I'd LOVE an update on that 1st story. I hope OP got out of there. There's no need to stick around in the hope the dad will pay for college because the new wife will likely make sure ALL of his resources go to her kids. OP will be doing themselves a HUGE favor by getting out now, because things are only going to get worse.
You are absolutely right. And OP was given good advice: go scorched earth with dad and stepmom. Out them. Tell every relative. Take it to social media. Take it to the neighbors. Post the whole story, fishy circumstances of the speedy "new" relationship and everything on social media. Every platform possible. Pictures of the carnage they created with OP'S possessions...pictures of how nice dad is treating new family as opposed to how he treats OP. Expose them all, while making clear OP doesn't blame the kids. Then watch the results. I don't think staying quiet would save OP'S education fund if she has one: it has already financed the new life is being used on the new family. I bet you anything. Mine was. There are no benefits to staying silent about this...the bad treatment will escalate anyway.
If it were me I’d have packed up my stuff and called my mom’s family and asked if I could come live with them. I’d have just done it without telling anyone. If Dad tried to stop me I’d say “It’s clear your new family is more important to you than the old one.” As for college, I’d assume I was on my own for that.
I found the story on Reddit, it's only two days old so she's still processing and literally putting her bed back together that they disassembled and threw in a pile along with everything else she had.
@@jessicacaudron4095 omg. This isn’t the “basement is bigger and better as a room” scenario. If it was that the dad would have waited and helped OP move and reset up her belongings. This is literally throwing out the unwanted child. The new family showed her, her new place in life. She is now officially Cinderella.
Story 1: if I were OP, I'd go track down every single thing of her mom's belongings that she still wants and hide them someplace safe. I'd make sure my mom's jewelry and any other valuables that she had promised to me would also be in my possession. I'd hide those at the Aunt's house so they'd be safe from the step-mom and her kids.
Her mom's engagement ring is missing. Op is unsure if it's there because OP's dad had expressed interest in the ring to give to his new beau. Luckily mom said the ring should go to OP in her will so she can get it back and the law will back them up if dad and stepmom refuse.
OP should talk to her aunt or any other relatives that might agree to take her in. Living in what we hope is a nicely furnished basement would be fine if they had talked with her about it. But it's the nasty way they treat her that makes it where she should leave.
OP should talk to her aunt or any other relatives that might agree to take her in. Living in what we hope is a nicely furnished basement would be fine if they had talked with her about it. But it's the nasty way they treat her that makes it where she should leave.
@@geegeeBk Ha yeah good luck with that. By law yes it should go to OP and she should be given it. But should be and reality are very different. Dad and Stepmom both swear under oath that they have no idea what could have happened to it. It must have gotten lost when moving things around. They might even blame OP. Claiming they gave her the ring and she must have lost it. Reality stepmom has it hidden somewhere, stepdaughter has it or the stepmother hocked it.
Mans thought she would come back, be docile, and not fuss about it. He didnt think "She wouldnt mind", he expected her not to mind due to his "reasons".
It doesn't have to be it, but it's insane either way. The way it probably happened - the father was in grief and the woman with 2 children jumped him and abused his weakness....Either that or cheating. Both speak very badly of the new step-mom....
Is there a playbook on how to alienate your kids after a divorce or death of a spouse that is going around? Seriously this man is just making errors left and right and driving his child OP away. Did they do grief therapy? Moving OP out of their room without even talking about it? This will not end well unless they get some counseling and boundaries set asap.
Hard to believe that any kind of a decent woman would get with and marry a "grieving" widower 8 months after his wife's death and then come in and treat her new step-daughter so horribly. Step-mom is the epitome of the evil step-mother.
@@USMC6976 Just to clarify, 8 mos till they got married, but started seeing her after a month. Waaay too quick. I'm with some of the other commenters, he was already seeing her before. *Or* he's a complete reptile "Oh, that one's dead. Fine I'll get a new one." Either scenario is creepy.
The father basically kicked his own child out of their room behind their back, but no, OP is acting like a spoiled, selfish brat'? Seriously? Me thinks STEPMOM is the one who came up with the idea of 'switching rooms' and daddy dearest needed to make his new beau happy. I'm so sick and tired of hearing/reading these stories where a mom and dad turning his or her back to their own flesh and blood for a 'new family' and then has the audacity to get mad at said children he or she just tossed aside for being hurt by HIS or HER actions. And stepmom needs to shut her trap. She doesn't get a say. OP is NOT her child.
I think op should check her jewelery, clothes and other valubles they might have been repurposed to the stepsibbelings or mom since 'she is going to college soon anyway'
He started dating his coworker and soon to be new wife a a month after his wife died. Anyone who believes he wasn't cheating on the deceased wife, I have a bridge in Brooklyn I want to sell you.
The fact OP's dad hasn't considered OP's feelings at all through any of this pisses me off. "Oh, your mum died? Here's my new family". Without giving OP barley any time to grieve. OP spends time with family and returns to a different bedroom, in the basement away from everyone without being asked. How can parents do that to their kids? It must be too much change and stress for OP to handle. Also, the fact OP's Stepmum just openly says, "selfish, spoiled brat. Ground her from everything" speaks volumes. They are all making OP feel unwelcome and bullying her. It wouldn't surprise me if they talk about OP behind her back constantly.
@@velvety2006 guaranteed the stepdaughter has taken stuff of OP's, especially if they packed her stuff up. If OP has anything of her late mothers it's probably not in her possession anymore. The worst thing, she wouldn't be allowed it back. The people she's living with are absolutely vile, so I'm not surprised if they've stooped that low.
"How dare you wear lotion and perfume, now you can't help with the baby!" "Congratulations, you just figured out WHY I wore the perfume and lotion! Watch your own kid."
Story 1 is the same reason why I don't have a good relationship with my father 20 years later. Being tossed aside for the NEW family if an awful feeling.
I lived this exact story .. my mom passed and 3 months later my dad remarried a total stranger . He met her 2 weeks after my mom passed . When she moved in with her 3 kids , she removed all my moms stuff while I was away at school and didn't get to keep anything but one cook book . She gave it all to the DI . She made my dad add on to my mom's home and then sell it 6 months later . My dad built her a home right next store to my mom's. 12 years of pure hell later they divorced... I got married as soon as I turned 18 and got out !
What a nasty piece of work she was! Hope she didn’t get everything though. Like you say, you got out. Enjoy your life now and be thankful you’re not a money-grabbing twisted old baggage like you know who. 🍀🍀
Story1: NTA. Daddy is disgusting. Any fool can see he was cheating on his late wife. He failed as a husband, and now as a father. Moving OP's stuff while she was gone was such a cowardly move. I hope OP discards him, as easily as he discarded her.
And then let karma come and make his "AP" I mean "New Wife" divorce his ass later down the road and divorce rape him! It would be the cherry on top of the shit sundae he made for himself! Losing his daughter AND his AP/New Wife" along with his shit! It's what he deserves
Even if he was it is not relevant. OP has only one complaint, that the move was done without her knowledge or consent. Everything else stems directly from OP thinking she has even the slightest bit of say in what her father does in his love life.
@@Snipergoat1 Aren't you naive. If daddy betrayed mom's memory with cheating - and it's clear that he did - it is very much OP's concern. If daddy is such a spineless simp to his new woman, it directly impacts OP.
@@Snipergoat1 agreed, but that's already quite a big thing to move your daughter's stuff behind her back. I disagree with the comments that say nobody moves on so fast, and assume OP 's father must be cheating, but he is rolling over for his new wife far too easily. At the very least she should have been informed before and be allowed to move her stuff herself, even if she were already in college (which she wasn't).
Why do people think that just because your sibling is getting Married means she deserves some ones artistic endeavors? The song writer isn't being selfish. The sister is.
S1, Op please double check your belongings and list them ,if any of your belongings are missing please contact the police and report the items stolen including any jewellery that is valuable money wise .Your dad is going to learn that his actions could have consequences for him and his new family as they could be charges as a thief and also contact CPS and report your dad and step mother for their actions towards you as your living quarters must be up to a certain building code .NTA
Step mother doesn’t know what she’s talking about, she’s a home-wrecker witch with two stupid kids and taking over Op’s life and take her stuff, what an old hag!
Perfume and body glitter lotion worn by someone else makes a mom take care of her own children? Take note, people, you now have the perfect way to keep someone from dumping their offspring onto you!
'being a mom is hard' and keeping your legs closed or using protection is not. Op should see this as a sign, when he and finacee have kids they will always be less important than sisters
Well at least now we know who the golden child is and who is the 'less loved kid is' The sister at least has an excuse (be it a feeble one ) that she was raised this way and enabled most of her life) but the parents are just aweful! OP please go NC with all of them and great job for standing up for your partner!
I have a 1.5 month old. When I go to the grocery store, hang out with friends or just chilling at home, she's with me. The only time someone else takes care of my baby, (mainly my 17 year old daughter) is when they ask. And, when they're finished I take her back. If you don't want to take care of children then stop having them or don't have them at all...🙄
S4: OP is NTA. Wifey is on a power trip. Stand your ground OP. You've offered very valid compromises which she has rejected. You're not being petty or stubborn. You're being realistic. You only have 10 vacation days. You have the right to not spend them all in one place at one time. She divided up her 5 weeks of vacation days. You should be able to do so as well.
Op should plan his own vacation without telling the wife and when times comes, just go on his vacation before she can stop him with the message "tag! You're it!" Also, leave a code for the kids to use for a real emergency that his wife isn't allowed to have so that she can't trick him into going where she wants.
Welcome in the womans world.. this is what woman always have to suffer if hubby get promoted and have to move.. and it is just the hyprocrite side of reddit to pay attention now it happen to a male.
I'd tell her you have 3 options and ONLY these 3. 1 I come with for 1 WEEK only. 2 You go ALONE for 2 weeks. 3 NOBODY goes. Now take your pick and I won't hear another word or else you can kiss option 1 goodbye
Story 4: NTA. If I was allowed that much vacation time but my spouse isn’t I guarantee you I’d be more conservative with it. You have been working or watching the kids, you’ve been plenty supportive, now she needs to be understanding.
So not once, with all that vacation time, she didn't take a staycation and stay home for a week with the family? She always had to go out with friends on "fun" vacations leaving OP home with all the childcare except the one time she left him to have a "family" vacation with the kids? Someone is being very selfish here, and it isn't OP.
She played the jealousy card awfully quick. That sounds like guilt. She knows she holds all the cards and she plays them immediately. At least one week of staycation would have been sporting.
Jesus the people and the commenters who think OP should be forced to perform a deeply personal song intended only for the ears of a one person in a wedding because the family demands it. Just like nobody has to lend out personal jewelry or clothes or read a poem they made, a person who happened to write a personal song doesn't have to perform it in a context that they don't want to. And they're NTA for it. Anyone bullying and demanding it against the person's wishes is a complete TA, just like anyone demanding and bullying that someone lends out their private jewelry or reads private poems in the public is.
I'd say I don't really understand why not, especially if it's intended to be commercialised, but it's OP's prerogative to refuse, and would agree that insisting for that long is inconsiderate from his family.
Exactly. The song represents HIS thoughts and deep personal feelings and he can do wtf he wants with them when and how he wants! He has freedom for HIS expression and speech after all.
@@barvdw Because it is his song. If he never intended to publicize it and just put it away forever, it is still his song. His no is not being respected, and the sister can pick any number of a billion songs out there. This is about her getting what she wants. She has no rights to his property, and he needs to copywrite his work.
@@saran.4001 ho, I agree, maybe I wasn't entirely clear, but of course OP has every right to refuse to perform it for whatever reason, even if I don't fully comprehend why he wouldn't, it shouldn't matter, people who love you should respect your boundaries.
Story 1: Any parent who doesn't give their children a reasonable time before dating after losing a partner and then do shit like this is an absolute monster
Agreed. But i reallly dont think they started to date a month later. They just made it official a month later. The relationship was ongoing when OPs mom was still alive.
I would find a maternal side relative to move in with and tell my dad to shovel it were the sun does not shine. you lost him already. he is saying he does not need you so you tell him that you do not need him. move out and block all of those jerks
not long after my dad passed my mom ran into her first EX fiancé's sister and she asked my mom Andy misses you would you consider taking him back he wants to rekindle WHAT YOU TWO HAD BACK THEN and my mom said NOPE ABSOLUTLY NOT I have no feelings for him what so ever I have my daughter and my son and they are all I will ever need and I don't want that PIECE of SLIMEBALL GARABAGE as their FATHER and she told her 1) I'm not over losing my husband I'm still adjusting to being a WIDOW and 2) my teenage children I was in my second year of high school and my bother was in middle school and we were still grieving the loss of our father so she said I'm not doing that to them it's not fair to them and it's not fair to me so the answer is NO and HOW DEAR YOU INSIST that your SLEEZEBALL CHEATING BROTHER AND I GET BACK TOGETHER
My dad said that he thought I wouldn’t mind… 😂😂😂 that guy is a pathetic gaslighting AH! The fact that he could say this with a straight face is a testament to his lack of decency.
Probably thinks his deceased wife "wouldn't mind" he was lining up some nookie since she was on the way out. I hope OP goes NC before dad becomes ill and "has to come home to tend to her father". Unreal.
Wedding song story: sing the song at the wedding, but rewrite the lyrics to include your girlfriend's name as many times as possible. Bonus points if you include girlfriend's full name, not just first name. Extra bonus points if you end the song by proposing to your girlfriend in the middle of the reception.
Story 1: OP is nicer than me. I would be calling all family members and asking to move in with them. If sperm donor objects, just ask him how the courts will look on the fact that she has no bedroom anymore and the reason why. I would ask Gold Digger how proud she is to go after someone who's wife wasn't even the ground long enough for grass to grow. I'd also make sure to tell everyone that they know that they were most cheating on my mother. I would go scorched earth and make their lives absolute hell before cutting him out forever. If he can have that little regard for his biological daughter, he can fuck off and enjoy my absence.
Before going scorched Earth, make sure you have ground to stand on. Dad only need respond to any of that with "My daughter is an idiot." evn though he would probably use nicer words. It is fairly easy to make a person throwing a temper tantrum look like an immature idiot. They are doing half the work themselves. As far as your absence goes, I really don't see how that would be a loss to someone you thought was throwing you out anyway.
Story One: Wow. I think we can all agree that the dad was probably having some kind of affair with that coworker while the mom was still alive, right? Geeze, poor kid. Story Two: Wow, what a judgmental poster. Yeah, total idiot move there. Look, I was kind of a fuckup of a kid, but my parents still took me on family trips. Story Three: "Why did you wear perfume and body glitter? Don't you know that I was going to dump my kids on you?" The thing that gets me is how the rest of the family went "It's not hard to cater to her every whim". Like, yeesh, total Golden Child, it seems like. Story Four: Man, the OP is being totally reasonable with his offers, but his wife sounds like she's being totally unreasonable. Like, OP only has so many vacation days. NTI, OP. Story Five: Wow, the sister should back off. The OP's offer to write a special song for the sister is more than reasonable. That YTA comment on this story is stupid.
Story 5: You can bet any money that if OP did as the YTA commenter said than Sissy will have a MASSIVE hissy fit about 'how could OP ruin my wedding day - that song was meant to be about me not his girlfriend - this was my wedding day' and so on and so forth
3 op should tell the parents 'i will tell sister that you will gladly take over the caring duties from now on' and the fiancee should wear the perfume on a regular basis if it acts as a repelent lol
I don't recall the "no perfume or lotion " from when my boys were little. If gf was never told, then it's no big deal. But now everyone knows how to get out of babysitting.
Not only is this sister entitled AF but she is also batcrap crazy to think she can govern how other people dress/smell/etc when she is fobbing off her kids on others. 😂😂😂
If it's known this woman has a habit of dumping her baby on anyone available, if you don't want to be conscripted into baby service, pound on the Chanel Number Five! Ralph Lauren made me sick in college. The.Poison made me SICK out in clubs after I moved to Philly. White Diamonds made me sick out in the suburbs.I could handle the Fendis but only in small quantities, too sweet.
Story one, I agree 100% with the advice OP was given. It's excellent. Just a few add-ons: (1) talk to counselors at school. That official paper trail of mistreatment and the emotional devastation it wrought will be helpful if OP needs to sue because she finds out she won't be getting any college help or access to any money her mom put aside for her because dad spent it all on new family or stepmom has seized it for her kids with his cooperation. (2) talk to the neighbors. Especially those next door. Make sure everyone knows every detail. Dad deserves the looks he will be getting. (3) INVENTORY EVERYTHING. If Stepmom felt entitled to go though everything OP owns, things are likely to be missing. Also, the things which belong to OP but were in other parts of the house besides her room, things like photos, large items like a piano or a chair or small kitchen appliances(I had a juicer, yogurt maker, blender and some baking pans and other items which were mine, given to me by family or friends or bought my me but which were kept in the kitchen) Same with other items. I had ome things like badminton stuff, a volleyball, scooter, etc. kept in garage. OP probably does, too. Also: check anything left by OP'S mom for her in safety deposit boxes or other ostensibly safe places. Stepmom may have appropriated items for her own or her children's use...or dad may have gifted them. Anyone in that situation should find out ASAP if something is gone, while it's provenance (if given outright to new family)is still easy to establish and any valuables sold off are still traceable and possibly recoverable.
Babysitting. YAY now you and your wife found the perfect repellent. Wear that lotion an perfume at EVERY gathering so you can be free and not look after other peoples kids.
“ You made that painting for your girlfriend? You should let me use it for my wedding invitations! “ OP singing the song he wrote for his girlfriend at his sister’s wedding will make it THEIR special song. They will run onto the dance floor and she will do everything in her power it claim it as “ The first song we danced to as a married couple!” N.T.A.
Story 3: She now knows how to stop the kids being dumped on her. Always wear or carry a supply of strong perfume and glitter anytime she goes where the kids might be.
Yes every wedding song played at wedding was probably written by someone who was inspired by a true love. On the other hand, those same writers sold it to make money and be published for everyone to hear. In this story, OP wrote it for his gf. What he was going to do with later, is another story.
I would just say no, then I said no, then talk to the hand cause the ears aren't listening. Then either ignore them or block them. They can wanting one hand and poop in the other to which fills first. They can't make you do what you don't want to do.
Most family vacations revolve around the family members living at home. While some families still invite the adult children and their offspring; they are usually expected to finance their own immediate family on the trip. OP is correct, the oldest moved out and lives in a different state, he doesn't have to be included. It would be nice if they asked and went from there as it may depend on where they plan to go. Just to the beach? Nice. Or maybe somewhere geared for small children? No thanks. I know at 19, I wouldn't have wanted to go with 4 young children and would be afraid I was only invited to help with the childcare or actual babysitting.
This. Like it really seems like everyone's just assuming and borrowing trouble without even asking the son his imput. I mean the 'kid' lives in another state, maybe he doesn't want to go through the trouble of being picked up any more than OP wants to do it. I for one started opting out of family vacations the second I had my own wheels for the most part, and that was with siblings that were actually 'my age" (us older set were all within a few years of eachother). LIke I can't imagine being crammed in with my parents and a bunch of much younger siblings just in the name of 'together time' , unless they were going somewhere Dad knew his son always wanted to go.
Selfsh Wife and the Trip home to see her family-. OP, you are absolutely correct: she is emotionally abusing you, and taking advantage of her Husband for HER TO LIVE A SINGLE LIFE, and having the Sweet Wife... cough... husband to keep the home fires burning. You need to set a major precedence here: Take 5 days of your vacation BEFORE THE HOLIDAYS. Then you give her a choice: she brings the kids home alone, or she comes home with you and takes care of the kids- BY HERSELF- while you are at work. Eventually, you need to tell her: I gave you one year to act like a Single Lady taking all these trips without me and without the kids. You have vacation days, BUT YOU TURNED YOUR BACK ON YOUR FAMILY! If you insist on doing this for the rest of our lives, I'm taking the kids back home, and you can pay me child support.
Or he can file for divorce so that she really can live the single life. Then she can pay him spousal support and possibly child support if he gets primary custody since she's taking off so much.
The Daddy Relegated Me to the Basement Story: Let me take a minute to express my appreciation for that Frank L. Baum classic tale, The Wizard of Oz. Not only is it chockful of psychological insight through the principal characters, but it provided a term, via a subset of players we saw just once in the 1939 movie version -- flying monkeys!
I wouldn't want the one song my brother made specifically for his fiancee. I'd always think of them when I heard the song. If the sister wants her own song, she should ask OP to help her and give OP a list of some of their favorite things about her fiance that OP can turn into lyrics like Trina's song from Tori in Victorious. That way everyone is happy and the song really is perfect for them without taking away from OP.
Yes. I wonder if the YTA comments were sister, fiancee, or parents. I would rather have a song written just for me instead of a song written for someone else. This has probably taught him a lesson to not play any more of his music for them.
1. NTI. The audacity to steal your room without asking and then to want to punish OP for "not wanting to get to know them". What did they do to "get to know her" other than going through and touching all her stuff without permission? Leave and never look back. Perhaps your aunt will take you in. Do NOT apologize to your father or his wife.
Story 1. NTA. Even removing all intent behind their actions and discounting history, forcing a change upon someone else against their will like this and trying to justify it after the fact when it's not an essential matter is scummy. Especially considering this involved handling someone else's property without consent as well. Story 2. YTA. A parent wants to invite a direct blood relative (their own child) to a FAMILY vacation. It's not up to anyone else to decide whether or not the son will enjoy it or if it's financially a correct decision. Let the boy be invited. If he says no, OP gets their wish anyway. If he does want to join, that shows he cares about spending time with OP and his step/half siblings and that can only be a benefit in the long run for the family. In that case they can use it as motivation for him to WORK for his slot in the vacation. Story 3. NTA. The sister's children are her responsibility. Good on OP for protecting your fiancé from being used by your relatives. Story 4. NTA. Op has a limited resource (free time) and the spouse has far more. The spouse is not entitled to ensure OP uses all that limited resource on things the spouse finds important and leave none for the OP's own priorities. It should be equally spread among things. The fact that OP is willing to spend half their free time on their spouse's desires is MORE than generous. Story 5. NTA. OP made a very special thing for themselves and their significant other they haven't shared with anyone but their direct family yet. If it is first introduced in front of the entire family in the context of the sibling's wedding, it means it risks being associated with the memory of that wedding forever, by the entire family. Thus removing any of the special factor of it being for OP and their beloved and transferring its 'ownership' in the minds of many people to the sibling. OP doesn't want that and is willing to make a different special thing just for their sibling's wedding.
14:49 That's just selfish and entitled, just like the sister and family. If he sings it at their wedding, that's THEIR song now. True, it may not lose it's meaning for the girlfriend, but any time it's played after in front of anyone else will just make it all about the wedding to anyone else in attendance. It won't matter if he makes some speech about how it was originally for his girlfriend or whoever. From that moment on it'll be all about sister and her husband.
@peregreena9046 heck with a private proposal. Call the gf before singing it. Sing it directly to her. "I wrote this for someone incredibly special to me. And my sister wanted it for her wedding. I hope you like it, gf."
My family cut us off from "family" vacations, as we moved away from home. We're all full siblings, and our parents are still married. Once I turned 19, I never went on a family vacation again. I went on vacation WITH my family, where I met them at the hotel, paid for my own room, and my own entertainment.
Dang the dad in story one tho. "My child has all these feelings still about her literal mother dying, but like, jeez kid move on already it's been like, months, I already moved on to my affair family, I don't know why she's still sad even though it's pretty obvious she lost the only parent who cared much about her needs or feelings. I'd be fine if my mother died. I got her a new mom and everything so I don't know why she won't accept her as able to discipline her just because she's like already mostly grown- why doesn't she respect and love this stranger who treats her with impatience, insensitivity, and disrespect? I mean, that's how *I* treat her so she should be used to it by now. It's just so weird."
4th story... Use all your vacation days. And whenever she wants to go on a fun trip tell her you can't stay home to watch the kids because she made you use all your vacation days already. Tell your boss why you absolutely need to work coming into office!
Story 1 - I majored in human development and it is so frustrating seeing these parents constantly abuse their children. OP, when a parent dies , it is TRAUMATIC for the entire family. In the case of death or divorce, a new partner should be introduced SLOWLY with therapy. The new partner should have an opportunity to get to know the child (and bond with them) BEFORE they move in and disrupt their home. So many parents destroy their child's safe place, after a traumatic event, and then demand they play "happy family". The truth is... OP's Dad is not thinking about his children AT ALL. He is only thinking about his own needs (sexual and mental needs). The father doesn't care if he destroys his children's home, as long as his needs are fulfilled. OP, you are NOT in the wrong. And the step mom sounds evil. There is so much wrong in this story. OP, if your Dad is planning on paying for your college - play nice until you graduate. And then leave and never look back. Lastly, you are going to need therapy to deal with the resentment. Good luck, OP. Your Dad sucks and it's not your fault.
Story 1: NTA. True some people move on faster than others, but 1 MONTH? Did he even check in with you or did he just start dating? Their is some major Red flags here.
I hope an update comes for this one, and it DOES prove that her dad was cheating on her mom before she died. Then, I hope the "dad" and new family are ostracized by EVERY.ONE.OF.OP'S.RELATIVES.
Story 1: why nobody didn't advice her to go straight to CPS? She's still minor, probably still on highschool (being soon on college doesn't mean she's in final year of her HS) and she needs to know her rights. And daddie and stepmommie needs to be put on their place.
Story 4: Dude you are not the idiot and do not back down. She needs to compromise. You have stayed home and watched the kids and you just want a few days break out of 10 while she gets 5 weeks and you covered for her. Dude she is on a major power trip.
Ugh, last story hits every single artist ever RIGHT in the chest! No, MY art is not for YOU to claim. If any artist in any form were to create something that can be used publicly, they will create it with that very intention. If they didn't, no one has any right to it that the artist doesn't give. Stupid contrarian made me so mad lol.
I feel the same way that "it doesn't cost you anything " made me rage lol, I hate how people want to get their grubby hands in your art but puts you down at the same time as if we wave a magical wand and voila instant art no effort required 🙄🙄🙄 I'm a writer one of my friends asked me as a wedding gift for me to write their vows, they didn't plagiarized my former work, didn't try to steal my unreleased poetry, they didn't pressured me either. But some people are just entitled AHs lol must admit that OP's family and that YTA comment made my blood boil.
I was under the impression that he intended it to be made public, perhaps even commercialised. With that impression, I must say I don't really understand why he refused, but he has every right to do so, and his family are jerks for being so insisting.
He has every right to refuse singing the song at his sisters wedding. The song is HIS thoughts, deep feelings, and words and he is free to express them when and how the fck he wants, published or not. She can write her own damn song and STFU.
Visiting family is not a vacation. You have obligations to others and generally get roped into everyday tasks. OPs comprise is perfectly reasonable. One week for family, one week for an actual vacation, which is required for mental health
There is a huge misconception over what helping out someone with kids involves and how much of raising children is required to be done by the actual parents.
Golden Child Sister dumps kids on everyone else- Where is her Husband or the Baby Daddies? Sorry, OP, your sister is a narcissist and she's trained yoru parents to be her Body Guards/Accomodators. Your sister is trying to train your fiancee to be her Nanny, and you are absolutley correct in defending your fiancee. For now, YOU should take your sister's kids as their Uncle. Tell her you want to Bond. After 5 minutes give them to your parents. They are the Grand Parents and should ALWAYS want to take care of those brats.. ugh... grand kids. Yes, your STB Wife, should wear her purfume and cosmetics to her heart's content, and explain to your sister: Your kids would be far more comfortable with their Grand Parents, because they don't know me and I won't be in their lives as much as their Grandparents. I can assure, THIS WILL NEVER WORK. But that gives you the emotional exhaustion to cut them out of your life entirely. You aren't quite there, yet.
Story 1 even on the off chance they weren’t having an affair dating someone a month after your spouse died is still a dick move, especially since op was still grieving and probably still is.
@@Snipergoat1 Lol. Children should be kept informed if Mom or Dad intends to date, or even still marry, especially after the significant loss of a parent. They will be in this new person's presence until they turn eighteen, and like many Reddit stories with evil stepmothers who hen-pecked the new husband, this dad may very well lose his daughter. OP is a girl grieving the loss of her mother and to have this sudden intrusion into her physical space is another slap in the face.
@@Snipergoat1 yes. unfortunatelly kids have no say about whom they are supposed to live with ... even when they're still grieving about the loss of a parent. The dad behaves like a farmer. Just replace the dead cow with another one ... as soon as possible. Thanks to this daddy doesn't have to wait too long to plunge his eager c*ck into a wet c*nt again! 😑 On the other hand, I *bet* he already f*ucked his then-mistress, now-wife the day his old wife was buried. Poor man needed to be consoled for the loss of his dead cow ... eh, I mean deceased wife.
Vacay Time Story: Wife is selfishly ignoring OP's needs - NTA. She chose to use her vacay time to galivant. Appropriate that now OP gets to use his vacay time for fun, at least in part. Hope OP sticks to his point factually and firmly.
Translation, “ You knew I would want you to take care of the baby while I had fun and enjoyed myself. How dare you wear stuff that will not let me dump my kid on yyou!”
The wife with a ton of vacation story: I side with dad. Let her see her parents, he can see them for a while and fly home and do other things. She can see them any time with her vacation, and she’s either got to travel with two kids solo or fly home early. My parents do separate trips all the time. I’m also military so I understand not wanting to spend all my vacation seeing my parents. I’d rather go off and do fun things or see new things. My parents rarely do anything, and spending time at home is the same thing. Go to the mall on Saturdays. Sit around watching tv on Sunday. Work on weekdays and I’m by myself. Just a lot of sitting around. I travel and they can go with me, or not. Compromise is key. I’ll spend SOME days, but not the entirety of my vacation time with them. I need a vacation after seeing them, lol.
Story 3, your wife wants her way or the highway. She is used to getting everything she wants and now can't even compromise. She has no respect for her husband.
Absolutely, this is going to end with her filing for divorce, she is alreading using her promotion to avoid her husband and has no concern for his sacrificing his previous job for her promotion. I can only imagine the future Reddit post from his wife wondering AITA for cheating on my husband with a guy I met on my girls only trip, because I get more vacation than him.
If any parent can kowtow to a new spouse's demands to get rid of their own biological kids in favour of stepkids, that person shouldn't be a parent at all. How can you call yourself a parent when you can throw away your own biological child like trash??
Story 2 - YTA. 100%. I hate it when parents choose to get married, disrupt the older children's safe home, and then wonder why the older children are struggling!! Because you obliterated his home. When a new partner is introduced, it should be done SLOWLY and with therapy. When kids are little, they adjust much faster. But when kids are older, they need to bond with the new partner BEFORE they move in to THEIR home! If I were OP's husband, I'd kick out her kids the SECOND they turn 18. And then she can see how selfish she is. Unbelievable.
Story 1 - It sounds like the father didn't even discuss the room change with OP in advance. She just came home and found her stuff dumped into the basement. Talk about a slap in the face!
Story 1: I have a feeling dad and new wife were closer before OP'S mom died. That part aside, new wife is coming in like the stereotypical wicked stepmonster. I am sure she grabbed dad by the johnson and talked him into moving the daughtervout while she was away, so there would be no discussion. The fact that they haphazardly put her stuff in the basement is a complete act of disrespect and a dominance move on stepmonsters part. This is not how you blend a family, this is how you dominate a new family. OP is NTA all the way and he should realize now, dad has replaced her and her mom. ETA: The new stepson couldnt live in the basement, they are same age.
It doesn't matter if he was banging the new wife on moms death bed while mom played the kazoo with her final breath. It is not relevant to the complaint. Her complaint was being moved without her knowledge or consent. Everything else is her angry at discovering she has no control over her fathers sex life, nor should she.
Story 4 Get out now while she has the better job and can't keep her hand in your pocket forever. She now thinks she wears the pants in this relationship and your place is to shut up and accept it. Unless there is a sea change in her work circumstances this will not get better.
Last story, the one commenter who said OP chose a weird hill to die on. No, OP chose an appropriate hill to die on. Wanna know the difference between OP's song and any other known love song? While yes, love songs can and are written about a specific person, we know of thise love songs because they were published for all to enjoy. OP finished his song, but he doesn't need to play it for anyone else and he hasn't published it for all to hear. This is a song he wrote for his girlfriend and it's not public at all. If he played it for his sister and her husband, they could claim it was written for them when it wasnt
Holy crap I can already say without a doubt OP in story one isn't the idiot. Losing a parent is hard! It took me years to be at complete peace with my mom's passing I couldn't imagine having my family do to me what OPs dad did to them. How awful and despicable. The wife needs to shut her mouth she has no place to say a word! Who the heck would do something like that anyway?!?! Who marries a man that quick after he lost his first spouse?!?! What a trashy woman!
Story 1: OP's Dad and coworker are huge insensitive A-holes. I hope OP goes no contact. That probably would make stepmother ecstatic. Id report father to CPS.
sad to see no mention of the fact that if the basement was so much bigger and better, why weren't they alright putting the stepsister in there instead? why wouldn't they have even bothered discussing the move before doing it? etc sounds like bs to me
Story one: contact building dept and fire dept. for an inspection to assure this is legal. There are safety and health requirements necessary. Not all communities allow bedrooms in basement. Try to home insurance policy and notify insurance company of building usage changes. Remember, son is same age as you, why wasn't he the one moved?
Final Story: NTA. Sounds like it’s everyone else’s that’s being selfish. The first thing I thought of was “If OP and his GF get married how romantic would it be if they played this song at their wedding”. Instead Sister should get a fraction of that romance because “Family”?
I would have said sis 'this is for you' then play the first section of the song, only to switch to new lyrics describing how shitty she, her husband, and my parents have been, and then tell them all to fuck off and that I'm done with them while being short enough to not get booted off the stage and leave immediately.
Basement blues: OP, you do realize that the new wife is the long-term affair partner, and more likely, the step siblings are HALF siblings... they are wanting you to fall in line to legitimize the affair... get a DNA test discretely to verify the sibling status... and if thebflying monkeys come, release it
You can tell him you’re unhappy about him remarrying, but you cannot dictate his love life. That being said what he did was completely wrong. I would’ve just looked at him and said if this is way you’re gonna treat me then once I’m gone I really hope your new daughter fully takes my place because I’ll never be back and it’ll be your own fault!
I'd go through stepmom's and step sisters things and throw them in the garbage. I'm Very Petty ! Tell your father since he threw you out you're getting your name changed.
When I was in my 20s, my stepmom invited me and my father's mother (yeah, her mother-in-law) on vacation with her, my father, and their two kids. It was fun. Quite a spread in ages, and we all had a great time on our family vacation. 😊
Story 1: Yeah, he didn't move on after a month. A month was the maximum amount of time that he could manage to convince his eager AP to stay in a holding pattern for the sake of "appearances"... even though it doesn't really alter the appearance of the situation in the slightest. She probably jumped for joy and popped some champagne when she heard that his wife was dead. If he'd waited 8 months to _start_ dating someone, that still would've been fast. But not the kind of fast that immediately sets off everyone's bullshit alarm. One could at least suspend their disbelief about a pre-existing relationship and assume that his grief had driven him to fast-track his brand-new relationship. A month is how long it should've taken a legitimately grieving widower just to _go_ back to work. Not to bring a new woman home from work.
1st story: OP see if you can move to an extended family members home until you go to uni and go low contact with your dad. OP your dad cares more for his new family than he does you his bio-child, I suspect your dad will come up with an excuse not to pay or help with uni costs.
1st story nta op it's clear that dad's wants to start over with new family without op as a constant reminder of ex wife op should take a picture send it to extended family with the caption "this is my new room since dad decided to give mine to step sister while I was away, and look how well they sorted and moved all my stuff down here, what's next dog bowls to drink and eat from?" And wait for the backlash to hit dad then call a relative to move in with, the complete direspect towards op being moved to the basment and all her stuff being rummaged and poorly packed is despicable.
Last story- Announce to everyone before you do the song that you wrote this song for your girlfriend but you were bullied into giving it to your sister for her wedding instead!!! Tell them also who bullied you- your parents and sister and her husband by calling you all kinds of names!!
Story 1: On OP's thread, in the comments OP ALSO said that a ring her mother had left to her, (mother's engagement ring) is now missing. It was a ring left to her by her mom, but her father wanted her to give it to him, so he could give it to the side piece turned evil stepmom. Stepmom knew about the ring and now it is nowhere to be found in OP's disorganized mess of a room. 100% they used the move as cover to go through OP's things in order to STEAL the ring and gaslight her into just saying it's misplaced.
Last story. Sing the song at the wedding but dedicate it to your girlfriend. NO WAY. OP needs to agree to sing it at the wedding but instead compose a new personal song, maybe title "Entitled People" and dedicate it to the bride. Or maybe write a Blue Oyster Cult parody titled "Bridezilla". I'm sure it would be a big hit with wedding DJ's. Something like... With a purposeful grimace and a terrible sound She throws a tantrum and puts her tiny foot down Helpless people at the wedding venue scramble out of her way when she's coming for you! The crowd can sense that something is wrong As she wades through the tables toward the singer of the song This isn't the song she wanted to hear Adults and children are reacting with fear. Oh No! Her demands have got to go. Go, go, Bridezilla! Oh No! There goes the microphone Go go Bridezilla, yeah Divorce Court shows again and again How nature points out the folly of men Bridezilla!
The story about the wedding song: I would write a different song, and perform it at the wedding. What could they do or say? Would they have a fit in front of everybody? Really, trying to force someone to do something sweet for you is really manipulative, and running to mom & dad about it is childish.
Dad Moved On And Let New Family Move OP To The Basement: NTA, and I am in the camp of people who believe OP's dad was unfaithful prior to the death of the mom. I agree on gathering every single thing that belongs to your bio-mother that you can and ask for a trusted family member to hold on to most of it (heirloom jewelry and things like that might need a safety deposit box at a bank) because obviously your your family has no qualms about going through your room and I'm sure they would go looking for these things.
In the second story, the last time I was invited to a family vacation I was 27 with a wife and kid… who were also invited because it was a “FAMILY” vacation.
Why the boy couldn't go downstairs in the basement why he didn't give his child to go thru her mother belongings forget mommy let daddy's side know because 9 times out of ten they would scorched earth on their behinds especially grandma and grandpa tell everybody. 😢
First Story: I'd have done as suggested...photograph *everything* that was dumped/broken and then uploaded it *all* to the 'family threads'. Let Dad and -witch- Steppymom handle the incoming hurricane(s)... 🌪
On the song story: I'd lowkey want to suggest that OP agrees, but pulls a full "My sister insisted that I perform this following song that is dedicated and created for my gf in order to honor our love at her wedding." or some such. Just full on petty malicious compliance.
I would have busted up laughing if someone got upset with me because I attended a wedding wearing perfume or anything else they didn't agree with. And then tell them to handle it. "I just love the LOVE song you wrote for your girlfriend and you HAVE to play it at MY wedding because I'm your sister and I want this SMALL favor." No, just No. The person who is calling OP the arse is about as clueless as they come. They have no idea what it can take to write something like this.
There is a kind of man that tend to remarry fast because they can’t handle not having a wife. It doesn’t mean the dad cheated but that he’s incapable of being alone.
1st story, OP get DNA of the step siblings to see if they are really half siblings. If that's the case go scorched earth on them exposing them to all family members and their bosses to get them fired. Help them to lose everything it's the very least you can do. 😄
Holy guacamole! That poor kid who lost his mom only 8 months ago. Displaced by the new step family. Grieving and feeling so alone to boot. Can he move in with another relative? New stepmother is a piece of work. Unfeeling, unkind, cold and down right mean. Dad couldn't possibly expect to continue pursuing a good relationship with his son.
Husband had 5 weeks of vacation. Sometimes he would do stuff without me. I only get 2 weeks. So we would split sometimes. If a week & half vacation w family, then I I will join few days. Then take a few fun vacation days together. It’s not fair to use all vacation w 1 family.
Sister dumping babies on family Story I HATE THIS every time we go to my girlfriends sisters house her sister does this like literally as soon as we walk in threw the door she’s NOW the mom and her sister just lays around doing fuck all Then my gf wonders why I don’t come around and go on vacations with them lol like last thing I want to do vacationing is watch someone ELSES KIDS!!
The dad was already having an affair with the coworker and those kids are his biological siblings lol
Yup, I was going to say this too.
They knew she would she would refuse so they did it behind her back. You're going to college soon. Live off campus and stick him with the bill.
Probably
Op needs to check around for a hidden will. (I bet that's what they were looking for while digging in ops stuff)
Op also needs to check for any paperwork regarding themselves and their mom period. Not just the will, but any and all that's related to them
I'd LOVE an update on that 1st story. I hope OP got out of there. There's no need to stick around in the hope the dad will pay for college because the new wife will likely make sure ALL of his resources go to her kids. OP will be doing themselves a HUGE favor by getting out now, because things are only going to get worse.
Same unfortunate that I can’t ever remember any updates being done on this otherwise great channel.
You are absolutely right. And OP was given good advice: go scorched earth with dad and stepmom. Out them. Tell every relative. Take it to social media. Take it to the neighbors. Post the whole story, fishy circumstances of the speedy "new" relationship and everything on social media. Every platform possible. Pictures of the carnage they created with OP'S possessions...pictures of how nice dad is treating new family as opposed to how he treats OP. Expose them all, while making clear OP doesn't blame the kids. Then watch the results. I don't think staying quiet would save OP'S education fund if she has one: it has already financed the new life is being used on the new family. I bet you anything. Mine was. There are no benefits to staying silent about this...the bad treatment will escalate anyway.
If it were me I’d have packed up my stuff and called my mom’s family and asked if I could come live with them. I’d have just done it without telling anyone. If Dad tried to stop me I’d say “It’s clear your new family is more important to you than the old one.” As for college, I’d assume I was on my own for that.
I found the story on Reddit, it's only two days old so she's still processing and literally putting her bed back together that they disassembled and threw in a pile along with everything else she had.
@@jessicacaudron4095 omg. This isn’t the “basement is bigger and better as a room” scenario. If it was that the dad would have waited and helped OP move and reset up her belongings. This is literally throwing out the unwanted child. The new family showed her, her new place in life. She is now officially Cinderella.
Story 1: if I were OP, I'd go track down every single thing of her mom's belongings that she still wants and hide them someplace safe. I'd make sure my mom's jewelry and any other valuables that she had promised to me would also be in my possession. I'd hide those at the Aunt's house so they'd be safe from the step-mom and her kids.
She also needs a full inventory of all her belongings as well. No telling what all went "missing" during the "move".
Her mom's engagement ring is missing. Op is unsure if it's there because OP's dad had expressed interest in the ring to give to his new beau.
Luckily mom said the ring should go to OP in her will so she can get it back and the law will back them up if dad and stepmom refuse.
OP should talk to her aunt or any other relatives that might agree to take her in. Living in what we hope is a nicely furnished basement would be fine if they had talked with her about it. But it's the nasty way they treat her that makes it where she should leave.
OP should talk to her aunt or any other relatives that might agree to take her in. Living in what we hope is a nicely furnished basement would be fine if they had talked with her about it. But it's the nasty way they treat her that makes it where she should leave.
@@geegeeBk Ha yeah good luck with that. By law yes it should go to OP and she should be given it. But should be and reality are very different. Dad and Stepmom both swear under oath that they have no idea what could have happened to it. It must have gotten lost when moving things around. They might even blame OP. Claiming they gave her the ring and she must have lost it.
Reality stepmom has it hidden somewhere, stepdaughter has it or the stepmother hocked it.
Fast remarriage story: when the dad said he thought that OP wouldn't mind 🙄
Right, that is why the move was done when OP was away.
Dad was sleeping with AP long before mom died. Supposed stepkids are likely his bio-kids.
A
Mans thought she would come back, be docile, and not fuss about it. He didnt think "She wouldnt mind", he expected her not to mind due to his "reasons".
AND seriously? a month? They were cheating with each other. Had to be!
It doesn't have to be it, but it's insane either way. The way it probably happened - the father was in grief and the woman with 2 children jumped him and abused his weakness....Either that or cheating.
Both speak very badly of the new step-mom....
Is there a playbook on how to alienate your kids after a divorce or death of a spouse that is going around? Seriously this man is just making errors left and right and driving his child OP away. Did they do grief therapy? Moving OP out of their room without even talking about it? This will not end well unless they get some counseling and boundaries set asap.
Hard to believe that any kind of a decent woman would get with and marry a "grieving" widower 8 months after his wife's death and then come in and treat her new step-daughter so horribly. Step-mom is the epitome of the evil step-mother.
8 months, not a month.
@@USMC6976 Just to clarify, 8 mos till they got married, but started seeing her after a month. Waaay too quick. I'm with some of the other commenters, he was already seeing her before. *Or* he's a complete reptile "Oh, that one's dead. Fine I'll get a new one." Either scenario is creepy.
The father basically kicked his own child out of their room behind their back, but no, OP is acting like a spoiled, selfish brat'? Seriously? Me thinks STEPMOM is the one who came up with the idea of 'switching rooms' and daddy dearest needed to make his new beau happy. I'm so sick and tired of hearing/reading these stories where a mom and dad turning his or her back to their own flesh and blood for a 'new family' and then has the audacity to get mad at said children he or she just tossed aside for being hurt by HIS or HER actions. And stepmom needs to shut her trap. She doesn't get a say. OP is NOT her child.
I think op should check her jewelery, clothes and other valubles they might have been repurposed to the stepsibbelings or mom since 'she is going to college soon anyway'
He started dating his coworker and soon to be new wife a a month after his wife died. Anyone who believes he wasn't cheating on the deceased wife, I have a bridge in Brooklyn I want to sell you.
The fact OP's dad hasn't considered OP's feelings at all through any of this pisses me off. "Oh, your mum died? Here's my new family". Without giving OP barley any time to grieve.
OP spends time with family and returns to a different bedroom, in the basement away from everyone without being asked. How can parents do that to their kids? It must be too much change and stress for OP to handle.
Also, the fact OP's Stepmum just openly says, "selfish, spoiled brat. Ground her from everything" speaks volumes. They are all making OP feel unwelcome and bullying her. It wouldn't surprise me if they talk about OP behind her back constantly.
@@velvety2006 guaranteed the stepdaughter has taken stuff of OP's, especially if they packed her stuff up. If OP has anything of her late mothers it's probably not in her possession anymore. The worst thing, she wouldn't be allowed it back.
The people she's living with are absolutely vile, so I'm not surprised if they've stooped that low.
It’s always the single mothers. Always. They don’t want a husband, they want help. Period. She only cares about her and her her kids.
"How dare you wear lotion and perfume, now you can't help with the baby!"
"Congratulations, you just figured out WHY I wore the perfume and lotion! Watch your own kid."
Story 1 is the same reason why I don't have a good relationship with my father 20 years later. Being tossed aside for the NEW family if an awful feeling.
Hopefully you have a better life these days👍
Yes it is.
New family that started dating one month after his wife's death.
Bet he whines about not understanding why his kids don’t talk to him.
1st story the dad was definitely tapping a coworker before His wife died
He’s has a secret affair behind his wife and daughter back.
I lived this exact story .. my mom passed and 3 months later my dad remarried a total stranger . He met her 2 weeks after my mom passed . When she moved in with her 3 kids , she removed all my moms stuff while I was away at school and didn't get to keep anything but one cook book . She gave it all to the DI . She made my dad add on to my mom's home and then sell it 6 months later . My dad built her a home right next store to my mom's. 12 years of pure hell later they divorced... I got married as soon as I turned 18 and got out !
I hate stories like that, I’m sorry smh
What a nasty piece of work she was! Hope she didn’t get everything though. Like you say, you got out. Enjoy your life now and be thankful you’re not a money-grabbing twisted old baggage like you know who. 🍀🍀
People who do this and move on so quickly and treats their new partner like family than their own kids obviously need therapy
i have a suspicion that, your dad didn't love your mom at all !
@@loendsti That was a terrible thing to say! Think before you post!
Story1: NTA. Daddy is disgusting. Any fool can see he was cheating on his late wife. He failed as a husband, and now as a father. Moving OP's stuff while she was gone was such a cowardly move. I hope OP discards him, as easily as he discarded her.
And then let karma come and make his "AP" I mean "New Wife" divorce his ass later down the road and divorce rape him! It would be the cherry on top of the shit sundae he made for himself! Losing his daughter AND his AP/New Wife" along with his shit! It's what he deserves
Even if he was it is not relevant. OP has only one complaint, that the move was done without her knowledge or consent. Everything else stems directly from OP thinking she has even the slightest bit of say in what her father does in his love life.
@@Snipergoat1 Aren't you naive. If daddy betrayed mom's memory with cheating - and it's clear that he did - it is very much OP's concern. If daddy is such a spineless simp to his new woman, it directly impacts OP.
@@Snipergoat1 agreed, but that's already quite a big thing to move your daughter's stuff behind her back. I disagree with the comments that say nobody moves on so fast, and assume OP 's father must be cheating, but he is rolling over for his new wife far too easily. At the very least she should have been informed before and be allowed to move her stuff herself, even if she were already in college (which she wasn't).
Why do people think that just because your sibling is getting Married means she deserves some ones artistic endeavors? The song writer isn't being selfish. The sister is.
I was thinking that OP should play it as his proposal to his girlfriend, at sister's wedding ;)
@@morallyambiguousnet op should say yes and sing 'careless whisper' by george micheal instead lol
@@velvety2006 Yes!!!
@@velvety2006 oil to ffu
9
S1, Op please double check your belongings and list them ,if any of your belongings are missing please contact the police and report the items stolen including any jewellery that is valuable money wise .Your dad is going to learn that his actions could have consequences for him and his new family as they could be charges as a thief and also contact CPS and report your dad and step mother for their actions towards you as your living quarters must be up to a certain building code .NTA
Exactly. Is there an egress from the basement? If not, that's against fire code.
Step mother doesn’t know what she’s talking about, she’s a home-wrecker witch with two stupid kids and taking over Op’s life and take her stuff, what an old hag!
Perfume and body glitter lotion worn by someone else makes a mom take care of her own children? Take note, people, you now have the perfect way to keep someone from dumping their offspring onto you!
'being a mom is hard' and keeping your legs closed or using protection is not. Op should see this as a sign, when he and finacee have kids they will always be less important than sisters
OP's fianceè should start buying that perfume and glitter by the case!
Well at least now we know who the golden child is and who is the 'less loved kid is'
The sister at least has an excuse (be it a feeble one ) that she was raised this way and enabled most of her life) but the parents are just aweful!
OP please go NC with all of them and great job for standing up for your partner!
like using garlic to keep vampires away.
I have a 1.5 month old. When I go to the grocery store, hang out with friends or just chilling at home, she's with me. The only time someone else takes care of my baby, (mainly my 17 year old daughter) is when they ask. And, when they're finished I take her back. If you don't want to take care of children then stop having them or don't have them at all...🙄
S4: OP is NTA. Wifey is on a power trip. Stand your ground OP. You've offered very valid compromises which she has rejected. You're not being petty or stubborn. You're being realistic. You only have 10 vacation days. You have the right to not spend them all in one place at one time. She divided up her 5 weeks of vacation days. You should be able to do so as well.
Facts
Op should plan his own vacation without telling the wife and when times comes, just go on his vacation before she can stop him with the message "tag! You're it!" Also, leave a code for the kids to use for a real emergency that his wife isn't allowed to have so that she can't trick him into going where she wants.
Welcome in the womans world.. this is what woman always have to suffer if hubby get promoted and have to move.. and it is just the hyprocrite side of reddit to pay attention now it happen to a male.
I'd tell her you have 3 options and ONLY these 3. 1 I come with for 1 WEEK only. 2 You go ALONE for 2 weeks. 3 NOBODY goes. Now take your pick and I won't hear another word or else you can kiss option 1 goodbye
Story 4: NTA. If I was allowed that much vacation time but my spouse isn’t I guarantee you I’d be more conservative with it. You have been working or watching the kids, you’ve been plenty supportive, now she needs to be understanding.
So not once, with all that vacation time, she didn't take a staycation and stay home for a week with the family? She always had to go out with friends on "fun" vacations leaving OP home with all the childcare except the one time she left him to have a "family" vacation with the kids? Someone is being very selfish here, and it isn't OP.
She played the jealousy card awfully quick. That sounds like guilt. She knows she holds all the cards and she plays them immediately. At least one week of staycation would have been sporting.
Jesus the people and the commenters who think OP should be forced to perform a deeply personal song intended only for the ears of a one person in a wedding because the family demands it. Just like nobody has to lend out personal jewelry or clothes or read a poem they made, a person who happened to write a personal song doesn't have to perform it in a context that they don't want to. And they're NTA for it. Anyone bullying and demanding it against the person's wishes is a complete TA, just like anyone demanding and bullying that someone lends out their private jewelry or reads private poems in the public is.
No, OP should definitely sing at sister's wedding.
With new lyrics, all about how selfish and greedy the sister is by demanding this particular song.
I'd say I don't really understand why not, especially if it's intended to be commercialised, but it's OP's prerogative to refuse, and would agree that insisting for that long is inconsiderate from his family.
Exactly. The song represents HIS thoughts and deep personal feelings and he can do wtf he wants with them when and how he wants! He has freedom for HIS expression and speech after all.
@@barvdw Because it is his song. If he never intended to publicize it and just put it away forever, it is still his song. His no is not being respected, and the sister can pick any number of a billion songs out there. This is about her getting what she wants. She has no rights to his property, and he needs to copywrite his work.
@@saran.4001 ho, I agree, maybe I wasn't entirely clear, but of course OP has every right to refuse to perform it for whatever reason, even if I don't fully comprehend why he wouldn't, it shouldn't matter, people who love you should respect your boundaries.
Story 1: Any parent who doesn't give their children a reasonable time before dating after losing a partner and then do shit like this is an absolute monster
Agreed.
But i reallly dont think they started to date a month later. They just made it official a month later. The relationship was ongoing when OPs mom was still alive.
I would find a maternal side relative to move in with and tell my dad to shovel it were the sun does not shine. you lost him already. he is saying he does not need you so you tell him that you do not need him. move out and block all of those jerks
not long after my dad passed my mom ran into her first EX fiancé's sister and she asked my mom Andy misses you would you consider taking him back he wants to rekindle WHAT YOU TWO HAD BACK THEN and my mom said NOPE ABSOLUTLY NOT I have no feelings for him what so ever I have my daughter and my son and they are all I will ever need and I don't want that PIECE of SLIMEBALL GARABAGE as their FATHER and she told her 1) I'm not over losing my husband I'm still adjusting to being a WIDOW and 2) my teenage children I was in my second year of high school and my bother was in middle school and we were still grieving the loss of our father so she said I'm not doing that to them it's not fair to them and it's not fair to me so the answer is NO and HOW DEAR YOU INSIST that your SLEEZEBALL CHEATING BROTHER AND I GET BACK TOGETHER
My dad said that he thought I wouldn’t mind… 😂😂😂 that guy is a pathetic gaslighting AH! The fact that he could say this with a straight face is a testament to his lack of decency.
Probably thinks his deceased wife "wouldn't mind" he was lining up some nookie since she was on the way out. I hope OP goes NC before dad becomes ill and "has to come home to tend to her father". Unreal.
Wedding song story: sing the song at the wedding, but rewrite the lyrics to include your girlfriend's name as many times as possible. Bonus points if you include girlfriend's full name, not just first name. Extra bonus points if you end the song by proposing to your girlfriend in the middle of the reception.
Scott Titchener; THIS--THIS IS EXACTLY What Op MUST DO, to up Stage his Entitled sister. It Would ALSO be a Thorn in His parents side.
@scotttitchener 1000% THIS 🤣😂🤣😂🤣
Oh that would be awful. Please record it and upload it.
extra extra bonus points if you can work a pregnancy announcement in there as well -
Damn, that is evil and petty! I like you.
Story 1: OP is nicer than me. I would be calling all family members and asking to move in with them. If sperm donor objects, just ask him how the courts will look on the fact that she has no bedroom anymore and the reason why. I would ask Gold Digger how proud she is to go after someone who's wife wasn't even the ground long enough for grass to grow. I'd also make sure to tell everyone that they know that they were most cheating on my mother. I would go scorched earth and make their lives absolute hell before cutting him out forever. If he can have that little regard for his biological daughter, he can fuck off and enjoy my absence.
Before going scorched Earth, make sure you have ground to stand on. Dad only need respond to any of that with "My daughter is an idiot." evn though he would probably use nicer words. It is fairly easy to make a person throwing a temper tantrum look like an immature idiot. They are doing half the work themselves. As far as your absence goes, I really don't see how that would be a loss to someone you thought was throwing you out anyway.
@@Snipergoat1 Easy take pictures. Absence brings questions he doesn't want answered, it's all about image.
Story One: Wow. I think we can all agree that the dad was probably having some kind of affair with that coworker while the mom was still alive, right? Geeze, poor kid.
Story Two: Wow, what a judgmental poster. Yeah, total idiot move there. Look, I was kind of a fuckup of a kid, but my parents still took me on family trips.
Story Three: "Why did you wear perfume and body glitter? Don't you know that I was going to dump my kids on you?" The thing that gets me is how the rest of the family went "It's not hard to cater to her every whim". Like, yeesh, total Golden Child, it seems like.
Story Four: Man, the OP is being totally reasonable with his offers, but his wife sounds like she's being totally unreasonable. Like, OP only has so many vacation days. NTI, OP.
Story Five: Wow, the sister should back off. The OP's offer to write a special song for the sister is more than reasonable. That YTA comment on this story is stupid.
For story 5: Right?! I was happy to hear that YTA comment get chewed out by the next comment for their blatant entitlement.
Story 5: You can bet any money that if OP did as the YTA commenter said than Sissy will have a MASSIVE hissy fit about 'how could OP ruin my wedding day - that song was meant to be about me not his girlfriend - this was my wedding day' and so on and so forth
3 op should tell the parents 'i will tell sister that you will gladly take over the caring duties from now on' and the fiancee should wear the perfume on a regular basis if it acts as a repelent lol
2. Even when you lived in a whole other state?
@@TailsFan he could come to their home to meet up, but OP would just rather not have him at all. It was a lame excuse at best.
I don't recall the "no perfume or lotion " from when my boys were little. If gf was never told, then it's no big deal. But now everyone knows how to get out of babysitting.
OP should have told GF: "Don't wear perfume at the wedding because you might have to babysit."
@@Ambidexter143 me - loading on the perfume and lotion
Not only is this sister entitled AF but she is also batcrap crazy to think she can govern how other people dress/smell/etc when she is fobbing off her kids on others. 😂😂😂
@@Ambidexter143 😂😂😂
If it's known this woman has a habit of dumping her baby on anyone available, if you don't want to be conscripted into baby service, pound on the Chanel Number Five! Ralph Lauren made me sick in college. The.Poison made me SICK out in clubs after I moved to Philly. White Diamonds made me sick out in the suburbs.I could handle the Fendis but only in small quantities, too sweet.
Story one, I agree 100% with the advice OP was given. It's excellent. Just a few add-ons: (1) talk to counselors at school. That official paper trail of mistreatment and the emotional devastation it wrought will be helpful if OP needs to sue because she finds out she won't be getting any college help or access to any money her mom put aside for her because dad spent it all on new family or stepmom has seized it for her kids with his cooperation. (2) talk to the neighbors. Especially those next door. Make sure everyone knows every detail. Dad deserves the looks he will be getting. (3) INVENTORY EVERYTHING. If Stepmom felt entitled to go though everything OP owns, things are likely to be missing. Also, the things which belong to OP but were in other parts of the house besides her room, things like photos, large items like a piano or a chair or small kitchen appliances(I had a juicer, yogurt maker, blender and some baking pans and other items which were mine, given to me by family or friends or bought my me but which were kept in the kitchen) Same with other items. I had ome things like badminton stuff, a volleyball, scooter, etc. kept in garage. OP probably does, too. Also: check anything left by OP'S mom for her in safety deposit boxes or other ostensibly safe places. Stepmom may have appropriated items for her own or her children's use...or dad may have gifted them. Anyone in that situation should find out ASAP if something is gone, while it's provenance (if given outright to new family)is still easy to establish and any valuables sold off are still traceable and possibly recoverable.
Babysitting.
YAY now you and your wife found the perfect repellent. Wear that lotion an perfume at EVERY gathering so you can be free and not look after other peoples kids.
“ You made that painting for your girlfriend? You should let me use it for my wedding invitations! “
OP singing the song he wrote for his girlfriend at his sister’s wedding will make it THEIR special song. They will run onto the dance floor and she will do everything in her power it claim it as “ The first song we danced to as a married couple!” N.T.A.
Story 3: She now knows how to stop the kids being dumped on her. Always wear or carry a supply of strong perfume and glitter anytime she goes where the kids might be.
Listening to these stories always reminds me of why I'm glad I no longer bother with family. Way more of a headache than it's worth.
Yes every wedding song played at wedding was probably written by someone who was inspired by a true love. On the other hand, those same writers sold it to make money and be published for everyone to hear. In this story, OP wrote it for his gf. What he was going to do with later, is another story.
I would just say no, then I said no, then talk to the hand cause the ears aren't listening. Then either ignore them or block them. They can wanting one hand and poop in the other to which fills first. They can't make you do what you don't want to do.
id hate to be quick and call someone a cheater but one month?? come on man! OP's dad sounds like a terrible person.
Story 2: Has anybody actually ASKED the step-son whether HE wants to be part of this family holiday? Or is OP just creating drama for drama's sake?
If that's the case, husband is creating drama by not asking.
She is creating unnecessary drama and sounds like the stereotypical evil step mother who favors her own kids and hates her step kids.
Most family vacations revolve around the family members living at home. While some families still invite the adult children and their offspring; they are usually expected to finance their own immediate family on the trip. OP is correct, the oldest moved out and lives in a different state, he doesn't have to be included. It would be nice if they asked and went from there as it may depend on where they plan to go. Just to the beach? Nice. Or maybe somewhere geared for small children? No thanks. I know at 19, I wouldn't have wanted to go with 4 young children and would be afraid I was only invited to help with the childcare or actual babysitting.
The son lives in a different state. He's already on his own.
This. Like it really seems like everyone's just assuming and borrowing trouble without even asking the son his imput. I mean the 'kid' lives in another state, maybe he doesn't want to go through the trouble of being picked up any more than OP wants to do it.
I for one started opting out of family vacations the second I had my own wheels for the most part, and that was with siblings that were actually 'my age" (us older set were all within a few years of eachother). LIke I can't imagine being crammed in with my parents and a bunch of much younger siblings just in the name of 'together time' , unless they were going somewhere Dad knew his son always wanted to go.
Selfsh Wife and the Trip home to see her family-. OP, you are absolutely correct: she is emotionally abusing you, and taking advantage of her Husband for HER TO LIVE A SINGLE LIFE, and having the Sweet Wife... cough... husband to keep the home fires burning.
You need to set a major precedence here: Take 5 days of your vacation BEFORE THE HOLIDAYS. Then you give her a choice: she brings the kids home alone, or she comes home with you and takes care of the kids- BY HERSELF- while you are at work.
Eventually, you need to tell her: I gave you one year to act like a Single Lady taking all these trips without me and without the kids. You have vacation days, BUT YOU TURNED YOUR BACK ON YOUR FAMILY! If you insist on doing this for the rest of our lives, I'm taking the kids back home, and you can pay me child support.
Or he can file for divorce so that she really can live the single life. Then she can pay him spousal support and possibly child support if he gets primary custody since she's taking off so much.
I agree to disagree with her husband son whos a idiot i get op husband want him to go on the trip but at the same time her step son a leech
If I was the husband I cancel her trip and take my boys.
The Daddy Relegated Me to the Basement Story: Let me take a minute to express my appreciation for that Frank L. Baum classic tale, The Wizard of Oz. Not only is it chockful of psychological insight through the principal characters, but it provided a term, via a subset of players we saw just once in the 1939 movie version -- flying monkeys!
I wouldn't want the one song my brother made specifically for his fiancee.
I'd always think of them when I heard the song. If the sister wants her own song, she should ask OP to help her and give OP a list of some of their favorite things about her fiance that OP can turn into lyrics like Trina's song from Tori in Victorious.
That way everyone is happy and the song really is perfect for them without taking away from OP.
Yes. I wonder if the YTA comments were sister, fiancee, or parents. I would rather have a song written just for me instead of a song written for someone else. This has probably taught him a lesson to not play any more of his music for them.
1. NTI. The audacity to steal your room without asking and then to want to punish OP for "not wanting to get to know them". What did they do to "get to know her" other than going through and touching all her stuff without permission? Leave and never look back. Perhaps your aunt will take you in. Do NOT apologize to your father or his wife.
Fiance found the right weapon. Start wearing perfume and body glitter everytime sister and her kids are around.
Story 1. NTA. Even removing all intent behind their actions and discounting history, forcing a change upon someone else against their will like this and trying to justify it after the fact when it's not an essential matter is scummy. Especially considering this involved handling someone else's property without consent as well.
Story 2. YTA. A parent wants to invite a direct blood relative (their own child) to a FAMILY vacation. It's not up to anyone else to decide whether or not the son will enjoy it or if it's financially a correct decision. Let the boy be invited. If he says no, OP gets their wish anyway. If he does want to join, that shows he cares about spending time with OP and his step/half siblings and that can only be a benefit in the long run for the family. In that case they can use it as motivation for him to WORK for his slot in the vacation.
Story 3. NTA. The sister's children are her responsibility. Good on OP for protecting your fiancé from being used by your relatives.
Story 4. NTA. Op has a limited resource (free time) and the spouse has far more. The spouse is not entitled to ensure OP uses all that limited resource on things the spouse finds important and leave none for the OP's own priorities. It should be equally spread among things. The fact that OP is willing to spend half their free time on their spouse's desires is MORE than generous.
Story 5. NTA. OP made a very special thing for themselves and their significant other they haven't shared with anyone but their direct family yet. If it is first introduced in front of the entire family in the context of the sibling's wedding, it means it risks being associated with the memory of that wedding forever, by the entire family. Thus removing any of the special factor of it being for OP and their beloved and transferring its 'ownership' in the minds of many people to the sibling. OP doesn't want that and is willing to make a different special thing just for their sibling's wedding.
14:49 That's just selfish and entitled, just like the sister and family. If he sings it at their wedding, that's THEIR song now. True, it may not lose it's meaning for the girlfriend, but any time it's played after in front of anyone else will just make it all about the wedding to anyone else in attendance. It won't matter if he makes some speech about how it was originally for his girlfriend or whoever. From that moment on it'll be all about sister and her husband.
I would only sing it at the wedding if fiance is invited, too. And make it very obvious I sing it to her.
Then leave the wedding with her and propose.
@peregreena9046 heck with a private proposal. Call the gf before singing it. Sing it directly to her. "I wrote this for someone incredibly special to me. And my sister wanted it for her wedding. I hope you like it, gf."
My family cut us off from "family" vacations, as we moved away from home. We're all full siblings, and our parents are still married. Once I turned 19, I never went on a family vacation again. I went on vacation WITH my family, where I met them at the hotel, paid for my own room, and my own entertainment.
Dang the dad in story one tho. "My child has all these feelings still about her literal mother dying, but like, jeez kid move on already it's been like, months, I already moved on to my affair family, I don't know why she's still sad even though it's pretty obvious she lost the only parent who cared much about her needs or feelings. I'd be fine if my mother died. I got her a new mom and everything so I don't know why she won't accept her as able to discipline her just because she's like already mostly grown- why doesn't she respect and love this stranger who treats her with impatience, insensitivity, and disrespect? I mean, that's how *I* treat her so she should be used to it by now. It's just so weird."
4th story... Use all your vacation days. And whenever she wants to go on a fun trip tell her you can't stay home to watch the kids because she made you use all your vacation days already. Tell your boss why you absolutely need to work coming into office!
"Wow, with all that perfume and body glitter, I can't let you hold my baby"
"Oh well, then, my plan is working perfectly, thank you!"
Story 1 - I majored in human development and it is so frustrating seeing these parents constantly abuse their children. OP, when a parent dies , it is TRAUMATIC for the entire family. In the case of death or divorce, a new partner should be introduced SLOWLY with therapy. The new partner should have an opportunity to get to know the child (and bond with them) BEFORE they move in and disrupt their home.
So many parents destroy their child's safe place, after a traumatic event, and then demand they play "happy family". The truth is... OP's Dad is not thinking about his children AT ALL. He is only thinking about his own needs (sexual and mental needs). The father doesn't care if he destroys his children's home, as long as his needs are fulfilled. OP, you are NOT in the wrong. And the step mom sounds evil. There is so much wrong in this story. OP, if your Dad is planning on paying for your college - play nice until you graduate. And then leave and never look back. Lastly, you are going to need therapy to deal with the resentment. Good luck, OP. Your Dad sucks and it's not your fault.
Story 1: NTA. True some people move on faster than others, but 1 MONTH? Did he even check in with you or did he just start dating? Their is some major Red flags here.
He was already f****g the coworker before his wife died. There's no way he up and married a chick that fast.
I hope an update comes for this one, and it DOES prove that her dad was cheating on her mom before she died. Then, I hope the "dad" and new family are ostracized by EVERY.ONE.OF.OP'S.RELATIVES.
Story 1: why nobody didn't advice her to go straight to CPS? She's still minor, probably still on highschool (being soon on college doesn't mean she's in final year of her HS) and she needs to know her rights. And daddie and stepmommie needs to be put on their place.
Story 4: Dude you are not the idiot and do not back down. She needs to compromise. You have stayed home and watched the kids and you just want a few days break out of 10 while she gets 5 weeks and you covered for her. Dude she is on a major power trip.
That's what happens when women become the breadwinners. They feel like they wear the pants now.
Ugh, last story hits every single artist ever RIGHT in the chest! No, MY art is not for YOU to claim. If any artist in any form were to create something that can be used publicly, they will create it with that very intention. If they didn't, no one has any right to it that the artist doesn't give. Stupid contrarian made me so mad lol.
I feel the same way that "it doesn't cost you anything " made me rage lol, I hate how people want to get their grubby hands in your art but puts you down at the same time as if we wave a magical wand and voila instant art no effort required 🙄🙄🙄 I'm a writer one of my friends asked me as a wedding gift for me to write their vows, they didn't plagiarized my former work, didn't try to steal my unreleased poetry, they didn't pressured me either. But some people are just entitled AHs lol must admit that OP's family and that YTA comment made my blood boil.
I was under the impression that he intended it to be made public, perhaps even commercialised. With that impression, I must say I don't really understand why he refused, but he has every right to do so, and his family are jerks for being so insisting.
He has every right to refuse singing the song at his sisters wedding. The song is HIS thoughts, deep feelings, and words and he is free to express them when and how the fck he wants, published or not. She can write her own damn song and STFU.
Visiting family is not a vacation. You have obligations to others and generally get roped into everyday tasks. OPs comprise is perfectly reasonable. One week for family, one week for an actual vacation, which is required for mental health
There is a huge misconception over what helping out someone with kids involves and how much of raising children is required to be done by the actual parents.
Golden Child Sister dumps kids on everyone else- Where is her Husband or the Baby Daddies? Sorry, OP, your sister is a narcissist and she's trained yoru parents to be her Body Guards/Accomodators.
Your sister is trying to train your fiancee to be her Nanny, and you are absolutley correct in defending your fiancee. For now, YOU should take your sister's kids as their Uncle. Tell her you want to Bond. After 5 minutes give them to your parents. They are the Grand Parents and should ALWAYS want to take care of those brats.. ugh... grand kids.
Yes, your STB Wife, should wear her purfume and cosmetics to her heart's content, and explain to your sister: Your kids would be far more comfortable with their Grand Parents, because they don't know me and I won't be in their lives as much as their Grandparents.
I can assure, THIS WILL NEVER WORK. But that gives you the emotional exhaustion to cut them out of your life entirely. You aren't quite there, yet.
Story 1 even on the off chance they weren’t having an affair dating someone a month after your spouse died is still a dick move, especially since op was still grieving and probably still is.
Well the OP dosn't have to get married. It dad's choice. Kids have no say in the matter.
@@Snipergoat1 Lol. Children should be kept informed if Mom or Dad intends to date, or even still marry, especially after the significant loss of a parent. They will be in this new person's presence until they turn eighteen, and like many Reddit stories with evil stepmothers who hen-pecked the new husband, this dad may very well lose his daughter. OP is a girl grieving the loss of her mother and to have this sudden intrusion into her physical space is another slap in the face.
@@Snipergoat1
yes. unfortunatelly kids have no say about whom they are supposed to live with ... even when they're still grieving about the loss of a parent.
The dad behaves like a farmer.
Just replace the dead cow with another one ... as soon as possible.
Thanks to this daddy doesn't have to wait too long to plunge his eager c*ck into a wet c*nt again! 😑
On the other hand, I *bet* he already f*ucked his then-mistress, now-wife the day his old wife was buried. Poor man needed to be consoled for the loss of his dead cow ... eh, I mean deceased wife.
Vacay Time Story: Wife is selfishly ignoring OP's needs - NTA. She chose to use her vacay time to galivant. Appropriate that now OP gets to use his vacay time for fun, at least in part. Hope OP sticks to his point factually and firmly.
Translation, “ You knew I would want you to take care of the baby while I had fun and enjoyed myself. How dare you wear stuff that will not let me dump my kid on yyou!”
The wife with a ton of vacation story: I side with dad. Let her see her parents, he can see them for a while and fly home and do other things. She can see them any time with her vacation, and she’s either got to travel with two kids solo or fly home early. My parents do separate trips all the time. I’m also military so I understand not wanting to spend all my vacation seeing my parents. I’d rather go off and do fun things or see new things. My parents rarely do anything, and spending time at home is the same thing. Go to the mall on Saturdays. Sit around watching tv on Sunday. Work on weekdays and I’m by myself. Just a lot of sitting around. I travel and they can go with me, or not. Compromise is key. I’ll spend SOME days, but not the entirety of my vacation time with them. I need a vacation after seeing them, lol.
Story 3, your wife wants her way or the highway. She is used to getting everything she wants and now can't even compromise. She has no respect for her husband.
Absolutely, this is going to end with her filing for divorce, she is alreading using her promotion to avoid her husband and has no concern for his sacrificing his previous job for her promotion. I can only imagine the future Reddit post from his wife wondering AITA for cheating on my husband with a guy I met on my girls only trip, because I get more vacation than him.
Poor OP
I fear there is only one way out of this 'abusive' relation
If any parent can kowtow to a new spouse's demands to get rid of their own biological kids in favour of stepkids, that person shouldn't be a parent at all. How can you call yourself a parent when you can throw away your own biological child like trash??
Story 2 - YTA. 100%. I hate it when parents choose to get married, disrupt the older children's safe home, and then wonder why the older children are struggling!! Because you obliterated his home. When a new partner is introduced, it should be done SLOWLY and with therapy. When kids are little, they adjust much faster. But when kids are older, they need to bond with the new partner BEFORE they move in to THEIR home! If I were OP's husband, I'd kick out her kids the SECOND they turn 18. And then she can see how selfish she is. Unbelievable.
Story 1 - It sounds like the father didn't even discuss the room change with OP in advance. She just came home and found her stuff dumped into the basement. Talk about a slap in the face!
Story 1: I have a feeling dad and new wife were closer before OP'S mom died. That part aside, new wife is coming in like the stereotypical wicked stepmonster. I am sure she grabbed dad by the johnson and talked him into moving the daughtervout while she was away, so there would be no discussion.
The fact that they haphazardly put her stuff in the basement is a complete act of disrespect and a dominance move on stepmonsters part. This is not how you blend a family, this is how you dominate a new family.
OP is NTA all the way and he should realize now, dad has replaced her and her mom.
ETA: The new stepson couldnt live in the basement, they are same age.
It doesn't matter if he was banging the new wife on moms death bed while mom played the kazoo with her final breath. It is not relevant to the complaint. Her complaint was being moved without her knowledge or consent. Everything else is her angry at discovering she has no control over her fathers sex life, nor should she.
Op is his daughter.
@@hotcocoacinamonbrown ya, listening to these, I sometimes can't tell.
@@hotcocoacinamonbrown fixed it
@@mikehilbert9349 cool beans
Story one: the dad was cheating when the mother was sick
Story 4 Get out now while she has the better job and can't keep her hand in your pocket forever. She now thinks she wears the pants in this relationship and your place is to shut up and accept it. Unless there is a sea change in her work circumstances this will not get better.
S1: if dad truly thought OP wouldn't mind, he would have spoken to OP before moving the bedroom.
Last story, the one commenter who said OP chose a weird hill to die on. No, OP chose an appropriate hill to die on. Wanna know the difference between OP's song and any other known love song? While yes, love songs can and are written about a specific person, we know of thise love songs because they were published for all to enjoy. OP finished his song, but he doesn't need to play it for anyone else and he hasn't published it for all to hear. This is a song he wrote for his girlfriend and it's not public at all. If he played it for his sister and her husband, they could claim it was written for them when it wasnt
Holy crap I can already say without a doubt OP in story one isn't the idiot. Losing a parent is hard! It took me years to be at complete peace with my mom's passing I couldn't imagine having my family do to me what OPs dad did to them. How awful and despicable. The wife needs to shut her mouth she has no place to say a word! Who the heck would do something like that anyway?!?! Who marries a man that quick after he lost his first spouse?!?! What a trashy woman!
Story 1: OP's Dad and coworker are huge insensitive A-holes. I hope OP goes no contact. That probably would make stepmother ecstatic. Id report father to CPS.
sad to see no mention of the fact that if the basement was so much bigger and better, why weren't they alright putting the stepsister in there instead? why wouldn't they have even bothered discussing the move before doing it? etc sounds like bs to me
Story one: contact building dept and fire dept. for an inspection to assure this is legal. There are safety and health requirements necessary. Not all communities allow bedrooms in basement. Try to home insurance policy and notify insurance company of building usage changes. Remember, son is same age as you, why wasn't he the one moved?
Final Story: NTA. Sounds like it’s everyone else’s that’s being selfish. The first thing I thought of was “If OP and his GF get married how romantic would it be if they played this song at their wedding”. Instead Sister should get a fraction of that romance because “Family”?
I would have said sis 'this is for you' then play the first section of the song, only to switch to new lyrics describing how shitty she, her husband, and my parents have been, and then tell them all to fuck off and that I'm done with them while being short enough to not get booted off the stage and leave immediately.
Last story: I'd be a little petty and just include the girlfriend's name into the lyrics of the song.
Or how good the sex is
Basement blues: OP, you do realize that the new wife is the long-term affair partner, and more likely, the step siblings are HALF siblings... they are wanting you to fall in line to legitimize the affair... get a DNA test discretely to verify the sibling status... and if thebflying monkeys come, release it
Story1: op, you’re not NTA! I’ve would’ve been upset if I were in your shoes. For him to think it was okay with you was pretty low.
You can tell him you’re unhappy about him remarrying, but you cannot dictate his love life. That being said what he did was completely wrong. I would’ve just looked at him and said if this is way you’re gonna treat me then once I’m gone I really hope your new daughter fully takes my place because I’ll never be back and it’ll be your own fault!
I'd go through stepmom's and step sisters things and throw them in the garbage. I'm Very Petty ! Tell your father since he threw you out you're getting your name changed.
Change the last name to moms maiden.
When I was in my 20s, my stepmom invited me and my father's mother (yeah, her mother-in-law) on vacation with her, my father, and their two kids. It was fun. Quite a spread in ages, and we all had a great time on our family vacation. 😊
Story 1: Yeah, he didn't move on after a month. A month was the maximum amount of time that he could manage to convince his eager AP to stay in a holding pattern for the sake of "appearances"... even though it doesn't really alter the appearance of the situation in the slightest. She probably jumped for joy and popped some champagne when she heard that his wife was dead.
If he'd waited 8 months to _start_ dating someone, that still would've been fast. But not the kind of fast that immediately sets off everyone's bullshit alarm. One could at least suspend their disbelief about a pre-existing relationship and assume that his grief had driven him to fast-track his brand-new relationship. A month is how long it should've taken a legitimately grieving widower just to _go_ back to work. Not to bring a new woman home from work.
1st story: OP see if you can move to an extended family members home until you go to uni and go low contact with your dad. OP your dad cares more for his new family than he does you his bio-child, I suspect your dad will come up with an excuse not to pay or help with uni costs.
1st story nta op it's clear that dad's wants to start over with new family without op as a constant reminder of ex wife op should take a picture send it to extended family with the caption "this is my new room since dad decided to give mine to step sister while I was away, and look how well they sorted and moved all my stuff down here, what's next dog bowls to drink and eat from?" And wait for the backlash to hit dad then call a relative to move in with, the complete direspect towards op being moved to the basment and all her stuff being rummaged and poorly packed is despicable.
Last story- Announce to everyone before you do the song that you wrote this song for your girlfriend but you were bullied into giving it to your sister for her wedding instead!!! Tell them also who bullied you- your parents and sister and her husband by calling you all kinds of names!!
“Never wear white if there’s a surprise wedding” - there’s onside jokes galore happening here now! 🤣
Story 1: you want to ground me?? Can’t get much more grounded when I’m in the in the ground in the basement smh
Story 1: When parents are out dump all their crap in the bassement and take over their room.
The basement is an upgrade, right?
Story 1: On OP's thread, in the comments OP ALSO said that a ring her mother had left to her, (mother's engagement ring) is now missing. It was a ring left to her by her mom, but her father wanted her to give it to him, so he could give it to the side piece turned evil stepmom. Stepmom knew about the ring and now it is nowhere to be found in OP's disorganized mess of a room.
100% they used the move as cover to go through OP's things in order to STEAL the ring and gaslight her into just saying it's misplaced.
That's when you call the police and report what they did and your property missing.
Last story. Sing the song at the wedding but dedicate it to your girlfriend. NO WAY.
OP needs to agree to sing it at the wedding but instead compose a new personal song, maybe title "Entitled People" and dedicate it to the bride. Or maybe write a Blue Oyster Cult parody titled "Bridezilla". I'm sure it would be a big hit with wedding DJ's. Something like...
With a purposeful grimace and a terrible sound
She throws a tantrum and puts her tiny foot down
Helpless people at the wedding venue
scramble out of her way when she's coming for you!
The crowd can sense that something is wrong
As she wades through the tables toward the singer of the song
This isn't the song she wanted to hear
Adults and children are reacting with fear.
Oh No! Her demands have got to go.
Go, go, Bridezilla!
Oh No! There goes the microphone
Go go Bridezilla, yeah
Divorce Court shows again and again
How nature points out the folly of men
Bridezilla!
“My sister has an attitude that everyone should cater to her the entire time.”
The entire time of what?
Of their lives!
The story about the wedding song: I would write a different song, and perform it at the wedding. What could they do or say? Would they have a fit in front of everybody? Really, trying to force someone to do something sweet for you is really manipulative, and running to mom & dad about it is childish.
A MONTH, A MONTH A MOTHER FLUPPIN MONTH!!!!!!!
Dad Moved On And Let New Family Move OP To The Basement: NTA, and I am in the camp of people who believe OP's dad was unfaithful prior to the death of the mom. I agree on gathering every single thing that belongs to your bio-mother that you can and ask for a trusted family member to hold on to most of it (heirloom jewelry and things like that might need a safety deposit box at a bank) because obviously your your family has no qualms about going through your room and I'm sure they would go looking for these things.
Story 1. Dad was cheating. IDC what he say, they were cheating, that's why he moved on so fast with the coworker
In the second story, the last time I was invited to a family vacation I was 27 with a wife and kid… who were also invited because it was a “FAMILY” vacation.
Why the boy couldn't go downstairs in the basement why he didn't give his child to go thru her mother belongings forget mommy let daddy's side know because 9 times out of ten they would scorched earth on their behinds especially grandma and grandpa tell everybody. 😢
First Story: I'd have done as suggested...photograph *everything* that was dumped/broken and then uploaded it *all* to the 'family threads'.
Let Dad and -witch- Steppymom handle the incoming hurricane(s)... 🌪
On the song story: I'd lowkey want to suggest that OP agrees, but pulls a full "My sister insisted that I perform this following song that is dedicated and created for my gf in order to honor our love at her wedding." or some such. Just full on petty malicious compliance.
I would have busted up laughing if someone got upset with me because I attended a wedding wearing perfume or anything else they didn't agree with. And then tell them to handle it.
"I just love the LOVE song you wrote for your girlfriend and you HAVE to play it at MY wedding because I'm your sister and I want this SMALL favor." No, just No. The person who is calling OP the arse is about as clueless as they come. They have no idea what it can take to write something like this.
Story 1: I honestly think Daddy had the new mommy as a side chick before OPs mother's death. 8 months, yeah, lots of bells going off there.
There is a kind of man that tend to remarry fast because they can’t handle not having a wife. It doesn’t mean the dad cheated but that he’s incapable of being alone.
1st story, OP get DNA of the step siblings to see if they are really half siblings. If that's the case go scorched earth on them exposing them to all family members and their bosses to get them fired. Help them to lose everything it's the very least you can do. 😄
Holy guacamole! That poor kid who lost his mom only 8 months ago. Displaced by the new step family. Grieving and feeling so alone to boot. Can he move in with another relative? New stepmother is a piece of work. Unfeeling, unkind, cold and down right mean. Dad couldn't possibly expect to continue pursuing a good relationship with his son.
If the basement was such an upgrade, why didn't the parents move the other two children into it? Hmm.
Husband had 5 weeks of vacation. Sometimes he would do stuff without me. I only get 2 weeks. So we would split sometimes. If a week & half vacation w family, then I I will join few days.
Then take a few fun vacation days together.
It’s not fair to use all vacation w 1 family.
Sister dumping babies on family Story
I HATE THIS every time we go to my girlfriends sisters house her sister does this like literally as soon as we walk in threw the door she’s NOW the mom and her sister just lays around doing fuck all
Then my gf wonders why I don’t come around and go on vacations with them lol like last thing I want to do vacationing is watch someone ELSES KIDS!!