I have a feeling him saying that the relationship subreddit was bias towards women means he got called out by his shitty behavior and didn't want to accept it and posted on another one trying to get validation
"I realized I need to be more self-reliant" translates to "I need to see if I can make it as a single mother with child support." He didn't just break her heart, he obliterated it through all the stages of grief straight to acceptance. They may stay together for a while, but she's planning her way out of this relationship. With a baby on the way, she has no choice but to choose her next step carefully. That poor woman learning that her husband has no respect for her in such a horrible way and with a child on the way is a nightmare. My heart goes out to her.
Brozo is pissed she asked him for help. Brozo is also pissed she no longer asks him for help. It's all about control, no wonder Brozo hates her newfound independence. Hope she makes her independence legal, and divorces his ass before he has a chance to abuse the kid the way he at least verbally abuses her.
I would never look at my husband the same way again after that. He yelled at her and called her the C-word for needing a very small amount of help while cooking him dinner. He showed his true colors, and they are ugly. There's saying something awful and then there is saying something AWFUL. It's very telling he went there over such a small thing.
Did she ever ask him why the hell that came out of his mouth? That is clearly NOT like him so yeah he should NOT have done it but what if there is an underlying factor that was causing him so much stress that when she would not wait like he asked nicely to do but she kept on him and he snapped when she would not wait. That is the problem with working from home, no boundaries. His office is his work place, would she have driven to his office to open the jar???? . Wrong yes but so was she. Marriage is about forgiveness and moving forward in the hard times, and he can only apologize so many times. Marriage vows do not say, "so yeah I will stick around only if my entire time with you is rainbows and roses, but if you f*** up one time that is it buddy". That one moment is not telling who he is, what is telling who he is is the fact that he wants their relationship back how it was and he wants to love her. And he keeps trying, he could not just give a shit and not care, BUT HE DOES! I am betting if she had called him out badly like that for something you would think he was being an ass for not forgiving her, why are men not allowed forgiveness.
@@karri8998I’m sorry but no amount of stress warrants calling your partner a b**ch and a c*nt over OPENING A JAR. He didn’t say that she was bothering him all day and that was the last straw. He said she asked twice and he exploded. If he’s stressed now and that’s how he acts, how’s he going to be when the baby is in the picture? Big big red flag and I would absolutely be reconsidering staying in a relationship like that.
@@karri8998no it isn’t. He showed his true colors and she’s showing him what they look like. I guarantee you this ain’t the first time he’s done this. She’s just calling him out on his asshole behavior. If he’s okay with calling her the C word what’s going to happen when that’s his teenage son thinking it’s okay to call someone you supposedly love that word? Or when his teenage daughter thinks that’s how all women should be spoken to?
@@karri8998 want to do some research on how many women are unalived by the guy ‘f**king up one time’? All the ‘came out of nowhere’ stories as women and kids are being buried? Women are sick of it and yes, *one time* is enough.
Hes not sorry. Plain and simple. He continues on about how irritated he is because she's not over it. WTF?!! This guy is an unbelievable ah! ASCON -1? Run babe. Run.
Ok hold on right there. Absolutely he keeps going on about it because she is now ruining their marriage. He f**ked up one time and should be given a chance at forgiveness which means not continuing to hold it over his head for the rest of his life. He does mean that he is sorry or he won't bother trying to fix the situation. And that is BS that you tell her to leave her marriage because he f**ked up. Marriage is hard work and not to treated like disposable trash.
@@karri8998- she’s not ruining the marriage. She’s realized it’s/he’s not worthwhile and she’s taking steps to ensure she isn’t trapped. He’s pissy that she’s figured it out and he can’t just sweep it under the rug. Marriage takes work and mutual respect and she’s seen he’s not giving either
What are you talking about that her current situation is like she is a single parent. That is BS. This type of comment is why I would suggest my son stay single as men are treated like absolute CRAP but hey if a woman would have had a stupid freak out all of you would insist the husband was an ass not to let it go, that poor her was so stressed. Equal treatment for both men and woman people. Marriage is hard work and one lapse of judgement should be forgivable.
His reason for asking for opinions is that he's feeling like less of a man. He now realizes that his wife doesn't really need him to survive, and it's bruising his male ego.
This was prob the most triggering story i have ever heard you read. I had to check my Reddit account to see if I was the one that wrote it! I was not, but Lordy that exact situation happened to me. She’s getting indifferent bc I can tell you this abuse cycle has gone on like this before. She’s planning her out. I did the same thing.
Once you call your wife the c word and b word, that relationship needs therapy if it will ever function in a healthy manner. If I were in her shoes, I'd say we either get counseling or divorce.
I ran from my ex while I was pregnant. He went off on me for no reason. I left and never went back. I found out later that he was cheating on me. Girl run.
That is unfair of you to put your past situation on someone else like that. Just because your ex was a cheating ass that does not mean that all men who f**k up one time are the same.
@@CyeOutsider I also wondered if there is SOMETHING else going on, even if he's not cheating. Maybe he's saying he's working but looking at porn, for example. I agree there's more here, whatever it is. Like, he felt caught AT SOMETHING. And threw it all back on her.
@@PenelopePeriwinkle 😂 didn't see this when I just replied. yeah F---k that S--t from that person! Sorry you went through what you did and glad you got out safe. AND you KNOW what's what now! That's clear and I'm so happy for you, Sis!❤
I’m not sure OP can recover from this. Right now, the wife is willing to risk her health and pregnancy rather than ask him for help. If I were a betting woman, I’d say she’s already planning her exit strategy and is only playing nice until she can get her ducks in a row. And if I were in her shoes, I’d be talking to a lawyer to find out if I could get full custody, because if my husband were willing to go off on me like that OVER OPENING A JAR, I would not want to find out what he’d say or do to that child.
He really thought that "favoring women" was why r/relationships wouldn't be on his side? Also, does anyone have the link for the original post? I can't find it online, and the link isn't in the description.
OP couldn't have me as a wife. If he called me what he called her while I was just asking for something as simple as opening a jar, he would have gotten that jar upside his head. And then I would have left.
This is definitely not the first time he’s reacted like this. He only apologized the next morning after he saw she was freezing him out still which she was in the right to do. She’s already learning how to function without him and is on her way out.
OP obviously needs validation about the way he treated his wife. There is NO excuse for talking to ANYONE that way, especially someone you vowed to love, honor, and cherish! Good for the wife for taking the initiative to do everything possible, not to have to ask OP for anything. If anyone called me that for any reason there would be more problems than OP has described.
I ‘d like to see that technique of a shoe and wall to open a wine bottle! Op thought she needed him, but she is proving that she really doesn’t need him enough to tolerate his abuse. I absolutely would put a pint of blood on the bet that, this is not the first time, nor even the worst time he’s lasted out at her.
She needs to divorce him pronto before the baby is born. If he flips out like that over a minor interruption, as you noted, the baby will make it 100 times worse. Also, if I were his wife, I would never tolerate being called those names--even in a time of stress and would have started the divorce proceedings right away. That is unacceptable--period. Also, the fact that he is expressing irritation that she is refusing his help, rather than regret or sadness, is another red flag. He's a major D-bag.
yep, there's all kinds of jar openers on the market that don't cost much and won't call her names like the current one did.. Dude better wake up... there aint much a woman can't find a tool to do that wont call her names.. if you catch my drift.
And she's proving she didn't need you. She never needed you. She can do it herself because she is doing it herself. Did you ever think that she asked you to do those things to make /you/ feel important? (Obviously this is directed at op, not dusty.)
Even if she does forgive him, WHY would she risk it happening again? I've been in similar situations, and yeah I learned real quick not to put myself in that situation. Even after I forgave the person for it, I still avoided that situation from happening again.
My mom did everything, so now I do. My bf gets a bit nervous to offer to help because my catch phrase is "Nah, I got this." I have to remind myself to let him take care of me sometimes. This poor wife.
I stopped asking my husband years ago for help with anything because there was always an excuse or a complaint about it. Now he wants to know why I don't respect his opinion anymore and won't work on projects with him the way we used to. Because I've raised my kids and I'm not interested in continuing the fun with a grown ass man, that's why. Act like a baby and you're treated like one. There's also the added bonus of regressing in his abilities to the point he can't find the potatoes without help. Never mind they're in the special bin he made for them years ago when he was still doing things like that for me. This guy needs to get his head out of his butt or wind up back on Reddit years from now asking if anyone knows how to use the washing machine.
What is going to happen when their toddler comes in asking Daddy for help? Or even earlier if baby just wont stop crying? Either intensive therapy while i stay somewhere else. Or i leave for the sake of my child. If in America and using the C word, who does that to their wife?
She's standing up cooking his meal while pregnant so he can work uninterrupted. That she needed help opening that jar maybe due to her hands being swollen from pregnancy wasn't asking him for the world: it was asking for a quick assist so she could get back to the kitchen to finish cooking a meal he'd be eating. If he kept telling her to 'wait', maybe the dinner couldn't wait for the contents of that jar and to finish "his" supper so it was ready when he done working, she needed the jar opened then. Regardless of either of their activities at the time, he's opened jars before, he can do it while not removing his eyes from his computer screen - just take the jar and open it, hand it back and both of your are happy. Nothing is so important that you can't give your spouse 3 seconds to open a jar for them, unless, of course, there is something on your computer screen you definitely do not want the spouse to see. That's when one over reacts, gets all defensive and angry, etc. To call any woman that word is intolerable and inexcusable: to call your pregnant wife that word is clearly telling her you consider her gutter filth. It is inexcusable; and then to take your sweet time to mumble, hours later, an insincere apology is abhorrent and despicable. OP obviously believes his pregnant wife is unworthy of his greatness so he reminded her with his loss of self control and his vulgar verbal attack. His lack of consideration, decency and respect for his wife is outshone only by his decision in that moment to be unkind, inconsiderate, hateful, mean, insulting, degrading, condescending and arrogant. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't concerned for the child she's carrying: this guy can't control himself over a jar that needs opening: what in the world will he be like if that child is colicky after birth, or when the baby begins teething and cries nonstop, or enters the "terrible two's" and throws tantrums? Will OP's tantrum be even worse because he's not getting his own way then? He would never had called a coworker that name, his boss's wife that name, his mother/sister/cousin/aunt/grandmother or even a waitress, so why is that word ok for his wife?!!! OP's wife sounds like she always knew she had it in her, but to include her husband in their everyday lives, she began relying on him to help her with things, as couples do: that she reacted to his offensively obscene name-calling by taking her power back is a loud wakeup call to him. A muttered apology is not going to cut it; this is an incident she will remember for the rest of her life because of what he called her. He needs to do some serious groveling while showing by his behavior how truly sorry he is for degrading her like that. But if she's going about her day handling everything herself, he may have just sealed his fate as far as this marriage is concerned. Maybe she thought his verbal assaults in the past were tolerable, but now that she's going to be a mother with a child in that household, this incident may have opened her eyes a bit wider and she's no longer okay with tolerating and condoning it. Calling your wife that disgusting term screams loudly how little you value and treasure her; it is about as low as any man can stoop.
does this guy even know what he wants.. sorry.. it would have taken 5 seconds to open that damn jar, or, he could have taken a minute prior to locking himself away and asked if she would need any help as he couldn't be disturbed once he began work.. the only confusion about this guy's priorities is whether or not his work or his ego is tops.. his wife is clearly at the bottom
He called her a C-word for asking for help opening a jar? Dude's got some issues. Even ignoring her being pregnant. I have a personal rule. I'm not allowed to complain about anything for longer than it'd take for me to fix the thing. It probably literally took him longer to say that word alone than it would to open the jar.
Also, it took longer to cuss your pregnant wife than to open the damn jar. You weren't worried about your work. You were mad that she had the audacity to ask you, her husband, for help when you were "busy".
OP’s obv omitting so much of his “usual” behavior. NO ONE goes from normal or average to _that_ level of hostility, no matter what’s going on. That’s a pattern behavior. His temper is undoubtedly problematic, so much so that even HE has to admit it this time. My guess is she’s done. That she didn’t leave *immediately* probably means she can’t (right now). But she’s letting him witness her preparations for life w/o him + I love that for her. *She’s got brains + brawn.*
This brozo loves no one but himself. Guaranteed this is not the first him he has abused her, at least mentally, and won't be the last. Forget the counseling bs she's hopefully on the way out the door. Hopefully.
She’s not the C U Next Tuesday, he is. With a muffin on top. She’s risking her health and possibly even her life because of him. Something tells me this isn’t the first time he’s been this much of an asshole.
It's the gear up to show him look I Can do Everything without you so there's no need for you to be here anymore when I'm ready for you to physically be gone.
If my husband had called me names like this ever, let alone when I was pregnant, struggling with opening something and cooking for HIM....I would have gone straight to a lawyer for divorce papers. That's abusive behavior. And if this is all it takes now, I shudder at what this man is capable of when things actually get stressful.
OP is a total jerk. I'm glad his wife is doing things on her own. She's being self-reliant which will help her when this marriage ends, which it will with his behavior. He's an AH
Okay at first I was like "he needed to finish work and told her he needed to not be disturbed and she kept bothering him. I can understand him getting frustrated." But it is SO MUCH WORSE than that. Like he has serious anger issues and that is a good indication of (at the very least) mental abuse. ETA: If he was angry and trying to block the computer, it could be that it's a confidentiality thing. Unless I missed it, OP didn't say what his job was so it could have been a lot of stress, it could have been that he can't risk breaching confidentiality. I can understand getting mad if confidentiality is an issue because that could cost him his job, get him blacklisted, etc. HOWEVER it does not in any way excuse how he treated his wife.
If it's a confidentiality issue, then the fastest solution is to turn off the monitor. If he's using a PC, then minimize the screen. There were immediate solutions that did not involve calling his wife vile slurs. I hope she's planning her exit. I know I would find it impossible to continue to live a normal life with someone who would react that way to a simple request. He doesn't even have the excuse of saying "honey, I was drunk, I didn't mean it".
If confidentiality is an issue the means to safeguard it should have already been in place (desk arranged so monitor can't be seen from doorway, privacy screen for the monitor, inform wife well beforehand of the restriction, etc). Anger as a response doesn't protect the data or undo a breach, but if it exists it should be directed inward since OP is the one that failed to take necessary precautions.
There’s no indication that it was a confidentiality issue. If there was he would hv said his job was on the line (since he’s defending his behavior). But it doesn’t even matter.
This is why im super independent now. The men in my life have been unreliable and in various ways abusive. I can do almost everything thats needs doing myself. I dont rely on anyone.
Love itself does not bond a relationship. But love, respect and trust are the base for a relationship to work. She trusted him to be his partner, to help her when she needs. He responded her with no trace of respect and all the trust she had on him also felt along with it. And when trust and respect are broken like this, it's hard to see the other person the same way you saw before. I personally don't think there's much future for this guy to gain her trust and respect again. Specially now he showed her that she is capable of taking care of herself without his help.
Men don't realize that they teach women how to live without them by this type of behavior and seem surprised when we do just that. Sounds like she is already thinking about an exit strategy.
YTA! It was okay to refuse as you were busy with something work related (though if it really would have only taken a moment, really?) But you should have explained in a calm and normal tone, not yelled. So can you blame her for being upset? You need to eat some humble pie and beg forgiveness for being a jerk.
He shouldn’t have lost it at all, especially to that level. He at least should have immediately apologized with serious groveling, even if she hadn’t been pregnant. Her being pregnant made it so much worse. She had a night to seriously rethink her relationship. His behavior was a massive red flag.
It also sounds like maybe she has an issue with her hands? Because I've been opening wine bottles since I was a kid. I had a thing for things like setting a table and opening a bottle was part of that. Yeah, I was a weird kid.
glad she's learning to do things for herself. Good way to prepare for being a single parent. She's finding out that she needs nothing from him. He's just a sperm donor. Wait until she takes herself to the hospital when she goes into labor.
So Op just needs to apologize one more time and haver a sit down conversation with her that her coldness and no longer needing him for anything, due to one very stupid lapse in brain function, is now putting a wedge in their marriage. Explain how he likes getting things down for her and opening jars but that one day he was an ass. If she keeps up the BS she will the cause of the end of her marriage because he f***ed up one time. When a person works from home there have to be rules of NO INTERUPTNG unless it is an emergency, closed door policy. People not being able to offer forgiveness is why therapists keep getting called in and draining peoples bank accounts. Good luck OP, you are going to need it. And yes men are treated like crap on that platform and it needs to stop. And NO I am not a man.
He took out his work frustrations on his pregnant wife who wanted help opening a jar. What does he expect? What will happen when the baby 'wakes' him from his beauty sleep? He can't call his infant names...is he going to put wife's face through a door? OP is Ascon 1; not sure if there's a recovery here from her end.
Yeah. You slipped and showed your true colors and effectively told your wife not count on you for help and support, and your wife is acting accordingly. Good luck fixing that.
What is with everyone. ESH. Op kept telling her wait. It's very manipulative and toxic to say a person can never say no. The comment's classic - husbands should be perfect, while not demanding perfection in return.
If he can’t open a jar for her when she needs it open to make his dinner he can go screw himself. And if you think she asked for it you’re prolly as bad as he is.
but she also needs to understand that she cant expect him to drop everything when she wants him too what happens if he was in a important meeting video conference and she just walked in or a online course where if theres other people walk in to his room / office he could fail that course yes hes a asshole for how he spoke to her but she was also in the wrong
I have a feeling this is not the first time OP has lashed out like that.
I have a feeling him saying that the relationship subreddit was bias towards women means he got called out by his shitty behavior and didn't want to accept it and posted on another one trying to get validation
@@YuriKaroki19 agreed
I don't think I would EVER forgive my husband for calling me the C word. That's a deal breaker.
Exactly
"I realized I need to be more self-reliant" translates to "I need to see if I can make it as a single mother with child support."
He didn't just break her heart, he obliterated it through all the stages of grief straight to acceptance.
They may stay together for a while, but she's planning her way out of this relationship. With a baby on the way, she has no choice but to choose her next step carefully.
That poor woman learning that her husband has no respect for her in such a horrible way and with a child on the way is a nightmare. My heart goes out to her.
Brozo is pissed she asked him for help. Brozo is also pissed she no longer asks him for help. It's all about control, no wonder Brozo hates her newfound independence. Hope she makes her independence legal, and divorces his ass before he has a chance to abuse the kid the way he at least verbally abuses her.
This! Do you want your child to see daddy call mommy a see you next Tuesday? Whenever you can, get out.
I would never look at my husband the same way again after that. He yelled at her and called her the C-word for needing a very small amount of help while cooking him dinner. He showed his true colors, and they are ugly. There's saying something awful and then there is saying something AWFUL. It's very telling he went there over such a small thing.
Did she ever ask him why the hell that came out of his mouth? That is clearly NOT like him so yeah he should NOT have done it but what if there is an underlying factor that was causing him so much stress that when she would not wait like he asked nicely to do but she kept on him and he snapped when she would not wait. That is the problem with working from home, no boundaries. His office is his work place, would she have driven to his office to open the jar???? . Wrong yes but so was she. Marriage is about forgiveness and moving forward in the hard times, and he can only apologize so many times. Marriage vows do not say, "so yeah I will stick around only if my entire time with you is rainbows and roses, but if you f*** up one time that is it buddy". That one moment is not telling who he is, what is telling who he is is the fact that he wants their relationship back how it was and he wants to love her. And he keeps trying, he could not just give a shit and not care, BUT HE DOES! I am betting if she had called him out badly like that for something you would think he was being an ass for not forgiving her, why are men not allowed forgiveness.
@@karri8998I’m sorry but no amount of stress warrants calling your partner a b**ch and a c*nt over OPENING A JAR. He didn’t say that she was bothering him all day and that was the last straw. He said she asked twice and he exploded. If he’s stressed now and that’s how he acts, how’s he going to be when the baby is in the picture? Big big red flag and I would absolutely be reconsidering staying in a relationship like that.
I’m hoping the wife is teaching herself to do everything for herself because she’ll need those skills after she “blindsides” him with divorce papers.
So their marriage should end because he f**ked up one time? That is BS.
He is remorseless. He cannot control his emotions.
@@karri8998no it isn’t. He showed his true colors and she’s showing him what they look like. I guarantee you this ain’t the first time he’s done this. She’s just calling him out on his asshole behavior. If he’s okay with calling her the C word what’s going to happen when that’s his teenage son thinking it’s okay to call someone you supposedly love that word? Or when his teenage daughter thinks that’s how all women should be spoken to?
@@karri8998 want to do some research on how many women are unalived by the guy ‘f**king up one time’? All the ‘came out of nowhere’ stories as women and kids are being buried? Women are sick of it and yes, *one time* is enough.
Hes not sorry. Plain and simple.
He continues on about how irritated he is because she's not over it. WTF?!!
This guy is an unbelievable ah! ASCON -1?
Run babe. Run.
Ok hold on right there. Absolutely he keeps going on about it because she is now ruining their marriage. He f**ked up one time and should be given a chance at forgiveness which means not continuing to hold it over his head for the rest of his life. He does mean that he is sorry or he won't bother trying to fix the situation. And that is BS that you tell her to leave her marriage because he f**ked up. Marriage is hard work and not to treated like disposable trash.
@@karri8998- she’s not ruining the marriage. She’s realized it’s/he’s not worthwhile and she’s taking steps to ensure she isn’t trapped. He’s pissy that she’s figured it out and he can’t just sweep it under the rug. Marriage takes work and mutual respect and she’s seen he’s not giving either
She is telling him that she has one foot out the door and she can do this on her own if necessary.
So he yells at her calls her the c word and thinks that she's making too big of a deal out of it?
He also thinks that the first subreddit he posted in was too supportive of her side of things too
I pray she’s planning her escape. If she’s gonna be a single parent, she might as well be single. And out of this abusive relationship.
What are you talking about that her current situation is like she is a single parent. That is BS. This type of comment is why I would suggest my son stay single as men are treated like absolute CRAP but hey if a woman would have had a stupid freak out all of you would insist the husband was an ass not to let it go, that poor her was so stressed. Equal treatment for both men and woman people. Marriage is hard work and one lapse of judgement should be forgivable.
His reason for asking for opinions is that he's feeling like less of a man. He now realizes that his wife doesn't really need him to survive, and it's bruising his male ego.
This was prob the most triggering story i have ever heard you read. I had to check my Reddit account to see if I was the one that wrote it! I was not, but Lordy that exact situation happened to me. She’s getting indifferent bc I can tell you this abuse cycle has gone on like this before. She’s planning her out. I did the same thing.
Happy you’re on the other side of the abuse. ♥️
He's teaching her how to be a single mom
If he had time to yell he had time to open the jar.
Once you call your wife the c word and b word, that relationship needs therapy if it will ever function in a healthy manner. If I were in her shoes, I'd say we either get counseling or divorce.
How do you even be friendly with someone who calls you the C word? I am done with you.
He got what he wanted.
I ran from my ex while I was pregnant. He went off on me for no reason. I left and never went back. I found out later that he was cheating on me. Girl run.
That is unfair of you to put your past situation on someone else like that. Just because your ex was a cheating ass that does not mean that all men who f**k up one time are the same.
@karri8998 It doesn't mean he's cheating but the behaviour is consistent with someone cheating.
@@karri8998 stop being a pick me
@@CyeOutsider I also wondered if there is SOMETHING else going on, even if he's not cheating. Maybe he's saying he's working but looking at porn, for example. I agree there's more here, whatever it is. Like, he felt caught AT SOMETHING. And threw it all back on her.
@@PenelopePeriwinkle 😂 didn't see this when I just replied.
yeah F---k that S--t from that person!
Sorry you went through what you did and glad you got out safe. AND you KNOW what's what now! That's clear and I'm so happy for you, Sis!❤
I’m not sure OP can recover from this. Right now, the wife is willing to risk her health and pregnancy rather than ask him for help. If I were a betting woman, I’d say she’s already planning her exit strategy and is only playing nice until she can get her ducks in a row. And if I were in her shoes, I’d be talking to a lawyer to find out if I could get full custody, because if my husband were willing to go off on me like that OVER OPENING A JAR, I would not want to find out what he’d say or do to that child.
He really thought that "favoring women" was why r/relationships wouldn't be on his side?
Also, does anyone have the link for the original post? I can't find it online, and the link isn't in the description.
I was going to say we all have bad days until I found out what he called his PREGNANT wife.
OP couldn't have me as a wife. If he called me what he called her while I was just asking for something as simple as opening a jar, he would have gotten that jar upside his head. And then I would have left.
Dang! It just slipped as I was trying to open it. 😈
The jar could have been opened in the time the jackass argued about helping.
Helping her was never his point or intent. It's the control, and joy he gets from punishing her for daring to disturb him.
Key phrase here, I need to learn it now. She is planning without him 100%. Indferance and no way this was a 1 time event
This is not the worst thing he's done...
Exactly!
This is definitely not the first time he’s reacted like this. He only apologized the next morning after he saw she was freezing him out still which she was in the right to do. She’s already learning how to function without him and is on her way out.
OP obviously needs validation about the way he treated his wife. There is NO excuse for talking to ANYONE that way, especially someone you vowed to love, honor, and cherish! Good for the wife for taking the initiative to do everything possible, not to have to ask OP for anything. If anyone called me that for any reason there would be more problems than OP has described.
Dudebro just torpedoed his marriage and doesn't realize it.
Sounds like she has one foot out the door or she’s planning to.
I ‘d like to see that technique of a shoe and wall to open a wine bottle! Op thought she needed him, but she is proving that she really doesn’t need him enough to tolerate his abuse. I absolutely would put a pint of blood on the bet that, this is not the first time, nor even the worst time he’s lasted out at her.
As soon as I heard he posted at AITA because "they tend to stuck up for women more" on relationship subreddit, I knew this was gonna be a doozy.
It's guys like him that make me happy that I decided to stay single.
She needs to divorce him pronto before the baby is born. If he flips out like that over a minor interruption, as you noted, the baby will make it 100 times worse. Also, if I were his wife, I would never tolerate being called those names--even in a time of stress and would have started the divorce proceedings right away. That is unacceptable--period. Also, the fact that he is expressing irritation that she is refusing his help, rather than regret or sadness, is another red flag. He's a major D-bag.
Pregnancy and just after giving birth is the most dangerous times for women in a DV settings.
He's TA but also she should be more self-reliant so she can leave his ass.
yep, there's all kinds of jar openers on the market that don't cost much and won't call her names like the current one did.. Dude better wake up... there aint much a woman can't find a tool to do that wont call her names.. if you catch my drift.
If this happened to me, I would be scared to ever ask my partner again. Super scary.
And she's proving she didn't need you. She never needed you. She can do it herself because she is doing it herself. Did you ever think that she asked you to do those things to make /you/ feel important? (Obviously this is directed at op, not dusty.)
Even if she does forgive him, WHY would she risk it happening again?
I've been in similar situations, and yeah I learned real quick not to put myself in that situation. Even after I forgave the person for it, I still avoided that situation from happening again.
My mom did everything, so now I do. My bf gets a bit nervous to offer to help because my catch phrase is "Nah, I got this." I have to remind myself to let him take care of me sometimes. This poor wife.
He came here thinking we would be on his side😂😂😂 boy he messed up. Hope he can straightened things out
OP is feeling his 'nads quickly shrinking and he's in a panic... 🙄
This guy is teaching her to live without him and he's going to be shocked Pikachu face when she does.
I stopped asking my husband years ago for help with anything because there was always an excuse or a complaint about it. Now he wants to know why I don't respect his opinion anymore and won't work on projects with him the way we used to. Because I've raised my kids and I'm not interested in continuing the fun with a grown ass man, that's why. Act like a baby and you're treated like one. There's also the added bonus of regressing in his abilities to the point he can't find the potatoes without help. Never mind they're in the special bin he made for them years ago when he was still doing things like that for me. This guy needs to get his head out of his butt or wind up back on Reddit years from now asking if anyone knows how to use the washing machine.
why the hell have you stayed? he's worthless and you clearly don't even like him. get out
What is going to happen when their toddler comes in asking Daddy for help? Or even earlier if baby just wont stop crying? Either intensive therapy while i stay somewhere else. Or i leave for the sake of my child. If in America and using the C word, who does that to their wife?
She's standing up cooking his meal while pregnant so he can work uninterrupted. That she needed help opening that jar maybe due to her hands being swollen from pregnancy wasn't asking him for the world: it was asking for a quick assist so she could get back to the kitchen to finish cooking a meal he'd be eating. If he kept telling her to 'wait', maybe the dinner couldn't wait for the contents of that jar and to finish "his" supper so it was ready when he done working, she needed the jar opened then. Regardless of either of their activities at the time, he's opened jars before, he can do it while not removing his eyes from his computer screen - just take the jar and open it, hand it back and both of your are happy. Nothing is so important that you can't give your spouse 3 seconds to open a jar for them, unless, of course, there is something on your computer screen you definitely do not want the spouse to see. That's when one over reacts, gets all defensive and angry, etc. To call any woman that word is intolerable and inexcusable: to call your pregnant wife that word is clearly telling her you consider her gutter filth. It is inexcusable; and then to take your sweet time to mumble, hours later, an insincere apology is abhorrent and despicable. OP obviously believes his pregnant wife is unworthy of his greatness so he reminded her with his loss of self control and his vulgar verbal attack. His lack of consideration, decency and respect for his wife is outshone only by his decision in that moment to be unkind, inconsiderate, hateful, mean, insulting, degrading, condescending and arrogant. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't concerned for the child she's carrying: this guy can't control himself over a jar that needs opening: what in the world will he be like if that child is colicky after birth, or when the baby begins teething and cries nonstop, or enters the "terrible two's" and throws tantrums? Will OP's tantrum be even worse because he's not getting his own way then? He would never had called a coworker that name, his boss's wife that name, his mother/sister/cousin/aunt/grandmother or even a waitress, so why is that word ok for his wife?!!! OP's wife sounds like she always knew she had it in her, but to include her husband in their everyday lives, she began relying on him to help her with things, as couples do: that she reacted to his offensively obscene name-calling by taking her power back is a loud wakeup call to him. A muttered apology is not going to cut it; this is an incident she will remember for the rest of her life because of what he called her. He needs to do some serious groveling while showing by his behavior how truly sorry he is for degrading her like that. But if she's going about her day handling everything herself, he may have just sealed his fate as far as this marriage is concerned. Maybe she thought his verbal assaults in the past were tolerable, but now that she's going to be a mother with a child in that household, this incident may have opened her eyes a bit wider and she's no longer okay with tolerating and condoning it. Calling your wife that disgusting term screams loudly how little you value and treasure her; it is about as low as any man can stoop.
does this guy even know what he wants.. sorry.. it would have taken 5 seconds to open that damn jar, or, he could have taken a minute prior to locking himself away and asked if she would need any help as he couldn't be disturbed once he began work.. the only confusion about this guy's priorities is whether or not his work or his ego is tops.. his wife is clearly at the bottom
He called her a C-word for asking for help opening a jar?
Dude's got some issues. Even ignoring her being pregnant.
I have a personal rule. I'm not allowed to complain about anything for longer than it'd take for me to fix the thing.
It probably literally took him longer to say that word alone than it would to open the jar.
Also, it took longer to cuss your pregnant wife than to open the damn jar. You weren't worried about your work. You were mad that she had the audacity to ask you, her husband, for help when you were "busy".
The very first red flag here was when he claimed the first subreddit he posted this to was biased against men. orly...
OP’s obv omitting so much of his “usual” behavior. NO ONE goes from normal or average to _that_ level of hostility, no matter what’s going on. That’s a pattern behavior. His temper is undoubtedly problematic, so much so that even HE has to admit it this time.
My guess is she’s done. That she didn’t leave *immediately* probably means she can’t (right now). But she’s letting him witness her preparations for life w/o him + I love that for her. *She’s got brains + brawn.*
This brozo loves no one but himself. Guaranteed this is not the first him he has abused her, at least mentally, and won't be the last. Forget the counseling bs she's hopefully on the way out the door. Hopefully.
Wow! Def TAH! Horrible person!
She’s not the C U Next Tuesday, he is. With a muffin on top. She’s risking her health and possibly even her life because of him. Something tells me this isn’t the first time he’s been this much of an asshole.
I hope his other post is still posted but he is horrible.
Wow he just set his whole marriage on fire didn't he
Run! If op did this to me he better be careful what he eats 😂.
And posting here to avoid bias judgement, how's that working out for you?
That OP is a major AH and I hope the wife realizes he needs to be her ex husband.
She learned the right lesson. She needs to make do for herself. He's abusive.
How do you get her to relax, take over things she does, WITHOUT her asking, and hope she relaxes. Deal with the consequences of your actions.
It's the gear up to show him look I Can do Everything without you so there's no need for you to be here anymore when I'm ready for you to physically be gone.
YTA i don't think this the first time he did that so i think op need to prepare to get a divorce
“I showed my wife that I am unreliable and abusive. How do I get her to rely on me?” Just dumb
If my husband had called me names like this ever, let alone when I was pregnant, struggling with opening something and cooking for HIM....I would have gone straight to a lawyer for divorce papers. That's abusive behavior. And if this is all it takes now, I shudder at what this man is capable of when things actually get stressful.
Pain creates change
This sounds like the story where a woman is divorcing her husband for over tightening all the lids of jars in the house.
OP is a total jerk. I'm glad his wife is doing things on her own. She's being self-reliant which will help her when this marriage ends, which it will with his behavior. He's an AH
Okay at first I was like "he needed to finish work and told her he needed to not be disturbed and she kept bothering him. I can understand him getting frustrated." But it is SO MUCH WORSE than that. Like he has serious anger issues and that is a good indication of (at the very least) mental abuse.
ETA: If he was angry and trying to block the computer, it could be that it's a confidentiality thing. Unless I missed it, OP didn't say what his job was so it could have been a lot of stress, it could have been that he can't risk breaching confidentiality. I can understand getting mad if confidentiality is an issue because that could cost him his job, get him blacklisted, etc. HOWEVER it does not in any way excuse how he treated his wife.
If it's a confidentiality issue, then the fastest solution is to turn off the monitor. If he's using a PC, then minimize the screen. There were immediate solutions that did not involve calling his wife vile slurs.
I hope she's planning her exit. I know I would find it impossible to continue to live a normal life with someone who would react that way to a simple request. He doesn't even have the excuse of saying "honey, I was drunk, I didn't mean it".
If confidentiality is an issue the means to safeguard it should have already been in place (desk arranged so monitor can't be seen from doorway, privacy screen for the monitor, inform wife well beforehand of the restriction, etc). Anger as a response doesn't protect the data or undo a breach, but if it exists it should be directed inward since OP is the one that failed to take necessary precautions.
There’s no indication that it was a confidentiality issue. If there was he would hv said his job was on the line (since he’s defending his behavior). But it doesn’t even matter.
This is why im super independent now. The men in my life have been unreliable and in various ways abusive.
I can do almost everything thats needs doing myself. I dont rely on anyone.
He needs therapy. Percussive therapy.
Love itself does not bond a relationship. But love, respect and trust are the base for a relationship to work. She trusted him to be his partner, to help her when she needs. He responded her with no trace of respect and all the trust she had on him also felt along with it. And when trust and respect are broken like this, it's hard to see the other person the same way you saw before. I personally don't think there's much future for this guy to gain her trust and respect again. Specially now he showed her that she is capable of taking care of herself without his help.
It feels like that orange peel test tbh
Men don't realize that they teach women how to live without them by this type of behavior and seem surprised when we do just that. Sounds like she is already thinking about an exit strategy.
YTA! It was okay to refuse as you were busy with something work related (though if it really would have only taken a moment, really?) But you should have explained in a calm and normal tone, not yelled. So can you blame her for being upset? You need to eat some humble pie and beg forgiveness for being a jerk.
Looks like she is preparing for a life where he's not in it. Jmo
Do not force the wife in accept your help, go better yourself, true, therapy is a go. But let her give permission to help in her own time
He shouldn’t have lost it at all, especially to that level. He at least should have immediately apologized with serious groveling, even if she hadn’t been pregnant. Her being pregnant made it so much worse.
She had a night to seriously rethink her relationship. His behavior was a massive red flag.
It also sounds like maybe she has an issue with her hands? Because I've been opening wine bottles since I was a kid. I had a thing for things like setting a table and opening a bottle was part of that. Yeah, I was a weird kid.
Me too.
You could have opened the jar and been done with it in much less time then it took to blow up at your wife. You done f*****d up dude! 257% the AH!
glad she's learning to do things for herself. Good way to prepare for being a single parent. She's finding out that she needs nothing from him. He's just a sperm donor. Wait until she takes herself to the hospital when she goes into labor.
So Op just needs to apologize one more time and haver a sit down conversation with her that her coldness and no longer needing him for anything, due to one very stupid lapse in brain function, is now putting a wedge in their marriage. Explain how he likes getting things down for her and opening jars but that one day he was an ass. If she keeps up the BS she will the cause of the end of her marriage because he f***ed up one time. When a person works from home there have to be rules of NO INTERUPTNG unless it is an emergency, closed door policy. People not being able to offer forgiveness is why therapists keep getting called in and draining peoples bank accounts. Good luck OP, you are going to need it. And yes men are treated like crap on that platform and it needs to stop. And NO I am not a man.
I'm so confused. He could have opened the jar in the time it took to say no. Then she would have left you alone.
He posted this to another reddit because there was too much support for his wife in the last one. Don’t forget that
He took out his work frustrations on his pregnant wife who wanted help opening a jar. What does he expect? What will happen when the baby 'wakes' him from his beauty sleep? He can't call his infant names...is he going to put wife's face through a door? OP is Ascon 1; not sure if there's a recovery here from her end.
Yeah. You slipped and showed your true colors and effectively told your wife not count on you for help and support, and your wife is acting accordingly. Good luck fixing that.
🖤🤎💜
What is with everyone. ESH. Op kept telling her wait. It's very manipulative and toxic to say a person can never say no. The comment's classic - husbands should be perfect, while not demanding perfection in return.
it was 2 seconds of his time while she is PREGNANT and cooking him dinner.....even if your busy you have time for your partner or you are the AH
Always one in the comments you can count on 👍. Calling your pregnant wife a c*nt for needing help opening a jar??? Come on now...do better
If he can’t open a jar for her when she needs it open to make his dinner he can go screw himself. And if you think she asked for it you’re prolly as bad as he is.
but she also needs to understand that she cant expect him to drop everything when she wants him too what happens if he was in a important meeting video conference and she just walked in or a online course where if theres other people walk in to his room / office he could fail that course yes hes a asshole for how he spoke to her but she was also in the wrong