it hard to diagnose because how many narcissists can admit they are? it becomes a toxic cycle that harms the people involved but i am so glad that you are getting help and trying. i wish more people would.
How did you diagnose you as a narcissist. Pls let us know honestly.
@@De-tw7by I was sent to a psychologist from school, from bad things I provoked. The psychologist said I had a strange behavior from my age, and that we had to work in my state of mind about other people. She referred me to other mental field doctors, I didn't know anything until they told my parents, that I got diagnosed as a narcissist. I got in a horrible denial, bc of course I thought I knew better than them, and they gave me pills for my impulses. And in then I just accept and tried my best to keep people save from my narcissism.
@@oopsiedaisy8494 I'm glad you're getting help and I truly hope you're able to heal.
This video resonates with me & my most recent relationship that I've struggled with for so long & finally left a little over a month ago.It is a very bitter pill to swallow,especially the fact that it was all an illusion to supply & validate the twisted narcissist! I appreciate the wisdom of knowing that "time lost" is far better to acknowledge,than to continue to waste more precious time,catering to these misfits.They really do make you feel more frustrated,lonely,& invisible,with zero return of compassion or empathy.The Narc that I was involved with has been reaching out to me since I've left gaslighting,deflecting,lying,& refusing any accountability for the deceitful cheating creature that I had found them out to be! It's mind-blowing by any standard. I've never encountered someone who would take so much,& give zero in return. Thank you for these bitter pills of truth,as it tied up a lot of loose ends in why I was doing what I was doing,for so long even though the red flags were evident since the beginning. My sympathies to all going through & having gone through this trauma!🕊✨️
Same experience.
Same experience 🌺🕊
the accuracy of this video. I’m so proud of my Empathic self, a few weeks ago I decided to stand up for myself. Only a few months ago, my aunt explained to me that you can’t change a Narcissist, but you can always be in control.
Thank you Psych2Go for another great video ❤
This sounds exactly like a relationship with a narcissist I got out of last year. I think this is one of the first videos of yours that’s actually triggered me, but in a productive way if that makes sense. I’ve been working on acknowledging the trauma I’ve went through instead of pretending it doesn’t exist. This way I can actually start to heal❤
That beginning about Narcissists trapping an Empath and never letting go gave me chills since I was adopted by a Narcissist and often at many times throughout my life been called "too" empathic..
EDIT: I would be interested in seeing a video on how the psyche of a Narcissist parent and how they cope when finding out their kid may be neurodiverse?
I was married to one for almost 20years, knew her for 26, and it hurt to have this realization recently. I had to get rid of the idea that they ever cared about me. The most painful thing honestly was the time that I lost and can never get back. It's not even the fact that I will have trust issues for years to come if not permanently. It really is the time. After an explosive moment which forced her hand to pack up and leave, our children who are all with me by their choice, see their mother for the person she is. Unmasked and persona exposed, she tucked tail with embarrassment because the children which have been a shield and sword for her were no longer available, and they saw that they too were being wielded for her own needs and selfish battles. Everything is all about her, and they saw it in 8k HD.
If you have or are dealing with this, cut the cord. It is the best thing to do for yourself. You are definitely not alone in your experiences. It will take time, and I have no idea how much, but like all things in life....this too shall pass. The sun will come up, and it will go down. Life is there to be had between then.
sorry to hear that just got out of a relationship with one such a terrible experience honestly
I am an empath , recovering people pleaser and I don’t “ people “ anymore. I will always be there for others , no matter what. It’s automatic and no prethought is present… true or pure altruism. I have survived way too much trauma and abuse in my life and can’t bear to see others suffer .
But now , I’m a hermit and rarely go out anymore. My last relationship almost killed me … literally and spent 2 weeks in the psychiatric hospital under lockdown.
Also that contract is not me , I never have had expectations of anyone because people will constantly let you down, I accepted that fact a long long time ago
Grew up with one as a father. I recognize them when I see them, and often have to tell my friends that they are dealing with a narcissist. They usually don't believe me until it's over, which is typical for such a relationship. It's sad and it sucks.
I had the biggest "OH" moment when you got to talking about how an empath feels like the love was real before something went wrong. I've been questioning that for some time after my last relationship that went south. Now I get it.
Not all narcissists are evil, an example; my narcissistic bf is a diagnosed narcissist and he was very manipulative and self centered but also at times generous, but he noticed his manipulative traits and he’s working on bettering himself, I feel he truly loves me, he isn’t evil he’s just sick.
This I believe doesn’t only apply in an intimate relationship, but in a ‘friendship’ as well.
Been super close with a narcissist for a good 3 years of my youth. We had so much in common and it seemed like only he could understand me as a friend.
Unfortunately no, time and time again I was emotionally walloped by him and had me thinking I’m the one who always messed up. Until a week ago I completely dropped him without a word. Keynote here:
“Dude what happened?”
“Did something go wrong?”
Don’t explain, a narcissist doesn’t self reflect.
Point is, if you’ve ever got hung up over a narcissist, don’t forget that the world is full of beautiful people and I’ve had the pleasure of meeting so many of them❤️ To those who’re still recovering and trying to grasp a sense of reality, hang in there there is so much more to life❤️💯🥰
Make sure your empathy isn't actually people pleasing to avoid conflict and to feel safe. You must set boundaries and treat yourself right first. If you do this, you'll never fall victim to a narcissist.
True self reflection is needed to discover this.
Hard to swallow pills? More like liberating truths! ✨ yeah, it’s heartbreaking and mentally draining to break free from a narcissist, but realizing you are the one in charge to break the spell turns out to be very empowering too, in the aftermath, of course.
Scarily this describes my previous relationship (and partner) to a tee. And I lived that for ten years, ten years where he slowly, carefully removed all my support networks so I only had him to rely on. Between the physical, sexual abuse that followed I'm not sure how I survived but I'm glad I'm free from that, from him now - though my confidence still suffers as a result for the moment.
I'm so sorry for what you had to go through, you're on the other side, congratulations!
So sorry to hear that.. 10 years is a lot of time gone.. How are you moving on now?
@@Psych2go I removed his stuff from my house, all bills in my name - the physical stuff was easy, the emotional stuff less so. I've gone through a series of conflicting feels, I even felt guilty at points like I abandoned him - he'd so insidiously weaved his way into my life that I felt lost without him. I remember the first time I had to go shopping by myself I was absolutely terrified, it was all alien because I was boxed to our home for years (he didn't like me leaving the flat). Now? I love going out, not being beholden to someone, I love simple things like getting groceries. I'm still nervous at times but the more time goes by the stronger I feel and one thing I know now I will NEVER let myself fall into this trap again. I deserved better than that, I deserve better than that 🙂
@@-Chrome-thank you 🙂💕
I'm so glad you made it. Ten years is a long time and I find it inspiring that you're making your way still. Best of luck to you ❤Stay safe and take care
When I called out a female colleague at university for lying, I was made out to be the bad guy and was accused of making up rumours about this person even though I DID NOT. I was a very good mate to this female student before this.
For the last 6-7 years, I had colleagues and acquaintances Who were definitely narcissists towards me even when I was being polite. When I was going through my difficulties they were being nasty towards me which upset me. A lot of time I brushed it under the carpet and to me it was a build up of my emotions. No one was there for me.
I have learnt to focus on myself.
Thank you so much Psych2Go, this is an powerful video.
0:00 intro
1:01 1. Narcissists will never fufill the covert contract
2:36 2. You can't save someone who doesn't want it
3:56 3. Emotions can't replace your brain
5:22 4. Narcissists are disordered and morally bankrupt
6:59 5. It's all a fantasy; it's not real
7:51 6. Abuse means genuine love was never part of the picture
10:02 outro
Thank you for the time stamps!
@@Psych2go 😁
Oh my goodness, I needed to hear this. I had myself thinking the “I need to work on myself” was genuine, but realized I was constantly putting in way more effort to make up for the effort she wasn’t putting in
This video is great. The only thing I have to say is everyone isn't just one or the other but people can switch between them. I've had issues with a narcissistic experience with my ex's but I've also been the narcissistic person in relationships.
This has really helped me to realize that this was the exact relationship I had with my dad
Ive come to realize that ive really needed to get away from him or stick up for myself this really helped me realize my own self importance and that the way he acted was not right thank you
I’m glad you were able to come to a realization. How is your relationship with your dad now?
@@Psych2go I don't see him anymore and I'm happier now than I was then
I like that you said you needed to get away from him or stick up for yourself. When I have been in difficult situations, it has been hard for me to remember my options. And sometimes problems do get resolved simply by standing up for yourself. When it doesn't...the problem is with them. Not you.
This is so accurate.
I've exhausted my relationship with my relatives thanks to the fact that my dad gets power trips from controlling people or things and my mom used my empathy against me by playing the victim card all the time to earn favors.
Things would basically happen this way:
Our pet needs help. "But your father will become furious with the bills! Oh he controls me so much I am so powerless i cant even pay a vet please never get married love is a lie!" My dad is cold towards the pet thanks to the attention they're getting, because he's a jerk who can't tolerate sharing his family, belongings and house with someone else, backing my mom's stories. Cue me spending the little money I had because I love my pet and also believing my mom was being controlled by a freak (emotional manipulation, gatekeeping my potential relationships, financial abuse). "Don't let your father find out the pet has been to the vet or he will be furious!!" My dad never hears from it. Calls me out because I never moved out of their place, says I never help with shit (after all, he never learns that I'm solo carrying vet bills on my minimum wage which rendered me unable to move out). We fight. Later I'd overhear my mom going full double agent style and trashing me to my dad to gain brownie points with him. The other day she'd feign sympathy by trashing my dad to me to gain brownie points with me. Yet if I argued with him in her presence, she'd take his side and both of them would back me into a corner by supporting each other and calling me unstable/spoiled/unbearable. I'm forced to shut up, retreat, and later she'd either go "why are you so angry? Your dad is a good man!!!" or "you have to stop talking back, I had to take his side for you!" Or "I cannot tolerate the way you two argue anymore, I do everything to calm both of you down I just want some peace and quiet I should just run away or kms!"
She literally thrived off this chaos for years until I realized this wasn't normal family crap. Then I slowly became numb. I talk to them only if i cant avoid it, and when I do I have to force myself to pretend im perfectly fine. I can barely feel anything for people anymore, I just care about my fur baby lmao
Omg...same thing happened to us when we had our cat. Everyone loved her except him. I never even peeped that the fact that he was not getting all the attention was the reason why 🤯
Anytime my narc father was on one of his tirades and we tried to stand up for ourselves our mother would tell us to "shut up", "Children don't swear at Adults" (Gambian [African] Proverb), "He didn't mean it", "You dont understand what he means" or some other bullshit. Meanwhile he beat on us like we were tambourines. Thankfully my siblings (with the exception of 1) are nothing like them and chose to see the light. It's hard when it's a parent let alone 2. However no act of cruelty like this goes unpunished. Hang in there bud 💛
@@FutureFendiFsnista I'm so sorry you've gone through similar experiences before. The powerlessness and confusion that came from growing up in an environment full of mixed messages screwed up my head big time, I hope you managed to heal if it happened to you too 😔
The weird thing about my fam is that... Sometimes, both of my narcs would be nice to the pets, eventually love bomb them (it's not unusual for my mom to pamper a pet for a while and my dad show up claiming she's not giving him enough attention because of them), yet sometimes they'd work against them, other times they'd blatantly neglect them like in the example above, next they'd prioritize anything except the pet while claiming they love them. My mom had a weird hecking habit of buying snacks, toys and gifts to other relatives' pets and not doing the same for hours. I've even questioned her before, "why don't you bring some for ours?" But there's no clear answer.
I've seen them sometimes cry when no one was looking when we lost pets in the past, tough, so I'm inclined to believe they maybe do/did kind of, sort of love them. It's just a really freaking weird way to "love" someone, idk. Must be a constant struggle to ponder over whether an action is working on your side or not all the damn time. I'm not a mental health professional so I'm not sure if I can backup my argument about their true feelings much 😅 That doesn't mean I'm okay with their behavior, though. Everyone deserves to be loved unconditionally by their parents, fur babies included...
I have faith that people with NPD can get better if they decide to. Sadly a lot of people with NPD don’t even realize what they’re doing. And bc of this it’s extremely difficult for them to get help. It’s possible to get help and move through this. NPD is curable 🖤
Many hugs to all those who have been abused by someone with narcissism or NPD. Y’all can and will get through this.
Many hugs to the narcissistic folks and those with NPD. Y’all can and will get through this.
*I would love to see y’all do a video on those suffering from NPD. It could be very helpful and possibly- hopefully- push folks to seek the help they need.*
May NPD grow smaller and smaller so no one has to go through this abuse.🖤🙏🏾🖤
There's an interesting article on The Cut titled "What It's Like to Have Narcissistic Personality Disorder", about a chap who was becoming self-aware and trying to get help for his personality problems. In my experience as someone who was a somewhat toxic, multi-drug addict, my belief is:
People who are in the mild-moderately toxic half of the spectrum can maybe learn to be better, as long as someone can find some way to motivate them. A good angle would be their self-interest and pointing out how their own behaviour makes them unhappy.
People in the moderate-maximum half however, are totally, completely beyond ever getting any better. This end of the spectrum is high scoring Dark Personalities, Dark Triad / Tetrad. They are forever incapable of understanding that *they are THE problem* . Serial killers, gangster bosses, mass murdering dictators. There is no hope for such people and the kindest thing for all is to give them the hemp fandango.
At one extreme of the Horseshoe of Morality is being so selfish you damage your own mental health, ruin your own life, damage the lives of those close to you, and damage society.
The 'opposite' extreme of the Horseshoe is: being so selfless you damage your own mental health, ruin your own life, damage the lives of those close to you, and damage society, by being a weak, piteous, easily manipulated doormat.
Self-interest is normal. Ourselves is all we'll ever truly know, and not very well at that. We should always try our best to not screw over other people, especially for no good reason. Human civilisation depends on pro-social behaviours. It also depends on kindness. Be as kind as is practical, but not a doormat and pushover who is easily exploited by the worst people.
@@TheHorseshoePartyUK Thank you for sharing this with me! I greatly appreciate this resource xx
@@Softtransboy My pleasure! I've been told repeatedly I'm one of the most unusual people on social media, both as a compliment, and as an attempt at an insult.
I am likely to return to education next academic year and pursue becoming a clinical psychologist. I have much lived experience of problems, and also done a lot of reading, learning and working on myself.
I am putting together several playlists of psychology, mental health, critical thinking, some for specific diagnoses too.
When it comes to Politics, talking about Horseshoe Theory often upsets people every which way at once, much to my amusement, but applying the concept to random things like Psychology, Morality, heck, even Religion, Spirituality, even Buddhism yields interesting and often helpful results 😂😂
Eg: Delusional New Age Narcissists think that if they meditate for 20 years facing a wall they'll gain magical powers.
Their 'opposite' is just as misguided and thinks buddhism is entirely mystical gibberish, because of people like that.
Buddhism itself is on a spectrum from totally logical to mystical gibberish, and I like both but prefer the more logically sound end such as Zen.
Right it’s stupid how Narcissists are seen as unredeemable monsters. It’s an ego because they already hate themselves.
It's too ironically 'narcissistic' to scapegoat an entire group of people being less served by the mental health system. The cycle should be broken and narcissistic abuse needs to be understood as it's present in more than just people with NPD. And labeling someone as just a mere 'narcissist' Feels so utterly lazy and, again, ironically lacking in empathy. Everyone with these traits that I've known have been severely abused throughout the formative years of their lives.
I'm not saying untreated, traumatized, mentally ill or disordered people are totally fine. I've survived too much narcissistic abuse. But, in labeling people 'narcissists', I realized a long time ago that dehumanizing people is kinda only also a coping mechanism. Understanding narcissism and etc isn't just an important step in healing, but, in breaking the cycle that makes things so terrible to begin with. It shouldn't be compared to a Greek Myth. *that* Is cruel and unempathetic.
I'm not saying billionaires with narcissism or, let's be fair, the essence of capitalism and evil, are, like, the neatest people and that I like them... At all.
I'm saying this is far more complicated and pop science edutainment videos might help you escape an abusive relationship... But, only to escape it in one way. And to leave it to the next generation; Traumagenesis. Recursion. History repeating itself.
I'm not saying it's your job to singularly fix society, but, people can be so much better than this. I have many critiques of simple solutions and explanations. Maybe they help for a time, but, not forever. Not me.
Honestly one of the hardest things about breaking free from a toxic relationship like this and educating yourself on narcissists and the like; is seeing people in your life readily run to or stay to these types of relationships. You see the wolf in sheep's clothing and know what they're going to do and why they do it, but all this knowledge can't save others 😞.
Us preaching about needing self-love/respect, but them defending all of their emotional and verbal abuse. They tolerate everything until they perform a final taboo like cheating but even then, they view it as something to fix/work on. It's so heartbreaking 😞😞😞
My mother is a narcissist while I'm an empath. She always made me feel like I was responsible for her feelings and her happiness and like raising me was such hard work that I simply had to do anything she wants like I owed her my service. But I never asked her to raise me. I even told her the opposite multiple times. But I still feel like I have to serve others to be useful so I can be worthy of my place in the community. It's so hard to unlearn such deep beliefs...
Unbelievable this video was uploaded now. Literally going through a breakup with a narc atm.
Power, peace, and love to those in need of healing
I like that they show the empath defeating the narcissist through the narrations. It gives hope to relationships that may be struggling in this way
Results may vary, of course. (Still, good luck.)
@@normanclatcher Very true!
This is so true, and sad to deal with if you are on one of these relationships, my "best friend" and I were like brothers for about 7 years, we were both sad lonely kids when we met and that made us bond super hard, we even became roommates, I always felt we were both in the same boat of helping and supporting the other, I was the caretaker and he was like in the driver seat but he "was always" there for me, so I overlooked a lot of the things and ways he would always tale advantage of situations or how he would manipulate things to get what he wanted, I saw how he did it to others but always thought that since we were so close he wont ever be so harsh or mean to me, I'd take care of a lot things financially cause I didnt care he was my brother...well guess I should've listen to my gut feeling or not overlooked things, cause a year in of living together, he found a boyfriend that could supply everything I was providing and more ($$$), so he just told me out of nowhere he was leaving in 6 days to live together with him now, and them stopped talking to me...I was left alone trying to understand what had happened and how come from one day to the other we moved from brothers to strangers, I felt a lot of guilt thinking what could have I done different or why had I caused this...but I decided to take the stand of just letting things go, months later and after turning inwards and asking myself why did I allowed that to happen to me, and to question why was looking for reasons on how could this be my fault? That I actually came to realize I was just a bit of a flag in the wind when it came to people I felt close, and they could walk all over me and I would allow it, now I see that all those years the signs were there in the front page, I just decide them to ignore it to try to have a friend. Its been months of a lot of internal work to heal the things that made me such an easy prey for people like that, and now what I feel is that it was good riddance, it hurt a lot feeling like you are just disposable, but now I see that you have to be the one in charge of taking care of yourself and that as dark as it sounds sometimes the people who is the closest could actually be the ones are not good for you. Its funny cause I saw him briefly on a bar a few months after, it was the first time we saw each other and he just turned his face away from me, I felt weird but also I now see that the friendship and love was never real or mutual, and I was a prop for him to feel a lot of needs he had. Now I think about it and sometimes I miss my friend, and I dont hate him, but there is no way in the world he can get close to me or we can even go back to talking, I have 0 trust on his intentions and if someone really loves you they dont replace you once someone "better" comes in, hell was the journey but it made me realize I have a lot of good things in me and that I should be a bit careful about who I share them with, I hope he is fine and dont wish him bad, but also I hope we never cross paths again. I wanted to tell my story somewhere cause I really dont have anybody close enough to share this with and also so if someone reads it and its going thru something similar they can now it happens and sometimes we have to do the heavy lifting of letting the person go and accepting to see them for who they are, I never imagined that a 7 year old friendship that was so "strong" would disappear one day to the other, but also I never took steps into calling out or acting on the red flags all those years out of fear of losing someone I loved, now I feel I should have been braver quicker and have those conversations or discuss those thoughts I had, because maybe our friendship wasnt really that strong and I was more like a vehicle for him than a friend. Anyway I hope that if someone goes thru something similar they see that they are worth it and should not allow anybody just take advantage out of fear of being alone or hurting their feelings if you express your needs, in the end for me I see now that there was no real love in that friendship, but also feel ok to let it go, eventhough hurt like hell, cause I rather be alone and happy than next to someone that made me feel incomplete and played off my insecurities to fill theirs, thats not love. Anyhow hope that everyone has a good day ^^
Thank you for sharing your feelings, i wish you a very good life and be safe and full of selflove!
It's so painful to lose friends like that, I know this pain all too well. I hope you find true friends and that you heal from this. *Hugs* Hang in there.
Question them too much or put too many boundaries down, they block you first, deeming you as a serious threat, espcially if you try to make them accountable for misdeeds
Living with a narcissist right now. Crashing with a friend temporarily while I figure out my next steps. Can't afford to pay two rents for the remainder of the lease so going to house sit as much as I can and visit my family at the end of december. Moving in February. Each day is agonizing and draining living with a narcissist. I can only truly rest when I am out of that space.
I've read that unfortunately narcissism can only be reversed at a young age. Statistically when someone with narcissism reaches 30, they've spent too much time in this way of thinking and can very very rarely still be reversed. I believe that all people have emotion, but I've seen that when they begin to implement narissistic thinking (usually at a very young age, learned from a parent or an adult in their life), they bury all of their feelings deep deep inside till they can't feel them anymore. I've seen this in my father, who I've never seen cry in my entire life. The longer emotions buried, the less the chance to get better sticks around. I believe it starts as them thinking that if they can't feel emotion, they can never get hurt. I have tried this myself, and it feels way worse than cutting. It feels like you are cutting your soul, and the result of this is a deep, dark hatred of self, and anger issues, since this is a very unhealthy way of dealing with emotions. Despite narissists being obssesed with themselves and their ego, they despise themselves and will never love or accept themselves, therefor, they will never seek to receive help. They adopt this belief that nothing is wrong with them, and this is what kills the people around them. As for my abusive father, he may always be completely in denial that his actions, as I was growing up, has affected me at all. I feel so free after cutting him off from my life entirely, and he honestly doesn't seem to care, which hurts, but if he's meant to change down the road, then he will. He doesn't need me there, and I don't need me there. And now I can identify such traits in others, so I suppose I've gained a superpower, but that's not the only one. Unfortunately I've also frequently disassociated in my childhood to protect myself from much of the manipulation, so I'll probably be picking at that superpower for the years to come. Too many protective powers, not enough love. I actually don't know who I am after this, but that's life - figuring it out.
As an empath I have been in many fake friendships and have 100% been taken advantage of and it really hurts it feels like someone stabbed you in the heart but it’s okay because now I found real friends who care and support me and really have my best interest at heart ❤ I’ve moved on and feel safe now sure I still think about my old “friends” but that’s something that I can learn from and I hope that if anyone is in a toxic friendship If you see this I want you to know it will be okay and you will move on you won’t forget it but you will be okay and safe one day
Ya
💚 I personally know filial piety toward a narcissist parent isn't easy by a long shot. All I can say is that the pain eases after they pass. Sometimes the more you understand the dynamics of what someone put you through just makes you want to throw up! Please protect yourselves! Narcissists are the closest thing to someone poisoning you everyday. See their apple for what it is!
Cutting off supply is difficult enough for an empath on it's own, but when you have children with a narc it's heart wrenching.
Listening to this was like listening to the story of my marriage. We have been separated for nearly 3 years and I am still broken by it. Thank you for this as it has helped me on my way to understanding
I am a very empathetic person and sadly I fell in love with a narcissist, the first year of relationship she was so kind, so lovable, so warm and thoughtful, but after one year passed, she started to show her true self and well I let it happen I didn't accept or could see what she was doing to me cause I loved her and to be honest I still do, she broke up 3 times with me which I 2 of those times she wanted to come back and well I forgave her 2 times, the 3rd time I tried to get back to her and she just simply said "no" after all I did for her, she just dumped me like nothing, right know I'm struggling with depression after all of this, she made so many promises to me, she even told me we were going to get married. All just a fantasty.
Pretty true. The biggest narcissist in my life is my mother. A narcissistic mother can really mess you up. Ultimately leaving you feel inadequate, useless, and unloved. These days I only hear from her when she wants something. I guess she's always been that way.
I know exactly how you feel… and then you realize that all along you were the only one initiating contact/making effort while they just discarded you like garbage. sometimes it’s hard not to respond.. and that’s cause we’re so use to it and trauma bonded
I never thought I was an empath but I really like being kind but my mom makes me feel like I'm dumb and I know she's a narc because here's an exact quote from my Birthday she said: "Just think about (I forgot, maybe something about how it's my B-day) and how you have the *best mom ever*" and that's a very narcissistic quote.
😢 this brings me too tears, I married a narcissist, and recently separated. I love being an empath but it definitely brings bad people around 😢☹️
I'm definitely an empath and I have come to learn that kindness really pays off. I enjoy it too.
Not sure if this was a narcissist, but I once met a kid online that was a complete drama queen. Everytime I joined their chat lobby, they would always demand control over the situation and whine when they didn't get their way. I've been cursed out many times by this kid. They also often played the victim when they didn't get their way, just sitting in a corner and going "woe is me.." And sometimes, that's all they ever did, regardless.
As an empath, I did try to offer a different perspective and a hand up out of this pit of theirs, but it never worked. In fact, I don't think they ever showed any empathy or kindness at all, even when I apologized. Eventually, I started to just roll my eyes - "Not this again..."
Luckily I was able to pick up on this fairly quickly and was drained to the point of, "I'm wasting my time." And cut off all contact with this kid. If they get upset over it, well.. I don't think I really care anymore.
They may or may not have needed some help, but clearly I'm not the person for this. I'm outta here.
I feel annoying when I help people. Though I enjoy helping people, so I become questioned of my actions when I'm not able to help people. Leading to me not being able to happy with myself. Because a failing of the other person, though that could just me being not able to accept that not everyone needs help. Their's also an amount of myself not being able to know how to help with something. Which leads me to question my ability to do something for someone when it's not within my ability.
Im an Empath and i feel like my brother is a Narcissist from what you say. At a young age he would always pretend to be nice and be my friend only to harm me further. i cared a lot about others and always forgave him without realising he would just use it to hurt me more. He wouldn't only bring harm to me, but to others and I would just have to go through it. Everything you say described him.
As a person with autism who struggles with social skills, I find this deeply stigmatizing. You're basically saying people with social skills are caring, and people without social skills are uncaring. That's so stigmatizing and messed up. I might struggle with social skills, but I'm the most caring person around. I'm the only one who would comfort a depressed stranger, save a trapped bug, go to a homeless shelter and ask how I can help, and even date someone that I myself don't feel any attraction to just because I want THEM to feel better and less lonely. What if I really was better than everyone in my whole dorm? I'm the only person who always does my best to stand with those who are hurting. Everyone else just flippantly brushes people off. Even as an autistic, screwed up narcissist, I can honestly say that my heart is pure. I only want to cause healing and let the weak come before the strong.
You see, empaths aren't inherently caring. They're just good at playing politics and framing narcissists for the harm they do. And I don't appreciate how empaths, instead of helping people like me feel understood, intentionally and cruelly use their powers to harm me. It's not cool, and empathic powers aren't an excuse to hurt people. I'm the real superhero. They're the supervillains. But empaths, no matter how thick a web you weave, God always knows the truth.
The real bummer is when they become stalkers. Telling everyone there's something wrong with you because you rejected them. And it works! They believe him or her. I was attacked for not thinking she was pretty.
It's rough out there.
I especially appreciate the end of the video. We must focus on the future!
I just recently got out of a relationship, all of these were checked off and I didn’t even know it. I don’t think he even knew it either. Just blinded by anger and narcissism. I’m glad I got out before my daughter or I were physically truly hurt.
I remember watching these videos back in 2019 when I got out of an abusive relationship with a narcissist. I didn't realize how manipulative and emotionally abusive they were for a long until the following years. Then I realized that my parents inflicted a lot of similar treatment on me, and they still try to. In that relationship, I often thought "my parents have said these things to me before, so it must be okay and true." Now, I'm actively trying to cut contact with them, one step at a time, but they live so close by and are close with the rest of my family that I don't know how to avoid them if they retaliate
Thanks, I needed this so much. Being an empath is both a blessing and a curse these days. The endless cycle of hurtful behavior rang so true for me. I just chose to ignore it over and over again.
I’ve never considered my best friend a narcissist. We’ve had this beautiful friendship for almost 5 years now. We’ve always supported each other, we’ve always cared for each other, we’ve always been there for each other. It seemed like the perfect friendship to me, so much so that I put her up in a pedestal and saw her as this glorious being. We’ve had our disagreements and to me that’s a normal part of any relationship because even though we understood each other in such deep levels i could acknowledge the fact that we weren’t the same. She said that I’m her soulmate. The thing is, there have been times when I’ve felt like my feelings have been disregarded and I hadn’t had the courage to ever say anything about it because like the video explained i had this gut feeling that would tell me that she wouldn’t be able to put herself in my shoes. I was right, my gut feeling never fails me. I confronted her about it through text like a day ago. A month ago we were so good, hanging out, communicating consistently and it was great but suddenly and to me out of nowhere she disappeared, with no explanation. This is something she’s done in the past and i just had to learn to respect it because my gut would tell me that I shouldn’t say anything because she wouldn’t be able to understand my feelings. So basically this past month shes been dealing with some personal things as I imagined and I respect that she took her space to better understand herself, her emotions, what she’s going through. To me it’s very important for her to do that, to take her space in order to be able to get to a better place mentally. But i was hurt because it all happened so suddenly and out of nowhere i knew nothing about her, i was worried, i was concerned, i was scared. So many questions ran through my head, so many negative thoughts. I thought my best friend had abandoned me. In the midst of all this i decided to confront her about it and i expressed how the way that she went on about it hurt me and she just didn’t care, she literally wrote “idc” because i was “making it about me”. I even ended up apologizing for “making it about me” and she just brushed it off as if my feelings meant nothing, as if my feelings weren’t valid. She literally invalidated my feelings and she even went about it in a rude way. She took her space because she needed to go through some things by herself, I completely respect that. It’s something that I’ve practiced all my life so i get it. What I don’t get is how she could not care about how that could affect the people that love and care for her, how her disappearing could’ve hurt her best friend. I was worried and of course I wanted to help, she didn’t need help and that’s fine but maybe she could’ve let me know that she was gonna take some time to heal herself by herself. I don’t think that’s selfish, I don’t think it’s selfish to believe that your best friend will take your emotions in to consideration before literally going MIA. She was even rude but I couldn’t take that to heart because it wasn’t about me. Basically I wasn’t allowed to feel any type of way because what she’s going through has nothing to do with me. I only expected her to say something like “hey, im going through something and it’s gonna take me some time, you probably won’t know about me for a while but I want you to know that i love you and I’ll get back to you at some point. Please don’t worry about me I’ll be fine, okay.” It’s like yes, do you, heal, take your space and all of the time you need, i support that. What i just can’t seem to understand is how she’s not able to see how the way that she went about it could’ve been damaging, is damaging. I love my best friend but I don’t believe I deserved to have my feelings shut down. I’m only human and I’m not perfect and maybe I’m wrong for expecting that from her but what can i say, that’s just me.
It’s easy to confuse empathy with people pleasing. Being empathic simply means you are able to feel what another person is feeling. It’s not about rewards or reciprocation.
I love this video, everything is true, you'll see this thing when you're on a relationship with a narc, specially when she showed the calendar with the bad days, this specially made me laugh because when I was in the relationship I always had this feeling "We've been okay for a week straight, the next argument is about to come", I had this so internalized that it became a game to me and I'll try to predict when the next tantrum was going to come and if I could avoid it, never could and I was always walking on egg shells, run from people like this, don't enter this nightmare.