Lol, how do you just your child leave, tell her to be back in a day, and then not go get her when 3 days have past? A newborn doesn't need a masters bedroom but even if he did, you could've taken Harper shopping for furniture or paint colors for her room or new clothes for her closet on one of the two days you spend with her. Does OP's IQ even hit the double digits????
Also, they could have gone like "Harper, we know you love you room, but would you be okay with moving TEMPORARILY into another room so you don't need to hear as much of Mark's screaming at night?"
At this rate Harper is definitely where she belongs. They spent a lot of money conceiving this baby and he obviously is the priority. The baby farter is running the show. Talking to the two of them is like talking to drywall. Three days becomes three weeks turns to 3 months becomes 4 years and Harper is emancipated.
Story 2: wow, just wow. The man is basically dying and wants to see his children one last time. They're 18 and would be going to Spain. From the way OP talks you'd think they're still nursed babies going to a war zone or something. Children fly all the time, as someone mentioned, they have adult custody chains for that. Here in Germany the same goes for the long-distance trains. And again, they're 18. OP better let them go, because they'll never forget this.
AND the mil even offered to pay for OP’s travel. OP is either dumb as a rock or nuclear waste grade narcissist. Also… 19 and 18 years old in most Yurop it’s already adult age, anyways EU child protection laws are bomb proof and always biased in favor of mothers. Aside from plane crash and bad seafood the risks are almost inexistant.
@@joannevendshus5075 I think you might have read too many thriller stories, but let's say this happens. This is a European country we're talking about, ok, the kids are adults, but you could still call the consulate if they don't get in contact again. You could talk to the kids and tell them how to contact the authorities/the consulate if they feel like they're being held against their will. And OP could make sure they check in via phone every day. Considering this person has a long standing medical issue that's going downhill, abduction is not where my mind would jump to however...
@@joannevendshus5075 YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTE GENIUS !!!! That’s certainly why the mother in law offered to pay for OP’s plane tickets to go with her kids. Who can’t be legally forced of anything in Spain since they are adults. You are stating an usually obvious plot twist that don’t fit the legal situation and think you are a mastermind above everyone else intelligence… SUPERB !!!
@@joannevendshus5075 They are legal adults and Spain has an American Embassy. I can’t think of any way Father. and Mother-in-Law could force them to stay. Of course I also can’t think of any way Mother could stop them from going.
There are 100 ways in which dad could have handled the room-change much better. Take her shopping for new furniture, let her pick the colours for the room, redecorate the room and THEN (and only THEN) make the change. Make an effort. But no... I guess deep down dad (not to mention step'mom') is glad Harper is out of the way. His only problem is that his entire families calls him an A.
He could have handled it by spending the two days a week with his daughter, it would not hurt his wife to watch the baby alone for two days. He could have handled it better by not demanding his daughter move her room to the other side of the house, instead of telling her to pack up and move her stuff. My guess is his wife is a witch and wanted to push his daughter out. My guess is there is a lot more to this and his family is aware of it, thus his brother's haste in coming to pick up his daughter. Not requesting she come with him, demanding she come with him. The fact that OP has not gone over to his brother's house to discuss this says it all. He is glad his daughter is gone and is just saying he wants her home to save face. He sucks big time. Worst father ever. I hope she goes no contact with him.
Looked up the story on Reddit, it had an addendum. OP went to his brother’s house to get daughter back but brother refused to let him see her unless he agreed to certain conditions. He agreed to the conditions which caused his wife to take the baby and leave him.
Or maybe, just not make her change rooms at all. OP describes it a 2 "Master" bedrooms, whcih usually means a larger room with a private "en suite" bathroom. Not sure if that's what it means here, but clearly, the OP describing it as a "master" bedroom can only mean that it's a more desirable bedroom than the others, whether by size or amenities. So OP is booting his teenage daughter from her superior bedroom, to an inferior bedroom (presumably smaller) so then can give the superior "master" bedroom to an infant which is barely aware of it's surroundings. You can try to disguise and distract from the flagrant favoritism, but a 14 year old ain't going to be fooled. As someone else pointed out, the fact that the brother showed up to take the daughter without asking what was going on indicates that this wasn't an isolated incident, it was an ongoing problem that was known the the rest of the family.
@@bermudabeachbum3582 On the addendum I also read that originally OP and his daughter lived much closer to the family but his new wife and family didn't get along so he uprooted his daughter (probably also a new school) and moved away from his family to please the new wife. Obviously this spat about the room wasn't the first time OP ignored his daughter's needs to please his new bed-partner.
Story 1: so the daughter should give up her bedroom (which sounds like it also has an attached bathroom) and move to another room for a baby?! It is clear favouritism on the dad's part. Yes, a baby means more stress and one could ease a child into understanding that alone time might have to be cut back, but he can't even go to the park with his daughter for an our every week?! And then to top it all off she's being kicked out of her save space.
I’m clearly really freakin’ old, because I remember the days when newborns stayed in a bassinet in their parents’ room until they were sleeping through the night (at least). Has that changed? If they’re running back and forth so many times a night, maybe baby isn’t ready for his own room yet.
Story 2: YTA. Wait! They’re 18 and 19 and this is even a discussion? Hun, they’re ADULTS. Adults that want to see their dying Father. Tell them not to go into any dark ally’s and wish them well on their trip.
And it’s frickin Spain. She makes it sound like it’s a hotbed of crime there. It’s actually a pretty safe country. The only thing they gotta worry about is not getting pickpocketed. They’ll be fine.
This. My parents let my brother and I fly alone as 12/13 y/o's with our Grandma picking us up at the other end. 18 and 19 is basically 'you have no say in their travel plans' ages...
Just more infantalizing of adults. So common these days which is why there are so many incompetent 20-30 somethings who cannot function like proper adults and are effectively still children.
Story 1: I'm honestly surprised OP didn't immediately march over to his brothers house and drag his convenient live in babysitter home. Harper is 14 years old so she is perfectly capable of understanding what's going on in her life and that she means nothing to her father in lieu of his new ready made family. She and OP's family have ZERO familial ties to the baby or the step mom so there will be no reconciliation with them nor does there need to be on their parts. The best thing OP can do for his daughter is sign over legal custody of Harper to his brother for the duration of her remaining childhood and then expect her to go completely no contact once she turns 18 years old. It is utterly ridiculous to ask a 14 year old child to pack up and leave her room that she's presumably had for all 14 years to make space for a baby that will be perfectly fine in one of the two alternate rooms. Get ample baby monitors, get off your lazy butt, and walk to the baby's actual room OP otherwise kiss any relationship with Harper goodbye forever!
It's worse than that...she hasn't had this room for all 14 years. There's an edit/update where op talks about moving her to a whole new place and school to make stepmom happier. My guess is that op used the cushy room to try to placate Harper during the move that she didn't want, but now that he has a new baby boy, he doesn't feel the need to maintain the facade.
@@michaelplunkett8059 So let's take into consideration and give the idea that the baby room can't be down the hallway. This was not the good ol fashion baby making way of doing things. This was trying and failing to concieve, looking at options, finding a donor, 9 months of pregnancy and not once did this come up or discussed with the kid. Like a solid heads up. Just oh baby is born whelp this one needs to pack up and move bedrooms with no warning. A kid knows when they're unwanted or seen as an after thought and this girl did what was best for her own mental well being.
@@michaelplunkett8059 why didn't they switch bedrooms with harper? That would literally make more sense and they both would have master bedrooms. The father is a SIMP and his wife is a monster.
@@shammydammy2610 Yeah. There is also apparently another update where OP came to his senses, went to his brothers house and talked with his daughter and brother. They (meaning OP'S brother and his daughter) came up with some conditions for Harper to go back to living with her father. OP agreed to those conditions. Guess what? Wifey-poo threw a temper tantrum and then took the baby and up and left him. She was so used to OP giving in to her and getting her way that she had a meltdown the moment OP decided to NOT side with her and she didn't get her way. That's very telling to me. I bet poor Harper has been pushed aside and her needs and feelings have been ignored for YEARS because her father was only concerned with keeping his (second) wife happy. I seriously Hope OP and his daughter can mend their relationship, but I'm afraid it might be already to late.
This is what happens when teenagers have children. OP couldn't have been more than 17 when he knocked Harper's mother up, and she probably wasn't any older.
@@thedorkone1516 they teach safe sex and both of them are awful parents the mom for leaving but the fact the dad is treating her like this makes him even worse because hes in her life but treats her like shes a waste of space
He asked his daughter to move out of her room cause he didn't want to walk a few steps... seriously? Every day i see massive parenting failures in reddit but god this guy is up there. My home is massive at a whooping 21k sq ft, ill gladly walk across the whole thing over and over if it keeps my oldest daughter happy. JFC nvm the next one is far worse... what a heartless witch. On the separate room one is actually a fairly common thing, sleep is a very important thing and couples can have wildly different habits that can impede the each others so separate arrangement can help couples stay sane.
@@stephanien6237 Maybe OP cheated on the daughters' biological mom with New wife and as a result the family refuses to accept his New wife. That line is odd, but I wonder if OP came up with that or if that's what his wife believes. She comes across as the type of person who thinks her husband needs to dump and turn his back on everyone who "doesn't like her" and his biological children to make her happy and give her the picture perfect family that she wants. Why else would she want OP to move away from his family? Either something happened with OP'S side of the family or wife is controlling and entitled.
I can understand not wanting to cross the house multiple time every night. I mean, it is very taxing and even the spouse who doesn´t attend the baby will be disturbed cause the longer the journey is, the longer they heard the baby cry. But, there´s a simple solution that doesn´t involved robbing the daughter her bedroom. The smaller bedrooms are near each other. Parents can move the baby to one of the smaller bedroom and moved in themselves to the other smaller bedroom to still be near the baby. And when the baby is old enough to sleep through the night, parents can moved back to the master bedroom. Problem solved. They can re-negotiate swapping the bedroom in 4-5 years when the oldest daughter moved out of the house for college.
To be fair, man walking to my en-suite bathroom and turning on my steam shower is SO MUCH WORK. Oh my god, the au pair is on vacation and my barber is sick! Who's going to turn on my steam shower for me or shave my face. God the world is a cruel and horrible place!!! Wait what were we talking about again?
I'm sure the only reason OP wants Harper to come back is for the free child care. At this point, Harper probably wouldn't be forced to go back to her dad's house. I wouldn't be surprised if she already had an agreement with her uncle to call him when things got bad, and OP and his wife's favoritism for the baby is probably well established.
And I bet kicking Harper out of HER ROOM was wifey-poo's idea and she was secretly THRILLED when Harper decided to move in with OP'S brother. I'm pretty sure she secretly wanted her stepdaughter out of the house anyway because she didn't fit into wife's dream of the picture perfect little family. That baby was/is going to be the favorite child and the golden child and Harper knew it so she got out before they could screw her over even more. I bet wifey-poo is EXCITED and HAPPY because she got exactly what she wanted and OP is siding with her. Poor Harper.
@@oouu8470 The new wife hates her, there where edits they lived close to op-s family but have to move because wifey did not get along with them (aka the family knew she is a bitch and hated her), what op is writting is a proof he cares more about his new wife and sperm donor baby who not even related to him then his own flesh and blood daughter who already lost her mom and family thanks to stephmonster
@@oouu8470 Totally agree just pointing out that the step mom might not have been trying to push her out so hard if she was planning on trying to use her.
When I was a kid, we had two "kids'" rooms, one very large (almost the size of the master) and one tiny (about 9x9). At first, I, as the oldest, was put in the large room and my younger brother in the small room. When my second brother was born, he was put in my room, which was fine. But then my baby sister was born when I was about 13. When she got too big to stay in my parents room, they decided that the two boys needed the big room and crammed teenage me and my tooth grinding sister into the tiny room. No arguing would change their minds. "Boys need their space." was their basic answer, besides, you'll be going to college in a few years, anyway. Then, when I turned 17 and opted to go to college 1500 miles away, they couldn't figure out why I wouldn't just stay home. Sorry, guys, you already gave me the cold shoulder and now your free babysitter is leaving to boot.
Last story: OP's wife is a real piece of work. She practically stabs him in the back to get the promotion that he was working towards, lies about her current job and made working with her unbearable, and whenever he shows disappointment or displeasure she plays the mysogny card to get him to shut up. OP needs to cut that toxic relationship off pronto
How in the heck was the company okay with a person becoming the supervisor of their spouse? It can go 1 of 3 ways with two of them being bad, and this one is going on one of the bad ones. Bad: Friction between the spouses at work and home. Others at work complain about favoritism or inappropriate behavior. Good: Everything works out great.
@@Tsyroc That's what I was wondering. Every company where I've worked required partners to go to HR so they can ensure they never supervise each other. They can either work at the same level, or for different teams. But never supervise each other.
Yeah, it's divorce worthy and quiet frankly so disgusting. I don't even know how she got that promotion when he is her husband. Like shouldn't couples be in different departments?
@@chaddon7685 Or, if it was anything like my old job - To get rid of her. "She's your problem now!" kind of thing. Especially if they have a union or worker's protection laws. Just being mediocre at your job, or crappy to the people around you isn't generally enough to get your fired, even without a union. Also, the fact that they put her in a position above OP makes me wonder if her and OP had informed HR they are a couple. If they have different last names, or a common last name, and didn't tell HR, then HR may not know. In which case, OP needs to get his ass to HR TODAY.
Last story: how the hell did OP’s wife even get the promotion in his department? Surely, it was no secret that the two were married. Did it seriously not occur to the folks making the decision that having one spouse directly supervise the other would cause unnecessary drama in the workplace?
@@petermcconnell9925 That’s what I was thinking. Most major companies in the U.S. forbid a manager having a personal relationship with a direct report.
@@missingbobsburgers I suspect that the company doesn't know they are married. OP needs to go to HR immediately. Unfortunately there is no way to save this marriage as her actions have made it a lose/lose situation on both sides. As for the company once they find out that OP and his boss were married long before they worked at the company together, They will either demote her, fire her, fire him, or move him.
The man whose wife sneakily won his promotion is headed for divorce, especially now that he is taking the same crud her other co-workers took for years.
Story 1: YTA and you know it. Your daughter is feeling isolated and cut out of your life since the baby was born, so you kick her out of her bedroom? How much did the stepmom push this? I hope you know you have done irreparable damage to your relationship.
Your children are adults. They can handle traveling alone. Don't be shocked when the fact that you kept your kids away from their dying father comes back to bite you in the ass. Hopefully, they know this is happening and can take themselves to the airport and get a flight out. They don't need your permission for that.
I'm assuming that the kids are attending college or finishing high school, where Mommy can't protect them from the big bad world. Let's face it: the kids WILL be going to Spain, whether you want them to or not. And may they have a great time visiting their family there and broadening their horizons, all without Mommy.
So I started to side with OP on that first story until I listened to the comments and realized that OPs daughter is going through what I went through when I was 5 but back then I was taught that it was an okay thing to do and that new borns and biological sons of the step father are more important that the step daughter from another marriage. I was raised to think that was okay and here I am age 26 just realizing that it is definitely not an okay thing.
1st OP is such a hypocrite to insinuate that his family’s opinions are biased because Harper’s the favorite to them. Even if that is true, I doubt it’s because “she’s the first granddaughter” but because they’re filling the void that OP created by being a lackluster parent.
Story 1.. OP’s the AH in the first degree.. he’s done everything he can to push the daughter away from him and the rest of the family.. Story 2... OP’s kids are adult and can go without her permission..They have a right to see their father if they choose..unless these kids have something wrong physically or intellectually , where they need assistance..they plenty old enough to travel together to Spain..
First story - Harper no longer gets ANY time with her dad. He TELLS her to pack and move to a smaller room on the other side of the house. This poor girl has been completely shoved out of the way for The Prince. I'm glad the rest of the family realizes what jerks her parents are. Sheesh.
I noticed this too, he claims he “asked her” to move out of her room while stating it in a way that says he demanded it. I feel so sad for that poor girl. I hope she manages to heal from the loss of both of her parents
Oh the guy is a spineless simp. Another comment said there was update where he went to get her but uncle wouldn't let him see her until conditions were agreed upon whicg he quickly agreed to but when he got home & told wife she took the baby & left him so looks like this guy ruined two relationships because he's wasn't man enough to set boundaries with his wife or caring enough to find time for his only kid. No sympathy for weakling like him.
@@Gymtoshi OP is a spineless coward and a doormat who is letting a manipulative, controlling, selfish, spoiled and entitled woman dicate his life and his relationships. All because he's so afraid of losing her or that she will leave him, that he's bending over backwards to make and keep her happy. It doesn't matter that her demands are outrageous, ridiculous or cruel to his daughter, wifey-poo will always get her way. If he really cared about his daughter and her feelings and her happiness, he would grow a spine and put a stop to his wife's behaviour instead of enabling her and giving in to her temper tantrums (because judging om the story, I bet she's the type of person that thows a temper tantrum like a 3 year old any time she doesn't get her way). But of course, in the eyes of wifey-poo, daughter is an entitle, selfis, spoiled brat. In the eyes of wifey-poo, Harper didn't call and leave with her uncle to get away from a situation where she was being pushed aside and marginalised.. no she did it on purpose to try and manipulate her father into siding with her and getting her way. 🙄
Story 4: NTA. Favoritism? You mean your Son? The person the whole trip is for? Your asking was a chance for them to join in, not an invitation to call the shots. If Stepson is upset let him know it’s his parents decision.
Choosy beggar swoops in at the 11th hour and starts changing the parameters of the entire tour, carving out a space for themselves. Don't take them along because the temptation to strand them somewhere would be overwhelming.
Plenty of moms can spend a day with baby without the dad while he spends time with another child. But OP was duped by his manipulative or extremely insecure wife, or he made it up.
Step mom and dad are ah and poor kid his family needs to be the daughter legal Guardian and keep her away from his toxic new family and the baby doesnt need her room yet he can stay with the parents for awhile
Realize you've lost your daughter. It may be delayed due to her age, but she'll go completely as soon as she is able. But she's right, you've got your son and your new wife so you should be happy.
Story 2: I went to Thailand with a handful of other 18/19 yr olds and a college professor literally 3 weeks after I turned 18. Knew none of the language and only had a few contacts the college professor as known people. Those "kids" have family there and it might be their last chance to see their father. The fact my abusive crappy father let me go, but she won't, says a lot about that mother.
Something tells me she divorced him when he was diagnosed, really wasn't down with the in sickness & in health bit from the vows. She doesn't want her kids spending that much time with him cuz they might learn the truth & cut her off
I’m just mind blown by the fact that these children are 18 and 19. They no longer needs mommy’s permission to go anywhere. The grandmother, if possible, needs to contact the children directly.
There's an update to the first story. He knows he screwed up and his wife left him and took the baby. Because uncle said he'd only let the girl go if they move closer to him.
Post the link and I want to be honest do you or anyone else think that this woman cheated on her husband got pregnant by somebody else and took the baby with her because she knew she was going to lose lose situation
Good, no sympathy here, the guy basically pushed his kid out of his life and for what? The possibility to create another family? Yeah, no, he's an idiot and a half for the way he handled things. He played FAAFO and lost.
First story you're in the wrong here and the fact that she didn't argue or fight back with you tells me that she's been dealing with this BS for so long even before the baby was born that I think she's done with you. And the sad part about it is is that you let her stay at your brother's place for 3 days and then you you come on Reddit and basically have people call you out on it and you can't handle it. You're in the wrong big time and you need to prepare yourself to lose your daughter in the process. Because let's be real here your daughter is going to hate her little brother and she's going to hate your wife because you couldn't say no to your wife and let her have her own room let alone let her spend time with you twice a week
Agreed if going to the baby room is so much for those idiots she should shouldn't had a child in the first places, and last a baby do not need master room at all, Harper (very cute name probably name my daughter that name) she a teen and need her own space. Op is the worst dad on the planet and the stepmother she in this some how. He is yta.
Final Story: NTA. Does your department know about your relationship? If so are they okay with spouse working together? Honestly I’d be asking to be transferred. Working with your partner is always a recipe for disaster.
I worked for a corporation that had a specific policy about married co-workers. They did not forbid Co workers from marrying but if they worked in the same sector one spouse would have to agree to voluntarily transfer to a similar job in a different sector. It worked. It would ultimately avoid cases of collusion and interpersonal nonsense like this.
How is OP even able to prevent her adult children from going to visit their dying dad? Kids, if you read this, contact your grandma directly, get the tickets and go!
I am not worried for "Harper", she has a great support system in her "paternal" family, with no support from that sperm donor that created her. I can see why they will be somewhat more protective of her than the new baby, as this baby isn't actually their relative, in anything other than name. I would wonder why mom isn't involved in her daughter's life. Oh by the way I say YTA, and would wish they would give a more harder judgement for people to give. (ETA) What actually makes this one kind of funny is: how fast OP's brother got there when "Harper" called him. It sounds kind of like he got there before she finished packing her stuff up. Another thing, why did they actually circle the wagons against OP, it seems like they know what was happening in that "family", "Harper was being shunted aside in lieu of the new baby.
Yes, the speed with which Harper's uncle showed up is very telling. It would seem that there is a lot more to the story than OP is telling and his family is very aware of OP, and his wife, pushing Harper aside for a new baby. OP sucks so much there is no words for it.
Happy to know in the update he ends up with neither. He brings Harper back but only after agreeing to her demands which pissed the wife off & so she dipped with the kid, looks like the trash took itself out.
I saw a comment saying OP must be leaving a lot of stuff out because not only did the uncle show up so fast, OP didn't mention a fight from the teenager, she just started packing. This was the last straw. All the fights have already been had, and the family has picked sides. I wouldn't be surprised if he left out a bunch of fights between daughter and wife, or other behavior that turned the family against her.
3:53 they're 19 and 18??? I made a trip alone when I was a child (I mean 12 not 19) and I liked every minute of it... the flight attendants were so nice. And that was probably less dangerous than taking public transportation to downtown At 19, if my dad was dying, nobody could have prevented me to go
Prepare for the sequels to the first story. “My daughter went no-contact with me.” “My daughter asked my brother to walk her down the isle at her wedding but won’t even let me attend.” “My daughter won’t let me meet her grandkids.”
It'll probably be the daughters post as the follow up "My step mum who would only be happy if I died growing up and dad want me to be free childcare while they take a break but I moved to my uncles AITA"
That story about the 'kids' traveling. I (M mid 60s now) hitch hiked from California to Michigan when I was 14,in early spring, then back again in the fall, so really don't see any reason at all for not allowing full grown people to travel
Oh wow that last story...The OP is seriously underreacting - she lied to him for years about her job, made him think she applied to something else, and them she got the job he wanted. She then acted all butt hurt because he wasn't happy for her?! I would be immediately like "what else has she been lying about for years? what else can she so callously do to me for her own benefit?"
First story; YTA. You decided that your new wife and her son were more important to you than your own daughter and you wanted your daughter to downgrade because of that. Do you even have any idea how that makes your daughter feel? Do you even care? Based on her reaction, and your own addmitions this wasn't the first time that you put others ahead of her. You've clearly done it repeatedly. To her this is you replacing her and kicking her out. You have the gift that is your daughter, who you were lucky to even have in the first place, and she still wasn't good enough for you. You wanted a son, even if he wasn't yours by blood and even to the detriment of your own child. You need to fix this before it's too late and you lose her.
Your wife lied to you. Three times. Once when she said she was happy in her old position. Second time when she said she applied for the job in her department. The third time by omission when she applied for the job that you were basically a shoe in for. Her former supervisor (& I assume fellow employees) were glad to get rid of her because of her behavior. OP, the only option for you may be to work for a different company. But don’t tell your wife until you for sure get the new job.
The update is great too, the moment he realized that he was the ah his wife got mad and left for her family like lol seems ur plan to ditch his daughter failed
Boyfriend wants separate bedrooms story - OP get rid of boyfriend he is only using you wouldn't be surprised if he has a secret girlfriend he plans to move in at later date and expect you to put up with it. No normal couple want separate rooms.
Last story, if the wife was so bad at her job in the other department, why on earth would she get a promotion in the same company? Surely she should have had her marching orders!
my company doesn't allow family members to work in the same team because of risk of collusion, I don't know what business he's in that they allow that kind of thing.
2nd OP's sons need to just go. What she wants be damned. She can't stop them. They can apply for passports, get tickets emailed to them from grandmother, and just go.
Last story. I’m surprised they chose OP’s spouse to be the team lead of his department since they are married. Most companies have policies in place that prevent people who are already dating or married from being put in position of authority over their partner in the same department. Just like they have rules against managers/supervisors not being allowed to date those under them.
18 and 19 year Olds must be under mom's thumb if she says they can't go and they say OK, we can't go. You are adults. Go. SMH. And mom sucks as she is a selfish *itch who wants to deprive her ex and her children from seeing him before he dies.
Story 4: wow the entitlement! This trip is for Finn to get closer to part of his heritage. I understand the worry, but instead of paying for 3 people extra, the hubby could come along with Sam and they leave Sam's mum behind. So each kid has one parent along. Maybe that means they don't have to cut most of the trip. But yeah, it's probably best to wait and ask Sam along on a trip when he's older, considering how his parents behave.
Never talk about trips like this in front of the other child for this exact reason. Don't ask them if they would like to go until after the other parent agrees to all stipulations required for trip. That way when they try to sucker you into paying you can withdrawal the invite without hurting the child's feelings. Well, you will not be the cause of hurt feelings if the other parent was foolish to say something to child before everything was agreed apon.
Story 1: YTA. Um… so you can’t spend two days with her and you can’t walk the extra steps? I’d be more understanding if this was a mansion, but this is a standard family house right? I understand you have a baby to take care of right now but ya, it does look like your displacing your already existing child in favor of your new family. Like seriously you don’t even sit on the couch with her and talk or anything?
When you get a step mother, you get a step father. Story one is the perfect example of the new wife moving in and the father emotionally separating himself from his own children
Lady your kids are adults and their father is dying. I get being nervous about letting your kids leave the country I get being scared that something might happen but they are adults and more importantly that is their father. I was 24 when my dad died my brother was 23 due to covid restrictions we weren't allowed to all say goodbye to him. But my mother gave up her place in that hospital room so that my little brother and I could say our goodbyes to our father. It was the most heartbreaking and impossible thing I have ever gone through but every day I am thankful that my mother let me say goodbye I'm at my little brother got to say goodbye.
Believe me, I wish I had custody of my 18 year old, but it doesn't work that way. 😆 Mine is going on a road trip with her boyfriend this summer. Let the adult children go to Spain!
Story 2: I was 17 when I got on a plane and lived halfway across the world on my own. Two 18 year Olds with their dad and grandma will be more than fine. What an asshole.
How big is the house in the first story that it is hard to walk across to the other side? Daughter is right - she is being side-lined beyond just the needs of a newborn.
Story 3: NTA. Hun, it’s a bad sign when people start arguing about paying and square footage. Has far as I see if your BF asks for separate rooms than he needs to give a little. But again the mear fact that this has gotten as intense as it has is a bad sign.
"Bf needs to give a little" he gets one room while op and her daughter gets a room to themselves. The daughter is barely going to be there to begin with so op is basically going to have 2 or 3 and a half rooms to his "one", if they decide to share each others at times. That right there adds up to 50/50 (sometimes more in ops favor). I agree that them having this type of issue is a bad sign to begin with, but since op wants to change her mind in an attempt to weasel her way out of the prior agreement, I'd say bf has given enough.
The person who get the larger room pays more in rent. That is how all the people I know around the apartment complex work. Children are not considered because the parent pays for the child's stuff alone. Also usually the larger bedroom is the master so it has an attached bathroom which is a perk. I think the BF should pay atleast 60%.
You are an enormous AH. You have your new golden baby. You stopped spending your 2 days a week with your daughter and then kicked her out of her room. You drove her away with the help of your spicy new bedroom playmate.
Last story NTA and love how the wife lied to OP to get the job he was expecting to get and then plays the "misogyny" card if OP isn't happy for her?? I don't think team leader in her own department was ever on the table given how happy her former team seem to be to be rid of her?? If I were OP I'd be looking for another job as well as getting a divorce unless he wants to stay married to the AH as she likely lied to OP and took a position she'd left in the past as she had no other choice and would have been fired due to all the ppl she pissed off. Staying would be an idiot move as guess sho she will rely on to make up for her AH behaviour as the new team leader....OP
Story 2: even if you are an adult, some airlines offer airport assistance. My friend took that for her mum who didn’t speak English and wasn’t used to traveling. They picked the mum from the aircraft and brought her to my friend in the waiting area.
Story 2 How much do you hate your Ex? The "children" are adults JFC YTA. I can see a future Reddit post where OP write: "Dear Reddit, my children age 25 and 23 went NC with me and I don't know why. I've been a good mother and have always supported them. Since their father died, they have been cold and distant. I don't understand why."
Please reconsider moving in with the boyfriend. If he wants a roommate with benefits , he should have told you before hand. You are not a match OP. Move on
As a single parent from day one. And spent every day of my kids life alone with them. You spending time with your daughter isn’t going to cause your wife physical complications
@@reggiebrown4911 an infant whose father kicked his sister out of her room for him. I understand he's gonna need more attention but OP has handled things all wrong
@@reggiebrown4911 Well, op can keep telling himself that when he wonders why things went so badly. The update is an eyeopener. Maybe one of these days his daughter will actually speak to him again. Maybe.
Ok while I completely get wanting to have your baby in a room close to you, you can’t just take the room away from another kid. Especially one old enough to know what’s going on. With him saying the other two rooms are at the other end of the house that poor kid will feel like the real and new family is at one end of the house, and she’s at the other. He has to sit down with her, treat her like the young adult she is, and figure things out. Ask what she thinks would be best. Come to compromises on spending time with her, and the room. Can’t the wife spend some time with her family, or his, while he spends one on one time with his daughter. Ppd is real and hard, I can understand her not wanting to be alone. That would be a good compromise to get home from family, help her socialize, and let her and baby do more bonding with other family. Honestly though it sounds like this guy really does view it as “my real family and my first kid”. Poor thing.
First story: I have a new baby, so I took her room and gave it to my new son, who is obviously much more important than she is. Why is she mad? Tell me I am a great Dad NOW! She should apologize to meeee… how dare she think she should matter!!!!
1st story: I went on Reddit and read the update. Harper agreed to go back after some conditions were met, none of which the wife liked, so now the wife went to her mother's house with the baby and OP's in-laws are also sending him texts calling him names.
Final Story: The last commenter said OP's wife deliberately hid the fact that she applied for the same job OP did so OP couldn't talk her out of it or gain the upper hand. I think the wife didn't tell him because she knew it was a crap thing to do, she knew she was wrong, and she knew he would be mad and hurt and call her on her crap.
Some nasty 💩 must have already gone down between that family for OP’s kid to just pack up and leave!! Poor kid. Father thinking with his downstairs head instead of the one on top of his shoulders! Why do parents not consult their kids before moving on to their next partner? Like I don’t get it!! The new partner isn’t only involved with you, it’s you and your kids! 🤦♀️
1) say goodbye to your 1st born. 2) don't move in w/this guy. 3) enjoy your trip planned with your son. Explain the situation to Sam & let blame fall where it deserves to be. 4) no trust left in the marriage
Last story: Damn. That's one of the most messed up back-stabbing stories I've ever heard. I mean, what exactly is OP's wife's end game? Divorce? Kind of looks like divorce to me.
Why are the 18nyear olds even asking moms permission, she likely didn't tell them grandparents will pay for everything, likely told more lies she doesn't want them to find out when they are alone in Spain...
Op should have talked to Harper 1st. Not just tell her pack it up. I think Harper was probably being mistreated for a while. Harper bounced. Glad she left. Op and his wife suck.
It was too hard to walk to the other side of the house?!?!? Where do they live, Grand Central Station? 14 is a rough age for anyone, but OP has made it a million times worse. I hope she stays with her uncle. Story 2: FFS, your adult kids can travel to see their dying father!!!!!! Absolutely the AH!
I would have thought 50/50 rent is fair too fir the gf and bf moving in together story but after watching judge Judy a lot I really liked how JJ would point out that she has a whole ash kid living there taking up her own room. In those cases JJ would say the mum should actually be paying 2/3 of the rent lol
@@patrikbengtsson3883 I mean my theory is he's just using her because he can't afford a place on his own but that would be terrible to do to someone with a kid.
Lol, how do you just your child leave, tell her to be back in a day, and then not go get her when 3 days have past? A newborn doesn't need a masters bedroom but even if he did, you could've taken Harper shopping for furniture or paint colors for her room or new clothes for her closet on one of the two days you spend with her. Does OP's IQ even hit the double digits????
There is no doubt in my mind that the stepmother is behind this.
Also, they could have gone like "Harper, we know you love you room, but would you be okay with moving TEMPORARILY into another room so you don't need to hear as much of Mark's screaming at night?"
At this rate Harper is definitely where she belongs. They spent a lot of money conceiving this baby and he obviously is the priority. The baby farter is running the show. Talking to the two of them is like talking to drywall. Three days becomes three weeks turns to 3 months becomes 4 years and Harper is emancipated.
PS. Guilt is keeping the original poster from recognizing how whipped and responsible he is for the entire mess.
If I'm the uncle, I'm telling him don't bring your ass back in her life!!!!
Story 2: wow, just wow. The man is basically dying and wants to see his children one last time. They're 18 and would be going to Spain. From the way OP talks you'd think they're still nursed babies going to a war zone or something. Children fly all the time, as someone mentioned, they have adult custody chains for that. Here in Germany the same goes for the long-distance trains. And again, they're 18.
OP better let them go, because they'll never forget this.
AND the mil even offered to pay for OP’s travel.
OP is either dumb as a rock or nuclear waste grade narcissist.
Also… 19 and 18 years old in most Yurop it’s already adult age, anyways EU child protection laws are bomb proof and always biased in favor of mothers. Aside from plane crash and bad seafood the risks are almost inexistant.
Has it occurred to anyone that this might be a ruse to get the "kids" there with no way back?
@@joannevendshus5075 I think you might have read too many thriller stories, but let's say this happens. This is a European country we're talking about, ok, the kids are adults, but you could still call the consulate if they don't get in contact again.
You could talk to the kids and tell them how to contact the authorities/the consulate if they feel like they're being held against their will. And OP could make sure they check in via phone every day.
Considering this person has a long standing medical issue that's going downhill, abduction is not where my mind would jump to however...
@@joannevendshus5075 YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTE GENIUS !!!!
That’s certainly why the mother in law offered to pay for OP’s plane tickets to go with her kids. Who can’t be legally forced of anything in Spain since they are adults.
You are stating an usually obvious plot twist that don’t fit the legal situation and think you are a mastermind above everyone else intelligence… SUPERB !!!
@@joannevendshus5075 They are legal adults and Spain has an American Embassy. I can’t think of any way Father. and Mother-in-Law could force them to stay. Of course I also can’t think of any way Mother could stop them from going.
There are 100 ways in which dad could have handled the room-change much better. Take her shopping for new furniture, let her pick the colours for the room, redecorate the room and THEN (and only THEN) make the change. Make an effort. But no... I guess deep down dad (not to mention step'mom') is glad Harper is out of the way. His only problem is that his entire families calls him an A.
He could have handled it by spending the two days a week with his daughter, it would not hurt his wife to watch the baby alone for two days. He could have handled it better by not demanding his daughter move her room to the other side of the house, instead of telling her to pack up and move her stuff. My guess is his wife is a witch and wanted to push his daughter out. My guess is there is a lot more to this and his family is aware of it, thus his brother's haste in coming to pick up his daughter. Not requesting she come with him, demanding she come with him. The fact that OP has not gone over to his brother's house to discuss this says it all. He is glad his daughter is gone and is just saying he wants her home to save face. He sucks big time. Worst father ever. I hope she goes no contact with him.
Looked up the story on Reddit, it had an addendum. OP went to his brother’s house to get daughter back but brother refused to let him see her unless he agreed to certain conditions. He agreed to the conditions which caused his wife to take the baby and leave him.
Or maybe, just not make her change rooms at all. OP describes it a 2 "Master" bedrooms, whcih usually means a larger room with a private "en suite" bathroom. Not sure if that's what it means here, but clearly, the OP describing it as a "master" bedroom can only mean that it's a more desirable bedroom than the others, whether by size or amenities. So OP is booting his teenage daughter from her superior bedroom, to an inferior bedroom (presumably smaller) so then can give the superior "master" bedroom to an infant which is barely aware of it's surroundings. You can try to disguise and distract from the flagrant favoritism, but a 14 year old ain't going to be fooled. As someone else pointed out, the fact that the brother showed up to take the daughter without asking what was going on indicates that this wasn't an isolated incident, it was an ongoing problem that was known the the rest of the family.
@@bermudabeachbum3582 On the addendum I also read that originally OP and his daughter lived much closer to the family but his new wife and family didn't get along so he uprooted his daughter (probably also a new school) and moved away from his family to please the new wife. Obviously this spat about the room wasn't the first time OP ignored his daughter's needs to please his new bed-partner.
@@bermudabeachbum3582 Seriously? Where can I read the update?
Story 1: so the daughter should give up her bedroom (which sounds like it also has an attached bathroom) and move to another room for a baby?! It is clear favouritism on the dad's part.
Yes, a baby means more stress and one could ease a child into understanding that alone time might have to be cut back, but he can't even go to the park with his daughter for an our every week?! And then to top it all off she's being kicked out of her save space.
This is ridiculous! This stupid new baby and the witch of a stepmother should’ve talked to Op’s daughter about the room instead of just taking it!
I’m clearly really freakin’ old, because I remember the days when newborns stayed in a bassinet in their parents’ room until they were sleeping through the night (at least). Has that changed? If they’re running back and forth so many times a night, maybe baby isn’t ready for his own room yet.
Story 2: YTA. Wait! They’re 18 and 19 and this is even a discussion? Hun, they’re ADULTS. Adults that want to see their dying Father. Tell them not to go into any dark ally’s and wish them well on their trip.
And it’s frickin Spain. She makes it sound like it’s a hotbed of crime there. It’s actually a pretty safe country. The only thing they gotta worry about is not getting pickpocketed. They’ll be fine.
This. My parents let my brother and I fly alone as 12/13 y/o's with our Grandma picking us up at the other end. 18 and 19 is basically 'you have no say in their travel plans' ages...
@@fulanadetal6099 I know I thought she was going to say Iraq or Syria or something 😂.
I genuinely missed their ages, I thought they were mid teens XD. Adults their choice alone
Just more infantalizing of adults. So common these days which is why there are so many incompetent 20-30 somethings who cannot function like proper adults and are effectively still children.
Story 1: I'm honestly surprised OP didn't immediately march over to his brothers house and drag his convenient live in babysitter home. Harper is 14 years old so she is perfectly capable of understanding what's going on in her life and that she means nothing to her father in lieu of his new ready made family. She and OP's family have ZERO familial ties to the baby or the step mom so there will be no reconciliation with them nor does there need to be on their parts. The best thing OP can do for his daughter is sign over legal custody of Harper to his brother for the duration of her remaining childhood and then expect her to go completely no contact once she turns 18 years old. It is utterly ridiculous to ask a 14 year old child to pack up and leave her room that she's presumably had for all 14 years to make space for a baby that will be perfectly fine in one of the two alternate rooms. Get ample baby monitors, get off your lazy butt, and walk to the baby's actual room OP otherwise kiss any relationship with Harper goodbye forever!
It's worse than that...she hasn't had this room for all 14 years. There's an edit/update where op talks about moving her to a whole new place and school to make stepmom happier. My guess is that op used the cushy room to try to placate Harper during the move that she didn't want, but now that he has a new baby boy, he doesn't feel the need to maintain the facade.
I think the ship has sailed to fix the relationship. And good for Harper.
@@michaelplunkett8059 So let's take into consideration and give the idea that the baby room can't be down the hallway. This was not the good ol fashion baby making way of doing things. This was trying and failing to concieve, looking at options, finding a donor, 9 months of pregnancy and not once did this come up or discussed with the kid. Like a solid heads up. Just oh baby is born whelp this one needs to pack up and move bedrooms with no warning. A kid knows when they're unwanted or seen as an after thought and this girl did what was best for her own mental well being.
@@michaelplunkett8059 why didn't they switch bedrooms with harper? That would literally make more sense and they both would have master bedrooms. The father is a SIMP and his wife is a monster.
@@shammydammy2610 Yeah. There is also apparently another update where OP came to his senses, went to his brothers house and talked with his daughter and brother. They (meaning OP'S brother and his daughter) came up with some conditions for Harper to go back to living with her father. OP agreed to those conditions.
Guess what? Wifey-poo threw a temper tantrum and then took the baby and up and left him.
She was so used to OP giving in to her and getting her way that she had a meltdown the moment OP decided to NOT side with her and she didn't get her way. That's very telling to me. I bet poor Harper has been pushed aside and her needs and feelings have been ignored for YEARS because her father was only concerned with keeping his (second) wife happy. I seriously Hope OP and his daughter can mend their relationship, but I'm afraid it might be already to late.
Story 1: imagine being such a bad father that your daughter doesn’t even try with you anymore
This is what happens when teenagers have children. OP couldn't have been more than 17 when he knocked Harper's mother up, and she probably wasn't any older.
@@thedorkone1516 they teach safe sex and both of them are awful parents the mom for leaving but the fact the dad is treating her like this makes him even worse because hes in her life but treats her like shes a waste of space
@@thedorkone1516 while im not on OPs side, pls remember EVERY hetero sex is a breading season ...even if the participants use contraceptions 😊
In Story 1: What an awful parent! They should be ashamed.
@@demondogmom7221 im not the OP and my kid loves me so why should i be ashamed?
He asked his daughter to move out of her room cause he didn't want to walk a few steps... seriously? Every day i see massive parenting failures in reddit but god this guy is up there. My home is massive at a whooping 21k sq ft, ill gladly walk across the whole thing over and over if it keeps my oldest daughter happy. JFC nvm the next one is far worse... what a heartless witch. On the separate room one is actually a fairly common thing, sleep is a very important thing and couples can have wildly different habits that can impede the each others so separate arrangement can help couples stay sane.
Don’t forget that op says that his whole family “favors” his daughter. Very odd.
@@stephanien6237 Maybe OP cheated on the daughters' biological mom with New wife and as a result the family refuses to accept his New wife.
That line is odd, but I wonder if OP came up with that or if that's what his wife believes. She comes across as the type of person who thinks her husband needs to dump and turn his back on everyone who "doesn't like her" and his biological children to make her happy and give her the picture perfect family that she wants. Why else would she want OP to move away from his family? Either something happened with OP'S side of the family or wife is controlling and entitled.
I can understand not wanting to cross the house multiple time every night. I mean, it is very taxing and even the spouse who doesn´t attend the baby will be disturbed cause the longer the journey is, the longer they heard the baby cry.
But, there´s a simple solution that doesn´t involved robbing the daughter her bedroom.
The smaller bedrooms are near each other. Parents can move the baby to one of the smaller bedroom and moved in themselves to the other smaller bedroom to still be near the baby. And when the baby is old enough to sleep through the night, parents can moved back to the master bedroom. Problem solved.
They can re-negotiate swapping the bedroom in 4-5 years when the oldest daughter moved out of the house for college.
To be fair, man walking to my en-suite bathroom and turning on my steam shower is SO MUCH WORK. Oh my god, the au pair is on vacation and my barber is sick! Who's going to turn on my steam shower for me or shave my face. God the world is a cruel and horrible place!!!
Wait what were we talking about again?
@@bluesapphire4262 If an adult is unwilling to walk a few extra steps, there’s a huge problem. Sounds spoiled to me.
I'm sure the only reason OP wants Harper to come back is for the free child care. At this point, Harper probably wouldn't be forced to go back to her dad's house. I wouldn't be surprised if she already had an agreement with her uncle to call him when things got bad, and OP and his wife's favoritism for the baby is probably well established.
And I bet kicking Harper out of HER ROOM was wifey-poo's idea and she was secretly THRILLED when Harper decided to move in with OP'S brother. I'm pretty sure she secretly wanted her stepdaughter out of the house anyway because she didn't fit into wife's dream of the picture perfect little family. That baby was/is going to be the favorite child and the golden child and Harper knew it so she got out before they could screw her over even more. I bet wifey-poo is EXCITED and HAPPY because she got exactly what she wanted and OP is siding with her. Poor Harper.
@@oouu8470 The new wife hates her, there where edits they lived close to op-s family but have to move because wifey did not get along with them (aka the family knew she is a bitch and hated her), what op is writting is a proof he cares more about his new wife and sperm donor baby who not even related to him then his own flesh and blood daughter who already lost her mom and family thanks to stephmonster
@@oouu8470 I disagree the wife probably wanted her to go to one of the smaller rooms so she'd be a live in babysitter.
@@stevencorrell6473 Still no justification to kick a teenager out of HER ROOM. Especially not for a baby. A baby doesn't need a master bedroom.
@@oouu8470 Totally agree just pointing out that the step mom might not have been trying to push her out so hard if she was planning on trying to use her.
When I was a kid, we had two "kids'" rooms, one very large (almost the size of the master) and one tiny (about 9x9). At first, I, as the oldest, was put in the large room and my younger brother in the small room. When my second brother was born, he was put in my room, which was fine. But then my baby sister was born when I was about 13. When she got too big to stay in my parents room, they decided that the two boys needed the big room and crammed teenage me and my tooth grinding sister into the tiny room. No arguing would change their minds. "Boys need their space." was their basic answer, besides, you'll be going to college in a few years, anyway. Then, when I turned 17 and opted to go to college 1500 miles away, they couldn't figure out why I wouldn't just stay home. Sorry, guys, you already gave me the cold shoulder and now your free babysitter is leaving to boot.
Last story: OP's wife is a real piece of work. She practically stabs him in the back to get the promotion that he was working towards, lies about her current job and made working with her unbearable, and whenever he shows disappointment or displeasure she plays the mysogny card to get him to shut up. OP needs to cut that toxic relationship off pronto
How in the heck was the company okay with a person becoming the supervisor of their spouse? It can go 1 of 3 ways with two of them being bad, and this one is going on one of the bad ones. Bad: Friction between the spouses at work and home. Others at work complain about favoritism or inappropriate behavior. Good: Everything works out great.
@@Tsyroc That's what I was wondering. Every company where I've worked required partners to go to HR so they can ensure they never supervise each other. They can either work at the same level, or for different teams. But never supervise each other.
@@chaddon7685 probably sleeping with the boss
Yeah, it's divorce worthy and quiet frankly so disgusting. I don't even know how she got that promotion when he is her husband. Like shouldn't couples be in different departments?
@@chaddon7685 Or, if it was anything like my old job - To get rid of her. "She's your problem now!" kind of thing. Especially if they have a union or worker's protection laws. Just being mediocre at your job, or crappy to the people around you isn't generally enough to get your fired, even without a union.
Also, the fact that they put her in a position above OP makes me wonder if her and OP had informed HR they are a couple. If they have different last names, or a common last name, and didn't tell HR, then HR may not know. In which case, OP needs to get his ass to HR TODAY.
Last story: how the hell did OP’s wife even get the promotion in his department? Surely, it was no secret that the two were married. Did it seriously not occur to the folks making the decision that having one spouse directly supervise the other would cause unnecessary drama in the workplace?
Yeah I was thinking that as I listened to it. Many companies have explicit policies against that.
Love to hear the follow up to this story.
Probably the former department was thrilled to let her leave. As for the company itself yea that’s odd nobody noticed.
@@petermcconnell9925 That’s what I was thinking. Most major companies in the U.S. forbid a manager having a personal relationship with a direct report.
@@missingbobsburgers I suspect that the company doesn't know they are married. OP needs to go to HR immediately. Unfortunately there is no way to save this marriage as her actions have made it a lose/lose situation on both sides. As for the company once they find out that OP and his boss were married long before they worked at the company together, They will either demote her, fire her, fire him, or move him.
The man whose wife sneakily won his promotion is headed for divorce, especially now that he is taking the same crud her other co-workers took for years.
If she was so difficult to work with how was she the better candidate.
@@amandathomas2061because her department bigged her up to the other, simply to get rid of her.
Story 1: YTA and you know it. Your daughter is feeling isolated and cut out of your life since the baby was born, so you kick her out of her bedroom? How much did the stepmom push this? I hope you know you have done irreparable damage to your relationship.
Actually NTA,
@@Batman-lg2zj such a compelling arguement
@@Batman-lg2zj He is, it's as bad as a mom coming on ur job of 10 years and carry off your paycheck one week cause she needs it.
I feel like op isn't spending alot of time with his daughter and views her as an inconvenience
Story 2: the mother probably knows that her grown-up children would like to stay in Spain because she is controlling
Your children are adults. They can handle traveling alone. Don't be shocked when the fact that you kept your kids away from their dying father comes back to bite you in the ass. Hopefully, they know this is happening and can take themselves to the airport and get a flight out. They don't need your permission for that.
And they are going to Spain and probably will stay with their grandma while they are there, this just stupid
I'm assuming that the kids are attending college or finishing high school, where Mommy can't protect them from the big bad world. Let's face it: the kids WILL be going to Spain, whether you want them to or not. And may they have a great time visiting their family there and broadening their horizons, all without Mommy.
She will lie about it. The grand mother will hopefully tell them the truth some day
So I started to side with OP on that first story until I listened to the comments and realized that OPs daughter is going through what I went through when I was 5 but back then I was taught that it was an okay thing to do and that new borns and biological sons of the step father are more important that the step daughter from another marriage.
I was raised to think that was okay and here I am age 26 just realizing that it is definitely not an okay thing.
1st OP is such a hypocrite to insinuate that his family’s opinions are biased because Harper’s the favorite to them. Even if that is true, I doubt it’s because “she’s the first granddaughter” but because they’re filling the void that OP created by being a lackluster parent.
Story 1.. OP’s the AH in the first degree.. he’s done everything he can to push the daughter away from him and the rest of the family..
Story 2... OP’s kids are adult and can go without her permission..They have a right to see their father if they choose..unless these kids have something wrong physically or intellectually , where they need assistance..they plenty old enough to travel together to Spain..
First story - Harper no longer gets ANY time with her dad. He TELLS her to pack and move to a smaller room on the other side of the house. This poor girl has been completely shoved out of the way for The Prince. I'm glad the rest of the family realizes what jerks her parents are. Sheesh.
I noticed this too, he claims he “asked her” to move out of her room while stating it in a way that says he demanded it. I feel so sad for that poor girl. I hope she manages to heal from the loss of both of her parents
He doesn’t give a crap about her and is only upset she is not there to be his new queen wife’s servant.
Oh the guy is a spineless simp. Another comment said there was update where he went to get her but uncle wouldn't let him see her until conditions were agreed upon whicg he quickly agreed to but when he got home & told wife she took the baby & left him so looks like this guy ruined two relationships because he's wasn't man enough to set boundaries with his wife or caring enough to find time for his only kid. No sympathy for weakling like him.
@@Gymtoshi OP is a spineless coward and a doormat who is letting a manipulative, controlling, selfish, spoiled and entitled woman dicate his life and his relationships. All because he's so afraid of losing her or that she will leave him, that he's bending over backwards to make and keep her happy. It doesn't matter that her demands are outrageous, ridiculous or cruel to his daughter, wifey-poo will always get her way.
If he really cared about his daughter and her feelings and her happiness, he would grow a spine and put a stop to his wife's behaviour instead of enabling her and giving in to her temper tantrums (because judging om the story, I bet she's the type of person that thows a temper tantrum like a 3 year old any time she doesn't get her way).
But of course, in the eyes of wifey-poo, daughter is an entitle, selfis, spoiled brat. In the eyes of wifey-poo, Harper didn't call and leave with her uncle to get away from a situation where she was being pushed aside and marginalised.. no she did it on purpose to try and manipulate her father into siding with her and getting her way. 🙄
And WHY can’t the wife take care of the baby alone when he spends time with his daughter. Single parents do it all the time. They need to grow up!
Story 4: NTA. Favoritism? You mean your Son? The person the whole trip is for? Your asking was a chance for them to join in, not an invitation to call the shots. If Stepson is upset let him know it’s his parents decision.
Choosy beggar swoops in at the 11th hour and starts changing the parameters of the entire tour, carving out a space for themselves. Don't take them along because the temptation to strand them somewhere would be overwhelming.
Plenty of moms can spend a day with baby without the dad while he spends time with another child. But OP was duped by his manipulative or extremely insecure wife, or he made it up.
i see no indications that there was any duping needed
Or he's shifting blame.
Step mom and dad are ah and poor kid his family needs to be the daughter legal Guardian and keep her away from his toxic new family and the baby doesnt need her room yet he can stay with the parents for awhile
But when does the mom get free time with the other child? Almost never
@@manxiefeathermoon9888 Which other child?
Realize you've lost your daughter. It may be delayed due to her age, but she'll go completely as soon as she is able. But she's right, you've got your son and your new wife so you should be happy.
there was an update to the post. he got the daughter to talk to him but the wife threw a fit and left with the baby to the in-laws house.
@@aaronmccloskey7108 , losing his daughter, wife and son sounds like karmic justice to me.
@@aaronmccloskey7108 He got what he deserves then.
@@aaronmccloskey7108 Wife sounds like a major witch
@@princesspanda12012 then she & "wife" in the last story have something in common then. My god those two are on some next level misandrist bs.
YTA. I was flying from CA to Germany to visit my dad, on my own, when I was 15. It’s quite simple.
Story 2: I went to Thailand with a handful of other 18/19 yr olds and a college professor literally 3 weeks after I turned 18. Knew none of the language and only had a few contacts the college professor as known people.
Those "kids" have family there and it might be their last chance to see their father. The fact my abusive crappy father let me go, but she won't, says a lot about that mother.
The mom is ah she should have put her pride aside and go with them from moral support for them to see their dying father
Yep, I did something similar at 20. Op is major AH
Something tells me she divorced him when he was diagnosed, really wasn't down with the in sickness & in health bit from the vows. She doesn't want her kids spending that much time with him cuz they might learn the truth & cut her off
I’m just mind blown by the fact that these children are 18 and 19. They no longer needs mommy’s permission to go anywhere. The grandmother, if possible, needs to contact the children directly.
@@TMS-zj5bi My guess is that she may have possession of their passports.
There's an update to the first story. He knows he screwed up and his wife left him and took the baby. Because uncle said he'd only let the girl go if they move closer to him.
Post the link and I want to be honest do you or anyone else think that this woman cheated on her husband got pregnant by somebody else and took the baby with her because she knew she was going to lose lose situation
If that case now I feel bad for OP. Seem like everyone is being unreasonable, making demands and not truly trying to compromise.
@@BIGEAGLEDUDE they had artificial insemination dude.
What an absolute moron. OP threw away his daughter and destroyed his family, for nothing!
Good, no sympathy here, the guy basically pushed his kid out of his life and for what? The possibility to create another family? Yeah, no, he's an idiot and a half for the way he handled things. He played FAAFO and lost.
First story you're in the wrong here and the fact that she didn't argue or fight back with you tells me that she's been dealing with this BS for so long even before the baby was born that I think she's done with you. And the sad part about it is is that you let her stay at your brother's place for 3 days and then you you come on Reddit and basically have people call you out on it and you can't handle it. You're in the wrong big time and you need to prepare yourself to lose your daughter in the process. Because let's be real here your daughter is going to hate her little brother and she's going to hate your wife because you couldn't say no to your wife and let her have her own room let alone let her spend time with you twice a week
Agreed if going to the baby room is so much for those idiots she should shouldn't had a child in the first places, and last a baby do not need master room at all, Harper (very cute name probably name my daughter that name) she a teen and need her own space. Op is the worst dad on the planet and the stepmother she in this some how. He is yta.
She most likely already hates the stepmonster and resents Mark.
Agreed. When a woman stops fighting, it's over.
I'm surprised the company let the wife be in the same department as the husband. That's usually not allowed
Final Story: NTA. Does your department know about your relationship? If so are they okay with spouse working together? Honestly I’d be asking to be transferred. Working with your partner is always a recipe for disaster.
I worked for a corporation that had a specific policy about married co-workers. They did not forbid Co workers from marrying but if they worked in the same sector one spouse would have to agree to voluntarily transfer to a similar job in a different sector. It worked. It would ultimately avoid cases of collusion and interpersonal nonsense like this.
Story 2: major YTA, how does OP think she has to right to decide her 2 adult children can’t visit their sick father in another country?
She's scared they won't come back because she's so controlling
@@nakayawashington349 a
My guess is she's holding their passports hostage.
When I was 19 the US Navy put me on an airplane and sent me ten thousand miles away from home so I could get shot at.
they should go without asking, what is she going to do
How is OP even able to prevent her adult children from going to visit their dying dad? Kids, if you read this, contact your grandma directly, get the tickets and go!
Probably holding on to their passports.
I am not worried for "Harper", she has a great support system in her "paternal" family, with no support from that sperm donor that created her. I can see why they will be somewhat more protective of her than the new baby, as this baby isn't actually their relative, in anything other than name. I would wonder why mom isn't involved in her daughter's life. Oh by the way I say YTA, and would wish they would give a more harder judgement for people to give.
(ETA) What actually makes this one kind of funny is: how fast OP's brother got there when "Harper" called him. It sounds kind of like he got there before she finished packing her stuff up. Another thing, why did they actually circle the wagons against OP, it seems like they know what was happening in that "family", "Harper was being shunted aside in lieu of the new baby.
Yes, the speed with which Harper's uncle showed up is very telling. It would seem that there is a lot more to the story than OP is telling and his family is very aware of OP, and his wife, pushing Harper aside for a new baby. OP sucks so much there is no words for it.
@@mimiNana-yi4cy agree
Happy to know in the update he ends up with neither. He brings Harper back but only after agreeing to her demands which pissed the wife off & so she dipped with the kid, looks like the trash took itself out.
I saw a comment saying OP must be leaving a lot of stuff out because not only did the uncle show up so fast, OP didn't mention a fight from the teenager, she just started packing. This was the last straw. All the fights have already been had, and the family has picked sides. I wouldn't be surprised if he left out a bunch of fights between daughter and wife, or other behavior that turned the family against her.
3:53 they're 19 and 18??? I made a trip alone when I was a child (I mean 12 not 19) and I liked every minute of it... the flight attendants were so nice. And that was probably less dangerous than taking public transportation to downtown
At 19, if my dad was dying, nobody could have prevented me to go
Prepare for the sequels to the first story.
“My daughter went no-contact with me.”
“My daughter asked my brother to walk her down the isle at her wedding but won’t even let me attend.”
“My daughter won’t let me meet her grandkids.”
It'll probably be the daughters post as the follow up "My step mum who would only be happy if I died growing up and dad want me to be free childcare while they take a break but I moved to my uncles AITA"
Final story
"My daughter didn't even come see me in the hospital, but went to Bahamas to her wedding anniversary"
My daughter never call me.😪😢😭
Add in: My son tracked down his sperm donor and now won't speak to me.
The story with BF GF with the split room isn’t going to work out Lmfao. 😂
That story about the 'kids' traveling. I (M mid 60s now) hitch hiked from California to Michigan when I was 14,in early spring, then back again in the fall, so really don't see any reason at all for not allowing full grown people to travel
Story 1: YTA . You've replaced your actual child with a "son" who isn't even yours just bc you're too lazy to walk to the end of the hall
Oh wow that last story...The OP is seriously underreacting - she lied to him for years about her job, made him think she applied to something else, and them she got the job he wanted. She then acted all butt hurt because he wasn't happy for her?! I would be immediately like "what else has she been lying about for years? what else can she so callously do to me for her own benefit?"
First story; YTA. You decided that your new wife and her son were more important to you than your own daughter and you wanted your daughter to downgrade because of that. Do you even have any idea how that makes your daughter feel? Do you even care? Based on her reaction, and your own addmitions this wasn't the first time that you put others ahead of her. You've clearly done it repeatedly. To her this is you replacing her and kicking her out.
You have the gift that is your daughter, who you were lucky to even have in the first place, and she still wasn't good enough for you. You wanted a son, even if he wasn't yours by blood and even to the detriment of your own child. You need to fix this before it's too late and you lose her.
Your wife lied to you. Three times.
Once when she said she was happy in her old position. Second time when she said she applied for the job in her department. The third time by omission when she applied for the job that you were basically a shoe in for.
Her former supervisor (& I assume fellow employees) were glad to get rid of her because of her behavior.
OP, the only option for you may be to work for a different company. But don’t tell your wife until you for sure get the new job.
Last story: how on earth did HR sign off on this?!
The update is great too, the moment he realized that he was the ah his wife got mad and left for her family like lol seems ur plan to ditch his daughter failed
last story , most companies would not allow it to happen. contravenes standard operating work procedures
Boyfriend wants separate bedrooms story - OP get rid of boyfriend he is only using you wouldn't be surprised if he has a secret girlfriend he plans to move in at later date and expect you to put up with it. No normal couple want separate rooms.
Last story, if the wife was so bad at her job in the other department, why on earth would she get a promotion in the same company? Surely she should have had her marching orders!
my company doesn't allow family members to work in the same team because of risk of collusion, I don't know what business he's in that they allow that kind of thing.
2nd OP's sons need to just go. What she wants be damned. She can't stop them. They can apply for passports, get tickets emailed to them from grandmother, and just go.
Last story, it’s weird that they let married people be in the same team. Most companies won’t do that due to the stress on the relationship
Last story. I’m surprised they chose OP’s spouse to be the team lead of his department since they are married. Most companies have policies in place that prevent people who are already dating or married from being put in position of authority over their partner in the same department. Just like they have rules against managers/supervisors not being allowed to date those under them.
Mother not letting her 18 and 19 yr old go visit their father? She cannot prevent them
18 and 19 year Olds must be under mom's thumb if she says they can't go and they say OK, we can't go. You are adults. Go. SMH. And mom sucks as she is a selfish *itch who wants to deprive her ex and her children from seeing him before he dies.
Story 4: wow the entitlement! This trip is for Finn to get closer to part of his heritage. I understand the worry, but instead of paying for 3 people extra, the hubby could come along with Sam and they leave Sam's mum behind. So each kid has one parent along. Maybe that means they don't have to cut most of the trip. But yeah, it's probably best to wait and ask Sam along on a trip when he's older, considering how his parents behave.
@@stirrednotshaken4823 she probably just wants a free vacation to a country she can never afford herself
Never talk about trips like this in front of the other child for this exact reason. Don't ask them if they would like to go until after the other parent agrees to all stipulations required for trip. That way when they try to sucker you into paying you can withdrawal the invite without hurting the child's feelings. Well, you will not be the cause of hurt feelings if the other parent was foolish to say something to child before everything was agreed apon.
Story 1: YTA. Um… so you can’t spend two days with her and you can’t walk the extra steps? I’d be more understanding if this was a mansion, but this is a standard family house right? I understand you have a baby to take care of right now but ya, it does look like your displacing your already existing child in favor of your new family. Like seriously you don’t even sit on the couch with her and talk or anything?
Story 2: OP, your kids are adults.
You have 0 say in this- and no, your feelings are neither relevant nor valid.
When you get a step mother, you get a step father. Story one is the perfect example of the new wife moving in and the father emotionally separating himself from his own children
Lady your kids are adults and their father is dying. I get being nervous about letting your kids leave the country I get being scared that something might happen but they are adults and more importantly that is their father. I was 24 when my dad died my brother was 23 due to covid restrictions we weren't allowed to all say goodbye to him. But my mother gave up her place in that hospital room so that my little brother and I could say our goodbyes to our father. It was the most heartbreaking and impossible thing I have ever gone through but every day I am thankful that my mother let me say goodbye I'm at my little brother got to say goodbye.
Story 1: YTA- he should have asked her 1st.
Story 2: YTA-she just wants to hurt her ex-husband.
Story 2, she just wants to control them and the situation
For the first story, even asking is out of the question! Op is straight up an AH to expect her to give up her room to begin with!
Believe me, I wish I had custody of my 18 year old, but it doesn't work that way. 😆 Mine is going on a road trip with her boyfriend this summer. Let the adult children go to Spain!
Wait, the kids are 18?!?! I thought they were in middle school…..OP has zero authority over them, power tripping witch
Shouldn't there be a company policy against family directly managing one another?
Quite a few make it an ethics issue.
Story 2: I was 17 when I got on a plane and lived halfway across the world on my own. Two 18 year Olds with their dad and grandma will be more than fine. What an asshole.
Separate bedrooms, do not move in with him.
How big is the house in the first story that it is hard to walk across to the other side? Daughter is right - she is being side-lined beyond just the needs of a newborn.
Story 1 & 2 Ultimate YTA i hope both parents in ether story seeing their kids again
Story 3: NTA. Hun, it’s a bad sign when people start arguing about paying and square footage. Has far as I see if your BF asks for separate rooms than he needs to give a little. But again the mear fact that this has gotten as intense as it has is a bad sign.
"Bf needs to give a little" he gets one room while op and her daughter gets a room to themselves. The daughter is barely going to be there to begin with so op is basically going to have 2 or 3 and a half rooms to his "one", if they decide to share each others at times. That right there adds up to 50/50 (sometimes more in ops favor). I agree that them having this type of issue is a bad sign to begin with, but since op wants to change her mind in an attempt to weasel her way out of the prior agreement, I'd say bf has given enough.
He has given a little...he was happy to pay 50%, get one bedroom while she and her daughter have the other two bedrooms.
The person who get the larger room pays more in rent. That is how all the people I know around the apartment complex work. Children are not considered because the parent pays for the child's stuff alone. Also usually the larger bedroom is the master so it has an attached bathroom which is a perk. I think the BF should pay atleast 60%.
This aint a relation, this is using her for the money. A roommate with benefits nothing more.
@@Steelwing96 Op and op's daughter take up two rooms. As you note...the parent (op) pays for the child's stuff (rent for their room) alone.
You are an enormous AH. You have your new golden baby. You stopped spending your 2 days a week with your daughter and then kicked her out of her room. You drove her away with the help of your spicy new bedroom playmate.
Op it scared the sons will choose to stay in Spain instead of returning to overbearing Mommy
Last story NTA and love how the wife lied to OP to get the job he was expecting to get and then plays the "misogyny" card if OP isn't happy for her??
I don't think team leader in her own department was ever on the table given how happy her former team seem to be to be rid of her??
If I were OP I'd be looking for another job as well as getting a divorce unless he wants to stay married to the AH as she likely lied to OP and took a position she'd left in the past as she had no other choice and would have been fired due to all the ppl she pissed off. Staying would be an idiot move as guess sho she will rely on to make up for her AH behaviour as the new team leader....OP
Story 2: even if you are an adult, some airlines offer airport assistance.
My friend took that for her mum who didn’t speak English and wasn’t used to traveling. They picked the mum from the aircraft and brought her to my friend in the waiting area.
Story 2 How much do you hate your Ex? The "children" are adults JFC YTA.
I can see a future Reddit post where OP write:
"Dear Reddit, my children age 25 and 23 went NC with me and I don't know why. I've been a good mother and have always supported them. Since their father died, they have been cold and distant. I don't understand why."
Please reconsider moving in with the boyfriend. If he wants a roommate with benefits , he should have told you before hand. You are not a match OP. Move on
S1: You are Harper's bio dad and you ditch her. YTA dad in a major way.
As a single parent from day one. And spent every day of my kids life alone with them. You spending time with your daughter isn’t going to cause your wife physical complications
NTA for the room splitting story. Yes op is paying more. 200 a week for food is 800 to 1k extra a month
Story 1 come on Man smh.
"They clearly favor Harper" he says this while actively favoring Mark. Come on Man
Mark is literally a infant.
@@reggiebrown4911 an infant whose father kicked his sister out of her room for him. I understand he's gonna need more attention but OP has handled things all wrong
@@reggiebrown4911 Yes, but that doesn't mean that he can't be favored over op's daughter.
@@shammydammy2610 in most cases babies do get preferential treatment over a teen.
@@reggiebrown4911 Well, op can keep telling himself that when he wonders why things went so badly. The update is an eyeopener. Maybe one of these days his daughter will actually speak to him again. Maybe.
Ok while I completely get wanting to have your baby in a room close to you, you can’t just take the room away from another kid. Especially one old enough to know what’s going on. With him saying the other two rooms are at the other end of the house that poor kid will feel like the real and new family is at one end of the house, and she’s at the other. He has to sit down with her, treat her like the young adult she is, and figure things out. Ask what she thinks would be best. Come to compromises on spending time with her, and the room. Can’t the wife spend some time with her family, or his, while he spends one on one time with his daughter. Ppd is real and hard, I can understand her not wanting to be alone. That would be a good compromise to get home from family, help her socialize, and let her and baby do more bonding with other family. Honestly though it sounds like this guy really does view it as “my real family and my first kid”. Poor thing.
YTA dude... newborns aren't supposed to be in rooms alone at night. You didn't need to kick her out of her room.
Don’t sign a lease with this man….he wants separate rooms……you’re roommates not a couple!!!!!
if the "kids" are 18+ why is mom getting a say in this decision. Why would grandma call her and not her grandchildren directly?
So you evict your teen from her room. You can't spend any time with her anymore. Your a bum.
First story: I have a new baby, so I took her room and gave it to my new son, who is obviously much more important than she is. Why is she mad? Tell me I am a great Dad NOW! She should apologize to meeee… how dare she think she should matter!!!!
Last story his company screwed up royalty
1st story: I went on Reddit and read the update. Harper agreed to go back after some conditions were met, none of which the wife liked, so now the wife went to her mother's house with the baby and OP's in-laws are also sending him texts calling him names.
Wow
Wonder what poison stepmom dripped into Harper's ears.
He just want a roommate not a relationship
A housekeeper and F buddy.
s1- yes YTA. just let your daughter go, she will be fine.
Final Story: The last commenter said OP's wife deliberately hid the fact that she applied for the same job OP did so OP couldn't talk her out of it or gain the upper hand. I think the wife didn't tell him because she knew it was a crap thing to do, she knew she was wrong, and she knew he would be mad and hurt and call her on her crap.
Some nasty 💩 must have already gone down between that family for OP’s kid to just pack up and leave!! Poor kid. Father thinking with his downstairs head instead of the one on top of his shoulders!
Why do parents not consult their kids before moving on to their next partner? Like I don’t get it!! The new partner isn’t only involved with you, it’s you and your kids! 🤦♀️
The second mother is insanely controlling. She makes me angry.
1) say goodbye to your 1st born. 2) don't move in w/this guy. 3) enjoy your trip planned with your son. Explain the situation to Sam & let blame fall where it deserves to be. 4) no trust left in the marriage
Daughter should move out cuz they will make her a baby sitter.
I hope OP’s adult children talk to their grandma and fly to see their sick father on their own.
You should add updates
Last story:
Damn. That's one of the most messed up back-stabbing stories I've ever heard. I mean, what exactly is OP's wife's end game? Divorce?
Kind of looks like divorce to me.
Why are the 18nyear olds even asking moms permission, she likely didn't tell them grandparents will pay for everything, likely told more lies she doesn't want them to find out when they are alone in Spain...
Op should have talked to Harper 1st. Not just tell her pack it up. I think Harper was probably being mistreated for a while. Harper bounced. Glad she left. Op and his wife suck.
It was too hard to walk to the other side of the house?!?!? Where do they live, Grand Central Station?
14 is a rough age for anyone, but OP has made it a million times worse. I hope she stays with her uncle.
Story 2: FFS, your adult kids can travel to see their dying father!!!!!! Absolutely the AH!
Story 2: the kids are not kids. They’re adults lmao
I would have thought 50/50 rent is fair too fir the gf and bf moving in together story but after watching judge Judy a lot I really liked how JJ would point out that she has a whole ash kid living there taking up her own room. In those cases JJ would say the mum should actually be paying 2/3 of the rent lol
@@patrikbengtsson3883 I mean my theory is he's just using her because he can't afford a place on his own but that would be terrible to do to someone with a kid.
definitely the AH, she had given up so much already and a few steps won't make the impact
Ah, something to watch while cooking 😊