@@armorvestrus4119 I am seeking an answer to your question as well, for my adult son. He is in a legally binding contract for 4 more months and is feeling helpless. Good luck to you on your journey❤️
I’ve lost 7!!!!!!! Handfuls of hair I’ve had to go on anti anxiety meds , blood pressure medication In addition to everything else he purposefully hurts me on social media by liking low hanging fruit and leaving messages I will see I begged him to Stop But that only spurred him on You are so right My health is now so destroyed I got Covid and because my body was under such massive stress I’ve been sick for 6 wks Really sick And it’s all because of how debilitated I was when I contracted c-19 And now I have autoimmune disease thank you for dedicating your life to throwing a life raft to those of us that have been trying to keep our heads above water and you saved us just before we were exhausted and going under for the last time. Listen to him It’s so true
Thank you so much for your videos!!! What advice if you feel love for the person, and have been with them for a long time and invested in them? I.e. if you feel guilty for throwing them out???
It seems like one of the worst parts about narcissistic abuse is that you do not even realize that it is happening to you until a significant amount of damage has already been done!
It’s been 35 years and I didn’t know that I was with a narcissist until a few years ago. The stress led me to have a stroke. Currently waiting on him to stop fighting this divorce. Never planned to be alone at this stage in my life but being alone and at peace is better than being unhappy with a demon. I truly believe that even at almost 60 years old, the Lord will lead a non toxic person to me.
Just leaving one! Never knew what a narcissist was but married to that one was awful. Never knew who I’d meet behind closed doors. I need peace and I’m same as you at this age
I am not waiting anymore for an altogether healthy lover. My only true love is the Lord and now I am okay with that alone. Simple as that. And so whenever someone whom I am hoping in getting to know better doesn't realize that he is within ear shot from me while he is regarding me as being his romantic interest when in public after he has made that truth clear to me then introduces me to a stranger present at the time as his other sister which is a lie when it is coming from him then I am goling to hold him to that truth which only ever needs to be continuing to be confirmed in me alone. Because I am done with incel narcissists who can only see all of us women as conveniences to them in 2 categories: New or used and if used then according to them being only an object that must be available to them who have enough money - Any time of the day or the night. Way better when being able to recognize it early on enough when someone is prefering to practice narcissism before it affects anyones health including mine.
@@barbaraparker5768 Good for you❤️. Folks,family/friends and neighbors,just don’t know. They’re masters at looking like an angel to the public but are devils in private.
If they could only put as much effort into trying to have a healthy, equal, honest, appreciated, partnership type relationship (which would be much less likely to end in divorce), as the put into tormenting their spouse when they finally file for divorce because they can’t take any more of the gaslighting, cheating, financial abuse, criticism, covert abuse, control, porn addiction, alcohol/drug addition, etc.,etc. - but, they are absolutely incapable of having this epiphany. Sad. And they simply replace one parter, with another - to repeat the cycle all over again. Brutal. I was also with one for 30 years. He was a complete demon through the entire divorce process. Vindictive to the core. But…I am finally free. And freedom never felt so good. Best of luck to you. 🙏
It’s crazy, I was an independent, educated woman with a fulfilled life. Then this man swept me off my feet then for 20 years molded me into what he wanted. A shell of the person I was. No real friends, rarely talk to my family, not working (I’m a licensed nurse practitioner). What happened to me? These videos have opened my eyes. It’s like I feel heard for the first time. I feel so stupid. It’s my time to take action and to take my life back! Thank you!
Your story is mine.. I am also a nurse! Realise abusive men target kind caring people. I did thirty years but finally realised my body was failing due to being with him. I left six months ago and am currently divorcing him! I am sixty next birthday so if I can do it so can you 🙏
@@Grrrrrrr123 I’m so happy you got out! It’s hearing stories like yours that lets me know I can do it too. Thank you and I wish you all of the happiness in the world. ❤️
@@Grrrrrrr123 I'm in my late 30s and I'm divorcing my husband. I was unemployed during Pandemic and still managed to pay my bills, cook, clean and yet he got emotionally abusive. My immune system was soo bad for the first time. He tried every way to dehumanise me. Luckily I know who I am and although I know I'm strong it did hinder my health. At one point he even said 'What is wrong with you? You haven't even gone outside this house for days now. All you do is spend time in the garden planting flowers and vegetables. ' 🤣🤣🤣 Never have I ever heard of people fighting because their spouse is cooking, cleaning, paying the bills and enjoys her own company.
I stayed for years hoping things would get better- they got worse. The biggest regret of my life is not leaving years sooner. I took him to 7 marriage counselors, 6 of them didn’t see it or were abusive toward me and the one that called him out on his behavior, he refused to see. I had migraines, body aches, increasing anxiety and lived in fear.
Hi NewYorkE, I could have written what you wrote here. We divorced in 1993, after 18 years of marriage and 3 children. Back then, not much was known about narcissism. A couple counselors said they would counsel me if I wanted to try to stay, but they wouldn’t counsel him. Nobody used the word narcissism, but I think they knew. I didn’t find out about this until 2020. Lot of years wondering what was going on there. Could shut that door and never think about it again once I found out. I know now. This is a great video.
I love this one. After more than 20 years of living with a narcissist partner, and she insisting that I have some mental issue and I should go on medication; I went to a counselor. On the first day she gave me a book called "The Covert Passive-Aggressive Narcissist (by: Debbie Mirza)". She asked me to read this book and see if I can relate. It was like someone has written a biography of my life after marriage. The highlight of the book is this: "Never take a Narcissist to counseling. It just makes them better Narcissists".
Thank you so much, I just forwarded this to my friend. I'm sure this will open his eyes, mind ...whatever. Getting beaten up within the four walls is tolerable but she won't spare him in his workplace too 😢😩
Me too 36 years of horrible abuse I 59 I now have heart failure I was trying to wait until my daughter was 17 years old so he wouldn’t be able get custody she’ll be able to tell the judge she doesn’t want to go on live with him. She’s almost 16 and I need to leave.
Nothing makes sense anymore and u begin to question your self. A healthy mind lives in a healthy body. Stay away to have your sanity and peace of mind.
These were the symptoms I suffered during our exhausting two year relationship: weight loss hair loss extreme fatigue skin issues (blotchy rashes) chronic sore throat joint pain weepy/tearful sleep disturbance erratic blood pressure. But now the longer he's out of the picture the better I feel. As a matter of fact I haven't felt this good in a long time.
All of that. Auto immune disease is what I have because of having a malicious narc mother, nar father, narc first and second husband. My body has been damage through all of that. Lupus flares with every emotio al stress
Mine are: Weight loss Hair loss Chronic lower back and joint pain Anger issues Anxiety Insomnia Alcoholism Panic attacks Constant sadness I knew I had to walk out before I completely lost myself and did everything for him to discard me. Abandonment issues really kicked in when he cut ties coz of my reactive abuse but I was never gonna let go.
Unfortunately, i wish i could but I cannot leave my children with the narcissist. She will claim the children against me. If no children were involved i would've divorced her in a heartbeat for the nonsense she has put me thru in our 18 yrs of marriage.
@@retake1697 that's the other thing that make one to stay longer in this kind of situation. It's not healthy will die before time because of depression and your kids without the father. Better find the solution sooner
I had high blood pressure, felt nauseous all the time, my thyroid and adrenal glands were shot and I developed type 1 diabetes. My hair was falling out, I had major anxiety and was completely drained and lost. It’s awful being around these vampires. I share my story on my channel.
Blame-shifting and projection is also a form of control. I was hospitalized, and sure I had ulcerative colitis, or crohns disease. They did a colonoscopy, found nothing physically wrong with me. The Indian doctor took me to his office and asked me: Is your wife nice to you? and I almost broke down.. and he told me to get out of the marriage. He saw many times in his profession that abused people get a lot of physical problems because of stress. My ex always complained that it was ME who was making her physically ill.
Same story here! 20 years ago one doctor told me "You will continue sick while you continue with him, until you live him you'll be healthy again". I didn't understood his message untill now. Even he told me one day I looked beauty again and healthy and happy again, with evil eyes "Long time you don't get sick right?
I burst out crying watching this video because I am experiencing ALL of the things that you mentioned. Thank you for making this video, it has made my only choice in this situation very clear -it is time to leave before my physical and mental health gets worse. Since being together for 11 years, I have developed anxiety (which I now have to take medication for because I can't "breathe" my way out of it anymore), panic attacks, insomnia, compassion fatigue, skin issues, and a stomach ache that never goes away and often leads to vomiting. My nervous system feels completely hijacked, to the point that I rarely leave the house because I get so panicky and I fear passing out or vomiting. I had NONE of these issues before I met him. I used to be the life of the party, and now I can't remember the last time I went to a party! I was an independent woman with 3 bachelor degrees and a prominent teaching position. Now I see that his desire to have me quit my job within the first year of being together, under the guise of "I want to take care of you so you don't have to work anymore," was just a trick and way to control me by removing by independence. I also gained 60 pounds and no longer recognized myself in pictures or the mirror. Two years ago I made the decision to try and take my life back and started seeing a therapist and I lost the 60 pounds. The weight was easier to lose than the anxiety and other health issues, those seem to be getting worse. Unfortunately, I don't think they will get better until I remove myself from this highly toxic environment. At the current moment, he has been giving me the silent treatment for 12 days because I asked why he was going to Costco when he had the flu and didn't feel good and we didn't really need anything. I was just asking a simple and benign question, was trying to get more information because I didn't understand why he thought it was a necessity to go to Costco, and he flew into a rage and accused me of "having an attitude," "trying to start an argument," and "coming at him." He started yelling at me, calling me names, and demanding an apology. I told him I will no longer be apologizing for things that he makes up in his head (his false narratives) and projects onto me. I know my intentions and will not have them twisted anymore just to "keep the peace," which I have since learned is a trauma response. As my therapist says, I am responsible for what I say and he is responsible for what he hears and if he is hearing something other than what I am intending then he needs to ask for clarification instead of attributing false motives to my words. Needless to say, he didn't like that because I didn't behave as he expected and now I am being punished for it, hence the silent treatment for 12 days. How ridiculous is that? All I did was wonder why he was going to Costco! Little does he know, this punishment has provided me with the opportunity to get some emotional distance from him, which I needed to start *seriously* contemplating my situation, unmuddled by any love bombing. And now, after seeing this video, I know there is only one choice to make and that is to leave. My fear of staying is finally greater than my fear of leaving. I don't want to start over at age 45 but that is not a reason to stay in an abusive situation. I just thank God that I never had children with this man and kept one of my rental properties so I have a place to go. I sold one of my properties during our marriage because I got tired of hearing him say that I didn't need them but I am SO glad that I kept one. Otherwise I would be facing having to move back in with my parents. Perhaps I did those things because my gut always knew there was something wrong with this relationship and that, if it didn't work out, I would have a place to go and would be able to maintain a no contact situation since we have no kids together. He has 2 kids from a previous marriage and has groomed them to be narcissists like him. They use manipulation, gaslighting, stonewalling, and the silent treatment just like he does. Ironically, they use those tactics on him and he hates it. It frustrates the shit out of him! I don't know if he has the level of self awareness to realize that they learned those things from him! Like everything else, he probably thinks that's my fault too. Anyway, thank you again for making this video. I will begin to form my exit strategy and start a new life. I will try to focus on what I'm walking toward (peace!) and not what I am walking away from (abuse disguised as love). I am sad that I have invested so much in a relationship that was not reciprocal and held together by breadcrumbs. Please pray for me as I take my next steps!
Enjoy the silence and busy yourself with things you enjoy. Go to your house as soon as you can. Plan so you can move out completely while he is out in order to avoid violence. You may need to get a restraining order eventually. Good that you have a place to go. I hope you can get it done soon.
I will pray for you Lisa. I am in the same situation, been married to a narc for 37years. I am making my plans to leave very soon. It's hard to think of starting again at my age 57 and surviving without him. He has taken all of my independence away from me and for a long time I lost myself and thought I wouldn't make it on my own. Now I know I can and I will. Living in peace is all I want.
@@susanfernandez5817I am 54 and feel like I can't leave. I don't know where to go. Not much money left. And I have a job, but my health issues are scaring me so much and I am afraid I could loose my job and not able to support myself. I am just a labourer and have to do hart physical work. Also aging seems overwhelming scary to face alone. I had a farm and have to sell and give up all my animals, which breaks my heart even more. All my dreams for my life are down the drain. I am lost at the moment. Don't know what to do from here.
1. *When you are exhausted apologizing. It is IMPOSSIBLE that everything is your fault. 2. *Your physical health has been destroyed. 3. *You feel like you are going crazy. You have been brainwashed that you are the crazy one. You feel that it is all your fault. 4. *When they are nice to everyone else and a monster to you. 5. *They use fear and intimidation to control you. You have zero space and you fear them. 6. *The only point that matters to them is their point. You are hitting your head against a wall. 7. *When you clearly see that they are a narcissist-----------------IT IS TIME TO LEAVE! Thank you---This video was very helpful today! It reminds me of why I left, and why I need to stay away. The pain of staying is greater than the pain of leaving!
Anxiety!!! My heart would race whenever I knew he was upset or mad about something. Heart palpitations, it was awful. Like walking around on eggshells.
Me too. I would get off work and might stop to get something eat, which would cause me to get home at a later time. And if I missed his call or didn't answer , I already knew what was coming. I would get nervous and wouldn't even call back because I knew I f'd up. That's how I felt.
@@rasheikabond1855 I know that feeling all too well. It’s a horrible place to be, I’m so glad I’m out of that situation. Hope you found the strength to leave and if not, I hope you’re finding the strength to. ❤️
I dealt with the "talking to a brick wall" for years. You're right when you say that "the wall is too thick". If this goes on for more than 6 months leave, because this person will wait until you are in a bad situation and they will abandon you when you need their help. No matter how long you stood by that person, no matter how much you've helped them when they were weak or down, they will not return the favor. If you constantly find yourself having to explain what it means to be a team player just pack your shit and leave. You will be much better off alone.
I am married to a covert narcissist for 40yrs. Never realized it was abuse. I hv educated myself. Yes my health has deteriorated. I am just an object to him.
Unfortunately, always were...always will b. Im divorcing after less-than a year. He will not change. He has covertly convinced people that it is me...n well, ok. Bye! ***yet, he refuses 2 go. So, who is the crazy?
Wow, I thought I was one of the few that stayed with the narrcisstics,37 years of marriage,he's exactly 💯 right,they are perfectly,and keep us feeling like trash,it's a blessing to get this information BC we always just blamed ourselves!!!!
@@ameliagrandma5197 yes it is a nightmare! Especially when we educate ourselves about narrcisstics, that they even KNOW what their doing to us,yet they continue to busy our hearts into millions of pieces knowing the fact,that we were never loved,but they loved what we could do for them💔💔💔💔💯
Me too, but I know for sure I am not. Wait until people are on his side, saying that you are the narcissist. I am glad my friends saw the entire story and comfort me.
YES DANISH, EVERYONE remeber whatever bad happened to you in that abusive fake relationship "It is not because you are weak"! You are people of high, beautiful values and someone took advantage of that. May God bless you all with a happy, fulfilling relationship.
The hardest thing for me to get past was the pure evil and my willingness to overlook it. The realization that I was raised by a narc father groomed me for 2 narc husbands. I'm now with a fantastic husband and love and trust myself. It took a lot of work, but so worth it!
I developed hypothyroidism and what started it was adrenal burnout from trying to be in this forty year trauma bond with my ex husband. At the end I was a mess physically and every other way. I also had sever depression and panic attacks with constant anxiety. Also weight gain and hypertension and metabolic syndrome. I was totally exhausted and burnt out. I'm still working on recovering my health. It's not worth losing your life and health for nothing. Let them go and start focusing on yourself. It's like living with a vampire and constantly being kept depleted and weak. I kept having dreams I was being controlled by a vampire, ( even my subconscious was trying to urge me to see what was going on in my waking life)
Reading your comments and many others and also my own trauma and distress,Im finally now in councelling,made my heart cry for all who are fighting the good fight for peace and freedom,sooo hard at times,for me all Glory to my Heavenly Father who miraculously intervened for me 7 months ago,I am truely in Awe and grateful.Lord Jesus,in whom the son sets free is free indeed☝💯❤🥲
OMG! I divorced a narcissist in 1976. Always thought I was the crazy one in the relationship. People who may be in a relationship with one of these people, please, please, PLEASE get out! I'm sad to realize the damage done to my (now well grown) kids.
They definitely will make u look crazy and feel crazy and while questioning it , your not , better things are ahead , get away from the toxicity, and evil thats emitting from them ,
I suffered anxiety/ depression even suicidal thoughts. The stress led me to autoimmune disorders and sever stomach issues that I didn’t have before the 7 year relationship.
This is me exactly. 7yrs and feel like I'm dying. Diagnosis autoimmune issues and previous obsessed thoughts to end my life. Not now. Getting stronger to leave.
He would literally back me into a corner and verbally abuse me. Until I try to push him out the way. But he’s stronger and wouldn’t budge. I hit at his chest. The first time, I told him I hated the person he was turning me into. Then he started saying, “See it’s you. You’re the one hitting me.” That second time, I realized we should no longer be together. When I told him, his personality switched and suddenly he was apologetic. But it was too late, he pushed me too far. My eyes were starting to open…
SO good! Thank you for this! I left my narcissistic husband 27 years ago, before narcissism was a well known issue, and despite the challenges faced during the divorce, your video re-confirms it was the best decision I could have made. I was so gaslit and manipulated that at times I’ve second-guessed my decision. But really the only (and major) thing I would have done differently was not to bring a child into our life together through adoption. My ex-husband was a nightmare of a parent, and I deeply regret that our son suffered because of his father’s mean spirit towards both he and I. Keep illuminating us Danish. It’s so important that empaths know the truth about narcissists!
I second-guessed myself too. When I told his aunt she said she wondered how I stayed & could stand it for so long. She said he was nasty and had been a nasty boy and that he didn't tell me what he had done to anger her husband.
This is all so true. I told my narc hubby we cannot keep living together like this. I asked can we sit down and talk. I only asked him when he was going to un pawn the wedding ring i bought him. He went from lying in bed to up fully dressed and screaming and raging. I started filming him and he started knocking my phone out my hand over and over so I couldn't record his behavior. He did leave that night threatening to be back tomorrow for his stuff. I packed him up after he left after the pushing and shoving and raging. Took his clothes and tools to his job and called him and told him where his stuff was. He got all aggressive the next day acting like he was gonna tear the door down again trying to get in just to get his stuff/ dirty clothes his mom's washed and packed last time he left. So he's still at mom's after a week. It's killing him to live there at moms because his 17 yr old son recently came out the closet as gay in a major way. Wearing long weaves and wigs/ makeup. Finger nails. The whole nine. His mother raising his child had let him just do and look however he wants now as she had embraced his gay ness. So he's been hiding off and on at our house because he cannot deal with this situation. His boys don't respect me as their mother and I completely left my husband on his own to deal with all the feelings about seeing his mom help his son transform into a girl. Since he wants to give out narc abuse and not stop to the point where I am suffering/ my children were suffering. So I choose me this time. I got off the crazy circus wheel and I'm free. Hurt lonely and broken sure/ over whelmed of course. But I can think more now. I can love myself more. I am loving my children more. I'm reconnecting back with my God. I just bought my husband a work truck and since he's left again, I'm not signing it over to him now. He was supposed to buy me a new car by Xmas. That's is not happening now of course. So yesterday my other child's father sugared my tank and tried to mess it up over jealousy about my narc husband. So my narc husband is doing nothing but texting me talking shite about how that's what I get for keeping his truck/ and not letting him leave me having profited an entire truck out of me and the toxic marriage he's been giving me. But it's ok. My ex didn't get as much sugar in my tank as needed to really mess it up. God is still in control even though it seems like everybody and every demon in this world working against me. I won't go back. I just keep telling him that we're just friends now and that's the way it has to stay. That we just gonna have to love each other without being married anymore or living together. I have no intentions of being back with him this time. Like you said. If I was hitting my head against a real brick wall my head would be bleeding and I would have to stop it right? Right. Thank you so much for the counsel and please keep helping people all over the world to learn to love themselves and their children more than being in a toxic relationship. God bless
I have booked my admission at a psychiatrist hospital for September. Reality knocked and i have finally decided that i cannot sit here and die. Finally i am moving out tomorrow. Tired of always looking at my back. Have started experiencing weird pains,pain on my neck,headaches and lower back pains
This video came at a time when I'm going through unbelievable mental and emotional pain and turbulence. I cried so much as everything that you said is true. My husband is a narcissist and EVERY single point you said is happening in my life. I know it's time to leave, but I'm so scared to step out. After 35 years of abuse, I am not who I used to be. And at the age of 57 now, I do not know how to survive outside of my cage with absolutely no support as he took everything away from me.
Sudha you are stronger than you think. As you step out you will start regaining your strength. Believe in yourself once again. Be strong, take the steps to leave & never look back.
I understand ur pain as I’m in the same boat. I pray to God to give us wisdom n strength to get out of this abusive relationship ❤️ I know it’s easier said than done but u too have one life to LIVE
Start going through the motions of preparing your escape even if at first you can’t see how practically. make it like a therapeutic session of acting out your dream/fantasy: find a bag fill it with what you most need, hide it and every so often when alone go to your bag add to it, make some plans as to how to make that dream a matter of life not death. Good luck
Yes, there were times at night I could not sleep just to guard him after giving me kicks and punches thinking anytime he would shoot me or stab me with a knife while sleeping always praying for God's protection and shield from any harm. Thank God He answered my prayers allowing him to work abroad and taking him away from my life.
I started refusing to be controlled. When he gets mad ecsuse I'm with my friends I do it anyway. I've been having people over and he purposely avoids being home when they're here. I continue to do my hobbies. He sees now I won't be controlled. His only leverage now is withholding money. He has no other control. Now he is giving the silent treatment. But that suits me just fine. I finally feel I have the control in my lifestyle now.
In my experience (57 yo), TWO MONTHS is the sweet spot for being involved with a narcissist.Three months absolute max. You should have left and gone no contact with the narcissist by THREE MONTHS and ONE day. 91 Days is the maximum time you have to give anything positive to each other. Time served with them beyond three months - it’s a case at the very best that you’re just wasting your life. But in reality, that’s when the real damage begins to occur.
Very good content 🦉This is exactly my experience. The real damage to me came after the finally second discard. Blocked and deleted and so did I. But yeah, it may sounds crazy... I'm still suffering from trauma bonding (it's been three months ago).
I got diabetic while no one in my family is diabetic....I had to take antidepressants for two years.... But Alhumdulillah I have understood him so there is no more expectations Now I don't need to take any antidepressants But I m type 2 diabetic forever.... We should take care of ourselves and must have strong relationships with Allah SWT.....
I'm 63 and my daughter has just got married last year. I left many times but came back simply because number 1 had no money, when I stayed with people/ family I felt like I wanted to help them in return to do the housework, cooking a meal, or just being useful to them. All the while I was thinking, he is living happily in the home we both own. It is not the same living with other people under their roof, I have ill health issues, which means I sleep many hours, wake up for 4 hours, and need to sleep again. I had Encephalitis which affected my brain lining. I went home to my mum's house last year, I loved the sense of freedom, but I also worried that my mum was judging me for sleeping during the day, she said, do whatever you like. Anyway, I was determined to stay with my mum. Then my daughter phoned and said, dad is having an operation, you need to go back, as my daughter was unwell. So, back I went. My daughter came home as she was very ill, I was nursing her and he did nothing to help, he did not cook, clean, or do anything to help either of us. 8 months on, my daughter has returned to Egypt and I am left in this house. I feel very very angry, and down, and think what's the point of living. I honestly do not think I have the strength to get out again, with another little bag, and go home to Ireland. Last time it was hard also due to the lockdown, I could not get to see a doctor and needed medication for my brain fog with the Encephalitis. Everything then was hard, but now I just feel too worn down. He is going about his daily life, chatting with his family and laughing in Arabic I cannot understand much off. I had some fighting energy to leave the last time, but coming back and helping him when he needed his operation, then my daughter got so ill, nearly lost her, I am just so so emotionally tired. Since she wants back to Egypt to be with her husband, he is very good to her. My husband has gotten worst, no heating on, gas turned off, saving money. Honestly, I have to stay put for a while longer, cos I've been diagnosed now with OSTEOPOROSIS so I have to get some blood tests before I can start treatment. I wonder if I can wait for this medication, as each and every day I feel myself getting smaller and smaller, I am soooo tired of running, creeping around, and being afraid to move from my room. Anyway, my mum now has my brother with her and he is having radiation treatment for cancer, my mum said to come back and you can help us. The thing is like I said, I just feel I have nothing else to give. If you are with someone who never helps you, always takes the money, you never go out anywhere, friends are not welcome. RUN, RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN. Sorry, this went on and on.
Dear Delia..I read your story and i truly can understand your situation and I empathise with you. You have a caring heart, taken care of everyone in your family and i think its time you take good care of yourself and love yourself. 🙇♀️💜 Just a little advise...Dont let people exploit your goodness and kindness anynore. Some times we must learn to say 'No' when a situation is too much for us to handle. As for love, If love has gone from your selfish husband, just know that God still loves you very much and He is watching over you. He will repay everything that you have lost or stolen from you...120% more as its written in the bible. He will also reward every kind deeds you have done in His name...30, 60 or 100 folds. As for health.. have you tried taking a multivitamin for health maintenance ? Or drink milk, eat cheese and make cabbage, onion, carrot and chicken soup ( can add garlic) to boost your calcium in bones ? These remedies will restore your health esp osteoporosis in a natural way. Medicine gives side effects sometime but Natural remedies dont give side effects at all. Try natural remedy as fruits and vegetables and meat are natural medicine from God to build up our bodies. I hope you pray to God and listen to some good sermons that will give life and meaning back to you again. I am in a narcissistic abusive relationship and I asked God lto help me. He led me to listen to pastor Joseph Prince's many healing and restoration sermons. Through Time, God gave back meaning to my life and He miraculous healed me of an incurable issue of blood illness too. God in His Grace and lovingkindness heard my cry, came to comfort and healed me. If God can heal me, He can heal you too. JUST ASK GOD. I hope you will listen to some of the sermons by this God anointed preacher. You dont have to give up on life. God is real, Jesus is real and He has a wonderful plan for you... At least ....you can look forward to seeing your grandchildren and tell them your stories of wisdom and of God's Faithfulness to you. God Bless you. 🙇♀️✌
@deliamurphy382. You were NOT going on, you were expressing yourself. I agree with another commentator that it does sound like you have a very selfless heart & that that has been taken advantage of. If you are still unhappy & your brother & mother could do with the help, too, that is your sign, your get-out clause so to speak. You may not get a chance like that again. Once you have left you will be able to think more clearly. Even if you find you need to help your mother take care of your brother you will be in a healthier environment where you feel loved & appreciated. Please consider it. Of course it is up to you, it just feels like you are helping to create your own prison. He is a grown man (your husband), & quite capable of looking after himself. If you don't feel ready to leave for good at least use your Mum's offer as a respite for yourself & at night-time you can think about whether you want to return, or not, & what you need to do to move forwards now. I have spent most of my life looking after other people & their needs, too, so I say this with empathy & experience. This is a sign & chance for you to leave now before you waste anymore time, energy & love with someone that does not care about your welfare at all, it seems. I wish you luck no matter what you choose to do. Stop doing everything yourself, tell him you will (for instance) do the dinner 4 times this week & he needs to do the other 3. If he does not step up and into sharing the role of taking care of the household & helping w/ meals you have your answer. Either live with a partner who is not meeting you halfway, or putting 100% effort into the trying to make things work, or maybe it is time to leave & find your sense of self, dignity & clarity of thought again. I'm not going to say your health problems will just go away, but living in constant stress will not help you - & possibly make things worse with your health. You deserve to put your own needs first. As for your mother. Please sit down with her & patiently tell her you appreciate the offer to come home, but that you need to explain to her about your health conditions & why your sleep & napping are so crucial to you. After this at least she has been pre-warned of your needs, & btw, regardless of her opinion of you, you need noone else's approval to do what is right for you & your health. Self-love is not selfishness, but self-care, & everyone needs to do this. Take care.
I have just taken the first step in leaving. The financial, physical, mental and emotional abuse is going to end. Got a lawyer. My physical health has suffered so much. Everything you are saying is so true.
I left 9 months ago and the knowledge I have gained on utube through people like yourself has literally saved my life! I just found you today and I am hooked. The way you present this material truly resonates with me. I love your no nonsense way and can feel your love and compassion. Thank you for the great work you do!
The top sign for me - I found myself Googling what the hell this woman was doing to me, and then finding online narcissism resources and realizing she checks off EVERY SINGLE indicator. That moment of realization was so profound, I had no idea this existed and I'll never forget it.
I JUST remembered something. Back in the 80’s a book called “women who love too much.” I attended some groups as well. Basically we were told that we were just extra sensitive people who loved the wrong guys. The message made the man devoid of any responsibility in the matter. We were in need of help because we did something wrong in some way by being a caring person. The fact that men were taking advantage of us wasn’t even talked about. WE had to change but the men didn’t. Man that’s the first time I’ve thought about that experience in that way! Damn. You have no idea you are being manipulated. I’m 56 and I’m a pretty self aware person but I’m stunned that I’ve not gotten this before. I’ve known most of this intellectually but I didn’t realize that it’s truly a mental illness. It’s been 23 years of a lot of pain. I’ve got my two kids so I’m grateful for that and I broke the cycle with my boys. That is something I’m very proud of. I had my kids at 38 and 43. It was my goal from day one that parenting took precedence over everything else. Now that they are older and needing me less I’m seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I have been so distracted with being the best mom I could I couldn’t see a way out. Now I have this power and I’m excited! I had quite a big life before I was married and an excited to get back to that person I was and still am. You truly do lose yourself. One thing though I’m very proud of how I’ve lived my life. Thanks to my maternal grandfather I knew I was loved. He saved my life in my opinion. He’s my hero. I miss him so much…damn I’m crying. I just wish my kids could have known him. A true Angel on the earth. Knowing this about my father and husband makes me even more grateful for what he did for me in my life. Was he aware of how much I was suffering with my dad and wanted to help make up for it? I think he just loved me even more because I was his grandchild. He made me feel like the most special person in this world. I’ve used his example in raising my boys. Without that example I really don’t know where I’d be today ❤
Diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder during my time with the narc. At this point I knew I would not survive if I chose to continue the relationship. I physically could not handle any more stress or anxiety caused by the relationship. I went no contact, and I am continuing to recover.
Dear God...I have experienced this in all my relationships since I was a teenager. Been married and divorced from my 1st husband and remarried to my current husband of 22yrs. I am exhausted. My healing cannot work if I continue with this abuse. Pray for me. Right now God is the only one I trust.
I’ve developed multiple health issues and body image issues being with my narcissistic husband over a decade. I’m immunocompromised now and get sick very easily and have chronic eye problems. I also weigh 98 lbs. I am unable to eat when so stressed and I am in his discard phase and I’m unable to eat. He also always calls me a pig. That’s just one of the million insulting names.
Very accurate. Yes I became super unhealthy. Developed what seemed to be food allergies that went away immediately once out of the home. Several tests showed things of concern. Much healthier now. I know I had to leave to live. If you’re still stuck, be very careful and make safety your top priority. You never know what someone is capable of.
Hi! What kind of allergies were you having if you don't mind me asking. In 2021, I started having issues that got so bad I could barely eat. Now I am almost terrified to try certain foods bc I spent 10 mos unable to eat much and people calling me crazy 😢
I got rid of my first husband because he was a narcissist. Then later I met another. The day he said I should stay home so in case he wants to call me to talk or he wants to come over for me to cook him something he likes. I said I don't sit around waiting for anyone especially to cook something he likes. So please don't call and don't bother in coming over I had enough. I already got rid of one selfish husband. I waited awhile but I met a man that is very good to me.
It's a hard thing admitting that the person you fell in love with was a mirage. No matter how much you apologize when you are wrong but they refuse to when they are wrong, it's not good. Then when I call her out and say you're wrong and this is why you're wrong and this is how it makes me feel, she says it's a fantasy. But just when I'm ready to move on she knows what buttons to press. Not to make me happy, but to bring me back down. Like you said, run away and never look back.
It's completely true! I was sick at the end and lost my job too because i couldn't handle everything anymore i was all the time tired, exhausted... But the only thing I always kept, was my sense of humor even feeling completely empty. It's not easy but yes we can leave because we deserve better
Same thing happened to me! Lost health and eventually my job. When he had nothing more to get out of me (son grown, moved out) and I was starting to prioritize my own needs, he moved in with a younger woman he'd supposedly just met. I was very sick, refrigerator broken, alone during lockdown. After 25 years it felt like being dumped on the trash heap. Still recovering but MY HEALTH came back within 2 years *I'd been sick for 10 when he left). Amazing! I'm so happy and so free. Sometimes things are hard but that "relationship" was sooo much harder!
I developed insomnia,anxiety/panic attacks, sensory overload, showing actions that's not in my character. I had to rebuild myself in the presence of the narcissist. I still find myself trying to rebel and walk on eggshells. Telling him my family and friends will not be put on the sidelines because he dislikes them. Yet. I don't talk to certain friends with him around. I have an enemy in my home and I'm thinking I have to move out of my own home to get away from him. I don't have any hopes or desire for a future with him. I know I'll be better off without him.
I was stonewalled year after year- I was given silent treatment allllll the time- he would walk off, hang up, ignore all of my texts and flirts, he would drive off, get out the car and walk away in the middle of traffic in a new place that I don’t know- this was constant. I realize he had wld leave and go to his real woman, I was the side chic : he was always leaving, I went to all events & holidays alone - so I said I’m better off alone/ thank God I had the sense to FINALLY catch on and see reality that I am not loved / not cared for / not appreciated or wanted- I was a means for attention and that’s all.
This resonates with my life for 31 years. Initially, I thought I was a failure due to all the gaslighting and negatives I received from him through the years. I only learnt if narcissism few years ago. I've had enough!
This is my mother... I've gone "No Contact" for a month now, I spent holiday's without any family member, although it was hard, it was not as painful as it was being around her... God help us all
Exactly what I felt especially no. 5 and 6. After 32 years I recognise the npd characteristics of my husband and seek therapy and now I am living with my son at Sydney temporarily. Living away from my husband made me much more comfort and happy but still I don't know how to face the life when I have to return back to my home. Thank you Danish, thank-you very much for your videos which are very helpful and highly informative for we people ❤
Weird thing happened: He had been admiring these sneakers online, so I got them for valentines day. They came in the mail, he was so unhappy. He poked fun at my taste in sneakers. He proceeded to wear them as he worked on a car, they became soiled and pretty dirty the first day he put them on. It was like, "look at how much I don't care, look at what I am doing with your gift". It wasn't the sneakers, it was the act. We broke up shortly after.
Lord Jesus, only if you were around 12 years ago!!! However, continue to HELP others as you are. I would've benefited long ago , I went through it WITHOUT ANY HELP, BUT....by the GRACE OF GOD, AND HIS MERCY, I MADE IT OUT!!! KEEP HELPING people. God Bless you
I developed fibromyalgia (a nervous system disorder that occurs when your body has been through a trauma, accident or illness) after my first narcissistic relationship that lasted 7 years. It's from your body being stuck in fight or flight mode all the time, so your nervous system kind of just gets fried. Your base level for pain is now at a heightened level all the time so you are always in pain and exhausted plus a multitude of other health issues that come with it. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. (Except the narc!)
Yes I had constant stomach issues / I got sick in every vacation- we are not together anymore 2 years now but I am still affected by what I went through. I was blamed for everything/ I lost myself yes but when I left I got therapy/ spoke to my Pastor daily and am putting my life back together. He is still content with the dirty, cruel, mean, harsh, deceitful way that he treated me- he said it’s my fault. My hair fell out the year I left. I realized I was never LOVED - I was used for attention and to feed his ego - I was taken for a fool. Glad I left
After 26 years of physical and emotional abuse he had already discarded me in his mind but would leave and come back. Then he did the smear campaign and said the most horrendous things to our children and my Siblings. I realised I had stayed too long with this demon. He left and I went no contact for 2 years and finally he moved on.
It is better to leave them. I'm a victim for 30yrs. Still struggling, bcs money children etc comes in between. And my husband made every relative against me. I subscribed to ur channel. Good work man. Don't ever advice the victim to stay but to leave. 🙏🙏👍👍👍
Everything you have saying happened to me ,in my 25 year marriage. If I disagreed or would not do as he said ,then I had the silent treatment that could last for weeks or months. It was cruel and he would not speak to the children either.
Any phone notification that went off I was scared, because he always accused anything being another guy, menstrual cycle messed up due to stress, always portrayed perfect image on the outside meanwhile I was falling apart internally due to them.
I have been married to a narcissist for last 40 yrs, separated twice, reunited but no change in him. Finally I developed an autoimmune disorder and asthma. I realized what has caused it after listening to your videos
Thank you for this video you spot on im married to this monster for 44 years and im still in this mess every single one you say in this video is spot on i hope and pray that soon God will bless me with freedom from this idiot thank you
Just leave them and go no contact, they never deserved you ,or your time ,or support or your Love and encouragement , the love bomb you and after that they put you on Lockdown,plan your escape take them by surprise, very good videos Thanks 👍👍👍
Another one is not feeling emotionally safe. This lead to me developing an eating disorder and insomnia. When I feel emotionally free, everything falls into place.
Thank you, Danish ! This is a great video. I resonate with every single one of your videos, and finally after begging so much I understood it’s time to leave. Time to look for a better and healthier future for me and my son. ❤
Danish is good at what he does. I live how he does not mince his words, he tells it exactly like it is. He exposes them, and with that, we can see. At first I used to feel so shocked because I wondered how someone who is an expert on narc's knew things that I would only have known. Like they were in the room. Then I came to learn how cookie cutter narcs are. They ALL use the same narc handbook of manipulation to gaslight us and take us down so they own us and we being to lose ourselves.
I'm close. I'm working on a plan to go somewhere, ANYwhere alone for a few days. I need to be alone so I can cry w/o shame, do some journaling & self reflection and find that girl I used to be. She's in there, I just have to reintroduce myself to that awesome, loving & happy-go-lucky woman I used to know!!
Anybody who doesn't want to see you study, change, work, and live your best life, is deeply disturbed. Even family can behave this way. It's called entrapment when a parent implies you owe them because they created you. They act like they own you. This is called being used. That's not ok.
The thing about the narcissist and the positive mask around others is they can easily blame you and say “see how I feel so much happier with other people but u make me unhappy at home”. Still adds to theirs ability to blame u
Everytime I tried to tell my ex husband who was the narrcassict in my life how he made me feel, his response was "That not true, you're wrong." After hearing it so many times I just stop trying. After a while I shut down completely.
Spot on Danish! Now that I have finally decided to leave my Narcissist husband of 10 years, I find your videos really helpful. The biggest thing is to be able to see the big picture, that this relationship is only going to get worse with time and to overcome one's fears about starting from scratch.
I had lost my body weight completely, I lost my personality, I lost myself in a living relationship of two years ; but now I have been trying to get out of this unhealthy relationship in no time
#2 I went from remission of Crohn's with no signs of disease in my intestinal tract to disease throughout my entire tract and constant hospital stays during my relationship with my abusive narcissistic ex. Three plus years later (I went complete no contact with him after he assaulted me) and my body is no longer responding to any medications. I had to get emergency blood infusions to save my life in June from all the blood loss through my shredded bowels. I may lose my intestines or my life. If you're sick and looking for a sign to leave- this is it. Do it before the damage to your health is irreversible!
Very helpful. Time to go back to work full time and fix my credit. No matter what I do I seem to be causing him aggravation and victimizing him. My family has passed away. He greatly limited my contact with them. I have no friends anymore because of his jealousy of any friendship female, family etc. I could go on and on. Thank you Danish. Great video.
Once you see the the lies, the exposed lies . You can not unseen this for what it is. It has been hard to imagine that people can be like this , so wrong, so vile.
I have not had many relationships in my life and had no prior romantic connection to a narcissist so this was a shock to me. I have never been treated so horribly in my life. After developing a strong spiritual connection with him (we were waiting for sex until "marriage") he began telling me he didn't care anything about me, if another man had me he couldn't care less, he started putting me out of the car in far away places, took me to the police station to file a report for "getting angry in front of his 10 year old child." We would be in the car and I'd look over and he would be frowning at me as if I was his enemy, all of this for no reason at all. He told me he didn't need my love, friendship, companionship and nothing. My feelings did not matter at all and no matter how I begged him to show me love, he would tell me I am a complainer and my feelings were childish and make no sense, he told me I needed to be tougher, stop being a cry baby and grow up and that I am not an infant, when he said or did very hurtful things to break me. I became so fearful and NERVOUS, shaking in my core, terrified of how he would hurt me or what he would do next, especially him blaming me for every evil thing he does. Whenever I brought up his unnatural, detached, emotionally disconnected and abusive, down right evil behavior toward me, he would say I think too much, talk too much and called me a complainer, saying I was obsessive and blaming him for issues he believes I had with my father from my childhood! It was crazy. He'd call me names even the b word and never ever gave a heartfelt apology or showed remorse. My friends urged me to get away from him for months and months. I finally blocked him and refuse to speak to him again. I am taking the rest of this year to heal and hopefully find healthy, productive love again one day in my future
Thank you so much, I really needed this. It's crazy how fast the switch gets flipped when dealing with someone who is manipulative. I fell for this same person twice, the second time it started with talk about suicide and drug use; and me staying up all night pleading with them that everything will be alright. I told her then my experince with suicide, and about all the freinds I lost to drugs to try to convince her it wasn't a good idea. In a week or two, it all turned into how I should know she would never actually do something like that (even though she talked about it all night, every night), how messed up I was, and how she felt sorry for me. I left a final text saying I felt even worse for her than before if she's are actually willing to lie about something that awful. I told them she needs serious professional help if it's that bad. I told her to stay strong and that I hope she finds happyness, then I finally blocked her like everyone and my mom (not even a joke) said to. She made her sister cry after turning her whole family against her later that night. My little brother calls her evil, and at this point I'm starting to understand why. If you ever come to a point where you are really questioning whether or not this person is a narcissist, leave right then. Even if you think you're in love, remember that a person like that isn't capable of loving you back. I figured out she was kinda that way about Feburary or March, but it's not until a day ago I finally gave up. We stopped talking for about two months then she came back into my life after running out of people to talk too, so natually I wanted to be there for her. It wasn't worth it, just cut and run, and then you'll have your nights back to you.
Yes chronic headaches they call them cluster no one in my family ever had them. And they're going away because I don't give her the supply like I used to, and I'm starting to feel better
You forgot one undeniable sign and that is the way your children are treated by the narcissist. I broke all contact with my father because he was ruining my life. This meant no contact with other family members as well. I did this because I could not avoid this anymore. I would have ended up in a mental hospital. Later in life I broke with my husband because I was starting to get stress related fake hartattacks. Recently I broke with my brother, who was gaslighting me and taking all my energy. I feel a lot better now and also relieved. Narcissists take everything from you they will not stop untill one stops every regular contact. It is difficult, but for me the undeniable sign that I would lose my ability to survive, was the best motivation. I do not actually care if they are narcissists or not. If they try to break me, then the relationship is over. I will restrict any contact into a minimum. The other big motivation tot stop the relationship is my child. If he suffers I will suffer as well and the relationship is over as well.
It can be difficult to get a person to even watch a video like this and think about how bad their relationship it, let alone taking any steps after that. Most seem to just be blind and oblivious to what's going on and want to keep on seeing none of these red flags.
I listen to all your advices they keep me from my trauma bond and wake me from slipping back. Your words help to reinforce my reasons for leaving. Its not been easy, it's lots if tears, anguish, questioning have I done the right thing leaving. Your videos are down to earth reminds of how awful it all got, After 34 years I'm on my own searching for my original self, it's been 7 months since I've seen him but I feel I'm getting there now. Your videos are invaluable, thank you.
Anxiety, Major depression, PTSD, disassociating on an epic scale ... I took what he said at face value, if he had said the sky was orange I wouldn't have even gone to check ... 2 weeks ago I was diagnosed with Sarcoidosis, my lungs are already compromised and I have micro abscesses on my liver, spleen and pancreas, this disease has only about 200,000 other people who have it, you can go into spontaneous remission or you could need transplant surgery, they don't know enough about it to one way or another I turn 60 in 2 months, my mom was 80 when she passed, I thought i had at least 20 more years ... now I'm alone, exceptionally ill and scared to death while he runs through women like water, and generally has a blast, never seeing or acknowledging the devastation he leaves in his wake ..
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What if all the signs are there but the victim has no way to leave the abuse? What can they do at that point?
@@armorvestrus4119 I am seeking an answer to your question as well, for my adult son. He is in a legally binding contract for 4 more months and is feeling helpless. Good luck to you on your journey❤️
Excellent Information to come out of illusion....Thanks Danish
I’ve lost 7!!!!!!! Handfuls of hair
I’ve had to go on anti anxiety meds , blood pressure medication
In addition to everything else he purposefully hurts me on social media by liking low hanging fruit and leaving messages I will see
I begged him to
Stop
But that only spurred him on
You are so right
My health is now so destroyed I got Covid and because my body was under such massive stress
I’ve been sick for 6 wks
Really sick
And it’s all because of how debilitated I was when I contracted c-19
And now I have autoimmune disease
thank you for dedicating your life to throwing a life raft to those of us that have been trying to keep our heads above water and you saved us just before we were exhausted and going under for the last time.
Listen to him
It’s so true
Thank you so much for your videos!!! What advice if you feel love for the person, and have been with them for a long time and invested in them? I.e. if you feel guilty for throwing them out???
It seems like one of the worst parts about narcissistic abuse is that you do not even realize that it is happening to you until a significant amount of damage has already been done!
Correct
That's their intention. It gives them narcissistic supply
that;s correct, Until you become Savvy !.
So true.
Precisely
It’s been 35 years and I didn’t know that I was with a narcissist until a few years ago. The stress led me to have a stroke. Currently waiting on him to stop fighting this divorce. Never planned to be alone at this stage in my life but being alone and at peace is better than being unhappy with a demon. I truly believe that even at almost 60 years old, the Lord will lead a non toxic person to me.
Just leaving one! Never knew what a narcissist was but married to that one was awful. Never knew who I’d meet behind closed doors. I need peace and I’m same as you at this age
I am not waiting anymore for an altogether healthy lover. My only true love is the Lord and now I am okay with that alone. Simple as that. And so whenever someone whom I am hoping in getting to know better doesn't realize that he is within ear shot from me while he is regarding me as being his romantic interest when in public after he has made that truth clear to me then introduces me to a stranger present at the time as his other sister which is a lie when it is coming from him then I am goling to hold him to that truth which only ever needs to be continuing to be confirmed in me alone. Because I am done with incel narcissists who can only see all of us women as conveniences to them in 2 categories: New or used and if used then according to them being only an object that must be available to them who have enough money - Any time of the day or the night. Way better when being able to recognize it early on enough when someone is prefering to practice narcissism before it affects anyones health including mine.
@@barbaraparker5768 Good for you❤️. Folks,family/friends and neighbors,just don’t know. They’re masters at looking like an angel to the public but are devils in private.
@@barbaraparker5768 Mine got the nerve to have side chicks.
If they could only put as much effort into trying to have a healthy, equal, honest, appreciated, partnership type relationship (which would be much less likely to end in divorce), as the put into tormenting their spouse when they finally file for divorce because they can’t take any more of the gaslighting, cheating, financial abuse, criticism, covert abuse, control, porn addiction, alcohol/drug addition, etc.,etc. - but, they are absolutely incapable of having this epiphany. Sad. And they simply replace one parter, with another - to repeat the cycle all over again. Brutal. I was also with one for 30 years. He was a complete demon through the entire divorce process. Vindictive to the core. But…I am finally free. And freedom never felt so good. Best of luck to you. 🙏
It’s crazy, I was an independent, educated woman with a fulfilled life. Then this man swept me off my feet then for 20 years molded me into what he wanted. A shell of the person I was. No real friends, rarely talk to my family, not working (I’m a licensed nurse practitioner). What happened to me? These videos have opened my eyes. It’s like I feel heard for the first time. I feel so stupid. It’s my time to take action and to take my life back! Thank you!
Your story is mine.. I am also a nurse! Realise abusive men target kind caring people. I did thirty years but finally realised my body was failing due to being with him. I left six months ago and am currently divorcing him! I am sixty next birthday so if I can do it so can you 🙏
I feel the same way 😔 stay strong 💪
@@Grrrrrrr123 I’m so happy you got out! It’s hearing stories like yours that lets me know I can do it too. Thank you and I wish you all of the happiness in the world. ❤️
Don't feel stupid!! They are master manipulators!! God bless you. I hope your health is getting better!
@@Grrrrrrr123 I'm in my late 30s and I'm divorcing my husband. I was unemployed during Pandemic and still managed to pay my bills, cook, clean and yet he got emotionally abusive. My immune system was soo bad for the first time. He tried every way to dehumanise me. Luckily I know who I am and although I know I'm strong it did hinder my health. At one point he even said 'What is wrong with you? You haven't even gone outside this house for days now. All you do is spend time in the garden planting flowers and vegetables. ' 🤣🤣🤣 Never have I ever heard of people fighting because their spouse is cooking, cleaning, paying the bills and enjoys her own company.
Lies.. secrets..controlling..silent treatment
I stayed for years hoping things would get better- they got worse. The biggest regret of my life is not leaving years sooner. I took him to 7 marriage counselors, 6 of them didn’t see it or were abusive toward me and the one that called him out on his behavior, he refused to see. I had migraines, body aches, increasing anxiety and lived in fear.
Hi NewYorkE, I could have written what you wrote here. We divorced in 1993, after 18 years of marriage and 3 children. Back then, not much was known about narcissism. A couple counselors said they would counsel me if I wanted to try to stay, but they wouldn’t counsel him. Nobody used the word narcissism, but I think they knew. I didn’t find out about this until 2020. Lot of years wondering what was going on there. Could shut that door and never think about it again once I found out. I know now. This is a great video.
I love this one. After more than 20 years of living with a narcissist partner, and she insisting that I have some mental issue and I should go on medication; I went to a counselor. On the first day she gave me a book called "The Covert Passive-Aggressive Narcissist (by: Debbie Mirza)". She asked me to read this book and see if I can relate. It was like someone has written a biography of my life after marriage. The highlight of the book is this: "Never take a Narcissist to counseling. It just makes them better Narcissists".
Thank you so much, I just forwarded this to my friend. I'm sure this will open his eyes, mind ...whatever. Getting beaten up within the four walls is tolerable but she won't spare him in his workplace too 😢😩
@@AlirezaAliabadiThanks for the info on that book about narcs
I’m so glad you found your way out. It isn’t easy
I am 66 yrs old and planning my escape. I am so exhausted. I just want peace after 35 yrs of married misery.
Never too late, to capture peace and a life you can enjoy.
Me too 36 years of horrible abuse I 59 I now have heart failure I was trying to wait until my daughter was 17 years old so he wouldn’t be able get custody she’ll be able to tell the judge she doesn’t want to go on live with him. She’s almost 16 and I need to leave.
@@aliceroberts198060years and married for 37 years planning on leaving by year end.
ruclips.net/video/bubDdBJTQ5I/видео.html
@@aliceroberts1980 Good for you! Good luck. I hear you re staying for the child. People don't believe that's a real issue, but it is.
“It is time to leave the narcissist when you recognise that they are narcissist”
So true
Some time people do huge mistake about judging the narcissists..
Nothing makes sense anymore and u begin to question your self.
A healthy mind lives in a healthy body. Stay away to have your sanity and peace of mind.
These were the symptoms I suffered during our exhausting two year relationship:
weight loss
hair loss
extreme fatigue
skin issues (blotchy rashes)
chronic sore throat
joint pain
weepy/tearful
sleep disturbance
erratic blood pressure.
But now the longer he's out of the picture the better I feel. As a matter of fact I haven't felt this good in a long time.
All of that. Auto immune disease is what I have because of having a malicious narc mother, nar father, narc first and second husband.
My body has been damage through all of that. Lupus flares with every emotio al stress
Epstein Barr reactivations ... Due to Chronic psychological stress. Re the prior comment.. Lupus has been linked to EBV
Mine are:
Weight loss
Hair loss
Chronic lower back and joint pain
Anger issues
Anxiety
Insomnia
Alcoholism
Panic attacks
Constant sadness
I knew I had to walk out before I completely lost myself and did everything for him to discard me. Abandonment issues really kicked in when he cut ties coz of my reactive abuse but I was never gonna let go.
Jessica. Mine are the same!
@@lisabrown9286 😓 wish I could teleport and hug you right now.. I know we both need it.
"It's time to leave the Narcissist when you realize they are a narcissist!" Nough Said! 🤣
Exactly! 💯🎯
You are absolutely right.
😂😂 I left my narcissist last year after I realized he is narcissist
Unfortunately, i wish i could but I cannot leave my children with the narcissist. She will claim the children against me. If no children were involved i would've divorced her in a heartbeat for the nonsense she has put me thru in our 18 yrs of marriage.
@@retake1697 that's the other thing that make one to stay longer in this kind of situation. It's not healthy will die before time because of depression and your kids without the father. Better find the solution sooner
"The pain of staying will never get better"
I had high blood pressure, felt nauseous all the time, my thyroid and adrenal glands were shot and I developed type 1 diabetes. My hair was falling out, I had major anxiety and was completely drained and lost. It’s awful being around these vampires. I share my story on my channel.
Blame-shifting and projection is also a form of control. I was hospitalized, and sure I had ulcerative colitis, or crohns disease. They did a colonoscopy, found nothing physically wrong with me. The Indian doctor took me to his office and asked me: Is your wife nice to you? and I almost broke down.. and he told me to get out of the marriage. He saw many times in his profession that abused people get a lot of physical problems because of stress. My ex always complained that it was ME who was making her physically ill.
wow just wow
It happened to me fibromyalgia bladder disease, now heart disease heart failure
I have colitis and been in a narcissist relationship I was in a flare up too two years he left me and cheated
Love and healing light to you.
Same story here! 20 years ago one doctor told me "You will continue sick while you continue with him, until you live him you'll be healthy again". I didn't understood his message untill now. Even he told me one day I looked beauty again and healthy and happy again, with evil eyes "Long time you don't get sick right?
I burst out crying watching this video because I am experiencing ALL of the things that you mentioned. Thank you for making this video, it has made my only choice in this situation very clear -it is time to leave before my physical and mental health gets worse. Since being together for 11 years, I have developed anxiety (which I now have to take medication for because I can't "breathe" my way out of it anymore), panic attacks, insomnia, compassion fatigue, skin issues, and a stomach ache that never goes away and often leads to vomiting. My nervous system feels completely hijacked, to the point that I rarely leave the house because I get so panicky and I fear passing out or vomiting. I had NONE of these issues before I met him. I used to be the life of the party, and now I can't remember the last time I went to a party! I was an independent woman with 3 bachelor degrees and a prominent teaching position. Now I see that his desire to have me quit my job within the first year of being together, under the guise of "I want to take care of you so you don't have to work anymore," was just a trick and way to control me by removing by independence. I also gained 60 pounds and no longer recognized myself in pictures or the mirror. Two years ago I made the decision to try and take my life back and started seeing a therapist and I lost the 60 pounds. The weight was easier to lose than the anxiety and other health issues, those seem to be getting worse. Unfortunately, I don't think they will get better until I remove myself from this highly toxic environment. At the current moment, he has been giving me the silent treatment for 12 days because I asked why he was going to Costco when he had the flu and didn't feel good and we didn't really need anything. I was just asking a simple and benign question, was trying to get more information because I didn't understand why he thought it was a necessity to go to Costco, and he flew into a rage and accused me of "having an attitude," "trying to start an argument," and "coming at him." He started yelling at me, calling me names, and demanding an apology. I told him I will no longer be apologizing for things that he makes up in his head (his false narratives) and projects onto me. I know my intentions and will not have them twisted anymore just to "keep the peace," which I have since learned is a trauma response. As my therapist says, I am responsible for what I say and he is responsible for what he hears and if he is hearing something other than what I am intending then he needs to ask for clarification instead of attributing false motives to my words. Needless to say, he didn't like that because I didn't behave as he expected and now I am being punished for it, hence the silent treatment for 12 days. How ridiculous is that? All I did was wonder why he was going to Costco! Little does he know, this punishment has provided me with the opportunity to get some emotional distance from him, which I needed to start *seriously* contemplating my situation, unmuddled by any love bombing. And now, after seeing this video, I know there is only one choice to make and that is to leave. My fear of staying is finally greater than my fear of leaving. I don't want to start over at age 45 but that is not a reason to stay in an abusive situation. I just thank God that I never had children with this man and kept one of my rental properties so I have a place to go. I sold one of my properties during our marriage because I got tired of hearing him say that I didn't need them but I am SO glad that I kept one. Otherwise I would be facing having to move back in with my parents. Perhaps I did those things because my gut always knew there was something wrong with this relationship and that, if it didn't work out, I would have a place to go and would be able to maintain a no contact situation since we have no kids together. He has 2 kids from a previous marriage and has groomed them to be narcissists like him. They use manipulation, gaslighting, stonewalling, and the silent treatment just like he does. Ironically, they use those tactics on him and he hates it. It frustrates the shit out of him! I don't know if he has the level of self awareness to realize that they learned those things from him! Like everything else, he probably thinks that's my fault too. Anyway, thank you again for making this video. I will begin to form my exit strategy and start a new life. I will try to focus on what I'm walking toward (peace!) and not what I am walking away from (abuse disguised as love). I am sad that I have invested so much in a relationship that was not reciprocal and held together by breadcrumbs. Please pray for me as I take my next steps!
Enjoy the silence and busy yourself with things you enjoy. Go to your house as soon as you can. Plan so you can move out completely while he is out in order to avoid violence. You may need to get a restraining order eventually. Good that you have a place to go. I hope you can get it done soon.
🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏❤️
He was probably lying about going to co
I will pray for you Lisa. I am in the same situation, been married to a narc for 37years. I am making my plans to leave very soon. It's hard to think of starting again at my age 57 and surviving without him. He has taken all of my independence away from me and for a long time I lost myself and thought I wouldn't make it on my own. Now I know I can and I will. Living in peace is all I want.
@@susanfernandez5817I am 54 and feel like I can't leave. I don't know where to go. Not much money left. And I have a job, but my health issues are scaring me so much and I am afraid I could loose my job and not able to support myself. I am just a labourer and have to do hart physical work. Also aging seems overwhelming scary to face alone. I had a farm and have to sell and give up all my animals, which breaks my heart even more. All my dreams for my life are down the drain. I am lost at the moment. Don't know what to do from here.
1. *When you are exhausted apologizing. It is IMPOSSIBLE that everything is your fault. 2. *Your physical health has been destroyed. 3. *You feel like you are going crazy. You have been brainwashed that you are the crazy one. You feel that it is all your fault. 4. *When they are nice to everyone else and a monster to you. 5. *They use fear and intimidation to control you. You have zero space and you fear them. 6. *The only point that matters to them is their point. You are hitting your head against a wall. 7. *When you clearly see that they are a narcissist-----------------IT IS TIME TO LEAVE!
Thank you---This video was very helpful today! It reminds me of why I left, and why I need to stay away. The pain of staying is greater than the pain of leaving!
Thank you for your comment
"the pain of staying is greater than the pain of leaving".
@@trishflorida4250 You are welcome, sister. Blessings to you!
Thank you for the list. I appreciate you 🙏
Absolutely 💯
My husband has made my life a living he'll for almost 20 years now. Every single thing u said I was like yep yep yep 😢
Anxiety!!! My heart would race whenever I knew he was upset or mad about something. Heart palpitations, it was awful. Like walking around on eggshells.
Yes, I developed the same issues.. and high blood pressure
Me too
Me too. I would get off work and might stop to get something eat, which would cause me to get home at a later time. And if I missed his call or didn't answer , I already knew what was coming. I would get nervous and wouldn't even call back because I knew I f'd up. That's how I felt.
Me too yes anxiety.
@@rasheikabond1855 I know that feeling all too well. It’s a horrible place to be, I’m so glad I’m out of that situation. Hope you found the strength to leave and if not, I hope you’re finding the strength to. ❤️
I dealt with the "talking to a brick wall" for years. You're right when you say that "the wall is too thick". If this goes on for more than 6 months leave, because this person will wait until you are in a bad situation and they will abandon you when you need their help. No matter how long you stood by that person, no matter how much you've helped them when they were weak or down, they will not return the favor. If you constantly find yourself having to explain what it means to be a team player just pack your shit and leave. You will be much better off alone.
I am married to a covert narcissist for 40yrs. Never realized it was abuse. I hv educated myself. Yes my health has deteriorated. I am just an object to him.
Unfortunately, always were...always will b. Im divorcing after less-than a year. He will not change. He has covertly convinced people that it is me...n well, ok. Bye!
***yet, he refuses 2 go. So, who is the crazy?
Wow, I thought I was one of the few that stayed with the narrcisstics,37 years of marriage,he's exactly 💯 right,they are perfectly,and keep us feeling like trash,it's a blessing to get this information BC we always just blamed ourselves!!!!
Omg 40 years...
It's been 44 years and I just found out,it's so hard to understand all this. A nightmare 😢
@@ameliagrandma5197 yes it is a nightmare! Especially when we educate ourselves about narrcisstics, that they even KNOW what their doing to us,yet they continue to busy our hearts into millions of pieces knowing the fact,that we were never loved,but they loved what we could do for them💔💔💔💔💯
It's gotten to the point where I now feel like I'm the narcissist having to defend boundaries and point out shitty behaviour
I’ve started wondering if I’m a narcissist too!
Me too, but I know for sure I am not. Wait until people are on his side, saying that you are the narcissist. I am glad my friends saw the entire story and comfort me.
@@TheAdventuresOfCollegeGiRLI’ve questioned this too and this is what the crazy making arguments and projection do to us! It’s not us!
💯
YES DANISH, EVERYONE remeber whatever bad happened to you in that abusive fake relationship "It is not because you are weak"!
You are people of high, beautiful values and someone took advantage of that.
May God bless you all with a happy, fulfilling relationship.
The hardest thing for me to get past was the pure evil and my willingness to overlook it. The realization that I was raised by a narc father groomed me for 2 narc husbands. I'm now with a fantastic husband and love and trust myself. It took a lot of work, but so worth it!
You give me hope. My father and my husband are both narcissists. I’m 56 and I’m finally able to know what I’ve been dealing with for 23 years!
Same, except on number 3. Never again. Once free, I will always be.
After 20+ years trying to get my narcissist bf to move out of my home, I had to leave. I left my home and all it's furnishing to save myself.
Leaches
I developed hypothyroidism and what started it was adrenal burnout from trying to be in this forty year trauma bond with my ex husband. At the end I was a mess physically and every other way. I also had sever depression and panic attacks with constant anxiety. Also weight gain and hypertension and metabolic syndrome. I was totally exhausted and burnt out. I'm still working on recovering my health. It's not worth losing your life and health for nothing. Let them go and start focusing on yourself. It's like living with a vampire and constantly being kept depleted and weak. I kept having dreams I was being controlled by a vampire, ( even my subconscious was trying to urge me to see what was going on in my waking life)
I developed hyperthyroidism! Adrenal fatigue!
Reading your comments and many others and also my own trauma and distress,Im finally now in councelling,made my heart cry for all who are fighting the good fight for peace and freedom,sooo hard at times,for me all Glory to my Heavenly Father who miraculously intervened for me 7 months ago,I am truely in Awe and grateful.Lord Jesus,in whom the son sets free is free indeed☝💯❤🥲
If u can plz read what I wrote higher up in comments. My hypothyroid never back to normal again. Did yours ever correct itself? Wish you well. 🌺
@@lydiawhitting5406 Still working on it. 😕
@@debbiesday8270 Same...No over night cures .but feeling better than I was, so grateful for that.
OMG! I divorced a narcissist in 1976. Always thought I was the crazy one in the relationship. People who may be in a relationship with one of these people, please, please, PLEASE get out! I'm sad to realize the damage done to my (now well grown) kids.
They definitely will make u look crazy and feel crazy and while questioning it , your not , better things are ahead , get away from the toxicity, and evil thats emitting from them ,
😭💯💪❤
I suffered anxiety/ depression even suicidal thoughts. The stress led me to autoimmune disorders and sever stomach issues that I didn’t have before the 7 year relationship.
This is me exactly. 7yrs and feel like I'm dying. Diagnosis autoimmune issues and previous obsessed thoughts to end my life. Not now. Getting stronger to leave.
@@kellyr3832 oh wow
He would literally back me into a corner and verbally abuse me. Until I try to push him out the way. But he’s stronger and wouldn’t budge. I hit at his chest. The first time, I told him I hated the person he was turning me into. Then he started saying, “See it’s you. You’re the one hitting me.” That second time, I realized we should no longer be together. When I told him, his personality switched and suddenly he was apologetic. But it was too late, he pushed me too far. My eyes were starting to open…
SO good! Thank you for this! I left my narcissistic husband 27 years ago, before narcissism was a well known issue, and despite the challenges faced during the divorce, your video re-confirms it was the best decision I could have made. I was so gaslit and manipulated that at times I’ve second-guessed my decision. But really the only (and major) thing I would have done differently was not to bring a child into our life together through adoption. My ex-husband was a nightmare of a parent, and I deeply regret that our son suffered because of his father’s mean spirit towards both he and I.
Keep illuminating us Danish. It’s so important that empaths know the truth about narcissists!
My heart goes out to you, may healing enter your life and expand ever on dear earth sister
I second-guessed myself too. When I told his aunt she said she wondered how I stayed & could stand it for so long. She said he was nasty and had been a nasty boy and that he didn't tell me what he had done to anger her husband.
Jade
Don’t Justify
Don’t Apologize
Don’t Defend
Don’t Expkain
This is all so true. I told my narc hubby we cannot keep living together like this. I asked can we sit down and talk. I only asked him when he was going to un pawn the wedding ring i bought him. He went from lying in bed to up fully dressed and screaming and raging. I started filming him and he started knocking my phone out my hand over and over so I couldn't record his behavior. He did leave that night threatening to be back tomorrow for his stuff. I packed him up after he left after the pushing and shoving and raging. Took his clothes and tools to his job and called him and told him where his stuff was. He got all aggressive the next day acting like he was gonna tear the door down again trying to get in just to get his stuff/ dirty clothes his mom's washed and packed last time he left. So he's still at mom's after a week. It's killing him to live there at moms because his 17 yr old son recently came out the closet as gay in a major way. Wearing long weaves and wigs/ makeup. Finger nails. The whole nine. His mother raising his child had let him just do and look however he wants now as she had embraced his gay ness. So he's been hiding off and on at our house because he cannot deal with this situation. His boys don't respect me as their mother and I completely left my husband on his own to deal with all the feelings about seeing his mom help his son transform into a girl. Since he wants to give out narc abuse and not stop to the point where I am suffering/ my children were suffering. So I choose me this time. I got off the crazy circus wheel and I'm free. Hurt lonely and broken sure/ over whelmed of course. But I can think more now. I can love myself more. I am loving my children more. I'm reconnecting back with my God. I just bought my husband a work truck and since he's left again, I'm not signing it over to him now. He was supposed to buy me a new car by Xmas. That's is not happening now of course. So yesterday my other child's father sugared my tank and tried to mess it up over jealousy about my narc husband. So my narc husband is doing nothing but texting me talking shite about how that's what I get for keeping his truck/ and not letting him leave me having profited an entire truck out of me and the toxic marriage he's been giving me. But it's ok. My ex didn't get as much sugar in my tank as needed to really mess it up. God is still in control even though it seems like everybody and every demon in this world working against me. I won't go back. I just keep telling him that we're just friends now and that's the way it has to stay. That we just gonna have to love each other without being married anymore or living together. I have no intentions of being back with him this time. Like you said. If I was hitting my head against a real brick wall my head would be bleeding and I would have to stop it right? Right. Thank you so much for the counsel and please keep helping people all over the world to learn to love themselves and their children more than being in a toxic relationship. God bless
The same history as mine.very funny
I have booked my admission at a psychiatrist hospital for September. Reality knocked and i have finally decided that i cannot sit here and die. Finally i am moving out tomorrow. Tired of always looking at my back. Have started experiencing weird pains,pain on my neck,headaches and lower back pains
This video came at a time when I'm going through unbelievable mental and emotional pain and turbulence. I cried so much as everything that you said is true. My husband is a narcissist and EVERY single point you said is happening in my life. I know it's time to leave, but I'm so scared to step out. After 35 years of abuse, I am not who I used to be. And at the age of 57 now, I do not know how to survive outside of my cage with absolutely no support as he took everything away from me.
Sudha you are stronger than you think. As you step out you will start regaining your strength. Believe in yourself once again.
Be strong, take the steps to leave & never look back.
You can do this! ❤️
I understand ur pain as I’m in the same boat. I pray to God to give us wisdom n strength to get out of this abusive relationship ❤️ I know it’s easier said than done but u too have one life to LIVE
Start going through the motions of preparing your escape even if at first you can’t see how practically. make it like a therapeutic session of acting out your dream/fantasy: find a bag fill it with what you most need, hide it and every so often when alone go to your bag add to it, make some plans as to how to make that dream a matter of life not death. Good luck
Do not waste another minute on this demon, you're stronger than you think. Get out and never look back, start living life to the full. ❤️
Yes, there were times at night I could not sleep just to guard him after giving me kicks and punches thinking anytime he would shoot me or stab me with a knife while sleeping
always praying for God's protection and shield from any harm. Thank God He answered my prayers allowing him to work abroad and taking him away from my life.
Stress will physically and psychologically slowly destroy you. Save yourself. Run.
Every single statement is so correct. Living with a narcissist is like living in a hell.
SO SO VERY TRUE. BYE BIRD.😅
I started refusing to be controlled. When he gets mad ecsuse I'm with my friends I do it anyway. I've been having people over and he purposely avoids being home when they're here. I continue to do my hobbies. He sees now I won't be controlled. His only leverage now is withholding money. He has no other control. Now he is giving the silent treatment. But that suits me just fine. I finally feel I have the control in my lifestyle now.
In my experience (57 yo), TWO MONTHS is the sweet spot for being involved with a narcissist.Three months absolute max. You should have left and gone no contact with the narcissist by THREE MONTHS and ONE day. 91 Days is the maximum time you have to give anything positive to each other.
Time served with them beyond three months - it’s a case at the very best that you’re just wasting your life. But in reality, that’s when the real damage begins to occur.
Very good content 🦉This is exactly my experience. The real damage to me came after the finally second discard. Blocked and deleted and so did I. But yeah, it may sounds crazy... I'm still suffering from trauma bonding (it's been three months ago).
You are absolutely correct.
This is truth.
Try 2 years of torture. I have no will to live
Mine was 5 months....long distance.....very bad
Danish you hit the nail on the head the lack of acknowledgement and care and just feeling like I was being used
I got diabetic while no one in my family is diabetic....I had to take antidepressants for two years....
But Alhumdulillah I have understood him so there is no more expectations
Now I don't need to take any antidepressants
But I m type 2 diabetic forever....
We should take care of ourselves and must have strong relationships with Allah SWT.....
I'm 63 and my daughter has just got married last year. I left many times but came back simply because number 1 had no money, when I stayed with people/ family I felt like I wanted to help them in return to do the housework, cooking a meal, or just being useful to them. All the while I was thinking, he is living happily in the home we both own. It is not the same living with other people under their roof, I have ill health issues, which means I sleep many hours, wake up for 4 hours, and need to sleep again. I had Encephalitis which affected my brain lining. I went home to my mum's house last year, I loved the sense of freedom, but I also worried that my mum was judging me for sleeping during the day, she said, do whatever you like. Anyway, I was determined to stay with my mum. Then my daughter phoned and said, dad is having an operation, you need to go back, as my daughter was unwell. So, back I went. My daughter came home as she was very ill, I was nursing her and he did nothing to help, he did not cook, clean, or do anything to help either of us. 8 months on, my daughter has returned to Egypt and I am left in this house. I feel very very angry, and down, and think what's the point of living. I honestly do not think I have the strength to get out again, with another little bag, and go home to Ireland. Last time it was hard also due to the lockdown, I could not get to see a doctor and needed medication for my brain fog with the Encephalitis. Everything then was hard, but now I just feel too worn down. He is going about his daily life, chatting with his family and laughing in Arabic I cannot understand much off. I had some fighting energy to leave the last time, but coming back and helping him when he needed his operation, then my daughter got so ill, nearly lost her, I am just so so emotionally tired. Since she wants back to Egypt to be with her husband, he is very good to her. My husband has gotten worst, no heating on, gas turned off, saving money. Honestly, I have to stay put for a while longer, cos I've been diagnosed now with OSTEOPOROSIS so I have to get some blood tests before I can start treatment. I wonder if I can wait for this medication, as each and every day I feel myself getting smaller and smaller, I am soooo tired of running, creeping around, and being afraid to move from my room. Anyway, my mum now has my brother with her and he is having radiation treatment for cancer, my mum said to come back and you can help us. The thing is like I said, I just feel I have nothing else to give. If you are with someone who never helps you, always takes the money, you never go out anywhere, friends are not welcome. RUN, RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN. Sorry, this went on and on.
I hope you made it out Delia and things are improving for you.
Dear Delia..I read your story and i truly can understand your situation and I empathise with you. You have a caring heart, taken care of everyone in your family and i think its time you take good care of yourself and love yourself. 🙇♀️💜
Just a little advise...Dont let people exploit your goodness and kindness anynore. Some times we must learn to say 'No' when a situation is too much for us to handle.
As for love, If love has gone from your selfish husband, just know that God still loves you very much and He is watching over you. He will repay everything that you have lost or stolen from you...120% more as its written in the bible. He will also reward every kind deeds you have done in His name...30, 60 or 100 folds.
As for health.. have you tried taking a multivitamin for health maintenance ? Or drink milk, eat cheese and make cabbage, onion, carrot and chicken soup ( can add garlic) to boost your calcium in bones ? These remedies will restore your health esp osteoporosis in a natural way. Medicine gives side effects sometime but Natural remedies dont give side effects at all. Try natural remedy as fruits and vegetables and meat are natural medicine from God to build up our bodies.
I hope you pray to God and listen to some good sermons that will give life and meaning back to you again.
I am in a narcissistic abusive relationship and I asked God lto help me. He led me to listen to pastor Joseph Prince's many healing and restoration sermons. Through Time, God gave back meaning to my life and He miraculous healed me of an incurable issue of blood illness too. God in His Grace and lovingkindness heard my cry, came to comfort and healed me. If God can heal me, He can heal you too.
JUST ASK GOD.
I hope you will listen to some of the sermons by this God anointed preacher. You dont have to give up on life.
God is real, Jesus is real and He has a wonderful plan for you...
At least ....you can look forward to seeing your grandchildren and tell them your stories of wisdom and of God's Faithfulness to you.
God Bless you. 🙇♀️✌
@deliamurphy382. You were NOT going on, you were expressing yourself. I agree with another commentator that it does sound like you have a very selfless heart & that that has been taken advantage of. If you are still unhappy & your brother & mother could do with the help, too, that is your sign, your get-out clause so to speak. You may not get a chance like that again.
Once you have left you will be able to think more clearly. Even if you find you need to help your mother take care of your brother you will be in a healthier environment where you feel loved & appreciated. Please consider it. Of course it is up to you, it just feels like you are helping to create your own prison. He is a grown man (your husband), & quite capable of looking after himself. If you don't feel ready to leave for good at least use your Mum's offer as a respite for yourself & at night-time you can think about whether you want to return, or not, & what you need to do to move forwards now. I have spent most of my life looking after other people & their needs, too, so I say this with empathy & experience. This is a sign & chance for you to leave now before you waste anymore time, energy & love with someone that does not care about your welfare at all, it seems. I wish you luck no matter what you choose to do. Stop doing everything yourself, tell him you will (for instance) do the dinner 4 times this week & he needs to do the other 3. If he does not step up and into sharing the role of taking care of the household & helping w/ meals you have your answer. Either live with a partner who is not meeting you halfway, or putting 100% effort into the trying to make things work, or maybe it is time to leave & find your sense of self, dignity & clarity of thought again. I'm not going to say your health problems will just go away, but living in constant stress will not help you - & possibly make things worse with your health. You deserve to put your own needs first.
As for your mother. Please sit down with her & patiently tell her you appreciate the offer to come home, but that you need to explain to her about your health conditions & why your sleep & napping are so crucial to you. After this at least she has been pre-warned of your needs, & btw, regardless of her opinion of you, you need noone else's approval to do what is right for you & your health. Self-love is not selfishness, but self-care, & everyone needs to do this. Take care.
Why won't you go back home to your mom?
Go to your mom’s house!
I have just taken the first step in leaving. The financial, physical, mental and emotional abuse is going to end. Got a lawyer. My physical health has suffered so much. Everything you are saying is so true.
You'll be happy you got a lawyer. It's the beginning of your new life. Much relief will be yours, soon.
I left 9 months ago and the knowledge I have gained on utube through people like yourself has literally saved my life! I just found you today and I am hooked. The way you present this material truly resonates with me. I love your no nonsense way and can feel your love and compassion. Thank you for the great work you do!
The top sign for me - I found myself Googling what the hell this woman was doing to me, and then finding online narcissism resources and realizing she checks off EVERY SINGLE indicator. That moment of realization was so profound, I had no idea this existed and I'll never forget it.
I JUST remembered something. Back in the 80’s a book called “women who love too much.” I attended some groups as well. Basically we were told that we were just extra sensitive people who loved the wrong guys. The message made the man devoid of any responsibility in the matter. We were in need of help because we did something wrong in some way by being a caring person. The fact that men were taking advantage of us wasn’t even talked about. WE had to change but the men didn’t. Man that’s the first time I’ve thought about that experience in that way! Damn. You have no idea you are being manipulated. I’m 56 and I’m a pretty self aware person but I’m stunned that I’ve not gotten this before. I’ve known most of this intellectually but I didn’t realize that it’s truly a mental illness. It’s been 23 years of a lot of pain. I’ve got my two kids so I’m grateful for that and I broke the cycle with my boys. That is something I’m very proud of. I had my kids at 38 and 43. It was my goal from day one that parenting took precedence over everything else. Now that they are older and needing me less I’m seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I have been so distracted with being the best mom I could I couldn’t see a way out. Now I have this power and I’m excited! I had quite a big life before I was married and an excited to get back to that person I was and still am. You truly do lose yourself. One thing though I’m very proud of how I’ve lived my life. Thanks to my maternal grandfather I knew I was loved. He saved my life in my opinion. He’s my hero. I miss him so much…damn I’m crying. I just wish my kids could have known him. A true Angel on the earth. Knowing this about my father and husband makes me even more grateful for what he did for me in my life. Was he aware of how much I was suffering with my dad and wanted to help make up for it? I think he just loved me even more because I was his grandchild. He made me feel like the most special person in this world. I’ve used his example in raising my boys. Without that example I really don’t know where I’d be today ❤
Yes! I read that book back in the day.
Diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder during my time with the narc. At this point I knew I would not survive if I chose to continue the relationship. I physically could not handle any more stress or anxiety caused by the relationship. I went no contact, and I am continuing to recover.
I did the same and I am on a recovery process.
Dear God...I have experienced this in all my relationships since I was a teenager. Been married and divorced from my 1st husband and remarried to my current husband of 22yrs. I am exhausted. My healing cannot work if I continue with this abuse. Pray for me. Right now God is the only one I trust.
I’ve developed multiple health issues and body image issues being with my narcissistic husband over a decade. I’m immunocompromised now and get sick very easily and have chronic eye problems. I also weigh 98 lbs. I am unable to eat when so stressed and I am in his discard phase and I’m unable to eat. He also always calls me a pig. That’s just one of the million insulting names.
Very accurate. Yes I became super unhealthy. Developed what seemed to be food allergies that went away immediately once out of the home. Several tests showed things of concern. Much healthier now. I know I had to leave to live. If you’re still stuck, be very careful and make safety your top priority. You never know what someone is capable of.
Hi! What kind of allergies were you having if you don't mind me asking. In 2021, I started having issues that got so bad I could barely eat. Now I am almost terrified to try certain foods bc I spent 10 mos unable to eat much and people calling me crazy 😢
I got rid of my first husband because he was a narcissist. Then later I met another. The day he said I should stay home so in case he wants to call me to talk or he wants to come over for me to cook him something he likes. I said I don't sit around waiting for anyone especially to cook something he likes. So please don't call and don't bother in coming over I had enough. I already got rid of one selfish husband. I waited awhile but I met a man that is very good to me.
It's a hard thing admitting that the person you fell in love with was a mirage. No matter how much you apologize when you are wrong but they refuse to when they are wrong, it's not good. Then when I call her out and say you're wrong and this is why you're wrong and this is how it makes me feel, she says it's a fantasy. But just when I'm ready to move on she knows what buttons to press. Not to make me happy, but to bring me back down. Like you said, run away and never look back.
It's completely true! I was sick at the end and lost my job too because i couldn't handle everything anymore i was all the time tired, exhausted... But the only thing I always kept, was my sense of humor even feeling completely empty. It's not easy but yes we can leave because we deserve better
Having a sense of humour is great.
The problem is that when I'm tired & exhausted I always think of the best things to say after the fact.
Same thing happened to me! Lost health and eventually my job. When he had nothing more to get out of me (son grown, moved out) and I was starting to prioritize my own needs, he moved in with a younger woman he'd supposedly just met.
I was very sick, refrigerator broken, alone during lockdown. After 25 years it felt like being dumped on the trash heap.
Still recovering but MY HEALTH came back within 2 years *I'd been sick for 10 when he left).
Amazing! I'm so happy and so free. Sometimes things are hard but that "relationship" was sooo much harder!
@@carpathianken yes i understand and it happened to me too sometimes reflecting what could say😏 you will ok 🙏
@@apelger8360 Great for you! You deserve it. ❤️
I developed insomnia,anxiety/panic attacks, sensory overload, showing actions that's not in my character. I had to rebuild myself in the presence of the narcissist. I still find myself trying to rebel and walk on eggshells. Telling him my family and friends will not be put on the sidelines because he dislikes them. Yet. I don't talk to certain friends with him around. I have an enemy in my home and I'm thinking I have to move out of my own home to get away from him. I don't have any hopes or desire for a future with him. I know I'll be better off without him.
This is so sad, that you may have to leave your home. I hope with the force of god, he will leave your home.
Wish you luck
I was stonewalled year after year- I was given silent treatment allllll the time- he would walk off, hang up, ignore all of my texts and flirts, he would drive off, get out the car and walk away in the middle of traffic in a new place that I don’t know- this was constant. I realize he had wld leave and go to his real woman, I was the side chic : he was always leaving, I went to all events & holidays alone - so I said I’m better off alone/ thank God I had the sense to FINALLY catch on and see reality that I am not loved / not cared for / not appreciated or wanted- I was a means for attention and that’s all.
This resonates with my life for 31 years. Initially, I thought I was a failure due to all the gaslighting and negatives I received from him through the years. I only learnt if narcissism few years ago. I've had enough!
Experienced all of the signs! Thank you for the breakdown
Everything u said is what I went threw. It's been a year and I'm not over it.
stay strong
dont go back!!
write down all they did to you & read it EVERY DAY at least once
This is my mother... I've gone "No Contact" for a month now, I spent holiday's without any family member, although it was hard, it was not as painful as it was being around her... God help us all
Exactly what I felt especially no. 5 and 6. After 32 years I recognise the npd characteristics of my husband and seek therapy and now I am living with my son at Sydney temporarily. Living away from my husband made me much more comfort and happy but still I don't know how to face the life when I have to return back to my home.
Thank you Danish, thank-you very much for your videos which are very helpful and highly informative for we people
❤
Weird thing happened: He had been admiring these sneakers online, so I got them for valentines day. They came in the mail, he was so unhappy. He poked fun at my taste in sneakers. He proceeded to wear them as he worked on a car, they became soiled and pretty dirty the first day he put them on. It was like, "look at how much I don't care, look at what I am doing with your gift". It wasn't the sneakers, it was the act. We broke up shortly after.
Man! You did the right thing ! Pruning that vine before it choked you and blocked all the sunlight. What a childish ingrate!
Lord Jesus, only if you were around 12 years ago!!! However, continue to HELP others as you are. I would've benefited long ago , I went through it WITHOUT ANY HELP, BUT....by the GRACE OF GOD, AND HIS MERCY, I MADE IT OUT!!! KEEP HELPING people. God Bless you
When I left I had almost completely lost my entire identity. After I left it took a while but I did recover. Praise God.
"A monster to you inside the four walls because no one can see who they truly are..."
I developed fibromyalgia (a nervous system disorder that occurs when your body has been through a trauma, accident or illness) after my first narcissistic relationship that lasted 7 years. It's from your body being stuck in fight or flight mode all the time, so your nervous system kind of just gets fried. Your base level for pain is now at a heightened level all the time so you are always in pain and exhausted plus a multitude of other health issues that come with it. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. (Except the narc!)
I have fibromyalgia too.
My Ex is a Narcissist and has Bipolar Disorder both his mum and him. Very Sad Life. Thank God I am Gone and Done ✔️🙏
Yes I had constant stomach issues / I got sick in every vacation- we are not together anymore 2 years now but I am still affected by what I went through. I was blamed for everything/ I lost myself yes but when I left I got therapy/ spoke to my Pastor daily and am putting my life back together. He is still content with the dirty, cruel, mean, harsh, deceitful way that he treated me- he said it’s my fault. My hair fell out the year I left. I realized I was never LOVED - I was used for attention and to feed his ego - I was taken for a fool. Glad I left
After 26 years of physical and emotional abuse he had already discarded me in his mind but would leave and come back. Then he did the smear campaign and said the most horrendous things to our children and my Siblings. I realised I had stayed too long with this demon. He left and I went no contact for 2 years and finally he moved on.
Weight loss. Hair loss. Anxiety, CONSTANTLY chewing my lips, sadness, daily headaches, increased joint pain that I attributed to aging
Thank you for telling me the truth, no matter how much it hurts to hear it. 💔😥
Dude you are saving lives
It is better to leave them. I'm a victim for 30yrs. Still struggling, bcs money children etc comes in between. And my husband made every relative against me. I subscribed to ur channel. Good work man. Don't ever advice the victim to stay but to leave. 🙏🙏👍👍👍
If they find out what strikes a nerve... Oh goodness. Don't let them know..
Everything you have saying happened to me ,in my 25 year marriage. If I disagreed or would not do as he said ,then I had the silent treatment that could last for weeks or months. It was cruel and he would not speak to the children either.
Any phone notification that went off I was scared, because he always accused anything being another guy, menstrual cycle messed up due to stress, always portrayed perfect image on the outside meanwhile I was falling apart internally due to them.
Why do I still care? What is wrong with me?
Edit that's the sad part, he doesn't deserve my love. I am getting stronger. Thank you Danish
I have been married to a narcissist for last 40 yrs, separated twice, reunited but no change in him. Finally I developed an autoimmune disorder and asthma. I realized what has caused it after listening to your videos
This is true. I cant even comment because it hurts too bad. Where was the help I needed 20 years ago?. No one validated me when I went for help.
Thank you for this video you spot on im married to this monster for 44 years and im still in this mess every single one you say in this video is spot on i hope and pray that soon God will bless me with freedom from this idiot thank you
Just leave them and go no contact, they never deserved you ,or your time ,or support or your Love and encouragement , the love bomb you and after that they put you on Lockdown,plan your escape take them by surprise, very good videos Thanks 👍👍👍
... They put you on Lockdown... Yesss
Another one is not feeling emotionally safe. This lead to me developing an eating disorder and insomnia. When I feel emotionally free, everything falls into place.
Thank you, Danish ! This is a great video. I resonate with every single one of your videos, and finally after begging so much I understood it’s time to leave. Time to look for a better and healthier future for me and my son. ❤
Danish is good at what he does. I live how he does not mince his words, he tells it exactly like it is. He exposes them, and with that, we can see. At first I used to feel so shocked because I wondered how someone who is an expert on narc's knew things that I would only have known. Like they were in the room. Then I came to learn how cookie cutter narcs are. They ALL use the same narc handbook of manipulation to gaslight us and take us down so they own us and we being to lose ourselves.
I almost had a nervous breakdown, had no focus
I'm close. I'm working on a plan to go somewhere, ANYwhere alone for a few days. I need to be alone so I can cry w/o shame, do some journaling & self reflection and find that girl I used to be. She's in there, I just have to reintroduce myself to that awesome, loving & happy-go-lucky woman I used to know!!
Anybody who doesn't want to see you study, change, work, and live your best life, is deeply disturbed.
Even family can behave this way. It's called entrapment when a parent implies you owe them because they created you. They act like they own you. This is called being used. That's not ok.
The thing about the narcissist and the positive mask around others is they can easily blame you and say “see how I feel so much happier with other people but u make me unhappy at home”. Still adds to theirs ability to blame u
100% sure i have to leave ASAP. Realize that today!
Everytime I tried to tell my ex husband who was the narrcassict in my life how he made me feel, his response was "That not true, you're wrong." After hearing it so many times I just stop trying. After a while I shut down completely.
Spot on Danish! Now that I have finally decided to leave my Narcissist husband of 10 years, I find your videos really helpful. The biggest thing is to be able to see the big picture, that this relationship is only going to get worse with time and to overcome one's fears about starting from scratch.
I had lost my body weight completely, I lost my personality, I lost myself in a living relationship of two years ; but now I have been trying to get out of this unhealthy relationship in no time
#2 I went from remission of Crohn's with no signs of disease in my intestinal tract to disease throughout my entire tract and constant hospital stays during my relationship with my abusive narcissistic ex. Three plus years later (I went complete no contact with him after he assaulted me) and my body is no longer responding to any medications. I had to get emergency blood infusions to save my life in June from all the blood loss through my shredded bowels. I may lose my intestines or my life.
If you're sick and looking for a sign to leave- this is it.
Do it before the damage to your health is irreversible!
Just yesterday, i was praying for a community where i would be understood so i can move on. Thank God i found your page.
Very helpful. Time to go back to work full time and fix my credit. No matter what I do I seem to be causing him aggravation and victimizing him. My family has passed away. He greatly limited my contact with them. I have no friends anymore because of his jealousy of any friendship female, family etc. I could go on and on. Thank you Danish. Great video.
Once you see the the lies, the exposed lies . You can not unseen this for what it is. It has been hard to imagine that people can be like this , so wrong, so vile.
I have not had many relationships in my life and had no prior romantic connection to a narcissist so this was a shock to me. I have never been treated so horribly in my life. After developing a strong spiritual connection with him (we were waiting for sex until "marriage") he began telling me he didn't care anything about me, if another man had me he couldn't care less, he started putting me out of the car in far away places, took me to the police station to file a report for "getting angry in front of his 10 year old child." We would be in the car and I'd look over and he would be frowning at me as if I was his enemy, all of this for no reason at all. He told me he didn't need my love, friendship, companionship and nothing. My feelings did not matter at all and no matter how I begged him to show me love, he would tell me I am a complainer and my feelings were childish and make no sense, he told me I needed to be tougher, stop being a cry baby and grow up and that I am not an infant, when he said or did very hurtful things to break me. I became so fearful and NERVOUS, shaking in my core, terrified of how he would hurt me or what he would do next, especially him blaming me for every evil thing he does. Whenever I brought up his unnatural, detached, emotionally disconnected and abusive, down right evil behavior toward me, he would say I think too much, talk too much and called me a complainer, saying I was obsessive and blaming him for issues he believes I had with my father from my childhood! It was crazy. He'd call me names even the b word and never ever gave a heartfelt apology or showed remorse. My friends urged me to get away from him for months and months. I finally blocked him and refuse to speak to him again. I am taking the rest of this year to heal and hopefully find healthy, productive love again one day in my future
Isto i kod mene sve kao kod vas
This is my life with my wife of 25 years. Now it's taking a toll on my health.
Thank you so much, I really needed this. It's crazy how fast the switch gets flipped when dealing with someone who is manipulative. I fell for this same person twice, the second time it started with talk about suicide and drug use; and me staying up all night pleading with them that everything will be alright. I told her then my experince with suicide, and about all the freinds I lost to drugs to try to convince her it wasn't a good idea. In a week or two, it all turned into how I should know she would never actually do something like that (even though she talked about it all night, every night), how messed up I was, and how she felt sorry for me.
I left a final text saying I felt even worse for her than before if she's are actually willing to lie about something that awful. I told them she needs serious professional help if it's that bad. I told her to stay strong and that I hope she finds happyness, then I finally blocked her like everyone and my mom (not even a joke) said to.
She made her sister cry after turning her whole family against her later that night. My little brother calls her evil, and at this point I'm starting to understand why.
If you ever come to a point where you are really questioning whether or not this person is a narcissist, leave right then. Even if you think you're in love, remember that a person like that isn't capable of loving you back.
I figured out she was kinda that way about Feburary or March, but it's not until a day ago I finally gave up. We stopped talking for about two months then she came back into my life after running out of people to talk too, so natually I wanted to be there for her. It wasn't worth it, just cut and run, and then you'll have your nights back to you.
Yes chronic headaches they call them cluster no one in my family ever had them. And they're going away because I don't give her the supply like I used to, and I'm starting to feel better
You forgot one undeniable sign and that is the way your children are treated by the narcissist. I broke all contact with my father because he was ruining my life. This meant no contact with other family members as well. I did this because I could not avoid this anymore. I would have ended up in a mental hospital. Later in life I broke with my husband because I was starting to get stress related fake hartattacks. Recently I broke with my brother, who was gaslighting me and taking all my energy. I feel a lot better now and also relieved. Narcissists take everything from you they will not stop untill one stops every regular contact. It is difficult, but for me the undeniable sign that I would lose my ability to survive, was the best motivation. I do not actually care if they are narcissists or not. If they try to break me, then the relationship is over. I will restrict any contact into a minimum. The other big motivation tot stop the relationship is my child. If he suffers I will suffer as well and the relationship is over as well.
thank goodness you protect your child against the evil
It can be difficult to get a person to even watch a video like this and think about how bad their relationship it, let alone taking any steps after that. Most seem to just be blind and oblivious to what's going on and want to keep on seeing none of these red flags.
I listen to all your advices they keep me from my trauma bond and wake me from slipping back. Your words help to reinforce my reasons for leaving. Its not been easy, it's lots if tears, anguish, questioning have I done the right thing leaving. Your videos are down to earth reminds of how awful it all got, After 34 years I'm on my own searching for my original self, it's been 7 months since I've seen him but I feel I'm getting there now. Your videos are invaluable, thank you.
Anxiety, Major depression, PTSD, disassociating on an epic scale ... I took what he said at face value, if he had said the sky was orange I wouldn't have even gone to check ... 2 weeks ago I was diagnosed with Sarcoidosis, my lungs are already compromised and I have micro abscesses on my liver, spleen and pancreas, this disease has only about 200,000 other people who have it, you can go into spontaneous remission or you could need transplant surgery, they don't know enough about it to one way or another I turn 60 in 2 months, my mom was 80 when she passed, I thought i had at least 20 more years ... now I'm alone, exceptionally ill and scared to death while he runs through women like water, and generally has a blast, never seeing or acknowledging the devastation he leaves in his wake ..
Extremely Excellent Danish!!!!❤