If you never feel good enough in your family - The Box - Dr Julie
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- Опубликовано: 11 фев 2022
- Can you relate?
What would you do if you found out the box was empty? Would you keep spending the rest of your life trying to get in?
This is a metaphor I came up with and used in therapy to help my clients when struggling to seek approval from others. Subscribe for more videos.
Copyright: The Box - Dr Julie Smith 2022
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WHO AM I:
I'm a clinical psychologist. I am here to share insights from therapy and psychology research so that you can make use of it in your daily life to understand how your mind works and optimise your own mental health. I cover all things from confidence and motivation to mood and anxiety. I look forward to chatting with you in the comments.
Not Therapy No Advice Via DM
Hi I'm Dr. Julie | Clinical Psychologist subscribe & follow me for lots more videos on mental health and psychology.
For more on this see my new no.1 bestselling book - Why has nobody told me this before?
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U r awesome
You help me so much and it’s great to see you actually care about us.
Thank you so much. 😢❤💕💘
Your youtube shorts has really let me learn more about Psychology. And thats what I wanted to be. Thank you for the visuals and the motivational words, it helps me realize so many things, helps me realize the things I needed to let go and to let in. Thank you! You inspired me soo much that I feel confident now that I know what its like to be an actual Psychologist.
😄❤️😄😌
Good advice is rare...
I'm impressed!
Here's the greater struggle: that box and the effort you had put to get into it had messed you up beyond repairing. So you don't even know what you want and what matters to you...
P.S: This comment came up after a year. Just wanted to add that I'm so grateful for all of your kind responses. Many of them really helped me to get out of that box, safe and sound. Hope everyone gets the help they need. It's never too late.
No one is ever beyond repair. Without the construct they expect you can be anything. Start with love, continue with patience, end with loving yourself 💕💙💖
Same for me and after some time that thinking become my comfort zone bec I dont know anything else so at 41 I am still trying to get approval from my family
@@dk5609 I know 60 year olds doing the same. Too much restrictions/ obstruction at childhood that affects the self confidence. The hurdle is the same whichever the age. 41 is a very good time to make afresh start, honestly.
@@dk5609 if after 41 years they do not accept you then they don't deserve you. Let the space you kept in your heart for them be filled by someone who does 💙🌎💚
I feel this 100%. I have no idea who I am right now. If you ever want to talk I’m here
Tried all my life, just turned 55 and in the last year I just said to myself, NO MORE. Family can be beyond cruel. My friends are my real family.
I realized this when my parents used to criticize me for my grades. I'd have an average of 9,80 out of 10, or even 9,94 and they would say stuff like: why isn't it a perfect 10 or that it's not enough. Finally last year I got a perfect 10 and even though they were giving me approval after all these years, I realized that I no longer cared. It was all so underwhelming. I thought that having their appreciation and respect would be everything to me. But it wasn't. You know why? Because they still found other negative things to say about me anyways. So it doesn't matter, if you want to do something, do it for yourself not because you want someone else's approval and love
@@theonlyanmoli thank you! I'm doing great now, I finally moved away from home and I'm studying at my dream university. Being away from them has helped my mental health tremendously
100% true, I wish you all the best really ❤
Hey, I would like to congratulate you on you're amazing grades, you are obviously very smart. Its great to see you are on your own path doing what YOU want now. Its made you stronger 😍
Oh God this is me
Perfection is a delusion we can only die after being perfect. However love yourself even if you are a 4/10. Sometimes our safe house (parent) don't make us feel safe or rather they make us feel insecure. I wish I could be better parents when I be one coz it's better not to have kid than having one and not care for him/her.
This hit home hard. I am just trying not to cry. I never feel good enough in my family. Thank you for this.
It's not that you are not good enough, they are not good enough to receive what you give and to me tht means they don't want it or appreciate it.. so give it to those that do..
Me too
@@rafealrusdi5499 Very true well said 👍
You were enough the whole time. Peaple are blind, don't let them make you feel like you're a garbage. You're a treasure. God will be there for you and God will love you. You're a sunshine.
@nusrathfathima1808
What a sweet person you are to say that to someone
((you're a sunshine ☀🌞 ))
I've never heard that b4
& it's beautiful
Relate to this so much as an adult. Took me a while to figure that out (in my mid 20's), and my 30's to heal from so much pain and trauma.
Thank you Julie - this resonanted with me.
You are truly gifted & blessed with talent in Clinical Psychology. 🙂
Same
may healing angels heal you and soothe you of all the sorrow and sufferings with the blessings of god🙌
I relate to this on so many levels.. even though I am still not 18
Me too. Still working on it in my early 60’s. I LOVE this concept though. Thank you. 🧡
Having emotional abusive mom, this really hits home hard..very hard..
Even in my 40 yo of age, i can never totally move on to the pain..
Thanks for sharing this..
I understand. So, this videos information is still hard to accept
My case not just my birth giver...my elder "sister" a complete control freak Narcissist
Same here 😢
My husband is only with his sister nd his family all the time...hits very bad
@@nidhia6925Narcissistic ABUSE.
I can relate to that. With my family and my intimate partners, I used to feel like I just needed to find the right way of talking, the right words. I tried a lot, and it never worked. And it's true... It hurts to understand that you never had a chance to get into that family... But I also stopped searching for "the right words", and that indeed is liberating.
What you just said...hits home 😭😭😭😭..still going through the same thing
This one hit hard, crying about being broken because I don't measure up to their standards and couldn't figure out how to fix it. I still can't fix it, but maybe I don't have to.
We have absolutely no obligation to measure up to anyone's pathetic scales of worth
@@SamuelBlack84 here she is talking about her family which is more than anyone. And yeah it is devestating when we don't get to thier standards.
@@aribasuhail7334 I have my own standards, the opinions of others is irrelevant
Crying with you and you're right, you don't have to fix it, focus that energy on loving and healing you.
That’s because there’s nothing to fix. They need to be better. All you can do is try and heal and get away. You are not broken and do not need “fixing”.
Her voice is just so kind and understanding, listening to this was like getting a warm hug. I'm just so tired and beaten down after so many years of feeling like a total failure compared to my family members. :( I really needed to hear this today.
I agree, I love her voice and her facial expressions too. I feel so connected and comforted watching and listening to her
Took me 29 years to realize this. No matter what I do, I won't be enough for them.
I’ve been the black sheep in my family, no matter how much I tried I was never good enough. After my huge spiritual awakening I discovered myself, started loving myself so deeply that I don’t care anymore about my family, haven’t even spoken to them in 8 years, proving that my feelings back then were right, and I feel the happiest I can be! ❤
Wishing you guys the same! Positive affirmations do the work, love yourselves to start attracting good things and more love into your lives. ❤
I've figured that out a few months ago.. I really don't have to be anyone's "dream", i don't have to do what they want for them to be proud of me... They couldn't achieve their dreams, why are they putting such pressure on me to do it myself when MY dreams are totally different?.. I finally stood up for myself and changed a lot of things in my life, i can now say i feel free and peaceful... ❤️✨
I’m in tears, thank you for this! I have an older narcissist sister that for 40 years I have still had a little hope she actually liked me and wanted to bond with me, but I have come to the conclusion that she doesn’t want to see me only talk to me on the phone to feed off my emotions.
I burst into tears after watching this. That box was empty all along..
I love how you take these more complex psychological concepts, and break them down to a way that anyone can understand. I love watching your videos, bc they help me SO MUCH! Thank you!!!
Brought me to tears , I wasn’t expecting to do that .I carry more hurt and anxiety than my heart soul mind and shoulders can carry.
Lesson: just throw the box at those people! And you will feel fulfilled 😁
No don't do that, cause that how it get worse!😭❤️
😆😂😂😂 and laugh in their face? Sounds good to me :) or just ignore them or tell them u don’t care what they think
@@rika7927Now that's what I call thinking outside the box🤣🤣🤣
😂🤣😴 love this! What about the guiltfeeeling you get from them once you stop being there for them..
@@jenaya_laila2442 It will be hard but it will pass.
It hurts to live the life that you always feel you are not enough. I have to rewatch this video for the message to sink in so deep in me. its time to think to do things for myself now. Thank you!
This got me crying rn because I do feel like I tried my hardest to please my family members, to get their approval and had to sacrifice what I like or what I do sometimes for their sake, well (and disregard what I've always wanted to do in the process)
Idk if what I'm doing or saying is wrong but sometimes, I just wanna live freely as I please.
After years of being told that my parents were sad,hurt, disappointed because of me, And then accepting it to be the truth...I finally said "no I m not the reason my mom cries, or feels hurt" at 28 yrs age... And still bring responded with "u are pathetic, u never really cared"..
It breaks my heart that I became a doormat for people in my life, became a people pleaser, became the best face anyone wanted to see and thats not enough for this family.
WHY DID THIS MAKE ME CRY AND HURT A PLACE IN MY HEART I DIDNT EVEN KNOW EXISTED
I am literally crying right now
it feels like it describes my life
This made me contemplate my life and cry 🥲
Its never available to you anyway😭 the truth you just helped me to embrace and accept right now. Thank you
Can anyone relate to this?
Thank you so much for this very important affirmation. Seeking families approval simply doesn’t exist. It’s like always trying to score that elusive goal blind folded whilst someone keeps moving the goalposts. Then you realise the only person who’s getting played is…You!
I can. Thank you for this video. I needed this. GOD bless you.
It's painful to hear this after leading 30 years to constantly seek approval of my parents(mum especially) and still doing it somewhere. I tried to do my best but always felt I fell short everytime. So after listening to this, i felt like sad that I'm not gonna get it ever, but it's somewhat liberating too. I still and will love my parents, i need to start loving myself too
I did and I'm sure many others did as well. We grow up wanting to make our parents/family happy which can then evolve to seeking their approval/making them proud/not disappointing them. But at what cost? At what point does satisfaction/pride in one's self supercede external approval? It can be challenging for sure as everyone wants to be liked, accepted and viewed in a positive light. If you gain that sense of self in your young adulthood you may go your whole life seeking the approval of others to validate your worth.
Nope
This happened to me in the last year. I got the job that my family detested me doing, but I highly enjoyed it and didn't want to stop. So I just continued doing my job and not telling them much about it. Somewhere along the lines I just accepted that I'm not perfect and can't be the perfect child they wanted to have, and started to be just me and enjoyed it a lot. At some point, they accepted that I'm not little anymore and that they can't control me anymore.
Yes.. I realized this couple months ago.. it is so liberating and freeing.
This is also a great illustration of emotionally unavailable people where you keep evaluating them based on the potential you see rather than the reality of who they choose to be. Love your visual depictions!
This scenario can be true in many ways. It reminds me of my family dynamic, my religion, and eventually my relationships
Same
So true, it leaves its mark on everything. Trying to have compassion for myself to finally see this after a lifetime of pain and loneliness.
Wow. Wish I would of learned about that box 30 years ago… hell, 40 years ago
I would still never be good enough for my mom. She passed away Dec2020 and always had a problem with me. She would never know or understand what I did for her in the last few years. She just made everything harder for me.
And now I'm crying, but seriously, thank you so much. You're videos are so amazing and you have helped me a lot in my life
This helped me so much! My dad yelled at me because i couldn't help him with his work right and i feel pretty down, i needed that.
Really this literally opened my eyes. All this years I was literally suffering from this' approval' . After some point in my life I literally broke down and was trying to literally finding the answer as to why? And what to do? Now I got it. Thanks
Because some people are crap & their approval is crumbs and the bread is old moldy and crusty and gross :) and u never needed it. They are just hateful people
@@moonlightstargem1006 thanks buddy. It really made my heart and mind be at peace.☺️
Hit deep inside. Exactly. Absolutely precise!
Just realized it at 43 years old.
Better late than never. Life is more precious now than ever.
Breathing and sleeping is easier now. It's been 4 years now. Thank you Universe.
Forgiveness is done.
Forgetting is done because of time.
No communication is good communication. Better than daily and hourly toxic communication.
Now, Peace stayed with me for good so good body and mental health came along too.
I can relate, my family was always like "you are not good enough, art is not a serious hobby, you are useless" but then i realised that everything I do is wrong so I got mad ať my family and I just want to thank my sister because she always suported me and I love her for that
And when you got mad at them they either ignored you or gaslight you.
& when you get mad at them you r over reacting, you r the reason for all of their stress & anxiety, you r the one who is tearing the family apart, u r damn selfish 🙂 i had to give up on my hobby drawing for them,if I draw,it'll be destroyed, even if i draw,i have to hide them with all i have as my drawings nowadays describes a lot & i don't wan them destroyed as a part of me🙃
@@StarofHope812 I am very sorry for you, some families are just so discouraging. This comment of mine was a while ago and things got better as I stopped seeing my family as often and I got better at hiding things. Me and my sister managed to be very successfull in one art competition which may also help for this hobby to be accepted. She is kinde proffesional artist now and I am very proud of her. With time, things often get better. And I also found new hobby which I can't tell them about because they would probably disown me. Take care and good luck with persuing your dream, I believe in you🫶
@@lothi7484 thank you so much,you never know how much just one of your comforting word can help a person.🥺 thanks 💜
@@StarofHope812 you are very welcome, sometimes those words are very needed. What I see, the older I am, the less my family cares about my "flaws". Be strong and take care🫂
My problem was never thinking that I needed anyone's approval. Rather, that people thought it was their job to approve of me in any way!
Not saying im perfect or anywhere near close to better than others, i just always thought this was about uplifting/helping each other, not judging and evaluating!
Trust me i have my opinions and judgements... just never believed it was my business telling people how i felt about their life choices!
Why did you say "my problem" then? It sounds like you like the way you are, so you don't think there is a problem with how you see the world. If you've never experienced this, this particular video isn't for you and it's okay to say you've never had problems like this 😁
@@lyssakate ie: this was never my problem. My problem has been making it clear to others that i don't care what they think without hurting their feelings.. people got offended, got angry, got hurt, got snoopy and one niece even threw a tantrum thinking my personal decision to not include them in my decisions, plans and actions was about her and her family... it was so lame and pathetic and so representative of the kind of mentality i deal with... i had to be careful with my reaction for my sister's sake...
Not sure why but people always seem to think i need their approval, but they're family and i love them so i try to be gentle with my approach.
This also happened at work, a kind of manipulation...just bcz im nice and kind, doesn't mean im not smart enough to see through their tactics!
This short indeed isn't for me, but a different point of view always helps someone. You never know :)
@@lyssakate they're just sharing different experiences. no need to get offended
@@turquoiseheart6320 I never worried as much about their approval as much as being misunderstood and people acting like they understood me even when I felt like I knew they didnt
@@leahflower9924 isn't that just another version of approval?! I have found throughout several incidents, that people who love you or care to keep a relationship with you, will find excuses for something they didn't like about your behavior or words- whereas people who have a stick up their butts caused by your existance or just a natural occurrance of their anatomy(lol) , will look for any excuse to find fault in what you say or do... be vocal when you say this to someone who blames you or acts upset around you... show that you are done making excuses for people who don't reciprocate the sentiment.
"It's been years, you know how they are..." my mom says to me- but my thought is: yes it has been years and they should also know how i am! Misunderstandings happen and shame the devil that comes between loved ones! (Or whatever your belief system is ♡)
I had gotten a therapist for a few months and in one session, the therapist did an activity where we BOTH vented about our problems to find similarities and help eachother but after my therapist completed her venting, i realized she needed a therapist much more than me-
Yeah that’s not therapy and pretty unethical on the therapist’s part.
@@insomniac6115 ik ik
When I tell you I started crying because I’m in high school and I’ve done my best to have my parents approval and just recently my grades started to go down. -I’ve been getting your shorts for a bit and it helps. Your an amazing person-
At the age of 24, my dad told me the very first time that he was proud of me. I cried for hours.
Omg she's soooo deep!!! I love her! She always has such beautiful points that hit me so specifically... so perfectly poignant, that I'm just melting!!
Also she is ao beautiful and the way she SPEAK is just so HEALING to my soul!!!
Love her!! ☺️☺️❤❤❤❤
I so needed to hear this💕...thank you so much💫
I needed this. Even as an adult, I don't think I've ever truly stopped trying to be good enough and nothing I do is good enough. This has made a change for me. So thank you... I needed this to let go. ❤
That's so real, the journey to self discovery of your own individual identity begins...liberating but takes work and help.
"The box, you opened it we came"
Wish I had known this before. Took me 40 years to realize this, and still I try to sometimes get their approval 😔
I send you lots of love 💕 I believe it’s normal to want to be validated and approved by the people who you know since day 1. You are perfectly fine the way you are behaving!! Anyone in your situation would feel the same way
@@TheFreakyable Thank you 😊
Some people continue to seek the approval of parents years after they pass away. It is a miserable way to live, never feeling good enough.
I recently realized that I'm not missing out on my family's approval. They're missing out on me because they can't just appreciate me the way I am. I can't be the person they want me to be. Good thing I don't want to. It's their loss, not mine.
Thank you. This accepting ourselves, forgetting about unsupportive people, is the best step that we can take for ourselves.
I have watched three of your clips and all of them have been extremely helpful and inspiring! The day I cut ties to toxic and draining people really freed me..there has always been the doubt of what if I was the bad one, I was the useless one..do I deserve love? It took a very long time to see myself in any positive way and everyday I'm healing and getting stronger! This clip hit home deeply! Thank you for what you do..bless you and keep safe💖
ive seeked approval all my life, even when i came out the closet i wanted my parents approval but over time i realised i wasnt even going to get the approval so i did things my way
I see, so basically what you are trying to say is no matter how hard you try to approve your family, it will never be good enough, but what can be good enough is that you can be yourself without anyone's approval👏👏👏👏
Beautifully put! Wish I’d seen this 30 years ago! Thank you for doing this. You are helping a lot of people!
What happens when nothing else matters to you? When you're just living for others because you don't value life anymore?
I think best way is to picture your life separately from what uve constantly been taught to think. Find your own purpose, find what makes you happy
Someone could have told me this at age 5 when my mother had 3 more children and told me all the time that she felt she had two families. Me being the first one that she wasn't too happy with and her perfect family of my full blooded siblings.
I'm so sorry. Feeling unwanted by family is the worst thing ever. I hope you know that you're just as important to the world as they are. It doesn't matter what your mom thinks , you're so worth everything and you deserve love
Same, except im the unwanted youngest. The burden. The accident. The unplanned. The mistake.
@@gigibesi3965
One day it dawned on me that God, the Lord Himself wanted me to be, with all the gifts He gave me to be used and gifted to this world!Against all the mercy less reaction of a harsh enviroment/family He kept me alive, brought me through, let me evolve and bloom. Remember the story "the ugly duckling", remember the Gospelsong "Amazing Grace"! His grace is indeed amazing!!
thank you. my daughter means the most to me 🩵 don't care what people think of me, what they think I am or am not, I am free, and my daughter is everything 🩵
I was one of the most gentle, silent, empathetic, tolerant, and forgiving kids. With all the wear and tears that people did to me, some days i find it so hard to do basic stuff like brushing teeth very, very difficult. I don't see a point. But i push myself hard, and when i begin doing a task, it's easy to go with the flow and keep myself interested in it.
Everybody around me thinks that I'm very, very happy, extremely patient, and confident. I have been suicidal for so long, and I have cried for hours on bed. From being tolerant enough that i wouldn't cry even when the doctor would give me an injection or extract my tooth to becoming a cry baby. I feel i became very sensitive. I hope i heal completely. I have developed a lot of trust issues and fear of darkness at night.
Wow. Liberating . Thank you
Yess this is so refreshing to hear I love thisss!!
Dr. Julie, I never doubted myself for a second, but because I knew with every fiber of my being that I was tremedously talented, my father fought harder to destroy me. 31 years after his death, I am still paying for the sin of being extremly talented. The best part is my talent keeps shinning brighter every day I push the envelope to greater heights. Thank You Dr. Julie!
This is what exactly happened to me! Unfortunately it took me a very long time to understand that box is totally empty!
Idk why but in a way that feels even more depressing to me aha
Love this - thank you!
I have a Narcissistic manager for whom nothing is ever good enough. I constantly went above and beyond, always giving 200% before realising that I was being taken advantage of.
I don't need her approval or validation so from now on I will be doing 100% only 😊
The last line hit hard... "What matters most to you"
Dr Julie , I struggled my entire life . To this day I have yet to seek help. Do you practice VIA online , if so how can I look into options ?
I've gone to several therapists, and I can't say that they didn't help me, they did, yet I always felt something was missing and couldn't quite get to the other side, feeling that some realisation is sooo close but still unreachable. I've only followed dr Julie for a short period of time, yet she has given me more than one realisation already and really helped!! Thank you! Thank you!! So simple, yet so effective way of explaining things.
This is exactly that longing I feel and crave since childhood, hoping my value, love from my mum and family would wait inside the box
I'm a psychotherapist myself and this just brought me to tears. While I'm good at helping others with their trauma, I'm just beginning to fully understand, unravel and heal my own trauma being in my 30s now. This metaphor really hit home for me and will be super useful for my clients as well. Thank you.
That’s The Best Quote In My Life
I made so many terrible, life-altering decisions in a desperate attempt to get my family’s approval. I turned myself inside out trying to win their love and favor. Realizing that approval would never be forthcoming was awful but so, so freeing. I can now make decisions based on my own values, joys, and passions.
Oh my lord…YT algorithm really got me good
Before I came across this video, I got in an argument with my parents about how I’m not doing enough even though I’m trying my absolute best
Ty man, you got yourself a sub
Oh man. Slowly have been dealing with this truth and accepting it the last few years. The brutal truth hurts but sets you free.
the thing is, as I start to lose hope that the box isn't going to open, it opens. Its not really that special, but it opens and that feels great but then it closes down quickly. Now I again become so hopeful for it to open again and the cycle continues. It opens very rarely, but the fact that it does keeps me going.
I can relate to that. In a way it's that process that we know there's nothing in there, but we keep hoping that maybe each time it closes that something will magically appear when it opens next time. It's hard to let go of that magical thinking, I had to hit rock bottom before I realized I needed to change that thinking.
She explains it to so simply and in such a good way. Thank you so much!❤️
This made me cry , thank you for helping me realize 🥺
Yes Yes! There is nothing you can do to please them so take the pressure off yourself and stop trying! You will notice a shift in yourself toward a freedom you so deserve, and the beginning of the Peace you have been seeking! 💌
I realized this at age 17. Not only to get away from family but also my peer group. I was so happy when I was able to go away to college. Now I don't give a rip about what they think or feel. Not my circus anymore.
Each family has Their
own WORLDs& Opinions,but I have Confidence in Where I Stand.
I like the empty box analogy. I feel like finally accepting that my parents and brother just do *not* have the emotional intelligence or maturity or insight to realise that they hurt me labelling me paranoid for decades. They hurt me by glossing over it with martyred indignation, but they judge me for *my* reaction, Then, they stonewall me. Finally accepting that feels very much like an empty box too.
Once I finally gave up trying to please my hypercritical dad and stepmom, weirdly our relationship improved. It’ll never be what I need it to be, nor as good as his with my siblings, whom he loves and relates to more than me…I’ve accepted that fact and tried to be at peace with it🥺
Thank you for sharing this, I'm over 30 years old, single and I want my mum approval every single thing, and wish she would proud of me which never happen and never will no matter what I do best I can, which led me to feel unloved and depression please post more of this type of video to help people like me ❤
Thank you so much! Wish there was someone to tell this in my teens when I took science just to please my dad... and now I realize neither did I make myself happy nor my dad!
Perfect analogy of my dad.
30 yrs and he's never asked, "How are you?".
20+ yrs has never asked about his daughter-in-law,
14+yrs had never asked about his grandson.
But when he needs something or has something to say, better believe he's all chatter...one way chatter. But it gets so old fast to try to talk with people who are just waiting for their chance to talk and not really listening.
I've been sad all these years hoping he'd change, hoping he'd take an interest. But he never will.
The box is empty. Time to fill it with people and thoughts that matter.
whatever meant to be yours,will be yours ....so relax and keep walking
Seeing this, I can finally think: I don't have to... I don't need to get in that box😊
I'm happier with what's in me, it makes me immensely happier❤my own love and approval
This is a good analogy. I've spent my whole life being the one to actually try in my family and I'm finally making the decision that it's their turn for once. They know how to reach me if they want to. Getting in that damn box just left me with trauma and a martyr complex and I can't keep doing this to myself.
Wow so profound, I spent 3 years trying, hoping someone would reciprocate and I finally opened the Box and said goodbye to her and her family, sad but there was nothing in the box all the time! Such is life and this too will pass🌠 thank you you're fantastic 🙏
After Listening to this I had to get up and make myself a cup of tea. Let this sink in. Then I read some of the comments , let them sink in. This went deep…
A couple of months ago I realized I make my own decisions, have my own opinions like it or not and tell it the way I think it is. It shifted something in me and now I do not need a referee in my life. I removed all the toxic ones out of my life and don’t really feel like talking to anyone nor explain anything.
A lotus flower comes out of muddy waters and it’s beautiful
The more experience and you make it through … you stand taller and stronger.
I’ve been through enough with my family and now I do ME
at 50 yr old im finally letting go of everything not in each of my days..including dissapointing expectations both i and my 'family' placed on my shoulders,finally focusing on my husband and children and grandchildren... its a weight off.good luck on your journey,God bless
I'm working through this exact thing with my therapist now. All of my relationships have been like this and I'm finally starting to release the longing for approval after opening that box. Thank you for your amazing ways of showing us what we can't see yet.
i have anxiety and i have no idea why but whenever i come across your videos and just see and hear you it, immediately makes me want to cry, i have no idea why
Dr Julie,
I stumbled across your channel this week almost by a sense of fate. I have been in the military for almost 23 years at this point and just completed a 4 week trauma based IOP. I feel you will help me continue down this path of healing, it's finally my turn! Thank you for what you are doing and I am looking forward to your book.
Incredibly clever way to realize that there is no point in trying
wow, my theory is proved. emotions are hard and people say a psychologist is a fake doctor. took and told the truth of my own pain.
*This was the BIGGEST and HARDEST lesson that I EVER had to learn!!! Once I learned this, it was absolutely LIFE changing!!!*
Luckily, when I was given my box years ago I immediately knew it was empty.
As someone who has never been wanted by my "family", I found this a really interesting way of dealing with the need for approval. I hope it helps everyone who is hoping for and needing the approval of their "family" who has no chance of it ever happening. I overcame my need of my "family's" approval when I realised that they were gross underachievers who simply didn't care what I did or didn't achieve, because they would never be my cheer squad. It's really liberating to not need them.
Does anyone else want a hug from her?
This hits home big time! Same with some friend groups too.
Felt this with my dad and his side of the family, even after he passed i still have so many questions as to why i could never be good enough, no matter what i did.