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Boom Shikha Thank you so much for this video It is so true though to be true Im an infj male It it very hard for people to accept me as i am a softy minded But of course im a feminine minded but Not all the way feminine though Only feminine minded I mean from the inside From the outside im still behaving like a man but a bit softy Thats all
But Chad's a muscle bound fool who attracts hoes n thots, I like not bein the alpha, I dont want nor do I need unlimited shallow losers swarming me 24/7
Personally ms boom, cool name btw, I think your pretty damn fire as ya are, put on makeup? Eww, now why would you wanna cover up that sweet n cute face with clown pain? You dont wear makeup, you keep ya nails short, not super girly, kinda tomboyish, hell imo your pretty damn attractive, makeup hides wemons natural beauty so I hate it, long nails are a massive turn off, your clothes actually look comfortable to wear n not just there to cut off bloodflow unlike a hoe, nah boom ya good how ya are girl👍🏿👍🏿👍🏿👍🏿👍🏿
INFJ males have the same ratios of sexual orientation as the other types. The issue is that INFJ's are deeply empathetic and deeply caring individuals, and this is in direct conflict with society's model of masculinity. We constantly have our manhood questioned because we are not aggressive jerks. Add to that, more generally, we are the type that is most different and at the same time most rare, and we are totally not understood by anybody other than another INFJ males (who are so rare that we probably never meet one in our lifetimes....). If there is an upside, it is that we insist on being ourselves despite all of this, and as we grow older, we develop a quite strength of character where we simply don't take crap from anyone.
I wouldn't say I'm feminine, I mean I am reserved, but I still am pretty masculine. I just don't go out telling the whole world because I don't need to prove it to anyone. Also, I mind my own business
Females with strong intuitive traits are able to cut through emotional reasoning. This is what makes them appear more masculine. Males with strong intuitive traits see through the "macho man" exterior, and thus, do not play that game, or see no need of putting on that show. I'm thinking this is the source of your assertion. From my understanding of INFJs, they naturally resist being a conformist.
I would agree with this. Why pretend to be something I am not and also, why do I want to give someone the impression i'm a tough nut and make them feel like they should be too. Why can't we all just open arms and talk freely huh~?! :D
I do find myself with more feminine expression than masculine expression. Since kindergarten, I have always had more female friends than male friends. At high school I was the only male at an all female table. The disparity in maturity between males and females was something that made it difficult for me to get along with the males around me. In college I liked to go to group exercise classes, which I was almost always the only male. It was easier to work out when you are in a room where everyone has the same goal. The gym floor was full of peacocking males and fawning females and that was really toxic to me. The group exercise classes were a closed door, no nonsense setting and it made it so much easier to get into the zone when that is what everyone in the room was doing because my empathy is so high. Well, there was a new group exercise instructor who like to play really sexually provocative music. Her twitter was full of sexualizing quotes like, "If milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard, do protein shakes bring all the buff men?" I like exercise because it is a meditation of self-control, and a side effect (that I don't care for because of the attention it brings) your physical form improves. So this girl kept playing music that was really sexualizing and doing things like coming to the side of the classroom where I was standing to demonstrate exercise moves (like plank-jacks, basically twerking) within an arm's reach of me instead of just standing at the front of the class like every single other instructor. I went to the supervisor and she told me I was too sensitive. Low level employees at the student center for rights and responsibilities told me the music was not business safe and that it needed to stop, while the administrators did their best to run me out of the place even going so far as to try to buy me a membership to another gym. So I had to self-advocate. This is when the masculine part of me steps up. It is terrifying. All of the intensity of an INFJ focused through a masculine lens is truly frightening. The intensity comes off as vehemence. The empathy becomes a tool of precision targeting for completely unrivaled social engineering. [Obligatory Hitler was an INFJ]. People kept trying to tell me to calm down, and the thing that was most frightening was that I was calm. I never lost composure because I knew exactly where the boundaries were and marched right up to them without crossing them. I had several departments of the university surrounded (Office of Equal Opportunity, Student Center for Rights and Responsibilities, Counseling and Testing Services, the recreation center/gym, and their legal team) because I knew where they stood and the limits of their power. Three people lost their jobs. I felt bad that 3 people lost their jobs for several years. All I ever asked for was that they not play music with sexual lyrics, which was already their policy, but it dragged out for a year. I divulged that I was a survivor of sexual abuse and that 1 in 5 people are sexually abused before they reach 18, meaning that up to 20% of their customers were also survivors and were hurting in silence. Nobody else would come forward because of the way they treated me, and I decided to take a stand for the silent survivors. In the end they made it policy to offer a minimum of 1 exercise class per semester that had music with no lyrics at all for survivors. It's not that I am incapable of displaying masculinity, it is just so uncomfortable, even for me, to do so. Others are more welcoming of my intensity when it is expressed as feminine energy than masculine. I really do not like the way people feel in response to my masculinity, it causes me as much discomfort as them. The problem is that sometimes people mistake my kindness for weakness, and the only thing I can do to make my boundaries clear is flex.
As a male INFJ I'm totally bored by sports, after attending university, I found out how horrible "team spirit" can be. So, when an American football fan calls me "gay" for preferring ice dancing, I really give it to him. "Your sport features guys in hyper-masculine costumes, huge shoulder pads, patting each other on the butt. While my sport features beautiful scantily clad women. Who's really gay here? Not that gay is bad.
I just ordered the book “King Warrior Magician Lover” because I want to study the masculine archetypes and really understand them. As an INFJ male, I can definitely see how we could be “feminine minded” I like yoga, I like the yin of life, I like to take things slow, I like to be open to experience, I like to study the relationships of how things work, and the big picture. I actually listen to my feelings and work on becoming mindful of them instead of suppressing them, unlike most males, who are desensitized to most of their sensory field.
As an INFJ male I do get questioned about my masculinity. When I was younger I felt like I had to over compensate to be one one of the boys. Later when I got older and was with my my now ex gf. She would question why I wouldn’t act like the other guys but ironically this would push me into my masculine energy and stand my ground. I was becoming more comfortable with myself. It’s common to move back and for from masculine to feminine energy. I would agree to some point that INFJs both male and female are androgynous to a certain degree.
I have an INFJ Friend and we became quite close. During the time I knew him. He was kind, generous and thoughtful. It's not that INFJ's are feminine, it's that they are good at knowing what people need in their lives, they are sympathetic and sensitive, hence why they can come off soft sometimes. I was able to see him be sensitive, soft and quite strong in an arrogant way.
I'm an INFJ Male, I remember playing barbie dolls with a friend's sister when he wasn't home. She had everything and, for me, it wasn't different from playing with heman figures.
As an INFJ male, I can’t thank you enough for advocating on our behalf. It can be an awful existence when you don’t fit in anywhere. We’re not “men” and we’re not women. Going through life as a ghost makes you question the purpose of your own existence.
Male INFJ here. My brain is wired very feminine but it took years to develop a rock hard personality and control my emotions. Women never friendzone me. Because I am able to get inside people's heads and read situations very quickly, attracting women is much easier for me than for a normal man. It is almost like that movie, "What Women Want" Women see me as an unbreakable, masculine, rock solid man, with an air of mystery. I can always get inside their head, read their body language, and know exactly what their emotional state is thinking at all times, like a barometer. My feminine side is able to empathise with what women want. So being an INFJ male is the ultimate gift to dating. At first I am often underestimated by women. But I have such a deep personality, the become even more curious. I am easily able to manipulate people (for good of course). So women fall deeply in love through trust, delivering a message at the right moment, reading cues, and being mysterious. Because I am unpredictable, and do what I want when I want. But am also able to be very romantic and their hearts melt.
As an INFJ male I'd say we are balanced - the gender equation is equal on either side. Not more feminine, or less male. Same for the INFJ females. So that to the rest of the world the males appear to have many feminine traits and the females masculine. Leading to gross assumptions of sexual orientation (like being gay) that are not true. And for males us, yes, this sucks. Women 'love' us as friends, but don't find us attractive sexually at all. As I was told once recently (by a female friend) "He's one of the girls". You are automatically and forever in the 'friend zone'. Non-INFJ males attempt to push you around, resulting in a need to develop a thick skin and a stiff spine, emotionally & otherwise. Surprisingly, the 'macho' males and bullies (male & female) back down and turn-tail when confronted by an INFJ male asserting himself; why I'm still not sure (shocked the crap out of me the first time), but I think it has to do with the intensity of the emotion, and the rarely mentioned INFJ ability to 'push' emotions as much as 'absorb' them from others. Most of us don't try that, but instead retreat from the aggressive feelings. I've repeatedly been placed in positions where I could not retreat and thus had to learn this for survival. Another thing I've had to develop an awareness of sports and other things which I have NO interest in just to be able to make passable small-talk and appear to be like the generic males around me. I don't think INFJ females have to do as much 'camouflaging' to find acceptance among their own gender, since women in general are more social & cooperative than competitive, combative males.
Wow, I loved this comment, especially about the idea of us being able to push emotions. Love that, and I am definitely going to play with that idea in a video soon. Thanks again!
Yes this ,this is Very much it .I can aggressivly use emotion and yes push is the Word ... I can do this with energy OR emotion or both - the amount of energy I can channel is enormous but it is tireing and can use it to attract ,repell,attack!
Expert reply! In my own personal findings we seem to be more neutral but having said that in my research I found that Logic itself usually contains both cores that attribute to males and females. It is from observing this that we can see why they would seem more neutral or feminine, but this also depends because most females are sold on appearances alone. I remember this one time I had to put a female in her place who was a manager and then next moment every woman in the store is suddenly attracted to me, I find it annoying. I am going to jot you down into a memo as another INFJ I would like to give a copy of a certain book when it comes out. I am also going to copy your comment for reference and data.
I’m a infj girl with a infj male ; lmao it’s fun to see the difference and similarities. He’s like damn I do that I’m so annoying. They’re more about self care . And are super into nurturing and health .
Yep! 😎 We are nurturers, deep thinkers, deep feelers, and the best lovers, imho. 😘 Thank you for accepting and loving us. It boosts my self-esteem. ✌&❤
I’ve definitely experienced this and some women assume that I’m homosexual instead of heterosexual. My INTJ partner seems to be okay with it, even though I’m definitely the emotional one.
For years people who didn't know me assumed I was gay because I was different from all the guys around me. I'd even get hit on by men all the time. My best friend, til this day, says I'm the "gayest straight man" he's ever met. He was always baffled at how women would just flock to me. Granted I'm 6 ft tall with features that aren't as rigid. I think physical attraction draws people in and then the mysteriousness of INFJ males keeps them close. But yea it's been a struggle for years until I realized i was a Male empath/INFJ. I was depressed for years. Now I havent had a bout in 4 years :) I truly wish I could befriend at least one INFJ Male. I'd feel less lonely if I did.
I wish I could meet at least 1 infj male too. I've been reading the comments and I would have loved to have one of you guys as a friend. Why are we so rare like this 🤣
I think it's okay being sensitive for the INFJ males. I think it's more better than most of guys that try to lead the women but most of the time (no offense) they usually lead the women to the wrong direction and being dense that sometimes irritating. sorry if it's offensive to anyone who reads this but it comes from my experience. Be true to yourself and like Shikha said, "there always people who like the empathic qualities from the males." so be strong, INFJ males ! btw, Shikha your explanation is resonate really well. thanks for always brought up a bunch of variety topics that really really great to discuss about and the topic that most of the time ignored by a lot of people. hope you have a great week ahead !
You literally described my whole existence as an infj male. I really love you for this lol. I haven't seen any other video like this. It's a really dope feeling that you as an infj woman understand an infj man like me. Because no one, and I mean no one else does. Not even my mother. I'm so badly misunderstood. I'm actually a super nice gentle guy. But I'm also a gay man. Which works great in that sense cause other guys really like my feminine dominant energy.
I really thought I was the only one until I found this video. This video touched me, and it has accurately shown my struggles. Someone that finally understands me, and then I find comments from many other people with similar upbringings and issues. Thank you!
Infj male here. I truly do agree with you on this topic. I am feminine as far as how empathetic I am, but when things get real I change. If someone threatens me or my beliefs I strike back violently. The one thing I'd like to say is many females freind zone me BECAUSE of my personality type. I am sure of this, because I listen and try to problem solve with them. They abuse this respect/sympathy. That's a struggle I've had. Also, about what you said about manning up? I don't go any of these things, it's more internal as far as how I think not how I dress or act... But this is just me. I think men's clothes are just more practical, and I prefer them. I do think dressing like a woman is different though. This has nothing to do with personality type, and if it does its minimal. I know another infj male and neither of us are like that. Anyhow, night bois
Thank you for "seeing" us INFJ guys Angel!! God it has always been SOOO hard to get along with noone ever being able to understand us, while the whole time we can see everything, good and bad. And btw, I "see" you!! Lol. And you ARE beautiful...in ALL ways! Love you and keep doing these videos. I'm only a few years older than you but I sure needed someone like you years ago, still kinda do! Love from a straight INFJ from NY!
I find myself able to choose between feminine and masculine behaviour. It depends on what is needed and how people are behaving. I can switch in an instant from feminine to masculine. Even my body posture changes. If people see me as feminine I don't care (compared to earlier times I am sure about myself in that regard). What I feel is that if infj males come together then they are a formidable force. To survive this long as an infj male is really courageous. I am sad for those infjs(especially the INFJ males) who probably ended their life because it was too much to take. I pray for those people.
Same for me. I can turn it on and off whenever I want. Thought it was just me....Strange not feeling so alone. Gives me goosebumps knowing I am understood.
Feel like infj males feel they have to hide to fit it . So you see them as a social bumble bee and likes going out cause they’re out going to drink with friends but if you sit down and talk to them they feel obligated as a man to be that social masculine male but my bf just likes smoking and playing videos games and just being left alone and that’s a big paradox I seen.
Damn feel like you're talking about me Don't get me wrong i mean it's all i do after work i don't smoke tho I use vape My wife had some trouble at the beginning our marriage but now it's all good she understands me 90% about the other 10% Let's say it's hard for me To describe thx for reading My comment Have a beautiful day:)
I'm also a Virgo male..I'm 6'2 200+ . brought up by a Virgo male.not infj... Was a boxer because of my dad.my dad killer instinct ECT.i was good at avoiding, counter puncher.naturaly gifted in boxing.but.good at all sports.but my other half I was wolf crazy!! Wanted to be a zooligist.science ECT.was in both groups .took a brain test,female,male turned out 50/50. Funny because I freak people out.because I look like stone cold,or something...big bald mean looking.im exactly opposite.i was an alter boy,plus boxer lol!! I can set and talk the meaning of life..or football.had plenty of gay guys hit on me plenty.but I love women..to much.my wife says she is luckiest woman in the world.lol.mean looking can fight if pushed to.and love my cats.lol
Thank you for this video, I am a male INFJ, recently lost the love of my life. Dealing with suicidal thoughts. As a straight male I feel like I don't belong in this world.
As an INFJ male , I have always been call a pretty boy because I'm always fixing my hair where ever I go . I'm always hanging around females than males . I can see why it's was hard for me to find a girlfriend . My wife thinks she married a woman instead of a man .lol
As far as being an INFJ guy, I have a very masculine presence, but still not afraid of my feminine qualities. I can see it when I'm around my friends, like my presence can be somewhat intimidating. I also exercise s lot, so physically I'm pretty muscular, so that may be it.
Thanks for talking about these topics, Boom! I really mean it. I´ve only learned about this personality type thing about November or December 2019 and it was nearly, nearly by chance, when RUclips suggested a video to me saying "INFJ: the rarest persolality type". I was at awe. I felt so identified to the single thing I had been looking for in my whole life, that I started researching on that topic. I have recently (as February 2020) three videos, in Spanish, entitled "INFJ in Uruguay. Being INFJ in a male-chauvinist country is specially difficult. There is a sort of so-called feminism trend in Latin America, but it is not actually that. These so-called "feminists" really look for either "vase" men saying absolutely nothing but "yes, dear", or being a "Che Guevara" macho man.
I agree boom. Many times I feel more "feminine" compared to many of my male peers. And often I have to pretend to be "masculine" in order to just "fit in" like I always get things from people like I think like a girl or too sensitive, or too kind and caring etc.
I won't ever consider myself to be more feminine than the opposite gender. I do have an actively tender facet of myself, which may, or may not, be considered effeminate -depending on perspective. I have noticed the gay best friend dynamic in my younger years. Friend-zoned, many more times than I would ever care to openly reveal... Ironically these females-- Most, not all are still my friends. 20+ years in my friend zone is rare to say the very least, but that revelation caused me to question the validity of such relationships entirely until I realized I was doing the friend zoning. I'm super picky about the people I allow close to me and more so with whom touches my physical person. I personally didn't have a consistent male presence for the majority of my developmental years so my development became my own burden past adolescence, I think I developed ’the chameleon’ just for the effeminate issue. (I hated being too soft, specifically around people who didn't know me. Today, one would be hard-pressed to see my brand of gentle. It is far from my juvenile gentle. I learned my hardness. I personally built my masculinity.
INFJ male single and happy..feminine behaviour (clingyness, jealous) shows up in the relationship with another female. Which is why I will remain single for life
I do not see the feminine minded point of the INFJ male mind as dressing more female and such, but I am a pacifist and I have been since childhood, but I also experience more emotion than most guys that I am around. Not sadness, but joy, anger, etc.; However, even with these emotions a blast of anger is the only way to make people back off. A song for you to listen to makes much sense to me. "Crying Inside" - Nick Lowe. It truly expresses society norms.
To all INFJ Men: Do Celibacy! If you can endure the pain of life, without giving into the pleasure of instant gratification, you get;extra energy, more testosterone, a drive to reach out and connect with people, more activated intuition(as long as you use the energy to go out, meet your friends, face your fears at your pace and grow) helping you land on the most meaningful thing from the experience you gather with people. However there are down sides that if you can resist and get through will make you more strong and initiating. These are: pain, giving up on life, believing you are inferior, demotivation, limiting yourself because of the problems you have, and giving up because you are afraid of being seen as weak by others. When you do this semen retention you hit rock bottom but if you persevere and don't give in (& your mind will give you all the reasons to), you will never give up whatever happens to you, you always find a way to just keep going. Your mind does go out of control sometimes though. Just let your mind do what it wants when you start getting negative thoughts. Don't try to control it, just don't let negative thoughts in the process phase you and make you stagnant. The good thing about it is when you get through the hard part in the first month or so, you reach a place where you are so depressed so beaten up that it literally cannot get any worse. Celibacy takes you to a place where you can reach the worst of life, so you can always remember that whatever you're going couldn't be worse than what you've been through before. So it's like, if you can go through facing the hardships of life before, then you can get through what you're going through now(moving forwards) not giving up. So do Celibacy & don't give up & don't give in. Trust me, from a fellow INFJ male, you won't regret it. Celibacy for infj men basically makes us able to feel things. When we ejaculate we basically go numb and feel a 100 times worse than we already did. We get energy from it which eventually makes us feel bad for others because we've been through the worst and we weren't sure we could get through it but we pull through so we worry about how others are coping because for us it was literally hell so we just try to support others because we know how painful life is.
@@antidepresan3394 that's a question I don't think I'll ever get the answer to. I think in our minds we'll never truly understand "why", and that's what makes life a massive struggle. However we all see problems in the world, and I think our collective purpose, is to make the world a better place however we can, to try our best. And also I notice I feel guilty about certain issues, and like it's my duty to fix them problems. I think we all know our responsibility/purpose on this planet intuitively, but it's just when we go out in the real world we feel different and lost. I think we all belong to help one another to deal with life, and work together to create a better world. We see each others weaknesses, that we ourselves cannot see, which reinforces that we are meant to be together. So in summary: to contribute in the world by fixing the issues you can see and feel responsible for. This is just my point of view though :
@@antidepresan3394 in my opinion, no. We're incomplete without one. And meant to reproduce, it's only natural for man and woman to come together. Women push men to be men by nature. Otherwise we wouldn't do certain stuff without one, because it's just like what's the point. I think they just pull out the masculinity within us.
Another rare INFJ male here! Yeah I can totally agree with what you’re saying. Especially when I was younger, I found it hard to relate to the guys in school. They would want to talk about and play sports, or talk about girls, or just generally be roughhousing boys. I found it extremely hard to fit in with these people. Once I realized that fact though, it initiated a paradigm shift where I realized I didn’t need to please anyone. It took a lot of courage, but that shift allowed me to stand up for my moral character and choose friends who would respect who I was (many of these new friends were female). I’ve been called a ladies man in the past, and I’ve had a gay friend of mine take interest in me. I used to worry a lot about how I was perceived in the world. I was worried that I wasn’t actually male enough. I am a straight male, so this was hard for me, to reconcile the more empathetic qualities with the ideas of what a man is. Nowadays, I find that I like surrounding myself with a few close friends who understand my personality and won’t judge me or tell me to be something I’m not. Even though it is extremely rare, my best friend is actually an INFJ female. She can definitely relate with what you’ve said about INFJ females. Good job with this video! I’ll be looking forward to more.
In my experience most women are attracted to men who are perceived as being stronger (in all ways mentally as well as physically) than they are. So the stronger the woman, the stronger the man she demands.
Whoa! 😃 Thanks, Shikha! You read my entire comment. I'm glad I was able to reach you and give you a little bit of understanding of us male INFJs. Our situation is very similar. You really get it and have consideration for us. Thank you for the explanation, for having empathy, and for letting me be part of one of your videos. I agree with you about girls wanting and being very attracted to bad boys. It doesn't always work out as smoothly as they would like because, well, ...they're _bad boys._ I wish women were attracted to what makes them happy and not just what will give them a thrill in the moment. Then we male INFJs would have as good of a chance with women as the ESTP "dudebros". 😃 I don't wear women's clothing or fake nails or anything like that. I'm completely male on the outside. My demeanor or aura, if you will, is just not very aggressive or macho. I'm a very sensitive empath. As you've mentioned before, all INFJs are. I don't consider myself feminine at all. However, I do feel the message from others of being undesirable because of sensitivity or emotionality. ("Men don't show emotions. Emotions are for women." "Girls are sensitive. Boys are strong.") A prevailing attitude in society, yes, but it's inaccurate and immature. Through typology, I've come to understand why _to others_ I'm more feminine than I'm _SUPPOSED to be,_ and not as masculine as people _WANT_ men to be. I now know about masculine and feminine energy, and I'm ok with having them be balanced within me. This was an excellent video. It was comforting and encouraging. I felt seen, understood, and accepted. Again, thank you so much. ✌&❤ P.S. - I've heard that story about the face painter or a very similar one. The little boy wanted a blue butterfly and the mother became irate over it. She started by saying something like, "No, he doesn't want that. That's for girls." The painter responded, "I was asking _HIM._" I believe the mother rather angrily told the father (who wasn't bothered by it) to explain to the child why it wouldn't be right for him to get that face art. The child was saddened by the event, and the painter was highly upset and disturbed by the mother's attitude. So she took to social media and published her feelings about it. The story I saw was on ThinkTank on RUclips.
It's hard to play another game that is not dictated by society, but we can not be at the mercy of it all the time.It's about finding a place where these misconceptions just do not take place. And I think the places are always conformed by people. So do not stop being what they are by these social rules. It is better to be free than to be at the mercy of an idea or people. So be strong and be yourself. Do not change what you are for something that the majority is.
This video holds true for me. The stares of disappointment that I get from women when I spill my love for everything psychological, emotional, and philosophical still pains me to this day. I cannot lie to myself and suddenly become the man that they desire, for I have absolutely no idea what nor who that shallow man is. Despite all of that crap, I must continue walking because if there is one thing I've noticed about INFJs, particularly the progressive ones, it's that no matter the pain, we must stand back up and move forward for the people who need our strength.
Agree. One of my dear male friends is INFJ. He was my ballet classmate and my family doctor: very smart, caring, artistic, funny....just a special and rare kind!!
I'm a male INFJ-T (I took 3 different personally tests each re-doing them 2 times in a row to make sure there was no mis-types) and I personally will normally stay quiet around people I am unfamiliar with and am often perceived as "shy" and "quiet" and while I am 96% introverted me and the people im closest with can talk for hours at a time with no problem! (Any INFJ guys please correct me if im wrong! I apologize if I am) However after doing research from others and myself I'm pretty sure that we normally read other's body language and will unconchesly copy thier expressions, all while trying to gain as much information on that person as possible to avoid saying things that will make said person uncomfortable, so often times we will look as though we're fitting in with other guys when we are around them... however if you keep an eye out, that's when you'll mainly be able to find out when there's a male INFJ, for example (and I didn't think about this until watching your video) I normally have lunch on my own not because i dont like the other people, but more because I would much rather have peace and quiet compared to playing a bunch of sports... I'm still an introvert deep down which is why sometimes at restaurants I'll excuse myself to the restroom just so I can take a moment to think through everything that's happened happening and what may happen. I'm always willing to listen to people and try to help them out! However many people find it odd for guys to talk about subjects that are close to thier hearts which is part of the reason I'll wait for at least a year of trusting somone (Which will vary depending on the person) before I talk to them about my own feelings... I always try to get to know people first. One of my best friends always tells me that I'm too nice, which I heard you mention... I just thought it was really interesting that you touched on that! Most of the time when a lot of people would get mad at eachother, my mind always thinks of why they did what they did... it normally makes it really easy to forgive them and my friends always think it's just me being too nice. Anyways I really appreciate you taking the time to make this video! It was very insightful and I agree with you on a lot of what you said!👍 Edit: Sorry for such a long comment!
More in touch with their feminine side is what I’ve heard always. I’m infj but gay but told I’m not feminine acting but I feel like I lowkey am lol. I don’t dress up but just the poise.
Im deeply feared as an infj man. Most find me intimidating and i have been told that so many times. I see both sides of the coin when it comes to masculinity and feminism. My masculine side comes out to be dominant to the point where my own brother said that when i take charge mostly everyone around me back down yet im the youngest of 7 brothers and my feminine side is more of an understanding and empathic nature. I don’t treat women like trash but at the time i don’t place them on a pedestal either.
I am 20 y.o INFJ- a male and i am really passionate about developing myslef to be "best version of myself" , and as INFJ we know how to adapt, so i learn much about relationships, attraction, psychology, masculinity, all my weaknesess and etc. And now i am this "Alfa-male" with all traits of INFJ. (sorry for my english, i am still working on that 😃 )
Lots of reasons why - life experience, etc. (including being married to another INFJ) - but I find myself not caring nearly as much about what people think of my personality these days. Perhaps I've let more of my stereo-typically "male" arrogance kick in as I've gotten older - and I've also door-slammed a lot of folk over time and realised it makes absolutely not difference whether these people are in my life (well, it makes a positive difference if anything). But I really feel comfortable in who I am. That doesn't mean I always feel comfortable with how I react to things, or with perceptions of letting people down, etc. However, I no longer really care much for expectations of how I should or shouldn't be as an individual. I know myself pretty well - warts and all - and I'm actually quite proud of the dominance of my reflective, intuitive and emotional sides... and I've learnt to embrace my passionate side when I see a cause that I believe strongly in (though I do tend to overreact at times, no doubt).
Agree, rare. Been a valve technician working for all power plants in the U.S. for over 20 years now. Noticed people with good work ethic don't even notice. They respect you on a different level.
The real problem with femininity in men in society's eyes is that it comes off as arrogance or as if we're dominating - we (possibly just we infj's or just me) can get very bad reactions from both men & women for being too assertive in being our 'real selves'. Every general description distinguishing masculine from feminine traits I've always identified more with the naturally compassionate & open nature of women & not the object-fixation or aggression commonly attributed to men, yet I'm still a man & cannot escape how much I identify with the essential experiences of being a man (& a masculine one at that). But while it definitely might make some people like me come off as panzies, really it's the outgoing eager-to-be-included-and-take-charge-if-everyone's-down-with-it approach you resonate when you're feeling confident & engaged that the feminine qualities can surprisingly yet eagerly employ (I suspect from dropping the inherent sexual desire to eventually get something out of any interpersonal situation if it's possible, either in social dominance & recognition or actual sexual contact) that both gives you the best personal utility you can have to involve yourself confidently & in an undivided & genuine manner but also triggers the sensitivities of those around you toward any dominant-apparent qualities they see as 'toxic' or threatening. Perhaps this is limited to an American-cultural observation or applies mostly to recent uproars over 'triggering' behavior & masculinity in general (which is ironic since like I said in its best expression it actually comes from our feminine sensitivities), but I'm almost convinced the 'problem' you think we have with society seeing us (or maybe just me) as feminine is actually the opposite from what you proposed: it's the brashness that can come from the confidence in accepting our feminine nature can instill unease in people around us that leads them to judge us in some way.. but the overt expression as I've experienced it isn't often in being too feminine but rather being too outgoing when we accept our feminine nature in dialogue that causes others to think we're actually too masculine or arrogant rather than not enough of either. I only ever disliked gay men who acted arrogant or used their femininity as an excuse to act arrogantly but not being gay myself I'm not sure if the "outgoing femininity" I've experienced reflects the same way any male infj would use or experience it, especially if they instead seek to suppress it. But the problem now socially as I see it isn't feminine men like me being chastised for not being manly enough (that's plenty-accepted where I come from) but for actually seeming too manly when we do get to engage with & express our feminine qualities - men see it as threatening & women see it as toxic or displaying arrogance (at least right now), so if we're not amongst family or close friends we can freely express ourselves with we know better than to speak up where we aren't actually invited (remember we're chameleons so standing out as being too feminine isn't likely since we've likely taken more than enough steps to blend in seemlessly). Great video & well thought-out points but I was frustrated you were missing what was perhaps the real picture for us (at least me anyway)
😱😱😱😍😍😍❤❤❤ Oooooooh! Thank you so much! That just warms my heart. I can't tell you what it means to hear a women say that, to have that acceptance and desire of the opposite sex. Thank you. 😘
@@jeffreysherman8224 Your welcome. Honestly, hearing such feed back from you also warms my heart ( no lie ). I wouldn't thought my comment would bring that much of a difference. So, thank you :)
My man is on the more feminine side and embrases it and is fully man and himself ie more balanced which to me is much more attractive as he doesnt fake manliness doesnt start pointless fights and is solidly there for me and isnt afraid of My manly side ( as a Female) or other sides .I can show My layers My weakness ,My aggression and My evil and he still loves me . I dont want a man who cannot let me be strong without thinking it diminishes his value .He is proud over me and he is his own person and equally strong if not more but in a softer more almost jujutsu way like a bambu Rod flexible Bendy but wont break and strong as hell in his values and core. I admire him so much !
That took alot of courage to put out there. I guess I see the intent to console...I only know one or two infj men, but not long and deep enough to make that declaration....I can agree, that I'm more masculine in general for several reasons...I not sure it's because I identify as an infj. I'm a leo (fire/masculine sign), enneagram 8w9 (bear, challenging peacemaker) grew up without dad at home...in NYC....and lived alone since I was 21. I'm very much a lioness 🤣 I personally feel alot to soften towards myself and others.
I can attest, it was consoling. ❤ She even read my whole comment! 😊 (...and called me Jeremiah instead of Jeffrey. 😝) She did, however, mention some other things that I have no association with. I'm completely male. Not a cross dresser, not gay, which some guys here have mentioned is a fairly common assumption of them. I want to make this distinction because it's sensitive and empathic straight men that aren't readily accepted. Gay men are expected to be more "feminine minded" and to exhibit effeminate mannerisms. Although I'd like to change the perception of us and remove such inaccurate associations, I very deeply appreciate Shikha's effort. Her intent was conveyed loud and clear. She spoke with compassion and showed genuine empathy for men, something we truly need from women. I felt seen, understood, and most importantly accepted.
@@jeffreysherman8224 same type of guy here. Not all INFJ guys are gay or appear as such. Talk about being rare: even INFJ channels don't know we exist.
I'm a straight male INFJ and I understood a lot of what you discussed here. Some people have mistaken me for being attracted to men, so much of what you said hit home. Some people have to understand that there's more than one way to be a man. This is why I'm not a fan of gender roles. They're simply too rigid and don't take nuances into account.
Yes!! You are so right about gender roles. They are so stupidly restrictive. Why can’t men wear lipstick and nail polish? Why can’t women work in construction or as firefighters? It’s ridiculous. :S
Yes!! You are so right about gender roles. They are so stupidly restrictive. Why can’t men wear lipstick and nail polish? Why can’t women work in construction or as firefighters? It’s ridiculous. :S
Yes!! You are so right about gender roles. They are so stupidly restrictive. Why can’t men wear lipstick and nail polish? Why can’t women work in construction or as firefighters? It’s ridiculous. :S
As a straight infj male the problem has always been that being around guys you have suppress emotions/speaking your mind and talk shit to each other while with women and past relationships being to nice doesn't work out. Trial and error has helped me be able to find the middle ground and am good at getting along with almost anyone. However, it does feel like it will be almost impossible to find someone I can be completely my self around because if I sense theres a way I am that won't work with the other person then I will either have to change to make sure the relationship goes on, or leave. INFJS just need to learn to be confident in themselves
I am an INFJ male, that is also a Pisces. But you are right on the feminine part. People don’t know how to take me. I just tell them I’m very in tuned with my emotions and know me:)
See it’s why I love sticking the middle finger to society.i have acrylic nails just because my natural nails are not strong enough when they are long. I’m consider myself gender-fluid, the best of both worlds almost. Or so I like to feed my ego. I’m humble about it if it helps. Can’t help being a shining, we are INFJ after all.
No you take it to another level. And you don't "stick" any of your acrylic fingers to society since NOWADAYS femininity in males is something whichbis being promoted by the system. You Ni should help you realise it. If you have any Dom Ni which i really doubt. You are a degenerate. Not a rebel
Really nice video. Resonated with me very well. Thought I haven't had people telling me I'm feminine for quite a while, I think it's because I don't talk to many people these days. I usually filter out all the people who I think won't understand me even before I get past the pleasantaries. This is both good and bad(leaves me with a couple of people to talk to). I've also noticed that these days I've grown more and more impatient of shit from people who I consider too dumb to understand me. Of course I don't tell them this, but I don't stay in the same room as them if I can help it either. I can see what you mean though. I'm still really sensitive, like cooking, playing with toys, animals and talking about feelings and stuff.. I mean that I feel really feminine.. But it also feels like home and very familiar feeling this way.. If that makes sense. But I only share my feelings with people whom I deem worthy. Does that make sense? How many of you guys feel this way?
Thank you for this content. I’m an INFJ male. I have a few male friends and do several “manly” things we do in the area I live. I hunt, fish, hike and love working in the yard and garden. I am, however, a coward. I’ve always had more female friends and could identify with them better. I’m straight and am attracted only to female persons and present in public as male. But, at home I dress as female most of the time and the wife finds it difficult to deal with at times. Until I found this information about others like me I had always thought there was something very wrong with me. Thanks for letting me know it’s not just me!
I have been "taught" the correct image on how to be a appropriate male in my society. To be strong and emotionless. I've grown so used to this image I need to put up everyday that sometimes I feel detached and strange from who I truly am inside anymore. Oh and also the part about being accused of being gay because I was too nice resonate so well with me hahaha. Can't remember the number of times I had females and males who thought I was gay just because I had been understanding and empathetic to others, as a male... P.s. sorry for bad English :)
Problem with me is that girls usually come up and be friends with me, without me having intentionally befriending them, like they just pop up of nowhere and stayed with me. Like when it comes to me adapting and adjusting to a personality i could fit in with them they be like "are you gay, bi or what?". No im not, im just like this to suit your taste, im trying to be more relatable with you so it wont look like you're the only one trying hard to keep up with me.
As a gay INFJ male, I understand this completely as when I was young I used to hang around girls more because I could relate more so to them both because I was gay and because I they tend to have deep and more intellectual conversations. While hanging out with my best friend, she wanted to do my makeup and I could tell it would make her really happy plus I didn't mind, so I allowed her to do so. My mom happened to be on her way over so that we could go somewhere and when she saw me, she shamed me for it because "boys aren't supposed to wear makeup." She always used to ask why I didn't play sports like "normal" boys my age. Now I'd say as someone being open about who I am there's less restrictions. Honestly, I think being a gay and an INFJ male forces people to see me with less expectations of masculinity. Straight INFJ males probably do have a much harder time fitting in.
You just described my life. My best friends all my life have always been women. I can build deep emotional connections with them. When one leaves, another one comes, like a moth to a flame.
Ha! Yes, lots of men wanted me to be gay when I was younger. However, as a therapist, the masculine/feminine mix makes me extremely versatile. I was demeaned and discounted as well, the equanimity in me was considered not aggressive enough. I am starting to think that actually INFJ is just an advanced state of being for humans... it's where you go just before buddhahood, right?. The INFJ idealism and huge scope is also indicative of a lot. I feel like psychedelics are very pleased when they get to interact with an INFJ mind, the access to art, creativity, complex connections and explorer nature.
I guess I'm the exception as an INFJ male. I've always been told I'm too brash and brutally honest and that's why I'm more of a loner. At the same time I'm still reserved as I'm only honest with others if I have a reason to be. Roughly 70%-80% of society, as well as people I come across daily, don't like blunt honesty so I'm fine with being a loner.
It isn’t just INFJ males who get this kind of treatment. My dearest friend is an ENFP and he has the same kind of reaction from most people, though he is very much extraverted he has a very soft side which he hides from most people, you have to know him really well for him to show it to you.
INFJ guy here, to summarise and agree with what other people have said, INFJ guys are considered odd, and often end up in the "gay best friend role" (even thought I personally am straight ). My reasoning behind that is yes we are more emotional but also because unlike most guys, I find myself enticed by the concepts of restraint of power and equilibrium in all things (expect maybe Ni vs Se), because I can be Aggressive and Assertive ect, BUT I hate doing it, I feel the great threat of loss of control that if unleashed will lead to another begin destruction, so would never seek to use power to expect to help others. So INFJ guys are emotionally attuned smiling friendly guys, but also usually quirky as a defence mechanism and as a way to very quietly and subtly flip the bird to the world. In the end though usually we end up as the wise mentors whose life grows with age rather than decreases as look ect fade.
You know, I oftentimes find that older women are the ones that try to repress my femininity. Ever since I hit puberty and my body started changing, my older foster sister would constantly say, "Stop walking like that!" on my way to elementary school. I'd look at her confused and tell her I'm walking normally but never get told what about my walk was wrong. I found out myself years later that my hips swayed when I walked. Not exaggeratedly, but just naturally, and of course swaying hips is a feminine attribute. I also remember in highschool a few years back, I was quite nonchalant about not labeling my sexuality and wearing eyeliner-which I still do for outings, and a classmate asked if I was like a dog trying to be a cat. Of course, the girl in the group quickly chastised him because it was offensive, but I didn't really take offense in that he was saying I was a boy trying to be a girl. What I took offense with was that he called me a dog when I've never associated with dogs in the way I associate myself with cats. But on top of that it wasn't out of malice but of curiosity, so I let slide. Also, I often don't confine myself to certain pronouns. I mean, I use male oriented pronouns for myself, but I allow others to use whatever makes them happy in regards to me. My ex actually almost exclusively used feminine pronouns and versions of words in regards to me, and I never corrected him once. I mean, as long as it isn't disrespectful, I'm fine with it. Now another thing that may just be specific to me as an INFJ male, is that I'm very maternal. I'm very affectionate and most of the time I'm doting on the children I help take care of. I just love childrearing. And maybe this is another speculation, but when I think of paternal ways of affection, I always think about carrying children on one's shoulders. Dunno why but it's just a portrayal I often see-even my father did it to me and my brother. On the maternal side, something I've seen done-and have been doing since I was 11, was carrying children on one's side. I dunno. Maybe I read into it too much, but I do find it to be a more secure way to holding a child-and now I'm rambling. 😅 Great video, Shikha! Really enjoyed it.
INFJ male here - My experience interacting with this world in terms of being "masculine / feminine" has been one of indifference to that notion. I've never cared about how others perceive me in this regard as I am who I am period, this is not going to change in order to appease anybody. Sure I'm certainly much more "empathic" than the typical male but I never seen this as any sort of "feminine" or "unmanly" characteristic because it isn't / doesn't have to be. My answer to anybody who's questioned my "manhood" has been to demonstrate via action that I'm not somehow "weak" due to being more empathic but on the contrary more human / more evolved than the typical boneheaded ignorant stereotypical ideal of a "male". If society wants to "categorize" me as being "unmanly" I simply laugh it off as absurd because this is exactly what it is - absurd / unfounded nonsense. For a bit of background, I served in the U.S. Marine Corps from 1998 to 2002 - Obviously this isn't a "girly" profession and while I didn't exactly "fit in" with the typical macho stereotypical Marine I nevertheless excelled and excelled well above the vast majority of Marines - Rank of E-4 is just two years - Perfect 300 PFT Score - Expert Rifle / Pistol rating, etc. In Highschool I was the top Track & Field and Cross Country runner in my school and I was extremely fit going into Marine Corps Bootcamp (Aug 10, 1998 -Parris Island, SC) Any notion that I wasn't "manly" was quickly smashed when I would demonstrate that I could perform well above the average "macho" Marine. So while I never bragged (I'm not trying to brag here just trying to get a point across) I never had to because my actions spoke for my character. I like to think I probably helped to have other Marines "rethink" what it means to be a "man" during my four years in the Marine Corps. The concept of being "macho" in my opinion doesn't mean some outwardly superficial "appearance" of being "manly" but actually demonstrated as such via your actions and being "empathic /caring for others" is NOT an "unmanly" trait - Anybody who thinks otherwise isn't worth your time. The "persona" off being "macho" is one thing (utterly meaningless in actuality) The "reality" of what it means to be strong is only demonstrated through actions NOT the "appearance" of being strong (this is called being a "fake")
@@BoomShikha Thank you for the acknowledgment 😃 - Very impressed with your content by the way- you clearly have a profound understanding of this stuff along with an amazing personality and talent for conveying your thoughts & ideas. I'm a subscriber and wish you all the best 💖
Thank You, Thank You, Thank You, Boom Shikha, for telling other men to stick it out and continue being themselves. I was worried when you were reading their comments, because hear another guy say he gets "friendzoned" all the time, makes me feel a bit nervous. Questions come up in my head, what's wrong with being a friend to a women? Do interactions with women HAVE to be romantic? Right, we, as guys, are taught that men should really only look to women as people to be romantically interested in. But that's just another way society conditions "manliness." I was friends with my now current partner for years before we actually decided to try and become something more. I believe if you earnestly attempt being a friend, there's nothing wrong with that, and maybe, just maybe, something might grow out of being friends. I have never had a problem with being a friend to women, but find it worrisome that guys seem to complain about being a friend. But that might just be my INFJ male mind, over thinking again...
There is a few guys(and girls) struggling with these things and by all means support them but there is also the big picture. There is a lot of men and women struggling to be just men and women due to living in a society that pushes us to go against gender roles. Like how women are pushed to work or lead and be tough rather than raise kids. But everyone is aware of that whatever they think of it, back to men a more important issue that concern men in general is how men are not allowed to be masculine anymore in this day and age due to insidious modern politics. A woman may be masculine, then she is "strong" but a man must not be or it's "macho-culture" and he is just a gullible sod, someone who must learn to cry and get in touch with their feminine side. As soon as the rare masculine man appears with the guts to act or speak like a man he faces a massive pushback and there is a public outrage, see Trump or Bolsonaro or Orbán. We are lead to believe that masculinity is toxic, that masculine men are sexually abusive and stupid; mansplaining, manspreading good-for-nothing tyrants. All the wars are our fault, the patriarchy is evil etc etc. It's absolutely inhumane the way that masculine men are treated and just insane how many women have turned on the entirety of the other gender. According to the wishes of society at large men should just be as-if neutered so that women can be in charge. A not-so masculine man is okay like, say, Trudeau, but try being yourself and you're Hitler. If you're a remotely masculine man you have to hide your presence unless you're prepared to take a barrage of strikes against you. Masculine men are most hated. They live difficult lives. So I say that more feminine men have it better. But if men are supported in being feminine they should damn well be supported in being masculine. But I have to scavenge the web to find anything like gratitude towards men or women for being masculine men or feminine women. The world is upside down...
This guy gets it. Im infj but im far from feminine. Im aware of my emotions but i will hardly ever lead with or even remotely show them as they dont benefit me in the situations i put myself into. The most emotions women ever see from me is in the bedroom and those emotions are fully masculine as i have every intention to dominate her and have her submit to me and her femininity fully. But for me to showcase this aggressive side out in public would be ostracized in this gynocentic social order if the woman. Our assertive nature is literally being preached to us that its toxic and if we didn't use it the world would be a better place and thats a damn like from the pits of hell.
@@mewing17 You seem 'woke' on the issues with matriarchy -have you ever heard of J.D.Unwin? He discovered that any civilization that adopts a female sexual revolution perishes in three generations. www.kirkdurston.com/blog/unwin
@@mewing17 i dont know if it is about mascularity but im same like you. But suprassing not showing emotions is unhealthy. I missed so many oppurtinity because of this before. I can show a bit in daily life rather then before my younger days.but there is the opposite side , not in the bedroom, in daily life when you show emotions(not one-one) , you lost control.people see you as a weird, eccentric, feminene, crazy... smthn like that. And you retreat again. Return to smoking, computers, indoors, anxiety, loniness.Love and hate relationship for the humanity takes charge again.
Thing is, as an INFJ male, it doesn't really matter at all what the world thinks of me. What kills me is what I think of myself. In fact I view it as my only.strength - my convictions come from an another realm deep down within me. I don't exaggerate when I say that if the whole world somehow disagrees with what I have subjectively known to be true, would not make me change my mind. Yes I would be stressed and become sick but I would die rather than agree superficially. I think of male INFJness as being a strong dominant female spirit inside a man's body. The male.part is there but is scared of people and perhaps it's growth is thwarted but nevertheless that part is objective and finds joy in brainy /nerdy things.
Hello there! I can relate to that, I adopt both female/male behaviours all my life, and people always been rejected me and told what I should do when doing more female like behaviours, sometimes regardless of the results or them actually knowing me. It like I were a mask to make things smoother and efficient in some situations, but always looking to found the real face behind people’s masks
i used to youtube how girls behave subconsciously and i find they think almost like me...... the difference is sometimes they do it subconsciously but i do it most of the time consciously.......... but i used to behave like that more consciously and very easily after i find out that i'm an INFJ........ and today i was confirming that i'm a alpha male or not then this video came up and it cleared some of my doubts about me.... so thank you very much... and keep going forward......'✌✌
I'm an INFJ woman and my question to you is, do you think infj's can be happy with and compatible with alpha males? I speak for myself and maybe other infj's when i say this and it's that it's hard for me to relinquish control and let anyone else make decisions in my household but I'm also attracted to alpha male's that could possibly take the traditional role and be come the provider.
Yes! I think this is such an important question. It's about relinquishing control, not completely, but in terms of allowing another to enter your life, no matter alpha or not. It's definitely a practice and INFJs need to improve in this. Thank you for sharing!
INFJ male here. Just wanna correct you on your view/societal/regional limited encounters with an INFJ MALE. I live and have grown up in wyoming, a rugged open country state with 500k total state population. I'm far from feminine but also not an aggressively domineering fake "alpha" always starting fist fights. Until age 15 I was picked on daily by so called bullies as I always showed my caring side. I didn't fight back because the azz whooping at home would be far worse then if I would win/lose fist fight at school. Mind you I've never been small, short, or weak and I've always known I can stand my ground or worse. At 15.5yo I did fight back, became friends, and as they put it "we were poking the big bear and we knew we probably would lose". I was 6ft 1inch 225lbs and worked out daily ontop of growing up on a ranch. Stupidly strong I earned a few nicknames like superman, moose, oxe in high school and in my 20s. I learned in my 20s not to constantly show my caring side and adapted an indifferent guard until I got to know someone or more commonly someone I didn't know started telling me their life story and secrets. Now in my 30s I'd say I show my true personality which I'd describe as strong, confident, idk what you think of me or how you see me good or bad, courteous, encouraging, protective, helpful, very giving, and I will help/give/encourage those I'm around to better their life. I give most of my time, labor, skill/ability, positively affecting their immediate surroundings which then opens up to helping their very personal struggles. I've noticed in majority I've helped have dramatic personality and outlook improvements even in those who refuse to deal with emotional problems and hateful beliefs. Another thing to keep in mind is an INFJ can be a saint like mother Teresa or can be like Adolf hitler. Anyway an INFJs main outward desire is helping and improving peoples lives. Inner desire is intimacy aka closeness openness understanding. Can go to extremes good or bad to reach their mission.
I grew up on the reservation.. so, I've learned at a young age to defend everything I do. I had to learn how to fight and beat up everyone that tried to act those type of ways towards me. So, I've never really cared or been intimidated into being the stereotypical "masculine".
Infj male here. Wouldn't wish it on anyone. All of our "strengths" create distain and fear in others. Just because people can understand us doesn't mean they respect or value our "strengths"...in general.
It's so true. ^^Our personality explains why we get along with females easily. We can easily also understood why females run away from topics such as soccer when male counterparts bring up. we can also understand why females wanted to be career minded and self sufficient especially in Asian societies. Again, male infjs are able to gain insights into human nature that we always land up as excellent advisors and counsellors.
I agree to some extent as I am also an infj male I don’t know the ratio but in my personal opinion I’m both masculine and feminine minded I can definitely see the feminine side of me. But usually that’s in the inside people don’t really notice nor do I come of as a homosexual. Also it could also be because I do martial arts which can be somewhat considered a “manly” sport but I also read books which can be considered a “feminine” thing. So I really don’t know I’m more masculine in a way since I don’t show much emotion and I tell things as they are. But I totally understand where infj males come from.
INFJs are chameleons, but female INFJs are allowed to expand their range in some professions, like I did in the male-dominant IT profession. But I'm thinking of heterosexual males like the late Prince. His profession allowed him to be the chameleon and still get respect. I think make INFJs in the arts, probably, have an easier time.
Boom-I would like to challenge you that INFJ males are more feminine minded. Maybe it just means this particular type is more well rounded and experiences the vastness of human emotions, as does any person who is healthy and mature. I know I am more empathetic than most males, but I don't feel feminine. To me, It's all about being whole, and less about the labels.
As an INFJ, in my opinion your exterior depends on your life situations, I’m from NY and being assertive and defending yourself physically in different situations makes you somewhat rough around the edges even though as INFJ we are natural protectors, however, I do not think INFJ “Men” are feminine in the perspective of the video. As a INFJ “Man” ( I think other INFJ Men are the same), I think we are drawn to women first by their beauty, their femininity, their vibrations, (if that at all makes any sense),then we notice mental and moral qualities that are distinctive to them as an individual, which causes us to be intrigued enough to keep digging deeper inside of them to get to the core of them, their inner workings, the hurt little girl inside of them that no one see’s and the one that they protect from the world. We are always after deep AF connections with “Human beings” opposed to humans, there is a difference. Other “Men” haven’t evolved and still have that “Me Tarzan, you Jane” mentality, they rather drink, smoke, go to sports bars, ego testing each other as nothing better to do ect. As an INFJ “Man”, Apart from the negative side of female nature, I have a perverse fascination with their inner workings as well as their logic and their higher side of their personality and who and what they are and their perception of reality. Men are “Black&white” so to speak, however; When you can determine and separate the damaged women, who lead with and who’s only value is “ Three holes and nothing more” from the women of value and/or, who are “A girl with a story” so to speak, the deeper we dig, the more respect, admiration and a genuine affection we end up having for them as a person first, then as well as a woman. In short, think INFJ “Men” are viewed as feminine minded simply because we are Demisexuals. And are not differentiated from INFJ “males”, now that’s a different story!!! Again, this is only my opinion and perspective from my personal experiences and perceived reality.
I'm an ESFP female and I've had two INFJs ask me out. Currently dating one of them, still friends with the other one. Never dated him coz I always just saw him as a friend. Considering how rare they are, I have a magnet for them I guess. Lol. It seems I was made for an INFJ
Me in Thailand Me: Hey your a pretty good dancer 😃 Her: thanks🙂 Me: hang on... are you.. a guy?? Her: yes, does that bother you? Me: bother me?! Hell no! Eyy wanna go high😏? Her: yea!😃😃 Me: eyyyyy nice, let's ditch this club n go hang
So then being gay and infj has actually been the EASIER outcome? 🤯 It just is what it is and we don't have anything to do with it anyway but I would not have guessed. I can definitely see how that must suck. I'm 52 and have figured out this thing out there called sigma infj is actually just a maturing that I don't think will happen in some circumstances , though it does stand to reason having whatever significant betrayal experience (I think likely the last one but a completely reorganizing one) that for me took a few years from which to emerge😒 finally clears the deck enough to put us in the position of being able to understand how the world works might be what would also end the weaker more passive codependent attitude being picked up on. Because for sure it's about confidence. I'm not talking about a know-it-all delusion. Instead, having enough distance from personal gaslighting to get perspective on social gaslighting is the awakening of seriously authentic self-assurance. I wish so much that I could give this away, too; wish there could've been someone to teach it to me or some way to learn it sooner. If you can trust me that god is a device of conscience and ego (guaranteed third party forgiveness), all prophets are false, and there's no god no free will and no afterlife that should be about the closest thing to giving it away I can do because as INFJs you already know cooperation and mutual support are the most rational strategies. The reason other people do not is because having insufficiently constellated self-introjects within their own internal working models prevents them from even formulating the mutuality upon which to build any morality. This is essentially all extroverts because extraversion is the behavioral manifestation of less neuronal activity (google it) though it's probably only intransigent within the most highly extraverted (as one who can figure out moral enfeeblement is predicated upon intellectual enfeeblement would expect). I hope knowing that can free you from anticipating objectivity from others incapable of even holding an interest in thinking as rationally as you do😐. Someone who cannot see himself as part of the collective whole can never fathom that deliberate harm to part of that whole of which they are also a part is unsustainably self-defeating. Even explaining it to them in such a way that they could gather an understanding they simply will not conclude that it therefore necessarily follows duplicity and selfishness are the highest forms of stupidity. I can tell from the descriptions of us that this is what an infj knows in our gut. I've known it since I was somewhere between 7 and 10 years old but was never able to really put it together into what I would call understanding how the world really does work until my mid-40s. How helpful it might have been to grasp that sooner.
Yes, I think these words quite often. IF I knew what I know now about myself, what a different life it would have been. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us!!
We are men that understand both worlds more than the average male and because we are aware we have a harder time. The Majority of us are not feminine but understanding the feminine mind shapes our behavior, drastically. We have to (as one of the guys who commented) "build our masculinity," in a way. Our insight really don't give us the privilege to be reckless as other males because we see all or the majority of what will come about if we parktake in something that will eventually cause us or the people (specifically women) more harm by going against our internal standards. Some of us go to those extremes because we want to feel like we are men (according to social standards) but in reality we grow and realize the world pretty much has it wrong and we have balance that the world needs. Personally I didn't play with dolls but I listen to more women artist (music) than men because of their voices (obviously) but I listen deeply to their souls and how they express themselves and 8 times out of 10 its how 😕 immature or uninformed their guy(s) really is and how much more time is needed to develop and understand things infj males intuitively have. I could go on but this will have to do. To be feminine or feminine minded though, nah. W/ respect to the healthy state and maturity of the Infj male. INFJ (healthily) Brings about Balance to a society.
I was going to say to you that we are ESTP aspirational and that you should check what you mean of masculinity when talking about it. Then I watched your video and I realized what you mean by the term and thought you were right hehe.
One day this will b differnt, huge steps are being taken toward a gender nutral society, there are still big double standards at play but we are working through themm the feminist revolution has led us to the male revolution which is leading us to dismantle the old gender identity roles and redefine not only the meaning but the importance of male vs female definitions, there's a long way to go but we are on our way to brave new world! My partner is also infj, he's seemingly quite typically masculine, he's from a northern working class background which has a strong influence, but he is a softy with it, for me he's that perfect balance of strong and sensitive but I guess as an infj myself I can both see and appreciate that. Love advice in general I think anybody can get way too focused on what u think is holding back, it's easy to think those guys get all the girls and that must be what girls want in a guy, but there's like a thousand differnt kinds of people in the world, the world will tell u things that aren't true and our own paranoia will buy into it on the apparent evidence, but the world lies about what people want, it doesn't know what everybody wants, it cant, b who u are someone will think it's awesome, u r rare diamonds and there are people who can spot one when they see one!
@Lonnie Gillard hi Lonnie, I get navigating people's expectations is still tricky, but I gotta say you look like you've bags of cool going on, chicks really dig cool, just do what u do and it's all gonna be good😀
Some INFJ back in the 30's-40's would have reacted badly to your statement. You degenerate freak. If INFJs don't see what is going on and talk about "feminist revolution" then the world is doomed. Thank God not all of us think like you.
INFJs are just "Androgynous," right?! I'd say so 😏 I personally find it almost impossible, for me at leat, to be like this... I just don't see any reason for doing this and also trust is there a BIG thing for me, I just feel better, namely more safely, when I am in my Ti and am like a Thinker, instead of a Feeling male and use Fe to a great/high or even full degree/potential. Thanks for addressing this Boom ^^
Yes I know exactly what you are talking about.... I'm not gay or cross dresser... I love women but every time I go with a girl within 2 to 3 months they seam to lose entrust I'm just to nice to them ... I guess nice guys do finish last .. it is crazy how it works...
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Boom Shikha
Thank you so much for this video
It is so true though to be true
Im an infj male
It it very hard for people to accept me as i am a softy minded
But of course im a feminine minded but
Not all the way feminine though
Only feminine minded
I mean from the inside
From the outside im still behaving like a man but a bit softy
Thats all
But Chad's a muscle bound fool who attracts hoes n thots, I like not bein the alpha, I dont want nor do I need unlimited shallow losers swarming me 24/7
Personally ms boom, cool name btw, I think your pretty damn fire as ya are, put on makeup? Eww, now why would you wanna cover up that sweet n cute face with clown pain? You dont wear makeup, you keep ya nails short, not super girly, kinda tomboyish, hell imo your pretty damn attractive, makeup hides wemons natural beauty so I hate it, long nails are a massive turn off, your clothes actually look comfortable to wear n not just there to cut off bloodflow unlike a hoe, nah boom ya good how ya are girl👍🏿👍🏿👍🏿👍🏿👍🏿
Society can rage quit for all I care, I dont play toxic games full of toxic ppl, that's some gamer logic for ya
Iam an INFJ male .
INFJ males have the same ratios of sexual orientation as the other types. The issue is that INFJ's are deeply empathetic and deeply caring individuals, and this is in direct conflict with society's model of masculinity. We constantly have our manhood questioned because we are not aggressive jerks. Add to that, more generally, we are the type that is most different and at the same time most rare, and we are totally not understood by anybody other than another INFJ males (who are so rare that we probably never meet one in our lifetimes....). If there is an upside, it is that we insist on being ourselves despite all of this, and as we grow older, we develop a quite strength of character where we simply don't take crap from anyone.
Ohh yeah mate. Love your opinion about that,
INFJ male here 😏
On point
Stated perfectly! 👏👏👏
@@david_oliveira71 me too
You sound like me
I wouldn't say I'm feminine, I mean I am reserved, but I still am pretty masculine. I just don't go out telling the whole world because I don't need to prove it to anyone. Also, I mind my own business
Yes!!! That's the way to go. 😍😍😍
Females with strong intuitive traits are able to cut through emotional reasoning. This is what makes them appear more masculine.
Males with strong intuitive traits see through the "macho man" exterior, and thus, do not play that game, or see no need of putting on that show.
I'm thinking this is the source of your assertion. From my understanding of INFJs, they naturally resist being a conformist.
Thanks for sharing your insights!!
I would agree with this. Why pretend to be something I am not and also, why do I want to give someone the impression i'm a tough nut and make them feel like they should be too. Why can't we all just open arms and talk freely huh~?! :D
Yeah man...."naturally resist being a conformist."
I do find myself with more feminine expression than masculine expression. Since kindergarten, I have always had more female friends than male friends. At high school I was the only male at an all female table. The disparity in maturity between males and females was something that made it difficult for me to get along with the males around me.
In college I liked to go to group exercise classes, which I was almost always the only male. It was easier to work out when you are in a room where everyone has the same goal. The gym floor was full of peacocking males and fawning females and that was really toxic to me. The group exercise classes were a closed door, no nonsense setting and it made it so much easier to get into the zone when that is what everyone in the room was doing because my empathy is so high.
Well, there was a new group exercise instructor who like to play really sexually provocative music. Her twitter was full of sexualizing quotes like, "If milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard, do protein shakes bring all the buff men?" I like exercise because it is a meditation of self-control, and a side effect (that I don't care for because of the attention it brings) your physical form improves. So this girl kept playing music that was really sexualizing and doing things like coming to the side of the classroom where I was standing to demonstrate exercise moves (like plank-jacks, basically twerking) within an arm's reach of me instead of just standing at the front of the class like every single other instructor.
I went to the supervisor and she told me I was too sensitive. Low level employees at the student center for rights and responsibilities told me the music was not business safe and that it needed to stop, while the administrators did their best to run me out of the place even going so far as to try to buy me a membership to another gym. So I had to self-advocate. This is when the masculine part of me steps up. It is terrifying. All of the intensity of an INFJ focused through a masculine lens is truly frightening.
The intensity comes off as vehemence. The empathy becomes a tool of precision targeting for completely unrivaled social engineering. [Obligatory Hitler was an INFJ]. People kept trying to tell me to calm down, and the thing that was most frightening was that I was calm. I never lost composure because I knew exactly where the boundaries were and marched right up to them without crossing them. I had several departments of the university surrounded (Office of Equal Opportunity, Student Center for Rights and Responsibilities, Counseling and Testing Services, the recreation center/gym, and their legal team) because I knew where they stood and the limits of their power. Three people lost their jobs.
I felt bad that 3 people lost their jobs for several years. All I ever asked for was that they not play music with sexual lyrics, which was already their policy, but it dragged out for a year. I divulged that I was a survivor of sexual abuse and that 1 in 5 people are sexually abused before they reach 18, meaning that up to 20% of their customers were also survivors and were hurting in silence. Nobody else would come forward because of the way they treated me, and I decided to take a stand for the silent survivors. In the end they made it policy to offer a minimum of 1 exercise class per semester that had music with no lyrics at all for survivors.
It's not that I am incapable of displaying masculinity, it is just so uncomfortable, even for me, to do so. Others are more welcoming of my intensity when it is expressed as feminine energy than masculine. I really do not like the way people feel in response to my masculinity, it causes me as much discomfort as them. The problem is that sometimes people mistake my kindness for weakness, and the only thing I can do to make my boundaries clear is flex.
Love this analysis!! Thank you so much for putting your thoughts into written words and sharing with us. I learned a lot.
Keep up your good work with patients brother.
As a male INFJ I'm totally bored by sports, after attending university, I found out how horrible "team spirit" can be. So, when an American football fan calls me "gay" for preferring ice dancing, I really give it to him. "Your sport features guys in hyper-masculine costumes, huge shoulder pads, patting each other on the butt. While my sport features beautiful scantily clad women. Who's really gay here? Not that gay is bad.
Oh god, I HATE when men call each other gay as if it was a derogatory thing!! It really annoys me.
Lol I feel the same. I do love MMA and gymnastics haha ice skating usually during the Olympics
I just ordered the book “King Warrior Magician Lover” because I want to study the masculine archetypes and really understand them. As an INFJ male, I can definitely see how we could be “feminine minded” I like yoga, I like the yin of life, I like to take things slow, I like to be open to experience, I like to study the relationships of how things work, and the big picture. I actually listen to my feelings and work on becoming mindful of them instead of suppressing them, unlike most males, who are desensitized to most of their sensory field.
Thank you for watching, and sharing!!!!
Same here
As an INFJ male I do get questioned about my masculinity. When I was younger I felt like I had to over compensate to be one one of the boys. Later when I got older and was with my my now ex gf.
She would question why I wouldn’t act like the other guys but ironically this would push me into my masculine energy and stand my ground. I was becoming more comfortable with myself. It’s common to move back and for from masculine to feminine energy.
I would agree to some point that INFJs both male and female are androgynous to a certain degree.
Yes!! Thanks for watching!!!
I have an INFJ Friend and we became quite close. During the time I knew him. He was kind, generous and thoughtful. It's not that INFJ's are feminine, it's that they are good at knowing what people need in their lives, they are sympathetic and sensitive, hence why they can come off soft sometimes. I was able to see him be sensitive, soft and quite strong in an arrogant way.
Awwww! ❤️ ❤️
I'm an INFJ Male, I remember playing barbie dolls with a friend's sister when he wasn't home. She had everything and, for me, it wasn't different from playing with heman figures.
Great stuff!
As an INFJ male, I can’t thank you enough for advocating on our behalf. It can be an awful existence when you don’t fit in anywhere. We’re not “men” and we’re not women. Going through life as a ghost makes you question the purpose of your own existence.
You are absolutely welcome, and I hope you realize from this that there are many other people out there who support you as you are!!!
Male INFJ here. My brain is wired very feminine but it took years to develop a rock hard personality and control my emotions. Women never friendzone me. Because I am able to get inside people's heads and read situations very quickly, attracting women is much easier for me than for a normal man. It is almost like that movie, "What Women Want" Women see me as an unbreakable, masculine, rock solid man, with an air of mystery. I can always get inside their head, read their body language, and know exactly what their emotional state is thinking at all times, like a barometer. My feminine side is able to empathise with what women want. So being an INFJ male is the ultimate gift to dating. At first I am often underestimated by women. But I have such a deep personality, the become even more curious. I am easily able to manipulate people (for good of course). So women fall deeply in love through trust, delivering a message at the right moment, reading cues, and being mysterious. Because I am unpredictable, and do what I want when I want. But am also able to be very romantic and their hearts melt.
Love it. Thank you so much for sharing.
Yes same same it took a while to find a response that I relate to almost perfectly. Nice. Good shyt bro.
Dude
You are literally all I have wanted to be
Im happy you got to that point, I hope I will be able to as well
As an INFJ male I'd say we are balanced - the gender equation is equal on either side. Not more feminine, or less male. Same for the INFJ females. So that to the rest of the world the males appear to have many feminine traits and the females masculine. Leading to gross assumptions of sexual orientation (like being gay) that are not true. And for males us, yes, this sucks. Women 'love' us as friends, but don't find us attractive sexually at all. As I was told once recently (by a female friend) "He's one of the girls". You are automatically and forever in the 'friend zone'. Non-INFJ males attempt to push you around, resulting in a need to develop a thick skin and a stiff spine, emotionally & otherwise. Surprisingly, the 'macho' males and bullies (male & female) back down and turn-tail when confronted by an INFJ male asserting himself; why I'm still not sure (shocked the crap out of me the first time), but I think it has to do with the intensity of the emotion, and the rarely mentioned INFJ ability to 'push' emotions as much as 'absorb' them from others. Most of us don't try that, but instead retreat from the aggressive feelings. I've repeatedly been placed in positions where I could not retreat and thus had to learn this for survival. Another thing I've had to develop an awareness of sports and other things which I have NO interest in just to be able to make passable small-talk and appear to be like the generic males around me. I don't think INFJ females have to do as much 'camouflaging' to find acceptance among their own gender, since women in general are more social & cooperative than competitive, combative males.
Wow, I loved this comment, especially about the idea of us being able to push emotions. Love that, and I am definitely going to play with that idea in a video soon. Thanks again!
Yes this ,this is Very much it .I can aggressivly use emotion and yes push is the Word ... I can do this with energy OR emotion or both - the amount of energy I can channel is enormous but it is tireing and can use it to attract ,repell,attack!
Expert reply! In my own personal findings we seem to be more neutral but having said that in my research I found that Logic itself usually contains both cores that attribute to males and females. It is from observing this that we can see why they would seem more neutral or feminine, but this also depends because most females are sold on appearances alone. I remember this one time I had to put a female in her place who was a manager and then next moment every woman in the store is suddenly attracted to me, I find it annoying. I am going to jot you down into a memo as another INFJ I would like to give a copy of a certain book when it comes out. I am also going to copy your comment for reference and data.
I’m a infj girl with a infj male ; lmao it’s fun to see the difference and similarities. He’s like damn I do that I’m so annoying. They’re more about self care . And are super into nurturing and health .
Yep! 😎 We are nurturers, deep thinkers, deep feelers, and the best lovers, imho. 😘 Thank you for accepting and loving us. It boosts my self-esteem. ✌&❤
Wow, so interesting that you found an INFJ, being an INFJ. Love that!!
I’ve definitely experienced this and some women assume that I’m homosexual instead of heterosexual. My INTJ partner seems to be okay with it, even though I’m definitely the emotional one.
Yeah, I can see that! INTJs are definitely not the ones to show their emotions. :)
I know you!
For years people who didn't know me assumed I was gay because I was different from all the guys around me. I'd even get hit on by men all the time. My best friend, til this day, says I'm the "gayest straight man" he's ever met. He was always baffled at how women would just flock to me. Granted I'm 6 ft tall with features that aren't as rigid. I think physical attraction draws people in and then the mysteriousness of INFJ males keeps them close. But yea it's been a struggle for years until I realized i was a Male empath/INFJ. I was depressed for years. Now I havent had a bout in 4 years :) I truly wish I could befriend at least one INFJ Male. I'd feel less lonely if I did.
There are many INFJ males in this community here - you are welcome to message them. I'm sure they would welcome you with open arms. 🌈🌈🌈
I wish I could meet at least 1 infj male too. I've been reading the comments and I would have loved to have one of you guys as a friend. Why are we so rare like this 🤣
I think it's okay being sensitive for the INFJ males. I think it's more better than most of guys that try to lead the women but most of the time (no offense) they usually lead the women to the wrong direction and being dense that sometimes irritating.
sorry if it's offensive to anyone who reads this but it comes from my experience. Be true to yourself and like Shikha said, "there always people who like the empathic qualities from the males." so be strong, INFJ males !
btw, Shikha your explanation is resonate really well. thanks for always brought up a bunch of variety topics that really really great to discuss about and the topic that most of the time ignored by a lot of people.
hope you have a great week ahead !
Thank you greatly! INFJ male 😊
David Oliveira Your welcome David ! ^-^/ Stay strong and positive always !
Thank as you as well )
Kevin Kazman Your welcome ! ^-^/
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!! Love you all!
You literally described my whole existence as an infj male. I really love you for this lol. I haven't seen any other video like this. It's a really dope feeling that you as an infj woman understand an infj man like me. Because no one, and I mean no one else does. Not even my mother. I'm so badly misunderstood. I'm actually a super nice gentle guy. But I'm also a gay man. Which works great in that sense cause other guys really like my feminine dominant energy.
You are soooo welcome!! I’m glad I could capture your experience properly. :)
I really thought I was the only one until I found this video. This video touched me, and it has accurately shown my struggles. Someone that finally understands me, and then I find comments from many other people with similar upbringings and issues. Thank you!
So glad this helped. 💜💜💜
I quit and I can relate I'm so so emotional it's crazy I thought I was the only one like that yeah emotions are like a girls I try to hide it
Infj male here. I truly do agree with you on this topic. I am feminine as far as how empathetic I am, but when things get real I change. If someone threatens me or my beliefs I strike back violently. The one thing I'd like to say is many females freind zone me BECAUSE of my personality type. I am sure of this, because I listen and try to problem solve with them. They abuse this respect/sympathy. That's a struggle I've had. Also, about what you said about manning up? I don't go any of these things, it's more internal as far as how I think not how I dress or act... But this is just me. I think men's clothes are just more practical, and I prefer them. I do think dressing like a woman is different though. This has nothing to do with personality type, and if it does its minimal. I know another infj male and neither of us are like that. Anyhow, night bois
Love this! Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.
How dare you attack my manhood... I'm now going to cry and eat ice cream and stare off into the void.
Awwww, thanks for watching.
lol.
Thank you for "seeing" us INFJ guys Angel!! God it has always been SOOO hard to get along with noone ever being able to understand us, while the whole time we can see everything, good and bad. And btw, I "see" you!! Lol. And you ARE beautiful...in ALL ways! Love you and keep doing these videos. I'm only a few years older than you but I sure needed someone like you years ago, still kinda do! Love from a straight INFJ from NY!
Thank you for watching!!
I find myself able to choose between feminine and masculine behaviour. It depends on what is needed and how people are behaving. I can switch in an instant from feminine to masculine. Even my body posture changes. If people see me as feminine I don't care (compared to earlier times I am sure about myself in that regard).
What I feel is that if infj males come together then they are a formidable force. To survive this long as an infj male is really courageous. I am sad for those infjs(especially the INFJ males) who probably ended their life because it was too much to take. I pray for those people.
Thank you so much for sharing these insights!
We're not the type to usually give up but we're also not the type to usually stop beating ourselves up either :)
Same for me. I can turn it on and off whenever I want. Thought it was just me....Strange not feeling so alone. Gives me goosebumps knowing I am understood.
I thougt this different that i can turn the switch in my mind about my pshcology, emotions.
Feel like infj males feel they have to hide to fit it . So you see them as a social bumble bee and likes going out cause they’re out going to drink with friends but if you sit down and talk to them they feel obligated as a man to be that social masculine male but my bf just likes smoking and playing videos games and just being left alone and that’s a big paradox I seen.
Damn feel like you're talking about me
Don't get me wrong i mean it's all i do after work i don't smoke tho
I use vape
My wife had some trouble at the beginning our marriage but now it's all good she understands me 90% about the other 10%
Let's say it's hard for me
To describe thx for reading
My comment
Have a beautiful day:)
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us!!
I'm also a Virgo male..I'm 6'2 200+ . brought up by a Virgo male.not infj... Was a boxer because of my dad.my dad killer instinct ECT.i was good at avoiding, counter puncher.naturaly gifted in boxing.but.good at all sports.but my other half I was wolf crazy!! Wanted to be a zooligist.science ECT.was in both groups .took a brain test,female,male turned out 50/50. Funny because I freak people out.because I look like stone cold,or something...big bald mean looking.im exactly opposite.i was an alter boy,plus boxer lol!! I can set and talk the meaning of life..or football.had plenty of gay guys hit on me plenty.but I love women..to much.my wife says she is luckiest woman in the world.lol.mean looking can fight if pushed to.and love my cats.lol
It changes when life f.cks you you re so laid back, just like everyone. but when everything is so good youre the another one.
Thank you for this video, I am a male INFJ, recently lost the love of my life. Dealing with suicidal thoughts. As a straight male I feel like I don't belong in this world.
Thank you for watching!!! I hope things get better. 🌻🌻🌻🌻
As an INFJ male , I have always been call a pretty boy because I'm always fixing my hair where ever I go . I'm always hanging around females than males . I can see why it's was hard for me to find a girlfriend .
My wife thinks she married a woman instead of a man .lol
Hahaha! Cute!!
As far as being an INFJ guy, I have a very masculine presence, but still not afraid of my feminine qualities. I can see it when I'm around my friends, like my presence can be somewhat intimidating. I also exercise s lot, so physically I'm pretty muscular, so that may be it.
Interesting combo!! I like it. INFJ males are the best enigma out there.
Intimitading can be seen as childish by tbem too because of their ego and insecurity.
Thanks for talking about these topics, Boom! I really mean it. I´ve only learned about this personality type thing about November or December 2019 and it was nearly, nearly by chance, when RUclips suggested a video to me saying "INFJ: the rarest persolality type". I was at awe. I felt so identified to the single thing I had been looking for in my whole life, that I started researching on that topic. I have recently (as February 2020) three videos, in Spanish, entitled "INFJ in Uruguay. Being INFJ in a male-chauvinist country is specially difficult. There is a sort of so-called feminism trend in Latin America, but it is not actually that. These so-called "feminists" really look for either "vase" men saying absolutely nothing but "yes, dear", or being a "Che Guevara" macho man.
You are so welcome!
I agree boom. Many times I feel more "feminine" compared to many of my male peers. And often I have to pretend to be "masculine" in order to just "fit in" like I always get things from people like I think like a girl or too sensitive, or too kind and caring etc.
Yes!!!
I won't ever consider myself to be more feminine than the opposite gender. I do have an actively tender facet of myself, which may, or may not, be considered effeminate -depending on perspective. I have noticed the gay best friend dynamic in my younger years. Friend-zoned, many more times than I would ever care to openly reveal... Ironically these females-- Most, not all are still my friends. 20+ years in my friend zone is rare to say the very least, but that revelation caused me to question the validity of such relationships entirely until I realized I was doing the friend zoning. I'm super picky about the people I allow close to me and more so with whom touches my physical person. I personally didn't have a consistent male presence for the majority of my developmental years so my development became my own burden past adolescence, I think I developed ’the chameleon’ just for the effeminate issue. (I hated being too soft, specifically around people who didn't know me. Today, one would be hard-pressed to see my brand of gentle. It is far from my juvenile gentle. I learned my hardness. I personally built my masculinity.
So interesting that you say you built your masculinity - love the idea that you can build something like that. Thanks for sharing!!
INFJ male single and happy..feminine behaviour (clingyness, jealous) shows up in the relationship with another female. Which is why I will remain single for life
Thanks for sharing!! 😇😇😇
A lot of this rings very true and I have experienced myself. This is one of your most important talks and needs to be seen by more people.
Thank you for watching and for the support! 😍😍
The male version is more caring , patient and gentle. The female version is more determined , courageous and rebellious .
Thanks for sharing. :)
@@BoomShikha My pleasure.
I do not see the feminine minded point of the INFJ male mind as dressing more female and such, but I am a pacifist and I have been since childhood, but I also experience more emotion than most guys that I am around. Not sadness, but joy, anger, etc.; However, even with these emotions a blast of anger is the only way to make people back off. A song for you to listen to makes much sense to me. "Crying Inside" - Nick Lowe. It truly expresses society norms.
Thank you for sharing!! :)
@@BoomShikha You are welcome.
To all INFJ Men: Do Celibacy!
If you can endure the pain of life, without giving into the pleasure of instant gratification, you get;extra energy, more testosterone, a drive to reach out and connect with people, more activated intuition(as long as you use the energy to go out, meet your friends, face your fears at your pace and grow) helping you land on the most meaningful thing from the experience you gather with people.
However there are down sides that if you can resist and get through will make you more strong and initiating. These are: pain, giving up on life, believing you are inferior, demotivation, limiting yourself because of the problems you have, and giving up because you are afraid of being seen as weak by others.
When you do this semen retention you hit rock bottom but if you persevere and don't give in (& your mind will give you all the reasons to), you will never give up whatever happens to you, you always find a way to just keep going.
Your mind does go out of control sometimes though. Just let your mind do what it wants when you start getting negative thoughts. Don't try to control it, just don't let negative thoughts in the process phase you and make you stagnant.
The good thing about it is when you get through the hard part in the first month or so, you reach a place where you are so depressed so beaten up that it literally cannot get any worse. Celibacy takes you to a place where you can reach the worst of life, so you can always remember that whatever you're going couldn't be worse than what you've been through before. So it's like, if you can go through facing the hardships of life before, then you can get through what you're going through now(moving forwards) not giving up.
So do Celibacy & don't give up & don't give in. Trust me, from a fellow INFJ male, you won't regret it.
Celibacy for infj men basically makes us able to feel things. When we ejaculate we basically go numb and feel a 100 times worse than we already did. We get energy from it which eventually makes us feel bad for others because we've been through the worst and we weren't sure we could get through it but we pull through so we worry about how others are coping because for us it was literally hell so we just try to support others because we know how painful life is.
Wow! That's awesome. 💕💕💕
Celibacy? What is the meaning of the life without a woman? (I agree on semen retentition by the way)
@@antidepresan3394 that's a question I don't think I'll ever get the answer to. I think in our minds we'll never truly understand "why", and that's what makes life a massive struggle. However we all see problems in the world, and I think our collective purpose, is to make the world a better place however we can, to try our best. And also I notice I feel guilty about certain issues, and like it's my duty to fix them problems. I think we all know our responsibility/purpose on this planet intuitively, but it's just when we go out in the real world we feel different and lost. I think we all belong to help one another to deal with life, and work together to create a better world. We see each others weaknesses, that we ourselves cannot see, which reinforces that we are meant to be together.
So in summary: to contribute in the world by fixing the issues you can see and feel responsible for.
This is just my point of view though :
@@skam5572 ok got that. But without a woman can we be a man🤔?
@@antidepresan3394 in my opinion, no. We're incomplete without one. And meant to reproduce, it's only natural for man and woman to come together. Women push men to be men by nature. Otherwise we wouldn't do certain stuff without one, because it's just like what's the point. I think they just pull out the masculinity within us.
Another rare INFJ male here! Yeah I can totally agree with what you’re saying. Especially when I was younger, I found it hard to relate to the guys in school. They would want to talk about and play sports, or talk about girls, or just generally be roughhousing boys. I found it extremely hard to fit in with these people. Once I realized that fact though, it initiated a paradigm shift where I realized I didn’t need to please anyone. It took a lot of courage, but that shift allowed me to stand up for my moral character and choose friends who would respect who I was (many of these new friends were female). I’ve been called a ladies man in the past, and I’ve had a gay friend of mine take interest in me. I used to worry a lot about how I was perceived in the world. I was worried that I wasn’t actually male enough. I am a straight male, so this was hard for me, to reconcile the more empathetic qualities with the ideas of what a man is. Nowadays, I find that I like surrounding myself with a few close friends who understand my personality and won’t judge me or tell me to be something I’m not. Even though it is extremely rare, my best friend is actually an INFJ female. She can definitely relate with what you’ve said about INFJ females. Good job with this video! I’ll be looking forward to more.
Look for Demisexual
Thank you for sharing, and for watching! Love that this video resonated. xx
In my experience most women are attracted to men who are perceived as being stronger (in all ways mentally as well as physically) than they are. So the stronger the woman, the stronger the man she demands.
Yes!!! Agreed. The stronger the woman, the stronger the man she demands. 😍😍
Whoa! 😃 Thanks, Shikha! You read my entire comment. I'm glad I was able to reach you and give you a little bit of understanding of us male INFJs. Our situation is very similar. You really get it and have consideration for us. Thank you for the explanation, for having empathy, and for letting me be part of one of your videos. I agree with you about girls wanting and being very attracted to bad boys. It doesn't always work out as smoothly as they would like because, well, ...they're _bad boys._ I wish women were attracted to what makes them happy and not just what will give them a thrill in the moment. Then we male INFJs would have as good of a chance with women as the ESTP "dudebros". 😃 I don't wear women's clothing or fake nails or anything like that. I'm completely male on the outside. My demeanor or aura, if you will, is just not very aggressive or macho. I'm a very sensitive empath. As you've mentioned before, all INFJs are. I don't consider myself feminine at all. However, I do feel the message from others of being undesirable because of sensitivity or emotionality. ("Men don't show emotions. Emotions are for women." "Girls are sensitive. Boys are strong.") A prevailing attitude in society, yes, but it's inaccurate and immature. Through typology, I've come to understand why _to others_ I'm more feminine than I'm _SUPPOSED to be,_ and not as masculine as people _WANT_ men to be. I now know about masculine and feminine energy, and I'm ok with having them be balanced within me. This was an excellent video. It was comforting and encouraging. I felt seen, understood, and accepted. Again, thank you so much. ✌&❤
P.S. - I've heard that story about the face painter or a very similar one. The little boy wanted a blue butterfly and the mother became irate over it. She started by saying something like, "No, he doesn't want that. That's for girls." The painter responded, "I was asking _HIM._" I believe the mother rather angrily told the father (who wasn't bothered by it) to explain to the child why it wouldn't be right for him to get that face art. The child was saddened by the event, and the painter was highly upset and disturbed by the mother's attitude. So she took to social media and published her feelings about it. The story I saw was on ThinkTank on RUclips.
Oops!! Sorry I called you Jeremiah!! So sorry!! And thank you for sharing your thoughts with me, so I could create a video like this one. xx
@@BoomShikha Your welcome. I love the exchange of energy and ideas. ✌😊❤
It's hard to play another game that is not dictated by society, but we can not be at the mercy of it all the time.It's about finding a place where these misconceptions just do not take place. And I think the places are always conformed by people. So do not stop being what they are by these social rules. It is better to be free than to be at the mercy of an idea or people. So be strong and be yourself.
Do not change what you are for something that the majority is.
Yes!! Well said!!
This video holds true for me. The stares of disappointment that I get from women when I spill my love for everything psychological, emotional, and philosophical still pains me to this day. I cannot lie to myself and suddenly become the man that they desire, for I have absolutely no idea what nor who that shallow man is. Despite all of that crap, I must continue walking because if there is one thing I've noticed about INFJs, particularly the progressive ones, it's that no matter the pain, we must stand back up and move forward for the people who need our strength.
YES!!! We have to get up and go every single time. :)
Agree. One of my dear male friends is INFJ. He was my ballet classmate and my family doctor: very smart, caring, artistic, funny....just a special and rare kind!!
❤️❤️
I'm a male INFJ-T (I took 3 different personally tests each re-doing them 2 times in a row to make sure there was no mis-types) and I personally will normally stay quiet around people I am unfamiliar with and am often perceived as "shy" and "quiet" and while I am 96% introverted me and the people im closest with can talk for hours at a time with no problem!
(Any INFJ guys please correct me if im wrong! I apologize if I am)
However after doing research from others and myself I'm pretty sure that we normally read other's body language and will unconchesly copy thier expressions, all while trying to gain as much information on that person as possible to avoid saying things that will make said person uncomfortable, so often times we will look as though we're fitting in with other guys when we are around them... however if you keep an eye out, that's when you'll mainly be able to find out when there's a male INFJ, for example (and I didn't think about this until watching your video) I normally have lunch on my own not because i dont like the other people, but more because I would much rather have peace and quiet compared to playing a bunch of sports... I'm still an introvert deep down which is why sometimes at restaurants I'll excuse myself to the restroom just so I can take a moment to think through everything that's happened happening and what may happen.
I'm always willing to listen to people and try to help them out! However many people find it odd for guys to talk about subjects that are close to thier hearts which is part of the reason I'll wait for at least a year of trusting somone (Which will vary depending on the person) before I talk to them about my own feelings...
I always try to get to know people first.
One of my best friends always tells me that I'm too nice, which I heard you mention...
I just thought it was really interesting that you touched on that!
Most of the time when a lot of people would get mad at eachother, my mind always thinks of why they did what they did... it normally makes it really easy to forgive them and my friends always think it's just me being too nice.
Anyways I really appreciate you taking the time to make this video! It was very insightful and I agree with you on a lot of what you said!👍
Edit: Sorry for such a long comment!
Wow!! Thank you so much for sharing with us. I appreciate it. :)
I think this is true, although it could use another term instead of "feminine minded". haha
Yeah it was the only term I could think of. 😏😏
😂😂
More in touch with their feminine side is what I’ve heard always. I’m infj but gay but told I’m not feminine acting but I feel like I lowkey am lol. I don’t dress up but just the poise.
Yah, “How bout’ them Cubbies?!
If there is 2 then the truth can't be found in 1
Im deeply feared as an infj man. Most find me intimidating and i have been told that so many times. I see both sides of the coin when it comes to masculinity and feminism. My masculine side comes out to be dominant to the point where my own brother said that when i take charge mostly everyone around me back down yet im the youngest of 7 brothers and my feminine side is more of an understanding and empathic nature. I don’t treat women like trash but at the time i don’t place them on a pedestal either.
Thanks for sharing!
I am 20 y.o INFJ- a male and i am really passionate about developing myslef to be "best version of myself" , and as INFJ we know how to adapt, so i learn much about relationships, attraction, psychology, masculinity, all my weaknesess and etc. And now i am this "Alfa-male" with all traits of INFJ. (sorry for my english, i am still working on that 😃 )
Thanks for sharing!!!
Lots of reasons why - life experience, etc. (including being married to another INFJ) - but I find myself not caring nearly as much about what people think of my personality these days. Perhaps I've let more of my stereo-typically "male" arrogance kick in as I've gotten older - and I've also door-slammed a lot of folk over time and realised it makes absolutely not difference whether these people are in my life (well, it makes a positive difference if anything). But I really feel comfortable in who I am. That doesn't mean I always feel comfortable with how I react to things, or with perceptions of letting people down, etc. However, I no longer really care much for expectations of how I should or shouldn't be as an individual. I know myself pretty well - warts and all - and I'm actually quite proud of the dominance of my reflective, intuitive and emotional sides... and I've learnt to embrace my passionate side when I see a cause that I believe strongly in (though I do tend to overreact at times, no doubt).
This is great!! So glad to see that you are accepting yourself as you are. Powerful. 😊😍😍😊
Agree, rare. Been a valve technician working for all power plants in the U.S. for over 20 years now. Noticed people with good work ethic don't even notice. They respect you on a different level.
Love it!!
The real problem with femininity in men in society's eyes is that it comes off as arrogance or as if we're dominating - we (possibly just we infj's or just me) can get very bad reactions from both men & women for being too assertive in being our 'real selves'. Every general description distinguishing masculine from feminine traits I've always identified more with the naturally compassionate & open nature of women & not the object-fixation or aggression commonly attributed to men, yet I'm still a man & cannot escape how much I identify with the essential experiences of being a man (& a masculine one at that). But while it definitely might make some people like me come off as panzies, really it's the outgoing eager-to-be-included-and-take-charge-if-everyone's-down-with-it approach you resonate when you're feeling confident & engaged that the feminine qualities can surprisingly yet eagerly employ (I suspect from dropping the inherent sexual desire to eventually get something out of any interpersonal situation if it's possible, either in social dominance & recognition or actual sexual contact) that both gives you the best personal utility you can have to involve yourself confidently & in an undivided & genuine manner but also triggers the sensitivities of those around you toward any dominant-apparent qualities they see as 'toxic' or threatening. Perhaps this is limited to an American-cultural observation or applies mostly to recent uproars over 'triggering' behavior & masculinity in general (which is ironic since like I said in its best expression it actually comes from our feminine sensitivities), but I'm almost convinced the 'problem' you think we have with society seeing us (or maybe just me) as feminine is actually the opposite from what you proposed: it's the brashness that can come from the confidence in accepting our feminine nature can instill unease in people around us that leads them to judge us in some way.. but the overt expression as I've experienced it isn't often in being too feminine but rather being too outgoing when we accept our feminine nature in dialogue that causes others to think we're actually too masculine or arrogant rather than not enough of either. I only ever disliked gay men who acted arrogant or used their femininity as an excuse to act arrogantly but not being gay myself I'm not sure if the "outgoing femininity" I've experienced reflects the same way any male infj would use or experience it, especially if they instead seek to suppress it. But the problem now socially as I see it isn't feminine men like me being chastised for not being manly enough (that's plenty-accepted where I come from) but for actually seeming too manly when we do get to engage with & express our feminine qualities - men see it as threatening & women see it as toxic or displaying arrogance (at least right now), so if we're not amongst family or close friends we can freely express ourselves with we know better than to speak up where we aren't actually invited (remember we're chameleons so standing out as being too feminine isn't likely since we've likely taken more than enough steps to blend in seemlessly). Great video & well thought-out points but I was frustrated you were missing what was perhaps the real picture for us (at least me anyway)
Thank you so much for sharing!!
As what boom shikha said. I am one of those female, who is more than fine to have a feminine male as my partner. So cheer up guys!!
😱😱😱😍😍😍❤❤❤ Oooooooh! Thank you so much! That just warms my heart. I can't tell you what it means to hear a women say that, to have that acceptance and desire of the opposite sex. Thank you. 😘
@@jeffreysherman8224 Your welcome. Honestly, hearing such feed back from you also warms my heart ( no lie ). I wouldn't thought my comment would bring that much of a difference. So, thank you :)
Love it!!!
My man is on the more feminine side and embrases it and is fully man and himself ie more balanced which to me is much more attractive as he doesnt fake manliness doesnt start pointless fights and is solidly there for me and isnt afraid of My manly side ( as a Female) or other sides .I can show My layers My weakness ,My aggression and My evil and he still loves me . I dont want a man who cannot let me be strong without thinking it diminishes his value .He is proud over me and he is his own person and equally strong if not more but in a softer more almost jujutsu way like a bambu Rod flexible Bendy but wont break and strong as hell in his values and core. I admire him so much !
@@annarehbinder7540 damn you guys are s great match. INFJ male here.
That took alot of courage to put out there. I guess I see the intent to console...I only know one or two infj men, but not long and deep enough to make that declaration....I can agree, that I'm more masculine in general for several reasons...I not sure it's because I identify as an infj. I'm a leo (fire/masculine sign), enneagram 8w9 (bear, challenging peacemaker) grew up without dad at home...in NYC....and lived alone since I was 21. I'm very much a lioness 🤣 I personally feel alot to soften towards myself and others.
I can attest, it was consoling. ❤ She even read my whole comment! 😊 (...and called me Jeremiah instead of Jeffrey. 😝) She did, however, mention some other things that I have no association with. I'm completely male. Not a cross dresser, not gay, which some guys here have mentioned is a fairly common assumption of them. I want to make this distinction because it's sensitive and empathic straight men that aren't readily accepted. Gay men are expected to be more "feminine minded" and to exhibit effeminate mannerisms. Although I'd like to change the perception of us and remove such inaccurate associations, I very deeply appreciate Shikha's effort. Her intent was conveyed loud and clear. She spoke with compassion and showed genuine empathy for men, something we truly need from women. I felt seen, understood, and most importantly accepted.
@@jeffreysherman8224 same type of guy here. Not all INFJ guys are gay or appear as such. Talk about being rare: even INFJ channels don't know we exist.
@@jeffreysherman8224 I appreciate your effort in helping me understand
@@David-J-Harris5263 I remember your comments on my former channel and sensed balanced 💖
Thank you all of you for sharing your thoughts!! Love!!
I'm a straight male INFJ and I understood a lot of what you discussed here. Some people have mistaken me for being attracted to men, so much of what you said hit home. Some people have to understand that there's more than one way to be a man. This is why I'm not a fan of gender roles. They're simply too rigid and don't take nuances into account.
Yes!! You are so right about gender roles. They are so stupidly restrictive. Why can’t men wear lipstick and nail polish? Why can’t women work in construction or as firefighters? It’s ridiculous. :S
Yes!! You are so right about gender roles. They are so stupidly restrictive. Why can’t men wear lipstick and nail polish? Why can’t women work in construction or as firefighters? It’s ridiculous. :S
Yes!! You are so right about gender roles. They are so stupidly restrictive. Why can’t men wear lipstick and nail polish? Why can’t women work in construction or as firefighters? It’s ridiculous. :S
As a straight infj male the problem has always been that being around guys you have suppress emotions/speaking your mind and talk shit to each other while with women and past relationships being to nice doesn't work out. Trial and error has helped me be able to find the middle ground and am good at getting along with almost anyone. However, it does feel like it will be almost impossible to find someone I can be completely my self around because if I sense theres a way I am that won't work with the other person then I will either have to change to make sure the relationship goes on, or leave. INFJS just need to learn to be confident in themselves
Yes! Great point.
I am an INFJ male, that is also a Pisces. But you are right on the feminine part. People don’t know how to take me. I just tell them I’m very in tuned with my emotions and know me:)
Thanks for sharing!
See it’s why I love sticking the middle finger to society.i have acrylic nails just because my natural nails are not strong enough when they are long. I’m consider myself gender-fluid, the best of both worlds almost. Or so I like to feed my ego. I’m humble about it if it helps. Can’t help being a shining, we are INFJ after all.
Yes!!!
No you take it to another level. And you don't "stick" any of your acrylic fingers to society since NOWADAYS femininity in males is something whichbis being promoted by the system. You Ni should help you realise it. If you have any Dom Ni which i really doubt. You are a degenerate. Not a rebel
Really nice video. Resonated with me very well. Thought I haven't had people telling me I'm feminine for quite a while, I think it's because I don't talk to many people these days. I usually filter out all the people who I think won't understand me even before I get past the pleasantaries. This is both good and bad(leaves me with a couple of people to talk to). I've also noticed that these days I've grown more and more impatient of shit from people who I consider too dumb to understand me. Of course I don't tell them this, but I don't stay in the same room as them if I can help it either. I can see what you mean though. I'm still really sensitive, like cooking, playing with toys, animals and talking about feelings and stuff.. I mean that I feel really feminine.. But it also feels like home and very familiar feeling this way.. If that makes sense. But I only share my feelings with people whom I deem worthy. Does that make sense? How many of you guys feel this way?
That makes absolute sense. Why deal with people that make us feel like shit???
The speech by James F. Clarke "True Manliness" here on RUclips is something I relate to as an INFJ male.
Thanks for sharing! ❤️
Thank you for this content. I’m an INFJ male. I have a few male friends and do several “manly” things we do in the area I live. I hunt, fish, hike and love working in the yard and garden. I am, however, a coward. I’ve always had more female friends and could identify with them better. I’m straight and am attracted only to female persons and present in public as male. But, at home I dress as female most of the time and the wife finds it difficult to deal with at times. Until I found this information about others like me I had always thought there was something very wrong with me. Thanks for letting me know it’s not just me!
Awww, you are so welcome here. Thank you for sharing yourself with us in your truth. :)
I am a coward too! :S
I have been "taught" the correct image on how to be a appropriate male in my society. To be strong and emotionless. I've grown so used to this image I need to put up everyday that sometimes I feel detached and strange from who I truly am inside anymore.
Oh and also the part about being accused of being gay because I was too nice resonate so well with me hahaha. Can't remember the number of times I had females and males who thought I was gay just because I had been understanding and empathetic to others, as a male...
P.s. sorry for bad English :)
Yes!! And your English is perfect! xx
@@BoomShikha Thanks friend :)
Problem with me is that girls usually come up and be friends with me, without me having intentionally befriending them, like they just pop up of nowhere and stayed with me. Like when it comes to me adapting and adjusting to a personality i could fit in with them they be like "are you gay, bi or what?". No im not, im just like this to suit your taste, im trying to be more relatable with you so it wont look like you're the only one trying hard to keep up with me.
Interesting!
As a gay INFJ male, I understand this completely as when I was young I used to hang around girls more because I could relate more so to them both because I was gay and because I they tend to have deep and more intellectual conversations. While hanging out with my best friend, she wanted to do my makeup and I could tell it would make her really happy plus I didn't mind, so I allowed her to do so. My mom happened to be on her way over so that we could go somewhere and when she saw me, she shamed me for it because "boys aren't supposed to wear makeup." She always used to ask why I didn't play sports like "normal" boys my age. Now I'd say as someone being open about who I am there's less restrictions. Honestly, I think being a gay and an INFJ male forces people to see me with less expectations of masculinity. Straight INFJ males probably do have a much harder time fitting in.
Wow!! Yes, you are so right. I didn't even think about this. Thanks for sharing your experiences.
Jeez this is probably why sometimes I get called gay when I'm not at all.
Yup, probably the case!
Dont think i come off like this...i am definitely masculine.. always been more of a leader but i just dont like people.
Thanks for sharing!!
You just described my life. My best friends all my life have always been women. I can build deep emotional connections with them. When one leaves, another one comes, like a moth to a flame.
Thanks for sharing!
Ha! Yes, lots of men wanted me to be gay when I was younger. However, as a therapist, the masculine/feminine mix makes me extremely versatile. I was demeaned and discounted as well, the equanimity in me was considered not aggressive enough. I am starting to think that actually INFJ is just an advanced state of being for humans... it's where you go just before buddhahood, right?. The INFJ idealism and huge scope is also indicative of a lot. I feel like psychedelics are very pleased when they get to interact with an INFJ mind, the access to art, creativity, complex connections and explorer nature.
Wow, you've had such a varied and turbulent life. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. :)
I guess I'm the exception as an INFJ male. I've always been told I'm too brash and brutally honest and that's why I'm more of a loner. At the same time I'm still reserved as I'm only honest with others if I have a reason to be. Roughly 70%-80% of society, as well as people I come across daily, don't like blunt honesty so I'm fine with being a loner.
I get it! 😅😅
Thanks a lot for this video. I feel so understood and assured that I am not the only one who feels like this.
You are so welcome!! :)
It isn’t just INFJ males who get this kind of treatment. My dearest friend is an ENFP and he has the same kind of reaction from most people, though he is very much extraverted he has a very soft side which he hides from most people, you have to know him really well for him to show it to you.
Thanks for sharing!
INFJ guy here, to summarise and agree with what other people have said, INFJ guys are considered odd, and often end up in the "gay best friend role" (even thought I personally am straight ). My reasoning behind that is yes we are more emotional but also because unlike most guys, I find myself enticed by the concepts of restraint of power and equilibrium in all things (expect maybe Ni vs Se), because I can be Aggressive and Assertive ect, BUT I hate doing it, I feel the great threat of loss of control that if unleashed will lead to another begin destruction, so would never seek to use power to expect to help others. So INFJ guys are emotionally attuned smiling friendly guys, but also usually quirky as a defence mechanism and as a way to very quietly and subtly flip the bird to the world. In the end though usually we end up as the wise mentors whose life grows with age rather than decreases as look ect fade.
Interesting!! Thanks for sharing.
This video is spot on...well done love.
Thanks for watching. :)
You know, I oftentimes find that older women are the ones that try to repress my femininity. Ever since I hit puberty and my body started changing, my older foster sister would constantly say, "Stop walking like that!" on my way to elementary school. I'd look at her confused and tell her I'm walking normally but never get told what about my walk was wrong.
I found out myself years later that my hips swayed when I walked. Not exaggeratedly, but just naturally, and of course swaying hips is a feminine attribute.
I also remember in highschool a few years back, I was quite nonchalant about not labeling my sexuality and wearing eyeliner-which I still do for outings, and a classmate asked if I was like a dog trying to be a cat. Of course, the girl in the group quickly chastised him because it was offensive, but I didn't really take offense in that he was saying I was a boy trying to be a girl. What I took offense with was that he called me a dog when I've never associated with dogs in the way I associate myself with cats. But on top of that it wasn't out of malice but of curiosity, so I let slide.
Also, I often don't confine myself to certain pronouns. I mean, I use male oriented pronouns for myself, but I allow others to use whatever makes them happy in regards to me. My ex actually almost exclusively used feminine pronouns and versions of words in regards to me, and I never corrected him once. I mean, as long as it isn't disrespectful, I'm fine with it.
Now another thing that may just be specific to me as an INFJ male, is that I'm very maternal. I'm very affectionate and most of the time I'm doting on the children I help take care of. I just love childrearing. And maybe this is another speculation, but when I think of paternal ways of affection, I always think about carrying children on one's shoulders. Dunno why but it's just a portrayal I often see-even my father did it to me and my brother. On the maternal side, something I've seen done-and have been doing since I was 11, was carrying children on one's side. I dunno. Maybe I read into it too much, but I do find it to be a more secure way to holding a child-and now I'm rambling. 😅
Great video, Shikha! Really enjoyed it.
LOVED this comment so much! Thank you so much for sharing your wonderful thoughts with us. Thank you!!!
INFJ male here - My experience interacting with this world in terms of being "masculine / feminine" has been one of indifference to that notion. I've never cared about how others perceive me in this regard as I am who I am period, this is not going to change in order to appease anybody.
Sure I'm certainly much more "empathic" than the typical male but I never seen this as any sort of "feminine" or "unmanly" characteristic because it isn't / doesn't have to be. My answer to anybody who's questioned my "manhood" has been to demonstrate via action that I'm not somehow "weak" due to being more empathic but on the contrary more human / more evolved than the typical boneheaded ignorant stereotypical ideal of a "male".
If society wants to "categorize" me as being "unmanly" I simply laugh it off as absurd because this is exactly what it is - absurd / unfounded nonsense.
For a bit of background, I served in the U.S. Marine Corps from 1998 to 2002 - Obviously this isn't a "girly" profession and while I didn't exactly "fit in" with the typical macho stereotypical Marine I nevertheless excelled and excelled well above the vast majority of Marines - Rank of E-4 is just two years - Perfect 300 PFT Score - Expert Rifle / Pistol rating, etc.
In Highschool I was the top Track & Field and Cross Country runner in my school and I was extremely fit going into Marine Corps Bootcamp (Aug 10, 1998 -Parris Island, SC) Any notion that I wasn't "manly" was quickly smashed when I would demonstrate that I could perform well above the average "macho" Marine.
So while I never bragged (I'm not trying to brag here just trying to get a point across) I never had to because my actions spoke for my character. I like to think I probably helped to have other Marines "rethink" what it means to be a "man" during my four years in the Marine Corps.
The concept of being "macho" in my opinion doesn't mean some outwardly superficial "appearance" of being "manly" but actually demonstrated as such via your actions and being "empathic /caring for others" is NOT an "unmanly" trait - Anybody who thinks otherwise isn't worth your time.
The "persona" off being "macho" is one thing (utterly meaningless in actuality) The "reality" of what it means to be strong is only demonstrated through actions NOT the "appearance" of being strong (this is called being a "fake")
Brilliant!! 😍 thank you so much for sharing!! 👏👏👏👏
@@BoomShikha Thank you for the acknowledgment 😃 - Very impressed with your content by the way- you clearly have a profound understanding of this stuff along with an amazing personality and talent for conveying your thoughts & ideas. I'm a subscriber and wish you all the best 💖
Thank You, Thank You, Thank You, Boom Shikha, for telling other men to stick it out and continue being themselves. I was worried when you were reading their comments, because hear another guy say he gets "friendzoned" all the time, makes me feel a bit nervous. Questions come up in my head, what's wrong with being a friend to a women? Do interactions with women HAVE to be romantic? Right, we, as guys, are taught that men should really only look to women as people to be romantically interested in. But that's just another way society conditions "manliness." I was friends with my now current partner for years before we actually decided to try and become something more. I believe if you earnestly attempt being a friend, there's nothing wrong with that, and maybe, just maybe, something might grow out of being friends. I have never had a problem with being a friend to women, but find it worrisome that guys seem to complain about being a friend. But that might just be my INFJ male mind, over thinking again...
Thank you for watching, and sharing your thoughts. Glad you found the video resonated. xx
There is a few guys(and girls) struggling with these things and by all means support them but there is also the big picture. There is a lot of men and women struggling to be just men and women due to living in a society that pushes us to go against gender roles. Like how women are pushed to work or lead and be tough rather than raise kids. But everyone is aware of that whatever they think of it, back to men a more important issue that concern men in general is how men are not allowed to be masculine anymore in this day and age due to insidious modern politics.
A woman may be masculine, then she is "strong" but a man must not be or it's "macho-culture" and he is just a gullible sod, someone who must learn to cry and get in touch with their feminine side. As soon as the rare masculine man appears with the guts to act or speak like a man he faces a massive pushback and there is a public outrage, see Trump or Bolsonaro or Orbán. We are lead to believe that masculinity is toxic, that masculine men are sexually abusive and stupid; mansplaining, manspreading good-for-nothing tyrants. All the wars are our fault, the patriarchy is evil etc etc. It's absolutely inhumane the way that masculine men are treated and just insane how many women have turned on the entirety of the other gender. According to the wishes of society at large men should just be as-if neutered so that women can be in charge. A not-so masculine man is okay like, say, Trudeau, but try being yourself and you're Hitler. If you're a remotely masculine man you have to hide your presence unless you're prepared to take a barrage of strikes against you.
Masculine men are most hated. They live difficult lives. So I say that more feminine men have it better. But if men are supported in being feminine they should damn well be supported in being masculine. But I have to scavenge the web to find anything like gratitude towards men or women for being masculine men or feminine women. The world is upside down...
Yes, the world is definitely upside down, but I feel like it's getting better. Hopefully, it's getting better.
This guy gets it. Im infj but im far from feminine. Im aware of my emotions but i will hardly ever lead with or even remotely show them as they dont benefit me in the situations i put myself into. The most emotions women ever see from me is in the bedroom and those emotions are fully masculine as i have every intention to dominate her and have her submit to me and her femininity fully. But for me to showcase this aggressive side out in public would be ostracized in this gynocentic social order if the woman. Our assertive nature is literally being preached to us that its toxic and if we didn't use it the world would be a better place and thats a damn like from the pits of hell.
@@mewing17 You seem 'woke' on the issues with matriarchy -have you ever heard of J.D.Unwin? He discovered that any civilization that adopts a female sexual revolution perishes in three generations. www.kirkdurston.com/blog/unwin
@@mewing17 i dont know if it is about mascularity but im same like you. But suprassing not showing emotions is unhealthy. I missed so many oppurtinity because of this before. I can show a bit in daily life rather then before my younger days.but there is the opposite side , not in the bedroom, in daily life when you show emotions(not one-one) , you lost control.people see you as a weird, eccentric, feminene, crazy... smthn like that. And you retreat again. Return to smoking, computers, indoors, anxiety, loniness.Love and hate relationship for the humanity takes charge again.
Thing is, as an INFJ male, it doesn't really matter at all what the world thinks of me. What kills me is what I think of myself. In fact I view it as my only.strength - my convictions come from an another realm deep down within me. I don't exaggerate when I say that if the whole world somehow disagrees with what I have subjectively known to be true, would not make me change my mind. Yes I would be stressed and become sick but I would die rather than agree superficially.
I think of male INFJness as being a strong dominant female spirit inside a man's body. The male.part is there but is scared of people and perhaps it's growth is thwarted but nevertheless that part is objective and finds joy in brainy /nerdy things.
LOVE this! 💯 💯 💯
Hello there!
I can relate to that, I adopt both female/male behaviours all my life, and people always been rejected me and told what I should do when doing more female like behaviours, sometimes regardless of the results or them actually knowing me.
It like I were a mask to make things smoother and efficient in some situations, but always looking to found the real face behind people’s masks
Thank you for sharing! :)
i used to youtube how girls behave subconsciously and i find they think almost like me...... the difference is sometimes they do it subconsciously but i do it most of the time consciously.......... but i used to behave like that more consciously and very easily after i find out that i'm an INFJ........ and today i was confirming that i'm a alpha male or not then this video came up and it cleared some of my doubts about me.... so thank you very much... and keep going forward......'✌✌
Thank you for sharing!!
ur welcome.... and thank you too, for the video...
I'm an INFJ woman and my question to you is, do you think infj's can be happy with and compatible with alpha males? I speak for myself and maybe other infj's when i say this and it's that it's hard for me to relinquish control and let anyone else make decisions in my household but I'm also attracted to alpha male's that could possibly take the traditional role and be come the provider.
Yes! I think this is such an important question. It's about relinquishing control, not completely, but in terms of allowing another to enter your life, no matter alpha or not. It's definitely a practice and INFJs need to improve in this. Thank you for sharing!
INFJ male here. Just wanna correct you on your view/societal/regional limited encounters with an INFJ MALE. I live and have grown up in wyoming, a rugged open country state with 500k total state population. I'm far from feminine but also not an aggressively domineering fake "alpha" always starting fist fights. Until age 15 I was picked on daily by so called bullies as I always showed my caring side. I didn't fight back because the azz whooping at home would be far worse then if I would win/lose fist fight at school. Mind you I've never been small, short, or weak and I've always known I can stand my ground or worse. At 15.5yo I did fight back, became friends, and as they put it "we were poking the big bear and we knew we probably would lose". I was 6ft 1inch 225lbs and worked out daily ontop of growing up on a ranch. Stupidly strong I earned a few nicknames like superman, moose, oxe in high school and in my 20s. I learned in my 20s not to constantly show my caring side and adapted an indifferent guard until I got to know someone or more commonly someone I didn't know started telling me their life story and secrets. Now in my 30s I'd say I show my true personality which I'd describe as strong, confident, idk what you think of me or how you see me good or bad, courteous, encouraging, protective, helpful, very giving, and I will help/give/encourage those I'm around to better their life. I give most of my time, labor, skill/ability, positively affecting their immediate surroundings which then opens up to helping their very personal struggles. I've noticed in majority I've helped have dramatic personality and outlook improvements even in those who refuse to deal with emotional problems and hateful beliefs.
Another thing to keep in mind is an INFJ can be a saint like mother Teresa or can be like Adolf hitler.
Anyway an INFJs main outward desire is helping and improving peoples lives. Inner desire is intimacy aka closeness openness understanding. Can go to extremes good or bad to reach their mission.
Thank you for sharing!!
I grew up on the reservation.. so, I've learned at a young age to defend everything I do. I had to learn how to fight and beat up everyone that tried to act those type of ways towards me. So, I've never really cared or been intimidated into being the stereotypical "masculine".
Thanks for sharing!
Infj male here. Wouldn't wish it on anyone. All of our "strengths" create distain and fear in others. Just because people can understand us doesn't mean they respect or value our "strengths"...in general.
Thanks for sharing!
"Wouldn't wish it on anyone." I was there at one time, but now... I wouldn't want to be anything else.
It's so true. ^^Our personality explains why we get along with females easily. We can easily also understood why females run away from topics such as soccer when male counterparts bring up. we can also understand why females wanted to be career minded and self sufficient especially in Asian societies. Again, male infjs are able to gain insights into human nature that we always land up as excellent advisors and counsellors.
Demisexual
@@yashnetke2277 Me too! Demisexual all the way.
Yes, absolutely!!
I agree to some extent as I am also an infj male I don’t know the ratio but in my personal opinion I’m both masculine and feminine minded I can definitely see the feminine side of me. But usually that’s in the inside people don’t really notice nor do I come of as a homosexual. Also it could also be because I do martial arts which can be somewhat considered a “manly” sport but I also read books which can be considered a “feminine” thing. So I really don’t know I’m more masculine in a way since I don’t show much emotion and I tell things as they are. But I totally understand where infj males come from.
Awesome share! Thank you.
Jesus Christ that explains why I felt the girl at my break up, she cheated, I cried, I cut my hair.
Thanks for sharing!
INFJs are chameleons, but female INFJs are allowed to expand their range in some professions, like I did in the male-dominant IT profession. But I'm thinking of heterosexual males like the late Prince. His profession allowed him to be the chameleon and still get respect. I think make INFJs in the arts, probably, have an easier time.
Yeah, that makes sense!!
With my calculations, there are 19.196.906 INFJ males
Interesting!! That is still a lot of INFJ males. :)
Boom-I would like to challenge you that INFJ males are more feminine minded. Maybe it just means this particular type is more well rounded and experiences the vastness of human emotions, as does any person who is healthy and mature. I know I am more empathetic than most males, but I don't feel feminine. To me, It's all about being whole, and less about the labels.
Thank you for sharing!! :)
As an INFJ, in my opinion your exterior depends on your life situations, I’m from NY and being assertive and defending yourself physically in different situations makes you somewhat rough around the edges even though as INFJ we are natural protectors, however, I do not think INFJ “Men” are feminine in the perspective of the video.
As a INFJ “Man” ( I think other INFJ Men are the same), I think we are drawn to women first by their beauty, their femininity, their vibrations, (if that at all makes any sense),then we notice mental and moral qualities that are distinctive to them as an individual, which causes us to be intrigued enough to keep digging deeper inside of them to get to the core of them, their inner workings, the hurt little girl inside of them that no one see’s and the one that they protect from the world.
We are always after deep AF connections with “Human beings” opposed to humans, there is a difference.
Other “Men” haven’t evolved and still have that “Me Tarzan, you Jane” mentality, they rather drink, smoke, go to sports bars, ego testing each other as nothing better to do ect.
As an INFJ “Man”, Apart from the negative side of female nature, I have a perverse fascination with their inner workings as well as their logic and their higher side of their personality and who and what they are and their perception of reality.
Men are “Black&white” so to speak, however; When you can determine and separate the damaged women, who lead with and who’s only value is “ Three holes and nothing more” from the women of value and/or, who are “A girl with a story” so to speak, the deeper we dig, the more respect, admiration and a genuine affection we end up having for them as a person first, then as well as a woman.
In short, think INFJ “Men” are viewed as feminine minded simply because we are Demisexuals.
And are not differentiated from INFJ “males”, now that’s a different story!!!
Again, this is only my opinion and perspective from my personal experiences and perceived reality.
Thanks for sharing your experiences! 💖
I'm an ESFP female and I've had two INFJs ask me out. Currently dating one of them, still friends with the other one. Never dated him coz I always just saw him as a friend. Considering how rare they are, I have a magnet for them I guess. Lol. It seems I was made for an INFJ
Hehehhee. That's awesome. :)
Me in Thailand
Me: Hey your a pretty good dancer 😃
Her: thanks🙂
Me: hang on... are you.. a guy??
Her: yes, does that bother you?
Me: bother me?! Hell no! Eyy wanna go high😏?
Her: yea!😃😃
Me: eyyyyy nice, let's ditch this club n go hang
Thanks for watching. :)
your voice is so soothing .
Thanks for watching!!
This is so accurate. I shed some tears. 🥰🥰🥰
Thanks for watching!
Society: be a chad!
Infj guys: no 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Thanks for watching. :)
So then being gay and infj has actually been the EASIER outcome? 🤯 It just is what it is and we don't have anything to do with it anyway but I would not have guessed. I can definitely see how that must suck. I'm 52 and have figured out this thing out there called sigma infj is actually just a maturing that I don't think will happen in some circumstances , though it does stand to reason having whatever significant betrayal experience (I think likely the last one but a completely reorganizing one) that for me took a few years from which to emerge😒 finally clears the deck enough to put us in the position of being able to understand how the world works might be what would also end the weaker more passive codependent attitude being picked up on.
Because for sure it's about confidence. I'm not talking about a know-it-all delusion. Instead, having enough distance from personal gaslighting to get perspective on social gaslighting is the awakening of seriously authentic self-assurance. I wish so much that I could give this away, too; wish there could've been someone to teach it to me or some way to learn it sooner.
If you can trust me that god is a device of conscience and ego (guaranteed third party forgiveness), all prophets are false, and there's no god no free will and no afterlife that should be about the closest thing to giving it away I can do because as INFJs you already know cooperation and mutual support are the most rational strategies. The reason other people do not is because having insufficiently constellated self-introjects within their own internal working models prevents them from even formulating the mutuality upon which to build any morality. This is essentially all extroverts because extraversion is the behavioral manifestation of less neuronal activity (google it) though it's probably only intransigent within the most highly extraverted (as one who can figure out moral enfeeblement is predicated upon intellectual enfeeblement would expect). I hope knowing that can free you from anticipating objectivity from others incapable of even holding an interest in thinking as rationally as you do😐. Someone who cannot see himself as part of the collective whole can never fathom that deliberate harm to part of that whole of which they are also a part is unsustainably self-defeating. Even explaining it to them in such a way that they could gather an understanding they simply will not conclude that it therefore necessarily follows duplicity and selfishness are the highest forms of stupidity. I can tell from the descriptions of us that this is what an infj knows in our gut. I've known it since I was somewhere between 7 and 10 years old but was never able to really put it together into what I would call understanding how the world really does work until my mid-40s. How helpful it might have been to grasp that sooner.
Yes, I think these words quite often. IF I knew what I know now about myself, what a different life it would have been. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us!!
We are men that understand both worlds more than the average male and because we are aware we have a harder time. The Majority of us are not feminine but understanding the feminine mind shapes our behavior, drastically. We have to (as one of the guys who commented) "build our masculinity," in a way. Our insight really don't give us the privilege to be reckless as other males because we see all or the majority of what will come about if we parktake in something that will eventually cause us or the people (specifically women) more harm by going against our internal standards. Some of us go to those extremes because we want to feel like we are men (according to social standards) but in reality we grow and realize the world pretty much has it wrong and we have balance that the world needs. Personally I didn't play with dolls but I listen to more women artist (music) than men because of their voices (obviously) but I listen deeply to their souls and how they express themselves and 8 times out of 10 its how 😕 immature or uninformed their guy(s) really is and how much more time is needed to develop and understand things infj males intuitively have. I could go on but this will have to do. To be feminine or feminine minded though, nah.
W/ respect to the healthy state and maturity of the Infj male.
INFJ (healthily) Brings about Balance to a society.
LOVEEE THIS!! Thank you for sharing. :)
I tbought the gender split between male and female INFJs was closer to 60/40
Is it really??? I think it's 25/75. But I may be wrong.
@@BoomShikha You may be right....not sure.
I'm INFJ male and I believe this is true.
Thanks for watching. :)
I was going to say to you that we are ESTP aspirational and that you should check what you mean of masculinity when talking about it. Then I watched your video and I realized what you mean by the term and thought you were right hehe.
Thanks for watching. :)
One day this will b differnt, huge steps are being taken toward a gender nutral society, there are still big double standards at play but we are working through themm the feminist revolution has led us to the male revolution which is leading us to dismantle the old gender identity roles and redefine not only the meaning but the importance of male vs female definitions, there's a long way to go but we are on our way to brave new world!
My partner is also infj, he's seemingly quite typically masculine, he's from a northern working class background which has a strong influence, but he is a softy with it, for me he's that perfect balance of strong and sensitive but I guess as an infj myself I can both see and appreciate that. Love advice in general I think anybody can get way too focused on what u think is holding back, it's easy to think those guys get all the girls and that must be what girls want in a guy, but there's like a thousand differnt kinds of people in the world, the world will tell u things that aren't true and our own paranoia will buy into it on the apparent evidence, but the world lies about what people want, it doesn't know what everybody wants, it cant, b who u are someone will think it's awesome, u r rare diamonds and there are people who can spot one when they see one!
Thank you both of you for sharing!!!
@Lonnie Gillard hi Lonnie, I get navigating people's expectations is still tricky, but I gotta say you look like you've bags of cool going on, chicks really dig cool, just do what u do and it's all gonna be good😀
Some INFJ back in the 30's-40's would have reacted badly to your statement. You degenerate freak. If INFJs don't see what is going on and talk about "feminist revolution" then the world is doomed. Thank God not all of us think like you.
INFJs are just "Androgynous," right?! I'd say so 😏
I personally find it almost impossible, for me at leat, to be like this... I just don't see any reason for doing this and also trust is there a BIG thing for me, I just feel better, namely more safely, when I am in my Ti and am like a Thinker, instead of a Feeling male and use Fe to a great/high or even full degree/potential.
Thanks for addressing this Boom ^^
You are absolutely welcome!!!
@@BoomShikha Aww thanks, that is good to know ;,)
Yes I know exactly what you are talking about.... I'm not gay or cross dresser... I love women but every time I go with a girl within 2 to 3 months they seam to lose entrust I'm just to nice to them ... I guess nice guys do finish last .. it is crazy how it works...
Yeah, it's sad but true. :S
No. I can't wait to meet a nice guy! I will so treasure him. Lord God!