When my daughter was an infant, my grandmother had me design a ring for myself and she paid for it. It has my birth stone, my daughter's birth stone, and her father's birth stone. (He and I have the same stine.) Years later, I married my now husband in our backyard, and his mom also had the same stone. She'd see me wearing that ring and comment about how much she wanted it. The ring went missing from my jewelry box that day and she swore up and down that she had no idea where it went. She died three years ago and we were going through her items and in a secret compartment in her jewelry box was my ring. It doesn't leave my finger unless I am asleep or showering. (There was a note with it that she wanted to be buried wearing it. Obviously, it didn't happen.)
Oh my Lord!! That is so horrible! I am so glad you were able to get your ring back! Who even does something like that and then even had the audacity to ask to be buried wearing a *stolen* ring??!!?? Um, excuse the heck out of me?
@@rmhartman Yep. Her husband couldn't find it because she entrusted the jewelry box in her sister's care due to her daughter picking her house locks and stealing from her. I swear, I married the only normal, honest person in his immediate family. I've let it be known that I will be giving it to my daughter in a few years.
Story 1: Not only should OP not put her boyfriends name on the deed to the house, she should tell him to pack his bags and get the hell out of her house. The fact that he didn’t stand up for his girlfriend, when his family attacked her for not putting him on the deed to the house, says volumes. If she does let him stay, I think that she should ask him to pay rent. Maybe that would help him to realize how he messed up a good thing for himself😏
I was thinking the same thing. Also if he comes back to propose tell him NO. If he wants to know why, just give him the reasons he was put out of the house and that you don't need a life with a man who isn't a protector.
Unbelievable her bf felt entitled to her inheritance kick all of them to the curb I warn you it will not get better sounds like they are Narcisistic do not want to go down that road
Saying "Let's just drop it because we're never going to agree" says Loud & Clear BF doesn't Discuss & Compromise. Everything is his way, or no way. He only dropped it this time because he knew he had no leverage, BUT If they were married... & The reason he didn't have her back with his parents is because 1. They are just like him 2. He Told them he was, because to Him "It's just a matter of time" 3. He figured that they could help convince her it's logical & the right thing to do.
Story 1- love how boyfriend is claiming OP don't trust him and "pressuring" him to marry her. That's exactly what he wants for 50% of the house. Dump him. He sent the flying monkeys onto OP. He will do this throughout the relationship.
My bff married a man none of our friend circle liked or trusted. She had inherited a large house on a big acreage, pool, barn, tennis courts. New husband pressured her to put his name on the title to show her “trust” in their relationship. Her home and land were completely paid off, plus she’d bought him a new car. He relentlessly bugged her to sign half her house over, and she kept saying there were legal issues she had to resolve first. Her lawyer suggested my friend insist that if he wants his name on her house, then he put her name on the title of his vacation home in Hawaii, and other property he claimed to have. You guessed it--he threw a fit, claimed he had a business trip to Texas, emptied their joint bank account, and disappeared. Total scammer. I’d suggest any previously owned property stay in the original owner’s name alone. A trust can be set up to allow the surviving spouse to live in the house if the owner feels ok about that, or to raise children if they have any. This needs a great estate lawyer so the surviving spouse doesn’t possibly remarry and then mess up the house that rightfully should e held in trust for the children, or whomever the owner wants to inherit it.
@@Boertje247 or prenuptial I love the one where mans wife's parents forced him to sign a prenup because he didn't make enough money or was rich when they were planning to marry so he did years later his business blooms and he has a decent amount of money while his parents in law business starting hurting they talked the wife into talking him into helping them and that's where he uses the prenup on the wife saying he promised he wouldn't help them cause of it as it said they wouldn't help him 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
@@beverlyarcher3744 yes! That one is one of my favorites. One of my biggest clients who was incredibly wealthy had a 7th grade education. He worked super hard, had tons of integrity and was good to his employees. But when he met his future wife, her parents were not impressed because he was just a struggling restaurant manager. They insisted on a prenup, which he happily signed. 25 years in, plus 3 kids, and taking in his SIL’s kids and paying for everything for them and treating them like his own kids, the in-laws made some really stupid ‘sure-fire’ investments, and tried to pressure him into bailing them out. He was very polite, and told them to sell their big house and all but 2 cars, and don’t go on any vacations for 3 years, and they’d be ok financially, and not lose their retirement funds. They were incensed, but he pointed out that he’d come from a part of society they looked down on, that he didn’t have their top university educations, and that the prenup they required him to sign prevented loans to bail out either his wife or his wife to bail him out, PLUS he was raising 3 kids not his own because no one else in THEIR family would take them in. The in-laws slunk away, refused his advice, and ended up losing their big house and vacation home too. They ended up living in an apartment (a nice one) but really, with egg on their face.
Agreed. Inheritances go to the person in the will. That whole post is concerning. He is adding up their assets and trying to claim half of hers, sounds like he's planning a break-up soon and wants to get his fair share to take with him.
The parents were out of pocket to walk up to OP and say that. They aren't even married why would she split an inheritance with him? What makes any of them think he's entitled to own half without contributing a dime?
They did it because their son told them that that's what his girlfriend was going to do (since that's what her sister had done with her HUSBAND)! He obviously doesn't understand the difference between a HUSBAND and a BOYFRIEND. It appears that his parents don't either. Inherited property is NOT marital property in many states. I wouldn't even put the husband's name on the deed unless he paid me half the value of the property. God forbid we end up divorced and he TAKES half the value, even though he had not paid a dime towards the mortgage. Wives should keep inherited property as their nest egg. It's still a "man's world" out there and the economics of divorce still favors men. Wives getting alimony is less and less anymore. Even child support payments are not enough to sustain a divorcee' (unless or until she remarries in most cases).
@@deborahpinkey1264 I agree with a lot of what you said but want to clarify for you: child support is NOT (and have never been) meant to support the ex-wife. It is for the child-to contribute to their food, rent, utilities, clothing, etc. Spousal support is alimony or else ex-wife needs to get a job to support her part in addition to child support.
@@stephanien6237 I well know that, but my comment does not make that clear. I should have better clarified what I said. Thank you for doing it. There is already far too much confusion when it comes to child support vs. alimony. You only get child support if you have children and you are the custodial parent and then that is in proportion to the incomes of each parent (I think) and/or how much time the kid(s) live with each parent. More and more these days, spousal support is not a given. A lot depends on the longevity of the marriage and whether or not the wife worked outside the home to earn a living.
@@deborahpinkey1264 child support is based on the number of children and the gross income of the non custodial parent and if the custodial parent makes more the child support may go down if the difference in income is large enough. Visitation down count but joint custody does. Alimony is basically given when the spouse is stay at home, if they work no support unless she put the other through school etc then spouse may get temporary support while she down sizes if the house has to be sold ect . If the spouse was stay at home without work experience then spouse would require support until employed if ordered. Otherwise no support.
Boyfriend: you’re afraid of commitment and don’t trust me because you won’t put me on the deed to the house also boyfriend : getting me to pay for part of the upkeep of the house and marrying you to get on the deed is you trying to entrap me
Story 1 : Why the heck would you put his name on your house? He is just your bf. These people are too entitled. Also be careful . Make sure he nor his family do something to your house.
I know, I don't even agree with the sister with her husband, and that's her husband. If he decides to divorce her, he would get half of her inheritance.
I helped my son pick out his wife’s engagement ring and was thrilled he included me. He also took her on a trip to propose, not for a second did I want to go, it wasn’t about me but, them!
The son who couldn't load the dishwasher correctly wouldn't have lasted at all with me. Once I saw his little game, he would be the one to unload the dishes, wash them by hand in the sink, dry and put them away. It would be "game on" in my house. Loading a dishwasher is a nothing chore.
1:47 😂Gotta love boyfriend’s logic of “I feel like you’re trying to blackmail me into marriage.” How about the part where HIS ENTIRE FAMILY tries to blackmail her into giving up half a house? I wouldn’t even let him live there. There are plenty of horror stories on here of trying to get rid of house guests.
Story 1: NTA. I’d actually encourage someone not to put a BF’s name on a title for anything. Honestly he should be thankful your not charging rent. That is generous enough and yet they have the nerve to be this greedy!
I feel even more strongly about this after what happened to a close friend of mine: if another adult or - even your spouse - is not contributing financially, do not put them on the title of the house. If you pay for the house, or you received it as an inheritance, or it is your property to start with- don’t add anyone to the title who is not making a significant financial contribution to that property. And if anyone pushes this reasonable boundary, you should seriously reconsider your entire relationship.
Him not paying rent is probably why he decided not to push the argument. He realized if he kept arguing they would get into a full on fight and she would kick him out.
Never ever put his name on the title. It is your property. Not his. If you put his name on the title and you don't last, he's entitled to half. Even if he puts money / work into it, especially if he's not paying rent, do not put his name on it. A friend's on and off girlfriend convinced him to buy a newer, larger house using a loan against his paid off rental. She put $1500 earnest money towards the new property. 6 months later she kicked him out, took him to court and got 1/2 the value of the property (about $250,000 in her pocket). Even if you marry him... don't do it. You also need a tenant agreement with him. Even if he's just contributing to utilities. This allows you to evict him should this go south. I know it seems harsh and unromantic and untrusting, but 50%+ of all marriages end in divorce. Relationships frequently have an expiration date. Protect your inheritance.
"You're forcing me into a commitment if you do and if you don't it means you don't trust me and the relationship is doomed, over". The gas light is lit. Dump this schmuck.
Instead of her or husband doing them by hand, they should have made him wash All of the unclean dishes by hand himself, a long time ago. The fact that They cleaned them Instead is why he didn't care! Boy: "Eventually they'll stop making me use the dishwasher at all, hehehe!"
@@DudleyStadler not only that, they humiliated him into eating off of dirty plates. like i said in another comment, he is making a pavlov response of "mom hates me" every time he does the dishes from that point on. and in a formative year of his permanent character. this family is in for a lifetime of hurt. a sad outcome over an petty issue, overblown by emotional response from the mother.
Story 1: I feel very strongly about this: if another adult or - even your spouse - is not contributing financially, do not put them on the title of the house. If you pay for the house, or you received it as an inheritance, or it is your property to start with- don’t add anyone to the title who is not making a significant financial contribution to that property. And if anyone pushes this reasonable boundary, you should seriously reconsider your entire relationship.
Instead of house OP or anyone else should ask this question. Should OP give 1/2 of her $250k or whatever the house is worth, inheritance to her boyfriend? That's a resounding Hell No! Anyone saying they would give their boyfriend or girlfriend 1/2 of a 6 figure inheritance is a liar or a fool.
@@spacecat1974 yeah. People are not considering the stay at home mothers (and stay at home fathers) who are equal partners in the marriage but not contributing a paycheck. How many stories have we heard about women whose husbands “convince them” to be SAHMs and then slowly decrease their access to money, until they feel fully dependent. Financial abuse 101. This does not apply to this story though. These are two, unmarried, independent adults where one of them inherited a home and the other contributes nothing to this home. The above comment about treating it like OP received a monetary inheritance is a good one.
This is the Ultimate of Entitlement Insanity of this clown boyfriend and his family thinking under any circumstance he can demand OP add him to the Deed of her Inherited Home! In case they do not understand, THIS IS HER HOME! None of those leeches and golddiggers have any say on what OP owns!
@@spacecat1974 Yeah, I'd argue a stay-at-home-parent is saving the family the amount of money equal to what childcare costs and what a housekeeper would cost, and then some. So, they're definitely worth their salt and can be on the title. Plus, them being on the title would be a protection in case of the breadwinner dying or divorce, in which they'd get half the house (though arguably they wouldn't deserve half the house if they're cheating, but in case they're not...).
How tf is a kid so lazy that he won't even make a machine do his work for him. I've handwashed dishes all my life, a washing machine would be a blessing.
My Mom taught my brother and I how to do things and if you didn't do it well enough, you went back and finished or did again. As many times as it took. One of my friends was in a bigger family where they were likewise taught but with so many people, sometimes one kid or another would try slacking, thinking they'd get away with it not being noticed who slacked. Congratulations!.... Since "you don't know how" to do the dishes, you're on dishes EVERY DAY until we know you "know how" to do it. In addition to the other chores they had that week. 😂 My friend was good at getting things done so she LOVED it when one of her siblings slacked off... days off for her and the other good ones!
If I inherited a house I'd never put my partners name on it marriage or not (a child maybe)... Its from her family tf I'd be side eyeing anyone who somehow feels entitled to it just cause we're together... And him letting his family disrespect her wow
It wasn't Just Disrespect! It was Controlling! The fact that he said "Let's just agree to disagree" says he doesn't sit down to Discuss & Compromise, it's his way or not! He's only dropping it now, because he has no leverage. By getting his parents in on the matter, it made OP wonder if he's right. Why isn't her parents & sister telling OP "He's Only a BF?" & Back her up harder, so she knows she's right? Life with him will be her doing all the Compromising always & his gaslighting her with his parents backing him up!
My heart goes out to Toby, I have Rheumatoid Arthritis and there are so many things I can't do, however I am 50, diagnosed in my late 30's so had years of being able to join in. My daughter was diagnosed at 13, ballet dancer, cross country runner, all became far more difficult. My family have always made sure that both of us can join in any family activities/holidays. OP's family should be ashamed of themselves.
And there are so many activity, that they could chose from. Swimming, river rafting, bike rides, horse hikes, and plenty more. But no, they chose rock climbing, hikes, and orientation run/ walks.
I've had fibromyalgia since I was at least 20, and have joint pain in most joints which is gonna be... _fun_ to learn what exactly that's about 🙃 I'm in my mid twenties now and it really is hard I just hope he can have a positive attachment to his mobility aids, and get to decorate them how he likes because it really helps imho as a previous cane-user. It became a part of me - mentally I saw it as an extention of myself - after a few months, and I still miss not having that particular cane around (it's helping a neighbour in their 20s with a spinal injury, so I know it's for the best, and I can still say hi to it anyway lol).
@@damien678 swimming, horse/ bike riding, rowing/ kanoing/ kajaking, are the best exercises, when your body disagrees with you. More easy on the joints, and can slowly, but steady build up muscle, to stabilize the joints.
Even the ring was for the mom as her birthday gift why would she just take it? Not wait for him actually gift it to her? Just all around weird...I don't think she believed it was for her at all. Some "other woman" is coming for her baby boy and she's going on the fritz over it!
OP is NTA....Tell Mom to respect your privacy and stay out of things that don't belong to her. Also engagements are usually private between the couple involved. Remind mother of this. Remind family you have never taken your mother on a trip for her birthday, it is not a tradition and it is not one that will not start anytime soon either. If they feel she deserves a trip they are more than welcomed to save up and send her on one but since he now has to save up for a wedding do not ask him to contribute.
First story: OP should run. The guy's parents didn't just assume that she gave him half of the house. The guy told them that she did. And as a friend of mine put it: a shared house is a bigger commitment than marriage.
When did proposals turn into a spectator sport? It's an extremely intimate moment in a couple's lives and many people prefer it to be private and between just the two of them. I would think having anyone else present would ruin it. Spreading this all over social media makes it even worse. I bet this MIL to be will demand to be in the delivery room when her son's children are born-another intimate moment. NTA!
Mom was called traipsing around the house with the engagement ring thinking it was her birthday gift. She just makes massive raging assumptions and then tries to reverse engineer it.
The future for OP and his girlfriend will be constant lines crossed by his mum. OP: Mum, where you going with my wife's flowers? Mum: I assumed they were for me. They're my favourite colour and mothers day is next month. OP: Mum, why are you dressed up when we asked you to babysit whilst we go for a meal? Mum: I assumed the meal was for me. I like restaurants. OP: Mum, why are you eating your grandchilds birthday cake? Mum: I assumed it was for me. I really like cake. OP: It's got your grandchilds name on it... Mum: You know I can't read without my glasses. Also, the gifts you got me, they're all children's toys. What do you expect I do with those?
Vacation mom story: I love this story. Far too often we hear stories of momma boys who are so deep in the FOG that they don't see how disrespectful their moms are and end up treating them like a primary spouse while their actual wives are just maids/cooks/nannies/fetus incubators. This is refreshing to see, OP probably sees how weird it is because he was raised by dad through his most impressionable years instead of his mom. Clearly dad is the sane parent.
Yep - narcissist alert! OP needs to start putting some distance between him, his girlfriend and his mother. Otherwise a lot of serious drama and misery will be on the cards.
@@joimumu I don't get the whole birthday month thing. Like I'll take a day off work on my birthday but I've never claimed a whole month just for myself. I guess it's a narcissist thing, their egos are so big they have to have an entire month to remind everyone that they graced the world with their very existence.
Story 1: NTA, It's your house...... There is absolutely no reason to put a boyfriend/girlfriend to the title of your house.. Story 2: NTA, when taking a disabled person on a trip it is important that the majority (but not all) of the activities be acceptable to their disability.
If not majority then at least half or more options to sit out with something fun, with a lot of people there so they're not left out Speaking as someone with RA, minimum I expect is.. don't make the majority something they cant do, make that for maybe half but be flexible and have options and don't leave them with nothing to do and no one to talk to
Toby’s mom and dad are ABSOLUTELY right in not participating in this “family” trip. When I was in college, I worked part time at a day care. One of my little students DeYonna had juvenile arthritis. Because of that and other serious health concerns, she wasn’t expected to live past 6 years old. She was 4 at the time and was wheelchair bound and in hospice before I left college. She told me that she only wished that she could be a mommy one day. I promised her that when I had my first daughter, I would name her after DeYonna and let her know that she has a fairy godmother. My now 38 year old, married with her own little girl was named Deionnah and we call her Yonni. My Yonni was born 3 months after DeYonna passed away. OP, please being Toby’s warrior mom.
People don’t realize or even get how hard and painful JA is and how limiting it can be. My middle child got diagnosed at 16. It is mainly in their hands. It is freaking painful. As the mama - you have to be the mama bear. It is a balancing act for sure. Making sure they are careful and stay safe but also have as many opportunities to learn and explore like another child. Rock on mama!
Jody Cotton are you for real. So pandering for the "one" is much more important than catering for the majority. I fear not. It's like having a dinner party for 20 people, one of which is a vegetarian. Then forcing everyone to eat a vegetarian meal so she feels included. Ridiculous. Bring on the roast beef, pork chops and fried chicken. The vegetarian can have a plate filled with lettuce and carrots for all I care.
House title story. OP, never, never ever, put anyone on a title that you are not married to. He is only a BF, regardless of how serious it is or how much you love each other. Do not allow anyone to pressure you into it.
Story 1…OP’s boyfriend is being entitled and just plain ridiculous! Never put a name on the deed if they’re not married.. and maybe not then, at least not until they’ve been married a few years.. Story 2… NTA… the family is excluding OP’s son by choosing activities they know the boy can’t do.. if anyone is keeping him from being involved with family, it’s the family themselves! Last Story… OP’s family are being extremely bat crap crazy to ask him to pay off a debt for them.. he’ll never get the money back because of fammmiiilllyyy! It will be because of the baby or something else..
Cleaning dishes story - glad OP taught son a lesson, I had a similar problem with my husband, when I went back to work after raising the kids my husband and I shared household chores, he didn't want to do the dishes so deliberately didn't clean the plates etc properly, after doing it the second time I cleaned the plates etc for myself and kids after picking the worst of the dirty plates knife and forks for him, then proceeded to put his favourite meal on that dirty dish, after everyone sat down and started eating he complained the dishes were dirty, I just said " I thought they were disgusting so cleaned mine and the kids but you cleaned them and thought they were clean enough so I just left yours as they were". The look on his face as he ate the meal was priceless. Needless to say he had everything sparkling clean from then on and never tried to trick his way out of chores. After speaking to some girl friends it seems.their partners tried the same thing only 2 got out of the chore but after our conversation as you can guess these guys to are now doing chores and the girls won't tolerate any excuse for a bad job. 😂😂
why didn't you just throw the food on the ground and tell him "there dog, that is where you sit"? what the f**k is wrong with you people? i can understand and get behind not washing a dish for him and let him wash it properly before eating but this is not reasonable. wasting food and trying to poison him will accomplish what, exactly? illness, resentment, orphany? and don't even try to go with "it was just that one time, he will be fine" because i can name dozens of serious (and some fatal) conditions caused by parasites, bacteria and fungi. there are ten times as much of those that impact the quality of life or show their symptoms years later. heck, we are just starting to understand the connection between origin point of some forms of autoimune disorders, cancers and similar serious problems with combinations of factors like infections, chemical imbalance and toxic chemical intake. it appears that it is not a large quantity of any one thing but a combination of even small ammounts in right conditions that creates a perfect s**t storm that ruins your life. permanently. get a grip, woman. think, damn it, think. are you trying to get him killed? if you want to be a single mom, divorce him, don't kill the idiot. i just wish he returns the favour and force you to, i don't know, open your own jars for the rest of your life, change your own tires, fix plumbing or whatever chore it is that he does and you never did. heck even letting you carry something heavy should suffice. be a partner with him not a combatant. if you ask from him to share your chores equaly, then you should share his, right? so whench in hand and get moving toots. omfg, when something gets me so riled up i have to act like an idiot to get the point through. i just can't...
@@sakatababa he was fine the plate was cleaned just not perfectly just stained on edge and I've helped fix cars built sheds, repaired appliances with him even before the incident,. He agreed to 50/50 as we both worked then tried to get out of it. So he learned his lesson
@@gcarr1089 did you even read my response? what part of "and don't even try to go with "it was just that one time, he will be fine"" did you not understand? you specified "... worst of the dirty [dishes and utensiles] and placed his favourite meal [on them]...". that is straight up emotional abuse at best and murder in the second degree at worst. it is great that you share chores but i suspect he isn't crapping all over your favourite things, is he? a small gesture of allowing him to wash the damn plate beforehand and not forcing him to eat from a dirty plate by sealing the deal with placing his fav meal on it is the entire difference between "teaching him a lesson" and "abuse by emotional damage". and don't even try "oh it was a small thing, he recovered from that damage quickly". that can be said for a slap also but i would not stand for it too. regardless of who slapped who and why. it is never ok. it is the same thing. emotional damage is a real thing. don't hurt your partner. love him. make him better not worse. i am totaly behind not serving him and making him redo the dishes. he deserves that, not this. this is just too much.
@@Splatoon_Kirby i know it is different, her husband is not in his formative years and she is not his mother, but the sentiment is very alike and the process is the exact same one. it was just not ok.
I gotta be honest; i think OP ONLY laughing at his parents for asking such a ridiculous request is a PERFECTLY reasonable answer. 😂😂 NTA OP but i would go NC with your family, they all sound crazy
Story 1: Not only should she not put some boyfriends name on her property, she should have him sign a rental agreement in case she needs to evict him down the line.
LOL, about the third story about not doing dishes properly. Back in the ancient 60's we didn't have a dishwasher my two brothers and I had to do them by hand. One time my younger brother did a lousy job and my father took out every dish in the cabinets and made him rewash all of them, even the ones that were already clean. Yup, he was there for a couple of hours. After seeing that none of us ever pulled that trick. My mother made my brothers wash dishes too because she said she didn't want them to view their future wives as slaves to a kitchen.
Listening to the first story, I kept saying, "No, no NO! Do not add him even if you get married." There is no financial benefit for OP, but PLENTY potential for the boyfriend." Her sister already put her grandmother's gift at risk, OP does not need to do the same. If a happy marriage endures forever, there is no difference in who owns the home.
Make a will that the home will only pass to your sister or child. The house will never belong to your partner-married or not. Oh and as an inheireted asset it will never be considered a marital asset. Yiu need to prepare for your future. This way, no matter what happens with your relationships you will always have a home. This id so very important.
Your mother assumed a ring was for her? She asked when the proposal was to 'clear her calendar'? You need to move out and put your mommy on an information diet.
Lazy Kid Story: Yeah, the parents should have nipped that behavior in the bud right away. Lots of folks mess things up when it comes to chores in hopes of being looked at as incompetent so that someone else will do it🙂
The one time my daughter tried weaponized incompetence to get out of chores her mother said she wouldn't eat until she did her chores correctly. Daughter came to me and I told her I'd supervise her doing her chores to make sure they were done right. She never tried that on us again.
@@thecoolgrandma7208 yes i have dated been friends and worked with far to many men that pull this crap and they are not teenagers. Its much easier for a parent or in your case grandmother to stop this young while you can actively force them to take responsibility for their behaviour.
you do understand he is just strenghtening bonds between his neurons that scream "mom hates me" every time he does the dishes? and in a formative year of his character development. this is an origin point for a no contact mother/son relationship. we know how it works, not just in humans but in other animals too. look up the pavlov experiment with dogs. i thought it was sad that op pushed her son so far away over a petty issue with overreaction but y'all patting her on the back and taking notes is even more sad.
oh my God first story I'm only two lines into it hell to the no. under no condition do you ever even after your married put his name on that deed of the house. look had this conversation with a friend of mine. she got married didn't do it. she's paying for it now. don't do it ever. prenup prenup prenup. don't care if your man don't care you're a woman don't careif you're from outer space, don't give up anything that you have before the rings on it. EVER!!!!!!!!!!!
As a previous cane-user... just wanna say... a little itty bitty cane for an 8 year old sounds so cute! Obviously it's unfortunate, but it's healthy to form positive attachments to necessary mobility aids. I hope he's got a cool one he's been able to decorate
As someone with early onset arthritis (though thankfully mine came on in my early 30s not when I was a little kid like poor Toby) I'm so proud of OP2 for standing up for her son. People who refuse to accommodate their family member's condition (which doesn't take away a lot, they literally chose the handful of things he can't do) are not family, they're just genetically-connected jerks.
Suggestion about the engagement trip: you told your mom everything about the trip. So change what you can! Flight leaves 4 hours earlier, or different destination (even if the hotel is just down the road), or any big or small differences you can come up with. Or Mom might just show up at the airport with a ticket and a suitcase…
My heart hurt reading the Toby story bc I used to work at an arthritis specialist office and there was a little 10 yr old girl who had RA. Her mom would tell us how long it would take to get her out of bed some mornings sometimes and the little girl just wanted to do gymnastics again. I'm not saying that Toby's condition was as bad as hers but to know that family members are so dense regarding RA complications & dont find it necessary to take his limitations into consideration is horrible!!
and he will return the favour with going no contact soon enough. care to consider what he thinks about while washing the dishes (an unavoidable daily chore for a lifetime). you guessed it, it's "mom hates me". there is no fixing this, now. his brain is just strenghtening those neural pathways every single day and everything she does, because of those neural connections, will be filtered through "mom hates me" lens. if setting them both up for a world of hurt for their entire lifes is a "perfect punishment", i have some very bad news for your moral compass...
I think OP went too far when she refused to let him wash the dishes. This could of been a good conversation at that point with just a simple 'So you DO understand why WE don't want to eat off sanitized dishes too? '
@@3adgamd3r yeah, balkan in the '80s and '90s in a working class family where half of my family lived in srebrenica and another just 50 miles from serbocroatian border was real peachy. i must not be aware how good i have it. sthu. i was not talking from "personal experience", we don't use anecdotal evidence in science. i am talking from a standpoint of refined knowledge obtained from experimental evidence in a peer reviewed, objective method. and ad hominem is even looked at in science. i could be the most sheltered idiot on the planet but if i speak the truth, i speak the truth.
story3; NTA there is absolutely no reason OP should feel bad, as a parent it was her responsibility to teach her lazy assed kid a valuable lesson and it looks like she may have succeeded.
Story 3: NTA. Honestly I was going to suggest exactly what you did or stand there and watch him like a hawk while he does them RIGHT. I get chores are a pain but he needs to do learn to do them right!
Watching a kid like that just makes them whine. "You don't trust me." "You always treat me like a baby." Forcing him to clean properly is the way to go. If he has to risk his life living in squalor he will learn to clean.
yeah but op didn't let him to wash them properly. she forced him to eat from dirty dishes. can you guess what he is thinking when he washes those dishes now? let me help you out. it is "mom hates me". every single time. that is why they are so clean now. he is, unwittingly setting himself up for a lifetime of hurt. heck, his brain is at that true age of creating lifelong characteristics and personality. this is bound to be a huge part of it, with such huge, repeateable and unavoidable training. he is doing the pavlov dog trick on himself. everything she does, from this point on, will be filtered through that "mom hates me" mantra. mom, in just one stroke, ruined a relationship with her son, forever. hope she doesn't blame him for it also.
@@sakatababa and if she didn't take steps to get through his thick skull that chores are a necessity that should be done properly for a reason she would be stuck taking care of an adult baby for the rest of her life. I've studied Pavlov in college. Somehow you seem to have missed part of it. These are humans not dogs. Humans are taught through logic not trained through fear. OP's son wasn't listening to her logic so she had to resort to a demonstration to get through to him. Actually, he was trying to train her like a dog. "If I do dishes the dishes stay dirty therefore I don't do dishes." She simply demonstrated the flaw in his logic. "If you do the dishes poorly then the dishes YOU use stay dirty therefore you should do them correctly." Also, generalities do not apply to people of any age. I taught my kids to cook, clean, do laundry, shop and many other things required for an independent life. They're adults now. Guess what? They don't hate me. I see them everyday not because they need me to take care of them but because they want to see me. I know lots of adults that learned from their parents and still love their parents. Some are even grateful for the life lessons their parents taught them. Thinking all kids hate their parents for making them see reality is very flawed logic. It just doesn't stand up to the evidence.
@@sakatababa nonsense! If you care about your children you teach them to do things correctly and if they continue to screw up on purpose you HAVE to let them deal with the consequences! It's called raising a child to be a grown up! Some day Mommy and Daddy aren't going to be there to take care of his butt and he will have to fix his own mistakes! If you coddle you child because they might get mad if you discipline them all you are doing is creating an entitled baby! If you do not discipline you children (and I am not talking about beating them up etc.) you do not really love them! You must recognize that your children will one day have to get along in the world without you there to fix their mistakes and they have to learn to take responsibility for themselves. All this mother did was make the son deal with the consequences of his own actions! He literally said to her that the dirty dishes were "sterilized" by the dishwasher so they were fine because he knew they would rewash them. Making him deal with the dishes as they were left showed him they knew what he was doing (trying to get out of doing dishes by doing them badly on purpose) and they were done with his behavior! Perfect in my opinion! And yes, before you ask, I am a mother of 2 grown adults and grandmother to one cutie at the moment. My adult children are two of my best friends as I was "mommy" when they were young and now they are completely functioning adults so I don't need to "mommy" them any more, just like how my mother and father were with me
@@lorisewsstuff1607 i would venture a guess you didn't learn anything from pavlovs experiment. neural pathways work exactly the same way in any mammal. humans and dogs alike. if humans are trained through logic and not fear why do we have any kind of punishment. op's approach is very wrong in that case as it is neither logical or educational but a punishment and a cruel one at that. what generalities? i was being very specific about neural development in his age group. if you understand anything about neurophysiologycal development of brains in humans you would understan me instantly. it is a very clear and obvious problem. heck, the endurance of his fury (ops words) towards his mother just prove my hypothesis. anecdotal evidence of "i taught my kids [whatever]" therefore "[anything regarding another child]" is in science referred as, and this is a technical term, bulls**t. we go where the factual state of reality observed through experimental evidence leads us. and, in this case, reality is not in concordance with you.
Unless there is a ring on your finger and you both said "I Do" your partner's name should not be on the title of whatever type of home you have. If you both came into it, both names, if you came into it, only your name. Never EVER put a bf/gf name on the title unless they also paid for the down payment. Even if he financially contributes, I would not even think about it unless we were ready to get married. it takes one break-up, argument, disagreement, and moody day to have the house ripped from under you because they demanded their share, and you have to sell. Those parents are stupid and financially not sound. My mom was a banker, and I witness so many regretful financial decisions of young folks because no one told them how to protect their money and assets.
Last story: Op doesn't live in a different reality he just lives in reality. The rest of his family and in-laws just live in the capital city of Cuckooville of the lost continent of Lala Land.
ALL of these stories would be better if they ended with "so I just laughed in their faces and left" Seriously. Anytime someone says some dumb or outrageous or entitled crap just laugh at them and then stop talking to them. They're a joke. Their request is a joke. Laugh at them.
@@kemarisite It was after. I heard it and I thought to myself that these stories piss us off because the OP keeps conversing, replying, and feeding the POS person/people. Narcissists feed on your responses. When you get upset or hurt at what they say you're giving them more superficial power from their point of view. So laughing at these people lets them know you don't take them seriously, and that you think their request is so stupid it can only be a joke. Lmao. You can't win against someone who's only goal is to make you feel like crap or to take advantage of you. They will use whatever mental gymnastics they can to justify their idiotic words and justifications. You don't win against that. You don't reason with that. You laugh and walk away with your massive balls and integrity intact like OP. Lmao
It reminds me of the old improv chestnut "Thank God you're here!" It could be a line of improv where two people are trying to get you to agree to something preposterous and the last scene is always " I laughed in their face and left!"
Playing the idiot when doing chores usually works. The person will do a half a** job then it's, well I won't do them anymore if you don't like how I do it. Every time he gets lazy and won't do something, say the laundry right tell the next person not to wash his clothes keep NOT doing things for him until he learns
Story 1: It sounds like boyfriend told his parents he would be added to the deed the way her sister's husband was added to hers. He's embarrassed because he spoke out of turn. That might why he didn't speak up in her defense.
Who on earth would expect a BOYFRIEND to be added onto the title of a house that is likely worth more than $1 million? Red flag right there, and boyfriend should be dumped for that. If he actually believes a girlfriend should gift him half of a house, what else does he feel entitled to? Girlfriend should ask that her name be added onto the title ownership for the boyfriend's parent's house because...."well, you're going to die eventually and I'll inherit half the house through your son". See how they feel about that.
My country inheritance is marital asset like anything else unless your SO has been excluded in the will (of person you inherited). Lots of housing/other inheritance lost on that thing...
The story about the boyfriend trying to take half of OP's house - OP, please dump this loser. Unbelievable. You both are DATING which means both of you can leave whenever you both chose too. He doesn't want to make ANY long term commitment but he expects OP give him half of her inheritance. OP, my own HUSBAND wouldn't make these horrendous demands. What a scammer. And his family is horrible too. He should 100% be paying rent, as well. Those red flags are on fire, my dear. Run.
Child w/ Arthritis and the Family trip with High Activity- How can they bond with him, if they are in the air on a rock wall, and he is on the ground? How can they bond with him, if they have hiked 2 miles into the wilderness, and he is in the parking lot. For the very fact THEY LEFT OP OUT OF THE PLANNING, means they didn't want to worry about doing things that would cater to him. You tell your family, they are projecting their own guilt for purposefully leaving Toby out of their activities and to grow up and take responsibility. He didn't have to do EVERYTHING, BUT THEY FAILED TO PLAN ANYTHING THAT THE WHOLE FAMILY COULD DO TOGETHER. I seriously doubt Grandma and Grandpa are climbing walls. You did the right thing staying home. The last thing you want is for that frustration to peak out on the trip, that they have to do these two things that are boring, all because 'Toby is a cripple.'
It's a family trip so the family can spend time together but we don't want to spend any time with your kid so we're going to do all kinds of things your kid can't do stay at home and take your kids somewhere else your family's awful
Family Vacation and Toby: They chose not to include Toby in all of those activities, explicitly or otherwise, so what's the point of going? What would have been a better compromise would be if they had two groups during the vacation. One group for Toby friendly activities, and the other for other stuff. Family members swap based on what sport they were most interested in. That way Toby can spend time with family members doing stuff he can do and the rest of the fam can still get their adrenaline fix during the trip. That or a redistribution of the ratio of Toby friendly to not so that most or the majority he could be a part of.
I wouldn't put my husband on an inherited house & I'd still expect him to share expenses if he's living there. He'd have to pay rent or mortgage anywhere else, he can contribute or pay rent.
story two: sad how the family stated it is a fun family trip, but plan activities where toby can not participate in those activities. I guess toby is supposed to read a book while the family is having fun doing those activities.
Last story: did anyone think that the one to blame was the MIL? She was the one who demanded grandkids as soon as possible and didn’t think about financial consequences. If she only had wait until idk, they get a life and a paying job, then she might have a grandkid. Idk why the rest of the family didn’t have a backbone to say wait until they are stable. I’m glad OP backed out of this situation.
No. OP's family make their own decisions and could have told her to boil her head. Instead they went to put pressure on OP to pay for a wedding when they wouldn't even help with their college.
first story, I love that the BF first tries to claim OP doesn’t see their relationship lasting or going anywhere…. And when that works he claims she’s trying to blackmail him into marriage, like lmfao what? Which is it dbag?
Story 1. Don't put his name on the deed for any reason. When he says something like not putting his name on the deed means you don't trust him turn it around on him. Say that the only reason he wants his name on the deed is so he can dump you, force you to sell, then steal half of the $$. Op, you need to dump this guy. When he doesn't get his way he's going to lash out at you, whine to his mommy that you won't share your toys, & gather people to harass you to do what he wants. Is this the life you want? He & his mommy will gang up on you & make your life miserable. Please don't do this to yourself. Lock down your credit, change all passwords, put up cameras, & get anything of value & sentimental value out of your house & lock it up so there's no blackmail or extortion going on. Good luck
Thank the boyfriends parents for gifting you half their assets and can’t totally offended when they decline and tell them they’re selfish and you want nothing to do with them….
Story 2: NTA "it's about spending time with family" But they won't be spending time with Toby or OP at all as theybare going to be doing ALL activities he can't do. Selfish as fuck.
I found a random ring in your room that isn't my room that I don't need to be in and assumed because it had my birthstone in it that meant you've given it to me even though you never gave it to me and you never said anything about it and we never talked about it so now I'm just wearing it.
Last (Wedding) Story: The answer to the aforementioned reality query is, “Yes”. OP lives in a completely different reality. OP should never, ever try to enter the alternate reality in which his bizarre family resides. It could be dangerous. Lol…
The dish story was brilliant! I did this with my housemates. I kept clean dishes, cutlery and pans in my room that I bought because I was fed up of having to wash dirty plates so I could eat. It was also my responsibility to clean the communal areas for reduced rent. I texted a photo of the side and sink that was covered in dirty dishes to the landlord. A mass text was sent too all tenants reminding them they're all adults and it isn't my responsibility to clean up their dishes. She then put "I've already told x to just clean around the dishes, so no trying to use the dishes to trick her into doing them for you." 😂
Birthstone proposal: here's an important lesson. Practice circumspection. In other words mind your own business and keep your trap firmly shut. Particularly where you have an insane relative like the mother.
I’m sorry, but when I have gone on family holidays, we have always made it a point (since I can remember as a very young child, anyway,) that each day, we do something that one person chooses. Even for the kids, the holiday is not all about them. If it is a day for somebody else, you are not allowed to pout, throw tantrums or sit out because you are not interested in that thing. Everyone takes part and enjoys it, because they can see the joy of the person who chose what to do that day. While yes, there may have been two activities on the list that OP’s child could have taken part in, I think that it is more the fact that they were not consulted during the decision-making process. I would be in candescent, if this were my child. No, one child does not decide the whole holiday (like OP pointed out,) but yet it seems like the other members of the family have done just that, or at least the vast majority.
The dishes story, NTA, but I usually would handle something like this by making him hand wash the dishes immediately after he fucked it up. It never would have happened again.
Lol...no. Do not put your bf's name on the deed to your house. After all, with all the money he's saving, he can put together a down payment on his own house.
![Seungmin "그렇게, 천천히, 우리(As we are)" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/kAzmhLHePqU/mqdefault.jpg)
When my daughter was an infant, my grandmother had me design a ring for myself and she paid for it. It has my birth stone, my daughter's birth stone, and her father's birth stone. (He and I have the same stine.) Years later, I married my now husband in our backyard, and his mom also had the same stone. She'd see me wearing that ring and comment about how much she wanted it. The ring went missing from my jewelry box that day and she swore up and down that she had no idea where it went. She died three years ago and we were going through her items and in a secret compartment in her jewelry box was my ring. It doesn't leave my finger unless I am asleep or showering. (There was a note with it that she wanted to be buried wearing it. Obviously, it didn't happen.)
That's horrible. Glad you got it back.
Oh my Lord!! That is so horrible! I am so glad you were able to get your ring back! Who even does something like that and then even had the audacity to ask to be buried wearing a *stolen* ring??!!?? Um, excuse the heck out of me?
Wow! Just freaking Wow! Glad you got your ring back but I am at a loss for words regarding your MIL!
there was a note saying that she wanted to be buried with the ring she stole from you??
@@rmhartman Yep. Her husband couldn't find it because she entrusted the jewelry box in her sister's care due to her daughter picking her house locks and stealing from her. I swear, I married the only normal, honest person in his immediate family. I've let it be known that I will be giving it to my daughter in a few years.
Story 1: Not only should OP not put her boyfriends name on the deed to the house, she should tell him to pack his bags and get the hell out of her house. The fact that he didn’t stand up for his girlfriend, when his family attacked her for not putting him on the deed to the house, says volumes. If she does let him stay, I think that she should ask him to pay rent. Maybe that would help him to realize how he messed up a good thing for himself😏
I was thinking the same thing. Also if he comes back to propose tell him NO. If he wants to know why, just give him the reasons he was put out of the house and that you don't need a life with a man who isn't a protector.
Unbelievable her bf felt entitled to her inheritance kick all of them to the curb I warn you it will not get better sounds like they are Narcisistic do not want to go down that road
Not only is he not a protector, he IS a predator, like his family.
He seems like a passive aggressive prick who put them up to it to me.
Saying "Let's just drop it because we're never going to agree" says Loud & Clear BF doesn't Discuss & Compromise. Everything is his way, or no way. He only dropped it this time because he knew he had no leverage, BUT If they were married... & The reason he didn't have her back with his parents is because
1. They are just like him
2. He Told them he was, because to Him "It's just a matter of time"
3. He figured that they could help convince her it's logical & the right thing to do.
Story 1- love how boyfriend is claiming OP don't trust him and "pressuring" him to marry her. That's exactly what he wants for 50% of the house. Dump him. He sent the flying monkeys onto OP. He will do this throughout the relationship.
I agree. I basically said the same thing
My bff married a man none of our friend circle liked or trusted. She had inherited a large house on a big acreage, pool, barn, tennis courts. New husband pressured her to put his name on the title to show her “trust” in their relationship. Her home and land were completely paid off, plus she’d bought him a new car. He relentlessly bugged her to sign half her house over, and she kept saying there were legal issues she had to resolve first. Her lawyer suggested my friend insist that if he wants his name on her house, then he put her name on the title of his vacation home in Hawaii, and other property he claimed to have.
You guessed it--he threw a fit, claimed he had a business trip to Texas, emptied their joint bank account, and disappeared. Total scammer. I’d suggest any previously owned property stay in the original owner’s name alone. A trust can be set up to allow the surviving spouse to live in the house if the owner feels ok about that, or to raise children if they have any. This needs a great estate lawyer so the surviving spouse doesn’t possibly remarry and then mess up the house that rightfully should e held in trust for the children, or whomever the owner wants to inherit it.
Op should ask to be on the title of bfs parents house just to see how they react
@@Boertje247 or prenuptial I love the one where mans wife's parents forced him to sign a prenup because he didn't make enough money or was rich when they were planning to marry so he did years later his business blooms and he has a decent amount of money while his parents in law business starting hurting they talked the wife into talking him into helping them and that's where he uses the prenup on the wife saying he promised he wouldn't help them cause of it as it said they wouldn't help him 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
@@beverlyarcher3744 yes! That one is one of my favorites. One of my biggest clients who was incredibly wealthy had a 7th grade education. He worked super hard, had tons of integrity and was good to his employees. But when he met his future wife, her parents were not impressed because he was just a struggling restaurant manager. They insisted on a prenup, which he happily signed. 25 years in, plus 3 kids, and taking in his SIL’s kids and paying for everything for them and treating them like his own kids, the in-laws made some really stupid ‘sure-fire’ investments, and tried to pressure him into bailing them out. He was very polite, and told them to sell their big house and all but 2 cars, and don’t go on any vacations for 3 years, and they’d be ok financially, and not lose their retirement funds. They were incensed, but he pointed out that he’d come from a part of society they looked down on, that he didn’t have their top university educations, and that the prenup they required him to sign prevented loans to bail out either his wife or his wife to bail him out, PLUS he was raising 3 kids not his own because no one else in THEIR family would take them in. The in-laws slunk away, refused his advice, and ended up losing their big house and vacation home too. They ended up living in an apartment (a nice one) but really, with egg on their face.
Nobody is entitled to someone else’s inheritance, even a spouse!
Agreed. Inheritances go to the person in the will. That whole post is concerning. He is adding up their assets and trying to claim half of hers, sounds like he's planning a break-up soon and wants to get his fair share to take with him.
The parents were out of pocket to walk up to OP and say that. They aren't even married why would she split an inheritance with him? What makes any of them think he's entitled to own half without contributing a dime?
They did it because their son told them that that's what his girlfriend was going to do (since that's what her sister had done with her HUSBAND)! He obviously doesn't understand the difference between a HUSBAND and a BOYFRIEND. It appears that his parents don't either. Inherited property is NOT marital property in many states. I wouldn't even put the husband's name on the deed unless he paid me half the value of the property. God forbid we end up divorced and he TAKES half the value, even though he had not paid a dime towards the mortgage. Wives should keep inherited property as their nest egg. It's still a "man's world" out there and the economics of divorce still favors men. Wives getting alimony is less and less anymore. Even child support payments are not enough to sustain a divorcee' (unless or until she remarries in most cases).
@@deborahpinkey1264 I agree with a lot of what you said but want to clarify for you: child support is NOT (and have never been) meant to support the ex-wife. It is for the child-to contribute to their food, rent, utilities, clothing, etc. Spousal support is alimony or else ex-wife needs to get a job to support her part in addition to child support.
She should have thanked them for putting her in their will and then acted surprised when they said they didn't
@@stephanien6237 I well know that, but my comment does not make that clear. I should have better clarified what I said. Thank you for doing it. There is already far too much confusion when it comes to child support vs. alimony. You only get child support if you have children and you are the custodial parent and then that is in proportion to the incomes of each parent (I think) and/or how much time the kid(s) live with each parent. More and more these days, spousal support is not a given. A lot depends on the longevity of the marriage and whether or not the wife worked outside the home to earn a living.
@@deborahpinkey1264 child support is based on the number of children and the gross income of the non custodial parent and if the custodial parent makes more the child support may go down if the difference in income is large enough. Visitation down count but joint custody does. Alimony is basically given when the spouse is stay at home, if they work no support unless she put the other through school etc then spouse may get temporary support while she down sizes if the house has to be sold ect . If the spouse was stay at home without work experience then spouse would require support until employed if ordered. Otherwise no support.
Boyfriend: you’re afraid of commitment and don’t trust me because you won’t put me on the deed to the house
also boyfriend : getting me to pay for part of the upkeep of the house and marrying you to get on the deed is you trying to entrap me
Shorter BF: I want your house but I don't want you.
my mans a straight up gold digger smh
Eff the boyfriend and his family...what would happen if they broke up.
Rubbish. So dramatic....get over it.
Story 1 : Why the heck would you put his name on your house? He is just your bf. These people are too entitled. Also be careful . Make sure he nor his family do something to your house.
I know, I don't even agree with the sister with her husband, and that's her husband. If he decides to divorce her, he would get half of her inheritance.
I helped my son pick out his wife’s engagement ring and was thrilled he included me. He also took her on a trip to propose, not for a second did I want to go, it wasn’t about me but, them!
The son who couldn't load the dishwasher correctly wouldn't have lasted at all with me. Once I saw his little game, he would be the one to unload the dishes, wash them by hand in the sink, dry and put them away. It would be "game on" in my house. Loading a dishwasher is a nothing chore.
1:47 😂Gotta love boyfriend’s logic of “I feel like you’re trying to blackmail me into marriage.” How about the part where HIS ENTIRE FAMILY tries to blackmail her into giving up half a house? I wouldn’t even let him live there. There are plenty of horror stories on here of trying to get rid of house guests.
Story 1: NTA. I’d actually encourage someone not to put a BF’s name on a title for anything. Honestly he should be thankful your not charging rent. That is generous enough and yet they have the nerve to be this greedy!
I feel even more strongly about this after what happened to a close friend of mine: if another adult or - even your spouse - is not contributing financially, do not put them on the title of the house. If you pay for the house, or you received it as an inheritance, or it is your property to start with- don’t add anyone to the title who is not making a significant financial contribution to that property.
And if anyone pushes this reasonable boundary, you should seriously reconsider your entire relationship.
I owned a house, and didn't even put my husbands name on it. Good thing I didnt.
Him not paying rent is probably why he decided not to push the argument. He realized if he kept arguing they would get into a full on fight and she would kick him out.
Never ever put his name on the title. It is your property. Not his. If you put his name on the title and you don't last, he's entitled to half. Even if he puts money / work into it, especially if he's not paying rent, do not put his name on it.
A friend's on and off girlfriend convinced him to buy a newer, larger house using a loan against his paid off rental. She put $1500 earnest money towards the new property. 6 months later she kicked him out, took him to court and got 1/2 the value of the property (about $250,000 in her pocket).
Even if you marry him... don't do it.
You also need a tenant agreement with him. Even if he's just contributing to utilities. This allows you to evict him should this go south.
I know it seems harsh and unromantic and untrusting, but 50%+ of all marriages end in divorce. Relationships frequently have an expiration date. Protect your inheritance.
"You're forcing me into a commitment if you do and if you don't it means you don't trust me and the relationship is doomed, over". The gas light is lit. Dump this schmuck.
The Dishes. Brilliant. He got caught up in his dilemma. He's mad because he got caught AND you didn't let him get away with it. Keep up the good work.
“He knows, he just doesn’t care”
Preach! Truer words have never been spoken! 😆
That's the average 17-year-old boys View of doing the dishes. He knows they're there. He just doesn't care.
Was on their side til they withheld food.
Never withhold food.
@@DudleyStadler They didn't withhold food. They just wouldn't let him eat off anything but the dishes he had "washed" the night before.
Instead of her or husband doing them by hand, they should have made him wash All of the unclean dishes by hand himself, a long time ago. The fact that They cleaned them Instead is why he didn't care!
Boy: "Eventually they'll stop making me use the dishwasher at all, hehehe!"
@@DudleyStadler not only that, they humiliated him into eating off of dirty plates. like i said in another comment, he is making a pavlov response of "mom hates me" every time he does the dishes from that point on. and in a formative year of his permanent character. this family is in for a lifetime of hurt.
a sad outcome over an petty issue, overblown by emotional response from the mother.
Story 1: I feel very strongly about this: if another adult or - even your spouse - is not contributing financially, do not put them on the title of the house. If you pay for the house, or you received it as an inheritance, or it is your property to start with- don’t add anyone to the title who is not making a significant financial contribution to that property.
And if anyone pushes this reasonable boundary, you should seriously reconsider your entire relationship.
Instead of house OP or anyone else should ask this question. Should OP give 1/2 of her $250k or whatever the house is worth, inheritance to her boyfriend? That's a resounding Hell No! Anyone saying they would give their boyfriend or girlfriend 1/2 of a 6 figure inheritance is a liar or a fool.
@@gena_unknown and their financial sacrifice saves money for their family. Also, they risk the most by doing so.
@@spacecat1974 yeah. People are not considering the stay at home mothers (and stay at home fathers) who are equal partners in the marriage but not contributing a paycheck.
How many stories have we heard about women whose husbands “convince them” to be SAHMs and then slowly decrease their access to money, until they feel fully dependent. Financial abuse 101.
This does not apply to this story though. These are two, unmarried, independent adults where one of them inherited a home and the other contributes nothing to this home.
The above comment about treating it like OP received a monetary inheritance is a good one.
This is the Ultimate of Entitlement Insanity of this clown boyfriend and his family thinking under any circumstance he can demand OP add him to the Deed of her Inherited Home! In case they do not understand, THIS IS HER HOME! None of those leeches and golddiggers have any say on what OP owns!
@@spacecat1974 Yeah, I'd argue a stay-at-home-parent is saving the family the amount of money equal to what childcare costs and what a housekeeper would cost, and then some. So, they're definitely worth their salt and can be on the title. Plus, them being on the title would be a protection in case of the breadwinner dying or divorce, in which they'd get half the house (though arguably they wouldn't deserve half the house if they're cheating, but in case they're not...).
How tf is a kid so lazy that he won't even make a machine do his work for him. I've handwashed dishes all my life, a washing machine would be a blessing.
Right? I'm not feeling bad at all now for letting some dishes stack up when I've got no dish washer and only one sink
My Mom taught my brother and I how to do things and if you didn't do it well enough, you went back and finished or did again. As many times as it took.
One of my friends was in a bigger family where they were likewise taught but with so many people, sometimes one kid or another would try slacking, thinking they'd get away with it not being noticed who slacked.
Congratulations!.... Since "you don't know how" to do the dishes, you're on dishes EVERY DAY until we know you "know how" to do it. In addition to the other chores they had that week. 😂
My friend was good at getting things done so she LOVED it when one of her siblings slacked off... days off for her and the other good ones!
If I inherited a house I'd never put my partners name on it marriage or not (a child maybe)... Its from her family tf I'd be side eyeing anyone who somehow feels entitled to it just cause we're together... And him letting his family disrespect her wow
It wasn't Just Disrespect! It was Controlling! The fact that he said "Let's just agree to disagree" says he doesn't sit down to Discuss & Compromise, it's his way or not! He's only dropping it now, because he has no leverage. By getting his parents in on the matter, it made OP wonder if he's right. Why isn't her parents & sister telling OP "He's Only a BF?" & Back her up harder, so she knows she's right? Life with him will be her doing all the Compromising always & his gaslighting her with his parents backing him up!
My heart goes out to Toby, I have Rheumatoid Arthritis and there are so many things I can't do, however I am 50, diagnosed in my late 30's so had years of being able to join in. My daughter was diagnosed at 13, ballet dancer, cross country runner, all became far more difficult. My family have always made sure that both of us can join in any family activities/holidays. OP's family should be ashamed of themselves.
And there are so many activity, that they could chose from.
Swimming, river rafting, bike rides, horse hikes, and plenty more.
But no, they chose rock climbing, hikes, and orientation run/ walks.
I'm wondering if the family was planning for OP to babysit, since they knew she'd be staying at the hotel with her son while they were out having fun.
I've had fibromyalgia since I was at least 20, and have joint pain in most joints which is gonna be... _fun_ to learn what exactly that's about 🙃 I'm in my mid twenties now and it really is hard
I just hope he can have a positive attachment to his mobility aids, and get to decorate them how he likes because it really helps imho as a previous cane-user. It became a part of me - mentally I saw it as an extention of myself - after a few months, and I still miss not having that particular cane around (it's helping a neighbour in their 20s with a spinal injury, so I know it's for the best, and I can still say hi to it anyway lol).
@@hellefur6631 swimming was the first one I thought of! it's so much easier on joints while being active af 😤
@@damien678 swimming, horse/ bike riding, rowing/ kanoing/ kajaking, are the best exercises, when your body disagrees with you.
More easy on the joints, and can slowly, but steady build up muscle, to stabilize the joints.
The mom with the dishes story was hysterical! Well done to OP.
Even the ring was for the mom as her birthday gift why would she just take it? Not wait for him actually gift it to her? Just all around weird...I don't think she believed it was for her at all. Some "other woman" is coming for her baby boy and she's going on the fritz over it!
OP is NTA....Tell Mom to respect your privacy and stay out of things that don't belong to her. Also engagements are usually private between the couple involved. Remind mother of this. Remind family you have never taken your mother on a trip for her birthday, it is not a tradition and it is not one that will not start anytime soon either. If they feel she deserves a trip they are more than welcomed to save up and send her on one but since he now has to save up for a wedding do not ask him to contribute.
For the engagement mom.. I’d change hotel reservations.. she knows where he’s staying and she’ll show up
First story: OP should run.
The guy's parents didn't just assume that she gave him half of the house. The guy told them that she did. And as a friend of mine put it: a shared house is a bigger commitment than marriage.
Story 3, omg weaponised incompetence is a huuuuge red flag for future shitty behaviour. Good on OP and hubby for not letting this slide
When did proposals turn into a spectator sport? It's an extremely intimate moment in a couple's lives and many people prefer it to be private and between just the two of them. I would think having anyone else present would ruin it. Spreading this all over social media makes it even worse. I bet this MIL to be will demand to be in the delivery room when her son's children are born-another intimate moment. NTA!
Mom was called traipsing around the house with the engagement ring thinking it was her birthday gift. She just makes massive raging assumptions and then tries to reverse engineer it.
The future for OP and his girlfriend will be constant lines crossed by his mum.
OP: Mum, where you going with my wife's flowers?
Mum: I assumed they were for me. They're my favourite colour and mothers day is next month.
OP: Mum, why are you dressed up when we asked you to babysit whilst we go for a meal?
Mum: I assumed the meal was for me. I like restaurants.
OP: Mum, why are you eating your grandchilds birthday cake?
Mum: I assumed it was for me. I really like cake.
OP: It's got your grandchilds name on it...
Mum: You know I can't read without my glasses. Also, the gifts you got me, they're all children's toys. What do you expect I do with those?
Vacation mom story: I love this story. Far too often we hear stories of momma boys who are so deep in the FOG that they don't see how disrespectful their moms are and end up treating them like a primary spouse while their actual wives are just maids/cooks/nannies/fetus incubators. This is refreshing to see, OP probably sees how weird it is because he was raised by dad through his most impressionable years instead of his mom. Clearly dad is the sane parent.
Yep - narcissist alert! OP needs to start putting some distance between him, his girlfriend and his mother. Otherwise a lot of serious drama and misery will be on the cards.
But it was her birthday month 🤣🤣🤣
@@joimumu I don't get the whole birthday month thing. Like I'll take a day off work on my birthday but I've never claimed a whole month just for myself. I guess it's a narcissist thing, their egos are so big they have to have an entire month to remind everyone that they graced the world with their very existence.
Story 1: NTA, It's your house...... There is absolutely no reason to put a boyfriend/girlfriend to the title of your house..
Story 2: NTA, when taking a disabled person on a trip it is important that the majority (but not all) of the activities be acceptable to their disability.
If not majority then at least half or more options to sit out with something fun, with a lot of people there so they're not left out
Speaking as someone with RA, minimum I expect is.. don't make the majority something they cant do, make that for maybe half but be flexible and have options and don't leave them with nothing to do and no one to talk to
@@ginathecookie They should have done half and half, where is the fun for toby if he is left behind 95 % of the time.
@@velvety2006 exactly
Toby’s mom and dad are ABSOLUTELY right in not participating in this “family” trip. When I was in college, I worked part time at a day care. One of my little students DeYonna had juvenile arthritis. Because of that and other serious health concerns, she wasn’t expected to live past 6 years old. She was 4 at the time and was wheelchair bound and in hospice before I left college. She told me that she only wished that she could be a mommy one day. I promised her that when I had my first daughter, I would name her after DeYonna and let her know that she has a fairy godmother. My now 38 year old, married with her own little girl was named Deionnah and we call her Yonni. My Yonni was born 3 months after DeYonna passed away. OP, please being Toby’s warrior mom.
you can't make me cry this early in the morning!! 😭
People don’t realize or even get how hard and painful JA is and how limiting it can be. My middle child got diagnosed at 16. It is mainly in their hands. It is freaking painful. As the mama - you have to be the mama bear. It is a balancing act for sure. Making sure they are careful and stay safe but also have as many opportunities to learn and explore like another child. Rock on mama!
@@damien678 I can feel the tears myself!
But we did though, didn't we!
Jody Cotton are you for real. So pandering for the "one" is much more important than catering for the majority. I fear not. It's like having a dinner party for 20 people, one of which is a vegetarian. Then forcing everyone to eat a vegetarian meal so she feels included. Ridiculous. Bring on the roast beef, pork chops and fried chicken. The vegetarian can have a plate filled with lettuce and carrots for all I care.
House title story.
OP, never, never ever, put anyone on a title that you are not married to. He is only a BF, regardless of how serious it is or how much you love each other.
Do not allow anyone to pressure you into it.
Story 1: He's emotionally blackmailing you, and you should kick him out. He will make you miserable.
Story 1…OP’s boyfriend is being entitled and just plain ridiculous! Never put a name on the deed if they’re not married.. and maybe not then, at least not until they’ve been married a few years..
Story 2… NTA… the family is excluding OP’s son by choosing activities they know the boy can’t do.. if anyone is keeping him from being involved with family, it’s the family themselves!
Last Story… OP’s family are being extremely bat crap crazy to ask him to pay off a debt for them.. he’ll never get the money back because of fammmiiilllyyy! It will be because of the baby or something else..
Based on the reaction of his family, you can see exactly where it came from.
And saying yes this time will lead down a very slurry slope, in the future!
@@lrock48"that's right, son! find a nice girl with her own home and get your hooks in!"
Cleaning dishes story - glad OP taught son a lesson, I had a similar problem with my husband, when I went back to work after raising the kids my husband and I shared household chores, he didn't want to do the dishes so deliberately didn't clean the plates etc properly, after doing it the second time I cleaned the plates etc for myself and kids after picking the worst of the dirty plates knife and forks for him, then proceeded to put his favourite meal on that dirty dish, after everyone sat down and started eating he complained the dishes were dirty, I just said " I thought they were disgusting so cleaned mine and the kids but you cleaned them and thought they were clean enough so I just left yours as they were". The look on his face as he ate the meal was priceless. Needless to say he had everything sparkling clean from then on and never tried to trick his way out of chores. After speaking to some girl friends it seems.their partners tried the same thing only 2 got out of the chore but after our conversation as you can guess these guys to are now doing chores and the girls won't tolerate any excuse for a bad job. 😂😂
why didn't you just throw the food on the ground and tell him "there dog, that is where you sit"?
what the f**k is wrong with you people? i can understand and get behind not washing a dish for him and let him wash it properly before eating but this is not reasonable. wasting food and trying to poison him will accomplish what, exactly? illness, resentment, orphany?
and don't even try to go with "it was just that one time, he will be fine" because i can name dozens of serious (and some fatal) conditions caused by parasites, bacteria and fungi. there are ten times as much of those that impact the quality of life or show their symptoms years later. heck, we are just starting to understand the connection between origin point of some forms of autoimune disorders, cancers and similar serious problems with combinations of factors like infections, chemical imbalance and toxic chemical intake. it appears that it is not a large quantity of any one thing but a combination of even small ammounts in right conditions that creates a perfect s**t storm that ruins your life. permanently.
get a grip, woman. think, damn it, think. are you trying to get him killed? if you want to be a single mom, divorce him, don't kill the idiot.
i just wish he returns the favour and force you to, i don't know, open your own jars for the rest of your life, change your own tires, fix plumbing or whatever chore it is that he does and you never did. heck even letting you carry something heavy should suffice.
be a partner with him not a combatant. if you ask from him to share your chores equaly, then you should share his, right? so whench in hand and get moving toots.
omfg, when something gets me so riled up i have to act like an idiot to get the point through. i just can't...
@@sakatababa he was fine the plate was cleaned just not perfectly just stained on edge and I've helped fix cars built sheds, repaired appliances with him even before the incident,. He agreed to 50/50 as we both worked then tried to get out of it. So he learned his lesson
@@gcarr1089 did you even read my response? what part of "and don't even try to go with "it was just that one time, he will be fine"" did you not understand?
you specified "... worst of the dirty [dishes and utensiles] and placed his favourite meal [on them]...". that is straight up emotional abuse at best and murder in the second degree at worst.
it is great that you share chores but i suspect he isn't crapping all over your favourite things, is he? a small gesture of allowing him to wash the damn plate beforehand and not forcing him to eat from a dirty plate by sealing the deal with placing his fav meal on it is the entire difference between "teaching him a lesson" and "abuse by emotional damage".
and don't even try "oh it was a small thing, he recovered from that damage quickly". that can be said for a slap also but i would not stand for it too. regardless of who slapped who and why. it is never ok. it is the same thing. emotional damage is a real thing. don't hurt your partner. love him. make him better not worse. i am totaly behind not serving him and making him redo the dishes. he deserves that, not this. this is just too much.
@@sakatababa
Look I agree OP went too far, but G Carr is fine. Their story is different then what happened between OP and their Son.
@@Splatoon_Kirby i know it is different, her husband is not in his formative years and she is not his mother, but the sentiment is very alike and the process is the exact same one. it was just not ok.
It’s obvious the boyfriend told his entire family he was getting half the house.
So he is a liar and a thief!!!
Run girl…. Just run.
Who sees a ring in someone's room and just assumes it's for them and takes it??? That mom is nuts.
I gotta be honest; i think OP ONLY laughing at his parents for asking such a ridiculous request is a PERFECTLY reasonable answer. 😂😂
NTA OP but i would go NC with your family, they all sound crazy
Story 1- NTA. You inherited that house. Not your boyfriend. Tell his family to kick rocks.
Exactly - and prenup if OP decides to marry into this family. Entitled much?
let the family buy him a house
Story 1: Not only should she not put some boyfriends name on her property, she should have him sign a rental agreement in case she needs to evict him down the line.
LOL, about the third story about not doing dishes properly. Back in the ancient 60's we didn't have a dishwasher my two brothers and I had to do them by hand. One time my younger brother did a lousy job and my father took out every dish in the cabinets and made him rewash all of them, even the ones that were already clean. Yup, he was there for a couple of hours. After seeing that none of us ever pulled that trick. My mother made my brothers wash dishes too because she said she didn't want them to view their future wives as slaves to a kitchen.
Story 3: 100% amazing parenting skills here! NTA and I wish I could’ve been a fly on the wall to see his face 😂😂😂
Listening to the first story, I kept saying, "No, no NO! Do not add him even if you get married." There is no financial benefit for OP, but PLENTY potential for the boyfriend." Her sister already put her grandmother's gift at risk, OP does not need to do the same. If a happy marriage endures forever, there is no difference in who owns the home.
Truth!
Op stop telling your mother everything. She will sabotage your proposal if not your whole relationship.
Make a will that the home will only pass to your sister or child. The house will never belong to your partner-married or not. Oh and as an inheireted asset it will never be considered a marital asset. Yiu need to prepare for your future. This way, no matter what happens with your relationships you will always have a home. This id so very important.
Your mother assumed a ring was for her? She asked when the proposal was to 'clear her calendar'? You need to move out and put your mommy on an information diet.
Story one: BF and his entitled, judgemental family are a pack of grifters.
Lazy Kid Story: Yeah, the parents should have nipped that behavior in the bud right away. Lots of folks mess things up when it comes to chores in hopes of being looked at as incompetent so that someone else will do it🙂
The one time my daughter tried weaponized incompetence to get out of chores her mother said she wouldn't eat until she did her chores correctly. Daughter came to me and I told her I'd supervise her doing her chores to make sure they were done right. She never tried that on us again.
😂😂😂😂😂👏👏👏👏👏 way to go OP. My grandsons all tried to go this route too at different times. I don't play either. OP is NTA.
@@thecoolgrandma7208 yes i have dated been friends and worked with far to many men that pull this crap and they are not teenagers. Its much easier for a parent or in your case grandmother to stop this young while you can actively force them to take responsibility for their behaviour.
I think my husband does this so I do things instead to make sure they are correct.
Absolutely LOVED the dishwasher story.
Parenting at its creative best. 👌
I would have patted him on the back. "If learning life lessons pisses you off, Son, prepare to spend the rest of your life pissed off."
you do understand he is just strenghtening bonds between his neurons that scream "mom hates me" every time he does the dishes? and in a formative year of his character development. this is an origin point for a no contact mother/son relationship. we know how it works, not just in humans but in other animals too. look up the pavlov experiment with dogs.
i thought it was sad that op pushed her son so far away over a petty issue with overreaction but y'all patting her on the back and taking notes is even more sad.
@@sakatababa Blablablah!
oh my God first story I'm only two lines into it hell to the no. under no condition do you ever even after your married put his name on that deed of the house. look had this conversation with a friend of mine. she got married didn't do it. she's paying for it now. don't do it ever. prenup prenup prenup. don't care if your man don't care you're a woman don't careif you're from outer space, don't give up anything that you have before the rings on it. EVER!!!!!!!!!!!
The story about the dishes - Good job mom 👍
As a previous cane-user... just wanna say... a little itty bitty cane for an 8 year old sounds so cute! Obviously it's unfortunate, but it's healthy to form positive attachments to necessary mobility aids. I hope he's got a cool one he's been able to decorate
My late husband had to start using a cane at 23. So, we started a collection. Mostly sword canes...... 😆
My son used a cane for a while for an injury. There are wonderful appliances available on the internet, or you can just use duct tape
As someone with early onset arthritis (though thankfully mine came on in my early 30s not when I was a little kid like poor Toby) I'm so proud of OP2 for standing up for her son. People who refuse to accommodate their family member's condition (which doesn't take away a lot, they literally chose the handful of things he can't do) are not family, they're just genetically-connected jerks.
Suggestion about the engagement trip: you told your mom everything about the trip. So change what you can! Flight leaves 4 hours earlier, or different destination (even if the hotel is just down the road), or any big or small differences you can come up with. Or Mom might just show up at the airport with a ticket and a suitcase…
My heart hurt reading the Toby story bc I used to work at an arthritis specialist office and there was a little 10 yr old girl who had RA. Her mom would tell us how long it would take to get her out of bed some mornings sometimes and the little girl just wanted to do gymnastics again. I'm not saying that Toby's condition was as bad as hers but to know that family members are so dense regarding RA complications & dont find it necessary to take his limitations into consideration is horrible!!
Perfect punishment for the son. Train that weaponized incompetence out of him.
and he will return the favour with going no contact soon enough. care to consider what he thinks about while washing the dishes (an unavoidable daily chore for a lifetime). you guessed it, it's "mom hates me". there is no fixing this, now. his brain is just strenghtening those neural pathways every single day and everything she does, because of those neural connections, will be filtered through "mom hates me" lens.
if setting them both up for a world of hurt for their entire lifes is a "perfect punishment", i have some very bad news for your moral compass...
I think OP went too far when she refused to let him wash the dishes. This could of been a good conversation at that point with just a simple 'So you DO understand why WE don't want to eat off sanitized dishes too? '
@@Splatoon_Kirby exactly. not it is an origin point for a very sad story in the future.
@@sakatababa dude if that’s all it’d take for you to hate your mum you must’ve had a sheltered life lmao
@@3adgamd3r yeah, balkan in the '80s and '90s in a working class family where half of my family lived in srebrenica and another just 50 miles from serbocroatian border was real peachy. i must not be aware how good i have it.
sthu. i was not talking from "personal experience", we don't use anecdotal evidence in science. i am talking from a standpoint of refined knowledge obtained from experimental evidence in a peer reviewed, objective method.
and ad hominem is even looked at in science. i could be the most sheltered idiot on the planet but if i speak the truth, i speak the truth.
So Toby just has to sit there and watch other people having fun. That's cruel. The worse is OP's family play the innocent.
“Doing dishes” is rinsing things and putting them in a dishwasher? AND HE COULDNT EVEN DO THAT? Wow, I fear for his future wife.
Last story. Op, are you SURE uncle wants the loan paid back already? Check with him.
story3; NTA there is absolutely no reason OP should feel bad, as a parent it was her responsibility to teach her lazy assed kid a valuable lesson and it looks like she may have succeeded.
Story 3: NTA. Honestly I was going to suggest exactly what you did or stand there and watch him like a hawk while he does them RIGHT. I get chores are a pain but he needs to do learn to do them right!
Watching a kid like that just makes them whine. "You don't trust me." "You always treat me like a baby." Forcing him to clean properly is the way to go. If he has to risk his life living in squalor he will learn to clean.
yeah but op didn't let him to wash them properly. she forced him to eat from dirty dishes.
can you guess what he is thinking when he washes those dishes now? let me help you out. it is "mom hates me". every single time. that is why they are so clean now. he is, unwittingly setting himself up for a lifetime of hurt. heck, his brain is at that true age of creating lifelong characteristics and personality. this is bound to be a huge part of it, with such huge, repeateable and unavoidable training. he is doing the pavlov dog trick on himself. everything she does, from this point on, will be filtered through that "mom hates me" mantra.
mom, in just one stroke, ruined a relationship with her son, forever.
hope she doesn't blame him for it also.
@@sakatababa and if she didn't take steps to get through his thick skull that chores are a necessity that should be done properly for a reason she would be stuck taking care of an adult baby for the rest of her life. I've studied Pavlov in college. Somehow you seem to have missed part of it. These are humans not dogs. Humans are taught through logic not trained through fear. OP's son wasn't listening to her logic so she had to resort to a demonstration to get through to him. Actually, he was trying to train her like a dog. "If I do dishes the dishes stay dirty therefore I don't do dishes." She simply demonstrated the flaw in his logic. "If you do the dishes poorly then the dishes YOU use stay dirty therefore you should do them correctly."
Also, generalities do not apply to people of any age. I taught my kids to cook, clean, do laundry, shop and many other things required for an independent life. They're adults now. Guess what? They don't hate me. I see them everyday not because they need me to take care of them but because they want to see me. I know lots of adults that learned from their parents and still love their parents. Some are even grateful for the life lessons their parents taught them. Thinking all kids hate their parents for making them see reality is very flawed logic. It just doesn't stand up to the evidence.
@@sakatababa nonsense! If you care about your children you teach them to do things correctly and if they continue to screw up on purpose you HAVE to let them deal with the consequences! It's called raising a child to be a grown up! Some day Mommy and Daddy aren't going to be there to take care of his butt and he will have to fix his own mistakes! If you coddle you child because they might get mad if you discipline them all you are doing is creating an entitled baby! If you do not discipline you children (and I am not talking about beating them up etc.) you do not really love them! You must recognize that your children will one day have to get along in the world without you there to fix their mistakes and they have to learn to take responsibility for themselves. All this mother did was make the son deal with the consequences of his own actions! He literally said to her that the dirty dishes were "sterilized" by the dishwasher so they were fine because he knew they would rewash them. Making him deal with the dishes as they were left showed him they knew what he was doing (trying to get out of doing dishes by doing them badly on purpose) and they were done with his behavior! Perfect in my opinion! And yes, before you ask, I am a mother of 2 grown adults and grandmother to one cutie at the moment. My adult children are two of my best friends as I was "mommy" when they were young and now they are completely functioning adults so I don't need to "mommy" them any more, just like how my mother and father were with me
@@lorisewsstuff1607 i would venture a guess you didn't learn anything from pavlovs experiment. neural pathways work exactly the same way in any mammal. humans and dogs alike. if humans are trained through logic and not fear why do we have any kind of punishment. op's approach is very wrong in that case as it is neither logical or educational but a punishment and a cruel one at that.
what generalities? i was being very specific about neural development in his age group. if you understand anything about neurophysiologycal development of brains in humans you would understan me instantly. it is a very clear and obvious problem. heck, the endurance of his fury (ops words) towards his mother just prove my hypothesis.
anecdotal evidence of "i taught my kids [whatever]" therefore "[anything regarding another child]" is in science referred as, and this is a technical term, bulls**t. we go where the factual state of reality observed through experimental evidence leads us. and, in this case, reality is not in concordance with you.
As soon as issues came up around a family trip my father would say "ok no one is going anywhere".......needless to say, we never went anywhere.
Unless there is a ring on your finger and you both said "I Do" your partner's name should not be on the title of whatever type of home you have. If you both came into it, both names, if you came into it, only your name. Never EVER put a bf/gf name on the title unless they also paid for the down payment. Even if he financially contributes, I would not even think about it unless we were ready to get married. it takes one break-up, argument, disagreement, and moody day to have the house ripped from under you because they demanded their share, and you have to sell. Those parents are stupid and financially not sound. My mom was a banker, and I witness so many regretful financial decisions of young folks because no one told them how to protect their money and assets.
“Because it’s her birthday month and how it’s such an important month so she wants to be there…”
Me: 😳😱🫣
1st story, OP never buy a house or own a house with a person your not married too. Good on you. He is not entitled to YOUR house. OP NTA
Good morning XOS. Thanks for the stories. Have a great day. He doesn't deserve half a house just because he exists
Last story: Op doesn't live in a different reality he just lives in reality. The rest of his family and in-laws just live in the capital city of Cuckooville of the lost continent of Lala Land.
ALL of these stories would be better if they ended with "so I just laughed in their faces and left"
Seriously. Anytime someone says some dumb or outrageous or entitled crap just laugh at them and then stop talking to them. They're a joke. Their request is a joke.
Laugh at them.
So did you make this perfect comment before or after OP from the last story said exactly that, or before and your wish was fulfilled?
@@kemarisite It was after. I heard it and I thought to myself that these stories piss us off because the OP keeps conversing, replying, and feeding the POS person/people.
Narcissists feed on your responses. When you get upset or hurt at what they say you're giving them more superficial power from their point of view. So laughing at these people lets them know you don't take them seriously, and that you think their request is so stupid it can only be a joke. Lmao.
You can't win against someone who's only goal is to make you feel like crap or to take advantage of you. They will use whatever mental gymnastics they can to justify their idiotic words and justifications. You don't win against that. You don't reason with that. You laugh and walk away with your massive balls and integrity intact like OP. Lmao
It reminds me of the old improv chestnut "Thank God you're here!" It could be a line of improv where two people are trying to get you to agree to something preposterous and the last scene is always " I laughed in their face and left!"
Playing the idiot when doing chores usually works. The person will do a half a** job then it's, well I won't do them anymore if you don't like how I do it. Every time he gets lazy and won't do something, say the laundry right tell the next person not to wash his clothes keep NOT doing things for him until he learns
The parents are doing a good job with that teenage boy. There’s only so long before his actions had real life Consequences
Story 1: It sounds like boyfriend told his parents he would be added to the deed the way her sister's husband was added to hers. He's embarrassed because he spoke out of turn. That might why he didn't speak up in her defense.
You’re BRILLIANT!!!!!! Brava!!!!!
Who on earth would expect a BOYFRIEND to be added onto the title of a house that is likely worth more than $1 million?
Red flag right there, and boyfriend should be dumped for that. If he actually believes a girlfriend should gift him half of a house, what else does he feel entitled to?
Girlfriend should ask that her name be added onto the title ownership for the boyfriend's parent's house because...."well, you're going to die eventually and I'll inherit half the house through your son".
See how they feel about that.
NTA. The teen is old enough to learn that, if you play stupid games, you win stupid prizes.
You should never put an SO’s name on any inheritance.
My country inheritance is marital asset like anything else unless your SO has been excluded in the will (of person you inherited).
Lots of housing/other inheritance lost on that thing...
The story about the boyfriend trying to take half of OP's house - OP, please dump this loser. Unbelievable. You both are DATING which means both of you can leave whenever you both chose too. He doesn't want to make ANY long term commitment but he expects OP give him half of her inheritance. OP, my own HUSBAND wouldn't make these horrendous demands. What a scammer. And his family is horrible too. He should 100% be paying rent, as well. Those red flags are on fire, my dear. Run.
Story 4: NTA. *Frustrated Sigh *. No, it’s not normal for your Mom to butt into your Proposal. Your Mom is delusional.
Even if it was a birthday gift for the mother, she should wait till he give it to her.. she STOLE this ring their is no excuse to take it.
Toby😢😢😢 I just want to give him a hug.
Some cruel family
Child w/ Arthritis and the Family trip with High Activity- How can they bond with him, if they are in the air on a rock wall, and he is on the ground? How can they bond with him, if they have hiked 2 miles into the wilderness, and he is in the parking lot. For the very fact THEY LEFT OP OUT OF THE PLANNING, means they didn't want to worry about doing things that would cater to him. You tell your family, they are projecting their own guilt for purposefully leaving Toby out of their activities and to grow up and take responsibility. He didn't have to do EVERYTHING, BUT THEY FAILED TO PLAN ANYTHING THAT THE WHOLE FAMILY COULD DO TOGETHER. I seriously doubt Grandma and Grandpa are climbing walls.
You did the right thing staying home. The last thing you want is for that frustration to peak out on the trip, that they have to do these two things that are boring, all because 'Toby is a cripple.'
It's a family trip so the family can spend time together but we don't want to spend any time with your kid so we're going to do all kinds of things your kid can't do stay at home and take your kids somewhere else your family's awful
This story made me so mad, poor Toby. She is selfish they mean the rest are.
Family Vacation and Toby: They chose not to include Toby in all of those activities, explicitly or otherwise, so what's the point of going? What would have been a better compromise would be if they had two groups during the vacation. One group for Toby friendly activities, and the other for other stuff. Family members swap based on what sport they were most interested in. That way Toby can spend time with family members doing stuff he can do and the rest of the fam can still get their adrenaline fix during the trip.
That or a redistribution of the ratio of Toby friendly to not so that most or the majority he could be a part of.
Greed is a red line. BF is not a husband, yet, or maybe never.
I wouldn't put my husband on an inherited house & I'd still expect him to share expenses if he's living there. He'd have to pay rent or mortgage anywhere else, he can contribute or pay rent.
If there is no ring on your finger, his name doesn't go on your house.
So dude doesn't want to be "blackmailed" into getting married but he wants half of a home that someone he isn't related to left his girlfriend.
story two: sad how the family stated it is a fun family trip, but plan activities where toby can not participate in those activities. I guess toby is supposed to read a book while the family is having fun doing those activities.
Last story: did anyone think that the one to blame was the MIL? She was the one who demanded grandkids as soon as possible and didn’t think about financial consequences. If she only had wait until idk, they get a life and a paying job, then she might have a grandkid. Idk why the rest of the family didn’t have a backbone to say wait until they are stable. I’m glad OP backed out of this situation.
No. OP's family make their own decisions and could have told her to boil her head. Instead they went to put pressure on OP to pay for a wedding when they wouldn't even help with their college.
first story, I love that the BF first tries to claim OP doesn’t see their relationship lasting or going anywhere…. And when that works he claims she’s trying to blackmail him into marriage, like lmfao what? Which is it dbag?
Story 1. Don't put his name on the deed for any reason. When he says something like not putting his name on the deed means you don't trust him turn it around on him. Say that the only reason he wants his name on the deed is so he can dump you, force you to sell, then steal half of the $$. Op, you need to dump this guy. When he doesn't get his way he's going to lash out at you, whine to his mommy that you won't share your toys, & gather people to harass you to do what he wants. Is this the life you want? He & his mommy will gang up on you & make your life miserable. Please don't do this to yourself. Lock down your credit, change all passwords, put up cameras, & get anything of value & sentimental value out of your house & lock it up so there's no blackmail or extortion going on. Good luck
Story 3: brilliant, just brilliant. I would of just put his food in a dirty dog bowl and set it on the floor. Let's see that smirk now.
I bet the parents want to have their sons name on the deed so they can steel it from OP
Thank the boyfriends parents for gifting you half their assets and can’t totally offended when they decline and tell them they’re selfish and you want nothing to do with them….
GET A LAWYER ASAP AND BREAK UP THEY ARE TRYINGTO STEAL YOUR HOUSE
Story 2: NTA "it's about spending time with family"
But they won't be spending time with Toby or OP at all as theybare going to be doing ALL activities he can't do. Selfish as fuck.
I found a random ring in your room that isn't my room that I don't need to be in and assumed because it had my birthstone in it that meant you've given it to me even though you never gave it to me and you never said anything about it and we never talked about it so now I'm just wearing it.
It is not usual for a mother to attend her son’s proposal trip. That is an asinine idea. Squash this now OP or your mom is going to be a crazy MIL.
Last (Wedding) Story: The answer to the aforementioned reality query is, “Yes”. OP lives in a completely different reality. OP should never, ever try to enter the alternate reality in which his bizarre family resides. It could be dangerous. Lol…
The dish story was brilliant! I did this with my housemates. I kept clean dishes, cutlery and pans in my room that I bought because I was fed up of having to wash dirty plates so I could eat.
It was also my responsibility to clean the communal areas for reduced rent. I texted a photo of the side and sink that was covered in dirty dishes to the landlord. A mass text was sent too all tenants reminding them they're all adults and it isn't my responsibility to clean up their dishes. She then put "I've already told x to just clean around the dishes, so no trying to use the dishes to trick her into doing them for you." 😂
Birthstone proposal: here's an important lesson. Practice circumspection. In other words mind your own business and keep your trap firmly shut. Particularly where you have an insane relative like the mother.
I’m sorry, but when I have gone on family holidays, we have always made it a point (since I can remember as a very young child, anyway,) that each day, we do something that one person chooses. Even for the kids, the holiday is not all about them. If it is a day for somebody else, you are not allowed to pout, throw tantrums or sit out because you are not interested in that thing. Everyone takes part and enjoys it, because they can see the joy of the person who chose what to do that day. While yes, there may have been two activities on the list that OP’s child could have taken part in, I think that it is more the fact that they were not consulted during the decision-making process. I would be in candescent, if this were my child. No, one child does not decide the whole holiday (like OP pointed out,) but yet it seems like the other members of the family have done just that, or at least the vast majority.
All the financial guys say never add partner unless they have married you and paid into taxes & maintenance bills.
Tell your boyfriend and his parents thank you for half of their home. What, No ? But why ?
If you genuinely thought it was a gift for you, you would wait for it to be given on the birthday, not take it and wear it. She's deranged.
The dishes story, NTA, but I usually would handle something like this by making him hand wash the dishes immediately after he fucked it up. It never would have happened again.
Lol...no. Do not put your bf's name on the deed to your house. After all, with all the money he's saving, he can put together a down payment on his own house.