How Do I Tell My Mom She Can't Afford To Live Where She Does?

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  • Опубликовано: 8 сен 2022
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Комментарии • 447

  • @coolaunt516
    @coolaunt516 Год назад +88

    You raise your parents the best you can, and then you have to let them make their own mistakes.

  • @siegfriedbraun5447
    @siegfriedbraun5447 Месяц назад +13

    I gave my 93-yr-old Mom an extra hug today. Thank God she refuses to live beyond her means.

  • @MichaelAnderson-wk1no
    @MichaelAnderson-wk1no Год назад +278

    The daughter should also probably go ahead and mention to the mom upfront in that conversation that she's NOT going to be able to give her money if and when she struggles to pay the expensive rent. I bet one of the reasons the mom isn't worried is because she's assuming the daughter will just bail her out if things get rough finanically.

    • @reese85
      @reese85 Год назад

      Moms said she would work a second job

    • @binkle1757
      @binkle1757 Год назад +26

      Precisely.

    • @ghostbird92
      @ghostbird92 Год назад +29

      And then fund her retirement

    • @reese85
      @reese85 Год назад

      @@ghostbird92 lol y’all crazy! I’m sure the daughter ain’t well off to do any of the stuff y’all mentioning

    • @GeminiPeach81
      @GeminiPeach81 Год назад +28

      @@reese85 it doesn't matter, the parent will still expect help as long as you're employed. What's yours is theirs and what's theirs is theirs.

  • @addiecobb5351
    @addiecobb5351 8 месяцев назад +22

    Encouraging a woman to let go of her mother is a challenging task. My mother was widowed at 55. With an elementary school education and no ability to balance a checkbook she worked as a domestic. I lived with her and handled all of the household affairs until I married and moved away. Then three other siblings took turns assisting her until she passed at age 90. It was challenging but I would do it all over again. Today I'm grateful, feeling no guilt, and glad we looked out for my mother.

    • @danielr951
      @danielr951 26 дней назад +2

      You should take care of your parents but they have to let you. If you tell them you can’t afford this and you don’t have money to just give to them they can decide what they want to do

  • @yolandavenable2900
    @yolandavenable2900 Год назад +31

    He said something that was key, she's more worried about her mom's situation than her mom being worried about her own. It's sad. I totally get it. I'm tired of worrying about other grown people's problems.

  • @littleearthquakes3183
    @littleearthquakes3183 Год назад +66

    It's difficult to watch your parents make poor decisions. I feel for this lady.

  • @DownHomeDavis
    @DownHomeDavis Год назад +159

    You can’t parent your parents. Break the cycle girl! ❤️

    • @joyhope9486
      @joyhope9486 Год назад +3

      AMEN!
      Babies raising their parents...

    • @midwestrustwarrior
      @midwestrustwarrior Год назад +2

      I needed to hear this. My mom lives in a house that's falling apart won't save for retirement and keeps loading it full of junk.

    • @amydoran9987
      @amydoran9987 Год назад

      Yes

    • @thematrix3663
      @thematrix3663 Год назад +1

      It's to save themselves from future hassle. Who wants to see their parent homeless. It could come to this.

  • @k.d.6114
    @k.d.6114 Год назад +20

    Almost my exact situation.. only difference is my mom is a nurse and makes a livable wage.. she's just a spendthrift . she doesn't take financial advice from her MBA graduate daughter.. tried to get her to find better jobs, she doesn't take health seriously...so I just gave up. Dave's advice is spot on

  • @erincosta565
    @erincosta565 Год назад +61

    I've been in a similar situation with my mom. I knew I couldn't help her, and I had many sleepless nights wondering what would happen to her. All I could do was be there as she worked her way through her struggles. We had one big, serious conversation that really changed the course of everything. She picked herself up by her own bootstraps. She is thriving now. The night is always darkest before the dawn.

    • @CreamIceMs
      @CreamIceMs Год назад +4

      I'm glad it worked out :)

  • @salemthorup9536
    @salemthorup9536 25 дней назад +3

    We help my parents out of love and devotion and with what capabilities we have to care for them. My mom never expects our help, but is so fun to be generous with. I could never do enough for my mom. I'm grateful she has no expectations of specific things from us. She also often helps us in many ways. She could do nothing for us ever again and I'll still feel so devoted and wanting to give her more.

    • @Judi4Him4Ever
      @Judi4Him4Ever 4 дня назад

      This is beautiful and I agree. We four adult kids showered our Mom with financial help when she became elderly. Could she and our stepdad have planned better? Of course, but Mom always dealt with a generous hand and it was our privilege to help her when her husband passed away. She’s been gone a year now, I miss her every day, but I live with absolutely no regrets.

  • @lefromthecity
    @lefromthecity Год назад +83

    Her Mom’s plan is to have her daughter take care of her, that’s why.
    Edit: I didn’t mean for that to sound nearly as snarky as it read. Sorry lol

    • @reese85
      @reese85 Год назад +1

      Obviously the daughter can’t do that, cuz she would foot them extra $400 a month!

    • @reese85
      @reese85 Год назад

      Not only that! The mom says she would work a 2nd job

    • @richardedwardpay
      @richardedwardpay Год назад +4

      Correct. Believe peoples action before their words. Many cultures have multi generation households.

    • @cutehumor
      @cutehumor Год назад +3

      The mom will be living with her

    • @LG123ABC
      @LG123ABC Год назад

      @@richardedwardpay Sponging off of your kids is inexcusable no matter what "culture" you come from.

  • @iamkesha.
    @iamkesha. Год назад +23

    You can hear the distress in this daughter’s voice. I hope she is able to get through to her mom because this is not her burden to carry.

  • @CreamIceMs
    @CreamIceMs Год назад +34

    I feel for her. I absolutely understand, she's been primed to think she's responsible for her mother.
    When the daughter puts her foot down and stops helping, you will see how fast the mom comes up with the extra money.

    • @reese85
      @reese85 Год назад +1

      Did you listen to the vid, cuz the mom never asked for help and said she would work a 2nd job

    • @interceptingfist5682
      @interceptingfist5682 Год назад

      Your comprehension level is awful.

  • @debbieanderson6740
    @debbieanderson6740 Год назад +133

    I appreciate that this young woman is concerned about her mom. However the mom is an adult. You can't force her to do anything. Continue to care about her and love her.

    • @stevenporter863
      @stevenporter863 Год назад +10

      Caller is probloby worried the mother's problem will ultimately become her problem. Parents problems tend to become older children's responsibility.

    • @soleilwhitton6397
      @soleilwhitton6397 Год назад +4

      @@stevenporter863 you are so right. The mother will be living with her in no time. And if her health is failing, she will be living with her permanently. This is what happens to people with low incomes.

    • @costco_pizza
      @costco_pizza Год назад +1

      @@soleilwhitton6397 so is the answer then for this young daughter to simply let her poor elderly mother die???

    • @addosolar537
      @addosolar537 Год назад +1

      I would guess this is an African family so the child is always going to help mom.

    • @donaldlyons17
      @donaldlyons17 Год назад +1

      @@soleilwhitton6397 That can happen on any income but low income families that produce a multiple generations of low income people tend to have income issues forever!!! I don't make much money myself but I make more than I spend every year so I am lucky enough to always have options but for many others they are even or short constantly.

  • @Ghanaba23
    @Ghanaba23 Год назад +45

    This is the talk I had with my dad some years ago, and boi, he didn’t like it! Thanks to Uncle Dave I’m able to say NO to myself first, then to anyone around me

    • @666dynomax
      @666dynomax Год назад

      No should he

    • @costco_pizza
      @costco_pizza Год назад

      @@666dynomax While parents like these may not like having the conversation, is the answer for this young daughter to just let her elderly mother simply die???

  • @mobydyson9580
    @mobydyson9580 Год назад +208

    Dave, please understand that children of single mothers, particularly those that had to struggle and work multiple jobs, often feel a heightened sense of responsibility for taking care of their parents.

    • @wadesuhr
      @wadesuhr Год назад +50

      Feelings are the problem. Dave gave the facts. Mom ain't changing.

    • @carieyoung1111
      @carieyoung1111 Год назад +1

      For sure we do...!

    • @2Cambell
      @2Cambell Год назад +6

      My Mom often picked up extra jobs, while full employed when things got tough when my Dad broke his ankle and leg in an accident. Or when the oil field had lay offs. He always went back to work asap but she didn't let up for bit, wanting to save. Later, Dad passed. But she still provided for herself and my oldest brother. He wouldn't launch. 🤬 Mom hasn't asked me or my other brother for money, but she asks for help for fixing things around the house. I get the responsibility, I would never feel comfortable with my mom doing without.

    • @donjohnson1416
      @donjohnson1416 Год назад +9

      Drop your drama OMG. Excuses excuses. No two people are the same that is your drama.

    • @donjohnson1416
      @donjohnson1416 Год назад +1

      @@wadesuhr EGGGGGGGGG zackly!!!!!!!!!!!

  • @sunshinexoxo6107
    @sunshinexoxo6107 Год назад +16

    🤣🤣🤣 Rachel hide the fried bologna! Strictly rice and beans for Uncle Dave. Toughies!!

  • @ishouldbeworking9800
    @ishouldbeworking9800 Год назад +27

    I'm in the same position as the daughter. I had to let my mom be and just be there emotionally for her. Parents don't want to be parented by their kids. Forcing my mom to listen to me just damaged our relationship more than anything.

  • @ericak1949
    @ericak1949 Год назад +15

    Sounds like daughter is trying to be proactive as she likely fears her mom on her doorstep post eviction or will guilt her for $.

  • @hornetguy9063
    @hornetguy9063 Год назад +45

    It seems like this girl got daughter-husbanded by her mom. Seen this quite a few times actually; a single mom acting like she's independent and has all of her stuff together. Meanwhile she's leveraged the "don't you love me?" card to outsource all of her problems to her children.
    This girl is going to be taking care of this woman for life. Good for her for apparently not falling into the same trap in life as her mom. But the middle third of her life will consist heavily of subsidizing her mom, I envision.

    • @thearmy88ify
      @thearmy88ify Год назад

      This is the winter that is coming. All these entitled women were told by feminism they don't need a man but the math just doesn't work. Watching the homeless rate of women skyrocket as we speak.

    • @hornetguy9063
      @hornetguy9063 Год назад +6

      @@thearmy88ify yup. RIP Kevin Samuels. But all of these women who got support every step of the way financially on behalf of their kids, that well dries up once the kids are adults. Now you’re a 54 year old woman who works a job that makes around $15/hour and is designed for 18 year olds to do while going to school for a real nursing degree.
      And imagine dating Akosua. Her mother will be ever present in your life, and you can totally expect some of your family finances to go towards keeping her alive if you married her. Result? Men aren’t going to deal with Akosua. This is what this woman is doing to this poor girl.
      Only about half of single moms are employed all year long, and like 29% of them didn’t have a job at all. Sound like these women are doing their best for their kids?

    • @genxx2724
      @genxx2724 Год назад +1

      @@hornetguy9063 That’s a good point; CNA is for nursing students to have a paying job in the hospital environment instead of waiting tables or doing something else that is unrelated and doesn’t help them increase the relevant skills and knowledge. It wasn’t meant as a lifetime job for a permanent underclass, many of whom are low-intelligence or just unmotivated, and don’t learn and improve to benefit patients.

    • @rina99910
      @rina99910 Год назад

      💯 facts

    • @reese85
      @reese85 Год назад +1

      Lol doesn’t sound like the mom ask the daughter for any help!

  • @thenewwayhome
    @thenewwayhome Год назад +51

    She's really a caring daughter. However, totally agree that it's not your responsibility to make decisions for your mom. You can't control what she's gonna do, she's Your mom and she's more than old enough to live the way she wanted it.

    • @stevenporter863
      @stevenporter863 Год назад +12

      Caller doesn't want it to ultimately become her problem. Parents problems tend to become older children's responsibility.

    • @costco_pizza
      @costco_pizza Год назад +1

      @@stevenporter863 So is the answer for this young daughter to just let her elderly mother simply die???

  • @KSMO1031
    @KSMO1031 28 дней назад +6

    My dad rented a 1 bedroom apartment in the less desirable section of town. He loved it. He made a lot of friends, and it was within walking distance to a cafe that he went to regularly. He always lived below his means and when he passed years ago, he had less than $100 to his name. His only debt was a utility bill that came after he passed.

    • @aeterna581
      @aeterna581 5 дней назад

      I know you wrote it meaning it's all ok. But it's sad yet. I'm sorry.

  • @random-nz7dy
    @random-nz7dy Год назад +5

    "you can do that with a yellow pad and a number two pencil" 🤣🤣🤣

  • @dsteiersteier2026
    @dsteiersteier2026 Год назад +32

    My Mom used to eat Balogna sandwiches all the time when she didn't feel like cooking. Two heart attacks later taught her that was not a good idea. Damaged her heart. Now the doctor said no salt and exercise. She didn't do either. Four hospitalizations later she might've gotten the point. People don't listen until they have to. The mother is an adult, she will learn.

    • @joyhope9486
      @joyhope9486 Год назад +6

      for real.
      My grandmother's heart was completely blocked. They had to take her to a cardiac specialist when she had her heart attack. The doctor was shocked she even made it. When she got out of the hospital what was the first thing the entire family did? THEY WENT AND GOT CHILI CHEESE DOGS at her request!
      She received a second chance at life and she still smokes and eats a diet founded upon excess salt and continues to smoke.
      You can't care more about people than they care about themselves.
      She's since been diagnosed with diabetes, and I look like the bad guy because I didn't faint and fawn over the diagnosis. WHO DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING?! She drinks more chick-fil-a lemonade than she drinks water.
      She's an adult, but I think there are some people who never learn due to stubbornness and pride.

    • @sandrab.3538
      @sandrab.3538 Год назад +1

      @@joyhope9486 Wow! I am sorry. This is so hard to watch. I know someone similar.

    • @joyhope9486
      @joyhope9486 Год назад

      @@sandrab.3538 may they both have their eyes opened so they can see the light before it's too late.
      Im sorry you can relate.

    • @bjkarana
      @bjkarana Год назад +1

      @@joyhope9486 Happens more often than people think. That and people who just refuse to manage other chronic illnesses like T2 diabetes.

    • @jodylarson4697
      @jodylarson4697 Год назад

      People are free to do what they are going to do. Chili Cheese Dogs? Yep. Smoking? Yep. And it can be maddening, but no one wants their kids or grandkids to start with the lectures. I wouldn't want anyone telling me what to do, either--let's be honest. I try to focus on my own diet and exercise and health.

  • @jennyberger6688
    @jennyberger6688 Год назад +14

    She thinks her daughter is going to take care of her because she took care of her whole life. This woman isn’t doing anything because she knows her daughters gonna come and fix it because in their culture that’s what daughters and sons are for😔😔😔

    • @hornetguy9063
      @hornetguy9063 Год назад +1

      Yup. I love how people seem to get off on bashing the "Individualist" culture of America, but then this is perfectly ok. How can daughter pursue her own goals if she has to play parent to her irresponsible mother? What man is going to marry her, seeing what a liability his potential MIL is?

  • @thetruthspeaks8702
    @thetruthspeaks8702 Год назад +50

    I totally understand this one because my mom is the same way and she's in her late 50's. I wish she could see this.

    • @jimroscovius
      @jimroscovius Год назад +9

      Play it for her.

    • @nleem3361
      @nleem3361 Год назад +5

      Me too. My mom is the same.

    • @costco_pizza
      @costco_pizza Год назад +1

      @@nleem3361 So is the answer then for this young daughter to just let her elderly mother simply die???

    • @bjkarana
      @bjkarana Год назад +3

      Same here.

  • @larhondah.2793
    @larhondah.2793 Месяц назад +1

    👋🏿 right here. This is me. A daughter of a single mom. Plus, my mom lost her only son my big brother back in 2006. Gave my mom so much the 1st 32 years of my life. Now I'm married, 39 yrs old, and expecting our 2nd child in 2 months, she feels like I'm neglecting her. I'm not but my priorities shifted.....it's heartbreaking 💔 but my husband and children need me more. My mom still works and is only 63 and lives how she wants 😢

  • @amydoran9987
    @amydoran9987 Год назад +5

    Her mom needs to learn to live within her budget. In this case, her mom is the child and not the parent.

  • @THEBIGGESTSCUMBAG
    @THEBIGGESTSCUMBAG Год назад +45

    HER MOTHER’S BEHAVIOR IS THE REASON SHE’S A SINGLE MOTHER

    • @reese85
      @reese85 Год назад +1

      @@Austenfan177 or maybe she just wanted to take care her kids

    • @unfairsanic5089
      @unfairsanic5089 Год назад +2

      @@reese85 that is not the right way to take care of her kids

    • @reese85
      @reese85 Год назад

      @@unfairsanic5089 working multiple jobs, why not?

    • @d_all_in
      @d_all_in Год назад +4

      @@reese85 because lowering expenses and increasing income so that you can spend time with your kids is obviously better, yet it doesn't sound like she did that

    • @reese85
      @reese85 Год назад +1

      @@d_all_in doesn’t matter how much you lower your expenses, if you don’t have income to support you and your kids!

  • @nephetula
    @nephetula Год назад +55

    Mom's 54 and makes $2400 a month, and she doesn't have a dollar to her name. But her daughter wants her to buy a house...in a year???
    Good luck with that.

    • @ericak1949
      @ericak1949 Год назад +5

      I was surprised he didn't pounce on that being an unrealistic goal (home ownership) based on the $ figures presented.

    • @binkle1757
      @binkle1757 Год назад +2

      Yes - priority should be saving. Her expenses will be even higher with a house.

    • @timgibney5590
      @timgibney5590 Год назад +7

      ... in Florida no less! That door is closed until we get another 2008 style crash

    • @ifh4030
      @ifh4030 Год назад

      To many other things to pounce on I guess.

  • @AkuaNhyira733
    @AkuaNhyira733 Год назад +4

    From a name I assume she is a Ghanaian, let me tell you this. Most African parents see their children as an investment and their retirement ticket.

  • @lisapineapple
    @lisapineapple Год назад +4

    Totally get it. I had to turn my emotions off. My mom is the exact same way. All I can say is have that conversation before you have kids. Praying for you. I know it’s hard.

  • @wakeupstylellc
    @wakeupstylellc Год назад +2

    My mom recently told me that she expects her kids to financially support her when she cannot work anymore. She doesn’t want to put money into 401K , she doesn’t want to put her money in a high interest account. I feel like I’m so done telling her she needs to be a grown up and think about her future.

  • @Sizukun1
    @Sizukun1 Год назад +17

    "disregards apartments for rent because they're not in her tastes". She also has nothing saved for retirement, 50 something with no financial literacy. She's been doing yolo her whole life not caring about next week.

    • @unfairsanic5089
      @unfairsanic5089 Год назад

      In philippines we call them one day millionaires

    • @pauljinadu
      @pauljinadu Год назад +6

      Her daughter is the fully funded retirement plan. All she needs is some guilt trips to cash it out.

    • @reese85
      @reese85 Год назад

      @@pauljinadu how you kno the daughter is in a better position, cuz she talks a good one?

  • @nancygamez7087
    @nancygamez7087 Год назад +24

    Let your mom deal with her financial mess. Don't pay her bills on time for her.

    • @reese85
      @reese85 Год назад +2

      She never said she pays her bills! She said she reminds her to pay them on time

    • @nancygamez7087
      @nancygamez7087 Год назад +3

      @@reese85 exactly, let her mom remember to pay on time without the daughter telling her

    • @reese85
      @reese85 Год назад

      @@nancygamez7087 that’s not a big deal! It’s hard for me to keep track if all the ish I gotta pay for

    • @ykciR
      @ykciR Год назад +4

      @@reese85 depending on others to remind you to pay your bills is a very bad move. What are you going say to the people you owe? “ oh I’m sorry so and so didn’t remind me to pay my bills”

    • @reese85
      @reese85 Год назад

      @@ykciR lol it’s not a bad move and if you owe someone money! They would remind you

  • @larissagonzales6075
    @larissagonzales6075 Год назад +5

    "I can't coach a wet blanket" why can't I stop laughing when he said this 🤣

  • @aao449
    @aao449 Год назад +13

    The problem is that the mother's declining financial situation will eventually become the daughter's burden when the mom is evicted from her overpriced living. I'm not sure how a certified nursing assistant can afford $3K/month apartment rent while building zero equity with all that money spent?!

    • @hornetguy9063
      @hornetguy9063 Год назад

      She can't. She's a CNA who wants to live like she's an RN. That's not how it works.

  • @KathleenMcNe
    @KathleenMcNe Месяц назад +2

    Mommy's a princess.

  • @treasurethetime2463
    @treasurethetime2463 Год назад +14

    This is a case of lost on cultural translation. I detect an accent in the 26 year old. I think it is of a Spanish speaker. I will go out on a limb and assume she is from Latin America, possibly Mexico. That established, I believe her parent expects her to take care of her in old age as is the tradition to many from that culture.
    Plainly speaking, daughter IS the retirement plan because mother feels entitled based on her "sacrifices" to provide for them growing up.
    Furthermore, the daughter recognizes this is what Mom is thinking and wants to head it off because they are in a different culture and she doesn't think that it is necessary because her mother has the ability to establish some financial independence today if she takes action.
    That's the subtext.

    • @hornetguy9063
      @hornetguy9063 Год назад +5

      Actually looked it up. Akosua is a girl's name that originates from the Akan people from Ghana. So either her mom is Ghanian, or she's one of those people who gave her daughter a name from "the old country" even though they've no cultural similarity to West Africa anymore.
      In a way it's cultural, but I don't think it boils down to where they are from. I think it's the single mom culture of getting passive income streams via children. Baby daddies aren't on the hook anymore, so she probably just assumes that the kids will pay her way from now on.

    • @dirtyharry2534
      @dirtyharry2534 Год назад +1

      I think she's black. African name.

    • @blk1735
      @blk1735 Год назад

      Exactly what I was thinking. Surprised Dave didn't catch onto that.

    • @reese85
      @reese85 Год назад

      I see a bunch of comments saying retirement plan, but if that’s the case! Why is the mom willing to go out and get a 2nd job bs moving in with daughter or having her help with the extra rent money?

    • @lovethemflowers
      @lovethemflowers Год назад

      Well if the mom believes her daughter is her retirement plan, was the mom HER mom’s retirement plan? Or did that “tradition” just begin now?

  • @ThePooppantsman
    @ThePooppantsman Год назад +11

    You can't parent and parent. It's really not shocking. My guess is the mom is fully aware of her issue but it's easier to not think about it. Its very common.

  • @GeminiPeach81
    @GeminiPeach81 Год назад +36

    This may not be the callers job but she doesn't want this to become her burden in the near future. Parents have a way of making their problems their adult children problems. The caller is just trying to prevent a financial disaster for herself and her mom.

    • @stevenporter863
      @stevenporter863 Год назад +2

      Exactly. When the dust settles it may wind up on her plate to deal with.

    • @bjkarana
      @bjkarana Год назад

      Yeah it becomes difficult (err _more_ difficult) when the parent becomes unable to care for themselves, and is solely reliant on Medicare and SS benefits, which limits assisted living and nursing home options.

  • @rachelharrison7961
    @rachelharrison7961 Год назад +14

    The daughter is obviously trying to preempt the mother needing to move in with the daughter.

    • @jimroscovius
      @jimroscovius Год назад +5

      Don't let her move in. If mom screws up, it's on her.

    • @rachelharrison7961
      @rachelharrison7961 Год назад +2

      @@jimroscovius Easier said than done.

    • @LG123ABC
      @LG123ABC Год назад +3

      @@rachelharrison7961 Move and don't leave a forwarding address.

    • @dcg590
      @dcg590 Год назад +2

      Exactly. Mom always counted in daughter being her retirement plan. So obvious. Notorious of single mothers

    • @jimroscovius
      @jimroscovius Год назад +1

      @@rachelharrison7961 Not if she tells her mom NOW that she won't be doing it. My parents are 94 and 90, living on their own in a nice duplex 370 miles away. My Mom has said, when Dad goes, she will stay where she's at until she has to go into assisted living. She will not move in with any of us three kids, although she'd like to visit. She may move closer to us, but not in with us. Our home is not conducive to walkers, etc.

  • @wendytravis6427
    @wendytravis6427 24 дня назад +1

    I know other adult children in this situation. They are convinced their mothers just don’t understand. I know the Mothers as well. They understand perfectly what they are doing. Their kids are their retirement plan. While they work (and some make a lot of money) their money is for fun. They plan to let the kids take care of them when they retire and they will act like a victim if the kids don’t step up. As for the caller. Her mother is probably a master at guilt tripping. That’s why the caller feels so responsible for her.

  • @blackjamesbondd
    @blackjamesbondd Год назад +10

    Wow; did dave say fried bologna?! He's officially gotten one for the culture haha

    • @LG123ABC
      @LG123ABC Год назад +3

      LOVE fried balogna -- or, as we say, "fried baloney".

    • @lisabaltzer4190
      @lisabaltzer4190 Год назад

      @@LG123ABC I love it too.

  • @elizabetha8565
    @elizabetha8565 Год назад +3

    "You can't coach a wet blanket" made me cry laugh.

  • @DudeDude491
    @DudeDude491 Год назад +1

    Thank You Dave and George 👍💵💵

  • @jill9606
    @jill9606 Год назад +5

    When parents rely this heavily on their children, I wonder how they were ever able to raise kids who turned out so well.

    • @Lil-Whiskies
      @Lil-Whiskies Год назад +6

      The kids who are raised by these types of people have to grow up fast and learn how to take care of themselves, then it gets transfered to the parent as they become teenagers and young adults. It's a pretty co-dependent and not particularly healthy relationship as the roles get very confused. I've seen this a lot in families where the parent is an alcoholic.

  • @covercalls88
    @covercalls88 Год назад +2

    It's going to be a long hard road for the daughter as if anything happens to the mom (eviction, bad health, nothing saved for retirement) the daughter will be stuck with her. Her mom will come to her for financial support.

  • @cutehumor
    @cutehumor Год назад +9

    The daughter will be working two jobs to support her mom.

  • @JustinCase780
    @JustinCase780 Год назад +10

    Word of the week to use on anyone trying to tell you how to eat: "TOUGHIES!" 🤣

  • @neveragainsam9786
    @neveragainsam9786 Год назад +9

    Don’t try to reason with her. It won’t work. Appeal to her emotions.

    • @hornetguy9063
      @hornetguy9063 Год назад

      I think Dave gets at that well. The daughter taking a hard line saying that she will not give her mom money to fund her lifestyle decisions would serve as a wakeup call. Some people respond to logic, but far more respond to fear.

  • @catlady2795
    @catlady2795 Год назад +3

    At least her daughter really cares instead of sittings by the sides lines and not saying anything. It does sound like she's going to have to let her mom realize this for herself.

  • @analia0418
    @analia0418 Год назад +4

    With the $400 rent increase her new monthly expenses will be $3000? So before it was $2600 and she makes $2400? She couldn't afford it before the increase. I'm guessing her daughter was covering the deficit.

  • @barryetherton4889
    @barryetherton4889 Год назад

    Good advice Guys.

  • @Scarface_445
    @Scarface_445 Месяц назад

    Oh Dave. This is difficult. As a guy whose culture and family PUSHES this, it’s extremely hard.
    I said no ONCE. It literally destroyed everything. My relationship with my mother has not been the same since.
    And no I have a fear that I have to take care of everything once older age is reached. It’s hard Dave. It’s hard.

  • @debbiesloane740
    @debbiesloane740 Год назад +3

    I’m wondering if Dave isn’t seeing the big picture in this situation: if mom gets evicted, where is she going to live? With her twenty-six year old daughter! And as loving as this young lady is maybe she doesn’t want to care for her sick 50-something mother right now at her young age. She wants her mom to be independent as long as possible so the daughter can have a full life! I’m sure these things are going through her mind. God bless this young lady. She wants to help and honor her mother but also keep her own sanity! Praying for wisdom for her and her mother.

    • @hornetguy9063
      @hornetguy9063 Год назад +1

      These single moms will absolutely ruin the life of their own children in order to preserve their own life. Does this girl dream of marriage and kids? Too bad. Mommy dearest is your marriage and your kids, wrapped up in a single package.

  • @brent3589
    @brent3589 Год назад +2

    She’s never buying a house either… I don’t know how that wasn’t mentioned

  • @rayhill5767
    @rayhill5767 Год назад +7

    I paid off my house today

  • @joelmckaysmith
    @joelmckaysmith Год назад +2

    I think dave is quite unfair on people in this scenario. If she's got a mum like this it's inevitable she's going to end up giving advice and trying to help her out. Telling her she just shouldn't be in the situation doesn't help much

  • @drtij_dzienz
    @drtij_dzienz Месяц назад +1

    She’s watching her mom in a slow motion train crash, knowing at the end she’ll be expected to pick up the pieces and do elder care for her. So it makes sense she wants her mom to get her life in order while she can still work.

  • @johncameron4194
    @johncameron4194 Год назад

    What a wonderful daughter

  • @trollpatrol7039
    @trollpatrol7039 Год назад +3

    Sounds like the daughter is much more mature than the mother.

  • @crow-vz5lx
    @crow-vz5lx Год назад +6

    How the eff do you think she's buying a house on 24k a year... 👁️👄👁️

    • @David-wo9un
      @David-wo9un Год назад +1

      That’s what I was thinking, also not a penny saved for retirement.🤷🏻‍♂️

  • @haz1101
    @haz1101 Год назад +2

    I argee with Dave Ramsey.

  • @reneeantwi-boasiako3974
    @reneeantwi-boasiako3974 4 месяца назад

    Akosua - she's a fellow Ghanaian. Our culture is very much so helping our parents ❤

  • @lovethemflowers
    @lovethemflowers Год назад +2

    There is NO WAY this mom will be able to buy a house next year! There are people making way more than her who are having difficulty affording a home. Even if she gets her act together right away, I don’t see her having a decent down payment, ESPECIALLY with the price of houses and her being used to having “all the bells and whistles “. The daughter needs to make it clear to her mom that she CANNOT help with that rent increase. I can’t BELIEVE the daughter has had to make sure mom paid bills on time.

  • @henrylondon6308
    @henrylondon6308 Год назад +5

    Dave "Yellowpad and a #2 Pencil" Ramsey

  • @Anglophile2012
    @Anglophile2012 Год назад +2

    The following are essential in life:
    Work ethic
    Living below your means
    Self discipline
    Minimalism
    Ponder the consequences of every action you take
    You are responsible for your actions

  • @riceball777
    @riceball777 Год назад +3

    Let’s be realistic here. When someone gets to this age the probably of them changing their lifestyle is very very rare. The chances some 50 year old is just going to start living on less than they make and saving for retirement when they never did it before is very rare. What’s mostly going to happen is they will be broke and live on pay check to pack check there whole life until there health gets to a point that they can’t work anymore and the kids will have to take care of them.

  • @mrskitty7929
    @mrskitty7929 Год назад +1

    54 is young. She has 20+ years of working and getting savings for retirement, but she has to want to

  • @adrianmechelle3784
    @adrianmechelle3784 Год назад +12

    This is really sad.
    I think this is a mindset some of us have that we just need to pick up another job, but it’s like a rat race.
    I’m teaching myself finance now because I really don’t want to be financially unstable if God let’s me see an older age.

    • @unfairsanic5089
      @unfairsanic5089 Год назад +1

      Me too i dont understand why i see most people getting a 2nd or 3rd job just to get all those bells amd whissles and keeping up with the joneses is beyond me

    • @hornetguy9063
      @hornetguy9063 Год назад

      @@unfairsanic5089 I remember seeing a meme where a woman expresses disbelief that a man can be happy with nothing but a bare mattress, a gaming chair and video game setup, and TV in a studio apartment. Yup! If a man had $30k a year to live off for the rest of his life, he could probably figure out an arrangement to make it work for him.

    • @reese85
      @reese85 Год назад

      @@hornetguy9063 no! I would go out and get another job, smh! Y’all crazy

    • @hornetguy9063
      @hornetguy9063 Год назад

      @@reese85 you’re really not that bright, are you? Okay. Enjoy debt slavery.

  • @silvesterbaez1523
    @silvesterbaez1523 Год назад +3

    Two key words were missed in this conversation: cultural differences.

  • @David-wo9un
    @David-wo9un Год назад +7

    Is she even in a financial position to think about buying a house?

    • @lovethemflowers
      @lovethemflowers Год назад

      Not a chance! SO many people with way better incomes are having trouble affording these overpriced homes.

  • @mwhe3111
    @mwhe3111 Месяц назад +2

    Hon, you can't control what somebody else does.

  • @ceciliajohnson8812
    @ceciliajohnson8812 Год назад +1

    How disturbing! I do feel for this Caller.
    Akosua, if you read this comment, I suggest you read 'Boundaries ' by Dr Henry Cloud. This book is a good one. I also suggest you tell your mom exactly how worried you are.

  • @rhondasihocky7212
    @rhondasihocky7212 Месяц назад

    since she is a senior and low income, I would think she could get on a list for senior apartment.

  • @sarrahconley3923
    @sarrahconley3923 Год назад +1

    My Dad died at 54. I can see why she's worried.

  • @katiejon17
    @katiejon17 Год назад +2

    Gosh, this daughter needs to be very clear that *when* her mother is evicted, she is not moving in.

  • @pauljinadu
    @pauljinadu Год назад +5

    Akosua you are the retirement Plan.
    You just don't know it yet.

    • @wealthandlegacy
      @wealthandlegacy Год назад

      Exactly. She's going to ask to live with her and that will be the end of her personal life.

    • @hornetguy9063
      @hornetguy9063 Год назад

      @@wealthandlegacy Had that with an ex-gf. Never again am I going to date a woman with a dependent single mother. In many ways it's worse than a single mom, because at least with the SM it's authority with responsibility. Daughter-husbands like that are authority-less but with all of the responsibility, they're basically slaves to their parent.

  • @whitneydellafosse_
    @whitneydellafosse_ Год назад +2

    Sounds like narcissistic abuse. She needs to go get therapy because mother wounds are the hardest to heal.

  • @edhcb9359
    @edhcb9359 Год назад +9

    The Mom assumes(correctly) that the daughter is going to bail her out of financial problems including retirement.

  • @scottievaldez4194
    @scottievaldez4194 Год назад +2

    Love this guy! He always speaks the truth!

  • @m.l.2483
    @m.l.2483 Год назад +3

    Her Mum is Ghanaian - she's not listening to you at all. Leave her to it and say okay.

  • @matta9316
    @matta9316 Год назад

    That’s tough. Can hear it in the callers voice the concern she has.

  • @jclion21
    @jclion21 Год назад +15

    What does the daughter do when the mom gets evicted and has to live with her? Now the daughter has to support the mom and use her money to get her mom into a new place and the mom might not want to move out. Even bigger problem. Sad situation

    • @jimroscovius
      @jimroscovius Год назад +5

      She doesn't allow mom to move in. Mom needs to be working jobs.

    • @johnhwang339
      @johnhwang339 Год назад +2

      The mom probably has the mentality that my daughter will take care of me when I am old since I took care of her when she was little. And when the daughter can't support her in her old age, the mom may put the guilt trip on her. The selfishness of some parents is sad. They put that burden on their kids. The kids, when they become adults and start a family would have to take care of the elderly parent AND their own children.

    • @jimroscovius
      @jimroscovius Год назад +3

      @@johnhwang339 That's why the daughter has to tell her mom NOW that she won't do it. That would be enabling and she loves her too much to do that.

    • @hornetguy9063
      @hornetguy9063 Год назад +1

      @@johnhwang339 Yeah, the mentality that you never get a family and life for yourself because you have to take care of mommy. Going to see a lot of this as child support dries up for the plethora of single moms out there.

    • @reese85
      @reese85 Год назад

      @@johnhwang339 if this it true! Why did the mom say, she would work a 2nd job to cover the extra rent?

  • @JoeyNYSDnomad
    @JoeyNYSDnomad Год назад +2

    How does she not know this? She wants someone else to fix it.

  • @kstar1956
    @kstar1956 Год назад +5

    Well her mom will be figuring it out on her own. Her mom needs a freaking reality check. The daughter is taking on too much stress because her mom is willing making bad decisions. The daughter is full of guilt because HER MOM for whatever reasons had to be a single mom but that’s not the daughters fault and she needs to realize that.

    • @lovethemflowers
      @lovethemflowers Год назад

      @KStar - That’s it. Daughter needs to immediately stop helping mom make sure bills are paid on time. Time for mom to do it herself or see what a late fee looks like. Might be what mom needs to realize SHE’s responsible for her finances. I was surprised Dave didn’t ask if mom could do some type of work at home job that wound be less physically taxing on the body. But again, she said her mom wasn’t tech savvy . . .

  • @KC-dr3cg
    @KC-dr3cg Год назад +1

    If Mom is a member of a church the daughter could go to the pastor of the church and explain because what I think Dave is missing is that the problem is not the mom the problem is that the daughter is all twisted about this problem

  • @melissamyers1135
    @melissamyers1135 Год назад

    This is so hard to hear! I can relate 😭

  • @billb945
    @billb945 Год назад +10

    Maybe her mom is struggling with the very real burnout and actually does need help.
    Walking away and claimin "not my job" helps no one in this situation, if that's what it is.

    • @blk1735
      @blk1735 Год назад +1

      I wonder if living together would be an option for them??

    • @aliciadaniels5712
      @aliciadaniels5712 Год назад +1

      Just say no

    • @lovethemflowers
      @lovethemflowers Год назад +1

      @BLK - No, no, no! This daughter is 26 years old! She has her own future marriage and family to think of. Why should a mother who can’t even be responsible enough to pay her own bills on time be allowed to move in with the daughter?

    • @vaska1999
      @vaska1999 2 месяца назад

      She's refusing to move to a less expensive apartment because she's too picky. She makes $2,400 a month, and her current rent is $2,600. Her daughter's been paying for her groceries, phone bills, gas, car tuneups, internet, etc.

  • @shannonobrien9922
    @shannonobrien9922 26 дней назад

    Check with your local laws but most places cant increase more than a specific amount

  • @alezandradavila2581
    @alezandradavila2581 Год назад +1

    Rent is expensive everywhere

  • @marquiesbutler4277
    @marquiesbutler4277 Год назад +1

    You can tell she’s going to keep enabling her

  • @philgiordano7715
    @philgiordano7715 Месяц назад

    Big fan of the show. This is the WORST, I repeat WORST, clip Dave has ever put out. I greatly encourage they take this down. We don’t all live in magical fantasy world where everyone makes great decisions. Some people have been dealt bad hands and have processed them differently. Her mother needs help and it is irresponsible and disappointing to give this advice. There is nothing Christian about this. The mother is not a criminal or an addict or even in debt, this is a person that is uneducated in the ways of money. And it is reprehensible that you treated them this way and told her to emotionally abandon her mother.

  • @olfab1
    @olfab1 Год назад +1

    Daughter knows she will end up paying for her mom.

  • @chessmaster1115
    @chessmaster1115 Год назад +1

    There could be much more to this story than presented. This seems like a serious emotional problem maybe even depression. We can say tough but i have seen people who are depressed that die at young ages. Not saying that is the problem but there could me more to this than what seems to be going on here.

    • @chessmaster1115
      @chessmaster1115 Год назад +1

      Almost forgot about Dr. John Delony his coworker. She should have her mom talk to Dr. Delony about what is going on!

  • @sarahuber8567
    @sarahuber8567 Месяц назад +2

    This is how codependents and unhealthy caregivers are born.

  • @lornadiamond105
    @lornadiamond105 Год назад +2

    Agree with the advise however this young lady can foresee that her mom will be at her door when she’s evicted and can no longer work. What is she to do then?

    • @lovethemflowers
      @lovethemflowers Год назад

      Maybe the daughter should live in another state so it’s not so convenient for mom to move in with her.

  • @izgil7541
    @izgil7541 Год назад +2

    I can't say I totally agree with Dave.

    • @jimroscovius
      @jimroscovius Год назад +4

      He's totally right. What are you suggesting? This young woman give up her life? This mom needs to grow up!!

    • @MrTmenzo
      @MrTmenzo Год назад

      Is that you cardone lol

    • @reese85
      @reese85 Год назад

      @@jimroscovius from the vid! The mother never asked for help

    • @jimroscovius
      @jimroscovius Год назад +1

      @@reese85 The point is that she will, as soon as she gets evicted.

    • @reese85
      @reese85 Год назад

      @@jimroscovius or she can get a 2nd job like she said!

  • @catherinewilke5583
    @catherinewilke5583 Месяц назад +1

    That mom should take care of her own da$& self. In my 50s was when I really was able to start helping my kids. And I’m disabled with MS. This mother has made poor financial and health decisions. This is backwards. This young lady should say good luck mom and be done with it.