"What Makes P*rn Addiction So Dangerous?"
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- Опубликовано: 27 май 2024
- In today's video, we explore what makes addiction so dangerous and how it is even harder to beat p*orn addiction with its ties to loneliness being a motivator to pursue it. Dr K starts the discussion off by defining what addiction is, talks about how access to it makes breaking the addiction to it more difficult, breaks down by early exposure to p*orn is so dangerous, and more.
Learn more from Dr. K in his Guide to Mental Health: bit.ly/48uWMek
Not sure where to start? Take our guide module quiz: bit.ly/47dGzKj
▼ Timestamps ▼
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00:00 - Introduction
02:25 - Understanding the enemy
04:12 - Where’s the community?
05:38 - Gives pleasure, removes pain
08:22 - Early exposure is dangerous
09:10 - "I feel like I am doomed"
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#addiction #mentalhealth #healthygamergg
"The problem with porn addiction is that people want to beat it". This is very much true both ways
Fr
Haha good one
hahahahaha
I chuckled a few times in that part.
I see what you did there
Addiction is like a dark souls boss. Once you traverse the abyss, you are now stuck fighting that boss except now the boss can't die and you can't leave the arena.
Or beating the addiction is like beating dark souls for the 1st time, only to discover that there is a new game + lol.
So you've learned the skills to beat it, but you gotta keep trying hard.
It does get easy when you have fought the boss for the 10,000th time. It doesn't seem that way when you first start but as long as you keep fighting it, it gets easier.
Beating the addiction is like that, because you fail multiple times but you keep on trying. Finally, finding a winning strategy and being able to beat the "final boss." Unfortunately, sometimes people find themselves going down that trap again because they want to take one last peek to see if they're still addicted.
@@cadavisonI mean, you fight the same boss and you get bored. So you seek out stronger bosses to beat. Some people need to use more of it to achieve the same affect, making addictions even more powerful
@@theorangeoof926 Dude - fighting my opioid addiction and cocaine addiction bosses may be boring but they keep me alive. I would rather be bored and alive than dead. Do you get my situation? I am not looking for stronger bosses, thanks.
Pornography saves me from when I feel most useless, but makes me feel so much more useless afterwards, which leads to stronger desire to consume more. Been working on it for a while now.
count your nofap streak, it will make you want to go without it
eventually tho you shouldnt count the days, u just keep going@@SPACEDOUT19
@@SPACEDOUT19 It's kind of interesting. I have this idea that it can be consumed in a healthy manner (even though I know that I don't), so when I track it as long as it's been a while I'll like loosen the rope and then allow myself to use it again. I think it's very much dependent on what else is happening in my life.
It is nice though that after a day or two of using again I feel horrible, whereas I don't usually feel as bad going about my normal life without it. When I didn't have the awareness that using was hurting me, using consumed a lot of my free time with no perceived consequence. Whereas now, I can directly feel the consequence of using and it pushes me away from it because even though I momentarily feel better the first time, I will recognize that I'll feel worse and worse the more that I use it.
real
I recommend "the easy peasy way to quit porn" book in my opinion it is the best way to quit porn and you can find the audiobook on RUclips after I finished the book all I thought is why couldn't I quit sooner
I think what Dr.K is trying to get across here is that you might want to consider reversing your priorities. Rather than trying to conquer you porn addiction, trying turning your life into one that you actively want to live. Then the addiction will be more manageable as an outcome. Trying to "beat" an addiction through sheer willpower will almost always fail. Addictions are, by definition, coping mechanisms. So if you no longer need to cope then your addiction won't have such power over you. I'm saying this as someone who has been really struggling with porn consumption for many years. Its negatively affected my relationships, it reduces my desire to form connections and pursue. I keep thinking that if I can just get this under control then my self-esteem will increase and the desire for human contact will overcome my nervousness when speaking to women, but the reality is that its probably the fear of rejection thats keeping me from pursuing relationships and the porn is how i cope with the resulting loneliness. Another aspect that I think often goes unaddressed is how your brain justifies use when cravings get strong enough. When you're thinking clearly and evenly without the influence of the craving its easy to see how not using porn will improve your life and that logically the best decision is to stop. But then the addiction circuitry overrides the cognitive circuitry and suddenly your thoughts are all "Actually masturbating is pretty healthy when its done in moderation" and "Well, I'm not gonna be seeing or sleeping with anyone anytime soon so there's no harm in doing it right now". Its a potent kind of helplessness when you don't feel like you can rely on your own thoughts.
Hugely resonate with this
What if I’m someone that really dreads the desire of creating more connections. I’m way happier when that isn’t nipping at me. Not just rejection but abandonment, people always proving you wrong about who they are, people changing and acting like a new person who never knew or cared for you. Finding out people won’t really bat an eye if you just disappeared. I can’t conceive of that as a way out of my addictions. It leads me to the same place
@@zekielrodriguez5229 I mean that’s just what it means to be vulnerable. Opening yourself up to being hurt. But that’s also how you form genuine connections. People are going to hurt you sometimes and it’s gonna suck, but putting yourself into a position where you are able to be hurt and then having someone reciprocate and treat you kindly is the only way out. And you can’t control what the other person does, but what you CAN do is put yourself there in the first place and know that you will be able to care of yourself and be the one to treat yourself kindly if it doesn’t.
Yeah, but the thing is: you aren't your thought. That's hard to actually accept, but it can really help with this kind of thing. If you know you're not your thoughts, then your thoughts can be wrong.
@@arctikc5889Those right there are words of wisdom
"The community of pornography is loneliness" that quote really hit me
Same. That shit goes hard
Better than STDs
So you're saying that lonely people should not even have that as a form of comfort?
6-7 weeks porn/masturbation free. Beat my 3-4 year agoraphobia. Got a job. Started volunteering. Started learning a online math course. Started learning another language. Getting goosebumps writing this realizing how far ive come, and how much more i have to go. Progress is a lifelong journey. What helped me to get started was Andrew Hubermans 2024 podcast with David Goggins.
Update - 3/24
14-15 weeks in. Feeling good. I almost dont recognize myself in the best way possible. Even though they’re immense, i wont talk much about the “benefits” because i believe they are simply a product of you becoming a better person. Its not magic, just effort.
The best advice i continue to give myself is to embrace the shitty days. Pain is literally the trigger for growth. Happy days wont make you stronger.
The embarassment, social anxiety, humiliation and all these negative emotions are actually your best friend. Each time you take a risk and you fail your mind will become more callused and you will be able to bounce back quicker and better each time. Love🙏🏼
Damn that's amazing!
good work mate 🫡
keep on at it and don't let your guard down. it's worth it.
i was 7 month clean till everything crashed. The first sex after 7 months of recovery was phenomenal but it was a hookup, but I would rather hold on to my sobriety and commit that to an actual partner. All sex and porn/masturbation was just extremely stale afterwards.
It took me years to find my mental and emotional footing to push back my addiction again.
@a85 At the end of the day, "beating" an addiction isn't staying clean for X amount of time. "Beating" it is when you have free access to it and even may indulge in it, without it being able to control you.
True sign of beating porn addiction is when you're able to casually watch and enjoy porn from time to time (if that's what you want) without it having any negative impact on you/your behavior/your motivation in life. Relapses rarely happen to people who have reached a state where casual indulgence in their former addiction no longer has any negative effect on them and doesn't control them at all.
Huberman's podcast with Goggins is among the best to ever been put out.
Another point is that neither science, nor professionals, are really sure where this addiction begins and ends, which makes treating it even harder.
@@21stcenturyrambo16please enlighten us.
@@21stcenturyrambo16 degen xd
@@21stcenturyrambo16 What is an addiction? Gotta make sure we're talking about the same thing
@@gavinp214addiction is anything behavior, physical or physiological that drastically affects other aspects of your life you would otherwise want to see better.
However all addiction are symptoms of your internal and external environment. If your parents or spouse nags at you all day and you are spineless then you will succumb. If you nag at yourself all day(negative internal talk)you will succumb.
Addiction isnt inherently real once you see the bigger movement of yourself and life.
However it is damn real for the ones looking for a way out.
@@21stcenturyrambo16addiction is anything behavior, physical or physiological that drastically affects other aspects of your life you would otherwise want to see better.
However all addiction are symptoms of your internal and external environment. If your parents or spouse nags at you all day and you are spineless then you will succumb. If you nag at yourself all day(negative internal talk)you will succumb.
Addiction isnt inherently real once you see the bigger movement of yourself and life.
However it is damn real for the ones looking for a way out.
This year for Lent I decided to give up porn. To give you a backstory, I have been watching it DAILY for over 15+ years. It got to the point where I would unintentionally watch it, for hours a day. This isn't me getting aroused multiple times a day looking for relieve, this is me scrolling just to scroll (doom-scrolling some call it). It was no different than scrolling tiktok of twitter. Endlessly going through pictures, videos, books, livestreams; because it was my background noise with zero satisfaction.
I have quit cigarettes, alcohol, pain pills, and caffeine (boring dude, I know) but the withdraw effects of NOT viewing porn these last few days have been AN ABSOLUTE HELL. This is the first time in my life since I was 12, that I went more than 24 hours without viewing something pornographic or questionable. It HURTS. I've had a nonstop migraine for days. I can't think. My head feels like it's in a fog. I can't pay attention when I work, when I talk to people, when I watch tv or listen to music. People talk about needing their coffee in order to function, porn is my coffee.
Day 1: I would unintentionally browse porn without even thinking about it. So I had to unpin and remove every bookmark I had. Then I was looking it up on Steam, had to put on the parent filter. Looking it up on Twitch, had to uninstall twitch. Within an hour of uninstalling apps, unpinning programs, deleting videos/photos, that's when the headache started. That night I didn't sleep at all because the only think running through my head was "i need to watch it. I need to watch it. I need to watch it."
Day 2: The ENTIRE day I was distracting myself with the very thought of porn. I can't even work or talk to my peers without trying to recreate a video in my head. I had to verbally read our worker's handbook from start to finish, out load to myself, in order to distract myself from these thoughts. And then I had to read guidelines out load to myself because there was still 4 hours left. When I got home, I had to read the subtitles on TV out load, because listening to it wasn't distracting enough.
Day 3: The migraine is still at large, but the consistent thought of porn turns into sparse moments. The withdraw effect feels like a mix between a migraine and an OCD attack when something doesn't go entirely your way. I feel like I can actually get some work done, and actually talk to people. With the help of Tylenol and CBD.
Day 4: Withdraw effect is just a headache, and I'm able to function properly. Keeping myself preoccupied with whatever hobbies I have: Cooking, videogames, working out, etc. I was able to actually sleep for the first time in a few days.
It's currently day 5.Still have a headache, but I feel MUCH better and can think MUCH more clearly now. We’re only 5 days in and I’m not getting distracted or side-tracked from the very thought of porn anymore. I'm more side-tracked over thinking about how much time I wasted watching porn, but that's an equation for after work.
And this is where I am. 5 days in, got a little over 5 more weeks to go. If anyone wants updates as I continue, let me know. If no one reads and no one's interested, that's perfectly fine I can keep the updates to myself U:
Edit:
Day 40
Early February I told myself “There is nothing wrong with my porn habit because I’m hurting no one.” 5-6 weeks later and I feel confident that I will not allow porn to trap me anymore. I have found a new appreciation for my existence, and a new appreciation for life. Road rage has ended. I’m not lying to myself or to others every opportunity I get. This mindset of, “Fuck the world and fuck everyone in it” is finally coming to an end. Anxiety and stress is still there, but nowhere near as bad as it was the weeks before. Lent isn't over yet, there is still a few days left; but I believe these 6 weeks of being porn-free has made an amazing change in my life.
To anyone who has ever asked themself, "Am I addicted to porn?" May this comment be one of your first steps into you wanting to make a change.
Keep with it, brother. The first week or so is the hardest in my experience, then there are occasional spikes after then. It's incredibly hard (especially if you spend a lot of time online - smut is absolutely everywhere), but it's also incredibly worth it. And, since you mention Lent, don't forget to pray for strength and protection when you need it
Are you Christian or are you practicing the lenten discipline for cultural reasons?
Keep going dude!! You are doing great!❤
It's day 6. How's it going?
Keep us updated please!
10:44 "pornography addiction is the best thing that happened to me". I feel kinda the same way with depression. It's both the worst and best thing that happened to me. I stopped suppressing and learned to understand my emotions. I also became more open and accepting towards every kind of person, not to mention that I'm now able to tell at a glance if someone isn't well. This newly found emotional intelligence allowed me to help many people in need other than being useful to help myself.
I'm 19, more than 2 years in and still recovering from depression, but I feel like I'm close to reaching a stable point.
If you ever think your issues are taking away years of your life, try to balance it out by thinking what you've learnt in the meantime.
Good luck to everyone
Proud of you. Wish you luck for the rest of your journey.
porn addiction helped me understand the danger of addictions and how they work. Obv not all are the same but you get the idea. I wish it didn't have to be this way
I believe in you, Nicholas. Thank you for the change in perspective. 🫂💯
You're doing so great Nicholas. Proud of you. Keep striving!
this is *exactly* what happened to me as well! especially the 'being more emotionally intelligent' part! I know exactly what u mean by 'I can tell at a glance by some1 isn't feeling well'. I'm 21 now and my timeline is pretty much the same as yours... great depression in highschool, then started recovering after I got out of school, cus I could focus on myself more. I have a job now and am studying at uni (first semester), which is something I could have never dreamed about managing some years prior.
If u keep at it, I'm confident its only gonna get better!
Problems in life are not like RPGs or your typical action games-
They're like tower defense games.
You got one shot, you don't respawn, against waves of consistently respawning enemies.
They will come back again and again and again until you reach 0.
Then you're back to wave 1 all over again.
But you are not defenseless, build your defenses, upgrade, automate, work smarter instead of harder where you can, prep for the future, and eventually you may build your defenses to a point where the vast majority of issues hardly even get past the starting line, and then you're rich.
This got to be the most interesting perspective in life I've ever read! Thank you
This is such a good analogy, i'm surprised Dr K hasn't used it
i should really log into arknights again lol
Unfortunately getting away from this kind of addiction means changing your whole life, which makes it feel like a hopeless task if you don't have career prospects or social opportunities on the horizon. If you're stuck in your life without the ability to make many material changes you'll be stuck in compulsive behavior. I felt this way until recently when I finally got an opportunity to move and start a new life.
That hopelessness is a terrible feeling. But it really is a call to get your whole life together, and that's not a bad thing exactly.
Wrote this before getting to the end of the video lol
Yeah. I had some surgery so i cannot rly do much, including that. And it's been few weeks now, and i don't necessarly feel better or worse. The lows aren't as low, but highs aren't rly higher either.
Made me realize, it's more of a symptom, of something else. Currently i am job hunting, pretty hopeless so far, but i am trying and i am stuck either meeting or hearing about lot of ppl i don't like. It had kinda given me a new perspective, made me realize i gotta change some key things in my life, if i wanna feel better.
And rest will follow.
Ultimately, it is certainly possible to get ahead in life, it just takes more effort than those around you who aren't putting in that extra effort in the right places. Not everyone can get ahead, but not everyone will try to get ahead, the majority of people will stick to a routine and live it, passing up opportunities and wont do things to create opportunities for themselves. Things are certainly getting harder, but you as an individual can get ahead and sort things out, while others simply wont try to
There's usually social opportunities on the internet that are better than nothing. If you're severely disabled it can be really hard to stop being trapped but otherwise there are usually more opportunities than people think
Porn addiction is like
even if you dont beat it you beat it
🤣
Loooll
pretty sure it's "especially" rather than "even"
assuming the order I read it in is the intended order
Naaaah, I thinks it's missing 'still' somewhere
Wtf with putting words into other people's mouths? Couldn't find a spelling mistake to correct or something?
Mumble mumble, grumble grumble
@@ssjcrafter8842 the joke is that they are interchangeable
When you mentioned boredom I forced myself to finish the video, because I admittedly wasn't in the mood to watch this video right now. You hit the nail right on the head. For me it feels like I can't be completely free of porn without having managed every single aspect of my life. Triggers for me are boredom and loneliness (it used to be unstable emotions and stress, but I've learned to regulate and communicate my emotions and stress better so that this is no longer a trigger). Furthermore, the more responsibilities I have, the less I feel like I have the time to watch porn and the more I feel like it's a waste of time.
"When driving a car, the distance between you and the ditch stays the same. You're the one who has to become better at staying on course."
- some guy on TikTok or something similar
This analogy changed how I looked at addictions at large and how I approached them moving forwards.
That's a bar.
Imo, it's especially tricky cuz it's hard to get away from.
You can get rid of all the alcohol in your house.
You can make sure your fridge only has healthy, low sugar snacks.
Drugs are anyways usually hard to get in society.
Pornographic materials however? As long as you've got wi-fi and a phone/PC, you can't really put distance between yourself and it.
And porn blockers are too easy to turn off
This is completely true. That's why it's important with this addiction in particular to put up artificial barriers: porn blockers, DNS servers that block adult content, etc.
It's true that it's easy to take those barriers down, but the fact that it requires an additional conscious action next to firing up your browser gives you an additional moment to reconsider. In addition, the more annoying you make it (there are probably many other ways), the more appealing other dopamine-releasing activities will seem in comparison.
What works reasonably well for me personally is using Cloudflare's adult content blocking DNS servers on my home networks on all of my computers and my phone, and taking a very limited data plan (specifically because running out sucks so much and will act as some sort of mental barrier/punishment for wasting it on porn). It is not waterproof, but it limits it enough to make it less appealing/convenient. Helps especially if you have specific pr0n that you return to, which then gets blocked by this.
The bar is very low.With porn, you can get pleasure with very, very low effort. All the other things require more energy than finding porn.
RUclips and their ads don't help either. lol
Once you can play it in your own head you can’t escape yourself
It wouldve been really great if in the early days of the NoFap/pornfree community we had someone like Dr. K to help navigate porn addiction. It was all very experimental and anecdotal, with lots of pseudoscience and broscience. Glad Dr. K is around today to provide an evidence and experience-based clinical perspective.
It's not too late. There are so many people left to save.
@@nisithamirihagalla7505with how online the future generations are I have feeling there’s going to be more people than ever to help
The whole 'to overcome Porn Addiction is to manage/fix most, if not all aspect of you life' makes so much sense and could potentially be a blessing in terms of changing your WHOLE life for the better. And to remember that if I ever stop trying to live life to the fullest, I'm creating a pocket/gap for the addiction to come back.
In other words, Porn addiction can be a tool/signal to actually make a change/improvement in my life, for the rest of my life. The way your patient told you that that Porn Addiction is actually the best thing that ever happened to his life is an eye opener of a perspective!
Thanks Dr. K
It’s a weird thing, i felt useless, started watching porn to “ease” my suffering. Later realized my suffering was from myself and how I handle situations. Went on a journey to upgrade every single aspect of my life. Was very successful in doing so and ended up earning a few mill in revenue for my business. The ironic thing is now, it’s hard to find someone who can keep up. Most people refuse to go down that path, making dating difficult. My mentality has totally shifted from the norm. People say porn addiction makes you never happy with the person you’re with. Sometimes being successful does the same, as you’ve adopted the mentality to always upgrade, always improve. I’ve found I’ve become only compatible with people that way. It almost takes you full circle as with a porn addiction except for different reasons.
Tbh i love your comment. It's making the porn not the problem but the symptom. Which makes it approachable
As an Autistic person, loneliness is definitely the reason for it being so hard to resist pron. It's honestly harder to form relationships, Platonic or Romantic, than to resist this addiction, because trying to form relationships of any kind, is just honestly almost impossible for Autistic people, especially for Young Autistic Males like myself. These reasons are why it's unfortunately very common for people with Autism, especially male, to have a pron addiction, than Neurotypicals.
The good news is that it's 100% possible to learn how to navigate social situations and relationships even for autistics like us. It takes more effort, and you have to learn it deliberately, but it's not some set in stone thing that can never change.
as a dude on the spectrum myself, quitting p0rn is MUCH harder than giving up liquor for me. Been sober for almost 8yrs now after being a heavy binge drinker, but havnt gone more than 3 weeks without a p0rn relapse. Like the video says, the accessibility makes it alot harder to quit.
"Hypersexuality" is also more common in autistic people as well, which is another aspect.
this is very true, i have been exploring it this year and everything makes more sense, been trying to get myself out there and make connections, luckily i dont get lonely but have a strong desire for the romantic and sexual aspect, been looking at pron alot less as i get older
That part about addictions not being beaten hit me hard. Not about porn, but about addiction in general. 18 years ago, my dad quit smoking because of his heart problem. Last year, he started again. 2 weeks ago, he got briefly hospitalized with internal bleeding in his lungs and has to quit again. Addictions can come back in a bad way when you least expect them; or rather, not expecting them is what makes them come back.
I'm sorry for saying this but I like that Dr K slays with the color combination of his shirt with the sofa. The harmony in the palette suits so right
I’ll admit it. I got addicted around when I was 16 and I am 23 now. The more aware I am now I would say yes that it occurs during boredom and loneliness. My current job is unfulfilling. I look around at society and everything seems fake and artificial. I’m trying to have hope in this world. But it feels like humans are just machines. Not only in the psychology of helping people, but the algorithms of social networks, and all our modern industry of advertising that attacks the subconscious. Maybe it’s just me but I feel like a David vs 100 Goliaths.
A lot of society is fake and artificial, and totally inhuman, spending time in nature is my personal antidote. It’s never failed to make me feel at least 10% better, even in my darkest moments. This modern world isn’t even a blip in the span of history, I honestly think that feeling consciously disconnected from it means that you’re in touch with your humanity!
I quit smoking around 15-16 years ago, it was THE worst addiction. I quit cold turkey and haven't smoked at all since then, and also never ever have the desire to light up... the idea frankly disgusts me and I know with every fiber in my body I will never ever smoke a single cigarette gain. So, in my mind, I definately "beat" that addiction.. maybe I'm the exception.
I've been off the Mary Jane for 400 days in a few days, and I have the same feeling regarding "beating" the addiction. I can't at all see myself ever lighting it up again, it just doesn't fit the view I have of myself anymore.
I would say for me smoking has been the easiest to kick. I mean, it barely had any positive effect. It made me stink, cough, made my place stink, produced a bunch of ash everywhere, made my teeth yellow and wouldn't even relax me.
Quiting smoking wasn't as bad as weed but twice even after almost a year I felt worse without weed and went back.
What they mean by "you can't beat an addiction" is that if you and someone who has never smoked before had a smoke together, you would still be more likely to become addicted again. Of course, if you never touch a cigarette again, that'll never happen.
I succeeded for one year and then got back into it by foolishly trying cigars now and again, since I've cane back to it - 2 years - I'm now back at ky original point :
- 1 pack a day
- M.J now and again ; wich is better than before since I was smoking from the first moment I woke up - I know have a job ajd that's basically the only thing stopping me
This is the video I needed. I resonate so deeply with the sentiment of being just so tired with it. So many times I have looked to beat the addiction, and with it I’ve grown to face the reality that I can’t control a part of myself, which is scary but eye opening. Especially with the last sentiment about porn addiction being the best thing that’s happened to them, I feel I can finally say I recognise what it is I’m dealing with. Now it’s time to address the roots and try a-new.
Hey, I have autism and ADHD, I started watching your videos a couple weeks ago and they actually greatly improved my self-confidence, and helped me learn how to manage talking with people and starting conversations. It's also really helpful because even if I know English and read a lot of information online, there's really not many good sources to get that information where I live, and the fact that you manage to direct your content to what we neurodivergent people need to hear is amazing.
I also didn't really pay attention to meditation and alternative healing/medicines, but the way you can actually correlate between the scientific facts and how this meditation helps your mind have really helped me open my view.
This is the best and most detailed description of porn addiction I've come across. Thank you dr K. As a recovering porn addict I completely agree with what you say here. I used to think it was about just defeating the addiction, but I've come to realize the addiction has grown out of a dysfunctional life. So the solution is to grow in all areas of life. I'm learning healthy emotional regulation, hitting the gym, finding meaningfulness, becoming authentic. It's super hard but it gives me hope.
As someone who loves green, the sage green design and Dr K's outfit here is really nice to look at!
This really helped shape my perspective because as someone whose played games since I was 4, currently almost 23, I viewed my problems as exactly how he mentioned. Like bosses in games that if I do the thing, I'll beat it and it'll be done. Knowing that viewing it that way is actually counter productive helps a lot in shaping my mindset properly to fight this battle
I often see boredom and loneliness as common reasons why people view pornography. Plus, it doesn't reject those viewing it, making it an even easier option to go to. But if you find it difficult to stop, you may want to consider what other aspects of your life might be currently lacking. Directing your focus towards enhancing those parts of your life is what tends to lead to a healthier lifestyle.
i really appreciate the editing in these when they go up in youtube, throwing definitions and such on screen :)
This video came out in such an important moment, not only for me but to everybody looking for peace of mind and purpose.
I can’t help but feel bad about myself when I watch porn but, it’s exactly what you said, it’s not about the addiction, but making your life better and full of meaning, with good relationships and etc.
Praying for all of you out there, who’s on the same path, we can make it, life is and will be beautiful, just have patience and faith. ❤🙏🏻
The last bit is really eye-opening. Making fighting porn addiction your life purpose will put all of your other aspects of life in order.
Wow! Thank you, Dr. K. I'm so glad I started watching your content.
Thanks for making this content, Dr. Kanojia, and for your passion in bridging divides between medicine and the technological world. Here is hoping that the victims of treatable diseases get the help that they need. Looking forward to your book and future endeavors.
This video is actually so real. If you use the desire to consume pornography as a signal that you aren’t living right, you have a very good indicator on your side.
I think social anxiety that developed in high school has really held me back. For me as well, I felt ashamed of sex from the beginning, which led to me running away from any suggestion that I was a being with sexual interests or desires. I remember towards the end of middle school, listening to my classmates and friends start to talk about sexual things and wanting to be a part of it but feeling like I didn’t know how. Perhaps that was what drove me to consume pornography in the first place.
I wonder what the correlations between pornography addiction/consumption and social anxiety are.
"I wonder what the correlations between pornography addiction/consumption and social anxiety are."
Probably none, considering that nearly every man -- and more than half of women -- watches it.
Well, I am a bit disagree on "desire to consume", that was stretched a bit too far, watching a short session once a day or a few day isn't addiction.
Watching porn many times a day and never stop craving or thinking about it throughout the day and it taking hour or more is addiction.
@@worawatli8952 I actually disagree with that characterization. I don’t think porn specifically is what the addiction is, it’s more so anything technology related that gives me a cheap dopamine hit. Porn is just what gets me the strongest hit, and is the most destructive of multiple dimensions of my life. But I definitely would consider it an addiction.
Instead of focusing on things that would contribute to my progression in life, I coast and my time gets occupied with shit that I don’t like that doesn’t serve me in any way.
@@gavinp214Porn is one of the best thing that happened in my life, I know it may sounds Insane but Porn made me realize there are so many great and amazing things in life. Life's feels so complicated yet so simple. Mindset/Perspectives greatly affects me as human being. I've never been so grateful ❤Much love(sorry my bad English)
9:30
I know that Dr. K is usually straightforward, but I really appreciate this level of honesty. Like, yeah, its gonna be that difficult. Knowing that makes it much easier to manage expectations and be realistic and honest with myself.
"just get you life together lol"
that straight up the "fix" to every addiction.
*go outside touch grass,have friends have a healthy relationship.*
If you are homeless just build a house duuuuhhh
Basically lol, but the key is your environment and associates. If you don't want to put yourself into a better situation you likely never will.
It's the most straightforward but hardest answer that no one wants to hear
If you put yourself in a hole that you dug for years, you're not getting out of it in a day or 2
@@alphakowaclips what if you start from a very deep hole regardless of what you did?
@Bleilock1, it sucks to be born a turtle
Porn basically ruined sex with my partners. I didn't lose my virginity until my 20s and porn was the only sexual experience i got. So what porn showed is what i thought sex was and even when i learned how sex should be my brain couldn't get aroused by real sex. Needless to say it caused problems with ED, and making my partner feel unwanted.
How often were you watching it…?
How often were you watching it…?
10:43 Very much understand that perspective. I used to be morbidly obese. I am now physically fit and active. The "skills" i needed to develop in order to become fit really made me a much stronger person.
Everything challenging i try to learn/do now is no longer difficult, it's just a gradual process which will eventually bear fruit if I simply practice over and over. I don't even really mean that in a philosophical way, it's just what I observed from my experience with weight loss.
Everyone I know who has a problem with porn was exposed to it at a very young age (like literally 5 years old). If you’re a parent, take measures to protect your kids
My first time watching porn was when I was 13. Now I'm almost 26 and I don't think I'm gonna stop any time soon.
For me personally I don't think exposure at a young age caused my addiction but the fact that around the same time I came across adolescent pamphlets that claimed porn and masturbation were natural and we should not be ashamed of watching/partaking in them. I was also shy and scared shitless of girls so porn filled that void.
same thing for me. My first masturbations started around the age of 12, because of the internet and ecchi animes. I
'm ashamed to say this, but that is the truth.
now with tiktok making sexualization even more normal for young users, it's gonna start at an even younger age.
Don't let your kids have tiktok.
What a G 🔥
Every obstacle we really struggle against is a gift, if you read this try to see it as such, right now.
Try to see how this thing you despise and push against is your mentor, your coach and your teacher, to really get better, to really discover new ressources in yourself, to really dig through your self lies and beliefs ...
We're doing it y'all! ❤️🔥🙏🤜🤛
Hi! Off topic, but I just wanted to say thank you for the guides! I've tried battling ADHD with help of meditations, spiritual therapy and scientific research on my own. But your guides are incredible. Very effective.
Most importantly, thank you for pricing them reasonably, so that they could reach more people. Self-help therapies are so incredibly overpriced these days. You offer quality, in depth knowledge and many practical ways to deal with these problems.
I look forward to learning more! If anyone's struggling, you will get a lot of knowledge from the guides, I highly recommend it.
I commented on a similar video of his about a year or 2 ago. I said that I quit, that was true until recently.
It turns out that the reason i was able to "quit" was because I had someone to keep my focus on, a reason not to look at porn. But what came with that was a dependency on that person. This cost me that relationship, things are better now, but it took time.
I used to beat myself up about "falling to my temptations". But now I look at things differently.
Like the video said, the way to fix a porn addiction is to fix your life. I completely agree, im glad for what learned from my mistakes, it sucks that i made them, but cant change the past, i can only be better in the future.
I now enjoy simply going on walks, working out, I picked up art and game design too. Im now filling my days with things to do.
Do i still get tempted, of course, but I can just choose not to, if i have free time then sure. I still try to not look at porn, just treat it like a normal bodily function instead, because masturbation is normal.
Fill your day with things to do, even something as simple as going on a walk. Sometimes strong urges can come from lack of exercise (pent up energy).
Idk if this will help anyone, but getting these thoughts out helps me, so thanks for reading if you made it through this essay lol.
I found your comment particularly insightful. Thank you for sharing your experience
Your second paragraph matches exactly with what’s been happening to me with my relationships. Ended up losing a longtime close friend and having another very close long time friend drift away, both for the same underlying reasons.
Thanks for the help dude :)
This is the one thing I can't kick out my life. Thanks for the video Dr. K
uninstalling genshin impact helps too
@@Iuffycs so true
Hello! I'm new here and I love all the time and effort you put into all of this. I have struggled with this problem fro many years now (like many others) and I am so thankful to find someone that can point me in the right direction. Thank you so much!!!!!!
This is the best advice I have heard on beating PMO addiction. Thanks Dr. K. Believe me if you wish to beat this addiction, this is exactly what you need to know, there is no other way.
Love you doctor K, keep it up!
Off topic but i have seen your ADHD videos. My ADHD and GAD is starting to make me feel insane.
I am a 27 year old male. I still live with my parents.
I was burned out after school (i live in Europe), it started with me needing sleeping pills because it took 2-3 hours or longer for me to sleep at night.
Mind you, I still don't know how to turn off my brain at night.
2016, a doctor told me that I am burned out and I was put on "sick leave" with sleeping pills. I spent 4-5 years in "sick leave" I developed a depression and I got social anxiety because of me being home all the time.
2018, I was diagnosed with GAD and ADD. Which made sense because I am always stressed and I panic alot over things that I am not familiar with. Every day is stressful somehow, even if I don't do anything specific.
I ate a lot of medicine, i became a "Zombie" because of it.
What I mean by "Zombie" is that my feelings disappeared, I became an empty shell. Gained alot of weight aswell.
I also got in to a toxic relationship around this time aswell.
2020, I broke up with my partner.
I worked myself towards the top again. Stopped eating meds (doctors orders), lost alot of weight, my life was on track. I was happy.
2022, I got a job (6 month period). By the end of it I was emotional drained because of stress and a broken heart.
I stopped working.
A couple of months later I met my new girlfriend, everything was great. But I was stressed for not having a job, so I got a job. It was working out fine but after 4-5 months I got stressed by work and could barely sleep at night.
I also got stressed out for not feeling like I was worthy by my girlfriends parents. That I was a "no show", that i could not have a job because of stress.
This was the first time in my life that I felt like I was going insane because of my GAD.
I see problems where there are none. It felt like my GAD would destroy everything I have. I could lay for hours in bed with compulsive thoughts, playing different scenarios in my head over and over again.
Who knows, maybe I have OCD.
I started to stress out because I did not want me and my girlfriends relationship to go down the drain aswell, we have a really good relationship. So layer by layer everthing felt like it was falling apart, I thought.
So I quit my job, impulsive.
I started to study, I needed to fix my grades. (Didn't finish school.)
And now, I feel stressed about studying. Like everything is falling apart again. I am studying 25% which is 10 hours a week, and I feel like I can barely keep up.
After this, I started to see a pattern.
Stress makes me have compulsive thoughts, usually work related thoughts. "Did I do this right? Did I do this wrong?" That shit made me loose sleep.
Maybe I'm not built for stressful enviroments. I feel so weak. I look at others who work/study alot and I wonder, how do they do it?
I feel like I am weak because of it. I know that you should not compare yourself to others but when billions of people know how to handle a normal life... you start to question yourself, "What is wrong with me?".
I'm moving to my girlfriends new apartment soon. This will be the biggest step in my life, I will move out. I will stand on my own feet without my parents.
I hope I can endure the life of a grown up. Stress.
Please take some time to read ancient scriptures.....like the Bhagavat Gita or any guidance from a real spiritual master.
I feel like I'm looking at a mirror of how I was at your age. Minus the girlfriend, this is exactly what my experience was.
Moving out of your parents' house will be a major step forward for you, especially if you get to share a living space with someone who likes you. I'm kind of jealous of that tbh, but I still appreciate my independence. I grew up in a dysfunctional family, and I got even worse when I joined the military. Didn't even realize I was going through child abuse until I started going to therapy. But on the plus side, the VA has deemed me unemployable and I can live semi-comfortably without a job.
I might be a little biased here, but don't sweat the whole job thing. I wouldn't recommend going to college either, not unless they can effectively accommodate your mental health needs. And if your girlfriend isn't struggling to make ends meet and enjoys her job, you really don't need one. But if you decide you do want a job, just work part time and don't get emotionally attached to the company you work for. Your girlfriend might even be happy to have you all to herself, and there's nothing wrong with that!
One other tip: don't take life advice from people who don't inspire you. Their opinion of you won't matter in the grand scheme of things. Just go at your own pace.
Good luck 👍
@@Lazzil Hey thanks for you comment! It actually helped to know that someone has experienced alot of the same things as me!
I think I actually experienced manipulation alot when I was a kid, so maybe I will go to therapy aswell!
Sometimes you have to vent out all the shit that goes on in life.
By the way, I hope you are doing well now!
@@kamalvipul9213 i will check that out! I have a friend who practice yoga and lived in India for 10 years, I will talk to him aswell for some spiritual guidance!
My life experience so far definitely corroborates what he says in the closing segment: The meaning and fulfillment you get from fixing your life does unlock that final door you need to get out of addiction.
As someone who has struggled with addiction, sobriety is all about fixing yourself and not the addiction. Because no matter how sober you get, the addiction is still there. You have to want the sobriety, so find something or someone you love more than the vice.
nah, I'd win
AGREED
If you feel loved and supported in your life, there's no need for addiction. You are only invested in the addiction because your sense of belonging is not available.
I wanna say thanks that this is 11 minutes, this makes it so I can share it with certain friends and have them actually watch it (they avoid longer stuff)
One thing BPD has taught me is that the loneliness will always be there. I have people who love and care about me and I have no thoughts of "leaving," but the moments of awkwardness, misunderstanding, and frustrating confusion make the loneliness seem allot less dreadful. Most of the time, the only time I feel i can truly be myself is when I'm alone.
7:17 alcohol oxidises into aldehyde then oxidises to carboxylic acid
To clarify: "I watch porn on a semiregular basis" is not "I am addicted to porn"; I see too many weirdos claiming that any amount of engagement with porn is automatically an addiction.
Where would you draw the line personally?
If you can't go without for an extended period of time it's an addiction, and coincidentally I've never heard anyone saying "I watch porn once a week".
Then again, you do see a lot of people who use corn daily, and cannot go two weeks without it, yet they somehow are not addicted in their mind...
@Cresimi I do it once or twice a week. I have gone weeks without doing it.
To be fair content like dr.k's talks about usage and addiction pretty synonymously. Imo Weed and porn videos from dr.k feel like they're 80% "this is why you shouldn't do this/addiction/etc." and 20% "you can have a healthy relationship with these things , here's how"
Thank you for covering this. 🙏
I feel like this video just got started when it ended! This topic deserves an hour.
Im beating it to this video essay right now
😂😂😂😂
Believable, everything can be a fetish, and this is "people saying why porn addiction is bad" fetish.
@@worawatli8952 wow so deep and philosophical, here's one for you too
@@worawatli8952 beat it to this comment
Love the channel
I am so glad you are covering this ❤🎉❤🎉
This is one of the best videos on this subject I have ever seen.
And I have seen many, many videos.
Guys, I've been trying NoFap since I was 14 (2014).
Never succeed to permanently stop ;
Even though I stoped for 8 months while going in school at the age of 15, full hormones everything.
The conclusion of Dr.K is right, all the periods in my 9 years of chasing the NoFap dragon when I succeeded for a time :
*It was times when I got my life together.*
*Every time I started slipping on my habits (see Atomic Habits to manage that) I always falled back into my worst habits.*
BE WORKING, BE SOCIAL, BE SPIRITUAL, BE MOVING.
That's the only thing really to do:
*STAY IN MOVEMENT*
*MOVEMENT IS LIFE*
High libido is not a disease. Masturbation is replacement for sex when you can't have sex. If you have high libido you will need outlet. Try having a woman with pretty high libido and tell me then you have sex addiction.
NoFap is bad. It makes you hate masturbation instead of learning how to address it.
"NoFapping" also implies that _not masturbating_ is an unnatural forced state. Both masturbating and not masturbating are natural. The dynamics of Porn Addiction and NoFap are the unnatural ones.
You can only NoFap when you're addicted, and so, you will always be addicted while NoFapping.
The solution to changing these dynamics is not to force yourself to stop, but to change your daily habits in a way that masturbating or watching porn has little or at least less significance.
You need to add things to your schedule that have a higher priority than watching porn and masturbating. That is it.
The first part is exactly what happened to me, i stopped looking at any form of sexual content for more than 2 months, i thought at that point i'm finally from it, but when i loosened my guard i came back to my old self, but i would say being free from it isn't really a superpower as nofap community make it look like, but it's like having one less issue in your life
Watching this for a friend.
Thank you, for explaining and helping me to understand.❤
That makes sense:
Fix your circumstances so that you don't feel the need to survive them.
I had to cut out quite a few things.
I don't watch much anime now,
specific types of ASMR,
I try to keep my hands busy,
Stuff like that.
😂😂😂
Isn't it nice that because of the reason we are all addicts nowadays, we also are going to be all experts in overcoming addiction somewhen in the future... new challenges bring new growth! 😃
Dr. K always dropping his videos accordance to my life
Quitted pornography 6 hours ago. I opened three start ups, Ran marathon, my cancer disappeared and hair grew back, and got a top rank in rocket league
What helped me not feel tied down to the addiction is not feeling bad about it. At first it was like relaxation training to retrain my body not to feel tense during and after. I noticed i would not breathe properly when the thought arose, during the session, and a relief after where i would allow myself to breathe -unconscious. Then after a lot of watching myself i take 3 full breathes, and allow myself to watch and remember breathe, here i noticed the behavior did not feel as right because most of the stimulation came from tension and the release of the tension however while brething the tension is constantly released. My viewing went down considerably which is a huge win. Now if the week is packed i can breathe and watch the tension fade but if i feel like i want to be entertained ill watch. Now i am watching that in between state also so that one day i can have an apiphany about the bigger scope of the behavior.
I think a problem myself and a lot of other run into while trying to quit is not sticking to a method long enough to see it through. Shame is also a hinderance because it just builds more tension. More tension you build, the more of a release you will have, better you will feel and more dopamine is produced and the cycle repeats.
I now 24/7 an releasing that tension and it has benefited other parts of my life.
I can make a video on it more in depth if anyone here is interested. But if you read the comment carefully you can get just as much out of it.
A hobo can tell you what dr.k is saying but you still wont do it, and stick with it. Thats the problem with most people not making progress
That's a rare point people discuss. Or even are aware of.. tension, breathing patterns etc
I would appreciate a video on it. And I think there may be more than myself
This is so true. Focusing on improving all aspects of life and having a meaningful purpose in life, is the only way to move ahead.
This was kind of eye opening, and kind of put all my problems into one 10 min video. Damn.
I wish this video was longer.
Right now the addiction is about management for me. Capping how many times a day, and for how long as I'm looking for it.
Though I've noticed that in lie of it I've been slipping into scrolling addiction
Put down the phone and touch grass, dont put a max on phone put a min on something better
@@johnElden8760 yo you spitting rn
Cutting down on porn has never helped me it makes sense when u think about it gradually decreasing ur usage of porn and so ur addiction to it but each time u do it it only strengthens the addiction. "The easy peasy way to quit porn" has helped me a lot, this book isn't trying to scare you with health risks of using porn but it makes u see the addiction as stupid as it really is, it's like banging ur head against a wall to feel good when u stop, when I was using porn I was miserable and tired all the time I thought that it was normal and a part of growing up I thought only children felt happy and energetic but soon found out that it was porn that made me feel unhappy and tired it had been so long that I couldn't even remember how it was like to feel energetic, happy and fit, since I've quit porn every aspect of my life has greatly improved. I highly recommend the book because I believe it is not only the best way to quit porn but any addiction. You can find the audiobook for the easy peasy way on RUclips. Hope u find this helpful
A moment to appreciate the awesome droplet thing animation, love it ❤
I've been gone for a year and these videos have grew up so exponentially in quality, damn
I have beat my Alcohol addiction. Haven't had even a drop of any alcoholic beverage for more than 2 years now, and I have no desire to touch that poison ever again.
And that is because I relapsed 4 times, I know where "just one drink" leads, it leads to me drinking a bottle a day within the week. So I just steer clear of Alcohol altogether.
I think it might be helpful to frame porn usage not as an addiction. For me, my partner was always telling me I had an addiction and I needed to stop. When I tried, it was very hard, because I felt like I was fighting an addiction, this thing that had a power over me. So I gave up and just said I didn't have an addiction. It wasn't until years later that it occurred to me that all my porn usage was burning up all my dopamine and making it difficult to enjoy life. So I decided to stop watching porn because I wanted to live a more joy filled life. Framed this way, it was easy to quit. I just stopped watching porn and that was that. Easy. I didn't pathologize myself, I didn't say I had an addiction, I just said I was burning up all my dopamine and wanted to not do that to live a better life. Framed this way it was easy to stop.
I understand the whole having to change your life and fixing it in order to conquer this addition, but what doesn't make sense to me is that one of the factors that lead to this is boredom/loneliness. Although I am not really lonely, I will be alone in bed at night and that's when it kicks in for me. It's gotten to a point where my brain associates my bed with rubbing one out, and I can't sleep without doing so. I've tried to stop it, sometimes for a week give or take, but as soon as I have a really shitty day, I just know I'm gonna need that dopamine hit and I can't do anything to stop myself.
This is really good. Please do more like this. Also question. Doesn’t working out make resisting harder?
0:41 that editing is immaculate
“If you want to destroy any nation without war, make adultery or nudity common in the young generation.” - As Saladin
10:25 "it was a signal from the universe that I'm not living my life the right way" that's really deep
From 12-18 I had a serious problem with this. I wish my parents would of got me involved in something because it was damn near a hobby for me when I got home from school. I feel like I lost brain cells and I would be much further in life if I never had access to the internet at a young age.
Finally I felt understood. Mostly the subject is reduced to dopamine stuff and sex drive. However I can tell you that, the heaviest relapse I experienced was in the period of my grandmother's death. And I was totally aware of what is happening and I accepted it, I had no choice to deal with it. I was away from porn for some handsome time which dismisses the "dopamine" crap and I don't think my sex drive lead me as it is not appropriate in association with my grandmother's death.
And the other aspect is I believe the only isolated addiction is porn addiction. Other addictions somehow lead you to socialize, at least with the drug dealer. Social deficiency really what makes it fucked up. As I consumed different stuff with other people; it doesn't makes you feel that bad and lonely and disgrace to society and yourself.
Moreover, I don't know if I am wrong or right because it is pretty new for me, without creating a circumstance to quit it (which means actually building a life as Dr. K mentioned), it is not possible. Like, if you are living in a place accumulated with pain and unresolved grief it is likely to be impossible. And after quitting, stopping watching when you need it, those things that surfaces is not pretty at all. How lonely you are, how you felt lonely back then, how desperate you were and probably more desperate now (as you couldn't use your inherent drive and power to save your place in society), how illusory was all that you think you were, like you know all those pornstars, you share days maybe years with them and not a single soul know your existence at all. When you felt you shared something, but you shared nothing.
I don't have a memory where I had no access to porn. (I am considering stimulating supermodel poses as porn too, because for a child who had childhood masturbation and have no clue about sexuality at all, it is pornography) I don't know how to deal with pain, I don't know how to deal with anxiety, medications help to reduce the affect yet not helping to deal with it because if you don't feel it how can you get used to it. So staring at the mirror and saying "we are all fucked up buddy. nobody knows us. even though we believed we have unpacked a significant part of ourselves which consists our desires, our taste, our way of socializing, our way of accepting, the person we considered us, it was just a dream that we saw while watching porn" easily makes someone suicidal. Plus the numbness and surfacing anger is pretty hard to deal with.
Therefore I look forward more professionals to understand the issue and help people like us. Because we need help. It is hard.
silly question, but does softporn count? like bikini photos and IG models, etc ? Hardporn is much more intense and makes me feel more depressed the day afterwards, but softporn is everywhere.
@@kiz5562 I am no expert but the way it effects you would determine IMO. From my perspective soft core counts too. Because it is a step to approach hardcore stuff. Like alcohol. So many people are ok with drinking two beers here and there. But for some it is the pathway to their doom.
porn addiction makes you act fucking weird, i know from experience
I watched a Huberman podcast and this quote stuck with me: "No matter how far you drive, youre always the same distance from the ditch." Sounds kinda hopeless, but it makes it predictable you always know where the ditch is, and it makes it much easier to stay on the road.
I totally feel this, in the past week I've been fixated on fixing all areas of my life and being disciplined in good habits, naturally I haven't watched porn because of it. Although I do get urges I just remind myself, what are a few things I can do now which will mean I won't have time to do it, and those things are always purposeful. I'll definitely try to be around people more then it'll make it easier for me to resist.
I see a lot of people who say they feel useless or depressed etc. after masturbation. I'm wondering - How come? Asking because i fall in the bracket of watching pornography when i'm bored, which usually happens daily. Which could mean i am in some way addicted, yet i only feel satisfied after? So what causes this feeling of desperation or anger after masturbation for a lot of people? I should mention going a week without if things are busy is no issue in my case.
I feel like its usually the noticing of the cycle that starts to make people feel useless/depressed afterwards. for a while you're indulging carelessly, having fun, and then one day you start to notice you do this every day and you wonder why? and when you can't stop you wonder, why? and then the fact that you're acknowledging now that you have a problem but can't seem to stop makes you feel bad because you feel weak and helpless. it's also probably due to chronic dopamine release- when u have an addiction for a long time u start to burn out ur dopamine receptors bc youve been blasting them with extreme amounts of dopamine over and over again over a long period of time- they get tired. if I got anything wrong, please correct me! this is just my understanding and opinion as someone who has dealt with addiction
A key part of addiction involves the inability to quit. I'm by no means an expert, but I think there's a difference between watching it as a pastime and depending on it for emotional regulation and curing boredum
sounds like were similar. im also a daily fapper, but if a week goes by without it im fine. also dont feel negative after it. i guess by the dsm criteria we would be categorized as mildly addicted, but i would say as long as it isnt a problem in your life, youre fine.
@@voidelf I concur! Good take. And am also studying psychology. The biological side is one but it's interesting to hear people's thoughts about what makes it a problem.
@@KaiTheMemeKing I agree. Also the inclusion of a healthy social/sexual life would help i suppose
I stopped watching pornography over 7 months ago. I learned how exploitative the porn industry is and how it literally rewires our brains to become more and more desensitized to the intensity of the porn we’re watching. Porn ruins relationships and marriages, it ruins young people’s idea and expectations for sex. It has caused me and many other women body image issues that I, to this day, can’t shake off even though my current partner loves me no matter what. So much of what’s wrong with society is caused by pornography, in my opinion. I recommend everyone to open their eyes to how dark the porn industry really is. This wasn’t easy for me as prior to this, I watched porn for 5-6 years straight but quitting was one of the best decisions I’ve made.
Being addicted to league of legends I learned that to find my way out I needed to realize that the bad moments were consistent and not my fault, even the best players experience the negatives. I also learned that I had no other games I wanted to play.
So I sat down and played slower games... It was hell.
I wanted adrenaline in my blood at all moments for months! It took almost a year to get used to not playing league.
I guess we can learn something from this and realize that you don't need to fix your whole life in a weekend. You can just find new hobbies, new friends and things to do slowly and that'll make you less addicted to those habits slowly.
It will take months either way!
Sober from pornography in secrecy since November 1st of 2023. I was so sick of it and heartbroken to see my spouse. So disappointed in me. That's my reason why I stay clean. You have to find a reason and if you don't you'll go back right into your old ways.
And how has life been since November? I just can't kick it...
@@Cheximus you have to have a reason why you're doing it. What I mean by that is find something that makes you want to stop. Maybe it's your child, maybe it's your wife. For me. It was my wife. I saw this distraught disappointment in her face. The minute I came clean to her. It destroyed me inside. Then I thought one day I might have to tell my child. I was an addict to this stuff and I told myself never again. Being sober from pornography has cleaned my mind and rewired my brain to allow me to look at wife for her beauty. And not to get too personal. But when you make love to your spouse, you'll notice it doesn't take you 20 minutes to finish. Instead, it takes you a few minutes because you're not thinking about someone else or some type of fake vision that pornography will give in all of its different videos that it has to offer.
Additionally, I would recommend staying in some type of group. Whether that's at church or even SAA. I attend a millennial SAA group once a week and it's been extremely helpful. These guys are just normal people just like myself wanting to have the best life and meeting once a week. Going through discussion it holds us all accountable.
I caught myself when I was starting to get really bad. Other people catch themselves when they are already in a dark indie pool. I haven't needed a blocker on my phone or anything like that because I know my limits and I know what not to click on. But limiting your social media use. That will be a big deal for you. Instagram is a trap for men. Facebook algorithms and everything like that will Target you to click on other things. So what I do is not have any social media apps on my phone and if I truly need Facebook for something I will access my desktop for it. But I do understand some people can't even be on a desktop by themselves. It's all about what boundaries you need for yourself. It's also extremely important to be honest about what boundaries you need.
Lastly. Do not have any secrets with your spouse. Everything is an open book in my relationship with my wife. Even if I thought about something I probably shouldn't have, I will be very open and transparent with her and while I feel like I'm going to be embarrassed and she's not going to like me, she actually thanks me every time I tell her so she can be aware of it so she can help me in any of my triggers. It's brought us together closer than I could have ever imagined.
So going back to your original question. Find something that makes you almost angry. Something that makes you say I'm never going to go back to this moment in my life again. And for me that was my wife's reaction when I came clean and I never want to have to have that conversation with her again telling her I slipped.
If you struggle with alcohol, don’t go to bars. If you struggle with porn addiction, just go to bars every day.
I will admit, I've never been addicted to porn per se, but I did quit watching it cold turkey after hearing one woman's incredibly traumatic story about being trafficked.
The truth is that you don't know if the porn you're watching has been consented to. In fact, by the time you're at the addiction stage, it's probably more likely that the porn you're watching is exploitative and violent in nature. You can try to justify it by paying for OF memberships or whatever, but even then. You don't know if that model is being coerced or not.
I highly recommend listening to these stories to recruit your morality. Once you learn it, you can't unlearn it. Literally, I've never watched porn since.... And that was about a year and a half ago. I don't WANT to watch porn anymore.
I also want to say that Dr. K's comments on fixing your life as the way to fix addiction rings true for me. While I wasn't addicted to porn, I was addicted to weed for almost 10 years. Once I started getting my life together, I realized what the weed was costing me - not just financially, but also in terms of low motivation and energy levels. When I filled my life with things I wanted to do, I no longer needed the weed to help me have fun. Quitting became EASY. I still get cravings from time to time, but I'm so much more aware now of the downsides, that I haven't had a relapse. I'm sober as of 4/20/23, thanks in large part to Dr. K!
This is excellent thank you.
I was so close. I feel it slipping back into my life, and it irritates me. I was able to give it up completely for my partner. Having a loving relationship, and saving all of my desire for her-but only when she initiated-was such a grounding and regulating thing for me. But…I craved emotional intimacy, and at a certain point, that was too much for her. We fought about it several times. And she finally just ended it. I’m on a journey right now, but the empty void inside is overwhelming. Especially since she just so easily moved on to another shallow relationship. I feel so discarded. 🤦🏻♂️
I understand exactly what you’re feeling, it’s easier to overcome an addiction when you have a genuine emotional investment in someone, but unfortunately it’s not exactly easy to come by someone who wants emotional connection these days…
I think it is worth pointing out that, just like alcohol, porn is a consumable commodity that many people enjoy. The existence of porn is not, in and of itself, a problem. The problem is, like with all addictions, in the mind and constitution of the consumer. Pornography is a form of adult entertainment. That is all.
Porn is a problem too. Have you seen how many women are abused in the industry?
And I actually think alcohol deserves a bit more criticism too.
@@bremcurt9514 we tried prohibition. It doesn't work. Now what?
@@dkdisme Idk, regardless of discussions about legality, we can at the very least spread awareness
I want to know how much time will it take for brain to heal itself completely. Sometimes it scares me if i will ever have a healthy brain again.
It literally explains this in the video, you shouldn't be scared of that, you have to be willing to keep fighting otherwise it's going to be very hard. You cannot change your past but you can improve your future
Maybe some months. But the real answer is, it will take as long as it takes. Live in the present, do your best, seek help and help others, and you will heal faster than you probably assumed.
Your fear is very understandable, but unnecessary. Worrying about the time frame puts a needless burden on you, and therefore your recovery. Try to let go of this worry, and believe what is true: we have incredible capacity to recover from almost anything. Believe in yourself, but when you feel you can't, know that I and many others believe in you too.
it takes 6 month to recover from depression episode. for addiction it is like with alcohol. Once addict, always an addict. You will be in constant state of moderation so it's not like you will recover from porn addiction. Consider switching to ASMRs as part of recovery. Yess they do 21+. i cant imagine what you guys have in your brain gellato after watching that degrading shit for so long but start listening instead of watching.
@@UntoTheBreach24 ❤️ you brother thanks for your time and care
Instead of seeing your brain as something that needs healing, it's better to see it as something you can improve for your own good. You're not dealing with an illness that you need to cure, you're improving your thought process to become the type of person you want to be (for example to be someone without a porn addiction).
Once you think of it that way, the process of self improvement is a lifelong process that doesn't stop at not being addicted to porn anymore. On your way to improving yourself, you will encounter a lot of areas where you want to work on yourself. By the time you're not addicted anymore, you'll have found new goals and new ways to improve yourself. The most important thing is to keep on going and to never give up, because there is no end goal.
You might not know now where self improvement will lead you, but as Dr. K said in his video: "On your quest to solving porn addiction, all of your life will fall in order." From my own experience, I can attest that this sentence is completely true.
The same applies to daydreaming. I've been daydreaming as long as I can remember because I never felt like I could trust my parents or relatives. At some point in childhood I even call them parents aloud and even now I cringe when I have to call them mom/dad. Also even 2 years ago daydreaming is the only thing that kept me calm enough when me and my family needed to refuge because of war and even then there were days when I tried everything (except sh) to stop the tears, so I wouldn't have to hear from my grandparents that I'm stupid for crying.
A few months ago I started journaling daydreaming and it helped a lot, but this month it's getting worse because of stress/being senior. Even now it's the only thing that can calm me down after nightmares or arguments with someone. And there's the problem that I can't even consider intimate relationship with someone because I'm too ashamed of daydreaming/coming out to someone.
I promised myself that I'll fix it when I move out but I have no idea how long will it be and I'm pretty certain that daydreaming won't go away fully
As someone who found my dad's Playboy Mags under his bed when I was 4, this hits home to me 😢