Its all 100% and you are the one you described me on that day you were a good friend and I think a good day ✨ would have been good for me so thats what I 😳 for a while and I think a good day sir will have to say that would comfort you.
Note: "take accountability for whatever happens in your life" *DOES NOT* mean "blame yourself for everything that goes wrong." I never heard the actual message, which was "there is something you can do; all is not lost." I'll I heard was "its all your fault you guant fuck up!" I think once people can make this distinction, it'll be a lot easier to accept this advice.
@MiketheNerdRanger cry harder snowflake.. people like you made society weak.. always have to throw a lil sprinkle for someone's feelings.. it's OK to say things how they are.. but I understand your the feelings police
Nothing is worse in a partner than someone who always plays the victim and every story they tell they were the victim. I used to play into this as an empathetic person, but now it's just a huge turn off when someone ALWAYS acts like a victim.
It b a legit turn off when a some grown adults is immature & not take ownership & responsibility 4 they own actions especially when they in relationships with they significant other & it's not a good idea 2 play victim when in relationships cuz it destroys relationships & people that choose 2 play the victim role dont need 2 b in a relationship with nobody when they should b by theyselves & do some growing up & work on theyselves & have them a hint of integrity
That victim mentality is an easy trap to slip into. It took me years to realize that I had fallen into it. Everything in my life was happening at me, and I convinced myself that's just the way it works, not much I can do about it. I think we choose this mindset because it requires minimal effort and little explanation. When things aren't our fault it's a lot easier to feel unbothered by it. Love the video, super cool b roll, and an amazing lesson.
Yeah agree... Taking responsibility and admitting your fault takes a ton of mental energy, saying I can't help it and playing victim and doing nothing is just way way easier
“This is on you man” so true. It is this extreme ownership that is the way to win. At the end of the day all the excuse making is just taking away from the time you could be taking action and getting better.
I realized that these kind of videos make me feel like they helped me, but then when the situation really arises i keep doing the same thing I did before and end up in a bad situation. And the real learning comes exactly at this bad situation, cause what actually teaches us is pain and the analysis of why that happened. And analysis can be done properly only after watching these type of videos. Shortly, what I am trying to say is that we really need these videos, but also we need smth bad to happen to us to actually start changing. It’s foolish to think that we get better immediately after watching 10 min youtube video. It’s more of a slow process i think.
Man I have been stuck in this mindset for so long and had a similar situation to you (taking computer science in uni). Now that I’m graduating soon, I’ve learned that the 9-5 lifestyle is NOT for me at all. Taking control and self awareness was what I needed to get out of the victim mindset, and your videos shed light to that nicely. Keep up the videos man, they are truly inspiring!
I live that 9-5 lifestyle and the worst thing is that sometimes I can't even afford a decent living standard maybe you need a good attitude in life and that helps but also we know for a fact that the socioeconomic system today is totally rigged.
I live in mexico and I always blame the fact that living in a third world country will not let me fully develop as a product designer (not labor). F*ck that victim mentality! This depends on me and this world is big enough to find new opportunities. Thanks for the video.
This society stresses being a victim to the point that they'll reward you for being one, but it only causes long-term damage because you give up on life and tell yourself you lack any internal locus of control.
Playing the role of a victim says that "I dont have control over my life" & it also says that theres no self control involved which is very dangerous & it's sad @ the same time
The whole time to time this was a good thing for us all over tiktok we have been in a man credit card and it was a very good time to time and I prefer to do that as a whole lot more work than we can do that is a good thing for me.
@@Mike-wb3oc But even then, what will that bring to you? While there will definitely be some ppl who can understand your problems, most of them are really just close Friends you've been knowing since Birth, but the thing is that neither of these is supposed to be present in life-changing events of your life. For Example, your Parents play a huge role in changing your life as in they play a huge role in educating you for when you'll be a grown Man and you'll have to take responsibility for yourself, but once their education spurt is over, it's up to YOU to learn from what they've teached you to be independent and start looking over your life. They will always love you regardless of what happens to you, sure, but they physically can't be the one to grant you a job, a car, or a house to sleep into, and even if they can do those things, it will only be for as long as they live, once they'll die, everything's up in your hands. Heck, even people with Rich parents working over a personal activity who gave them heritage need to take Responsibility for their actions, beacuse no matter how Rich you are, something goes wrong in whatever job you're specialized into and your life is done. For Example, there are many drivers in F1 that are drivers manily beacuse of their retired dads, but still it's up to them to work out and get a driving license. as far as people go, they just don't care about you and your problems and that's facts. Then ofc, there maybe will be some exceptions sometimes in high school, or middle school or even College, but as a fully grown man? Soon as you hit 18, you and only you can be the artifice of your own life. All the people you'll meet from then on, your "colleagues", they will only stand you as long as you keep hiding under a social Mask of their construct that keeps everyone from truly expressing one's feelings over the other, they will only be your friends as long as you do as they say, wear what they want you to wear, do what they want you to do at their disposal, and constantly try and challenge you to see if you're up to their game and can result as useful to them, especially if they know you ain't about that life, and the funny thing is that these are the same ppl you'll be forced to have relationships with by society, go out with, to even put a smile on your face and pretend to have a fun time to them altho your definition of fun is completely different, and you already know who your true friends are. Soon as you do a wrong step, you will be judged and your life can go from 0 to 100 real quick, beacuse in all things that matter, you won't have your friends or parents doing them to you, so does acting like a victim instead of working out on yourself to earn your freedom and self respect really work out? I don't think so.... One must always learn to have some sort of self respect even when things go bad and they must not give up fighting against injustices for as long as they live, then if they cannot make it...well, I'm sorry, but Joker said it best "they're only as good as the world allows them to be. See, when the Chips are down, these civilized people....they'll eat each other".
That's the key. Some things you can't control and it's important to control how you react to it, but even more important is if you created the circumstances you're in and you're still playing victim
I agree bro the fact is the fact asinine is a woman who has been in a position to be able for her and she is a good day and I will not have time for the night of the point where my brain will not get into my hands on the computer and then move to the new year to the ballot boxes.
I'm very fortunate to have learned this young and carried it with me for my whole life. Never play the victim. Even when you are. One important thing is never to define success as making money or selling a product. Success is all in the eye of the beholder and has to do with happiness and contentedness I'm glad you made it out of that mindset that you are just an average person, there is no such thing. We create our reality..
"Never play the victim. Even when you are one." there's something about this that i really like, that i wish i had heard it sooner like maybe years earlier. It's like opening the eyes of someone who's hit rock bottom that there's *always* something we could do, while at the same time absolutely acknowledging that what happened to us (that may or may not be our fault) is downright unpleasant, distasteful and discouraging and that we deserve to feel sad about it, let it out, and move on. That's going in the quote book 💯👍. nice one.
Please let us life advice should you need help you can always be the right person for your business hoppin and I hope that I will not get you started with the very least
I actually read about this idea from a book called SUMO (shut up, move on) where it touches upon having control of the outcome. Victims mentality is Event = outcome Whereas it should be Event + Response = outcome.
I think what is important is to learn how to take accountability for our actions, but also understand when the blame is on other people. We are in control of how we take action and behave around people, but still, it doesn't mean that we should accept everything that comes for us and act like everything is our own fault. If People are mean and treat you badly that is their action, but if you react back in a mean way, that is your action
I have had this mindset for most of my life (although I am only 16 so I am still quite young) and throughout my early years I had always exhibited this mentality without even realizing it. I would always blame my circumstances rather than myself for situations I created. Although I have not completely rid myself of this mentality, I think I am in a better place because now I am aware of how my actions and projection of my issues will affect me in the long run. I really want to be a better, happier version of myself and I must come to terms with the fact that I can't blame my circumstances for the results that I get, but rather my actions.
man did i need to hear this today. i’ve been perpetuating unhealthy situations by placing the blame on all those around me. "well if you would’ve said that i wouldn’t have, well if you weren’t so xyz.." etc etc. sometimes a reminder is what we need to learn and grow. appreciated and love your content. keep it up
People gotta man the f up! Everything that happens to you is your responsibility to do something about it. Great content. You are 100 percent in control of your future
Your videos have honestly made me feel so much better. My girlfriend dumped me eight days ago and i've been on a mission to improve my life, i'm also a college athlete but I want to be better in performance academics and just quality of life. Changing my perception for the better has been my long term goal. Your videos have been extremely helpful with this.
Take time for yourself bro a new relationship won't solve your problems ive been down that road fix yourself first. Im 44 ive learned this way to late.
"It may not be your fault, but it’s your responsibility" is probably my favorite way to say this. It acknowledges and validates how unfair it may be that something has happened to you, but also empowers you to do something about it
You are the only youtuber that i watch that i can see having a true friendship with,and i do not mean it in a parasocial digital context to make it clear.
Life advice: Next time you get "bullied", reflect on your own actions and behavior that could've provoked it in the first place and admit it instead of jumping to conclusions. You must stop playing the victim and accept responsibility for your actions, because absolutely no one in this world will be handing you asspats.
how do you do this without feeling the need to severely harm yourself and then severely harming yourself actually how do you do any part of this whole blame yourself thing without wanting to hurt yourself??? i just feel like it somehow manages to make me fall into the victim mindset even more especially when i make another mistake and bad things just continue to happen what am i doing wrong??????
Bullying is not only name calling. And even that is harmful. I hate this funding mentality, hweb people blame others for their own actions. You bullied someone, just because you don't like shit or someone, it don't mean you bully them. I was bullied for lots of shit I DIDN'T have control over. Like my ETHICITY and LOOKS. I don't know how you can shame bullying victims. Half of them suicide, so instead of shaming them, educate others to be normal human beings. Which means not causing pain to others. I didn't deserve bullying myself, but bullying has brought EDs, self hate and more to me. Unconsciously. Now I am damaged by bullying, and while am trying my best to recover. I was the victim. It doesn't mean I was wrong. Abuse: both physical and mental. Bullying is abuse towards another human being. Check on your mindset.
sometimes I thinking my mood is the effect of all the causes in my environment but in other times I think my mood/energy is the result of the choice I made.... Semen retention causes ...;)... this Switch in thinking: You got the choice... you are not just the product of your environment/circumstances!
1:25 Resonated with me the most. I always look up to professional gamers and think, man they are so big brained, I would never be able to be as good as them, but they're human just like me, so I don't see why I wouldn't be able to reach their level.
''It's not the alcohol, or the drugs, or any of the shitty things that happened to you in your career, or when you were a kid. It's you. Okay? It's you.''
Dude, believe me or not, just Before I clicked on this video, I was fully stressed about my career. I am from a middle class family, and well, unfortunate to say, we can't afford a too much elite college, and that was hitting me hard, I was just thinking again and again to myself "will you spend your next 40 years of life doing something you don't even enjoy doing?" And yeah, thanks for reminding that things don't happen to me, what I do make things happen.
Thank you for this Cole.. Ive sub.df.... Im struggl;ing with a victim mentality right now.. because I was bullied at school and struggle with self worth and have a lot of fear inside so theres quite alot of things I never got to do in my younger years because of fear, but taking responsibility for my thoughts and being accountable for myself and my life as a man by knowing Im choosing this and that Iam ultimately in control of everything WITHIN me... was a big eye opener for me.. So thank you for this great video and best wishes :)
Locus of Control (LOC) is an interesting concept. However, even with it's binary nature. Having too much of one or the other could be a bad thing. Someone who has an External Locus of Control may feel that they are not in control of life. But can also be someone who's more "go with the flow." While those with an Internal Locus of Control may feel in control of their circumstances. Yet bear down on themselves for being responsible for everything that happens. It was Todd V, a PUA, who offered another perspective. Have an Internal LOC when it comes to successes, and an External LOC for failures. So long as you're willing to learn from failures and take action to change whatever is required to ensure a success going forward. A recent test had shown that I was on the cusp of being split down the middle. But leaned towards an Internal LOC. All in all I would rather lean towards an Internal LOC. But leave some room to allow for the chaos that is life.
Love the message and the video! Also the b-roll was amazing, even though it wasnt directly related to the message it was so cool how you used it to make the text interesting
B a mature adult & learn 2 take responsibility & ownership 4 our own actions whether the outcome is bad or good even if the outcome is bad & it happens that somebody regrets it still take responsibility & not b playing victim cuz of regrets that's all I'm saying & I already learned this lesson 4 myself
It's uncanny how similar this video is with where I am at now... In my teenage years , I had no internal drive of being goal oriented, all of them were what people around me wanted me to deliver and I more or less did, took up a Compsci degree thinking it would be a good financial decision for my future years, then DS & algo happened, and was considering a switch to CogScience for a while now and this video happens. This has to be a sign.
@@chefswamprat5118 I’d have to disagree. If immigrants can travel across many countries with nothing but the clothes on their back and make it to the US or other first world countries and turn their lives around, why can’t Americans travel across state borders to areas with more opportunities. If you want to change your life it won’t happen by staying where you are and hoping someone will save you.
@@windowsxboxguy Agreed, in most cases, however finances can be a hindrance to any chance in location, as well as if there any legal entanglements keeping you where you are, like if someone is on probation or parole.
If the teasing is in the same style as the abuse suffered by the one misinterpreting, all that would be needed is openness about why that "brand" of teasing is harmful, to dispel any feelings of perceived malevolence. Problem is, yeah, most with victim mentalities hang onto it so tight the teasing leads them to eventually think the worst.
I was spoiled. Kinda still a victim but now I know that I am spoiled. I'm trying my best to have better behavior and interact with people the correct way(manners, selflessness, confidence, etc.)
Hey man! I've been watching all your videos recently (I've found that your circumstances are very similar to mine, even down to the break ups and the computer science major LOL), but I just wanna say I really appreciate having your videos as an outlet to let me know that how I'm feeling isn't just a "temporary mindset", but rather a mindset of how my life will be from now on. Keep up the good work. Also, unrelated, (I'm going to sound SUPER uneducated on this topic because I am), but I really like you add in text on the screen that almost looks like it's on the walls in the shot. What program do you use to edit?
I believe in stoicism. you can't change what has happened to you. but you can change the way you act now. in return that can control life, but humble yourself, because the universe is bigger than you, and it is not guaranteed
Mate I generally feel that when I’m in a tricky situation you show up and give me that push 😅, I commented on the ‘why discipline is ruining your life’ and that motivated me and now this has given me a push, keep striving me, we’re all growing with you
Especially with these videos 10 signs of narcissistic friend, 10 sign of trauma so then people can fall into the mentality of I'm suffering because I have narcissistic friend, because of trauma, because of this and that and not my fault and therefore I cannot change ot
@@kittencutie7074 trauma is not a excuse. As someone with it, don't belittle it and the affect it carries. Using it against others is not OK, but trauma is something not everyone recovers from or has control over. Respect mental health please.
The important bit about all this is that the only way we can grow as persons, keep a calm mindset and focus on things ahead is to stop blaming everything on circumstances and stay arms crossed waiting for things to improve by themselves; and start taking responsibility for our lives, accept things as they come and use that as best we can. Taking accountability for our own lives DOES NOT mean we will become rich nor successful, but it makes it so that no matter what happens, we know we will be alright without suffering because of "circumstances" or whatever life throws at us. So it's in our best interest to not play the victim card, ever. BUT we can't guarantee outcomes, focusing on outcomes is only gonna make us suffer more (being fixated on outcomes).
It's difficult to me to not take in where I am when I ask myself about what can I actually do to change my life. You see, I live in Brazil and things around here are so awful right now, avarage people can barely save money for a week with our local coin at such a bad value and our government around here does everything to make things worse. They only want to enrich the rich and make the poor poorer. Fuel, basic foods and goods, they are all at such a unexplainable high price that It's simply unbearable. I'm sick of this country and of feelig so trapped and miserable and guilty for being this way.
Life is a war but it’s mostly
90% mental
10% physical
In my opinion
We’re all gonna make it bruhs✊
Its all 100% and you are the one you described me on that day you were a good friend and I think a good day ✨ would have been good for me so thats what I 😳 for a while and I think a good day sir will have to say that would comfort you.
Right
Thanks bruh 🫡🙌
Note: "take accountability for whatever happens in your life" *DOES NOT* mean "blame yourself for everything that goes wrong." I never heard the actual message, which was "there is something you can do; all is not lost." I'll I heard was "its all your fault you guant fuck up!" I think once people can make this distinction, it'll be a lot easier to accept this advice.
Thank you! Before reading your comments, I always thought it the wrong way!
There's always that one comment that has to water down the message to cater to the feelings smh
@@Loveispeacej I mean, do you just want to beat people over the head with needlessly brutal platitudes, or do you actually want to help people?
@MiketheNerdRanger cry harder snowflake.. people like you made society weak.. always have to throw a lil sprinkle for someone's feelings.. it's OK to say things how they are.. but I understand your the feelings police
@@MiketheNerdRangereverything you do in life is your fault. Stop trying to delude yourself into thinking you aren’t the problem
Nothing is worse in a partner than someone who always plays the victim and every story they tell they were the victim. I used to play into this as an empathetic person, but now it's just a huge turn off when someone ALWAYS acts like a victim.
Amen to that
It b a legit turn off when a some grown adults is immature & not take ownership & responsibility 4 they own actions especially when they in relationships with they significant other & it's not a good idea 2 play victim when in relationships cuz it destroys relationships & people that choose 2 play the victim role dont need 2 b in a relationship with nobody when they should b by theyselves & do some growing up & work on theyselves & have them a hint of integrity
@@bluwater1422 "not take ownership & responsibility"
Exactly, part of the reason why I don't want a relationship.
Yeeeh🎉😊
That victim mentality is an easy trap to slip into. It took me years to realize that I had fallen into it. Everything in my life was happening at me, and I convinced myself that's just the way it works, not much I can do about it. I think we choose this mindset because it requires minimal effort and little explanation. When things aren't our fault it's a lot easier to feel unbothered by it. Love the video, super cool b roll, and an amazing lesson.
Same and I also think it’s because the entitlement that we used to have as kids so as a parent you need to teach your child responsibility
Same. I’m realizing just now and I’m really upset about it. Im upset about how I’ve unintentionally hurt others around me because of if
Yeah agree... Taking responsibility and admitting your fault takes a ton of mental energy, saying I can't help it and playing victim and doing nothing is just way way easier
“This is on you man” so true. It is this extreme ownership that is the way to win. At the end of the day all the excuse making is just taking away from the time you could be taking action and getting better.
Facts, youve got it figured out
Yea, knowing this is the easy part.
@@itsez1129 most people live their lives not knowing they have a victim’s mentality subconsciously.
@@iamzay4938 Exactly, especially the elderly. In the end doing the opposite of what you have been doing so far is hard
I’m really happy that you found & realized your passions bc you’re helping me & so many other people with them
Means everything to me :) love what I do
@@ColeHastings Just love u bro.
This caused a major problem in my relationship. I'm working on not playing the victim anymore.. I didn't even know I was doing it.
Take responsibility .
I realized that these kind of videos make me feel like they helped me, but then when the situation really arises i keep doing the same thing I did before and end up in a bad situation. And the real learning comes exactly at this bad situation, cause what actually teaches us is pain and the analysis of why that happened. And analysis can be done properly only after watching these type of videos. Shortly, what I am trying to say is that we really need these videos, but also we need smth bad to happen to us to actually start changing. It’s foolish to think that we get better immediately after watching 10 min youtube video. It’s more of a slow process i think.
Well said💯
Man I have been stuck in this mindset for so long and had a similar situation to you (taking computer science in uni). Now that I’m graduating soon, I’ve learned that the 9-5 lifestyle is NOT for me at all. Taking control and self awareness was what I needed to get out of the victim mindset, and your videos shed light to that nicely. Keep up the videos man, they are truly inspiring!
Thanks Evan!
If you’re not grinding an 9-9, how do you even afford to live in today’s economy?
I live that 9-5 lifestyle and the worst thing is that sometimes I can't even afford a decent living standard maybe you need a good attitude in life and that helps but also we know for a fact that the socioeconomic system today is totally rigged.
I live in mexico and I always blame the fact that living in a third world country will not let me fully develop as a product designer (not labor). F*ck that victim mentality! This depends on me and this world is big enough to find new opportunities. Thanks for the video.
You got this brother!
This society stresses being a victim to the point that they'll reward you for being one, but it only causes long-term damage because you give up on life and tell yourself you lack any internal locus of control.
Playing the role of a victim says that "I dont have control over my life" & it also says that theres no self control involved which is very dangerous & it's sad @ the same time
The whole time to time this was a good thing for us all over tiktok we have been in a man credit card and it was a very good time to time and I prefer to do that as a whole lot more work than we can do that is a good thing for me.
Depression, Introversion, playing victim card is WOKE on internet
@@therighteousmind6708 Ah yes calling out oppression is somehow bad.Theres a difference between playing the victim card and actually being a victim.
@@Mike-wb3oc But even then, what will that bring to you?
While there will definitely be some ppl who can understand your problems, most of them are really just close Friends you've been knowing since Birth, but the thing is that neither of these is supposed to be present in life-changing events of your life.
For Example, your Parents play a huge role in changing your life as in they play a huge role in educating you for when you'll be a grown Man and you'll have to take responsibility for yourself, but once their education spurt is over, it's up to YOU to learn from what they've teached you to be independent and start looking over your life.
They will always love you regardless of what happens to you, sure, but they physically can't be the one to grant you a job, a car, or a house to sleep into, and even if they can do those things, it will only be for as long as they live, once they'll die, everything's up in your hands.
Heck, even people with Rich parents working over a personal activity who gave them heritage need to take Responsibility for their actions, beacuse no matter how Rich you are, something goes wrong in whatever job you're specialized into and your life is done.
For Example, there are many drivers in F1 that are drivers manily beacuse of their retired dads, but still it's up to them to work out and get a driving license.
as far as people go, they just don't care about you and your problems and that's facts. Then ofc, there maybe will be some exceptions sometimes in high school, or middle school or even College, but as a fully grown man?
Soon as you hit 18, you and only you can be the artifice of your own life.
All the people you'll meet from then on, your "colleagues", they will only stand you as long as you keep hiding under a social Mask of their construct that keeps everyone from truly expressing one's feelings over the other, they will only be your friends as long as you do as they say, wear what they want you to wear, do what they want you to do at their disposal, and constantly try and challenge you to see if you're up to their game and can result as useful to them, especially if they know you ain't about that life, and the funny thing is that these are the same ppl you'll be forced to have relationships with by society, go out with, to even put a smile on your face and pretend to have a fun time to them altho your definition of fun is completely different, and you already know who your true friends are.
Soon as you do a wrong step, you will be judged and your life can go from 0 to 100 real quick, beacuse in all things that matter, you won't have your friends or parents doing them to you, so does acting like a victim instead of working out on yourself to earn your freedom and self respect really work out? I don't think so....
One must always learn to have some sort of self respect even when things go bad and they must not give up fighting against injustices for as long as they live, then if they cannot make it...well, I'm sorry, but Joker said it best "they're only as good as the world allows them to be.
See, when the Chips are down, these civilized people....they'll eat each other".
DON'T PLAY THE VICTIM TO CIRCUMSTANCES YOU CREATED.
That's the key. Some things you can't control and it's important to control how you react to it, but even more important is if you created the circumstances you're in and you're still playing victim
It's a fact & I already learned that lesson 4 myself 2
I agree bro the fact is the fact asinine is a woman who has been in a position to be able for her and she is a good day and I will not have time for the night of the point where my brain will not get into my hands on the computer and then move to the new year to the ballot boxes.
Exactly, for that reason I just accept the cards life gave me and roll with it.
It's EZ I envy you it’s hard for me but I know am going to make it
I'm very fortunate to have learned this young and carried it with me for my whole life. Never play the victim. Even when you are.
One important thing is never to define success as making money or selling a product. Success is all in the eye of the beholder and has to do with happiness and contentedness
I'm glad you made it out of that mindset that you are just an average person, there is no such thing. We create our reality..
"Never play the victim. Even when you are one." there's something about this that i really like, that i wish i had heard it sooner like maybe years earlier. It's like opening the eyes of someone who's hit rock bottom that there's *always* something we could do, while at the same time absolutely acknowledging that what happened to us (that may or may not be our fault) is downright unpleasant, distasteful and discouraging and that we deserve to feel sad about it, let it out, and move on. That's going in the quote book 💯👍. nice one.
Your on the come up, keep going.
Thank you bro 🙏
Yo AK what's up
Please let us life advice should you need help you can always be the right person for your business hoppin and I hope that I will not get you started with the very least
I actually read about this idea from a book called SUMO (shut up, move on) where it touches upon having control of the outcome.
Victims mentality is Event = outcome
Whereas it should be Event + Response = outcome.
I think what is important is to learn how to take accountability for our actions, but also understand when the blame is on other people. We are in control of how we take action and behave around people, but still, it doesn't mean that we should accept everything that comes for us and act like everything is our own fault. If People are mean and treat you badly that is their action, but if you react back in a mean way, that is your action
I used to think being hard on myself was such a bad thing. But I realized it made life a lot easier for me actually
I appreciate the fact that the guy took the time to break it down the way the real truth is.
Bro every one of this dudes posts are so relatable I’ve never seen a youtube I connect with more then cole!!! Keep up the good work bro
RUclipsr*
Thank you Aidan
I have had this mindset for most of my life (although I am only 16 so I am still quite young) and throughout my early years I had always exhibited this mentality without even realizing it. I would always blame my circumstances rather than myself for situations I created. Although I have not completely rid myself of this mentality, I think I am in a better place because now I am aware of how my actions and projection of my issues will affect me in the long run. I really want to be a better, happier version of myself and I must come to terms with the fact that I can't blame my circumstances for the results that I get, but rather my actions.
Same! I'm fifteen, but I'm working on changing my similar mindset💪
Same bro! Let's work together
Once you start taking accountability, everything changes
That is true
man did i need to hear this today. i’ve been perpetuating unhealthy situations by placing the blame on all those around me. "well if you would’ve said that i wouldn’t have, well if you weren’t so xyz.." etc etc. sometimes a reminder is what we need to learn and grow. appreciated and love your content. keep it up
happy Monday everyone!
@@ColeHastings while you’re at it, check my channel out. tell me what you think
@@ColeHastings i aspire to be like you one day
People gotta man the f up! Everything that happens to you is your responsibility to do something about it. Great content. You are 100 percent in control of your future
Thanks Parker
True I agree but @ the same time females also have 2 mature 2 & quit playing the role of a victim
@@bluwater1422what is bro yapping about 💀
Your videos have honestly made me feel so much better. My girlfriend dumped me eight days ago and i've been on a mission to improve my life, i'm also a college athlete but I want to be better in performance academics and just quality of life. Changing my perception for the better has been my long term goal. Your videos have been extremely helpful with this.
Very very glad I can help bro. Keep killing it
Take time for yourself bro a new relationship won't solve your problems ive been down that road fix yourself first. Im 44 ive learned this way to late.
The most underrated content creator that I have seen. Keep up the good work and thank you for this video.
the confidence you exhibit truly inspires me to do something good in life
Fantastic upload. I haven't a clue how old you actually are but you're helping this 33 year old immensely. 👊🏼
You are saving lives man good job
No one will save you, you are the one that can change yourself.
your channel is absolutely amazing and your stories are extremely relatable, your channel is definitely up next bro keep grinding
Thank you bro!
"It may not be your fault, but it’s your responsibility" is probably my favorite way to say this. It acknowledges and validates how unfair it may be that something has happened to you, but also empowers you to do something about it
Perfect time for releasing this vid!
I can tell the quality of your videos has been improving, keep up the good work man!
I GOT CANCER AND I AM IN CONTROL
Bro this man never misses with his edits bro your edits are so good🔥🔥💪🏽
You are the only youtuber that i watch that i can see having a true friendship with,and i do not mean it in a parasocial digital context to make it clear.
Thank u for making this video. So many people always play the victim
Thank you for watching
@@ColeHastings 🤗 Hugs
Beautifully said, my friend. I’m afraid that with so many people playing the victim, is ailing our society.
I really need to stop relying on victim mentality, it's legit destroying my life atm ... :( at least I'm acknowledging this now.
Wish there was more people like you my man we see the world very similar! 🙌🙌
he needs a podcast i'd listen every time good work Cole!
Good one man. Thanks. I don’t like the self help topic but I do appreciate the encouragement for self development
Awesome topics as always! Love your videos!
Thank you
Life advice: Next time you get "bullied", reflect on your own actions and behavior that could've provoked it in the first place and admit it instead of jumping to conclusions. You must stop playing the victim and accept responsibility for your actions, because absolutely no one in this world will be handing you asspats.
Well we can’t control ppl and how they view us..accepting the fact that there some assholes in life will alleviate feeling that is all your fault
how do you do this without feeling the need to severely harm yourself and then severely harming yourself
actually how do you do any part of this whole blame yourself thing without wanting to hurt yourself??? i just feel like it somehow manages to make me fall into the victim mindset even more especially when i make another mistake and bad things just continue to happen what am i doing wrong??????
Bullying is not only name calling. And even that is harmful. I hate this funding mentality, hweb people blame others for their own actions. You bullied someone, just because you don't like shit or someone, it don't mean you bully them.
I was bullied for lots of shit I DIDN'T have control over. Like my ETHICITY and LOOKS. I don't know how you can shame bullying victims.
Half of them suicide, so instead of shaming them, educate others to be normal human beings. Which means not causing pain to others.
I didn't deserve bullying myself, but bullying has brought EDs, self hate and more to me. Unconsciously.
Now I am damaged by bullying, and while am trying my best to recover. I was the victim. It doesn't mean I was wrong.
Abuse: both physical and mental. Bullying is abuse towards another human being. Check on your mindset.
some people bully you for no reason.
@@ashantythegreat3231 exactly.disliking someone doesn't give you the right to disrespect them
Exactly what i needed right now, thank you cole
Thank you for watching Simon
Hey Cole, keep on doing these kind of videos. You really are a inspiration for us. God bless you brother!
Thank you for this. It’s compassionate and self aware. Most videos about victims are very judgemental. This is one isn’t and offers insight. Thanks.
Cole you can read my mind lol this is something I've been struggling with for days now
sometimes I thinking my mood is the effect of all the causes in my environment but in other times I think my mood/energy is the result of the choice I made....
Semen retention causes ...;)... this Switch in thinking: You got the choice... you are not just the product of your environment/circumstances!
1:25 Resonated with me the most. I always look up to professional gamers and think, man they are so big brained, I would never be able to be as good as them, but they're human just like me, so I don't see why I wouldn't be able to reach their level.
appreciate your creativity in the editing 👍🏼
''It's not the alcohol, or the drugs, or any of the shitty things that happened to you in your career, or when you were a kid. It's you. Okay? It's you.''
Dude, believe me or not, just Before I clicked on this video, I was fully stressed about my career. I am from a middle class family, and well, unfortunate to say, we can't afford a too much elite college, and that was hitting me hard, I was just thinking again and again to myself "will you spend your next 40 years of life doing something you don't even enjoy doing?"
And yeah, thanks for reminding that things don't happen to me, what I do make things happen.
Thank you for this Cole.. Ive sub.df.... Im struggl;ing with a victim mentality right now.. because I was bullied at school and struggle with self worth and have a lot of fear inside so theres quite alot of things I never got to do in my younger years because of fear, but taking responsibility for my thoughts and being accountable for myself and my life as a man by knowing Im choosing this and that Iam ultimately in control of everything WITHIN me... was a big eye opener for me.. So thank you for this great video and best wishes :)
Locus of Control (LOC) is an interesting concept. However, even with it's binary nature. Having too much of one or the other could be a bad thing.
Someone who has an External Locus of Control may feel that they are not in control of life. But can also be someone who's more "go with the flow." While those with an Internal Locus of Control may feel in control of their circumstances. Yet bear down on themselves for being responsible for everything that happens.
It was Todd V, a PUA, who offered another perspective. Have an Internal LOC when it comes to successes, and an External LOC for failures. So long as you're willing to learn from failures and take action to change whatever is required to ensure a success going forward.
A recent test had shown that I was on the cusp of being split down the middle. But leaned towards an Internal LOC. All in all I would rather lean towards an Internal LOC. But leave some room to allow for the chaos that is life.
So grateful I discovered your channel.
❤
Love the message and the video! Also the b-roll was amazing, even though it wasnt directly related to the message it was so cool how you used it to make the text interesting
B a mature adult & learn 2 take responsibility & ownership 4 our own actions whether the outcome is bad or good even if the outcome is bad & it happens that somebody regrets it still take responsibility & not b playing victim cuz of regrets that's all I'm saying & I already learned this lesson 4 myself
It's uncanny how similar this video is with where I am at now... In my teenage years , I had no internal drive of being goal oriented, all of them were what people around me wanted me to deliver and I more or less did, took up a Compsci degree thinking it would be a good financial decision for my future years, then DS & algo happened, and was considering a switch to CogScience for a while now and this video happens. This has to be a sign.
Being born into poverty isn't your fault, dying in poverty is
...children
Not if you live in Louisiana. Too easy to go to jail, too *expensive to get out. (*expensive in both money and time spent)🤣
@@chefswamprat5118 I’d have to disagree. If immigrants can travel across many countries with nothing but the clothes on their back and make it to the US or other first world countries and turn their lives around, why can’t Americans travel across state borders to areas with more opportunities. If you want to change your life it won’t happen by staying where you are and hoping someone will save you.
@@windowsxboxguy Agreed, in most cases, however finances can be a hindrance to any chance in location, as well as if there any legal entanglements keeping you where you are, like if someone is on probation or parole.
@@windowsxboxguy It's not as always easy as "just leaving" if you don't like it somewhere.
Very enlightening video. Good content. I have shared your video with my kids!
You putting out good energy making us put out good energy coming back to u as good energy stokes
You’re not the problem, you are the solution.
We love you too ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you so much for this message 🥰🥰
People with victim mentalities are very prone to misinterpreting harmless teasing as "bullying" and refuse to admit that.
🎯💯👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
If the teasing is in the same style as the abuse suffered by the one misinterpreting, all that would be needed is openness about why that "brand" of teasing is harmful, to dispel any feelings of perceived malevolence. Problem is, yeah, most with victim mentalities hang onto it so tight the teasing leads them to eventually think the worst.
I was spoiled. Kinda still a victim but now I know that I am spoiled. I'm trying my best to have better behavior and interact with people the correct way(manners, selflessness, confidence, etc.)
Hey man! I've been watching all your videos recently (I've found that your circumstances are very similar to mine, even down to the break ups and the computer science major LOL), but I just wanna say I really appreciate having your videos as an outlet to let me know that how I'm feeling isn't just a "temporary mindset", but rather a mindset of how my life will be from now on. Keep up the good work.
Also, unrelated, (I'm going to sound SUPER uneducated on this topic because I am), but I really like you add in text on the screen that almost looks like it's on the walls in the shot. What program do you use to edit?
I believe in stoicism. you can't change what has happened to you. but you can change the way you act now. in return that can control life, but humble yourself, because the universe is bigger than you, and it is not guaranteed
And do not be ashamed of using coping mechanisms
I’m glad I stumbled across ur channel still remember the first vid I saw I’m excited to see ur channel grow
I’ve been feeling resentment towards my mum for a while, this made me forgive her
That's a great thing to listen to and help a lot of people like me
“97% of people in the world work for the 3% who didn’t quit”. Moral of the story don’t ever give up on your goals and aspirations❤️ I believe in you‼️
thank you so much cole.
I know I have this mentality and I havent been aware of it for so long.
Mate I generally feel that when I’m in a tricky situation you show up and give me that push 😅, I commented on the ‘why discipline is ruining your life’ and that motivated me and now this has given me a push, keep striving me, we’re all growing with you
Much love brother!!
Man, You really need More subscribers, your content really helpful, I say in serious, salut from Panamá Bro.
Needed to hear this today thank you. 😊
“Blame no one, set people straight if you can. If not, just repair the damage.” -Marcus Aurelius
You give me SNEAKO vibes. nice video bro just subbed
Fuck that insecure shit.Victim mentality is the worst enemy.You're amazing bro.Big success coming your way😄
The problem is we are still in this trap of creating excuses from the past upon present failures!
Especially with these videos 10 signs of narcissistic friend, 10 sign of trauma so then people can fall into the mentality of I'm suffering because I have narcissistic friend, because of trauma, because of this and that and not my fault and therefore I cannot change ot
@@kittencutie7074 trauma is not a excuse. As someone with it, don't belittle it and the affect it carries. Using it against others is not OK, but trauma is something not everyone recovers from or has control over. Respect mental health please.
My boy should have 1 mil subscribers
Your content is so helpful. Thank you, Cole 😘💖🙏🏻🙏🏻
So many words and I didn’t understand shit. I’m stupid, that’s my problem.
What a wonderful art gallery
It was awesome
Good job bro!
Thank you Cole, I really enjoy your videos. You have been really inspiring for me. Bless 👏🏻
Really needed this today. Much appreciation for your content :)
This is fucking great. It's just what I needed to hear man, thank you. And thats some awesome editing too.
My new favorite channel! Killing it bro, you remind me of Better Ideas & Captain Sinbad!
I know i have this now but its kinda hard to get rid of because its just been there so long that it just feels like apart of me
Amazing stuff here. I always look forward to Ur content.
The important bit about all this is that the only way we can grow as persons, keep a calm mindset and focus on things ahead is to stop blaming everything on circumstances and stay arms crossed waiting for things to improve by themselves; and start taking responsibility for our lives, accept things as they come and use that as best we can. Taking accountability for our own lives DOES NOT mean we will become rich nor successful, but it makes it so that no matter what happens, we know we will be alright without suffering because of "circumstances" or whatever life throws at us. So it's in our best interest to not play the victim card, ever. BUT we can't guarantee outcomes, focusing on outcomes is only gonna make us suffer more (being fixated on outcomes).
Excellent video 👏 💪
2:02 Cole almost became Kira, holy shit we dodged a bullet there
This video was really helpful, thanks!! 💚
Don’t let anyone tell you what your destiny should be, you decide how your life will play out no one else can.
Lmao yeesh I was a wreck bro. Alright let's get my shit together
It's difficult to me to not take in where I am when I ask myself about what can I actually do to change my life. You see, I live in Brazil and things around here are so awful right now, avarage people can barely save money for a week with our local coin at such a bad value and our government around here does everything to make things worse. They only want to enrich the rich and make the poor poorer. Fuel, basic foods and goods, they are all at such a unexplainable high price that It's simply unbearable. I'm sick of this country and of feelig so trapped and miserable and guilty for being this way.