1. "Pay back" would imply they are paying you. And yes, you should pay them exactly what they would be paying you for the days you are not watching their kids. Tell them they will get a full refund for those days. Of course you would not be required to pay more than they were paying you. YOU are not responsible for their kids childcare. Perhaps they should start taking care of their own kids. Do NOT pay for their children.
I would say refuse to take care of children from now on. OP has done enough. No payments to the parents. They should have been doing their own research on childcare places and if they want higher qualty places, they pay for it.
This guy is working 14 HOURS a day so that they can even see a doctor if I was working that much and my wife said I can't be in the delivery room I would be pissed off too.
Yes if they could afford for him to take time off for appts, etc then why the hell is he working so many hours in the first place?? Last commentator we know it's not a spectator sport but if u are going to have a spectator, then it should be hubby. I'm female but if I was a man and she did this to me, I would be furious and rightly so.
@@robertmerrill4460 That's exactly what I said, he deserves to be there no matter what. I said he works extra hours to support them yet she thinks he can take time off, if he didn't have to work all those hours he wouldn't he would go to the appts, reread my post.
Second story: so she’s on bedrest and can’t work, the husband has to work double and she gets mad because “he’s never there”. Wow, I feel bad for the guy coz now he’s chained to this woman for the next 18 years.
Jesus Christ, the fact that SIL is demanding their kids be put in an expensive daycare. OP really needs to call CPS, cause I'm pretty sure those kids aren't actually getting what they need.
Two children (4 and 1) : let's say it's an average rate of $25/ hour (Low rate in Australia, for two young children) and a conservative 3 hours a day looking after the kids only on weekdays (as it was mentioned the elder is not doing kindergarten) that would be $375/ week OP is saving these parents (at VERY least). This is not even touching the other costs OP has covered out of pocket, the actual labour of most likely bathing and cooking for the children that would cost more, maybe even a little tutoring for the elder too?
I wonder if this is an attempt of getting them into an expensive daycare and when op feels decent again the kids 'like the daycare better and it's better for their development' or something and they want op to keep paying for it.
Pay them back for wat exactly to take care of THEIR kids?!? For the free childcare, food etc that u pay for and prepare?? It is sickening when someone with a big warm heart gets stepped on and treated like this smh.
Second story: YTA. It's not her denying him the opportunity to see his child come into this world that rubs me the wrong way. It's her attempts to negate his feelings and paint him as a villain because he's upset by her decision. It is beyond screwed-up to tell your husband that his feelings basically don't matter after he's come home from working a back-breaking 14-hour shift to take care of you. Her body, her choice. She can choose whoever she wants to be in the birthing room with her. His feelings, his choice. He is allowed to feel crushed and deeply hurt by her decision. And his body, his choice. She can't *make* him get in bed with her for her own personal comfort if he's hurting and trying to work through his emotions on the couch.
Yeah people act like others have no right to be upset because they aren’t allowed to see their child be born. You can make that argument about Grandparents and extended family, but when it’s the partner I feel they have a right to feel upset about missing such a big event. It’s not like he didn’t want to go with her he just couldn’t.
Right and what really can her mom do? Hold her hand, tell her it will be ok, tell her to breath? Well the doc will tell her to breath and when to push. I've been to these classes there isn't much but support and calming the other person does. And he can learn it all online now. If she doesn't feel like her husband can be emotionally supportive for the birth of THEIR child why is she with him?? Because he works all day and pays the bills? I think she is scared and just wants her mommy. It's fine to feel that way but don't blame him and tell him to grow up. She needs to grow up and have an adult conversation with her husband.
That still doesn't make it ok that he is basically ignoring her for days because of a very logical decision she made. So yeah if he is passive aggressively punishing her and stop acting as of she is some lazy gold-digger. Bed rest is not some walk in the park but if you want to compare a 'back-breaking' 14 hour shift we could also say that she is doing a 'back-breaking' 24 hour shift since many people literally get horrible back pain from bed rest
You want to punish your husband taking on 'extra time at work to compensate for your lost income' by keeping him out of the delivery room to see his baby's birth. Wow. He needs to consider getting a consultation with a divorce lawyer.
Right I mean he could’ve educated himself on childbirth through the internet. Her feelings aren’t the only ones that r important. I have 5 kids but 7 pregnancies things can go wrong quickly and sometimes u only get a few moments with a living child. It’s his child too. This is her husband not ex husband. He’s always going to be 2 nd in his marriage
I totally agree. There is no way I would take that experience away from my husband especially since he's the one footing the bill for EVERYTHING. I want an update on this story lol
Exactly she said she picked her mom because he didn't come to things with her, but the only reason he didn't come was because he was forced to work overtime because she was put on bed rest. The fact that she's on bed rest means there's most likely complications and if for any reason this baby dies right after birth and he doesn't get to see it alive he will Never forgive her. God I remember when my husband cut the cord for my daughter(he saw her first) and he just kept saying how beautiful she was.
As a woman, i desagree with the comment not the asshole.... why? Because the husband is taking more work ours to feed and take care of his wife and baby. How does OP want him to be with her when there are appointments when the husband work extra hous for HER. What kind of a dumbass is she? She hastha chance to have someone watching after her financially, sacrificing himself for her, and she's ungrateful?! The worst part is when she said something along the lines of:" i d'ont care about ur feelings / ur feelings are not the most important here...." I hope he divorce her, he deserves better!
Jesus, that first story with the whole "it was too short notice" thing. Yes, because you can schedule death, of all things. How callous can these parents be?
Grim reaper here, "i have scheduled to take Joe Blogs on the xx/xx/xxxx. I understand he is a close friend of your sister, who babysits your children. She will probably not feel like sitting for a few weeks after. Is this enough warning for you to make other arrangements? If not please contact me and arrange a more convenient date." The arrogance of the bro/sil. in law is astounding, op needs to tell them "NO MORE FREE CHILDCARE"!
There are words. OP should tell brother and SIL to piss off and to figure out childcare all on their own because OP is done, never again. She needs to cut the leeches loose.
Why doesn't the mother to be ask, even at short notice to change to a facility that'll allow 2 people in the delivery room. Tho having said that, she's being a mothers baby girl to need to have her mother by her side for something that's so routine mormally that it IS her husband the father to be who SHOULD be by her side. Ok Mum IS/ WAS a nurse but there are plenty of nurses in a delivery room anyway plus other doctors and medics,so whilst it might be nice to have mummy there, it's totally unnecessary. Her husband has literally worked himself into the ground to be supportive, he deserves to be the 1st to welcome his new little son/ daughter into the world and new family.
Feel sorry for the husband in story 2...hes working his butt off only to be excluded from his childs birth...understand that it's the mum to be choice but!
Wait.....paid them back for what? The free babysitting they've been taking advantage of? OP should strike first and send them an invoice for the babysitting done at the hourly rate as a web developer, OP's real profession.
Second Story YTA: I hate how when a guy is putting in major hours at work to support his family (I mean 14 hour shifts are no joke) it's used against him like he's being deliberately neglectful. Money for those doctor's visits and items for the baby have to come from somewhere. I also find it funny how the OP is all up in her feelings about the hubby sleeping on the couch, demanding he sleep in the bedroom to make her feel more comfortable, but thinks that his feelings don't matter at all. Total hypocrite. I also find it funny how the one comment said he's not entitled to watch the birth of his child, but I bet OP feels entitled to be taken care of financially before and after the pregnancy.
Exactly! I'm sick of this hypocrisy and entitlement. What's worse is these be the same people who demand empathy and understanding but never like to give it.
What really does it for me is the fact shes using the excuse of him not being there for her at any doctors appointments or anything like that.... well no shit hes got no choice but to work so much he cant make those appointments. He literally working to provide for 2 adults and a soon to be born baby and let's face it even after the birth she isnt going back to work anytime soon is she. So hes gonna be working just as much and missing just as much to provide for 3 people. Their insurance is crap and doesn't cover anything how much did these doctors appointments cost? How much will the birth cost? All this ontop of just the general cost of living all on one person's wage. From the amount of time hes working I'm guessing hes actually not making that much or else he wouldnt be working as many hours as is humanly possible lol. I reckon hes in debt already and is relying on her getting back to work ASAP.
Story 2, YTA this isnt just a spectator's sport for your husband. He wants to be with his wife while she gives birth to their baby. Hes not an asshole for being hurt by your decision to exclude him from that once in a lifetime experience. He works so much to make up for you being unable to work. I hope your mother is a decent human being and refuses to take that from your hardworking and caring husband. Your husband's feelings DO matter.
Gotta love the person calling it a spectator sport and saying being the husband, father and provider gives him the right to be there at a crucial time. The guy needs to let his MIL know that she should make room for her newly divorced uncaring, ungrateful daughter.
Mom/Grandmother is a Registered Nurse. She will better understand the hospital staff if there is a problem. Wife/Mother is on bedrest that means they are being cautious of medical problems. It isn't a ranking of love. It is practicality. Husband: it hasn't been that long that non-staff have been permitted into the delivery room. Do you know how risky childbirth can be for Mother and/or child? Historically, the Delivery Room has been women only. You can ask the hospital why their rules are so limiting. I don't know why the Hospital is limiting non-staff to one person rather then allowing two persons.
@bcase5328 Who is going to make the medical decision to save the mother or the child if there are complications and the mother is in the room? Wasting time to get the person literally married to her to ask is your idea? Or how about if a medical emergency happens they are going to let a FORMER nurse who I would understand is not practicing or even up to date on this hospitals standards and procedures is gonna be kicked out of the room same as the husband if crap really hits the fan. They can't share what they learned at these classes or appointments. Have they even tried to include him even if he can't physically be there for these classes or appointments?
Story 2 I’m actually with the YTA for this time. Not for deciding who is in the room with her, by all means. But she’s just digging for reasons to pick at her husband now, and is mad he has feelings on the subject. If he was hounding her after endlessly, I would have said NTA, but he’s not, he just wants some space, and she ‘confronted him’?? Wtf? The dude said he was disappointed about not being able to see the birth, and he’s just been wanting space. Men have feelings too. He’s allowed to be disappointed and have space to process these feelings. It sounds more like Op has been emotionally abusive since then, maybe through the whole pregnancy. She needs counseling. If she keeps up this war path when there is no war, yeah, there probably won’t be a marriage after this,
Hand brother and SIL an empty envelope and tell them you're refunding the amount they pay OP for two weeks of babysitting. Also, inform the extended family about what supreme jackasses they are being; get them on your side, maybe they can convince brother and SIL how stupid and unreasonable they are being.
Story 2) OP keeps saying the husband doesn't take time off to be there but doesn't mention if they afford for him take time off. The fact he has due overtime while she on leave tells me no. So yeah I think she being unfair here.
@@xElvirax the literal only reason the husband hasn't been to those appointments that she holds over his head, is because he has been working very long hours to support them. He literally cannot have made her more comfortable with his presence during this pregnancy, which is completely unfair to him
@@xElvirax Exactly. Too many commenters are making it all about hurt feelings and rights. Forgetting a sow in a birthing pen has about as much dignity, less pain and a shorter time at it. OP wouldn't be wrong even if she demanded her pet ostrich accompanied her.
@@xElvirax it doesn't change. It explains. The guy literally could not have done the work the mom did because they needed money to survive. And now it seems as though she is punishing him for it. I would have killed to have a dad that WANTED to be at my birth so maybe I'm a bit biased here, but I feel his pain. Also. If a wife does not feel comfortable with the husband in her most vulnerable moments, that right there is a bundle of 20% off counseling receipts in the shape of a bouquet of red flags. I have been bleeding out in a hospital from my bits and its because of my fiance im still alive. I cannot imagine barring him from an extremely scary and vulnerable moment because my legs would be open, how close even are they as a couple?
“And it was too short of a notice.” Right. Next time a close loved one DIES I’ll ask them to let me know ahead of time. These people are friggin gross. They can’t find childcare for TWO WEEKS?! They’re aware children are a for life thing, right? Or, Y’know, NOT anyone else’s responsibility but theirs?
I’m so sick of ppl saying fathers don’t have a right to be in the delivery room to see there child born. He isn’t a spectator he can assist, have the opportunity to cut the cord. Some men don’t bond as much with there kids when they don’t see the birth(look it up). The only thing it seems the man is good for is paying the bills. There are some women who should be ashamed of themselves.
Story Two: I was thinking NAH but then OP said "grow up" YTA the reason the husband hasn't been there is because he's working long hours because she can't. OP is a sucky wife. And that first NTA would be divorced fast. Yes she can have whom ever she wants with her in the delivery room but how ungrateful. The man is basically pulling double shifts everyday but no. She wants her mom because she's been there? She only there because the husband was busy working to provide not because he had something better to do. They really need therapy. I'd likely be moving into the other room
Same, i was 100% in NAH territory before she Started insulting and belittling him, because he won’t share a bed? I hope everything works out for them but she should know this is likely going to be a point of contention in the future.
"I was thinking NAH ..." I was YTA basically from the start. This is a huge event in a partnership and she does not even discuss this, just a "This is how it will be, your input is neither wanted nor necessary. Now be happy with it!" And this was just the start of the disrespect she showed towards him. Just no! This child will not grow up in a happy family, that is almost certain...
I’m just wondering if this is another parallel universe case where I’ll suddenly wake up on the good side and everyone is thinking and acting rationally and reasonably.
@@tom-qj6uw yep, YTA from the start since the reason wasn't something along the lines of him being abusive or him not being able to see blood and him fainting / throwing up the instant he sees blood
3rd story: Do the YTA commenters have comprehension issues? Right at the very beginning of the story mentioned that her sister asked her a few days BEFORE the wedding and her sister AGREED to pay her prior to the wedding. OP is NTA here
I feel like it's more ESH. Sister asked short notice but knew that she'd have to pay. Based on the fact that OP was asking for her money, not negotiating payment implies that the price was decided. OP should have asked for her payment when they agreed to terms rather than wait to ask for it just before her performance. Sister shouldn't have expected to treat OP like she wasn't any other vendor/service provider at her wedding. She had to pay the venue, caterers, etc... for their services all before the wedding day, so why does the singer have to wait until after when everyone is high on happiness and tired from the party and things can be forgotten?
@@slytherinlibrarian3501 Granted, the timing was crappy, but perhaps there's some kind of backstory that we're not privy to, which could explain why she did what she did so publicly.
@@GeorgieB1965 Oh there is probably something missing here, most definitely. But with that, I can see it being a bit tacky to wait until showtime. It's much more obvious that sis is trying to coast on 'family' to possibly wiggle out of payment by waiting.
@@slytherinlibrarian3501But if something is missing, wouldnt it be more logical to say it's something that paints OP in a bad light? Or else why not include it?
To the commentator that said a caterer isn't going to come up to you at the wedding and ask for payment no they're going to have the payment a week to two weeks in advance so that comment is ignorant. She also said she asked to be paid days before, they were just trying to get it for free.
Her body is going through a lot, it is not her fault hospital has that rule. Also that is what marriage is about taking up the slack wage wise when one is goes through medical issues. So yes he is working his ass off but doesnot know what to do as a birthing coach. If he was sick and she was not on bedrest for pregnancy she would be working her ass off, and if he needed an op would she be allowed in op room ? Hell no. Not trained. Common sense. They really need to talk without pouting. They are going to be parents soon,time to grow up. She should show him a birthing video. I bet he changes his tune.
@@cstuff62 Yet she wants mom there to "comfort" her - like hubby couldn't do that? And your example of him needing an operation and her not being let in is apples to oranges - NO ONE is let into operating rooms, but no "training" is needed to observe a baby being born!
They are both idiots. 1. She's on bed rest by doctor's orders. 2. Her MEDICAL procedure, her choice of support. 3. He had to forfeit the doc visits and birthing classes to ensure the family was financially supported. 4. He had the right to feel neglected and unappreciated. 5. They are both talking at each other instead of speaking with each other.
No giving birth is not a spectators sport but everyone saying the husband isn't entitled to be there is dead wrong. An egg doesn't become a baby all by itself...there's another peice needed there to make that happen. So unless there's a reason the dad would be considered harmful during the process, yes, he is entitled- actually by definition entitled- to see the birth of his child and you can't change my mind about it.
I agree with you! Fathers have barely any rights when it comes to their children already. Women want to keep pretty much everything from them. But cry boohoo when daddy takes off and leaves them in the dust!
I completely agree! My husband was in the Army when I had our first child. My cousin, a nurse, was my coach when my son was born but ONLY because my husband was shipped out. It was understood right from the beginning that if he could be there he would. He was out of the service when our daughter was born and was so grateful he was able to be there after missing out on our son's birth. The only time the father should not be allowed is if it has been determined that he will be an issue otherwise he has the right!
But it isnt about seeing the baby. It's the woman giving the birth. He can still be called into the room after, but while she is the one pushing out a human being, she deserves to have the choice of whoever makes her most comfortable If that child required surgery, the mom and dad dont automatically get to be in the operating room because they made the child. It's a medical operation.
No, YOU are dead wrong. He is not entitled to be in the birthing room, and watching his wife go through horrible pain, bleeding, and pushing a human being out of her vagina. I understand he’s basically killing himself working so much to make up for the lost income, but he is not the one going through a horrible experience. It’s her body, she decides who is with her when she gives birth. She has her reason why she doesn’t want him with her when she gives birth. He needs to grow up, act his age not his shoe size, and actually be there for his wife when she needs him.
@@Ronin.Samuraihe’s not going through something horrible? Oh yeah, as if continuously working while in a loveless marriage is fun. Also they BOTH created the baby. Op should act her age and acknowledge her mistakes and work to fix that.
Story 2: Op is so TA. Her husband is working his ass off so she doesn't have to. Guarantee he wanted to show up to doctor appointments etc. He probably feels like he hasn't been able to engage in his baby's life and that the birth is his last chance to be part of things. And he's right. I mean he still has to be the sole provider after birth, so he won't have much time to bond with baby. He's been forced to miss every step of the process and is basically getting punished for being a good provider. Its a pretty good indication of how they'll treat him for the rest of the childs life. Also sh*t can go seriously wrong, there's always a chance of loosing mom or baby. Imagine how he would feel if one of them passed or was seriously hurt and he didn't get a chance to say bye.
the NTA comment on that story has to be her mother, so much entitlement. I hope OP can say "single mother" because that is what she will end up being. She can move back with mommy and let mommy take over.
"Giving birth is not a spectator sport" Great comparison! It's not like the FATHER has anything do with HIS OWN CHILD ... WTF is wrong with you? Does OP have a right to decide who is in the room with her? Yes, but she could at least acknowledge what her husband is doing for her and their child. Also OP mentioned that they live in the USA, so her husband has to pay out of pocket for most (if not all) of the medial procedures and is unlikely to get time of for appointments and parenting courses multiple times a month. Great example of technically in the right, but still YTA!
it's not like she's uncomfortable with the idea of him being there, she's just punishing him for not having the time her mother does to do things with her.
Yup she pretty much denied him the "father" role because he overworks for the family. If she undermined him for working then I feel sad about how she will treat him in the future. The "you've never been there, you are always working" excuse is so twisted when she acknowledged that he had to compensate for the income she no longer can provide.
1st Story: Block these entitled, bullying mooches! OP babysat their kids for FREE! and when she needed a couple of weeks for herself after losing a close friend, the brother and SIL get mad that their sister/free nanny wants a break, as if they think she's not allowed to have a break. They also expect her to pay them for alternative childcare In fact, if they still give you issues, GET A RESTRAINING ORDER!
Story 2: if my wife would have pulled this crap with me I would have probably separated for a bit. My marriage is a partnership 100% and to Rob a husband and father of that experience it's unforgivable. That would have truly damaged the trust I have for her.
Wow, he has to work all those extra hours to cover the income she can't bring in too. He can't take off constantly for the visits and classes because he has to work. The one that needs to grow up is the one telling the man who is forced to work to take care of her to be punished for caring for her and the baby he will be waiting hours after grandma gets to because wife seems to think work should pay him for the visits and not working to make her happy.
That's when you say 'it's been decided that...' or 'we feel it's best...' not 'my wife said no.' You frame it as an 'us' decision, not a 'my partner' decision. He threw her under the bus while full well knowing that her concerns are valid. He can care for his niece but still understand that she would ruin the whole rest of the family's vacation.
OP is the reason why a lot of men don’t even try these days! It’s not like Dad hasn’t been there because he didn’t want to. It may be her body but she wouldn’t be pregnant if not for Hubby. Stand by your Hubby for once and stop acting like a baby.
op is allowed to choose whom she's most comfortable with.....i was there for nearly everything my gf went through and she wanted her mom with her. was i disappointed? sure. do i resent her for her choice? not in a million years.
@@connorburnett21sure, but is she also making you work overtime, keeps guilt tripping you for said work, and disrespects your feelings on the matter? If so, you’re just whipped.
2nd story- My husband works so much to take care of me and our unborn child that I penalize him for not being "a support" and choosing my mom to because she's around more. But he shouldn't be mad because he still gets to be overworked, pay for everything and meet the child later like a distant relative.
And she gets mad that he's not there for the classes. What time of day did OP and her mom schedule the classes? I'd bet in the midst of his work shifts so he couldn't possibly attend them
"meet the child later like a distant relative" Exactly the part that made me think he needs a divorce lawyer now,she basically said He will get to see the child eventually(not exact words)those words seemed cold to me like she was the only person who counted and he wasn't pulling his weight by over working and being exhausted....I wonder if her Mom agrees with her Want an update
My husband would have snapped (he's not violent but couldn't wait for birth of 1st child, was girl, so was our 2nd) he was so happy to tell me "honey it's a girl" I wanted girls. No offense to boys. It here is never a reason I would have denied him the night. P.s. my best friend V godmother was there 2. I was also there for her 1st, my godchild.
Thank you. Her whining was ticking me off. He is doing everything he can and she wants to blame him for not being there. Paying for those things she and the baby needs
Story 5) Even without roommate trouble, 2 weeks isn't "moving in", it's a visit. I'd never be with someone who couldn't welcome my kids for a couple weeks, especially if they were having a crisis.
A good example of Never give someone something for free. It soon becomes an entitlement. My wife would watch the neighbor’s kid for free because she was free and bored during the day. One day my wife declined to babysit because she didn’t feel like it. The neighbor threw a temper tantrum over it. My wife just laughed and shut the door on her. No more babysitting.
Like the sayingg goes "No good deed goes unpunished". That's why I'm very careful about doing things for people, especially family. Like you said, they'll start to feel entitled to your time and that you owe it to them to help. Nope, nope, nope!
I've dealt with burnout and malaise from being mentally and emotionally exhausted, it's a special kind of hell of its own. If you do not take care of it, the health of body with soon decline as well. OP's brother and SIL are being cruel to her for pushing that onto OP when she has made it clear she's not up to the task for what should be an understandable and respected reason to her family. OP's not running on fumes, her tank is empty.
Neurodivergent kids can be taught that bullying is wrong. It's the job of the parent. Ive been suspected to be on the spectrum my whole life (getting a diagnosis is hard, especially if you are "high functioning" and female), and my mom sure as heck taught me that bullying wasn't ok. You just need to explain it to us in a logical manner most of the time. Whether that little girl is on the spectrum or not, her parents are doing her a disservice by not enforcing that bullying is wrong.
A lot of it is parents being lazy and just diagnosing their own child, and then getting a doctor to. A lot of that is because they don't want to parent or to collect SSI checks. My niece is autistic, but my sister as soon as she got the diagnosis, got my niece into therapy and special school. She was diagnosed as a toddler and is almost 9 years old now, and is doing well. My sister ain't a lazy parent though and she disciplines her when needed. No excuses.
My kids are on the spectrum and I suspect I am too. I have always made sure that my kids know that bullying is wrong. They had some problems when they were younger, particularly my son but they have grown out of this. I had to educate them on right and wrong. Though they have social problems they are basically kind respectful individuals. I won't stand for any sort of bullying behaviour.
Emma was spoilt by SiL, who constantly excuses all her bad behaviors as "she's autistic, so just ignore it or just give in to her so she'll stop" so now Emma just thinks she can do what ever she wants because her mother says it's OK. SiL is just a lazy parent who doesn't want to take responsible of raising or disciplining her daughter. Unfortunately Emma will grow to adulthood with out good social skills, probably end up friendless and unable to keep a job because of her poor attitude and there will be no one to blame but SiL. SiL of course will say it's unfair that Emma is autistic and no one will give her empathy and encouragement at work, when it really boils down to if she had done her job as a parent to Emma then Emma would have been just fine. Have to wonder if she is avoiding treatment for the ADHD too? They do have meds for it but there are also non medicated treatments if it isn't severe. Guess if SiL had tried any of it, Emma may have mellowed out so probably not. Such a shame, poor Emma.
The husband has a right to be there for the birth of his child! He’s not some bum shirking his duties, he is exhausting himself to make money for all of them!!
2 story with OP being 8 months pregnant is being the complete A.S in this situation. She’s making everything about her and being comfortable with her mom being in the room. I agree with the father on that note.
But shouldnt it be about her and the baby though? I mean stress could hurt the baby and he hasnt been to the classes to know how to help her. I mean she needs who she feels most comfortable with in there with her.
@@theprodigaltrue Her mom's only there because the husband has to work extra to pay those doctor bills so that they can afford to have this baby. She's basically telling him that he's not doing enough to see his child born because he's not earning the money they need AND not going to the appointments. Also, depending on his job, he might literally be unable to take the time off to go to the appointments or he'd be risking getting fired or is a condition so that he can take the time off to be there during the first few weeks of the baby's life. If she keeps ignoring that he's doing all he can to allow them to provide for their child and making him feel punished for working, she's going to push him right out the door.
Story 1 angered me so much. Not because the parents are entitled brats, but because OP is such a doormat and refuses to see how she's being taken advantage of. Grow a spine.
@@randomusername3873 The OP telling her husband he was acting like a baby was the thing that turned me against her. He has the right to his feelings just as much as she does to hers.
The woman excluding her husband from THEIR child's birth is a real piece of work! He's working his tail off because she can't. Frankly, if I was a man & my spouse excluded me, I'd walk tf out. She wants the role of sole decision maker? Good, she'll enjoy being a single mom. [Of course, she'd likely be a nightmare to co-parent with, but at least he wouldn't be pushed aside when the child is with him.] If her husband stands for this nonsense, she'll bulldoze him about the child for the next 18+ years. I'd be voicing a different opinion if he'd been less involved because he was out getting drunk with his friends, having an affair, or pursuing obsessive hobbies. But working 14 hour days is a totally acceptable reason why he's not been as involved as Princess Pregnant deems enough. She's 100% wrong. I hope her husband doesn't accept this shitty treatment & she either gets her attitude in check - or that he dumps her, gets joint physical custody (50/50, no support exchanged), & leaves her in his dust. Getting to see your child born is HUGE. More important than almost anything, just like being with someone when they die. Barring a medical emergency, nobody should deny a parent who's done nothing wrong (indeed, he's working 75% more!!) that.
Story 2: YTA. It's still his child! He wants to be present. Did OP ever thought about the possibility that he unable get time off work to take her to the drs or birthing classes? Or has she gave him reading materials from the classes to help him prepare for the birth? My second child was born in 2020, and I recorded a snippet of her heartbeat during an NST for my husband who had to wait in the car during the appointment. All I'm saying is that there are ways OP could use to help her husband feel included.
I’m sure OP will put it out to all her close friends that they need to give notice when they are about to suddenly drop dead. That way she can give notice to her entitled family.
Re: Mum at birth. Your Mum is a pretty sensible lady, as she has shown. If you explain to her about how your husband feels about being there at the birth, and how his absence could affect his relationship with his child, and that he has been breaking his own back working extra to keep the family afloat so you could do bedrest, she is likely to understand and not be offended at letting the child's father be with you. Perhaps you could be a bit more understanding about how your husband is working so much more to allow you to rest towards the best outcome for you and his child and how you really ought to show him that he is your team mate in this child's safe delivery and you appreciate that and want him there at the conclusion.
What i don't understand.. mum can teach him what to do in the delivery room. She is a nurse... What rubs me the wrong way is the commentair of he is doing this for YOU.. no he don't he does it for THEIR BABY. They made it together.
@@paulinadeboer3604 and what is she doing exactly besides expecting him to be at two places at once - he can't work 14h a day 7 days in a row to earn money for all the shite and be at all of these appointments at the same time - and to top it all off, she robs him of something he was looking for - well if she's keeping this attitude she'll not be lonely at night but be a single mother by the time the day of the birth comes around
The man is doing what a husband is suppose to do and pick up the slack to provide for the family. He's working 12 to 14 hour days to cover all the bills and set them up for the baby because OP cannot do so for medical reasons. The man is exhausted and the 1 big thing he was looking forward to, being in the room for the birth of their child OP is denying. We all get it, her body and her choice but she can't dictate how her husband should feel after she denies him this experience. She has made a decision and there are consequences, sometimes unintended to those decisions. Her husband is hurt that all his work and sacrifice aren't being acknowledged by his wife, OP.
The story about pregnant op, you are a selfish woman. You berate your husband for not being there at appointments because he is killing himself working 14 hours a day. So it's either work to support you or go to your appointment. So you punish him. Your body your choice, but don't use that as an excuse to punish him. Hope your marriage survives
So your soon to be ex-husband is just an ATM and a sperm donor - congratulations you and your mother will be able to enjoy your single parenthood together too!!!
The pregnancy story nta is missing the point. I'm a firm believer of the person giving birth gets to choose who's in the delivery room but the reasons she's giving is bull. Op is saying that he hasn't been there for classes or appointments but ignores the fact that the reason is that he's been working for two and a half people (three and a half because I can almost guarantee that mom isn't paying for her own expenses in their house). And no, he can't just take off work to be there because that means digging themselves out of a financial hole if he does. And she's just uncaring of his sacrifice for the family and I won't be surprised to know that he's on his way to a burnout.
Story 2: wow, the NTA commenter doesn’t give a crap about what the husband is doing as part of them having this baby. Pretty she her partner is just an ATM to her. OP’s husband better realize that he’s already taken for granted, and it’s only going to get worse after the kid is born. He also shouldn’t be the least bit surprised when once the kid is there, the wife won’t go back to work because they’ve already got things covered with her being at home.
THEY ARE PUTTING CHILDCARE ON THEIR TAXES , TAKING ADVANTAGE OF YOU , TREATING YOU LIKE A SLAVE , SERVANT, FREE NANNY , MAID!!! HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN THEIR FLUNKEY. ???? DAMN. ??? WHILE LAUGHING at you.
Story 1 SIL and Brother are both idiots and AHs. AHs for how they're treating OP but idiots for their plans. Their entire childcare seems to be OP and what's going to happen if OP either can't or straight up won't look after their kids anymore. They have absolutely nothing planned for if that happens but to manipulate her to look after them anyway. Unfortunately as OP said "I never expected this to happen", I doubt she expects anything to happen to her but you can't predict everything and, sorry for the macabre phrase, but you can't manipulate a corpse.
This Brother and SIL have completely lost their minds! How the hell do they think they have a right to demand anything at all from OP? Please give both your a** to kiss! Please put yourself first! You cannot allow this to continue! OP your husband also needs you! These cretins need to step up and look after their own kids!
This is why you don't train your family members to be entitled to your long term support. And no means no. "Dropped them off anyway."? You opened the door to them after telling them no? No, your only option is not to pay them off monetarily. Get off the floor, stop being a doormat, give them hell and tell to eff off and take care of their own damn kids. "My brother says I'm being selfish and only thinking everything revolves around my problems." Hahaha. Pot, kettle on line one. He certainly is being selfish and only thinking everything revolves around his (childcare) problems. Give them a contact time out.
@@BantheBans Doesn't fucking matter. Even if she's an asshole in many regards, he IS NOT ENTITLED TO SEE A BABY IF SHE ISN'T COMFORTABLE. GIVING BIRTH IS INSANELY TRAUMATIC!
@@JustAGameShow Doesn't fucking matter on your point either. Again, een if she's an asshole in many regards, he IS NOT ENTITLED TO SEE A BABY IF SHE ISN'T COMFORTABLE. GIVING BIRTH IS INSANELY TRAUMATIC!
Pregnancy story, YTA I give the marriage a few more years if this is how you treat him. The disrespect OP showed to her poor husband is unbelievable. Men are super simple show you’re grateful and they’ll move mountains for you. He fathered that child and is supporting them both he should be able to see his child being born.
Story 5: NTA my god the favoritism is palpable. She tells you her daughter can't move in because her roommate basically forced her out of the only other home she's know, but her daughter can stay indefinitely? I don't pull this card often, but OP, leave that relationship. Your wife showed you where her Loyalties lay and you and your daughter are nowhere near the top.
but doesn't the husband's daughter have another home (her mother) to go to. The wife's daughter has only her mother's home because her father is deceased.
Second op: Yata how ungrateful. It may be her body but it's still his child. And he's working himself ragged for her only to be told he can't see his child come into the world? One of the most magical moments of my life was getting to see my husband's face as he saw our children come into the world. After all his hard work to make her life easier, she's telling him that's not enough and denying him one of the greatest moments of his life. He will seriously resent her if she doesn't change her attitude.
She isnt saying he isnt enough. Just that she would be more comfortable with her mom. And thats not weird or ungrateful at all. You wanna talk ungrateful?? She has created and is gonna push out HIS CHILD and he is acting like a toddler throwing a fit because she would feel better if her mom was there.
@@xElvirax All he is accomplishing is piling up stress on his wife at the LAST time he should. You can argue all you want about the name, NOT about who is in the room at delivery.
@@xElvirax no ungrateful would be refusing to pay any more bills and kicking her out lol It's a nice punishment stealing this moment away in exchange for -checks notes- working 14 hour days to support a partner that can't do it themselves.
Childbirth story- I normally go with the mother's wishes as to who will be in the delivery room but this situation is suspect. I think OP and her mom decided to complete the process together and is using the fact that her husband did not go to appointments as a convenient excuse to make sure mom is the one in the delivery room instead of him. I willing to bet that the mom complained about missing the actual birth after being so involved in the process and they came up with this plan. The husband is being penalized for keeping his family financially afloat after losing OP's income.
@@michaelplunkett8059 what if the baby dies during delivery or only takes one breath and dies….. the babies father has the right to see the birth of his baby
“But I would be more comfortable with my mom there instead of my husband who has worked 14 hours a day to pay for all this.” Sounds like someone who is going to be spending a lot of time with her mom when her marriage implodes and she has to move back home.
The delivery room story...OP better get used to sleeping alone bc her marriage is on the outs right now. OP's lucky she not dealing with someone like me. She come home and find me gone with a letter saying " you want to act like a single mother, now you are a single mother".
She didn't wait till the last possible moment the bride her sister waited to the last possible moment cuz she was hoping that she could get her up there to sing and then not pay her after the wedding and use the family against her like she's doing now no it was the right thing to do family always thinks they can get away with stuff and this your family is no different because you can tell by the entitled people that come out of the woodwork like myself and give you an idea that maybe she already knew they were going to try to get out of paying her
OP that won't allow father in the labor room doesn't like that he isn't sleeping in the same bed. Imagine when she will be living alone with the baby. She didn't set down and talk to him she told him. I understand this is "her medical procedure" but it is also his baby. The me me me doesn't work long term with a baby. Hopefully they can discuss it and find a compromise that works for both of them. If not if husband wants to be in the room quit the job take the class and be there, bet she won't like that either. Seeing your child be born is a once that childs lifetime experience. Good luck to them both.
Story 2: YTA 100%. The whole gist of the story is she wants her mom there because her husbands was never around at the appointments... because he was working 14 hour shifts at times for baby money. The whole, he could have just had time off argument is stupid considering he's working not just for you both, BUT FOR THE BABY. Then to say he's being childish for sleeping in the setee/couch? It's his choice to sleep there as it's yours to negate him the opportunity to see his kid be born.
Story 1: The OP needs to tell them to sue the OP if they think they can get the OP to pay them. I would love to see this play out in court. Anyone as entitled as the BIL and SIL needs a rude awakening and to be permanently cut off from the OP. I guess the saying that if you regularly sacrifice for someone, they will eventually stop seeing it as the sacrifice that it is and instead believe they are entitled to your sacrifice and it's something you are obligated to do.
If they expect her to pay for this daycare she should present them with a bill for the years of free childcare and payments of THEIR bills. Then tell them you won't be watching the kids free any more.
Right? The husband hasn't chosen to not be there for the doctor or birthing classes, he's picking up the slack for OP being incapacitated. It's like she's punishing him for her inability to work. I can't see any father letting this sort of thing go.
@@sboyle536 how about to see his child take its first breaths? Nobody could be in the room when I oldest was born and I was under general anesthesia so we all missed out and it is still a difficult thing to come to terms with.
Story 1: you have entitled idiots for a brother and sil. Time for them to bear the childcare burdens of the children they created. If they can't afford paying for or caring for their own children, they shouldn't have brought them into the world to begin with. You owe them nothing, you owe yourself peace and rest.
Story 1..."refund" implies they were giving you anything to watch those kids. I would tell them if they want to play that game, I would gladly take it to small claims court and let the judge figure out how much they SHOULD have been paying. Then never wattch thier kids again. Period. Story 2...yta so hard. Yes, you have a right to have whoever you want in the delivery room, but guess what? He is JUST AS MUCH THE PARENT YOU ARE! He hasnt been able to cater to you the way you think he should, because hes the one thats been working so you can AFFORD those classes and appointments. To throw that in his face and insinuate that his working his ass off is less important than your mommy is not only disgusting, but says alot about your own maturity. Story 3...thats your sister and you arent a pop princess. Humble yourself a little. Story 4...if the girl is that badly behaved, no wonder the kids dont like her. She might need a break but it doesnt need to be on your time. Hubs should have leveled with his sister instead of wussing out and telling her wifey says no. Story 5...your wife is a complete hypocrite. Your daughter cant stay a month, but hers can not only stay until "whenever", but be fully supported the whole time? Nope.
Refund them what, exactly? Refund: verb, pay back (money), typically to a customer who is not satisfied with goods or services bought. A refund implies they paid you in the first place.
Story 1 - NTA. Your brother and his wife don't respect you, your husband, your grief or your mental and emotional recovery. Tell them that unless THEY apologise, the free childcare stops for good and that the two weeks off you're taking anyway doesn't start until AFTER they do. Don't pay for daycare, they're just using that to "punish" you for something you had no control over.
Story 2 - Birthing mom- op is a massive AH. So husband is busy at work, and the wife decides on the brith idea to have her MOTHER over her husband? What a selfish woman. So husband is good enough to support her , but not good enough to see baby being born? Now she is mad that the dad is not allowed to have feelings and be upset that he can't be there? What a gaslight. The husband deserves better
Op3 they weren't planning on paying as the bride should have paid weeks ago. The bride knew how to play the game and through my own experience family are the last people to trust. This bride thought she could put op on the spot. Well done op for calling her on her crap.
Yes, she 100% has the right to choose whoever participates in the delivery. However, OP is also allowed to react to said information in any ways they see fit. If OP's husband leaves her for this, so be it.
Exactly she didn’t make that baby by herself. She’s a selfish idiot.. I could never do something so disrespectful to my husband. And the idiots that are saying her husband don’t have the right to be there for the birth of THEIR child are even bigger idiots and I bet most of them siding with her are bitter single mothers or came from homes that normalize this crap.
@@robertmagill6005 well, seeing as the fathers rights over the child begin after birth, the wife's medical needs and autonomy are recognized by the law. If a person with a broken leg demanded you out, you get out. Same here. However, the emotional/moral aspect of that decision doesn't ensure the wife be without consequences. The husband is valid in his disappointment, and she cannot demand acceptance over her choice. Remember, it wasn't always common for men to even be involved in the child birth. Cultural norms and assurances change with time.
@@guywhowatchesvideos-z2e the father's rights begin before birth not after. The mother doesn't have sole rights to the baby whether it's inside of her or outside of her. The baby is in her body not part of her body. Saying the father only has rights after the birth is how too many men get screwed over on child support when they never wanted children to begin with. They get forced to take responsibility for a life that comes into the world without their input.
Story 1: NTA. Hun, I’m like 97% sure they won’t have a legal leg to stand on. Tell them if they want to waste their money bringing you to court over voluntary child care for their child then be my guest, but. I one gets to tell you what is going to fix your mood.
Story #1:. OP's brother and SIL are TA. OP has a emotional need for a break and the brother and SIL are only making things worse. OP should tell brother and SIL that if OP has to pay for the childcare while taking a break for emotional stress, then OP should tell the brother and SIL that after OP's break, OP will only keep the children if the children's parents send lunches and snacks for all the children and comes in and picks up after the children before taking the children home. The fact that brother and SIL are getting free childcare and are total AHs when OP needs a break for emotional stress would, for me, be a deal-breaker.
@@MrBeevee5 it's not about making money, but money is usually the best way to rule out time wasters and entitled people. I've scared away (and cut contact) of "friends" and "family" who wanted to take advantage of me many times.
Sister singing at wedding. I keep feeling there is more to the story. I wonder if sister getting married ever backed out on something for singing sister before.
“It doesn’t make him entitled to OP’s procedure.” What? Doesn’t it take 2 people to make babies? It isn’t her procedure. It’s their procedure. And fathers deserve to be present.
The paid for singing at the sisters wedding is a double edge sword and I have been on both sides. As a pastry chef I am very picky over who I do cakes for because I treat it as if it were my own and my mom calls me cakezilla lol but it's because I can't handle my gift to a couple not being everything they have asked. That being said, I have also done a few weddings for friends of the family and being polite agreeing to be paid at the reception or end of the evening because if it isn't my gift I ask that they pay cost and only that. Being nice and patient as to avoid embarrassing myself or the couple on their day has gotten me screwed and left unpaid and missing my plastic plates and such which can get expensive depending on what all is used. I now require deposit of half and a $5 deposit on all plastic and equipment usually around $50 a month before and full payment 2 weeks before no exceptions. One bride tried to use the brothers bestie 🤣 card. I laughed and said nope. No money no cake 9 days prior she realized calling my bluff may not be smart and called apologizing and begging me not to cancel. I agreed got paid and it was done. I made it clear I wouldn't be working with or for her again and less than a year later she called wanting the same cake for the same friend discount and wedding cake (for her mom) that she got and I refused. She actually called my bro crying because she's already promised she'd pay for it and handle convincing me. She had to pay out the ass for it from a bakery. She tried again telling me the bakeries we're too much, I laughed and said karma's a bitch and I have been an excellent student of hers for years. Timing is everything some times and when timing is bad a lack of tact comes with it.
Sure, but for a sister? I know that if I pick up the phone and call my family right now, 1am, the call will be answered, with no reservations. If I were to get such a call, have had already, to help with a car crash, same thing. Heck, if I could sing, I woudnt dare to even think of charging family.. for... a... SINGLE... song. What kind of person does that? Singing for the whole night, sure. But a song?
@@shells500tutubo That kind of person would have asked for money upfront, not as blindside at the last second. Only bitch that doesn't value family does what she did.
The first story. Choosing beggars or entitled parents, you decide. I'd tell them to f off and block them on everything. If they drop their kids off, call the police about abandoned children.
Story 2: 'Hey honey, you know how you have been killing yourself to take care of me and the baby? Well your reward is, that I am rejecting you and keeping you from experiencing the birth of your child.' Now, she cannot understand why he is feeling rejected and put off? I know, real men dont have feelings and their hearts do not matter, so she cannot understand what he is going through, because it is her feelings that only matter. Basically, she just told him that he has zero value in her life.
I've watched my niece's and nephew's and were paid as a teenager. When I had my kids and would go somewhere they would watch for free even if I tried to pay they wouldn't take it. This happened very little. It wasn't expected on either side though. These people are ridiculous about their kids.
I can understand how the husband feels in the pregnancy story. He's had to step up a lot to provide financially because she can't. OP would be within her rights to want her mother there with her, but as the story went on she was very immature and childish. Sometimes people need space. He's made it very clear he needs space and she's trying to make him feel bad. She's an AH. Say I want mom there NTA, throw tantrums and try to make husband feel bad like OP has YTA.
The husband is clearly the AH. He didn't attend the classes so he would be completely useless in the delivery room. He acts like the person that is in the delivery room is there to watch a show, not to help out.
@@silviahodorogea9921 Nope that's wrong. Sometimes just being there and giving encouraging words and support is okay. OP was being a major ass to her husband that because she can't provide he's working doubles to prepare for THEIR kid because it just ain't hers. If the husband could have taken the time off don't you think he would have. Sometimes even losing a day of work can set back someone's pay check. He even asked for time to cope with things and she just kept pushing which makes her even more of an asshole because it was more about how she felt and what she wanted over her. Pregnancy is not a reason to be an asshole to someone.
Doesn’t matter how many classes or appointments you attend or if you’re a nurse or doctor etc. The attending doctor and the nurses are in charge of the delivery and will tell whoever is present at the birth where to stand, what to do etc. You’re there for moral support and that’s all.
@@QuayHollywood Dude, it is a high risk pregnancy. If the 2 options are: 1) a tired man who didn't even attend classes or 2) an experienced nurse who attended the classes and went through the experience of giving birth, who is best suited for the job? And be serious for a moment. If OP gives into this temper tantrum, what would be the result? Do you know how long she could be in the delivery room? Do you seriously think that this guy that is complaining about working 14 h shifts would even be willing to stay in the room if the delivery takes longer than 24 h?
The husband should be allowed to be there for the birth of this child. She already stated that her mother's there for everything baby related, and now she's taking this from him too. You two are trying to start a family so that means that starting from when the baby is born he should be there for all the important memories and moments. I'm sure with his exhausted brain and his burned out mentality he's really thinking i could take off a day two weeks from now for a sonogram. No you need to let him know what you want him there for.
But the things the mother is there for are things that will make OP more comfortable while giving birth. She isnt the AH for that. Giving birth is a serious medical procedure and stress can make things much harder. She has a right to choose who is there. OP is the AH for how she treated her husband, both by blaming him and not allowing him to be upset.
Story 2. So your husband worked 14 hour shifts to support you while you were pregnant, you then accuse him of not being around enough? I mean yeah you should get to pick who’s in the room with you but you can’t whine about the consequences of your actions. He has every right to be upset.
The first OP needs to hear this; they're not your children, they are not your responsibility, period. If your brother and SIL don't like it? Sucks for them, still not your problem just because you babysat before. Did you adopt the kids? Become their guardian? Do you have any legal responsibilities to these children? No. So this isn't your issue to deal with, especially for 2 fucking weeks. Block them for the next 2 weeks and be done with it. Maybe you should go stay at a hotel for 2 weeks, even a spa because you need this time to yourself now more than ever. Sorry for your loss OP and for the shifty family.
The story about the sister wanting to get paid to sing had me laughing. The day of my wedding in 1998, I had $1100usd on me. I had to pay the church janitor, the limousine driver's tip, the photographer, donation to the Eastman House to allow pictures to be taken in the gardens, balance of the catering and any alcoholic drinks for my wife and I. By the end of the night, I had less than $40 left.
Okay so Op in story 2 wants her husband to work 14 hours days almost all week, AND cater to her needs, AND help with the household, AND take her to appointments and classes. Please please please tell me when this man can do any basic needs for himself, like sleeping, eating, and hygiene? If she can't work, how does she think the bills for everything house, her, and the baby are getting paid for? He wants to be there clearly because he wants to be there for the birth. It's his child too, but Op has literally done nothing to help him be there, except whine about he can just take a day off to help out WHEN SHE STATED THAT HES WORKING SO MUCH BECAUSE HE HAS TO SUPPORT THEM BECAUSE HES THE SOLE PROVIDER NOW. She's selfish and completely ungrateful for the "unseen" sacrifices her husband did to keep her and the baby health and with a roof over all their heads.
Story of spouse not allowed in delivery room. I think he should be in delivery room. He is the father and he has a right also. Wife is selfish and doesn't appreciate what her spouse has to do in order to afford this. She can play the victim but her mom can wait in waiting room like a lot of other families. She should be glad be wants to be there.
She needs support and someone who can help her threw the birth not someone who just gonna watch and get in the way. He may be the father but she needs support.
@@akl2k7 No one will know if he would or wouldn't be, but it still comes down to that the person giving birth has every right to say who they want in the delivery room. No one has any right to be there other then the pregnant individual. People get so caught up on the child portion and forget that it's a medical procedure for the pregnant individual. They have every right to have who they feel comfortable with. If they are having issues at home and OP is upset at her husband, bringing him into the delivery room could actually be worse. Overly emotional responses and stress can cause issues with active labor which could end up being life or death for the pregnant individual and baby. Going to the classes is more than just learning what to do, but is practicing together the techniques to help calm and engage the pregnant individual. The mother attended those. She knows what do to with her daughter as they practiced. The husband just getting the run down but going in virtually blind, exhausted from work while still upset at her would just cause problems. Even more so if OP is harboring resentment for not going to doctors appointments and classes. OP stated that he started working more when she went on bed rest at 7 months. That is then 7 months of missed doctor appointments and early development classes. Everyone is entitled to their emotions and both are equally reasonable to be upset, but the husband doesn't have any right to be there.
With the second story you're in the wrong here just by your attitude and just by the way you talk about your husband. Your husband isn't choosing he's basically working more so that you can have a comfortable and stress free pregnancy. What have you done to include him in it have you Facetime with him have you videotaped them ultrasounds have you recorded the heartbeat. It sounds to me like you know automatically your husband's doing his best for you but yet you're not including him in the pregnancy the one thing he wants to be there for which the birth and you tell him your mother's going to be there. He's never going to let this go if you go through with it and you need to prepare yourself for your marriage to go down the toilet at the moment that baby is born if you look through with it. Because he is going to file for divorce and you're going to be miserable being a single mother because of your own selfish desires change your mind go to marriage counseling with him and let him be in the room
How much of a doormat do you have to be? I wish my siblings would even try that lol, i'd throw hands. Don't have kids if you solely need friends/family to watch them 24/7, for free.
Some of y'all are missing the point in the second story, the father is actively stepping up and doing what needs to be done to make sure his wife and future child have a comfortable and safe environment to live in, and to do that, he has to miss out on some of the exciting moments and also she could have given her phone to her mother and face time and he could have seen and watched but instead, she wants to say since he works all the time he's not invested. No, he is invested but also babies are very expensive, and to cover that he needs all the time he can get at his job to fulfill the needs of his wife and child her holding that excuse is uncalled for yeah, she has a right to decide who should be in there but just remember he's gonna resent her and the child's birthday cuz it'll be a reminder that he couldn't watch their child enter this world, and he wasn't there to greet them.
@@xElvirax how is he a baby when he's doing what he must to ensure a safe and secure environment for all of them, there are mothers out in the world struggling to make ends meet, all because their SO has abandoned her and their child and in this time their are lots of people raising kids in unstable environments due to one person not picking up the slack and doing what they can to provide for their family
@@xElvirax Also yes, do what you feel is comfortable but also realize that he's not gonna feel as important as a parent because she put him in the back seat and made him watch from the sidelines
@@ThePanda200 Because he doesnt try to put himself in her position, he is just whining about how he feels about it and is punishing her for not doing what he wants. I dont think the money he makes makes any difference. No one should be able to buy themselves into someones delivery.
1. "Pay back" would imply they are paying you. And yes, you should pay them exactly what they would be paying you for the days you are not watching their kids. Tell them they will get a full refund for those days. Of course you would not be required to pay more than they were paying you. YOU are not responsible for their kids childcare. Perhaps they should start taking care of their own kids. Do NOT pay for their children.
I think this is a FABULOUS idea!! A refund for the exact amount they paid you! This left me giggling 😂😂😂.
She should start billing them and for those 4 years. They are so up their bu**s with this mentality.
"Payback"? After that egregiously arrogant attitude, I'd give them payback alright!
@@DrownedInExile I know where your thoughts are, because I am most likely thinking the exact same thing.
I would say refuse to take care of children from now on. OP has done enough. No payments to the parents. They should have been doing their own research on childcare places and if they want higher qualty places, they pay for it.
This guy is working 14 HOURS a day so that they can even see a doctor if I was working that much and my wife said I can't be in the delivery room I would be pissed off too.
Yes if they could afford for him to take time off for appts, etc then why the hell is he working so many hours in the first place?? Last commentator we know it's not a spectator sport but if u are going to have a spectator, then it should be hubby. I'm female but if I was a man and she did this to me, I would be furious and rightly so.
I would be an ex-husband.
@@arleneclark6369 it would be different if he was doing absolutely nothing but he is working so hard for her and for their child.
@@robertmerrill4460 That's exactly what I said, he deserves to be there no matter what. I said he works extra hours to support them yet she thinks he can take time off, if he didn't have to work all those hours he wouldn't he would go to the appts, reread my post.
@@arleneclark6369 I think he was agreeing with you!!
Second story: so she’s on bedrest and can’t work, the husband has to work double and she gets mad because “he’s never there”. Wow, I feel bad for the guy coz now he’s chained to this woman for the next 18 years.
Jesus Christ, the fact that SIL is demanding their kids be put in an expensive daycare. OP really needs to call CPS, cause I'm pretty sure those kids aren't actually getting what they need.
lmao they asked her to refund them. Refund them what the nothing that she has not been paid for years and pays the elders schools fees.
@@maryguokas400 if anything, OP has more of a reason to sue Brother and Sister in law then they do.
Two children (4 and 1) : let's say it's an average rate of $25/ hour (Low rate in Australia, for two young children) and a conservative 3 hours a day looking after the kids only on weekdays (as it was mentioned the elder is not doing kindergarten) that would be $375/ week OP is saving these parents (at VERY least). This is not even touching the other costs OP has covered out of pocket, the actual labour of most likely bathing and cooking for the children that would cost more, maybe even a little tutoring for the elder too?
@@kaziered fine. It's $575 a week brother and sister-in-law feel they're entitled to as compensation
I wonder if this is an attempt of getting them into an expensive daycare and when op feels decent again the kids 'like the daycare better and it's better for their development' or something and they want op to keep paying for it.
Pay them back for wat exactly to take care of THEIR kids?!? For the free childcare, food etc that u pay for and prepare??
It is sickening when someone with a big warm heart gets stepped on and treated like this smh.
Second story: YTA. It's not her denying him the opportunity to see his child come into this world that rubs me the wrong way. It's her attempts to negate his feelings and paint him as a villain because he's upset by her decision. It is beyond screwed-up to tell your husband that his feelings basically don't matter after he's come home from working a back-breaking 14-hour shift to take care of you.
Her body, her choice. She can choose whoever she wants to be in the birthing room with her.
His feelings, his choice. He is allowed to feel crushed and deeply hurt by her decision.
And his body, his choice. She can't *make* him get in bed with her for her own personal comfort if he's hurting and trying to work through his emotions on the couch.
yeah, the first response to the second story was pretty comprehensive of how I think of the situation
Yeah people act like others have no right to be upset because they aren’t allowed to see their child be born. You can make that argument about Grandparents and extended family, but when it’s the partner I feel they have a right to feel upset about missing such a big event. It’s not like he didn’t want to go with her he just couldn’t.
Right and what really can her mom do? Hold her hand, tell her it will be ok, tell her to breath? Well the doc will tell her to breath and when to push. I've been to these classes there isn't much but support and calming the other person does. And he can learn it all online now. If she doesn't feel like her husband can be emotionally supportive for the birth of THEIR child why is she with him?? Because he works all day and pays the bills? I think she is scared and just wants her mommy. It's fine to feel that way but don't blame him and tell him to grow up. She needs to grow up and have an adult conversation with her husband.
Sounds like she is acting like A hypocrite gold digger.
That still doesn't make it ok that he is basically ignoring her for days because of a very logical decision she made. So yeah if he is passive aggressively punishing her and stop acting as of she is some lazy gold-digger. Bed rest is not some walk in the park but if you want to compare a 'back-breaking' 14 hour shift we could also say that she is doing a 'back-breaking' 24 hour shift since many people literally get horrible back pain from bed rest
You want to punish your husband taking on 'extra time at work to compensate for your lost income' by keeping him out of the delivery room to see his baby's birth. Wow. He needs to consider getting a consultation with a divorce lawyer.
Right I mean he could’ve educated himself on childbirth through the internet. Her feelings aren’t the only ones that r important. I have 5 kids but 7 pregnancies things can go wrong quickly and sometimes u only get a few moments with a living child. It’s his child too. This is her husband not ex husband. He’s always going to be 2 nd in his marriage
I totally agree. There is no way I would take that experience away from my husband especially since he's the one footing the bill for EVERYTHING. I want an update on this story lol
She doesn't even acknowledge his efforts
Exactly she said she picked her mom because he didn't come to things with her, but the only reason he didn't come was because he was forced to work overtime because she was put on bed rest. The fact that she's on bed rest means there's most likely complications and if for any reason this baby dies right after birth and he doesn't get to see it alive he will Never forgive her. God I remember when my husband cut the cord for my daughter(he saw her first) and he just kept saying how beautiful she was.
As a woman, i desagree with the comment not the asshole.... why? Because the husband is taking more work ours to feed and take care of his wife and baby. How does OP want him to be with her when there are appointments when the husband work extra hous for HER. What kind of a dumbass is she? She hastha chance to have someone watching after her financially, sacrificing himself for her, and she's ungrateful?!
The worst part is when she said something along the lines of:" i d'ont care about ur feelings / ur feelings are not the most important here...."
I hope he divorce her, he deserves better!
Jesus, that first story with the whole "it was too short notice" thing. Yes, because you can schedule death, of all things. How callous can these parents be?
Grim reaper here, "i have scheduled to take Joe Blogs on the xx/xx/xxxx. I understand he is a close friend of your sister, who babysits your children. She will probably not feel like sitting for a few weeks after. Is this enough warning for you to make other arrangements? If not please contact me and arrange a more convenient date." The arrogance of the bro/sil. in law is astounding, op needs to tell them "NO MORE FREE CHILDCARE"!
Can't see the reply wish I could whoever placed a reply please repost.
I mean, technically you can......😅
Story 1: There are no words to accurately describe how beyond ridiculous the family of op is
Like how entitled can you be???
There are words. OP should tell brother and SIL to piss off and to figure out childcare all on their own because OP is done, never again. She needs to cut the leeches loose.
Why doesn't the mother to be ask, even at short notice to change to a facility that'll allow 2 people in the delivery room. Tho having said that, she's being a mothers baby girl to need to have her mother by her side for something that's so routine mormally that it IS her husband the father to be who SHOULD be by her side. Ok Mum IS/ WAS a nurse but there are plenty of nurses in a delivery room anyway plus other doctors and medics,so whilst it might be nice to have mummy there, it's totally unnecessary. Her husband has literally worked himself into the ground to be supportive, he deserves to be the 1st to welcome his new little son/ daughter into the world and new family.
Feel sorry for the husband in story 2...hes working his butt off only to be excluded from his childs birth...understand that it's the mum to be choice but!
I'm sitting here mouth agapa.
Wait.....paid them back for what? The free babysitting they've been taking advantage of? OP should strike first and send them an invoice for the babysitting done at the hourly rate as a web developer, OP's real profession.
Second Story YTA: I hate how when a guy is putting in major hours at work to support his family (I mean 14 hour shifts are no joke) it's used against him like he's being deliberately neglectful. Money for those doctor's visits and items for the baby have to come from somewhere. I also find it funny how the OP is all up in her feelings about the hubby sleeping on the couch, demanding he sleep in the bedroom to make her feel more comfortable, but thinks that his feelings don't matter at all. Total hypocrite.
I also find it funny how the one comment said he's not entitled to watch the birth of his child, but I bet OP feels entitled to be taken care of financially before and after the pregnancy.
Exactly! I'm sick of this hypocrisy and entitlement. What's worse is these be the same people who demand empathy and understanding but never like to give it.
Yes, I was wondering how much longer the marriage will last.
@@lyndatuttle Months, at most. He will never get over this.
If that happened to me, I don't think that there is any option but divorce. That is a relationship that can never be saved.
What really does it for me is the fact shes using the excuse of him not being there for her at any doctors appointments or anything like that.... well no shit hes got no choice but to work so much he cant make those appointments. He literally working to provide for 2 adults and a soon to be born baby and let's face it even after the birth she isnt going back to work anytime soon is she. So hes gonna be working just as much and missing just as much to provide for 3 people. Their insurance is crap and doesn't cover anything how much did these doctors appointments cost? How much will the birth cost? All this ontop of just the general cost of living all on one person's wage. From the amount of time hes working I'm guessing hes actually not making that much or else he wouldnt be working as many hours as is humanly possible lol. I reckon hes in debt already and is relying on her getting back to work ASAP.
Story 2, YTA this isnt just a spectator's sport for your husband. He wants to be with his wife while she gives birth to their baby. Hes not an asshole for being hurt by your decision to exclude him from that once in a lifetime experience. He works so much to make up for you being unable to work. I hope your mother is a decent human being and refuses to take that from your hardworking and caring husband. Your husband's feelings DO matter.
Gotta love the person calling it a spectator sport and saying being the husband, father and provider gives him the right to be there at a crucial time.
The guy needs to let his MIL know that she should make room for her newly divorced uncaring, ungrateful daughter.
Mom/Grandmother is a Registered Nurse. She will better understand the hospital staff if there is a problem. Wife/Mother is on bedrest that means they are being cautious of medical problems. It isn't a ranking of love. It is practicality.
Husband: it hasn't been that long that non-staff have been permitted into the delivery room. Do you know how risky childbirth can be for Mother and/or child? Historically, the Delivery Room has been women only. You can ask the hospital why their rules are so limiting. I don't know why the Hospital is limiting non-staff to one person rather then allowing two persons.
@@bcase5328all the more reason for the father father of the child to be there instead of the mother
@bcase5328 Who is going to make the medical decision to save the mother or the child if there are complications and the mother is in the room? Wasting time to get the person literally married to her to ask is your idea? Or how about if a medical emergency happens they are going to let a FORMER nurse who I would understand is not practicing or even up to date on this hospitals standards and procedures is gonna be kicked out of the room same as the husband if crap really hits the fan. They can't share what they learned at these classes or appointments. Have they even tried to include him even if he can't physically be there for these classes or appointments?
You’re a misogynistic pick me girl.
Story 2 I’m actually with the YTA for this time.
Not for deciding who is in the room with her, by all means. But she’s just digging for reasons to pick at her husband now, and is mad he has feelings on the subject.
If he was hounding her after endlessly, I would have said NTA, but he’s not, he just wants some space, and she ‘confronted him’?? Wtf? The dude said he was disappointed about not being able to see the birth, and he’s just been wanting space.
Men have feelings too. He’s allowed to be disappointed and have space to process these feelings. It sounds more like Op has been emotionally abusive since then, maybe through the whole pregnancy.
She needs counseling. If she keeps up this war path when there is no war, yeah, there probably won’t be a marriage after this,
"Refund" Implies the entitled parents paid out and it's clear they haven't ever.
They would probably try to argue " for the pleasure of looking after her niece's".
Hand brother and SIL an empty envelope and tell them you're refunding the amount they pay OP for two weeks of babysitting. Also, inform the extended family about what supreme jackasses they are being; get them on your side, maybe they can convince brother and SIL how stupid and unreasonable they are being.
@@nilianstroy Yes, it would be the "family looks after family" card again and "your'e childless, it should be a pleasure to sit your niece's" etc. 🦬💩.
@@nilianstroy I think the term is selective amnesia. Lol.
Tell your brother you'll pay for a babysitter for 2 weeks as soon as he pays for the 4 years of work you've done
Story 2) OP keeps saying the husband doesn't take time off to be there but doesn't mention if they afford for him take time off. The fact he has due overtime while she on leave tells me no. So yeah I think she being unfair here.
She's super selfish and if this continues she will end up a single mother.
yep, him having to work so long each day because she had to take unpaid time off means that he is not able to take ANY time off
Pregnant OP needs a huge reality check. Holy shoot. That poor husband.
That singular nta comment was TRIPPIN. The husband helped make that baby!!!
Whats your point? Its about OP being comfortable while ahe delivers
@@xElvirax the literal only reason the husband hasn't been to those appointments that she holds over his head, is because he has been working very long hours to support them. He literally cannot have made her more comfortable with his presence during this pregnancy, which is completely unfair to him
@@precious_toebeans and? How does that change the fact that she doesnt feel comfortable with him there?
@@xElvirax Exactly. Too many commenters are making it all about hurt feelings and rights. Forgetting a sow in a birthing pen has about as much dignity, less pain and a shorter time at it. OP wouldn't be wrong even if she demanded her pet ostrich accompanied her.
@@xElvirax it doesn't change. It explains. The guy literally could not have done the work the mom did because they needed money to survive. And now it seems as though she is punishing him for it. I would have killed to have a dad that WANTED to be at my birth so maybe I'm a bit biased here, but I feel his pain.
Also.
If a wife does not feel comfortable with the husband in her most vulnerable moments, that right there is a bundle of 20% off counseling receipts in the shape of a bouquet of red flags. I have been bleeding out in a hospital from my bits and its because of my fiance im still alive. I cannot imagine barring him from an extremely scary and vulnerable moment because my legs would be open, how close even are they as a couple?
“And it was too short of a notice.”
Right. Next time a close loved one DIES I’ll ask them to let me know ahead of time.
These people are friggin gross. They can’t find childcare for TWO WEEKS?! They’re aware children are a for life thing, right? Or, Y’know, NOT anyone else’s responsibility but theirs?
I’m so sick of ppl saying fathers don’t have a right to be in the delivery room to see there child born. He isn’t a spectator he can assist, have the opportunity to cut the cord. Some men don’t bond as much with there kids when they don’t see the birth(look it up). The only thing it seems the man is good for is paying the bills. There are some women who should be ashamed of themselves.
Story Two: I was thinking NAH but then OP said "grow up" YTA the reason the husband hasn't been there is because he's working long hours because she can't. OP is a sucky wife. And that first NTA would be divorced fast. Yes she can have whom ever she wants with her in the delivery room but how ungrateful. The man is basically pulling double shifts everyday but no. She wants her mom because she's been there? She only there because the husband was busy working to provide not because he had something better to do. They really need therapy. I'd likely be moving into the other room
Same, i was 100% in NAH territory before she Started insulting and belittling him, because he won’t share a bed? I hope everything works out for them but she should know this is likely going to be a point of contention in the future.
@@MageMalice the best probably scenario is divorce.
"I was thinking NAH ..." I was YTA basically from the start. This is a huge event in a partnership and she does not even discuss this, just a "This is how it will be, your input is neither wanted nor necessary. Now be happy with it!" And this was just the start of the disrespect she showed towards him. Just no! This child will not grow up in a happy family, that is almost certain...
I’m just wondering if this is another parallel universe case where I’ll suddenly wake up on the good side and everyone is thinking and acting rationally and reasonably.
@@tom-qj6uw yep, YTA from the start since the reason wasn't something along the lines of him being abusive or him not being able to see blood and him fainting / throwing up the instant he sees blood
3rd story: Do the YTA commenters have comprehension issues? Right at the very beginning of the story mentioned that her sister asked her a few days BEFORE the wedding and her sister AGREED to pay her prior to the wedding. OP is NTA here
I feel like it's more ESH. Sister asked short notice but knew that she'd have to pay. Based on the fact that OP was asking for her money, not negotiating payment implies that the price was decided. OP should have asked for her payment when they agreed to terms rather than wait to ask for it just before her performance. Sister shouldn't have expected to treat OP like she wasn't any other vendor/service provider at her wedding. She had to pay the venue, caterers, etc... for their services all before the wedding day, so why does the singer have to wait until after when everyone is high on happiness and tired from the party and things can be forgotten?
@@slytherinlibrarian3501 Granted, the timing was crappy, but perhaps there's some kind of backstory that we're not privy to, which could explain why she did what she did so publicly.
@@GeorgieB1965 Oh there is probably something missing here, most definitely. But with that, I can see it being a bit tacky to wait until showtime. It's much more obvious that sis is trying to coast on 'family' to possibly wiggle out of payment by waiting.
@@slytherinlibrarian3501But if something is missing, wouldnt it be more logical to say it's something that paints OP in a bad light? Or else why not include it?
To the commentator that said a caterer isn't going to come up to you at the wedding and ask for payment no they're going to have the payment a week to two weeks in advance so that comment is ignorant. She also said she asked to be paid days before, they were just trying to get it for free.
Birth story: I hope OP's husband leaves. He has made so many sacrifices for her. He deserves better.
Her body is going through a lot, it is not her fault hospital has that rule. Also that is what marriage is about taking up the slack wage wise when one is goes through medical issues. So yes he is working his ass off but doesnot know what to do as a birthing coach. If he was sick and she was not on bedrest for pregnancy she would be working her ass off, and if he needed an op would she be allowed in op room ? Hell no. Not trained. Common sense. They really need to talk without pouting. They are going to be parents soon,time to grow up. She should show him a birthing video. I bet he changes his tune.
@@cstuff62 Yet she wants mom there to "comfort" her - like hubby couldn't do that? And your example of him needing an operation and her not being let in is apples to oranges - NO ONE is let into operating rooms, but no "training" is needed to observe a baby being born!
@@molliannstocks2217 you miss the point mom trained to be her coach and he didn't.
@@cstuff62pretty sure my dad wasn't trained not my brother. Not in the room, not my kid not my relationship
They are both idiots.
1. She's on bed rest by doctor's orders.
2. Her MEDICAL procedure, her choice of support.
3. He had to forfeit the doc visits and birthing classes to ensure the family was financially supported.
4. He had the right to feel neglected and unappreciated.
5. They are both talking at each other instead of speaking with each other.
"Imagine a caterer drmanding payment before handing out food."
Sounds right to me. Like when do people work for free?!!😂😂
No giving birth is not a spectators sport but everyone saying the husband isn't entitled to be there is dead wrong. An egg doesn't become a baby all by itself...there's another peice needed there to make that happen. So unless there's a reason the dad would be considered harmful during the process, yes, he is entitled- actually by definition entitled- to see the birth of his child and you can't change my mind about it.
I agree with you! Fathers have barely any rights when it comes to their children already. Women want to keep pretty much everything from them. But cry boohoo when daddy takes off and leaves them in the dust!
I completely agree! My husband was in the Army when I had our first child. My cousin, a nurse, was my coach when my son was born but ONLY because my husband was shipped out. It was understood right from the beginning that if he could be there he would. He was out of the service when our daughter was born and was so grateful he was able to be there after missing out on our son's birth. The only time the father should not be allowed is if it has been determined that he will be an issue otherwise he has the right!
But it isnt about seeing the baby. It's the woman giving the birth. He can still be called into the room after, but while she is the one pushing out a human being, she deserves to have the choice of whoever makes her most comfortable
If that child required surgery, the mom and dad dont automatically get to be in the operating room because they made the child. It's a medical operation.
No, YOU are dead wrong. He is not entitled to be in the birthing room, and watching his wife go through horrible pain, bleeding, and pushing a human being out of her vagina. I understand he’s basically killing himself working so much to make up for the lost income, but he is not the one going through a horrible experience. It’s her body, she decides who is with her when she gives birth. She has her reason why she doesn’t want him with her when she gives birth. He needs to grow up, act his age not his shoe size, and actually be there for his wife when she needs him.
@@Ronin.Samuraihe’s not going through something horrible? Oh yeah, as if continuously working while in a loveless marriage is fun. Also they BOTH created the baby. Op should act her age and acknowledge her mistakes and work to fix that.
Story 2: Op is so TA. Her husband is working his ass off so she doesn't have to. Guarantee he wanted to show up to doctor appointments etc. He probably feels like he hasn't been able to engage in his baby's life and that the birth is his last chance to be part of things. And he's right. I mean he still has to be the sole provider after birth, so he won't have much time to bond with baby. He's been forced to miss every step of the process and is basically getting punished for being a good provider. Its a pretty good indication of how they'll treat him for the rest of the childs life.
Also sh*t can go seriously wrong, there's always a chance of loosing mom or baby. Imagine how he would feel if one of them passed or was seriously hurt and he didn't get a chance to say bye.
Exactly..and that mother is a nurse She knows better, I wonder if she is the one pulling her daughters strings alienating the father
nope
@@fandomfan2800 why not?
Well it's probably not even his.
the NTA comment on that story has to be her mother, so much entitlement. I hope OP can say "single mother" because that is what she will end up being. She can move back with mommy and let mommy take over.
"Giving birth is not a spectator sport" Great comparison! It's not like the FATHER has anything do with HIS OWN CHILD ... WTF is wrong with you?
Does OP have a right to decide who is in the room with her? Yes, but she could at least acknowledge what her husband is doing for her and their child. Also OP mentioned that they live in the USA, so her husband has to pay out of pocket for most (if not all) of the medial procedures and is unlikely to get time of for appointments and parenting courses multiple times a month.
Great example of technically in the right, but still YTA!
it's not like she's uncomfortable with the idea of him being there, she's just punishing him for not having the time her mother does to do things with her.
Yup she pretty much denied him the "father" role because he overworks for the family. If she undermined him for working then I feel sad about how she will treat him in the future. The "you've never been there, you are always working" excuse is so twisted when she acknowledged that he had to compensate for the income she no longer can provide.
I hope op’s mom slaps some senses into her, regardless of how pregnant she is.
OP’s husband might not be entitled to watching the birth of his child, but he IS entitled to a divorce so he’s not stuck w someone so ungrateful
1st Story: Block these entitled, bullying mooches! OP babysat their kids for FREE! and when she needed a couple of weeks for herself after losing a close friend, the brother and SIL get mad that their sister/free nanny wants a break, as if they think she's not allowed to have a break. They also expect her to pay them for alternative childcare
In fact, if they still give you issues, GET A RESTRAINING ORDER!
Story 2: if my wife would have pulled this crap with me I would have probably separated for a bit. My marriage is a partnership 100% and to Rob a husband and father of that experience it's unforgivable. That would have truly damaged the trust I have for her.
Yeah that nta comment on that story is clearly from some ultra feminist that hates men because nobody wants her.
Wow, he has to work all those extra hours to cover the income she can't bring in too. He can't take off constantly for the visits and classes because he has to work. The one that needs to grow up is the one telling the man who is forced to work to take care of her to be punished for caring for her and the baby he will be waiting hours after grandma gets to because wife seems to think work should pay him for the visits and not working to make her happy.
That's when you say 'it's been decided that...' or 'we feel it's best...' not 'my wife said no.' You frame it as an 'us' decision, not a 'my partner' decision. He threw her under the bus while full well knowing that her concerns are valid. He can care for his niece but still understand that she would ruin the whole rest of the family's vacation.
@@slytherinlibrarian3501wrong story
First story, OP forgot that old saying, "No good deed goes unpunished." LOL
Story 2 husband should just quit his job so he can be with op the whole time like she wants. Money? Who needs it when you’ve got a baby on the way?
OP is the reason why a lot of men don’t even try these days! It’s not like Dad hasn’t been there because he didn’t want to. It may be her body but she wouldn’t be pregnant if not for Hubby. Stand by your Hubby for once and stop acting like a baby.
op is allowed to choose whom she's most comfortable with.....i was there for nearly everything my gf went through and she wanted her mom with her. was i disappointed? sure. do i resent her for her choice? not in a million years.
@@connorburnett21sure, but is she also making you work overtime, keeps guilt tripping you for said work, and disrespects your feelings on the matter? If so, you’re just whipped.
2nd story- My husband works so much to take care of me and our unborn child that I penalize him for not being "a support" and choosing my mom to because she's around more. But he shouldn't be mad because he still gets to be overworked, pay for everything and meet the child later like a distant relative.
And she gets mad that he's not there for the classes. What time of day did OP and her mom schedule the classes? I'd bet in the midst of his work shifts so he couldn't possibly attend them
"meet the child later like a distant relative"
Exactly the part that made me think he needs a divorce lawyer now,she basically said He will get to see the child eventually(not exact words)those words seemed cold to me like she was the only person who counted and he wasn't pulling his weight by over working and being exhausted....I wonder if her Mom agrees with her
Want an update
My husband would have snapped (he's not violent but couldn't wait for birth of 1st child, was girl, so was our 2nd) he was so happy to tell me "honey it's a girl" I wanted girls. No offense to boys. It here is never a reason I would have denied him the night. P.s. my best friend V godmother was there 2. I was also there for her 1st, my godchild.
Is he her emotional support animal and nothing more?
Thank you. Her whining was ticking me off. He is doing everything he can and she wants to blame him for not being there. Paying for those things she and the baby needs
Story 5) Even without roommate trouble, 2 weeks isn't "moving in", it's a visit. I'd never be with someone who couldn't welcome my kids for a couple weeks, especially if they were having a crisis.
A good example of Never give someone something for free. It soon becomes an entitlement. My wife would watch the neighbor’s kid for free because she was free and bored during the day. One day my wife declined to babysit because she didn’t feel like it. The neighbor threw a temper tantrum over it. My wife just laughed and shut the door on her. No more babysitting.
Like the sayingg goes "No good deed goes unpunished". That's why I'm very careful about doing things for people, especially family. Like you said, they'll start to feel entitled to your time and that you owe it to them to help. Nope, nope, nope!
I've dealt with burnout and malaise from being mentally and emotionally exhausted, it's a special kind of hell of its own. If you do not take care of it, the health of body with soon decline as well. OP's brother and SIL are being cruel to her for pushing that onto OP when she has made it clear she's not up to the task for what should be an understandable and respected reason to her family. OP's not running on fumes, her tank is empty.
Neurodivergent kids can be taught that bullying is wrong. It's the job of the parent. Ive been suspected to be on the spectrum my whole life (getting a diagnosis is hard, especially if you are "high functioning" and female), and my mom sure as heck taught me that bullying wasn't ok. You just need to explain it to us in a logical manner most of the time. Whether that little girl is on the spectrum or not, her parents are doing her a disservice by not enforcing that bullying is wrong.
A lot of it is parents being lazy and just diagnosing their own child, and then getting a doctor to. A lot of that is because they don't want to parent or to collect SSI checks. My niece is autistic, but my sister as soon as she got the diagnosis, got my niece into therapy and special school. She was diagnosed as a toddler and is almost 9 years old now, and is doing well. My sister ain't a lazy parent though and she disciplines her when needed. No excuses.
@@Chubbasaurus wrong, that can be just as bad as bullying. They are nosy and don’t mind their own business.
@@ButtonsCasey glad to hear that, hug your niece for me if she likes hugs
My kids are on the spectrum and I suspect I am too. I have always made sure that my kids know that bullying is wrong. They had some problems when they were younger, particularly my son but they have grown out of this. I had to educate them on right and wrong. Though they have social problems they are basically kind respectful individuals. I won't stand for any sort of bullying behaviour.
Emma was spoilt by SiL, who constantly excuses all her bad behaviors as "she's autistic, so just ignore it or just give in to her so she'll stop" so now Emma just thinks she can do what ever she wants because her mother says it's OK. SiL is just a lazy parent who doesn't want to take responsible of raising or disciplining her daughter. Unfortunately Emma will grow to adulthood with out good social skills, probably end up friendless and unable to keep a job because of her poor attitude and there will be no one to blame but SiL. SiL of course will say it's unfair that Emma is autistic and no one will give her empathy and encouragement at work, when it really boils down to if she had done her job as a parent to Emma then Emma would have been just fine. Have to wonder if she is avoiding treatment for the ADHD too? They do have meds for it but there are also non medicated treatments if it isn't severe. Guess if SiL had tried any of it, Emma may have mellowed out so probably not. Such a shame, poor Emma.
"I told him that he hasn't been with me to doctor visits or birth classes..."
Because he has been busy doing what it takes to PAY FOR THEM.
Anyone that decides with the mother being in the birth from when child born is obviously single now
The husband has a right to be there for the birth of his child!
He’s not some bum shirking his duties, he is exhausting himself to make money for all of them!!
2 story with OP being 8 months pregnant is being the complete A.S in this situation. She’s making everything about her and being comfortable with her mom being in the room. I agree with the father on that note.
But shouldnt it be about her and the baby though? I mean stress could hurt the baby and he hasnt been to the classes to know how to help her. I mean she needs who she feels most comfortable with in there with her.
@@theprodigaltrue Her mom's only there because the husband has to work extra to pay those doctor bills so that they can afford to have this baby. She's basically telling him that he's not doing enough to see his child born because he's not earning the money they need AND not going to the appointments. Also, depending on his job, he might literally be unable to take the time off to go to the appointments or he'd be risking getting fired or is a condition so that he can take the time off to be there during the first few weeks of the baby's life. If she keeps ignoring that he's doing all he can to allow them to provide for their child and making him feel punished for working, she's going to push him right out the door.
Story 1 angered me so much. Not because the parents are entitled brats, but because OP is such a doormat and refuses to see how she's being taken advantage of. Grow a spine.
So she is punishing the husband for working to support the family while she can't, but somehow he is in the wrong for being hurt?
No she isnt. This isnt about punishment. Its about what she wants in the delivery room.
It's her prerogative to choose, but her reasoning for excluding him is that he was working
@@randomusername3873 The OP telling her husband he was acting like a baby was the thing that turned me against her. He has the right to his feelings just as much as she does to hers.
When seeing my son being born. It was the moment I decided I would destroy the world for their happiness. Any less would have not been the same.
@@eywine.7762 Oh come on, real men dont have feelings. He just needs to shut up and be a paycheck to support his future ex and pay child support.
The woman excluding her husband from THEIR child's birth is a real piece of work! He's working his tail off because she can't. Frankly, if I was a man & my spouse excluded me, I'd walk tf out. She wants the role of sole decision maker? Good, she'll enjoy being a single mom. [Of course, she'd likely be a nightmare to co-parent with, but at least he wouldn't be pushed aside when the child is with him.] If her husband stands for this nonsense, she'll bulldoze him about the child for the next 18+ years. I'd be voicing a different opinion if he'd been less involved because he was out getting drunk with his friends, having an affair, or pursuing obsessive hobbies. But working 14 hour days is a totally acceptable reason why he's not been as involved as Princess Pregnant deems enough.
She's 100% wrong. I hope her husband doesn't accept this shitty treatment & she either gets her attitude in check - or that he dumps her, gets joint physical custody (50/50, no support exchanged), & leaves her in his dust.
Getting to see your child born is HUGE. More important than almost anything, just like being with someone when they die. Barring a medical emergency, nobody should deny a parent who's done nothing wrong (indeed, he's working 75% more!!) that.
Story 2: YTA. It's still his child! He wants to be present. Did OP ever thought about the possibility that he unable get time off work to take her to the drs or birthing classes? Or has she gave him reading materials from the classes to help him prepare for the birth? My second child was born in 2020, and I recorded a snippet of her heartbeat during an NST for my husband who had to wait in the car during the appointment. All I'm saying is that there are ways OP could use to help her husband feel included.
NTA
@@fandomfan2800 how is she nta?
@@Loaves_of_Cat I'm curious to know as well.
@@kdt314 probably a misandrist, or a troll, or both.
@@black1917 Typical kiddie troll who thinks they're on the cutting edge.
I’m sure OP will put it out to all her close friends that they need to give notice when they are about to suddenly drop dead. That way she can give notice to her entitled family.
Re: Mum at birth. Your Mum is a pretty sensible lady, as she has shown. If you explain to her about how your husband feels about being there at the birth, and how his absence could affect his relationship with his child, and that he has been breaking his own back working extra to keep the family afloat so you could do bedrest, she is likely to understand and not be offended at letting the child's father be with you. Perhaps you could be a bit more understanding about how your husband is working so much more to allow you to rest towards the best outcome for you and his child and how you really ought to show him that he is your team mate in this child's safe delivery and you appreciate that and want him there at the conclusion.
What i don't understand.. mum can teach him what to do in the delivery room. She is a nurse...
What rubs me the wrong way is the commentair of he is doing this for YOU.. no he don't he does it for THEIR BABY. They made it together.
@@paulinadeboer3604 and what is she doing exactly besides expecting him to be at two places at once - he can't work 14h a day 7 days in a row to earn money for all the shite and be at all of these appointments at the same time - and to top it all off, she robs him of something he was looking for - well if she's keeping this attitude she'll not be lonely at night but be a single mother by the time the day of the birth comes around
The man is doing what a husband is suppose to do and pick up the slack to provide for the family. He's working 12 to 14 hour days to cover all the bills and set them up for the baby because OP cannot do so for medical reasons. The man is exhausted and the 1 big thing he was looking forward to, being in the room for the birth of their child OP is denying. We all get it, her body and her choice but she can't dictate how her husband should feel after she denies him this experience. She has made a decision and there are consequences, sometimes unintended to those decisions. Her husband is hurt that all his work and sacrifice aren't being acknowledged by his wife, OP.
@@ruthpowell1944 I agree, assuming the mother knew about the situation between daughter and her husband.
@@lilithiaabendstern6303 Divorcing her would be my choice.
Story 2: OP’s actions are divorce worthy tbh
The story about pregnant op, you are a selfish woman. You berate your husband for not being there at appointments because he is killing himself working 14 hours a day. So it's either work to support you or go to your appointment. So you punish him. Your body your choice, but don't use that as an excuse to punish him. Hope your marriage survives
maybe the baby wont survive and he can divorce her ass and not be tied to her
@@zibix4562 wishing death on a baby is just disgusting, your a poor excuse for a human.
Hope it doesn't
So your soon to be ex-husband is just an ATM and a sperm donor - congratulations you and your mother will be able to enjoy your single parenthood together too!!!
The pregnancy story nta is missing the point. I'm a firm believer of the person giving birth gets to choose who's in the delivery room but the reasons she's giving is bull. Op is saying that he hasn't been there for classes or appointments but ignores the fact that the reason is that he's been working for two and a half people (three and a half because I can almost guarantee that mom isn't paying for her own expenses in their house). And no, he can't just take off work to be there because that means digging themselves out of a financial hole if he does. And she's just uncaring of his sacrifice for the family and I won't be surprised to know that he's on his way to a burnout.
Story 2: wow, the NTA commenter doesn’t give a crap about what the husband is doing as part of them having this baby. Pretty she her partner is just an ATM to her.
OP’s husband better realize that he’s already taken for granted, and it’s only going to get worse after the kid is born. He also shouldn’t be the least bit surprised when once the kid is there, the wife won’t go back to work because they’ve already got things covered with her being at home.
I wish op could see this comment
if OP listens to these people she'll be dumped pretty soon.
@@Wakilonzono she wouldn’t
THEY ARE PUTTING CHILDCARE ON THEIR TAXES , TAKING ADVANTAGE OF YOU , TREATING YOU LIKE A SLAVE , SERVANT, FREE NANNY , MAID!!! HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN THEIR FLUNKEY. ???? DAMN. ??? WHILE LAUGHING at you.
Story 1
SIL and Brother are both idiots and AHs. AHs for how they're treating OP but idiots for their plans. Their entire childcare seems to be OP and what's going to happen if OP either can't or straight up won't look after their kids anymore. They have absolutely nothing planned for if that happens but to manipulate her to look after them anyway. Unfortunately as OP said "I never expected this to happen", I doubt she expects anything to happen to her but you can't predict everything and, sorry for the macabre phrase, but you can't manipulate a corpse.
This Brother and SIL have completely lost their minds! How the hell do they think they have a right to demand anything at all from OP? Please give both your a** to kiss! Please put yourself first! You cannot allow this to continue! OP your husband also needs you! These cretins need to step up and look after their own kids!
This is why you don't train your family members to be entitled to your long term support. And no means no. "Dropped them off anyway."? You opened the door to them after telling them no? No, your only option is not to pay them off monetarily. Get off the floor, stop being a doormat, give them hell and tell to eff off and take care of their own damn kids. "My brother says I'm being selfish and only thinking everything revolves around my problems." Hahaha. Pot, kettle on line one. He certainly is being selfish and only thinking everything revolves around his (childcare) problems. Give them a contact time out.
No good deed goes unpunished
Answer is simple. Your daughter gets to stay exactly as long as you allowed my daughter to stay.
Agreed, but I also wish there was a way to add an extra penalty for the fact that one was still a teen and other is adult!
who will pay for the hospital bills if op's husband doesnt work ~
Denying her husband the opportunity to witness the birth of his child is just.... wow.
He doesn't have a right to see it. If it makes her more comfortable to have her mom, that's HER business
@@lovelysakurapetalsyt She doesn't have the right to use his money he earns, but will quite happily spend it with him.. Hypocrisy is a two way street.
@@lovelysakurapetalsyt it's HIS baby too get lost. He's not a stranger off the street
@@BantheBans Doesn't fucking matter. Even if she's an asshole in many regards, he IS NOT ENTITLED TO SEE A BABY IF SHE ISN'T COMFORTABLE. GIVING BIRTH IS INSANELY TRAUMATIC!
@@JustAGameShow Doesn't fucking matter on your point either. Again, een if she's an asshole in many regards, he IS NOT ENTITLED TO SEE A BABY IF SHE ISN'T COMFORTABLE. GIVING BIRTH IS INSANELY TRAUMATIC!
Pregnancy story, YTA I give the marriage a few more years if this is how you treat him. The disrespect OP showed to her poor husband is unbelievable. Men are super simple show you’re grateful and they’ll move mountains for you. He fathered that child and is supporting them both he should be able to see his child being born.
Story 5: NTA my god the favoritism is palpable. She tells you her daughter can't move in because her roommate basically forced her out of the only other home she's know, but her daughter can stay indefinitely? I don't pull this card often, but OP, leave that relationship. Your wife showed you where her Loyalties lay and you and your daughter are nowhere near the top.
but doesn't the husband's daughter have another home (her mother) to go to. The wife's daughter has only her mother's home because her father is deceased.
@@norageoghegan7450 and what about Wife's daughter? She could've easily stayed with another family member.
Second op: Yata how ungrateful. It may be her body but it's still his child. And he's working himself ragged for her only to be told he can't see his child come into the world? One of the most magical moments of my life was getting to see my husband's face as he saw our children come into the world. After all his hard work to make her life easier, she's telling him that's not enough and denying him one of the greatest moments of his life. He will seriously resent her if she doesn't change her attitude.
She isnt saying he isnt enough. Just that she would be more comfortable with her mom. And thats not weird or ungrateful at all.
You wanna talk ungrateful?? She has created and is gonna push out HIS CHILD and he is acting like a toddler throwing a fit because she would feel better if her mom was there.
Eventually, he'll realize child support is cheaper than what he's kicking out now.
@@xElvirax All he is accomplishing is piling up stress on his wife at the LAST time he should. You can argue all you want about the name, NOT about who is in the room at delivery.
@@xElvirax no ungrateful would be refusing to pay any more bills and kicking her out lol
It's a nice punishment stealing this moment away in exchange for -checks notes- working 14 hour days to support a partner that can't do it themselves.
@@xhagast exactly! No one gets a say but the one who is giving birth
Childbirth story- I normally go with the mother's wishes as to who will be in the delivery room but this situation is suspect. I think OP and her mom decided to complete the process together and is using the fact that her husband did not go to appointments as a convenient excuse to make sure mom is the one in the delivery room instead of him. I willing to bet that the mom complained about missing the actual birth after being so involved in the process and they came up with this plan. The husband is being penalized for keeping his family financially afloat after losing OP's income.
@@michaelplunkett8059 what if the baby dies during delivery or only takes one breath and dies….. the babies father has the right to see the birth of his baby
“But I would be more comfortable with my mom there instead of my husband who has worked 14 hours a day to pay for all this.” Sounds like someone who is going to be spending a lot of time with her mom when her marriage implodes and she has to move back home.
The delivery room story...OP better get used to sleeping alone bc her marriage is on the outs right now. OP's lucky she not dealing with someone like me. She come home and find me gone with a letter saying " you want to act like a single mother, now you are a single mother".
👍
Good to know you’d place your hurt feelings above the health and safety of your wife and child.
@@emilymanson6892how is the husband placing his child and wife’s safety above his feelings?
She didn't wait till the last possible moment the bride her sister waited to the last possible moment cuz she was hoping that she could get her up there to sing and then not pay her after the wedding and use the family against her like she's doing now no it was the right thing to do family always thinks they can get away with stuff and this your family is no different because you can tell by the entitled people that come out of the woodwork like myself and give you an idea that maybe she already knew they were going to try to get out of paying her
OP that won't allow father in the labor room doesn't like that he isn't sleeping in the same bed. Imagine when she will be living alone with the baby. She didn't set down and talk to him she told him. I understand this is "her medical procedure" but it is also his baby. The me me me doesn't work long term with a baby. Hopefully they can discuss it and find a compromise that works for both of them. If not if husband wants to be in the room quit the job take the class and be there, bet she won't like that either. Seeing your child be born is a once that childs lifetime experience. Good luck to them both.
Story 2: YTA 100%.
The whole gist of the story is she wants her mom there because her husbands was never around at the appointments... because he was working 14 hour shifts at times for baby money.
The whole, he could have just had time off argument is stupid considering he's working not just for you both, BUT FOR THE BABY.
Then to say he's being childish for sleeping in the setee/couch?
It's his choice to sleep there as it's yours to negate him the opportunity to see his kid be born.
I think the wife is the one who needs to grow up. She wouldn’t be pregnant or in labor if not for I’m. That woman is ridiculous 😫
He could have taken time off
@@KadeStringer2.0are you the husband? Do you know their financial situation? No
Story 1: The OP needs to tell them to sue the OP if they think they can get the OP to pay them. I would love to see this play out in court. Anyone as entitled as the BIL and SIL needs a rude awakening and to be permanently cut off from the OP. I guess the saying that if you regularly sacrifice for someone, they will eventually stop seeing it as the sacrifice that it is and instead believe they are entitled to your sacrifice and it's something you are obligated to do.
If they expect her to pay for this daycare she should present them with a bill for the years of free childcare and payments of THEIR bills. Then tell them you won't be watching the kids free any more.
If you want a divorce then pick your mother preventing your husband from being there of the birth, so pick carefully
Right? The husband hasn't chosen to not be there for the doctor or birthing classes, he's picking up the slack for OP being incapacitated. It's like she's punishing him for her inability to work. I can't see any father letting this sort of thing go.
Honestly,not sure how you can come back from that.It's their first child!
Is the purpose of Dad's presence to support his wife or stroke his ego?
@@sboyle536 how about to see his child take its first breaths? Nobody could be in the room when I oldest was born and I was under general anesthesia so we all missed out and it is still a difficult thing to come to terms with.
Story 1: you have entitled idiots for a brother and sil. Time for them to bear the childcare burdens of the children they created. If they can't afford paying for or caring for their own children, they shouldn't have brought them into the world to begin with. You owe them nothing, you owe yourself peace and rest.
Story 1..."refund" implies they were giving you anything to watch those kids. I would tell them if they want to play that game, I would gladly take it to small claims court and let the judge figure out how much they SHOULD have been paying. Then never wattch thier kids again. Period.
Story 2...yta so hard. Yes, you have a right to have whoever you want in the delivery room, but guess what? He is JUST AS MUCH THE PARENT YOU ARE! He hasnt been able to cater to you the way you think he should, because hes the one thats been working so you can AFFORD those classes and appointments. To throw that in his face and insinuate that his working his ass off is less important than your mommy is not only disgusting, but says alot about your own maturity.
Story 3...thats your sister and you arent a pop princess. Humble yourself a little.
Story 4...if the girl is that badly behaved, no wonder the kids dont like her. She might need a break but it doesnt need to be on your time. Hubs should have leveled with his sister instead of wussing out and telling her wifey says no.
Story 5...your wife is a complete hypocrite. Your daughter cant stay a month, but hers can not only stay until "whenever", but be fully supported the whole time? Nope.
Spot on with every comment!
Refund them what, exactly?
Refund: verb, pay back (money), typically to a customer who is not satisfied with goods or services bought.
A refund implies they paid you in the first place.
Story 1 - NTA. Your brother and his wife don't respect you, your husband, your grief or your mental and emotional recovery. Tell them that unless THEY apologise, the free childcare stops for good and that the two weeks off you're taking anyway doesn't start until AFTER they do. Don't pay for daycare, they're just using that to "punish" you for something you had no control over.
Story 2 - Birthing mom- op is a massive AH. So husband is busy at work, and the wife decides on the brith idea to have her MOTHER over her husband? What a selfish woman. So husband is good enough to support her , but not good enough to see baby being born? Now she is mad that the dad is not allowed to have feelings and be upset that he can't be there? What a gaslight. The husband deserves better
Op3 they weren't planning on paying as the bride should have paid weeks ago. The bride knew how to play the game and through my own experience family are the last people to trust.
This bride thought she could put op on the spot. Well done op for calling her on her crap.
“I don’t care if he works a million hours a week…”
You know this comment comes from someone with a spouse secretly on the verge of leaving.
Yes, she 100% has the right to choose whoever participates in the delivery. However, OP is also allowed to react to said information in any ways they see fit. If OP's husband leaves her for this, so be it.
Exactly she didn’t make that baby by herself. She’s a selfish idiot.. I could never do something so disrespectful to my husband. And the idiots that are saying her husband don’t have the right to be there for the birth of THEIR child are even bigger idiots and I bet most of them siding with her are bitter single mothers or came from homes that normalize this crap.
She has absolutely no right to keep the father out of the room in this situation.
@@robertmagill6005 well, seeing as the fathers rights over the child begin after birth, the wife's medical needs and autonomy are recognized by the law. If a person with a broken leg demanded you out, you get out. Same here. However, the emotional/moral aspect of that decision doesn't ensure the wife be without consequences. The husband is valid in his disappointment, and she cannot demand acceptance over her choice. Remember, it wasn't always common for men to even be involved in the child birth. Cultural norms and assurances change with time.
@@guywhowatchesvideos-z2e the father's rights begin before birth not after. The mother doesn't have sole rights to the baby whether it's inside of her or outside of her. The baby is in her body not part of her body. Saying the father only has rights after the birth is how too many men get screwed over on child support when they never wanted children to begin with. They get forced to take responsibility for a life that comes into the world without their input.
She has the right to be an @hole and he has the right to be disgusted with her and not wanting to be near her for being an @hole.
Story 1: NTA. Hun, I’m like 97% sure they won’t have a legal leg to stand on. Tell them if they want to waste their money bringing you to court over voluntary child care for their child then be my guest, but. I one gets to tell you what is going to fix your mood.
Yeah ,nta,the first one..it's their kids! Their responsibility and they are over their heads with their awful behavior !
Story #1:. OP's brother and SIL are TA. OP has a emotional need for a break and the brother and SIL are only making things worse. OP should tell brother and SIL that if OP has to pay for the childcare while taking a break for emotional stress, then OP should tell the brother and SIL that after OP's break, OP will only keep the children if the children's parents send lunches and snacks for all the children and comes in and picks up after the children before taking the children home. The fact that brother and SIL are getting free childcare and are total AHs when OP needs a break for emotional stress would, for me, be a deal-breaker.
OP need to start charging them money for the childcare, maybe reduced rate if they bring their own food.
@@lrock48 That wasn't the problem. She NEEDED time to herself. Getting paid wouldn't help her.
@@MrBeevee5 it's not about making money, but money is usually the best way to rule out time wasters and entitled people. I've scared away (and cut contact) of "friends" and "family" who wanted to take advantage of me many times.
Sister singing at wedding. I keep feeling there is more to the story. I wonder if sister getting married ever backed out on something for singing sister before.
“It doesn’t make him entitled to OP’s procedure.” What? Doesn’t it take 2 people to make babies? It isn’t her procedure. It’s their procedure. And fathers deserve to be present.
"And fathers deserve to be present" nah
@@fandomfan2800 yeah cause it takes two to create a baby if not then take care of it yourself alone
The paid for singing at the sisters wedding is a double edge sword and I have been on both sides. As a pastry chef I am very picky over who I do cakes for because I treat it as if it were my own and my mom calls me cakezilla lol but it's because I can't handle my gift to a couple not being everything they have asked. That being said, I have also done a few weddings for friends of the family and being polite agreeing to be paid at the reception or end of the evening because if it isn't my gift I ask that they pay cost and only that. Being nice and patient as to avoid embarrassing myself or the couple on their day has gotten me screwed and left unpaid and missing my plastic plates and such which can get expensive depending on what all is used. I now require deposit of half and a $5 deposit on all plastic and equipment usually around $50 a month before and full payment 2 weeks before no exceptions. One bride tried to use the brothers bestie 🤣 card. I laughed and said nope. No money no cake 9 days prior she realized calling my bluff may not be smart and called apologizing and begging me not to cancel. I agreed got paid and it was done. I made it clear I wouldn't be working with or for her again and less than a year later she called wanting the same cake for the same friend discount and wedding cake (for her mom) that she got and I refused. She actually called my bro crying because she's already promised she'd pay for it and handle convincing me. She had to pay out the ass for it from a bakery. She tried again telling me the bakeries we're too much, I laughed and said karma's a bitch and I have been an excellent student of hers for years. Timing is everything some times and when timing is bad a lack of tact comes with it.
Sure, but for a sister? I know that if I pick up the phone and call my family right now, 1am, the call will be answered, with no reservations. If I were to get such a call, have had already, to help with a car crash, same thing. Heck, if I could sing, I woudnt dare to even think of charging family.. for... a... SINGLE... song. What kind of person does that? Singing for the whole night, sure. But a song?
@@phoenix211245What kind of person does that? Sounds like a person who has been devalued and screwed over by the bride many times in the past.
@@shells500tutubo That kind of person would have asked for money upfront, not as blindside at the last second. Only bitch that doesn't value family does what she did.
If the father does not have the right to see HIS child being born, why DOES the MIL have the right. There is a lot of misandry in the comments.
The first story. Choosing beggars or entitled parents, you decide. I'd tell them to f off and block them on everything. If they drop their kids off, call the police about abandoned children.
Story 2: 'Hey honey, you know how you have been killing yourself to take care of me and the baby? Well your reward is, that I am rejecting you and keeping you from experiencing the birth of your child.'
Now, she cannot understand why he is feeling rejected and put off?
I know, real men dont have feelings and their hearts do not matter, so she cannot understand what he is going through, because it is her feelings that only matter.
Basically, she just told him that he has zero value in her life.
Wedding song story: Why didn't the sister pay before the wedding?
She kept delaying Op hoping to get her to sing the song and then the bride and groom would "forget" to pay her as they left for their honeymoon.
YOU ARE NOT A BABYSITTER. ! YOU ARE RAISING THEM CHILDREN . THEY ABSOLUTELY CAN ! DEFINITELY CAN AFFORD DAYCARE . CLAIMING IT ON TAXES
I've watched my niece's and nephew's and were paid as a teenager. When I had my kids and would go somewhere they would watch for free even if I tried to pay they wouldn't take it. This happened very little. It wasn't expected on either side though. These people are ridiculous about their kids.
I can understand how the husband feels in the pregnancy story. He's had to step up a lot to provide financially because she can't. OP would be within her rights to want her mother there with her, but as the story went on she was very immature and childish. Sometimes people need space. He's made it very clear he needs space and she's trying to make him feel bad. She's an AH. Say I want mom there NTA, throw tantrums and try to make husband feel bad like OP has YTA.
The husband is clearly the AH. He didn't attend the classes so he would be completely useless in the delivery room. He acts like the person that is in the delivery room is there to watch a show, not to help out.
@@silviahodorogea9921 Nope that's wrong. Sometimes just being there and giving encouraging words and support is okay. OP was being a major ass to her husband that because she can't provide he's working doubles to prepare for THEIR kid because it just ain't hers. If the husband could have taken the time off don't you think he would have. Sometimes even losing a day of work can set back someone's pay check. He even asked for time to cope with things and she just kept pushing which makes her even more of an asshole because it was more about how she felt and what she wanted over her. Pregnancy is not a reason to be an asshole to someone.
Doesn’t matter how many classes or appointments you attend or if you’re a nurse or doctor etc. The attending doctor and the nurses are in charge of the delivery and will tell whoever is present at the birth where to stand, what to do etc. You’re there for moral support and that’s all.
@@QuayHollywood Dude, it is a high risk pregnancy. If the 2 options are: 1) a tired man who didn't even attend classes or 2) an experienced nurse who attended the classes and went through the experience of giving birth, who is best suited for the job?
And be serious for a moment. If OP gives into this temper tantrum, what would be the result? Do you know how long she could be in the delivery room? Do you seriously think that this guy that is complaining about working 14 h shifts would even be willing to stay in the room if the delivery takes longer than 24 h?
@@BPerezMDiv And how would you rate his moral support?
The husband should be allowed to be there for the birth of this child. She already stated that her mother's there for everything baby related, and now she's taking this from him too. You two are trying to start a family so that means that starting from when the baby is born he should be there for all the important memories and moments.
I'm sure with his exhausted brain and his burned out mentality he's really thinking i could take off a day two weeks from now for a sonogram. No you need to let him know what you want him there for.
But the things the mother is there for are things that will make OP more comfortable while giving birth. She isnt the AH for that. Giving birth is a serious medical procedure and stress can make things much harder. She has a right to choose who is there.
OP is the AH for how she treated her husband, both by blaming him and not allowing him to be upset.
Story 2. So your husband worked 14 hour shifts to support you while you were pregnant, you then accuse him of not being around enough? I mean yeah you should get to pick who’s in the room with you but you can’t whine about the consequences of your actions. He has every right to be upset.
The first OP needs to hear this; they're not your children, they are not your responsibility, period.
If your brother and SIL don't like it? Sucks for them, still not your problem just because you babysat before. Did you adopt the kids? Become their guardian? Do you have any legal responsibilities to these children? No. So this isn't your issue to deal with, especially for 2 fucking weeks. Block them for the next 2 weeks and be done with it. Maybe you should go stay at a hotel for 2 weeks, even a spa because you need this time to yourself now more than ever. Sorry for your loss OP and for the shifty family.
The story about the sister wanting to get paid to sing had me laughing.
The day of my wedding in 1998, I had $1100usd on me.
I had to pay the church janitor, the limousine driver's tip, the photographer, donation to the Eastman House to allow pictures to be taken in the gardens, balance of the catering and any alcoholic drinks for my wife and I.
By the end of the night, I had less than $40 left.
That sister was awful and I’d make it my best joy in life to ruin everything she enjoys. 🤣
She agreed to pay for the music. Just like everyone else they should have had the money ready.
I'm wondering if the sister had stiffed her before (or some other family member had).
Okay so Op in story 2 wants her husband to work 14 hours days almost all week, AND cater to her needs, AND help with the household, AND take her to appointments and classes. Please please please tell me when this man can do any basic needs for himself, like sleeping, eating, and hygiene? If she can't work, how does she think the bills for everything house, her, and the baby are getting paid for? He wants to be there clearly because he wants to be there for the birth. It's his child too, but Op has literally done nothing to help him be there, except whine about he can just take a day off to help out WHEN SHE STATED THAT HES WORKING SO MUCH BECAUSE HE HAS TO SUPPORT THEM BECAUSE HES THE SOLE PROVIDER NOW. She's selfish and completely ungrateful for the "unseen" sacrifices her husband did to keep her and the baby health and with a roof over all their heads.
Story of spouse not allowed in delivery room. I think he should be in delivery room. He is the father and he has a right also. Wife is selfish and doesn't appreciate what her spouse has to do in order to afford this. She can play the victim but her mom can wait in waiting room like a lot of other families. She should be glad be wants to be there.
She needs support and someone who can help her threw the birth not someone who just gonna watch and get in the way. He may be the father but she needs support.
@@kristelneedtoknow3207 How do you know he'll just get in the way? There's no evidence that he will.
@@akl2k7 No one will know if he would or wouldn't be, but it still comes down to that the person giving birth has every right to say who they want in the delivery room. No one has any right to be there other then the pregnant individual. People get so caught up on the child portion and forget that it's a medical procedure for the pregnant individual. They have every right to have who they feel comfortable with.
If they are having issues at home and OP is upset at her husband, bringing him into the delivery room could actually be worse. Overly emotional responses and stress can cause issues with active labor which could end up being life or death for the pregnant individual and baby.
Going to the classes is more than just learning what to do, but is practicing together the techniques to help calm and engage the pregnant individual. The mother attended those. She knows what do to with her daughter as they practiced. The husband just getting the run down but going in virtually blind, exhausted from work while still upset at her would just cause problems. Even more so if OP is harboring resentment for not going to doctors appointments and classes.
OP stated that he started working more when she went on bed rest at 7 months. That is then 7 months of missed doctor appointments and early development classes.
Everyone is entitled to their emotions and both are equally reasonable to be upset, but the husband doesn't have any right to be there.
@@HotCanineMilk He has the right to serve her divorce papers
@@om3ga109 Yeah. He does. So does she.
With the second story you're in the wrong here just by your attitude and just by the way you talk about your husband. Your husband isn't choosing he's basically working more so that you can have a comfortable and stress free pregnancy. What have you done to include him in it have you Facetime with him have you videotaped them ultrasounds have you recorded the heartbeat. It sounds to me like you know automatically your husband's doing his best for you but yet you're not including him in the pregnancy the one thing he wants to be there for which the birth and you tell him your mother's going to be there. He's never going to let this go if you go through with it and you need to prepare yourself for your marriage to go down the toilet at the moment that baby is born if you look through with it. Because he is going to file for divorce and you're going to be miserable being a single mother because of your own selfish desires change your mind go to marriage counseling with him and let him be in the room
How much of a doormat do you have to be? I wish my siblings would even try that lol, i'd throw hands. Don't have kids if you solely need friends/family to watch them 24/7, for free.
Right! I would be cussing them TF out! And dare them to take issue with it!!!
Some of y'all are missing the point in the second story, the father is actively stepping up and doing what needs to be done to make sure his wife and future child have a comfortable and safe environment to live in, and to do that, he has to miss out on some of the exciting moments and also she could have given her phone to her mother and face time and he could have seen and watched but instead, she wants to say since he works all the time he's not invested. No, he is invested but also babies are very expensive, and to cover that he needs all the time he can get at his job to fulfill the needs of his wife and child her holding that excuse is uncalled for yeah, she has a right to decide who should be in there but just remember he's gonna resent her and the child's birthday cuz it'll be a reminder that he couldn't watch their child enter this world, and he wasn't there to greet them.
If he resents his wife and child for the wife doing what makes her more comfortable he isnt a nice guy at all, but a big whiney baby
I think in youtube everyone agree.
The Weirdo only agree in reddit
@@xElvirax how is he a baby when he's doing what he must to ensure a safe and secure environment for all of them, there are mothers out in the world struggling to make ends meet, all because their SO has abandoned her and their child and in this time their are lots of people raising kids in unstable environments due to one person not picking up the slack and doing what they can to provide for their family
@@xElvirax Also yes, do what you feel is comfortable but also realize that he's not gonna feel as important as a parent because she put him in the back seat and made him watch from the sidelines
@@ThePanda200
Because he doesnt try to put himself in her position, he is just whining about how he feels about it and is punishing her for not doing what he wants.
I dont think the money he makes makes any difference. No one should be able to buy themselves into someones delivery.