Sarika M: It's when the children come that the true challenges arrive. Be kind to yourself as well as the child's other parent. Always try to live within your means and just enjoy what you brought into the world. It's only there for a short period of time. Make it count. 💙
My late husband and I were writing letters for more than five months (we were 10,000 miles apart! ) we had a romantic connections on those letters. We met and got married after two weeks of meeting. We were married for almost 26 years. Btw, we loved each other very much but unfortunately he was gone too soon.
The thing about long distance relationships is that if no-one has plans to move, there's a point where needs stop being met and it's a kind of limbo. You're in a relationship, but you're not. It can become so intangible that it may as well be an imaginary relationship, at least according to my experience. It's true though, there are many "the one"s scattered around, the hard part is finding them.
I disagree with most of the comments.. I am an Australian married to an American.. we met on Christian Mingle in 2012 - In my opinion long distance relationships are the best kind because they force you to get to know eachother PROPERLY... you have to talk about what's important, you don't get swept up in lust etc... The best relationships I've had were long distance.. - When I was 21 I fell in love at first site with a guy I met in a bar who was from America.. I would have been 100% commited ALL the way but he was not.. - as long as 2 people are 100% committed financially, emotionally, time wise, it's a safe bet.. BUT YOU HAVE TO BE HONEST.. is he committed? - THE RULES book about dating gives great guidelines on telling if a guy is serious.. he needs to visit you.. etc
Skyler Durden I agree. You really really have to commit to communication and it's not for everyone. People like to get swept up in the moment and they couple up because of lust. With LDR , you must talk about everything. I'd say it's actually idea In the beginning so you can make more logical choices outside of romance
Sometimes we can't fight these intense feelings. We were friends first. Met him on an online writing site and we collaborated for over a year on fictional stories. We talked on the phone, daily. I realized I really liked this kid, but knew he was thousands of miles away. So then went extreme online dating. I watched Matt's videos on how to date, how to put yourself out there. I wondered if my feelings for this guy were just isolation and loneliness manifested into fantasies that couldn't happen. This English bloke was so far away, it was impossible for it to work. Except every date, I was subconsciously comparing men to him. So, I reluctantly told him how I felt. He felt the same. We've been dating over a year now. We're still long distance, but that won't be forever. My feelings haven't decreased, if anything they have increased. I don't think the two of us have gone a full day without talking to the other. We plan visits, talk about options of one person living in the other country and try to build a relationship with the other's family too. I can't describe it really well, but I feel like I've known this person my entire life. We're like missing puzzle pieces. the both of us know how the other is feeling almost instantly. I think it's because of all the hours of communication. I know just by the pitch of his voice what's going on. Or, just enough to ask him. I trust him, unlike any person I have before. That could have been because we were friends for a long period first. It scares me how you can know someone almost better than yourself and what it does to you. Don't get me wrong, it's hard. We have our struggles. The physical intimacy is a challenge, just like Matt said. But, he's my bestfriend, and I just can't imagine a life without him. I knew he was 'the one' too, from one of Matt's videos. He talked about finding someone you can build a house with, not building a house on your own and putting someone in there. I realized how we work through issues, how we talk about big conversations, how the two of us work through problems...we're already building that house together. Best advice I can give, if you feel he's worth it...talk to him. If the two of you can't get on the same page in the beginning that's a red flag. But if he's equally willing to put in the work and goes, "Yeah, let's do this," go for it. If he comes from a place of positivity and not doubt to do this journey with you...then take the leap and go for it.
Thank you, this was really helpful. I’m kind of in a similar situation.. I don’t want to lose our friendship but I need to ask him as well, because I can’t live like this anymore. How did you tell him how you felt about him?
My mother and father lived in different countries. He came to her first, then she moved to him, then they moved to her home country. Married for 50 years and still in love!
this speaks to me ! i fell stupidly in love over someone i gotten to know online who lives miles away and have no indication to relocate with me. I keep thinking of the 'what if' when in reality he is only a fantasy. i have to acknowledge that this is a nice feeling, however he is someone with his own life and i need to move on with mine, and take it as a n experience. It means that i am capable of feeling like this, and hopefully will be able to find this in someone who is more substantial. Thanks a lot Matthew for your excellent advice. :)
I've been waiting for this video. And now I have a big lump in my throat because now I know what I need to do. Situations like this suck, especially when the connection is more than a weekend fling.
+nanajosianne Thank you, my only drawback is that I've never use fear as an impetus to do anything, except avoid poverty. I feel like by me trying to avoid pain, I'm also avoiding the risk it takes to win big in love. But I understand that I also need to protect my heart. I'm still deciding on what I will do.
I so agree with your comment about fear. With LDRs there can be pain either way. You don't try, it hurts... you try nobody wants to move, it hurts... you move and things might go wrong after, it hurts ... Just to say that one can never know so sometimes just trying is the only way to get the answer.
+Swapnil Chaudhary not relevant to the conversation going on over here! but I have to say for the first time I spotted a guy in the comment section on Matthew Hussey's channel! I was quite surprised and I was like "heyyyy and its an Indian guy"! it made me smile😀
What i learned from this: There’s a big difference between massive Attraction and massive Intention. 💥 💥 In LDR, you need to keep things interesting by showing that you’re interested! Don’t be in scarcity mentality- there are still many guys out there! 🔥 Such a great enlightenment 😍😍
I watched this videos 3 years and a half ago, at the beginning of my long distance relationship, and even though i knew matthew's words were true, I wanted to give it a try, cause both of us were extremetly intentioned to make it work. It's been 3 years full of travels (17hours on average of flight), and i don't regret anything. I grew up and made amazing experiences which i'll always treasure. But so much pain came together. As Matthew said conversations kind of became the same at a certain point, plus frustration for the time gap and other types of misunderstandings. However, we could have get through this if not for the key problem, which is who was going to move one day. We dragged this issue for so long, i was almost sure that i would have moved, but i always had many insecurities. We're now breaking up for this and also other reasons and i feel so broken in this moment. It's been actually as so helpful and relieving to rewatch this video and focus instead on the last part of the advice. I also need to realize that i was living with an idea of scarcity and i glorified something only cause it was on the other part of the world. I'll try my best to heal and believe that later i can find again love in my city.... Thank you Matthew :)
Girrll...I saw red flags in my relationship of 3 years that also just ended. I didn't listen to my gut, intuition, the videos, my friends and my family. But I learned a LOT. And I'll always listen and more importantly act on my gut and intuition.
I'm madly in love with someone from Sweden and we've known each other online for 5 years nearly six years, and I live in the Southern United States. The whole situation is complicated in a few ways however I can't imagine living without this person.
Really? Whats the problem? Those are both developed countries with similar living standards. Just pick a country to live together and GO. Quit dicking around!
I recently went travelling around Europe and also had similar experiences as the caller. And like Mathew said these experiences are actually there to show us that it's possible to have romantic connection with someone at that level, and we just need to cherish it and keep ourselves opened to the the ones available in own geographic areas. 👌🏼✌🏻️
“The fact that it happened means it can happen again in a much more suitable way” OMG. I guess it is going to become one of my favorite quotes from now on. I needed this so much. And it is not at all about a long-distance relationship, but about every person who you feel connected to and yet find it impossible or inappropriate. I would go for it anyway and then end up hurt so much. In one of your other videos, there was a moment when you asked a girl "when did you feel like he is not right for you" and she said "from the very beginning". And she wasted a couple of years. I guess so many of us are this way. We feel that rare connection, and a spark, and an outburst of feelings, and we want to keep it this way no matter what. Even if a guy turns out to be beneath your standards. Or if there are red flags, or if you have cultural/religious differences. How do you let go of that feeling and torn the bond, while this person makes you feel so amazing? I would cling on the emotions and try not to let go till it would get too hard. I would dream on fiction scenarios where it becomes possible and you get a happily ever after. I was looking for this answer for so long. Just thank the universe it happened. Someone showed you that it is still possible to feel that way. You still have this fire inside of you. And this will happen with someone right. Thank you, Matt
@@lga5957 Hi Iga, thanks for your comment, I really feel for you, and when re-reading my own writing which is from 2 years ago, it came back to me with different images and different people that were important to me at some points of my life. But you know what was the most surprising thing about that? That only mid-way reading this I actually realized who was on my mind at that moemnt. It's crazy how life works, I had a major crush and great connection with that person, but two years later, it really doesn't matter now. But at that time, I felt that I can love again, and I can be happy, but he just wasn't right for me and there are no regrets now. Although I would say, don't be hard on yourself. We let go people when we are ready to do so. Sometimes it takes us to experience them doing something really bad to us. Or us going through some tough situations on our own, to realize that this is not what we want. But taking a decision to let go of the person who is wrong for you can also be empowering, as a gesture of self-love, and standing up for yourself.
@@Ninka1993ua thank you so much for such a powerful message 💜. I finally sent the message to this guy. He hasn't replied yet and to be honest I'm not waiting for a response. As much as I want to picture future escenarios where I see myself happy with this person my gut is telling me something else. But yeah you are right about that it's hard to let go because you feel like you aren't going to find anyone else you can connect like you are connecting with this person. I feel very proud of my self tho. Finally after years of painful situations I can finally stand for myself and be strong. I'm almost 40. Took me a long way but I'm finally here and it feels amazing to be able to take decisions and protect myself. Self love ❤️ is what I've been practicing and it feels Great.
@@lga5957 Glad to read this! Yes, I think self-love is the first and foremost thing we need. Aaaand if smth/ or rather smb/ comes into conflict with this, that is a red flag already. So there should never be regrets about standing up for yourselves. After all, these are us who should care about ourselves and do not accept others' behavior that is below that. Hope you will be very very happy!
I love this video so much. Me and my boyfriend have been in a long distance relationship for 4 years (him England and me Canada) and we've learned all of the things Matt talked about in the video. In the beginning it was a lot of talk about our intentions and how we plan on making this work, then we learned how to better communicate with each other, which I truly believe is the upmost important thing in a LDR, and how to remain romantic and sexual with each other despite not being physically intimate. No doubt there have been times I was worried I was missing out on something here, and that I was going to end up heart broken, but he's moving to Canada next year and we could not be happier! It's very important you choose the right person to go long distance with, and to always stay optimistic for the next time you'll be together!
7 years later, when i matched a guy on tinder who lives on the another side of the world. I returned to this video and still got a lot from it. Thank you so much Matt, i hope he feels the same and let the universe find a way for us to meet and fall in love. Thank you so much!!
Listening to your audio makes me feel so peaceful. I’m Chinese and my bf is German. We’re doing long distance now it’s so hard but it’s also sweet. We’re figuring out the way to be together. Hope all of the long distance lovers can be together in the end.
I needed to hear this advice for some months ago. something similar happened to me and I felt like I lost the magic when he left. I felt heart broken and desilussioned. But like you said I am glad it happened. There's hope that I can feel that happy again some day. You are a light to me Matthew. Thank you
Long distance relationships are wonderful! Many of my (young) friends have married their long distance boyfriends and have made their marriages work DESPITE the cultural differences. I even moved to Holland in the 70s for a long distance boyfriend. We parted, I stayed and we've remained friends for 43 years. That said, I do believe that most relationships are ultimately destined to end after a period of time whether you live across the world or across the street from that special someone. Have a great long distance romance with this guy and enjoy the moments you get to spend together .. then when it's over, you'll have wonderful memories to take into old age. But, go into all relationships knowing that they are very likely impermanent and you'll never be disappointed .. unless you've produced children .. then life becomes a bit harder.
Loved ur comment :) thank you! I believe the same all relationships are impermanent. Love and give ur best and grow...cherish it because u feel ur best in that person's company and love him and support him and live each day...it might just last really long, what do u know hahah...How was ur experience in Netherlands btw, curious to know!!...
pam emarald Wellllll .. in short, while I was here in 1973, I met a Greek musician. Being a musician myself we connected musically, but not physically as he was already married at the time. I returned to the U.S. for 12 years and by 'chance' had the opportunity to come back to Holland to work. I was a medical professional so my last patient of the day just happened to be this same Greek man, 25 years later only this time he was divorced from his very young 3rd wife. We carried on where we left off all those years before, first as friends, then as lovers and then as musicians together in his Greek band where we played in his Greek restaurant during the weekends. We never married, but he came to live with me the last 6 of the 11 years we were together and I nursed him during his declining health and ultimate death in 2009. I truly loved this man and in due time, he also came to love me as one of the most significant relationships he had ever had. Have no expectations in life, but do have standards to live by and you should fare pretty well. Have fun ... life's great if you have a good attitude. :) Peace
I think, it it is not possible, just to change the "object" and move on to a other person! If you have deep feelings for a particular person, you have that feelings for this particular person, and not for someone else! It drives me crazy, when I always hear "There are so many options out there! Why are you stucking on this one person!" Maybe because of love?
This! ☝️ Humans are not just fungible NPCs we can just swap out for another more convenient person. That's not to say it's always possible to make a LDR work. But if we decide against it we have to grieve that connection, not replace them without processing the loss. It's hard to imagine that spark again when in love or heartbroken, and when it does happen that new person deserves better than to be treated as a substitute!
I really needed this! I'm from Argentina and met this guy from London like 10 days ago. The connection was almost instantaneous. We've known each other for less than two weeks but we've been on 3 dates already. I've never felt this way before, ever. The thing is he's staying here for 3 months,, then he's going back to London. So I'm really struggling with what to do. Cause I know that if I stop seeing him I'll save myself a lot of pain, but at the same time I want to keep on seeing him cause he's a wonderful guy! I've never felt like this before.
Often we attract ourselves to unavailable men because of a subconscious fear of relationships or of being left. If we're dumped by an unavailable person, it's the situations and not my fault... Like a defence mechanism.
Matthew just has solved my half-year dilemma in 17 minutes. Matthew, man, here's just another one voice proving you're doing a great job. The most precise-angle-looking-from coach!
probably one of the most helpful videos you've posted. i need this two years ago when I met the boy who lived across the country. no regrets of course, but it may have saved me some heartache.
Actually just a couple months back, things had to come to a close. I stayed with him and his family across the country for a week and while it was special, I was more invested than he was and the distance troubled things for us. We are both in our early 20s, so we want to both date and meet people. I do not regret a minute of it and I have so much care and respect for him, (I know he does for me too). I miss him, but know that our separation right now is better for our well-being. I wish you the best with your partner! Like Matthew said, attraction vs. intention. If neither of you have the intentions to make it official for the long-term, moving forward may be better for well-being and happiness. That is easier being said though.
The empowering way of talking about "the one that got away" shed so much more light than the logic that was somewhere in my head (deep down of course, due to self-persuasion). Thank you for sharing this. I've found closure and finally letting go of the "what if" although that chapter of my life was a few year back :)
This caller has a fear of real intimacy. That's why she's attracted to geographically unavailable men. Fantasy is more palatable than reality for some.
With all respect , there is no distance or nobody could destroy pure love unless if the lovers themselves ruin it. Honesty and sincerity is the most important basis in every relationship so If she sincerely wholeheartedly feels and believes this relationship is worth (and so he does), they would make through this distance no matter how they're far from each other. To be honest, I completely disagree with you when you said she can find a suitable one for her rather being with the guy in London because Love cannot be found easily .
But only if he feel the same way :/ and at the end you never truly know... it's a risk you have to take and be responsible of you actions and decisions. Let's be honest distance or not, true love or not, relationships have to be built and sometimes love is not enough.
Agree with you on "find another, close to you". Does not work like that for me. Connection/attraction happens regardless their name, age, nation, country. Especially if you meet while traveling. It then becomes a question of making it work or not.
This is exactly what is happening to me right now.. thank you so much for this video, Matthew! It completely just changed the way i think about this situation I am in now and i think this will actually save me from a lot of heartache too. I have never watched any relationship advice videos before but i gotta say you are really helpful and i'm glad you do what you do! So, thank you!
Just what I need. I was struggling with long distance relationship, half world away, and it's just keep me questioning will it work or not. Sometimes guys don't really tell what they think or how they feel or fear. And Matthew, thank you for making it so clear and rational :)
I am from Brazil and my boyfriend is American, he lives in USA. We've been dating for 2.5 years and I am willing to move to another country for him if it's necessary. But we are still having a long distance relationship. During these 2.5 years we had a 7 months and a 8 months period of time away from each other. It's not easy, but.. Oh well..
Renata Ikonora Talking to this girl In Brazil have only known her for like 3 weeks but yes I'm In love and she Is too she said she's willing to move here this Is literally what I'm going through so I'm going to have her come out for a couple weeks to see what happens when I can!! but yes I'm American as well same situation but I'm going to do everything In my power to get her here this post struck my heart I scrolled down....saw this and nearly fainted
Ohhh stupid, she does not want you Samuel, she wants America. The economic situation in Brazil sucks, everyone try to flee the country. She is using you.......why don t you just take beautiful - all American living and born and speaking English in your own country..........????? Samuel....idiot
It´s so funny. Everytime a caller tells you about the problem, I can see you thinking :D And you always come from another perspective than what people would expect. When people are stuck in a situation and they don´t know what to do, so they ask for help, you always give them another perspective on the situation. I wish you could be my best friend who I can talk to about my problems everytime ;) :D Great job!
Melina Horns yess.. He's brilliant, isn't it? Like he's been through so many phases in life or probably learned from so many people that he can just plug in to our problems and give so much insight!
This video is very apt to my current situation. Met my 'dream' man on a train to Vienna whilst we were both travelling Europe. Him being from London, and me literally from the other side of the world in Melbourne, Australia. To make matters just a little more difficult, he's also a soldier with the Royal British Marines. Changing our plans so we could spend 3 more days in each others' company gave us time to squeeze as much information as we could to make sure we were a good match, and by both accounts (and the peoples' around us) -it was outrageously obvious! The thing that I feel most blessed about is we were able to establish a realistic and honest plan from the beginning, with guidelines and open feelings. I think this factor alone will be the saving grace of what seems like an impossible love story! Being cheeky as Matthew talks about here is such a fantastic way to keep the spark exciting! Earlier I was feeling alone and crazy in my determination for this to work, but reading these comments and knowing there are people out there going through the same thing, with some even having success, fills me with a little bit of hope. Thankyou to Matthew for the ever-wise perspective!
chantellouise1 I'm having a similar situation. Met a man in the Royal British Army here in Canada (we've been seeing each other for a couple months), and he's going back to England soon, and currently is over 5hrs from me. We both want to make it work and know it will be hard, but I really don't know what to expect and just hope it works out. I feel something special with him, and can see it working out. I've had people express their doubts and ask me why I can't find someone local, but they don't understand. I love that this guy says the negatives but also positives and overall keeps the message of long distance hopeful and positive.
A little bit late to the game but what he is saying in this video is extremely pertinent to my life right now - especially the idea of the scarcity complex and creating a fantasy of someone. This is something I've done in my life not only once, not only twice but three times. The second one came to a head very recently after nearly a year and was honestly one of the most painful rejections of my life. The third, which has just happened I have fortunately managed to shield myself from extreme amounts of hurt but I can see myself acting in these patterns of behaviour- idiolising someone, believing I will never find a person that good. It's so nice to have Matthew put this into words and to help me identify those patterns of thought.
Thanks Matthew. As I suffered from this same situation, I can say, we knew, both of us, that we couldn't have that kind of distance relationship especially when there is no solution for us to be reunited. And I agree with you that being stuck in it is just tortured and useless pain. Only point is that when you keep this relationship goes for months, you start to have feelings and this is so hard to move on and cut off even if you know that it is the best solution for yourself. so good luck to this lady and thanks for your pieces of advice which are very aware and it is good to here them from a man. Thank you very much.
Matthew is a solution to everyone and he is a great adviser. His words give us a lot of insights not only on that situation but for different situations that we may experience.
God Matthew you're amazing Thank you so much. I had such a horrible time after breaking up with my ldr boyfriend. I wished I would have watched this video so many months earlier. You just opened my mind by saying I'll be able to feel this kind of love again with someone else in my life. There was a time where I thought there will never be someone else who can give me this kind of love again, but now.. I'm so ready to move on in my life, so ready to be happy again and just enjoy everything that's ahead of me. And this video just encouraged me to go on one step further. Your videos are amazing thank you so much. Love from Germany
I met a guy when I studied abroad in London who I connected with really well and we were casual for the months that I was there I still think about him often. When I returned home I could not stop thinking about him and it hurt so much to want someone who lives across the ocean but had to accept the fact that the timing was not right and if it is meant to be it will happen someday. Sounds cliche, but that's what I believe.
Toria I agree with you. What is meant to be will come back to you. I had met someone when I was 10 and we bonded pretty quick and strong but lost contact because we both were so young. I moved across the country and I only knew his name. Two years ago I had the desire to look him up on facebook . I found him and saw that he contacted me awhile before but I hadn't gotten his message. We instantly had this connection and strong feelings for each other (I am 26 now ) and last year we decided to try a long distance relationship. It didn't work out and I was devastated at first but decided to let fate do it's working. If we were meant to be will be together one day, if not he wasn't meant for me. I had to completely let him go and that was hard since he had been a very close friend to me at this point. This year out of the blue he wrote to me again and said he cleaned up his life . We met again to realize that we both still have those feelings towards each other. Now we're happy together and yes LDR is still hard on both of us but we're making it work. I never dreamed of seeing him ever again so it is a miracle to me and a strong example on what's meant to be together will be together one day.
I can relate :( I also hope I will have the same chance as you Jasmin.. The timing is not right this time and it sucks.... Now that I'm back in my country, I have alot of nights wherein I regret the choice of falling in love with someone while I'm still in a study abroad program... We confessed to each other on my last day in his country but sadly even if we pushed ourselves into a relationship we cannot do a LDR because we still have our own goals to reach.. We also need to grow up and be more adult... I also need to study more so that I can speak his language more fluently and will have a chance to work there as it has been a dream of mine ever since before we met... I also can't risk our one year worth of friendship... Right now its much better to end as friends... It hurts but I hope the waiting time will be worthit... I also hope God will guide me to him again when the time is right..
Here i am joining this LDR! We've been talking about 2 months now and started to have feelings for each other. He is planning to visit me around May next year. But things are hard to plan due to covid and travel restrictions at the moment. I really hope this can work out for us in the near future!!!
Wow, I think I´ve been following your work for so long that I have it practicly internalised it. Funny story, a couple of days ago guy asked me out and I rejected him. I felt really bad for him after and because I´m only 20 this was the first time a guy had asked me out. So this came into my mind "You know this is actually a good thing. Becase this means it can happen again. So don´t feel bad for saying no to someone who is defenetly not your cup of tea. This is just the begining of a new journey.". Thanks for the video, you are such a role model for me. I hope one day I get the oportunity to help people find love just like you do.
I met my boyfriend when I was in Hungary, we had only a few days together, and the I left to San Diego for a year (I am Belgian and he is German). After a year of me being on the other side of the globe, he came over and met me in Belgium. Now I feel like the luckiest girl on earth, even though we still live apart, I enjoy every second we have together.
Awee yay! 😊 I'm a Canadian girl living in Germany with my bf who is from here. If we can make it work you guys have a much higher chance to make it too 😊. I have visas, a language, and a much different culture to overcome...lots of work ahead but it has been worth it for me. Good luck girl!💕
That is probably the #1 blocker...moving to another country and leaving the familiar behind ie. family, friends, food or country. I came to this ultimatum and I wasn't ready and lost him. * I was just divorced and balancing my life and indecisive. It took two years to balance and I'm ready now, but he got angry and couldn't wait for me. He wanted me there asap. It hurt us both. We met through a friend, talked over skype for a year, then I bought a ticket and flew to Germany and spent two months with him. I got spooked and flew home without saying a word, but felt he'd understand and we could work it out. He wasn't understanding. He grew up in Manchester, UK and he was all those things I wanted in a man. *after listening to your video today, I see I could meet someone as wonderful again. I hope, he was pretty unique. *Thank you, Matt. xo
you got spooked and flew home without a word..of course he did not understand. You couldn't be trusted not to flee at anytime with no notice. Just curious, have you found the same spark since then?
YES Matt, this is very helpful to talk about it openly. As I just had this experienced and in her situation.. This is such a BIG help! Thanks girl for call in. And thanks Matt for ALWAYS giving the greatest advised
Unselfishly, I hope Matthew is okay and his heart is not hurting for anything. Thanks for helping us, but we should help you too. No matter what you go through, if you feel down, just know that we are thankful for your presence and your efforts. Just being a nice human. Nothing prompted this message. I truly care about people who give and never take.
This is basically the majority of my dating life, I always fall for a guy who lives in a city too far from me or one of us moves countries. Due to my career I can work in different places pretty easily and I do ask myself those questions of if I started to date this person long distance can I see myself getting work and moving closer to him. I've had one case where I really could see myself moving for them but the effort on his part to see me was so minimal, just sweet short messages and emojis, nothing substantial, no actual plans. He kept putting it all on me saying it was my decision if I wanted to move, basically as a way for him to get no blame if it didn't work out when me moving wasn't just because of him, he was one factor, a pro on the list. His lack of wanting to invest in a relationship with me made me lose a lot of feelings for him and I had to move on because I knew I deserved a relationship with someone who is excited and willing to try to create something with me. I'm still searching for my person but my advice for anyone in a similar situation is ask are one of you willing to eventually be with the other, if you are both set in staying in your own place then the relationship sadly won't work in the long run. And to just be careful of being more willing than the other person to take any step forward because I believe it should be equal if you want a solid partnership.
I was in Long, Long LDR (almost a decade) and boy did it hurt when we both realised it was going nowhere because we both weren’t willing to move to the other person’s country
I had this exact situation happen..fell for a guy who lives in London. Never felt a connection like that. And it does end up hurting worse over time. it's hard to tell how someone lives their life when you don't have the benefit of seeing them on a day to day basis. I asked how can we make this work his reply was very practical, but I don't think he had the intention! So thanks for explaining that perfectly haha
I find this the perfect place to leave you a testimonial! I met my now husband and father of my child in London. He lived in Rio de Janeiro at the time. I followed your advice and it was magical. I had to get rid of the limiting beliefs to make your advice second nature but it was so beneficial. Thank you! Or as we say in Rio, Obrigada!
Too late for me, I have been waiting for the love of my life for 9 years. We met on the internet and we have never met in person. We were suppose to get together a long time ago but too much adversity and hardships kept us from it. I truly love him and he loves me back, it is a deep connection and I can not find anyone like him here.We are trying to find a way to be together but sometimes it seems so impossible.I'm still hopeful, I truly love him. Hope it comes true for us.
i am from Malaysia and my beloved someone from US now. we've love each other and i am willing to move to antoher US for him. In march. he want me go to US for seen first time. Of Course i want because am really miss him. sometimes im afraid because he not infront with me..Please prayer for this realtioonship for the real one because am Love Him So Much.
I have the same situation I also like this cute Oxford boi❤️he’s so adorable and yah I’ve only known him for two days but I felt like I’ve known him for a year. How strange…have a beautiful day my friend❤️
Great Video. In a LDR with my person. 4,200 miles (UK to US). Its been 4 months. We have decided they would move to UK at the end of this year! Cant wait. Yay!!!
Call it training wheels for your life. My husband passed away and I never thought I could have feelings or desires for any other man. Then I met someone who stirred those feelings in me. Even though it didn’t work out, it taught me I had the capabilities to feel again.
This really hit home with me. Have experienced this "spark" recently with a guy who was emotionally unavailable. And I had never felt like that for someone before. The difficult thing for me is that I see him quite often but I know that nothing can come of it, which only makes it harder to get over him. I hope I find that connection with someone again soon!
Matt, I wanted to come back to this video years later and share my experience. A few years ago on a work trip, I met a colleague in Madrid who was from New York, and I live in London. After spending a week on this trip together, we had the most incredible time, hung out most days, and I left feeling totally energised, excited, and honestly I couldn’t stop thinking about him. We agreed that it was best not to place an expectation on what we were, or would become. Watching this video helped me take away a similar sentiment - it is important to be grateful and recognise that experiences can be beautiful in themselves. However, a few weeks ago, after going through the visa process and living together here in London for a year, we got engaged a few weeks ago. I truly believe that the feeling of “letting go” of an expectation early on ironically led me to enjoy the experience more, and our love grew under less pressure. Sure, we have had difficult moments and adjustments, but at first we just appreciated each other and felt affirmed over time that we “knew” this was right. It is wise to really consider the fact that it feels very romantic when you meet someone in this way. But with my logical hat on, I can’t deny that every day with him has been romantic since. I truly love him, and wanted to thank you for adding some logic and insight to my mind during the time I needed it most. Sending love!
For anyone going through this experience, it is important to see intentionality in the other person. Within a few weeks of being apart, my now fiancée wanted to fly out to meet me again. It felt like a big chance on my end, I didn’t want to get too caught up for it not to work out. But I told myself that I did love the experience as it was, I had an honest conversation with myself that I would rather enjoy and grasp the experience of spending time together, than letting it go. But some level of acceptance and peace in the processed genuinely helped me a lot!
You can have a successful long distance relationship if and only if; 1. you've been together for long enough already before doing LD 2. you know exactly when the LD is going to end (ie you will be in the same country/city again). Trust me I've tried LD many times, seen a lot of my friends try it, LD has to end at some point unless one person is willing to move.
+Gina Kim ya u are right..we too had sometime thought that this couldnt be sucess.but the most important is faith on ur relationship.n if both are true n understanding wat else we need to search,but sometime fears take part.
We glorified it in the beginning, and it was often like a fantasy, but over time we accepted the reality of our situation, accepted each other as we are, and decided to go long term with our international LDR. It’s not always easy, but it works for us. Eight years and counting, 10,000 miles between us, but always together in our heart. Of course we are a lot older and more experienced with life than the young people who get into a LDR in college or in the military. But love and trust and lots of patience and communication makes it possible.
this is 5 years old but the first point is wrong. and second. you dont have to know an exact, you just need a goal and eventually get to that exact. me and my boyfriend met online and decided that id move to him very early on. but we're working towards it. it's a long process.
American here. Recently met an Italian while both on vacation in Spain. We had an amazing instant connection, and though we’re over 4,000 miles apart now we still communicate almost daily. I really feel like this could bloom into something special, I can’t wait to see him again.
from my experience the best thing in a long distance realationship is missing missing the other partner thinking every second where is my girlfriend whats she doing ? its amazing feelings that make it intressting and really attractive
yes i totally agree with u mathew i m in a long distance relationship while my girlfriend lives in Los angeles and me i live in algeria more than 1230000miles away well we are together since 2 years its too hard to maintain the realationship healthy but we are deterninate to make this work we love each other and i really miss her guys please wish us luck because after 2months we will meet each others yaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy
This advice was spot on!! It does make me feel a little melancholic, however. It's just crazy how many frogs you have to kiss to get to some decent guys... and even some of them don't work out-- but it's a good perspective too use that energy to keep us hopeful for other men who may have those same characteristics...
So beyond true! I was in a long distance relationship and we closed it after a year. Now we've been together for 1.5 years :) - but it has been the most difficult, time-consuming - body and spirit - and everything in between - thing I have done in my life! I now live in Germany with my love (Canadian girl) but I still have many challenges to overcome - Learning the language, making a new group of friends, changing career paths, getting past culture shock, learning a new way of life, having to grow thick skin and be very strong and independent living as an outsider and being away from Home and the familiar - holy f - the only reason I think I have gone through with all of this is because he is my first bf and first love having met him just when I turned 21 on a vaycay through the Balkans (now 23 turning 24). Had I been less innocent and naive and more experienced I would have said NO! Hehe but we love each other and it feels so right being together. He did try living in Canada for me but due to circumstances it didn't work out. Thankfully living abroad was always something in my mind but I was thinking more about the Gulf or Hong Kong but here I am. Good luck to everyone who is in a lg relationship or has met someone from across the border :), it is possible but you have to be honest with how much you are willing to let go of and how much you want to put in.
Natasha M Leon great to know there are beautiful cases like this. It proves his point about being in the same page. Both of you were willing to leave your own country to live in the other's country. That's one of the most romantic things that can happen. Hang on to that. I recently just met someone myself. I met her online. We haven't met yet, so this is one of the reasons why I want to keep myself down to earth and realistic. But anyway, we are still getting to know each other but, having just met her like a few days ago, I feel like I have known her for a long time. We talk to each other so easily, and aparently have so much in common. Funny, beautiful and smart, too. I like that. I feel like we're connecting. But I don't want to rush things. I'm currently applying for a remote job. If all goes well, I'll be able to go go there. But that will only happen next year, probably. That's why I'm here on this side of youtube, because if all goes well between us it'll quite the long wait. And I'm checking how it usually works out in these kind of situations.
@@Jyotsiee I completely forgot about this! It's crazy to read your old comments and see how far you've come. I still live in Germany - in a bigger city now - and we got married! I'm going to graduate from uni next year and I have two uni jobs right now. I have a group I can call friends now and I keep meeting cool new people along the way 😊 I speak German now and I'm hoping to get my C1 soon so I can have a professional language level when I start applying for jobs. Next year I'm going abroad for a semester so it'll be the first time we'll be long distance since 6-7 years ago. I'm going somewhere in Asia - so I get to do something I've always wanted to do and then I can come home - it's weird but it is my home and it does start to feel that way the more time goes by. I'm also going to get my German driving license in August and I will accomplish a few dream road trips I've always wanted to do - driving along the French riviera, Croatian coast etc. I didn't get my license sooner because I always assumed I would go back to Canada and get it there because it's a lot cheaper there but now it doesn't look that way anymore. So I'm more or less accepting that this is my home for now. It's been a struggle, but we survived many things already including the "panorama" - many couples that came to our wedding did not survive that one. So we're lucky. I've given up a lot but I'm also receiving things back. So far it's worked out but I don't take things for granted. I continue to work on my myself, taking care of my mental health, and happiness, and there's a still a road ahead, but I'm in a more stable and happier place now than I was when I wrote that comment. I might make a RUclips video about my experience, because I feel like many videos sugarcoat things too much and are not honest. It is not easy moving for love in any way but it is possible and you can find happiness if you know that it won't be easy and lower your expectations. And if it's too much then listen to your body and heart, it's okay to let go. This also has helped our relationship knowing that we can always say no and let go. Good luck to everyone in a long distance relationship! ♥️
this video was a revelation for me in the situation I am, it's more or less the same experience the girl had. Your advices helped me to understand more and better what to do and how to be positive, a huge thank you Matthew!
It's hard to be in a LDR. Especially if he's in another country. I was in a LDR not too long ago but it wasn't another country though. He was in Texas and I was in Indiana. We met online on OK cupid. He said how are you? You are very beautiful. I said thank you, I'm good. Then we started talking about things we were into and we were into a lot of the same stuff. Then he asked if we could kik. (it's an app for texting) So I went to his profile and looked at it and it said he was in Texas. I was like whoa because normally I have a rule about dating long-distance but I broke it this one time and it was the best thing I ever did. He asked me to be his girlfriend two days later. I said yes. We talked for a while and then in august 2015 I went there on vacation to see him for the first time. We met up and hit it off that much more. I was sad to be leaving and going home. Then about two weeks or so after I got back from there he proposed to me. I said yes because I really love him so much and we really hit it off and there was an attraction there. Then we kept talking but the distance was killing us. Finally we decided to do this so that we wouldn't have to be lonely not being together. I moved there in November 2015 and I couldn't be happier. Our bond is that much stronger and we are both very happy together. My point of that story is LDR's can work out, despite all the hardships you have to go through as a couple and all the work it takes to keep it going. If it worked out for me it can work out for other people too. More and more people today are in a long-distance relationship. We talked like he mentioned, the "sexy talk". I told him how my day was and he told me how his was. We were there for each other. LDR's can work as long as there's a plan for one person to move where the other person is.
been in the same situation. if I had followed your advice back then would have saved me from so much pain. Well done Matt for giving your thoughtful, honest opinion. Always so many good points and words of wisdom from your videos!
This was a great help in getting up again. Great attraction AND great intention! The combination is so important, I can't even tell. I was in the same situation, it started a few months ago. Attraction and desire is still going overboard, but he elegantly avoided any talks about intentions, so I took the initiative. Soon I'm moving to where he lives and what did he tell me just recently: He got engaged! Period. ... but yes, we should be grateful for such experiences of magnetic attraction and the feeling of having found your other part. In long-term single periods I think "I'd even be happy to have relationship issues, if that meant that I had a relationship."
Just started following you Matthew, I am amazed at the depth of your insight! What a gift you have. You are accomplishing what we all want to do, your making a difference.
I've been in a LDR and everything you said exactly happened to us... Although at the end she didn't wanna keep fighting... very sad moment for me cuz I was planning on doing anything I could to go and settle down there with her, but hey! What can you do!? right! All in all, I will do it all over again if life gives me the chance... NO REGRETS! :)
I love her passion and vulnerability, but a few points: 1. 48 hours into knowing this guy she has gone from 0-60 and is falling too hard too quickly. 2. The question "how do I keep him interested?" is the wrong question to ask. The proper approach is to build a friendship by corresponding and actually getting to know him to see if they are actually compatible.
Hey, you think long distance friendship is fine first? We were flirting and developing connection for 5 months every day, but now I feel it slid back into friend zone? Any advice
@@angelinadenisenko7396 hey Angelina! That can be frustrating when you feel like you're making progress getting closer only to notice things seem to be moving backwards. What has changed that makes you think you're back into the friend zone? How often do you guys see each other? I would say to take inventory of what milestones signify moving toward commitment in YOUR eyes (and why) and then having an open and honest discussion with your person to find out their thoughts. It's 💯 reasonable to make clear your desires and needs especially in long distance situations.
@@pricklypear1111 long story, but everything was great until he made a comment randomly - "why don't you have a bf yet?" I said "well I've been talking to you and I like you" then I asked him does he like me and he dodged the question and said "I'm happy when I talk to you" and said he was "just curious, maybe you have someone." So I asked him does he have any girls (because the whole situation seemed strange) and he said no he doesn't, he was just asking. Then I said who am I to you and he said "you're mine but some things are hard to explain" and refused to tell me what that meant. Our communication dropped dramatically after that with small spikes, hot and cold. We haven't seen each other due to covid borders are closed :( he also recently rejected an online cooking date and said "that's a nice idea but that would take ages" - i said not necessarily. So it's really not going well
@@4669 things got better... I took some space and he came back and we are now neutral. He's trying his best to make it clear that he values me because I told him I felt unvalued. But it's slow and I'm dating others too if it doesn't go well. Oh well it's life!
Such a great conversation and valuable insight from Matthew. I love that he brough reality to the situation and didnt preach the "love can beat anything! go for it!" kind of discussion.
I was living in London on a 2 year working/ adventure when I met my now boyfriend. It was like time stopped when I met him, and that night and the time together that followed was like being in the presence of someone I'd known since the dawn of time in lives before this one (if you believe in that). The kind of connection and authenticity I'd never experienced from a PERSON before, let alone a partner. 5 weeks later the pandemic began and we moved in together, and we still live together now! I miss my home country of course, but he's my home and I can't wait for the life we'll build.
Met this guy. He came abroad. We hit it off so well, we both had in mind that it’s a temporary thing. I ended up falling for him. And over and over he kept saying to come visit his country. To let him know. That’s where we left it at, if I go we may get the chance to see each other....it hurts
Same it hurts we just broke up today after 4 months of keeping contact ,that's why I searched this video up . We broke up because he couldn't handle the pain and he isn't the patient type , while I was still going strong. I'll graduate in less than 2 years time and I wanted to visit him in Germany . But I guess that's not happening anymore. I hope you two end up together because nobody deserves to go through that.
My partner of nearly a year is considering a job across the country. I love him very much, and I know that this job is everything he's ever wanted. We will be discussing our options tonight. I am apprehensive and heartsick for so many reasons. Please send us good vibes.
The thing is, love is pain... I know I probably sound like I'm in fantasy world, but a relationship will experience pain at some point, why not go through that pain in the beginning? This probably makes no sense
nah I disagree. I think we live in a society where we forget to cherish individuals as just that. someone special to acknowledge and create some romance with.
i feel like i’ve lived a crazy life w some of the best memories i could ever make, but the weekend i just spent with this stranger was magical. i feel devastated because i really feel like i just felt love at first sight. i like everything about him. there’s a spark that i only felt once when i was 18 and naive. but this time it’s so real. he leaves tomorrow morning. i just want to run away with him and forget everything. i’m glad you mentioned that some people view it as a sign of real love actually existing. i blamed that spark of when i was 18 just being young and dumb and everything feels so much more intense when you’re young but this is really it and i know it actually is real now awe man what a time to be alive
Not practical to be in a relationship so far apart for 6 years so long. For most successful LDRs, after one year both people start talking about getting very serious and how to end the distance part and to live close to each other.
3yrs and still going on... 😣 weird we never met, but we r head on heels over each other.. Talk n keep in touch each n every way we could, he is from UK and I'm from India, thousands of miles apart, he is settled with job there , n I just completed my studies and need to go through lot of exam to qualify working there in UK., staying positive n hoping I'll get it through n be with him. 😍
![Eminem - Fuel (feat. JID) [Official Lyric Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/t5H_CewqpKA/mqdefault.jpg)
“The fact that it happened means it can happen again in a much more suitable way” I soooo needed to hear this. Thank you
yes!!!!!
Omg me too!!! I'm dealing with a LDR and I'm struggling because I know I need to end it. 😩
🥰🥰🥰🥰 this dued is amazing.. a guy In jamaica hurt me. An this guy helped me get over him. I'm no longer dating. I hope she listen to him 🙏
Yes! So powerful
14:00
I married a guy from another country. It was hard work. Still is, but worth it.
Ps we are having our 1st child 🤰🏽
@Melissa A. congrats
how long did u wait to see him?
Sarika M: It's when the children come that the true challenges arrive. Be kind to yourself as well as the child's other parent. Always try to live within your means and just enjoy what you brought into the world. It's only there for a short period of time. Make it count. 💙
It made my day:)
I didn't know I had msgs here😮
Thanks everyone. She drives me crazy😅
My late husband and I were writing letters for more than five months (we were 10,000 miles apart! ) we had a romantic connections on those letters. We met and got married
after two weeks of meeting. We were married for almost 26 years. Btw, we loved each
other very much but unfortunately he was gone too soon.
❤️❤️
I like your story.
Life is to short people. Spend it when the ones you love and don't argue.
Sorry for your loss. True love is hard to find. You are lucky to have found that even if the time was not endless.
So sorry for your loss, what a lovely love story
The thing about long distance relationships is that if no-one has plans to move, there's a point where needs stop being met and it's a kind of limbo. You're in a relationship, but you're not. It can become so intangible that it may as well be an imaginary relationship, at least according to my experience.
It's true though, there are many "the one"s scattered around, the hard part is finding them.
pinkunicornglitter agreeeeeee
This speaks to me rn
Soo true! Been there
What if we would meet each other in a weekend per year?
exactly right
From the comments, why are everyone's LDR love interests in London/England?
You sure you're not all dating the same guy? 😂
Emilie-Elizabette same tho, but im from Norway xD
Lol haha
Its the land of handsome British gentleman, thats why
LOL... my guy is also in England.
😄😄😄😄😄
I disagree with most of the comments.. I am an Australian married to an American.. we met on Christian Mingle in 2012 - In my opinion long distance relationships are the best kind because they force you to get to know eachother PROPERLY... you have to talk about what's important, you don't get swept up in lust etc... The best relationships I've had were long distance.. - When I was 21 I fell in love at first site with a guy I met in a bar who was from America.. I would have been 100% commited ALL the way but he was not.. - as long as 2 people are 100% committed financially, emotionally, time wise, it's a safe bet.. BUT YOU HAVE TO BE HONEST.. is he committed? - THE RULES book about dating gives great guidelines on telling if a guy is serious.. he needs to visit you.. etc
Skyler Durden I agree. You really really have to commit to communication and it's not for everyone. People like to get swept up in the moment and they couple up because of lust. With LDR , you must talk about everything. I'd say it's actually idea
In the beginning so you can make more logical choices outside of romance
Skyler Durden: I always enjoyed long distance relationships the best too. 💜
Skyler Durden from experience... that’s rare.
Wow! I'm an American and my boyfriend is an Australian
You mean “sight”?!
what he says is so true. Someone closer with the same connection exist but it’s still not him😭😞 I want him not anyone else.
The real real question; how to get Matthew Hussey to want a date with you?
Haha
Yeah 😂😂😂
Same here
maybe putting in another way what value can you add?
Totally agree with u ! Haha
Sometimes we can't fight these intense feelings. We were friends first. Met him on an online writing site and we collaborated for over a year on fictional stories. We talked on the phone, daily. I realized I really liked this kid, but knew he was thousands of miles away. So then went extreme online dating. I watched Matt's videos on how to date, how to put yourself out there. I wondered if my feelings for this guy were just isolation and loneliness manifested into fantasies that couldn't happen. This English bloke was so far away, it was impossible for it to work. Except every date, I was subconsciously comparing men to him. So, I reluctantly told him how I felt. He felt the same.
We've been dating over a year now. We're still long distance, but that won't be forever. My feelings haven't decreased, if anything they have increased. I don't think the two of us have gone a full day without talking to the other. We plan visits, talk about options of one person living in the other country and try to build a relationship with the other's family too.
I can't describe it really well, but I feel like I've known this person my entire life. We're like missing puzzle pieces. the both of us know how the other is feeling almost instantly. I think it's because of all the hours of communication. I know just by the pitch of his voice what's going on. Or, just enough to ask him. I trust him, unlike any person I have before. That could have been because we were friends for a long period first. It scares me how you can know someone almost better than yourself and what it does to you.
Don't get me wrong, it's hard. We have our struggles. The physical intimacy is a challenge, just like Matt said. But, he's my bestfriend, and I just can't imagine a life without him. I knew he was 'the one' too, from one of Matt's videos. He talked about finding someone you can build a house with, not building a house on your own and putting someone in there. I realized how we work through issues, how we talk about big conversations, how the two of us work through problems...we're already building that house together.
Best advice I can give, if you feel he's worth it...talk to him. If the two of you can't get on the same page in the beginning that's a red flag. But if he's equally willing to put in the work and goes, "Yeah, let's do this," go for it. If he comes from a place of positivity and not doubt to do this journey with you...then take the leap and go for it.
Thank you, this was really helpful. I’m kind of in a similar situation.. I don’t want to lose our friendship but I need to ask him as well, because I can’t live like this anymore. How did you tell him how you felt about him?
@@chesapeake.ripperhow did it go ?
My mother and father lived in different countries. He came to her first, then she moved to him, then they moved to her home country. Married for 50 years and still in love!
this speaks to me ! i fell stupidly in love over someone i gotten to know online who lives miles away and have no indication to relocate with me. I keep thinking of the 'what if' when in reality he is only a fantasy. i have to acknowledge that this is a nice feeling, however he is someone with his own life and i need to move on with mine, and take it as a n experience. It means that i am capable of feeling like this, and hopefully will be able to find this in someone who is more substantial. Thanks a lot Matthew for your excellent advice. :)
Excellent distinction: Massive Attraction and Massive Intention... Thank you, Matthew, you are GREAT! 💎
Monica Sancio Fit yea right! That gets me too!!
I've been waiting for this video. And now I have a big lump in my throat because now I know what I need to do. Situations like this suck, especially when the connection is more than a weekend fling.
+nanajosianne Thank you, my only drawback is that I've never use fear as an impetus to do anything, except avoid poverty. I feel like by me trying to avoid pain, I'm also avoiding the risk it takes to win big in love. But I understand that I also need to protect my heart. I'm still deciding on what I will do.
***** are you in a similar situation?
I so agree with your comment about fear. With LDRs there can be pain either way. You don't try, it hurts... you try nobody wants to move, it hurts... you move and things might go wrong after, it hurts ... Just to say that one can never know so sometimes just trying is the only way to get the answer.
+afreecanqueen I agree with you! Painful all around! But in any event you do end up bouncing back! Time heals all.
+Swapnil Chaudhary not relevant to the conversation going on over here! but I have to say for the first time I spotted a guy in the comment section on Matthew Hussey's channel! I was quite surprised and I was like "heyyyy and its an Indian guy"! it made me smile😀
What i learned from this:
There’s a big difference between massive Attraction and massive Intention. 💥 💥
In LDR, you need to keep things interesting by showing that you’re interested!
Don’t be in scarcity mentality- there are still many guys out there! 🔥
Such a great enlightenment 😍😍
Again, Matthew delivers the truth!!! Love watching him every Friday!
“i’m crazy for him, but he lives in another country”
Me: “I’m crazy for him, but he lives in another country and he doesn’t know me”
😅
Lmao
we're totally screwed!
😂😂
🤣🤣🤣🤣
I watched this videos 3 years and a half ago, at the beginning of my long distance relationship, and even though i knew matthew's words were true, I wanted to give it a try, cause both of us were extremetly intentioned to make it work. It's been 3 years full of travels (17hours on average of flight), and i don't regret anything. I grew up and made amazing experiences which i'll always treasure. But so much pain came together. As Matthew said conversations kind of became the same at a certain point, plus frustration for the time gap and other types of misunderstandings.
However, we could have get through this if not for the key problem, which is who was going to move one day. We dragged this issue for so long, i was almost sure that i would have moved, but i always had many insecurities. We're now breaking up for this and also other reasons and i feel so broken in this moment. It's been actually as so helpful and relieving to rewatch this video and focus instead on the last part of the advice. I also need to realize that i was living with an idea of scarcity and i glorified something only cause it was on the other part of the world. I'll try my best to heal and believe that later i can find again love in my city.... Thank you Matthew :)
Oh girl i feel you...:/ wish u the best
@@FGC-ku4ez sounds like a good plan girl :) i was thinking the same..
Girrll...I saw red flags in my relationship of 3 years that also just ended. I didn't listen to my gut, intuition, the videos, my friends and my family. But I learned a LOT. And I'll always listen and more importantly act on my gut and intuition.
Matthew is definitely right
I'm madly in love with someone from Sweden and we've known each other online for 5 years nearly six years, and I live in the Southern United States.
The whole situation is complicated in a few ways however I can't imagine living without this person.
Why haven't you both made an effort to meet up in close to 6 years?
Really? Whats the problem? Those are both developed countries with similar living standards. Just pick a country to live together and GO. Quit dicking around!
I recently went travelling around Europe and also had similar experiences as the caller. And like Mathew said these experiences are actually there to show us that it's possible to have romantic connection with someone at that level, and we just need to cherish it and keep ourselves opened to the the ones available in own geographic areas. 👌🏼✌🏻️
happens to me once every 5 years so...
“The fact that it happened means it can happen again in a much more suitable way”
OMG. I guess it is going to become one of my favorite quotes from now on. I needed this so much. And it is not at all about a long-distance relationship, but about every person who you feel connected to and yet find it impossible or inappropriate.
I would go for it anyway and then end up hurt so much. In one of your other videos, there was a moment when you asked a girl "when did you feel like he is not right for you" and she said "from the very beginning". And she wasted a couple of years.
I guess so many of us are this way. We feel that rare connection, and a spark, and an outburst of feelings, and we want to keep it this way no matter what. Even if a guy turns out to be beneath your standards. Or if there are red flags, or if you have cultural/religious differences. How do you let go of that feeling and torn the bond, while this person makes you feel so amazing?
I would cling on the emotions and try not to let go till it would get too hard. I would dream on fiction scenarios where it becomes possible and you get a happily ever after.
I was looking for this answer for so long. Just thank the universe it happened. Someone showed you that it is still possible to feel that way. You still have this fire inside of you. And this will happen with someone right.
Thank you, Matt
Girl you made me tear up with your comment. I need to let this guy go but I feel like I won't find someone I can connect the way I did with him.
@@lga5957 Hi Iga, thanks for your comment, I really feel for you, and when re-reading my own writing which is from 2 years ago, it came back to me with different images and different people that were important to me at some points of my life. But you know what was the most surprising thing about that? That only mid-way reading this I actually realized who was on my mind at that moemnt. It's crazy how life works, I had a major crush and great connection with that person, but two years later, it really doesn't matter now. But at that time, I felt that I can love again, and I can be happy, but he just wasn't right for me and there are no regrets now.
Although I would say, don't be hard on yourself. We let go people when we are ready to do so. Sometimes it takes us to experience them doing something really bad to us. Or us going through some tough situations on our own, to realize that this is not what we want. But taking a decision to let go of the person who is wrong for you can also be empowering, as a gesture of self-love, and standing up for yourself.
@@Ninka1993ua thank you so much for such a powerful message 💜. I finally sent the message to this guy. He hasn't replied yet and to be honest I'm not waiting for a response. As much as I want to picture future escenarios where I see myself happy with this person my gut is telling me something else. But yeah you are right about that it's hard to let go because you feel like you aren't going to find anyone else you can connect like you are connecting with this person.
I feel very proud of my self tho. Finally after years of painful situations I can finally stand for myself and be strong. I'm almost 40. Took me a long way but I'm finally here and it feels amazing to be able to take decisions and protect myself. Self love ❤️ is what I've been practicing and it feels Great.
@@lga5957 Glad to read this! Yes, I think self-love is the first and foremost thing we need. Aaaand if smth/ or rather smb/ comes into conflict with this, that is a red flag already. So there should never be regrets about standing up for yourselves. After all, these are us who should care about ourselves and do not accept others' behavior that is below that. Hope you will be very very happy!
I love this video so much. Me and my boyfriend have been in a long distance relationship for 4 years (him England and me Canada) and we've learned all of the things Matt talked about in the video. In the beginning it was a lot of talk about our intentions and how we plan on making this work, then we learned how to better communicate with each other, which I truly believe is the upmost important thing in a LDR, and how to remain romantic and sexual with each other despite not being physically intimate. No doubt there have been times I was worried I was missing out on something here, and that I was going to end up heart broken, but he's moving to Canada next year and we could not be happier! It's very important you choose the right person to go long distance with, and to always stay optimistic for the next time you'll be together!
Micayla Trudel how is it going?
Micayla Trudel I looove your story... I hope you are still together
Micayla Trudel i had to read this. Thanks :)
yeeeees girl you gotta update us
GREAT!!!
7 years later, when i matched a guy on tinder who lives on the another side of the world. I returned to this video and still got a lot from it. Thank you so much Matt, i hope he feels the same and let the universe find a way for us to meet and fall in love. Thank you so much!!
Listening to your audio makes me feel so peaceful. I’m Chinese and my bf is German. We’re doing long distance now it’s so hard but it’s also sweet. We’re figuring out the way to be together. Hope all of the long distance lovers can be together in the end.
I needed to hear this advice for some months ago. something similar happened to me and I felt like I lost the magic when he left. I felt heart broken and desilussioned. But like you said I am glad it happened. There's hope that I can feel that happy again some day. You are a light to me Matthew. Thank you
Im sad in a similar situation:(
Long distance relationships are wonderful! Many of my (young) friends have married their long distance boyfriends and have made their marriages work DESPITE the cultural differences. I even moved to Holland in the 70s for a long distance boyfriend. We parted, I stayed and we've remained friends for 43 years. That said, I do believe that most relationships are ultimately destined to end after a period of time whether you live across the world or across the street from that special someone. Have a great long distance romance with this guy and enjoy the moments you get to spend together .. then when it's over, you'll have wonderful memories to take into old age. But, go into all relationships knowing that they are very likely impermanent and you'll never be disappointed .. unless you've produced children .. then life becomes a bit harder.
😊😊😊wow very well said..thank u
Loved ur comment :) thank you! I believe the same all relationships are impermanent. Love and give ur best and grow...cherish it because u feel ur best in that person's company and love him and support him and live each day...it might just last really long, what do u know hahah...How was ur experience in Netherlands btw, curious to know!!...
pam emarald Wellllll .. in short, while I was here in 1973, I met a Greek musician. Being a musician myself we connected musically, but not physically as he was already married at the time. I returned to the U.S. for 12 years and by 'chance' had the opportunity to come back to Holland to work. I was a medical professional so my last patient of the day just happened to be this same Greek man, 25 years later only this time he was divorced from his very young 3rd wife. We carried on where we left off all those years before, first as friends, then as lovers and then as musicians together in his Greek band where we played in his Greek restaurant during the weekends. We never married, but he came to live with me the last 6 of the 11 years we were together and I nursed him during his declining health and ultimate death in 2009. I truly loved this man and in due time, he also came to love me as one of the most significant relationships he had ever had. Have no expectations in life, but do have standards to live by and you should fare pretty well. Have fun ... life's great if you have a good attitude. :) Peace
+Linda Casey very interesting story.thanks for sharing&advice:-)
Linda Casey relationships will only work if people are willing to make a difference
I think, it it is not possible, just to change the "object" and move on to a other person! If you have deep feelings for a particular person, you have that feelings for this particular person, and not for someone else! It drives me crazy, when I always hear "There are so many options out there! Why are you stucking on this one person!" Maybe because of love?
This! ☝️ Humans are not just fungible NPCs we can just swap out for another more convenient person. That's not to say it's always possible to make a LDR work. But if we decide against it we have to grieve that connection, not replace them without processing the loss. It's hard to imagine that spark again when in love or heartbroken, and when it does happen that new person deserves better than to be treated as a substitute!
I really needed this! I'm from Argentina and met this guy from London like 10 days ago. The connection was almost instantaneous. We've known each other for less than two weeks but we've been on 3 dates already. I've never felt this way before, ever. The thing is he's staying here for 3 months,, then he's going back to London. So I'm really struggling with what to do. Cause I know that if I stop seeing him I'll save myself a lot of pain, but at the same time I want to keep on seeing him cause he's a wonderful guy! I've never felt like this before.
May I ask how this worked out for you if that’s okay Carolina?
Como te fue con eso?
If you want to make it work, you’ll find a way 💗 but it has to be from both sides wanting it.
Often we attract ourselves to unavailable men because of a subconscious fear of relationships or of being left. If we're dumped by an unavailable person, it's the situations and not my fault... Like a defence mechanism.
so very true. I can verify that lol
I hate that this is true!
God yes
I feel exposed
Matthew just has solved my half-year dilemma in 17 minutes. Matthew, man, here's just another one voice proving you're doing a great job. The most precise-angle-looking-from coach!
probably one of the most helpful videos you've posted. i need this two years ago when I met the boy who lived across the country. no regrets of course, but it may have saved me some heartache.
Aww you didn't get to be with him? Sorry to ask I'm just scared for myself cos I'm in the same kind of relationship at the moment. :(
Actually just a couple months back, things had to come to a close. I stayed with him and his family across the country for a week and while it was special, I was more invested than he was and the distance troubled things for us. We are both in our early 20s, so we want to both date and meet people. I do not regret a minute of it and I have so much care and respect for him, (I know he does for me too). I miss him, but know that our separation right now is better for our well-being. I wish you the best with your partner! Like Matthew said, attraction vs. intention. If neither of you have the intentions to make it official for the long-term, moving forward may be better for well-being and happiness. That is easier being said though.
+TheCulinaryTeen Thank you.
TheCulinaryTeen I am in a long distance relationship and what I can say it's... If you can avoid it, avoid it! Because it's much difficult!!!
TheCulinaryTeen hi
The empowering way of talking about "the one that got away" shed so much more light than the logic that was somewhere in my head (deep down of course, due to self-persuasion). Thank you for sharing this. I've found closure and finally letting go of the "what if" although that chapter of my life was a few year back :)
This caller has a fear of real intimacy. That's why she's attracted to geographically unavailable men. Fantasy is more palatable than reality for some.
omg i can relate
Found an explanation to myself😂
Oh God this is me
Never felt so attacted🙃🤣
Sheesh... facts
With all respect , there is no distance or nobody could destroy pure love unless if the lovers themselves ruin it. Honesty and sincerity is the most important basis in every relationship so If she sincerely wholeheartedly feels and believes this relationship is worth (and so he does), they would make through this distance no matter how they're far from each other. To be honest, I completely disagree with you when you said she can find a suitable one for her rather being with the guy in London because Love cannot be found easily .
that's so true
But only if he feel the same way :/ and at the end you never truly know... it's a risk you have to take and be responsible of you actions and decisions. Let's be honest distance or not, true love or not, relationships have to be built and sometimes love is not enough.
Agree with you on "find another, close to you". Does not work like that for me. Connection/attraction happens regardless their name, age, nation, country. Especially if you meet while traveling. It then becomes a question of making it work or not.
"sobering questions". Yesss, Matthew knows how to dissect these emotionalized stories and what to say. Great talent.
This is exactly what is happening to me right now.. thank you so much for this video, Matthew! It completely just changed the way i think about this situation I am in now and i think this will actually save me from a lot of heartache too.
I have never watched any relationship advice videos before but i gotta say you are really helpful and i'm glad you do what you do! So, thank you!
Just what I need. I was struggling with long distance relationship, half world away, and it's just keep me questioning will it work or not. Sometimes guys don't really tell what they think or how they feel or fear. And Matthew, thank you for making it so clear and rational :)
I am from Brazil and my boyfriend is American, he lives in USA. We've been dating for 2.5 years and I am willing to move to another country for him if it's necessary. But we are still having a long distance relationship. During these 2.5 years we had a 7 months and a 8 months period of time away from each other. It's not easy, but.. Oh well..
Renata Ikonora Talking to this girl In Brazil have only known her for like 3 weeks but yes I'm In love and she Is too she said she's willing to move here this Is literally what I'm going through so I'm going to have her come out for a couple weeks to see what happens when I can!! but yes I'm American as well same situation but I'm going to do everything In my power to get her here this post struck my heart I scrolled down....saw this and nearly fainted
E aí Renata?Resolveram?Estão juntos?Boa sorte!
Why people say a Very imaginary history,but they never come back to Tell the end?I think because they finished bad.hahahaha.
Samuel hornquist them brazilians.. gotta be careful mate
Ohhh stupid, she does not want you Samuel, she wants America. The economic situation in Brazil sucks, everyone try to flee the country. She is using you.......why don t you just take beautiful - all American living and born and speaking English in your own country..........????? Samuel....idiot
It´s so funny. Everytime a caller tells you about the problem, I can see you thinking :D And you always come from another perspective than what people would expect. When people are stuck in a situation and they don´t know what to do, so they ask for help, you always give them another perspective on the situation. I wish you could be my best friend who I can talk to about my problems everytime ;) :D Great job!
He's great. He takes his job seriously. He was even taking notes ;-)
Melina Horns hii
I think it's because people in the relationship don't always look at "reality" of a continent to continent connection.
Melina Horns yess.. He's brilliant, isn't it? Like he's been through so many phases in life or probably learned from so many people that he can just plug in to our problems and give so much insight!
Chiming in bc we have the same name and thats twice tonight ive seen someone with my name. crazy coincedence
This video is very apt to my current situation. Met my 'dream' man on a train to Vienna whilst we were both travelling Europe. Him being from London, and me literally from the other side of the world in Melbourne, Australia. To make matters just a little more difficult, he's also a soldier with the Royal British Marines. Changing our plans so we could spend 3 more days in each others' company gave us time to squeeze as much information as we could to make sure we were a good match, and by both accounts (and the peoples' around us) -it was outrageously obvious! The thing that I feel most blessed about is we were able to establish a realistic and honest plan from the beginning, with guidelines and open feelings. I think this factor alone will be the saving grace of what seems like an impossible love story! Being cheeky as Matthew talks about here is such a fantastic way to keep the spark exciting!
Earlier I was feeling alone and crazy in my determination for this to work, but reading these comments and knowing there are people out there going through the same thing, with some even having success, fills me with a little bit of hope. Thankyou to Matthew for the ever-wise perspective!
chantellouise1 I'm having a similar situation. Met a man in the Royal British Army here in Canada (we've been seeing each other for a couple months), and he's going back to England soon, and currently is over 5hrs from me. We both want to make it work and know it will be hard, but I really don't know what to expect and just hope it works out. I feel something special with him, and can see it working out. I've had people express their doubts and ask me why I can't find someone local, but they don't understand. I love that this guy says the negatives but also positives and overall keeps the message of long distance hopeful and positive.
chantellouise1 Can I talk to you? I'm in a similar situation.
ItsJustMe Of course girl! Happy to chat!
chantellouise1 okay! Thank you c: where do you wanna talk?
ItsJustMe how does Facebook work for you? Chantel Girotto.
A little bit late to the game but what he is saying in this video is extremely pertinent to my life right now - especially the idea of the scarcity complex and creating a fantasy of someone. This is something I've done in my life not only once, not only twice but three times. The second one came to a head very recently after nearly a year and was honestly one of the most painful rejections of my life. The third, which has just happened I have fortunately managed to shield myself from extreme amounts of hurt but I can see myself acting in these patterns of behaviour- idiolising someone, believing I will never find a person that good. It's so nice to have Matthew put this into words and to help me identify those patterns of thought.
Thanks Matthew. As I suffered from this same situation, I can say, we knew, both of us, that we couldn't have that kind of distance relationship especially when there is no solution for us to be reunited. And I agree with you that being stuck in it is just tortured and useless pain. Only point is that when you keep this relationship goes for months, you start to have feelings and this is so hard to move on and cut off even if you know that it is the best solution for yourself. so good luck to this lady and thanks for your pieces of advice which are very aware and it is good to here them from a man. Thank you very much.
Matthew is a solution to everyone and he is a great adviser. His words give us a lot of insights not only on that situation but for different situations that we may experience.
God Matthew you're amazing Thank you so much. I had such a horrible time after breaking up with my ldr boyfriend. I wished I would have watched this video so many months earlier. You just opened my mind by saying I'll be able to feel this kind of love again with someone else in my life. There was a time where I thought there will never be someone else who can give me this kind of love again, but now.. I'm so ready to move on in my life, so ready to be happy again and just enjoy everything that's ahead of me. And this video just encouraged me to go on one step further. Your videos are amazing thank you so much. Love from Germany
I met a guy when I studied abroad in London who I connected with really well and we were casual for the months that I was there I still think about him often. When I returned home I could not stop thinking about him and it hurt so much to want someone who lives across the ocean but had to accept the fact that the timing was not right and if it is meant to be it will happen someday. Sounds cliche, but that's what I believe.
Toria I agree with you. What is meant to be will come back to you. I had met someone when I was 10 and we bonded pretty quick and strong but lost contact because we both were so young. I moved across the country and I only knew his name. Two years ago I had the desire to look him up on facebook . I found him and saw that he contacted me awhile before but I hadn't gotten his message. We instantly had this connection and strong feelings for each other (I am 26 now ) and last year we decided to try a long distance relationship. It didn't work out and I was devastated at first but decided to let fate do it's working. If we were meant to be will be together one day, if not he wasn't meant for me. I had to completely let him go and that was hard since he had been a very close friend to me at this point. This year out of the blue he wrote to me again and said he cleaned up his life . We met again to realize that we both still have those feelings towards each other. Now we're happy together and yes LDR is still hard on both of us but we're making it work. I never dreamed of seeing him ever again so it is a miracle to me and a strong example on what's meant to be together will be together one day.
Victoria Lee I had similar situation to you. Its okay to message you and to talk with this?
I can relate :( I also hope I will have the same chance as you Jasmin.. The timing is not right this time and it sucks.... Now that I'm back in my country, I have alot of nights wherein I regret the choice of falling in love with someone while I'm still in a study abroad program... We confessed to each other on my last day in his country but sadly even if we pushed ourselves into a relationship we cannot do a LDR because we still have our own goals to reach.. We also need to grow up and be more adult... I also need to study more so that I can speak his language more fluently and will have a chance to work there as it has been a dream of mine ever since before we met... I also can't risk our one year worth of friendship... Right now its much better to end as friends... It hurts but I hope the waiting time will be worthit... I also hope God will guide me to him again when the time is right..
Me too 😢
No. You have to go and get it
I live in one of the most isolated cities in the world. And I needed to hear this. Thanks for sharing it.
What city would that be I’m just curious ?
Matthew is so eloquent
Here i am joining this LDR! We've been talking about 2 months now and started to have feelings for each other. He is planning to visit me around May next year. But things are hard to plan due to covid and travel restrictions at the moment. I really hope this can work out for us in the near future!!!
Wow, I think I´ve been following your work for so long that I have it practicly internalised it. Funny story, a couple of days ago guy asked me out and I rejected him. I felt really bad for him after and because I´m only 20 this was the first time a guy had asked me out. So this came into my mind "You know this is actually a good thing. Becase this means it can happen again. So don´t feel bad for saying no to someone who is defenetly not your cup of tea. This is just the begining of a new journey.".
Thanks for the video, you are such a role model for me. I hope one day I get the oportunity to help people find love just like you do.
Great job! And it definitely will happen again for you ;-)
I met my boyfriend when I was in Hungary, we had only a few days together, and the I left to San Diego for a year (I am Belgian and he is German). After a year of me being on the other side of the globe, he came over and met me in Belgium. Now I feel like the luckiest girl on earth, even though we still live apart, I enjoy every second we have together.
wow, I'm happy that it worked out !:)
+babee szanti thank you 🌺🌸
Awee yay! 😊 I'm a Canadian girl living in Germany with my bf who is from here. If we can make it work you guys have a much higher chance to make it too 😊. I have visas, a language, and a much different culture to overcome...lots of work ahead but it has been worth it for me. Good luck girl!💕
Beautiful story!
@@michz9304 in your case you were lucky you both wanted to make it work. The intention part was there. Good for you, you met the right person! Enjoy 😊
why girls are easy to fall inlove.. and im one of it. 😦😦
Bcs you are stupid
Umm im a guy. But i fall in love easy. So dont take it for granted
That is probably the #1 blocker...moving to another country and leaving the familiar behind ie. family, friends, food or country. I came to this ultimatum and I wasn't ready and lost him. * I was just divorced and balancing my life and indecisive. It took two years to balance and I'm ready now, but he got angry and couldn't wait for me. He wanted me there asap. It hurt us both. We met through a friend, talked over skype for a year, then I bought a ticket and flew to Germany and spent two months with him. I got spooked and flew home without saying a word, but felt he'd understand and we could work it out. He wasn't understanding. He grew up in Manchester, UK and he was all those things I wanted in a man. *after listening to your video today, I see I could meet someone as wonderful again. I hope, he was pretty unique. *Thank you, Matt. xo
you got spooked and flew home without a word..of course he did not understand. You couldn't be trusted not to flee at anytime with no notice.
Just curious, have you found the same spark since then?
YES Matt, this is very helpful to talk about it openly. As I just had this experienced and in her situation.. This is such a BIG help! Thanks girl for call in. And thanks Matt for ALWAYS giving the greatest advised
Unselfishly, I hope Matthew is okay and his heart is not hurting for anything. Thanks for helping us, but we should help you too. No matter what you go through, if you feel down, just know that we are thankful for your presence and your efforts.
Just being a nice human.
Nothing prompted this message.
I truly care about people who give and never take.
This is basically the majority of my dating life, I always fall for a guy who lives in a city too far from me or one of us moves countries. Due to my career I can work in different places pretty easily and I do ask myself those questions of if I started to date this person long distance can I see myself getting work and moving closer to him. I've had one case where I really could see myself moving for them but the effort on his part to see me was so minimal, just sweet short messages and emojis, nothing substantial, no actual plans. He kept putting it all on me saying it was my decision if I wanted to move, basically as a way for him to get no blame if it didn't work out when me moving wasn't just because of him, he was one factor, a pro on the list. His lack of wanting to invest in a relationship with me made me lose a lot of feelings for him and I had to move on because I knew I deserved a relationship with someone who is excited and willing to try to create something with me.
I'm still searching for my person but my advice for anyone in a similar situation is ask are one of you willing to eventually be with the other, if you are both set in staying in your own place then the relationship sadly won't work in the long run. And to just be careful of being more willing than the other person to take any step forward because I believe it should be equal if you want a solid partnership.
I was in Long, Long LDR (almost a decade) and boy did it hurt when we both realised it was going nowhere because we both weren’t willing to move to the other person’s country
Eventually someone has to move.
Thanks for this video. I'm struggling with a long distance "undefined" relationship ugh. And you are confirming my thoughts about the situation.
I had this exact situation happen..fell for a guy who lives in London. Never felt a connection like that. And it does end up hurting worse over time. it's hard to tell how someone lives their life when you don't have the benefit of seeing them on a day to day basis. I asked how can we make this work his reply was very practical, but I don't think he had the intention! So thanks for explaining that perfectly haha
I find this the perfect place to leave you a testimonial! I met my now husband and father of my child in London. He lived in Rio de Janeiro at the time. I followed your advice and it was magical. I had to get rid of the limiting beliefs to make your advice second nature but it was so beneficial. Thank you! Or as we say in Rio, Obrigada!
Too late for me, I have been waiting for the love of my life for 9 years. We met on the internet and we have never met in person. We were suppose to get together a long time ago but too much adversity and hardships kept us from it. I truly love him and he loves me back, it is a deep connection and I can not find anyone like him here.We are trying to find a way to be together but sometimes it seems so impossible.I'm still hopeful, I truly love him. Hope it comes true for us.
Nora Abreu poet Noor Alimah have you met yet?
Have you two met yet ?
I feel like Matt should take this girl out.
Lol felt bad for her in the end too when she said you talk like him,I assume he is British and since mat is too.that works.lol
i am from Malaysia and my beloved someone from US now. we've love each other and i am willing to move to antoher US for him. In march. he want me go to US for seen first time. Of Course i want because am really miss him. sometimes im afraid because he not infront with me..Please prayer for this realtioonship for the real one because am Love Him So Much.
I have the same situation I also like this cute Oxford boi❤️he’s so adorable and yah I’ve only known him for two days but I felt like I’ve known him for a year. How strange…have a beautiful day my friend❤️
It is SO hard. I’m madly in love with this girl, she’s literally perfect for me but she’s going back to her country in 2 weeks. 💔
Great Video. In a LDR with my person. 4,200 miles (UK to US). Its been 4 months. We have decided they would move to UK at the end of this year! Cant wait. Yay!!!
so many "aha" moments, thank you!
Call it training wheels for your life. My husband passed away and I never thought I could have feelings or desires for any other man. Then I met someone who stirred those feelings in me. Even though it didn’t work out, it taught me I had the capabilities to feel again.
This really hit home with me. Have experienced this "spark" recently with a guy who was emotionally unavailable. And I had never felt like that for someone before. The difficult thing for me is that I see him quite often but I know that nothing can come of it, which only makes it harder to get over him. I hope I find that connection with someone again soon!
Matt, I wanted to come back to this video years later and share my experience. A few years ago on a work trip, I met a colleague in Madrid who was from New York, and I live in London. After spending a week on this trip together, we had the most incredible time, hung out most days, and I left feeling totally energised, excited, and honestly I couldn’t stop thinking about him. We agreed that it was best not to place an expectation on what we were, or would become.
Watching this video helped me take away a similar sentiment - it is important to be grateful and recognise that experiences can be beautiful in themselves. However, a few weeks ago, after going through the visa process and living together here in London for a year, we got engaged a few weeks ago. I truly believe that the feeling of “letting go” of an expectation early on ironically led me to enjoy the experience more, and our love grew under less pressure. Sure, we have had difficult moments and adjustments, but at first we just appreciated each other and felt affirmed over time that we “knew” this was right. It is wise to really consider the fact that it feels very romantic when you meet someone in this way. But with my logical hat on, I can’t deny that every day with him has been romantic since. I truly love him, and wanted to thank you for adding some logic and insight to my mind during the time I needed it most. Sending love!
For anyone going through this experience, it is important to see intentionality in the other person. Within a few weeks of being apart, my now fiancée wanted to fly out to meet me again. It felt like a big chance on my end, I didn’t want to get too caught up for it not to work out. But I told myself that I did love the experience as it was, I had an honest conversation with myself that I would rather enjoy and grasp the experience of spending time together, than letting it go. But some level of acceptance and peace in the processed genuinely helped me a lot!
You can have a successful long distance relationship if and only if; 1. you've been together for long enough already before doing LD 2. you know exactly when the LD is going to end (ie you will be in the same country/city again). Trust me I've tried LD many times, seen a lot of my friends try it, LD has to end at some point unless one person is willing to move.
+Gina Kim ya u are right..we too had sometime thought that this couldnt be sucess.but the most important is faith on ur relationship.n if both are true n understanding wat else we need to search,but sometime fears take part.
We glorified it in the beginning, and it was often like a fantasy, but over time we accepted the reality of our situation, accepted each other as we are, and decided to go long term with our international LDR. It’s not always easy, but it works for us. Eight years and counting, 10,000 miles between us, but always together in our heart. Of course we are a lot older and more experienced with life than the young people who get into a LDR in college or in the military. But love and trust and lots of patience and communication makes it possible.
this is 5 years old but the first point is wrong. and second. you dont have to know an exact, you just need a goal and eventually get to that exact. me and my boyfriend met online and decided that id move to him very early on. but we're working towards it. it's a long process.
American here. Recently met an Italian while both on vacation in Spain. We had an amazing instant connection, and though we’re over 4,000 miles apart now we still communicate almost daily. I really feel like this could bloom into something special, I can’t wait to see him again.
Heyy I need your help, can you help me please?
There needs to be a support group for people in LDRs 😔
Matthew you have been so generous in this call. Thank you for helping women understand themselves and us, too ;-)
😊
from my experience the best thing in a long distance realationship is missing missing the other partner thinking every second where is my girlfriend whats she doing ? its amazing feelings that make it intressting and really attractive
yes i totally agree with u mathew i m in a long distance relationship while my girlfriend lives in Los angeles and me i live in algeria more than 1230000miles away well we are together since 2 years its too hard to maintain the realationship healthy but we are deterninate to make this work we love each other and i really miss her guys please wish us luck because after 2months we will meet each others yaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy
Imad Zoubiri good luck man
cool ！How is everything going？
Are you two still together?
God be with you, Sweetie. If u smoke, please stop now, we can't be around that.
This advice was spot on!! It does make me feel a little melancholic, however. It's just crazy how many frogs you have to kiss to get to some decent guys... and even some of them don't work out-- but it's a good perspective too use that energy to keep us hopeful for other men who may have those same characteristics...
So beyond true! I was in a long distance relationship and we closed it after a year. Now we've been together for 1.5 years :) - but it has been the most difficult, time-consuming - body and spirit - and everything in between - thing I have done in my life! I now live in Germany with my love (Canadian girl) but I still have many challenges to overcome - Learning the language, making a new group of friends, changing career paths, getting past culture shock, learning a new way of life, having to grow thick skin and be very strong and independent living as an outsider and being away from Home and the familiar - holy f - the only reason I think I have gone through with all of this is because he is my first bf and first love having met him just when I turned 21 on a vaycay through the Balkans (now 23 turning 24). Had I been less innocent and naive and more experienced I would have said NO! Hehe but we love each other and it feels so right being together. He did try living in Canada for me but due to circumstances it didn't work out. Thankfully living abroad was always something in my mind but I was thinking more about the Gulf or Hong Kong but here I am. Good luck to everyone who is in a lg relationship or has met someone from across the border :), it is possible but you have to be honest with how much you are willing to let go of and how much you want to put in.
Natasha M Leon great to know there are beautiful cases like this. It proves his point about being in the same page. Both of you were willing to leave your own country to live in the other's country. That's one of the most romantic things that can happen. Hang on to that.
I recently just met someone myself. I met her online. We haven't met yet, so this is one of the reasons why I want to keep myself down to earth and realistic. But anyway, we are still getting to know each other but, having just met her like a few days ago, I feel like I have known her for a long time. We talk to each other so easily, and aparently have so much in common. Funny, beautiful and smart, too. I like that.
I feel like we're connecting. But I don't want to rush things.
I'm currently applying for a remote job. If all goes well, I'll be able to go go there.
But that will only happen next year, probably. That's why I'm here on this side of youtube, because if all goes well between us it'll quite the long wait. And I'm checking how it usually works out in these kind of situations.
Mich Z Hey:) any updates about how things are going in Germany? I’m curious to know hihi
Update please??
@@Jyotsiee I completely forgot about this! It's crazy to read your old comments and see how far you've come. I still live in Germany - in a bigger city now - and we got married! I'm going to graduate from uni next year and I have two uni jobs right now. I have a group I can call friends now and I keep meeting cool new people along the way 😊 I speak German now and I'm hoping to get my C1 soon so I can have a professional language level when I start applying for jobs. Next year I'm going abroad for a semester so it'll be the first time we'll be long distance since 6-7 years ago. I'm going somewhere in Asia - so I get to do something I've always wanted to do and then I can come home - it's weird but it is my home and it does start to feel that way the more time goes by. I'm also going to get my German driving license in August and I will accomplish a few dream road trips I've always wanted to do - driving along the French riviera, Croatian coast etc. I didn't get my license sooner because I always assumed I would go back to Canada and get it there because it's a lot cheaper there but now it doesn't look that way anymore. So I'm more or less accepting that this is my home for now. It's been a struggle, but we survived many things already including the "panorama" - many couples that came to our wedding did not survive that one. So we're lucky. I've given up a lot but I'm also receiving things back. So far it's worked out but I don't take things for granted. I continue to work on my myself, taking care of my mental health, and happiness, and there's a still a road ahead, but I'm in a more stable and happier place now than I was when I wrote that comment. I might make a RUclips video about my experience, because I feel like many videos sugarcoat things too much and are not honest. It is not easy moving for love in any way but it is possible and you can find happiness if you know that it won't be easy and lower your expectations. And if it's too much then listen to your body and heart, it's okay to let go. This also has helped our relationship knowing that we can always say no and let go. Good luck to everyone in a long distance relationship! ♥️
@@RiderInHell How did things work out for you and the girl? :)
this video was a revelation for me in the situation I am, it's more or less the same experience the girl had. Your advices helped me to understand more and better what to do and how to be positive, a huge thank you Matthew!
It's so painful to hear this reality and to accept it. Thank you, bro!
It's hard to be in a LDR. Especially if he's in another country. I was in a LDR not too long ago but it wasn't another country though. He was in Texas and I was in Indiana. We met online on OK cupid. He said how are you? You are very beautiful. I said thank you, I'm good. Then we started talking about things we were into and we were into a lot of the same stuff. Then he asked if we could kik. (it's an app for texting) So I went to his profile and looked at it and it said he was in Texas. I was like whoa because normally I have a rule about dating long-distance but I broke it this one time and it was the best thing I ever did. He asked me to be his girlfriend two days later. I said yes. We talked for a while and then in august 2015 I went there on vacation to see him for the first time. We met up and hit it off that much more. I was sad to be leaving and going home. Then about two weeks or so after I got back from there he proposed to me. I said yes because I really love him so much and we really hit it off and there was an attraction there. Then we kept talking but the distance was killing us. Finally we decided to do this so that we wouldn't have to be lonely not being together. I moved there in November 2015 and I couldn't be happier. Our bond is that much stronger and we are both very happy together. My point of that story is LDR's can work out, despite all the hardships you have to go through as a couple and all the work it takes to keep it going. If it worked out for me it can work out for other people too. More and more people today are in a long-distance relationship. We talked like he mentioned, the "sexy talk". I told him how my day was and he told me how his was. We were there for each other. LDR's can work as long as there's a plan for one person to move where the other person is.
your welcome. I hope you find someone special.
thank you for sharing 😊
your welcome
A
I love your story.. Thank you.. There's still hope..
been in the same situation. if I had followed your advice back then would have saved me from so much pain.
Well done Matt for giving your thoughtful, honest opinion. Always so many good points and words of wisdom from your videos!
This kind of connection happens one in a million.
This was a great help in getting up again. Great attraction AND great intention! The combination is so important, I can't even tell. I was in the same situation, it started a few months ago. Attraction and desire is still going overboard, but he elegantly avoided any talks about intentions, so I took the initiative. Soon I'm moving to where he lives and what did he tell me just recently: He got engaged! Period. ... but yes, we should be grateful for such experiences of magnetic attraction and the feeling of having found your other part. In long-term single periods I think "I'd even be happy to have relationship issues, if that meant that I had a relationship."
Just started following you Matthew, I am amazed at the depth of your insight! What a gift you have. You are accomplishing what we all want to do, your making a difference.
I've been in a LDR and everything you said exactly happened to us... Although at the end she didn't wanna keep fighting... very sad moment for me cuz I was planning on doing anything I could to go and settle down there with her, but hey! What can you do!? right! All in all, I will do it all over again if life gives me the chance... NO REGRETS! :)
I love her passion and vulnerability, but a few points:
1. 48 hours into knowing this guy she has gone from 0-60 and is falling too hard too quickly.
2. The question "how do I keep him interested?" is the wrong question to ask. The proper approach is to build a friendship by corresponding and actually getting to know him to see if they are actually compatible.
Hey, you think long distance friendship is fine first? We were flirting and developing connection for 5 months every day, but now I feel it slid back into friend zone? Any advice
@@angelinadenisenko7396 hey Angelina! That can be frustrating when you feel like you're making progress getting closer only to notice things seem to be moving backwards. What has changed that makes you think you're back into the friend zone? How often do you guys see each other?
I would say to take inventory of what milestones signify moving toward commitment in YOUR eyes (and why) and then having an open and honest discussion with your person to find out their thoughts. It's 💯 reasonable to make clear your desires and needs especially in long distance situations.
@@pricklypear1111 long story, but everything was great until he made a comment randomly - "why don't you have a bf yet?" I said "well I've been talking to you and I like you" then I asked him does he like me and he dodged the question and said "I'm happy when I talk to you" and said he was "just curious, maybe you have someone." So I asked him does he have any girls (because the whole situation seemed strange) and he said no he doesn't, he was just asking. Then I said who am I to you and he said "you're mine but some things are hard to explain" and refused to tell me what that meant. Our communication dropped dramatically after that with small spikes, hot and cold. We haven't seen each other due to covid borders are closed :( he also recently rejected an online cooking date and said "that's a nice idea but that would take ages" - i said not necessarily. So it's really not going well
@@angelinadenisenko7396 Hate to hear that Angelina :(
@@4669 things got better... I took some space and he came back and we are now neutral. He's trying his best to make it clear that he values me because I told him I felt unvalued. But it's slow and I'm dating others too if it doesn't go well. Oh well it's life!
Such a great conversation and valuable insight from Matthew. I love that he brough reality to the situation and didnt preach the "love can beat anything! go for it!" kind of discussion.
Scarcity Complex. Interesting. Long distance relationships, they are interesting, and I saw another video you did . fascinating subject
I was living in London on a 2 year working/ adventure when I met my now boyfriend. It was like time stopped when I met him, and that night and the time together that followed was like being in the presence of someone I'd known since the dawn of time in lives before this one (if you believe in that). The kind of connection and authenticity I'd never experienced from a PERSON before, let alone a partner. 5 weeks later the pandemic began and we moved in together, and we still live together now! I miss my home country of course, but he's my home and I can't wait for the life we'll build.
It's pretty funny when he asked her if she has any desire to move to London lol
H. Su the question is really, does he want you to move there? 😂
Met this guy. He came abroad. We hit it off so well, we both had in mind that it’s a temporary thing. I ended up falling for him. And over and over he kept saying to come visit his country. To let him know. That’s where we left it at, if I go we may get the chance to see each other....it hurts
Same it hurts we just broke up today after 4 months of keeping contact ,that's why I searched this video up . We broke up because he couldn't handle the pain and he isn't the patient type , while I was still going strong. I'll graduate in less than 2 years time and I wanted to visit him in Germany . But I guess that's not happening anymore. I hope you two end up together because nobody deserves to go through that.
I felt the same, I still miss him.
My partner of nearly a year is considering a job across the country. I love him very much, and I know that this job is everything he's ever wanted. We will be discussing our options tonight. I am apprehensive and heartsick for so many reasons. Please send us good vibes.
The thing is, love is pain... I know I probably sound like I'm in fantasy world, but a relationship will experience pain at some point, why not go through that pain in the beginning? This probably makes no sense
I love his pessimism and harsh truth and infatuation caused by hormones kicking in! Good for you.
I should have watched this video 2 years ago, Matthew: I would have saved so many tears for my situation.
But thank you for this video anyway! :)
I know the struggles. It happened to me out of the blue...and we have been talking for a month already missing each other... Great advice Matthew!!
nah I disagree. I think we live in a society where we forget to cherish individuals as just that. someone special to acknowledge and create some romance with.
i feel like i’ve lived a crazy life w some of the best memories i could ever make, but the weekend i just spent with this stranger was magical. i feel devastated because i really feel like i just felt love at first sight. i like everything about him. there’s a spark that i only felt once when i was 18 and naive. but this time it’s so real. he leaves tomorrow morning. i just want to run away with him and forget everything. i’m glad you mentioned that some people view it as a sign of real love actually existing. i blamed that spark of when i was 18 just being young and dumb and everything feels so much more intense when you’re young but this is really it and i know it actually is real now awe man what a time to be alive
Great advice and I previously left a long distance relationship after 6 yrs because there were no plans or intentions to end the distance
Nat Mo 6 years? nooooooooo. Are you a teenager?
Not practical to be in a relationship so far apart for 6 years so long. For most successful LDRs, after one year both people start talking about getting very serious and how to end the distance part and to live close to each other.
Nat Mo Same 7 years
3yrs and still going on... 😣 weird we never met, but we r head on heels over each other.. Talk n keep in touch each n every way we could, he is from UK and I'm from India, thousands of miles apart, he is settled with job there , n I just completed my studies and need to go through lot of exam to qualify working there in UK., staying positive n hoping I'll get it through n be with him. 😍
Nat Mo there should be and end point.. like moving in together