This happened to someone I know. She told the guy that she was not going to be a second choice or option. She said that, "if you do not know if you really want to be with me, then we are done. I want to be with someone who knows what they want."
This guy is just saying he doesn't want commitment and wants to keep his options open till he meets someone else he's more keen on. When you hear a man say this, it's time to walk away, as it just sadly means he's not that into you. And you deserve better than being kept as an Option B!
RocketRadioShow1 What? Sure men are very important to us, sure we need them, we just finally have our options to choose! You could say the same way that men do not need women, which is also not true.
RocketRadioShow1 I'm sorry for whatever experiences you had that gave you such a poor opinion of women. Unfortunately your attitude is exactly the behavior that encourages women to write you off. A woman who needs a man probably does have little to offer. But a woman who desires a man, and recognizes how much better life could be with the right one has many attractive qualities.
RocketRadioShow1 If it is just about materialism and services for you, than I honestly pitty any woman you might be with. What you said about marriage is quite true, partnership needs no marriage these days, but if I would feel like I need no partner just because I do not need his money to survive... Do you really think about it like this?
RocketRadioShow1 Feminism is not toxic, feminism made our life worthy and our dreams able to fulfill.That scared and hated feminism is probably the best thing that happened in last few centuries. Your view of world is toxic. You say you do not speak about materialism and still you are only describing things that can women "give" to men and what man can "give" to women. What about feelings, about sharing your life and having somebody to share experience with? About making your life more then just surviving. Buddies can not be traded for a partner. Sure there are people that do not feel the need of this kind of emotional bond, but they were ALWAYS there.
because he knows.. if you tell any one who is emotionally invested in a relationship to "dump them" they will not want to hear it. Making them look inwards and acknowledge their own wants and needs will hopefully bring about change. ... You can't talk a battered wife out of a marriage she has to be convinced it is better for her to leave regardless of what she feels.
Lol. Yep. Exactly!! I know when friends and family tell me to dump a guy, I will not want to hear it. Matt answers these type of questions in a way that I can actually work with and respond positively to. :)))
Can't even tell you how perfect this video was for me today!!! I ended a relationship with a guy last Tuesday for this very reason. I wasn't prepared to be in an "open relationship" any more after giving it a go, and respecting his standards for almost 6 months. I decided I was worthy of finding someone who respects my standards, one of which is to be monogomous. It has been painful, because I love him a lot, but after five years (before meeting him) of doing work on my self, I love myself more. 😊❤️✨
I had to leave the person I love, even though we agreed to be in an open relationship which literally lasted a week. His Family were never accepting of me and my faith. He was pressured to find someone of the same faith. And it was too late for me, because I had given my heart to him. I do believe he loved me. But maybe not enough to pursue... He's out there on dating apps now. I had to step out of his life to allow him to take the path that may be better for him.
I think women should feel VERY secure in themselves before entering a relationship. A relationship should compliment one's life not complicate it. Very great advice Matthew!
Someone just said this to me and i said, i'm a one on one relationship female, u knew that from the start, so if that's what u want to do, there's nothing wrong with that, it just won't be with me. Movin on.
I found myself in a similar situation one month ago. A guy I was dating received a message from an ex-girlfriend. He was so confused about his feelings and suggested to have a relationship with both of us! I told him that Im not into Polyamory, and that he has to choose. He chose his ex. It was painful, but I rather prefer to be consistent with my own standards.
@@thelatentsexualfreak I think that we should think twice before getting back with an ex. However, that's a very personal choice and his situation is not my business.
6 months? if he even looks at other women after just 6 months - RUN! (that might sound a little overly dramatic but from my experience a guy is either into you or not. at 6 months you're still in "honey-moon" stage and everything should feel easy and natural. if it's not - then he is not the right kind of guy for you.)
I look at other women, but my wife looks another guys too. Cuz we know each other, we've been married for 20 years. But yeah when you first get together it's different
Great advice, it's disheartening to hear in her voice that she "heard" you but wasn't listening. It's something she KNOWS she has to do but isn't willing to do it. In the end, she wanted a different answer and you simply gave her the firm truth as you continue to do and we appreciate :)
I have a friend who is literally in depression because after 8 years of relationship she finally seen the truth. They started the relationship and they lived together but the expenses have been split like they have by roommates, after a while they bought an apartment, the credit was in her name but the name of the owner was his ( I don't exactly know how they have done that but they've done it) and after 8 years he told her that in fact they are in an open relationship and that they keep their options open ( he keeps his options opened). Such a scumbag. The strange thing is that he is not exactly the type of guy who has huge success in women so I have no idea what it is in his mind.
It's been my experience that open marriages or open relationships benefit one partner only and leave the other to wonder if they are going to be replaced when someone better comes along. I've had two relationships where open relationships were requested (both by the female partner) and I tried to make both work. But I was left taking care of kids and day to day responsibility while she chatted online and had fun. I ended both relationships as it was agonizing and unfair and I shouldn't have agreed to either. I'm not saying they can't work, but it really is about one person in the pair getting to explore while the other is left holding the bag. It destroyed my ability to trust and, as far as I know, my old partners are still out there playing around with anyone who they can find. I've abandoned relationships altogether.
Never in my lifetime would I agree to an open relationship. It's basically saying "You'll do (for sex) until I find The One". My fiancé is mine and I'm his. And that's that. We're red blooded and realistic and okay about each other flirting a bit, in fact it can lend a bit of spice, but it's done in each other's company. However I would be physically sick if I found out he'd had sex with someone else and would never allow him to touch me again. That's without even considering the risk of STDs.
Then I feel for you. Devil's Advocate: Are you so insecure in your relationship that you think that anyone piece of ass is capable of stealing away your life-long partner from you? And if so....wow. Life long is supposed to be a commitment that transcends fallibility in human judgement and instead reminds us all that basic, carnal desires do not define us as people and do not define us as partners willing to commit our lives to one another.
I'd be really grateful if everyone would speak about open relationships as respectfully and appreciatively as society is speaking about monogamy. I live in an open marriage, but never would I write the typical condescending comments on non-monogamy you'll find under every video on this topic about monogamy.
She was played. The guy was testing her out.looking around for something better in the meantime.then when he couldnt find anything he wanted her as a sidechic or fkbuddy. Pick up your dignity and get the hell out.break off all contact.
@@richrebel4449 I you want to keep your options open than go for one night stands and not straw along and waste anyone elses time because if you want to keep your options open she / he is clearly not the partner for you.
@@Spacesiren777 you’re still going to find others attractive, the flesh wants what it want. Just like how some people irritate so much I’d love to drop kick them off a cliff… but I’m not gonna do it. The question then becomes if you really love them you’d protect your SO emotionally and not cheat. But it has to be the right person, otherwise you wouldn’t care.
He was probably thinking the same thing as I was, she should find someone who is going to give her 100%. Which is why he said she should carry on dating other people at the end - it's his polite way of saying he isn't worth your time and effort.
My ex told me that I'm the best girl he has met over past few years and how much our meeting was life hanging for him.. And still told me he wants to be in open relationship. Sometimes I do not understand men.
Alena Ch I'm a woman and I'm the same. It doesn't mean that he doesn't like you, respect you and care about you. Just, you can find something in more people at once and there's no need for restrains
I feel like the moment you enter an open relationship you already lowered your standards and you are no longer a challenge because that person can have you and others as well
My ldr bf just said he wants to be in an open relationship and I said I was gonna think about ut. I am not sure about how I feel about it but my first gut reaction was feeling undervalued. I know I have other and higher standards, I just don't know if I am ready to lose him 100%. The thought of it makes me feel sad.
Maybe don't put your ego into relationships? Its never a good idea. There is nothing wrong in open relationships. There is plenty of good books to read about it. I am female by the way and I really believe in it
I agree with Matthew, You only get one life to enjoy and live, it's how you choose to be in this world. If someone truly wants to be with you then that person will 100%. Don't stop living your life for someone who won't for you, but that is your choice at the end of the day. Personally, open relationships ain't for me. I do have standard and I won't drop mine for no one. Just saying
Jocelyn Wright i totally agree with you. I always keep telling myself : sale yourself like a precious special pearl and not give yourself to anybody antill they earn it". Woman must be more happy with the way they are and be high value off themself. Matthew hussey say it all the time in the beginning off his job ..to be a high value woman. Be confidence in yourself and allow yourself to say " no " ..to people who invest in us for 50% . the high value and standards are important to show a guy . Thats how they see , that you respect yourself . In these days it must important to be. 😉
While open relationships are unarguably complicated, the thing that makes it fair is that in a true open relationship, both partners can see who they want within the parameters set by both parties. There can be open relationships where both parties can flirt, but not take it any farther, or there can be relationships where both parties can sleep with whoever they'd like, and there are any number of ranges in between and beyond. I know that with my current relationship, we've been "seeing other people" and flirting and in general, open for 2 years out of four. I know it works for us because we have very open (pardon the pun) communication about our relationship. But it's definitely not for everyone. That's my two cents. That is all.
yeah but only if it was communicated before on onset and not 6 moths later-smh- bc that way you being transparent and fair and not manipulative, you give the other party a chance to decide and say no and know what they are getting into
I wish I didn't care, I wish it didn't hurt, five years I was the one, next five years it's he wants others as well sees himself as single but still wants me, I ended up liking others because it hurts so much and I see him as less attractive. I'm not allowed to say anything cuz it makes me a hypocrite with double standards. I just want him to empathise and understand how and why it hurts. I only wanted him but he had to go and involve others. Like what's special and different about me then if you want it from others? Makes me feel like he's turned something which was very intimate n exclusive into stuff with ppl he barely knows. I feel like my idea of someone just wanting me and loving me and being loyal was my mistake. Help
@@SavedByJesusHeimatLiebe yep! I am in the 7th month of our relationship and he just told me yesterday his desire to have sex with other girls and still in love with me and come back to me. Omg my brain is hurting… and he is still trying to justify his action and to convince me that his feelings haven’t changed at all. But sorry mine has..and I am leaving. I told him I rather adjust to his absence than being in one. But I was very kind and understanding. I told him to go for it but it will be without me.
@@violetcrush8867 first of all i am sorry you are hurting. You must do what is good for You. And you have a Right to say NO to anyone or anything, without Justification, which you feel does you no good. Noone has a Right to judge You for that. Please allow yourself to be AND happy. We must learn to love ourselves and be the Parents to ourselves which we often never had. We want to real Eyes our Value and that we deserve unconditional Love. Firstly though we must give that to ourself. Here are some Thoughts of my own: There are People who do not belive in Monogamy and can be happier/thrive in a Relationship wth. more then one. However, due to the Fact that many Men nowadays are hypersexualised and do not Practice Semen Retention (to have Strenght and Energy and maintain the Attraction to their Wife) and Karezza and many of them are addicted to Porn and Masturbation, this can NOT work. !!!! Neither does Monogamy as long as a Man have such Vices !!!! It can work+ wonderfully if he has a high Work Ethik and has no such Vices plus pratices Karezza (which includes Semen Retention). I myself (A Lady); would be happiest in a steady Relationship with a Man who does this and 2 more Ladies, minimally one more though, and build a Family together. But 2 other would be ideal for me. 3 in Love is what i thrive for. I desire the Friendship and Love and beautifully Union of this. But only with a Man who has himself and his Lusts under Control. Perhaps it could help the two of You to try out Karezza together. After a Time of Abstinence, perhaps only Cuddling/Massages etc. (that is if you would take him back, if he trully shows a better Behaviour-but that is a Decission which is ultimatelly Yours only). "in order to love emotionally, man must feel loved sexually, in order to love sexually, woman must feel love emotionally!" (Ladies First ;) "woman get angry when they do not feel loved, man get angry if they feel someone else has their life under control-like having to work hard for someone else."
@yerowww666 Grow up? So you're bitching to someone-insulting actually, in a nasty way-because _she_ wouldn't accept a guy's terms when he after 6 months says "I want to sleep with other people." Take your "grow up" and fucking shove it. She is entitled to her (very reasonable) feelings about what she would do in that situation, just as much as you are entitled to yours. What you, otoh, are not entitled to is to dump on someone else's-again, very reasonable-attitude towards the matter. Just like I have the right to, if you choose to do so, point out to you that you are a -cunt- bitch.
Break up with this dude. You're past the stage of still dating other people... if he wanted that, he should have asked at the beginning, not when you're already commited. wtf.
Helen, some things are easy to say but not easy to do. Empathy is to try to put yourself in someone shoes, and trust me, if you do that you'll see how hard to say ''fuck off''to a person you like or love. What I really like about Matthew it's that he does that all the time before giving any advice. He understood, unlike many love gurus that just talking and giving advises is so easy but giving advises after trying to put yourself in someone shoes is something different. Don't condemn, people, understand first and then talk.
All of this can be explained with attachment theory! The question is, will this dynamic work out long term if she wants more affection and he continues to pull away. She can pretend for a little to be distant, and he might come running back, but can that dynamic be stably maintained?
Question, if it takes some "pulling away" and that in and of itself is a conscious decision and not an intrinsic personal choice to better one's life, then how is this any different than trying to manipulate someone else? Second question, what if this works and you're ok with this? That leads to even more questions about what it really......really is that you are seeking from an actual relationship.
This is an old video and so current. It hits home. Having a similar issue and working through the pain it is causing me. I will listen again and again.
My bf and I started as very casual because he's not the type of guy who's very expressive. I know there's something special between us but I wouldn't admit it because he never said it to me. I was hesitant to refer him as my boyfriend when I'm with my friends, what if he denies it. But I was so shookt when one time he calls me as his girlfriend in front of his friends.
I am unable to understand people who are open into open relationship. Just dated a guy who is already deeply rooted with a girlfriend and claims that she is so understanding and trusts him so well that he is allowed to do or date outside of the relationship. And i just couldn't understand that. I sort of in a way, amazed by the girl's tolerance over this matter and how it can make the feeling of love be magnified :(
Yea, been there and done that....he said he wanted his freedom and if either one found someone, or wanted to date someone else it was cool. Unfortunately this is total b.s. and it only works for HIM. As soon as I had anther date with someone, he quit texting and calling me. But I bet you anything if HE had found someone first, he would have wanted me to understand. Men say this to leave their options open, but we are not allowed to do the same thing... Hypocrites.
Hes right. But dam I feel like she should just ditch the dude and not be a love fool and go back to him. I had someone pull the open relationship card on me and I left n never turned back.
Love the advice Matt! It is great how you tie so much psychology of human behaviour in with your advice. Extremely logical and USEFUL. I just discovered you a couple days ago and already told many of my friends about you!
He said for him he just wants sex with other people, and I can do the same. No feelings involved, just sex, but that we come back to each other. So confused.
Whatever happens if two are for meant to be it Will come little by little and time Will comes because heart is a main core of source of everything no matter what passes..
Hiya Matthew! Why are you so wise? I mean to say, your wisdom and your delivery thereof astounds me! Talk about about knowing your purpose!! Thank you for being willing to allow your light to shine and helping others to learn to do the same!
Monogamous people and polyamorous people should not get into relationships w each other. Two completely different natures. Both are valid. Be honest about who you are, know who you are dealing with, and know how to read the nature of someone. If someone tells you they are open, BELIVE THEM. If someone tells you that they are mono, belive them. If there actions and words don’t match, BELIEVE THEM. I am mono down to the socks. I think it’s gorgeous. I think it’s beautiful. Poly does not make sense to me. God does not ordain like that. I have found a place where I am no longer judgmental threatened or scared of poly, but rather understand that some people just simply do not have a mono nature. I just wish they were more honest about it.
I feel being kind in the same situation and don't know how to wrap my head around it...basically I've been with this guy for 7 years now, we got engaged and a kid on his way. Last year he told me that he likes kinda kinky stuff, being dominated and such. I tried to engage in this stuff to pleasure him but it's not really my thing. Then last week he comes around after a huge fight over stupid things and decides to ask permission from me to experience these things as he really, really wants to. I don't want him to be frustrated and I really want him to be happy but I was taken aback...he keeps saying that no feelings are involved as for him it's just a sexual experience and that he wants to be with me as he keeps loving me, but I can't help to think he's trying to impose this choice, especially at the most vulnerable time as a pregnancy can be. Now I feel resentment and can't help to feel jealousy every time he's on the phone, clearly chatting with God knows who even when we're spending time together! I'm scared honestly that this experience is going to become addictive to him and that there won't be limits left...I start regretting even having decided to have a child with him. Sorry for the long post, I just felt the need to take it all out.
All the best to you. Follow your instincts about this. If he is doing this to you at such a vulnerable point for you, where is his consideration for you and your feelings of safety and security with him? And what kind of a dad will he be later showing this now? It seems quite selfish of him to be doing this imo, especially with you as you are.
@@GloryDaze73 hey there, thanks for asking ! Pregnancy went well, I had a lovely baby boy :) as for him, I decided to let him try once, he did and at first said he would stop as the situation hurt me and did not want to see me sad. He changed his mind and did it again as he "does not have any will". He is a lovely father though. We're still together but a bit of resentment over thé whole deal still lingers and don't know how to leave it behind. I'm seriously considéring to consult a psychologist so that I can let all out.
She should just break up with him if he wants an open relationship and she wants a closes relationship and they both need to find someone that matches them
No girl- let that fool go! See how "cool" he is w/this arrangement if you found someone & he hasn't... This someone who's trying to have his cake & eat it, too!
If they want an open relationship, it's better to find someone who would accept these conditions of a relationship. They are allowed to want to see other people, but we are also allowed to show them the door.
the problem with this advice is that it is betting on / hoping that the guy will come back. and he might not. matthew forgot to give that disclaimer because that girl will hurt a lot if/when her ex doesnt come back.
Limbo, exactly how ive felt for the past 5 years. Ended up feeling like I had to settle & get used to it - not sure about finding someone else - but feeling like something important is missing. I want to know how it feels to have a boyfriend who is just into me! It feels like my greif & hope have been drawing out for so long it's agonising. I do not have the hope this kind of relationship is possible anymore..how long, how many people will I have to get to know & put my heart on the line for?
My o so darling husband also wants an open relationship recently . He threw away our 9 years of marriage and one kids just wants to have fun. Thanks Mathew.
My goodness the guys actually being honest in telling her what he wants to do. He could be just doing it behind her back. Painful though she's in no mans land. But he's told her how he wants it and Open Relationship is just another word for playing the field. No thanks.
He has calculated that she's hooked in and her self-esteem is low enough that she'll put up with it. Also that she doesn't actually want to be sleeping with other guys. She can't win from this position. When he finds someone better he'll dump her. In the meantime he gets to have regular sex until Ms Right shows up.
Reading the comments, I would like to give my opinion on the subject: Open relationships are not the problem and suggesting one doesn't imply a commitment issue, it's just another form of relating with other people -that doesn't work for everyone just as closed relationships- According to what she told us, he was asking for an -unhealthy- open relationship, don't generalize the idea that all types of open relationship are that unethical.
well i suppose but there is still no commitment if two people are willing to have an open relationship there nothing really forming it's just an acquaintance
I find the traditional definition of commitment to be narrow. Everyone is different and in a relationship, the people involved have to create their own agreements and built something that works for them, I think following blindly what society thinks it's right or to mirror the "correct" way to have a relationship is what breaks most of them. In life, you have to break many social constructs in order to be happy and by the way, committed polyamorous relationships exist.
Matt, you are a jewel;) it seems you really do have an answer for everything, the right one that is...you say everything with such a clarity to the matter and address the issues from the exact angles necessary for the listener to really take it forward and have a complete understanding; What a talent to be so connected!
The way it is these days all romantic relationships are "open" unless we get married and there is a firm agreement between the two "this is~ it I am the One for you and you are the One for me." (My definition of "the One"...not that there is only one in the world for me.)
Smh I love this mans advice!!!! Why should I make him happy by agreeing to be option b I am better than that and I deserve to be the only one not the one he runs to when he needs me to run petty shit for him!!!! Time to stand up for my self and walk away :)
Open relationship its never be the happy thing at the end of the road, unless to treat this as a game the frivolous love trading.... simply to say sharing love, then ask.... you want game or love?
essiebejb There is this guy I find attractive who works at a local starbucks. He just has such a good energy and I really wanna get to know him. Is that because I'm lonely or because I like him? So confused..PS: I haven't really talked to him, but I know he went to the same school as me.
Ryan Harries stop asking you seems confused,you must go to the action got meet him, know if his interested on you to! , if you want to know how i can give you some great think Ryan.
Urgh. Open relationships ? Not something I can do. Not in a way that I'm possessive or excessively jealous more like in a way that I like having my PARTNER just to myself. I don't wanna be sharing his body with someone else nor do I want his attention given to someone else like romantically if that makes sense.
You said you aren't possessive or jealous and then described why you don't like tje idea of an open relationship by saying its bc you want him all to yourself...which is exactly what possessive and jealous is😂
He said he doesn't want to lose me but also isn't ready to be exclusive, and only wants to keep the relationship open. I hate the idea of ending things, and he even cried when I tried to, but how can I carry the relationship on if he has essentially asked for us to still act like a couple while having the freedom to sleep with other people, and basically cheat on each other :( Advice needed...
nicole sweetheart, I am saying with much love to walk away from this no good for anything, especially relationships. Imagine if you were married, I can swear he will go sleeping around while you’re pregnant, or with baby at home. Do not trust any man or woman who says it’s ok to sleep with other people !!! You deserve better honey. It will hurt in the beginning, but believe me you will be so much happier & can sleep without worrying or wondering where the hell he is at all times. Kick his f.....g ass out!!
Just ended it with a guy i was seeing for 3 weeks, i knew next time i was seeing him we would be intimate so i wanted to make sure he was not seeing other people, in the beginning he said he did not want to date anyone exclusively and after he started texting i thought he changed his mind so i asked him and he said he does not want to put a tag on it and that we are having fun and that he is not interested in monogamy, he said he wants to date others too so i said i do not want that and i don't want to be FWB and told him he will find someone interested in that. I am glad i told him what i wanted before things moved forward. Also before i got emotionally attached to him. I am nobody's option. I think it is important for us, women not to lower our standards because of guys needs. I am sure there is someone out there who would die to be with you.
How can I over come a abusive relationship? It ended years ago. But I can never trust anyone else. I know I am a lovely person. So, thanks to your vlogs I am worth more.
That is so right of Matt... Am watching your vids. It's helping me a lot to asses my life and stance in a healthy and fair relationship. I used to be give in all support to the point that I neglected myself and was discarded after. 'Twas lesson learned...
My ex who I’m pregnant with I just found out that he seen somebody and he told me that it’s an open relationship and they’re allowed to see whoever they want and that he wants to be close to me again and he wants to be close in this pregnancy but I refuse to be the other woman I refuse to be in this relationship I told him I’m like I can’t have you in the room when I give birth you’ve chosen to be with some other woman and this is just way too much for me. Soooooo awkward he told me I’m just so black and white lol
While definitely not for me. If both people are fully in agreeance (no shaming, guilting, coercing, manipulation) then have it. What I will never understand is why a person would keep this preference to themselves, until they have the other person hooked, and only after they allowed a person to develop an attachment to them, tell them they are not interested in a monogamous relationship. With so many people already into that lifestyle, why not just seek out one of those partner's from the get-go? That to me is very manipulative and a person would be well within their rights to be upset. This should have been discussed within the first few dates.
This guy ive been friends with benefits now he wants to have an open relstionship... Dont know what to think... I think i like him more than he likes me
I had a widower marry me, then tell me 2 years later he wants an open relationship and he had that in past marriages. I was really hurt cause he (my Ex) had some adorable personality traits, but I could not deal with a man who did not use condomns with ladies of the evening and BJ in his car at lunch. But most important he was not in love with me; I was being used as a nanny only. Ahh :(. There was other sad issues going on too. I was so shocked cause he was a super religious man. Anyway I thought about me and realized I cannot manage our family with his outside desires. He refused to stop or get counseling. He had planned on leaving me anyway cause was talking to a woman he met online in Flordia . Live and learn and life goes on.
Jane Spitfire - that widower will forever be searching to replace his wife who died. Woman after woman, he’ll never find her. He needs to let her go and move on, or be very honest about his requirements to not getting serious
Ruqayat Hime it depends on different things, does he always flirt with girls or is it something he does when he is around you? Sometimes guys do it to make you jealous, in which case maybe he enjoys playing games. Either that or he genuinely likes you and is different towards you. People have said to me I'm flirty when I know for a fact that I'm not intending to come across flirtatious I am just a friendly playful and sociable person who loves banter but if I like a guy I'm more likely to be distant with him and it's really weird how it works like that but it does. He may be flirty when single but completely all for his partner and loyal when in a relationship and that's something you won't know unless u either give him a chance or see him while he is in a relationship with someone else.
Ruqayat Hime another thing I'd like to add is that sometimes guys that are confident in flirting with girls are used to girls falling for their charm and some maybe even throwing themselves at them. If you are taking a backseat and not being one of the girls that typically falls for his flirtatiousness maybe he might see it as a challenge or might find you intriguing as a person this is a good thing as long as it's not the chase he is after as a posed to getting to know you.
Ruqayat Hime no you weren’t hasty ! You did the right thing! Any guy who is a flirt will always have that trait in him even if he is in love , or in a committed relationship ! God was telling you not to give him a chance darling 🙌
Breadcrumbing your partner in an open relationship is off the table, that is usually the dealbreaker for controlling narcissists. If you are a codependent person that needs frequent intimacy you will be needing to adjust your flexibility. Authoritative monotheism and monogamy are social constructs invented to control others for the benefit of a few. It has lost its usefulness.
If you get into a monogamous relationship knowing you aren't monogamous then later down the line try to coerce your partner into having an open relationship you are a shitty person tbh. It's not consent when it is coerced !
I myself feel like I'm in this impossible place. My fiancé and I live together and have been together for over three years now. She is expressing that she strongly feels that she is non-monogamous in nature and wants to live this side of herself. She keeps assuring that it doesn't reflect how she feels about me in fact she is madly in love with me but also wants to explore intimacy and new relationship energy etc with other people and I'm so taken aback by it. I feel this pressure to just agree because I want her to be happy and who am I to stop her but the thought is sucking the life out of me I feel numbed
Respecting her wishes and letting her live how she wants is absolutely the right thing to do... But if only one of you want monogamy that's going to be very problematic, you won't be able to handle the thought of her being with someone else simultaneously (sexual or non sexual). You will over time feel drained and resentful towards her. However if she really wants to be non monogamous she'll feel constant guilt of hurting you and feel resentment after a point too and things like "why did you even agree in the first place" will come up. Doesn't make any of you a bad person, but just people with different loyalty standards for the relationship. It is going to hurt you but probably parting would be the best way out.
You sound like a good man. You deserve better. She sounds like she is lying to you about the love part cuz she clearly cares about herself and her needs more. Dont let this lady and her selfishness plague your thoughts any longer. Free yourself.
@@sqoishicasette Hi there! Thank you so much for valuable insight. I don't know how I missed the notification of your reply. But fast forward about two months now and we are monogamous. She actually got as far as setting up a date with someone she was speaking to on tinder and just a few days before the date she admitted to me that for a while she was feeling really anxious about the whole thing and took it as something new which would naturally cause anxiety and kept pushing forward to make it pass the anxious phase. But that day she said she has come to realize that she didn't want anyone else, she just wanted more time and attention and that she wanted it from me. We had days of very in depth conversations about the situation. Being in med school I haven't been able to provide a lot of those two very important things especially since I was always exhausted after studying. But I have learned to to be more efficient and better manage my time and ever since we haven't been happier.
Ill share my story. In a long distance for 8 months now. Very supportive to eachother. The distance is wild, big ass ocean apart. He American I'm Polish. He dark skin black me white as a wall. The cultural and language and status missaliance. We loved eachother. He suggested no commitment as we dont know the plans yet. I commit naturally. I don't agree on sex friends and since he does my emotions dropped drastically. I said Id love to be able to accept it but I just cannot. I suggested that he puts more effort into this sex friend relationship bcuz maybe its a beautiful opportunity for a relationship he is missing. I moved away to the friend zone and asked him for not speaking sweet words no beautiful greetings no affection until he knows he wants me exclusive. Since my request he checks up on me everyday with a friendly talk. He exchanges interesting topics to discuss. I myself am opening my phd dissertation and keep on evolving. He focuses on his fam, his mother and building up bread. We love eachother even more now. He respects me. If I cannot be with him and carry his child, which I would love to, at least I know I showed him how Polish women love and respect. I wonder what the next chapter is. Ladies do not edit your soul ever
Why is a guy that wants an open relationship is considered a douchebag that cannot commit whereas a woman wants an open relationship is merely thought to be positively exploring her sexuality or is portrayed positively as being a free liberal woman that is empowering herself? Not necessarily advocating open relationships but I find fault with the adverse portrayals in media, society etc...
The guy wants sex with all he dates? He may never want to settle down...enjoys this freedom too much. I would move on. Dating many is ok for both, but not if they want sex/deeper with all...then not fair to all. That is like having many wives.
Shasha8674 That's a generalization though, isn't it? That men only want sex? What about the many women that only want open relationships/one-night stands and either don't settle down or settle down for a bit before cheating on that guy? You're right that it isn't fair but guys also get marginalized in that respect by the media or society. A girl with many sugar daddies is somehow seen as less of a bad thing than a guy with many wives. I've been in open relationships before and I've often been seen as the 'bad guy' for even being in one, despite it being a mutual thing.
***** ? I think people should save sex for marriage. It would make things less complicated and they would have to really like the person they are dating as a friend and not just for sex. Open relationships to me are really no relationship...can't share self properly with more than one person.
who thinks like that? I think either way is a lack of commitment and that they think the other person is not good enough, thats why they want to meet other people
Just need an advise. Me and bf just break up because he's not ready for relationship. We've been together for 6 months and he was not sure since at first that we are agree but he wanna try that why we agree to be in relationship. Then one day he just told me that he think he's not ready and give me an options, friend or open relationship, which I can't do both. What should I do with this? Thanks.
I don't think that this is a healthy point of view. You can be connected to so many different people at once...being connected with someone doesn't automatically mean disconnection with someone else...unless there's jealousy and the need for some kind of safety that doesn't exist. Nothing's safe, everything changes and developes all the time...that's what I believe.
Nope, he doesnt deserve honesty, or access to you. He thinks he can do better.So, tell him you met a guy whom you like and you want to pursue this other man . Encourage the loser to go and do what he wants. Destroy his control & power over you with every intention. Get very busy at weekends & let him see you dress up looking fab as if you go on dates with this other man. Do it with your mind, not your heart. Shatter his nasty big ego ,he deserves it. But you deserve to be happy more than this. Decide which way to approach it, but stop being emotionally available for him.
FOR MARRIED PEOPLE: The feeling that you get in an affair can NEVER be love. Love comes from God, the same God who designed marriage and commanded us to honor it. I truly believe that God will not contradict Himself and put love in your heart for someone else other than your spouse. The feeling you have for the other person can be LUST, ATTRACTION, ADMIRATION, or any other feeling that satan will USE to destroy your marriage (and push you to commit a SIN by breaking the VOW that you made before God). The devil will make you believe that what you feel for this other person is love when in fact it really ISN'T. That's what satan does. That's the reason he's called a LIAR and a DESTROYER.
![Megan Thee Stallion - Bigger In Texas [Official Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/QxTkZTLWdo4/mqdefault.jpg)
This happened to someone I know.
She told the guy that she was not going to be a second choice or option. She said that, "if you do not know if you really want to be with me, then we are done. I want to be with someone who knows what they want."
wow , this kind of response is ultimate 😇👏👏👏👏
Perfectly fair for both sides.
This guy is just saying he doesn't want commitment and wants to keep his options open till he meets someone else he's more keen on. When you hear a man say this, it's time to walk away, as it just sadly means he's not that into you. And you deserve better than being kept as an Option B!
i know right but why are men like that they don't want to commit?
RocketRadioShow1 What? Sure men are very important to us, sure we need them, we just finally have our options to choose! You could say the same way that men do not need women, which is also not true.
RocketRadioShow1 I'm sorry for whatever experiences you had that gave you such a poor opinion of women. Unfortunately your attitude is exactly the behavior that encourages women to write you off. A woman who needs a man probably does have little to offer. But a woman who desires a man, and recognizes how much better life could be with the right one has many attractive qualities.
RocketRadioShow1 If it is just about materialism and services for you, than I honestly pitty any woman you might be with. What you said about marriage is quite true, partnership needs no marriage these days, but if I would feel like I need no partner just because I do not need his money to survive... Do you really think about it like this?
RocketRadioShow1 Feminism is not toxic, feminism made our life worthy and our dreams able to fulfill.That scared and hated feminism is probably the best thing that happened in last few centuries. Your view of world is toxic. You say you do not speak about materialism and still you are only describing things that can women "give" to men and what man can "give" to women. What about feelings, about sharing your life and having somebody to share experience with? About making your life more then just surviving. Buddies can not be traded for a partner. Sure there are people that do not feel the need of this kind of emotional bond, but they were ALWAYS there.
I love how Matt avoids replying "Just dump him!"..
Every time he gives you something to work on, instead
because he knows.. if you tell any one who is emotionally invested in a relationship to "dump them" they will not want to hear it. Making them look inwards and acknowledge their own wants and needs will hopefully bring about change. ... You can't talk a battered wife out of a marriage she has to be convinced it is better for her to leave regardless of what she feels.
+gypsylynn45 I agree. But very few know how to handle someone in a situation like that!Matt is great at it.
i totally agree.
Lol. Yep. Exactly!! I know when friends and family tell me to dump a guy, I will not want to hear it. Matt answers these type of questions in a way that I can actually work with and respond positively to. :)))
Can't even tell you how perfect this video was for me today!!!
I ended a relationship with a guy last Tuesday for this very reason. I wasn't prepared to be in an "open relationship" any more after giving it a go, and respecting his standards for almost 6 months. I decided I was worthy of finding someone who respects my standards, one of which is to be monogomous. It has been painful, because I love him a lot, but after five years (before meeting him) of doing work on my self, I love myself more. 😊❤️✨
Oluseyi Kolade Alright you can also come over to my house and eat ice-cream and have a good bawling our eyes out session lol!
Excellent job. The world is a big place as Matthew says!
Oluseyi Kolade same
I had to leave the person I love, even though we agreed to be in an open relationship which literally lasted a week. His Family were never accepting of me and my faith. He was pressured to find someone of the same faith. And it was too late for me, because I had given my heart to him. I do believe he loved me. But maybe not enough to pursue... He's out there on dating apps now. I had to step out of his life to allow him to take the path that may be better for him.
poly people are mostly broken. A few people do well with it but most of the time they are just damaged, immature egoists
I think women should feel VERY secure in themselves before entering a relationship. A relationship should compliment one's life not complicate it. Very great advice Matthew!
Sure. And the rest of us -mortals- sad sacks who arent "VERY secure," should just be single forever.
Amen. You must want a Man, not need.
Someone just said this to me and i said, i'm a one on one relationship female, u knew that from the start, so if that's what u want to do, there's nothing wrong with that, it just won't be with me. Movin on.
imcharmed4evr This was eloquently said, I appreciate this
Wow
Same
I found myself in a similar situation one month ago. A guy I was dating received a message from an ex-girlfriend. He was so confused about his feelings and suggested to have a relationship with both of us! I told him that Im not into Polyamory, and that he has to choose. He chose his ex. It was painful, but I rather prefer to be consistent with my own standards.
Why tf would you go back to an ex?they are an "ex" for a reason.
@@thelatentsexualfreak I think that we should think twice before getting back with an ex. However, that's a very personal choice and his situation is not my business.
@@thelatentsexualfreak I say the same thing ex's are ex's for a reason
Open relationship = strining along until he finds someone better
FACT
6 months? if he even looks at other women after just 6 months - RUN! (that might sound a little overly dramatic but from my experience a guy is either into you or not. at 6 months you're still in "honey-moon" stage and everything should feel easy and natural. if it's not - then he is not the right kind of guy for you.)
snj prl Fck this is my life rn
"I [now] want an open relationship;" translation: "I want to keep fucking you, while I look for another girlfriend."
I look at other women, but my wife looks another guys too. Cuz we know each other, we've been married for 20 years. But yeah when you first get together it's different
@@XXBattyBXX yep exactly
Facts! A guy who really cares will never leave room for doubt. 💯
Great advice, it's disheartening to hear in her voice that she "heard" you but wasn't listening. It's something she KNOWS she has to do but isn't willing to do it. In the end, she wanted a different answer and you simply gave her the firm truth as you continue to do and we appreciate :)
i heard it too but Matt is right you need to put standards if you want to be respected
Ya never know... maybe she was just disappointed, and ultimately followed the advice :-) Sometimes it just takes time to sink in.
That was not the answer she wanted to hear, for sure. 😂
I have a friend who is literally in depression because after 8 years of relationship she finally seen the truth. They started the relationship and they lived together but the expenses have been split like they have by roommates, after a while they bought an apartment, the credit was in her name but the name of the owner was his ( I don't exactly know how they have done that but they've done it) and after 8 years he told her that in fact they are in an open relationship and that they keep their options open ( he keeps his options opened). Such a scumbag. The strange thing is that he is not exactly the type of guy who has huge success in women so I have no idea what it is in his mind.
It's been my experience that open marriages or open relationships benefit one partner only and leave the other to wonder if they are going to be replaced when someone better comes along. I've had two relationships where open relationships were requested (both by the female partner) and I tried to make both work. But I was left taking care of kids and day to day responsibility while she chatted online and had fun. I ended both relationships as it was agonizing and unfair and I shouldn't have agreed to either.
I'm not saying they can't work, but it really is about one person in the pair getting to explore while the other is left holding the bag. It destroyed my ability to trust and, as far as I know, my old partners are still out there playing around with anyone who they can find. I've abandoned relationships altogether.
Have better boundaries in the beginning and this will not happen.
Also, be in a good relationship with yourself before seeking others
Sorry to hear that buddy but yeah, it is important not to give yourself up for somebody else's desires.
This is so relatable. Feel you
Never in my lifetime would I agree to an open relationship. It's basically saying "You'll do (for sex) until I find The One". My fiancé is mine and I'm his. And that's that. We're red blooded and realistic and okay about each other flirting a bit, in fact it can lend a bit of spice, but it's done in each other's company. However I would be physically sick if I found out he'd had sex with someone else and would never allow him to touch me again. That's without even considering the risk of STDs.
Amen
100% agree with you!
Then I feel for you. Devil's Advocate: Are you so insecure in your relationship that you think that anyone piece of ass is capable of stealing away your life-long partner from you? And if so....wow.
Life long is supposed to be a commitment that transcends fallibility in human judgement and instead reminds us all that basic, carnal desires do not define us as people and do not define us as partners willing to commit our lives to one another.
I'd be really grateful if everyone would speak about open relationships as respectfully and appreciatively as society is speaking about monogamy. I live in an open marriage, but never would I write the typical condescending comments on non-monogamy you'll find under every video on this topic about monogamy.
@@timm.8729 I’m sorry but that’s not marriage. Marriage is 1:1 and if not, why to even get married if you want to see other people?
She was played. The guy was testing her out.looking around for something better in the meantime.then when he couldnt find anything he wanted her as a sidechic or fkbuddy. Pick up your dignity and get the hell out.break off all contact.
Nothing wrong with keeping your options open.
The guy I am seeing said he wanted a polygamous relationship. I told I wish u the best. Boy bye. Life is too short to settle for half ass shit.
@@richrebel4449 I you want to keep your options open than go for one night stands and not straw along and waste anyone elses time because if you want to keep your options open she / he is clearly not the partner for you.
The shorter version of this video is "Tell him to FUCK. OFF."
ahah!!!!! right
Helen TheMelon I said the same thing to my husband! ☺
Aw the disappointment and sadness in her voice. Tiffany, wherever you are, sending hugs. He's not worth it and you really deserve better.
Trust me when I say this ladies. IF you're his type and he is totally into you, he will not be asking for an open relationship.
Exactly
some people are just non monogamous. depends on the person
@@Spacesiren777 then you’re not the persons type 🤷♂️
@@mr.j3371 okay how do u
you explain someone being my type asf and me still liking someone else too
@@Spacesiren777 you’re still going to find others attractive, the flesh wants what it want. Just like how some people irritate so much I’d love to drop kick them off a cliff… but I’m not gonna do it.
The question then becomes if you really love them you’d protect your SO emotionally and not cheat.
But it has to be the right person, otherwise you wouldn’t care.
He was probably thinking the same thing as I was, she should find someone who is going to give her 100%. Which is why he said she should carry on dating other people at the end - it's his polite way of saying he isn't worth your time and effort.
👌👍
I just did cut a guy who was trying to put me in that halfway position. I feel great about myself because no one should settle for halfway places
My ex told me that I'm the best girl he has met over past few years and how much our meeting was life hanging for him.. And still told me he wants to be in open relationship. Sometimes I do not understand men.
Alena Ch I'm a woman and I'm the same. It doesn't mean that he doesn't like you, respect you and care about you. Just, you can find something in more people at once and there's no need for restrains
@@magdalenam3713 wrong. Men who want this dont respect you. But you got fooled. Sorry :)
@@herrpicard7906 babe I was never asked to be in an open relationship, you got fooled ;)
And try to accept that not all people think the same
@@magdalenam3713 if they ask you for permission to cheat on you, they don't respect you :) I don't care whether you asked or not.
@@herrpicard7906 as I have said learn how to accept that not all people think like you, because you are wrong
I feel like the moment you enter an open relationship you already lowered your standards and you are no longer a challenge because that person can have you and others as well
Absolutley.
Screw the "monogamous standards" if you think owning a person is part of the dating game
My ldr bf just said he wants to be in an open relationship and I said I was gonna think about ut. I am not sure about how I feel about it but my first gut reaction was feeling undervalued. I know I have other and higher standards, I just don't know if I am ready to lose him 100%. The thought of it makes me feel sad.
So true!
Maybe don't put your ego into relationships? Its never a good idea. There is nothing wrong in open relationships. There is plenty of good books to read about it. I am female by the way and I really believe in it
I agree with Matthew, You only get one life to enjoy and live, it's how you choose to be in this world. If someone truly wants to be with you then that person will 100%. Don't stop living your life for someone who won't for you, but that is your choice at the end of the day. Personally, open relationships ain't for me. I do have standard and I won't drop mine for no one. Just saying
Jocelyn Wright i totally agree with you. I always keep telling myself : sale yourself like a precious special pearl and not give yourself to anybody antill they earn it". Woman must be more happy with the way they are and be high value off themself. Matthew hussey say it all the time in the beginning off his job ..to be a high value woman. Be confidence in yourself and allow yourself to say " no " ..to people who invest in us for 50% . the high value and standards are important to show a guy . Thats how they see , that you respect yourself . In these days it must important to be. 😉
Imagine asking high-status men like Jeff Bezos, with vast amounts of options, for sexual monogamy... lol
More power to you!
However if someone else doesn't share that sentiment, then more power to them.
Freedom for another does not remove freedom for you.
@@shin-ishikiri-no the key here is high-status, not high value
I love how Matthew calls it like it is "open relationship" isnt a relationship. There is something special about two people being committed.
I hate sharing people... even my friends... I like them all to myself cause I'm selfish like that. I'd never survive in an open relationship for long.
ditto
AliceFour46 me too
Same with my sweet pretty girlfriend 😊
I think my wife and I could handle an open relationship. But we've been married for 20 years, and together for like 25 so it's different for us.
Hey there.. me too🐱🐱 i am also selfish in some ways. İ thought İ was wrong, but İ am just being me. İ am happy İ find your comment here🐱🌻🌻
While open relationships are unarguably complicated, the thing that makes it fair is that in a true open relationship, both partners can see who they want within the parameters set by both parties. There can be open relationships where both parties can flirt, but not take it any farther, or there can be relationships where both parties can sleep with whoever they'd like, and there are any number of ranges in between and beyond. I know that with my current relationship, we've been "seeing other people" and flirting and in general, open for 2 years out of four. I know it works for us because we have very open (pardon the pun) communication about our relationship. But it's definitely not for everyone. That's my two cents. That is all.
yeah but only if it was communicated before on onset and not 6 moths later-smh- bc that way you being transparent and fair and not manipulative, you give the other party a chance to decide and say no and know what they are getting into
I wish I didn't care, I wish it didn't hurt, five years I was the one, next five years it's he wants others as well sees himself as single but still wants me, I ended up liking others because it hurts so much and I see him as less attractive. I'm not allowed to say anything cuz it makes me a hypocrite with double standards. I just want him to empathise and understand how and why it hurts. I only wanted him but he had to go and involve others. Like what's special and different about me then if you want it from others? Makes me feel like he's turned something which was very intimate n exclusive into stuff with ppl he barely knows. I feel like my idea of someone just wanting me and loving me and being loyal was my mistake. Help
@@SavedByJesusHeimatLiebe yep! I am in the 7th month of our relationship and he just told me yesterday his desire to have sex with other girls and still in love with me and come back to me. Omg my brain is hurting… and he is still trying to justify his action and to convince me that his feelings haven’t changed at all. But sorry mine has..and I am leaving. I told him I rather adjust to his absence than being in one. But I was very kind and understanding. I told him to go for it but it will be without me.
@@violetcrush8867 first of all i am sorry you are hurting. You must do what is good for You. And you have a Right to say NO to anyone or anything, without Justification, which you feel does you no good. Noone has a Right to judge You for that. Please allow yourself to be AND happy. We must learn to love ourselves and be the Parents to ourselves which we often never had. We want to real Eyes our Value and that we deserve unconditional Love. Firstly though we must give that to ourself.
Here are some Thoughts of my own:
There are People who do not belive in Monogamy and can be happier/thrive in a Relationship wth. more then one. However, due to the Fact that many Men nowadays are hypersexualised and do not Practice Semen Retention (to have Strenght and Energy and maintain the Attraction to their Wife) and Karezza and many of them are addicted to Porn and Masturbation, this can NOT work.
!!!! Neither does Monogamy as long as a Man have such Vices !!!!
It can work+ wonderfully if he has a high Work Ethik and has no such Vices plus pratices Karezza (which includes Semen Retention). I myself (A Lady); would be happiest in a steady Relationship with a Man who does this and 2 more Ladies, minimally one more though, and build a Family together. But 2 other would be ideal for me. 3 in Love is what i thrive for. I desire the Friendship and Love and beautifully Union of this. But only with a Man who has himself and his Lusts under Control.
Perhaps it could help the two of You to try out Karezza together. After a Time of Abstinence, perhaps only Cuddling/Massages etc. (that is if you would take him back, if he trully shows a better Behaviour-but that is a Decission which is ultimatelly Yours only).
"in order to love emotionally, man must feel loved sexually, in order to love sexually, woman must feel love emotionally!" (Ladies First ;)
"woman get angry when they do not feel loved, man get angry if they feel someone else has their life under control-like having to work hard for someone else."
Want an open relationship? I'll open the window and you can have relationships with the sidewalk.
i know right open the widow wide open
awesome answer!
@yerowww666 Grow up? So you're bitching to someone-insulting actually, in a nasty way-because _she_ wouldn't accept a guy's terms when he after 6 months says "I want to sleep with other people." Take your "grow up" and fucking shove it. She is entitled to her (very reasonable) feelings about what she would do in that situation, just as much as you are entitled to yours. What you, otoh, are not entitled to is to dump on someone else's-again, very reasonable-attitude towards the matter. Just like I have the right to, if you choose to do so, point out to you that you are a -cunt- bitch.
@yerowww666 Ouch lol
Ahahah 😂
Break up with this dude. You're past the stage of still dating other people... if he wanted that, he should have asked at the beginning, not when you're already commited. wtf.
Yes, that's the logic of honest relationships.. such a sneaky move to ask for open relationship 6 months into exclusive relationship
If either partner brings up opening the relationship, then that’s the beginning of the end of it. Just go your separate ways and move on.
Helen, some things are easy to say but not easy to do. Empathy is to try to put yourself in someone shoes, and trust me, if you do that you'll see how hard to say ''fuck off''to a person you like or love. What I really like about Matthew it's that he does that all the time before giving any advice. He understood, unlike many love gurus that just talking and giving advises is so easy but giving advises after trying to put yourself in someone shoes is something different. Don't condemn, people, understand first and then talk.
All of this can be explained with attachment theory! The question is, will this dynamic work out long term if she wants more affection and he continues to pull away. She can pretend for a little to be distant, and he might come running back, but can that dynamic be stably maintained?
Question, if it takes some "pulling away" and that in and of itself is a conscious decision and not an intrinsic personal choice to better one's life, then how is this any different than trying to manipulate someone else? Second question, what if this works and you're ok with this?
That leads to even more questions about what it really......really is that you are seeking from an actual relationship.
This is an old video and so current. It hits home. Having a similar issue and working through the pain it is causing me. I will listen again and again.
My bf and I started as very casual because he's not the type of guy who's very expressive. I know there's something special between us but I wouldn't admit it because he never said it to me. I was hesitant to refer him as my boyfriend when I'm with my friends, what if he denies it. But I was so shookt when one time he calls me as his girlfriend in front of his friends.
I am unable to understand people who are open into open relationship. Just dated a guy who is already deeply rooted with a girlfriend and claims that she is so understanding and trusts him so well that he is allowed to do or date outside of the relationship. And i just couldn't understand that. I sort of in a way, amazed by the girl's tolerance over this matter and how it can make the feeling of love be magnified :(
I swear you get better looking every video.
@PinkPanther15 hahahha you are funny yes he is good looking
Yea, been there and done that....he said he wanted his freedom and if either one found someone, or wanted to date someone else it was cool. Unfortunately this is total b.s. and it only works for HIM. As soon as I had anther date with someone, he quit texting and calling me. But I bet you anything if HE had found someone first, he would have wanted me to understand. Men say this to leave their options open, but we are not allowed to do the same thing... Hypocrites.
Hes right. But dam I feel like she should just ditch the dude and not be a love fool and go back to him. I had someone pull the open relationship card on me and I left n never turned back.
Love the advice Matt! It is great how you tie so much psychology of human behaviour in with your advice. Extremely logical and USEFUL. I just discovered you a couple days ago and already told many of my friends about you!
He said for him he just wants sex with other people, and I can do the same. No feelings involved, just sex, but that we come back to each other. So confused.
I really needed this advice. I'm in a similar situation and I have been thinking about how to navigate it. Thank you!
Whatever happens if two are for meant to be it Will come little by little and time Will comes because heart is a main core of source of everything no matter what passes..
Hiya Matthew! Why are you so wise? I mean to say, your wisdom and your delivery thereof astounds me! Talk about about knowing your purpose!! Thank you for being willing to allow your light to shine and helping others to learn to do the same!
Monogamous people and polyamorous people should not get into relationships w each other. Two completely different natures. Both are valid. Be honest about who you are, know who you are dealing with, and know how to read the nature of someone. If someone tells you they are open, BELIVE THEM. If someone tells you that they are mono, belive them. If there actions and words don’t match, BELIEVE THEM. I am mono down to the socks. I think it’s gorgeous. I think it’s beautiful. Poly does not make sense to me. God does not ordain like that. I have found a place where I am no longer judgmental threatened or scared of poly, but rather understand that some people just simply do not have a mono nature. I just wish they were more honest about it.
I feel being kind in the same situation and don't know how to wrap my head around it...basically I've been with this guy for 7 years now, we got engaged and a kid on his way. Last year he told me that he likes kinda kinky stuff, being dominated and such. I tried to engage in this stuff to pleasure him but it's not really my thing. Then last week he comes around after a huge fight over stupid things and decides to ask permission from me to experience these things as he really, really wants to. I don't want him to be frustrated and I really want him to be happy but I was taken aback...he keeps saying that no feelings are involved as for him it's just a sexual experience and that he wants to be with me as he keeps loving me, but I can't help to think he's trying to impose this choice, especially at the most vulnerable time as a pregnancy can be. Now I feel resentment and can't help to feel jealousy every time he's on the phone, clearly chatting with God knows who even when we're spending time together! I'm scared honestly that this experience is going to become addictive to him and that there won't be limits left...I start regretting even having decided to have a child with him. Sorry for the long post, I just felt the need to take it all out.
All the best to you. Follow your instincts about this. If he is doing this to you at such a vulnerable point for you, where is his consideration for you and your feelings of safety and security with him? And what kind of a dad will he be later showing this now? It seems quite selfish of him to be doing this imo, especially with you as you are.
How did the pregnancy go? Are you okay? Your situation was extremely complicated 😢
@@GloryDaze73 hey there, thanks for asking ! Pregnancy went well, I had a lovely baby boy :) as for him, I decided to let him try once, he did and at first said he would stop as the situation hurt me and did not want to see me sad. He changed his mind and did it again as he "does not have any will". He is a lovely father though. We're still together but a bit of resentment over thé whole deal still lingers and don't know how to leave it behind. I'm seriously considéring to consult a psychologist so that I can let all out.
She should just break up with him if he wants an open relationship and she wants a closes relationship and they both need to find someone that matches them
sounds like self esteem issues. I wish her the best.
No girl- let that fool go! See how "cool" he is w/this arrangement if you found someone & he hasn't... This someone who's trying to have his cake & eat it, too!
SOLID ADVICE! I went through something similar myself. Thank you!
If they want an open relationship, it's better to find someone who would accept these conditions of a relationship. They are allowed to want to see other people, but we are also allowed to show them the door.
Wish I found this video 3 years ago so I won't fall apart...
He was way too nice. The guy is a jerk and just stringing you along. He doesn't want what she wants. Move on.
Make sure you don’t invest more than you can expect in return.
the problem with this advice is that it is betting on / hoping that the guy will come back. and he might not. matthew forgot to give that disclaimer because that girl will hurt a lot if/when her ex doesnt come back.
Limbo, exactly how ive felt for the past 5 years. Ended up feeling like I had to settle & get used to it - not sure about finding someone else - but feeling like something important is missing. I want to know how it feels to have a boyfriend who is just into me! It feels like my greif & hope have been drawing out for so long it's agonising. I do not have the hope this kind of relationship is possible anymore..how long, how many people will I have to get to know & put my heart on the line for?
This is like a reaffirmation from the universe. I'm gna be okay!:) and my decision was right.
This one hit close to home! Keep them coming, Matt...I am enjoying listening to you. You have been more helpful than you know...thanks!! ;O)
My o so darling husband also wants an open relationship recently . He threw away our 9 years of marriage and one kids just wants to have fun. Thanks Mathew.
i hope your divorce him. when this happens, just run!
My goodness the guys actually being honest in telling her what he wants to do. He could be just doing it behind her back. Painful though she's in no mans land. But he's told her how he wants it and Open Relationship is just another word for playing the field. No thanks.
He has calculated that she's hooked in and her self-esteem is low enough that she'll put up with it. Also that she doesn't actually want to be sleeping with other guys. She can't win from this position. When he finds someone better he'll dump her. In the meantime he gets to have regular sex until Ms Right shows up.
Reading the comments, I would like to give my opinion on the subject: Open relationships are not the problem and suggesting one doesn't imply a commitment issue, it's just another form of relating with other people -that doesn't work for everyone just as closed relationships- According to what she told us, he was asking for an -unhealthy- open relationship, don't generalize the idea that all types of open relationship are that unethical.
well i suppose but there is still no commitment if two people are willing to have an open relationship there nothing really forming it's just an acquaintance
I find the traditional definition of commitment to be narrow. Everyone is different and in a relationship, the people involved have to create their own agreements and built something that works for them, I think following blindly what society thinks it's right or to mirror the "correct" way to have a relationship is what breaks most of them.
In life, you have to break many social constructs in order to be happy and by the way, committed polyamorous relationships exist.
Matt, you are a jewel;) it seems you really do have an answer for everything, the right one that is...you say everything with such a clarity to the matter and address the issues from the exact angles necessary for the listener to really take it forward and have a complete understanding; What a talent to be so connected!
The way it is these days all romantic relationships are "open" unless we get married and there is a firm agreement between the two "this is~ it I am the One for you and you are the One for me." (My definition of "the One"...not that there is only one in the world for me.)
Smh I love this mans advice!!!! Why should I make him happy by agreeing to be option b I am better than that and I deserve to be the only one not the one he runs to when he needs me to run petty shit for him!!!! Time to stand up for my self and walk away :)
If a guys ever brings that up I would laugh in their face 😂😐 and walk away while laughing😂 and block him.🚫
That's a great advice Matthew.
Where ever you get this wisdom from, please keep doing what u do. You are such a blessing..x
Open relationship its never be the happy thing at the end of the road, unless to treat this as a game the frivolous love trading.... simply to say sharing love, then ask.... you want game or love?
Open relationships are good for some people
Matt make a video on how to deal with infatuation on random people. Especially on people you don't even know.
If you're infatuated with a person you don't know, you're not infatuated with THEM, you're infatuated with the IDEA of them.
essiebejb There is this guy I find attractive who works at a local starbucks. He just has such a good energy and I really wanna get to know him. Is that because I'm lonely or because I like him? So confused..PS: I haven't really talked to him, but I know he went to the same school as me.
Ryan Harries stop asking you seems confused,you must go to the action got meet him, know if his interested on you to! , if you want to know how i can give you some great think Ryan.
yasmine rose Thank you! Yes I'd love to know how to do it. Give me some advice :P
did you go meet him?
Urgh. Open relationships ? Not something I can do. Not in a way that I'm possessive or excessively jealous more like in a way that I like having my PARTNER just to myself. I don't wanna be sharing his body with someone else nor do I want his attention given to someone else like romantically if that makes sense.
Rebecca-Joy Henson makes a total sense to a normal person like us yes
You said you aren't possessive or jealous and then described why you don't like tje idea of an open relationship by saying its bc you want him all to yourself...which is exactly what possessive and jealous is😂
He said he doesn't want to lose me but also isn't ready to be exclusive, and only wants to keep the relationship open. I hate the idea of ending things, and he even cried when I tried to, but how can I carry the relationship on if he has essentially asked for us to still act like a couple while having the freedom to sleep with other people, and basically cheat on each other :( Advice needed...
If you're stong enough...just keep him only as a friend...no sex involved..if you're not feeling that you can have these stong limits, then move on...
nicole sweetheart, I am saying with much love to walk away from this no good for anything, especially relationships. Imagine if you were married, I can swear he will go sleeping around while you’re pregnant, or with baby at home. Do not trust any man or woman who says it’s ok to sleep with other people !!! You deserve better honey. It will hurt in the beginning, but believe me you will be so much happier & can sleep without worrying or wondering where the hell he is at all times. Kick his f.....g ass out!!
nicole - he CRIED? Smh
Magic Handz probably a young dude
Just ended it with a guy i was seeing for 3 weeks, i knew next time i was seeing him we would be intimate so i wanted to make sure he was not seeing other people, in the beginning he said he did not want to date anyone exclusively and after he started texting i thought he changed his mind so i asked him and he said he does not want to put a tag on it and that we are having fun and that he is not interested in monogamy, he said he wants to date others too so i said i do not want that and i don't want to be FWB and told him he will find someone interested in that. I am glad i told him what i wanted before things moved forward. Also before i got emotionally attached to him. I am nobody's option. I think it is important for us, women not to lower our standards because of guys needs. I am sure there is someone out there who would die to be with you.
How can I over come a abusive relationship? It ended years ago. But I can never trust anyone else. I know I am a lovely person. So, thanks to your vlogs I am worth more.
Simple: buh-bye
She seemed so depressed
That is so right of Matt... Am watching your vids. It's helping me a lot to asses my life and stance in a healthy and fair relationship. I used to be give in all support to the point that I neglected myself and was discarded after. 'Twas lesson learned...
I got 10 bucks that says Tiffany ignored Matt's advice, continued to invest time and energy into the guy, and is now an emotional wreck.
My ex who I’m pregnant with I just found out that he seen somebody and he told me that it’s an open relationship and they’re allowed to see whoever they want and that he wants to be close to me again and he wants to be close in this pregnancy but I refuse to be the other woman I refuse to be in this relationship I told him I’m like I can’t have you in the room when I give birth you’ve chosen to be with some other woman and this is just way too much for me. Soooooo awkward he told me I’m just so black and white lol
I wish you were more pro-active with birth control. You chose wrong person to make you pregnant, Because he never be honest from the start.
@@GloryDaze73 I have a beautiful son. So I’m glad it all happened how it did
That sounds like a Terrible thing to say to/want from someone/try to coerce someone into, break.
My standard Matthew is you! You seem like the gentleman that are going extinct. 😊💗💟
I agree he is a gentle man that is going to extinct 👌
+EasternPearl 2015
He seems like a good human with all the advice he gives, but then again he's one more soul in this human experience. 😊
While definitely not for me. If both people are fully in agreeance (no shaming, guilting, coercing, manipulation) then have it. What I will never understand is why a person would keep this preference to themselves, until they have the other person hooked, and only after they allowed a person to develop an attachment to them, tell them they are not interested in a monogamous relationship. With so many people already into that lifestyle, why not just seek out one of those partner's from the get-go? That to me is very manipulative and a person would be well within their rights to be upset. This should have been discussed within the first few dates.
That guy IS NOT ready! That´s it! Open the door and let him OUT!!!
This guy ive been friends with benefits now he wants to have an open relstionship... Dont know what to think... I think i like him more than he likes me
I had a widower marry me, then tell me 2 years later he wants an open relationship and he had that in past marriages. I was really hurt cause he (my Ex) had some adorable personality traits, but I could not deal with a man who did not use condomns with ladies of the evening and BJ in his car at lunch. But most important he was not in love with me; I was being used as a nanny only. Ahh :(. There was other sad issues going on too. I was so shocked cause he was a super religious man. Anyway I thought about me and realized I cannot manage our family with his outside desires. He refused to stop or get counseling. He had planned on leaving me anyway cause was talking to a woman he met online in Flordia . Live and learn and life goes on.
Jane Spitfire - that widower will forever be searching to replace his wife who died. Woman after woman, he’ll never find her. He needs to let her go and move on, or be very honest about his requirements to not getting serious
Is it a bad sign if a guy who flirts with EVERYONE, asks you out? Because I said no. I cant be with someone who probably wont be loyal. Or am I hasty?
Everyone deserves a chance. I used to flirt with everyone. Not anymore. To keep this short, I have an amazing girlfriend.
Ruqayat Hime it depends on different things, does he always flirt with girls or is it something he does when he is around you? Sometimes guys do it to make you jealous, in which case maybe he enjoys playing games. Either that or he genuinely likes you and is different towards you. People have said to me I'm flirty when I know for a fact that I'm not intending to come across flirtatious I am just a friendly playful and sociable person who loves banter but if I like a guy I'm more likely to be distant with him and it's really weird how it works like that but it does. He may be flirty when single but completely all for his partner and loyal when in a relationship and that's something you won't know unless u either give him a chance or see him while he is in a relationship with someone else.
Ruqayat Hime another thing I'd like to add is that sometimes guys that are confident in flirting with girls are used to girls falling for their charm and some maybe even throwing themselves at them. If you are taking a backseat and not being one of the girls that typically falls for his flirtatiousness maybe he might see it as a challenge or might find you intriguing as a person this is a good thing as long as it's not the chase he is after as a posed to getting to know you.
Ruqayat Hime no you weren’t hasty ! You did the right thing! Any guy who is a flirt will always have that trait in him even if he is in love , or in a committed relationship !
God was telling you not to give him a chance darling 🙌
Breadcrumbing your partner in an open relationship is off the table, that is usually the dealbreaker for controlling narcissists. If you are a codependent person that needs frequent intimacy you will be needing to adjust your flexibility. Authoritative monotheism and monogamy are social constructs invented to control others for the benefit of a few. It has lost its usefulness.
If you get into a monogamous relationship knowing you aren't monogamous then later down the line try to coerce your partner into having an open relationship you are a shitty person tbh. It's not consent when it is coerced !
I myself feel like I'm in this impossible place. My fiancé and I live together and have been together for over three years now. She is expressing that she strongly feels that she is non-monogamous in nature and wants to live this side of herself. She keeps assuring that it doesn't reflect how she feels about me in fact she is madly in love with me but also wants to explore intimacy and new relationship energy etc with other people and I'm so taken aback by it. I feel this pressure to just agree because I want her to be happy and who am I to stop her but the thought is sucking the life out of me I feel numbed
Respecting her wishes and letting her live how she wants is absolutely the right thing to do... But if only one of you want monogamy that's going to be very problematic, you won't be able to handle the thought of her being with someone else simultaneously (sexual or non sexual). You will over time feel drained and resentful towards her. However if she really wants to be non monogamous she'll feel constant guilt of hurting you and feel resentment after a point too and things like "why did you even agree in the first place" will come up. Doesn't make any of you a bad person, but just people with different loyalty standards for the relationship. It is going to hurt you but probably parting would be the best way out.
You sound like a good man. You deserve better. She sounds like she is lying to you about the love part cuz she clearly cares about herself and her needs more. Dont let this lady and her selfishness plague your thoughts any longer. Free yourself.
@@sqoishicasette Hi there! Thank you so much for valuable insight. I don't know how I missed the notification of your reply. But fast forward about two months now and we are monogamous. She actually got as far as setting up a date with someone she was speaking to on tinder and just a few days before the date she admitted to me that for a while she was feeling really anxious about the whole thing and took it as something new which would naturally cause anxiety and kept pushing forward to make it pass the anxious phase. But that day she said she has come to realize that she didn't want anyone else, she just wanted more time and attention and that she wanted it from me. We had days of very in depth conversations about the situation. Being in med school I haven't been able to provide a lot of those two very important things especially since I was always exhausted after studying. But I have learned to to be more efficient and better manage my time and ever since we haven't been happier.
@@brendabanuelos194 Thats exactly what I was thinking at first. I have updated in my response above about the current situation.
Ill share my story. In a long distance for 8 months now. Very supportive to eachother. The distance is wild, big ass ocean apart. He American I'm Polish. He dark skin black me white as a wall. The cultural and language and status missaliance. We loved eachother. He suggested no commitment as we dont know the plans yet. I commit naturally. I don't agree on sex friends and since he does my emotions dropped drastically. I said Id love to be able to accept it but I just cannot. I suggested that he puts more effort into this sex friend relationship bcuz maybe its a beautiful opportunity for a relationship he is missing. I moved away to the friend zone and asked him for not speaking sweet words no beautiful greetings no affection until he knows he wants me exclusive. Since my request he checks up on me everyday with a friendly talk. He exchanges interesting topics to discuss. I myself am opening my phd dissertation and keep on evolving. He focuses on his fam, his mother and building up bread. We love eachother even more now. He respects me. If I cannot be with him and carry his child, which I would love to, at least I know I showed him how Polish women love and respect. I wonder what the next chapter is. Ladies do not edit your soul ever
I love your voice trust me I am going through a similar situation and that is a great advice 👌
How to hold back passion and holding back investment works at the same time.... Isn't passion is investment?
This is such precious advice. Thank you 🙏
NO!
Excellent thoughts on a tricky subject.
Why is a guy that wants an open relationship is considered a douchebag that cannot commit whereas a woman wants an open relationship is merely thought to be positively exploring her sexuality or is portrayed positively as being a free liberal woman that is empowering herself?
Not necessarily advocating open relationships but I find fault with the adverse portrayals in media, society etc...
The guy wants sex with all he dates? He may never want to settle down...enjoys this freedom too much. I would move on. Dating many is ok for both, but not if they want sex/deeper with all...then not fair to all. That is like having many wives.
Shasha8674 That's a generalization though, isn't it? That men only want sex? What about the many women that only want open relationships/one-night stands and either don't settle down or settle down for a bit before cheating on that guy? You're right that it isn't fair but guys also get marginalized in that respect by the media or society. A girl with many sugar daddies is somehow seen as less of a bad thing than a guy with many wives. I've been in open relationships before and I've often been seen as the 'bad guy' for even being in one, despite it being a mutual thing.
Shasha8674 I'm also annoyed that many videos by this guy has perpetuated such erroneous/biased presumptions
***** ? I think people should save sex for marriage. It would make things less complicated and they would have to really like the person they are dating as a friend and not just for sex. Open relationships to me are really no relationship...can't share self properly with more than one person.
who thinks like that? I think either way is a lack of commitment and that they think the other person is not good enough, thats why they want to meet other people
Thank you so much. This is exactly what i needed to hear.
Just need an advise. Me and bf just break up because he's not ready for relationship. We've been together for 6 months and he was not sure since at first that we are agree but he wanna try that why we agree to be in relationship. Then one day he just told me that he think he's not ready and give me an options, friend or open relationship, which I can't do both. What should I do with this? Thanks.
Suparat Tresaksri move on
I don't think that this is a healthy point of view. You can be connected to so many different people at once...being connected with someone doesn't automatically mean disconnection with someone else...unless there's jealousy and the need for some kind of safety that doesn't exist. Nothing's safe, everything changes and developes all the time...that's what I believe.
Your advice is exactly the same thing I would do 😊
Im in same situation , thank you
Such great advice.
What's an open relationship anyway?...
Nope, he doesnt deserve honesty, or access to you. He thinks he can do better.So, tell him you met a guy whom you like and you want to pursue this other man . Encourage the loser to go and do what he wants. Destroy his control & power over you with every intention. Get very busy at weekends & let him see you dress up looking fab as if you go on dates with this other man. Do it with your mind, not your heart. Shatter his nasty big ego ,he deserves it. But you deserve to be happy more than this. Decide which way to approach it, but stop being emotionally available for him.
FOR MARRIED PEOPLE: The feeling that you get in an affair can NEVER be love. Love comes from God, the same God who designed marriage and commanded us to honor it. I truly believe that God will not contradict Himself and put love in your heart for someone else other than your spouse. The feeling you have for the other person can be LUST, ATTRACTION, ADMIRATION, or any other feeling that satan will USE to destroy your marriage (and push you to commit a SIN by breaking the VOW that you made before God). The devil will make you believe that what you feel for this other person is love when in fact it really ISN'T. That's what satan does. That's the reason he's called a LIAR and a DESTROYER.
this really helped me out🥺