10 ways to become narcissist resistant 1-know what narcissism is 2-be resistant to the 3 c's: charm, charisma, confidence 3-radical acceptance of what it is 4-learn the universal tell's of narcissist behavior (reactions when criticized, not listening, lack of empathy, victimhood, hypocrisy, etc) 5-slow down. take time to pay attention to what is happening to you. 6-don't feel that you have to educate everyone else. most people aren't willing or able to understand what narcissism is about. 7-build support around you. 8-have meaning and purpose in your life 9-build self-compassion 10-learn your pressure/trigger points cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁
@@oceansunset6147 not to generalize but there is a pattern. Could be because of the strong gender roles in the region and the male desire to be more dominant, which seems to be more prevalent in the global south 🤷🏻♀️
Well, that's what I did, but now I'm accused to be a narcissist, because I have become "emotionally unavailable" 😅 because I don't engage in his drama anymore. With a normal person you could communicate about the difficulties in your relationship, but when I try to have a conversation with him, he becomes emotional and blames everything on me 😢 I should probably leave, but I'm afraid because of financial situation, kids, etc.
This is so hard for me because they are in my family. I tune in almost without conscious awareness. Empathically, I plug right in even if I am silent and guarded.
Last month, in the ICU, in the middle of the night, I felt alone. I'd just come out of a coma; I'd been fighting for my life. I was full of grief, fear, and self-doubt. A nurse began to administer meds without telling me what they were. So, I asked. She was clearly annoyed and beyond unkind. I was hurt and shocked to feel shocked. But I soon realized I wasn't alone. A tech in the room waited until the nurse left and quietly let me know she recognized that what just happened wasn't okay. THANK YOU to all of you brave, beautiful people. Her soft voice, compassion, emotional attunement, and willingness to stand beside me was all it took to put a smile on my face. Thank you to all who break through the darkness with light.❤❤❤
I had to do that with my narcissist mom a few days ago. She refused to listen to boundaries my husband and I had and said she’s fine moving forward without us and the kids.
So brave. So hard. So worth it! I am relating after years away and its like I have a superpower! Though it takes vigilance. My current mantra is, “I can let go of needing to be understood.”
I would have no trouble with that at all, except, my daughter, a classic narcissist, is barring me from seeing my grandchildren. So, walk away from family, including your grandchildren?
I strongly believe that no matter how much material is consumed on narcissism, a person would have no real idea what it is, until they have have been immersed in it, experienced it to the most detrimental depths, and bears the scars to show for it.
I agree 100%. Narcs are slick. They dole out abuse when no one is around. When witnesses are present, they are sweet as you please. My mother, my father, and my ex-husband are all narcissists. My own daughter (who lived with my ex and I) still cannot see the abuse I suffered because he put on such an act around her. My mother is a pit viper when we are alone, but puts on the same act when others are present. What a load of bull.
Exactly! Nobody can understand it at all unless they were abused by one for sure! Tying those abusive traits to substantial tangible events you have experienced is only way to truly understand a sick narcissist and who they are and why?!!!! It’s the most unbelievable abuse ever to try to explain to someone!
Being authentic and true to yourself and your boundaries can become an armor against narcissists and their manipulative tactics. Be able to trust your gut and recognize some of their manipulative actions. Once you sense red flags, disengage and protect your personal space.
As soon as a person shouts, snaps, barks, growls at me, thats is it. To me THEY have lost it and there is no good in trying to explain anything to them, but I get labelled as arrogant and stubborn.
Everyone experiences anger, but narcissists will dump it on those they feel free to abuse; they project their own shadow self outward, have no insight and cannot or will not take an honest look at themselves. They play the domination game.
I err on the side of protecting me now and its one strike you are out! It might be extreme but I have wasted too many years on too many second chances. I like what you shared.
I guess we all have our pet peeves. This is definitely one of mine: screaming, snapping, lousing control out of the blue. I get it that some people are impulsive and I am not interested in labelling someone a narcissist, I won't. Because to know for sure that one is a narcissist you'll have to experience abuse which I'm absolutely not prepared to take so that knowledge is not for me to hold. I equally won't be interested in what they choose to label me be it arrogant or anything else. We're just not a match. Good luck, much love, and goodbye.
If you prefer not to be around someone who shouts, is rude, easily angered, or makes you feel uncomfortable that is reasonable. No need to explain to anyone else including the one exhibiting the behavior. Life is short. Make room for the positive people you haven't met yet.
1. Have iron clad boundaries and standards 2. stay emotionally detached until you vet the person minimum 3 months. 3. Trust your gut instincts 4. Keep your life private avoid over sharing especially what makes you happy and upset. Narcissist needs to know these to love bomb and hurt depending on what stage of the relationship
They'll count on you being guilty for reacting to their abuse. Remember, they will never feel guilt. There is nothing wrong with taking care of yourself. Please take care of your own mental health.
When you meet someone new, test the person. Simply either disagree with their opinion or say no. Watch the reaction. A person who healthy and well adjusted will respect your point of view. A toxic controlling person will not. When I test people, I save myself time and pain. I wish everyone well on the healing journey.
Honestly the idea of intentionally using a “test” tactic on someone makes me uncomfortable. That’s literally what narcissists do. Determining someone’s character over time is one thing, “testing” them is another
Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I got to know about my narc husband bad ways when I reach out to a private detective digitalinvestigate@gmail.com for help he did a perfect work for me I can see everything he’s doing on his device.
Be happy being alone. This allows you to back away when your instinct tells you that something’s not right with that other person you just met, or you work with, or is a member of your family or church, or your spouse. Knowing that you’re OK being alone can help prevent you from coming up with excuses or justifications for that other person‘s behavior.
@@historyiwitness5915 You are surely not a victim of narcissistic abuse. Hence, you feel so.. But, others are gaining immense relief from her videos.
9 месяцев назад
You must Be a narcissist yourself. You fear exposure don't you? You're just jealous of someone who's leading the charge informing the public about narcissism, helping survivors recover from narcissist abuse and destroying your narcissist bullshit game called life.
Spotting controlling behavior and language and blocking those people out of your life. Spotting intrusive, boundary violating language/ behavior and blocking those people out of your life. Basically understanding toxicity and reducing conditioned tolerance for it. And not being the supporting actor in someone else’s show but being the star of your own show.
The BIGGEST#1 tell is no regard or concern for something that concerns, bothers or upsets YOU! If it doesn't bother them they don't care that it bothers you!! But if something bothers them YOU BETTER CARE!! AND A LOT!! AND RIGHT NOW!! AND MAKE THEM FEEL REGULATED AGAIN OR MEET THE MONSTER BEHIND THE MASK AND HIS WRATH!! AKA Satan's foot soldiers!
The survivors support group i joined made things worse. Ive been in therapy for 5 years and I now realise the less I talk about narc abuse, the better l feel and I gain better clarity that helps me thrive and keep me calm
Such a good point! I notice when I talk about my abuser it activates those experiences in my body all over again. Also, Things got worse for us because of therapy. I was told to be more patient and understanding of his “OCD” and his childhood traumas. He takes notes during therapy and puts on a good show, he’s even called out his therapist for her tone and therapy style and got her to panic and beg for his forgiveness. I would love to find a therapist who specializes in narcissistic abuse, so far I haven’t found that person. A therapist who specializes in “trauma” is not enough, it has to be specific to narcissism. Thank you for sharing,
The ultimate goal is to trust my intuition, develop a deeper relationship and connection to myself. Inside all of us is a highly intelligent alert system that has been dismantled. It’s like someone turned off our internal smoke detector and we fail to realize the smoke as a Warning Sign 🚩
@@Imawakenow555why on earth would you go to therapy with a narcissist??? There is no helping them. If you want therapy, go by yourself to heal what they destroyed in you
1. Knowing what narcissism is 2. Being more resistant to sees 3. Radical acceptance 4. Learn their tells 5. Slow down 6. Don’t feel that you have to educate everyone else 7. Build support 8. Meaning and purpose 9. Build self compassion 10. Learn your pressure points
It's horrible and isolating -- even the most expert experts don't seem to have a lot of suggestions for us to try to deal with the levels of ostracism and isolation
Sexlessness. Sharing a bed with someone who doesn’t acknowledge you are a sexual being hurts so much. I was in a sexless marriage for years. Being a woman with a high libido, I felt inadequate. Worst I feel invisible. The man who was “supposed” to want me, just didn’t. We talked about it many times, more than I can recall now. It was always me. I wanted too much - once a week was too much for him. I didn’t initiate - he was always complaining of headaches, stomaches, always stressed, always tired. I was too sexual - when being subtle doesn’t work, what is next? Explicitly saying I wanted sex. Oh but then it was not appropriate. Conversations would end up with him saying he didn’t feel desired or I made him feel emasculated because he didn’t want sex as much as I did. Yeah, it was always me. I could never win. While we were dating we would have a decent amount of sex, it was good. The first huge red flag was not having sex in our honeymoon - which I ignored. It rapidly decrease to once a week, then every other week. Years gone by it was months in between, by the time we divorced it was over a year with no sex. I cried myself to sleep more times that I can count. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Was I that undesirable? Was I repulsive? After those conversations, I just stopped trying, initiating, mentioning sex. We were still loving - holding hands, hugging, kissing - but sex was off the table. He then cheated on me. Swore he had sex only 4 times in a year (or more) long affair. It didn’t matter. For years my self worth was damaged by him, years of low self esteem, years of feeling less of a woman, the marriage that was more than over, waiting in hospice, really ended. Funny how things are, I asked him for a divorce, he manipulated me into staying, next day his infidelity came to light. I was out as soon as I could. Best thing of my life. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator Digitalinvestigate@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...
This story really resonated with me and I'm so appreciative you shared it. I feel anger for you that anyone would treat their partners like this, and even though I don't know you, I know you deserve better - because everyone does. I hope I can channel the anger I feel for you back towards myself, because seeing my story in yours reminds me it's not ok for me either.
9 месяцев назад+2
I hear ya but no sex on your honeymoon should've been a major red flag. Hope you learned a lesson. He was shinning infidelity from the beginning of the marriage.
I hear you. I also have a high libido & experienced similar treatment: lies, broken vows, emotional/sexual unavailability. You certainly have been thru hell, as have I. You deserve a partner who can & will meet your sexual needs, be honest with you, be true to you & not gaslight you. Many of us here are so eager to comment that we jump on & make typos. One in particular of yours: "you just death with the pain..." I found that telling. When my partner of 35 years (off & on), after many previous abandonments, finally discarded me when I faced a cancer diagnosis, it did feel like death. Ambiguous loss may be something to Google. Not sure it was best to hire a PI, but I myself hired a psychic, twice. We do what we need to do when we don't trust our own perceptions/experiences. What's good is that you're out of a toxic, unfulfilling bond. There is community here, long as you can be discerning re: responses. Wish you all the best, sister. Dr. Ramani has many truths for us. They have only helped me.
When I accidentally stumbled into a hobby during an abusive marriage….and the hobby eventually became my career….that was my first big step away from narcissistic abuse. It helped me begin to see my life very differently. That was 24 years ago this coming March (the 10th!). I’ve still struggled with putting myself in the direct path of other narcissists, but I’m getting wiser and more resistant all the time. Dr. Ramani, you’ve really made a big difference. I wish I’d had you in my life 24 years ago (well, 25, tbh). Thank you for all that you do!
Yes, thank God I have had my hobbies to fall back on during times of crisis, in my case cycling. It fills an empty void of despair, by providing an alternative. Hobbies can save your life. Sitting around moping, drinking and eating make things worse.
A point I thought about is build a strong sense of self. Knowing who and what you are I believe can go a long way. You may be less likely to fall for the manipulations when grounded with self identity.
Thanks & good job! I read once that the best way to avoid a bad deal (narcissistic relationship?) was to always be ready to walk away. If you are totally independent (physically, financially, emotionally, etc.) you can cut ties at any point. Don't settle. Break the cycle. Rebel. We got this! Let's go!
Actually it feels never be ready if we are still in trauma bond. So, ready or not just do it ! Light will come when you set the boundaries and start to look into yourself. I only get close contact with NPD in 3 months but almost a year still not completely heal.
Don't tie your dreams to any person, place or thing. Follow you, your own heart, your dreams, your passions. Don't let anyone tell you what you should or should not do. Make your own decisions. Bow down to no one, but God, and no one person is Her! Validate other's experience who are going through this traumatic experience. We all need support.
Avoid direct eye contact at all times. Never allow them to look deep into your eyes. Total game changer that took me decades to discover. Just look at their eyebrows, their glasses, the root of their noses, etc.
Why is that? I was raised to maintain eye contact when speaking with someone. It’s considered a sign of respect. However, I do acknowledge I’d feel unsettled after that type of engagement with the narc. I feel like the work I’ve done to rebuild my life in a post-Covid world has been dismantled.
@@kiasunray One reason is that since they are dominators and abusive, they may try to frighten you, terrorize you, shame you, with what is a violent hard stare. This is commonly called 'the psychopathic stare'. It is a threatening stare.
@@KaarinaKimdaly Thank you so much for the explanation‼️ I’m pulling the pieces together. So many things about his behavior didn’t make sense to me. I remember the first time I got that stare and had no idea what it was about. I looked at him weird and kept going.
@@KaarinaKimdaly so true! I received that stare when we had sex! There was no affection or joy, just this will to dominate. It was disgusting. At the time I did not even know what was happening but my intuition was screaming "danger"
It's interesting why people don't want to know about narcissism. I've come across it twice at least. And both times the people were complaining about the problematic person, they were not in denial, they said they didn't understand how the people in question can act like they do. But when I mention narcissism they brush it off. One said, "I know, but I don't understand why he doesn't care" 🤦♀️ The other one kept complaining, kept inventing plans on how to make him care and consistently ignored any links I sent about narcissistic abuse. I honestly don't understand. I would kill for that knowledge years ago when I needed it.
I think I graduated, finally 👌❤️🤗 I am aware of so much without having to analyze anything about them, that I don't have the need to avoid them. I use to have to get away, and this had a big impact in my job security and development, and a huge impact in my social life. I am my cheerful old self even with narcissists around. If I have to have a discussion, I know how to deactivate them, giving them a 'respectful way out' without triggering their vengative side. Disclaimer: I f they are stupid narcs, then I will run away. There's no negotiating with stupid people, specially if they are narcissists.
One thing that I have learned in my healing journey is that when dealing with narcissists and toxic people all around first impressions do matter. Many of us were raised to see the good in others and to treat others with kindness. This meant also not always taking things personally if someone does something that felt and made you uncomfortable after all we’re all human and make mistakes. The moment an incident happens that seems minor but crosses your boundaries do not ignore. You don’t have to say anything but keep watch and soon you’ll notice a pattern . Once you’ve seen them for who they truly are you can get out of relationships, friendships or partnerships before you invest your time and resources any further. I have come to realize that narcissists take advantage of the goodwill in others and that’s why they keep on getting away with their behavior. Often their attitude presents itself as the belief that they can misbehave and can make up for it by apologizing later. Never fall for their insincere apologies.
My Narc family, are my stalkers. 2 years of stalking but I don't give them any satisfaction with replies or reactions. I moved on before I went No contact. I have a wonderful, free and peaceful life now. I love myself, I trust myself.Peace and contentment to all here. ✌️💜💪🌹
Narcs always have to be either the hero, victim or martyr... P.S. the really toxic ones are hyper competitive, envious and are obsessed with COMPARING "toys".
That's a big red flag, when someone assumes a familiarity way too soon! I have fallen for this tactic mre than once, before I realized they were a narc. Now I look for this as a major red flag. It takes time to build a friendship/relationship, and healthy people have protective boundaries, and don't rush in full speed ahead!
Leaning to validate your boundaries, feelings and needs. Stating those things, and enforcing them. Narcissists are allergic to boundaries and the people who have them.
Woman, the fact that you have over 1.6 million subscribers is proof enough that there are more people in the world than just me experiencing this! Thank you for what you do. I was today years old when I realized that there are more narcissists in the world than I gave credit for.
I LOVE her!! She is one of the best on the narcissism subject. I bought her book. We have to support her for all the help she is giving freely to many ❤❤
Sexlessness. Sharing a bed with someone who doesn’t acknowledge you are a sexual being hurts so much. I was in a sexless marriage for years. Being a woman with a high libido, I felt inadequate. Worst I feel invisible. The man who was “supposed” to want me, just didn’t. We talked about it many times, more than I can recall now. It was always me. I wanted too much - once a week was too much for him. I didn’t initiate - he was always complaining of headaches, stomaches, always stressed, always tired. I was too sexual - when being subtle doesn’t work, what is next? Explicitly saying I wanted sex. Oh but then it was not appropriate. Conversations would end up with him saying he didn’t feel desired or I made him feel emasculated because he didn’t want sex as much as I did. Yeah, it was always me. I could never win. While we were dating we would have a decent amount of sex, it was good. The first huge red flag was not having sex in our honeymoon - which I ignored. It rapidly decrease to once a week, then every other week. Years gone by it was months in between, by the time we divorced it was over a year with no sex. I cried myself to sleep more times that I can count. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Was I that undesirable? Was I repulsive? After those conversations, I just stopped trying, initiating, mentioning sex. We were still loving - holding hands, hugging, kissing - but sex was off the table. He then cheated on me. Swore he had sex only 4 times in a year (or more) long affair. It didn’t matter. For years my self worth was damaged by him, years of low self esteem, years of feeling less of a woman, the marriage that was more than over, waiting in hospice, really ended. Funny how things are, I asked him for a divorce, he manipulated me into staying, next day his infidelity came to light. I was out as soon as I could. Best thing of my life. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator digitalinvestigate@gmail.com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...
This is the single craziest comment I've ever read. It is like a field mouse attacking a hawk. I know loads of men who are desperate for sex, and have not been allowed to touch their wives for years and years. For men sex is a need. We'd rather go without food. I have not been touched since the world's most evil person kicked me to the curb. As the author Herman Hesse once wrote, "The world tasted bitter. Life was pain."
I have gotten 1/4 through your book, "It's Not You"! and I have read "Don't You Know Who I AM?". I have watched your vids every day for 5 years and many others... I had a big epiphany reading your book yesterday. It is the thing I have been wanting to get into my head for all these years and not just know but really believe... - "It's True !!!!!!!!!!!"....! - ❤❤❤👍 Thank you.
Yes, sorry it wasn't more clear... all these years (like 10 years) I have been struggling to believe that narcissists are real, what they do is legitimately cruel, unfair, and unjust, and especially if we did to them what they did to us they would freak out a million times bc it is so abusive... But I have struggled with one thing, believing that abuse is real. Maybe that is silly, but i think I have been gaslighted so much that I can't accept that the abuse and narcissism is actually real. So my epiphany is ultimately that after 10 years of studying narcissism I finally have gotten to a place where not only do I understand the behavior on a useless cognitive level, but I now understand abusive behavior at the level of deep belief. That is my epiphany, I "Believe it's TRUE". Deep down, and at a level that can't be gaslighted away... Now I am able to really make big changes in my life,, cutting narcissists out of my life, where I once would feel guilty, now I know it's the right and guiltless thing to do. I wish there was more, I hope this helps...👍 @@WENDYBANTAM
I realised I’m a sucker for attention and flattery. I recognise that and so don’t attach to that when meeting a prospective dating/partner thing. I also listen to how I’m asked out, is it a question? I say no to the first idea they have and offer another suggestion. I have found that if they are a narc, I’m dropped like a hotcake. Even ignored next time I’m at the save event. Thank you, Lord.
It room me months of having my picture at 2-3 years old to have self compassion, but after basically my whole life under a narcissist, I guess that’s pretty good. I’ve become much more patient and compassionate with myself.
I love the way you get me to think. I have said all I need to say about my toxic sibs, I am the black sheep, and scapegoat. I have no desire to change their opinion and it is no longer my problem. He said, she said is not allowed inside the boundary line and I no longer live to fix this. I walked away. I pray for their healing and working with God for mine. I haven't talked to any of them since May 2023. I have a ways to go, but everyday is better. Thank you for helping me see this. I appreciate you vast knowledge.
Most amazing to me is that twice I have run into former friends of my narc ex-friend who want nothing to do with her either. She once considered them her “besties” too. So there are three of us who have gone no contact. I’m sure there are others now. Once I thought i was the only one who saw the empress wasn’t wearing clothes. Feels good to know I’m not.
Yeah, no-contact-ers like us usually are decent people who make the choice and quietly move on. We’re not out gossiping or campaigning against them, so we don’t normally find out that there are others who couldn’t keep up a relationship with our ex-toxic-whoever they were. But, I’ve been told more than once and witnessed it myself: with a really nasty dysfunctional person it’s rarely just ONE person who had to get out. Most of them have a trail of ghosts, so to speak.
Got my book! Just so excited about it!😅 I ordered for my sister in Mexico, I hope it gets to her hand because the father of her kids pretty much keeps her isolated.🙏🏼
Just ordered a copy of your book after watching you & Matthew Hussey’s “How to spot a Narcissist!” I would not have been able to walk away from the toxic relationship that I struggled with for almost 5 years! I’ve been subscribed to you for a while & you are truly making a difference! I’m looking forward to my book & healing! Thank you for all that you do!❤️
Yay! Your book just arrived 😁 It now sits on my nightstand waiting for me this evening. Thank you for all you've taught me in my journey through narcissist behavior. You are a special lady!
Book ordered. Though I was in a 'never met relationship', the effects of this toxic person needs time to purge myself from. After being with my sweet wife who passed in 2020, I somehow connected with this person who was the polar opposite of my wife. Amazing how her negativity can be felt even through the internet and can only imagine the turmoil and grief experienced if we had ever physically met. I count my lucky stars for that distance between us and learning about this personality type from you! 🌠🙏
The point about meaning and purpose is strong because narcissists basically want you to follow their "meaning and purpose" their will and their whims. If you can prioritize your own will over theirs (because you have a purpose, a goal) then you can easily say no to their plans and stick to your own.
Got your book!!! Started reading yesterday and absolutely love it! Can’t wait until lunch break to keep reading. Thank you, Dr. Ramani. You have taught me so much and have given the strength to manage the narcissistic relationships in my life.
Ordered your book for delivery this week. I think i have seen everything by you on RUclips. You are awesome, so intelligent and compassionate. So proud of you. My narcissist was 40 years ago. Never again. He beat my self-esteem to a pulp. Had my first crippling panic attack because of him. Used every vulnerable thing i ever said against me. Charmed my friends to side with him. I still encounter narcissists but i walk the other way. Thank you, Dr. Ramani.
Happy when you said you questioned yourself after your staff told you about the gas lighting. This shows its a continuous process of learning how to trust our judgements when dealing with narcissists.
You are so good I’m a survivor of a narcissistic person, physical and mental abuse. He’s in jail, but he gets out in September. He calls me from jail, but I don’t answer all the time
Working proactively on my self compassion is what really flipped the switch on my healing. I had been "on the path," for awhile, but my mind wasnt grasping it fully. I turned my capacity for love inwards. When he began speaking to me in a way that was less kind than how i would speak to myself, it stood out. I can see that he speaks to himself in that way; that's why he thinks it is allowed. But with me, it isnt. The level of self-love we have for ourselves is the standard. When we talk down to ourselves, it doesnt stand out when someone else does it, character attacks and sweeping negative generalizations have been nornalized. Making rules for how i spoke to myself (my inner child) as if i were speaking to a beloved niece whom i love to champion and spoil. 😂 Not allowing the inner critic any air time, and proactively developing the positive air time, changed my quality of life so much. I hold on to my narrative now.
I have already started reading it, and I got lots of insights from it. I remembered all these people that I had the impression they were nice. Only now, I notice they were doling out the C-Suite of Charm. Thank you Dr. Ramani for this informative book. I am so glad that it was available at my local Barnes & Noble.
As much as I appreciate this entire subject segment and your valuable and informative channel , one standout section that very helpful for me here today is 5:38 Do Not Feel Like You Have to Educate Every Else about what you’ve learned…I have experienced the disappointment over trying to inform (share, warn, advise, etc.), my other two adult siblings of our narcissistic mother about the tactics I see more clearly which have led to my steps of getting free with no contact. They aren’t at the same place emotionally to confront their own personal adjustments/changes to make similar decisions. Thank you for all of the Golden Nuggets about Narcissism. God bless you personally and professionally!
2 people, who I termed sociopathic narcissists, I had to 100% disengage. PTSD, dictated that I had to survive and they were not in any good for me. Thank you so much for your information.
I ordered the book and it is really good! I'm typically a fast reader, but I'm savoring this book and stopping to think about what I've read. I'm sure I'll re-read it too. It's that good!
Read Why Does He Do That? Hide money from them so you can leave. Have financial independence. Find a shelter in your area. Document everything. Learn about domestic violence and narcissistic abusers.
Dr Ramani I wish I could sit down with you for even 10 minutes. I don't understand how the guy I was in a relationship with could say I Love you even up to the day of discard. How can he be literally two people, showed me that he loved me then didn't., said he loved me then didn't so confusing so two different things all the time
@michelleoconnor9968, That's part of their personality disorder. They don't really care about truth; rather, they care most about how they appear, and what they can get away with through manipulating your thinking. Inducing confusion in the other person can buy them time, keep you around for a little longer, etc. Eventually they lose, though.
I have learnt so much from you over the last couple of years. I grew up in a narcistic environment but of course, I had no idea. I ended up with a narcisist but it took me a very long time to understand this. Making it my education became my goal and became quite good at recognizing the symptoms and how to deal with them. It has been a long road and a very tough one but knowing whom one is dealing with is of the essence. Outsmarting them and take their power away has made me strong, however every new day can be challenging. All the best to you, my strong fellowpeople❤
Hey Ramani, you look great! Just to let you know, I'm watching more of your videos and listening and learning. I'm using opportunities to slowly cook a meal and listen at the same time. I've always been one to watch something or listen to something whilst cooking. I just want to share too, that I'm half Indian and I'm glad to see a woman of Indian ethic heritage take a centre stage in psychology and being a voice for narcissistic abuse survivors! I live in England, and us of South Asian heritage are coming up in the world, in politics, leadership roles, and being successful in different spheres, and I'm happy and proud about this! Sorry, I've gone on a bit of a tangent. But I've been born into the Indian culture, so I'm glad to see you on here! X
THANK YOU! I just bought your book to support your healing work, even though I have watched dozens of videos and understand the narcissistic dynamic, I'm looking forward to having your book for reference. Of all the wonderful mental health practitioners, counselors, healers, teachers, support group facilitators, and other You Tubers on this topic, YOU have been the most instrumental in my education, healing, safety, and protection from further narcissists entering my life. I know the C-PTSD gets triggered at times, but overall, no contact and all your suggestions sustain my recovery.
Just ordered the book in audible! I can’t wait to listen tysm for all of the free help you provide via your channel and other podcasts. You have helped me so much in my journey of navigating narcissism- not only in my most recent relationship - but you have also helped me realize the the people responsible for me as a child were also narcs which led me to seeking them out subconsciously in my adult relationships.
All I need is for my Granddaughter to get a lil older so I know she knows Popa & GM loves her & are here for her when they all are old enough to understand that it's over for the Narc Daughter!!! At that point if I ever see her again it'll be too soon!!! I have some pretty serious heart problems & my daughter has had enjoyed riding my back into the grave, not there yet but a lot closer because of her & she couldn't care less!!!
I sure could have used all this valuable info back in 1985 when I met my husband but I’d never heard of narcissism until the last year or so….too late! For years, I thought he had a mental issue like bipolar that could be helped with drugs from the doctor, I even thought maybe he was psychotic but nothing quite made sense until I found out about Dr. Ramani and narcissism! I’m tied to him because of the financial situation, he has money, I don’t.
I'm toying to break the trauma bond with my ex at the moment and have spent time learning about narcissistic people and working on getting myself back...I've never had a relationship in my life that's been so difficult to break free from or felt like I've lost myself. Your videos have helped so much, they've helped me walk away and stay away. I'm still getting messages from her going frm abusive, to charm, to manipulation and emotionsl blackmail but I don't reply and see her behaviour for what it is now
This video is groundbreaking for me. It has taken me years to understand what I have been going through. I listened to this video and I wrote down each of the ways to become resistant to narcissists. This advice is the most helpful advice that i have heard. I have been at my lowest point that i have ever been in my life. I now have a new outlook on my life and my self image. I am so thankful for this. I am so grateful. I will be working more on my self compassion once I am able to leave the narcissist and set boundaries for the other narcissists in my life. Thank you so much for this advice.
Waiting for book to arrive - love your videos- they have helped me so much to understand the gaslighting amd manipulation and to begin to heal. It is a painful process, to start to move away, but also liberating. Thank you, Dr Ramani.
I get upset because the narcissist I know needs so much love and nurturing almost like a cussing and mean baby 😂 but refuses to show or give love... I can't stand when someone needs something more than they are willing to give 🎉
![Megan Thee Stallion - Roc Steady (feat. Flo Milli) [Official Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/HozPPyqW0dY/mqdefault.jpg)
10 ways to become narcissist resistant
1-know what narcissism is
2-be resistant to the 3 c's: charm, charisma, confidence
3-radical acceptance of what it is
4-learn the universal tell's of narcissist behavior (reactions when criticized, not listening, lack of empathy, victimhood, hypocrisy, etc)
5-slow down. take time to pay attention to what is happening to you.
6-don't feel that you have to educate everyone else. most people aren't willing or able to understand what narcissism is about.
7-build support around you.
8-have meaning and purpose in your life
9-build self-compassion
10-learn your pressure/trigger points
cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁
Cheers, Canada🥂
@ratgirl13 thanks for your kind words.
-all the best, steven
Thank You ❤
@@earthrooster1969glad you enjoyed.
-cheers, steven
THANK YOU. Great list.
Financial independence.
True.
Yesss! ❤️
Does this mean being financially independent after the divorce? My moms retired and they’re in their early 50s
Our daughter has used the grandkids to bilk us out almost everything we had!!!
YES!
If someone wants to control you,step away. This is a sure trait of narcs.
Facts
So no Asian men? 😢
@@Zainabtriesitis this a common trait with them?
@@oceansunset6147 not to generalize but there is a pattern. Could be because of the strong gender roles in the region and the male desire to be more dominant, which seems to be more prevalent in the global south 🤷🏻♀️
Yes. E.g. my sister is actively trying to control my life and prevent me from succeeding in my MA studies through various tactics.
First: I had to stop complaining and crawl out of my PITY PIT. I dialed down his importance. Then I got busy building my life. The result: FREEDOM.
@AllUserNamesAreUsed
Take you're time
One day you will rise like a phoenix
Big hug ❤
Put yourself first and safeguard your well-being. You owe it to yourself.
Well, that's what I did, but now I'm accused to be a narcissist, because I have become "emotionally unavailable" 😅 because I don't engage in his drama anymore. With a normal person you could communicate about the difficulties in your relationship, but when I try to have a conversation with him, he becomes emotional and blames everything on me 😢 I should probably leave, but I'm afraid because of financial situation, kids, etc.
Also don’t share intimate details about your life of what makes you happy to the narcissist. They will use it against you
Not only is empathy a waste on a narcissist, they will use it against you over and over as a weapon.
Sometimes I have found he has used the same wording I have used in the past against me. #fastlearners
Do NOT tune in to narcissists or narcissistic people. This is especially important for empaths.
This is so hard for me because they are in my family. I tune in almost without conscious awareness. Empathically, I plug right in even if I am silent and guarded.
Last month, in the ICU, in the middle of the night, I felt alone. I'd just come out of a coma; I'd been fighting for my life. I was full of grief, fear, and self-doubt. A nurse began to administer meds without telling me what they were. So, I asked. She was clearly annoyed and beyond unkind. I was hurt and shocked to feel shocked. But I soon realized I wasn't alone. A tech in the room waited until the nurse left and quietly let me know she recognized that what just happened wasn't okay. THANK YOU to all of you brave, beautiful people. Her soft voice, compassion, emotional attunement, and willingness to stand beside me was all it took to put a smile on my face. Thank you to all who break through the darkness with light.❤❤❤
Thank you for sharing this.
I couldn't believe some of the shit that happens in NICU. You'd think they'd be more rehearsed in medical ethics.
This was magical, thank you. I know there are empaths out there, may the stars shine on you xx🥰🥰✨✨💝💝
If you have further difficulty ask for a hospital ombudsman
Thank you for sharing this fam my heart feels alot lighter with ever goodness I hear of❤
What worked for me and my toxic family was No Contact!
Me also
I had to do that with my narcissist mom a few days ago. She refused to listen to boundaries my husband and I had and said she’s fine moving forward without us and the kids.
So brave. So hard. So worth it! I am relating after years away and its like I have a superpower! Though it takes vigilance. My current mantra is, “I can let go of needing to be understood.”
I would have no trouble with that at all, except, my daughter, a classic narcissist, is barring me from seeing my grandchildren. So, walk away from family, including your grandchildren?
Use or come up with your own strategies for dealing with each individual family ... use foresight.
I strongly believe that no matter how much material is consumed on narcissism, a person would have no real idea what it is, until they have have been immersed in it, experienced it to the most detrimental depths, and bears the scars to show for it.
I believe this, too. They will never *truly* understand. 😕
I completely agree. After 16 miserable years with a covert/malignant man
..I see it very early and clearly now.
I agree 100%. Narcs are slick. They dole out abuse when no one is around. When witnesses are present, they are sweet as you please. My mother, my father, and my ex-husband are all narcissists. My own daughter (who lived with my ex and I) still cannot see the abuse I suffered because he put on such an act around her. My mother is a pit viper when we are alone, but puts on the same act when others are present. What a load of bull.
🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉bingo not real people lol
Exactly! Nobody can understand it at all unless they were abused by one for sure! Tying those abusive traits to substantial tangible events you have experienced is only way to truly understand a sick narcissist and who they are and why?!!!! It’s the most unbelievable abuse ever to try to explain to someone!
Being authentic and true to yourself and your boundaries can become an armor against narcissists and their manipulative tactics. Be able to trust your gut and recognize some of their manipulative actions. Once you sense red flags, disengage and protect your personal space.
As soon as a person shouts, snaps, barks, growls at me, thats is it. To me THEY have lost it and there is no good in trying to explain anything to them, but I get labelled as arrogant and stubborn.
Everyone experiences anger, but narcissists will dump it on those they feel free to abuse; they project their own shadow self outward, have no insight and cannot or will not take an honest look at themselves. They play the domination game.
I err on the side of protecting me now and its one strike you are out! It might be extreme but I have wasted too many years on too many second chances. I like what you shared.
1st Red Flag ....I'm 🏃♂️ Out 👏
I guess we all have our pet peeves. This is definitely one of mine: screaming, snapping, lousing control out of the blue. I get it that some people are impulsive and I am not interested in labelling someone a narcissist, I won't. Because to know for sure that one is a narcissist you'll have to experience abuse which I'm absolutely not prepared to take so that knowledge is not for me to hold. I equally won't be interested in what they choose to label me be it arrogant or anything else. We're just not a match. Good luck, much love, and goodbye.
If you prefer not to be around someone who shouts, is rude, easily angered, or makes you feel uncomfortable that is reasonable. No need to explain to anyone else including the one exhibiting the behavior. Life is short. Make room for the positive people you haven't met yet.
1. Have iron clad boundaries and standards
2. stay emotionally detached until you vet the person minimum 3 months.
3. Trust your gut instincts
4. Keep your life private avoid over sharing especially what makes you happy and upset. Narcissist needs to know these to love bomb and hurt depending on what stage of the relationship
Such good additions. I like the 3 month minimum. I am going to adopt that. Some narcs can stay cloaked and I can be chumped until then.
Number 4 is SO good. I have to work on this constantly. Thank you for this list.
@@lauragrolla5916you’re welcome. It’s a gradual process and keep trying you’ll be there
They'll count on you being guilty for reacting to their abuse. Remember, they will never feel guilt. There is nothing wrong with taking care of yourself. Please take care of your own mental health.
When you meet someone new, test the person. Simply either disagree with their opinion or say no. Watch the reaction.
A person who healthy and well adjusted will respect your point of view.
A toxic controlling person will not.
When I test people, I save myself time and pain.
I wish everyone well on the healing journey.
Unless you are in the love bombing stage....then they pretend to agree with everything you say!
@@joyrudisill9953 Time will tell. Eventually the mask slips and devaluation begins.
But that doesn't make them a narcissist. That could be a person with low selfteem trying to hold on the ir opinions
Honestly the idea of intentionally using a “test”
tactic on someone makes me uncomfortable. That’s literally what narcissists do. Determining someone’s character over time is one thing, “testing” them is another
Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I got to know about my narc husband bad ways when I reach out to a private detective digitalinvestigate@gmail.com for help he did a perfect work for me I can see everything he’s doing on his device.
Be happy being alone. This allows you to back away when your instinct tells you that something’s not right with that other person you just met, or you work with, or is a member of your family or church, or your spouse. Knowing that you’re OK being alone can help prevent you from coming up with excuses or justifications for that other person‘s behavior.
“No Contact” 3 years ! I feel so much better ❤ thank you Dr Ramani ❤
Mine passed away over two years ago. It really makes a positive difference. Now I am trying to do the work, so I don't get entangled with another one!
@@historyiwitness5915 Wrong ! I went no contact for my own safety! Sad that you’re knocking a warm empathic brilliant Doctor, Researcher Author !
@@twovirginiacats3753 ❤️❤️❤️❤️
@@historyiwitness5915 You are surely not a victim of narcissistic abuse. Hence, you feel so.. But, others are gaining immense relief from her videos.
You must Be a narcissist yourself. You fear exposure don't you? You're just jealous of someone who's leading the charge informing the public about narcissism, helping survivors recover from narcissist abuse and destroying your narcissist bullshit game called life.
Spotting controlling behavior and language and blocking those people out of your life.
Spotting intrusive, boundary violating language/ behavior and blocking those people out of your life.
Basically understanding toxicity and reducing conditioned tolerance for it.
And not being the supporting actor in someone else’s show but being the star of your own show.
Well said.
It can be hard to do and uncomfortable. I'm in the process right now, but realize it's not healthy for me to be treated that way.
The BIGGEST#1 tell is no regard or concern for something that concerns, bothers or upsets YOU!
If it doesn't bother them they don't care that it bothers you!!
But if something bothers them YOU BETTER CARE!! AND A LOT!! AND RIGHT NOW!! AND MAKE THEM FEEL REGULATED AGAIN OR MEET THE MONSTER BEHIND THE MASK AND HIS WRATH!!
AKA Satan's foot soldiers!
The survivors support group i joined made things worse. Ive been in therapy for 5 years and I now realise the less I talk about narc abuse, the better l feel and I gain better clarity that helps me thrive and keep me calm
Such a good point! I notice when I talk about my abuser it activates those experiences in my body all over again. Also, Things got worse for us because of therapy. I was told to be more patient and understanding of his “OCD” and his childhood traumas. He takes notes during therapy and puts on a good show, he’s even called out his therapist for her tone and therapy style and got her to panic and beg for his forgiveness. I would love to find a therapist who specializes in narcissistic abuse, so far I haven’t found that person. A therapist who specializes in “trauma” is not enough, it has to be specific to narcissism. Thank you for sharing,
Yeah talking about it a lot - it’s almost like explaining yourself which is the last thing we need to do.
The ultimate goal is to trust my intuition, develop a deeper relationship and connection to myself. Inside all of us is a highly intelligent alert system that has been dismantled. It’s like someone turned off our internal smoke detector and we fail to realize the smoke as a Warning Sign 🚩
@@Imawakenow555 facts about being intuitive- it has indeed saved me. Thanks for highlighting.
@@Imawakenow555why on earth would you go to therapy with a narcissist??? There is no helping them. If you want therapy, go by yourself to heal what they destroyed in you
1. Knowing what narcissism is
2. Being more resistant to sees
3. Radical acceptance
4. Learn their tells
5. Slow down
6. Don’t feel that you have to educate everyone else
7. Build support
8. Meaning and purpose
9. Build self compassion
10. Learn your pressure points
Thank you for making the list. 🗒✍
W
Be okay with the idea that you may not have many friends once you understand what it is. They’re everywhere and even some of your best friends
It's horrible and isolating -- even the most expert experts don't seem to have a lot of suggestions for us to try to deal with the levels of ostracism and isolation
Sexlessness. Sharing a bed with someone who doesn’t acknowledge you are a sexual being hurts so much. I was in a sexless marriage for years. Being a woman with a high libido, I felt inadequate. Worst I feel invisible. The man who was “supposed” to want me, just didn’t. We talked about it many times, more than I can recall now. It was always me. I wanted too much - once a week was too much for him. I didn’t initiate - he was always complaining of headaches, stomaches, always stressed, always tired. I was too sexual - when being subtle doesn’t work, what is next? Explicitly saying I wanted sex. Oh but then it was not appropriate. Conversations would end up with him saying he didn’t feel desired or I made him feel emasculated because he didn’t want sex as much as I did. Yeah, it was always me. I could never win. While we were dating we would have a decent amount of sex, it was good. The first huge red flag was not having sex in our honeymoon - which I ignored. It rapidly decrease to once a week, then every other week. Years gone by it was months in between, by the time we divorced it was over a year with no sex. I cried myself to sleep more times that I can count. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Was I that undesirable? Was I repulsive? After those conversations, I just stopped trying, initiating, mentioning sex. We were still loving - holding hands, hugging, kissing - but sex was off the table. He then cheated on me. Swore he had sex only 4 times in a year (or more) long affair. It didn’t matter. For years my self worth was damaged by him, years of low self esteem, years of feeling less of a woman, the marriage that was more than over, waiting in hospice, really ended. Funny how things are, I asked him for a divorce, he manipulated me into staying, next day his infidelity came to light. I was out as soon as I could. Best thing of my life. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator Digitalinvestigate@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...
This story really resonated with me and I'm so appreciative you shared it. I feel anger for you that anyone would treat their partners like this, and even though I don't know you, I know you deserve better - because everyone does. I hope I can channel the anger I feel for you back towards myself, because seeing my story in yours reminds me it's not ok for me either.
I hear ya but no sex on your honeymoon should've been a major red flag. Hope you learned a lesson. He was shinning infidelity from the beginning of the marriage.
Sounds like he has the madonna complex. Look it up and watch the new movie Priscilla!
@@myspace2001 …he might have the madonna complex…watch the new movie Priscilla and research online
I hear you. I also have a high libido & experienced similar treatment: lies, broken vows, emotional/sexual unavailability. You certainly have been thru hell, as have I. You deserve a partner who can & will meet your sexual needs, be honest with you, be true to you & not gaslight you.
Many of us here are so eager to comment that we jump on & make typos. One in particular of yours: "you just death with the pain..." I found that telling. When my partner of 35 years (off & on), after many previous abandonments, finally discarded me when I faced a cancer diagnosis, it did feel like death. Ambiguous loss may be something to Google.
Not sure it was best to hire a PI, but I myself hired a psychic, twice. We do what we need to do when we don't trust our own perceptions/experiences. What's good is that you're out of a toxic, unfulfilling bond. There is community here, long as you can be discerning re: responses. Wish you all the best, sister. Dr. Ramani has many truths for us. They have only helped me.
When I accidentally stumbled into a hobby during an abusive marriage….and the hobby eventually became my career….that was my first big step away from narcissistic abuse. It helped me begin to see my life very differently. That was 24 years ago this coming March (the 10th!). I’ve still struggled with putting myself in the direct path of other narcissists, but I’m getting wiser and more resistant all the time. Dr. Ramani, you’ve really made a big difference. I wish I’d had you in my life 24 years ago (well, 25, tbh). Thank you for all that you do!
Yes, thank God I have had my hobbies to fall back on during times of crisis, in my case cycling. It fills an empty void of despair, by providing an alternative. Hobbies can save your life. Sitting around moping, drinking and eating make things worse.
A point I thought about is build a strong sense of self. Knowing who and what you are I believe can go a long way. You may be less likely to fall for the manipulations when grounded with self identity.
Radical Acceptance was the beginning of healing for me.
Same for me and I never would have known how to begin to heal if it wasn’t for Dr Ramani ❤
Thanks & good job! I read once that the best way to avoid a bad deal (narcissistic relationship?) was to always be ready to walk away. If you are totally independent (physically, financially, emotionally, etc.) you can cut ties at any point. Don't settle. Break the cycle. Rebel. We got this! Let's go!
PS: A good way to repel them is to be boldly authentic. When you are loud & proud they realize they can't manipulate you. Don't settle! Let's go!
Actually it feels never be ready if we are still in trauma bond. So, ready or not just do it ! Light will come when you set the boundaries and start to look into yourself.
I only get close contact with NPD in 3 months but almost a year still not completely heal.
Exactly
Always, Always keep secret money of your own in case you need to get out.
Don't tie your dreams to any person, place or thing. Follow you, your own heart, your dreams, your passions. Don't let anyone tell you what you should or should not do. Make your own decisions. Bow down to no one, but God, and no one person is Her! Validate other's experience who are going through this traumatic experience. We all need support.
Avoid direct eye contact at all times. Never allow them to look deep into your eyes. Total game changer that took me decades to discover. Just look at their eyebrows, their glasses, the root of their noses, etc.
Why is that? I was raised to maintain eye contact when speaking with someone. It’s considered a sign of respect. However, I do acknowledge I’d feel unsettled after that type of engagement with the narc. I feel like the work I’ve done to rebuild my life in a post-Covid world has been dismantled.
@@kiasunray One reason is that since they are dominators and abusive, they may try to frighten you, terrorize you, shame you, with what is a violent hard
stare. This is commonly called 'the psychopathic stare'.
It is a threatening stare.
@@KaarinaKimdaly Thank you so much for the explanation‼️ I’m pulling the pieces together. So many things about his behavior didn’t make sense to me. I remember the first time I got that stare and had no idea what it was about. I looked at him weird and kept going.
I have never heard this voiced but it resonated with me as very very true. It’s like certain mean dogs. You do not engage their aggression.
@@KaarinaKimdaly so true! I received that stare when we had sex! There was no affection or joy, just this will to dominate. It was disgusting. At the time I did not even know what was happening but my intuition was screaming "danger"
It's interesting why people don't want to know about narcissism. I've come across it twice at least. And both times the people were complaining about the problematic person, they were not in denial, they said they didn't understand how the people in question can act like they do. But when I mention narcissism they brush it off. One said, "I know, but I don't understand why he doesn't care" 🤦♀️ The other one kept complaining, kept inventing plans on how to make him care and consistently ignored any links I sent about narcissistic abuse.
I honestly don't understand. I would kill for that knowledge years ago when I needed it.
Certain people like the chaos, they may even be narcs themselves. Be careful! You never know where a narc is hiding, they could be right next to you!!
Jose they are living in denial. They believe they can change other people. Just give it some time They will learn their lesson the hard way.
I think I graduated, finally 👌❤️🤗
I am aware of so much without having to analyze anything about them, that I don't have the need to avoid them. I use to have to get away, and this had a big impact in my job security and development, and a huge impact in my social life.
I am my cheerful old self even with narcissists around. If I have to have a discussion, I know how to deactivate them, giving them a 'respectful way out' without triggering their vengative side.
Disclaimer: I f they are stupid narcs, then I will run away. There's no negotiating with stupid people, specially if they are narcissists.
One thing that I have learned in my healing journey is that when dealing with narcissists and toxic people all around first impressions do matter. Many of us were raised to see the good in others and to treat others with kindness. This meant also not always taking things personally if someone does something that felt and made you uncomfortable after all we’re all human and make mistakes. The moment an incident happens that seems minor but crosses your boundaries do not ignore. You don’t have to say anything but keep watch and soon you’ll notice a pattern . Once you’ve seen them for who they truly are you can get out of relationships, friendships or partnerships before you invest your time and resources any further. I have come to realize that narcissists take advantage of the goodwill in others and that’s why they keep on getting away with their behavior. Often their attitude presents itself as the belief that they can misbehave and can make up for it by apologizing later. Never fall for their insincere apologies.
My Narc family, are my stalkers. 2 years of stalking but I don't give them any satisfaction with replies or reactions. I moved on before I went No contact. I have a wonderful, free and peaceful life now. I love myself, I trust myself.Peace and contentment to all here. ✌️💜💪🌹
Narcs always have to be either the hero, victim or martyr...
P.S. the really toxic ones are hyper competitive, envious and are obsessed with COMPARING "toys".
When they act like theyve known you since high school and you never met the mofo before.......
That's a big red flag, when someone assumes a familiarity way too soon! I have fallen for this tactic mre than once, before I realized they were a narc. Now I look for this as a major red flag. It takes time to build a friendship/relationship, and healthy people have protective boundaries, and don't rush in full speed ahead!
It’s true. When someone is way too friendly, too nice, charming towards you when just met. But you feel something off.
Wannabes😂
Leaning to validate your boundaries, feelings and needs. Stating those things, and enforcing them. Narcissists are allergic to boundaries and the people who have them.
Woman, the fact that you have over 1.6 million subscribers is proof enough that there are more people in the world than just me experiencing this! Thank you for what you do. I was today years old when I realized that there are more narcissists in the world than I gave credit for.
I LOVE her!! She is one of the best on the narcissism subject. I bought her book. We have to support her for all the help she is giving freely to many ❤❤
Sexlessness. Sharing a bed with someone who doesn’t acknowledge you are a sexual being hurts so much. I was in a sexless marriage for years. Being a woman with a high libido, I felt inadequate. Worst I feel invisible. The man who was “supposed” to want me, just didn’t. We talked about it many times, more than I can recall now. It was always me. I wanted too much - once a week was too much for him. I didn’t initiate - he was always complaining of headaches, stomaches, always stressed, always tired. I was too sexual - when being subtle doesn’t work, what is next? Explicitly saying I wanted sex. Oh but then it was not appropriate. Conversations would end up with him saying he didn’t feel desired or I made him feel emasculated because he didn’t want sex as much as I did. Yeah, it was always me. I could never win. While we were dating we would have a decent amount of sex, it was good. The first huge red flag was not having sex in our honeymoon - which I ignored. It rapidly decrease to once a week, then every other week. Years gone by it was months in between, by the time we divorced it was over a year with no sex. I cried myself to sleep more times that I can count. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Was I that undesirable? Was I repulsive? After those conversations, I just stopped trying, initiating, mentioning sex. We were still loving - holding hands, hugging, kissing - but sex was off the table. He then cheated on me. Swore he had sex only 4 times in a year (or more) long affair. It didn’t matter. For years my self worth was damaged by him, years of low self esteem, years of feeling less of a woman, the marriage that was more than over, waiting in hospice, really ended. Funny how things are, I asked him for a divorce, he manipulated me into staying, next day his infidelity came to light. I was out as soon as I could. Best thing of my life. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator digitalinvestigate@gmail.com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...
This is the single craziest comment I've ever read. It is like a field mouse attacking a hawk. I know loads of men who are desperate for sex, and have not been allowed to touch their wives for years and years. For men sex is a need. We'd rather go without food. I have not been touched since the world's most evil person kicked me to the curb. As the author Herman Hesse once wrote, "The world tasted bitter. Life was pain."
Yes Dr Ramani 💕they don’t change and never will.I only have time for people who have empathy and respect for me 🙏❤️
I have gotten 1/4 through your book, "It's Not You"! and I have read "Don't You Know Who I AM?". I have watched your vids every day for 5 years and many others... I had a big epiphany reading your book yesterday. It is the thing I have been wanting to get into my head for all these years and not just know but really believe... - "It's True !!!!!!!!!!!"....! - ❤❤❤👍 Thank you.
Can you tell me what the epiphany was? It might help me too. 🙏🏼
Yes, sorry it wasn't more clear... all these years (like 10 years) I have been struggling to believe that narcissists are real, what they do is legitimately cruel, unfair, and unjust, and especially if we did to them what they did to us they would freak out a million times bc it is so abusive... But I have struggled with one thing, believing that abuse is real. Maybe that is silly, but i think I have been gaslighted so much that I can't accept that the abuse and narcissism is actually real. So my epiphany is ultimately that after 10 years of studying narcissism I finally have gotten to a place where not only do I understand the behavior on a useless cognitive level, but I now understand abusive behavior at the level of deep belief. That is my epiphany, I "Believe it's TRUE". Deep down, and at a level that can't be gaslighted away... Now I am able to really make big changes in my life,, cutting narcissists out of my life, where I once would feel guilty, now I know it's the right and guiltless thing to do. I wish there was more, I hope this helps...👍 @@WENDYBANTAM
I realised I’m a sucker for attention and flattery. I recognise that and so don’t attach to that when meeting a prospective dating/partner thing. I also listen to how I’m asked out, is it a question? I say no to the first idea they have and offer another suggestion. I have found that if they are a narc, I’m dropped like a hotcake. Even ignored next time I’m at the save event. Thank you, Lord.
It room me months of having my picture at 2-3 years old to have self compassion, but after basically my whole life under a narcissist, I guess that’s pretty good. I’ve become much more patient and compassionate with myself.
Doctor ramani need more detailed videos specfically on becoming resistant to covert narcissit
Look at her older videos
I love the way you get me to think. I have said all I need to say about my toxic sibs, I am the black sheep, and scapegoat. I have no desire to change their opinion and it is no longer my problem. He said, she said is not allowed inside the boundary line and I no longer live to fix this. I walked away. I pray for their healing and working with God for mine. I haven't talked to any of them since May 2023. I have a ways to go, but everyday is better. Thank you for helping me see this. I appreciate you vast knowledge.
I, and most human beings out there, need a copy of this book. Mandatory reading
Taught behavior ❤
Most amazing to me is that twice I have run into former friends of my narc ex-friend who want nothing to do with her either. She once considered them her “besties” too. So there are three of us who have gone no contact. I’m sure there are others now. Once I thought i was the only one who saw the empress wasn’t wearing clothes. Feels good to know I’m not.
Yeah, no-contact-ers like us usually are decent people who make the choice and quietly move on. We’re not out gossiping or campaigning against them, so we don’t normally find out that there are others who couldn’t keep up a relationship with our ex-toxic-whoever they were. But, I’ve been told more than once and witnessed it myself: with a really nasty dysfunctional person it’s rarely just ONE person who had to get out. Most of them have a trail of ghosts, so to speak.
Learn to say no and actually say no to their requests
Dr. Ramani they are so many... thank you for all this precious assistance. ❤
My so-called father trained me for a life of misery but I am retraining myself around 46 years old, which is not too late.
It’s never too late to be happy and free!! You got this, sending healing light your way! ✨✨😊😊😇😇💫💫
It is not too late ♥♥♥
My journey out of the fog started at age 65. No, it's never too late!
It’s never too late ❤
I’m 56 and just started to how it is to truly live !
Got my book! Just so excited about it!😅 I ordered for my sister in Mexico, I hope it gets to her hand because the father of her kids pretty much keeps her isolated.🙏🏼
Just ordered a copy of your book after watching you & Matthew Hussey’s “How to spot a Narcissist!” I would not have been able to walk away from the toxic relationship that I struggled with for almost 5 years! I’ve been subscribed to you for a while & you are truly making a difference! I’m looking forward to my book & healing! Thank you for all that you do!❤️
Yay! Your book just arrived 😁
It now sits on my nightstand waiting for me this evening. Thank you for all you've taught me in my journey through narcissist behavior. You are a special lady!
Book ordered. Though I was in a 'never met relationship', the effects of this toxic person needs time to purge myself from. After being with my sweet wife who passed in 2020, I somehow connected with this person who was the polar opposite of my wife. Amazing how her negativity can be felt even through the internet and can only imagine the turmoil and grief experienced if we had ever physically met. I count my lucky stars for that distance between us and learning about this personality type from you! 🌠🙏
I'm watching you, waiting for the millionth time for a friend - who said he'd call - waiting for the call. I'm tired of the disrespect.
I'm convinced there are only two types of people in this world..
The point about meaning and purpose is strong because narcissists basically want you to follow their "meaning and purpose" their will and their whims. If you can prioritize your own will over theirs (because you have a purpose, a goal) then you can easily say no to their plans and stick to your own.
Got your book!!! Started reading yesterday and absolutely love it! Can’t wait until lunch break to keep reading.
Thank you, Dr. Ramani. You have taught me so much and have given the strength to manage the narcissistic relationships in my life.
Ordered your book for delivery this week. I think i have seen everything by you on RUclips. You are awesome, so intelligent and compassionate. So proud of you. My narcissist was 40 years ago. Never again. He beat my self-esteem to a pulp. Had my first crippling panic attack because of him. Used every vulnerable thing i ever said against me. Charmed my friends to side with him. I still encounter narcissists but i walk the other way. Thank you, Dr. Ramani.
Happy when you said you questioned yourself after your staff told you about the gas lighting. This shows its a continuous process of learning how to trust our judgements when dealing with narcissists.
You are so good I’m a survivor of a narcissistic person, physical and mental abuse. He’s in jail, but he gets out in September. He calls me from jail, but I don’t answer all the time
Its hard to think it is not me at work. I feel like my problem because i cant handle it. Bosses love them.
Working proactively on my self compassion is what really flipped the switch on my healing. I had been "on the path," for awhile, but my mind wasnt grasping it fully. I turned my capacity for love inwards.
When he began speaking to me in a way that was less kind than how i would speak to myself, it stood out. I can see that he speaks to himself in that way; that's why he thinks it is allowed. But with me, it isnt. The level of self-love we have for ourselves is the standard. When we talk down to ourselves, it doesnt stand out when someone else does it, character attacks and sweeping negative generalizations have been nornalized. Making rules for how i spoke to myself (my inner child) as if i were speaking to a beloved niece whom i love to champion and spoil. 😂
Not allowing the inner critic any air time, and proactively developing the positive air time, changed my quality of life so much. I hold on to my narrative now.
I have already started reading it, and I got lots of insights from it.
I remembered all these people that I had the impression they were nice. Only now, I notice they were doling out the C-Suite of Charm.
Thank you Dr. Ramani for this informative book. I am so glad that it was available at my local Barnes & Noble.
As much as I appreciate this entire subject segment and your valuable and informative channel , one standout section that very helpful for me here today is 5:38 Do Not Feel Like You Have to Educate Every Else about what you’ve learned…I have experienced the disappointment over trying to inform (share, warn, advise, etc.), my other two adult siblings of our narcissistic mother about the tactics I see more clearly which have led to my steps of getting free with no contact. They aren’t at the same place emotionally to confront their own personal adjustments/changes to make similar decisions. Thank you for all of the Golden Nuggets about Narcissism. God bless you personally and professionally!
2 people, who I termed sociopathic narcissists, I had to 100% disengage. PTSD, dictated that I had to survive and they were
not in any good for me. Thank you so much for your information.
Thanks Dr Ramani❤
I ordered the book and it is really good! I'm typically a fast reader, but I'm savoring this book and stopping to think about what I've read. I'm sure I'll re-read it too. It's that good!
Thank YOU! Thank you, my empathy has been taken advantage of.
Read Why Does He Do That? Hide money from them so you can leave. Have financial independence. Find a shelter in your area. Document everything. Learn about domestic violence and narcissistic abusers.
Dr Ramani I wish I could sit down with you for even 10 minutes. I don't understand how the guy I was in a relationship with could say I Love you even up to the day of discard. How can he be literally two people, showed me that he loved me then didn't., said he loved me then didn't so confusing so two different things all the time
@michelleoconnor9968, That's part of their personality disorder. They don't really care about truth; rather, they care most about how they appear, and what they can get away with through manipulating your thinking. Inducing confusion in the other person can buy them time, keep you around for a little longer, etc. Eventually they lose, though.
I have learnt so much from you over the last couple of years. I grew up in a narcistic environment but of course, I had no idea. I ended up with a narcisist but it took me a very long time to understand this. Making it my education became my goal and became quite good at recognizing the symptoms and how to deal with them. It has been a long road and a very tough one but knowing whom one is dealing with is of the essence. Outsmarting them and take their power away has made me strong, however every new day can be challenging. All the best to you, my strong fellowpeople❤
I just received your book and am thrilled. I cannot wait to read it.
February 20, 2024
The book was delivered to me by Amazon!
I am going through the book!
and folks, if you can't get the book personally, talk to your local library about getting the book. They're pretty helpful and amazing resources.
Hey Ramani, you look great! Just to let you know, I'm watching more of your videos and listening and learning. I'm using opportunities to slowly cook a meal and listen at the same time. I've always been one to watch something or listen to something whilst cooking. I just want to share too, that I'm half Indian and I'm glad to see a woman of Indian ethic heritage take a centre stage in psychology and being a voice for narcissistic abuse survivors! I live in England, and us of South Asian heritage are coming up in the world, in politics, leadership roles, and being successful in different spheres, and I'm happy and proud about this! Sorry, I've gone on a bit of a tangent. But I've been born into the Indian culture, so I'm glad to see you on here! X
THANK YOU! I just bought your book to support your healing work, even though I have watched dozens of videos and understand the narcissistic dynamic, I'm looking forward to having your book for reference. Of all the wonderful mental health practitioners, counselors, healers, teachers, support group facilitators, and other You Tubers on this topic, YOU have been the most instrumental in my education, healing, safety, and protection from further narcissists entering my life. I know the C-PTSD gets triggered at times, but overall, no contact and all your suggestions sustain my recovery.
Just ordered the book in audible! I can’t wait to listen tysm for all of the free help you provide via your channel and other podcasts. You have helped me so much in my journey of navigating narcissism- not only in my most recent relationship - but you have also helped me realize the the people responsible for me as a child were also narcs which led me to seeking them out subconsciously in my adult relationships.
All I need is for my Granddaughter to get a lil older so I know she knows Popa & GM loves her & are here for her when they all are old enough to understand that it's over for the Narc Daughter!!! At that point if I ever see her again it'll be too soon!!! I have some pretty serious heart problems & my daughter has had enjoyed riding my back into the grave, not there yet but a lot closer because of her & she couldn't care less!!!
Get to know yourself and have boundaries. Narcs will not stay around for long✅
@@historyiwitness5915I knew what she meant . You sound like a Narcissist Troll .
Thank you for passing on all of your hard-earned knowledge. Wishing you all of the success you deserve with this new book!!!
I just saw you on the Today’s Show. You were great!
For the record- wishing both you and yours a pleasant evening and as well- a wonderful day ahead tomorrow!!!
Love ❤️
Amazon delivered your book yesterday! TY
You are a gem Dr. RAMANI
Yes thank you. It’s taken me years to rise above the confusion, self pity, and asking the question ‘why’. Getting there😌
Thankyou Dr R.❤️
I sure could have used all this valuable info back in 1985 when I met my husband but I’d never heard of narcissism until the last year or so….too late! For years, I thought he had a mental issue like bipolar that could be helped with drugs from the doctor, I even thought maybe he was psychotic but nothing quite made sense until I found out about Dr. Ramani and narcissism! I’m tied to him because of the financial situation, he has money, I don’t.
gm dr r! your book!! fantastic. what a relief it must be for you:) hope you are on top of the world.
I'm toying to break the trauma bond with my ex at the moment and have spent time learning about narcissistic people and working on getting myself back...I've never had a relationship in my life that's been so difficult to break free from or felt like I've lost myself.
Your videos have helped so much, they've helped me walk away and stay away.
I'm still getting messages from her going frm abusive, to charm, to manipulation and emotionsl blackmail but I don't reply and see her behaviour for what it is now
Amen! Thankyou!!❤
I have ordered your book this morning and can wait to get it 😊 thank you 🙏 for saving my life dr Ramani ❤ greetings from Poland 🇵🇱 😊
This video is groundbreaking for me. It has taken me years to understand what I have been going through. I listened to this video and I wrote down each of the ways to become resistant to narcissists. This advice is the most helpful advice that i have heard. I have been at my lowest point that i have ever been in my life. I now have a new outlook on my life and my self image. I am so thankful for this. I am so grateful. I will be working more on my self compassion once I am able to leave the narcissist and set boundaries for the other narcissists in my life. Thank you so much for this advice.
I just ordered your book. I'm very excited to have it literally at my fingertips
Waiting for book to arrive - love your videos- they have helped me so much to understand the gaslighting amd manipulation and to begin to heal. It is a painful process, to start to move away, but also liberating. Thank you, Dr Ramani.
Know yourself and know your worth. A simple principle, yet a mouth full and a hard road for any previously narc abused person.
Thanks for writing this book🙏
I’m glad it’s in the book, because I’ve preordered and I need this stuff!
I get upset because the narcissist I know needs so much love and nurturing almost like a cussing and mean baby 😂 but refuses to show or give love... I can't stand when someone needs something more than they are willing to give 🎉
Exactly what I just experienced‼️