Matthew, i think you should do more videos on the psychology of men ( and women) , not just videos on "what to do in this or that situation" it would be really generous.
SheffRudyTKE SheffRudyTKE that’s not true. The psychology behind why we all are like this provides an explanation, just about, to every social problem that we experience as human beings. And the funny thing here is that relationship advisors are just now incorporating more psychology based findings into their work, more now than ever. And while I understand the concept around adding psychology into this advice for some people who are particularly interested in the discipline, I also understand how extensive psychology can delve and the reality of the situation is that people aren’t that smart to debate around there topics. I’m learning that now.
If a girl is honest with me about everything at the beginning and isn’t still in love with her exes or obsessed with her flings, or talking to them behind my back and hiding it, then it won’t bother me down the road.
@@himan951 yes. I might have a little bit of jealousy but it won't cause problems of the person is honest from the start and they're trustworthy I won't allow it to become a problem.
They will talk to their exes and new guys on facebook. Be a man, ban all social media period. They will drip feed you bits of information, so you gradually realize that that 4-5 partners is really 40-50. Generally when you realize you are basically trying to keep a dog in the pound, I just give up and let them go back to the gutter.
The topic about having issues with your partner's history he is talking about actually has a name, it's called "retroactive jealousy". You can look it up and read about it. Basically it is a feeling which can pop up and ruin relationships. However, it can be dealt with. What helps is to look at it this way: Would the person you are now dating be the person she or he is today if it weren't for the past they had? Probably not right? You like them for who they are right now! So like mr Hussey is saying, accept that they have had past before you, but they have chosen to be with you now. Also, you don't have to like their past, but that is ok too. Good luck out there everyone and have a wonderful day!
I never understand what women and men want in past relationships. The past should be behind them, it can never go back and be the new future. It will cause problems in both new and old relationships.
I disagree with this one. It’s fine expressing emotion about past relationships if the guy isn’t the jealous type, and the level of emotion is reasonable (not sobbing uncontrollably talking about it, not livid or spiteful,...).
when you are from Argentina, casually painting your nails hearing what Matthew is saying and suddenly he screams: "screw Argentina!" and I'm like: "hey!!!" to the screen 😂
I don't get the "made you wait" thing. I'm not making anyone "wait", I am spending quality time with you without sleeping with you. If sleeping with me is your "goal" and the time spent with me getting there is just your "waiting time" then I don't think you really want to be dating me..
If you don't feel like sleeping with someone, that person can interpret it as you not seeing them as worth it or as a sexual being which in turn makes them lose interest in having any kind of relationship...it's perfectly normal.
Going through this right now. Haven’t slept well in a few weeks just thinking about her past. I needed to hear this. Just makes me realise how much I do deeply love her
What about focusing on an actual "relationship" and leave out the sex for awhile? Then you actually get to know the person's character before you decide if you want to allow that guy intimate access to you? hmmm....could be why so many relationships are screwed up right now.
I've had sex with a couple dozen people, had relationships that lasted anywhere from 2 months to 6 years. I have known and counseled many friends and coworkers through breakups and divorces. I have never heard of anyone saying "this relationship is so screwed up because I slept with my husband on the second date." haha.
Welcome! It just makes sense to me, because women have a different emotional genetic makeup when they have sex with a guy. It is scientifically proven. The chemicals in your brain that take over make you attached to someone extra fast when you sleep with them.. so lets see... do I want to wait a bit and keep my heart in tact? Or do I want to go scrambling around trying to pick up the pieces later hoping my heart will be in one piece for the next guy in line? hmmm.... ??? Am I not worth the wait?
The chemicals in men's brains that "take over" don't change over time, which means they are just as driven to spread their seed no matter what kind of relationship you have together, for their entire lives. Should we let that dictate our behavior? The safe bet is not to have sex, ever. The insinuation that there is a "next guy in line" - as in the line of men waiting for their turn inside your vagina - puts a kind of shameful spin on women having sex for fun. I am totally worth the wait. Also, you don't have a literal heart that breaks. I love as fiercely as I did at 18, but I'm more in control of my behavior as an adult. Ask any divorced person if they think they are less capable of loving - and if they don't slap you, they will tell you no. Getting your heart broken is nothing to fear. It's amazing! It sucks soooooo bad, but then it's over, and you survived again, and you learned a lot(hopefully), you magnificent invincible creature. Resilience is a life skill!
If a girl makes me wait but she doesn’t make another guy wait it tells me that she doesn’t like me as much as she likes him and I’m not willing to wait around any longer than someone else
I totally know what you mean about the "hating a place" thing. I thought I was the only one. When I was dating this guy (several years ago) he told me about his past relationship with this girl from Pennsylvania and I hated Pennsylvania for that one reason. XD
As a guy of 36 years of age I have done a lot of maturing to be able to say this here! "I actually don't care how many guys you've f&*ked, as long as 1) I don't hear about it in any way 2) You treat me with love, compassion and caring and want to make a wonderful future together" And more than you can understand IT WAS A VERY HARD JOURNEY TO ARRIVE THERE! See because many men (I'd even say most) just aren't emotionally there Because as men we notice that women who have slept around a lot generally are JADED and emotionally VICIOUS, even If they believe without exception that they aren't like that and they're great to men! Ladies do what you want, just don't propagate the suffering from your actions onto the next guy! because maybe he doesn't deserve the misdirected mistreatment.
Jobibble DiBob I like that you feel that way. I understand you've been hurt but we all have. I do not have to know either a number (please don't tell me) or any details on what you did. But it goes both ways guys. I sat down a year ago and wrote every awful thing I can think of that men had ever done to me from the big stuff to the little stuff. Systematically I went through and chose what I could off the pile and forgave it. What I couldn't forgive that day I left to the next or the next. Eventually my pile was gone. I rewrote it for all the things I couldn't forgive that I had done. And went back through again. I let go of the baggage. I'm so far from perfect. But they are too. Not fair to being in the past relationship crap. I can't tell you how many times I've had to listen to how much of a "bitch" someone's ex gf is. All the stuff they did to you. If I'm hearing it I'm likely out. Because you haven't forgiven it you're still living there and we can't get a good start that way. Also super turn off to hear you bash another woman even if they are your ex.
LEANNA BUTLER Thankyou for replying to my comment my heart is warmed by the knowledge that a woman actually did some self work and healed herself rather than just jumping into another relationship and inflicting those unaddressed issues onto the next poor guy! As for my issues, I resolved them by reading "are you the one for me" and memorising Patrice O'Neals wisdom on how girls really are. And I'm happy to say I am in the best shape I have ever been, thank you. Its great to see another example of a woman who values treating their loved one well and not a selfish brat which unfortunately is just all too common these days
Jobibble DiBob so true, you just nail it, many times we block ourselves putting negative energy on us, therefore substracting the enthusiasm and optimism attitude to the possible next ideal person of your life, the past stays where it belongs, present and future must be the priority in the relationship, we cant change the past, but we have the present in which we can live, that is the best attitude we can choose. You had just change my perspective Jobibble DiBob, thanks a lot for sharing
Been single approximately 2 years ago. Those two years were the most comfortable years of my life. Lots of accomplishments I had. I wouldn't have to say that all women are the same - have the same mentality and behaviors-cuz any relationship we have or any experience absolutely gives us an opportunity to grow. Clever one's who turn the hard experiences into a powerful lesson have learned and benefitted from. At the end of the day we have to choose the true -not the best - person who will complete our lives with. It's all about choices and in my perspective sometimes love can be selected and have our emotions to be controlled. Thx a lot Matthew
When I was young, many moons ago... I had no one to explain to me what men were like. And I've made some horrific mistakes because of this. You do women such a great service in explaining things to us. Thank you, Matthew. You're a sweetheart!
Screw Brasil ,ha ha ha. I am from Argentina and I had a boyfriend who had been in love with a girl from Brazil. I hated that country and it was all because of her. It was foolish and irrational.
Women do have a double standard too. They want a man that is super smooth, confident, knows how to flirt, talk, is good in the bedroom, etc. At the same time, they dont want a man to be a ladies guy. But the first, generally comes from the second.
Not at all true. A man can learn especially the bedroom skills from a long term relationship as well. Transferrable skills. We don't want a "ladies man" because they are often manipulative. Charming and confident has nothing to do with dating a lot.
This happens too often when you meet people on dating apps. That's why I dont take anyone I meet online seriously. Usually they come with a lot of baggage and/or mileage.
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This really only tells part of the story. Ultimately, not all jealousy and territorialism is a sign of emotional immaturity. The fact of the matter is that ALL relationships (business, family, romantic, friendship) are at their core a type of investment. Matthew touches the surface of this very briefly. So, when someone indicates inequality in the investment, it becomes part of the process to identify the width of the disparity, and then to either protect your investment, withdraw to parity, or cut your losses. Ignorance of this fact (willful or not) simply to buy into cliche "modern" ideology is the real indicator of emotional immaturity and the exact reason why so many people don't understand human interaction. Much of what people believe about the basis and dynamics of relationships is idealistic, wishful thinking, and creates false narratives that leave people unprotected. Maturity understands the importance of valuing and protecting your investment as well as acknowledging and validating the investment of others. If you are incapable of these two things then you cannot expect any relationship you have to be successful, romantic or otherwise. If your relationships fail, then it is highly likely that it is at least partially your fault. Find someone who is capable of those two things, work to be capable of them too, and you're far more likely to be happy and secure with a long-term partner.
I personally just want someone who cares more about themselves intimately since having sex is literally the closest you will ever be to someone (physically). If you just throw that around like it's nothing, I have no reason to go any further because I care about that yet you obviously don't. Every step, from kissing, to spooning, to sex should have an impact on the relationship. If it's given out to every other guy, I'd be dating a girl that lacks a physical connection and that is bad in so many ways. Cheating chances often show themselves in this situation too. Also, I'm never going to Florida.
Your comment was the exact conversation I had with a guy I was seeing , who thought casual sex was ok, I couldn't comprehend how such a bonding experience as sex can be a one night thing... Needless to say I lost respect for him and said bye bye ...but it's so refreshing to read this comment and to know that not all guys are like that.
StephCurry WithTheShot Odd seeing comments that are years old get responded to but I can reply. You’re very right about that but you’re pinning a lot of the blame on guys which isn’t really true. Vulnerability is not the same thing as choice and that’s something you need to understand. If a girl goes outside, starts drinking, and gets flirty with other people, that’s her choice. I’ve drank a lot but I’ve never slept with someone over an hour of dancing with them. You can’t just say that she’s the victim when she committed the crime lol Btw, this goes both ways. A guy can do the exact same thing and be held accountable.
That conversation is the one of the reasons my ex and I are not together anymore and the problem was switching up the language. I thought, like in this video, that I wanted to reword it in my own terms to help him understand how I saw it but he thought that by me doing that I was trying to rearrange the truth to make myself look better in his eyes so he would fall for me.
“Those people come with a past. They’re not a clean slate” - wow that’s a good way to look at things. Though most of us realise this, we don’t actually see it this way. We need to be more accepting of people. Everyone’s trying to get by, sometimes we stumble along the way. The person we dated prior, we wanted to be The One. Now we’re copping shit from the next person we want to be The One. Recycle a couple more times and that’s how you get a hurtful past.
Teaching women how to manipulate and lie - what a great love coach, truly the one we need! Btw guys aren't stupid, they are going to see through the bs sooner or later.
Short video, but one of the greatest advise. I am in a relationship , but never stop learning. It has prevented sooo many mistakes. Thank you! Great job!
Ladies, lets say you're casually seeing a guy. You go on dates, spend lots of time together, and occasionally have sex. And when you ask for commitment, he says "oh, I don't think I'm ready for a relationship." And this goes on and on. "Oh, let's wait until we have a deeper connection" etc. Etc. Eventually things fizzle out between you two, and you stop seeing each other. Now, through social media or through friends, you see he is officially in a relationship with a girl he's met only 2 days ago. A couple weeks pass and suddenly they're engaged. Now, how do you feel? Stupid? Like you aren't worthwhile? Treated unfairly? Strung along? How come it came so easily to the other person, but I had to be ran through a circus trying to get it? That is the gender swapped equivalent of what matthew is talking about.
He only used you for sex. That was his main goal. And he probably thought you were not his type to be girlfriend or wife material either. He just saw you as a piece of ass on the side. So he strung you along because he thought you was easy pussy until "Mrs Right" came by. I'm sorry but thats the cold truth. Its one of the manipulative games men play on women unfortunately. Personally I don't support this type of behavior as it leaves women feeling worthless and used up.
@@RnBCutz That's too simple. It's because she was exactly what he was looking for. Not easy. But in exactly the same mindset. If a woman's mindset suddenly shifts towards a relationship -- then guess what? Now your mindset clashes. He was never looking for you as a long term partner, because that wasn't the deal. She was perfect for hooking up. But not for relationships. That's not thinking you're not mrs right. Or manipulation. No, she WAS mrs right for hookups. Which is what she wanted too, otherwise she wouldn't have allowed it to happen. You can't just change your mind and expect him to change his mind as well.
Several reasons come to mind; 1) he was not that much into you. b) Despite liking you he knew you were not the one. That's why it all fizzled out. Eventually he found someone who he believed was "the one". It's not that hard to understand.
Every single word you spoke in this video was so true, my current girlfriend had a very disfunctional relationship with a guy that was too old for her and it just makes me angry and insecure to think about the fact that they've had sex... She regrets him and realizes the reason she was with him was because she was in a bad place. I need to get over the hurt feelings I have over him, in my opinion, abusing the girl I love. I really want to love her without being ambivalent and I hope I can get over myself. Thank you Matthew, this video really helped me...
6:40 Where's the double standard there? I don't think she would appreciate it if he hooked up with another girl a few months ago, if you answer like that..
I also see the trend of men hating all women because one hurt them.. Same as the parallel Matthew drew about a person hating a whole city because of one man.. Men and women have equal fear and don't want to be hurt so why not take it slow and really listen with your gut. I pay attention to actions. If they are who I want, my choice, then I allow. If they speak if hatred towards their ex, I run. If she hates him, I run faster
Sheri Gurczenski same here I see the trend of women hating men because one hurt them, hell I even see women hating all men because one hurted someone she knew.
I have that thinking as well. I don't want to know about who my guy had hooked up with even when he was 18 and I don't really want to go back to thinking about all the mistakes I hooked up with. I am VERY territorial. I don't mind my guy going out but my mind starts running around like crazy imagining girls flirting with my guy. Even though that isn't the case.
Respect for you, Matt ! For this very balanced advice. Both men and women tend to have bad habits, and we all should understand where our partners are coming from, and think of what's the healthy way to respond, before rushing to react.
I’m a guy, but I’m sort of the oddball here. I have never been interested in a relationship for the sex, so a woman having sexual partners in the past is a positive (if she’s willing to help guide me in pleasuring her). That said, I have two policies about the past: (1) Either you are open about everything when I ask you and you reveal anything you believe may be materially relevant sua sponte. OR 2) Your past stays in the past unless it comes into the present. For an example of the latter, you don’t have to tell me about Mark and your history with Mark UNLESS Mark happens to send you a message, work with you, or do something else that makes him a relevant part of your life now.
Quick sum up: * Don't speak his langage, speak your own (soften the langage in your own way). * When you talk about your Exs, be bored of it. * Be a liitle sensitive (guide him in the direction you want to go).
+sue she No offence but ladies why would some of you ever want to sleep with a guy you don't care about? Also it's a dangerous game because feelings can develop which most of the time, they always do. In addition they definitely can still hurt you, maybe not emotionally at the time though emotions can get involved later but esteem wise and mentally. Sex is intimate. You deserve better. If you're sleeping with a guy you don't care about, it may say something about how you see yourself.
when a damsel is in distress.. a white knight is never far.. always ready to protect n save the special snowflakes.. I salute you Sir White Knight of the Round Table of Manginas. I will be off on my merry way.. to battle dragons
ATTENTION PLEASE: The last thought to this segment implies that every person worth dating must have some type of sexual relationship baggage, and therefore is a person who has lived, adventured, etc. News flash! There are many, many interesting, lively, adventurous, exciting, and sexy people out there who have lived in most ways, minus sharing intimacy with another, might have a mildly clean slate, and an honorable past. Not everyone has a bitter former. Thank you for your attention. Carry on.
He didn't say that everyone who's interesting has this baggage. He meant that it's normal that many people has. It's different thing. He just wanted to take off this preasure from women, who are often treated not fair in this subject. But I understand your statement and I'm agree.
Side note from another video -- I've been using that line about setting boundaries and it is magic! I don't feel pressured anymore and the guy doesn't feel like a creep for attempting. Keep up the videos 🙌🙌🙌❤️❤️❤️
As a guy who can admit and see when he’s in the wrong instead of getting defensive of a false reality - this is very good information. I always use self harming language when asking my girlfriend about her past. If she worded things differently I wouldn’t give a shit.
As a 46 year old man that has learned lessons, had my heart broken in excruciating fashion, and has a lot of respect for the gift of sexuality (mostly due to my faith), I have realized that it is incredibly immature and even boorish, to think that it is right to slut-shame a woman that you say you love. She is a product of her experiences after all, and if you do love her, then you should accept the fact that you both have a past. You are allowed to feel a certain way, but what is not right is to project unreasonable expectations and behaviors onto someone else as a result of the way that you feel.
I disagree - with the OP. You have the right to have whatever expectations you want. People do not have to meet them, but you have to right to tell a girl to hit the road if you don't like her past.
1 month at least for me. That's also a kind of respect... well depend on who's respect tho I'm respecting myself and so I want and d'like a girl that respect her as much as I do. I don't sleep with any girl so I dont want the girls I date to just date many guys and have many one nights around. Its not that I dont want to be the last one or w/e, Its that I dont find someone disrespecting herself very attractive and sexy.
Once you hooked up with someone they can never again be called a “friend “. Definition of friend implies platonic. “He’s just a friend” means no attraction. Can’t have it both ways. If you hooked up do everyone a favor call him an ex if you desire to be “honest” as she claims
For years I had to hear about her many boyfriends until I told her that she fucked up and should have stayed with him. Too bad your relationship with him failed. Could never understand why she would bring these guys up on a fairly regular basis
@Hesus I would say that hypergamy is real. Men do need to be careful that they dont use it to explain all female behaviour. Life is more complex than that. We can agree on that. But I believe it is important to understand.
Even if you give it a name, the fact that women generally want a partner either better or equal to them hasn't changed since ancient times. Now, that's based on what they think their value is, which may or may not be accurate, which is the real issue.
Thank you so so much for what you said about slut-shaming, it's so nice to hear a guy say what you said about this horrible double-standard. I really appreciate your video's.
Men hold it as a standard for themselves as well. Most do not like those that just pump and dump taints the water. For you then have to perform as well as that guy without knowing how well he performed. Most guys don't care if you are bad at sex as a woman we would be happy to have you to ourselves. :) Women on the other hand do fault men for being awkard.
the slut shameing thing isn't a double standard. its just isn't insult to call a man a slut lmao. the genders are different so there will always be double standards (in both directions). no guy wants to marry a slut lmao
@@abstractdaddy1384 This. It's funny that people actually think men and women are equal on this field. For a man to get a woman to sleep with him, he has to do tons of efforts for it : dress well, act confident, pluck up the courage to approach her, paying for drink or restaurant, then keeping her interest and finally showing the courage, boldness and agency to ask the woman if she wants to go to the next step. All the while being fully aware that he might be interrupted, humiliated and rejected at any step of the way and has to be ok with it. So when an average man sleeps with multiple women it means he has good confidence, social skills, status, agency and went through this excruciating and anxious process so many times he became experienced and skilful in it. So yes people admire him for it. But for a woman, even an average looking one, to attract men, she just has to dress up, sit in a bar and pick among the 3 to 5 men who will approach her, who is worth her time. Most women get so much attention that they have the luxury to be picky about the men they date. Most average looking men don't have that type of luxury. it's like comparing someone who has to hunt to eat and someone who just has to pick her food to the supermarket next door.
Oh this video was so good. The only tiny bit missing was a sentence about how of course buying a girl dinner for 3 months does not make you "deserve" sex with her. Apart from that - great. Especially how you mentioned slut shaming and double-standards, that made me beyond happy. Way to go, Matthew!
The "Why are men who sleep around studs, but women who sleep around hoes?" The double standard exists because the difficulty levels between being a "stud" and being a "hoe" are like night and day. Every person you see citing that double standard as proof of pervasive sexism are apparently completely oblivious to that fact, even though it is plain as day. A woman who sleeps around is not as respected as a man who is, because she isn't accomplishing anything that any wouldn't woman couldn't do. The only thing barring a woman from experiencing a plethora of sexual partners is her willingness to allow a plethora of sexual partners. That is not the case with men and "stud" status. To be a stud you have to decent looking, stylish, fashionable, charismatic, charming, excellent with people, witty, interesting, in touch with your emotions, confident but not too cocky, and of course have money. All a woman has to do is look decent and show up. Simply put, all women could be hoes if they wanted to be, but not all men could be studs. That's why being a stud is more respectable than being a hoe. The prestige of a woman's sexual status comes from her ability to be selective in who she mates with, and being a hoe just goes to show that she lacks that sense of selectivity. This is why men are turned off by loose women as potential long term partners. And the girl who told the guy she hooked up with a after a week or two was basically telling him that she's been an easy peasy. I once stopped talking to girl for that same reason. She liked me but would talk about other men sometimes when I was around her. She even told me she had dicks pics from other men that she had saved on her phone. When I finally hinted to her I was done pursuing her in a social setting, she grabbed her antidepressants, completely oblivious to the fact that she killed anything that was between us. A woman who is not selective is statistically much more likely to be unfaithful than a woman who is. Toss in the fact that the consequences of a failed marriage are so potentially devastating specifically for men, and it's no wonder that men aren't committing to loose women. Would you jump out of an airplane with a parachute that is more likely to fail than not? Interestingly enough, women don't generally seem too put off by "stud" status. In stark contrast to "whore" status, "stud" status causes women to redouble their efforts in "monopolizing" the stud for themselves....
I get your argument but you can‘t deny women the right to explore her sexuality and have fun with it just because it‘s easy for them to have sex. You don‘t even know what she‘s going for. She can sleep around and still be selective about the guys she does it with. Also, it‘s not thar hard for a guy to fuck around if there are enough of these „loose women“. I‘d like to see your statistics about cheating. The girls I knew as the most sexually active are now the ones most commited to their relationships tbh. Don‘t blame women for your insecurities.
Salome Schwarz he saying that men actually have to put a ton of effort into getting it compared to women literally having to do nothing for it and can get it at anytime, anyplace, anywhere without question.
Jordan And? Still doesn’t mean women are not allowed to enjoy themselves. Sounds like for guys sleeping with a lot of people is just to brag about it bc it’s “hard” to do it while for women it’s actually about enjoying their sexuality.
i havent just hooked up with a girl, so when a girl tells me that she just sleeps with someone but it didnt mean anything.... it really makes me feel like shitt for caring about her. no such thing as a innocent woman
Just because you haven't doesn't mean she can't. Sex is partially a biological need like getting thirsty and drinking water. If her having a past freaks you out that much, you have confidence issues that you should work on. You sound like a class A dweeb.
That was kind of scary. As a guy who's never been that deep into such a relationship, this video left me wondering if I could end up like that if I'm not careful.
Hands down this might be the best, most practical advice I can apply. Wish I knew this year's ago. THANK YOU FOR MAKING THESE THOUGHTFUL, CANDID videos for us all Matthew!
Matthew, i think you should do more videos on the psychology of men ( and women) , not just videos on "what to do in this or that situation" it would be really generous.
Great idea. Deep and permanent improvement.
There's no psychology when it comes to men. We are easy.
YES.
@@sheffrudytke1086 Not true. This video explained things most women wouldn't know.
SheffRudyTKE SheffRudyTKE that’s not true. The psychology behind why we all are like this provides an explanation, just about, to every social problem that we experience as human beings. And the funny thing here is that relationship advisors are just now incorporating more psychology based findings into their work, more now than ever. And while I understand the concept around adding psychology into this advice for some people who are particularly interested in the discipline, I also understand how extensive psychology can delve and the reality of the situation is that people aren’t that smart to debate around there topics. I’m learning that now.
If a girl is honest with me about everything at the beginning and isn’t still in love with her exes or obsessed with her flings, or talking to them behind my back and hiding it, then it won’t bother me down the road.
What a weird place to see a Wings meme channel
@@himan951 yes. I might have a little bit of jealousy but it won't cause problems of the person is honest from the start and they're trustworthy I won't allow it to become a problem.
I don't hide talking to exes and I do mention guys. If suddenly he found an ex on my FB or something it would look hiding
@@summahthevegan3796 exactly
They will talk to their exes and new guys on facebook. Be a man, ban all social media period. They will drip feed you bits of information, so you gradually realize that that 4-5 partners is really 40-50. Generally when you realize you are basically trying to keep a dog in the pound, I just give up and let them go back to the gutter.
As a dude, this got wayyy too familiar wayyy too fast.
Trevor Snair dude I know right..
Trevor Snair same. I feel like he knows my mind better than me
Devin Barnes Nah, you're simply predictable lol. European kind of easy-going culture always is.
@@nagihangot6133 Who tf are u... did u not listen to the be kind part?
Yeah. Called my ass out in every single sentence.
"Screw Argentina" LMFAO!!!
+KennyandGretel or a college major :\ haha
+KennyandGretel AHHHAHHAHAA I LAUGHED SO HARD!
Don't cry for me....ARGENTINA
Nakidz SCREW RUSSIA
Actually laughing out loud
Don't cry, Argentina.
Michiko Yeung ha ha ha No llores por mi Argentina....
The truth is I never left you...
The topic about having issues with your partner's history he is talking about actually has a name, it's called "retroactive jealousy". You can look it up and read about it. Basically it is a feeling which can pop up and ruin relationships. However, it can be dealt with. What helps is to look at it this way: Would the person you are now dating be the person she or he is today if it weren't for the past they had? Probably not right? You like them for who they are right now! So like mr Hussey is saying, accept that they have had past before you, but they have chosen to be with you now. Also, you don't have to like their past, but that is ok too.
Good luck out there everyone and have a wonderful day!
great words
I wish all women knew this. "BE BORED OF IT". Express low investment in past relationships.
THANK you!
I never understand what women and men want in past relationships. The past should be behind them, it can never go back and be the new future. It will cause problems in both new and old relationships.
I disagree with this one. It’s fine expressing emotion about past relationships if the guy isn’t the jealous type, and the level of emotion is reasonable (not sobbing uncontrollably talking about it, not livid or spiteful,...).
Morpheus You're a demi-god. Unlike this man-woman RUclipsr on the video.
@earth ocean the whole video is about hookups, nupty
I'm a mature woman and I was laughing with recognition all the way through this. Such great advice, thanks!
I am so glad I am single.
Hahaha amen
Being single is fine, but it’s even better when you have partner and the relationship is in good terms.
Being single is bliss
Same here
@@anttiketonen3658 z the Philippines i the Philippines ug shags
when you are from Argentina, casually painting your nails hearing what Matthew is saying and suddenly he screams: "screw Argentina!" and I'm like: "hey!!!" to the screen 😂
Lucila Abramian holaaa 😁😁😉💪
LMFAO!
I don't get the "made you wait" thing. I'm not making anyone "wait", I am spending quality time with you without sleeping with you. If sleeping with me is your "goal" and the time spent with me getting there is just your "waiting time" then I don't think you really want to be dating me..
Excellent Point!
OhMyGodGiveMeAName great answer ✌💕👌
I say the same as JK... "Excellent point...!"
OhMyGodGiveMeAName said every woman who doesn't get men
If you don't feel like sleeping with someone, that person can interpret it as you not seeing them as worth it or as a sexual being which in turn makes them lose interest in having any kind of relationship...it's perfectly normal.
Going through this right now. Haven’t slept well in a few weeks just thinking about her past. I needed to hear this. Just makes me realise how much I do deeply love her
I hope this is true with my new guy. 😢
What about focusing on an actual "relationship" and leave out the sex for awhile? Then you actually get to know the person's character before you decide if you want to allow that guy intimate access to you? hmmm....could be why so many relationships are screwed up right now.
I've had sex with a couple dozen people, had relationships that lasted anywhere from 2 months to 6 years. I have known and counseled many friends and coworkers through breakups and divorces. I have never heard of anyone saying "this relationship is so screwed up because I slept with my husband on the second date." haha.
highly agree with your comment :) thanks for sharing
Welcome! It just makes sense to me, because women have a different emotional genetic makeup when they have sex with a guy. It is scientifically proven. The chemicals in your brain that take over make you attached to someone extra fast when you sleep with them.. so lets see... do I want to wait a bit and keep my heart in tact? Or do I want to go scrambling around trying to pick up the pieces later hoping my heart will be in one piece for the next guy in line? hmmm.... ??? Am I not worth the wait?
+Katherine Lovelylocks Yeah you are correct 100% because I've noticed that with my relationships for sure.
The chemicals in men's brains that "take over" don't change over time, which means they are just as driven to spread their seed no matter what kind of relationship you have together, for their entire lives. Should we let that dictate our behavior? The safe bet is not to have sex, ever.
The insinuation that there is a "next guy in line" - as in the line of men waiting for their turn inside your vagina - puts a kind of shameful spin on women having sex for fun. I am totally worth the wait. Also, you don't have a literal heart that breaks. I love as fiercely as I did at 18, but I'm more in control of my behavior as an adult. Ask any divorced person if they think they are less capable of loving - and if they don't slap you, they will tell you no.
Getting your heart broken is nothing to fear. It's amazing! It sucks soooooo bad, but then it's over, and you survived again, and you learned a lot(hopefully), you magnificent invincible creature. Resilience is a life skill!
I have never heard it explained this way. Thank you !! Sharing this with my friends !
If a girl makes me wait but she doesn’t make another guy wait it tells me that she doesn’t like me as much as she likes him and I’m not willing to wait around any longer than someone else
Maybe you waited still much longer, hating all who has a share in this even more..
I totally know what you mean about the "hating a place" thing. I thought I was the only one. When I was dating this guy (several years ago) he told me about his past relationship with this girl from Pennsylvania and I hated Pennsylvania for that one reason. XD
Alli Vox I love "Penny" as she called it, would be great to see her again!
Ms Vox, That is totally illogical.
I disliked the name Kelly for a very long time...I had to nasty Kelly’s to deal with in my 20’s 😖
Met a charming guy in Chicago🥰 I like Chicago men ♥️
As a guy of 36 years of age I have done a lot of maturing to be able to say this here!
"I actually don't care how many guys you've f&*ked, as long as
1) I don't hear about it in any way
2) You treat me with love, compassion and caring and want to make a wonderful future together"
And more than you can understand IT WAS A VERY HARD JOURNEY TO ARRIVE THERE!
See because many men (I'd even say most) just aren't emotionally there
Because as men we notice that women who have slept around a lot generally are JADED and emotionally VICIOUS, even If they believe without exception that they aren't like that and they're great to men!
Ladies do what you want, just don't propagate the suffering from your actions onto the next guy! because maybe he doesn't deserve the misdirected mistreatment.
Jobibble DiBob very true. :)
Jobibble DiBob
Jobibble DiBob I like that you feel that way. I understand you've been hurt but we all have. I do not have to know either a number (please don't tell me) or any details on what you did. But it goes both ways guys. I sat down a year ago and wrote every awful thing I can think of that men had ever done to me from the big stuff to the little stuff. Systematically I went through and chose what I could off the pile and forgave it. What I couldn't forgive that day I left to the next or the next. Eventually my pile was gone. I rewrote it for all the things I couldn't forgive that I had done. And went back through again. I let go of the baggage. I'm so far from perfect. But they are too. Not fair to being in the past relationship crap. I can't tell you how many times I've had to listen to how much of a "bitch" someone's ex gf is. All the stuff they did to you. If I'm hearing it I'm likely out. Because you haven't forgiven it you're still living there and we can't get a good start that way. Also super turn off to hear you bash another woman even if they are your ex.
LEANNA BUTLER
Thankyou for replying to my comment my heart is warmed by the knowledge that a woman actually did some self work and healed herself rather than just jumping into another relationship and inflicting those unaddressed issues onto the next poor guy!
As for my issues, I resolved them by reading "are you the one for me" and memorising Patrice O'Neals wisdom on how girls really are. And I'm happy to say I am in the best shape I have ever been, thank you.
Its great to see another example of a woman who values treating their loved one well and not a selfish brat which unfortunately is just all too common these days
Jobibble DiBob so true, you just nail it, many times we block ourselves putting negative energy on us, therefore substracting the enthusiasm and optimism attitude to the possible next ideal person of your life, the past stays where it belongs, present and future must be the priority in the relationship, we cant change the past, but we have the present in which we can live, that is the best attitude we can choose. You had just change my perspective Jobibble DiBob, thanks a lot for sharing
Been single approximately 2 years ago. Those two years were the most comfortable years of my life. Lots of accomplishments I had. I wouldn't have to say that all women are the same - have the same mentality and behaviors-cuz any relationship we have or any experience absolutely gives us an opportunity to grow. Clever one's who turn the hard experiences into a powerful lesson have learned and benefitted from.
At the end of the day we have to choose the true -not the best - person who will complete our lives with. It's all about choices and in my perspective sometimes love can be selected and have our emotions to be controlled.
Thx a lot Matthew
When I was young, many moons ago... I had no one to explain to me what men were like. And I've made some horrific mistakes because of this. You do women such a great service in explaining things to us. Thank you, Matthew. You're a sweetheart!
Screw Brasil ,ha ha ha. I am from Argentina and I had a boyfriend who had been in love with a girl from Brazil. I hated that country and it was all because of her. It was foolish and irrational.
Same! lols I hate seeing anything with Brazil 😝
ha ha. That's funny:)
LOL
Yeah Matthew why Argentina?! hahaha Hi from guess where? Argentina :)
Can relate!
Women do have a double standard too. They want a man that is super smooth, confident, knows how to flirt, talk, is good in the bedroom, etc. At the same time, they dont want a man to be a ladies guy. But the first, generally comes from the second.
Not at all true. A man can learn especially the bedroom skills from a long term relationship as well. Transferrable skills. We don't want a "ladies man" because they are often manipulative. Charming and confident has nothing to do with dating a lot.
Christina so how many insecure, blushing virgins have you helped develop into suave, many men?
@Mayo Dog preach brother!!!!
@@memz8798 oh shut up...
@@angelaknox you know he's just saying the truth!
This happens too often when you meet people on dating apps. That's why I dont take anyone I meet online seriously. Usually they come with a lot of baggage and/or mileage.
Screw Argentina, I cracked up at that, I love your videos Matt
my dad hated italy because once an italian fell in love with my mom hahahaha then he went to italy and loved it, so now he just hates all of intalian men hahahaha
I know this is from a year ago but it made me laugh. 😆
😂😂😂
OMG your mum must have been a gorgeous woman... (an Italian guy, don't tell daddy :D)
Hahaha, this just made me think of how would he react if one day you introduced him the love of your life: Daddy, please meet Marcello! 😊🥰
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One of your best advice Matt.
This really only tells part of the story. Ultimately, not all jealousy and territorialism is a sign of emotional immaturity. The fact of the matter is that ALL relationships (business, family, romantic, friendship) are at their core a type of investment. Matthew touches the surface of this very briefly. So, when someone indicates inequality in the investment, it becomes part of the process to identify the width of the disparity, and then to either protect your investment, withdraw to parity, or cut your losses. Ignorance of this fact (willful or not) simply to buy into cliche "modern" ideology is the real indicator of emotional immaturity and the exact reason why so many people don't understand human interaction. Much of what people believe about the basis and dynamics of relationships is idealistic, wishful thinking, and creates false narratives that leave people unprotected. Maturity understands the importance of valuing and protecting your investment as well as acknowledging and validating the investment of others. If you are incapable of these two things then you cannot expect any relationship you have to be successful, romantic or otherwise. If your relationships fail, then it is highly likely that it is at least partially your fault.
Find someone who is capable of those two things, work to be capable of them too, and you're far more likely to be happy and secure with a long-term partner.
I personally just want someone who cares more about themselves intimately since having sex is literally the closest you will ever be to someone (physically). If you just throw that around like it's nothing, I have no reason to go any further because I care about that yet you obviously don't. Every step, from kissing, to spooning, to sex should have an impact on the relationship. If it's given out to every other guy, I'd be dating a girl that lacks a physical connection and that is bad in so many ways. Cheating chances often show themselves in this situation too.
Also, I'm never going to Florida.
Agreed
Your comment was the exact conversation I had with a guy I was seeing , who thought casual sex was ok, I couldn't comprehend how such a bonding experience as sex can be a one night thing... Needless to say I lost respect for him and said bye bye ...but it's so refreshing to read this comment and to know that not all guys are like that.
Where can I find a man like you?
StephCurry WithTheShot Odd seeing comments that are years old get responded to but I can reply.
You’re very right about that but you’re pinning a lot of the blame on guys which isn’t really true. Vulnerability is not the same thing as choice and that’s something you need to understand. If a girl goes outside, starts drinking, and gets flirty with other people, that’s her choice. I’ve drank a lot but I’ve never slept with someone over an hour of dancing with them. You can’t just say that she’s the victim when she committed the crime lol
Btw, this goes both ways. A guy can do the exact same thing and be held accountable.
That conversation is the one of the reasons my ex and I are not together anymore and the problem was switching up the language. I thought, like in this video, that I wanted to reword it in my own terms to help him understand how I saw it but he thought that by me doing that I was trying to rearrange the truth to make myself look better in his eyes so he would fall for me.
That is exactly what I would think, do not reword things to soften the blow it feels manipulative.
“Those people come with a past. They’re not a clean slate” - wow that’s a good way to look at things. Though most of us realise this, we don’t actually see it this way. We need to be more accepting of people. Everyone’s trying to get by, sometimes we stumble along the way. The person we dated prior, we wanted to be The One. Now we’re copping shit from the next person we want to be The One. Recycle a couple more times and that’s how you get a hurtful past.
2:09 so right... NOONE should come into a relationship when it is starting, not even in words, that is a complete NO-NO
Bulls eyes! Hands down one of my favourite videos, love the way you were able to put such a profound concept into words ❤️
Such a hardworker, direct in speech and sensitive human being!
Teaching women how to manipulate and lie - what a great love coach, truly the one we need!
Btw guys aren't stupid, they are going to see through the bs sooner or later.
Short video, but one of the greatest advise. I am in a relationship , but never stop learning. It has prevented sooo many mistakes. Thank you! Great job!
Ladies, lets say you're casually seeing a guy. You go on dates, spend lots of time together, and occasionally have sex. And when you ask for commitment, he says "oh, I don't think I'm ready for a relationship." And this goes on and on. "Oh, let's wait until we have a deeper connection" etc. Etc. Eventually things fizzle out between you two, and you stop seeing each other.
Now, through social media or through friends, you see he is officially in a relationship with a girl he's met only 2 days ago. A couple weeks pass and suddenly they're engaged. Now, how do you feel? Stupid? Like you aren't worthwhile? Treated unfairly? Strung along? How come it came so easily to the other person, but I had to be ran through a circus trying to get it?
That is the gender swapped equivalent of what matthew is talking about.
He only used you for sex. That was his main goal. And he probably thought you were not his type to be girlfriend or wife material either. He just saw you as a piece of ass on the side. So he strung you along because he thought you was easy pussy until "Mrs Right" came by. I'm sorry but thats the cold truth. Its one of the manipulative games men play on women unfortunately. Personally I don't support this type of behavior as it leaves women feeling worthless and used up.
@@RnBCutz That's too simple. It's because she was exactly what he was looking for. Not easy. But in exactly the same mindset. If a woman's mindset suddenly shifts towards a relationship -- then guess what? Now your mindset clashes. He was never looking for you as a long term partner, because that wasn't the deal. She was perfect for hooking up. But not for relationships. That's not thinking you're not mrs right. Or manipulation. No, she WAS mrs right for hookups. Which is what she wanted too, otherwise she wouldn't have allowed it to happen. You can't just change your mind and expect him to change his mind as well.
If he's engaged after a couple of weeks then I dodged a bullet
I'd assume they got on better.
Several reasons come to mind; 1) he was not that much into you. b) Despite liking you he knew you were not the one. That's why it all fizzled out. Eventually he found someone who he believed was "the one". It's not that hard to understand.
They say the opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s apathy. So the answer be bored makes sense.
Everybody has a past but If your girl has a ton of male friend's or a close guy friend she slept with who she's still close to, drop her!!
@@amberv4223 no male friends.
Every single word you spoke in this video was so true, my current girlfriend had a very disfunctional relationship with a guy that was too old for her and it just makes me angry and insecure to think about the fact that they've had sex...
She regrets him and realizes the reason she was with him was because she was in a bad place.
I need to get over the hurt feelings I have over him, in my opinion, abusing the girl I love. I really want to love her without being ambivalent and I hope I can get over myself.
Thank you Matthew, this video really helped me...
6:40 Where's the double standard there? I don't think she would appreciate it if he hooked up with another girl a few months ago, if you answer like that..
One of the few people I can listen to all day.
I also see the trend of men hating all women because one hurt them.. Same as the parallel Matthew drew about a person hating a whole city because of one man.. Men and women have equal fear and don't want to be hurt so why not take it slow and really listen with your gut. I pay attention to actions. If they are who I want, my choice, then I allow. If they speak if hatred towards their ex, I run. If she hates him, I run faster
Sheri Gurczenski same here I see the trend of women hating men because one hurt them, hell I even see women hating all men because one hurted someone she knew.
Spot on advice. Be bored with it. Any emotion means you care. Bad or good doesn't really matter.
I have that thinking as well. I don't want to know about who my guy had hooked up with even when he was 18 and I don't really want to go back to thinking about all the mistakes I hooked up with. I am VERY territorial. I don't mind my guy going out but my mind starts running around like crazy imagining girls flirting with my guy. Even though that isn't the case.
I love listening to you when I'm feeling all alone...
Matt I couldn't stop laughing just because everything you said was spot on as always. I loved it
I'm single and I'm loving it...always been a big fan of you Matthew thanks for always making great videos.
It's so true.
Good advise in the end.
Thank you.
Respect for you, Matt ! For this very balanced advice.
Both men and women tend to have bad habits, and we all should understand where our partners are coming from, and think of what's the healthy way to respond, before rushing to react.
Hell with that, I'm just gonna say I'm a 48 year old virgin with two adult kids and move on to the next subject! #toocomplicated
i.am.success you can’t be a virgin if you have kids unless you adopted them
@@notsage7844 go fuck yourself
DinJavlaFitta :D you do realise sperm donation and surrogacy is a thing, yes?
@@notsage7844 it’s a joke
Your last 30 seconds remark touched my heart!
I’m a guy, but I’m sort of the oddball here. I have never been interested in a relationship for the sex, so a woman having sexual partners in the past is a positive (if she’s willing to help guide me in pleasuring her).
That said, I have two policies about the past:
(1) Either you are open about everything when I ask you and you reveal anything you believe may be materially relevant sua sponte.
OR
2) Your past stays in the past unless it comes into the present.
For an example of the latter, you don’t have to tell me about Mark and your history with Mark UNLESS Mark happens to send you a message, work with you, or do something else that makes him a relevant part of your life now.
Quick sum up:
* Don't speak his langage, speak your own (soften the langage in your own way).
* When you talk about your Exs, be bored of it.
* Be a liitle sensitive (guide him in the direction you want to go).
Holy shit. I feel so relieved that it's not just me lmfao
Damn, well spoken. Buttery smooth, he never even stuttered.
yes we're more likely to sleep with guys we don't care about because THEY CAN'T hurt us.
true
+BrawlingGrizzlyBearProductions or the pregnancy
+sue she No offence but ladies why would some of you ever want to sleep with a guy you don't care about? Also it's a dangerous game because feelings can develop which most of the time, they always do. In addition they definitely can still hurt you, maybe not emotionally at the time though emotions can get involved later but esteem wise and mentally. Sex is intimate. You deserve better. If you're sleeping with a guy you don't care about, it may say something about how you see yourself.
***** Aw, you're awesome.
Bless your sweet soul :)
when a damsel is in distress.. a white knight is never far.. always ready to protect n save the special snowflakes.. I salute you Sir White Knight of the Round Table of Manginas. I will be off on my merry way.. to battle dragons
Can we make this guy mandatory viewing for women?
You're doing gods work my friend.
ATTENTION PLEASE: The last thought to this segment implies that every person worth dating must have some type of sexual relationship baggage, and therefore is a person who has lived, adventured, etc.
News flash! There are many, many interesting, lively, adventurous, exciting, and sexy people out there who have lived in most ways, minus sharing intimacy with another, might have a mildly clean slate, and an honorable past. Not everyone has a bitter former.
Thank you for your attention.
Carry on.
He didn't say that everyone who's interesting has this baggage. He meant that it's normal that many people has. It's different thing. He just wanted to take off this preasure from women, who are often treated not fair in this subject. But I understand your statement and I'm agree.
Side note from another video -- I've been using that line about setting boundaries and it is magic! I don't feel pressured anymore and the guy doesn't feel like a creep for attempting. Keep up the videos 🙌🙌🙌❤️❤️❤️
What is the line?
This one made me laugh... a lot!!! Loved it! He's great!!!
Hahah me to
I'm from Saudi Arabia and I do like your videos, well done Matt ... Keep going ;)
all this advice is 100% on point accurate
As a guy who can admit and see when he’s in the wrong instead of getting defensive of a false reality - this is very good information.
I always use self harming language when asking my girlfriend about her past. If she worded things differently I wouldn’t give a shit.
As a 46 year old man that has learned lessons, had my heart broken in excruciating fashion, and has a lot of respect for the gift of sexuality (mostly due to my faith), I have realized that it is incredibly immature and even boorish, to think that it is right to slut-shame a woman that you say you love. She is a product of her experiences after all, and if you do love her, then you should accept the fact that you both have a past. You are allowed to feel a certain way, but what is not right is to project unreasonable expectations and behaviors onto someone else as a result of the way that you feel.
We should justify porn consumption this way, (said in stupid voice) “but honey me consuming porn made me the person I am”
I disagree - with the OP. You have the right to have whatever expectations you want. People do not have to meet them, but you have to right to tell a girl to hit the road if you don't like her past.
I love your advices, so very down to earth and I feel like I'm gaining relationship maturity after I listen to your videos.
3 weeks?! LOL I feel old fashioned lmao
Laura Alexandra ditto!!
I know!!! I was like WOW - three weeks!??!!? :)
Laura Alexandra Thats too much?
1 month at least for me.
That's also a kind of respect... well depend on who's respect tho
I'm respecting myself and so I want and d'like a girl that respect her as much as I do.
I don't sleep with any girl so I dont want the girls I date to just date many guys and have many one nights around. Its not that I dont want to be the last one or w/e, Its that I dont find someone disrespecting herself very attractive and sexy.
So.. you disrespect a girl by sleeping with her? Tough luck mate
“Be bored with it”.. Yessss Mathew🙌🏾 awesome advice. Thank you
Wait until he hates an entire airline and makes you take longer flights so you dont ever run into your ex 🤣
Thank you Matthew. I have done this and now I realized it is the most stupid thing I have ever done. Now I regret so much.
Once you hooked up with someone they can never again be called a “friend “. Definition of friend implies platonic. “He’s just a friend” means no attraction. Can’t have it both ways. If you hooked up do everyone a favor call him an ex if you desire to be “honest” as she claims
For years I had to hear about her many boyfriends until I told her that she fucked up and should have stayed with him. Too bad your relationship with him failed. Could never understand why she would bring these guys up on a fairly regular basis
Men need to understand female hypergamy. Understand that and female behaviour becomes easier to understand.
Well, thank you Noah Webster
@Hesus You could make an argument that feminism is the female equivalent of the red pill
@Hesus I would say that hypergamy is real. Men do need to be careful that they dont use it to explain all female behaviour. Life is more complex than that. We can agree on that. But I believe it is important to understand.
Even if you give it a name, the fact that women generally want a partner either better or equal to them hasn't changed since ancient times. Now, that's based on what they think their value is, which may or may not be accurate, which is the real issue.
That "guy" your gf brings up? That's your replacement.
I really do love your videos Matt. I feel like us good guys do everything you tell the girls to do. We are a dying breed! Keep it up 😊
The hair touch... I can't... stop the replay... ahah he really is so charismatic
“Screw Argentina” I’m laughing so hard omg I love you, Matthew 😂 we are all guilty of this petty behavior/thought process
quess what, those ppl come with a past... well said... I agree 100%
Me 2...i knew Joanna from England..where are you come from...BALI is paradise
Nahhh, If you were THAT bored with it, you wouldn't've brought him up in the story in the first place, yeah?
Wow, look at those abs. Good job.
This is one of the best videos I've ever watched from you, it spoke directly to my heart. Thanks for helping me so much.
Thank you so so much for what you said about slut-shaming, it's so nice to hear a guy say what you said about this horrible double-standard. I really appreciate your video's.
Men hold it as a standard for themselves as well. Most do not like those that just pump and dump taints the water. For you then have to perform as well as that guy without knowing how well he performed. Most guys don't care if you are bad at sex as a woman we would be happy to have you to ourselves. :) Women on the other hand do fault men for being awkard.
It's a double standard because sleeping with women is an accomplishment for men. Sleeping with men is a CHOICE for women.
the slut shameing thing isn't a double standard. its just isn't insult to call a man a slut lmao. the genders are different so there will always be double standards (in both directions). no guy wants to marry a slut lmao
@@abstractdaddy1384 This. It's funny that people actually think men and women are equal on this field. For a man to get a woman to sleep with him, he has to do tons of efforts for it : dress well, act confident, pluck up the courage to approach her, paying for drink or restaurant, then keeping her interest and finally showing the courage, boldness and agency to ask the woman if she wants to go to the next step. All the while being fully aware that he might be interrupted, humiliated and rejected at any step of the way and has to be ok with it. So when an average man sleeps with multiple women it means he has good confidence, social skills, status, agency and went through this excruciating and anxious process so many times he became experienced and skilful in it. So yes people admire him for it.
But for a woman, even an average looking one, to attract men, she just has to dress up, sit in a bar and pick among the 3 to 5 men who will approach her, who is worth her time. Most women get so much attention that they have the luxury to be picky about the men they date. Most average looking men don't have that type of luxury. it's like comparing someone who has to hunt to eat and someone who just has to pick her food to the supermarket next door.
great advice on using your own language and being BORED with the past or ex. fab. matt you are truly a wonder!
Matt look's so buff in this video.
this guy is great, I wish I would have seen these videos last night instead of tonight
Oh this video was so good. The only tiny bit missing was a sentence about how of course buying a girl dinner for 3 months does not make you "deserve" sex with her. Apart from that - great. Especially how you mentioned slut shaming and double-standards, that made me beyond happy. Way to go, Matthew!
Mmmmm that very last statement hit hard. Clean slates hardly exist!. Good reminding.
The "Why are men who sleep around studs, but women who sleep around hoes?"
The double standard exists because the difficulty levels between being a "stud" and being a "hoe" are like night and day.
Every person you see citing that double standard as proof of pervasive sexism are apparently completely oblivious to that fact, even though it is plain as day. A woman who sleeps around is not as respected as a man who is, because she isn't accomplishing anything that any wouldn't woman couldn't do.
The only thing barring a woman from experiencing a plethora of sexual partners is her willingness to allow a plethora of sexual partners.
That is not the case with men and "stud" status. To be a stud you have to decent looking, stylish, fashionable, charismatic, charming, excellent with people, witty, interesting, in touch with your emotions, confident but not too cocky, and of course have money. All a woman has to do is look decent and show up.
Simply put, all women could be hoes if they wanted to be, but not all men could be studs. That's why being a stud is more respectable than being a hoe.
The prestige of a woman's sexual status comes from her ability to be selective in who she mates with, and being a hoe just goes to show that she lacks that sense of selectivity.
This is why men are turned off by loose women as potential long term partners. And the girl who told the guy she hooked up with a after a week or two was basically telling him that she's been an easy peasy.
I once stopped talking to girl for that same reason. She liked me but would talk about other men sometimes when I was around her. She even told me she had dicks pics from other men that she had saved on her phone. When I finally hinted to her I was done pursuing her in a social setting, she grabbed her antidepressants, completely oblivious to the fact that she killed anything that was between us.
A woman who is not selective is statistically much more likely to be unfaithful than a woman who is. Toss in the fact that the consequences of a failed marriage are so potentially devastating specifically for men, and it's no wonder that men aren't committing to loose women. Would you jump out of an airplane with a parachute that is more likely to fail than not? Interestingly enough, women don't generally seem too put off by "stud" status. In stark contrast to "whore" status, "stud" status causes women to redouble their efforts in "monopolizing" the stud for themselves....
WithPeaceBe Very informative post, thanks for sharing!
I was about to say sexist but, you are right the way you explained it
I get your argument but you can‘t deny women the right to explore her sexuality and have fun with it just because it‘s easy for them to have sex. You don‘t even know what she‘s going for. She can sleep around and still be selective about the guys she does it with. Also, it‘s not thar hard for a guy to fuck around if there are enough of these „loose women“. I‘d like to see your statistics about cheating. The girls I knew as the most sexually active are now the ones most commited to their relationships tbh. Don‘t blame women for your insecurities.
Salome Schwarz he saying that men actually have to put a ton of effort into getting it compared to women literally having to do nothing for it and can get it at anytime, anyplace, anywhere without question.
Jordan And? Still doesn’t mean women are not allowed to enjoy themselves. Sounds like for guys sleeping with a lot of people is just to brag about it bc it’s “hard” to do it while for women it’s actually about enjoying their sexuality.
Matthew is just naturally brilliant!
This was sooooo good. Oh my gosh! Thank you👏👏🌹🌹❤️❤️🌷
Yes! Yes! Yes! I wished that I had seen this last year. This would have saved us both a lot of heartache. Everything that you said is true.
I laughed my ass off with the city reference. So effing true...
"it's because I actually like you." Made my day!
Disgusting isn't it, offering him used up vage like its some delicacy and asking him to pay full price.
i havent just hooked up with a girl, so when a girl tells me that she just sleeps with someone but it didnt mean anything.... it really makes me feel like shitt for caring about her. no such thing as a innocent woman
desensitized much?
Just because you haven't doesn't mean she can't. Sex is partially a biological need like getting thirsty and drinking water. If her having a past freaks you out that much, you have confidence issues that you should work on. You sound like a class A dweeb.
Bro that's dark
Shadowsong10 It really is nobody else’s business but her own. Hate men’s constant need to police women and their bodies. No one asked.
@@christina2311 not policing,just dun complain if men doesn't like women like that
I love this guy. Always straight forward and so spot on! Thank you Matt 👍🏼👍🏼
Hate double standards!
That was kind of scary. As a guy who's never been that deep into such a relationship, this video left me wondering if I could end up like that if I'm not careful.
this is so so important, I currently lost a guy's interest I liked just because of this mistake
Was your mistake being a sleeping around?
You got me dead with "SCREW ARGENTINA!" XD I love your content, very helpful! Thank you
Haha!! I have an issue with Chicago...
Who's the Matthew Hussey for guys? like who makes dating advice content that is this good for guys?
Dating is hard for men and very smooth for women...simple goodbye long term relationships.
Hands down this might be the best, most practical advice I can apply. Wish I knew this year's ago. THANK YOU FOR MAKING THESE THOUGHTFUL, CANDID videos for us all Matthew!