So was mine. It changed unfortunately. Every night I have nightmares, my long dead mother rising from the grave abusing me again, being tortured to death by my brother in law, drowned in the arctic in ice water and so on and so forth. During my wake days I suffer mobbing and exploitation by my hostage taker boss, and self injury that makes me unable to take responsibility. I somehow watch myself going down. It feels unspectacular. It just happens, I’m not controlling anything anymore. I don’t want to be put out on the streets again. I want to be done.
@@The_best_days_are_yesterdays im Sorry to have worried you, please forgive. Soul baring like i have done is to no avail. I’m happy you still have your refuge. Maybe mine will open again someday. I used to dream of the child hood farm I grew up close to. I want to be with those cows again.
People must think I'm selfish for wanting to end things but I kinda think everyone else is selfish for expecting me to continue living like this for another 30-40 years
part of what I hate about the world is that it's built on morals and meaning where there is none, we find meaning when the world never had to have any meaning at all. All "right" and "wrong" is, is what we were told by our predecessors, the same way we think certain people are despicable that's because we were told that. Even though everyone has an idea of the right thing, our idea of the right thing could make us a monster in someone else's eyes. In the end morals are just whoever lasts longer gets to tell all the stories. And we know for a fact that the suicidal folk aren't the ones lasting longer. I can understand why it would be called selfish since I wouldn't want my loved ones to hurt themselves, but at the same time I understand why people decide to throw it all away in hopes that this emptiness will fade. I like to tell myself I would never do anything to myself because I wouldn't want to hurt my family like that. I understand these are implanted morals too, there's no meaning in what happens either way, but these morals are strong enough that I stick with them even when it's tough. For them I would be willing to continue living like this for those 30-40 years. I know literally no one cares but I just wanted to rant I guess about my take on something for once
Yes, I believe that it's more cruel to keep a suffering individual around and expecting them to "look forward" when it's all an extended dead end for them.
I slept hard AF without night terrors a few times today, but menstrual cycle starting can really kick my ass and make me sleep like that. Otherwise if my brain decides to have flashbacks of crap or forget im in my current home, thinks im still back home married, idk how to make it stfu in my sleep yet lol. Can talk myself down or message an empathetic stranger, call 988 or whatever if im distraught and awake. Not sure what the hell to do aside from cannabis gummies (hemp thc & cbd not weed because weed gives me panic attacks) and rx drugs gabapentin has been a bit useful. Ambien is a no go it made me try to fight people when sleepwalking and leave the building i was in, apparently i wanted to go see a giant clown statue outside because under the influence of ambien i wasnt scared of it lol😂
The end point really was crucial. Sometimes this ‘illness’ is not an illness. It’s a normal reaction to abnormal circumstances. We have to stop medicalization of the human condition. If you have damn good reasons to be miserable, you ain’t sick. You need change, but you know you’re trapped.
I totally agree - you can't medicate your way out of poverty, for example. If we had good assists suicide facilities I would leave this life, peacefully, now. But, I won't give myself a messy ending, because I wouldn't want put family or friends through that. So, l I'm left with are dark fantasies of my suffering finally coming to an end.
"Imagine a society that subjects people to conditions that make them terribly unhappy, then gives them the drugs to take away their unhappiness. Science fiction? It is already happening to some extent in our own society... Instead of removing the conditions that make people depressed, modern society gives them antidepressant drugs. In effect, antidepressants are a means of modifying an individual's internal state in such a way as to enable him to tolerate social conditions that he would otherwise find intolerable." -Ted Kaczynski
@@crimson4066 Well he is wrong, you don't need this drugs, mostly the brain is drugging and changing the program itself. Think about the people that where abducted, they grow to like the person that has abducted them. Or think about reallly messy 3th world countrys, where people still live besides the fact that there is nothing to live for, just suffering. So if things are unbarable the brain will change your view most of the time.
I've had these thoughts for four decades, nearly every day, since I was a teen. Through the years, I've discovered that suicidal fantasies relax me; they give me reassurance that I am in control -- that if I chose, I could make this all stop.
Hope everyone doing good and staying safe. If you need to talk to someone or need help, there are people who care. Sending support and hearts. ❤️❤️❤️❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
My father committed suicide the last day of my junior year in high school. He shot himself on our front porch. I was 16. So I've had to deal with it ever since then and I am now 77.Sure, I've had suicidal thoughts and passive suicidal tendencies at times, living dangerously. But I always stopped for the reason I outline in my comment below...
Maybe some of those are people just trying to understand their friends and family. I actually imagine. Many of those afflicted by this, "just don't care". For me, this video is to understand WHY people care so much that I still exist.
I'm 55 and lucky enough that l still occasionally want to get down on my knees in relief when im stoned. Cannabis doesn't always work, there's also a few side effects and disadvantages, together with the whole legality aspect that has unfortunately led to quite some sacrifices but on the whole l dont know how l could have made it this far without it. People who dont smoke earn my respect, and furthermore those who don't smoke and have family and steady job and what not as well truly earn a jaw dropping in my view. But for me personally it's the only relief that l ever get, like this morning l was gardening and got just a little joy of life again, whereas earlier after l had awoken l was in a somewhat ghastly mood with seemingly no way out. Had to basically force myself to smoke because it appears that I basically even have trouble achieving being a pathetic stoner for the day. What mastery.
@@david-gu1bi I hear ya' honey, I'm 63 & in 2017, I'm not exaggerating when I say, without laughing hysterically at the mere idea of it because (what the he$$ ??) I never gave any real consideration to the idea of multiple dimensions possibly existing, but...nonetheless, here I am about to tell you that in mid 2017 I felt something, I can't even describe it, it was a 'knowing', something changed like a switch was flipped and over about 5 days time I, for some reason, felt like I was NOT even in the same exact world I'd been in for 56 years; everything was off, different in weird ways. Like if you didn'r know my kids or 6 sisters, then you woulsn't notice it but when people are saying & doing tthings totally out of character to who they'd always beeb....it was too noticeable to me. It continued to get worse every month for me.Did anyone else go through such feelings, n a passing thought but real certainty that everyone shfted & only I realized iit. No, "i'm not nuts I swear, not yet atleast...lol.
Because the others know how we feel. Maybe not so much in words, but in emotion or lack of it. (Sometimes we feel empty or numb.) Someone who has not experienced depression doesn't know that feeling. It's easier to talk to someone who knows. If you find one, a support group could be a good thing .
I've spent nearly 40 years wanting to go to sleep and not wake up. If I got cancer or a fatal illness I'd refuse treatment. It would be a relief and a release from a lifetime of misery.
I feel the same way. I even stopped going to the doc for check ups. I honestly don't give a shit if I die. It's coming anyway. I'm miserable being alive.
What would help you ? I’ve seen people with money in this state and the opposite. I feel I have no one, my parents are elderly don’t care, and my brother died last year and other one too busy for me.
Having no friends no partner,getting old and isolated these are really hard things to resolve especially if your mood is erratic and self esteem has sunk to an all time low.😅
If stuck, rescue and animal who needs your love. Start serving others- Habitat for Humanity, etc. Join a church which shows only love without judgement. These help somewhat.
Yes, it's challenging. The challenge is for you to decide, are you going to sit back & accept that..or are you going to push yourself to go..volunteer at a soup kitchen, join an exercise class for seniors. Etc.Just take one baby step when you can.
Amen. I'm old. Depressed most of my life and extremely lonely. Won't touch myself with harm but I do ask God to take me home when I go to bed. A little add on here: I purchased a DNR medical bracelet that never comes off... Just in case 😉
I never left my apartment, once a week to meet my parents, that was it for about 5 to 7 years. Always loved animals. So I combined the issue with the love and adopted a dog. Now I have a purpose to get up in the morning, it's at least something. I even enjoy our walks, not always, but often enough. Sunrise, when nobody is out (summertime sundays are the best for it, I can be out at 4 AM and have a wonderful walk), is the best time of the day to me. Animals really are a blessing and even if they might not cure, they still do a lot. And you know what? There might be some soul out there, into the body of a dog or cat or whatever furbaby, that could need you too. If you stay here as long as God wants you to, make that time a better time for you and an animal by adopting one.
@@grafvonrotz2233 I do have a dog, he is the 5th and the last one I rescued. He is truly a blessing. 9 years old and he sure is happy in the morning. Yes it does give you a reason to get up and you know what we like walks at 4:00 a.m. also because everyone else is asleep. Pets truly can provide such Joy. Thank you for commenting and bless you
What do you consider old because you don’t look old!! Now its a mindset. I know that I may never have any big joys in my life again, but I have series of m little joys and it’s the little joys that get me through. The main thing that gives a woman joy in life is a beautiful marriage and children at one time I had the beautiful marriage. I’m a widow now, but I never had the children and that is a major source of joy in our lives, isn’t it? Children, great grandchildren, weddings, graduations, too late for me to make a change now, but if I could, I would adopt a child. My big joys were going into the military my first big promotions in the military getting married. Those were my big joys in life and I thank God for Jesus Christ salvation my biggest largest longest, everlasting joy. God bless you every day the reason to go on.
I've dealt with this for four decades, without therapy, or "legal" medication. You are right, it is a miserable way to live. I just exist, I am not "living". And here I thought I was mostly alone, how wrong I was.
a person should have the right to end this life when it isnt a life. it is your life and no one who hasnt cared to help you not feel like that should have any say in the matter. this world is so full of cruel humans. they are so quick to judge you and say insensitive things but no one steps up. who tf are they to pass judgement instead of helping? youre so absolutely right, that is not living. i am so sorry youve been holding on for so long like that. i can totally relate. it is awful to say the least. so sad and horrible. i want it to end. i just havent had the courage and strength it takes to end it myself which is why i wish every night to die in my sleep just so it ends already
I hope you get the help you need friend, you are so strong for pushing on all by yourself without professional assistance... You are stronger than you think... you made it this far, and i believe you shall find a way to feel alive again Don't give up
I felt suicidal for most of my life. What finally broke me out of it was the realisation that my siblings actively wanted me to die. My depression came about because I suffer from complex PTSD caused by my violent, abusive family If someone had been able to objectively look at my life, I think they'd have wondered why I didn't do away with myself. I didn't have real friends. My family were abusive. I was terrified. I was alone. Since I escaped from my family and got real friends I've been much better
Wow! You hit the nail on the head for me!!! I'm just coming out of about 4 years of passive suicidal thoughts. I was involved in something that left me with a damaged conscience. I truly believed that I was a bad person and God did not love me. I wanted to die!!!! All the time. I wanted to get covid, get hit by a bus, get cancer etc...I saw a therapist on a regular basis, started an anti depressants. Slowly I began to heal. I needed to feel worthy of God's love. I prayed fervently, and started living a life that was in agreement with my values. Today i actually feel joy, I don't want to die anymore. It was a brutal experience!!!!! As you said, feelings do change. Be patient and compassionate with yourself.
Best to you. Glad you got out. I'm making plans now for running away from my abusive home situation with my disabled child. Anything is pretty much better than this. We can make it work.
As someone who was tormented by this for around two decades, I agree with everything you say. After about a year of therapy I realised this was my body's way of telling me my life had to change. I started by ending my relationship. Then, a few years later (after more therapy), I moved continents and started an entirely new profession. I'm now 59, and have been living a satisfying, meaningful life for around 15 years. Take my word for it, it's never too late to embark on the life you deserve - it just feels that way when you're trapped in this seemingly endless depressive cycle.
This is the best and the worst thing I’ve ever heard in my life. Every single word resonated with me and made me feel so seen and understood like I’ve never been before.
What is "excited about life"? The series of hardships, dangers and ongoing pain that is life is somehow exciting? Just scraping by gets harder and harder as society and the economy become ever more corrupt. The struggle is exhausting.
90% of the reason for SI is because living on this planet costs money. There is just no respite as everything is monetized- shelter, food, activities, family, social connections. All require you to make a payment. You simply can’t just “exist.” You have to be constantly productive, paying bills. It is a exhausting. The underlying reason for depression and SI for a lot of people is the structure of this world.
@@igotcha2198well, you Cannnn.... But it may not be "easier" in some sense. Living purely off grid you may not be responsible for bills but you will be responsible for feeding yourself every day which is also challenging when you're sick/disabled
This is exactly it. It gets tiring and miserable to work all day for a crap wage that you can barely live on. Enough money simply to stay alive and exist. It's a never ending hamster wheel that just gets tiring
Same … it’s amazing how intelligent people are living like this … because we see the reality … especially in oppressive hyper-capitalist selfish societies ruled by Chads
I am literally the same, ive had depression since i was a child, i tryed to end things at around 12-14 years old several times, now im more on the passive side of things and taking antidepressants all the time. Since my cat died 8 months ago, my depressive episodes became a bit worse, sadly i cant rly feel anythin anymore.
That is because we all have souls our souls are eternal and when we die we just become another person until we pass the test of life and go back to heaven where we all originated from hell isn't what we think it is hell is actually everyone's current reality in our bodies because we are eternal beings
I think this is a wide spread feeling. The modern world has become far too complicated, information overload , political overload , the never ending more and more .. and more. Now age 62 I can say without any guilt that for at least 20 years I have imagined myself on the bed breathing my last gasps .. Saying to myself and to anyone else present ... " what a relief it is finally over " . Life is not what I was brought up to believe it is or would be. It is not really much fun , but we do at times have nice bits here and there.
Deeply feeling this. I wish I could trade places with my elderly dad, who has many more years behind him than before him. His journey will be over soon, and I am utterly jealous.
@@kmech3rd I have thought this as well. This, in particular, because I have a very small family, and he is one of the closer ones to me. This, I feel, is largely situational depression. Just one example. I had stage 4 cancer with a 35% of survival. I was 51 and my daughter 30. She wrote me a nice note, but did not visit or help in any way. She lives in LA, and I in San Diego California. Our relationship had been strained yes, but not to the point of any sort of heinous crime in either direction. For me, that is a line in the sand that feels more permanent. It is naturally depressing. Sorry for typos- having tech. probs.
LIFE ITSELF: Consider the following: WARNING: (CONTAINS EXISTENTIAL MATTERS): * There are 3 basic options for life itself, which reduce down to 2, which reduce down to only 1: a. We truly have some sort of actual conscious existence throughout all of future eternity. b. We die trying to truly have some sort of actual conscious existence throughout all of future eternity. c. We die not trying to truly have some sort of actual conscious existence throughout all of future eternity. * 3 reduced down to 2: a. We truly have some sort of actual conscious existence throughout all of future eternity. b. We don't. And note, two out of the three options above, we die. * 2 reduced down to 1: a. We truly have some sort of actual conscious existence throughout all of future eternity. b. We truly don't have any conscious existence throughout all of future eternity. (And note, these two appear to be mutually exclusive. Only one way would be really true.) And then ask yourself the following questions: 1. Ask yourself: How exactly do galaxies form? The current narrative is that matter, via gravity, attracts other matter. The electric universe model also includes universal plasma currents. Basically, matter clumps together by some means. Modern science claims that all matter is made up of quarks, electrons and interacting energy. Quarks and electrons being considered charged particles, each with their respective magnetic field with them. Galaxies are made up of matter and interacting energy and at least some galaxies flatten out and become disc shaped. How could that occur with gravity alone? Surely probably electrical and magnetic forces are at work as well. 2. Ask yourself: How exactly do galaxies become spiral shaped in a cause and effect state of existence? At least one way would be orbital velocity of matter with at least gravity acting upon that matter, would cause a spiral shaped effect. The electric universe model also includes energy input into the galaxy, which spiral towards the galactic center, which then gets thrust out from the center, at about 90 degrees from the input. Additionally, with the conservation of energy, as energy moves into the vertical plane from the center of the horizontal plane, energy from the horisontal plane moves to the center of the horizontal plane to replace the energy that moved into the vertical plane. There is also the conservation of angular momentum. As more matter moves towards the center of the galaxy, that portion of the galaxy would speed up relative to the matter towards the outer portions of the galaxy. The inner and outer areas of the galaxy are connected via gravitational, electrical, and magnetic energy fields. While moving at the same speed, the inner area has less space to travel whereas the outer area has more space to travel. Hence a spiral shape forms. 3. Ask yourself: What does that mean for a solar system that exists in a spiral shaped galaxy? Most probably that solar system would be getting pulled toward the galactic gravitational center. 4. Ask yourself: What does that mean for species that exist on a planet, that exists in a solar system, that exists in a spiral shaped galaxy, in an apparent cause and effect state of existence? Most probably that if those species don't get off of that planet, and out of that solar system, and probably out of that galaxy too, (if it's even actually possible to do for various reasons), then they are all going to die one day from something and go extinct with probably no conscious entities left from that planet to care that they even ever existed at all in the first place, much less whatever they did and or didn't do with their time of existence. 5. Ask yourself: For those who might make it out of this galaxy, (here again, assuming it could actually be done for various reasons), where to go to next, how long to get there, how to safely land, and then, what's next? Hopefully they didn't land in another spiral shaped galaxy or a galaxy that would become spiral shaped one day, otherwise, they would have to galaxy hop through the universe to stay alive, otherwise, they still die one day from something with no conscious entities being left from the original planet to care they even ever existed at all in the first place, much less that they made it out of their own galaxy. They failed to consciously survive throughout all of future eternity. 6. Ask yourself: What exactly matters throughout all of future eternity and to whom does it exactly and eternally matter to? Either at least one species truly consciously survives throughout all of future eternity somehow, someway, somewhere, in some state of existence, even if only by a continuous succession of ever evolving species, for life itself to have continued meaning and purpose to, OR none do and life itself is all ultimately meaningless in the grandest scheme of things. Our true destiny currently appears to be: 1. We are ALL going to die one day from something. 2. We are ALL going to forget everything we ever knew and experienced. 3. We are ALL going to be forgotten one day in future eternity as if we never ever existed at all in the first place. Eternal Death 'IS' Eternal Peace. Eternal Peace awaits us all. Currently: Nature is our greatest ally in so far as Nature gives us life and a place to live it, AND Nature is also our greatest enemy that is going to take it all away. Nature does not care about us or our agendas, any of us or any of our agendas. (OSICA) * (Note: This includes the rich, powerful, and those who believe in the right to life and the sanctity of human life. God does not actually exist and Nature is not biased other than as Nature. Nature does what Nature does in a cause and effect kind of way. Truth is still truth and reality is still reality, regardless of whatever we believe that reality to be. And denying future reality will not make future reality any less real in a cause and effect state of existence. People just won't be prepared for it is all.)
The worst is when depression was so bad it started to be painful physically. Only depressed people know what I'm talking about. It's so painful, I've survived 3 suicidal attempts. What helped is to escape from toxic relatives and fake friends. You wouldn't feel this way with people that truly love and cherish you. Sending love and prayers to my other brothers and sisters who suffer from this too. We are warriors and I believe in yall !
@@lecomtedeneuch9994 aw what a lovely thing to say. Warriors. Yes. I believe in you too and am sending my most positive vibes and wishing you (healthy) love, light and laughter. Nicki. Scotland🧝♀️☮️💜
I'm sorry you had to go through that and I'm glad you're still with us. I also think it's great that you were able to reshape your relationships/social circle in a way that makes you feel better. This is probably just me misunderstanding your comment, but could you expand a bit on the sentence about "not feeling that way when you're with people that truly love and cherish you"? I agree to the extent that depression and SI is more likely to develop in (childhood) environments that lack unconditional love. I also think that feeling loved and cherished is highly important for the health of any human being and it is an important part of the healing process. Tbh, it is possible for someone to suffer from depression and SI while being in the presence of people that truly, unconditionally love them. Depression is an illness that will often require professional care (ideally in addition to true, unconditional love)
I was never suicidal my hopes were to stay alive to see them die well mom died and dad died. Last year after his son steven and his wife Crystal mzrcotte of labelle Florida shot them selves do you see what turds tgey see whatcturds tgey were as parents they lived tight down tge street o was not raised by these assholes I'm living to see them shiting themselves and dieing I was raised by my mom.and tge army I'm 54 love on the beach in vero beach but I'm old life is getting very redundant I want to find some friends some friends could help me feel better God I hope so pleasr pray for me ok ok thank you
There are many people who survived suicidal thoughts or attempts who are now happy and are living a good life and they can tell you that life gets better and it does, so don't lose hope and make sure you're there to see it. For example Jazz Thornton or recklesslyalive, see their content when you need hope. Imagine a moment in the future when you're happy and hold onto that moment with hope it will come true soon. It won't always be that hard. There are people who can help you so reach out for help.Think of all the things you have yet to do, places to visit, beautiful things to see, tv shows and movies to watch, books to read, people to meet who are going to love you and so many more. These things may not keep you forever but take it day by day, hour by hour or minute by minute. Stay for your future, your dreams, your interests, your hobbies, things you like to do and things that make you happy in the present and in the future. You survived every single one of your worst days and you can keep on surviving until it doesn't feel like surviving anymore but it feels like living, until you're actually exited about life and you will be one day. You are worth living and fighting for so fight until it doesn't feel like fighting. Talk to someone you trust and if you can't find that person, call a crisis or suicide hotline or talk to a therapist, there are online chats for people with mental health problems for example suicideapuk, don't suffer in silence. You are not alone. Please stay. This world is a better place with you in it. You matter, you're here for a reason and you are needed. I care and so do other people, who would rather listen about your problems than about your death. It'll be okay ask yourself what if it all works out?
So much easier said than done when life keeps handing you devastation! You finally get through what most couldn't handle, only to be hit again, even worse. I'm at the point I'm tired, my health has suffered and I'm done fighting.
I totally understand I have been going through that with my health. And I am fed up with that it seems like that's all I went through. All I have done is fall down in my life. I know there are people that have it worse but I'm tired of going through with me being miserable.
My girlfriend had these "passive" thoughts for years, mostly because of her disability. She never wore her seat belt and was very reckless near danger (like the edge of a cliff). She was always "pushing the limit". She took her own life last year. Her mental health was drastically declining near the end (I mean to the point of psychosis), and those thoughts finally caught up to her. Although a lot of people have these passive ideations, but you definitely want to watch yourself or your loved ones closely when you start to see a change in personality. It could be a lot more than a depressive episode
I guess it is not changing anything though I, having this exact problem you described, being like your girlfriend, your comment, your story gives me another reason to actually seek more help. Sending you love and hugs from myself and my SO. ❤
Absolutely, feed you pills instead of actually helping the problem and finding a better outlook than this shit storm of a society. Plus if you're a woman, you'll just be label hysterical, dramatic or attention seeking, and if you're a man, you'll be told to suck it up
I'm sorry to hear you're in such a difficult situation. I imagine it must be incredibly hard to urgently need professional care while also fearing the possibly traumatic, highly stressful experience of forceful institutionalization. I realize that this is purely anecdotal and dependent on a huge range of factors, but your assumption does not always have to be accurate. In my case, my therapist(s) neither panicked nor did they threaten institutionalization. They showed a normal level of concern/compassion and asked some more questions. In their report I read later on it said that I was able to distance myself from these thoughts in a believable way. After some time, I was able to discuss my moments of active SI in the same way and they reacted very similarly. I've met lots of other people struggling with depression/mental illness and passive and/or active SI and only know of two cases that got forcefully institutionalized for a day/ a week before being released into normal care. In both cases, they were showing rather strong, acute signs of suicidal behavior. Both described the experience as extremely stressful and never want to live through anything like it again. At the same time, they'll also admit that it was a necessary step and are grateful for the care they received afterwards. I wish you all the best and sincerely hope that you can find the help you require.
I have told my therapist each time I have had passive SI. She has never panicked or even suggested institution. Any professional that panics is not a professional. It is so liberating to be able to tell someone what I am truly feeling. No matter how outrageous. I hope you find someone to talk to. Maybe a hotline. A good therapist will never make you feel afraid or triggered. They are supposed to model healthy relationship with you so that you can experience a healthy relationship and learn to apply it to other relationships. I hear you. I see you. You are a valuable person. You are loved. I hope you find someone to talk to. It can give you relief from the burden of depression.
I completely understand that fear and I was reluctant to bring it up my passive SI with my therapist. But she responded calmly and asked good questions. By bringing that up we were able to talk about my depression on a deeper level than if I had not shared. It takes a lot of trust but if you are with a good therapist then it should be safe to talk about it.
It’s because 8 out of 10 people are to dumb to see the world for what it is and enjoy all the plastic cringe the world creates. They can’t see everything and everyone for what it is. Most severely depressed people are highly intelligent. So that’s the only upside.
That's so funny because I think a lot of people who seem to not understand that some people aren't fans of life are also not fans of life but used to being rejected by people who think they know everything
That's exactly correct to a point,I've felt all this stuff ,my whole life ,can't believe they actually have a name for it and others felt the same ,wow 😮and more wow ,see thank you God ,universe ,all,with lovebackto you
I’ve felt like this for years. Even just one little thing going wrong just sends me on a spiral of wanting to end it all. And I know that sounds wild but it’s the truth. Every little inconvenience makes me long for it all to end. I’m so tired of fighting and I’m so tired of trying.
You need to learn NLP. They teach anchors and quick shaking off techniques for these little occasional moments that send us off. I have 2 techniques. one is to imagine I'm a white goose and that inconvenient moment is like a splash of water that just runs off my feathers leaving me nice and dry The other - a quick, loud exclamation word/phrase when I see something unpleasant, or thought about that etc. That's a phrase from another language and I reserve it only for such moments. You shout it out at that negative thing, and this suddenness and power of it just sort of returns me back to vanilla. Sort of scares away the bad impact of what happened. Imagine a dog's bark,for example
Also, I've applied humourous phrases and an actual smile to myself when little things go wrong. I've watched a lot of children animation and comedystuff, and can easily apply some funny gesture,voice or something like "beep beep", "and now what" or broken English or a funny accent. Try that
There are many people who survived suicidal thoughts or attempts who are now happy and are living a good life and they can tell you that life gets better and it does, so don't lose hope and make sure you're there to see it. For example Jazz Thornton or recklesslyalive, see their content when you need hope. Imagine a moment in the future when you're happy and hold onto that moment with hope it will come true soon. It won't always be that hard. There are people who can help you so reach out for help.Think of all the things you have yet to do, places to visit, beautiful things to see, tv shows and movies to watch, books to read, people to meet who are going to love you and so many more. These things may not keep you forever but take it day by day, hour by hour or minute by minute. Stay for your future, your dreams, your interests, your hobbies, things you like to do and things that make you happy in the present and in the future. You survived every single one of your worst days and you can keep on surviving until it doesn't feel like surviving anymore but it feels like living, until you're actually exited about life and you will be one day. You are worth living and fighting for so fight until it doesn't feel like fighting. Talk to someone you trust and if you can't find that person, call a crisis or suicide hotline or talk to a therapist, there are online chats for people with mental health problems for example suicideapuk, don't suffer in silence. You are not alone. Please stay. This world is a better place with you in it. You matter, you're here for a reason and you are needed. I care and so do other people, who would rather listen about your problems than about your death. It'll be okay ask yourself what if it all works out?
Have you tried catching those emotions in your mind and trying to replace them with more tempered or lighter thoughts? Every emotion replaced brings you closer to being more content at least! I apologize for presuming i can help but wanted to give what little advice I can ❤️ Try to focus on snowballing little wins into the direction you want your life to go. It seems to really help. Just take it day by day, minute by minute if you have to. But you have nothing to lose by taking a step
That part about passive vs active SI being more about personality and less about severity was really really significant for me. I've never ever believed that my depression was that bad, purely because I almost never experience active SI. I thought I had it easy and I was just overreacting because other people actually engage in self harm and suicide attempts while I just think a lot about it. So thank you for saying that. It means a lot.
Active suicidal thoughts are in fact not part of the majority of heavy depressions, and statistically, suicide is more a male than a female thing. Deep depression can also mean that you just stop to function. Can't leave your bed, everyday activities like taking a shower or preparing a meal wear you out to the point that this is all you are capable of in a given day, if even that. So a good measure for how depressed you really are is how well you still manage in your life. Job, household, keeping contact with friends and family. For me, more than 15 years ago, a warning shot was that I couldn't get myself to leave the house one day. Went to work that day, wanted to take a train to see my GF that evening. That day I even had my luggage prepared and no real time stress, everything went smooth. Couldn't get up from my chair for the life of me. After that we made some changes to our weekend relationship, and thankfully, that episode did not repeat.
Wow. Didn’t know I could find someone who thought very similarly to me. My main factor holding me back from active planning is because I don’t want to make people clean up the mess I leave behind. There’s no clean way to go. I want to become a psychologist to help others too. Probably not the best idea though.
I'm sorry mate, you feel this way. I've been feeling like this all my life, and just today,now actually I feel overwhelmed..I know how it feels. I really hope you feel better 🙏🏻 my mate told me before.."it's a Storm I'm going through/people go through... it'll pass, the storm will pass"
@Professorkenneth I have really good days sometime but the bad days are definitely overwhelming... and I tend to isolate myself from everything around me.
I've had it since I was in my 39's. I am now 71. Thought I was the only one. Other than forgiveness, this is my most constant prayer. That I go to sleep and just never wake up.
@@mosoyakane hi, to answer your question on behalf of most mentally ill people; im someone who has been in therapy for twelve years, has committed myself to wards several times, and has had other treatment. Yet, you will find that the only help that can be given are very minor improvements, emotional support which is minimal, and medication which is only effective for certain people. I myself am medication resistant and usually only experienced bad to severe side effects so they can't use any with me. Most mental health issues are chronic, which means permanent. Treatable? Can be. Curable or "fixable"? Never. Most mentally ill people have chronic physical pain and health issues, usually both before and caused by said mental illness. So with forever unending pain and bodily malfunctions usually coupled with failing at jobs and being the highest percentage in the unemployment charts, tri- mingled with mental instability- there is little to no real help. Best you got is getting it off your chest only to have your chest crushed again in the next hour by either the same thing or something else. Sad as it is, it just is.
I keep praying too, but seriously these prayers don't work. I sometimes see planes getting crashed with fatalities and I feel deep envy that I was not on the plane.
I’ve had these thoughts for years. When my husband left 2 years ago, the only reason I stayed was my cats. My world has been crumbling constantly for the last few years but they’re excited to see me. They come snuggle when I’m crying. They give me reason to keep going. They’ve gotten me through so much since I got them 6 years ago. I need them way more than they need me.
Hi, this is the exact reason why I'm still here. I have 4 cats to take care of, there's also 1 stray cat who regularly follows me on my daily walk. I'm staying alive because of them. It's not easy. I'm also currently in a therapy, somehow sometimes I feel it's just not enough. I hope you're doing well now.
Kitties have saved me my whole life. I’ve only been cat-less for 1 month 🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛ I’m glad you have your silly babies, they do make life better ❤ you’re doing good, one day at a time ❤️
There are many people who survived suicidal thoughts or attempts who are now happy and are living a good life and they can tell you that life gets better and it does, so don't lose hope and make sure you're there to see it. For example Jazz Thornton or recklesslyalive, see their content when you need hope. Imagine a moment in the future when you're happy and hold onto that moment with hope it will come true soon. It won't always be that hard. There are people who can help you so reach out for help.Think of all the things you have yet to do, places to visit, beautiful things to see, tv shows and movies to watch, books to read, people to meet who are going to love you and so many more. These things may not keep you forever but take it day by day, hour by hour or minute by minute. Stay for your future, your dreams, your interests, your hobbies, things you like to do and things that make you happy in the present and in the future. You survived every single one of your worst days and you can keep on surviving until it doesn't feel like surviving anymore but it feels like living, until you're actually exited about life and you will be one day. You are worth living and fighting for so fight until it doesn't feel like fighting. Talk to someone you trust and if you can't find that person, call a crisis or suicide hotline or talk to a therapist, there are online chats for people with mental health problems for example suicideapuk, don't suffer in silence. You are not alone. Please stay. This world is a better place with you in it. You matter, you're here for a reason and you are needed. I care and so do other people, who would rather listen about your problems than about your death. It'll be okay ask yourself what if it all works out?
Years ago I was battling anxiety and suicidal thoughts and came very close to doing it, but my favorite cat stayed with me throughout the day… Literally followed me everywhere I went, even into the bathroom while I showered. That cat saved my life. She was the only one that made me feel loved even though I was surrounded by family.
At least once a day, the thought “I wish I was dead” pops in my head. This has been a normal part of my existence for over a decade. I don’t take it seriously because there’s no way I would do that to my mom. But once she’s gone, I’ll be honest: I’m not sure what else would prevent it.
Been suicidal since I was 14 (I'm almost 29 now) things have definitely got even harder after my mom passed. It's been 10 months and I'm going through the darkest time in my life, what's crazy is I know it could be worse. Not really a comforting thought realizing it could be even worse, but I try to be grateful
@@TheXandemic - I think what helps me is remembering that every time the darkness creeps in, it always ends in light eventually. There’s always a good day to be had, and in those days I’m _always_ glad I’m still here. Not to mention that I have plenty of love to give, and nothing feels better than to do good for others. That becomes impossible if I no longer exist.
@@smileychess agreed, I recently started working out and I've lost 20 points and can now do 12 pull ups in a row. One of my coworkers started losing weight, and told me I was his inspiration to lose the weight. He knows I struggle with alcohol and drug addiction, so he knows if I can do it while struggling with that, he can do it too. I felt good to inspire positive change.
My mom had this screwed up desire to have "control" over her death by refusing to go to doctors. She has the mentality that if it's never diagnosed, if she never finds out, then her death will be somehow easier. I can't deal with it. It crushes me that she has no hope, no desire to stay on this planet as long as possible, maybe to see my son get married or have his own children. He's 19. All of these could happen in the next few years, but my mom chooses control over those possibilities. I told her that if she keeps doing this, I won't (read that honestly as "can't") be there for her, too watch her die slowly of curable or treatable disease. She refused to get shingles treatment until her rash was black and necrotic. I have stopped talking to her, haven't in about a month. She got mad when I told her I would have no reason to continue living after she passed that way.....
Feel this way daily but yesterday and last night; it hit hard. Was up to 3 am cuz I was running scripts of things about life and just how I'm at my plateau. Losing interest, energy, and the will to do anything.
My sister someday that deep, sweet sleep will be yours. Believe it . Make SURE you are prepared, I have had to pay for 4 funerals in 2 years it's no joke. Prepay your service, make SURE your clothes are ready and your affairs settled. Soon, soon. Be comforted.
Discovered this video,tonight . Thanks for the info. I have been struggling with severe depression for a looong time . I truly believe that people who commit suicide don’t necessarily want to die. They just want to have joy again and do more than exist . They want out of their pain 😢😢
"They found a way out". That's been my reaction to learning of friends who have committed suicide. I know many times I would just rather not feel anything than what I'm feeling now.
I understand. I just want to sleep and I'm tired of this life. I've always suffered from severe bipolar depression. Now to make things worse my mom just passed away this past June 10th and my depression has been the worst. Then right after my mom passed my guy friend of 40 years, moved to Florida and told me after he left for good. Also, he left me hanging with an apartment I can't keep on my own. Blocked me in text and calls and sent me an email telling me he wasn't going to speak to me again and I was blocked. I don't understand this world and the ugliness in it.
Exactly! At age 76, 7 years post retirement, my days are spent sitting in my chair, looking at my iPad, getting progressively physically weaker. Without my career there is nothing to live for. My children are in their 50’s, my 2 grandchildren are getting ready to go off to university. They are all busy with their lives and don’t need me. But my husband needs me as a domestic support so I carry on for his sake. But personally I feel like I’m in God’s waiting room, and I’m ready to go.😊
I have never heard this term before but this is exactly it. I am in tears and haven't even gotten fully through his question 2. I will never be active, only passive for all of the reasons listed. It's so reassuring to know that I'm not alone. That when my therapists and other mental health specialists ask me if I'm suicidal, answering "Yes, but I would never do anything about it" is 100% accurate and I can now give a largely accepted term for it.
Just wanted to add that you have to be very careful saying something like that to a therapist or psych doctor. Because you said you were suicidal - the other part doesn't matter by their protocol - they could restrict your medications (such as only allowing you to pick up 1 week's work of medications at a time - which is maddeningly tedious and inconvenient), they could change your medications or enforce you take them, they could have you committed to a psychiatric hospital, or demand other changes to your behavior or surveillance of it. A lot of places are mandatory reporters. That means they have to both report and take action if they think you are a danger to yourself. So you have to really, really, really know and trust your therapist/psych doc before you answer that way or you could find yourself in a bad situation that doesn't match your actual symptoms. For example, I just started seeing a new therapist (3 weeks). There's no way in hell I am telling her I'm having passive SI this early in the relationship. I don't want to find myself suddenly trapped in a psych ward because I brought it up. I monitor my symptoms and if I feel like I'm moving toward the active side and need help, I'll tell someone. But meanwhile, every general and specialist doctor that asks "are you depressed?" gets the same answer: "yes, we all are: the world is on fire." And any psychiatric doctor or therapist who asks "do you have thoughts of harming yourself/are you suicidal?"gets the simple answer "No." Not to scare you. Just to warn people from experience. Sometimes being naively open with a statement like that can have very negative consequences. You never know how "trigger happy" some physicians will be with committing someone.
@@bossyboots5000 well this is some messed up shit. Not being able to tell your doctor about real medical symptoms is fucked up. I'm not saying you're wrong for not doing it, I'm saying the system is broken.
My wife, best friend, my muse passed from cancer. She was ny best friend since middle school. Parents both died from covid. I have become a drone. I no longer do any art, I have a hard time working. I am living off of retirement savings which is dwindling. I keep the kids very happy and healthy, but my face is a facade. Waiting for them to go off to college, I have stage 2 hypertension and take no meds and don’t plan to. I am not depressed. I just exist and waiting to not exist. Thank you for this video. It helped me understand a bit of whats going on in my head.
I lost my mom 4yrs ago to cancer.... it feels like a piece of me died with her. It happened only 2mos after finding out my abusive father had over dosed.... i had suddenly felt like an orphan. And then i stopped and thought about it. And it dawned on me. I WAS an orphan. In the physical realm. But i still have a mother and father. They are just not here any more. I will see my mother again in Heaven. She will be there with my grandmother with open arms and smiles. And i cannot wait! ❤ you will be with her again. She wouldnt want you to be numb the rest of your life here in the physical realm. Enjoy the time you have and make memories. ❤
@@netrimos thanks for sharing. It's very hard to lose a loved one especially a loved one closest to you. Just stay strong and remember how much GOD loves you to give you a person who will love you back. Some people are not as fortunate to find that kind of love. One thing you could say is that you had someone here on earth that really loved you. Thank GOD for that🙂💙
Ignoring the hypertension can cause a stroke, which then makes you a burden on your children. That's not fair. Strokes come in varying degrees, I've had 4 and still live alone and have to manage alone. So treat that please.
I hope u take the meds. If you can be there for your kids they will need you. My mom is bipolar she either down and out or too manic. My dad stole from me and even if he didn't he didn't have much life lessons to offer Raising myself is one of the hardest things in my life. That includes all the betrayal, bad luck and downfalls. Cheated on and told I'm perfect. Probably lies. Guess I wish you luck and that it gets better. Sorry this wasn't helpful.
I had no idea other people felt this way, until a couple weeks ago when I saw an interview where a woman was talking about feeling like this. I was shocked! I'm 50, and I have a pretty good life. I've never been physically abused and had ok parents. I have great kids and a good husband... But... I have felt like this everyday for the last 30 years. I've never told anyone.
@hardlines2635 that's called an intrusive thought or more specifically the call-of-the-void, I think it's a little different but what you experience could be ideation if you are depressed
Yeah, it's hard sometimes to feel like your struggles and/or depression are valid when you haven't experienced the most well-known forms of trauma. I grew up with a loving family and I was never bullied or treated outright badly by my peers in school. I've never been abused in any way and I've had a pretty good life. So I never thought I had trauma. But I found out very recently that social neglect is a form of trauma and I have ABSOLUTELY experienced that. So just because you have a good life doesn't mean that your feelings are invalid.
Lots of therapy helped me get through this process however depression causes sickness. I had a stroke at 27, and learned I had a rare brain disease . As a 2x brain surgery survivor, my life turned around when this happened. Now that I don't have a cure, I must remind myself to be blessed, not stressed. I had family trauma, and it took a toll on me. Now I'm grateful for life itself. My disease is called Moyamoya.
I just dont want to exist. No major trauma in my past and i'm overall well off financially. I just have no interest in going anywhere, doing anything or meeting anyone. I cant connect with people nor do i want to. I simply exist and lack the courage to see myself out. Im only still walking this earth because of fear.
Do you like animals or the environment? If you have some money but no real passion, and you dont really like people, maybe do a bit of work for a non-people charity. It helps to find something, anything, to make life worth living.
I dunno if i should say it..bt the fact that u said there wasn't any major trauma in ur past , and yet u feel this way..kinda made me feel relieved..like everything's pretty well off with me as well..bt still i wish i could disappear into thin air..
@@arminislam6805of course you dont have to answer this publicly but could you be minimizing your own trauma do you think? If im not misunderstanding your comment, it sounds like you say yep there was some "minor" or not very serious traumatic things yet you have worse symptoms than what youd expect from such "barely significant" trauma. To use domestic violence in sexual relationships as an example since i have experience with that, your comments remind me of the years i spent swearing "its not that bad i mean he only hit me with a metal object once" so i dont feel justified seeking help. Must be defective myself to be so shaken by one incident, if i hadnt pissed him off it would not have happened, other men and women are literally getting daily beatings so this isnt "that bad" by comparison. Let me tell you hon its been a decade since he hit me in my sleep but i promise if you threw a damn kleenex or something at me as im laying in bed i will often still freak out. 🫂
Lost my job 7 years into (what i thought) was a great career as a software engineer. 1 year later, after 1000+ applications, and no interviews. I'm in financial ruin, nearly homeless and completely alone. Therapy/ Healthcare is not an option in my state with no insurance and no money. And even if it were, everything is so bad at this point, that even the thought of trying to get better and beat depression is terrifying. I'm more afraid of living for years and being miserable and shamed than i am of dying.
I felt like this for a very long time until I had a blood test and it was discovered that my blood count was very low in iron, B12 & Folic Acid. I was taken in to Hospital Emergency and given 6 Units of blood and Iron infusions until my blood counts were back up into the normal ranges. This was administered over the period of 5 days. The change in my mood was almost instant. My depression & Passive suicidal thoughts disappeared! Since then I have been keeping an eye on my diet and making sure that I'm eating nutritionally dense foods & Taking supplements. My Blood counts have remained high and have actually increased a bit since leaving hospital. My outlook has completely changed. I am interested in life again, I'm making plans, I can & want to tidy my home. My Advice, If there are any people out there who are suffering with the symptoms being described in this video, in the state of misery and no longer want to live, go get your blood levels checked for Iron, B12, and Folic Acid first. If you are not suffering from low levels then at least you know your depression is not based on a vitamin or mineral deficiency.
Wow, I recently had very similar stats and anemia and never mentioned depression as a symptom. I had low energy which caught it and I avoided the hospital but now wonder if they (vitamin levels) are related to mood more so than serotonin
Wow, that's fascinating. It's not exactly surprising that general nutritional levels, and levels of health (low blood cell count is not healthy) could tie in with mental health, but tying in so strongly like the way you describe is, well, striking. There are certainly many things you can try to get that feeling of emptiness out of your head, and fill the hole.
Oh, idk about iron and folic acid, but I'm probably again low on b12 and d3, especially that I recently have troubles eating (or getting out of bed) and the supplements are to be taken with food, not on empty stomach. No food, no supplements. It's like I'm not existing until you look at me. When I don't need to go out, I'm... not there. In my bed, doing nothing. If I do need to get out, I'm able to force myself to wash myself, put clean clothes on, prepare anything else to go out. Most of the times, but sometimes I do miss some details.
@@secretlyaweasel7537 yes he is bragging. I read about a woman who was married for 49 years and has two children and crying that she is alone. I did not even had a partner for 49 days.
No children 40 yrs old, girlfriend that blames all our problems on me and I work my ass off and am very thoughtful. At this point in time with all my customers trying to lowball me, my girlfriend of 7 years constantly talking down to me, my dental issues that I cant afford to fix, i just feel like a punching bag basically at this point.....I went and picked out a gun today, a couple more days and I am probably gone unless something good happens which isn't likely. I see more tragedy in the near future that I will be avoiding by self deletion. On the flip side I am genuinely happy for you that you made it through
I have felt this way all my adult life and I'm 56 now, and I am still here. Something that helps me is a quote, a simple but effective quote. "it is no measure of good health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society" ~ Jiddu Krishnamurti 👍
I feel this way all the time. I just hate everything about myself and everyone is saying change something about your life. I’m like only if you really knew. 5 years ago I wrote my suicide note and at the train tracks waiting for a train to show up to put my car in front of it. I just couldn’t do it. I don’t know why but I can’t do it. I still want to several years later. No one believes me when I talk about my pain.
@@SamuelGlover I believe you. The reality is, you can't think yourself out of your brain not working right. Like.. if you're drunk, you can't think yourself sober. The chemicals (neurotransmitters) are off. Behavior changes can only do so much. It's a proven fact that you need a certain baseline for therapy to work. Being suicidal like you are doesn't meet that line. Talking helps with situations, mentally monitoring how you are, and creating behavioral control "hacks". But won't actually improve the underlying depression. I will say, please don't use your car. It can derail a train. You don't want to hurt others. I also suggest trying medications. It doesn't change your personality like people think. There are new ones if you've tried before and it didn't work. The quality of the doctor matters too. Some are better than others.
I could relate to passive suicidal ideation but when I got into a potentially life threatening situation, my mind completely forgot I did not care about my life during the time in a span of some seconds. You will beg for life when you are in actual danger. The comments that say I won't plead for my life in danger are just drama queens living in a first world safe haven, your primal instincts and subconscious mind can easily overpower you and your thoughts/ideas in times of actual distress. You cannot stop the adrenaline and cortisol when a wild animal charges at you or if you are alone starving and thirsty.
@@artiarora-n6eI like your comment. I had a Traumatic event that caused loss of my career job 😢 and more. I have that stress you mention. Constant cortisol dumping, stress, anxiety, depression... it keeps you in S.I. everyday.
@@artiarora-n6e Speak for yourself, and yourself only. Particularly, make no claims of such a general nature. You might be right about many, but you are most definitely not right about all. You talk about 'drama queens' evidently without knowing first hand someone turning down simple life saving medical treatment, not because of some moral objection or fear of discomfort, but simply because they don't care to prolong their life. Don't you dare tell someone else what they would do. All you know is what YOU have felt and how YOU think YOU would react. I've dealt with chronic depression, but more importantly I've watched a friend of many years and, different story, my last surviving parent simply decide there was nothing left in this world they cared about enough to hang around for. Sure, neither one was attacked by a wild animal (WTF are you even talking about) but both, in the end, died starving and thirsty with the option (at the press of a button) of trying to hang on. I'll not include here the other letters normally connected with F and U.
I'm not suicidal, but I often get depressed. For me it's mostly about two things he mentioned. 1. Not having time to really use my gifts and talents (my passions) because I'm too busy working full time to pay the bills and taking care of daily stuff like grocery shopping and resolving small problems. 2. My wife and I don't have children 12 years into our marriage because of her health issues and I always knew I was meant to be a father. I knew marrying her meant that we likely wouldn't have children but I didn't want to let her go. She's often depressed because that's a symptom of her health issues, which also makes me depressed because I wish I could do more to help her.
Consider adopting. I will say having an autoimmune disease and kids is suffering. It’s so hard man. Weeks without sleep. Non stop chasing rabbits. Be careful what you wish for. I wish you peace.
Thank you for this talk. I've had both. I felt mesmerised to throw myself under a coming train; I stood dangerously close, but I pulled back because I didn't want the driver to live with the nightmare. I've made 6 attempts on my life. Each time there was no premeditated thinking; I felt obsessed by an overwhelming need to eacape and used whatever method came to mind in that moment. Caring for pets keeps me here; I'd never abandon them.
I have been in the psych ward six separate times. I had continuous passive suicidal ideation for years. I am finally finding healing and it’s been two years since I have been suicidal. I have occasional intrusive suicidal thoughts, however they no longer distress me like they used to. If you’re reading this and feel like life isn’t worth living, please know you can heal too. You can find things to live for. Recovery is a long slow journey, but it’s SO worth it.
hope this isn’t an offensive question but why were you in the psych ward if it was only passive suicidal ideation? the only times i’ve been admitted were after i attempted. also glad you’re doing better now, wishing you the best in your recovery journey
70 years old, still wake up from nightmares swinging , kicking for my life as a child , 4-9-16 all of my childhood , screaming crying out of breathe as I barely survived another beating. 4 months ago finally kicked abusive wife out, 14 years of me going to marital therapy By myself finally realized that was stupid, only I cared. Been suicidal since earliest memory, abusive brothers all drunks and abusive to the families...I was my mom, taking it...cut them all off decades ago, mom died 13 years ago and I cared for her for years, got to know that woman better than anyone in my life.. Now in pain from failed back surgery /24/7 and single father of 15 year old whom needs the respect, trust, unconditional love I have never received but love seeing him thrive , glow from what we need more than food or water. BUT do not know how much longer I can take this pain, (inside and out) it takes me off and on hours to prepare him a fantastic feast , lunches for school , but screaming in pain after he goes to school is / has drained me to the point I can not last much longer. I qualify for MAID medically assisted suicide here in canada , but damn do not want him to be destroyed by my giving up, leaving him with his narcassistic mother... he is with me 24/7 she spends a few hours most weeks, and we /he understands more things about people , psycology than most kids his age , most therapists and recognizes why the bully is the way his is since grade 5... He is a kind, sensitive brilliant kid, like his father...me ....if I am his father, my doctor 15 years ago after a sperm test told me point blank he could not be...impossible... Hard to get over that, but fell in love with the little bugger who used me as his personal heating pad as a baby. Also researched and realised it only takes one super swimmer sperm... Wish I could die and not destroy him , (therapists over the years amazed at what i have accomplished, mostly by myself ready more books than they have)... but feel their blowing smoke up my ass doesn't help me feel one iota better. Ran away home after university, i paid for at 17, unbelievable got hired in finance company when legal age was 21 (1970) retired after 15 cities, 2 countries in International bank NYC... look at awards, full page articles in NYT, business journals and wonder are they stupid, I never deserved that or awards. Finally at 60 realized and stopped those voices screaming in my head that i was a useless piece of shit, was not true...but all the kings horses and all the kings men will never put me together , not again, EVER
I’m 81 and I’ve thought about this since I was 21..I’ve been widowed twice and both were long, drawn out. I’m exhausted but now I’m pretty much house/bed bound. I can no longer do any fun things like gardening. I’m bored out of my mind. And I’m in pain but I don’t trust the medical people…they always make it worse. I do a lot of herbals and would love to try mushroom but good luck with that..thanks for listening 👵🏻
Would it help you to read the bible? Or maybe listen to some NDEs(near death experiences)? The NDEs have given me lots of comfort in my desperate time..Can not even imagine how you feel of course, but I wish you well.
ideas for "fun things": - reading (try short stories until you find one you really like, then go for the author's books) - film/series streaming (Netflix, etc.) - video games (PS 5, etc, you'd probably just need someone to help you set it up & teach you how it works)
You sound like an awesome and strong woman. Gardening is so fun, and I am sorry to hear you haven't been up to it and bored out of your mind. Maybe you can look or ask around if there are any groups you can join, maybe a gardening group where you help the community? Or if you like animals, volunteer somewhere with animals, perhaps. Its never too late to pick up a hobbie either! Like drawing, photography, or even fishing haha. I wish the best for you and hope you go and pick up a couple plants and get to work! Much luv😉
The best advice I ever got was just finding ways to cope. Doesn't matter what it is, just keep exploring options that can help you, because it won't stop. You can't choose to not suffer on a dime. You do have a good amount of control in how you respond to your suffering.
There are many people who survived suicidal thoughts or attempts who are now happy and are living a good life and they can tell you that life gets better and it does, so don't lose hope and make sure you're there to see it. For example Jazz Thornton or recklesslyalive, see their content when you need hope. Imagine a moment in the future when you're happy and hold onto that moment with hope it will come true soon. It won't always be that hard. There are people who can help you so reach out for help.Think of all the things you have yet to do, places to visit, beautiful things to see, tv shows and movies to watch, books to read, people to meet who are going to love you and so many more. These things may not keep you forever but take it day by day, hour by hour or minute by minute. Stay for your future, your dreams, your interests, your hobbies, things you like to do and things that make you happy in the present and in the future. You survived every single one of your worst days and you can keep on surviving until it doesn't feel like surviving anymore but it feels like living, until you're actually exited about life and you will be one day. You are worth living and fighting for so fight until it doesn't feel like fighting. Talk to someone you trust and if you can't find that person, call a crisis or suicide hotline or talk to a therapist, there are online chats for people with mental health problems for example suicideapuk, don't suffer in silence. You are not alone. Please stay. This world is a better place with you in it. You matter, you're here for a reason and you are needed. I care and so do other people, who would rather listen about your problems than about your death. It'll be okay ask yourself what if it all works out?
For me, the only thing that would help with my depression and passive suicidal ideation is LOVE AND SUPPORT. Having people in my life that had the same interests. Not therapy or medication. However, after finding out I had a chronic health condition and having that treated did help with my not wanting to live but after a couple years, that feeling or depression came back. We need to spread LOVE AND SUPPORT! I might not be able to get it but I'm here for anyone that needs it.
My wife passed away two and a half years ago. I admit to just waiting to die. They gave me medication for depression. It didn't work. Sometimes depression from mourning can't be treated with the normal medications you just go numb with it and not properly process it confront the feelings. A broken heart should actually be a diagnosis.
I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my husband and many other friends/family in the last 5 years. My husband was my greatest loss, the pain gets more bearable as time goes on. Hang in there.❤
There actually has been studies that prove a broken heart can make drastic changes to the body. A broken heart can't be fixed with a pill & it happens to almost everyone, therefore it doesn't align with capitalism & won't become a diagnosis. It would also force companies to acknowledge they have to be respectful of people's loss & possibly give them more than 3 days of bereavement (everyone handles things differently). It'll stay thrown under the umbrella of depression. Many prefer to encourage people to experiment with things that can be sold in order to find what "works" or "fixes" the feelings. I'm sorry for your loss & the pain you feel from it. Saying I wish you healing seems rude since when most say it, it usually implies they hope you stop feeling what you're feeling. I personally believe it makes it seem as if it's a problem that you grieve. I don't think it is. People don't stop acknowledging their loss but maybe just stop doing it as often (no telling exactly what goes on in people's minds), or talking about it bc they don't want people to worry. This isn't how it should be. There should be support & understanding. I do wish you the best in living a fulfilled life & hope your best moments with her can provide you joy in your lifetime.
Gosh I so needed to hear your calm, rational perspective on this! I tried to reach out to a mental health centre but I always feel like they treat me like a misbehaving child and find it feels safer to just hang up and forget it. All previous attempts at seeking compassion or caring have failed... nobody wants to deal with me feeling crappy. Everyone always says "It's so great to see you smiling" , so the mask remains and the tears are saved for the quiet times alone in my caravan with the curtains drawn. My "hole" is probably both reasons. I've been in therapy on and off all my adult life. I used to have optimism, dreams, hopes for my future. Recently I've become painfully aware that the dreaming has ended. Waking up is another chore like eating, laundry, getting dressed, or shopping for groceries... 50+ years on this earth and I still feel like nobody truly knows me or has considered me worthy enough to stick around for. I may look like my life is all bright and shiny, but I'm literally treading water in basic survival mode. 😥
I really hope this helped. I share your frustration with how many in my field seem oddly unable to handle a person in emotional distress 🤷♂️ It’s not like it’s our entire job or anything
The bit you said about not being in an actively suicidal mindset because of people who depend on you really hit home with me. I take care of my Mom full time and struggled with depression and suicide for several years. I knew I would never kill myself outright though because it would utterly devastate mom. Its exactly what you said; I didn't want to be the one to do it, but I genuinely wished someone else would. I've been doing better for a while now, but sometimes I'll have short relapses into that depressive state.
Take care. You matter! Your loss would bring up lots of feelings you may need quite some time to process, and may even need help with that. Talking to others if they are supportive may help. Journalling can also help to connect with feelings. Listen to music that moves you literally. Find ways to get out and move. Try new things or things you haven't done for along time, perhaps due to your recent responsibilities. Try to find some joy. Make a list of glimmers (things that bring you moments of joy) and triggers that you put up to help you when you are overwhelmed so as it uses little brain power to find tools to help shift your state. Please, above all, seek additional help if you feel you need it. You are going through alot right now. Be kind and gentle with yourself every chance you get. Take care.❤
Hurting my parents and siblings was the only thing that prevented me from ending my life in the few times I attempted to do it before. Now that my mom has dementia and my dad is the sole provider in the family because I’ve been chronically ill, I don’t see myself ever hurting them by ending my own misery so PSI is the only thing I’m going to struggle with for now. I’m thinking that all these medical conditions I’m dealing with will take care of my life’s ending sooner than later.
Yeah, my thoughts are 'my parents are still alive. No patents should see their children to die'. So I know that I won't attempt in the near future. I'm not going after either, I think, but it's like some line I need to cross before thinking it for real
The questions at the end of your talk are the ones I asked myself several months ago. The severe depression I experience is due to the situation of my life at present. And that situation I can do nothing about except pray and push forward. I have accepted that the medications I have been on for many years have no effect. due to the issues involving insurance and how doctors must abide by regulations determined by insurance companies, I’ve twice been in horrible withdrawal states. So, I’ve taken myself off the stuff entirely. I ABSOLUTELY do not recommend this. I am 82. Hopefully, you who may see this are younger and you’ve got a better chance for things to turn around than I do. And if you are younger, please do NOT remain in an abusive relationship! Do NOT think the other person will change. Do NOT think that if you change YOUR way of seeing things that the relationship will improve. Do NOT isolate …hide your black eyes…pretend everything is all right to your family and friends. Do not blame your depression on why things are going so very wrong. You are a valid person, depressed or not. We do not choose depression, just as we do not choose deafness or blindness, etc. I truly thought that continuing in hope that things would turn around for the better was the Christian thing to do. Forgiving, and forgiving ad infinitum! I always said,”I’m sorry!” I always took the blame. I always let him off the hook. Now, I am very ashamed of myself….I think I wrote that somewhere before! This is a serious plea that you choose to value your life. Truly. You deserve to be respected, honored and loved!
I feel this way every single night, think about dying or wanting not wake up in the morning has become like a dark mantra or habitual. it's strangely comforting to me.
@@mdixon4212I understand this but it brings me angst because I have so much shit that my children would have to deal with. I want to get rid of most of my possessions first - of which I have way too much.
I'm same male late 50's marriage broke down last year (after 22yr) embarrassed breaking down all the time and my dog is the only thing saving me...I'm even starting to think about just taking him with me.
I’ve always suffered with depression, but since the loss of my Mum who I lost at the end of October last year I have to say that I feel like this most days. I’m genuinely tired and fed up with this world, it’s a horrible place in which you might get brief moments of happiness if you’re lucky, but on the whole life is pain and suffering.
I am sorry I know just how you feel I have suffered depression most of my life and lost my mother too it will be a year the end of the month all I can do is just hang in there and hope things will get better I wish you the best ❤
I understand. I lost my mom April 2022, and a sister in 2023. They are the only people who have known me my entire life and now they're both gone, and I'm feeling more alone than ever. I have my Dad, and half siblings and we have a good relationship but it doesn't feel the same. Just wanted you to know that you are not alone.
"Imagine a society that subjects people to conditions that make them terribly unhappy, then gives them the drugs to take away their unhappiness. Science fiction? It is already happening to some extent in our own society... Instead of removing the conditions that make people depressed, modern society gives them antidepressant drugs. In effect, antidepressants are a means of modifying an individual's internal state in such a way as to enable him to tolerate social conditions that he would otherwise find intolerable." -Ted Kaczynski
Antidepressants don’t work because they treat symptoms, not the cause. I’ve taken them and they made me feel like a zombie or more suicidal. No thanks. I think increasing stress, anxiety, and depression’s been planned to reduce the population and that’s why many people lose motivation to live. They figured they’d kill off the weak by driving people to suicide over time-there’s not going to be enough room for everyone so something has to be done.
I don't think the Unabomber is a great, reliable source for mental health advice. I'm sure there are a million other resources out there. I mean, the man killed people. How is that someone to turn to for advice?
Finished watching this video in tears. I have been struggling with this “don’t want to live but can’t die”feelings for about 10 years now, even when I was on depression treatment( I give up now, since it doesn’t work much, other than side effects ”. I have been trying hard to answer those questions, but failed. If not because people still need me to take care of them. I really just want to be gone, like I have never existed. On the positive side, I no longer scare about anything anymore, lol.
Thank you Doctor Scott for making this video. And, hope y’all who have been suffering from this are able to find a way out and can finally enjoy this thing called life.
I don’t want to be alive. I just lost my husband last month. I have many disorders mental And physical. I am lucky to have an amazing psychiatrist. I have always carried great sadness. And been through much trauma. I on a 1-10 scale sad to happy I am usually a 2. I am 48 and exhausted. Now with this loss I feel just like I’m not supposed to be here. It’s never gotten better for me. Just worse. People see me as funny and cheerful and I light up a room and make people feel happy and special etc. I do it so no one else has to hurt like I do. I would be gone already if not for my son. He is 25 and I refuse to pass my pain to him. Which is what killing my self would do. When people say think of your happiest moment… it wad when I drowned and had a near death experience. How sad is that? I was happiest as I was dying.
There are no depression treatments that work and all this anti depressant pill nonsense is all a con and to make big pharma billions....in fact even anti bionics and the likes are just as bad because the body repairs itself....to be mentally happy I think it's all about routine and being in a good financial state is a start and what I see is most are not and its a constant struggle to get by.
Therapist didn't help me it was a waste of time. I feel no purpose in life, tired of rescuing others all my life but noone to turn to myself. Religious doesn't help either, death end 😢Black dog of depression keeps on following me...
My SI is only passive right now and not active for 2 reasons: 1. My dog 2. I’m a perfectionist that feels like I’m an F up, so I’m scared of making an attempt and not being “successful “ and just end up sick, permanently messed up, or humiliated when found and it didn’t work. I pray every night to not wake up the never morning.
Nice fake story. "My SI[...] I pray". Suicide is against your religion. You pretend to be afflicted by something real in other people. And for 5 whole Likes?? How sad. Thankfully many others seen right through your infantile bs, but I won't stand by and not have it called out
@hkl6977 What is your dog's name? Therapy usually helps when you feel internally misguided. I hope you feel better soon. Fortunately, people who care about people receiving proper healthcare actually exist. @RepDanCrenshaw @unitednations
@TheR00K It’s impossible for a dog 🐕 to not love its owner. Even when owners abuse them, the dog (or cat) perpetually craves the attention and love of the owner. Maybe your dog is trying to get your attention and you are missing it. Take him for a walk and spend some time with your dog. You’ll see her love for you.
Holy Quran 29:64 وَمَا هَٰذِهِ الْحَيَاةُ الدُّنْيَا إِلَّا لَهْوٌ وَلَعِبٌ ۚ وَإِنَّ الدَّارَ الْآخِرَةَ لَهِيَ الْحَيَوَانُ ۚ لَوْ كَانُوا يَعْلَمُونَ And this life of the world is only amusement and play! Verily, the home of the Hereafter, that is the life indeed (i.e. the eternal life that will never end), if they but knew
There are many people who survived suicidal thoughts or attempts who are now happy and are living a good life and they can tell you that life gets better and it does, so don't lose hope and make sure you're there to see it. For example Jazz Thornton or recklesslyalive, see their content when you need hope. Imagine a moment in the future when you're happy and hold onto that moment with hope it will come true soon. It won't always be that hard. There are people who can help you so reach out for help.Think of all the things you have yet to do, places to visit, beautiful things to see, tv shows and movies to watch, books to read, people to meet who are going to love you and so many more. These things may not keep you forever but take it day by day, hour by hour or minute by minute. Stay for your future, your dreams, your interests, your hobbies, things you like to do and things that make you happy in the present and in the future. You survived every single one of your worst days and you can keep on surviving until it doesn't feel like surviving anymore but it feels like living, until you're actually exited about life and you will be one day. You are worth living and fighting for so fight until it doesn't feel like fighting. Talk to someone you trust and if you can't find that person, call a crisis or suicide hotline or talk to a therapist, there are online chats for people with mental health problems for example suicideapuk, don't suffer in silence. You are not alone. Please stay. This world is a better place with you in it. You matter, you're here for a reason and you are needed. I care and so do other people, who would rather listen about your problems than about your death. It'll be okay ask yourself what if it all works out?
For anyone reading this, please know this... A 56 year old woman living in Massachusetts loves you, believes in you, and is proud of you. I had to learn how to love myself, and it took a long time, but I love me now. And I love you too. ❤🫂❤️🩹
I'm waking up every day for others & doing the same routine for as long as I can remember.. i have zero motivation but my schedule has kept me going. I work from home so I'm juggling my time between my work, chores & taking care of my narcissistic sociopathic mother who had a stroke years ago. Out of frustration , i told her once that I was on the verge of ending it all & she just laughed at me as she watches me broke down in tears. I'm trying to be okay, wake up, get up & go about my day for the sake of my father. My mother's narcissistic behavior towards my father would be the death of him if I left. This has taken a toll on my mental health as I just find myself crying, feeling hopeless & tired and wondering what would happen if I didn't wake up the next day. Then I'd snap out of it when I suddenly think about my father. A very kind man. Kind to a fault, actually. I'm seeing a psychiatrist soon. My thoughts scare me. Thank you for the videos, Dr. Scott. They've been helpful.
I often say to my work friends " life is like 99% doing stuff you don't want to do". Work is massively disproportionate to leisure time, and unless you're lucky enough to enjoy your work. It totally makes you want to "unsubscribe", their response is "that's life, you just have to get on with it" but the way I look at it if it's just perpetual travel, work, travel, wash eat sleep repeat, what's the point
_I've felt this way most of my adult life. The things that I used to do no longer bring joy to me. I try to keep myself engaged, but most of the time I just zone out. I never knew there was a term for what i felt, because I'd never deliberately do harm to myself, but often wished I'd pass in my sleep or someone drunk would end me. It's a reason i don't go out alone because I'd never let anything happen to my wife._ _I thank you very much for this video._
Jesus loves you and he died for you. The Love of God Love is sooo big. He can listen to your sorrow, to your doubt, to your depression, to your joy, to your anxiety... Literally everything ! He cares about you, start to care more about him. Read the Bible if you want to learn more ❤
My life has been all trauma. CPTSD from narc mother, SA from way too many abusive men. I’m on the active side of the “SI” spectrum. Life has been so hard. I hope everyone gets the healing they deserve ❤
I could not pass you by: Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
The answer for me is simple. I’m 35, single, no kids. All I ever wanted was love, to share my life with someone and build something beautiful together. Turns out that isn’t really a thing. Parents both died when I was four, raised by grandparents, they’re so old now I can’t even really talk to them anymore and soon they’ll be gone too. I suspect that once they are, I will transition from passive to active. I had some good times, but mostly it’s been a rubbish life. I’m not trying to blame anyone, but I wish that someone would have just told me when I was younger that money is all that matters. I would have made different decisions and maybe had access to atleast pieces of what I want. The thought of dying alone without a child terrifies me to my core. Each passing year this feeling gets worse
Im crying watching this. Being bullied in highschool lasts for years and puts people into this state of mind. My sister was not bullied but I was. She married and I live alone.
I don't feel miserable. I don't think I'm unlucky. I wasn't mistreated, traumatized, or experienced anything that 'damaged' me. But I always cried myself to sleep because I hated how I wanted to end it all. I try to lose myself in books, music, sleep, gossips, so I won't think about it. I have plans if I ever decided but I can't because my life isn't mine alone. I have my mom, my brothers and my sister. My smiles, laughter, efforts and future are for them. I'm tired.
Yessss. This is so real. I have had, by all measures, a good life. Yet I’m miserable. And I’ve had so many people act like I can’t possibly be depressed because my life is perfect. But guess what? It could be genetic. It could be something you didn’t realize hurt you at the time but still affected you.
See? You have many good reasons to live & enjoy this life.... When I'm feeling sad & miserable, I get in my Camper-Van and spend a year driving all over America & Canada.... Been traveling for many years on & off, and so far I have toured 48 states & half of Canada.... Soon to drive across the country again and this time up to Alaska and then back to Florida... Should take a good year on the road.
There are many people who survived suicidal thoughts or attempts who are now happy and are living a good life and they can tell you that life gets better and it does, so don't lose hope and make sure you're there to see it. For example Jazz Thornton or recklesslyalive, see their content when you need hope. Imagine a moment in the future when you're happy and hold onto that moment with hope it will come true soon. It won't always be that hard. There are people who can help you so reach out for help.Think of all the things you have yet to do, places to visit, beautiful things to see, tv shows and movies to watch, books to read, people to meet who are going to love you and so many more. These things may not keep you forever but take it day by day, hour by hour or minute by minute. Stay for your future, your dreams, your interests, your hobbies, things you like to do and things that make you happy in the present and in the future. You survived every single one of your worst days and you can keep on surviving until it doesn't feel like surviving anymore but it feels like living, until you're actually exited about life and you will be one day. You are worth living and fighting for so fight until it doesn't feel like fighting. Talk to someone you trust and if you can't find that person, call a crisis or suicide hotline or talk to a therapist, there are online chats for people with mental health problems for example suicideapuk, don't suffer in silence. You are not alone. Please stay. This world is a better place with you in it. You matter, you're here for a reason and you are needed. I care and so do other people, who would rather listen about your problems than about your death. It'll be okay ask yourself what if it all works out?
It’s scary when you know what you need to be happy and stable, but it’s impossible due to the economy and society we live in. I lost everything I worked so hard for due to the pandemic. That means I have to let go of and mourn what I will never have again, then find something new to fill the black hole. It’s really hard. I cannot let myself hope for what cannot be because that’s fruitless, so it’s a painful process of finding a whole new identity and purpose, but hopefully I can slowly make a shift and years from now look back on this time as a tuning point and not an endpoint.
oh i understand wot u mean about losing evrything after the pandemic. i am 68yo now 69 net month & havent enuff life left 2 recuperate wot the pandemic did 2 my life. BUT ... sumthing real positive happened today...so hopefully have hit rock bottom ... so now i am goin 2 bounce back up. cos it couldnt have gotten any worse. but @ least i have my health. although for 3 1/2 yrs from april 2020 (just after lockdown started. i woke up with it ) till july 2023 i developed a bursitis in my right arm(am right handed) and cried in my sleep evry nite & was miserable nearly 24hrs a day. it went as quik as it came. moving several times due 2 pandemic didnt help/lifting too heavy things. and not working for 13 months didnt help. just woke up with it that morning in april 2020 then woke up without that morning in july 2023 had nothing to do but think about that pain. dont know wot caused it. dont know wot cured it. not sick just in constant pain. just in the arm. no otha part of body. plus i would not take medication/pain killers/ sleeping pills as knew so many people that needed a pill 2 get out of bed & a pill 2 get into bed. but i survived. so now feel if i can survive that i can survive anything.
I now consider my depression "severe" when I thought it was "moderate" I'm so lost after death of 3 family members, job loss and forced medical leave. This advice has been extremely educational and helpful ❤ Thank you
I've been through the wringer too, I'm so sorry you're struggling, but you can come out of it, you can feel a smile again, this is not a permanent condition, you're going through a dark night of the soul.Love yourself, let go of any regret, and please take an Omega 3,(1,000 mg) D3 (500 to 1000 mg), B12 and a magnesium, calcium zinc supplement each day and drink clean water (2 to 3 big glasses a day). You may turn that corner a bit faster. ♥♥♥💕💕💕
I just wish I could start again. This wasn't supposed to be my life but I've left it far too late to change my life in the way that I need. I have vivid dreams most nights that start off really good but even though the dreams are all different - they all end in the same way - I get lost in the dream as in - I miss a train, plane etc etc - I can't get home. It doesn't take a physc to work out what they mean, I want to go home but home doesn't exist for me anymore. There's a lot of sad people in this comment section, I wish I could wave a magic wand and heal you all. I hope your life's get better.
I’m 36 years old now I’m still doing the same thing o did in high school….. I deal with tons of depression now I’m diagnosed bipolar manic depression so lately I have been having tons of thoughts about death and dying not so suicidal but just death in general .. to the point where I’m watching videos of people dying and after death phenomenon what people see…. I know there is nothing after u die …. But turns out that now I’m addicted to stimulants I have been on adderall since I was as a kid been on it my whole life I take very high doses some day almost 200 mg … my insurance just changed so I needed a pre authorization for the insurance to pay for my meds I went 4 days with nothing…. I got incredibly sick I vomit diarrhea I actually went to the er they told me nothing was wrong with me…. I ended up buying some blow to ease the pain a little not my best moment…. So it is what it is I won’t tell my doctor she will take my meds away for sure… idk what to do anymore …. Idk I’m just venting to a total stranger …u probably won’t even read this ….. but writing all this to u makes me feel a little better …. So thank u 😊
@@erickotapish7842oh please do your best to stay away from blow, such nasty stuff. Good luck with meds. Maybe it is time to see a new Dr. and try different doses. I know it will take forever to see Dr. these days but please try. I am twice your age. I really believe when meds are balanced there is hope. Please don’t give up. Remember, the smell of rain, a full moon, the love of a pet..these are worth living for. My heart broke to read your story. Yes it is crazy, all of us on utube comments, but heck we are only human after all.
I have recurrent black and white dreams in which I try to find my house, but can’t. By the way, the “this wasn’t supposed to be my life” probably goes for most of us. So many talented, intelligent, sensitive people fall by the wayside through mental health struggles.
As a first responder with PTSD, I want to thank you for sharing this. I’ve been having some intrusive thoughts recently and I mentioned it to my therapist the other day. You are so honest with your own mental health and that is very refreshing to see. Especially from a medical professional.
@@DrScottEilers it’s not easy but it’s so rewarding. I’m currently also training to become a hypnotherapist. Thank you for your videos. They are great.
@@jessegee179 I have pictures and memories in my head that people wouldn’t believe. I’m thankful I have an amazing family, an amazing partner, and an amazing mental health team.
After a car accident that turned my life upside down I have had many nights where I have wanted life to end . Being consumed by frustration and a unworthy feeling I appreciate your video 😊.
30+ years going strong. I must have thought about it a million times by now. I attempted suicide twice in my late teens, but learned from those super violent, super shocking experiences, that “the body is a damned hard thing to kill”
Turn 44 this week and still here. God still has work for me here..Haven't found out what though...I've had so many thoughts of dying and wanting things to just end. I just can't do it...don't want to put my mother thru that amd now my son needs me cause he won't be able to live on his own even with him as an adult
Severe chronic pain transformed me from someone who loved life to someone who now hates it. These feelings described here are quite scary and yet I am hanging onto slivers of hope. Find hope no matter how small and hang onto that.
@@dubsmith7 somehow hang on. Talk to somebody, anybody, priest, rabbi, friend, counsellor. I’ve come to realize that inasmuch as everybody loves and adores the heroes you can see there are also the invisible heroes that no-one sees and fight the battles that noone notices and that everyday you hang on is a heroic act even if it doesn’t feel like it.
@@brendalg4 I'm so sorry for your situation. sometimes it feels like the only reason you are still here is to not hurt one person so when that person is gone, what do you have? I hope this doesn't sound bad, but hopefully she has some sort of insurance to help after she's gone so you don't have to struggle so much. My mom got an insurance that will pay off her entire mortgage so that I won't drop on me, So then I can help take care of my step dad. I dunno. I live on my own, but I think I understand your feelings. I wake up everyday with pain, and I get no meds to help with it, I'm having a financial struggle and my mom is my only anchor. I don't know what will happen when she's gone. So I wanted to let you know I feel you and I understand and I hope... i don't know. I hope that whatever you are dealign with will somehow become less suffering for you somehow.
It's so fascinating to me how many views and comments are here but how taboo this is in day to day talk with others offline. I wish that this topic be spoken about freely so people don't feel alienated by these feelings. Clearly this is common and nobody should be feeling alone or ashamed for these feelings. I think that dr. Scott is doing amazing work by bringing the light to this. 💜
I would like to talk about it in real life. But here in germany you have to inform the police if someone talks about SI. I don't want to end up in psychiatry. I don't want my employer to see where I was.
Was talking to a good friend about therapy and how I'm unsure about it and he said "therapy is good because maybe the therapist will see something from the outside that you can't see from the inside." And that really struck me.
Jesus loves you and he died for you. The Love of God Love is sooo big. He can listen to your sorrow, to your doubt, to your depression, to your joy, to your anxiety... Literally everything ! He cares about you, start to care more about him. Read the Bible if you want to learn more ❤
You should give therapy a try. I've gone on and off for decades and have learned so much. It can really help to have a second set of eyes on problems. It's good to get a new perspective.
My therapist actually saw this passive suicidal ideation in me. In our sessions I told her that I accepted my mortality, and don't care if I die at any given moment - and when she heard everything I told her, knowing other things about me - she actually told me what it is. I never thought that some of my actions could be described as "passively suicidal". She saw it - I got treatment. This thinking still lurks around - but now I can recognise it and do something about it. So I all about trying therapy - it really helps.
I relate 100%... My brother and sister took their own lives, so it's difficult not to think about it. However, their deaths were very traumatizing to my nieces and nephews. Even though I've had two attempts and also suffer from passive suicidal ideation, I MUST demonstrate to them that yes, life can be very difficult, but it CAN be managed. That's my reason to live...
You are so incredibly strong for that. I know that my words will probably not mean a lot right now, But you will get through this. You are amazing, you are strong, you are funny, and generally you are a wonderful person. Bad luck is good luck in disguise. Keep fighting. You got this!
I stay to spare my grown son the trauma of a death by suicide. It was a promise I made to myself when he was born. As long as he's alive, I'll continue to keep carrying on.
Heard this for the first time today. Been experiencing this for the past 4 months. Only thing that stopped me was the thought that I'd hurt my family by doing anything.
We as a society need to realize that a bad life is sometimes worse than no life. People who would disagree are either religious or have never truly been in such a bad place; that's not to say they haven't experienced tragedy or loss. They just haven't experienced it on the level of those that legitimately have a good reason to die. People also feel better about themselves when they tell people positive sayings like "It'll get better!" or "Just keep trying!" To someone who's been trying as hard as they can for the entirety of their life, these statements feel like a punch in the face. Sometimes life gets worse and worse- more painful by the day, and there is nothing tat person can do to change that. The only hope for these people does not come from within them but from the outside. Society is responsible for these people and is also to blame for their situation. Unfortunately, society helps them not; maybe even pushes them further down into the abyss of pain and suffering. So to all those positive people out there- think of this the next time you give some helpful platitude to someone in need and maybe you might actually do something to help them instead of making yourself feel better
I am surprised there are no comments here, i totally agree with you! The thing is it's extremely painful to live everyday with the same situation repeating over and over again. I feel its not about the gravity of ones situation Sometimes it's the 'small' things going wrong every single day. one has to realise our brain is powerful, it has strong analytical skill measuring yesterday to today. Some people are always at zero, nothing changes for them not because they are negative its just randomness. Truth is people who go through this are alive only because of their survival instinct brought down by evolution. Other than that their logical brains know very well its better to call it off
I definitely needed to see this. I've been in a passive si for almost 2 decades. However, the only thing right now that keeps me from moving to active is that I have 2 pets that cannot easily be rehomed. One has kidney failure and only a few months left. The other is healthy so idk how long I'll have there, but I'm not getting any more pets and expect I'll move to active once they have lived out their natural lives. Even though I am passively si, I also say not yet because these two beings rely on me. No human relies on me and I'm estranged by choice from a narcissist and toxic family. I once told a psychiatrist I was seeing that I was checking out years down the road when my pets are gone. She literally laughed and said, oh, okay then. This is the only other time I've disclosed that. I've been on every type of meds with no luck. SSRI, SNRI, antipsychotics, mood stabilizers, you name it. Its an odd feeling not wanting to wake up every night when i go to bed but also thinking not tonight because i need to make sure my pets are fed in the morning.
Jesus loves you and he died for you. The Love of God Love is sooo big. He can listen to your sorrow, to your doubt, to your depression, to your joy, to your anxiety... Literally everything ! He cares about you, start to care more about him. Read the Bible if you want to learn more ❤❤
I relate to this. I often think about driving my wife away so she’ll leave me, take our cats, and I can rot in peace. I don’t think I could actually “do it” due to a combination of indecision and cowardice, but it’s kicked around in my brain for a long time. I want to go but I don’t want to cause anyone else pain.
Can ask you something? Feel free not to answer. I have a dog and a cat , and you sound like a decent human being who cares for your furry family members. Would you consider leaving that option open to another pet once your two are no longer with you? Let yourself have love in your life.. I say this without knowing your situation etc but honestly life has to have at least some unconditional love. Many animals from shelters if not a planned adoption would love a human caregiver like yourself. Just a thought for some brightness to happen . Take care.
Finally some resource about suicidal ideation that isn’t just a generic suicide prevention link. I have been experiencing passive suicidal ideation for a long time and feel like it has progressed into a more adamant form of suicidal intention. I feel like I’ve made up my mind to end my life once my parents pass so as to not hurt them in such a way. The thought of my death brings an immense feeling of relief and peace rather than despair or terror.
This is me, exactly. Only it isn’t passive anymore. I threw my visiting nurse out today, firing him. I now have all these glorious ways out. I just have to find a home for my daughter's cat that she left behind without a word. I certainly have not had a good 65 years and I am done. I haven’t watched all of this video because the woman who has slept on my couch for 10 months called the police on me because I told her I am tired of her sleeping there (she has a room but has her stuff strewn everywhere, and the police wonʼt back me up because sheʼs lived here). I don't want anyone here when I have a bottle of wine - I stopped drinking 17 years ago when I became disabled and read the warnings on some of the 21 medications I take each day. Not that I was a heavy drinker, I had maybe a beer a week. I am truly looking forward to oblivion. You said you have been “there” but somehow got over it. You are way younger than 65 and have a lot ahead of you. I don't. That said, GO NOLES! At least FSU has a good team again. (When I bled, it was Garnet and Gold.)
It did touch a nerve. A nerve that REALLY needed an understanding massage. I will openly admit. I have Passive Suicidal Ideation. I've had depression since I was around 10 (I feel) and it has come to a point where I feel as though the reason Depression and this PSI is so prevalent, is because Depression is "Proof of Realization". You've become so aware, that you've caught on to the mundanity and farm animal like living. You've noticed that Bad News is more prolific than Good News (people even get urked by good things). Bad people are rewarded with Good things but not the other way round. That's one small flicker of something nice in Depression. It's proof you're more aware and smart than the happily ignorant. You understand and you DO care (somewhere), but care involves empathy and empathy hurts.
Excessive sleeping is my only relief. My dreaming life is SO much better than my waking life.
Peace is falling asleep,,,,, waking is misery.
SAME
So was mine. It changed unfortunately. Every night I have nightmares, my long dead mother rising from the grave abusing me again, being tortured to death by my brother in law, drowned in the arctic in ice water and so on and so forth. During my wake days I suffer mobbing and exploitation by my hostage taker boss, and self injury that makes me unable to take responsibility. I somehow watch myself going down. It feels unspectacular. It just happens, I’m not controlling anything anymore. I don’t want to be put out on the streets again. I want to be done.
@@Livoirienyvoitrien I'm so sorry to hear this.
@@The_best_days_are_yesterdays im Sorry to have worried you, please forgive. Soul baring like i have done is to no avail. I’m happy you still have your refuge. Maybe mine will open again someday. I used to dream of the child hood farm I grew up close to. I want to be with those cows again.
It feels like staying alive for other people is just another form of people pleasing
This!
It's called Compassion and Kindness
I dont know, but i would hate to leave a couple of people living their lives with me gone.
I dont think this is "people pleasing"
Live for urself as well. Hold on tightly, let go lightly...
Exactly
Sleep for me is more than just rest, it's an escape.
Same here, the morning anxiety attack, knowing that it's another day with depression. Unable to do anything. And no motivation or energy.
SAME HERE!!
@@roseyc.5846 Depression is so unbearable, just being awake is a struggle for me. Even trying to sleep is difficult.... 😩
💤🛌 🚶♂️ Same here
Waking up each day is hell and all u want to do is go to sleep for in that time life is bearable
I feel that life is wasted on me. I am empty and numb inside. My pets make me function throughout each day, and they are my guardian angels.
Me too . The only reason am here
me too
I can relate.
I can relate too
I feel the same.
On the flip side I can now travel all around the world because I lost my lifelong phobia of flying because I no longer cared if the plane crashed 😊
😂 way to look on the bright side!
@@villepakarinen exactly!
Sweet, us broke people can only imagine traveling all.over the world and dying in a crash 🗑
@@MyNameIsJeff2023 I am poor but not stupid with money. It's a life skill that some people don't have the wits to achieve.
@@MyNameIsJeff2023lmaoo
People must think I'm selfish for wanting to end things but I kinda think everyone else is selfish for expecting me to continue living like this for another 30-40 years
part of what I hate about the world is that it's built on morals and meaning where there is none, we find meaning when the world never had to have any meaning at all. All "right" and "wrong" is, is what we were told by our predecessors, the same way we think certain people are despicable that's because we were told that. Even though everyone has an idea of the right thing, our idea of the right thing could make us a monster in someone else's eyes. In the end morals are just whoever lasts longer gets to tell all the stories. And we know for a fact that the suicidal folk aren't the ones lasting longer. I can understand why it would be called selfish since I wouldn't want my loved ones to hurt themselves, but at the same time I understand why people decide to throw it all away in hopes that this emptiness will fade. I like to tell myself I would never do anything to myself because I wouldn't want to hurt my family like that. I understand these are implanted morals too, there's no meaning in what happens either way, but these morals are strong enough that I stick with them even when it's tough. For them I would be willing to continue living like this for those 30-40 years.
I know literally no one cares but I just wanted to rant I guess about my take on something for once
You have absolute agency over your life and no one has the right to tell you what to do.
I wish you the best life whether it's here or hereafter.
Yes, I believe that it's more cruel to keep a suffering individual around and expecting them to "look forward" when it's all an extended dead end for them.
Totally Agree..a lifetime of this roller coaster hell..is Hell
This
2,500 years ago, Greek writer Aeschylus wrote: The luckiest are the ones that were never born
Do you believe that?
@@AngstyAnon
Yes
@@AngstyAnoni often wish my mom had an abortion.
I agree. I didn't ask to be here.
💯
as soon as he said "you wish something would happen to you" i immediately started to cry. indeed, you touched a nerve.
Why do you feel that way? :(
I would love to be free of this life. I pray to God to let me die. I beg God to let me die.
@@mickrozycki451 things have been pretty shit.
Sleeping is the best part of the day
I slept hard AF without night terrors a few times today, but menstrual cycle starting can really kick my ass and make me sleep like that. Otherwise if my brain decides to have flashbacks of crap or forget im in my current home, thinks im still back home married, idk how to make it stfu in my sleep yet lol. Can talk myself down or message an empathetic stranger, call 988 or whatever if im distraught and awake. Not sure what the hell to do aside from cannabis gummies (hemp thc & cbd not weed because weed gives me panic attacks) and rx drugs gabapentin has been a bit useful. Ambien is a no go it made me try to fight people when sleepwalking and leave the building i was in, apparently i wanted to go see a giant clown statue outside because under the influence of ambien i wasnt scared of it lol😂
@@amberfitz-randolph392 Medical personal, it is time to REPENT AND BORN AGAIN!
I agree, all I want to do is sleep, and no one understands. Everyone thinks I’m lazy
Same I just want to sleep and be left alone.
@@SDS-ee9js Matthew 11:28 KJV
Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
The end point really was crucial. Sometimes this ‘illness’ is not an illness. It’s a normal reaction to abnormal circumstances. We have to stop medicalization of the human condition. If you have damn good reasons to be miserable, you ain’t sick. You need change, but you know you’re trapped.
I totally agree - you can't medicate your way out of poverty, for example. If we had good assists suicide facilities I would leave this life, peacefully, now. But, I won't give myself a messy ending, because I wouldn't want put family or friends through that. So, l I'm left with are dark fantasies of my suffering finally coming to an end.
"Imagine a society that subjects people to conditions that make them terribly unhappy, then gives them the drugs to take away their unhappiness. Science fiction? It is already happening to some extent in our own society... Instead of removing the conditions that make people depressed, modern society gives them antidepressant drugs. In effect, antidepressants are a means of modifying an individual's internal state in such a way as to enable him to tolerate social conditions that he would otherwise find intolerable." -Ted Kaczynski
Your video made me wonder if there could really be hope .I have multiple sclerosis and have come to terms that there is no cure so thank you ❤
@@crimson4066 Well he is wrong, you don't need this drugs, mostly the brain is drugging and changing the program itself. Think about the people that where abducted, they grow to like the person that has abducted them. Or think about reallly messy 3th world countrys, where people still live besides the fact that there is nothing to live for, just suffering. So if things are unbarable the brain will change your view most of the time.
@@crimson4066 He was a genius. It is society that is sick.
“I don’t wanna die, but I’m not keen on living either”- Robbie Williams. This is me to a tee 🥺😢😭😭
This song is amazing. So emotional
basically me
I hear you..
I'm indifferent on living with chronic pain after 12 years of misery. Inoperable back & neck injuries leaves a person hopeless.
Me too!
Sleep has always been best part of my life.
I've had these thoughts for four decades, nearly every day, since I was a teen. Through the years, I've discovered that suicidal fantasies relax me; they give me reassurance that I am in control -- that if I chose, I could make this all stop.
Agree…carry on.I’m 69 and feel the same way but there are good things that I have to take care of. Husband, dogs etc.
i want to go to sleep and wake up in 3 years
Yes, but the paradox is that we cannot know if 'this' stops if we kill the body, consciousness may go on in a pit.
Hope everyone doing good and staying safe. If you need to talk to someone or need help, there are people who care. Sending support and hearts. ❤️❤️❤️❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
My father committed suicide the last day of my junior year in high school. He shot himself on our front porch. I was 16. So I've had to deal with it ever since then and I am now 77.Sure, I've had suicidal thoughts and passive suicidal tendencies at times, living dangerously. But I always stopped for the reason I outline in my comment below...
Look how many people clicked on this. We are all so mentally exhausted and treading water day after day.
Maybe some of those are people just trying to understand their friends and family.
I actually imagine. Many of those afflicted by this, "just don't care". For me, this video is to understand WHY people care so much that I still exist.
Feels like the waves keep coming and getting bigger each time. And the waves are knocking us down
not just that im tired of treading water. it's that I am completely surrounded by the endless ocean. im 28 I still have do this 40+ more
I'm 55 and lucky enough that l still occasionally want to get down on my knees in relief when im stoned. Cannabis doesn't always work, there's also a few side effects and disadvantages, together with the whole legality aspect that has unfortunately led to quite some sacrifices but on the whole l dont know how l could have made it this far without it. People who dont smoke earn my respect, and furthermore those who don't smoke and have family and steady job and what not as well truly earn a jaw dropping in my view. But for me personally it's the only relief that l ever get, like this morning l was gardening and got just a little joy of life again, whereas earlier after l had awoken l was in a somewhat ghastly mood with seemingly no way out. Had to basically force myself to smoke because it appears that I basically even have trouble achieving being a pathetic stoner for the day. What mastery.
@andinelson1 How do you think you can change that? @unitednations
Those few seconds that I'm drifting into sleep are so comforting and temporarily take away the pain of being alive.
Sleeping is no longer sleeping..
It's an escape from reality..
At 67 yrs. old I never imagined the Nightmare this world is..
Hope for the best...
So true. But you are not alone in this
@orangeorangeness2116 Life sure can bombard us with unnecessary drama, sometimes. I hope you feel better soon. @unitednations
@@david-gu1bi I hear ya' honey, I'm 63 & in 2017, I'm not exaggerating when I say, without laughing hysterically at the mere idea of it because (what the he$$ ??) I never gave any real consideration to the idea of multiple dimensions possibly existing, but...nonetheless, here I am about to tell you that in mid 2017 I felt something, I can't even describe it, it was a 'knowing', something changed like a switch was flipped and over about 5 days time I, for some reason, felt like I was NOT even in the same exact world I'd been in for 56 years; everything was off, different in weird ways. Like if you didn'r know my kids or 6 sisters, then you woulsn't notice it but when people are saying & doing tthings totally out of character to who they'd always beeb....it was too noticeable to me. It continued to get worse every month for me.Did anyone else go through such feelings, n a passing thought but real certainty that everyone shfted & only I realized iit. No, "i'm not nuts I swear, not yet atleast...lol.
For me, it feels like sleeping helps me not think about the next day. When I wake up I just do not feel like being in this world anymore
63, late diagnosed ND/ADD, and I finally feel as though I am among people who won't automatically reject me when I read the comments.
Welcome friend ❤
There’s something comforting in the idea that I’m not the only one feeling this way
Yes.
Yea it’s ok
Because the others know how we feel. Maybe not so much in words, but in emotion or lack of it. (Sometimes we feel empty or numb.) Someone who has not experienced depression doesn't know that feeling. It's easier to talk to someone who knows.
If you find one, a support group could be a good thing .
Yeah. Like we aren't going through this alone
@@HyperionCantos-r4k sending you hugs 🫂 .I'm sorry it's not the same as a real one. You are loved.
I've spent nearly 40 years wanting to go to sleep and not wake up. If I got cancer or a fatal illness I'd refuse treatment. It would be a relief and a release from a lifetime of misery.
🙏💔🙏
I feel the same way. I even stopped going to the doc for check ups. I honestly don't give a shit if I die. It's coming anyway. I'm miserable being alive.
I thought so too but msybe having cancer made me want to live. And I don't want to die. I just can't do this pain anymore
What would help you ? I’ve seen people with money in this state and the opposite. I feel I have no one, my parents are elderly don’t care, and my brother died last year and other one too busy for me.
Nothing in the world terrifies me more than feeling this way for 40 more years.
Having no friends no partner,getting old and isolated these are really hard things to resolve especially if your mood is erratic and self esteem has sunk to an all time low.😅
I’m in the same place in life. It sucks. Though I’m coming to realize it’s not hopeless.
im like this cant be life and then im thinking like it is sometimes life is cruel
If stuck, rescue and animal who needs your love. Start serving others- Habitat for Humanity, etc. Join a church which shows only love without judgement.
These help somewhat.
Yes, it's challenging. The challenge is for you to decide, are you going to sit back & accept that..or are you going to push yourself to go..volunteer at a soup kitchen, join an exercise class for seniors. Etc.Just take one baby step when you can.
that's my life right there.
Amen. I'm old. Depressed most of my life and extremely lonely. Won't touch myself with harm but I do ask God to take me home when I go to bed. A little add on here: I purchased a DNR medical bracelet that never comes off... Just in case 😉
I never left my apartment, once a week to meet my parents, that was it for about 5 to 7 years. Always loved animals. So I combined the issue with the love and adopted a dog. Now I have a purpose to get up in the morning, it's at least something. I even enjoy our walks, not always, but often enough. Sunrise, when nobody is out (summertime sundays are the best for it, I can be out at 4 AM and have a wonderful walk), is the best time of the day to me.
Animals really are a blessing and even if they might not cure, they still do a lot. And you know what? There might be some soul out there, into the body of a dog or cat or whatever furbaby, that could need you too. If you stay here as long as God wants you to, make that time a better time for you and an animal by adopting one.
@@grafvonrotz2233 I do have a dog, he is the 5th and the last one I rescued. He is truly a blessing. 9 years old and he sure is happy in the morning. Yes it does give you a reason to get up and you know what we like walks at 4:00 a.m. also because everyone else is asleep. Pets truly can provide such Joy. Thank you for commenting and bless you
What do you consider old because you don’t look old!! Now its a mindset. I know that I may never have any big joys in my life again, but I have series of m little joys and it’s the little joys that get me through. The main thing that gives a woman joy in life is a beautiful marriage and children at one time I had the beautiful marriage. I’m a widow now, but I never had the children and that is a major source of joy in our lives, isn’t it? Children, great grandchildren, weddings, graduations, too late for me to make a change now, but if I could, I would adopt a child. My big joys were going into the military my first big promotions in the military getting married. Those were my big joys in life and I thank God for Jesus Christ salvation my biggest largest longest, everlasting joy. God bless you every day the reason to go on.
Me too every single day!
@@OzarkGiGi62 not old and u look good , I’m 56 , still feel young , I saw your pic , your very attractive
I've dealt with this for four decades, without therapy, or "legal" medication. You are right, it is a miserable way to live. I just exist, I am not "living". And here I thought I was mostly alone, how wrong I was.
I'm with you
yeh
a person should have the right to end this life when it isnt a life. it is your life and no one who hasnt cared to help you not feel like that should have any say in the matter. this world is so full of cruel humans. they are so quick to judge you and say insensitive things but no one steps up. who tf are they to pass judgement instead of helping?
youre so absolutely right, that is not living. i am so sorry youve been holding on for so long like that. i can totally relate. it is awful to say the least. so sad and horrible. i want it to end. i just havent had the courage and strength it takes to end it myself which is why i wish every night to die in my sleep just so it ends already
Now I'm crying.
I hope you get the help you need friend, you are so strong for pushing on all by yourself without professional assistance...
You are stronger than you think... you made it this far, and i believe you shall find a way to feel alive again
Don't give up
I felt suicidal for most of my life.
What finally broke me out of it was the realisation that my siblings actively wanted me to die.
My depression came about because I suffer from complex PTSD caused by my violent, abusive family
If someone had been able to objectively look at my life, I think they'd have wondered why I didn't do away with myself. I didn't have real friends. My family were abusive. I was terrified. I was alone.
Since I escaped from my family and got real friends I've been much better
Love to you, I’m so sorry for this
Wow! You hit the nail on the head for me!!! I'm just coming out of about 4 years of passive suicidal thoughts. I was involved in something that left me with a damaged conscience. I truly believed that I was a bad person and God did not love me. I wanted to die!!!! All the time. I wanted to get covid, get hit by a bus, get cancer etc...I saw a therapist on a regular basis, started an anti depressants. Slowly I began to heal. I needed to feel worthy of God's love. I prayed fervently, and started living a life that was in agreement with my values. Today i actually feel joy, I don't want to die anymore. It was a brutal experience!!!!! As you said, feelings do change. Be patient and compassionate with yourself.
Best to you. Glad you got out. I'm making plans now for running away from my abusive home situation with my disabled child. Anything is pretty much better than this. We can make it work.
@@Melissa-818 you are everywhere🤢🤮
I went through the same. 🫂
As someone who was tormented by this for around two decades, I agree with everything you say. After about a year of therapy I realised this was my body's way of telling me my life had to change. I started by ending my relationship. Then, a few years later (after more therapy), I moved continents and started an entirely new profession. I'm now 59, and have been living a satisfying, meaningful life for around 15 years. Take my word for it, it's never too late to embark on the life you deserve - it just feels that way when you're trapped in this seemingly endless depressive cycle.
I love this Sean! Thanks for sharing!
I'm 58 1/2, and think like this all the time. I'm lost.
I’m 38 am I late for a change? My body tells me everyday this ain’t my place. I just want to move to another whole country but I’m too scared.
@@giuliapareti1797 it’s never too late! I’m 40 and still figuring my life out
@@DrScottEilers ty for your reply. I just feel so trapped and scared sometimes it feels like it’s too late.
This is the best and the worst thing I’ve ever heard in my life. Every single word resonated with me and made me feel so seen and understood like I’ve never been before.
What is "excited about life"? The series of hardships, dangers and ongoing pain that is life is somehow exciting? Just scraping by gets harder and harder as society and the economy become ever more corrupt. The struggle is exhausting.
90% of the reason for SI is because living on this planet costs money. There is just no respite as everything is monetized- shelter, food, activities, family, social connections. All require you to make a payment. You simply can’t just “exist.” You have to be constantly productive, paying bills. It is a exhausting. The underlying reason for depression and SI for a lot of people is the structure of this world.
@@igotcha2198well, you Cannnn.... But it may not be "easier" in some sense. Living purely off grid you may not be responsible for bills but you will be responsible for feeding yourself every day which is also challenging when you're sick/disabled
These videos seem condescending in an economic depression. Why is he acting like it's 1998?
This is exactly it. It gets tiring and miserable to work all day for a crap wage that you can barely live on. Enough money simply to stay alive and exist. It's a never ending hamster wheel that just gets tiring
@@joeygreathouse3029for monetization because he doesn’t want be broke and SI
This describes me 100%. Not going out of my way to end my life but if someone were to hold a gun to my head I probably won't plead for my life.
Same … it’s amazing how intelligent people are living like this … because we see the reality … especially in oppressive hyper-capitalist selfish societies ruled by Chads
@@mikespike2099 I feel like you would benefit from staying offline for awhile.
You might find the answer and 101 reasons to live when there's a gun at your head
I've thought about it a lot, and the only thing that comes to mind is "hey.... Thanks."
I am literally the same, ive had depression since i was a child, i tryed to end things at around 12-14 years old several times, now im more on the passive side of things and taking antidepressants all the time. Since my cat died 8 months ago, my depressive episodes became a bit worse, sadly i cant rly feel anythin anymore.
"I have spent all my life resisting the desire to end it," Franz Kafka.
That is because we all have souls our souls are eternal and when we die we just become another person until we pass the test of life and go back to heaven where we all originated from hell isn't what we think it is hell is actually everyone's current reality in our bodies because we are eternal beings
@@divinebeing2476oh stop it
Gee that’s a hard hitter
@@runeskyttsing9089 yes, self-preservation is evolutionary, that's what makes that decision extremely difficult
@@runeskyttsing9089so why you are here
I think this is a wide spread feeling. The modern world has become far too complicated, information overload , political overload , the never ending more and more .. and more.
Now age 62 I can say without any guilt that for at least 20 years I have imagined myself on the bed breathing my last gasps ..
Saying to myself and to anyone else present ...
" what a relief it is finally over " .
Life is not what I was brought up to believe it is or would be. It is not really much fun , but we do at times have nice bits here and there.
Given how many more views this video has than my typical content I would say you are absolutely correct
Deeply feeling this. I wish I could trade places with my elderly dad, who has many more years behind him than before him. His journey will be over soon, and I am utterly jealous.
@@kmech3rd I have thought this as well. This, in particular, because I have a very small family, and he is one of the closer ones to me. This, I feel, is largely situational depression. Just one example. I had stage 4 cancer with a 35% of survival. I was 51 and my daughter 30. She wrote me a nice note, but did not visit or help in any way. She lives in LA, and I in San Diego California. Our relationship had been strained yes, but not to the point of any sort of heinous crime in either direction. For me, that is a line in the sand that feels more permanent. It is naturally depressing.
Sorry for typos- having tech. probs.
LIFE ITSELF: Consider the following:
WARNING: (CONTAINS EXISTENTIAL MATTERS):
* There are 3 basic options for life itself, which reduce down to 2, which reduce down to only 1:
a. We truly have some sort of actual conscious existence throughout all of future eternity.
b. We die trying to truly have some sort of actual conscious existence throughout all of future eternity.
c. We die not trying to truly have some sort of actual conscious existence throughout all of future eternity.
* 3 reduced down to 2:
a. We truly have some sort of actual conscious existence throughout all of future eternity.
b. We don't. And note, two out of the three options above, we die.
* 2 reduced down to 1:
a. We truly have some sort of actual conscious existence throughout all of future eternity.
b. We truly don't have any conscious existence throughout all of future eternity.
(And note, these two appear to be mutually exclusive. Only one way would be really true.)
And then ask yourself the following questions:
1. Ask yourself: How exactly do galaxies form? The current narrative is that matter, via gravity, attracts other matter. The electric universe model also includes universal plasma currents.
Basically, matter clumps together by some means. Modern science claims that all matter is made up of quarks, electrons and interacting energy. Quarks and electrons being considered charged particles, each with their respective magnetic field with them.
Galaxies are made up of matter and interacting energy and at least some galaxies flatten out and become disc shaped. How could that occur with gravity alone? Surely probably electrical and magnetic forces are at work as well.
2. Ask yourself: How exactly do galaxies become spiral shaped in a cause and effect state of existence? At least one way would be orbital velocity of matter with at least gravity acting upon that matter, would cause a spiral shaped effect. The electric universe model also includes energy input into the galaxy, which spiral towards the galactic center, which then gets thrust out from the center, at about 90 degrees from the input. Additionally, with the conservation of energy, as energy moves into the vertical plane from the center of the horizontal plane, energy from the horisontal plane moves to the center of the horizontal plane to replace the energy that moved into the vertical plane. There is also the conservation of angular momentum. As more matter moves towards the center of the galaxy, that portion of the galaxy would speed up relative to the matter towards the outer portions of the galaxy.
The inner and outer areas of the galaxy are connected via gravitational, electrical, and magnetic energy fields. While moving at the same speed, the inner area has less space to travel whereas the outer area has more space to travel. Hence a spiral shape forms.
3. Ask yourself: What does that mean for a solar system that exists in a spiral shaped galaxy? Most probably that solar system would be getting pulled toward the galactic gravitational center.
4. Ask yourself: What does that mean for species that exist on a planet, that exists in a solar system, that exists in a spiral shaped galaxy, in an apparent cause and effect state of existence? Most probably that if those species don't get off of that planet, and out of that solar system, and probably out of that galaxy too, (if it's even actually possible to do for various reasons), then they are all going to die one day from something and go extinct with probably no conscious entities left from that planet to care that they even ever existed at all in the first place, much less whatever they did and or didn't do with their time of existence.
5. Ask yourself: For those who might make it out of this galaxy, (here again, assuming it could actually be done for various reasons), where to go to next, how long to get there, how to safely land, and then, what's next? Hopefully they didn't land in another spiral shaped galaxy or a galaxy that would become spiral shaped one day, otherwise, they would have to galaxy hop through the universe to stay alive, otherwise, they still die one day from something with no conscious entities being left from the original planet to care they even ever existed at all in the first place, much less that they made it out of their own galaxy. They failed to consciously survive throughout all of future eternity.
6. Ask yourself: What exactly matters throughout all of future eternity and to whom does it exactly and eternally matter to?
Either at least one species truly consciously survives throughout all of future eternity somehow, someway, somewhere, in some state of existence, even if only by a continuous succession of ever evolving species, for life itself to have continued meaning and purpose to, OR none do and life itself is all ultimately meaningless in the grandest scheme of things.
Our true destiny currently appears to be:
1. We are ALL going to die one day from something.
2. We are ALL going to forget everything we ever knew and experienced.
3. We are ALL going to be forgotten one day in future eternity as if we never ever existed at all in the first place.
Eternal Death 'IS' Eternal Peace. Eternal Peace awaits us all.
Currently:
Nature is our greatest ally in so far as Nature gives us life and a place to live it, AND Nature is also our greatest enemy that is going to take it all away. Nature does not care about us or our agendas, any of us or any of our agendas. (OSICA)
* (Note: This includes the rich, powerful, and those who believe in the right to life and the sanctity of human life. God does not actually exist and Nature is not biased other than as Nature. Nature does what Nature does in a cause and effect kind of way. Truth is still truth and reality is still reality, regardless of whatever we believe that reality to be. And denying future reality will not make future reality any less real in a cause and effect state of existence. People just won't be prepared for it is all.)
💯
I’m praying hard for everyone who has ever felt this way. I’m so sorry y’all experienced these things. Sending love and hugs
Aww, thank you for caring.
Thank you
Thank you.
"sending love and hugs"
that does literally nothing to help
@@lucky9293 I know it doesn’t and I’m sorry
The worst is when depression was so bad it started to be painful physically. Only depressed people know what I'm talking about. It's so painful, I've survived 3 suicidal attempts. What helped is to escape from toxic relatives and fake friends. You wouldn't feel this way with people that truly love and cherish you. Sending love and prayers to my other brothers and sisters who suffer from this too.
We are warriors and I believe in yall !
@@lecomtedeneuch9994 aw what a lovely thing to say. Warriors. Yes. I believe in you too and am sending my most positive vibes and wishing you (healthy) love, light and laughter. Nicki. Scotland🧝♀️☮️💜
I'm sorry you had to go through that and I'm glad you're still with us. I also think it's great that you were able to reshape your relationships/social circle in a way that makes you feel better.
This is probably just me misunderstanding your comment, but could you expand a bit on the sentence about "not feeling that way when you're with people that truly love and cherish you"?
I agree to the extent that depression and SI is more likely to develop in (childhood) environments that lack unconditional love. I also think that feeling loved and cherished is highly important for the health of any human being and it is an important part of the healing process.
Tbh, it is possible for someone to suffer from depression and SI while being in the presence of people that truly, unconditionally love them. Depression is an illness that will often require professional care (ideally in addition to true, unconditional love)
I was never suicidal my hopes were to stay alive to see them die well mom died and dad died. Last year after his son steven and his wife Crystal mzrcotte of labelle Florida shot them selves do you see what turds tgey see whatcturds tgey were as parents they lived tight down tge street o was not raised by these assholes I'm living to see them shiting themselves and dieing I was raised by my mom.and tge army I'm 54 love on the beach in vero beach but I'm old life is getting very redundant I want to find some friends some friends could help me feel better God I hope so pleasr pray for me ok ok thank you
There are many people who survived suicidal thoughts or attempts who are now happy and are living a good life and they can tell you that life gets better and it does, so don't lose hope and make sure you're there to see it. For example Jazz Thornton or recklesslyalive, see their content when you need hope. Imagine a moment in the future when you're happy and hold onto that moment with hope it will come true soon. It won't always be that hard. There are people who can help you so reach out for help.Think of all the things you have yet to do, places to visit, beautiful things to see, tv shows and movies to watch, books to read, people to meet who are going to love you and so many more. These things may not keep you forever but take it day by day, hour by hour or minute by minute. Stay for your future, your dreams, your interests, your hobbies, things you like to do and things that make you happy in the present and in the future. You survived every single one of your worst days and you can keep on surviving until it doesn't feel like surviving anymore but it feels like living, until you're actually exited about life and you will be one day. You are worth living and fighting for so fight until it doesn't feel like fighting. Talk to someone you trust and if you can't find that person, call a crisis or suicide hotline or talk to a therapist, there are online chats for people with mental health problems for example suicideapuk, don't suffer in silence. You are not alone. Please stay. This world is a better place with you in it. You matter, you're here for a reason and you are needed. I care and so do other people, who would rather listen about your problems than about your death. It'll be okay ask yourself what if it all works out?
force à toi💪
So much easier said than done when life keeps handing you devastation! You finally get through what most couldn't handle, only to be hit again, even worse. I'm at the point I'm tired, my health has suffered and I'm done fighting.
@@lmarie3834 I totally understand.
I totally understand I have been going through that with my health. And I am fed up with that it seems like that's all I went through. All I have done is fall down in my life. I know there are people that have it worse but I'm tired of going through with me being miserable.
@@jennieosborne3530 , We will continue fighting and overcome these challenges eventually ! Hugs 🤗
My girlfriend had these "passive" thoughts for years, mostly because of her disability. She never wore her seat belt and was very reckless near danger (like the edge of a cliff). She was always "pushing the limit".
She took her own life last year. Her mental health was drastically declining near the end (I mean to the point of psychosis), and those thoughts finally caught up to her.
Although a lot of people have these passive ideations, but you definitely want to watch yourself or your loved ones closely when you start to see a change in personality. It could be a lot more than a depressive episode
Honey, I’m so sorry. It’s hard when loved ones are suffering, and, try as you might, they can’t or won’t accept your help.
😢 so sad
I guess it is not changing anything though I, having this exact problem you described, being like your girlfriend, your comment, your story gives me another reason to actually seek more help. Sending you love and hugs from myself and my SO.
❤
I’m so sorry ❤
So sorry to hear about your loss my friend, may your girlfriend rest in eternal paradise! ❤️
It's why I CAN'T seek help. They'll immediately panic and threaten institution or being held against my will, so I'll just suffer.
Absolutely, feed you pills instead of actually helping the problem and finding a better outlook than this shit storm of a society. Plus if you're a woman, you'll just be label hysterical, dramatic or attention seeking, and if you're a man, you'll be told to suck it up
I'm sorry to hear you're in such a difficult situation. I imagine it must be incredibly hard to urgently need professional care while also fearing the possibly traumatic, highly stressful experience of forceful institutionalization.
I realize that this is purely anecdotal and dependent on a huge range of factors, but your assumption does not always have to be accurate.
In my case, my therapist(s) neither panicked nor did they threaten institutionalization. They showed a normal level of concern/compassion and asked some more questions. In their report I read later on it said that I was able to distance myself from these thoughts in a believable way.
After some time, I was able to discuss my moments of active SI in the same way and they reacted very similarly.
I've met lots of other people struggling with depression/mental illness and passive and/or active SI and only know of two cases that got forcefully institutionalized for a day/ a week before being released into normal care. In both cases, they were showing rather strong, acute signs of suicidal behavior. Both described the experience as extremely stressful and never want to live through anything like it again. At the same time, they'll also admit that it was a necessary step and are grateful for the care they received afterwards.
I wish you all the best and sincerely hope that you can find the help you require.
I have told my therapist each time I have had passive SI.
She has never panicked or even suggested institution.
Any professional that panics is not a professional.
It is so liberating to be able to tell someone what I am truly feeling. No matter how outrageous.
I hope you find someone to talk to. Maybe a hotline.
A good therapist will never make you feel afraid or triggered. They are supposed to model healthy relationship with you so that you can experience a healthy relationship and learn to apply it to other relationships.
I hear you.
I see you.
You are a valuable person.
You are loved.
I hope you find someone to talk to. It can give you relief from the burden of depression.
I completely understand that fear and I was reluctant to bring it up my passive SI with my therapist. But she responded calmly and asked good questions. By bringing that up we were able to talk about my depression on a deeper level than if I had not shared. It takes a lot of trust but if you are with a good therapist then it should be safe to talk about it.
@DriftingDestroyer98 I guess this might depend on a lot of different factors, but it was not the case in my personal experience.
People don't understand some people are not fans of life.
It’s because 8 out of 10 people are to dumb to see the world for what it is and enjoy all the plastic cringe the world creates. They can’t see everything and everyone for what it is. Most severely depressed people are highly intelligent. So that’s the only upside.
It's simply a system of being brought on by random circumstances
"Reality is an acquired taste."
Matthew Perry
well said.....
That's so funny because I think a lot of people who seem to not understand that some people aren't fans of life are also not fans of life but used to being rejected by people who think they know everything
We don't want to die
We want to start living
That's exactly correct to a point,I've felt all this stuff ,my whole life ,can't believe they actually have a name for it and others felt the same ,wow 😮and more wow ,see thank you God ,universe ,all,with lovebackto you
Correction - YOU want to start living. Some of us are TIRED of life and existence.
@@philbear7882 but if life was different and better for you will you still feel that?
@@Ebba-767 I have felt this way for FIFTY-TWO YEARS. So no, I doubt it.
I’m only here bc I don’t want others to be sad or traumatize anyone else. I’m living for others
Just waiting until my parents pass away. Then I’m out of here.
I'm waiting out my dog.
She is 10.
Would never abandon her to live in a shelter.
Freedom is not too far away.
@mattchancey3202 I am here for my disabled son.... so I am stuck here for a long long time... just doing the motions
@@mattchancey3202 bruh...
@@SubjectiveFunny :/
I’ve felt like this for years. Even just one little thing going wrong just sends me on a spiral of wanting to end it all. And I know that sounds wild but it’s the truth. Every little inconvenience makes me long for it all to end. I’m so tired of fighting and I’m so tired of trying.
You need to learn NLP. They teach anchors and quick shaking off techniques for these little occasional moments that send us off.
I have 2 techniques. one is to imagine I'm a white goose and that inconvenient moment is like a splash of water that just runs off my feathers leaving me nice and dry
The other - a quick, loud exclamation word/phrase when I see something unpleasant, or thought about that etc. That's a phrase from another language and I reserve it only for such moments. You shout it out at that negative thing, and this suddenness and power of it just sort of returns me back to vanilla. Sort of scares away the bad impact of what happened. Imagine a dog's bark,for example
Also, I've applied humourous phrases and an actual smile to myself when little things go wrong.
I've watched a lot of children animation and comedystuff, and can easily apply some funny gesture,voice or something like "beep beep", "and now what" or broken English or a funny accent.
Try that
There are many people who survived suicidal thoughts or attempts who are now happy and are living a good life and they can tell you that life gets better and it does, so don't lose hope and make sure you're there to see it. For example Jazz Thornton or recklesslyalive, see their content when you need hope. Imagine a moment in the future when you're happy and hold onto that moment with hope it will come true soon. It won't always be that hard. There are people who can help you so reach out for help.Think of all the things you have yet to do, places to visit, beautiful things to see, tv shows and movies to watch, books to read, people to meet who are going to love you and so many more. These things may not keep you forever but take it day by day, hour by hour or minute by minute. Stay for your future, your dreams, your interests, your hobbies, things you like to do and things that make you happy in the present and in the future. You survived every single one of your worst days and you can keep on surviving until it doesn't feel like surviving anymore but it feels like living, until you're actually exited about life and you will be one day. You are worth living and fighting for so fight until it doesn't feel like fighting. Talk to someone you trust and if you can't find that person, call a crisis or suicide hotline or talk to a therapist, there are online chats for people with mental health problems for example suicideapuk, don't suffer in silence. You are not alone. Please stay. This world is a better place with you in it. You matter, you're here for a reason and you are needed. I care and so do other people, who would rather listen about your problems than about your death. It'll be okay ask yourself what if it all works out?
You put the right words to exactly the way I feel.
Have you tried catching those emotions in your mind and trying to replace them with more tempered or lighter thoughts? Every emotion replaced brings you closer to being more content at least!
I apologize for presuming i can help but wanted to give what little advice I can ❤️ Try to focus on snowballing little wins into the direction you want your life to go. It seems to really help. Just take it day by day, minute by minute if you have to. But you have nothing to lose by taking a step
That part about passive vs active SI being more about personality and less about severity was really really significant for me. I've never ever believed that my depression was that bad, purely because I almost never experience active SI. I thought I had it easy and I was just overreacting because other people actually engage in self harm and suicide attempts while I just think a lot about it. So thank you for saying that. It means a lot.
Active suicidal thoughts are in fact not part of the majority of heavy depressions, and statistically, suicide is more a male than a female thing. Deep depression can also mean that you just stop to function. Can't leave your bed, everyday activities like taking a shower or preparing a meal wear you out to the point that this is all you are capable of in a given day, if even that. So a good measure for how depressed you really are is how well you still manage in your life. Job, household, keeping contact with friends and family.
For me, more than 15 years ago, a warning shot was that I couldn't get myself to leave the house one day. Went to work that day, wanted to take a train to see my GF that evening. That day I even had my luggage prepared and no real time stress, everything went smooth. Couldn't get up from my chair for the life of me. After that we made some changes to our weekend relationship, and thankfully, that episode did not repeat.
U R so right❗️. I’m calling my doc tomorrow
Wow. Didn’t know I could find someone who thought very similarly to me. My main factor holding me back from active planning is because I don’t want to make people clean up the mess I leave behind. There’s no clean way to go. I want to become a psychologist to help others too. Probably not the best idea though.
@@frosticle6409
Why not? You would speak from experience and be better equipped to help!
@@carriesmotherman2273I feel I lack the empathy to be helpful.
I always feel like nobody understands me, this video really hits me hard. It's so hard being here when you don't want to be.
I'm sorry mate, you feel this way. I've been feeling like this all my life, and just today,now actually I feel overwhelmed..I know how it feels. I really hope you feel better 🙏🏻 my mate told me before.."it's a Storm I'm going through/people go through... it'll pass, the storm will pass"
@Professorkenneth I have really good days sometime but the bad days are definitely overwhelming... and I tend to isolate myself from everything around me.
I've had it since I was in my 39's. I am now 71. Thought I was the only one.
Other than forgiveness, this is my most constant prayer. That I go to sleep and just never wake up.
It is so sad that you have it for years.. Why don't you get help in a professional way?
@@mosoyakane hi, to answer your question on behalf of most mentally ill people; im someone who has been in therapy for twelve years, has committed myself to wards several times, and has had other treatment. Yet, you will find that the only help that can be given are very minor improvements, emotional support which is minimal, and medication which is only effective for certain people. I myself am medication resistant and usually only experienced bad to severe side effects so they can't use any with me. Most mental health issues are chronic, which means permanent. Treatable? Can be. Curable or "fixable"? Never. Most mentally ill people have chronic physical pain and health issues, usually both before and caused by said mental illness. So with forever unending pain and bodily malfunctions usually coupled with failing at jobs and being the highest percentage in the unemployment charts, tri- mingled with mental instability- there is little to no real help. Best you got is getting it off your chest only to have your chest crushed again in the next hour by either the same thing or something else. Sad as it is, it just is.
Since I was born and I throw in the towel I'm done with life no sense whatsoever
I keep praying too, but seriously these prayers don't work. I sometimes see planes getting crashed with fatalities and I feel deep envy that I was not on the plane.
I wish I was free of my love for my children that still need me. I'm 73 . I REALLY want to go to the next stage
I’ve had these thoughts for years. When my husband left 2 years ago, the only reason I stayed was my cats. My world has been crumbling constantly for the last few years but they’re excited to see me. They come snuggle when I’m crying. They give me reason to keep going. They’ve gotten me through so much since I got them 6 years ago. I need them way more than they need me.
Hi, this is the exact reason why I'm still here. I have 4 cats to take care of, there's also 1 stray cat who regularly follows me on my daily walk. I'm staying alive because of them. It's not easy. I'm also currently in a therapy, somehow sometimes I feel it's just not enough.
I hope you're doing well now.
Cats are amazing
Kitties have saved me my whole life. I’ve only been cat-less for 1 month 🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛ I’m glad you have your silly babies, they do make life better ❤ you’re doing good, one day at a time ❤️
There are many people who survived suicidal thoughts or attempts who are now happy and are living a good life and they can tell you that life gets better and it does, so don't lose hope and make sure you're there to see it. For example Jazz Thornton or recklesslyalive, see their content when you need hope. Imagine a moment in the future when you're happy and hold onto that moment with hope it will come true soon. It won't always be that hard. There are people who can help you so reach out for help.Think of all the things you have yet to do, places to visit, beautiful things to see, tv shows and movies to watch, books to read, people to meet who are going to love you and so many more. These things may not keep you forever but take it day by day, hour by hour or minute by minute. Stay for your future, your dreams, your interests, your hobbies, things you like to do and things that make you happy in the present and in the future. You survived every single one of your worst days and you can keep on surviving until it doesn't feel like surviving anymore but it feels like living, until you're actually exited about life and you will be one day. You are worth living and fighting for so fight until it doesn't feel like fighting. Talk to someone you trust and if you can't find that person, call a crisis or suicide hotline or talk to a therapist, there are online chats for people with mental health problems for example suicideapuk, don't suffer in silence. You are not alone. Please stay. This world is a better place with you in it. You matter, you're here for a reason and you are needed. I care and so do other people, who would rather listen about your problems than about your death. It'll be okay ask yourself what if it all works out?
Years ago I was battling anxiety and suicidal thoughts and came very close to doing it, but my favorite cat stayed with me throughout the day… Literally followed me everywhere I went, even into the bathroom while I showered. That cat saved my life. She was the only one that made me feel loved even though I was surrounded by family.
At least once a day, the thought “I wish I was dead” pops in my head. This has been a normal part of my existence for over a decade. I don’t take it seriously because there’s no way I would do that to my mom. But once she’s gone, I’ll be honest: I’m not sure what else would prevent it.
Been suicidal since I was 14 (I'm almost 29 now) things have definitely got even harder after my mom passed. It's been 10 months and I'm going through the darkest time in my life, what's crazy is I know it could be worse. Not really a comforting thought realizing it could be even worse, but I try to be grateful
@@TheXandemic - I think what helps me is remembering that every time the darkness creeps in, it always ends in light eventually. There’s always a good day to be had, and in those days I’m _always_ glad I’m still here.
Not to mention that I have plenty of love to give, and nothing feels better than to do good for others. That becomes impossible if I no longer exist.
@@smileychess agreed, I recently started working out and I've lost 20 points and can now do 12 pull ups in a row. One of my coworkers started losing weight, and told me I was his inspiration to lose the weight. He knows I struggle with alcohol and drug addiction, so he knows if I can do it while struggling with that, he can do it too. I felt good to inspire positive change.
Same.
My mom had this screwed up desire to have "control" over her death by refusing to go to doctors. She has the mentality that if it's never diagnosed, if she never finds out, then her death will be somehow easier. I can't deal with it. It crushes me that she has no hope, no desire to stay on this planet as long as possible, maybe to see my son get married or have his own children. He's 19. All of these could happen in the next few years, but my mom chooses control over those possibilities. I told her that if she keeps doing this, I won't (read that honestly as "can't") be there for her, too watch her die slowly of curable or treatable disease. She refused to get shingles treatment until her rash was black and necrotic. I have stopped talking to her, haven't in about a month. She got mad when I told her I would have no reason to continue living after she passed that way.....
I like that the feeling is identical. It makes life more fair for people that never got anything they wanted.
The utter deep disappointment I feel every morning i wake up that I’m still here never gets easier.
❤
♥
I hear ya, big time!
Feel this way daily but yesterday and last night; it hit hard. Was up to 3 am cuz I was running scripts of things about life and just how I'm at my plateau. Losing interest, energy, and the will to do anything.
My sister someday that deep, sweet sleep will be yours. Believe it . Make SURE you are prepared, I have had to pay for 4 funerals in 2 years it's no joke. Prepay your service, make SURE your clothes are ready and your affairs settled. Soon, soon. Be comforted.
Discovered this video,tonight . Thanks for the info. I have been struggling with severe depression for a looong time . I truly believe that people who commit suicide don’t necessarily want to die. They just want to have joy again and do more than exist . They want out of their pain 😢😢
"They found a way out". That's been my reaction to learning of friends who have committed suicide. I know many times I would just rather not feel anything than what I'm feeling now.
I understand. I just want to sleep and I'm tired of this life. I've always suffered from severe bipolar depression. Now to make things worse my mom just passed away this past June 10th and my depression has been the worst. Then right after my mom passed my guy friend of 40 years, moved to Florida and told me after he left for good.
Also, he left me hanging with an apartment I can't keep on my own. Blocked me in text and calls and sent me an email telling me he wasn't going to speak to me again and I was blocked. I don't understand this world and the ugliness in it.
A loooooong long time.
In the sage words of John Mellencamp "Life goes on long after the thrill of living is gone"
That's very profound
That’s been my life for the past 7 years or so.
I’ve had this in my mind for so long. So much so That’s my ringtone
Exactly! At age 76, 7 years post retirement, my days are spent sitting in my chair, looking at my iPad, getting progressively physically weaker. Without my career there is nothing to live for. My children are in their 50’s, my 2 grandchildren are getting ready to go off to university. They are all busy with their lives and don’t need me. But my husband needs me as a domestic support so I carry on for his sake. But personally I feel like I’m in God’s waiting room, and I’m ready to go.😊
Lol
I’ve been thinking this since I was 14.. I’m 31 now, still feel the same. I’m not afraid of death. We’re old friends
I have never heard this term before but this is exactly it. I am in tears and haven't even gotten fully through his question 2. I will never be active, only passive for all of the reasons listed. It's so reassuring to know that I'm not alone. That when my therapists and other mental health specialists ask me if I'm suicidal, answering "Yes, but I would never do anything about it" is 100% accurate and I can now give a largely accepted term for it.
I am the same too. Now I have a term, but is hard to talk to people of it.
Just wanted to add that you have to be very careful saying something like that to a therapist or psych doctor. Because you said you were suicidal - the other part doesn't matter by their protocol - they could restrict your medications (such as only allowing you to pick up 1 week's work of medications at a time - which is maddeningly tedious and inconvenient), they could change your medications or enforce you take them, they could have you committed to a psychiatric hospital, or demand other changes to your behavior or surveillance of it. A lot of places are mandatory reporters. That means they have to both report and take action if they think you are a danger to yourself. So you have to really, really, really know and trust your therapist/psych doc before you answer that way or you could find yourself in a bad situation that doesn't match your actual symptoms.
For example, I just started seeing a new therapist (3 weeks). There's no way in hell I am telling her I'm having passive SI this early in the relationship. I don't want to find myself suddenly trapped in a psych ward because I brought it up. I monitor my symptoms and if I feel like I'm moving toward the active side and need help, I'll tell someone. But meanwhile, every general and specialist doctor that asks "are you depressed?" gets the same answer: "yes, we all are: the world is on fire." And any psychiatric doctor or therapist who asks "do you have thoughts of harming yourself/are you suicidal?"gets the simple answer "No."
Not to scare you. Just to warn people from experience. Sometimes being naively open with a statement like that can have very negative consequences. You never know how "trigger happy" some physicians will be with committing someone.
@@bctesla imagine not even taking the time to watch the video but feeling you can make authoritative statements anyway
@@bossyboots5000 well this is some messed up shit.
Not being able to tell your doctor about real medical symptoms is fucked up.
I'm not saying you're wrong for not doing it, I'm saying the system is broken.
@@Nerobyrne it took me almost a year to finally explain this to my current therapist. Even then, it was a long and awkward conversation
My wife, best friend, my muse passed from cancer. She was ny best friend since middle school. Parents both died from covid. I have become a drone. I no longer do any art, I have a hard time working. I am living off of retirement savings which is dwindling. I keep the kids very happy and healthy, but my face is a facade. Waiting for them to go off to college, I have stage 2 hypertension and take no meds and don’t plan to.
I am not depressed. I just exist and waiting to not exist. Thank you for this video. It helped me understand a bit of whats going on in my head.
I lost my mom 4yrs ago to cancer.... it feels like a piece of me died with her. It happened only 2mos after finding out my abusive father had over dosed.... i had suddenly felt like an orphan. And then i stopped and thought about it. And it dawned on me. I WAS an orphan. In the physical realm. But i still have a mother and father. They are just not here any more. I will see my mother again in Heaven. She will be there with my grandmother with open arms and smiles. And i cannot wait! ❤ you will be with her again. She wouldnt want you to be numb the rest of your life here in the physical realm. Enjoy the time you have and make memories. ❤
@@netrimos thanks for sharing. It's very hard to lose a loved one especially a loved one closest to you. Just stay strong and remember how much GOD loves you to give you a person who will love you back. Some people are not as fortunate to find that kind of love. One thing you could say is that you had someone here on earth that really loved you. Thank GOD for that🙂💙
I agree
Ignoring the hypertension can cause a stroke, which then makes you a burden on your children. That's not fair. Strokes come in varying degrees, I've had 4 and still live alone and have to manage alone. So treat that please.
I hope u take the meds. If you can be there for your kids they will need you.
My mom is bipolar she either down and out or too manic. My dad stole from me and even if he didn't he didn't have much life lessons to offer
Raising myself is one of the hardest things in my life. That includes all the betrayal, bad luck and downfalls. Cheated on and told I'm perfect. Probably lies.
Guess I wish you luck and that it gets better. Sorry this wasn't helpful.
I had no idea other people felt this way, until a couple weeks ago when I saw an interview where a woman was talking about feeling like this. I was shocked! I'm 50, and I have a pretty good life. I've never been physically abused and had ok parents. I have great kids and a good husband... But... I have felt like this everyday for the last 30 years. I've never told anyone.
I am 50. Same situation. Wonderful family. Good job. I think about it every day.
Same, I was at a wedding recently where everyone went to the top of an ancient tower for a photo shoot, all I could think about was jumping off.
@hardlines2635 that's called an intrusive thought or more specifically the call-of-the-void, I think it's a little different but what you experience could be ideation if you are depressed
Yeah, it's hard sometimes to feel like your struggles and/or depression are valid when you haven't experienced the most well-known forms of trauma. I grew up with a loving family and I was never bullied or treated outright badly by my peers in school. I've never been abused in any way and I've had a pretty good life. So I never thought I had trauma. But I found out very recently that social neglect is a form of trauma and I have ABSOLUTELY experienced that. So just because you have a good life doesn't mean that your feelings are invalid.
@@hardlines2635😱What😱
Lots of therapy helped me get through this process however depression causes sickness. I had a stroke at 27, and learned I had a rare brain disease . As a 2x brain surgery survivor, my life turned around when this happened. Now that I don't have a cure, I must remind myself to be blessed, not stressed. I had family trauma, and it took a toll on me. Now I'm grateful for life itself. My disease is called Moyamoya.
I just dont want to exist. No major trauma in my past and i'm overall well off financially. I just have no interest in going anywhere, doing anything or meeting anyone. I cant connect with people nor do i want to. I simply exist and lack the courage to see myself out. Im only still walking this earth because of fear.
Me too! I'm sorry for the hate that landed on you and everyone else. I threw some ugly stuff at the world at everyone and I'm truly sorry!
Do you like animals or the environment? If you have some money but no real passion, and you dont really like people, maybe do a bit of work for a non-people charity. It helps to find something, anything, to make life worth living.
I dunno if i should say it..bt the fact that u said there wasn't any major trauma in ur past , and yet u feel this way..kinda made me feel relieved..like everything's pretty well off with me as well..bt still i wish i could disappear into thin air..
Me 2
@@arminislam6805of course you dont have to answer this publicly but could you be minimizing your own trauma do you think? If im not misunderstanding your comment, it sounds like you say yep there was some "minor" or not very serious traumatic things yet you have worse symptoms than what youd expect from such "barely significant" trauma. To use domestic violence in sexual relationships as an example since i have experience with that, your comments remind me of the years i spent swearing "its not that bad i mean he only hit me with a metal object once" so i dont feel justified seeking help. Must be defective myself to be so shaken by one incident, if i hadnt pissed him off it would not have happened, other men and women are literally getting daily beatings so this isnt "that bad" by comparison. Let me tell you hon its been a decade since he hit me in my sleep but i promise if you threw a damn kleenex or something at me as im laying in bed i will often still freak out. 🫂
Lost my job 7 years into (what i thought) was a great career as a software engineer. 1 year later, after 1000+ applications, and no interviews. I'm in financial ruin, nearly homeless and completely alone.
Therapy/ Healthcare is not an option in my state with no insurance and no money. And even if it were, everything is so bad at this point, that even the thought of trying to get better and beat depression is terrifying. I'm more afraid of living for years and being miserable and shamed than i am of dying.
Keep persevering brother. Never give up.
Me too.
How are things now? I pray that things are better, lots of love to ya bro.
@@osominor419 well i'm not dead yet. Nothing changed really.
@@shawnmercado2219🙏🏻❤️. Keep on keeping on…change will come
I felt like this for a very long time until I had a blood test and it was discovered that my blood count was very low in iron, B12 & Folic Acid. I was taken in to Hospital Emergency and given 6 Units of blood and Iron infusions until my blood counts were back up into the normal ranges. This was administered over the period of 5 days. The change in my mood was almost instant. My depression & Passive suicidal thoughts disappeared! Since then I have been keeping an eye on my diet and making sure that I'm eating nutritionally dense foods & Taking supplements. My Blood counts have remained high and have actually increased a bit since leaving hospital. My outlook has completely changed. I am interested in life again, I'm making plans, I can & want to tidy my home. My Advice, If there are any people out there who are suffering with the symptoms being described in this video, in the state of misery and no longer want to live, go get your blood levels checked for Iron, B12, and Folic Acid first. If you are not suffering from low levels then at least you know your depression is not based on a vitamin or mineral deficiency.
Wow, I recently had very similar stats and anemia and never mentioned depression as a symptom. I had low energy which caught it and I avoided the hospital but now wonder if they (vitamin levels) are related to mood more so than serotonin
Wow, that's fascinating. It's not exactly surprising that general nutritional levels, and levels of health (low blood cell count is not healthy) could tie in with mental health, but tying in so strongly like the way you describe is, well, striking.
There are certainly many things you can try to get that feeling of emptiness out of your head, and fill the hole.
Oh, idk about iron and folic acid, but I'm probably again low on b12 and d3, especially that I recently have troubles eating (or getting out of bed) and the supplements are to be taken with food, not on empty stomach. No food, no supplements.
It's like I'm not existing until you look at me. When I don't need to go out, I'm... not there. In my bed, doing nothing. If I do need to get out, I'm able to force myself to wash myself, put clean clothes on, prepare anything else to go out. Most of the times, but sometimes I do miss some details.
Thank you for writing about this! Sooooo important!😊
ah, Schroedinger's @@vanillablossom [nod]
This was me for a long time. Harder times brought me out of it and my children have really saved me.
Having kids and a purpose to be here is a key factor....you've been given a blessing and are almost bragging here
@@secretlyaweasel7537 yes he is bragging. I read about a woman who was married for 49 years and has two children and crying that she is alone. I did not even had a partner for 49 days.
God bless you. My children and my husband saved me too. I wasn't in my right mind and I knew it.
No children 40 yrs old, girlfriend that blames all our problems on me and I work my ass off and am very thoughtful. At this point in time with all my customers trying to lowball me, my girlfriend of 7 years constantly talking down to me, my dental issues that I cant afford to fix, i just feel like a punching bag basically at this point.....I went and picked out a gun today, a couple more days and I am probably gone unless something good happens which isn't likely. I see more tragedy in the near future that I will be avoiding by self deletion. On the flip side I am genuinely happy for you that you made it through
I have felt this way all my adult life and I'm 56 now, and I am still here. Something that helps me is a quote, a simple but effective quote. "it is no measure of good health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society" ~ Jiddu Krishnamurti 👍
I have had that quote on my fridge for many years..
I really like that.. I definitely agree.
Some wise fucking words old man hang in there 💪🏽
I feel this way all the time. I just hate everything about myself and everyone is saying change something about your life. I’m like only if you really knew. 5 years ago I wrote my suicide note and at the train tracks waiting for a train to show up to put my car in front of it. I just couldn’t do it. I don’t know why but I can’t do it. I still want to several years later. No one believes me when I talk about my pain.
@@SamuelGlover I believe you. The reality is, you can't think yourself out of your brain not working right. Like.. if you're drunk, you can't think yourself sober. The chemicals (neurotransmitters) are off. Behavior changes can only do so much. It's a proven fact that you need a certain baseline for therapy to work. Being suicidal like you are doesn't meet that line. Talking helps with situations, mentally monitoring how you are, and creating behavioral control "hacks". But won't actually improve the underlying depression. I will say, please don't use your car. It can derail a train. You don't want to hurt others. I also suggest trying medications. It doesn't change your personality like people think. There are new ones if you've tried before and it didn't work. The quality of the doctor matters too. Some are better than others.
I've been having these types of feelings for a long time and going to sleep is one of the ways to escape my misery.
I could relate to passive suicidal ideation but when I got into a potentially life threatening situation, my mind completely forgot I did not care about my life during the time in a span of some seconds. You will beg for life when you are in actual danger.
The comments that say I won't plead for my life in danger are just drama queens living in a first world safe haven, your primal instincts and subconscious mind can easily overpower you and your thoughts/ideas in times of actual distress.
You cannot stop the adrenaline and cortisol when a wild animal charges at you or if you are alone starving and thirsty.
@@artiarora-n6eI like your comment. I had a Traumatic event that caused loss of my career job 😢 and more. I have that stress you mention. Constant cortisol dumping, stress, anxiety, depression... it keeps you in S.I. everyday.
Take more pills 💊
its because you're a lib. jk. Sorry to wake you.
@@artiarora-n6e Speak for yourself, and yourself only. Particularly, make no claims of such a general nature. You might be right about many, but you are most definitely not right about all. You talk about 'drama queens' evidently without knowing first hand someone turning down simple life saving medical treatment, not because of some moral objection or fear of discomfort, but simply because they don't care to prolong their life. Don't you dare tell someone else what they would do. All you know is what YOU have felt and how YOU think YOU would react. I've dealt with chronic depression, but more importantly I've watched a friend of many years and, different story, my last surviving parent simply decide there was nothing left in this world they cared about enough to hang around for. Sure, neither one was attacked by a wild animal (WTF are you even talking about) but both, in the end, died starving and thirsty with the option (at the press of a button) of trying to hang on. I'll not include here the other letters normally connected with F and U.
I'm not suicidal, but I often get depressed. For me it's mostly about two things he mentioned. 1. Not having time to really use my gifts and talents (my passions) because I'm too busy working full time to pay the bills and taking care of daily stuff like grocery shopping and resolving small problems. 2. My wife and I don't have children 12 years into our marriage because of her health issues and I always knew I was meant to be a father. I knew marrying her meant that we likely wouldn't have children but I didn't want to let her go. She's often depressed because that's a symptom of her health issues, which also makes me depressed because I wish I could do more to help her.
Consider adopting. I will say having an autoimmune disease and kids is suffering. It’s so hard man. Weeks without sleep. Non stop chasing rabbits. Be careful what you wish for. I wish you peace.
Definitely agree with point No 1. Paying bills and doing daily life stuff takes so much time.
For No 2 I wish you the best
Maybe consider adoption?
ADOPT. So many kids already exist who Desperately need homes.
A pet is a nice companion. Of course, not the same as a child but very comforting and brings happiness.
Thank you for this talk. I've had both. I felt mesmerised to throw myself under a coming train; I stood dangerously close, but I pulled back because I didn't want the driver to live with the nightmare. I've made 6 attempts on my life. Each time there was no premeditated thinking; I felt obsessed by an overwhelming need to eacape and used whatever method came to mind in that moment. Caring for pets keeps me here; I'd never abandon them.
I have been in the psych ward six separate times. I had continuous passive suicidal ideation for years. I am finally finding healing and it’s been two years since I have been suicidal. I have occasional intrusive suicidal thoughts, however they no longer distress me like they used to. If you’re reading this and feel like life isn’t worth living, please know you can heal too. You can find things to live for. Recovery is a long slow journey, but it’s SO worth it.
hope this isn’t an offensive question but why were you in the psych ward if it was only passive suicidal ideation? the only times i’ve been admitted were after i attempted. also glad you’re doing better now, wishing you the best in your recovery journey
@@hiimnotreal Passive SI can turn into active SI very quickly
and what if my country doesn't have any good therapists who can help? you can't answer on this question, only suffer or die
@@cjboyodo you mind sharing what changed and what helped turn your life around? Super proud and happy for you !! ❤
I don't tell anyone anymore. It's not worth the medical debt.
70 years old, still wake up from nightmares swinging , kicking for my life as a child , 4-9-16 all of my childhood , screaming crying out of breathe as I barely survived another beating. 4 months ago finally kicked abusive wife out, 14 years of me going to marital therapy By myself finally realized that was stupid, only I cared. Been suicidal since earliest memory, abusive brothers all drunks and abusive to the families...I was my mom, taking it...cut them all off decades ago, mom died 13 years ago and I cared for her for years, got to know that woman better than anyone in my life.. Now in pain from failed back surgery /24/7 and single father of 15 year old whom needs the respect, trust, unconditional love I have never received but love seeing him thrive , glow from what we need more than food or water. BUT do not know how much longer I can take this pain, (inside and out) it takes me off and on hours to prepare him a fantastic feast , lunches for school , but screaming in pain after he goes to school is / has drained me to the point I can not last much longer. I qualify for MAID medically assisted suicide here in canada , but damn do not want him to be destroyed by my giving up, leaving him with his narcassistic mother... he is with me 24/7 she spends a few hours most weeks, and we /he understands more things about people , psycology than most kids his age , most therapists and recognizes why the bully is the way his is since grade 5... He is a kind, sensitive brilliant kid, like his father...me ....if I am his father, my doctor 15 years ago after a sperm test told me point blank he could not be...impossible... Hard to get over that, but fell in love with the little bugger who used me as his personal heating pad as a baby. Also researched and realised it only takes one super swimmer sperm... Wish I could die and not destroy him , (therapists over the years amazed at what i have accomplished, mostly by myself ready more books than they have)... but feel their blowing smoke up my ass doesn't help me feel one iota better. Ran away home after university, i paid for at 17, unbelievable got hired in finance company when legal age was 21 (1970) retired after 15 cities, 2 countries in International bank NYC... look at awards, full page articles in NYT, business journals and wonder are they stupid, I never deserved that or awards. Finally at 60 realized and stopped those voices screaming in my head that i was a useless piece of shit, was not true...but all the kings horses and all the kings men will never put me together , not again, EVER
I’m 81 and I’ve thought about this since I was 21..I’ve been widowed twice and both were long, drawn out. I’m exhausted but now I’m pretty much house/bed bound. I can no longer do any fun things like gardening. I’m bored out of my mind. And I’m in pain but I don’t trust the medical people…they always make it worse. I do a lot of herbals and would love to try mushroom but good luck with that..thanks for listening 👵🏻
Would it help you to read the bible? Or maybe listen to some NDEs(near death experiences)? The NDEs have given me lots of comfort in my desperate time..Can not even imagine how you feel of course, but I wish you well.
Sending a warm hug to you.
ideas for "fun things":
- reading (try short stories until you find one you really like, then go for the author's books)
- film/series streaming (Netflix, etc.)
- video games (PS 5, etc, you'd probably just need someone to help you set it up & teach you how it works)
I don't know you, but I want you to know that you are fucking awesome.
You sound like an awesome and strong woman. Gardening is so fun, and I am sorry to hear you haven't been up to it and bored out of your mind. Maybe you can look or ask around if there are any groups you can join, maybe a gardening group where you help the community? Or if you like animals, volunteer somewhere with animals, perhaps. Its never too late to pick up a hobbie either! Like drawing, photography, or even fishing haha. I wish the best for you and hope you go and pick up a couple plants and get to work! Much luv😉
Yes, I’m suffering and I just want it to stop.
Same.
The best advice I ever got was just finding ways to cope. Doesn't matter what it is, just keep exploring options that can help you, because it won't stop. You can't choose to not suffer on a dime. You do have a good amount of control in how you respond to your suffering.
There are many people who survived suicidal thoughts or attempts who are now happy and are living a good life and they can tell you that life gets better and it does, so don't lose hope and make sure you're there to see it. For example Jazz Thornton or recklesslyalive, see their content when you need hope. Imagine a moment in the future when you're happy and hold onto that moment with hope it will come true soon. It won't always be that hard. There are people who can help you so reach out for help.Think of all the things you have yet to do, places to visit, beautiful things to see, tv shows and movies to watch, books to read, people to meet who are going to love you and so many more. These things may not keep you forever but take it day by day, hour by hour or minute by minute. Stay for your future, your dreams, your interests, your hobbies, things you like to do and things that make you happy in the present and in the future. You survived every single one of your worst days and you can keep on surviving until it doesn't feel like surviving anymore but it feels like living, until you're actually exited about life and you will be one day. You are worth living and fighting for so fight until it doesn't feel like fighting. Talk to someone you trust and if you can't find that person, call a crisis or suicide hotline or talk to a therapist, there are online chats for people with mental health problems for example suicideapuk, don't suffer in silence. You are not alone. Please stay. This world is a better place with you in it. You matter, you're here for a reason and you are needed. I care and so do other people, who would rather listen about your problems than about your death. It'll be okay ask yourself what if it all works out?
Me too
For me, the only thing that would help with my depression and passive suicidal ideation is LOVE AND SUPPORT. Having people in my life that had the same interests. Not therapy or medication.
However, after finding out I had a chronic health condition and having that treated did help with my not wanting to live but after a couple years, that feeling or depression came back.
We need to spread LOVE AND SUPPORT!
I might not be able to get it but I'm here for anyone that needs it.
My wife passed away two and a half years ago. I admit to just waiting to die. They gave me medication for depression. It didn't work. Sometimes depression from mourning can't be treated with the normal medications you just go numb with it and not properly process it confront the feelings. A broken heart should actually be a diagnosis.
😢🙏🏼 I'm so sorry for your loss
I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my husband and many other friends/family in the last 5 years. My husband was my greatest loss, the pain gets more bearable as time goes on. Hang in there.❤
@@nancycianchetta4831 Thanks. I didn't expect to get replies on this.
@@angel5423 Thanks
There actually has been studies that prove a broken heart can make drastic changes to the body. A broken heart can't be fixed with a pill & it happens to almost everyone, therefore it doesn't align with capitalism & won't become a diagnosis. It would also force companies to acknowledge they have to be respectful of people's loss & possibly give them more than 3 days of bereavement (everyone handles things differently). It'll stay thrown under the umbrella of depression. Many prefer to encourage people to experiment with things that can be sold in order to find what "works" or "fixes" the feelings.
I'm sorry for your loss & the pain you feel from it. Saying I wish you healing seems rude since when most say it, it usually implies they hope you stop feeling what you're feeling. I personally believe it makes it seem as if it's a problem that you grieve. I don't think it is. People don't stop acknowledging their loss but maybe just stop doing it as often (no telling exactly what goes on in people's minds), or talking about it bc they don't want people to worry. This isn't how it should be. There should be support & understanding.
I do wish you the best in living a fulfilled life & hope your best moments with her can provide you joy in your lifetime.
Gosh I so needed to hear your calm, rational perspective on this! I tried to reach out to a mental health centre but I always feel like they treat me like a misbehaving child and find it feels safer to just hang up and forget it. All previous attempts at seeking compassion or caring have failed... nobody wants to deal with me feeling crappy. Everyone always says "It's so great to see you smiling" , so the mask remains and the tears are saved for the quiet times alone in my caravan with the curtains drawn. My "hole" is probably both reasons. I've been in therapy on and off all my adult life. I used to have optimism, dreams, hopes for my future. Recently I've become painfully aware that the dreaming has ended. Waking up is another chore like eating, laundry, getting dressed, or shopping for groceries... 50+ years on this earth and I still feel like nobody truly knows me or has considered me worthy enough to stick around for. I may look like my life is all bright and shiny, but I'm literally treading water in basic survival mode. 😥
I really hope this helped. I share your frustration with how many in my field seem oddly unable to handle a person in emotional distress 🤷♂️ It’s not like it’s our entire job or anything
@dr.scotteilerspsydlp529 thanks for your kind response...it means a lot! I'm struggling today.
Mine is both.
I’m 💯the same Lisa. I hope you’re well this evening 🙏🏻❤
@nolamar1 thank you. Neighbors are a challenge sometimes! I hope you find comfort in your solitude despite her! Sending hugs! 🤗
The bit you said about not being in an actively suicidal mindset because of people who depend on you really hit home with me. I take care of my Mom full time and struggled with depression and suicide for several years. I knew I would never kill myself outright though because it would utterly devastate mom. Its exactly what you said; I didn't want to be the one to do it, but I genuinely wished someone else would. I've been doing better for a while now, but sometimes I'll have short relapses into that depressive state.
My Mom finally passed in April and I feel now with no purpose. It's hard.
Take care. You matter!
Your loss would bring up lots of feelings you may need quite some time to process, and may even need help with that. Talking to others if they are supportive may help. Journalling can also help to connect with feelings. Listen to music that moves you literally. Find ways to get out and move. Try new things or things you haven't done for along time, perhaps due to your recent responsibilities. Try to find some joy. Make a list of glimmers (things that bring you moments of joy) and triggers that you put up to help you when you are overwhelmed so as it uses little brain power to find tools to help shift your state. Please, above all, seek additional help if you feel you need it. You are going through alot right now. Be kind and gentle with yourself every chance you get. Take care.❤
Hurting my parents and siblings was the only thing that prevented me from ending my life in the few times I attempted to do it before. Now that my mom has dementia and my dad is the sole provider in the family because I’ve been chronically ill, I don’t see myself ever hurting them by ending my own misery so PSI is the only thing I’m going to struggle with for now. I’m thinking that all these medical conditions I’m dealing with will take care of my life’s ending sooner than later.
same here. for a long long time ---
Yeah, my thoughts are 'my parents are still alive. No patents should see their children to die'. So I know that I won't attempt in the near future. I'm not going after either, I think, but it's like some line I need to cross before thinking it for real
The questions at the end of your talk are the ones I asked myself several months ago. The severe depression I experience is due to the situation of my life at present. And that situation I can do nothing about except pray and push forward. I have accepted that the medications I have been on for many years have no effect. due to the issues involving insurance and how doctors must abide by regulations determined by insurance companies, I’ve twice been in horrible withdrawal states. So, I’ve taken myself off the stuff entirely. I ABSOLUTELY do not recommend this. I am 82. Hopefully, you who may see this are younger and you’ve got a better chance for things to turn around than I do.
And if you are younger, please do NOT remain in an abusive relationship! Do NOT think the other person will change. Do NOT think that if you change YOUR way of seeing things that the relationship will improve. Do NOT isolate …hide your black eyes…pretend everything is all right to your family and friends. Do not blame your depression on why things are going so very wrong. You are a valid person, depressed or not. We do not choose depression, just as we do not choose deafness or blindness, etc.
I truly thought that continuing in hope that things would turn around for the better was the Christian thing to do. Forgiving, and forgiving ad infinitum! I always said,”I’m sorry!” I always took the blame. I always let him off the hook. Now, I am very ashamed of myself….I think I wrote that somewhere before! This is a serious plea that you choose to value your life. Truly. You deserve to be respected, honored and loved!
I agree with you completely. Wish I'd have removed myself 30 years ago when I had the chance. Good luck to you.
I'm in my mid 50's and the thing that comforts me is that it will end sooner rather than latter.
I feel this way every single night, think about dying or wanting not wake up in the morning has become like a dark mantra or habitual. it's strangely comforting to me.
@@mdixon4212I understand this but it brings me angst because I have so much shit that my children would have to deal with. I want to get rid of most of my possessions first - of which I have way too much.
I'm same male late 50's marriage broke down last year (after 22yr) embarrassed breaking down all the time and my dog is the only thing saving me...I'm even starting to think about just taking him with me.
That’s exactly how I feel.
Same
I’ve always suffered with depression, but since the loss of my Mum who I lost at the end of October last year I have to say that I feel like this most days. I’m genuinely tired and fed up with this world, it’s a horrible place in which you might get brief moments of happiness if you’re lucky, but on the whole life is pain and suffering.
Sorry to hear. If l Lost my mom I would be definetively aimless. She is the main reasons why I am still alive.
i’m so sorry about your mom
how’re you holding up? was your week good?
I am sorry I know just how you feel I have suffered depression most of my life and lost my mother too it will be a year the end of the month all I can do is just hang in there and hope things will get better I wish you the best ❤
I understand. I lost my mom April 2022, and a sister in 2023. They are the only people who have known me my entire life and now they're both gone, and I'm feeling more alone than ever. I have my Dad, and half siblings and we have a good relationship but it doesn't feel the same.
Just wanted you to know that you are not alone.
We all Will die. @@ericdraven3654
"Imagine a society that subjects people to conditions that make them terribly unhappy, then gives them the drugs to take away their unhappiness. Science fiction? It is already happening to some extent in our own society... Instead of removing the conditions that make people depressed, modern society gives them antidepressant drugs. In effect, antidepressants are a means of modifying an individual's internal state in such a way as to enable him to tolerate social conditions that he would otherwise find intolerable." -Ted Kaczynski
Yes, what is that saying.. It is no means of success to be well adjusted to a sick society...or something like that.
Though the measures taken were wrong, he was right on many things, that is one of them.😢
You could have quoted dr mlk jr or the poor ppls campaign but instead youre romanticizing a selfish idiot who ended folks lives
Antidepressants don’t work because they treat symptoms, not the cause. I’ve taken them and they made me feel like a zombie or more suicidal. No thanks.
I think increasing stress, anxiety, and depression’s been planned to reduce the population and that’s why many people lose motivation to live. They figured they’d kill off the weak by driving people to suicide over time-there’s not going to be enough room for everyone so something has to be done.
I don't think the Unabomber is a great, reliable source for mental health advice. I'm sure there are a million other resources out there. I mean, the man killed people. How is that someone to turn to for advice?
Finished watching this video in tears. I have been struggling with this “don’t want to live but can’t die”feelings for about 10 years now, even when I was on depression treatment( I give up now, since it doesn’t work much, other than side effects ”. I have been trying hard to answer those questions, but failed. If not because people still need me to take care of them. I really just want to be gone, like I have never existed. On the positive side, I no longer scare about anything anymore, lol.
Thank you Doctor Scott for making this video. And, hope y’all who have been suffering from this are able to find a way out and can finally enjoy this thing called life.
I liked your first comment 😮
I don’t want to be alive. I just lost my husband last month. I have many disorders mental And physical. I am lucky to have an amazing psychiatrist. I have always carried great sadness. And been through much trauma. I on a 1-10 scale sad to happy I am usually a 2. I am 48 and exhausted. Now with this loss I feel just like I’m not supposed to be here. It’s never gotten better for me. Just worse. People see me as funny and cheerful and I light up a room and make people feel happy and special etc. I do it so no one else has to hurt like I do. I would be gone already if not for my son. He is 25 and I refuse to pass my pain to him. Which is what killing my self would do. When people say think of your happiest moment… it wad when I drowned and had a near death experience. How sad is that? I was happiest as I was dying.
There are no depression treatments that work and all this anti depressant pill nonsense is all a con and to make big pharma billions....in fact even anti bionics and the likes are just as bad because the body repairs itself....to be mentally happy I think it's all about routine and being in a good financial state is a start and what I see is most are not and its a constant struggle to get by.
Therapist didn't help me it was a waste of time. I feel no purpose in life, tired of rescuing others all my life but noone to turn to myself. Religious doesn't help either, death end 😢Black dog of depression keeps on following me...
My SI is only passive right now and not active for 2 reasons:
1. My dog
2. I’m a perfectionist that feels like I’m an F up, so I’m scared of making an attempt and not being “successful “ and just end up sick, permanently messed up, or humiliated when found and it didn’t work.
I pray every night to not wake up the never morning.
Nice fake story. "My SI[...] I pray". Suicide is against your religion. You pretend to be afflicted by something real in other people. And for 5 whole Likes?? How sad. Thankfully many others seen right through your infantile bs, but I won't stand by and not have it called out
I've got mine figured out, it's just about better planning.
Don't think i can leave my dog yet, even though she doesn't love me.
@hkl6977 What is your dog's name? Therapy usually helps when you feel internally misguided. I hope you feel better soon. Fortunately, people who care about people receiving proper healthcare actually exist. @RepDanCrenshaw @unitednations
@TheR00K
It’s impossible for a dog 🐕 to not love its owner. Even when owners abuse them, the dog (or cat) perpetually craves the attention and love of the owner.
Maybe your dog is trying to get your attention and you are missing it. Take him for a walk and spend some time with your dog. You’ll see her love for you.
I’m sorry. Hi
i cried watching this. it really hurts sometimes
Holy Quran 29:64
وَمَا هَٰذِهِ الْحَيَاةُ الدُّنْيَا إِلَّا لَهْوٌ وَلَعِبٌ ۚ وَإِنَّ الدَّارَ الْآخِرَةَ لَهِيَ الْحَيَوَانُ ۚ لَوْ كَانُوا يَعْلَمُونَ
And this life of the world is only amusement and play! Verily, the home of the Hereafter, that is the life indeed (i.e. the eternal life that will never end), if they but knew
There are many people who survived suicidal thoughts or attempts who are now happy and are living a good life and they can tell you that life gets better and it does, so don't lose hope and make sure you're there to see it. For example Jazz Thornton or recklesslyalive, see their content when you need hope. Imagine a moment in the future when you're happy and hold onto that moment with hope it will come true soon. It won't always be that hard. There are people who can help you so reach out for help.Think of all the things you have yet to do, places to visit, beautiful things to see, tv shows and movies to watch, books to read, people to meet who are going to love you and so many more. These things may not keep you forever but take it day by day, hour by hour or minute by minute. Stay for your future, your dreams, your interests, your hobbies, things you like to do and things that make you happy in the present and in the future. You survived every single one of your worst days and you can keep on surviving until it doesn't feel like surviving anymore but it feels like living, until you're actually exited about life and you will be one day. You are worth living and fighting for so fight until it doesn't feel like fighting. Talk to someone you trust and if you can't find that person, call a crisis or suicide hotline or talk to a therapist, there are online chats for people with mental health problems for example suicideapuk, don't suffer in silence. You are not alone. Please stay. This world is a better place with you in it. You matter, you're here for a reason and you are needed. I care and so do other people, who would rather listen about your problems than about your death. It'll be okay ask yourself what if it all works out?
It certainly does hurt.
You're not alone in this.
You’re important and you are loved in this life. Please don’t give up.
For anyone reading this, please know this...
A 56 year old woman living in Massachusetts loves you, believes in you, and is proud of you.
I had to learn how to love myself, and it took a long time, but I love me now. And I love you too.
❤🫂❤️🩹
I'm waking up every day for others & doing the same routine for as long as I can remember.. i have zero motivation but my schedule has kept me going. I work from home so I'm juggling my time between my work, chores & taking care of my narcissistic sociopathic mother who had a stroke years ago. Out of frustration , i told her once that I was on the verge of ending it all & she just laughed at me as she watches me broke down in tears. I'm trying to be okay, wake up, get up & go about my day for the sake of my father. My mother's narcissistic behavior towards my father would be the death of him if I left. This has taken a toll on my mental health as I just find myself crying, feeling hopeless & tired and wondering what would happen if I didn't wake up the next day. Then I'd snap out of it when I suddenly think about my father. A very kind man. Kind to a fault, actually. I'm seeing a psychiatrist soon. My thoughts scare me.
Thank you for the videos, Dr. Scott. They've been helpful.
I often say to my work friends " life is like 99% doing stuff you don't want to do". Work is massively disproportionate to leisure time, and unless you're lucky enough to enjoy your work. It totally makes you want to "unsubscribe", their response is "that's life, you just have to get on with it" but the way I look at it if it's just perpetual travel, work, travel, wash eat sleep repeat, what's the point
Agree! Repeating a cycle over and over again with suffering. Each days worst because aging will make it harder
_I've felt this way most of my adult life. The things that I used to do no longer bring joy to me. I try to keep myself engaged, but most of the time I just zone out. I never knew there was a term for what i felt, because I'd never deliberately do harm to myself, but often wished I'd pass in my sleep or someone drunk would end me. It's a reason i don't go out alone because I'd never let anything happen to my wife._
_I thank you very much for this video._
I hope it helped! I’ll continue making content on this topic ❤️
Wow. Those words. "The things I used to do no longer bring me joy."
Sums me up in a nut shell.
I've never had a wife, or anyone that close to me. Not going to happen now.
@@wilhelmvonn9619hang in there. It is difficult but life is worth it ❤
Jesus loves you and he died for you. The Love of God Love is sooo big. He can listen to your sorrow, to your doubt, to your depression, to your joy, to your anxiety... Literally everything ! He cares about you, start to care more about him. Read the Bible if you want to learn more ❤
My life has been all trauma. CPTSD from narc mother, SA from way too many abusive men. I’m on the active side of the “SI” spectrum. Life has been so hard. I hope everyone gets the healing they deserve ❤
We won't. Many of us don't get any help whatsoever. And never will.
@@blade_warrior_blueWe should help each other. Most miserable life feels instantly better when someone cares.
You deserve to live, no matter how much shit and pain has been dumped on you.
I could not pass you by:
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you
as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not
be afraid.
I wish you heal too, all the best!
The answer for me is simple. I’m 35, single, no kids. All I ever wanted was love, to share my life with someone and build something beautiful together. Turns out that isn’t really a thing. Parents both died when I was four, raised by grandparents, they’re so old now I can’t even really talk to them anymore and soon they’ll be gone too. I suspect that once they are, I will transition from passive to active. I had some good times, but mostly it’s been a rubbish life. I’m not trying to blame anyone, but I wish that someone would have just told me when I was younger that money is all that matters. I would have made different decisions and maybe had access to atleast pieces of what I want. The thought of dying alone without a child terrifies me to my core. Each passing year this feeling gets worse
Im crying watching this. Being bullied in highschool lasts for years and puts people into this state of mind. My sister was not bullied but I was. She married and I live alone.
Me too girl
There's definitely a good decade and a bad decade.... U over come it
@@KaySkywalker I’m so sorry that happened to you. You didn’t deserve it, no one does. Love and peace ❤️
I don't feel miserable. I don't think I'm unlucky. I wasn't mistreated, traumatized, or experienced anything that 'damaged' me.
But I always cried myself to sleep because I hated how I wanted to end it all. I try to lose myself in books, music, sleep, gossips, so I won't think about it. I have plans if I ever decided but I can't because my life isn't mine alone. I have my mom, my brothers and my sister. My smiles, laughter, efforts and future are for them.
I'm tired.
Yeah, I can't leave either. Sux.
Yessss. This is so real. I have had, by all measures, a good life. Yet I’m miserable. And I’ve had so many people act like I can’t possibly be depressed because my life is perfect. But guess what? It could be genetic. It could be something you didn’t realize hurt you at the time but still affected you.
See? You have many good reasons to live & enjoy this life.... When I'm feeling sad & miserable, I get in my Camper-Van and spend a year driving all over America & Canada.... Been traveling for many years on & off, and so far I have toured 48 states & half of Canada.... Soon to drive across the country again and this time up to Alaska and then back to Florida... Should take a good year on the road.
There are many people who survived suicidal thoughts or attempts who are now happy and are living a good life and they can tell you that life gets better and it does, so don't lose hope and make sure you're there to see it. For example Jazz Thornton or recklesslyalive, see their content when you need hope. Imagine a moment in the future when you're happy and hold onto that moment with hope it will come true soon. It won't always be that hard. There are people who can help you so reach out for help.Think of all the things you have yet to do, places to visit, beautiful things to see, tv shows and movies to watch, books to read, people to meet who are going to love you and so many more. These things may not keep you forever but take it day by day, hour by hour or minute by minute. Stay for your future, your dreams, your interests, your hobbies, things you like to do and things that make you happy in the present and in the future. You survived every single one of your worst days and you can keep on surviving until it doesn't feel like surviving anymore but it feels like living, until you're actually exited about life and you will be one day. You are worth living and fighting for so fight until it doesn't feel like fighting. Talk to someone you trust and if you can't find that person, call a crisis or suicide hotline or talk to a therapist, there are online chats for people with mental health problems for example suicideapuk, don't suffer in silence. You are not alone. Please stay. This world is a better place with you in it. You matter, you're here for a reason and you are needed. I care and so do other people, who would rather listen about your problems than about your death. It'll be okay ask yourself what if it all works out?
It’s scary when you know what you need to be happy and stable, but it’s impossible due to the economy and society we live in. I lost everything I worked so hard for due to the pandemic. That means I have to let go of and mourn what I will never have again, then find something new to fill the black hole. It’s really hard. I cannot let myself hope for what cannot be because that’s fruitless, so it’s a painful process of finding a whole new identity and purpose, but hopefully I can slowly make a shift and years from now look back on this time as a tuning point and not an endpoint.
I mean black holes eventually evaporate., even if it takes a long time. And without change, there wouldn't be butterflies!🦋 You got this! ☺️
oh i understand wot u mean about losing evrything after the pandemic. i am 68yo now 69 net month & havent enuff life left 2 recuperate wot the pandemic did 2 my life. BUT ... sumthing real positive happened today...so hopefully have hit rock bottom ... so now i am goin 2 bounce back up. cos it couldnt have gotten any worse. but @ least i have my health. although for 3 1/2 yrs from april 2020 (just after lockdown started. i woke up with it ) till july 2023 i developed a bursitis in my right arm(am right handed) and cried in my sleep evry nite & was miserable nearly 24hrs a day. it went as quik as it came. moving several times due 2 pandemic didnt help/lifting too heavy things. and not working for 13 months didnt help. just woke up with it that morning in april 2020 then woke up without that morning in july 2023 had nothing to do but think about that pain. dont know wot caused it. dont know wot cured it. not sick just in constant pain. just in the arm. no otha part of body. plus i would not take medication/pain killers/ sleeping pills as knew so many people that needed a pill 2 get out of bed & a pill 2 get into bed. but i survived. so now feel if i can survive that i can survive anything.
its gotten so bad for me sleep isn’t an escape anymore it feels like im at the border line of things ❤good luck to you all and father yahweh bless you
I now consider my depression "severe" when I thought it was "moderate" I'm so lost after death of 3 family members, job loss and forced medical leave. This advice has been extremely educational and helpful ❤ Thank you
Sending hugs to you ❤
I've been through the wringer too, I'm so sorry you're struggling, but you can come out of it, you can feel a smile again, this is not a permanent condition, you're going through a dark night of the soul.Love yourself, let go of any regret, and please take an Omega 3,(1,000 mg) D3 (500 to 1000 mg), B12 and a magnesium, calcium zinc supplement each day and drink clean water (2 to 3 big glasses a day). You may turn that corner a bit faster. ♥♥♥💕💕💕
@@CatalinaFOIA thank you for caring
Sorry to hear ❤
Sending love from my side to you
@@KathyHussey063good advice ! ❤️ hope you are better than when you were!
I just wish I could start again. This wasn't supposed to be my life but I've left it far too late to change my life in the way that I need. I have vivid dreams most nights that start off really good but even though the dreams are all different - they all end in the same way - I get lost in the dream as in - I miss a train, plane etc etc - I can't get home. It doesn't take a physc to work out what they mean, I want to go home but home doesn't exist for me anymore.
There's a lot of sad people in this comment section, I wish I could wave a magic wand and heal you all. I hope your life's get better.
I’m 36 years old now I’m still doing the same thing o did in high school….. I deal with tons of depression now I’m diagnosed bipolar manic depression so lately I have been having tons of thoughts about death and dying not so suicidal but just death in general .. to the point where I’m watching videos of people dying and after death phenomenon what people see…. I know there is nothing after u die …. But turns out that now I’m addicted to stimulants I have been on adderall since I was as a kid been on it my whole life I take very high doses some day almost 200 mg … my insurance just changed so I needed a pre authorization for the insurance to pay for my meds I went 4 days with nothing…. I got incredibly sick I vomit diarrhea I actually went to the er they told me nothing was wrong with me…. I ended up buying some blow to ease the pain a little not my best moment…. So it is what it is I won’t tell my doctor she will take my meds away for sure… idk what to do anymore …. Idk I’m just venting to a total stranger …u probably won’t even read this ….. but writing all this to u makes me feel a little better …. So thank u 😊
@@erickotapish7842oh please do your best to stay away from blow, such nasty stuff. Good luck with meds. Maybe it is time to see a new Dr. and try different doses. I know it will take forever to see Dr. these days but please try. I am twice your age. I really believe when meds are balanced there is hope. Please don’t give up. Remember, the smell of rain, a full moon, the love of a pet..these are worth living for. My heart broke to read your story. Yes it is crazy, all of us on utube comments, but heck we are only human after all.
I have recurrent black and white dreams in which I try to find my house, but can’t.
By the way, the “this wasn’t supposed to be my life” probably goes for most of us. So many talented, intelligent, sensitive people fall by the wayside through mental health struggles.
Why can we not be sober
Just want to start this over
Why can't we drink forever
Just want to start this over
@@erickotapish7842yes I get it
As a first responder with PTSD, I want to thank you for sharing this. I’ve been having some intrusive thoughts recently and I mentioned it to my therapist the other day.
You are so honest with your own mental health and that is very refreshing to see. Especially from a medical professional.
Thank you for helping people. Come scoop me up if you have time 😄
Thank you. I’ve worked with a couple first responders. You guys have seen a side of this world most cannot imagine ❤
@@DrScottEilers it’s not easy but it’s so rewarding. I’m currently also training to become a hypnotherapist. Thank you for your videos. They are great.
I Understand, you can’t unsee things x
@@jessegee179 I have pictures and memories in my head that people wouldn’t believe. I’m thankful I have an amazing family, an amazing partner, and an amazing mental health team.
After a car accident that turned my life upside down I have had many nights where I have wanted life to end . Being consumed by frustration and a unworthy feeling I appreciate your video 😊.
30+ years going strong. I must have thought about it a million times by now. I attempted suicide twice in my late teens, but learned from those super violent, super shocking experiences, that “the body is a damned hard thing to kill”
I am so happy that you are still here. You are the example of strength we all need. Please keep fighting ❤
@@teemumiettinen7250Try killing yourself WITHOUT killing someone else, egocentric clown!
Turn 44 this week and still here. God still has work for me here..Haven't found out what though...I've had so many thoughts of dying and wanting things to just end. I just can't do it...don't want to put my mother thru that amd now my son needs me cause he won't be able to live on his own even with him as an adult
@@andreshernandez1180 if you have the spine to say that, then you first.
@@andreshernandez1180 Every failure is more damage you have to live with forever
"sometimes the only thing that keeps us in that passive mindset is the knowledge of how our passing would impact others" oh that hit so hard...
everyone i loved is dead and only one person i care about is still alive, and he doesn't have much longer.
Severe chronic pain transformed me from someone who loved life to someone who now hates it. These feelings described here are quite scary and yet I am hanging onto slivers of hope.
Find hope no matter how small and hang onto that.
❤❤❤
So true. I love Qi gong to help with my chronic pain.
I have chronic pain and no hope. When my mom passes away I won't be able to afford the bills
@@dubsmith7 somehow hang on. Talk to somebody, anybody, priest, rabbi, friend, counsellor. I’ve come to realize that inasmuch as everybody loves and adores the heroes you can see there are also the invisible heroes that no-one sees and fight the battles that noone notices and that everyday you hang on is a heroic act even if it doesn’t feel like it.
@@brendalg4 I'm so sorry for your situation. sometimes it feels like the only reason you are still here is to not hurt one person so when that person is gone, what do you have? I hope this doesn't sound bad, but hopefully she has some sort of insurance to help after she's gone so you don't have to struggle so much. My mom got an insurance that will pay off her entire mortgage so that I won't drop on me, So then I can help take care of my step dad. I dunno. I live on my own, but I think I understand your feelings. I wake up everyday with pain, and I get no meds to help with it, I'm having a financial struggle and my mom is my only anchor. I don't know what will happen when she's gone. So I wanted to let you know I feel you and I understand and I hope... i don't know. I hope that whatever you are dealign with will somehow become less suffering for you somehow.
It's so fascinating to me how many views and comments are here but how taboo this is in day to day talk with others offline. I wish that this topic be spoken about freely so people don't feel alienated by these feelings. Clearly this is common and nobody should be feeling alone or ashamed for these feelings. I think that dr. Scott is doing amazing work by bringing the light to this. 💜
I would like to talk about it in real life. But here in germany you have to inform the police if someone talks about SI. I don't want to end up in psychiatry. I don't want my employer to see where I was.
Was talking to a good friend about therapy and how I'm unsure about it and he said "therapy is good because maybe the therapist will see something from the outside that you can't see from the inside." And that really struck me.
I’d like to think we do that fairly often 😁
Jesus loves you and he died for you. The Love of God Love is sooo big. He can listen to your sorrow, to your doubt, to your depression, to your joy, to your anxiety... Literally everything ! He cares about you, start to care more about him. Read the Bible if you want to learn more ❤
You should give therapy a try. I've gone on and off for decades and have learned so much. It can really help to have a second set of eyes on problems. It's good to get a new perspective.
Well that's exactly the point of therapy. They see things your brain is stopping you from seeing
My therapist actually saw this passive suicidal ideation in me. In our sessions I told her that I accepted my mortality, and don't care if I die at any given moment - and when she heard everything I told her, knowing other things about me - she actually told me what it is. I never thought that some of my actions could be described as "passively suicidal". She saw it - I got treatment. This thinking still lurks around - but now I can recognise it and do something about it. So I all about trying therapy - it really helps.
I relate 100%... My brother and sister took their own lives, so it's difficult not to think about it. However, their deaths were very traumatizing to my nieces and nephews. Even though I've had two attempts and also suffer from passive suicidal ideation, I MUST demonstrate to them that yes, life can be very difficult, but it CAN be managed. That's my reason to live...
You are so incredibly strong for that. I know that my words will probably not mean a lot right now, But you will get through this. You are amazing, you are strong, you are funny, and generally you are a wonderful person. Bad luck is good luck in disguise. Keep fighting. You got this!
You are a wonderful person for staying here for them. That's awesome. ❤
I stay to spare my grown son the trauma of a death by suicide. It was a promise I made to myself when he was born. As long as he's alive, I'll continue to keep carrying on.
You have a beautiful soul. Thank you for staying here fot them and giving them hope. This is one of the best things a man can do. Wish you well!
oh, Im so sorry for your loss. Stay safe and take care of yourself, please ❣️
One day you'll manage to smile again and enjoy your life
I've felt this way many times in my life. I'm 57 and remember feeling like this as a teenager.😢
Hey hold tight enjoy the moment 🥹❤️❤️✅ I’m here for you okay
Im with you. Felt this way my whole life.
@@Enemiesexposed oh dear
Me too.
Me too!
Heard this for the first time today. Been experiencing this for the past 4 months. Only thing that stopped me was the thought that I'd hurt my family by doing anything.
We as a society need to realize that a bad life is sometimes worse than no life. People who would disagree are either religious or have never truly been in such a bad place; that's not to say they haven't experienced tragedy or loss. They just haven't experienced it on the level of those that legitimately have a good reason to die. People also feel better about themselves when they tell people positive sayings like "It'll get better!" or "Just keep trying!" To someone who's been trying as hard as they can for the entirety of their life, these statements feel like a punch in the face. Sometimes life gets worse and worse- more painful by the day, and there is nothing tat person can do to change that. The only hope for these people does not come from within them but from the outside. Society is responsible for these people and is also to blame for their situation. Unfortunately, society helps them not; maybe even pushes them further down into the abyss of pain and suffering. So to all those positive people out there- think of this the next time you give some helpful platitude to someone in need and maybe you might actually do something to help them instead of making yourself feel better
I am surprised there are no comments here, i totally agree with you! The thing is it's extremely painful to live everyday with the same situation repeating over and over again. I feel its not about the gravity of ones situation Sometimes it's the 'small' things going wrong every single day. one has to realise our brain is powerful, it has strong analytical skill measuring yesterday to today. Some people are always at zero, nothing changes for them not because they are negative its just randomness. Truth is people who go through this are alive only because of their survival instinct brought down by evolution. Other than that their logical brains know very well its better to call it off
This is why I loathe motivational quotes that people have the nerve to tell me or 'share' at work. None of my friends are stupid enough to do that.
I definitely needed to see this. I've been in a passive si for almost 2 decades. However, the only thing right now that keeps me from moving to active is that I have 2 pets that cannot easily be rehomed. One has kidney failure and only a few months left. The other is healthy so idk how long I'll have there, but I'm not getting any more pets and expect I'll move to active once they have lived out their natural lives. Even though I am passively si, I also say not yet because these two beings rely on me. No human relies on me and I'm estranged by choice from a narcissist and toxic family.
I once told a psychiatrist I was seeing that I was checking out years down the road when my pets are gone. She literally laughed and said, oh, okay then. This is the only other time I've disclosed that. I've been on every type of meds with no luck. SSRI, SNRI, antipsychotics, mood stabilizers, you name it.
Its an odd feeling not wanting to wake up every night when i go to bed but also thinking not tonight because i need to make sure my pets are fed in the morning.
That psychiatrist was 💩. There is one other living being who depends upon you. Yourself ❤️
Jesus loves you and he died for you. The Love of God Love is sooo big. He can listen to your sorrow, to your doubt, to your depression, to your joy, to your anxiety... Literally everything ! He cares about you, start to care more about him. Read the Bible if you want to learn more ❤❤
I relate to this. I often think about driving my wife away so she’ll leave me, take our cats, and I can rot in peace. I don’t think I could actually “do it” due to a combination of indecision and cowardice, but it’s kicked around in my brain for a long time. I want to go but I don’t want to cause anyone else pain.
I get it.
Can ask you something? Feel free not to answer. I have a dog and a cat , and you sound like a decent human being who cares for your furry family members. Would you consider leaving that option open to another pet once your two are no longer with you? Let yourself have love in your life.. I say this without knowing your situation etc but honestly life has to have at least some unconditional love. Many animals from shelters if not a planned adoption would love a human caregiver like yourself. Just a thought for some brightness to happen . Take care.
Finally some resource about suicidal ideation that isn’t just a generic suicide prevention link.
I have been experiencing passive suicidal ideation for a long time and feel like it has progressed into a more adamant form of suicidal intention.
I feel like I’ve made up my mind to end my life once my parents pass so as to not hurt them in such a way.
The thought of my death brings an immense feeling of relief and peace rather than despair or terror.
This is me, exactly. Only it isn’t passive anymore. I threw my visiting nurse out today, firing him. I now have all these glorious ways out. I just have to find a home for my daughter's cat that she left behind without a word. I certainly have not had a good 65 years and I am done. I haven’t watched all of this video because the woman who has slept on my couch for 10 months called the police on me because I told her I am tired of her sleeping there (she has a room but has her stuff strewn everywhere, and the police wonʼt back me up because sheʼs lived here). I don't want anyone here when I have a bottle of wine - I stopped drinking 17 years ago when I became disabled and read the warnings on some of the 21 medications I take each day. Not that I was a heavy drinker, I had maybe a beer a week.
I am truly looking forward to oblivion. You said you have been “there” but somehow got over it. You are way younger than 65 and have a lot ahead of you. I don't.
That said, GO NOLES! At least FSU has a good team again. (When I bled, it was Garnet and Gold.)
Started when I was 16, been dealing with it for 22 years. Every day is a struggle, but I’m still here.
It did touch a nerve. A nerve that REALLY needed an understanding massage.
I will openly admit. I have Passive Suicidal Ideation.
I've had depression since I was around 10 (I feel) and it has come to a point where I feel as though the reason Depression and this PSI is so prevalent, is because Depression is "Proof of Realization".
You've become so aware, that you've caught on to the mundanity and farm animal like living. You've noticed that Bad News is more prolific than Good News (people even get urked by good things). Bad people are rewarded with Good things but not the other way round.
That's one small flicker of something nice in Depression. It's proof you're more aware and smart than the happily ignorant. You understand and you DO care (somewhere), but care involves empathy and empathy hurts.