I'm not happy discovering I'm a lesbian
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- Опубликовано: 10 июн 2024
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TIMESTAMPS
0:00 Here we go...
3:33 This Valentine’s Day: swap clichés for unforgettable pleasure with Beducated (beducate.me/bg2405-kidology )
8:28 The realisation
11:15 Why I'm disappointed
FAQ
Q: Why do you pronounce "women" the same as "woman"?
A: I am South African with a particular Queen's English/south of England tinge to my accent. Please be understanding, respectful and don't send me emails or leave comments about this. Thank you :)
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Развлечения
Zee: I'm a lesbian :(
Every single wlw who clicked this video: :)
The other side: :(
Lmaoooooo me
Frankly, this. XD
We're also: :) at least I hope others are too @@etiennechalmers
yes correct
“Not that any of you care”
Me when I saw the notification: 👀
me, a woman with a crush clicking at the speed of light 🤣
@@missstripedsocks HAHAHA. We're all in the same boat here
Us : *click intensifies*
@@akamesb4540how do u type in smaller characters? In style .
@@xxsnow_angelxx3953 if im getting it correctly, you put the * at the start and end of a sentence or word without spaces at the start or end
Hello
*hello *
*hello*
Number of women who would love to date Kidology:
⬇️
Totally would. If only I were in the same vicinity as her.
Bottom of the food chain my ass. 😂
Is the arrow supposed to be pointing to the amount of likes this comment gets?👀 (I'm kinda bad with context clues😵💫)
❤ yes
@@shiba-404yes lol.
as a lesbian, if a woman knows the mind you have, you are at the top of the food chain. trust me.
I don't believe you really are a lesbian, I think you just hate men but that is okay because it is your life.
As a bisexual if that girl spoke to wlw women about her modern day opinions they would label her a bigot 🤣 its sad but true
OP, I'm another lesbian who agrees with you. 10/10 would date her, would bed her 😍
Did you know Lesbians have the highest rates of domestic violence and divorce?.
A US city recorded all the domestic violence cases and 44% were lesbian couples, 35% were hetero couples and gay men had the lowest at 22%
Its a very interesting study that has been reported on several LGBT media websites.
why lesbians like to keep saying "I'm a lesbian" as if she isn't sure she is 😂, "as a lesbian", "as a wlw", ok we get it, you never enjoyed x with men or have r word fantasies with them 😂
Take it from me, a lesbian in Kenya, the pool is so shallow it is basically a cup. However, the thing i have found is that, as a result, we end up taking relationships seriously and being willing to work on it. So when you do find it, you will really invest in it.
There is something to be said about the scarcity mindset and how it brings community, if only North American LGBT people could figure this out instead of pretending there are infinite gay people to be with and they can ghost all of them or treat them like sex objects.
@@AmazingRebel23you can thank the abundance mindset and attention addiction created by social media for that.
True true the cup in Kenya is hard sana 😭 the mzungu and such in the west have an easier time
Hey! I'm in Kenya too! But not... hiyo aina.
Kenyans in the house. I'm Kenyan too
I feel a similar way about being gay. it’s just a realization of “oh, there is an even smaller chance of finding love now”
I feel a similar way about being straight and 'picky'. I've legitimately only been interested in 2 women since my divorce (edit: over a year ago). Neither reciprocated the feeling, so I'm just alone with no prospects, though I'm not exactly looking that hard either because I'm quite hopeless at the likelihood of both sides being interested.
@@RomaTomatoe Now imagine being gay and picky... My romantic life is not great, to say the least...
I'm asexual and I feel similar :/
now imagine being a trans person who's also gay 💩
That's exactly how I felt, when I realised I was ace.
closeted, introverted, young lesbian currently living in a conservative state. i hate being this lonely but its comforting to see that im not alone in this experience
damn i can relate to this....im from indonesia :)
I'm from the States, even in conservative places being gay is pretty accepted but now you'll have to wade through the waves of fuckboys and desperate people that are more interested in not being alone than cultivating something good 😂
Same here girlie!! I live in Pennsylvania. Stay strong 💪
You good b?
@@moonshinershonor202 not entirely, but better now, i have a gf :3
as a lesbian, the idea of lesbian loneliness is so real! i’m happy to be a lesbian and know who i am, but there’s such a small dating pool compared to other sexualities that it feels like you’ll never find actual romantic love. also, there’s the added isolation because by being a lesbian, you’re inherently diverging yourself from mainstream culture because you’re decentering men in your life entirely
no I relate to this sm. especially being in the deep south I feel like I'm all alone out here.
You sell yourself short! You're actually highly attractive. You have a proportionate face with large eyes and full lips, you're in good shape, you have a cute hairstyle, you're stylish, and you have a cool, self-aware, and intellectual personality.
She really is but she's realistic. She knows she's attractive but what she described is how things are. Gotta make the best of it. And she's trying.
fucking creepy comment. just say you think she's attractive. "proportionate face with large eyes and full lips" learn how to talk to women without it sounding like they're an object.
I agree but the PROBLEM is no one wants to be in a relationship 😢. I'm the same but still didn't even got to Date and I've been trying for 5 years now. Everyone wants, basically hookups. I'm a gay guy talking here. Girl you say guys are not picky, that far from the truth with gay guys. They are soooo picks
@@MoonlightSunrise-cf6qs I think guys are very picky actually. That's why no one is in a relationship anymore. Straights and gays alike. Although, i think women tend to like relationships a bit more.
@movingdragons but why is everyone complaining, though? That is what makes me feel bad. They are complaining that they are lonely but still want to do hookups instead of a relationship, making it make sense 🤷. I'm complaining, but at least I'm trying to date or find my soul mate but still failing miserably
I'm gay. I spent 10 years single, living in a rural area. I was convinced my only chance at ever meeting someone for something long term would be to move to a major city, but I eventually did meet someone special and now I'm married. Hooray for happy endings and all that, but it still felt depressing AF sometimes, not having anyone in my life to turn to at my worst moments, or to cheer me on during my best. I cared less and less as time went on, but it never went away completely, there were still times I was like, "Damn, it'd be nice to come home to someone"
I’m going on 4 years myself…oh well
Going on 5 years. Hearing your story, give me a bit of hope 🙏
May i ask how you met?
How did you meet?
bein gay is a choice + *Don't translate..
भवतः हृदयस्य धड़कनं कतिपयेषु घण्टेषु स्थगयिष्यति, अस्य शापस्य मुक्तिं प्राप्तुं एकमात्रं मार्गं मम चैनलस्य सदस्यतां कुर्वन्तु*
This is a great video. I'm a lesbian and a therapist is the USA. I came out at age 25 and thought I'd be alone forever. I ended up with a beautiful wife and 4 kids. Stay hopeful.
this is so sweet. how did you get around to meeting other lesbians???
I hope I can have the same fate.
I am gay, 22 years old and I've never done anything romantic with any guy.
I've never found anyone.
It's kind of heart-breaking, sometimes.
OMG! THANK YOU FOR SHARING THAT! 😊
@@beeball99 Hi! I actually moved away from my small town and moved to a bigger city where I knew I could be around other gay people.
@@Winter-Alpha-Omega you're still young and have plenty of time. Try to get out and start with just making gay friends and building community.
You really struck a cord in me when you said "subscribing to different social moray's and how you want to exist in the world". As a western-gay man who is actively looking for genuine companionship, it's definitely hard trying to find "love" or even friendships in the queer community especially when it's hyper sexual and extremely superficial. Because I'm not a party-person, or gym rat with shredded abs, and values uplifting others and community I feel ostracized and removed, which sucks. The social climate of the world especially in the dating market is in shambles and I can't help but feel nihilistic, though hearing other people lesbian, hetero, trans, and all gives some comfort that I'm not alone in this. We need more conversations on this. Lovely vid!
thanks for sharing. Im a hetero man and i have come to the conclusion to just stay away from dating and put that energy and focus into the few friends I have and focus on my mindset and perspective on life.
It really sucks being alone after 10 years married but at the same time im learning so much about myself, mainly negative thoughts and coping mechanisms.I do have a lot of beatiful moments in between the dispair and tears hahaha but i feel im definitly growing and learning to appreciate what i have and not focus on what i dont have or have experienced.
Take care and I wish you a beautifully happy life!
I agree with you. I'm a bisexual cis woman and the harsh reality for me is a lot of people are actually biphobic and no one "side" wants to do anything with me. Also, the fact I live in a homophobic country where treating gays like crap and attempting to kill them is normalised everywhere (Russia) lowers my dating chance to the bottom. Of course, I can always date a straight guy and hide my sexuality for the rest of my life to appeal to the society, but psychologically, it won't make anything better. I'm not even interested in dating right now, lol.
“Morays”. 💀
THIS. It really does feel hopeless sometime...
It's over gaycel
You sure know how to write a title
Not relevant, but you're the first person I think of as the definition of well spoken
bein gay is a choice + *Don't translate..
भवतः हृदयस्य धड़कनं कतिपयेषु घण्टेषु स्थगयिष्यति, अस्य शापस्य मुक्तिं प्राप्तुं एकमात्रं मार्गं मम चैनलस्य सदस्यतां कुर्वन्तु*
I so agree.
Well, as a lesbian who has been out for over a decade, who has always been single, I think I have advice that applies to anyone, really: try rubbing one out and just take life one day at a time
Charming
This got a laugh out of me. I was waiting for the sage advise and got a great big smile instead. Well done you! 👍
That's excellent advice, actually! I actually had to chuckle while reading!
that’s how i’m getting through it!
LMFAOOO omg
It's a very common experience to feel disappointed/stressed upon realising you're a lesbian. The way we've been portrayed was the only exposure I had to lesbians before I came out, and it was so depressing. Eventually I had to accept it, but I kept it to myself until I felt okay with it and had examined my own internalised hatred. It's so valid to feel the way you feel. Even my mum said she wasn't totally disappointed, but she definitely had to grieve the life she had imagined for me.
bein gay is a choice + *Don't translate..
भवतः हृदयस्य धड़कनं कतिपयेषु घण्टेषु स्थगयिष्यति, अस्य शापस्य मुक्तिं प्राप्तुं एकमात्रं मार्गं मम चैनलस्य सदस्यतां कुर्वन्तु*
Lesbains don't even get portrayed and even when they do it's just porn
I can relate, been there, done that, had the anxiety of realization, dated women, had the heartbreaks, got over it. What I can tell you is that "having options" is a big illusion in all worlds, bi, gay, straight etc. No matter how big or how small the dating pool is, you may find that one compatible person who is for you, or you may never find them in a lifetime. It's out of our control. We can only try to relate to another human being, fail, try again and/or give up trying.
If it's any consolation,
It doesn't matter how small your potential dating pool seems due to your sexuality.
Somehow, we're all lonely these days.
Take it from me; I'm bisexual; I should have a huge potential dating pool. But nope, there's been no one who's compatible.
I agree, I think that nowadays we are all struggling to connect with other people.
same here, im bisexual and technically yeah i have the potential to be attracted to anyone - and yet i have still only liked like 2 people in my whole adult life and experience genuine attraction/connection to someone like once a year at best. its rough out here ! xD
I’m also bisexual and all I’ve known these days was being bi myself 😢
Accepting that I'm bi was the biggest letdown ever. I live in a conservative rural country. My options are wider now, but still as small as ever 😂😂
@@no.6377 SAME
conservative towns have benefits and drawbacks. And one of those drawbacks is a poor queer dating scene and religious fervor
Literally _all_ of the people I've been interested in are either taken (dating, married) or sexually disinterested in the male specimen (lesbian, ace)
No, you’re not alone. I’m gay, going on 30, living in a small European capital, and have also come to the realisation that the hopes I had for my romantic life might never come to fruition. I also believe that part of the reason for this are my values, because despite seeing myself as left-leaning, and liberal towards others, I wish for a traditional relationship for myself, which at least to me seems to run counter to the general cultural tendencies of the LGBT+ community as of today. Also I have grown more “choosy”.
I really appreciate this video though, it’s sort of comforting (also looking at the comments section) to see that we’re not alone
Me too also i dont want to be unhappy in the relationship as well
Omg, do you live in portugal? Cuz it's so hard here, and I'm a lesbian.
Hey! I could relate to you very strongly. And although I'm right-leaning, I'm pretty laissez-faire in terms of individual liberties and freedoms, and I too wish for a more monogamous traditionalist relationship with another woman.
You get all those people in your circle having boyfriend after boyfriend, and girls sometimes if they're bi, but I've never really had a relationship with anyone probly because 1) im sapphic leaning and 2) i've never felt seggsual attraction for a man. ESPECIALLY knowing that men prefer women in their early 20s. I'm screwed really.
But seeing the intellectual diversity, backgrounds of all the people here and all the relatability here gave me so much comfort.
I'm the same exact way! Approaching 30, and extremely choosey because I do not have time to waste and when it comes to ladies, all I need is 1 good one, not 100 crappy ones!
Genuine question, literally what is a traditional gay relationship? I have never heard of such a thing. Being traditional kinda hinges upon gender roles that require two parters of different genders.
i relate to this so painfully. i realized i was queer at 13 and realized i was a lesbian (and not bi) at around 17, and it was devastating as someone who had terrible romantic luck anyway. i had a long string of unrequited crushes/loves for most of my teenage/new adult life. i genuinely thought there was no one out there for me...and then i met my partner 2 days after moving 3,250 miles away. but i spent so, so, so much time sobbing, writing poetry, being absolutely tortured by my loneliness. i will never forget that time. (i joke that "i earned it" from spending so much time being totally out of luck.) sending so much love to my lonely lesbians out there.
I’m a black lesbian in my 40s. I came out in my 20s. It was worth it but yes, it was quite inconvenient lol. I was attracting older white women at the clubs which always surprised me. Sadly, they were usually divorced and jaded and only wanting to have fun. I’ve known my white wife nearly 20 yrs. Met in school. She’s just a few yrs older but gives old soul energy. When we met, we were much more progressive and we’ve both shifted although I’m much more a centrist now and she’d still identify as a leftist. She still thinks I’m a good person, though lol. I think dating might be easier now with the apps cause you can tell ppl from the jump what your politics are etc. Go for it! You’re fine af and that accent is to die for! Also, this video broke a lot of men’s’ hearts. For the queers, we’re like omg, I have a shot!
I used to get hit on by middle aged/ older women from 17 to my early 20s lol. I think it was the way I dressed because no younger women cared xd. Got a few free drinks tho 😮
"Beau of the Fifth Column" has an interesting take on that shifting politics statement you made.
Apparently we are static in our ideology. What changes is society. If you were leftist in 1990, you may feel like a centrist today - but that's just because society shifts to the left over time (the long term).
I think I tend to agree.
damn imagine marrying someone who casually labels you as "white wife"
Youre last line - soooo true 😂😅
@@GlasgowCelticBhoy I just want you to know he is a human traffic-r
... I'm not joking.He has a criminal record for it.
You should probably not be recommending his videos, Given that he was willing to personally profit off of and exploit seventeen year old girls from other countries for their labor as hotel maids.
Another channel made a video about it, I think the name is bad burrito?
Any significant change in your love life is scary. Women especially feel like "time is running out" and change can feed those fears.
My gay friend had issues with accepting their sexuality, like he knew he was gay but he still yearned for a woman in his life and didn’t want to be gay. I think this is a common experience for gay people of both genders.
No it is absolutely not. This is a complete lie.
@@Katakagaracare to elaborate???
@@Katakagarayou do not speak for every single gay person
Yea
Can you imagine looking like a model and not even being able to see your own beauty with your very own two eyes...
Oh, Kid. Girl you need Lasix done cause girl... What the WHOLE FFFFFF?! 😢😩🤯
You're freakin gorgeous!
Women tend to define their beauty status based on the results of men choosing them vs their tangible value.
My thoughts exactly. She's stunning!
Facts 💯
Why do women do that? Sure she may have low self esteem and is probably more attractive than she she thinks she is but “a model” and “stunning”?
Do you think that really helps? Sure on the one hand it feels good to get your ego boosted, but when you gas someone up and then send them out into the world with a belief that does NOT track onto reality, wont that have very hard hitting consequences down the road?
Yeah, like, if a lean, beautiful, articulate woman isn’t “attractive” I literally have zero chance. Reaffirms my letting that idea go years ago.
This will prob be an annoyingly long comment, but I just relate to this vid so much. To respond to what you said in the video- no, you are def not the only person who feels this way. What you said about the myth of “LGBTQ+ Community” and loneliness is so real. I think that the percentage of queer people who ever succeed at “finding family” is grossly overstated, and as a fellow lesbian in your generation, I wanna totally vindicate your disappointment at discovering how sucky it can be to be this specific sexual minority. I srsly doubt anyone would ever wanna cancel you for feeling that way. I also don’t wanna discount the way you feel disadvantaged in the dating market by your race and political views, but I rly don’t think you need to resign yourself to a ten year timeline for finding a fulfilling relationship. I think you might have some sort of dysmorphia as well. You’ve been one of my biggest RUclips crushes for some time now; you’re incredibly beautiful, and if you weren’t an ocean away I’d absolutely try to slide into your dm’s or something haha- I think you’re very courageous to post this and I hope you feel some catharsis from getting this out of your system. All this to say, you are not alone, and I’d bet good money you’re gonna be ok ❤
She is absolutely stunningly gorgeous.
@@alisonmercer5946 Agree ❤ So gorgeous 😍
Yeah I've been out for 6 years or more and I'm still struggling to find anything that resembles a community.
Yeah, for one thing, the "TQ+" and "queer" people are ideologically anathema to actual homosexuals, so that's not a community. Can't be in a community with homophobic people, can they? In fact, they've gone out of their way to destroy anything lesbian, specifically, so now lesbian communities are having to exist in secret online and in real life. It's all but been made illegal in NZ (all-women lesbian public gatherings are illegal, so women must now gather in private homes or not at all), and reddit has consistently banned every lesbian community that isn't either c*rn or catered to men who identify as lesbians. It's rough ount there, Kidology is about to find out if she hasn't already. I look forward to her future video about how men destroyed lesbianism.
Kid literally looks like a Disney Princess she's so beautiful
Aw I wanna live in a rural farm house and hike every morning, that sounds so nice.
I am not a lesbian but I do understand the feeling of witnessing your reality, being disappointed by it, and feeling alone in it, just in general.
You are definitely not ugly. I don't think it'll take another decade for you to find a Girlfriend.
Same I’m like I just want a farmhouse in the countryside with a garden is that too much to ask
"I am not a lesbian but I do understand the feeling of witnessing your reality, being disappointed by it, and feeling alone in it, just in general. "
Longwinded way of saying you are a human.
I cannot imagine it taking more than 10 days for her. It’s baffling to hear her say this. Our host is adorable, brilliant, beautifully verbose and brave. On the other hand, it’s been over a decade for me as a white heterosexual woman over 40 in NYC who feels absolutely no chance of this changing. I don’t have the sense that there is anything seriously wrong with me physically, not overweight, taller than average, straight teeth, good skin, nicely dressed, well-spoken, funny, financially stable … and utterly zero prospects other than married men and “Hey, girl” randos on the street.
Are we realistic? Or our own worst enemies?
@@emiliabolsasYou’re maybe intimidating…
ru nice?@@emiliabolsas
girrrrrl when I discovered I am a lesbian at 29 I first GRIEVED for like 3 months. During the first month I'd cry into my pillow every night, genuinely sad for the heterosexuality that I didn't even really realize, even in the crazy drunken college years when I should be promiscuous like my friends all were. I always was a man-hater and would not flirt with men not to mention sleep with them, and yet I still believed I was 'normal', just that men sucked. When I came out to myself I began to grieve the 'normal' lifestyle, grieve the potential of making my parents happy the only way a daughter could, etc.
Also yeah lesbian dating is HARD, there's just so few of us.
Girl you gonna get so many DMs after this. But for real, I finally came out out as a lesbian after 15 years of thinking I was bi and could date both, because that felt safer and less like I was falling off the precipice into the great valley of loneliness and rejection that being a lesbian represented for me. And it has been the loneliest year of my life. Nobody seems to understand why I feel this way, because I have a lot of friends and live in a queer city where there are many options. But it's real. At least I am living as my most authentic self now, and not hiding behind a false belief out of a fear of being alone.
"Not that any of you care"
RIIIIIIGGGHHTT 👀
(I get that you're not super happy about it but congrats on the discovery)!
XDDD
Check your dms hen :) Youll have a wife soon enough
When I first figured I was a lesbian I was pretty happy. Women inspired and continue to inspire me. I loved spending time with women and still love it to this day. Touch was a crucial thing for me - I didn’t wanna be with guys in a way that I wanted to be with girls. As I grew a bit older though I realised how actually lonely the gay experience can be for some people. I never considered myself strong in that way but I wasn’t always surrounded by great accepting people, I found them. I fought for my happiness and you should as well. You don’t have to be sad and disappointed about being a lesbian but it’s totally valid if you do. Life is worth trying though. I’m shooting my shot on Valentine’s Day, so wish me luck!
Good luck! Hope it gors well today :)
@@MrLomboard omg it went super well! kinda silly but she said she liked me back, so…
Good luck! All that matters is that you try, and keep trying.👍
@@sonjathewitch5266 I'm also glad it went well
It's so funny. I imagine that if women were simply kicked out of Western Civilization, and forced to fend for themselves... something tells me Lesbianism would disappear overnight.
To be a lesbian means that you desire to live in a world without men, that means 90% of things women have wouldn't exist, and therefore you don't need civilization... because civilization is something men build and women don't.
If Lesbianism is the right path. Then lesbians need to be given there own country where they can live together without the help of men. I mean being a lesbian sort means you want to assume the role of a man any right?!
So women who are lesbians also deserve male responsibility?
That means you can do your own plumbing, electrical maintenance, construction work, engineering, mechanical maintenance, agriculture work, auto mechanic maintenance and manufacturing, clothing design, lumber work, steel and sheet mental work, metalwork, engineer your own weaponry, central heating, build your own sanitation systems...
The list goes on and on... I think it's time for women to go build their own civilization.
I feel similarly discouraged in finding love, mainly because I can’t even figure out my sexuality. I’m 26 and never had a sexual relationship, even though I’m quite social and adventurous. I’m sexually attracted to men, but only had that happen about three times in my life. I want their approval because I feel like my worth depends on that but at the same time I’m scared of them and I feel like a man would never make a lifelong partner for me, because my emotional connections to women are SO much deeper. I’m also really into feminism and see how we as women suffer under men in this patriarchal society. So I wish I would be a lesbian, just because it would give me higher chances of finding a person I actually want to be with, because I LOVE WOMEN, just not romantically or sexually.
I’m also feeling very alone, because I value my female friendships a lot, but I feel like they all prioritize their partnerships with men. I wish I could spend my life with a “best” female friend as a partner for life
Oof this comment is way too familiar. I'm a 29 year old woman, attracted to men, have never been in a relationship or been physically intimate at all (other than a couple of kisses), and I have rarely felt strong physical attraction. I'm definitely somewhere on the asexual spectrum, but hold out hope that I will find a patient man who can love me without the immediate gratification of sex. I really value my female friendships and they keep me going, despite the crushing and numbing loneliness I feel without romantic love (or attention at all). I hope for both of us that we find that love & safety soon.
@@Angers98 thank you for sharing, it feels good to know that I‘m not alone with these feelings. May we find the people who make us feel less alone 🫶🏼
Hey, I REALLY resonated with this part:
> . So I wish I would be a lesbian, just because it would give me higher chances of finding a person I actually want to be with, because I LOVE WOMEN, just not romantically or sexually.
I had a non-sexual but intensive queerplatonic infatuation with a girl for several years that doesn't even know me. I just wanted SO HARD to find an intimate friend who was as beautiful and excellent as her. Again I didn't see her necessarily seggsually but I really wanted a close close friend with whom I could be sort of ...emotionally invested into ??
Idk if we'd be compatible or anything (I'm not a feminist) but I still wish you all the best of luck all the same. I think we're all equally deserving of love regardless.
I don’t think we talk enough about the kind of mourning of the life we thought we would have. Growing up conditioned to believe a successful life is to be married to a man and start a family it does feel lonely to realize that your life path is not exactly what you were expecting. And I think that’s ok and not something to be ashamed of!
I sort of had the oppoaite, realising in my twenties, I have a mourning for the years I didn't know and wish I could go back and relive them.
the ad for the sponsor being 4 minutes is the craziest part about this video
Lol seeing as so many people could use this app I can see why she’s promoting it so much. Also RUclips demonetizes videos for anything now a days they got to lean into it.
I'm happy it was four minutes long. I was like, meh, I don't need this. But she explained it a little longer and just when she was about to finish her spiel, I was like, yup, I definitely need this.
I just left another video with the same sponsor, and they also took like 4 minutes promoting it. Maybe that's part of the deal? 😂😂
Money haffi mek, plus you can easily skip it
@TimiAkintoye-wb5ytwhat.. An adblock that skips parts of a video??? Doubtful but idk 😂
as a bisexual cis man, i can’t say i’m happy in my sexuality. i thought i was gay my whole life and came out as bi at 17. i am kind of feminine, not in an androgynous way, but in a way where literally everyone perceives me as gay. i’ve been with women before, but trying to date women as a femme man is near impossible. i’m at the bottom of the food chain, as you said lol. it’s gotten to a point where i’m considering if i should stop identifying as bisexual, because even though i’m attracted to women, i don’t know if i want to keep trying to date them. i’m attracted to more men than women in general, but it just doesn’t feel great to be rejected over and over because women think i’m gay or because my flamboyance is unattractive to them. i don’t have a problem with rejection in general and i’m happy with my dating life and sex life when i’m with men, and i’m not saying that women should force themselves to be attracted to femininity, because i don’t think that, i just want to be with people that aren’t put off by my gender presentation, and that happens to be overwhelmingly men. i also don’t think dating a woman long term would be good for me or her. having to deal with everyone thinking your boyfriend is a homosexual has to be exhausting and isolating. i never write youtube comments but i haven’t seen anyone talking about this ever, maybe there are trans men who relate to this, but i feel pretty alone in my disenchantment. so i guess i’m trying to say it’s okay to be confused, we all are in one way or another. ultimately, it’s always good to realize truths about yourself, even if they don’t make you feel great.
Hey, as a woman with a boyfriend that sometimes gets mistaken for a girl or a gay guy idgaf. He is the singular best person I have ever met. No one has ever treated me this lovely before and I am luckily at a place where I don‘t need just anybodys validation. There will always be assholes, sure sometimes way more than other times but to me it is all worth it. My carefully chosen best friends approve which is all the external validation I need. I know situations like mine are rare but not impossible!
I wish you the very best no matter what you choose to do!! Maybe it is actually not a terrible idea to call yourself gay and only open up about the complexities of your sexuality if you click with someone who needs to know. Many people over simplify and say that they are bi when they are pan or say that they are lesbian when they are actually bi with a heavy preferance for women and I think there is nothing wrong with that. You owe nobody an explination! ❤❤
aw man! I feel you :/ being a femme lesbian/bi woman makes you invisible bc most other women will assume you're straight OR, worse yet, pretending.
in your case especially tho, people really do need to get over their gender expectations, it's shitty 🙄 i thought we all had agreed that gender expression =/= sexuality.
My bf is just like you, a very feminine bi cis man. He gets mistaken as a girl to this day. I'm a bi cis woman myself who is also considered to be very feminine in appearance. and in general I am primarily attracted to femininity in both men and women. We used to get flack a lot because so many people tried to talk me into thinking he was gay, and our gay male friends would do the same by trying to convince him he was gay and just suffering from internalized-homophobia despite the fact he was open with them about his attraction to women being greater than in men (like me, he is attracted to feminine looks regardless of gender and women just happened to be feminine more often). It was ridiculous to both of us, since he had been feminine since childhood, and his parents were non-religious and very accepting. And, if I'm honest, it did wear on me sometimes, and we've had fights about it before during times of doubt.
But It'll be 8 years soon that we've been together, and we're still going strong. Whether you find happiness with a man or woman, just know there are both out there who would absolutely love you for you, even if the women are rarer to come by.
Honestly I have a similar problem as a trans bi guy. A lot of straight woman won’t consider me as an option because they see me as a woman. And the dudes who will consider me are mostly all straight, which is pretty devastating, but it is what it is.
i’m a bi woman and all the bi men i’ve been with i actually thought we’re too masculine haha. it’s just preference. most woman (especially straight) prefer masculine dudes. id say bi / pan girls would be easier to go for since me and other ones i known tend to like more fem men
I've known I'm bisexual for some time now but there's this weird thing where I can't really see myself on a romantic relationship with a woman and can only see them sexually, on the other hand, I can see romantic relationships with men but any idea of having sex with them seems repulsive at times. I hate that I think this way and it doesn't help that I'm pretty much a western equivalent of a hikikomori so I don't really have the chance to "test it out".
It's also pretty sad that we can't talk about how we really feel without someone saying that we're anti this, phobic that like no, I just hate my lived experiences 😅
Are you me? Lmaooo this stuff is maddening
Why would you want to date a man
me too! didn't know other bi women felt the same@@moethemoon
were living the same life lmao
I remember hearing somewhere that you can be homosexual and heteroromantic. Sounds like a weird combination but I get it, I’ve thought maybe I’m bisexual, heteroromantic and I mentioned it in a video talking about someone saying they were bisexual homoromantic just for someone to say “oh that can’t be right”… I mean, i understand how my feelings look problematic, but that’s just how I feel 🙃
When the character development hits 😂
Stop 💀
My villain arc 😈
I'm a lesbian and honestly I really relate to this. I've been out since I was 16 but I've only had one relationship in the over 10 years since and it was more like a friendship than anything romantic. I've complained to people before that I wished I was bi because I have so much trouble meeting people but they act like that means I like hate being a leabian or something.
Dating as a lesbian just really sucks a lot of times. I'm autistic and pretty shy which makes it harder to connect with girls on dating apps. While I'm not totally ugly I'm not attractive enough that anyone is really excited when they match with me. I've been told there are girls out there who like shy girls but I have yet to meet them. I think honestly more than anything else I just want to feel like someone really loves me but it feels like that'll never happen sometimes.
Also, you're in now way at the bottom of the lesbian totem poll btw. I think you're incredibly beautiful!
I totally get you! I'm also autistic and rather shy, making it difficult for me to approach others.
I've been out since 16 and now at almost 23 I haven’t even had a first kiss yet.
Apps just don't work for me either. Even though I get matches, so that must mean I'm not too ugly…
Dating is already hard as it is and being a shy lesbian doesn’t make it easier 😭
I hope everyone can find their soulpartner and have a happy and fulfilling relationship!
It's not being a lesbian...it's being autistic. I'm cis/hetero and have ASD level 2. I've been single for 10 years...my brain only likes men for sex and a bit of company..nothing else. Also my brain associates men with trauma despite still being sexually attracted to them..yeah that sucks.
a wlw totem poll does exist.
@@taylorstep8135 Of course, no one said it didn't, she just said that Kidology isn't at the bottom of it.
Being bisexual does not guarantee a relationship. This is what y'all gay people fail to realize cause you're not bisexual.
She doesn't quite know what she's talking about. There are plenty of classy feminine lesbians, and they are actually at the top of said "food chain"
Hey Zee,
For what it's worth, I just wanted to say thank you for being so vulnerable and continuing to make such thought-provoking and nuanced content.
I wish nothing but the best you.
Ok I just watched the full video “I will not be with anyone probably for the next decade” sis, I’m thinking stopping those pills may have had SOME bearing on how you feel, misery Mandy 😂😂
Love you Kid, stop being so hard on yourself.
💯 she sounds very dismal & a bit nihilistic here. I’m not surprised her clinicians didn’t want her to stop the medication
Oh my gosh. I didn't even think of that!
@@scarletsletter4466 Depends on the medication and the presentation of the personal mental/emotional/cognitive difficulties..... I take the maximum dose of anti-depressants.....they don't stop me from being depressed. Lol! They get me out of bed most of the time...they don't actually get me out of the door. ..I actually got to go and do some happy shit to feel happy...otherwise, I'm mostly just blah..bleurgh..meh!!...I had to stop taking other medication because it left me feeling too groggy and zoned out for half the day. I'm never going to be normal but I want to try to aim for as normal as possible....my version of normal for me does not include being zoned out for half the day.... I'd like to work and pay my way...I can't doped up. My clinicians were also skeptical. Turns out I'm also autistic...which explains a lot of the mental and physical discomfort. From her description: I wouldn't be surprised if she's neurodivergent and ...suffer from some annoying unresolved trauma that makes you triggered about a day that should about everyone caring about everyone. There's romantic love but there's also familial love, platonic love, the love we have for pets, other animal, places and things. sometimes we can't see the wood but for the trees. I just keep telling myself that I just have to find a different way to live and be happy with my autism and I know I can be happy because I know happy autistic people....just as I know happy lesbians and happy asexual people. Our own torture is in being narrow-minded and inflexible.
I mean, she strikes me as the type that would want to be friends with someone for like 5 years before going on a date with them so I get where she's coming from lol
bein gay is a choice + *Don't translate..
भवतः हृदयस्य धड़कनं कतिपयेषु घण्टेषु स्थगयिष्यति, अस्य शापस्य मुक्तिं प्राप्तुं एकमात्रं मार्गं मम चैनलस्य सदस्यतां कुर्वन्तु*
I appreciate you being open about your sexuality especially as a black woman. I have spent my whole life so far questioning my sexuality. I came out as Bi before I lost my virginity to a guy in my late teens, then I just presumed I was straight, but I’ve realised I’ve never actually deeply desired a man before, but I’ve always desired their attention as a form of external validation. I cannot relate to women who fall head over heels for men but presumed it’s because I’m avoidant? I’m living a heteronormative life because it feels “easier”, but I know I am a queer woman at heart. I’m just not ready to say that out loud.
Ma’am, you’ve written my whole entire life. Jeeeez! And im currently attracted to this feminine cis man and it has me so confused because I’m not sure if it’s just the aesthetic or the person that I’m attracted to but I definitely have no doubts about my attraction towards women
Woah, are you me??? This is exactly how I am feeling and thinking
Girl.....same smh. And I'm not too keen on what passes for so-called queer scenes/culture nowadays. Too old and settled in my life for all that.
@@ifeoma8112 yeah, I don’t really relate to the liberal politics of a lot of queer people I see online, but I don’t feel like I’m straight either. I’m just winging it tbh.
@@LittleMissDeeDee Likewise. These days my main goal is surviving inflation.
As a Lesbian since age 5, I knew something was different, and I’ve had a great time!
Did I mention I’m a Gen X , 56 year old?!?
I LOVE my life as a Lesbian. It’s been amazing! I started dating in high school ( in a very small town) and even dated the local female police officer. Then went in to have a full dating and sex/love life well into my 20’s-30’s-40’s. I never really wanted a wife but I had great relationships. Yes, sometimes I had drama, but who doesn’t?
One can heal and get support when needed. I did. You must keep getting out there and experiment and take a chance!
I’m single right now and am ok with it-because I know I’ll date again when I want it. BTW, there are private groups and communities you can be a part of in the Lesbian community. The Lesbian community is connected and authentic, but you need to find those groups.
We are actually at the TOP of the food chain. We are clean, we don’t have to worry about pregnancy, the likelihood of getting a STD is lower. We have MORE passion, love, intimacy and orgasm than str8s. I could go on.
Get out there and meet women. You’ll find your group!
There are more conservative Lesbians out there, if you so desire.
Best of luck in your journey. I am cheering you on. 👩❤️💋👩👩🏼🤝👩🏻💜🌈
Lesbianism is wrong. And stats show the Lesbian community is the most unhappy, that is why the Lesbian community has the highest divorce and domestic violence rate.
Also, at five years older no one is mature enough to understand romantic and sexual attraction, so I seriously doubt you knew you were a lesbian at five years old.
L-e-s-b-i-a-n-ism is wrong. And stats show the Lesbian community is the most unhappy, that is why the Lesbian community has the highest divorce and domestic violence rate.
Also, at five years older no one is mature enough to understand romantic and s-e-x-u-a-l attraction, so I seriously doubt you knew you were a lesbian at five years old.
L-e-s-b-i-a-n-ism is wrong. And stats show the Lesb*an community is the most unhappy, that is why the Lesb*an community has the highest divorce and domestic violence rate.
Also, at five years old no one is mature enough to understand romantic and s-e-x-u-a-l attraction, so I seriously doubt you knew you were a lesb*an at five years old.
It's so funny. I imagine that if women were simply kicked out of Western Civilization, and forced to fend for themselves... something tells me Lesbianism would disappear overnight.
To be a lesbian means that you desire to live in a world without men, that means 90% of things women have wouldn't exist, and therefore you don't need civilization... because civilization is something men build and women don't.
If Lesbianism is the right path. Then lesbians need to be given there own country where they can live together without the help of men. I mean being a lesbian sort means you want to assume the role of a man any right?!
So women who are lesbians also deserve male responsibility?
That means you can do your own plumbing, electrical maintenance, construction work, engineering, mechanical maintenance, agriculture work, auto mechanic maintenance and manufacturing, clothing design, lumber work, steel and sheet mental work, metalwork, engineer your own weaponry, central heating, build your own sanitation systems...
The list goes on and on... I think it's time for women to go build their own civilization.
Love your comment, we do have it better ❤ 💯
I can only imagine how anxious you were to post this video, but thank you, it helps me feel less alone.
I think this feeling is far more common than you’d think. There is a niche for social media lesbians that is hardly representative of your average sapphic experience.Especially where I live, we are so different culturally from western societies. I can’t relate with the urban liberals and queer people who seem to have co-opted the western style of liberal politics but I also cannot relate with the conservatives. I feel far removed from most people. The handful of people that I did like were “straight” so there’s that. When I get truly desperate, I think that maybe I should just aggressively pursue people and settle for anyone who will have me but then I see relationships around me, both straight and queer and I realise that most people are together just because they are afraid of being alone and to be in a relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship is not something to desire. And loneliness is a very difficult thing, I know. But I don’t think I would be happy living like that. I don’t think most people ever get what they want. Most people are lonely. Nobody will understand you the way you want to be understood, most of the times. My point is, there is no point as such. Just that you are not alone in this feeling of isolation. It’s a very human thing. It’s wonderful to be sharing the same kind of feeling with a stranger in a whole different continent. Have a good day.
I'm bi and have known this since i was a child, but a while ago my attraction to men got completely obliterated for about a year and a half and I believed I was a lesbian. It was a very lonely experience, and I think anyone who is gay or has been through periods of exclusively being attracted to the same sex will recognise and understand. Also I have absolutely had problems dating where I have gone from being desired on dating apps to being almost ignored. I don't have wonderful social skills and trouble reading social cues to put it lightly, which counts a lot with women (I also find being around people my own age difficult as opposed to being around older generations) but I'm not ugly by any means, but looks are absolutely not enough! Trust me you are *not* alone in all this, what you're talking about is incredibly common.
Also I really wanted to say that I've always thought you were *so* elegant, intelligent, and gorgeous. If I were single I would absolutely jump at any chance to date you! Also there are many lesbians out there who are socially conservative, I wouldn't worry about that.
"socially conservative lesbians" ☠️ ☠️☠️☠️
"Also there are many lesbians out there who are socially conservative, I wouldn't worry about that." -- there are, but it's a tiny minority out of population that's already tiny.
I’m a bi woman, I’ve had basically the same experience as you. My attraction to men vanished for over a year, leading me to believe I was a lesbian. I relate to the feelings of loneliness during this experience, and it left me very confused with my sexuality. If I do find myself attracted to men now, they tend to be gay and/or quite effeminate. I now believe I have more of an attraction to the same sex, and I do see myself pursuing more romantic relationships with women, it just feels right - but a straighter lifestyle does seem easier. Honestly, it feels so comforting being able to share this quite weird experience with someone who has gone through the same thing - I’ve been alone with these thoughts for a while. I’ve never read or known of someone who can relate to this experience, it’s quite unique. So thank you for allowing me to share this. It’s a weird and wonderful feeling being able to connect with a stranger, it’s so good to know you are never really alone in whatever you are dealing with - there’s so many others alike sharing the same struggles.
LOL! Hey Kidology, this is my first time watching your video. Your time definitely caught my attention, and I just want to say - Thank You for posting this video (although you were indecisive about posting - glad you did). I used to relate to how you're feeling now, because for a long time I was homophobic towards my own self. Having Caribbean parents - that are also "woke" makes you want to be the standard of what a "Black Jamaican woman is supposed to be..." After years of pretending to be straight, I had to accept myself, and I LOVE being who I am. So happy for you, that you've come to this realization about yourself. And don't worry, the RIGHT one will come when you LEAST expect her to...
This video unpacks a lot. I only just discovered this channel today (and this is the second video I've watched by you) but you've really got me thinking/dissecting things. Thanks for posting this and not taking it down!
The fact that moving to the farm helped you more than the medication isn't an abnormal phenomenon. A slower pace of life with more fresh air, and sunshine (and less social media) has been proven to help with certain conditions (i.e. a "natural" antidepressant is exercise and going out in nature more - it's literally listed on Mayo Clinic as something you can do before speaking with someone about getting a prescription).
As an American black woman who has tried dating both genders on dating apps, I can share that for me it was EXTREMELY difficult to meet women for many of the same reasons you listed. Or worse, I would meet someone only to find out later they are only "bi-curious" or poly women who were married or in relationships with men and wanted to incorporate me into their love triangle (or quadrilateral). That said, I can't give much advice other than don't give up and try to expand your circle. You may even have to flat-out move to meet someone (Two of my straight sisters did this unintentionally. They moved for jobs only to end up in cities where the men aligned with their style/values more thus they had more dating opportunities.)
Then to play devils advocate...you don't necessarily have to be "lesbian"...(And I can see myself getting a ton of downvotes for saying this) Sometimes sexual attraction isn't so much about being sexual with someone. It took me a while to realize that sometimes I am "attracted" to someone (male or female) because there is something about them I would like to have in myself. Sex, metaphorically, is combining of two entities to create a whole - going off that idea, sometimes the mind will have you lusting after something simply because you are lacking in a certain department and need a boost. Also, this works vice/versa sometimes where if there is something you can't stand about someone- try to look beyond that dislike to see what about it actually reminds you of yourself so you can change it.
Lastly, Valentine's Day is weird. I know couples who are toxic ASF but come Valentine's, they are the most lovey and can't stop posting their "perfect romance" on social media. It's easy to say ignore social media but the reality is when there are so many people faking it online, it's easy to think you are missing out on something wonderful.
Again, thanks for sharing this video (and keeping it). I'm looking forward to whatever else you post!
I remember writing in my journal about exactly this feeling. I was so frustrated at myself, and also thought "Why me? Why do I have to be this way?" But my grand realization ultimately came when I really internalized the fact that there were only two paths in front of me: I could take the path of least resistance and keep living in a way that was ultimately unfulfilling to me, or I could choose to live an authentic life. The latter path is scary. I look down it and it's covered in a dense fog. I don't know what lies at the end of it, but I realized that the hollow discomfort I was currently trying to grow around would be there every day for the rest of my life if I followed the easy path. That thought scared me more than the thought of walking through that fog. My favourite mantra is "Do it scared." Walking into the fog is terrifying, but I'm proud of myself for doing it anyway. I hope that one day you can be proud of yourself for doing it, too. I hope that what lies at the other end of it is happiness, or at the very least, peace within ourselves.
Wow... amazingly put... thank you for this 🥹
AMen to that, bestie, amen. 🙌🏿
Love this 💛
Bravery doesn't mean being unafraid, Bravery means being afraid and doing it anyway.
... I learned this from Raven in OG Teen Titans and it's so dang true! ❤
I can honestly relate. I came out as gay in my mid teens and ended up in an abusive relationship with a woman that really fucked me up since. That was over 10 years ago. But since then, I had developed a drinking problem and began sleeping with men. I assumed I was then bi. I continued that cycle for the next decade. It was only last year that I decided to cut out the alcohol and see what would happen. Lo and behold, a few weeks ago I had a 'devastating' realisation that I was most likely still gay and I began to break down what my apparent attraction to men actually was. It seemed to have stemmed from the drinking and to block out my abusive ex. In the light of being sober I had to face my sexuality again. And it feels like a kick in the guts honestly. I thought this whole discovering who you are stuff was settled in teens-early 20s. But at nearly 30 I'm back here again and it's incredibly draining as I don't want to be gay. Having a super religious upbringing/probably some internalised homophobia doesn't help either.
All that just to say, you summed it up perfectly saying you're not happy about it. I feel that
Rather bleak, we very seldom talk about woman on woman abuse. Crazy fact is, the domestic violence stats for lesbian married couples are crazy high, along with having the highest divorce rate. Truth be told, I just don’t see any mainstream news sources tackling this. Maybe because gay relationships being public with any sense of normalcy is relatively new?
Hang in there. I’m sorry you went through that. It seems like you have trauma and need to heal that. I would suggest going to 12 step ACA or CODA meetings. There are LGB only meetings too. Yes, a religious upbringing can program internalized homophobia from childhood and you have to root it out. Those were lies to keep you not expressing your true self.
The alcohol simply covered it up, and sleeping with males only continued to push you further into your trauma.
You can heal !!! It takes daily work. There are many books, support groups and even phone meetings!
💜✨✨✨
The other comment from the het male about high abuse in LGB couples is an absolute lie. It makes no sense - especially since our dating pool is smaller and we have less relationships than hets. Bad actors - who are het men - are always creating lies about Lesbians because they can’t have them and we see men as mostly useless.
Please don’t believe this recent het male narrative that Lesbians beat each other up. We don’t!
It’s a story they created because they want to have LGB seen as bad people. The truth is het males are 99% the abusers of all women, kids, animals, and the earth. They are steeped in patriarchy and they enjoy it staying that way. Stay away from het males. They are the only true toxic species on Mother Earth.
@@prouddegenerates9056true, domestic violence in lesbian relationships is higher than any other group. Higher than hetero or gay men couples.
thanks for sharing. Sounds so tough! all the best!
@@prouddegenerates9056
Like Jordan Peterson said you can't have two neurotic people together(that's why lesbian relationships ultimately fail), it's wrong and not what God intended.
Ever since I found your channel I have been hooked to your insights and brilliantly structured videoessays. But now, that intellectuality is accompanied by a spark I had not seen before. You radiate this energy that us so much happier and excited. I know it is hard to come to terms with a new version of yourself, and how scary it must be, especially considering the negative potential repercussions... But I think in time you will connect with someone the way you are hoping and everything will work out. That glow and that shine can only bring good things for you from now on. I just hope this newfound excitement and zest for life does not keep you away from your insightful social commentary!!
We are all very happy for you. Thank you for your honesty. Take care
I think this is the first time I’ve heard you laugh. It’s so sweet. May you find that someone that brings that laugh out of you every day.
I am a bi woman... who is maybe a lesbian lol. I love men... but I feel no sexual attraction. I really enjoy having sex with men cause it feels good to be desired + intimacy etc... but there is no sexual (as in physical) desire or feeling. I still continue to predominantly date men as I do have romantic attraction, which most will probably consider a wrong thing. I do this because - women arent attracted to me. I'm a normal looking (no make-up or extravagant clothes) more feminine looking women who likes people who look the same, and I don't think i've actually ever met another 20 something woman who is also like this, let alone had a mutual connection. So i call myself bi cause I would rather be with a man than no one. So in other words Kidology - hit me up :*
*Plays 'Booty Call' by All Saints
It's impossible to imagine a man writing this kind of comment. This is weird.
I feel you!
But my theory is, that we just dont discover this about eachother, just because we arnt that gay looking, know about eachother that we in the past dated men and maybe dont discover eachother as a Potential romantic match. So Nobody ever makes a move😅
Hope you can follow my train of thought, english is ny second language🙈)
@@zaihoupersonal1635why?
@@zaihoupersonal1635 ?? why is it weird? also, a man wrote a similar comment below
I usually don't leave comments but this has really hit home for me. I am a feminine presenting, nonbinary lesbian. Recently realizing that I am not attracted to men has been such an odd let-down. I hear people constantly making statements like, "I wish I was a lesbian!" but they don't seem to understand the weight of that reality. I thought I was comfortable being queer, but I realize that in a way I was clinging to this idea of settling down in the "normal" way (I'm from the bible belt). I have seen my cis/bisexual friends who used to be so loud and proud settle into their steady jobs, dye their hair back to natural colors, find love in their straight-passing relationships, and be welcomed back into more traditional communities (as quietly out bisexual women); I cannot help but envy them. I could be as quiet and private as I'd like about my identity, but introducing my future wife or girlfriend is always going to close doors for me.
The bible belt 😂 i love that phrase
. I totally understand what youre saying, sametime i also hope u know that while doors may close many others will open theyll invite you to be more authentic as that is your birth right. Goodluck with your journey, thank you for sharing ❤
"nonbinary lesbian"
I don't usually leave comments either, and I'm a younger nonbinary fem person who is in a straight-passing relationship. I'm not sure how much this can help but i hope you know your identity has a place. Seeing people like you express their experience and meeting those who share it make me feel more comfortable with my identity and are the only reason I found it. At the same time, your identity is for you only and I hope you come to a place where you are completely content and grateful for it, because I think you deserve it! I hope that came across as sincere as I truly am :)
@@Rolando_Cueva😂😂😂😂
bein gay is a choice + *Don't translate..
भवतः हृदयस्य धड़कनं कतिपयेषु घण्टेषु स्थगयिष्यति, अस्य शापस्य मुक्तिं प्राप्तुं एकमात्रं मार्गं मम चैनलस्य सदस्यतां कुर्वन्तु*
You are not alone. Thank you for being vulnerable and choosing to share this video. I feel and have felt a lot of these same feelings. It's hard out here for women like us but hearing this makes me feel seen and heard, and just a little less lonely. Thank you✌🏾💜
Self-discovery is wonderful:) wishing you so much luck and love miss kid!
Welcome to the lesbian sisterhood ❤ 🎉
sounds weird tho. lesbian SISTERhood?
@@babayaga4295i think u might just be overthinking that lol..
@@babayaga4295 Yeah it's technically only a "sisterhood" if you're into incest.
Don't welcome people into Hell.
@@babayaga4295yes, sisterhood, you're judging for no reason. Sisters during the day and lovers in the night 🤭💀
"NOOO MY MICROSCOPIC CHANCE IS GONNNNEEEEEEE"
Nah all jokes aside, I get the meloncholy of female attraction. I'm a bisexual man and have noticed that if I just looked at my female attraction, I'm almost entirely celibate, but when looking at male attraction, I'm surprisingly quite the catch (apparently masc tops are rare in my area) and have been successful when dealing with that and engaging with intimate endeavors of the more casual sort. I've only had one long term relationship in my life and it was with another man. However, my problem is that I only find myself physically attracted to dainty and androgynous guys, which makes me sometimes wish that I could "become gay and by that, could be attracted to masculine presenting men" as well. I have a good friend of mine who is lesbian, and she frequently laments the fact that she cannot get a girlfriend, and while my opinion is besides the point (from what I understand some lesbian women have just as much of a different view of sexual viability of a woman in comparison to straight men as the fact that a fem twink could have almost every gay guy he wants but would have to spend years getting a woman to be interested), she seemingly has everything going for her. She has a great job, has socially acceptable hobbies (cosplay, music festivals and going out with friends), is pretty and outside of being the "Oh I make a lot of money but still complain about free market economics because ideology" kind of person or whatever, she's a great person. Attracting women is genuinely hard. Hang in there.
i ID as a more a straight guy who's into dudes but this is similar to how i feel
@@JackInABeanstalk98how are you identifying as straight if your into the same gender? If you feel like explaining it further no pressure I’m just wondering idk how to ask it nicer than that sorry if it’s an invasive question
I was saying the same thing, just gender swaped 'cause I'm a woman, before I fully embraced being bisexual with maybe a slight partiality towards men (probably because most of my life I never thought I was anything other than straight plus it's just a default in our society). From what i've heard it's a pretty common experience. you can't force self-discovery and self-acceptance, especially if accepting something makes you afraid of potential discrimination. on the other hand, some people are just bicurious and experimenting. sexuallity is fluid and people are rarely 100% anything. for example if you have some sexual interactions with another man in prison because of the utter loneliness and lack of emotional & physical intimacy, I don't think it makes you gay/bisexual. if you never feel any attraction to guys in the outside world, you're still straight. @@gabby222themoon
I'm a bisexual man and have noticed that if I just looked at my female attraction, I'm almost entirely celibate
you and me both brother
I find myself relating to this as well as I'm in a similar-ish spot after recently coming to terms with my own bisexuality. I too prefer the dainty and androgynous type, which had certainly left me feeling a bit odd over the years as I just don't see the appeal in boobs like almost every other guy seemed to. The added layer of shame in not liking a hyper-masc or hyper-fem body type was certainly not helpful either, as "What kind of man doesn't like boobs? What, are you attracted to children?" is certainly an attitude that exists out there. I honestly get why some smaller busted woman would feel they need to get bigger boobs, that pressure exists.
It's also a situation that has certainly left me in the awkward position of just not being attracted to otherwise "hot" girls that were into me; but you try to explain why you're just not into some busty tall blonde and some people look at you funny. XD
My longest relationship so far was with a trans man, and while that certainly helped me find myself and be more comfortable with who I am; I now look around the local dating pool and almost wish I was "more gay" or hell, even "more straight". lol. But I have hope, both for myself and for Kidology and for you my dude. Keep on keeping on. 👍
Im really happy you decided to post this. I am in a very similar boat, where I have come to terms with my sexuality, but I continue to find it difficult to connect with any community of my age group (romantic or otherwise), and it has led to a very similar sense of perpetual loneliness and yearning. No one I have ever talked to has been able to relate to this feeling, so it gave me a lot of comfort that am not alone in these experiences, and I hope you find comfort knowing you are not alone either.
I too am black, gay, lonely and alone, but certainly not involuntarily.
Though the lesbian community has issues (mental health, weight, etc.), I know I have also made handsome contributions to setting myself up for failure: I have inflexible standards.
I have been sought after by beautiful women, but rejected them because they were beautiful only on the inside. The women I actually dated looked great and had horrendous personalities, which says everything about my priorities.
I'm 29, painfully aware I'm likely dying single, and now resort to boasting the fact that I am a high earner (physicist & pianist) to restore some happiness.
Do not be end up like me if you can muster it: Date the loving big chick who cooks well.
Girl you 29 you not dying alone
Probably doesn't mean much, as a 19 year old bisexual, I think you're really gorgeous and pretty hot
i legit think she has insecurities about being black coz no way she 's pretending like western men dont have a bigger problem dating a black girl than women do
I’ve had a crush on her always
She's very cute, she speaks as if she's a goblin xD
Oh my, I feel for you. I’m someone who felt like they came out late in life (age 22), and now over ten years later I have a perspective on how young I actually was, how long life really is, and how much experience changes and develops us.
You’re still new to this world, so I’d like to say (as politely as I can) that you’re still prone to bias based on your limited experience and what you’ve read. I’ve met plenty of more conservative lesbians, vanilla lesbians, and those who hold more traditional family values. The voices you’re most likely hearing from are the loudest, most radical, and/or the most disenfranchised in the community. The sort of people that are gathering on Reddit are the ones currently feeling sad or lost or alone with no one to talk to or relate to, and I’m glad they have a space online to gather and feel heard. But you’re hearing from a specific sample of the population, because those who have adjusted to their reality and found ways to cope and eventually thrive over the years aren’t entering those communities to share their experiences. You’re reading about a very specific experience that many may relate to at some point in their life, but which many still grow from and find peace or even happiness.
You’re also very attractive, interesting, and well spoken, and I know many people who would be excited to date you.
It’s valid that things feel hard and bleak right now, and this feels very real from your vantage point. But things will change, I promise. I know it feels like you just had to throw out the script to your whole life, all your plans into the bin, and that’s upsetting and unfair, but it’s also less uncommon than you’d think. It happens all the time- death, injury, illness, career, so many things can happen in this life to people that upend the whole plan and leave you sitting there on the floor starting over completely from scratch. It’s just life, and it is unfair and it can be upsetting. But by finding the strength to start over, to rewrite, to learn again, you develop yourself into a human beyond your wildest conception. Someone you may not have ever dreamed of being, but someone you will be proud to become. It will take a while before you see this. But the journey is worth it. Living a life of authenticity and courage is the best thing you can do, and one of the most important journeys you can ever go on. You’re being given that opportunity now. You’re allowed to feel exhausted and unhappy about that opportunity- many of us feel that way at the outset. It’s okay. But I promise you, making the journey is worth it. That’s what life is all about. Good luck 🍀
This is beautiful
The best comment.
You wrote that so eloquently. I completely agree. Even though I'm only 23, I remember feeling and viewing the community as a monolith when I first accepted being a lesbian a few years ago, but have grown to see the diversity all communities offer, though it is often lonely and I've yet to find that group for myself. It seems like there only one way to be a lesbian, but that was never true...
Very emotional reflections. Happy for you!! I’ve always enjoyed your channel and the perspective you put in the videos, and will keep enjoying till the end of times. Keep opening the minds of everyone, you are necessary.
My 14 year relationship ended with my partner and since dating again, I am getting closer to just giving up. As a lesbian, it is not only hard, but there’s so many disappointments in the people out there. My observations are that most people I’ve talked to act like they are interested, ghost you, reach out, or are so immature.
"I can't believe it! Im absolutely SHOCKED!!!"
- No one, anywhere, ever
I don't think anyone was fooled by the "bi" thing
@@muadhnate She never really sounded attracted to men but always brought up how she's an "forever alone" and how attractive women are.
@@lychee-zi3lzdo you understand the concept of comphet?
@@lychee-zi3lz She dated people she wasn't attracted to. Late blooming lesbians are pretty common
Yup, her incel/Asexual thing was always BS.
Where does this whole idea that “I have to be super pretty to have a woman date me” come from??? Because as someone’s who’s almost 30 and had been dating until recently, that’s NEVER been a thing 🧐
I think it's probably more of a "need to be pretty enough to attract the kinds of women I'm attracted to" thing. I can relate to that, I'm pretty average to below-average looking, but I seem to really only be attracted to women with higher levels of natural beauty than me.
@@geologicklol i meaaan who isnt more attracted to beautiful people? But really, makes you think maybe i gotta be filthy rich or capable to be with this supermodels lol
Experience??? Can we stop denying what actually happens to people?
@@LaurenAusEngland This is not the place for it 😂
😂 I blame the tiktok lesbians, in the wild we're all pretty average, the beauty lies in the embracing how freaking beautiful life can be outside straight narratives!
Thank you for being so open. I've had a somewhat similar, yet very different, realisation about myself in the last years, so I feel like I can empathise.
i appreciate your honesty zee, but don't be too hard on yourself! you're a lovely person, something will work itself out in due time with some intention
As a lesbian myself, I've always said that if I had a choice, I would not choose this. It's not because I don't love women or other lesbians, it's just because it's made my life so much more difficult.
I get that. Why would you chose to make your life harder.
I understand you. I live in a homophobic country in a religious family, so for me it is literally dangerous to be myself.
@@SK0897 I can imagine.
I actually don't personally know any homophobic people personally, but maybe they don't confide in me.
As far as religious, I do know many religious people. In my opinion, the are condescending. They say, Gays are sinners. We don't hate the person just what they do. Well in my eyes, if you hate what they do, you hate the person. Do you live in midwest america?
It is what it is.
@@beautifulrose8619 its a sin to do gay sex. if God forbade it why try and vilify God for your lustful desires, reminds me of Adam and Eve taking a bite of the forbidden fruit
Great to hear this latest update to your life Kid!
I mean i'm sorry that you feel so trapped, but i am glad you are having these crucial discoveries about yourself.
I sincerely hope life surprises you in positive ways.
Much love from an old fan 🧡
It’s nice seeing someone relate to the ‘why me’ and having to answer it as a crucial part of identity and navigating our own lives. I’m not entirely sure if I have an attraction towards others in the first place, but your voice is relatable. It’s simply lonely to feel underwhelming and overwhelming in this life.
11:17 Girl you spoke for so many of us! Love your channel, love your content. From my personal experience: I am Brazilian and although I'm not a lesbian, what happens in my cuntry is that is quite ease for a woman to have intercourse or even relationships with other woman, we have a big, proud and loud LGBT+ community.
However is really hard here for a lesbian woman to form a true bond or a healthy relationship with each other. When I'm with my friends that are lesbia or bi and the subject "choosing a partner" comes to the table, it always seems that one has to choose from the "least worse" no matter the gender, race, religion or sexuallity. Seems like everybody is running from instead of running to.
New Kidology arc just dropped.🔥
I'm getting Contrapoints flashbacks 😂
@@seraphim108lmaoooo
I haven't watched her channel in months then this video popped up, only realised it was her when I clicked the video 😭
i'm a lesbian as well, i heavily relate to you. i have never seen my experience with my sexuality so perfectly articulated before. my personal takeaway from this video is the idea of accepting your feelings as they are, even if they feel unconventional and maybe pessimistic about your own future. feeling isolated is one of the worst things to experience, so i think the best we can do is extend ourselves some grace when it comes to the ways we choose to cope with it. i'm still young, and so are you, if we end up not finding romantic love, it's not the end of the world. the great thing about life is that there are many ways you can find happiness and personal fulfillment! good luck on your journey :) i rarely ever comment on videos, but i really did appreciate you making this. thank you!
I feel you so much girl 😭
Recently found out I'm (F19) a heavily woman-leaning bisexual, after previously thinking I was straight and on the asexual spectrum. I used to not feel sexual attraction to anyone in real life at all, and now I suddenly do! But really only for girls, and more fictionally for guys. It's as exciting as it is overwhelming honestly, and was also probably influenced a bit by meds in my case because I started antidepressants a couple months ago.
I'm also "conservative" by LGBTQ+ standards, and do not consider myself part of that community at all really because of it. It does make it difficult because yeah, I gravitate to older people for that reason as well, which understandably makes things difficult. And the already small pool of gay women is then reduced even more by the large number of raging lefties.
Even just mentioning the fact that you're bi or gay makes people assume things about your political beliefs.
I worry about my looks too! Because I'm on the bigger side and yeah, the pool is small and women are far more picky.
But my wlw friends have been fawning over me since I came out and assure me I'll have no trouble so... LOL Ig we'll see. Pity they're all taken 😂
Unless you wean off ADs and COCs completely, you don't know your proper biochemistry, love. I used to think I was asexual when in fact I was stressed and on medication that killed my libido. Culture wars are bs, but better than actual wars and prosecution from an increasingly fascistic state. You're young. You have all the time in this world for now. You'll weather the current crisis alright. Trust.
Much love from Eastern Europe.
It's so confusing to me how you think you're not attractive. I felt so attracted to you since the first video I saw you. You are so elegant, and to top your appearance you are extremelly eloquent and intelligent.
I do get the feeling of doom. I know many people, including myself, that loathed their loneliness and the fact that intelligent people are often more solitary. What worked for me was go to places where the interesting people were. I graduated in philosophy, I met so many interesting people, and so many potential partners. Eventually I picked mine and I'm very happy now, but the most important thing, I think, is to understand you're not alone. Universities are full of wonderful people, all ages, all genders, everything. At the peak of my loneliness I found my comnpany in books, and more than once it led to meeting new people, joining movements, even if you're apolitical, in the broader sense of politics, acting locally is extremelly political - so maybe in joining a protest reinvidicating more books for students you'll be meeting more people who think the same as you.
Those are just some examples, the important thing is to know where to look for. I know many groups where you'd be fully embraced and many people who would love to get to know you better, and I'm a firm believer that you're perfectly able to find those groups in your country.
Love your videos!
I am a bisexual woman who has never dated women because they terrify me. I would be VERY disappointed if I found out I was actually a lesbian.
😂
Same here 😢
LMAO
yall are the reason the dating pool is tiny 😂 man tf up!!!
Im curious what is it about women that can be scary? im a straight guy but in my experience women are much nicer and aware of other peoples feelings than men, although I would imagine dating men is much easier in comparison to dating women just in terms standards
Ok , the headline made me act fast
As a lesbian, a new lesbian, this is my experience.... Thank you for making me feel seen.
I appreciate your speaking so honestly on your personal experience, as it is one I greatly resonate with as well. I am 21, attend a small-town liberal arts university in the U.S, and I have found less than solace in my experience as a lesbian. I feel nothing but disappointment with my reality and interactions with the 'pool' around me. My politics lean in a different direction than almost everyone around me, and being a lesbian subsequently reduces my chances for finding a meaningful connection as well.
I also have little interest in dating women my age. Many my age are still very indecisive or impulsive. Though there is nothing wrong with this, it is simply not attractive to, or compatible with me. I feel a bit hopeless in thinking of any romantic endeavors, and tend to keep to myself more as a result. Your video offered me a lot of comfort!
Yes! I’m glad a femme black woman with a big platform is bringing out the problems in the lesbian and bi community (remember most of the women who dare women are bi). This issue has been going on in secret but much of the community has a lot of issues. You have the chance to bring real change and be an actually relatable content creator. I’m so proud of u and am rooting for u so much!!!
Like I’ve literally never seen another lesbian creator who’s articulated these feelings I’ve had. I went thru what u did after realizing being a lesbian make u lose the numbers game and have to have more of a sense of patience and self esteem than u ever needed to have otherwise.
Contrapoints is white but has talked about the shame of realising she's a trans lesbian. Being the "bottom of the barrel"@@Illuminatibby
I feel ya. As a hopeless romantic gay I feel like an ultra minority in the age of instant gratification hookup culture. Being a homo just in terms of the number's game gives you bad odds on the dating market to begin with and putting other obstacles on top of it can feel very disheartening.
What experience has shown me in the past was that the best strategy for finding a suitable mate is being okay with being alone and having no pressure or expectations from the dating market.
I've been in a long term relationship and I would call it a success as it lasted 6 years and despite it ending we're still friends.
I've evolved into a big old cat lady at present and decided to work on my issues in therapy before trying again.
I think that you hit the nail on the head with this video, being gay is difficult. We had or often still have a lot of hidden self hatred that was given to us by the outside world.
On the bright side I have noticed that we are much more open to working on ourselves and identifying our issues.
I know for me personally I figured out I was a lesbian when I was about 15. Right after I came out I had this notion that I had to date someone, anyone tbh because I felt so left behind by all my friends who already had their middle school boy fazes. I went through dating a number of people over the years and I've only felt a genuine connection and attraction towards one girl that I actually ended up turning down because I was just so exhausted by the thought of a relationship.
I've definitely dealt with disappointment surrounding being a lesbian. Not only because of the negative past relationships I have had, but the thought that all of it could have been avoided if I were just straight. BUT I think I've found joy in being a lesbian moreso through queer spaces and friends than romance. Just finding people you can be fully comfortable and honest with is enough for now :)
As late bloomer lesbian who had the realization at 31 and has been grappling with it for the past year and a half, thank you so much for articulating this. I feel so much the same and this video was incredibly validating.
I think you are one of the most intelligent and beautiful women I've ever seen. You will find someone. I know it. Sexuality can be so stressful and putting yourself in s box can feel really bad. I remember when i realized i was attracted to women. I cried for weeks. I was devastated. I'm ok with myself now but I'm the beginning it was hard. Your feelings are valid. And if people read too much into it they're just not thinking critically. They're going off of emotion. You are wonderful and you experience is so valid.❤
It means a lot to see you talking about this.
While I'm bisexual, I'm only really romantically attracted to men (male myself). And the realization that the likelihood of me having an organic romantic experience where we just meet whilst going about life and a spark forms would just be...nonexistent, is a really sad idea to me. I can't just go "would you like to go to dinner sometime?" without worrying about a genuine threat of violence. Rejection wouldn't just be a "no" or getting laughed at, but could be actually life threatening. And I hate that. I hate that I live in a society where my affection is treated as something so profane as to warrant violence.
I'm plenty confident in my sexuality. I don't feel like there's something wrong with me. It feels like love and love feels good. But I can acknowledge a pain that comes with other people deciding there's something wrong with me, and I've cried at multiple points because I was made to feel like something so pure as that love was intrinsically dangerous.
And on the community front, I really relate. People have tied so many implications, symbols, and imagery with queer sexuality that...I just don't resonate with. My sexuality is not rainbows. My sexuality is not glitter. My sexuality is not being half naked in a parade. My sexuality is not loud. My sexuality is not being a massive Repaul stan. My sexuality is not "no fats no fems no blacks" BS. My sexuality has no politics other than "let me love and be loved in peace."
My sexuality is tender. It's patient. It's soft. It's slow. It's a moment for me to share with people who I want to feel more connected to. It's a devotion to who I'm sharing that moment with, not a whole damn community. Our sexuality is beautiful in a way that deserves respect, and the idea of making a community with such a singular culture around something so deeply personal is...I dunno, cheap. I want to be loved as a whole person, not mindlessly idolized over a gross hypersimplification of my sexuality dressed up in pageant makeup to be agreeable to others.
Taurus spotted
This comment made me cry xx
@@SyndroOmCani Not everything is about zodiac signs.
@@SyndroOmCani Incorrect mate
@@briargray2355dammit! xD
This video has been out for a while, I'm curious about how you feel about all these women in the comments saying they're attracted to you and would date you, but don't actually know you outside of your videos. You've shown a lot of your personality and values, but you're kind of a celebrity to us rather than an actual person. Does this build your confidence for when you go out into the dating world, are you neutral about it, or even negative?
Anyway, good luck out in the dating world. I'm in a social situation where despite being a bi woman and technically having more options as far as partners go, I'm very unlikely to find someone who would want to spend their life with me. And I also get people saying they're surprised by my lack of luck, but that's because they don't know my circumstances or how I am in relationships. Honestly the comments make me feel a little better about everything, but I get the feeling it might be different for other people.
I do relate hard to finding out, especially in being true to self, that your pool of potential peers and peeps dwindles the more we discover and embrace our idiosyncrasies.
Not being everybody's cup of tea is a flex, yes, but also bears the curse of having tea alone lots.
But it ain't hopeless. And Kid, especially with a platform like yours [and in general, for those of us making the effort to socially explore the wider society], we are much more likely to encounter others and cultivate connections (including the momentary ones) that are deep and meaningful.
I remember distinctly a realisation that hit me when I was 15 and coming to terms with my own sexuality. I was out and about with some friends when a young dad walked by with a baby stroller and a toddler and it hit me right there and then "ah, I'm never going to have that". There was a sense of dread and grief that washed over me.
Besides the one time I got laid in high school just to say to myself that I had (which was with a girl) coming out and trying to have a relationship with someone wasnt an option, not at that time at least. Coming out as gay or bi meant social suicide. And there went my dream of having a high school sweetheart and those milestones that you see all your friends seemingly dance over with ease.
The disillusionment with my sexuality and the path my life had to take just in order to have physical intimacy with someone was one that I didnt particularily like. Some years later, having to go to seedy gay bars where people did lines of coke in one bathroom stall and had a threesome in the next one was a life I just didnt really saw any future in. Not to say that it wasnt exciting to a young 20 something guy, but it was all just dead ends with people you didnt want to associate with outside of a drunken night out on town. I never really participated, just observed with both disgust and curiosity. Dating apps was a bigger shitshow of unsolicited dick picks and just outright aggressive, mean comments about your looks. Deleted all that shit after just a year.
There is light at the end of the tunnel, you'll eventually meet someone, but you're somewhat right that the path forward is not going to be as easy as it was/is for all your peers.
I mean, as a bi lady, even though we will never meet, this video makes me think “oh nice! I have a shot!” LOLS
I resonate so deeply with this. there's so few of us.
Thank you for making this video. I don’t feel so alone in my journey, and thank you for sharing.
13:50 I was trying to wait till the end but had to pause to speak my piece here cuz...
No.
First let me applaud your open honesty. I really admire you for being willing to open yourself and your truth up to us this way. You're definitely helping so sooooo many people sharing your experiences, and not just in this video but over the course of your channel you've shared many tidbits and been very open and honest about why you may have certain viewpoints or lack certain opinions etc.
To the point...
The tl;dr is GIRL. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. Literally NOTHING about your looks is the bottom of the barrel. I promise you. The issue is NOT your looks. The issue is little things that are TOTALLY changeable very easily, but please be aware you are a fantastic canvas and as soon as you figure out your look and style and what really suits you best, that's gonna give you the confidence and make you a force in the dating arena.
Ok, to the detailed version...
Girl, I understand you have massive complexes about your looks and your afrocentric phenotype. I do. But....smdh. If you can't look in the mirror and see that your factors are very symmetrical and you've got a beautiful face...
Listen. You know that women like CONFIDENCE in a man. Well, shocking, but they like confidence in a woman. They also like honesty and integrity. But... let's go back to confidence. Confidence in self. Confidence in identity.
Idk if you LOVE everything about your own personal look/ style or not, but... you kinda look like you're hiding. I can't tell anything about YOU from your look. Like, the sweater is cute, but then... I can see you with some Lauryn Hill makeup and a wig with some curly body to it and some dangle chunky earrings and it would just take the sweater and make it not just a look but a whole vibe.
That's all. Women are very aware of the aesthetics of a person and what it could mean about who they are or what they are about, and you want your personal style to radiate who you are from within.
You've got a lot of complications around that, and maybe now that you've stopped taking the medication is the time for you to address those things more head-on. Work on connecting with your birth culture/ethnicity/ race so you can find the balance between your broughtupcy and then little details you learn being brought up with black folk, like the hair shape and dimensions to bring out your features (the bangs are cute but the rest can do with a serious overhaul) and color undertones to makeup and all that good stuff.
But please stop thinking it's your looks. Your skin is SOOOOOO gorgeous, your features are balanced and in harmony, and you've got that petite figure that is definitely someone's taste.
I rarely, RARELY ever leave comments, but I had to take a step back when I realized what was being said.
The issue isn't your looks. It's not your presentation or mentality. It's your environment. I felt the exact same way as you did @kidology, living overseas in a community that was predominately white nestled within a larger community that was Vietnamese (as a black woman). This was despite knowing that I 'was' an attractive person, that I had a great personality and that I would make a caring, loving partner. I spent 3 years feeling unattractive and highly undesired, compared to my peers.
As soon as I moved state side I connected with a woman that I found attractive (that loves my body and my face as it is), within a year - and this is someone who doesn't use apps and didn't make a conscious effort to date until about 8 months into moving back.
I basically found someone to date, that I've been dating consistently for an amazing year, 3 months into trying. But again, I KNEW that I was cute. I had no doubts that I was an attractive person. That's how I knew that, if I wanted partnership, I'd have to leave. But also, if I wanted to keep my confidence and this love of self intact, I also needed to leave.
You can't see how gorgeous you are yet, and I can't wait for the day you post a video with that understanding of self, and that love of self, fully formed.
It might be shocking, and it was shocking to me at first, but on Tiktok I see genuinely above average black woman act like their looks are nothing and state it as a fact. Like if you're a 3 what does that mean for me.... I guess were all 3s. But anyway, it's the product of living in a PWI and in general seeing what the beauty standard. She's such a level-headed individual, her low-ish self-worth attractive-wise contradicts that in my view. Looksmaxxing trend has fed into that heavily, especially making pretty black girls think they are dirt due to their features (they have attractive faces and features, they're just black women). I've put several of the "actual pretty" girls into face rating apps and they usually measure up the same as those black girls. Ironically, PSL and face rating apps really disapprove of their points. It's just supremacist stuff. There's nothing wrong with being ugly but for a subset of attractive/above average women to think they're not attractive in the slightest is unhealthy.
As a fellow lesbian, I feel your pain
same it's depressing
I have to thank you. I rarely comment on your channel but just so you know I truly appreciate your work and what you emane as a person.
As a black woman who tried to date other women while living in a western country I deeply relate.
As a teenager I was convinced that I was gay , and felt hurt because I wasn't the most desirable one in the "food chain". In high school I dated a boy with whom I stayed for 3 years.
I discovered that it was far more easier for me to seek love and appreciation on the straight dating market. So I guess I did just that. As an adult now I've come to the term that I'm bisexual and tried to date other women with no succes. So I definitely feel you.
PS: I'm sorry if my english is bad, I'm french.
Out of curiosity (and you don’t have to answer this) what were some of your experiences in trying to date women? I would think the difficulties are more or less chalked up to the fact that a much smaller percentage of the population is gay, and then on top of that what percent of the gay population is even able to or comfortable/feels safe to openly express their sexuality.
@@Sarah-re7cg Sorry for the late response.
First off I didn't had much of a succes on dating apps.
The few matches I got were people I wasn't really interested in or people with whom I will start conversation for a while and then they stopped answering.
The only date I got was a girl who was already seeking someone else at the same time and giving really mixed signals.
The fact that the dating pool is much smaller and that I'm also a feminine presenting black woman I think made meeting women really hard.
probs knew this already but ur hot as hell. if you can't do it then the rest of us have no chance
I'm happy to view this video. I've had such a hard time accepting myself, because of trauma, amongst other experiences. I realize I have to continue to love myself and go into isolation (even though I live in a community space). Sending you love and light beautiful!
I sorta know what you're feeling. I'm a bi woman and when I first entered into the queer spaces I felt very out of place. The loneliness I felt has lead to me still only dating men even though I am attracted to women as well. I appreciate your honesty and vulnerability in this video.
As a lesbian, i understand why it’s easier to date men than women. I received like two confessions before valentine’s day and sadly none of it came from a woman. Our community is VERY small and hard to find. At this point the dating pool feels like a cup of water lol 😭😂
Kido i’m not surprised you are attracted to women, women are very attractive (ask any man.) please drop your negative expectation; there are intelligent lesbian women out there looking for an intimate partner just like you. she’s looking and so are you so it’s all about finding each other as quickly as possible. think of your mutual objective this way: to the woman you are looking for you are a 10 out of 10. so stop thinking and start looking (in other words get out of your head, stay in your body, and start socializing. your future wife is looking for you)
Oh Kid, I love your videos! Takes a lot of courage to be so vulnerable on the Internet! Sending you a big hug!
I just absolutely adore you and your videos. Everything you said here I can relate with 100%. You have a gift for putting my thoughts and feelings into words 😭 I’ve always felt attraction but never wanted to get physically intimate. So interesting how it isn’t just me. Maybe a change in environment is needed 🤔
I am a lesbian and I have been for a few years now. My family is supportive and my friends are the best people I could ask for, but either bi or straight. That being said while I love women with all my heart, I can not deny that there were moments where I wish I wasn’t so that the chances of finding a romantic partner easier. The dating scene is nothing but constant comparisons to past relationships or what is shown on social media in my experience. It doesn’t help that I don’t live in a very single queer populated community. Most gay people in my town are married couples looking for more affording places to live. So I can’t help but feel more alone as a result. By best way of coping is just keep working on yourself and find joy in the small things and the right girl will come along. Best of luck my fellow lesbian