Why not having any friends was the best thing that could have happened to me
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- Опубликовано: 11 сен 2021
- I created a video about not having friends and 3 steps I took to dealing with the loneliness. It's gotten so many comments from people who feel like they haven't got any friends that I wanted to created this video to go a little deeper.
In this video, I explain why not having friends was actually a good thing for me.
Here's the other video if you want to watch it: • "I have no friends": 3...
Find me on Instagram: / justinrbrown
And most importantly, here's the relationships video by the shaman Rudá Iandê which helped me to see that the relationship I have with myself is the most important relationship of all: thevessel.io/healthy-relation...
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As an introvert, spending time with others can be so so draining.
I love love my solitude.❤❤❤
you just outgrew those people and you haven’t found your new ones yet and you enjoy solitude.
@@cashainouno1035 True.
I could copy and the same comment you made. It's great to know I'm not the only one. Lord knows I've tried to be outgoing, but prefer to be solo unless I meet someone who's equally yoked like myself.
@@user-gh3gg4fo1k some people are meant to be solo. Back in history most people mainly talked to people out of Boredom, but now we have phone, cars, and computers to keep us entertained. Now less and less people are having friends. Coincidence??? People with no friends are on average easily stimulated and secure within themselves but media will tell you the opposite because people with lots of friend are more likely to spend 💴 .
Sometimes I wonder if I stopped texting, arranging plans and calling my friends, would they ever contact me? And that's how I arrived at this video. Learning to stop making friends the center of my life.
I stopped trying to make plans with mine and it sucked and hurt so bad when they didn’t contact or want to continue friendships but I’m way better off iv been four years without friends and I learned to love myself and realized that I was very codependent on them to make me happy but the first year alone was the hardest but in the long run it’s better for you keep your head up if they are your friends they will continue the friendship if not they where never really your friends
@@cashabirch3097 interesting your bit about codependency. Did you seek therapy or support for this? How did you realize you were codependent?
Facts.
Yea 👌
@@Quball87o dependent because people like him usually have an idea in mind that happiness can only come if you hangout with friends or have amazing plans, but he realised that that was not correct and could have a good time just by himself. So could you not ruin others days and peaceful philosophies by commenting things like this video just because you have nothing else better to do in life ? Because its not that hard to understand what he meant unless you're like really really stupid yk
Solitude never feels lonely and if you enjoy your own company then you’re hardly ever bored . I can feel lonely when I’m with ppl and the connection isn’t fulfilling.
I relate to that !
I agree
oh yeah for sure. I feel the same way.
This is it! Thank you for conveying this message dude
I feel exactly the same.
The best friends are the ones that are low maintenance, and don't bug you for rides and money. Friends that you can just kick ideas, concepts, and humor with periodically. A lot of people tend to tax their friendships to the point of being a burden.
I realized along time ago people only were friends when u had something they want
Or if they just wanted to manipulate you so they'd feel powerful. 🙄😐😠
I’m learning that now. It’s kind of heart breaking. You open yourself up just to be left behind when they’re done with you.
I’m trying to get to the point where I don’t WANT friends, I’m so much more productive and happy being alone, having friends causes me more problems, makes my anxiety worse and makes me feel even more shittier about how I feel about ME
So true
Same 😂, i get to share my stupid ideas with my self 🤣🤣🤣
Same :(
Facts brother 💯. I'm done with figuring out that people really don't care and are fine stabbing you in the back or will stand there and watch you get stabbed in the back. I've just been stabbed to many times now I think im completely done with people taking advantage of me🧱🏰🧱. Went through alot of shit just to have friends because I didn't as a child. Now I feel its a choice to be alone. I can protect myself better without people behind me I don't trust anyone.
@@alimunns chin up bro, things will work out in the end 🙏
“I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude.” -Thoreau
You can feel more alone in a crowd,and more alone in a relationship, but it’s better to have solitude with yourself
Then feelings of aloneness.
Yes for sure
I feel both either way
A real friend is you and not others.
Friends come and go and you are the
only friend you will have until you die.
So, make best friends with yourself and
not others. Eventually, they will all leave
whether you like it or not, and often times
they will betray you and hurt you in many
ways. I know because I have gone through
this many times in my life. I thought they were
my true friends but boy was I wrong. But I am not
saying you should be isolated and live a lonely life
and not interact with others but you really don't need a "friend"
to live a happy life if you are really happy with yourself just
like Justin says in this video. Cheers~
It should not be that way at all
I truly believe it was a gift from the Universe that I found contentment in solitude back in college. It involved music and a lot of long walks. Thirty years later it is still an unwavering strength in the face of adversity, a superpower.
I wish I had discovered this great comfort back in college like you. Instead, I learned in my fifties. Better late than never.
Very relatable. Went through the same journey in my early 20’s. Solitude is a relief from the noise of the modern world
Thank you Justin.
We can only depend on ourselves. We come into this world alone and go out alone. Fall inlove with yourself first. 😘
So true.
Nicely put Sian
True
Yeah but none of us asked to be born
Having "close" is a childish thing anyways and anyone who disagrees is just childish or uneducated. When you become an adult you start to realize that hanging around with friends is unfulfilling and a waste of time, life is to hectic as an adult to deal with bullshit like that
It shouldn't have to be like that
Most people aren’t looking for love they looking for help
FACTS!!!
Justin, great advice! I have been practicing deep self love and now I am comfortable with being alone. Thank You for being authentic and vulnerable.
Glad to hear you've arrived at this place. Makes us much stronger.
@@JustinBrownVidsHow do I practice deep self love?
I make friends with older folks then people my age for some reason
Same with me
Me too!
Hello. everything you named is everything I came to and also strived for. I can say that most of the time I need solitude, but it’s not loneliness. I don’t experience absolutely any negative thoughts about this, but rather the opposite, because I absolutely need it. I sometimes like to just sit and think and reflect on things. Through reasoning within myself, I discovered a lot for myself personally and understood a lot. I love it especially when revelations happen and you get another piece of the puzzle and see the picture even more complete. I never wanted to be with the majority, and even more so now. I have always strived for freedom, but not for the material one that everyone is chasing after, but for the inner one, which is something magical for me.
The challenge is the same old conversations about life. Yes, there are current events to discuss, or a book, movie, sports, show to talk about, but ultimately it's all repeated conversations w/ different people, and it doesn't matter the age range. And when you reconnect w/ friends it's like if you have nothing new or exciting going on, they revert back to discussing irrelevant past conversations that have expired. It's hard to keep it all fresh and exciting...
I also have the same dreadful mind picture. I think that for retaining the strength of a friendship, both sides needs to be proactive and take responsibility if they lack effort (finding new hobbies, ordinary hello check, inviting and organizing meetings, trips with other groops etc..) in replenishing the good vibes with whoever we feel closely connected to.
P. S In my life I am greatful to have the example of such a connection even if it's only one - we are not really santimental about it - but what mattered the most for it to last 8 yeara, imo was the occasional hit me up if so and so from both of us.
I have been thinking about this a lot recently. My childhood was very similar to the one described in the video but in my teenage years I forced myself to have friends. And I am goona tell you how difficult it was. I wasn''t being productive, we would complain with our friends and have this victim mentality.I was taking and giving negative energy and it was like a loop of toxity. Now that I ve grown up I realized that we should not be invested too much in people otherwise we would lose our vision and goals in life and is so frustrating. Also I am stronger since I've endured all the difficulties on my own and it's such a confidence booster when you don't rely on anyone but are able to solve your own problem and enjoy who you are.
I find that most friends can be jealous or envious or expect that you do all the work (making plans, etc) or expect that you share their political opinions without respectful debate. One question to ask after being with a friend: do I feel contracted or expanded?
relate! i gave up on friendship years ago, and the inner peace i felt after that is now something i don't want to trade for anything. good video, and so glad to see you again
Thanks so much. Glad you've found this inner peace.
I have one good friend I have known for years,the others are just acquaintances,sadly I was a people pleaser and many people took advantage of it,so I have often felt disappointed by many so called "friends" I now love my own compagnie and life is less complicated.
i was miserable with friends, then i lost them, and i was alone for almost two years. the first half of that i was happier and more content and relaxed, the second half it felt just it had before and i was miserable. i literally gave up on people in its entirety. but then i decided i shouldn’t give up, and i should try again. i’m the type who’s very shy and difficult to make new friends, but i pushed and pushed and pushed through that until i gain new ones. now i’m starting to think i just thought i had new ones. people who care about you truly will listen to your problems and try to help you through them, if they care you are not a bother at all. i always feel like i’m bugging others though. i’m ready to give up on people again
Totally relate. I keep trying to make friends but it rarely works out.
No one wants to hear anyone else's problems unless they can make content or money off it. Friends burn out when u tell them bad stuff. Social media has sucked the genuine streak out of humans. I'm pretty much done with people now.
When alone, volunteer or start a business. Friends can open you up to opportunities or block you from your life purpose.
People only let you down, whether they're family or so called friends, your there for them then they shit on you so what's the point your better off on ur own and be ur own best friend....
I'm going thru this now. I don't have friends. I don't have family. My ex lovers were all fake along with the family & friends. The flipside is now I'm comfortable alone. I rather stay home. Would be nice to find a woman to be with who thinks similar to this version of me. But everyone don't get that. And I'm pretty much content if I'm one of those that don't get it.
Honestly when I don’t have friends, people tend to gravitate even more into my life.
But friendships for me is literally is to enjoy in that moment. In that second, hour or day. After they leave, I continue with my life.
Its liberating.
Sounds like you're living with attachments or expectations. Very liberating Mina.
@Mina - Those aren't friends, they are just people passing through your life ........
So liberating ❤❤❤
I have realized now, seeing this video, why I'm having less, quantative and prounfness, connection with other people? It's because I'm more connected to myself! This video was a thermometer of my inner self ♡ THANK YOU ❤️
I always had friends, even friends for 45 years. When I went through my spiritual awakening, they all dissapeared. I am fine, and actually love being alone , but not really alone I have the Great Divine, King Yeshua, Holy Spirit, and all the angels and unerverse with me. 😊❤🙏
Wtf
Me too. I have Jesus with me even when I’m lonely. Im never lonely since I have God with me at all times.❤❤
Friends are fake and bullshit all they want is have fun drink party. I use to hang with alot of people I got older I realise set Ur goal and focus on Ur life.
It's not friends itself that are fake and bullshit, it's people in general that make it that way
Nice content Justin.I gave up few friendships saving myself from any head aches,pain and dramas.Im an introvert,i find peace when im alone,and now i am trying my best to practice self love..thanks for inspiring..
Thanks Justin I love your content. I get so lonely but when you cant connect with others in a satisfying way it's really is pointless. Better to connect from a place of authenticity. Must learn to love and respect myself
Thanks very much, Sade. Nicely put.
I guess I'm not alone in this situation by reading the comments here. Let's hang in and on until the clouds roll by and find our inner sunshine!☀️Thank you for this advice.
I'm glad I found your channel. " Needing nothing attracts everything" Nice video.
Thanks so much
Really glad I came across your channel! 👍👍 Just watched your other video about not having friends. I have friends but they are far away and I do feel lonely at times but at the same time truly value the friendships I do have. I did feel terrible at one point with not having a lot of friends but I feel very comfortable with myself and comfortable in my own loneliness. I am a firm believer you have to love yourself first and comfortable enough with yourself before truly letting others into your "whole" life.
Very good points in this video...new sub!! ❤💜💙💚
so true, we need to change the idea that we need to find our other half to feel completed. Pandemic was a blessing because it forced me to look inside instead of outside of me
That's a lovely insight from the pandemic.
You seems so kind, likeable and the kind of person I'd like to know. I'm sorry you have had to experience loneliness so many times. Thank you for your videos. It made me feel better today.
Loved the video. Describes me perfectly. I enjoy my own company as hell and I can be on my own. It makes me productive, kind, and connects me deeply to myself. My aura has enhanced because of it.
Thank you for this recording 💜
Hey Justin I loved your video and can relate alot. I made my video on having no friends and we are truly not alone in this experience. I support your journey Brother 🙏🏻❤️
I'm glad I found this vlog. I've been thinking that there is something very wrong with me. There have been "friends" in my life but at this point they all seem to have drifted away for one reason or another and I've been sitting here, blaming myself. Your vlogs are giving me some valuable ideas to consider...so thank you!
Glad the videos are helping
Thanks for creating videos like that! At the moment I feel super lonely especially at high school or when I see others with groups of friends. And it's really hard to accept this, go through this cuz sometimes I just give up but I hope I'll find that it's even better being alone than with people or maybe someday I will have a friend.
Groups of friends? They are not friends, they are having a relationship like a dog and a tick. You lose most of your high school and university friends once you graduate. And from your name, I believe you are from Poland and believe it or not, being alone in Poland is the best thing you can ever do 😀take your time to improve yourself and have new hobbies
i dont just not have friends, i lost them. because i go through a great deal of anxiety and depression and most of my friends basically left me so i thought to commit suicide because not only did it hurt badly, but it made me feel as i was the only one who didnt have friends. but realizing that i am not alone and the only person that should care about me is me, it turned the tables on my life and i now i feel calm. like i have the answers to what i should do already.
You are definitely not alone. I went through ovarian cancer as a single mom and nobody cared. Not my family, not any friends, acquaintances, no one. And I have a huge family on both sides. Like .. what the heck is going on. In a situation like that it's really hard cause if they don't care if you live or die, you feel like you're worth nothing. So you're definitely not alone experiencing this.
I'm learning to embrace being alone and not having friends. it's been years since I've had friends and I've come to learn how to be my nest friends. I even give myself warm embraces, like when you are pretending to kiss someone while being funny. I'm also at a point where loneliness doesn't scare me as much as it used to and now it's simply bad storm passing by in my life.
How do you do that?
I am 11 turning 12 this year and I have no friends. I am an introvert so talking to people is not my thing. I also have trust issues so thinking that I would get back stabbed or get killed gets me worried. After watching this video, I notice that having no friends improves my self esteem and makes me worried less. I feel much happier without friends and feel like I can keep a lot of stuff to my self without telling anyone. I will be starting school next year, (middle school pacifically), which I hate because I have to be around I don’t know and the high amounts of school shootings going around that scares me. I hope I can survived middle school without socializing with other people I don’t know. Also, I still plan to not make any friends because I find it useless to me since my luck with it is bad because they move or leave me so that’s why I gave up. Anyways, thank you for this video and have a nice day. 😊
So: this is something I’ve struggled with a lot myself.
Sometimes I wished I had more friends to hang out with and have fun, but sometimes I like the flexibility and freedoms of being alone
To me I realized: it’s best to have a balance, but to not feel completely empty without friends and socializing. This can still be good, but I believe the biggest source of happiness should be done solo cause you have 100% control of it
But I strongly agree forced friendships are really bad.
At the end: I think we just need to figure out the best balance. But that’s based on the individuals decision / comfort
i guess right now , i shoud focus on me as you said
thanks for the support! please keep making video for motivation
Thank you. This resonates with me💖
People who move often since they are young experience what you did as a kid and as an adult. Although it can be painful it’s usually based out of contrast of observing others laughing and doing activities. As one gets older it’s eat to realize that there’s a huge strength we develop by being alone - also we are able to if we create a connection with someone to establish healthy boundaries as opposed to being desperate for a person. At the end of the day once we learn this it truly frees you from the continuos search for needing someone else to make you happy. Your thoughts are spot on!!!
Great video!I always remind myself that Before I can love anyone, I need to love myself first.When you love yourself completely, loving others will come effortlessly.Thank You Justin !🙏❤️🌏🙌
Thanks so much!
Justin, what a raw, genuine video form a place of love. Thank you for your reflections on this channel. Truth.
That's so kind to say, thanks!
Thank you Justin.. I'm glad I found your
video..
This video is so true. I can really relate to it with similar experiences. I've always found it fairly easy to make friends but not easy to know where I "fit" and still feeling like an outsider in new situations. But similarly to you I also am going on the path to see the benefits of loneliness and being on the "outside" and how it can actually lead to more sharing with others, relating to the world and growing as a person internally.
I think in relationships like you said can be similar that if we feel whole ourselves first we're more ready for something real and lasting. I used to be certain I was missing out in so many ways, especially on the multiple deep long relationships others seemed to have around me. Now looking at others who go through many relationships - not that I can fully judge from the outside - I can see how in certain ways they may have not really gotten to know themselves first and been comfortable being alone, and the relationships might have been toxic and frustrating...
Great video
Thanks Paul, glad you can relate and nice to learn you enjoyed this video. Catch up soon :)
I can understand your message totally. I have lived what you are saying.
It’s really strange when I don’t feel connection with anybody. I am getting used to it and I don’t force myself anymore to feel different to run away from loneliness. It’s very difficult for me to feel real connection with people.
I tnow I go through periods of feeling comfortable on my own as opposed to feeling lonely. It's how I entertain myself and what self-talk I engage in that makes aloneness a good or bad experience. Great video! Love from Brisbane! Belinda xx
Brisbane! I was there this time last year. Yes the narratives we create shape the experience for sure.
Resonate so much with this , one thing I have noticed with myself though is that though i can be at peace in my own company , I have to watch the tendency for being overly self reliant, as while one can be content in one’s own company , it’s wonderful to share and good for the nervous system and one never knows when self reliance my not be possible, we all need each other to some extent and I can easily deny this having navigated many difficult emotions on my own
So true.. much needed viedo.. thanks for making one
Hi Justin, Thank for your video. This is very helpful. You helped me to understand my feeling better.
Great to hear it
You are so unic, love your videos❤
Meditation helps with loneliness it's also a connection to the world of spirit.
Helpful, thank you
Thank you. I stumbled upon this video by sheer God wanting me to. It helped. Thanks again.
Thank you justin. I hope oneday we can be friends. If they are people in the comment section who want to be friends , i am open
Thank you for the video. Just looking through the comments, one in particular about what would happen if you stopped messaging people would they eventually text back just to see how your were doing. I've experienced anxiety for many years and found myself struggling with expressing my own opinions and beliefs as this may lead to conflict. Consequently this may cause issues within the friendship eventually leading to that friend deserting you, the textbook "people pleaser"
I'm not perfect by any means however now I concentrate on myself and do things that make happy. Realising now I don't need that constant validation from other people
great video. thank you
Thanks, you're welcome
Similar school experiences but ours were all over the world in different countries and I think that’s a huge reason why much of my life has felt better/safer in solitude… I am mostly comfortable with solitude as I never want for things to do, but lately I’ve found an overwhelming feeling of chronic fatigue has limited those fun things I did on my own to lift my spirits. I’m not sure if this is depression or due to my medical issues but I’ve realised that my “loneliness” only becomes a problem when I’m not feeling well…
really great thoughts thank you
You have explained so eloquently Justin. Another Aussie here.
All these comments prove that while yes ppl may want to unplug from a close physical friendship the spiritual need for friendly communication never leaves..
God CREATED us to desire companionship at least to some capacity.
Thank you for the video i can relate to you and all the people in the comments
Great video.
Cheers
- comfort with alone
- love yourself first -> you attrract much more, never neediness, always mystery
its magnetic
its attractive
I love a friend if they are a good perfect person- if not- I run a mile. Life is too short. My son is comfortable, he is 43, never married, and good looking, but enjoys his own company, and socialises with work mates. But comfortable on his own.
Same as me.
This is crazy. I stumbled on this video. You are polar opposites with reference to location, ethnicity, race, et Al. But you are speaking, articulating … describing my journey … in short ME!!
thanks for sharing
She fell in love with her yoga, then she fell in love with herself. Stolen quote but so me. Thanks for the video!
Excellent video. What are real friends? Something I have pondered quite a bit. When I have been at the height of my life financially friends are easy to come by. Now i'm in a different section of my life much more spiritually fit and I find that friends are very fickle. In fact friends are overrated. Books are my friends
Thank you.
do you have a podcast? I would be very interested, you made me realize so many good things about myself, that I didn't know I had.
Thanks very much. I don't have a podcast, just this youtube channel.
Deep bro
I said this before on other occasions, if you really want a true friend, a friend that would die for you should the occasion arise, get a dog that suits your personality.
I agree with you!
It took me a long time - now 67 - to accept to live my life on my own terms. During my early years I did not feel my creativity ok. Yes I am not at all like mainstream people. My artistic soul is unique and special. Try to fit in is just not possible nor an option.
I remember back in high school I never was invited to any parties or anything and I always felt left out and to make a short story short same with elementary school I was picked on yada yada yada never had too many friends. A couple but those friendships ended and I always kind of felt bummed out so it took me a little bit as cold as it sounds I don't want friends because why waste my time with them it's just like having to get into a relationship it's just going to end did you know all breakups happen because you get into a relationship but after a while I find myself to be a little bit happy on my own maybe I'm just used to it I don't know
Hampstead Heath? I thought you were australian. I am an introvert so alone time is super precious to me. I still have a few friends but I am working on boundaries with them. Birthday house parties annoy me the most 😅😅😅
I'm Australian 😎
Trying Is the key word here. If you are trying..to make friends, your aren’t being true to yourself. I’ve had friends in my life, but the only time I can be truly myself is only when I’m by myself in nature. I don’t have to pretend, I don’t have to force. I can just breathe in and enjoy the view.
How do you be kind yourself though ? I'm always kind to others, but i still feel alone
Friends are useless. They suck ALL your energy.
It's not the word friends itself that is useless, it's people in general that make it that way
God is always round me , god keeps me company and the angels
I'm OK by myself it's not having anyone at all to talk to about nothing is the part that gets to me
yes sir . even i am in primary school right noe even i changed school every year due to my parents transfer . right now in my school nobody supports mw oe want to be friends with me . its really depressing
Very handsome.
Well sir thanks 😊 for the great motivation
But I just got to 18
It gonna Take some time to make me That strong to Face this
But i Am Trying to control it
Yup i have not controlled it yet completely
But I littler bit Like the first drop of rain
Thanks! Best wishes with this.
I think 18 can be a little confusing of an age; not a kid anymore and yet not quite an adult either, especially if you haven't been very well equipt to "fly the coupe". It can be kind of scary.
But 18 means you have a whole lifetime ahead of you to figure out who you are (what you like and don't like - what "floats your boat") and where you want to be.
I don't think the point of this video is to accept 'solitary confinement" - being alone and without friends so much as learning to love and value yourself so that you *can* have (*meaningful*) relationships. We all need people.
I have no need of friendship who needs the aggravation
I also am going threw a time, of having no freinds , and all this time has allowed me to think, and realize I never really had any freinds, ever, cuz freinds and not really freinds, it's all fake, and most people are fake,
I don't have friends and I agree
😢
❤😢
👍👍
I just want friends.....
2:45
I have more pain when I have friends 😅