15 Red flags: 1. Lack of Integrity 2. Lack of spiritual interest 3. Lack of physical attraction 4. Irresponsibility - financial and otherwise 5. Extreme emotional baggage that aren’t being dealt with 6. Failure to define the relationship/lack of commitment 7. Narcissist- world revolves around them 8. Manipulative and controlling behavior 9. Extreme criticism 10. Lack of social connections and accountability 11. Anger or abuse issues 12. Low self esteem 13. Codependency - no life outside of you to be an individual 14. Inability to resolve conflict 15. Jealousy or insecurity
Did you know my husband? lolol I’m thankful he got better I’m thankful in the end he trusted Jesus as his Lord and savior. After all in the end there’s not a single other thing that matters ❤️God is good❤️
Honestly, before I married I had no idea WHAT an equally yoked relationship was. Now I do and let me tell you STAY AWAY from all unequally yoked relationships!
@rebeccawitt9236 sadly this is the result of mothers and grandmothers not studying the Bible and passing it on like the Bible tells them to do. Now that we know it’s important for us to teach ours!
I was married twice. BOTH ex-husbands attended church and pretended to be Christians. Marriage was HELL. I was a battered wife. Cheated on too. Both were addicts. Y'all take heed.
Between myself and my husband, we started out with at least 8 of these red flags. We just celebrated 20 years of marriage. It was rough at first but we were committed to God and committed to our vows and our children. Those commitments kept us focused and eventually we have been able to overcome, for the most part, all of our original flaws. Grace, sanctification and natural maturation have led to the marriage we always dreamed of.
That's amazing. I do believe keeping God centered in your relationship is what allowed you to overcome those things. So thank you for sharing that even if things start off rough, all hope is not lost!
Thank you for sharing that and offering hope because we are all flawed in ways and learning how to love like Christ loves takes time and commitment. Congrats to 20 years and more! God bless you ❤
Relationship Mistakes 1- unequally yoked relationships ( this may be a non Christian or a Christian that’s nominal / not on the same spiritual level which may lead to compromise) 2- Rejecting godly counsel and accountability ( don’t go by sight alone look for character, spiritual walk etc) 3- we don’t take time to process the pain from past relationships. We’d rather be with someone I stead of healing emotionally 4- we sexualize the relationship and can’t make rational decisions. Sex before marriage can make a bad relationship seem good, or make a good relationship seem bad. 5- we ignore red flags . They may be fine but are not for you. Look out for the red flags and do not ignore them. (He got a haircut in the wrong barber shop) 15 red flags to pay attention to 1. Dishonesty ( lack of integrity) 2. Lack of spiritual interest 3.lack a f physical connection / attraction ( this right here😮) 4. Irresponsibility in all aspects especially financially 5. Extreme emotional baggage from past relationships/ family background. They need to deal with them 6. Failure to DTR ( define the relationship/ lack of commitment) 7. Narcissist ( me, myself and I mentality) 8. Manipulative and controlling behavior (run sis run& bro) 9. Extreme criticism 10. Lack of social connections no formed nor accountability 11. Anger or abuse issues in all aspects 12. Low self esteem 13. Codependency ( a person that doesn’t have a life outside of you). 14. Inability to resolve conflict ( emotionally immature) 15. Jealously or insecurity ( checking messages/ mistrust) etc
Thank you 🙏🏽❤. We need to stop sexualizing relationships before marriage. Most people end being caught up in this dynamic and they have suffered for the rest of their lives. Am 20 years old and I just love this video.
Excellent commentary! I am 62 years old and never married. I can relate to a lot of the things that was stated in this video. I had low self esteem among other issues which led to me being in an abusive relationship over 25 years ago. I definitely could relate to a lot of the red flags mentioned. Now I'm receiving healing due to the damage of domestic violence. But I am a strong person and now I can say that I have self love.
I ignored all the red flags and the advice of my family and ended up in a bad marriage. God allowed him to leave me and have biblical reasons for divorce to make room for the one He has for me.
I did the same thing. God allow her to divorce me, as I refused to divorce her. I now realize that she was a nominal Christian and narcissistic. After 10 years of marriage, she told me that she didn’t believe many aspects of the Bible that she once did. She actually told me that she thought Jesus was a political figure like Martin Luther King. You’re not alone. I ignored at least 8 of the 15 red flags. God bless you.
That's great. Every relationship I've had ended not too great. Every relationship I've had was never aligned with God. God has given u such a great gift.
I've met A LOT of girls online that sound very promising until the topic turns to abstinence until marriage, which the girl brings up. And every time this comes up, I get ghosted immediately after I tell them I support that value too. It's led me to stand by a motto: "If you aren't honest with me online, how can I trust you to be honest in person?"
Its been a challenge, most men even in church want sex before marriage. They love God according to their rules. I've chosen to wait on God to give me a man who will honor the value of "no sex before marriage". It's a very vivid sign of someone who has died to self.
I also ignored all the red flags and ended up in a bad marriage... twice. I tried to turn ungodly relationships into Godly relationships. I tried to follow Peter's advice: "Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives" 1 Peter 3:1 NIV It didn't work. My attempts at Godly behavior had to be compromised to keep the peace. Nothing worked. I got dumped after 20 rocky years of trying to compromise and being a basket case for it. Then I repeated the process in a second marriage, this time to a "church-going Christian". Another 10 years of getting turned down for prayer, bible study, and Christian fellowship, then dumped again. How long can it possibly take to hear the truth? God must come first. Period. Now I live alone with the Lord, and he is healing me with his amazing Word. It's the best relationship I've ever had. Thank you, Pastor, for this spot-on, thorough breakdown of the illusion of worldly relationships.
You hit the nail on the head Allen. I wasted years on a man who "seemed" like he was the right one. It was one of those things which I thought I could "save him" or "change him". Big mistake. If I had waited on God's guidance instead of going by myself I might have been married years ago. Well, maybe there is still hope for me. I'm 57 and have never been married, but had been in a lot of bad relationships. My parents don't even want me to get married. But it's God's and my choice, not theirs. If they are unreasonable about someone I meet (I'm the only believer in my family), and that person is a Christian, then if God wants me to marry that person I will. Please pray for me that someone will come a long.
Same. The only difference is, I was hoping that he changed for the best version of him or the version God intends for him to be. He would tell me that he had changed but since I decided to detach myself from him mentally & emotionally I stop expecting, and never allowed myself to trust him again. I couldn't find it within myself because he showed me a side of him that was disturbing when we were dating, lies on top of lies and cheating. Today we are friends and he will go out of his way for me, unfortunately, I still do not trust him but I have forgiven him. I ask God to let his will be done, if it's meant to be then it will happen if not I am more than open to whomever God has for me because I know whomever he is will be God's best. I'm 50, I pray that God will give us our desires in his timing 🙏.
@@grant2149what's the point to mention that if not to judge righteously. No need of bringing up a person's mistakes if they are already repenting of it. Also FYI I would suggest people research the word Fornication to see what it really means (most would say it's sex with a person you're not married to or other than the one you're married to=Adultery)but what exactly is Marriage 🤔 tbh it's the joining of two becoming 1 in bonding . So perhaps in God's eyes they were married just didn't have a wedding. But God knows.
@@grant2149 And I was forgiven for it. I asked God to forgive me and he did. It's all in the past now. I'm sure you've done the same thing. You can't judge me without judging yourself
I was in an unholy relationship and thought I couldn't get out but God allowed a particular situation to occur where I KNEW, at that moment, that it was time to severe the relationship,(because I was CONSTANTLY praying and asking God to help me get out of it). I have made myself accountable to two mature women in my church, one of them being my Pastor's wife! Though temptations do come from time to time, I have emerced myself in the WORD, prayer, fasting and regular church fellowship! I give thanks to God daily for helping me to get out of that unholy relationship! God be praised! Thank you for this video brother Allen. Excellent content.🎉
This is so important basically common sense. This is truth right here. I have been single for 10-15 years. These lessons are extremely helpful. The Bible is our source.
I just wasted over 2 years of my life in an unequally yoked relationship. He walked away 3 months leaving me with a heart break that I cannot put to words. I was here 2 years ago hoping that I would be among the lucky few that God uses to lead their spouses to the Lord. It didn't work out for me and I am suspecting he entered into another relationship 😭😭😭😭😭😭. My friends and all the ladies around me are getting married and having babies. I am trusting God I will not end up single because the only dream I have had ever since I could remember was being someone's wife.
Allen, this morning a was praying for my little brother and I couldn’t find the words. I was struggling. Eventually I asked God, please take control, I can’t find the words Lord and what to do. Because my little brother is stuck in a bad relationship and it pains me. This afternoon this video came up here on the RUclipss, your video. And I was like yes Lord thank you for this video. Amen! I’m going to share your video with my little brother. And everybody please pray for my little brother. Bless you all.
Thank you Brother Parr ! as the father of 2 children in their late 20's , beginning to wonder why they are not in steady relationships as they walk closer to Jesus , this is super helpfull content and this video will be the subject of our next family Study!
I needed to hear these words. I have been struggling with a decision that I need to make. This video has helped me put somethings into perspective. Positive prayers, please. 🙂
ravenarnettecreations7264 Don’t struggle with the decision. In all your ways acknowledge God and he will direct your path. Turn your plate down, fast and pray and seek the face of God. Also, seek wise and Godly counsel.
Lots of knowledge and wisdom right here. I am currently divorced... 15 years or my life I spent with someone I should never have married. The pain and emotional distress was way too high a consequence to pay for one moment if disobedience to the Lord... I learned a hard, but very valuable lesson .
Thank you for this video. I realize that part of the reason why I’m single is because I didn’t make the best choices in my relationships. I also realize that I needed to heal from the trauma I experienced in my childhood, adolescence, and my early adulthood. Thanks to Jehovah Rapha, who guided me to prayer, fasting, and therapy; I am in a much better place emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. All glory to God. I also realize that God has given me assignments for His glory. That could be done while I’m single or with a supportive husband. I have placed my love life in God’s hands. I will wait until the man God has for me comes into my life. For now, I’m enjoying my peace and singleness.
Yeah, definitely avoiding the red flags. I ignored them in my wife. I knew something was off but I didn't understand it at the time. We have kids now and she no longer goes to church, hates being around our children, its always an argument when i have to work extra or want to do more for the church or anything for the business i am building as well. Because our morals are different every time I come back from a long businesses trip the kids are always undisciplined, rude and angry. Please heed wise counsel even if you don't personally understand.
Traciwilson your wife may have undiagnosed emotional or psychological problems. You need to get into therapy, even if your wife won’t. Your wife has traits associated with narcissistic, sociopathic, manipulative behaviors. There also may be some manic and depressive issues.
Please pray for your wife when you are gone for extended periods. My husb has been building a business for over 30 yrs. He works long hours - I have tried to support him while raising and home educating our children. He turned to addictive substances to deal with his stress and it nearly destroyed our very fragile marriage. It took 10 long years of seeking the Lord and allowing Him to humble us and allow Him to bind our relationship together. It IS painful! But worth it to stay the course! God can still give you the wonderful relationship you desire! Pray for your wife and children. Love your wife. Love your children - yet - discipline them with godly firmness and scriptural grace when you are home. And trust God to bring abt a blessing in this difficult marriage! I am praying for you and your family! (Thank you for sharing your heart!)
Being equally yoked is so important. I loved what you shared about your partner helping you with sanctification. If they ain’t gonna help you become holier than they’re gonna lead h to water down ur faith
This is one of the best teachings I’ve seen. Thank you!!!! Im 40 and still single, even though my strong desire is to be married. I see my mistakes now and I submit fully to the Lord.
Very helpful video. 21, never been in a relationship before but I pray to do it God’s way and wait on His timing. Working on loving myself so I’m not settling for any of the 15 red flags you mentioned-nor be any of them myself. 💗🙏🏾
You are not alone, Similarly, I am a male in my 30´s. My advice would be to keep working on your character and ask God to prepare for who he has for you. Dont be overly righteous but seek divine conformation. If I would like to leave one thing with you. Remember this, Isiah 60:22- (When the time is right, I, the Lord, will make it happen.) No matter what you may be facing today, trust in God’s assurance that everything will fall into place in His perfect time. God bless you sis
Thank you Brother Parr for another amazing and edifying lesson! I totally agree with everything that you stated. Most importantly is our community (Godly community) because they will be able to detect some of these red flags that a person in the relationship can easily miss due to emotions, infatuation, etc. God bless you Brother! “Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.” Proverbs 11:14 ESV
Another one that can be added to this list, or could be a characteristic of the 15, are people who constantly like to instigate conflict. I've found in my own experiences that for whatever reason (whether some people just have unresolved issues from their past/ baggage or they just like drama for the sake of drama) that some people enjoy pointless conflict for whatever reason.
Both of you pretty much got it in a nutshell. An argumentative spirit without a doubt is a trait that can be exhibited in narcissists. Man if I knew what I know now.....
I fit 12 out of 15 of those examples. But I've been gaslighted to believe I fit most of these. And eventually you become what the one you love says about you.
Great video. Thank you for pointing out #3. Oftentimes, women are given advice of looking past attraction when men hardly ever do. I'm not looking for someone to be Morris Chestnut😅, but there should be something I deem attractive about him.
I personally feel like I’m single because I don’t put myself out there enough or pretty much at all. I really don’t know how to do that though at this point in my life. Im only 28 and my self esteem isn’t the lowest but I think I did get too comfortable after breaking off a toxic relationship in 2019 and now I just don’t know how to get back out there.
I personally know friends & have heard some testimonies of how people decided to just pray & trust God instead of putting oneself out there like the world does it.. & their respective spouses were brought to them by God in His own time & they instantly knew that that was the person God willed for them & now they’re happily married. 😊
@@SnehDanial Thank you for sharing this💛… a big part of me believes that’s the way God will reveal my future spouse to me. I’ve been praying for a great spouse for most of my 20s but I have yet to meet anyone. I’m not giving up on God, but I do get discouraged sometimes.
I have failed in so many categories. Maybe my upbringings. Maybe my past relationships. But I do hate feeling like I do. I do t trust. I ask many questions I have many faults. I think I’m done with that. I need to move on from that mental cancer. Jesus I need your healing and mercy. Thank you for this great video which has made me reflect.
Pastor Allan, your candid commentaries have caught me off guard today. 😂😂 15:24: "If someone's tryna figure out how to bind you up, they're not FOR you." 😂 17:30: "-when that man comes for you at night-" 🤣👀 Thank you for your work in Christ Jesus, expanding the kindgom and bringing clarity to issues that many struggle with but don't often speak about. God bless you as you continue on in faith.
I probably have to disqualify myself, as number 14 is my weak area. The number of times I haven’t confronted someone about their behaviour and then I find I start to resent them compared to the number of times I have confronted them only for it turn pear shape very quickly. Oh if we could all be like David in his response to Nathan’s rebuke. Thank you Alan.
Brother this is why I started following you several yrs ago, because you preach TRUTH. I wish this video was out 10yrs ago when I met someone on social media that I married and shouldn’t have. She eventually kicked me out because she didn’t care that she had demons, all 15 Red Flags 🚩 happened. I’ve been single 5yrs now and no longer under compulsion after 7 failed marriages. As a former NFL Ballplayer I now call you COACH 🏈📕#16 Galatians 6:7 You Reap what You Sow
Allen, thank you for sharing this with the Christian community! I know you've touched on this in your other vidoes, but it DEFINITELY needs to be readdressed. So, thank you for going into detail with this! We do not talk about this enough in the Christian community. We need to share this with our daughters and sons, bc this teaching is very important! Being unequally yoked to an unbeliever is hard and emotionally taxing! Thank you for sharing! Always thankful for your dedication to the Christian community. ✝️
Thank you for this video and your message about bad or wrongful relationships that are outside of The Lord's expectations. I've called several of the red flags you mentioned in my past relationship. I live in Los Angeles and she was from Arkansas. She was her in LA for sometime, but then moved back to Arkansas when her grandma passed away. She kept trying to get me to move to Arkansas but I refused to and now 🎉glad because she fell back into addiction and had to go back through rehab and is now in a sober living. I've been sober for almost three years now. So, I didn't want to mess that up. So, I stayed in LA and am in LA now. Going to the Hollywood Church of Christ, working and focusing on The lord's path
When my husband and I got married I was a Jew (and not a believer) and he was a believer/Christian. I ended up becoming a believer during the first year of our marriage after we almost divorced. That doesn't always happen but sometimes God has a plan and/or will still redeem your marriage.
New subbie, this is my 3rd video and his delivery of Jesus' messages hit different🙌🏾🙏🏾 Thiis gentleman is bringing the Biblical juice and Ive got my cup ready! 🙌🏾🙏🏾
My brother Allen this video is gold I definitely made mistakes like Samson. 🤦🏽♀️ignoring wise counsel and giving unequally relationships a chance when I shouldn’t have. And ignoring/bypassing red flags which I no longer do. But everything was spot on 👏
OMG SOOOOO GOOD!!!! Definitely sharing with my friends and Family because i see these red flags on a DAILYYYYYYY lol! Ive been through it and now Im just trying to help the ones I love.
I realized I was choosing relationships based out of my trauma. I also thought I could change them with my beliefs and that did not work. I just turned 43 and I have been single for almost 3 years. I want to be married, but I am waiting for the man God has for me. I am working on myself, preparing myself, reading, praying, and healing.
That unequally yoked thing is very serious but in rare occasion when a believer and a unbeliever get together, sometimes the unbeliever in the relationship has a change of heart and say... "You know what, I wanna become a Follower Of Christ"🤔 But as I said, this a rare occasion and risky. I prefer to be hooked up with a believer🙏🏾
I’m single and I’m A Christian . I desire to meet a Christian girl too but through my process , I have been ghosted and rejected constantly . I believe in honor and respect when it comes to my girl . I’ve given up the dating life and marriage life bc girls expect way too much .
This was a GREAT video. I love the story of Samson! So much wisdom to gain from that one. This video just made me feel a whole lot better about not being married yet. And less sad that I haven't married any of the girls I've previously dated...
I am so happy I saw this video. GOD has sent it the right time to make me realise I need to just WAIT on Him to do a new thing rather than settling with the old and convenient
This was so good! And I am interested in why I am still single. And this lets me know I am fine by myself lol bc I still have some growth to do! I praise God He blocked me and those men from ever moving forward. Hallelujah!
The shock i received at realizing this is a Christian channel with Christian values, almost let out a shout of victory lol Amazing production value, keep up the great work yall GOD BLESS YOU!
I rejected Godly council to leave a bad relationship even tho I was aware of the red flags -- here I give thanks to God he forgave my sin of arrogance and lack of humility he save me from the snares of the that relationship that lasted 6 years and now I’m free to go by his will… it is true brother Allen we can waste time in a wrong place
Thank you so much for this video! This is absolute gold. So detailed and top notch content. Really good edits and subtle transitions. I’m edified after watching this video brother. I praise our good Lord for you. May He bless you more and use you much more! ♥️
How can I prove myself if I'm never called to bat? Or when I'm called to bat, I can't even strike out because no one throws the ball. My singleness is very much involuntary and not for a lack of not trying. I still pray about the desire for marriage and wanting to give my father a legacy. I've spoken with, had coffee with very well meaning, single Christian ladies, who've next to none of these red flags. On my end, next to none of these red flags, not saying I'm perfect. I think the only one I can admit to is emotional baggage. Minimally from past relationships because the longest I've ever had was 2 months, if she even saw us that way. But mostly from being stuck in the middle of my parents disastrous marriage that sadly ended in divorce when I was young back in the mid 90s. And they had plenty of red flags as I look back. It pained to learn years later of my father essentially being destroyed by the state of New Jersey, when biblically speaking he was not at fault. My father and mother are well and I've great relationships and forgiven both and myself. But time didn't heal those scars, it only made them numb. Leaning on the Lord healed. Anyways, when I get connected with Christian ladies, I just can't seem to get further than just a mutual connection. I try my best to not violate boundaries while showing genuine interest and stating intents, but there is no reciprocation. I'm either doing something wrong, nothing right, bad timing or neither. Maybe I'm simply not what they are looking for. And I just can't figure it out. I pray and have multiple Godly men to speak with on things, not just marriage. I don't want to sound self-righteous, because that's what Job was guilty of. Just that whenever this topic comes up from family and friends on why I'm still single, it comes off as if I'm in the wrong. Not saying Pastor Allen is doing that. But it's hard to speak up, either out of humility or that I'm just too defeated to fight back. At age 35, 10+ years of rejection does this to you. At the end of the day, I desire to honor and serve the Lord in every area. Whether it’s me teaching music, coaching my cross country team, practicing, possibly marriage if I’m granted that, etc. Thanks Pastor Allen.
My ex was eventually diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, but even before we married, I can see how several of those red flags were waving in my face, but I just pushed them aside. Now I also see a couple possible red flags in myself that I'll be sure to work on. I've been considering online dating for a bit here, this is definitely helpful information. Thank you.
@@Mymle I don't mind sharing, though I hope you can forgive me if I say something out of line. To try and keep this short, borderline behavior and narcissistic behavior are often similar, based on my experience, the difference being how the person feels about themselves. So, a narcissist would manipulate, twist words, etc with the goal of exalting themselves, but a borderline person manipulates and controls things in order to receive their perception of love they desperately want, whether it's real or not. To put it another way, they are desperate for affirmation, but unable to recognize it. My ex burned bridges with a number of people we were very close with because they tried to tell her what she needed (i.e. pray, read your Bible, seek Jesus, etc.), but all she heard was "They're not telling me what I want to hear." It sucks (pardon the term) because genuine love and care that I still have for her is completely foreign and unwelcome because I didn't say yes to things I believed to be bad for her. We met with another couple for example, tried going through a book that recommended we pray and make time to talk, and I think she did that with me 3 times max. I've already said a ton, so let me finish by recommending a book called "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me" written by Jerold J Kreisman, specifically about BPD, and definitely be talking to friends, family, and therapists if you have this kind of relationship in your life. I am far from any kind of expert, but I pray the Spirit works in your life through my words here. My final thought, in the end, though I never before considered it a valid option, I was led to file for divorce, as I can only describe that relationship as emotionally abusive. I was not allowed to speak openly, it was destructive, and I eventually came to learn that's not what God wants for me. It's been several years, and I'm mostly okay. Pretty scared to try dating again, I'm sure you can understand. 😅 Sorry, I don't know how to write short comments...
I appreciate you Allen Parr I lived how you broke everything down and explained it clearly and now hearing the story with Samson motivates me to read the book in judges and relate it to my situation as well.
Perfect timing for this video. I ignored a lot of these red flags with this quote on quote christian girl that I was talking to for a while. Not anymore. It’s definitely a learning experience. God Bless!
Fully loaded episode. 10 years ago a man I loved married someone else. He had some of these flags but I was still devastated when he got married. A few days ago we actually had a divine orchestrated conversation and I saw the same flags. He too was warned not to marry his choice, but he wanted what he wanted. As for me, I had to do the work and now feel comfortable in my singleness until otherwise specified. Blessings and thank you!
Im stuck in an unequally Yoked relationship. Pray every day for guidance on what to do. She wont convert, just stays on the edge and I dont have the courage to leave, IDK what to do
It will suck. But God will heal you. About a month and a half ago I was in an unequally yoked relationship. She was pretty, but she led me to sin. I was very attached to her. I prayed and eventually God gave me the strength to leave her, and the decision gave me peace. I was broken, but God used the pain to draw me near Choose Christ, not her. God will honor your decision and replace her with His love. And eventually you'll find the Godly woman who you can love freely
I’m 37 and have been single for my entire life. I desire marriage, but I know I have some issues in my life that are hindering me from that which I need to fix first. I need God’s help and guidance with these issues.
Thanks, Brother Allen for another great video. Would you please consider doing a video to address the other side of this issue...how to prepare for a godly marriage God's way?
All the red flags are important, but the most important to me is codependency. I really need my alone time to study, read, write, research, reflect, and re-energize. I could not be with a woman who constantly needs my attention. Space is good. Time away makes time together more special. This is where both couples sharing their boundaries and choosing to respect each other's boundaries comes into play.
I was unequally yoked with my ex husband nearly 10 years and it was a nightmare I understand now why the bible say 2 corinthians 6:14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? Thats why its good ti wait in Gods timing, pray and fall inlove with God first then God will bless you with the right person….
15 Red flags:
1. Lack of Integrity
2. Lack of spiritual interest
3. Lack of physical attraction
4. Irresponsibility - financial and otherwise
5. Extreme emotional baggage that aren’t being dealt with
6. Failure to define the relationship/lack of commitment
7. Narcissist- world revolves around them
8. Manipulative and controlling behavior
9. Extreme criticism
10. Lack of social connections and accountability
11. Anger or abuse issues
12. Low self esteem
13. Codependency - no life outside of you to be an individual
14. Inability to resolve conflict
15. Jealousy or insecurity
You're the real MVP!
Jealousy is natural as long as it not abusive….. even God is a jealous God
Did you know my husband? lolol I’m thankful he got better I’m thankful in the end he trusted Jesus as his Lord and savior. After all in the end there’s not a single other thing that matters ❤️God is good❤️
The divorce rate for "blended" families is >70%. Hence I avoid divorced women and divorced women with children altogether
Thanks for saving us all 23 mins you are much appreciated
Honestly, before I married I had no idea WHAT an equally yoked relationship was. Now I do and let me tell you STAY AWAY from all unequally yoked relationships!
Amen to that.
@rebeccawitt9236 sadly this is the result of mothers and grandmothers not studying the Bible and passing it on like the Bible tells them to do. Now that we know it’s important for us to teach ours!
Agree with all this 😂❤
I was married twice. BOTH ex-husbands attended church and pretended to be Christians. Marriage was HELL. I was a battered wife. Cheated on too. Both were addicts. Y'all take heed.
@@danilaroche1156 yea forget that. I don’t trust anybody. I’ll stay single thank you
“You may be fine, but you are not for me.” Taking that wisdom to the bank!! 💯
Phy5iclly ye5 - nothing el5e.
lol love this
Most women....like legit almost all women are not for me.
😁
Between myself and my husband, we started out with at least 8 of these red flags. We just celebrated 20 years of marriage. It was rough at first but we were committed to God and committed to our vows and our children. Those commitments kept us focused and eventually we have been able to overcome, for the most part, all of our original flaws. Grace, sanctification and natural maturation have led to the marriage we always dreamed of.
Commitment to God is the most important thing.
That's amazing. I do believe keeping God centered in your relationship is what allowed you to overcome those things. So thank you for sharing that even if things start off rough, all hope is not lost!
Thank you for sharing that and offering hope because we are all flawed in ways and learning how to love like Christ loves takes time and commitment. Congrats to 20 years and more! God bless you ❤
God bless you and your marriage!!!
Amen sister!! That’s it!!!!
Relationship Mistakes
1- unequally yoked relationships ( this may be a non Christian or a Christian that’s nominal / not on the same spiritual level which may lead to compromise)
2- Rejecting godly counsel and accountability ( don’t go by sight alone look for character, spiritual walk etc)
3- we don’t take time to process the pain from past relationships. We’d rather be with someone I stead of healing emotionally
4- we sexualize the relationship and can’t make rational decisions. Sex before marriage can make a bad relationship seem good, or make a good relationship seem bad.
5- we ignore red flags . They may be fine but are not for you. Look out for the red flags and do not ignore them. (He got a haircut in the wrong barber shop)
15 red flags to pay attention to
1. Dishonesty ( lack of integrity)
2. Lack of spiritual interest
3.lack a f physical connection / attraction ( this right here😮)
4. Irresponsibility in all aspects especially financially
5. Extreme emotional baggage from past relationships/ family background. They need to deal with them
6. Failure to DTR ( define the relationship/ lack of commitment)
7. Narcissist ( me, myself and I mentality)
8. Manipulative and controlling behavior (run sis run& bro)
9. Extreme criticism
10. Lack of social connections no formed nor accountability
11. Anger or abuse issues in all aspects
12. Low self esteem
13. Codependency ( a person that doesn’t have a life outside of you).
14. Inability to resolve conflict ( emotionally immature)
15. Jealously or insecurity ( checking messages/ mistrust) etc
Excellent summary!
Thank you 🙏🏽❤. We need to stop sexualizing relationships before marriage. Most people end being caught up in this dynamic and they have suffered for the rest of their lives.
Am 20 years old and I just love this video.
This is so true. I've been in a unequally yoked marriage before. And it won't work
Thank you I’m 38 and never married but I want to be. I’ll pray and work on myself
Amen brother, we are strong in Christ 🦾
Avoid fornication
Excellent commentary! I am 62 years old and never married. I can relate to a lot of the things that was stated in this video. I had low self esteem among other issues which led to me being in an abusive relationship over 25 years ago. I definitely could relate to a lot of the red flags mentioned. Now I'm receiving healing due to the damage of domestic violence. But I am a strong person and now I can say that I have self love.
Amen… Self Love
We can overcome all trials and tribulation through Jesus Christ, who strengthens us 🙏🏽
@@bryn850 exactly ❤️
So for 25 years! You have been fornicating. This man is promoting fornication!!!!!
So sorry you went through all that! Praying for you and God bless you!!
@@johnbugnoii thank you
I ignored all the red flags and the advice of my family and ended up in a bad marriage. God allowed him to leave me and have biblical reasons for divorce to make room for the one He has for me.
I truly hope everything works out better for you. Wether you decide to try dating again or remain single.
I did the same thing. God allow her to divorce me, as I refused to divorce her. I now realize that she was a nominal Christian and narcissistic. After 10 years of marriage, she told me that she didn’t believe many aspects of the Bible that she once did. She actually told me that she thought Jesus was a political figure like Martin Luther King. You’re not alone. I ignored at least 8 of the 15 red flags. God bless you.
That's great. Every relationship I've had ended not too great. Every relationship I've had was never aligned with God. God has given u such a great gift.
I hope things work out for you down the road. If God wants you to have a new person in your life he will send him.
@@nickt.7305me too brother exactly the same thing happened with me .
I've met A LOT of girls online that sound very promising until the topic turns to abstinence until marriage, which the girl brings up. And every time this comes up, I get ghosted immediately after I tell them I support that value too.
It's led me to stand by a motto: "If you aren't honest with me online, how can I trust you to be honest in person?"
Its been a challenge, most men even in church want sex before marriage. They love God according to their rules. I've chosen to wait on God to give me a man who will honor the value of "no sex before marriage".
It's a very vivid sign of someone who has died to self.
I also ignored all the red flags and ended up in a bad marriage... twice. I tried to turn ungodly relationships into Godly relationships. I tried to follow Peter's advice:
"Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives"
1 Peter 3:1 NIV
It didn't work. My attempts at Godly behavior had to be compromised to keep the peace. Nothing worked. I got dumped after 20 rocky years of trying to compromise and being a basket case for it. Then I repeated the process in a second marriage, this time to a "church-going Christian". Another 10 years of getting turned down for prayer, bible study, and Christian fellowship, then dumped again.
How long can it possibly take to hear the truth? God must come first. Period.
Now I live alone with the Lord, and he is healing me with his amazing Word. It's the best relationship I've ever had.
Thank you, Pastor, for this spot-on, thorough breakdown of the illusion of worldly relationships.
You hit the nail on the head Allen. I wasted years on a man who "seemed" like he was the right one. It was one of those things which I thought I could "save him" or "change him". Big mistake. If I had waited on God's guidance instead of going by myself I might have been married years ago. Well, maybe there is still hope for me. I'm 57 and have never been married, but had been in a lot of bad relationships. My parents don't even want me to get married. But it's God's and my choice, not theirs. If they are unreasonable about someone I meet (I'm the only believer in my family), and that person is a Christian, then if God wants me to marry that person I will. Please pray for me that someone will come a long.
Same. The only difference is, I was hoping that he changed for the best version of him or the version God intends for him to be. He would tell me that he had changed but since I decided to detach myself from him mentally & emotionally I stop expecting, and never allowed myself to trust him again. I couldn't find it within myself because he showed me a side of him that was disturbing when we were dating, lies on top of lies and cheating. Today we are friends and he will go out of his way for me, unfortunately, I still do not trust him but I have forgiven him. I ask God to let his will be done, if it's meant to be then it will happen if not I am more than open to whomever God has for me because I know whomever he is will be God's best. I'm 50, I pray that God will give us our desires in his timing 🙏.
So you were commiting fornication all the years. 1 Corinthians 6 vers 9 to 10
@@grant2149what's the point to mention that if not to judge righteously. No need of bringing up a person's mistakes if they are already repenting of it. Also FYI I would suggest people research the word Fornication to see what it really means (most would say it's sex with a person you're not married to or other than the one you're married to=Adultery)but what exactly is Marriage 🤔 tbh it's the joining of two becoming 1 in bonding . So perhaps in God's eyes they were married just didn't have a wedding. But God knows.
@@grant2149 And I was forgiven for it. I asked God to forgive me and he did. It's all in the past now. I'm sure you've done the same thing. You can't judge me without judging yourself
@@Christian_Girl120 Good luck
I was in an unholy relationship and thought I couldn't get out but God allowed a particular situation to occur where I KNEW, at that moment, that it was time to severe the relationship,(because I was CONSTANTLY praying and asking God to help me get out of it). I have made myself accountable to two mature women in my church, one of them being my Pastor's wife! Though temptations do come from time to time, I have emerced myself in the WORD, prayer, fasting and regular church fellowship! I give thanks to God daily for helping me to get out of that unholy relationship! God be praised! Thank you for this video brother Allen. Excellent content.🎉
Wow praise God💞🙌🏾I was just talking to the Lord about this last night. I was feeling very blah about being single 😢but this has encouraged me.
This is so important basically common sense.
This is truth right here.
I have been single for 10-15 years.
These lessons are extremely helpful.
The Bible is our source.
I just wasted over 2 years of my life in an unequally yoked relationship. He walked away 3 months leaving me with a heart break that I cannot put to words. I was here 2 years ago hoping that I would be among the lucky few that God uses to lead their spouses to the Lord. It didn't work out for me and I am suspecting he entered into another relationship 😭😭😭😭😭😭. My friends and all the ladies around me are getting married and having babies. I am trusting God I will not end up single because the only dream I have had ever since I could remember was being someone's wife.
Allen, this morning a was praying for my little brother and I couldn’t find the words. I was struggling. Eventually I asked God, please take control, I can’t find the words Lord and what to do. Because my little brother is stuck in a bad relationship and it pains me. This afternoon this video came up here on the RUclipss, your video. And I was like yes Lord thank you for this video. Amen! I’m going to share your video with my little brother. And everybody please pray for my little brother. Bless you all.
Praying for little bro!
We stand in prayer with you brother . It is well.
Thank you Brother Parr ! as the father of 2 children in their late 20's , beginning to wonder why they are not in steady relationships as they walk closer to Jesus , this is super helpfull content and this video will be the subject of our next family Study!
I needed to hear these words. I have been struggling with a decision that I need to make. This video has helped me put somethings into perspective. Positive prayers, please. 🙂
ravenarnettecreations7264 Don’t struggle with the decision. In all your ways acknowledge God and he will direct your path. Turn your plate down, fast and pray and seek the face of God. Also, seek wise and Godly counsel.
Lots of knowledge and wisdom right here. I am currently divorced... 15 years or my life I spent with someone I should never have married. The pain and emotional distress was way too high a consequence to pay for one moment if disobedience to the Lord... I learned a hard, but very valuable lesson .
Ive always been single never dated anyone. I try to put myself out there. A good thing to do is pray for that person you might eventually meet now
Thank you for this video. I realize that part of the reason why I’m single is because I didn’t make the best choices in my relationships. I also realize that I needed to heal from the trauma I experienced in my childhood, adolescence, and my early adulthood. Thanks to Jehovah Rapha, who guided me to prayer, fasting, and therapy; I am in a much better place emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. All glory to God.
I also realize that God has given me assignments for His glory. That could be done while I’m single or with a supportive husband. I have placed my love life in God’s hands. I will wait until the man God has for me comes into my life. For now, I’m enjoying my peace and singleness.
Yeah, definitely avoiding the red flags. I ignored them in my wife. I knew something was off but I didn't understand it at the time. We have kids now and she no longer goes to church, hates being around our children, its always an argument when i have to work extra or want to do more for the church or anything for the business i am building as well. Because our morals are different every time I come back from a long businesses trip the kids are always undisciplined, rude and angry. Please heed wise counsel even if you don't personally understand.
Traciwilson your wife may have undiagnosed emotional or psychological problems. You need to get into therapy, even if your wife won’t. Your wife has traits associated with narcissistic, sociopathic, manipulative behaviors. There also may be some manic and depressive issues.
Please pray for your wife when you are gone for extended periods.
My husb has been building a business for over 30 yrs. He works long hours - I have tried to support him while raising and home educating our children. He turned to addictive substances to deal with his stress and it nearly destroyed our very fragile marriage.
It took 10 long years of seeking the Lord and allowing Him to humble us and allow Him to bind our relationship together. It IS painful! But worth it to stay the course!
God can still give you the wonderful relationship you desire!
Pray for your wife and children.
Love your wife.
Love your children - yet - discipline them with godly firmness and scriptural grace when you are home.
And trust God to bring abt a blessing in this difficult marriage!
I am praying for you and your family!
(Thank you for sharing your heart!)
Being equally yoked is so important. I loved what you shared about your partner helping you with sanctification. If they ain’t gonna help you become holier than they’re gonna lead h to water down ur faith
This is one of the best teachings I’ve seen. Thank you!!!! Im 40 and still single, even though my strong desire is to be married. I see my mistakes now and I submit fully to the Lord.
Very helpful video. 21, never been in a relationship before but I pray to do it God’s way and wait on His timing. Working on loving myself so I’m not settling for any of the 15 red flags you mentioned-nor be any of them myself. 💗🙏🏾
You are not alone, Similarly, I am a male in my 30´s. My advice would be to keep working on your character and ask God to prepare for who he has for you. Dont be overly righteous but seek divine conformation. If I would like to leave one thing with you. Remember this, Isiah 60:22- (When the time is right, I, the Lord, will make it happen.) No matter what you may be facing today, trust in God’s assurance that everything will fall into place in His perfect time. God bless you sis
@@ua3584 Amen 🙏🏾🙏🏾 as a man in his 20s who unintentionally does the opposite instead of wait on God's timing, that really helps.
Work on loving God and his word more over yourself we already are infinitely more selfish than we can possibly imagine.
Thank you Brother Parr for another amazing and edifying lesson! I totally agree with everything that you stated. Most importantly is our community (Godly community) because they will be able to detect some of these red flags that a person in the relationship can easily miss due to emotions, infatuation, etc. God bless you Brother!
“Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.”
Proverbs 11:14 ESV
My mom sent me this video because of my current situation. Oh my lord it was an eye opening video. Thank you for bringing this to the masses!!!!
Another one that can be added to this list, or could be a characteristic of the 15, are people who constantly like to instigate conflict. I've found in my own experiences that for whatever reason (whether some people just have unresolved issues from their past/ baggage or they just like drama for the sake of drama) that some people enjoy pointless conflict for whatever reason.
Yes, argumentative. Not knowing how to pick your battles or when to back down. If you meet a women or a man like that run!
I think this goes along with a narcissistic personality
Both of you pretty much got it in a nutshell. An argumentative spirit without a doubt is a trait that can be exhibited in narcissists. Man if I knew what I know now.....
EXCELLENT VIDEO!! Should be required for all pre-marital classes prior to someone starting to date.
I fit 12 out of 15 of those examples. But I've been gaslighted to believe I fit most of these. And eventually you become what the one you love says about you.
Allen I'm really happy you touched on the physical attraction. It took me years to realize this.
Thank u so much for this, I'm currently looking for all ways of running away from this bad bad marriage 😢
You are the BEST biblical teacher ever Brother Parr🙏🏾🙌🏾
Excellent content as usual. You and Tony Evans always, always, put out content that hits deep within my soul.
my two favs!!
Great video. Thank you for pointing out #3. Oftentimes, women are given advice of looking past attraction when men hardly ever do. I'm not looking for someone to be Morris Chestnut😅, but there should be something I deem attractive about him.
I personally feel like I’m single because I don’t put myself out there enough or pretty much at all. I really don’t know how to do that though at this point in my life. Im only 28 and my self esteem isn’t the lowest but I think I did get too comfortable after breaking off a toxic relationship in 2019 and now I just don’t know how to get back out there.
I personally know friends & have heard some testimonies of how people decided to just pray & trust God instead of putting oneself out there like the world does it.. & their respective spouses were brought to them by God in His own time & they instantly knew that that was the person God willed for them & now they’re happily married. 😊
@@SnehDanial Thank you for sharing this💛… a big part of me believes that’s the way God will reveal my future spouse to me. I’ve been praying for a great spouse for most of my 20s but I have yet to meet anyone. I’m not giving up on God, but I do get discouraged sometimes.
Thank you my brother, for that God-given message about relationships.
I have failed in so many categories. Maybe my upbringings. Maybe my past relationships. But I do hate feeling like I do. I do t trust. I ask many questions I have many faults. I think I’m done with that. I need to move on from that mental cancer. Jesus I need your healing and mercy. Thank you for this great video which has made me reflect.
Pastor Allan, your candid commentaries have caught me off guard today. 😂😂
15:24: "If someone's tryna figure out how to bind you up, they're not FOR you." 😂
17:30: "-when that man comes for you at night-" 🤣👀
Thank you for your work in Christ Jesus, expanding the kindgom and bringing clarity to issues that many struggle with but don't often speak about. God bless you as you continue on in faith.
I probably have to disqualify myself, as number 14 is my weak area. The number of times I haven’t confronted someone about their behaviour and then I find I start to resent them compared to the number of times I have confronted them only for it turn pear shape very quickly. Oh if we could all be like David in his response to Nathan’s rebuke. Thank you Alan.
I would say if you don’t feel comfortable being able to speak how you feel about a topic, that may be a red flag too for you.
Brother this is why I started following you several yrs ago, because you preach TRUTH. I wish this video was out 10yrs ago when I met someone on social media that I married and shouldn’t have. She eventually kicked me out because she didn’t care that she had demons, all 15 Red Flags 🚩 happened. I’ve been single 5yrs now and no longer under compulsion after 7 failed marriages. As a former NFL Ballplayer I now call you COACH 🏈📕#16 Galatians 6:7 You Reap what You Sow
You've been married 7 times?
7?!!!!!
Huh? You've been married 7 times!?
Dang, my brother! 7 times? I'm sure there were warning signs there within those 7 times 😢
Allen, thank you for sharing this with the Christian community! I know you've touched on this in your other vidoes, but it DEFINITELY needs to be readdressed. So, thank you for going into detail with this! We do not talk about this enough in the Christian community. We need to share this with our daughters and sons, bc this teaching is very important! Being unequally yoked to an unbeliever is hard and emotionally taxing! Thank you for sharing! Always thankful for your dedication to the Christian community. ✝️
Thank you for this video and your message about bad or wrongful relationships that are outside of The Lord's expectations.
I've called several of the red flags you mentioned in my past relationship. I live in Los Angeles and she was from Arkansas.
She was her in LA for sometime, but then moved back to Arkansas when her grandma passed away.
She kept trying to get me to move to Arkansas but I refused to and now 🎉glad because she fell back into addiction and had to go back through rehab and is now in a sober living. I've been sober for almost three years now. So, I didn't want to mess that up.
So, I stayed in LA and am in LA now. Going to the Hollywood Church of Christ, working and focusing on The lord's path
When my husband and I got married I was a Jew (and not a believer) and he was a believer/Christian. I ended up becoming a believer during the first year of our marriage after we almost divorced. That doesn't always happen but sometimes God has a plan and/or will still redeem your marriage.
I'VE LOVEDDD THIS VIDEO!!!....THERES SO MUCH TRUTH IN IT.
New subbie, this is my 3rd video and his delivery of Jesus' messages hit different🙌🏾🙏🏾 Thiis gentleman is bringing the Biblical juice and Ive got my cup ready! 🙌🏾🙏🏾
My brother Allen this video is gold I definitely made mistakes like Samson. 🤦🏽♀️ignoring wise counsel and giving unequally relationships a chance when I shouldn’t have. And ignoring/bypassing red flags which I no longer do. But everything was spot on 👏
OMG SOOOOO GOOD!!!! Definitely sharing with my friends and Family because i see these red flags on a DAILYYYYYYY lol! Ive been through it and now Im just trying to help the ones I love.
I realized I was choosing relationships based out of my trauma. I also thought I could change them with my beliefs and that did not work. I just turned 43 and I have been single for almost 3 years. I want to be married, but I am waiting for the man God has for me. I am working on myself, preparing myself, reading, praying, and healing.
GOD BLESS you brother allen
Thats true brother Allen i always wanted to be married and be a godly husband love is pure and patience and endures
That unequally yoked thing is very serious but in rare occasion when a believer and a unbeliever get together, sometimes the unbeliever in the relationship has a change of heart and say...
"You know what, I wanna become a Follower Of Christ"🤔
But as I said, this a rare occasion and risky. I prefer to be hooked up with a believer🙏🏾
I like how you are explaining❤❤❤❤....it draws attention
I’m single and I’m
A Christian . I desire to meet a Christian girl too but through my process , I have been ghosted and rejected constantly . I believe in honor and respect when it comes to my girl . I’ve given up the dating life and marriage life bc girls expect way too much .
I understand. It is so hard to find godly person in these last days
God bless you ✝️💙
Just keep trusting God, you will find the right one
(19) christian female. Its a bit late. But respond to this comment if interested
It's better to stay alone. We all have issues and there will always be something.
This was a GREAT video. I love the story of Samson! So much wisdom to gain from that one.
This video just made me feel a whole lot better about not being married yet. And less sad that I haven't married any of the girls I've previously dated...
I am so happy I saw this video. GOD has sent it the right time to make me realise I need to just WAIT on Him to do a new thing rather than settling with the old and convenient
Thank you, Allen for that important Bible-based teaching. Excellent advice for singles and those widowed like myself. Blessing.
This was so good! And I am interested in why I am still single. And this lets me know I am fine by myself lol bc I still have some growth to do! I praise God He blocked me and those men from ever moving forward. Hallelujah!
Excellent video. You explained this so simple and scripture based. Thank you.
Yes, pray for me Brother in Christ
The shock i received at realizing this is a Christian channel with Christian values, almost let out a shout of victory lol Amazing production value, keep up the great work yall GOD BLESS YOU!
I rejected Godly council to leave a bad relationship even tho I was aware of the red flags -- here I give thanks to God he forgave my sin of arrogance and lack of humility he save me from the snares of the that relationship that lasted 6 years and now I’m free to go by his will… it is true brother Allen we can waste time in a wrong place
Thank you so much for this video! This is absolute gold. So detailed and top notch content. Really good edits and subtle transitions. I’m edified after watching this video brother. I praise our good Lord for you. May He bless you more and use you much more! ♥️
How can I prove myself if I'm never called to bat? Or when I'm called to bat, I can't even strike out because no one throws the ball. My singleness is very much involuntary and not for a lack of not trying. I still pray about the desire for marriage and wanting to give my father a legacy. I've spoken with, had coffee with very well meaning, single Christian ladies, who've next to none of these red flags. On my end, next to none of these red flags, not saying I'm perfect. I think the only one I can admit to is emotional baggage. Minimally from past relationships because the longest I've ever had was 2 months, if she even saw us that way. But mostly from being stuck in the middle of my parents disastrous marriage that sadly ended in divorce when I was young back in the mid 90s. And they had plenty of red flags as I look back. It pained to learn years later of my father essentially being destroyed by the state of New Jersey, when biblically speaking he was not at fault. My father and mother are well and I've great relationships and forgiven both and myself. But time didn't heal those scars, it only made them numb. Leaning on the Lord healed.
Anyways, when I get connected with Christian ladies, I just can't seem to get further than just a mutual connection. I try my best to not violate boundaries while showing genuine interest and stating intents, but there is no reciprocation. I'm either doing something wrong, nothing right, bad timing or neither. Maybe I'm simply not what they are looking for. And I just can't figure it out. I pray and have multiple Godly men to speak with on things, not just marriage. I don't want to sound self-righteous, because that's what Job was guilty of. Just that whenever this topic comes up from family and friends on why I'm still single, it comes off as if I'm in the wrong. Not saying Pastor Allen is doing that. But it's hard to speak up, either out of humility or that I'm just too defeated to fight back. At age 35, 10+ years of rejection does this to you. At the end of the day, I desire to honor and serve the Lord in every area. Whether it’s me teaching music, coaching my cross country team, practicing, possibly marriage if I’m granted that, etc.
Thanks Pastor Allen.
My ex was eventually diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, but even before we married, I can see how several of those red flags were waving in my face, but I just pushed them aside. Now I also see a couple possible red flags in myself that I'll be sure to work on. I've been considering online dating for a bit here, this is definitely helpful information. Thank you.
Might I ask how the relationship affected you ? I’m just curious about dating with this personality disorder
@@Mymle I don't mind sharing, though I hope you can forgive me if I say something out of line. To try and keep this short, borderline behavior and narcissistic behavior are often similar, based on my experience, the difference being how the person feels about themselves. So, a narcissist would manipulate, twist words, etc with the goal of exalting themselves, but a borderline person manipulates and controls things in order to receive their perception of love they desperately want, whether it's real or not. To put it another way, they are desperate for affirmation, but unable to recognize it. My ex burned bridges with a number of people we were very close with because they tried to tell her what she needed (i.e. pray, read your Bible, seek Jesus, etc.), but all she heard was "They're not telling me what I want to hear." It sucks (pardon the term) because genuine love and care that I still have for her is completely foreign and unwelcome because I didn't say yes to things I believed to be bad for her. We met with another couple for example, tried going through a book that recommended we pray and make time to talk, and I think she did that with me 3 times max. I've already said a ton, so let me finish by recommending a book called "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me" written by Jerold J Kreisman, specifically about BPD, and definitely be talking to friends, family, and therapists if you have this kind of relationship in your life. I am far from any kind of expert, but I pray the Spirit works in your life through my words here. My final thought, in the end, though I never before considered it a valid option, I was led to file for divorce, as I can only describe that relationship as emotionally abusive. I was not allowed to speak openly, it was destructive, and I eventually came to learn that's not what God wants for me. It's been several years, and I'm mostly okay. Pretty scared to try dating again, I'm sure you can understand. 😅 Sorry, I don't know how to write short comments...
I appreciate you Allen Parr I lived how you broke everything down and explained it clearly and now hearing the story with Samson motivates me to read the book in judges and relate it to my situation as well.
Hey Allan. This is an awesome video! I listened to it twice without getting bored! It left me panting for more of your speaking 🎉
Perfect timing for this video. I ignored a lot of these red flags with this quote on quote christian girl that I was talking to for a while. Not anymore. It’s definitely a learning experience. God Bless!
I’m honestly guilty of this. But I thank the Lord for getting me out of that relationship.
Fully loaded episode. 10 years ago a man I loved married someone else. He had some of these flags but I was still devastated when he got married. A few days ago we actually had a divine orchestrated conversation and I saw the same flags. He too was warned not to marry his choice, but he wanted what he wanted. As for me, I had to do the work and now feel comfortable in my singleness until otherwise specified. Blessings and thank you!
Im stuck in an unequally Yoked relationship. Pray every day for guidance on what to do. She wont convert, just stays on the edge and I dont have the courage to leave, IDK what to do
You need to leave that relationship ASAP
But Paul does give a provision that one do not leave the unbeliever wife, if she is ready to stay with him, right?
It will suck. But God will heal you. About a month and a half ago I was in an unequally yoked relationship. She was pretty, but she led me to sin. I was very attached to her. I prayed and eventually God gave me the strength to leave her, and the decision gave me peace. I was broken, but God used the pain to draw me near
Choose Christ, not her. God will honor your decision and replace her with His love. And eventually you'll find the Godly woman who you can love freely
@@dayapdenni3063 Dooktheduck is talking about a relationship not marriage. He doesnt have a wife but girlfriend
@@dayapdenni3063 That's in marriage not in dating.
Wooooo this was good!!
Thank you brother Allen for provide enlightenment, I'm 37 years old now... Still looking for 😊
I love this you broke this down to the simplest form I shared this publicly on my Facebook page by the way congratulations on the book🎉
Wow this was on point brother Allen. Thank you so much for taking the time to make these videos.
A confirmation!!! God is soo good! God bless you 🎉
THIS IS SO GOOD!!!!
This was on the money. I had to learn these through experience. Please take all these to heart
So well explained and what a great example in Scripture that is so relatable to modern day dating!
I’m 37 and have been single for my entire life. I desire marriage, but I know I have some issues in my life that are hindering me from that which I need to fix first. I need God’s help and guidance with these issues.
Y’all. Pray for me I have some of those red flags 🥺
Wonderful presentation
Samson got a haircut in the wrong barbershop! 😂lol good one!
Thanks, Brother Allen for another great video. Would you please consider doing a video to address the other side of this issue...how to prepare for a godly marriage God's way?
Its easy to see the red flags in others, but really humbling to see them in yourself.
I love how you teach wisdom from the Word.
This video has something for all of us ❤
All the red flags are important, but the most important to me is codependency. I really need my alone time to study, read, write, research, reflect, and re-energize. I could not be with a woman who constantly needs my attention. Space is good. Time away makes time together more special. This is where both couples sharing their boundaries and choosing to respect each other's boundaries comes into play.
That's just means your love language is different
Love these self-improvement type videos - always learn something new from you brother Alan.
God Bless, never stop making these!
That's really what it is: self-improvement. I don't like these type of videos.
Glad to be here early😊 Can't wait to get into this video. Thanks Allen!
I needed this. Thank you
GREAT video. Close to home unfortunately
I was unequally yoked with my ex husband nearly 10 years and it was a nightmare I understand now why the bible say 2 corinthians 6:14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? Thats why its good ti wait in Gods timing, pray and fall inlove with God first then God will bless you with the right person….
Thank you for this video bro Allen.
Thank you.
Powerful ‼️🙏🏽
Thanks brother ❤