When An Emotionally BROKEN Man Is Using A Woman, He’ll Show These Signs!
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- Опубликовано: 15 окт 2024
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10:39: Your time together is mostly about sex
11:14 He doesn’t open up to you, avoids personal questions and talking on the phone
12:13 He doesn’t ask about you
13:23 He doesn’t protect you emotionally
15:22 He rarely makes time for you to meet his friends or to meet yours
16:08 He doesn’t go out of his way to help you
16:45 He puts off any conversation about exclusivity or any permanence in your life
12:13 He doesn’t ask about you
13:23 He doesn’t protect you emotionally
15:22 He rarely makes time for you to meet his friends or to meet yours
16:08 He doesn’t go out of his way to help you
16:45 He puts off any conversation about exclusivity or any permanence in your life
11:14 He doesn’t open up to you, avoids personal questions and talking on the phone
12:13 He doesn’t ask about you
13:23 He doesn’t protect you emotionally
15:22 He rarely makes time for you to meet his friends or to meet yours
16:08 He doesn’t go out of his way to help you
16:45 He puts off any conversation about exclusivity or any permanence in your life
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Self-Love the Book: www.selflovethebook.com
The "What Would Love Do?" Podcast www.jonathonaslay.com/category/podcast/
Recommended Books jonathonaslay.com/book-recommendations
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ruclips.net/channel/UCDOXs_34FF93o66Z-S0py1gjoin
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Hpp
I also heard this quote and loved it, “Do not follow a man who can’t lead himself.”
Exactly 💯
Fact
Very very good quote.
Well this one can lead himself but not the relationship
@@javireyes7333 yupp.
Women feel they can connect with an avoidant but they will get destroyed in the process. All I can say- RUN
Exactly
Indeed. 👍 RUN!
Sounds right.
what if i am the woman and avoidant?
I hear that. I had an awful experience.
10:39: Your time together is mostly about sex
11:14 He doesn’t open up to you, avoids personal questions and talking on the phone
12:13 He doesn’t ask about you
13:23 He doesn’t protect you emotionally
15:22 He rarely makes time for you to meet his friends or to meet yours
16:08 He doesn’t go out of his way to help you
16:45 He puts off any conversation about exclusivity or any permanence in your life
An hour in 10 seconds, thanks! And I left a 👍🏼 for the vid too!
Thank you
Senegal Princess, that sums it up. Thank you!
I was seeing a man on and off for a couple of years that was emotionally broken. Baby’s years over for us and I still have young children he wanted the goodies and would avoid any conversation of meaning and eventually I had to bring it to a close as he wanted to be friends but that came with benefits with every cycle that went by
@@fionam3735 cut him off immediately girl. Find your self-esteem and choose you and your children. That dude is a parasite!
I’m 83 dating another 83 year old, both of us having lost our spouses two and three years ago. My take: age doesn’t change a thing, emotionally.
You've got that right!
Thank you, you give me hope. I’m 53. Still searching for love.
I am an empath therefore I attract narcissistic broken men because I have a natural healing energy but I know how to spot them now I say Jesus saves and I run
OMG! Laughing so hard! Brilliant!
Jennifer, love that. I still pray for some of the people from my past. But don't see them anymore.
I also, am an empath. I'm confused by it, I don't understand it and not a fan of it. It's an emotional rollercoaster every day.
I am also an empath. How do you recognize narcissist?
@@sonaliawalekar well...they build you up, break you down, gaslight, ect ect but most of all...I read energy...I feel the demonic spirit narcissist possess. Satan was the first narcissist. Their demons irritate my spirit. Being an empath means you feel what other people feel so therefore I feel they're negative Lo vibe in energy I'm also an infj personality type so I don't miss nothing and I roll heavy huffing breath and somebody sneaking or lying I know it the only thing they do better than the buildup is the sneaking
My takeaway is that actions speak louder than words and trust is earned in all relationships.
I prefer... trust is built vs. earned
Beware, though. Players will do both speak & act, & some men will act a certain way but never say it. That way, they can say, "What made you think THAT? I never SAID I loved you or wanted us to be partners."
@@Honeycombe88they can only act so well, their true intentions will show in their actions. My ex played me so well but there were subtle signs he wasn’t genuine, taught me a big lesson tho!
@@Honeycombe88 .. exactly
Absolutely!!!
The 3 month thing is spot on. After being single for 6yrs I met someone and we were in a relationship for just over 3 months. It seemed great for the first few weeks but by the 3 month mark it became very clear that it wasn't going anywhere. The initial excitement had worn off and there was nothing of substance left to keep it going. So relieved it's over. He was starting to make me feel miserable and long for my freedom.
It took me 1 years and ,my heart is broken,but I had to let him go.😢
I walked away from the offer of a no-strings, placeholder relationship 2 weeks ago. I say to anyone in the struggle, RUN not walk and then lean into the recovery process. Cry, breakdown, isolate but keep going. I used the two weeks to immerse myself into the grief process and it feels EMPOWERING. I have the energy now to focus on my goals, and build my dream life. It is tough to walk, it is. Undeniable, but remind yourself that a healed version of you ought to be your goal, not attaching to unhealed people. We can do this.
Amen
❤❤❤
Thank you for those words. I needed this
Thank you.. wished I had you here to talk ❤
@@reneehyslip4549 I wish so as well. I know it probably doesn't feel like it at times, but every day you wake up, the answer to every question is there. I cried a lot today, but staying the course. Set a personal goal, and baby step it. I was able to put all my clothes away. I recorded a course video. The next day, washed the dishes. Little by little we find ourselves living life again. Also, it helps me to wish the same for him, even if I feel moments of unfairness. You got this.
Your relationship with yourself is key to peace of mind and acceptance. "Emotionally strong people move away from the nonsense." I sent this quote to myself for a long time before I started to feel like an emotionally strong person. I figured if I wanted to be emotionally strong I should try to act like one. I gave myself permission to walk away from nonsense. But I had to overcome the fear of walking away. I had to trust God that I would be okay, that I wouldn't lose something essential to my well-being. It was scary at times. But slowly over time, as I practiced distance and boundaries and telling myself "it's going to be okay - you're going to get through this." , I began to experience that the world wasn't ending. I still had a life and there was space for new things including liking myself and my own company. Healthy self-talk, like you would give a friend, is huge.
Best underrated comment. You can’t support someone else and their issues if you can’t understand and love yourself first.
Amen! Beautifully said.
Wow so true
💯❤️ Mentally and emotionally strong. Resilient.
Toxicity isn't excitement, and peace and stability isn't boredom.
Good for you! WE all have the answers were looking for contained inside. I go by how a person makes me feel now, rather than how i feel about the person.
This 10000% sinks in! After a year with someone and experiencing the push/pull dynamic..he wants me he doesn't want me was so confusing. Never wanted to commit but wouldn't let me go either was so toxic. I wish him well. Time for me to do the work on myself and ask why i would accept that behavior. We both clearly have alot of wounds. But I finally realized i cant fix him. Only myself ❤
Yesss!! We are stronger than that!! Heal you and take care of you so that you will expect nothing more than respect! 💪🏼 ❤
Women who are drawn to men "who can't commit" likely "can't commit" themselves. As you say, looking inward...
Love doesn’t leave confusion.. remember that and know next time if you don’t know where you stand that’s your answer!
Try 4.5 years of hot and cold 🙄 That was me until a month ago. I gave him enough chances to make a proper go of it, even managed to get him to call me 'girlfriend' but you get to a point where you have had enough of trying to prove your worth. Sometimes we just want answers or want to help fix someone but if someone would rather watch you walk away than say they love you, you need to walk away with your head held high and don't look back. Go no contact so you can heal. It's early days for me but I know I'm on the right track x
@@teripersson1308 ♥️🙏
👸"never love ❤️😍💖❣️💕💘anybody who treats u like ur ordinary!"- oscar wilde
Yes I have magnet on my frigator that says that. My guide to finding the best man for me
I never knew he said that. Interesting given Lord Alfred Douglas (his lover) treated him poorly.
This is a tough one when they pursue you (me). He pursued me twice. I was kind and loving toward him and we had a little sex… but I knew where he was and I could tell he wanted to attach to me but I have a secure attachment style. I used the relationship a little to practice, and I learned a little about myself. When he would get all swoony and said that I was going to get in the trenches with him, I would say, ‘no sir… I can cheer you on from the sidelines but please keep doing the work on yourself’. I think I acted with integrity but I did like him and wanted to give it some time to just see. But then he got nasty one time and his wound lashed out and I said ‘bye… sending you love and light, please keep doing the work and if we are meant to attract again it will be at a time that is best for both of us’. I am proud how I treated him, gave love and patience but then ultimately chose myself 😊💗
That's the only true way to protect your heart and sanity. Well done you.
Good for you 👍🏼
Yeah. The lashing out.
Raging. We're not responsible for someones dysregulated behavior or abuse. Remove these people ASAP. Indeed protect yourself and your sanity.
What did he mean get in the trenches with him?
1. Avoids asking about your day
2. Doesn't protect you - especially emotionally (his actions have consequences)
3. Doesn't introduce you to friends/ doesn't want to meet your friends
4. Doesn't help you, especially when you need them
5. Doesn't desire deeper commitment, puts off conversation for intimacy (only in it for the fun/ short time)
Only responds when you hit a target.
Mine had none of these symptoms but i still feel he was using me for something. Maybe clout
@@c.thompson9771what do you mean? When I hit a target?
so is mine for 7 years,, I always called him, he never called me or helps or asks how I am I am leaving him
@@soyicasweet99
@@Ihavemadeit999 push one of his buttons?
As soon as you draw a boundary or tell a guy "no" (i.e. that you aren't going to invest yourself into a sexual relationship until he is emotionally invested) vs. you continually pursuing, asking him for more commitment, for more engagement, more signs that he's serious about long-term, you'll find out right away his character and intention for you. If you are specific about your needs and boundaries, he will either lean in and show you his respect or not. Just don't sugarcoat his reaction if it's not what you hoped for, if he is showing you he's not fit for nurturing a mutually satisfying relationship, that IS your answer. You can try to keep asking the same question a bunch of different ways, but that won't change the outcome.
Hi Jonathon, I'm an occasional watcher, but at 68 I've been in too many dysfunctional relationships (+2 divorces) to even want to be with a man any more . I find so much value in YT videos like yours as it helps me see what happened years ago and how I ended up with the lousy partners as well as how I was coming from a place of being unhealthy. Thank you for your input. Brutal truth is sometimes necessary.
That's my story too. I stopped dating about 12 years ago on purpose. I enjoy being on my own, but I'm now considering to date again. Good luck to everyone looking for that needle in a haystack !!!
If the person won’t talk to you on a daily basis and only when they want to see you then they don’t want you
Just stumbled upon this, and it's' interesting. I admittedly have invested too much time with broken men out of sheer desperation. I'm 60 yo in a smalll southern town of mostly married people, and I'm black. Dating options are slim to none. Turned to internet and it's a playground for the broke and toxic. I've dated outside of my race and within. Tired of settling so I'm learning how to optimize being single and a senior. Not easy some days. Trust your intuition. Love on yourself and let it show. I still trust that the right person will find me somehow
Best attitude . Don't settle for anything less than you deserve.
What a beautiful and honest sharing. Thank you. 'Love on yourself'...yes!
@@whollyaligned Thank you,
Admitting to my loneliness and desperation was a turning point. It enabled me to address things head on instead of searching for relief with the wrong men!
I agree with you, that's why some people don't want to try again. We don't want to make another person suffer with our past traumas, we just want to be alone in peace. Excellent video😍
100%
It’s weird and crazy when that person is your father. I got to a certain age and realized he’d been bread crumbing me all my life. I was never a priority, and he seems not to know who I am, or to have respect for me. It’s absolutely heart breaking. I see myself in all of your recovery stories. Every day just trying to put one foot in front of another and take care of myself. It’s such a lonely process. Thank you for your stories.
Yeah, I wasted two years of my life on a man too embarrassed to even introduce me to his friends or be even seen with me in public. I invited him to meet my friends twice, but he declined. The only time he ever pays attention to me is when he needs something. I finally realized I would never be good enough in his eyes...
You're perfectly good enough. He's just a user that's gaslighting. You're well shot of him. Definitely hiding things and full of excuses. Untrustworthy.
Deserve better!♥️
👸u r a queen! period. u never deserve to ever be abused by anyone. to help keep evil 🤬 toxic low-no value energy-males &🥴🤡 people away from u. study & practice the traits of high value women. raise your boundaries & standards. & don't lower them. no🙅♀️ exceptions. & 9 x's out of 10 toxic trash grown boys will take themselves 🗑out😌!
@@queensun6059 👍 Exactly QueenSun.
@@sherriflemming3218 👸"we must learn how to 🤔to love ❤️ourselves correctly before we can love someone else bc that keeps us happy 😊no matter what & from ever taking crap!" -by rev. ike (paraphrased from his youtube, sermon on relationships).
Did you leave?
This video was excellent!! Wow did it resonate!!
After 6 months in a serious relationship that ended but then went on to me being breadcrumbed . I knew all along he was a broken man. You nailed each of the traits perfectly !! Thank you for giving me the clarity!! I’m so much happier and stronger without that toxicity!!
Thank you for all you share with us ❤🙏🏼
You are so welcome
I was in a relationship for 7 months with someone who was separated and going thru a divorce. Once he was divorced, he no longer wanted to be with me. He lied to his friends and family, saying I was a friend and he was helping me set up a new business. I let him live with me for 2 months and took care of him when he had covid. I never met any of his friends or family. Every time I asked him, he would yell at me, telling me I was sick, pathetic, and needed helped. The last time I saw him, he came by with his new corvette, thinking he would get sex and all I did was cry, knowing I would never be a priority in his life. He is divorced, living with his mother, with no responsibilities, taking flying lessons, has the new 2023 corvette, and probably getting sex from young women because of his car. It's been 10 months, and I still hurt.
Happy that you're clear from all of that!!you look beautiful and I hope nothing but the best for you ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for the insight. I suspect the fairly new man in my life is broken. He has shown up better than recent prospects but is clear that he thinks I'm the unicorn, without really making much effort to get to know me. Yes, we are all broken but I have really worked on my stuff. Not there yet, but realizing we are in different places and it's not my job to pull him up with me. Thank you.
A lot of us who are self supporting, want a partner in our lives, not all the relationship mumbo jumbo. Just acceptance. You cannot change people. It is too much of a challenge. Connections are learnt by practice. It is a skill. You will never get perfection in living with those you love.
True and compromise or striking a balance is needed
Correct about compromise and balance.
Omg you are so correct! Since 2019 (Late) I decided to make a change in my career because I wasn’t happy with it for years. The result is I became so happy with my life overall.. I traveled, spent time with friends and hung out with my grands and I felt like I didn’t have a need for anything else.. perfectly happy.. on my new job this guy who had been polite and nice for weeks I finally noticed he was working up his courage lol he asked me out for drink’s after work the same day I said I was going to stop turning down dates! Fast forward a year later we’re engaged!
Awe congratulations 🎉
I just got done dating a good - but really broken man - for about a year. Hope he works on himself. He knows he is the problem in all his relationships and has a lot of work to do.
Excellent advice !! I think you are right on the ball We need to grow up to have a good balance relationship. We need to be careful of how we set boundaries and give of our lives so we don’t get drained and abandoned if we give tooooo much more than we need to. God should be the center of our hearts not an imperfect man that has not grown. ⭐️❤️🙏🕊
Absolutely!!
Important to have a vulnerable conversations of wants and doing personal work is important to grow
Shift in dynamics understanding the root of childhood wounds
Adults aren't abandoned. They're left.
It is a MUST that God is the center of your heart. The spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend should also have God centered in his heart. Were you and your boyfriend equally yoked in Christ??
Beautiful ❤
My ex did every one of those behaviours that showed he used me. Bravo, brilliant. I'm sorry your child passed away. God bless. Take care Jocelyn. From Australia ❤️
You have to be with a partner that wants the very best for you and to grow, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Anything else is just BS. And that has to go both ways.
I recently met a man who ticks many of these points... I recognized this in a conversation and my first thought was Jonathan saying " NEXT " !!
I felt so empowered for seeing it for what it was and saving myself the stuff ups. He wanted a casual relationship after already admitting he didn't want to attempt a deeper relationship with me as he didn't think we were suited like that... so what did that make what he wanted with me ??!! A fill in ?
So I said, I am not interested in having a casual relationship with you, sorry. I then heard a silent gap on the phone. He just was not expecting that. I know I just saved myself a time of headaches and not being true to myself. Thank you Jonathan!
Yay! For you... 👍🏼
Nice!
👍 NEXT!
Hi Jonathan, its been a while since I watched your videos. But this one rang so true for me .Ever since my last relationship with a narcissist. I have embarked on a journey of self love and compassion and healing! I do not believe one has to be in a relationship to be happy. I create my own❤😊
I agree with the FaceTime. Always amazed at home someone on line will text… but then asked for a FaceTime, come up with lame excuses. I have spent very little time trying online dating in the last 6-12 months. Working on myself. Way more interesting lol.
Good for you... self work is the best!
@@JonathonAslayJonathan I don't know what went wrong but I was in a relationship for over a year on the phone long distance relationship at first you didn't ask me for no money then he started asking me for money I felt sorry for him so I sent him money he said he was broke and he couldn't get to his money well today he asked me for $550 I told him I couldn't send him that much I sent him 400 months I did and he got it he broke up with me he said that I wasn't material for a what a wife are a marriage I bought several of your books I have a broken heart and he blamed it all on me and I didn't do nothing to show him love and care
I agree, I find that extremely odd. When you are communicating with a male and he then asks for FaceTime (switching communication types)
I personally dislike face time, I prefer real-time, I can't smell someone online - the same reason I make it clear to men I hate text. A phone call I can hear everything, I love the phone, I can hear the truth and I can hear the lie! So not all of us who refuse face time are shady!
All of the points spot on! When I finally refused to be used he blocked me! But I am relieved that I set a boundary!!
Wow you described me 💯 I always give too much, that's why men take me for granted.
This is for the woman whose boyfriend secretly taped her during "makeup sex". The fact that he eventually told her doesn't make it OK. IMHO he secretly made that video for the purpose of blackmailing her into staying with him. If she hadn't continued the relationship, he would have shared the video to shame her and ruin her reputation. There's no justification for this man's actions. He showed his lack of character by this unspeakable act of betrayal (When someone shows you who they are--believe them)
Unfortunately, I think he may have already shared the video and only admitted what he'd done to ease his conscience. This man cannot be trusted. He sounds like a sociopath and possibly even a psychopath. This man sounds very dangerous. There's a reason why you broke up with him in the first place, so don't put your safety at risk by being with him. Listen to the voice inside you that is telling you to run, and never look back. As a survivor of domestic violence, I know what I am taking about. Please take care of yourself
Absolutely. And without consent.
All criminals have blank records until they're caught.
Jonathan you are a gem! I’m so geeked that I found your platform. You’re on point with everything! Your way with giving examples and scenarios are spot on… you deserve your flowers… keep up the great work!
I appreciate that!
I wish men would just say “we are not compatible “ and we go our separate ways but they don’t. They ghost or the gaslight or they give you crumbs of affection or trauma bond you and manipulate. And if I have the audacity to tell them to leave me alone I’m not interested in what they have to offer THEN the abuse kicks in. I’m happy on my own I don’t have time for the man babies.. self love all the way ❤
Humans are not perfect... 🙏
Women do the same thing but probably for different reasons.
Wow the questions tonight were crazy! A lot of turmoil out there. Makes my heart hurt that they need to be asked. Jonathan I’m so thankful that you are here for so many! I pray for safe travels to your other half ❤️!
I totally agree!
Wow😂
I lost my oldest son 26 years ago September.
Much condolences, your doing well . By the way I had someone do me a favor too! It still hurts.
Emotionally wounded people attract Emotionally wounded people. I've had people in my life that have been manipulative, physically abusive or verbally abusive. I started to ask myself, what gives? Why do these people find me? I think I understood from your comment that the problem is my own brokenness and lack of boundaries. 😊 something to work on, thanks.
Everyone is looking for the unicorn… that is so true!!! You said it so well Jonathan.
It’s 1 am ..when someone is important I can stay awake for to hear him😃 you’re absolutely one of the best J 🙏
Awe... thank you 😊
Thank you for using Word end vs failed. Some things should end and that doesn't carry a negative connotation, vs failed, which does. To recognize something does not have a healthy balance is actually healthy and a successful recognition.
Exactly 💯
Love this video Sir!
I also want to mention the men like my ex.
We've been divorced for 5 years, he's been through twice that many women due to wanting to marry or co-habitate within a matter of weeks of dating.
He's clearly afraid to be alone, yet he refused to do anything to work out our marriage issues.
I've been single & loving my independence since leaving him. I'm more interested in dating me not a another man child 👍
Happy to be a free woman, can travel anywhere. Happy and single. No I won't go after a guy, the guy comes to me. Even then am free, no bubbles for me thank you 🎉
You're so right. I even had the distant relationship that started but I was testing the guy. His talks were naughty, he asked to come so he would make love to me😂, me paying my trip to get f... 😂. I said I can't pay, he treated me of stingy. I kept talking even though being insulted plus the talks before, I was already done with this guy. The final point was when he finally said he would come and make love to me. No dinner, no I will spend time going place. Just straight to his point, which I kept short: I don't fornicate. 3 words that ended that shit forever 😂😂😂😂🎉
Love this….You have already opened my eyes to my new world of on-line dating. Yes, I will suggest face-time with these men !
Oh, please! 🙄🙄 all men are easy to predict. If you don’t look like an instagram model or a celebrity crush to the man you’re with, get ready. As soon as he starts earning more than four figures per year, he’ll take off to chase after the Insta model of his dreams. It’s all visual for men. They really do not care about the traumas that woman had unless they see a way to use those traumas to get into her pants quickly. As a woman, you better be getting paid a crapload of money to sit there and listen to that grown man beach and moan about all of his traumas. Therapy is not free! A beautiful woman deserves to charge the guy even more, because she could literally be out spending money of her sugar daddy instead of pretending to care about this weak, feminine men’s issues.
Don’t be surprised if a person wants to go back into a relationship with you because they can’t find nobody that right or the relationships they have before or after you didn’t work out usually multiple relationships. Karma is no joke. Forgiveness does not mean the restoration of a relationship.
I told an ex that I blocked I can’t trust you. You are a thief( more than once). He is a user and only wants sex.
I’m glad I move on. It gets lonely but my self-respect is more important.
Good decision! Safety first.
Me too
Guy came back under a phony phone number 7 months after he blew us up and ran. No thanks.
Let's look at all of the couples I know married for over 50 years, I've been blessed to see this a lot. They all have some thing in common, it's unconditional love & acceptance, flaws & all.
I have 5 couples in my family that made it to 50 plus years. Everyone says what wonderful couples they are - they are the most messed up relationships I have seen. Time means nothing - better to be happy - that is what we should all be striving for
I’ve been married for 59 years and it’s been hell. He’s an alcoholic and a control freak. I have some autoimmune conditions and I can’t walk after a fall so I’m now in a wheelchair full time. I live in a dormer bungalow unsuitable for a wheelchair. I can’t get upstairs or outside anymore so I’m stuck in the downstairs bedroom. He won’t allow me to go into the lounge or the kitchen because he says I’m too slow and I’m making marks on the carpet. He controls every aspect of my life now. Three days ago he was taken to hospital with pneumonia and it’s been the best three days I’ve ever had. It feels as if a weight has lifted off me, no one shouting or criticising me.I have two lovely daughters. My eldest one is looking for a house with a granny flat for me. It’s a scary thought at my age but I’m considering it. He’s coming home from the hospital today and I’m dreading it. I know quite a few women who have been married for many years who are living with a husband they detest. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors!
My grandparents were married for over 40 years. The atrocities that occured between them were almost unspeakable. Some of our ancestors endured because divorce was frowned upon. In some cases it was unconditional acceptance of abuse. Humans have been flawed for generations.
Very true
I had an ex who definitely exhibited these traits. But when I first dated him, he presented himself to me saying Ill make you an offer you can't refuse LOL!
Wow, you are one insightful person. I'm an emotionally broken and scared woman. I am genuinely happy without a relationship. It took me until I was in my 50's to get to this place. I am an only child and have always been in need of a relationship and I've had many. Every so often I'll check in on a dating site and occasionally connect. At that very moment, something happens to me, especially if I really like the guy and I turn right back into that needy, insecure, fearful girl who I loathe. I feel as though none of these relationships will work out, and they never do...me always ending up being left.
Same here
Im so sorry to hear that you lost your son, its aweful. May Gods peace be yours. You are doing the right thing with the Hoffman process, its obvious that you are a classy, intelligent human being. I found your channel this morning, filled with empowering tools to help both men & women live better lives.
Sorry for your loss of your beautiful son🙏 thanks for the video and your work.
Your 100% accurate and I thank you so much for this video. This absolutely pilots things in perspective. I’m 55 and still have to deal with Bullshit like this! With that being said I healed my inner wounds and in a much better place. I love this man but love myself more ❤
Might I add he's quick to move in with you because he doesn't have his own apartment and overcompensates by doing anything you want for fear of being thrown out causing the other person to feel guilty....
You are 💯 % spot on, and hilarious with your delivery. I love your channel & your bluntness… HILARIOUS🤣
I appreciate that
You are a big help for those who are confused about relationships. Thank you so much for your knowledge and wisdom and experience. Keep up the good work!
Happy to help!
Here I am. Single and broken. But I guarantee that the majority of people in couple are the same. Not judging, just reality
I register as an avoidant. I'm not afraid of love- I'm afraid of losing it. I do feel a distinction.
Yes, good point... the fear of loss.
@@ksref perfectly said! Much more afraid of losing it💔
I am so sorry for the loss of your son! I Imagine the WORST pain possible. Sending love.
Being an avoidant can be practiced. I used to be the one who gives too much then I became the one that doesn't care if it works out or not.
Why not change that? Your looking at a world of hurt.
@@danilaroche1156 because you become easy target to Narcissists if you care too much. Now you can pretend you care but still aware you not a doormat. I find that to be better than if you have no clue at all.
@@pumpyourselfup7683 I'm no target for a narc. I've BEEN there. I just want you to experience genuine love, hon. You seem so cynical. It's disconcerting.
It's about being a healthy skeptic.and protecting yourself. It can be trauma that makes you feel this way from bad experiences.
Narcissists? Trust Your Gut - Dr Sam Vaknin
Narcissist? Body vs Brain - Dr Ramani
Just Stay Single - Natalie Clarice
That’s how I feel after ending an 8 month relationship…I didn’t want to give much basically protecting myself to see what his intentions were and he was a 50 year old broken and confused man who was once divorced. I can see why now..He misled me by working when I first met him two months later he quits so he says and has been in between multiple jobs in 8 months…he doesn’t an apartment anymore like when we met everything started going downhill in his life..I was trying to be there a little but like I said I didn’t want to do much nor can I when I have my bills my kids still need me at times and I have an aging mother…those are my priorities..I felt like if you are broken with all these problems and issues…work on yourself” before dating. People need to stop bringing problems into people’s lives who don’t have these problems. To me, it’s selfish to bring such excess baggage into a person’s life and EXPECT them to fix it. I ended it the other day, peacefully, I didn’t any problems just gave him all his belongings and told him to focus on fixing himself. I like him though but it’s way too much to accept…I find myself being stressed out and arguing which I hate doing. My house is peaceful and I want it stay that way….I did tell him maybe…we can start over one day…but I doubt it…he has a lot to work on and needs to keep a job for sure
First of all, I’d like to commend you, Jonathan, for being here for all of us. You are super helpful. My bf of 6 yrs just broke up with me in June, on vacation. It was a complete shock. He’s a giver. I’m a giver. But he’s so emotionally broken. Now I’m heartbroken 💔. I love him so much. I was a supportive constant in his life and he was to me. Strange, but I feel like I’m mourning the loss of him. 🙏🏼💔
It's best to not mingle until your kids are in college. Too many women get literally derailed in meeting what looks like everything you need. Nope just have to wait...the best narcissistic behaviors come on doing everything so well ..but then it's very difficult to get out once entangled so please 🙏 hear me...wait more time...best advice I can give from my experience after divorce w child.
I am very grateful I found your channel! What fantastic wisdom! Thank you for giving your time and sharing your insights
You are so welcome
We were together for a year , he did all the “husband” things , took me to the airport, got me food when I was sick , fixed things in my house …..gave me keys to his house , I met all his kids , he met my friends and family, he seems to be falling in love , suggested that we moved in , then boom ! suddenly he got scared and pulled back and started talking to other woman and going back to dating app…..becoming hot/cold in the last two months …refusing to talk about it ….I finally left.
That must have sucked...
@@JonathonAslayhank you ! I’m your long time fan! First comment on your vid! he reached out 5 weeks into NC and said he wanted to take me out for my birthday , I said no thanks. I can’t deal with that cycle anymore.
@@jessicass5892 Well done 👍
Good day. I am watching you from Russia ♥ I'm a psychologist. You say very important things. Thank you for your sincere and lively video ❤
Thanks for watching!
Yep, I was used. Checked all the boxes. He was only after the sex but played a really good intriguing pregame. Now I know... fortunately I’m a quick learner and didn’t waste too much time on this broken man.
Same here!! We learn and grow for sure ❤
So sorry to hear about your son. Thank you Jonathan good feedback!
Thank you
Avoid men who play video games nonstop and are Discord users. They could care less about your existence. Being alone is not that bad better than being alone than being with a bad company
very true, immature dummies
Predatory men should be called out!!!! They aren’t just broken but predators aswell
To Date and be healthy with whom your drawing in, you really need to become the substance that you are looking for. Don’t expect to be rescued, Rescue your self! Heal yourself and draw in Healthy options. Stop repeating the looping of the unhealed self from your childhood thru a system of cycles that keep repeating.
Just a note to say thank you for being a bright light of sanity . The questions you deal with are a bit bonkers at times . Your level patience is admirable.
Wow, thank you
Absolutely brilliant this is the first time I have heard you Jonathan and this is so timely for me .
Thanking you so very much 💚From Australia
Jude
Thanks for listening
He doesnt protect you, omgawd sooooo true🎉
I was broken and I attracted a broken man but now I'm healing by myself and learning so I won't attracted the wrong one
Amen 🙏
Thank you Big brother. Really appreciate it! Greetings from South America ☺️🙏🏻❤️❤️❤️❤️
Jonathon- YOU ARE SO ACCURATE AND TOTALLY UNDERSTANDING OF EVERYTHING RELATING TO people in every form of relating. Congratulations you are brilliant! Thank you for your professional guidance. You are THE BEST.❤️🤗
Wow, thank you!
I “dated” a guy who:
1. Spent 5-7 days together
2. Long FaceTime hours on phone
3. Bought me numerous gifts
4. Bought my groceries nearly weekly
5. Gave me a closet & drawers for my stuff
6. Accommodated things around the house for my liking
7. Did a bunch of family stuff with the kids
8. Introduced me to family
9. Insisted I wait for him to change my tire vs me doing it myself (1 hour drive 1-way)
10. Would “argue” with me with calm discussions for understanding
And he would not commit to bf/gf after a year.
Nope- floored. Act like a bf but didn’t want me.
Love is a fickle thing...
Yep ,Same for me 😢
Wow...this really hits hard with me.. Here it goes 💔 long story trying to make it short ... Over 2 years old my Ex husband came to me wanting to see me again.. knowing he is Married but NOT happy in his broken Marriage with her... I know..call me stupid.. But!! I walked away from him 20 plus years before this... I loved him we were in our 20s..had two children..he was a mess then... And Now i know he was a mess again... I felt i failed him before and wanted to try and FIX him Emotionally...I didn't understand all this till NOW listen to you Johnathan!!!
Anyways things was great for the first year and half... He told me he would never marry again...which i had no problem with... I just wanted to be with him... Things still going ok... Then i hear him talking over and over and over..lol same things... At this point he's Divorced... I'm trying to be supportive...He went through finding a new home to live in... He was running from this last marriage he bought a house so far away...lol beautiful home... Family and friends helping him Move... Along with me... Excited to see him happy....😊 Now its been over 2 years.. I'm feeling him pulling away little by little....Me ?? I'm wondering what i was doing wrong... Well one thing lead to another... I told him... I won't walk away again... My mistake!!!
I made him... Do it evidently... He was trying to break it off and i was too blind to see him doing this to me... I left my Love for him take over my Brain !!!
Ohhhhh now listening to you !! What a Broken man he was ..have been !!! We are now dealing with not talking texting seeing each other everyday.... Things have been said... Now I'm telling myself... What the Hell where you thinking !!! I asked him WHY did you come to me only to do this to me ??? His answer was... I was a safe place 👀 i was so pissed at myself let along at him for hurting me .. over and over !!!
So ...... I'm now in the healing stages of SELF LOVE... As you call it !!! It feels good... Thank you!!!! You are so helpful... Believe me.. this was only pieces of my relationship we had telling you... 😂😂 So now again 🎉 I'm healing ❤️🙏❤️
I have been single for for 23 years because I was raised by narcissists and then I married a narcissist got out of it after 5 years and another one home then on me and I was the broken one and that lasted for 20 years until he replaced me. Unfortunately after all this time I see them everywhere narcissist these old men that have played this game their whole life and now they're just desperate. I've been working to heal for the last twenty-plus years very slowly at first now I'm 67 and I wish I had known all this when I was 20 years old LOL it's okay though. That second man came back after a year and wanted to come home and I told him I didn't know where his home was; I am so glad I did not stick around for another 20 years of that. You have really good information thank you
True control your own emotions, don’t let anyone manipulate intimidate the way you feel if this happens run and run fast.
Hi you made me laugh for an hour about this serious emotional matter . Thank you for uplifting my energy 😅
I so enjoy listening to you, it's common sense in your no crap style and I can't help laughing because it's so true. Keep up with the truth telling it in your style.
Thank you! Will do!
Rejection is protection!
Recently I dated a broken man.
At the first date he asked me if I wanted to get married in the future. I told him that marriage isn't important to me, without telling him my reasons. ( I never wanted children because I have severe astma, and because of that I'm low in energy and know what my limitations are. So I'm not able to chase after some children)
I wanted to keep the first date light and airy.
He assumed because I don't want a marriage, I would have childhood trauma's and expressed that clearly to me. With other words, I should work on that/ was indirectly blaming me for that.
Or maybe he thought that I would be an 'easy' person, based on my looks (natural blond and big-breasted and wanted to know if I was serious and not some kind of plaything).
So he kept me questioning about the subject of marriage, making it seemingly obvious to me, that marriage was an important thing to him and that he had serious intentions with me.
So I kept on dating him, and after some dates, he suddenly said, he wanted to date me without obligations, and that he had made that clear at the first date😯, huh!? Mixed signals...
He was completely ignoring the fact that he was the one pushing me, about the marriage subject.
So he wasn't consequent in his words/ intentions.
After that, he only texted me en showed no interest by not asking me questions and kept me on hold, by texting me every week, that he would spend the weekend with his kids.
Instead of every other weekend (he was divorced).
After two months I told him that I didnt wanted to continue dating like this (there was no dating in fact). He never responded to me, ending me with him. He ignored me again, and kept texting every week that he had his children over in the weekends. I ignored these texts.
After a few weeks I got so sick and tired of the same text very week/ in fact the 'BS', I texted him very short but clear, that he never has to expect something from me again.
After that, 3 weeks passed by without any text from him, so I thought I had made my message clear finally.
After 3 weeks all of a sudden, he texts me again, that he's gonna focus on his kids for the next couple of months.
(well I figured that already out in the last 3 months, that's why I ended it 2 months ahead of him).
As if he wanted to have the last word, and was not accepting that I rejected him twice.
The next 'strange' thing is now, that today he has deblocked me already, after just a week that he blocked me.
Seeing today 2 grey check marks, instead of one check mark in the past week.
The mindfuck' is real. A broken man with a very big ego who doesn't know what he wants and is hurting me in the proces.
Very arrogant, that he thinks a woman like me is gonna wait for him and keeping me on hold without a real reason. Ghosting can sometimes be better.😜
Luckily I saw it after 2 months already. I feel so much more empowered by your video's!👌😀
Block him so he can't contact you. You don't owe him anything, and you owe yourself peace of mind.
@@r12-z1v This man is manipulative and knows exactly what he's doing. 💯. However they can call from another number or find other ways to contact you. I've changed my number many times over the years to purge people I was done with.
Absolutely 💯 nailed so many points. Being 57 and finally know what red flags look like. Better late than never
I get it... and sometimes we ignore the red flags because there's a lesson we need to learn. UGH!
Many men I came across are emotional unstable. It must be the stress of life. I can't be bothered. I think of my own happiness as I slog during my honest teaching days. I choose independence never think of marriage. To me it's a baggage.
Thanks for this video n this is exactly what I'm going through. I will put a pause on dating to do the inner work.God blessed
You are so welcome
Jonathon! You answered all my questions about my former relationship with an emotional broken and avoidant man who still after 41/2 years broken up with me out from all he blue tells me recently it has always been me along he loves yet continues to avoid taking it further than small talks and not protecting me with his hot and cold behaviors to want to advise and listen to him vent It’s as if I’m his therapist which I am in my professional career. He refuses to acknowledge that maybe he has unhealed wounds by his turbulent ex wife. Believes there is nothing wrong with his behavior. Every relationship he has after his divorce over 18 years ago has failed. I’m in no contact and I refused to be used as this therapist and wasting my life on him . I do believe he takes me for granted. I’m done. I’m too much of a good woman which he tells me all the time. I won’t be taken for granted by him or any man. By the way. You have found your right match with Marie. You both radiate and respect each other. Great chemistry too. God bless you Jonathon and your relationship with Marie. She’s classy and beautiful!
Omg you are my soul sister in this dating world. That’s what happened to me! I am going to get with Jonathan and learn how to detect these men much sooner. I don’t get it. I will tell you that your ex will regret it. Because there are not too many women out there like that. My ex said I am the kindest & honest person he has known but It’s easy to bulldoze over me. Ugh I don’t want to play games.
Yes, she is... thank you 😊
You are righttt , Jonathan I felt he cared cause he kept coming back but in reality it was a cycle 🔁 it goes round and round and we think we are breaking through he is getting closer but they are nottt !!!! They never 👎 will 😔 Sadly like Whitney Houston sang I hope life treats you kind but I will always love you . One thing she forgot is I love me moree !!! We are not therapy centers we are beautiful beings that deserve love 💗 not crumbs .. sending love to all !!!
Yet again so informative and mature . A Big Thank You and Best Wishes ❤
You are so welcome
You need a partner; not a project. Its simple, but not often easy.
Thank you for sharing your “drug of choice” and your story with us! I’ve been watching you for a few months and your information is very relevant and helpful! I’m going to order your book today. 😊
Hope you enjoy the book and write a review 😊
My tuition makes a difference ❤🌹
Divorce caused by so many reasons...personalities, interruptions with outside forces, children family, & friends. My husband got bored with me and demanded by his actions he did not love me anymore after 30 years .So we got divorced. It was the safest thing for me
He definitely had a long term strategy but was a severely broken man (19 years younger) and lost soul with a severe alcohol addiction and extremely jealous. I had to let him go but will always love him.
What was his strategy?
@@JonathonAslay It was more that he wanted to be around me and wanted to grow old with me but he never grew up and stayed that hurt little boy and expected me (mommy) to arrange everything. He drained me energetically with all his problems, paranoia, no,stability. So actually the strategy was more in his head like ‘’I would never abandon you’’ but nothing concrete. It was just impossible and now he is hanging around homeless in my hometown (1800km from his homeland Poland), for over a year now. It’s gonna end bad for him 😢
This has been so entertaining, and informative. Thank you so much
I just got out of a relationship where both of us had these attachment styles. It only lasted 2 months. But boy did it hurt.
It's resonating with me in reverse back in my 20s. I dated a woman who was recently separated and going through a divorce. Your points hit all her, she was using me for sex. I was willing and it was fun while it lasted but it just never went anywhere and ended just quick as it started. Lasted all off 3 months.
Thank you Jonathon! I used this information today to vet a man from Bumble. Lots of great information!!
Glad it was helpful!
Bumble,lol
Your short-term and long-term relationship thought strategy is excellent. Love that, and thank you so 💖✨️🙏🏽.
So glad!