Family Keeps Asking For Money and I Can't Say "No!"
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- Опубликовано: 29 авг 2024
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There’s a Spanish saying that translates to: “if you’re not embarrassed to ask me for money, I’m not embarrassed to say no.”
Love it!
This is great.
Si no te da vergüenza pedirme dinero, ¡no me da vergüenza decir que no!
I don’t actually speak Spanish - that’s how Google Translate translates it - it most likely reads “Have you got change for 100 pesetas?”.
Except that in latino culture, there seems to be a profound lack of embarrassment. For both parties.
I love that 🤣💀
My parents died when I was 17
When i asked my so-called "family" to let me stay with them and support me
They said "That's not our problem, get your own money!"
Yet they spoil their children
Years later I got into financial services and received a substantial structured settlement from my parent's deaths
They found out and tried to reel me back in
I replied "That's not my problem, get your own money!"
Sorry about your parents!! Your situation is a bit different since you were a minor and essentially homeless and parentless, the folks this lady is talking about are capable of working and paying their own way, they just choose to spend uncontrollably!
@@bettysmith4527that's Tyler's point!...parents died, only 17 years of age, and no one helped, especially with the parents dying!...
Tyler Lowe...SAVE your money, do Not go into debt, get your education or training , WORK hard and live your life being, DEBT free, HEALTHY, spirtual, peaceful, independently! and let NO one use you, and stay away from TOXIC, negative, people!
Amazing story.
Tyler in that kind of situation, I think you did the absolutely right thing!
When you have broke family, you have to make them think your broke. Human psychology is so crazy, if they know you have a million and you give them 100 they will be insulted, but if they think your broke and you give them 100, they will be thankful.
@@absolutetruth3290 OMG!!!! that is so true!!!!!
Who is they - the baby?
Ummm no. They will not be thankful. They will be happy to take your last hundred then ignore you until they think you might possibly have another hundred they can take.
@@Lcshellfacts
@@Lcshell LMFAO do we have the same mom?
For those of us coming from families living paycheck to paycheck I find the following to be true: They will want your money and ask for it, resent you for being the one that has it, or like in my case both. Money does weird things to people you think you know, parents included.
I understand having a need and asking but I don’t understand when you give them the money they ask for and then later want even more!!! Things come up but to not be ready after already needing money is what I can’t understand.
I absolutely agreed. Money change people, unless you want a broken family or relationship, it's best not to talk about money or how much money you received at work or bonuses or if you won money. People out here are batshit crazy just for an extra dollar bill.
Money doesn't change a person's character, it reveals it. Oftentimes when God wants to test a man for ministry, He tests him with money. Elisha's servant Gehazi could have asked for a double portion of his spirit, the same way Elisha asked Elijah. There are 7 recorded miracles through Elijah, while Elisha has -- wait for it --- 14!! But Elisha's servant's greed became clear when he chased Naaman down to be rewarded for him being healed of leprosy. Gehazi is now remembered not as a man of God, but as one who was stricken with leprosy for his sin. If he'd had a similar heart and attitude as Elisha, perhaps God uses him to 28 recorded miracles.
I almost spit my food out my mouth when Dave said “she won’t loose weight when you don’t eat” lol
That is a good one
Best analogy ever.
Fr
My sibling called me to ask for money once. I asked if they have sold a vehicle? No. Have you pawned or sold any of your belongings? No. Have you borrowed from your work 401k? No. Is it a health emergency? No. I politely declined. Never been asked again.
On the flips side. I would be so angry he my siblings never borrowed me money. I have paid them all back and now still in debt with them because I owe them for helping me
This is a really good response!
We're talking about a sibling. Jesus..I would give a kidney to my brother if he needed me. If you are able to help him/her than why wouldn't you?
@@isabelaciobanu9611 Helping and enabling are two different things. I'm sure no one has an issue with helping, but you have to be willing to help yourself before you go asking others.
@@isabelaciobanu9611 It's why I asked if it was medical. If its medical for them or one of the kids then that is a different scenario and if that is the case we would just do a gift with no repayment.
“You promote what you permit.”
When my wife divorced me I called my rich brother and asked for $2000 to help get me an aprt. He said no. When I hanged up the phone
I knew it was now sink or swim.
Now I’m doing great. Him saying no was the best thing that ever happened to me
Can you elaborate? How did it work out for the better as apposed to you getting the money
This sounds very suspect. Life ain’t Hollywood ending. What really happened when he turned his back on his brother??
couldn't you sleep on his couch for a couple weeks?
Your bro is a d…
@@drewdelaney4166 he robbed his brother and got more than 2k
I used to give money to my family when I had very little to give.
They had zero gratitude and even resented me for not giving more.
Told them to never call again when you want money.
Haven't talked to them in over 20 years, it has been wonderful.
I am wealthy now and they haven't changed.
If you haven't talked to them how do you know how they are doing? Friends?
@@Austenfan177 that part right there .. I have a family member with that mentality when I had very little to give and I was trying to help them and they had that attitude. It infuriated me. Put my foot down ever since
I applaud you for not talking to your family members for twenty years. People question me about the same and the issue here is that they haven’t called me either. 💁 We are taught that “blood is thicker than water” then we question the horrendous relationships with siblings. Sometimes you gotta end bad relationships.
That’s crazy
@Venture B - See? You can’t even GIVE it, expecting no repayment, and some people STILL aren’t happy!
If family knows you have a huge heart and lots of empathy they work it….it feels horrible
Same with friends
That's me. I make the least out of my siblings and I have two children I support. I don't have a second income from a spouse like they do, but I'm trying to save so I can buy a house and a car. They'll ask to borrow money and I'll say no, then I'm guilted into giving it to them. They're living beyond their means, and even if they end up with a few extra dollars they never give me anything towards what they borrowed. I'm so tired of it. It's like they don't care if I never have anything in life, and that hurts.
They don't love you. I'm so sorry.
My sister used to ask for money a lot. After a few times, I said I would give her the money on one condition, I help you set up a budget. I helped her and she has never asked since.
I did the same thing for a friend. However, she did not accept setting up a budget, and she never asked me again haha
@@llallogen7380 Either way it’s a win.
I completely understand her. It's hard to say no to family. It was so powerful when Dave said she was not morally or spiritually obligated. I felt that in my heart.
She got her own bills etc they just selfish putting their needs above the enabler
No, it's not hard at all.
No it’s not. You’re an enabler. I say no all the time to family and it’s so gratifying. 😌
@@jimroscovius yeah, I’m with you too. It’s not hard at all to say no.
Amber Hollis for all the people commenting that it's not hard to say no, I disagree as far as if a person is an enabler...then yes many times it's hard for that person to say no, because they have their own issues with boundaries. I know, because I am overcoming being an enabler, but I'm realizing more and more all the time that although I may decide to help someone, I'm not morally obligated to give every time they ask me to help. I can say no, and I'm finding that out more and more as I grow out of that enabling mindset. I'm happy for all you people who say it's not hard for you, but there are many of us out here who have had to come out of an enabling way of life...My problem has always been wondering how I would feel if I really needed help and there was none, and so I help others because I feel too much sympathy for them...even to my own detriment sometimes. It's not always "easy" to change or be like you all are automatically for some of us, but I am working my way out of my enabling ways though. 😊
"If you have to buy your love. That's called prostitution."
That hits home.
So true
Nice, Never Thought About It This Way.
Wrong. Lust....not Love!
When someone loves you more the more money you hand out it feels horrible.
@1SmokingLizard - exactly. Not the same!
I stopped giving out money to some people and now I don’t hear from them, oh well.
That means they only loved your money and not you.
The word," No," has saved me from alot of debt, relationships with people and family too. You're not egotistical, mean, uncaring, arrogant or selfish for saying that word, you're just smart. Don't feel bad.
Thank you for this comment
The people who really need and deserve help generally won't ask for it,the people who are inclined to ask for help boldly with confidence or even demand it generally don't deserve it
What’s worse is when you feel guilty for spending a little money on yourself because your family thinks that they deserve a piece of what you’ve earned for yourself.
I felt guilty at one point, and I was even called selfish, and now, looking back, I realized there's no point in feeling guilty for spending what I worked hard for. Sometimes family think they're deserving and entitled to what belongs to you, and what you work hard for, and that's their own problems and selfishness, not yours. Live your life guilt free😇
”For Scripture says, “Do not muzzle an ox while it is treading out the grain,” and “The worker deserves his wages.”“
1 Timothy 5:18 NIV
You work, you’ve earned!
@@bushybrow0024
God Bless you💚💙❤️😇
When he said “I set you free” I felt a weight lift off my shoulders and I’m not even on the call 😮💨
Same here.
The power of the word! 🙏
Yeah! That phrase hit hard as prayer from heaven
Same here!
I actually levitated and hit the ceiling fan.
ME TOO!!! 😅
The difference between enabling versus helping:
Helping is doing for others, which they CAN NOT do for themselves.
Enabling is doing for others, which they SHOULD be doing for themselves.
Make no mistake, enabling is abuse, and it harms everyone involved.
Let's see: Hunter and her husband are saving up to buy a house, but her sister buys a house she can't afford and then goes to Hunter to bail her out and Hunter bails her out. Hey, girl, you keep doing that, you're never going to get that house for yourself.
She probably told her family she paid off her debt. Keep that to yourself next time.
Never discuss your finances with people, Especially broke family!
Sad but true
Relatives can be the biggest vultures out of everyone in your circle
I agree! If I was to become debt free I wouldn’t even announce it including trying to come on the show 😅 people watching
Not being able to tell your family that you are debt free is more indicative of trust problems than anything else. Not saying your advice isn't wise. Just that the necessity of it makes me sad.
I made that mistake, and the grifters promptly used it as leverage to try getting a piece of my pie. Never again.
“I set you free right now.” 😭 She needed to hear that.
It's take SO MUCH MORE than that to break that habit though. One phone call ain't changing anything long term.
You have to learn to say “NO”.
This hits harder for poorer communities family's from poor neighborhoods when you're the person who makes it out the hood everyone has they're hand out and because y'all struggled together at some point it feels like you're required to give something
Facts it feels like survive remorse.
I struggled with this for a long time and still do in some ways, just remember that you're the one who made the decisions and put in the work/sacrifice to get out of that situation while they did nothing.. i moved away and never looked back
@@Liimpy you right man although I feel like there's just so many distractions in the hood that prevents blacks from making it out it's a game but definitely can't be mad at the ones who do make it out they worked hard.
They’ll be just fine in the hood, it’s all they’ve ever known anyway so why does that change because YOU got a little money?!
@@Rebecca.xoxoxo it always changes literally everything changes you enter another tax bracket compared to them you eating better food dressing nice driving better cars before you know it your moving further away but it will get lonely not everyone can just live peacefully knowing they're family /friends is struggling
Don’t feel bad about them being broke because it’s not like they feel bad about themselves. If they felt bad enough they’d make better choices.
You are a nice person like me and you have to put up boundaries. Sometimes also it's best to be discreet and the underdog. Do not tell your relatives how much money you make. They will use you up.
The best thing is to say "we don't have any money even for ourselves". If anyone keeps asking for money, start letting them know times are getting hard personally and that you have no money. NEVER talk about having money to people who you feel or know will ask for money.
I have tried to play the Iam broke game to but never seems to go well for me can't hide it when they can smell it .
Best strategy
No, the best answer is no. Saying, "sorry I dont have any" means you will if you have some and if the lie is found out, you're done.
Adults need boundaries as much as children.
I say no. I actually like living honestly and with integrity, but when I say no, I’m kind about it.
I got asked all the time after my divorce. It was almost like they could smell a single, vulnerable woman. A couple of times I lent but never got it back so stopped saying yes. Nowadays, I only give to registered charities. I work as a teaching assistant (one of the worst paid jobs in the country) and live a quiet life, in a moderate house. It's so much better this way.
My main problem is mother and sisters always wanting money from me. I’ve given my mother and sisters money to start a business and help themselves but they’re always doing something else with the business money and coming back to ask me for money. I am tired and done with them. 🤦🏿♂️🤦🏿♂️🤦🏿♂️🤦🏿♂️🤦🏿♂️🤦🏿♂️🤦🏿♂️🤦🏿♂️
Don’t give them not a penny more, EVER!! The reason they squander the money is because they know they can just call you to ask for more. DON’T do it
Oooooooof... Tough situation, no one takes the pee, quite like family
In your case, they are in the wrong. You tried!
I was 50 years old when I finally learned boundaries. Prior to that, I had no idea I was entitled to them. Looking back, this lesson has been one of the best in my life. This skill transferred to other areas of my life and I am so grateful.
*When is enough enough?*
*The day they ask u for money 2nd time without returning the money they took from you the first time*
That’s another thing. Never just give money to family. Lend it with paperwork. The act of making it official makes it of importance and it’s something to pull out, and ask them to pay it back before coming to you again...
“You have absolutely zero moral or spiritual obligation to a sibling that’s misbehaving”. 😢 I felt so guilty for saying no to my sibling but this statement made me feel better.
Keep on giving & they will keep on asking. It will never end. Kind of like feeding a stray cat.
That "I set u free" is important. It's such an emotional relief.
My sibling called me today, after not speaking to me for 10 years (she inherited everything from our parents when they died, because they were classic enablers). That is another long story that I won't go into right now. Today she contacted me and wants money supposedly to pay her property taxes. Otherwise she said she will lose her house. I checked on-line and, her property taxes are current. What the heck?
I was exposing her
I read where a guys uncle asked on their family group chat to borrow money as he was behind on his mortgage. This guy felt bad and called his uncle to get some info and was going to send him some money. His uncle laughed and said he only posted that so other family members wouldn’t ask HIM for money. Lol.
That uncle is a black-belt in human psychology. It leaves you in awe... :)
Omfg 😂 smart
Here's two ways I've seen people go about it:
-One is to pick an amount you're comfortable with losing. Give it to them and let them know, "Until you pay me back, don't come to me for help again."
-Two is to ask them for their vehicle, keys, and title for collateral. I knew a guy who did that and THAT sent the solicitor running.
Three- When they come back a 2nd time asking for money, say to that person, "I was about to ask you for my money back." You won't get your money back, but they won't ask again either.
I was in a similar situation. My mom and dad has always gave money to both of siblings. When my dad died my mom went through the money in no time keeping my sister and her kids up. One day my mom asked when somethimg happens to her to make sure my sister and kids got some money. I told her my sister and her kids are not my responsibilty and if you want them to have you leave it to them. Needless to say my mom got mad but has not mentioned anything about it again and it's been about 10 years ago.
Good for you!
PEOPLE will use you until NO end!..I was DOING the same thing with a couple of granddaughters that's grown, great jobs, etc...But I stopped it, they're all doing well once I stopped enabling them!.... Even I had to learn the hard way when I was younger!...
This happens in phillippines like 90%.of the employed individuals. Wherein the employed individual has to support the family and the remaining siblings.
Dave is 100% right. It's never wrong to give money to family but as long as you, the provider, is able to, take the time to love and help your family.
If they can have the audacity to ask, they can have the audacity to receive information to get better
Once upon a time, I was in the same boat and a wise person made a point that really resonated with me. If you pay that bill, you take away your brother’s ability to step up and take care of himself and feel that success. Ramsey is completely right - it’s like giving the drunk a drink. “You forgot your raising!” I have heard that so many times.
Don’t let your emotions make your decisions
Good luck.
This is my never ending issue . The sad part is when they ask you for a loan knowing they’re not going to pay you. I rather just give you the money .
I release you. You are not morally obligated.
Stop doing it! Say you can't right now, say you don't feel good about this anymore, and say it with love. You can do it
If you've already lent them money and they haven't paid you back, that makes it easy to say No the next time. "Where's the $1000 you owe me?" will shut them up quickly.
I was taught to never lend money to anyone under the condition that if they do not pay it back to you, it will not set you back financially.
you read my mind.
Set some boundaries. You have the right to say no to anyone
You'll eventually learn to say no... When you have nothing left! Say it now and have something to show for it, or say it later and have nothing.
I wholeheartedly agree, and I thank Dave so much for saying this to all the enablers out there: "If you have to buy your relationships, that's called prostitution. It's not a real relationship." Also: "It's ok to say no, and you really, really need to."
This is difficult and it hurts to say “no” to my parents who raised me and gave me an education. Now they are financially illiterate.
There is a time of tribulation coming . God is watching
@@uuubeut The cost of living is SO HIGH that most people cannot afford to support their parents financially plus themselves and even kids!
My reply to my family has been......you don't get to good time on your money and be responsible with mine. Meaning: You don't get to party with your check and pay your bills with borrowed/given money from me.
I dont know why people have such a hard time saying "we don't have it. Sorry." Stop telling your toxic family how you are doing financially.
My family is friends with the paralegal at personal injury firm...and why they all positions themselves to get money
Thing is, if you're close with people, they kind of know your income and how much you got coming in. And if you say you have no money then make a big purchase, you look like a liar! So it's hard to just say "I don't have it"
They are watching.
God bless Dave, for teaching us soooooo much besides financial knowledge, and for bringing Dr. Delony to the team. It's massive what they have done for me, especially when it comes to boundaries and family. So much gratitude for y'all ❤️
I learned a lot. Love means helping your loved ones get independent, not dependent on anyone. Thanks！
I was in the similar situation. The best thing you can do for them now is to say NO. It will put them in the situation to find solutions. Sure, they will hate you but it might be a good thing for them, they will be forced to find solutions and maybe in one year are getting out from paycheck to paycheck situation
Agreed
It was very enlightening to see relatives like my "Godparents" tell me to "pull myself up by my bootstraps" when I was in danger
However, had no issue giving my little cousins every toy they wanted, expensive cars, lavish vacations, sending them to prestigious private schools and universities, and so much more
That taught me I'm truly not entitled to anything at all, not even a loving family
Which is why I bless my stepmother regardless if she's well-off because she took me into her home and raised me as her own son
Give a hand-up, not a handout
Exactly! And also, she can also block their number, ghost them and put a restraining order!
@Tyler Lowe. Well what did you expect then? You are not their kid. Where were your parents? Immediate family is more important than relatives and extended family members. That's rule #1. I don't see the point of comparison is necessarily. I have a few brat nephews and my son. We took those kids to the happiest place on earth, Disney. They in turn sound so entitled lately and their family is respectful to me. I cut them off. No more spending on brats except my son. At least my son is so grateful to me. If I have a grateful nephew, I don't mind to help and guide to a better future, but you can't trust them they are proven to you they are entitled brats.
I THINK IT THE LACK OF RESPECT THAT CAUSES FAMILY TO SEEK MONEY TO NO END
so true I was Disrespected over and over.....I learned my lessons the hard way.
My friend is guilty of this. She has given them so much money to her brother and sister. They don't pay her back. But demand for her to help them out.
Dear caller, do not feel obligated to pay for your families poor financial decisions! I did this game with my parents (briefly) and decided to break this game up years ago. They are so broke and still play that manipulative game with all of my siblings and oldest child. Its a circus that I choose to not attend! I have been ostracized because I won’t enable this illness! Take care of your family’s finances. I told my Dad sorry but that my money has to go to my kids! Be strong and don’t enable them!
Good advice Dave and Dr John!
You're taking away from your own family. SAY NO!! because it will never stop If you don't.
I only had to borrow money once (for school) from my mom and she graciously lent it to me. I was hoping to keep my ROTH IRA but sadly I had to liquidate it to pay her.. just an unfortunate financial lesson to learn! Good lord I don't know how people can be THIS bad with money. You can't change THEIR spending habits.
I just pretend I’m broke and no one asks me for money anymore. It works well. I don’t flaunt my money around either so they can’t say things like well you have a nice car or any of that stuff.
Just wondered what you do say when you do have to make a big purchase? As people will wonder where money is coming ftom.....
Live your life and make whatever purchases you want - you owe nobody an explanation - had you been living in a ghetto and scavenging in dustbins, would they accommodate you??? Life is short - enjoy your life♥️♥️
If you keep bailing them out then you are enabling them. If you love them, just say no.
Stop right now! Been here before! Don't bother offering advice, to do a budget with them, paying for FPU, stipulations, blah blah blah. Waste of time! Stop lending/giving them money right now! Do not discuss finances with them whatsoever! Don't tell them what you're doing with your money. Plead poverty! When they call and ask you for money tell them you have your own financial issues and can't help them. They know that you're their personal back up. STOP NOW as you're only harming yourself in the long run and they will never learn as long as you keep bailing them out.
Yep. Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm.
@Rose-Marie Lewis - EXACTLY! I felt my sister thought of me as HER backup plan. Years ago, she asked for gas money. I offered to bring her Dave’s Total Money Makeover book. She said I could bring it over, but she wouldn’t read it. I should have stopped lending her money from that point on. I’m done helping her. Time to let her see the results of her financial irresponsibility. Might be the wake up call she needs.
@@donwayne1357I love that!!
Yep and you won't reach your goals as a result. They will be on standby for infinity
The people with the "Family First"tattoo on their chest. Goodness people will rob you blind just because you're related to them. Not saying not to help people but give if you can give, don't ever feel obligated.
Her family is asking for her money, and she wonders if talking through a budget with them is overstepping 😵💫
Right? At the very least they OWE HER the time for that.
“I don’t support another persons lifestyle”. A good thing to just put out there....
Don’t allow your emotions overpower your intelligence!
That’s entirely on you for letting people take advantage
It's a bit like "fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me". Once can be a real emergency and then interest-free family money is better than slavery-inducing bank money. But it better be a real life-threatening emergency. However when it keeps happening, it's the ruthless exploitation of the giver. The one making repeated demands considers themselves and their life to be more important and valuable than the giver and what the giver might use the money for in their own life. I experienced this both in the money and the work domains. People claimed a desperate situation to make me work for them and spend a lot of money trying to help them. When they misappropriated the money and I complained, they dropped me like a rock and started to defame me publicly. Never again. These days, I just tell such people how they can help themselves. Words are for free. Thank your enemies for making you wiser.
Just say something like my financial advisor has all our extra money tied up right now. Tell them you don’t have it.
Wow. Same thing with my sister. Asks for money but doesn’t want to take my advice.
It's funny I'm in the same situation and live in the same city! It's hard helping family who won't help themselves.
It's easy to say no. Especially to family ! Just because we're related doesn't mean I allow your dis-function to enter my life. Nope..
"She won't lose weight when you don't eat" ( 2:37 )
I find it incredibly insulting that someone will take my money but not my advise and put it into action. Do.the.things.- this statement keeps my family from asking me for money. They know better.
I have had this problem with my in laws and extended family. Good advise I hope she has the backbone to stand up. If she puts a boundary up they are gonna go crazy. Stand firm. My wife and I had to and they went crazy on my wife who is pregnant! That’s how crazy these people are. Stand strong.
I never had money issues with family until my dad was in his last illness. A lawyer helped me say no. But I wish I had known about setting boundaries earlier. They felt they could drop in unannounced when I had a new baby and at other inconvenient times, and I didn’t know I could set boundaries. Actually, once I did try asking my mom to speak to her brother about it, but I don’t believe she ever did. This means she was more concerned about upsetting him than protecting me. I’m an old woman now, and this still makes me angry.
Money is fungible. When you give someone like that $500, you enable them to waste their own money, then have the loss made up by you.
The best example of the Filipino family 😂
Iam in this mess for decades😢😢, all my family and relatives wants is money money money, there's no charting without asking for money. I started working @ the age of 8yrs old. When I am down, I am alone 😢. I did gave then too much to the point i went into debt. I wanted to take my life several times, do you think they care nop nop. I told them to count me out of the family / relationship. Thanks a lot. I will take this advice into much more consideration.
"You are not morally or spiritually obligated; I set you free".
🙏 Thank you Dave. I felt those words in my bones.
Yes and Amen!
I lent my niece $100 but it came with a due date and an explanation of what she's going to do differently to not come up short next month.
If I ever win the lottery, I'm going to disappear.
If I ever win the lottery I will tell no one! I will quietly and anonymously help those I want to help and who deserve some help.
Imagine giving them money for the next 10-20 years instead of trying to teach them over the next 10-20 years. Either you’re going to be down with them or celebrating with them.
They may have an income problem not a management nor spending problem. In my opinion an income issue is far worst because there are no easy solutions to fix it!!
@@donaldlyons17 An income problem is the same on a higher level. They were too lazy to work hard and develop themselves with education or training to reach for the higher paying jobs.
@@donaldlyons17 Buying a home you can't afford isn't an income problem (mentioned in the video). That's a financial literacy problem. I was the person who bought things I had no business buying and wish I had solid mentors to keep me in check.
@@donnyj9487 Well some people don’t buy the cheapest stuff possible but without enough income even cheap does not work. I still say a expensive house one ant afford is an income issue because if they had the income they could afford it.
Here’s how I interpret “family should help family!” Where is the person who’s using that crutch as a means to be a mooch going to be in my time of need? In most cases, they don’t know your name when you need something from them. I don’t lend or give money to anyone who refuses to take ownership of their own bad decision making. I feel no compulsion to enable someone’s irresponsible behavior.
Just because you were born into the same family doesn't obligate you. You didn't make that decision
How would she feel if her husband were doing the same thing? Learn some boundaries and enrich your marriage.
Yeah. Feel sorry for the husband. I wouldn’t tolerate her or them if I were him. But that’s me.
It's disrespectful and it gets old.
This has been me for years. I’m finally seeing the light.
Nothing changes if nothing changes!
If you say “No” once, it gets easier and easier, and eventually they’ll stop asking.
These type of discussions never get old, but the fact that we have to keep having these discussions is getting old 😂.
Interesting take on this topic. Doesn't really fly in those Asian countries well. It's practically mandatory you support family even if you break yourself
I could hear the weigh lift off her shoulders when Dave told her that he sets her free from taking care of her sisters.
Man, it would feel sooooo good to say "sorry y'all, but not only do I not have any liquid, but every cent of my income is either invested or earmarked"!
"But here's a book that may help. "
Are you a sociopath?? It never feels good to say no to family when they are on a sinking financial ship and at risk of loosing their home etc, or not being able to buy food for their kids if they have them. Is it their own fault, yes, BUT it's def not something that should make you feel good!
@@bettysmith4527 wait, did you just call me a "SOCIOPATH"? And you agreed it would feel okay, if it was their own fault. WHICH 100% OF THE TIME IT *IS"!! These sisters are in trouble because they made bad choices.
@@bettysmith4527 having healthy boundaries and saying no to an unreasonable request (this callers example) does not make someone a sociopath.
@@bettysmith4527 enabler
@@siegfriedbraun5447 umm, no that was my points It does not feel good, no matter what the situation, and if you think it feels good then, yes you are a bit of a narcissist in my opinion!
My favorite response when saying no, "I don't have any money for that right now." I put that sentence on repeat every time they put the question on repeat.
Family: can I borrow money?
Me: I wish I could but I'm broke
You : I need help
Family : i dont have the time
@@kojinmaster hahaha what you are leaving out is the four thousand five hundred dollars the family member has already borrowed and has yet to repay.
"You make $30K a month, all I need is $500
@@aolvaar8792 you need five hundred dollars? I need my fence repaired
@@Winnie-Kay
Your Comment: " I wish I could but I'm broke"
Be careful when you flat out lie.
The example I used: "You make $30K a month, all I need is $500", would mean that you're flat out lying or really bad money management.
It's on par with: "I'd rather burn the $500, than give it to you"
The truth is simple never spend more than you have but we all know people that don’t want to do without it’s their problem. It’s funny though they look to people that save their money and pray on their mercy. It’s just bull.
They can't learn to walk on their own if you're always the crutch
Oh, I say no all the time. It’s pretty easy 😌
Exactly. No is a complete sentence.
@@ematique4392 I promise that you have the strength 😌
My sister always asking me for vanity items. Now she has me giving money to people to buy stuff for her. I'm done with that.
I know someone whose mom does this to her. Both the mom and her sister are on government assistance. The mom calls the oldest daughter ( who went and got a job right out of school ) and wants her to give her money for food and doc visits ( gas ) and other expenses, which the elderly mother then helps out her sister with. This has been going on for years. Sadly, she feels guilty if she doesn't help the mother. The younger sister even went behind her back and got power of attorney over the mother, and she had the mother give her the house! The oldest daughter didn't get anything!
@ang9968 Yes its that guilt feeling that got to me all the time. Thankfully I mustered up the courage to say no. Since last October it's been, emergency only.
Enabling seems right in the moment but it’s actually just tying and anchor to their leg
Say NO, MY money is going to retirement.
I funded a retirement account for my younger brother and he literally does not care. He just wants the money now.
Yikes.
😮😮Stop it