“Let that NO be lovingly extended to those that aren't working towards your same goal”. Nothing changes if nothing changes! Awesome message of action steps!
Thank you so much Janice - I really appreciate your acknowledgement. It was incredibly frightening to write this speech, of course after practicing many times, I shifted my thoughts about it. I really hope it helps at least one person.
Steve your a great friend. You've been a positive influence on my life since 2009. We lost communication for 8 years and you know my story. Now it's great too see where you are. I will live by your words and find my purpose. Thank you for being an awesome person and great friend. Thank you!
@@ShravanShetty understand that in pleasing others, we can disappoint ourselves. There is a balance here where we can serve others in alignment with our values.
I've spent 10 - 20 years trying to get better at saying no when I want to without guilt, obligation, or fear of disappointing someone. But the first 10 years I didn't have a mentor or anyone helping me with this, while simultaneously having lots of guilt trippers in my life. I used alcohol to cope then too. A few trips to a counselor for depression finally woke me up. She pretty directly asked me why I was putting up with so much s**t lol. The next 10 years I had a couple of mentor friends who encouraged me around this and helped me see straight. This isn't easy conditioning to break out of. And I also had to get to a place of physical and mental exhaustion, including chronic illness, before being willing to change. I mean doesn't this really show how deep this can go? I am mountains better than I was, but I still get challenged with this. I'm putting this title - Finding Joy by Disappointing Others - where I can see it every day. Thank you!
Very insightful...I am trying to pursue the same path after my soberity but it's very difficult ... Specially when you don't understand whom to consider as a mentor ... And the pandamic is making it more worse to meet new or even old friends
Thank you Kim! I am on the lookout for topics.... Just like when I did this one, I often get the thought "it's all been done before" I realize none of us are spouting original idea, else it would be called a PhD :-)
This is great when you disappoint toxic people but what about when you disappoint people who you respect and HELP your life? I think this is a different issue.
It depends how we disappoint them. Just because we respect them and they help our life somehow doesn't mean we have to live up to their expectations, if it doesn't align with our values. I choose to live in agreements, there's much more integrity there. Expectations are the seeds of resentment.
![Blox Fruits Dragon Rework Update [Full Stream]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/EqDAp8udhm0/mqdefault.jpg)
“Let that NO be lovingly extended to those that aren't working towards your same goal”.
Nothing changes if nothing changes! Awesome message of action steps!
Action creates self-confidence and motivation. Action is the most powerful antidote to almost all ills.
Name a mental jail: The need to please others. This is a great discovery.
We become a prisoner of other people’s expectations.
Very inspiring! *_"Action precedes motivation; not the other way around."_* Making a poster out of this.
We need to take a small action then we create motivation.
"Freedom is being disliked by other people", that's my new motto
Yes, it’s scary but ultimately worth it
Congratulations on your first (of many) TEDx Talks!! Your courage and honesty are so inspiring!!
Thank you - if one person is helped by my message, it is worth it.
Great talk!!! Thank you for sharing yourself with us and speaking hope and truth. ❤
Thank you so much Janice - I really appreciate your acknowledgement. It was incredibly frightening to write this speech, of course after practicing many times, I shifted my thoughts about it. I really hope it helps at least one person.
Thank you for this, very eye-opening!
You are welcome!
This resonates. I think others around me need to hear this message. Thank you, Steven!
Wow! Thank you for taking the time to do this Tedtalk! Insightful, profound and game changing!
Thank you 🙏 it’s a speech I’ve needed to make for so long and I changed my career to deliver.
i promise to be rigid with my purpose and learn to say no. dissapoint others lest i will be disspointed with my life!
Thank you 🙏🏼 ❤
What a beautiful message Steve! Thanks for sharing it! You're powerful!
Thank you so much!
Steve your a great friend. You've been a positive influence on my life since 2009. We lost communication for 8 years and you know my story. Now it's great too see where you are. I will live by your words and find my purpose. Thank you for being an awesome person and great friend. Thank you!
Thank you buddy!
Well done Steve! Powerful message.
Thank you Louie - it was a tough story to tell and I know it will help someone.
For everything you say yes to, you say no to something else. 👍
Yes 👍 the most successful people in the world start with “no”
Seperating life tasks .Serenity Prayer . What a wonderful advice ?
I couldn't take on their tasks .
Thank you - it is so simple yet not easy.... it's a practice.
@@stevenenglish1760 you are inspiring ... Will focus on disappointing others
@@ShravanShetty understand that in pleasing others, we can disappoint ourselves. There is a balance here where we can serve others in alignment with our values.
I've spent 10 - 20 years trying to get better at saying no when I want to without guilt, obligation, or fear of disappointing someone. But the first 10 years I didn't have a mentor or anyone helping me with this, while simultaneously having lots of guilt trippers in my life. I used alcohol to cope then too. A few trips to a counselor for depression finally woke me up. She pretty directly asked me why I was putting up with so much s**t lol. The next 10 years I had a couple of mentor friends who encouraged me around this and helped me see straight. This isn't easy conditioning to break out of. And I also had to get to a place of physical and mental exhaustion, including chronic illness, before being willing to change. I mean doesn't this really show how deep this can go? I am mountains better than I was, but I still get challenged with this. I'm putting this title - Finding Joy by Disappointing Others - where I can see it every day. Thank you!
I am about progress not perfection here. I put this speech out into the world as a “true north” for myself.
Thank you for your comment, I know there are many like us that run into this challenge. God Bless.
Great job Steve and good message 🙌
Thank you! 🙏
Very insightful...I am trying to pursue the same path after my soberity but it's very difficult ... Specially when you don't understand whom to consider as a mentor ... And the pandamic is making it more worse to meet new or even old friends
A mentor is anyone who has done the thing you want to do. What specifically is difficult about figuring out who can be your mentor?
yes
Powerful. A message that nobody says but many people would need to hear
It's an uncomfortable place to be, to allow yourself to disappoint others.
Perfectly worded
Thank you 🙏
Powerful talk Steve, loving this and you
Thank you Alex - it's great to know you and be on this journey cheering each other on!
Thanks for being so vulnerable and sharing this story. I'm sure many can relate - well done!!
If one person is helped by sharing this story, I have been of service.
Yeah man! I reposted this to our LinkedIn page. This a super helpful speech. Definitely among the top Ted speeches that I've seen.
Thank you 🙏 I really appreciate that. Someone will benefit from these ideas.
We fill.with.joy.in.dissappointed.
Wonderfully said, Steven! Such a great and inspiring message. Looking forward to the next TEDx Talk!
Thank you Kim! I am on the lookout for topics....
Just like when I did this one, I often get the thought "it's all been done before" I realize none of us are spouting original idea, else it would be called a PhD :-)
Wonderful talk! Thank you
Thank you so much Olivia !
I like the concept of "letting people out of your life." It points out that I can keep unhealthy people with in my life by living deceptively.
Yes and you can also live in full integrity by just letting them go since they are unhealthy to you.
I can’t thank you enough for this.
You are welcome. I appreciate your comment. Curious what specifically impacted you?
👏🏻
Thanks man!
If you are an introvert and you have a fear of disappointing your close friend? How to get over it?
What is most important to you? What are your priorities or values? It's better to disappoint someone else than to disappoint yourself.
@@stevenenglish1760 Well, sometimes the guilt is too heavy
I am the first to comment.
You ARE! Thank you
You are disappointing a lot of people with this comment! 🤣🤣🤣
This is great when you disappoint toxic people but what about when you disappoint people who you respect and HELP your life? I think this is a different issue.
It depends how we disappoint them. Just because we respect them and they help our life somehow doesn't mean we have to live up to their expectations, if it doesn't align with our values. I choose to live in agreements, there's much more integrity there. Expectations are the seeds of resentment.
I wish people would just use their own voices and annunciation...
We're being programed 😮 ugh