" Eye Opening ! " when he mentioned how in the past... he would " mistakenly " think... the " wrong thoughts... " and he would realize... " what was I thinking ??? "
So true. The first thing I told my partner was that no matter what he says, I will always first look at what he does. His actions are louder than words any day!!!
Hello I recommend you to Dr James he helped me reconnected back my broken relationship and made my home secured from third parties within 2 days I advice you seek help from him..
"Your Job is to take care of your. You are the only person who has been there every second of every day for your entire life." This made me cry. Thanks for the reminder.
What was freaking fire for me was “You don’t trust that someone’s never going to betray you - you just trust that you’ll be able to handle it if they do, that you’ll be able to walk away. Stop worrying about whether you can trust someone else maybe you can’t. We don’t know that, only time will tell.”
The right relationship has a calming effect on us. That one really hit me. In my past relationships I was always so stressed out. Thank you for this incredible insight!
@cyborg1320 this is because toxic "unavailable" men keep their mind CONSTANTLY engaged on what the hell he's doin and up to. If he does what he says he's gonna do, that man apparently becomes BORING. "HEY I'm gonna run to the gas station real quick ill BRB. U want anything?" Women already calculate how long it takes to get there (10 min) and how long it takes to get back (10 min again) and calculate how long it'll take u to get snacks how long it'll take u to stand in line (say another 10 mins) so in 30 to 35 mins 40 max you should be back. If this happens CONSTANTLY, she's got u figured out and u lost mystery. The suggestion is to stay out LONGER than normal. Drive slower etc, so it takes longer for you to get home. This FORCES her to automatically WONDER about you. "damn what's taking him so long.. It's been 45 mins just to goto the gas station.. He ain't out w no chck is he.. I saw that girl at the counter lookin at him last time" And there some of them can go. Mystery happening. Now THIS constantly happening has her mind on him a LOT. his phone beep, now you're wondering, now it don't beep, now you're wondering if he told someone NOT to txt. Etc playing on their insecurities to keep them engaged with you so you don't become boring. Once they figure u out they leave. To me personally this is so dumb. Why are u gonna be set on the edge of ur seat like that, or constantly wondering who they talkin to when a txt comes in etc. Who they flirting with, smiling at, getting numbers from. I'm 38, I ain't tryin to go through all that mess. If me doing what I say I do make me boring, then so be it then. Imma BORING @ss dood then. 😂 Atleast you know I can keep my word on small stuff so of course imma keep my word on bigger stuff. It's frustrating bc after 13 yrs she say "it's bc were too comfortable" Like WHO wants to be uncomfortable with a person.. You go thriugh uncomfortable phases to BECOME comfortable with them. Means you can TRUST THEM. Or u suppose to.. If that makes me a weird one, then hell, I'm just WEIRD then. 😂
@@daviedood2503 The only coaches/counsellors who give such advice are the toxic and manipulative ones themselves. Unfortunately, psychology attracts a lot of such people. They learn who to manipulate people better and they get constant supply in form of vulnerable and trusting clients. I would be very careful choosing your psychologist/coach, etc.
'Toxicity is when being vulnerable with a person hurts you more...when you feel embarrassed, judged, humiliated. less than, unworthy... then something is broken in how you relate to each other.'
My intuition is never wrong. A lot of people tell me I don’t give people a chance but if I’m feeling some kind of way about the person and I don’t know what it is yet I will leave it alone. Later on I find out I was right.
‘If that person can’t deliver if that person can’t give me what I need, my feelings for that person are irrelevant!’ I’m keeping this for me to help cope with my heartbreak. 💔😔
I got to that breaking point, and realized I was wasting my time. I was grieving the loss of my whole family and he couldn't deliver the real love that I needed. I felt it.
“Your job first and foremost is to take care of YOU. That’s your number one job in the world.” - I began to cry when I heard these words. After a lifetime of thinking that the main reason you are lovable is just because you are always taking care of others, giving and serving…it can be so hard to feel like It’s actually okay to put yourself first. It can feel so painful to put your needs ahead of others, because you feel so much fear they will no longer love you. Being giving and nurturing is NOT the only thing that makes you worthwhile or valuable in a relationship - you are a beautiful masterpiece, flaws and all! Love yourself, live the life you deserve!
Unity Nada ...you are so right, it is that hit if validation and kindness that triggers are emotion ms and covers the red flags, we are so used up by giving all the time and missing the most important peice ..to give unto yourself .. and that is so difficult because it is such a mindshift if you always lead with your heart. We are taught to believe that us selfish so we now down and carer whilst denying ourselves full expression. You need to power up, turn on your own light switch of safety and protection from within and can only do this by putting yourself first (like walking through fire) loveinf yourself, protecting yourself, setting and honoring boundaries fir yourself and take down the wall that you've build and except gifts from nit only yourself but from others. Goodness shines its light through the dark spaces, it also empowers you against the silent sadistic personalities that play on your vulnerability and kindness but also key into the masochistic tendencies we've been engaging in on ourselves. Rule be kinder to yourself than to the other, your strength 💪 is needed gir service in God's work.
@@esthermisch1170 First steps? Set boundaries, don’t let other people use you any more by just lovingly and calmly saying “no”, focus on self-care, make decisions for YOU, do what makes you truly happy and not just what you think will make others like you. Easier said than done, but if you start to take these steps you will start to live the life you deserve, truly free. 🙏🏼💕
And... I *loved* ♥️ this too: _"I keep a record not only of times I've been right, but also of times I've been wrong."_ *Honest. Self responsibility. Growth opportunity!*
We’ve got to keep educating people about abuse tactics. The longer you stay, the more you tolerate, the weaker you become and the harder it is to extract.
My take home lesson is that I need to trust myself to be okay if the other person does hurt me. My number one job is to look after me. I've had me through the best and rough days of my life and I owe it to myself to take care of me!
This really resonated with me, thank you. I have forgotten to take care of myself and be there for myself for a long time. It’s time to change things up.
@Gemma Dann I didn’t mean it like that. I tend to burn myself out putting needs of others before my own. I try to give myself the effort and love that I give my significant other. I am indeed capable of caring for myself financially and materialistically.
I think when you are clear on your values and boundaries, you can communicate them and know when someone crosses the line. We all have those things that are a hard no or betrayal for us. We can then trust ourselves to do the right thing. Like Matthew says, in this case it doesn’t matter about your feelings or how much you love them, you have to judge on their actions.
28:25 TRUST YOURSELF A bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking, because her trust is not on the branch but on it’s own wings. Always believe in yourself.
On second thought, my past patterns make me NOT trust myself. That's is where I'm stuck. Raised in a abusive narc home with bpd narc mother and sociopath father and older sister. As the empath, sensitive one in the family, I was conditioned to overlook bad behavior. I subconsciously picked these toxic partners and friends. They are all gone and the great awakening is happening here, lots of healing. However, when I really reflect on the past patterns it becomes obvious and overwhelming. I'd rather be alone than ever enter another narc relationship. It's the most draining thing. Taking my life back, finding peace. Can't risk losing it. But thinking deeper, I've done sooooo much research on these personality disorders, I can spot them fairly quickly in people now. Maybe I can trust myself at this stage.
My experience of red flags is something akin to this: he insults you. He cuts you off when you speak. He rolls his eyes at you when you speak. He treats you like a servant. He's excessively self centered. He's sexually selfish. He's easily angered. He treats you like property but not a person (even early on). He tries to sabotage your efforts to be self sufficient and to meet other people. He doesn't say yes or no but always maybe yet expects you to wait for him in case it's suddenly "yes". If you have other plans he tries to sabotage. He talks about himself constantly. He doesn't listen to you. He brags. He doesn't accept a no from you. He changes plans constantly. He talks very negatively about people. He's not concerned with your safety, wellbeing or happiness. I mean these are even early red flags, 2 days in or so.
100% My list starts and end with “He insults you”. That’s it. Game over. I know where it goes and I’m not sticking around for it. Also, special mention to guys that are in a rush to be with you. Slam the brakes. They are up to no good and they hope you don’t find out.
certainly, although it's kind of common sense for me. I wouldn't even want to be friends with that kind of person. Who would want to be around that kind of person?
“You don’t trust that someone’s never going to betray you, you just trust that you’ll be able to handle it if they do” -Matthew Hussey. That phrase alone,,🤯 So true! Words to live by!!! ❤️
@@Angelthunder11 There are no guarantees, some are skilled players and you never see it coming so I think what Matthew is saying is don’t fear what may happen just have faith in yourself that you can handle anything.
This I’ve learned. Never place more energy into anything than what you’re receiving. Life is about checks and balances. When the scale isn’t balanced, we feel taken advantage, unsafe, etc. We strive for balance, but not everyone can deliver…now, I match others, and when I feel I may be giving more, I scale back and see what changes. This has been a savior for me.
I was told reasons why he might not message back, or see it, ect. I tried to accept it but once it became to much i brought up with him and told him it made me feel insecure and overthink. He said it was weird to overthink. From then on, communication got worse and i sent my final message saying i liked him but i couldnt just be in a casual relationship, if thats where it was going. He just got defensive in his last message and thats where it ended.
I guess i did give plenty of time and chances to initate and converse back but he never delivered. I just have to remind myself that i did my best to be understanding and compassionate of his situation but also have to respect my own needs and boundaries
THIS! "...now, I match others, and when I feel I may be giving more, I scale back and see what changes." Learning to scrupulously police things like reciprocity at the START of relationships helps me weed out users early on so I can relax and be naturally generous self with GOOD people. ❤
Agreed. There is program now for young people called "The shark cage". Teaching how to recognise those sharks and protect yourself and find healthy relationships.
MY NOTES FROM THIS PODCAST: 10:37 people reveal who they are not through their words but through situations/in order to really know who or how someone is you have to see them in enough situations. 22:09 if they cant give you what you need then your feelings towards them are irrelevant. 28:25 You don’t trust that someone’s never going to betray you - you just trust that you’ll be able to handle it if they do, that you’ll be able to walk away. Stop worrying about whether you can trust someone else maybe you can’t. We don’t know that, only time will tell.
If every human , men and women, could communicate the way Matt does, this world would be such a better place. Thank you Lisa for this great interaction.
Nah gender roles are outdated. Everyone has both feminine and masculine aspects ☯️ that they need to balance if they want to attract a balance relationship
@@joanofarc1470 he's usually very private about his relationships. We only found out about Camila Cabello cause she's constantly in the spotlight. But regardless, there is nothing wrong with being single. It means he knows his value and won't settle for less. Like all of us should. He's a hansome & intelligent man. If he wishes to have a girlfriend, he will have no difficulties getting one.
I have a degree in psychology and not only did I do case studies. I was in a very vulnerable state in my life when I met a true narcissist, which I refused to see all the signs. I was with him for five years and it was too late to get out before I was completely destroyed internally. Everything Matthew described I experienced and I’m still working on healing/recovering from that relationship almost a year later, which has been the worst thing I’ve ever experienced. I can write a book on his behavior and how it impacted me, from confident and happy, to doubting myself in every aspect, feeling humiliated, unhappy, sad, and worthless. I had to get my own therapist before leaving him and he even controlled my sessions by making me tell him everything was talked about in my session. He got angry when I said he was brought up in my sessions. I still see my therapist and do plenty of meditation. Please, don’t ignore the signs and run!
I love hearing the difference between a toxic person and basic incompatibility! Not wanting to make things work in a relationship doesn't make someone a bad person. Thanks Matthew and Lisa!
But, things can change during a relationship - you may never have lead someone on but somewhere along the line your feelings change - that’s natural and signifies a mismatch - not that you never meant it in the first place
Me too! I’ve been single most of my adult life..... it’s calm, I can do what I like when I like, no one is critical of me or putting me down...... love it! Freedom! Enjoy!😁😁😁😁
Anita, I am 58. Heartbroken after a 6 year relationship with a man that never delivered! My fault for staying that long. Now, I feel too old to start all over and is hard to find friends my age that have the time to go out, go on trips etc... Please give me some insight.
Communication is everything. I just got out of a long relationship with someone who kept things to himself until something triggered him to blow up. He would hold resentment instead of talking things out and trying to find a solution. I'd pour my heart out to him and tell him what I'm feeling and trying to be on the same page, and he would completely shut down and avoid conversation. He was bad alcoholic and was dishonest frequently. Being physically alone is just the same as being with a partner who doesn't reciprocate emotionally. I'm glad to be done with the toxicity.
Good for you! Happy you got away! But let me add that being physically alone with your self-respect and dignity is 100x BETTER than being with someone who disrespects you and makes you feel bad about yourself 💕
His opening line is grand. That is something I recently realized. Worry less about wondering what they want and what they are going to do but instead concern myself more with how I feel after spending time with them.
"You are with you every second of every day. It is your job to take care of you. If that person cant deliver, or give you what you need, your feelings about that person do not matter." Yup. I needed to hear that. I forgive too easy for treatment that doesnt hold up to my standards.
There is nothing wrong with forgiving them. But continuing to make excuses for the person and go back is a different matter. You can forgive them and still walk away.
I loved his comment about how people defined themselves through situations and not by their words! I can’t really ever get to know someone unless you’ve had enough situations with them! I feel like so many times we get caught up in the fairytale of the words instead of the realistic aspects of who they are! Thank you so much for this video!!! Loved it!
MY EX RETURNED TO ME WITH THE HELP OF DR OJIE A GIFTED SPIRITUALIST WHO CAN MEND ANY BROKEN O RELATIONSHIP AND CAN ALSO MANIFEST YOUR SOUL MATE ALSO TO YOU, I STRONGLY ADVISE YOU TO SEEK HELP FROM HIM, 💜💜
My entire life solved in 48 minutes and 22 seconds. Thank you Matthew. The calm, comforting and nurturing tone of this conversation was just what I needed at this time.
Oh! The point at around the 22:05 mark spoke just to me.. And just before that, someone telling you that they "miss you" is absolutely ZERO information. It's great to have a laugh at how the interactions can happen when you try to move away!
One more! “People reveal who they are not through their words but through situations.” This is so much better than ‘actions speak louder than words’. Situations are totally spot on! 🤯
@@cateyes0068what is your desired result with a comment like that? So we view it differently, it doesn’t mean either view is wrong as long as we are learning and moving forward. Next time maybe consider another point of view with acceptance knowing we all view the world through a different lens and it’s okay.
I like to think along a more positive line of reasoning by practicing giving a partner space-time to breathe(not smothering them), to grow beyond the shade of my own desire for growth (you've never seen two Oak trees growing inches away from each other)-- their individual branches would block out needed Sunlight.
Perhaps someone has already said this, but Matthew Hussey’s: ‘Our weapons destroy relationships, but our wounds have the power to strengthen them’🤯🤩This was like a simultaneous head smack & hug-As Lisa Bilyeu would say “it’s Fiyah!” And yes it is🔥
You can tell a toxic person by how your energy is effected in the individual’s presence. Pay close attention to how you change around the person. For women, they start changing badly right away. The minute she starts going with the guy she starts gliding downhill immediately. For example, her performance on the job or career starts dropping sharply. Coming in late, over staying breaks, getting called in by management and things like that. And then she develops a snobbish don’t care about nothing attitude. Others will surely notice how she’s changing and may accuse the guy of bringing her down, but he’s not doing anything. Just hanging around him is whats doing it. His toxic energy setting off hers. If she steps away from the guy for a day she’ll go back to her original self and every time she’s with him again she’ll glide down again.
Yep spot on.....have completely experienced this! My marriage became toxic..... Now I'm separated the 'grey' is lifting off all the things that use to make my heart sing e.g. like art, gardenning and learning guitar! All my interests became dull, now I'm bringing them back to life🥀🌷🌱 not sure what the future holds but I'm enjoying me.
@@katrinax_x3689 You mean a man with a toxic woman? If that’s what you mean, of course. A man will start gliding down in her toxic company. Though the decaying process appears more rapid with women around a toxic man.
I NEVER worry about being cheated on. If it happens, I leave immediately. Do not give others power over you and your happiness. Anyone willing to take you for granted does not deserve your presence, much less free rent in your head.
Thank YOU for this definition of 'toxicity' - "when being vulnerable with a person hurts you more. . . Instead of soothes you. . ." (9:20). Reassuring that I made a good decision to end a recent relationship, but need to follow my intuition. (Very disturbing experience.)
I think leaving a relationship is never the wrong choice. Because not being in a particular relationship can never hurt you. Whereas being in a relationship that is not healthy definitely will. So yeah, me might sometimes leave relationships that we didn't need to leave but that is not a "wrong" decision, if anything it might be unfortunate. I wish you all the best on your way :)
@@LaNoireDetruit Thank you. It was unfortunate that I chose to not follow my gut feeling/intuition and not get involved. The cons far outweighed the pros in a short time. It felt like I was chosen as an escape during a hard time and expected to fit neatly into some unspoken plan. Manipulative. My feelings were constantly discounted. Lessons!
This really hit me also. It’s like I was always made to feel worse. Sometimes I felt heard but then it’s like the disrespect returned in some way, shape , or form.
“Don’t be unevenly yolked” is general advice I got from the bible about having equal relationships where each person pulls their weight. You don’t have to make them a bad person in order to say that they aren’t going to walk alongside you through life.
equal in what? Age? then why so many same age reationship fails?.....Equal in amount of money? Women prefer wealthier men, Equal in Heigh? again women prefer tall men....Equal in what?
@@moisesbeyond You make it seem like men pull more weight, but actually it is women who do more. More caring/more housework/more secretary type work at work. Caring, remembering holidays, getting gifts and cards. The list is endless.
@@nofybn7794 If that is true then why women dont allow men to stay at home while she works? why is always that rather she stay home and request to the man go get a Job?? holidays, getting gifts and cards IS NOT a JOB ...is a FUN activity that is NOT FORCE but a CHOICE.....
Oh my gosh. When he said, if I loved me the way they say they loved me, what would I be willing to sacrifice or compromise in order to be with me. That was a POWERFUL statement. This is the first red flag that your partner is *not* genuine!!!!
I walked away when I still cared and liked him. I thought this would make me feel bad but it made me learn about myself and how to deal with my bad tendencies and it solidified that I really made the right decision. It was a bad situation with the lots of the tendencies that we both had that they mentioned which meant that we would’ve never worked out because both of us weren’t healed and we didn’t want to work on our problems for ourselves and each other. We also didn’t really match in what we wanted from each other and could or was willing to give each other. So both of toxic tendencies and incompatibility combined just lead to the inevitable breakup. Im still glad I did try it with him cause I learned about myself and relationships. Now I can work on them and heal to become a better person for myself and the next person I’m gonna be with. And now I know what to do next time- what to watch out for, how to proceed in a relationship properly through stages, what I want/don’t want and what I can tolerate or not. Thank you for the lessons and the insight. I can only hope to internalize it and put it into action.
OMG I went through a similar situation a few years back! We both weren't healed enough to have a proper relationship. In the end I broke up because I felt his display and feelings of love towards me was stronger than what I felt towards him. We were constantly fighting because he felt that. Anyways, he was never abusive or anything, I think we just weren't meant to be.
Very similar to my situation, I have really realised that taking accountability is the key to growth. It can be a very painful process but the person you come out as at the end is worth it.
great tips, i couldn't believe my eyes or ears? i don't know but the end is fascinating ! bear in mind that when you sleep with yourselves then the red flag can't be used, it's absolutely different then, especially the deciding process whether yes or not . but i would recommend you if you rely on your experience in bed then don't do that and if you really rely on it then don't do it and if you really really rely on it then i can recommend you the best expereince ever with drops that i found spanish fly
This is the most sensible discussion of autonomy and relationship I have seen in 20 years. Thanks for descriptions beyond labeling other people where the dynamics are a total mismatch without pathologizing the other party. That popular mistaken habit is destroying not just relationships but entire families.
15:14 - Great Advice ! This applies to courtship as well ! Your feelings don’t matter!! ... if they’re not reciprocating basic interest in you (questions, initiating conversation,..) take a step back to recognize this and catch yourself : remain polite but stop the flirting and interest! Leaving it at “hello” is more than enough. In other words, start acting with your head and stop acting on emotion.
Thank you. 16 months after my husband walked out and refused contact for months, no explanation and with me believing we were soul mates, I watched this. And it rang so true I cried. But I know it's time to let go, it's old wounds hurting, not me actually wanting him. You are both brilliant- thank you
May I ask, was it a religious marriage? Are you practicing your religion of birth (in particular your husband ) or not? I’ m finding man who have a strong believe in God the Creator and adhere to a traditional religious system are not inclined to cheat, break up a sacred marriage before God etc. It’s easier for modern secular men though Look out for God he will heal you, in a way human dating advice can’t
Sorry for your hurt and wounds. I hope you're able to find healing and love yourself. I know, It's not about wanting them back but hurting g over the wounds that they have caused.
@@ghanaina12 - thank you so much for your kind words. Time has been a great healer. Finding my own strength has made me a more confident person. Kind words such as yours have helped in a huge way. There is definitely light at the end of the tunnel. Having faith in my own strength is what I have learned from the experience. Thank you again- I wish you wonderful blessings- your time and kindness means so much xx
You are the lucky one.So many women would love their husbands to walk away yet they seat like the glue the bulldog glue Enjoy your freedom,freedom is priceless
Ultimately it all boils down to control and realizing that in many situations we have to let go of the imaginary control we thought we had or wish we had. Learning to let go and develop a mindset of gratefulness for what you do have is a game changer.
People stay in bad relationships because admitting they made a mistake in all that they gave that relationship is harder than using all that they gave as an excuse to stay. People don't want to change, even if it's for the better.
Yes. Also, it’s hard to let go of a relationship you’ve invested money, resources and emotions in. People don’t want their investment, especially financially for men, to be for nothing.
@@aurora8749 Comfortable in a bad relationship? That's interesting. If one is in a relationship with someone you think was a mistake, what needs or expectation did you have that were not met and how do you you get comfortable with those needs or expectation not met?
30:20 "needing the space to see if u can be trusted" This is very true. Because there's a word that needs to be remebered. It's called INTEGRITY. This is doing the right thing, even when NO ONE is looking.
This is truly the best video I've seen on relationship dynamic, where he is explaining things from a neutral position instead of throwing the word narcissist all over the place
Agreed. That word is SOOO overused by everyone these days half these people haven’t seen a full blown narcissist in real life… coming from someone who was raised by one. All of us have toxic traits it’s our jobs to work on them. Unhealed people does not equal narcissist. Narcissists lack accountability and gaslight you.
Amazing... Loving you, supporting you, protecting you, and all of those needs we look outside of ourselves for. “Your number one job in the world is to look after you.” This is just what I needed. Total confirmation from an honest, vulnerable soul ✨
A captain's 1st duty is to the ship... it's not to the crew, or its visitors or any harbour or docking facility into which the ship is coming. A captain's first duty is to the ship itself...
@@leighatkins22 Beautiful! Synchronicity... My am meditation on the Root Chakra. I am a Mountain, I am solid, I am stable, I am strong ♥️ Building strong foundations 🌟
Just got out of a 2 year relationship with a guy who would make false promises. I really saw the rest of my life with him and was so deeply in love with a man who I thought I’d have forever.. until I took off the rose colored glasses. I would give him the upmost respect , treatment and love expecting for it back, but his actions showed me that he will only love me and show me his love when HE feels like it. He’d never change on the things that were hurting me, he would lie.. withhold information, manipulate and turn situations onto me. I was terrified to be lonely, he was all I had and I was all he had, after 2 years together and so many memories I didn’t wanna start over. But I realized I deserved better, I trusted myself enough to know that this isn’t the life I want for myself. Right now it’s still fresh and I’m still mourning and grieving the loss, I wanna text him everyday and ask why he never did anything to get me to stay or fight for my love, our love. But I know that the right person would never make me feel like they have to fight to keep me. For anyone going through a breakup where the love is still there for both parties, and you felt because you simply felt you deserved better and didn’t wanna put up with somebody who was treating the extraordinary person that you are .. and making them feel simple .. ordinary and not important. Just know that there will be people out there who will stick out their necks for you as much as you do for others, care for you , love you , make you feel secure , safe , blessed and beautiful. Trust yourself enough to know that whatever decision you have made, you made it for the benefit of you and your future. Never look back. Nobody can fill a seat that’s taken , and if that taken seat keeps poking you and cutting you and burning you leaving you wounded … open up the seat for self healing and eventually a doctor to come by 😂 you got this ❤
Absolutely spot on. The complexities of human relationships, especially when we're just getting to know someone. I am currently starting out on something new with someone and am navigating the waters with a new awareness of self ie, my past emotional baggage, traumas, triggers, reactions etc and finding the courage to remain authentic and vulnerable within all of that. It's scary as all holy hell BUT we never know if it's worth the risk if we don't try. We can spend our lives protecting our heart but we also end up living half a life.
2 gems really stuck out to me: you don’t have to trust they’ll never betray you because you know for sure. - You trust *yourself* that you are stronger and wiser now and you can handle it if betrayal happens, and you’re strong enough to walk away when it’s time. - You trust because that is your standard for the kind of relationship and experience you want to have.
I love how Matthew is letting us in on his own personal mistakes in relationships a totally different more relatable and comfortable space for the viewers less valnurable.
Pretty clear on Job #1. I think it's easier to accept the crumbs left behind than to stand our ground . To look at the long term gain of a breakup vs short term temptation.
This chat is so brutal....but it is the most hardest truth, I needed to hear It's like someone is slapping me so hard ,over and over to snap out of it ..
I am so happy you said this and 10000% agree. "Labeling" and using the words "toxic" or "narcissist" is way over used. I'm an lvn and worked in therapy for years. It makes me cringe!!! Because it's actually disrespectful to the person you are saying it towards, rather than just saying, your relationship didn't work. Yes, there's "toxic" and "narcissistic" relationships..... but not as much as people label. I LOVE THIS VIDEO ♡♡
Hmm I am not too sure if I agree the concept ‘if they love me like what they say they do, then they would be willing to make sacrifice’. I love a person but if he treats me like shit, I should just leave instead of continuing to pour myself in and ‘sacrifice’ because I love him.
MY EX RETURNED TO ME WITH THE HELP OF DR OJIE A GIFTED SPIRITUALIST WHO CAN MEND ANY BROKEN O RELATIONSHIP AND CAN ALSO MANIFEST YOUR SOUL MATE ALSO TO YOU, I STRONGLY ADVISE YOU TO SEEK HELP FROM HIM, 💜💜💜💜
I keep watching this video over and over...I have learned so much about myself from this video. I have been neglecting myself and always worried and took care of others for years, this has been an eye opener. I now more than ever wanna take care of myself. Thank you Lisa and Matt for this beautiful content, you have just changed my life and I can't thank you enough.
Being self-aware is everything to have trust- trusting yourself more than being afraid if you can trust others, stating how you feel and then what you need and then see if someone can meet you there. If there's a gap, or if you're made to feel bad for being vulnerable, then here is where you take care of yourself...which is your ONE JOB...and be ok to choose yourself and walk away from a relationship where you cannot meet them where they are or they cannot meet you where you are. This was just what I needed to hear right now, continuing in my own growth and self-awareness. Thank you!
When he said on the first date and the other person is saying oh I think your so great and so on when they don't know you bc I just went through the same situation where the other person was sitting there telling me how beautiful I was how wonderful and great he thought I was and he didn't even barely know me and it ended up being a very bad relationship he ended up hurting me so that is definitely a red sign when on the first date they tell you how great you are and they don't even know you.
MY EX RETURNED TO ME WITH THE HELP OF DR OJIE A GIFTED SPIRITUALIST WHO CAN MEND ANY BROKEN O RELATIONSHIP AND CAN ALSO MANIFEST YOUR SOUL MATE ALSO TO YOU, I STRONGLY ADVISE YOU TO SEEK HELP FROM HIM, 💜💜💜💜
So...in nutshell: know yourself, trust yourself be real and honest with yourself. Then give freedom to your significant other to do the same...Let that marinade for a few minutes...read it again and then go do the work.
At 67 I am just now learning to put myself first. I've always put others happiness before mine. I have recently started a relationship where I feel spoiled. It is strange and wonderful. He is one by one fulfilling my wishes and fantasies, sometimes without knowing until I tell him. We had a great spiritual discussion on how everything must of been aligned for us to meet when we did. Just taking it 1 day at a time with no expectations. I feel fulfilled.
MY EX RETURNED TO ME WITH THE HELP OF DR OJIE A GIFTED SPIRITUALIST WHO CAN MEND ANY BROKEN O RELATIONSHIP AND CAN ALSO MANIFEST YOUR SOUL MATE ALSO TO YOU, I STRONGLY ADVISE YOU TO SEEK HELP FROM HIM, 💜💜💜
I love this. Truly when I felt secure enough on my own 2 feet, I knew that even if my partner will leave I will still fall on my feet. I knew that although I will hurt, I will still be able to carry on. I became a lot less jealous and needy. And now I have an amazing relationship where we both trust each other, but mostly trust ourselves, that no matter what happens, we will be ok.
This is so true. It's also an angle I never had thought of for this issue. We are taught, especially as women, to always cater and jump for the man we "love". That's drummed into us from baby hood on. It's hard to unlearn these toxic roles.
Why is this not viral! Implementing the things talked about here has DRASTICALLY improved how I communicate with everyone around me. I thought i was the only one who thought this way
I don't wish you multiple breakups, but everyone you will have been with is potentially upgraded, and that will spread, and hopefully multiply. It may be worth more than this going viral 😉
‘You are who you are today because you had the strength to leave‘ I need to remember that before I write someone off too quick. Agree that it’s on us to trust ourselves. Don’t like the 'weapons thing'...to me if/when you become aware of unhealthy childhood defences, you should make a conscious effort to change it. If you still use it as a weapon, then you are a manipulative person and deliberately causing another person distress. That’s pretty low. I would already be cautious of anybody who was aware that they had "weapons". This strategical thinking is likely very embedded. Also not sure why he’s defending narcissism. I think this a topic that is only just getting the shout out it deserves and is freeing people from awful situations. If the estimate is correct 1 in 20 people are narcissists (not narcissistic), then you have good odds of dating one, having one at work, in your home, or family. It should be on our radar. If we are interested in our own growth and they are interested in squashing us, we have to learn to get out of their way. It needs to be talked about. Doesn’t mean we should go diagnosing people. It is good (in my opinion) to notice whether there is an alarming number of these traits and whether you feel bad in their presence. If we shut up about it, some people will never get out and realise they are worth better treatment.
I don't believe he is defending narcissism, I think he's just saying that the term is being thrown around quite easily these de days which is true, we all feel like we are psychologists and need to diagnose anyone who acts out of line when we should leave that to the professionals. But, I also agree with you that if you see more of those negative traits in someone we should be weary.
I was confused for a moment when he says "Your feelings are valid... ARE they???" but I now agree. Feelings can be an important clue as to your state but they are not a map, they are not something to be followed. You can't fight your feelings easily but you shouldn't automatically follow each urge your feelings tell you to follow. I have gotten better about just looking at it, sitting with it, letting myself cry if I have to and THEN get back to rationality. I mean, how many times have been angry just because we were hungry and tired?
that was a very deep and profound discussion of relationships; it's been extremely revealing and eye opening -- even for a middle-aged guy like me (48 years old and formerly married with two teenage children), who thought he knew a lot about what a healthy relationship should be like--and still, there is so much to learn! thank you Matthew and Lisa. 🙏
“Different levels of standards for fighting for each other” I don’t know. Red flags don’t change with your love. There’s a point where there’s only so much you can fight for a relationship. You can love them genuinely and deeply but realize that where they are in their healing process is actively hurting you. Why do I deserve to stay in that? How is it that me valuing myself more means I clearly don’t love him as much as I say I do? That’s kind of crap.
Oh my gosh I was thinking the same when he said that. You may love someone but their hurt is unbearable anymore, that’s a good enough “I love you but” situation.
This true to a certain extent. Trusting the wrong people could altar your life and your finances temporarily- anyone can bounce back but trust is tricky like that
My weapon is running away and closing myself off from someone. But it’s a toxic trait because instead of closing off, I should be speaking up and communicating like a grown up
Same here. I have been single and celibate for a year and a half and the longer I do this, the less I want to date ever again lol I absolutely love my life just me having fun with myself
I feel like crying listening to this, I wish I heard this before. Why people don't appreciate open and honest communication right from the start of getting acquainted?
My ex sent me a mail 3 months after our breakup. As it is it was incredibly difficult to heal from my toxic relationship with him, on top of that my dad was hospitalized due to COVID during the time. I was furious seeing his mail. It honestly irked me. How selfish can he be to reach out to me like that, just 3 months after our breakup. Like he was testing ke whether I'll be an emotional wreck again seeing his mail. Goddamn attention seeker.
"People reveal who they are not through words, but through situations."
🔥
Very true. My boyfriend was telling me he loves me sooo much, but in the same token he was cheating on me and lying.
So true. Actions speak louder than words.
" Eye Opening ! "
when he mentioned how in the past...
he would " mistakenly " think... the " wrong thoughts... "
and he would realize... " what was I thinking ??? "
So true. The first thing I told my partner was that no matter what he says, I will always first look at what he does. His actions are louder than words any day!!!
"Allow someone to reveal themselves through their actions." Spot on.
Hello I recommend you to Dr James he helped me reconnected back my broken relationship and made my home secured from third parties within 2 days I advice you seek help from him..
Message him on Whatsapp
±2349029353859⏯⏯
WHAT'SAPP HIM
Exactly 100%real talk.... Truth!!!!!
💯💯💯💯💯
"Your Job is to take care of your. You are the only person who has been there every second of every day for your entire life." This made me cry. Thanks for the reminder.
Agreed...
Yeesss!! That was deep! Ur not alone It made me cry too! God bless be ur better version!!!
It made me cry too! It is so true... I am the only person who will always take care of me...
@Olivia Ronnie
WOW
OMG. This made me cry too. Very impactful!
What was freaking fire for me was “You don’t trust that someone’s never going to betray you - you just trust that you’ll be able to handle it if they do, that you’ll be able to walk away. Stop worrying about whether you can trust someone else maybe you can’t. We don’t know that, only time will tell.”
Don't listen to anything they say... Watch their Actions.
Hear that!! 🔥❤️
Z, sssszzzszzzs@@CrystalDatingCoach
💯 That's it !!!! ❤️
F I R E
The right relationship has a calming effect on us. That one really hit me. In my past relationships I was always so stressed out. Thank you for this incredible insight!
If it is stressful it is not worth it!
Same here I was always so worried about him and what he is up to if he is cheating or not 😩 it was so stressful
@cyborg1320 this is because toxic "unavailable" men keep their mind CONSTANTLY engaged on what the hell he's doin and up to. If he does what he says he's gonna do, that man apparently becomes BORING.
"HEY I'm gonna run to the gas station real quick ill BRB. U want anything?"
Women already calculate how long it takes to get there (10 min) and how long it takes to get back (10 min again) and calculate how long it'll take u to get snacks how long it'll take u to stand in line (say another 10 mins) so in 30 to 35 mins 40 max you should be back.
If this happens CONSTANTLY, she's got u figured out and u lost mystery. The suggestion is to stay out LONGER than normal. Drive slower etc, so it takes longer for you to get home. This FORCES her to automatically WONDER about you. "damn what's taking him so long.. It's been 45 mins just to goto the gas station.. He ain't out w no chck is he.. I saw that girl at the counter lookin at him last time"
And there some of them can go. Mystery happening. Now THIS constantly happening has her mind on him a LOT. his phone beep, now you're wondering, now it don't beep, now you're wondering if he told someone NOT to txt. Etc playing on their insecurities to keep them engaged with you so you don't become boring. Once they figure u out they leave.
To me personally this is so dumb. Why are u gonna be set on the edge of ur seat like that, or constantly wondering who they talkin to when a txt comes in etc. Who they flirting with, smiling at, getting numbers from. I'm 38, I ain't tryin to go through all that mess.
If me doing what I say I do make me boring, then so be it then. Imma BORING @ss dood then. 😂 Atleast you know I can keep my word on small stuff so of course imma keep my word on bigger stuff.
It's frustrating bc after 13 yrs she say "it's bc were too comfortable"
Like WHO wants to be uncomfortable with a person.. You go thriugh uncomfortable phases to BECOME comfortable with them. Means you can TRUST THEM. Or u suppose to..
If that makes me a weird one, then hell, I'm just WEIRD then. 😂
👍 yep! I realized that.
@@daviedood2503 The only coaches/counsellors who give such advice are the toxic and manipulative ones themselves. Unfortunately, psychology attracts a lot of such people. They learn who to manipulate people better and they get constant supply in form of vulnerable and trusting clients. I would be very careful choosing your psychologist/coach, etc.
'Toxicity is when being vulnerable with a person hurts you more...when you feel embarrassed, judged, humiliated. less than, unworthy... then something is broken in how you relate to each other.'
Oof
My intuition is never wrong. A lot of people tell me I don’t give people a chance but if I’m feeling some kind of way about the person and I don’t know what it is yet I will leave it alone. Later on I find out I was right.
Me too
Just because others don't know what you know, doesn't mean you have to learn their lessons for them. You're doing good boo. Let them learn it. 😇
Me too!! It has never failed me
Same - I'm accused of nipping things in the bud early but I'm often right...I just can't put my finger on the reasons when I get that gut feeling
@Viva Vivea I am really Heartbroken to read this I hope you can get out of that, heal, and find someone new
‘If that person can’t deliver if that person can’t give me what I need, my feelings for that person are irrelevant!’ I’m keeping this for me to help cope with my heartbreak. 💔😔
In the same boat right now
Agreed I stayed because I loved him and kept trying and trying but left because I never got what I needed 👍
I got to that breaking point, and realized I was wasting my time. I was grieving the loss of my whole family and he couldn't deliver the real love that I needed. I felt it.
Check out Stéphanie Lyn Coaching too💕
I found DERRICK JAXN , start watching his videos! They will give you so much validation! 🥰
@@godzillamanstreb524 I love her!
“Your job first and foremost is to take care of YOU. That’s your number one job in the world.” - I began to cry when I heard these words. After a lifetime of thinking that the main reason you are lovable is just because you are always taking care of others, giving and serving…it can be so hard to feel like It’s actually okay to put yourself first. It can feel so painful to put your needs ahead of others, because you feel so much fear they will no longer love you. Being giving and nurturing is NOT the only thing that makes you worthwhile or valuable in a relationship - you are a beautiful masterpiece, flaws and all! Love yourself, live the life you deserve!
Unity Nada ...you are so right, it is that hit if validation and kindness that triggers are emotion ms and covers the red flags, we are so used up by giving all the time and missing the most important peice ..to give unto yourself .. and that is so difficult because it is such a mindshift if you always lead with your heart. We are taught to believe that us selfish so we now down and carer whilst denying ourselves full expression. You need to power up, turn on your own light switch of safety and protection from within and can only do this by putting yourself first (like walking through fire) loveinf yourself, protecting yourself, setting and honoring boundaries fir yourself and take down the wall that you've build and except gifts from nit only yourself but from others. Goodness shines its light through the dark spaces, it also empowers you against the silent sadistic personalities that play on your vulnerability and kindness but also key into the masochistic tendencies we've been engaging in on ourselves. Rule be kinder to yourself than to the other, your strength 💪 is needed gir service in God's work.
Beautifully said👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
Thank you for this I need to remind myself of this , what's the first step?
@@esthermisch1170 First steps? Set boundaries, don’t let other people use you any more by just lovingly and calmly saying “no”, focus on self-care, make decisions for YOU, do what makes you truly happy and not just what you think will make others like you. Easier said than done, but if you start to take these steps you will start to live the life you deserve, truly free. 🙏🏼💕
100% truth. We've been taught this whole time that we are to "stand by our man" and make sure everyone comes before ourselves.💖
This was so good specifically the part: you don’t have to trust anyone if you trust yourself.
🔥❤️
And... I *loved* ♥️ this too:
_"I keep a record not only of times I've been right, but also of times I've been wrong."_
*Honest. Self responsibility. Growth opportunity!*
👏👏👏
Yes!
Simple yet Brilliant.👌🏽
We’ve got to keep educating people about abuse tactics. The longer you stay, the more you tolerate, the weaker you become and the harder it is to extract.
Like a drug withdrawal
I believe the right relationship let's you be the person you are and encourages you to be the person you were meant to be. 🙏
That's wrong. The right relationship isn't to accept the mediocrity of both.
Your beliefs are yours and not wrong😊
@@alexisfrjp So what is it? To pretend to be someone you're not when you enter relationship?
My take home lesson is that I need to trust myself to be okay if the other person does hurt me. My number one job is to look after me. I've had me through the best and rough days of my life and I owe it to myself to take care of me!
This really resonated with me, thank you. I have forgotten to take care of myself and be there for myself for a long time. It’s time to change things up.
💯💯💯
@Gemma Dann I didn’t mean it like that. I tend to burn myself out putting needs of others before my own. I try to give myself the effort and love that I give my significant other. I am indeed capable of caring for myself financially and materialistically.
Trust you will be ok when you walk away.
I think when you are clear on your values and boundaries, you can communicate them and know when someone crosses the line. We all have those things that are a hard no or betrayal for us. We can then trust ourselves to do the right thing. Like Matthew says, in this case it doesn’t matter about your feelings or how much you love them, you have to judge on their actions.
28:25 TRUST YOURSELF A bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking, because her trust is not on the branch but on it’s own wings. Always believe in yourself.
I recommend you to a man who can help you manifest whatever and whoever you want to manifest within two-day ♥️♥️♥️
Whtsaap him**
On second thought, my past patterns make me NOT trust myself. That's is where I'm stuck. Raised in a abusive narc home with bpd narc mother and sociopath father and older sister. As the empath, sensitive one in the family, I was conditioned to overlook bad behavior. I subconsciously picked these toxic partners and friends. They are all gone and the great awakening is happening here, lots of healing. However, when I really reflect on the past patterns it becomes obvious and overwhelming. I'd rather be alone than ever enter another narc relationship. It's the most draining thing. Taking my life back, finding peace. Can't risk losing it. But thinking deeper, I've done sooooo much research on these personality disorders, I can spot them fairly quickly in people now. Maybe I can trust myself at this stage.
@@clementroman8516 😂 😂 😂
Deep
My experience of red flags is something akin to this: he insults you. He cuts you off when you speak. He rolls his eyes at you when you speak. He treats you like a servant. He's excessively self centered. He's sexually selfish. He's easily angered. He treats you like property but not a person (even early on). He tries to sabotage your efforts to be self sufficient and to meet other people. He doesn't say yes or no but always maybe yet expects you to wait for him in case it's suddenly "yes". If you have other plans he tries to sabotage. He talks about himself constantly. He doesn't listen to you. He brags. He doesn't accept a no from you. He changes plans constantly. He talks very negatively about people. He's not concerned with your safety, wellbeing or happiness. I mean these are even early red flags, 2 days in or so.
100%
My list starts and end with “He insults you”.
That’s it. Game over.
I know where it goes and I’m not sticking around for it.
Also, special mention to guys that are in a rush to be with you. Slam the brakes. They are up to no good and they hope you don’t find out.
Wow!! For sure!!
certainly, although it's kind of common sense for me. I wouldn't even want to be friends with that kind of person. Who would want to be around that kind of person?
That’s pure toxic behavior...
These are all traits of a Narc!
“You don’t trust that someone’s never going to betray you, you just trust that you’ll be able to handle it if they do” -Matthew Hussey.
That phrase alone,,🤯 So true! Words to live by!!! ❤️
Timing can u tell when he says
@@Angelthunder11 There are no guarantees, some are skilled players and you never see it coming so I think what Matthew is saying is don’t fear what may happen just have faith in yourself that you can handle anything.
True. I ws just cheated on and i have NEVER taken any man back, but i have my own personal reasons and... For my healing also. Until i can let him go!
@@harishacharya7164 27:00 ish
This I’ve learned. Never place more energy into anything than what you’re receiving. Life is about checks and balances. When the scale isn’t balanced, we feel taken advantage, unsafe, etc. We strive for balance, but not everyone can deliver…now, I match others, and when I feel I may be giving more, I scale back and see what changes. This has been a savior for me.
I was told reasons why he might not message back, or see it, ect. I tried to accept it but once it became to much i brought up with him and told him it made me feel insecure and overthink. He said it was weird to overthink. From then on, communication got worse and i sent my final message saying i liked him but i couldnt just be in a casual relationship, if thats where it was going. He just got defensive in his last message and thats where it ended.
I guess i did give plenty of time and chances to initate and converse back but he never delivered. I just have to remind myself that i did my best to be understanding and compassionate of his situation but also have to respect my own needs and boundaries
THIS! "...now, I match others, and when I feel I may be giving more, I scale back and see what changes." Learning to scrupulously police things like reciprocity at the START of relationships helps me weed out users early on so I can relax and be naturally generous self with GOOD people. ❤
I believe that narcissism has not been talked about enough and people need to be more aware about narcissist and what narcissists do .
Agreed. There is program now for young people called "The shark cage". Teaching how to recognise those sharks and protect yourself and find healthy relationships.
@@moontan3927 that is so good.. im glad to hear that. I wish their was a program like that when I was younger. It would have save me alot.
@@queenrubygoat Indeed. It would have prevented some heartache.
You don't say🙄
Dr Ramani talks a lot about it on her RUclips channel. She's amazing
MY NOTES FROM THIS PODCAST:
10:37 people reveal who they are
not through their words but through
situations/in order to really know who or how someone is you have to see them in enough situations.
22:09 if they cant give you what you need then your feelings towards them are irrelevant.
28:25 You don’t trust that someone’s never going to betray you - you just trust that you’ll be able to handle it if they do, that you’ll be able to walk away. Stop worrying about whether you can trust someone else maybe you can’t. We don’t know that, only time will tell.
'We have completely different standards of how much we are willing to fight for each other' ........hits a chord right at the spot 🥺🥺🥺🥺
True.....standards of priority determine will to fight.....
@@shrutinair8459 Yes, well-said!
I loved the part where he emphasized SELF-trust...that even if someone hurts you, you can trust that you will protect yourself and walk away.
If every human , men and women, could communicate the way Matt does, this world would be such a better place. Thank you Lisa for this great interaction.
this is why he's here and he's unique in the way he thinks ...
Nah gender roles are outdated. Everyone has both feminine and masculine aspects ☯️ that they need to balance if they want to attract a balance relationship
@@NetiNeti-gm5bz most of the time thats not the problem
Yet, he’s still single 🤔
@@joanofarc1470 he's usually very private about his relationships. We only found out about Camila Cabello cause she's constantly in the spotlight.
But regardless, there is nothing wrong with being single. It means he knows his value and won't settle for less. Like all of us should. He's a hansome & intelligent man. If he wishes to have a girlfriend, he will have no difficulties getting one.
I have a degree in psychology and not only did I do case studies. I was in a very vulnerable state in my life when I met a true narcissist, which I refused to see all the signs. I was with him for five years and it was too late to get out before I was completely destroyed internally. Everything Matthew described I experienced and I’m still working on healing/recovering from that relationship almost a year later, which has been the worst thing I’ve ever experienced. I can write a book on his behavior and how it impacted me, from confident and happy, to doubting myself in every aspect, feeling humiliated, unhappy, sad, and worthless.
I had to get my own therapist before leaving him and he even controlled my sessions by making me tell him everything was talked about in my session. He got angry when I said he was brought up in my sessions. I still see my therapist and do plenty of meditation.
Please, don’t ignore the signs and run!
I’m on the same boat, exactly happened to me
May God heal n restore u Sandra
Brilliant Lisa , I love how you really listen intensely . Mathew is brilliant like life coach that translates into relationship advice
Same exact experience - he’s still contacting me - I won’t ever go back - truly the definition of insanity was loving him
Same, psychology and sociology! Red flags 🚩 were there, still ignored them.
I love hearing the difference between a toxic person and basic incompatibility! Not wanting to make things work in a relationship doesn't make someone a bad person. Thanks Matthew and Lisa!
Just means that you want different things in life. And that's fine as well! I loved it too
Leading people on IS selfish though.
@@aurora8749 I agree! At least you have to honest about your intentions
But, things can change during a relationship - you may never have lead someone on but somewhere along the line your feelings change - that’s natural and signifies a mismatch - not that you never meant it in the first place
@@VP-tg8kd yes, and at that point it is your responsibility to end the relationship
I love myself and being single now for 2 years ... 56 and am finally at peace 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
Good for you! 👍 I’m 44 and single. I’m having the best time of my life.
Me too! I’ve been single most of my adult life..... it’s calm, I can do what I like when I like, no one is critical of me or putting me down...... love it! Freedom! Enjoy!😁😁😁😁
@@michellewall6748 Exactly, no drama!
So happy for you.
Anita, I am 58. Heartbroken after a 6 year relationship with a man that never delivered! My fault for staying that long. Now, I feel too old to start all over and is hard to find friends my age that have the time to go out, go on trips etc... Please give me some insight.
Communication is everything. I just got out of a long relationship with someone who kept things to himself until something triggered him to blow up. He would hold resentment instead of talking things out and trying to find a solution. I'd pour my heart out to him and tell him what I'm feeling and trying to be on the same page, and he would completely shut down and avoid conversation. He was bad alcoholic and was dishonest frequently. Being physically alone is just the same as being with a partner who doesn't reciprocate emotionally. I'm glad to be done with the toxicity.
Same experience in my marriage happily divorced now and moving on…
Good for you! Happy you got away! But let me add that being physically alone with your self-respect and dignity is 100x BETTER than being with someone who disrespects you and makes you feel bad about yourself 💕
Actually a toxic "partner" (using that term loosely..), is WORSE the being alone.
How did you feel comfortable pouring your heart out when you knew to expect a bad response?
I have done that with past partners
@RC-eb5hq Yeah, that's what I was trying to say. It's better to be single and alone than being "alone" while in a toxic relationship.
His opening line is grand. That is something I recently realized. Worry less about wondering what they want and what they are going to do but instead concern myself more with how I feel after spending time with them.
"You are with you every second of every day. It is your job to take care of you. If that person cant deliver, or give you what you need, your feelings about that person do not matter." Yup. I needed to hear that. I forgive too easy for treatment that doesnt hold up to my standards.
Feel the same x
Same
There is nothing wrong with forgiving them. But continuing to make excuses for the person and go back is a different matter. You can forgive them and still walk away.
I loved his comment about how people defined themselves through situations and not by their words! I can’t really ever get to know someone unless you’ve had enough situations with them! I feel like so many times we get caught up in the fairytale of the words instead of the realistic aspects of who they are! Thank you so much for this video!!! Loved it!
💯 glad you enjoyed the episode!
Perfectly said! I love your takeaway, thanks for sharing. 😁
Hello please can we be friends
When he said, “It’s like home”, that hit in a different way.
I feel you on that.
🥺
Right! That hurt my heart a bit to know I see me in that statement.
❤️
I cried
It really hit me that we don’t have to know if we can trust someone but rather to know what to do when our trust is betrayed.
MY EX RETURNED TO ME WITH THE HELP OF DR OJIE A GIFTED SPIRITUALIST WHO CAN MEND ANY BROKEN O RELATIONSHIP AND CAN ALSO MANIFEST YOUR SOUL MATE ALSO TO YOU, I STRONGLY ADVISE YOU TO SEEK HELP FROM HIM, 💜💜
†2348073788494⏭⏯❤️❤️❤️??????
Send him a message to meet your soul mate. Go back to your ex. Manifest your specific person and also save your marriage from divorce.🌈🌈🌈💕🌹🌹
I love how well she listens and asks really good on point questions!! They are staying on the same page!
al calibur, you look stunning dear
al calibur, you look stunning dear
Exactly. She's so tuned in and intelligent.
My entire life solved in 48 minutes and 22 seconds. Thank you Matthew. The calm, comforting and nurturing tone of this conversation was just what I needed at this time.
I agree. This was for me.
That's why I am not listening at 1.5x haha!
Oh! The point at around the 22:05 mark spoke just to me.. And just before that, someone telling you that they "miss you" is absolutely ZERO information. It's great to have a laugh at how the interactions can happen when you try to move away!
This is what I needed.. thank you ❤❤
Wow, so logical and level headed. I need to be stronger for me.
One more! “People reveal who they are not through their words but through situations.” This is so much better than ‘actions speak louder than words’. Situations are totally spot on! 🤯
It's the same thing. You're actions in situations are speaking its not the situation speaking
@@cateyes0068what is your desired result with a comment like that? So we view it differently, it doesn’t mean either view is wrong as long as we are learning and moving forward. Next time maybe consider another point of view with acceptance knowing we all view the world through a different lens and it’s okay.
I love the part about giving your partner space to betray you. If they don't do it, that's how you know they're a real one. 😤
Hello please can we be friends
@@walessean5478
Lmao
I gave that space to my husband and he did betray me. He said he felt I'm not interested in him anymore....
@@walessean5478 yes, we can be friends :)
I like to think along a more positive line of reasoning by practicing giving a partner space-time to breathe(not smothering them), to grow beyond the shade of my own desire for growth (you've never seen two Oak trees growing inches away from each other)-- their individual branches would block out needed Sunlight.
protect this man at all costs
Perhaps someone has already said this, but Matthew Hussey’s: ‘Our weapons destroy relationships, but our wounds have the power to strengthen them’🤯🤩This was like a simultaneous head smack & hug-As Lisa Bilyeu would say “it’s Fiyah!” And yes it is🔥
You nailed it!
🔥🔥🔥
You can tell a toxic person by how your energy is effected in the individual’s presence. Pay close attention to how you change around the person. For women, they start changing badly right away. The minute she starts going with the guy she starts gliding downhill immediately. For example, her performance on the job or career starts dropping sharply. Coming in late, over staying breaks, getting called in by management and things like that.
And then she develops a snobbish don’t care about nothing attitude. Others will surely notice how she’s changing and may accuse the guy of bringing her down, but he’s not doing anything. Just hanging around him is whats doing it. His toxic energy setting off hers. If she steps away from the guy for a day she’ll go back to her original self and every time she’s with him again she’ll glide down again.
Yep spot on.....have completely experienced this! My marriage became toxic.....
Now I'm separated the 'grey' is lifting off all the things that use to make my heart sing e.g. like art, gardenning and learning guitar! All my interests became dull, now I'm bringing them back to life🥀🌷🌱 not sure what the future holds but I'm enjoying me.
Same for when the shoe’s on the other foot?
@@katrinax_x3689 You mean a man with a toxic woman? If that’s what you mean, of course. A man will start gliding down in her toxic company.
Though the decaying process appears more rapid with women around a toxic man.
@@HappyBeeTV-BeeHappy Yeah that’s what I was referring to. 😀
@Gemma Dann Yeah. But narcissism itself has toxic energy attached to it.
I NEVER worry about being cheated on. If it happens, I leave immediately. Do not give others power over you and your happiness. Anyone willing to take you for granted does not deserve your presence, much less free rent in your head.
Thank YOU for this definition of 'toxicity' - "when being vulnerable with a person hurts you more. . . Instead of soothes you. . ." (9:20). Reassuring that I made a good decision to end a recent relationship, but need to follow my intuition. (Very disturbing experience.)
I think leaving a relationship is never the wrong choice. Because not being in a particular relationship can never hurt you. Whereas being in a relationship that is not healthy definitely will. So yeah, me might sometimes leave relationships that we didn't need to leave but that is not a "wrong" decision, if anything it might be unfortunate.
I wish you all the best on your way :)
@@LaNoireDetruit Thank you. It was unfortunate that I chose to not follow my gut feeling/intuition and not get involved. The cons far outweighed the pros in a short time. It felt like I was chosen as an escape during a hard time and expected to fit neatly into some unspoken plan. Manipulative. My feelings were constantly discounted. Lessons!
This really hit me also. It’s like I was always made to feel worse. Sometimes I felt heard but then it’s like the disrespect returned in some way, shape , or form.
“Don’t be unevenly yolked” is general advice I got from the bible about having equal relationships where each person pulls their weight.
You don’t have to make them a bad person in order to say that they aren’t going to walk alongside you through life.
equal in what? Age? then why so many same age reationship fails?.....Equal in amount of money? Women prefer wealthier men, Equal in Heigh? again women prefer tall men....Equal in what?
@@moisesbeyond You make it seem like men pull more weight, but actually it is women who do more. More caring/more housework/more secretary type work at work. Caring, remembering holidays, getting gifts and cards. The list is endless.
@@nofybn7794 If that is true then why women dont allow men to stay at home while she works? why is always that rather she stay home and request to the man go get a Job?? holidays, getting gifts and cards IS NOT a JOB ...is a FUN activity that is NOT FORCE but a CHOICE.....
@@moisesbeyond when you generalize you tell general lies.
@@azuresky4984 women are experts in generalizing are you suggesting women are wrong or are liars?
“Worry only about yourself”. Pure wisdom Matthew, thank you.
Oh my gosh. When he said, if I loved me the way they say they loved me, what would I be willing to sacrifice or compromise in order to be with me. That was a POWERFUL statement. This is the first red flag that your partner is *not* genuine!!!!
I walked away when I still cared and liked him. I thought this would make me feel bad but it made me learn about myself and how to deal with my bad tendencies and it solidified that I really made the right decision. It was a bad situation with the lots of the tendencies that we both had that they mentioned which meant that we would’ve never worked out because both of us weren’t healed and we didn’t want to work on our problems for ourselves and each other. We also didn’t really match in what we wanted from each other and could or was willing to give each other. So both of toxic tendencies and incompatibility combined just lead to the inevitable breakup. Im still glad I did try it with him cause I learned about myself and relationships.
Now I can work on them and heal to become a better person for myself and the next person I’m gonna be with.
And now I know what to do next time- what to watch out for, how to proceed in a relationship properly through stages, what I want/don’t want and what I can tolerate or not.
Thank you for the lessons and the insight. I can only hope to internalize it and put it into action.
OMG I went through a similar situation a few years back! We both weren't healed enough to have a proper relationship. In the end I broke up because I felt his display and feelings of love towards me was stronger than what I felt towards him. We were constantly fighting because he felt that.
Anyways, he was never abusive or anything, I think we just weren't meant to be.
Very similar to my situation, I have really realised that taking accountability is the key to growth. It can be a very painful process but the person you come out as at the end is worth it.
And actually this is quite close to what happened with my second relationship as well.
great tips, i couldn't believe my eyes or ears? i don't know but the end is fascinating ! bear in mind that when you sleep with yourselves then the red flag can't be used, it's absolutely different then, especially the deciding process whether yes or not . but i would recommend you if you rely on your experience in bed then don't do that and if you really rely on it then don't do it and if you really really rely on it then i can recommend you the best expereince ever with drops that i found spanish fly
This is the most sensible discussion of autonomy and relationship I have seen in 20 years. Thanks for descriptions beyond labeling other people where the dynamics are a total mismatch without pathologizing the other party. That popular mistaken habit is destroying not just relationships but entire families.
Really glad you enjoyed the episode. Thanks so much for your comment ❤️
Hello Antonia, how are you doing?
Hello please can we be friends
15:14 - Great Advice ! This applies to courtship as well ! Your feelings don’t matter!! ... if they’re not reciprocating basic interest in you (questions, initiating conversation,..) take a step back to recognize this and catch yourself : remain polite but stop the flirting and interest! Leaving it at “hello” is more than enough. In other words, start acting with your head and stop acting on emotion.
Thank you. 16 months after my husband walked out and refused contact for months, no explanation and with me believing we were soul mates, I watched this. And it rang so true I cried. But I know it's time to let go, it's old wounds hurting, not me actually wanting him. You are both brilliant- thank you
May I ask, was it a religious marriage? Are you practicing your religion of birth (in particular your husband ) or not?
I’ m finding man who have a strong believe in God the Creator and adhere to a traditional religious system are not inclined to cheat, break up a sacred marriage before God etc.
It’s easier for modern secular men though
Look out for God he will heal you, in a way human dating advice can’t
Sorry for your hurt and wounds. I hope you're able to find healing and love yourself. I know, It's not about wanting them back but hurting g over the wounds that they have caused.
@@ghanaina12 - thank you so much for your kind words. Time has been a great healer. Finding my own strength has made me a more confident person. Kind words such as yours have helped in a huge way. There is definitely light at the end of the tunnel. Having faith in my own strength is what I have learned from the experience. Thank you again- I wish you wonderful blessings- your time and kindness means so much xx
You are the lucky one.So many women would love their husbands to walk away yet they seat like the glue the bulldog glue Enjoy your freedom,freedom is priceless
Ultimately it all boils down to control and realizing that in many situations we have to let go of the imaginary control we thought we had or wish we had. Learning to let go and develop a mindset of gratefulness for what you do have is a game changer.
The only real control we have is over ourselves, and it should be neither imaginary nor let go. :)
‘The space between your curiosity about someone’s actions and your judgement saves relationships’ - amazing.
What a show “Your job is to look after yourself “ he is so brilliant . Thank you for sharing
I loved that part too
People stay in bad relationships because admitting they made a mistake in all that they gave that relationship is harder than using all that they gave as an excuse to stay. People don't want to change, even if it's for the better.
Yes. Also, it’s hard to let go of a relationship you’ve invested money, resources and emotions in. People don’t want their investment, especially financially for men, to be for nothing.
Aye Dee .. Not only for men. I know plenty of women who are spending on guys nowadays instead.
Not in my case. Its more that I am comfortable and it is scary to be alone
@@aurora8749 Comfortable in a bad relationship? That's interesting. If one is in a relationship with someone you think was a mistake, what needs or expectation did you have that were not met and how do you you get comfortable with those needs or expectation not met?
30:20 "needing the space to see if u can be trusted"
This is very true. Because there's a word that needs to be remebered. It's called INTEGRITY. This is doing the right thing, even when NO ONE is looking.
Lisa, you are the most adorable host. So intelligent and such an inspiration. My life is better because of your videos. So grateful you are doing this
Thanks so much! ❤️
Hello Adriana, how are you doing?😊
Hello please can we be friends
When you realise your own worth its very easy to recognise and cut off toxic ppl.
Yes,very true
This is truly the best video I've seen on relationship dynamic, where he is explaining things from a neutral position instead of throwing the word narcissist all over the place
Agreed. That word is SOOO overused by everyone these days half these people haven’t seen a full blown narcissist in real life… coming from someone who was raised by one. All of us have toxic traits it’s our jobs to work on them. Unhealed people does not equal narcissist. Narcissists lack accountability and gaslight you.
If they can't deliver, if they can't give you what you need...YOUR FEELINGS TOWARDS THEM DONT MATTER!
🔥💯
Wish I heard this 10 years ago
Amazing... Loving you, supporting you, protecting you, and all of those needs we look outside of ourselves for.
“Your number one job in the world is to look after you.”
This is just what I needed. Total confirmation from an honest, vulnerable soul ✨
A captain's 1st duty is to the ship... it's not to the crew, or its visitors or any harbour or docking facility into which the ship is coming.
A captain's first duty is to the ship itself...
@@leighatkins22 Beautiful! Synchronicity... My am meditation on the Root Chakra. I am a Mountain, I am solid, I am stable, I am strong ♥️
Building strong foundations 🌟
Just got out of a 2 year relationship with a guy who would make false promises. I really saw the rest of my life with him and was so deeply in love with a man who I thought I’d have forever.. until I took off the rose colored glasses.
I would give him the upmost respect , treatment and love expecting for it back, but his actions showed me that he will only love me and show me his love when HE feels like it. He’d never change on the things that were hurting me, he would lie.. withhold information, manipulate and turn situations onto me. I was terrified to be lonely, he was all I had and I was all he had, after 2 years together and so many memories I didn’t wanna start over.
But I realized I deserved better, I trusted myself enough to know that this isn’t the life I want for myself. Right now it’s still fresh and I’m still mourning and grieving the loss, I wanna text him everyday and ask why he never did anything to get me to stay or fight for my love, our love. But I know that the right person would never make me feel like they have to fight to keep me.
For anyone going through a breakup where the love is still there for both parties, and you felt because you simply felt you deserved better and didn’t wanna put up with somebody who was treating the extraordinary person that you are .. and making them feel simple .. ordinary and not important. Just know that there will be people out there who will stick out their necks for you as much as you do for others, care for you , love you , make you feel secure , safe , blessed and beautiful. Trust yourself enough to know that whatever decision you have made, you made it for the benefit of you and your future. Never look back. Nobody can fill a seat that’s taken , and if that taken seat keeps poking you and cutting you and burning you leaving you wounded … open up the seat for self healing and eventually a doctor to come by 😂 you got this ❤
"You scare people off with your weapons," was insightful. Thanks.
Hello Maggie, how are you doing?
Absolutely spot on. The complexities of human relationships, especially when we're just getting to know someone. I am currently starting out on something new with someone and am navigating the waters with a new awareness of self ie, my past emotional baggage, traumas, triggers, reactions etc and finding the courage to remain authentic and vulnerable within all of that. It's scary as all holy hell BUT we never know if it's worth the risk if we don't try. We can spend our lives protecting our heart but we also end up living half a life.
"Your job is to look after yourself."
Oh, yeah, baby! This video is a life-changer! Thank you so much!
Carol M,You are beautiful 🌷,Hope you are not with a toxic man !
Trust yourself enough to know how to handle situations as they arise, and don’t jump to conclusions
Hello Janet, how are you doing?😊😊😊💛
2 gems really stuck out to me: you don’t have to trust they’ll never betray you because you know for sure.
- You trust *yourself* that you are stronger and wiser now and you can handle it if betrayal happens, and you’re strong enough to walk away when it’s time.
- You trust because that is your standard for the kind of relationship and experience you want to have.
Hello, how are you doing?😊🥰😊
Sorry for quadruple post - this guy is way heavier than I thought. Really solid concepts and advice. Thanks again 😎
You 2 would make a great Master mind workshop Richard & Matthew
I love "heavier than I thought" love that Richard
And he truly is, he hits me so hard with his hard truth that I can't help being emotional
He could also make a great life coach, for me he is not just a relationship expect
@@kimgordon3695
Ol
I love how much patience he has, and detailed his responses are.
This guy is amazing he gives me the strenght to make the day when i feel like dying. One day at a time...only way to go through heartbreak
I love how Matthew is letting us in on his own personal mistakes in relationships a totally different more relatable and comfortable space for the viewers less valnurable.
Pretty clear on Job #1. I think it's easier to accept the crumbs left behind than to stand our ground . To look at the long term gain of a breakup vs short term temptation.
Paula A,you got a lovely smile!
Hello Paul,how are you doing?😊😊
This chat is so brutal....but it is the most hardest truth, I needed to hear
It's like someone is slapping me so hard ,over and over to snap out of it ..
I really like him. Admit your faults, awareness, and acknowledgment of what is next for you with or without your partner. I like it.
I am so happy you said this and 10000% agree. "Labeling" and using the words "toxic" or "narcissist" is way over used. I'm an lvn and worked in therapy for years. It makes me cringe!!! Because it's actually disrespectful to the person you are saying it towards, rather than just saying, your relationship didn't work. Yes, there's "toxic" and "narcissistic" relationships..... but not as much as people label. I LOVE THIS VIDEO ♡♡
Hmm I am not too sure if I agree the concept ‘if they love me like what they say they do, then they would be willing to make sacrifice’. I love a person but if he treats me like shit, I should just leave instead of continuing to pour myself in and ‘sacrifice’ because I love him.
MY EX RETURNED TO ME WITH THE HELP OF DR OJIE A GIFTED SPIRITUALIST WHO CAN MEND ANY BROKEN O RELATIONSHIP AND CAN ALSO MANIFEST YOUR SOUL MATE ALSO TO YOU, I STRONGLY ADVISE YOU TO SEEK HELP FROM HIM, 💜💜💜💜
†2348073788494⏭⏯❤️❤️❤️???????
Send him a message to meet your soul mate. Go back to your ex. Manifest your specific person and also save your marriage from divorce.🌈🌈🌈💕🌹🌹
My favorite statement was “Trust in your romance partner is irrelevant, I trust myself, I’m strong enough to walk away”
Hello Sharon, how are you doing?
When he said you feel like going back to them because “they feel like home” 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔
Rebekah Sunday,You look pretty,Hope you are not with a narcissist!
I keep watching this video over and over...I have learned so much about myself from this video. I have been neglecting myself and always worried and took care of others for years, this has been an eye opener. I now more than ever wanna take care of myself. Thank you Lisa and Matt for this beautiful content, you have just changed my life and I can't thank you enough.
Being self-aware is everything to have trust- trusting yourself more than being afraid if you can trust others, stating how you feel and then what you need and then see if someone can meet you there. If there's a gap, or if you're made to feel bad for being vulnerable, then here is where you take care of yourself...which is your ONE JOB...and be ok to choose yourself and walk away from a relationship where you cannot meet them where they are or they cannot meet you where you are. This was just what I needed to hear right now, continuing in my own growth and self-awareness. Thank you!
When he said on the first date and the other person is saying oh I think your so great and so on when they don't know you bc I just went through the same situation where the other person was sitting there telling me how beautiful I was how wonderful and great he thought I was and he didn't even barely know me and it ended up being a very bad relationship he ended up hurting me so that is definitely a red sign when on the first date they tell you how great you are and they don't even know you.
The bit about trusting yourself and giving space... brilliant.
MY EX RETURNED TO ME WITH THE HELP OF DR OJIE A GIFTED SPIRITUALIST WHO CAN MEND ANY BROKEN O RELATIONSHIP AND CAN ALSO MANIFEST YOUR SOUL MATE ALSO TO YOU, I STRONGLY ADVISE YOU TO SEEK HELP FROM HIM, 💜💜💜💜
WhatZapp hiM NOw🌹🌹🌹
We always need to be reminded that
"you are the only one Who have been there for you" 👌
So...in nutshell: know yourself, trust yourself be real and honest with yourself. Then give freedom to your significant other to do the same...Let that marinade for a few minutes...read it again and then go do the work.
Spot on! 🎯💯
At 67 I am just now learning to put myself first. I've always put others happiness before mine. I have recently started a relationship where I feel spoiled. It is strange and wonderful. He is one by one fulfilling my wishes and fantasies, sometimes without knowing until I tell him. We had a great spiritual discussion on how everything must of been aligned for us to meet when we did. Just taking it 1 day at a time with no expectations. I feel fulfilled.
±2348102689570⏯️⏯️⏯️⏯️ Hello it's works I can't believe am with my love again after so many years of breakup.,.....
I am dating differently now .....I am asking tough questions before making things official and observing more (so far it has being doing wonders).
MY EX RETURNED TO ME WITH THE HELP OF DR OJIE A GIFTED SPIRITUALIST WHO CAN MEND ANY BROKEN O RELATIONSHIP AND CAN ALSO MANIFEST YOUR SOUL MATE ALSO TO YOU, I STRONGLY ADVISE YOU TO SEEK HELP FROM HIM, 💜💜💜
WhatZapp hiM NOw🌹🌹🌹
My broken heart is definitely begging me to stop.
The last statement of “I know I’ll be ok,” resonates loudly if you stay aware, reflect, let go, change & try again. Great interview.
So glad you thought so! 👏❤️
I love this. Truly when I felt secure enough on my own 2 feet, I knew that even if my partner will leave I will still fall on my feet. I knew that although I will hurt, I will still be able to carry on. I became a lot less jealous and needy. And now I have an amazing relationship where we both trust each other, but mostly trust ourselves, that no matter what happens, we will be ok.
hello dear do you need any help I can help you out it worked for me WhatsApp me let's chat better.
Message me on WhatsApp
+ 1 ( 2 1 3 ) 9 9 2 7 9 3 7
This is so true. It's also an angle I never had thought of for this issue. We are taught, especially as women, to always cater and jump for the man we "love". That's drummed into us from baby hood on. It's hard to unlearn these toxic roles.
Why is this not viral! Implementing the things talked about here has DRASTICALLY improved how I communicate with everyone around me. I thought i was the only one who thought this way
I don't wish you multiple breakups, but everyone you will have been with is potentially upgraded, and that will spread, and hopefully multiply. It may be worth more than this going viral 😉
He is spot on, worry only about ‘yourself’. The way I am.🥰
"I don't have to trust everyone else. I have to trust Me to make the right decision in this interaction"😉🙏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
‘You are who you are today because you had the strength to leave‘ I need to remember that before I write someone off too quick. Agree that it’s on us to trust ourselves.
Don’t like the 'weapons thing'...to me if/when you become aware of unhealthy childhood defences, you should make a conscious effort to change it. If you still use it as a weapon, then you are a manipulative person and deliberately causing another person distress. That’s pretty low. I would already be cautious of anybody who was aware that they had "weapons". This strategical thinking is likely very embedded.
Also not sure why he’s defending narcissism. I think this a topic that is only just getting the shout out it deserves and is freeing people from awful situations. If the estimate is correct 1 in 20 people are narcissists (not narcissistic), then you have good odds of dating one, having one at work, in your home, or family. It should be on our radar. If we are interested in our own growth and they are interested in squashing us, we have to learn to get out of their way. It needs to be talked about.
Doesn’t mean we should go diagnosing people. It is good (in my opinion) to notice whether there is an alarming number of these traits and whether you feel bad in their presence. If we shut up about it, some people will never get out and realise they are worth better treatment.
I don't believe he is defending narcissism, I think he's just saying that the term is being thrown around quite easily these de days which is true, we all feel like we are psychologists and need to diagnose anyone who acts out of line when we should leave that to the professionals. But, I also agree with you that if you see more of those negative traits in someone we should be weary.
I was confused for a moment when he says "Your feelings are valid... ARE they???" but I now agree. Feelings can be an important clue as to your state but they are not a map, they are not something to be followed. You can't fight your feelings easily but you shouldn't automatically follow each urge your feelings tell you to follow. I have gotten better about just looking at it, sitting with it, letting myself cry if I have to and THEN get back to rationality.
I mean, how many times have been angry just because we were hungry and tired?
Hangry...
that was a very deep and profound discussion of relationships; it's been extremely revealing and eye opening -- even for a middle-aged guy like me (48 years old and formerly married with two teenage children), who thought he knew a lot about what a healthy relationship should be like--and still, there is so much to learn! thank you Matthew and Lisa. 🙏
“Different levels of standards for fighting for each other” I don’t know. Red flags don’t change with your love. There’s a point where there’s only so much you can fight for a relationship. You can love them genuinely and deeply but realize that where they are in their healing process is actively hurting you. Why do I deserve to stay in that? How is it that me valuing myself more means I clearly don’t love him as much as I say I do? That’s kind of crap.
Oh my gosh I was thinking the same when he said that. You may love someone but their hurt is unbearable anymore, that’s a good enough “I love you but” situation.
This true to a certain extent. Trusting the wrong people could altar your life and your finances temporarily- anyone can bounce back but trust is tricky like that
My weapon is running away and closing myself off from someone. But it’s a toxic trait because instead of closing off, I should be speaking up and communicating like a grown up
±2348102689570⏯️⏯️⏯️⏯️ Hello it's works I can't believe am with my love again after so many years of breakup.,.....
How about, don't have relationships, they're boring and overrated. I'm single for the first time in a long time and I need it.
Being single is a blessing! 💙 And only true OG's are aware of it:)
Same here. I have been single and celibate for a year and a half and the longer I do this, the less I want to date ever again lol I absolutely love my life just me having fun with myself
I’m out of relationships since my mid twenties, and it’s less of a headache for over a decade. 🤘😌.
@@axelaayres me to,I love being alone just me and my dog,I enjoy being single.
I love that he talks about having strength to walk away but also talks about how we all have our own weapons we use and to be aware of them.
I feel like crying listening to this, I wish I heard this before. Why people don't appreciate open and honest communication right from the start of getting acquainted?
My ex sent me a mail 3 months after our breakup. As it is it was incredibly difficult to heal from my toxic relationship with him, on top of that my dad was hospitalized due to COVID during the time. I was furious seeing his mail. It honestly irked me. How selfish can he be to reach out to me like that, just 3 months after our breakup. Like he was testing ke whether I'll be an emotional wreck again seeing his mail. Goddamn attention seeker.