Heidi is the gold standard for practical CPTSD/attachment healing videos. She can do and say more in 40 minutes than a lot of other channels will for their entire careers.
Seriously I don’t know why so many online therapists and self-help people fail so dismally at explaining these concepts. I guess I’m just glad that there’s at least one out there who is able to thoroughly understand and concisely convey these ideas.
Thank you so much for all your videos; I've watched like 40 of them now and they've changed my life. Would you ever consider creating a video intro to Pete Walker's 4 steps of grieving? (Angering, crying, ventilating, feeling) I think that might help a lot of people. I'd especially love to get advice on how to stimulate the grief process, in cases when childhood trauma is buried so deep that it's very difficult to feel anything.
Heidi, in the world of tik tok, Instagram reels and 30 second distilled pop psychology videos. Your long form 30 to 45 minute long form deep dives and multiple parts series videos are a refreshing cup of cool water. Thank you for putting out detailed content that isn't for the micro attention span. ❤
My therapist asked that I take a break from your videos because theyre too potent lol... not really, she just wants me to integrate all I’ve learned before I keep taking in more becayse man its a lot!! HEIDI I CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH FOR ALL THIS FREE AND SUPER ENLIGHTENING CONTENT!!!: it's been quite literally life-changing in the best way possible ❤
Hands down the most honest, least bloated, most competent, most clearly presented information out there. I can say that about every video of yours. Stunning. How does all of this information and articulation fit in one brain? What a gift, and thank you.
My neurotic trait is wanting to send this to everyone I know thinking they'll watch a 45 minute videos and suddenly realize they have issues they've never known about which have lead to all of their relationships falling apart.
These videos are some of the clearest online for elucidating modern psychology - very info-rich as well as going beyond orthodoxy a little (or at least from what I know - which is superficial). Can't wait for the next video - in the meantime I'll be absorbing the rest.
Summary / Overview: 00:00 Intro 01:49 1 We develop a blind spot (Defensive exclusion - disconnection from caregiver?). Repressed feeling / Need. 07:16 Neurosis, unconscious conflict? Distress that lacks conscious attribution. Inner and outer world connection mismatched. 10:04 Meta-feeling, a feeling we have of another feeling. 11:16 Neurotic feelings: feelings that we don't understand the attribution for, ex anxiety -> existential anxiety, meta feeling?. 12:56 Defense mechanism, ~best sense making go around a blind spot. Anxiety/ existential anxiety escape, to connect inner and outer world. 20:28 Concrete Example, you develop .. who you like and not, but not why. 27:55 Misread scientific data, ex: shark attacks - ice cream sales 29:49 Why this example were chosen 30:54 Summary? 31:47 Because A.. gives us a way to navigate the world, not perfect though. 31:55 B, take away existential anxiety, we don't know were wrong. 33:06 Here's the kicker.. fire the overconfident 17 yo who hides the outliers. 34:08 So defense mechanisms is.. what happens when were trying to make the facts fit the data, to how our inner and outer worlds are connection.. 35:00 Reflections, mindfulness.. programs/ scripts? 37:07 Repeating problems.. anxious avoidant dynamics (later), defenses neurosis attachment dynamics in play.. ex.- blind spot, integrated, feelings emotional needs, logic, data points. 42:42 Upcoming, in part two (later).. teaser/ trailer. Backside of defense mechanisms, for ex when they don't hold up.
Coming across your channel was the best thing that ever happened in my healing. You have taken my healing to a whole forward level Heidi. Thank you for being you 💜
Heidi Priebe, you are uneqivocally a genius without equal. I've watched some excellent content on RUclips, but no one explains psychology as well as you do; your work on attachment theory is fantastic! I am such a mess, but you are really helping me -- and doubtless hundreds of thousands of others. Thank you SO MUCH!!
Ugh, Heidi! You are so spot on! I do this! I do exactly this! I like complicated people and come to fear that they dislike me and I pull away. My husband has for years said I read too much into the social interactions arount me. But maybe instead i am not being honest with myself about my own mixed-bag feelings about others, as you say. Also the part where you describe two people trying to problem solve while in opposite blindspots, we just did exactly that. While standing in our messy basement, full of unfinished projects (usually mine), my husband suggested we just set aside emotions entirely and go through the basement with a real shrewd eye to real time constraints, and maybe let go of a huge host of projects and throw them away. But asking to throw away the dreams and feelings behind the projects, feels like destroying the best part of me that I have back-burnered for yeeeears. I hold out hope she will arrive in the present. I could be her. But she never gets priority. Having him only offer me a yes/no option to the keep/throw away question when confronting the unfinished projects supplies is existencially traumatizing to me. It's like self-erasure. To be able to let go of the items, I have to imagine either that they are broken, or that I have only months left to live. If I die tomorrow, leaving that much stuff would be a real burden on my family. But in that burden are all my dreams. A life unlived. He does not want to hear it. I told him I cannot separate my feelings, that is what all those objects are about! And his face fell like instead I pushed an off button on him. He deactivated. He wants to hold me accountable for past failings and trouble shoot them. He tries to be my executive function and manage me. I hear him say "you always..., you never..." And i do struggle with ADHD. But being reminded of all my past failings feels like i am a dog getting hit with a rolled up newspaper. It does not change the past, it just is shaming and locking. I ask him to deal with present issues, one at a time, and to not "kitchen sink" me. But he says recognizing patterns and using them for problem solving is a legitimate way to correct past mistakes. That is true of projects at his work. But i do not find hitting me with my past failures helps me course correct. I want to do better. I mostly want to trust myself. I do not find his ways of communicating with me to helpful or supportive. I have been avoiding conflict and trying to do my best to escape his ire. My best has a patchy pace, though. There, my oversharing for the day. I am looking forward to your next video. Thanks for giving me a different and clear headed perspective to reassess from. I keep trying!!
@@21cormorants Thank you so much for this very thoughtful reply! (And I am so glad I just now thought to figure out what the dot on the bell icon was signalling to me. Heh.) I frequently over share and hearing feedback is kind of amazing. I am grateful you took the time. I love the reframing questions you are giving me. That will help me get to a compromising heart of the decision process. Thanks also for the decluttering video suggestions. I may watch them and then use them as imaginary body doubling support, playing them while I reorganize. It is nice to know I am not the only one struggling. Not that I wish this on anyone. It recently occurred to me that my best self is in my piles. It means as I excavate, I'll find me. It makes it less daunting. And actually a bit exciting. I will see if I can time block the projects into my weeks, realistically. Thanks again!
Thank you for explaining things in such an eloquent, concise, and emotionally sobering manner. Thanks to many channels like yours I’ve actually been able to trust some of the advice out there because people like you explain it in a way that helps lay a solid philosophical framework for my understanding of my inner world and how it can be improved. Your wording of these things both respects the complexity/maintains the integrity and essence of the concepts you talk about and also doesn’t muddy the waters with superfluous jargon. And you are attentive to detail without being myopic. The way you communicate ideas is how I try to communicate and I think you explain things better than any other RUclipsr I’ve watched, and certainly better than any therapist I’ve had (no shade to my many ex-therapists). Thanks to you and similar channels (and my own experience being a little silly in the brain) I am now interested in going to college to study psychology (while working on my perfectionism and my whole host of blind spots and neuroses so I don’t get overwhelmed and drop out lol). Just know you are appreciated.
I think it’s necessary, it’s not mocking them, it’s just bringing perspective and reality. I was heavily parentified in my teens and felt like such a failure, but now looking back I can have compassion for myself because I was really underqualified. For me at least, it brings healing to acknowledge that I didn’t have a clue what I was doing at that age.
Heidi is GOAT 🐐 The example about confusion in proximity with someone chronically dysregulating is me right now, and other times I’m sure. It has been hard to see and once at that threshold, difficult to own that truth.
I love the babysitter analogy. I'm also an "ice creamaholic" so that fits me as well. Another great video that is incredibly on target for me and how my life has been for literally decades. Thank you, Heidi! I'm a big fan of yours and love your videos.
I struggle with what I call "maladaptive self-awareness" in social situations. I know it is a defense mechanism. I also acknowledge that we all must have some degree of self-awareness in social situations so as not to commit any faux pas and maintain equilibrium in social interactions. The magnitude of self-awareness that I experience often leads to a full-on C-PTSD thought spiral into feelings of brokenness and otherness that can sometimes linger for days. How might a person manage "maladaptive self-awareness" in social situations? Managing my level of self-awareness and avoiding the triggering of negative self-assessment thought spirals would be a gamechanger in my life.
I really, really appreciate the academic approach you take on these videos. That jives much better with how I think that with the therapists when they talk about these things on RUclips. Thanks for that Heidi, it’s appreciated!
I love your work, I wait for your videos, some how they make me understand more about myself and why I feel the way I do.i have never seen a more authentic creator on this subject than you, most try to promote or sell something by telling half things.whole of my life I felt misunderstood, ur videos are very compassionate at the same time filled with knowledge.thank you.sending you lots of love and peace❤.
You make disassembling our projections understandable to the lay person. I can't wait to listen to the rest of the series. Thanks for pointing out that we might have very real concerns that our defense mechanisms are designed to safeguard. As an avoidant raised by an avoidant, relationships have been terribly difficult to navigate. However, finding fairness in our decision-making, and learning to reparent do go a long way to settle my misgivings about past upsets. Thanks again!
I’ve been doing research on non-violent-communication because it was mentioned in one of your older videos and it’s super interesting! I think it would make for a really cool video of yours to talk about!
43 minutes new video from Heidi Priebe, what can be better? 😅 I'm struggling with inner growing up issues right now. Your metaphor about a 17 year old babysitter is precious! THANK YOU ❤
Thank you so much your videos really really helped me. I think it was fate that you went through adversity in childhood. So that through your journey of self-realization you could help other people heal on a grand scale. It’s funny how life works.
Thank you Heidi for all the knowledge and awareness around this. I found it resonant. I felt though how even feeling the little nudges how we naturally fail to notice all this. Ad you said it might not occur to us. What orchestrates that as it then feels a certain kind of weakness that somehow its a disadvantage to not even be able to register all of this.
Greet insight- I liked the mention of obsessive thinking as an indicater of a neurotic emotion . Like all of a sudden wanting food and pizza- just when I didn’t crave it very often. Thank you. Patience is what matters.
Your videos have been more helpful than years of therapy. I’m sure it’s not you alone, but I really cannot thank you enough. Your channel been life saving for me.
Heidi Priebe put a Spotlight on my blindspot without me even telling her my story, while other therapist knowing all about me and werent able to light a single spark. Wow, thank you very much for sharing your talent with us.
Thank you so much for this, Heidi❣️ The fearful-avoidant/anxious-avoidant dominates my (lack-of) interactions-this week really sunk to new low on the ´not knowing’/existential crises depression/panic attack, so a wave of relief came over me thinking I can just put all of these particular thoughts and feelings in a box, and it’s okay to just be mindful about them, and not think stress out that a ´solution’ must immediately be realized to dissolve them, etc.-that it’s okay to sit with them being a part of myself at this time, and be patient to learn from them❤
My partner is the picture of having no idea what intimacy/connection feels like and I'm the no boundaries, low self worth example. Together we run in circles, but we're trying to heal. It's extremely painful being the person on the end of a lot of hurtful actions and words from someone who doesn't know how to repair or be vulnerable 😢. I know it's hard for him, too.
This is excellent information! Setting boundaries and being assertive allows us to be a separate person from others. When you don't have it, you may run from conflicting situations due to being neurotic (feelings for which we do not have an attribution). When our parents do not model and explain what we need to know as we develop, we develop blind spots for which we use defense mechanisms.
Heidiiiiiii😭 I just ran screaming and crying from that jerk Orion Taraban's channel. I've started talking to a nice man about two weeks ago. Today he solidified plans to come from CO to AZ to meet me, in two weeks. I was enjoying talking to him and now I'm scared beyond belief and want to tell him not to bother with me. Time to binge some of your videos again and see if i can talk myself out of being ridiculous and sabotaging what i really want😫
The fact that I have blind spot is so uncomfortable for me. I imagine a blood stain in white pants that other people make fun of behind my back. Just the thought of blind spots makes me want to crawl and hide in my bed..
lacking the understanding on how much comfort and support I need when feeling emotionally distressed has resulted to severe anxiety to the point I cant function if I am not able to disssociate it wasnt until recently when I started engaging with my therapist around this and having my partner around to hold my hand when I am struggling that it started to hit me, oooooh so this is what support feels like? so i dont have to catastrophize when things dont go according to plan 🙃🙃
This makes so much sense. Im such a scientific thinker. Im very intelligent...in many ways. but I have so many blind spots and that has made my life incredibly confusing!!! Thank you so much. Im taking this to my therapist.
Hello Heidi, love your videos! I have been watching and rewatching to hammer in the advice/tips/strategies you've put forth, such a treasure trove of important information, thank you! I'm not sure if this is the right place to make a request, but I was wondering if you're planning on, or would consider making a video specifically focused on good/healthy/safe ways for people with complex trauma to approach creating healing spaces within their lives to gradually move forward in their healing journey. You do indeed share ways throughout your videos, but a focused video on it would really help me (and perhaps others!) to internalize the lessons more easily, as it's not easy to enact some of these approaches in day to day life, with others who have little to no awareness of what it's like to live with complex trauma/toxic shame. Hell, numerous times i'll just come up against others defenses when trying to put some of this into practise 😅. Anyway, if you see this, I'm most wanting to express my thanks for your dedication to providing these well organized, informative videos! They're of great help to me! ❤
Thank you for this video and for all of your videos. You are doing such amazing, helpful work. You are helping me to heal my own CPTSD. Big love to you, Heidi!
She has mastered the technique of addressing both extreme ends of the spectrum of things. Because at the end of the day no matter what reasons people have they all still do the same things.
Lol reading the titles on all of your videos and relating to every. single. one. 😅 smh I'm so grateful for the energy and time that you put into this channel, Heidi. 🙏🏼
Thanks for another great one Heidi! I gotta admit you're moving a bit faster than my mind and body can catch up with😅 But I'm confident there will come a time when I'll be able to properly metabolize what you're teaching me here. Thank you in advance❤ Edit: Just in case...I meant you're moving fast with the place at which you're making vids, not with how you're explaining the concepts
To sum up an important point she made: defense mechanisms are rules of thumb that sometimes fail to account for important information due to our blind spots and immature thinking habits or skills.
Its an excellent video, thank you. Is it possible to know onse self? I find myself sometimes lost in trying to get grip of my psyche, in a way i feel the proces in itself becomes neurotic.
This Two pieced me at the park 😢😭😭.. I fired my 17 year old and her reasoning. I told her to go be 17! It reminded me of how big I felt the world was then, but now I have all this knowledge and wisdom from breaking down patterns - and that feels good!
@heidipriebe1 I'm wondering if you've released the 2nd part to this topic on defense mechanisms. At the end of this video it's mentioned that there would be a second part but I can't seem to find it on your page.
Commenting simply to be the first 😏 I love your videos though, I've been trying to watch one each day to work on building my understanding of myself and the people around me.
I am second 🙋♀️. I love her too. I watched more than a 100 video for this lady so far. And each video more than once. Writing notes and studying from it. She brainwashed me 😂. She changed my life. Blessings 🌸
@@nogatranslates8804 I'm glad to hear you've been growing through this too, I love finding fulfilling content like this on RUclips. 😊 I hope you have and amazing day, and an amazing life!
Well said. The first 6 years of my marriage had no partnership. Every time I had an idea or suggestion, my husband would just shut them down and accuse me of "controlling" him. This really killed our marriage. Feeling so alone and unheard forced me to leave my husband. Now, he's finally becoming more conscious of his defense mechanisms--though not perfect--in order to save our marriage.
Heidi, thanks so much for this video. It's going to help me a lot. I met this person who fascinates me and at the same time I feel like totally out of the league. At some point I realized I was obsessed with this person and I'm ashamed to say it, but I felt overwhelmed by the fear of not being enough. My defense mechanisms were triggered, and I felt I was in trouble, but I was also curious, could this person handle my hesitation? I'm still in touch with this person but not sure how to handle the ambiguity. I think this person is avoidant and I am definitively anxious. Heck, I didn't even know about these categories 6 months ago. However, even though I feel like I'm on a roller coaster, I'm truly delighted. Heidi, I'm looking forward to your next video. I have recommended them to my friends. And I will definitively watch this one again to get the most out of it. By the way, I never paid attention to what my mother thought about my friends. She never understood me, she never accepted me and I never gave a hoot what she thought about my choices. Now, my narcissist father, that's another story. Shit! Take care of yourself.
28:51 what you're describing is something known as a confounder in research. It doesn't directly cause the effect to happen, but it may play a part in it
Heidi! I have two questions 1. Can you make a video about discernment? 2. Why the heck should I be mindful first before finding solutions?? I’m a FA and I’m on an attachment healing journey since May (thanks to your video, I watch them almost every day…) and trying to become more secure. And I think I have a blindspot around just being in ambiguity. It feels so threatening to not know a solutions to a problem. I’m realizing this rn as I’m typing this… I’m not functioning anymore rn because Ive started to unpack and psychologically take myself apart since May this year and with that all my traumas come up too, and when you said the first step is mindfulness and that it’s NOT to find solutions, I shouted out loud “Why not?!” because I’m frustrated 😅 like, for how long should I stay in this state of ambiguity?? I can’t like… forever not do anything about it?? Like, how 😭
Hello Heidi, Do you believe that it is possible for the symptoms of Aspergers Syndrome (High Functioning Autism) could actually be the result of parental neglect? I'd appreciate any input on this. Thanks for the information you share; it has at times been uncomfortable to process, but also invaluable.
Often people associate a defense mechanism with strong negative emotions. This implies that most people dismiss virtually all other factors in and components of this defense mechanism aka rewarding / punishment mechanism and threat detection mechanism. Let's say that we are learning playing the piano from a teacher. The better I play piano, the more complex my defense mechanism and its rules become. But, it's not at all associated with strong emotions or shame. Most motor execution sequences likely rely on this defense mechanism. If this is true then we are likely unnecessarily blaming negative emotions as they have absolutely nothing to do with the increase of the defence mechanism.
Heidi..... I have so enjoyed and benefitted from your videos. In many episodes, you mention various books that have been helpful to you on your journey. Do you happen to have a compiled list of these books. I always have an audio book going during my daily walks and would love to listen to some of your recommendations. Thanks. :)
Heidi this is amazing as always!! Are you going to share your favourite books for 2023? Really looking forward to it, all the previous recommendations were incredible!!!❤❤
I tried so hard to communicate with her. Dropping my own shields, risking damage to myself, just to identify with her inner self, connect. The final discard happened despite my sympathy, feelings. I feel overwhelmed by loss.
the babysitter metaphor reminds me of ‘firefighters’ in Internal Family Systems, would love to know ur thoughts on IFS if u have any!! it’s something me and my best friend resonate with and find super helpful (esp in the context of c-ptsd!)
As a fearful-avoidant, I often feel like I'm doing both the feeling aspect and thinking of a logical solution in relationships. It often feels like I'm the only one doing it and like I'm carrying the whole relationship on my back until I realize it's getting nowhere and it's too much to deal with it so I just end the relationship. Makes me wonder what the blindspot would be in this instance.
This clip ALSO explains in detail why trying to work things out with friends that YOU think you may share some blindspots with..Exchanging blindspots causes arguments amd fall outs!?? Thanks Hiedi GREAT "Data analysis and exposition"
@@laurah2831 Well we tend to have friends who are similar to us. I think I notice a fault that we share and instead of us both working on our "problem".they seem to get angry in a sort of denial. Heidi hints at it in the clip...I listen to clips at least twice and things get clearer.
Heidi is the gold standard for practical CPTSD/attachment healing videos. She can do and say more in 40 minutes than a lot of other channels will for their entire careers.
Yes her information is so validating and clarifies so much.
Her script is informative yet easy to understand. Perfect balance between the two for lay people.
Literally
Seriously I don’t know why so many online therapists and self-help people fail so dismally at explaining these concepts. I guess I’m just glad that there’s at least one out there who is able to thoroughly understand and concisely convey these ideas.
and we found her ! 💖
Why is this woman's hypotheticals always 100% spot on for me specifically 😭
Agree with that😂
Omg Ive had the 𝙀𝙓𝘼𝘾𝙏 same thought!
💀
It's not just you...
She stalks you using binoculars, leaping from tree to tree, perching like spiderman
Thank you so much for all your videos; I've watched like 40 of them now and they've changed my life.
Would you ever consider creating a video intro to Pete Walker's 4 steps of grieving? (Angering, crying, ventilating, feeling) I think that might help a lot of people. I'd especially love to get advice on how to stimulate the grief process, in cases when childhood trauma is buried so deep that it's very difficult to feel anything.
Heidi, in the world of tik tok, Instagram reels and 30 second distilled pop psychology videos. Your long form 30 to 45 minute long form deep dives and multiple parts series videos are a refreshing cup of cool water. Thank you for putting out detailed content that isn't for the micro attention span. ❤
I wish there was a local support group based on these videos. I swear everyone in my community could benefit from these.
build one!
I could start a meet up ? Listen to her video- or a portion of it & everybody shares & discusses on what she just said
My therapist asked that I take a break from your videos because theyre too potent lol... not really, she just wants me to integrate all I’ve learned before I keep taking in more becayse man its a lot!! HEIDI I CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH FOR ALL THIS FREE AND SUPER ENLIGHTENING CONTENT!!!: it's been quite literally life-changing in the best way possible ❤
Hands down the most honest, least bloated, most competent, most clearly presented information out there. I can say that about every video of yours. Stunning. How does all of this information and articulation fit in one brain? What a gift, and thank you.
My neurotic trait is wanting to send this to everyone I know thinking they'll watch a 45 minute videos and suddenly realize they have issues they've never known about which have lead to all of their relationships falling apart.
Oh I completely agree. I wish they all knew about their problems and were willing to change.
These videos are some of the clearest online for elucidating modern psychology - very info-rich as well as going beyond orthodoxy a little (or at least from what I know - which is superficial). Can't wait for the next video - in the meantime I'll be absorbing the rest.
Enjoying Heidi’s cristal clear talks, she’s amazing😍
Summary / Overview:
00:00 Intro
01:49 1 We develop a blind spot (Defensive exclusion - disconnection from caregiver?). Repressed feeling / Need.
07:16 Neurosis, unconscious conflict? Distress that lacks conscious attribution. Inner and outer world connection mismatched.
10:04 Meta-feeling, a feeling we have of another feeling.
11:16 Neurotic feelings: feelings that we don't understand the attribution for, ex anxiety -> existential anxiety, meta feeling?.
12:56 Defense mechanism, ~best sense making go around a blind spot. Anxiety/ existential anxiety escape, to connect inner and outer world.
20:28 Concrete Example, you develop .. who you like and not, but not why.
27:55 Misread scientific data, ex: shark attacks - ice cream sales
29:49 Why this example were chosen
30:54 Summary?
31:47 Because A.. gives us a way to navigate the world, not perfect though.
31:55 B, take away existential anxiety, we don't know were wrong.
33:06 Here's the kicker.. fire the overconfident 17 yo who hides the outliers.
34:08 So defense mechanisms is.. what happens when were trying to make the facts fit the data, to how our inner and outer worlds are connection..
35:00 Reflections, mindfulness.. programs/ scripts?
37:07 Repeating problems.. anxious avoidant dynamics (later), defenses neurosis attachment dynamics in play.. ex.- blind spot, integrated, feelings emotional needs, logic, data points.
42:42 Upcoming, in part two (later).. teaser/ trailer. Backside of defense mechanisms, for ex when they don't hold up.
Coming across your channel was the best thing that ever happened in my healing. You have taken my healing to a whole forward level Heidi. Thank you for being you 💜
Ditto
Ditto redux.
Heidi Priebe, you are uneqivocally a genius without equal. I've watched some excellent content on RUclips, but no one explains psychology as well as you do; your work on attachment theory is fantastic!
I am such a mess, but you are really helping me -- and doubtless hundreds of thousands of others. Thank you SO MUCH!!
Just when I thought I had all my blind spots figured out, Heidi uploads a video and proves me wrong 😂
Ugh, Heidi! You are so spot on! I do this! I do exactly this! I like complicated people and come to fear that they dislike me and I pull away. My husband has for years said I read too much into the social interactions arount me. But maybe instead i am not being honest with myself about my own mixed-bag feelings about others, as you say.
Also the part where you describe two people trying to problem solve while in opposite blindspots, we just did exactly that. While standing in our messy basement, full of unfinished projects (usually mine), my husband suggested we just set aside emotions entirely and go through the basement with a real shrewd eye to real time constraints, and maybe let go of a huge host of projects and throw them away. But asking to throw away the dreams and feelings behind the projects, feels like destroying the best part of me that I have back-burnered for yeeeears. I hold out hope she will arrive in the present. I could be her. But she never gets priority. Having him only offer me a yes/no option to the keep/throw away question when confronting the unfinished projects supplies is existencially traumatizing to me. It's like self-erasure. To be able to let go of the items, I have to imagine either that they are broken, or that I have only months left to live. If I die tomorrow, leaving that much stuff would be a real burden on my family. But in that burden are all my dreams. A life unlived. He does not want to hear it. I told him I cannot separate my feelings, that is what all those objects are about! And his face fell like instead I pushed an off button on him. He deactivated.
He wants to hold me accountable for past failings and trouble shoot them. He tries to be my executive function and manage me. I hear him say "you always..., you never..." And i do struggle with ADHD. But being reminded of all my past failings feels like i am a dog getting hit with a rolled up newspaper. It does not change the past, it just is shaming and locking. I ask him to deal with present issues, one at a time, and to not "kitchen sink" me. But he says recognizing patterns and using them for problem solving is a legitimate way to correct past mistakes. That is true of projects at his work. But i do not find hitting me with my past failures helps me course correct. I want to do better. I mostly want to trust myself. I do not find his ways of communicating with me to helpful or supportive. I have been avoiding conflict and trying to do my best to escape his ire. My best has a patchy pace, though.
There, my oversharing for the day. I am looking forward to your next video. Thanks for giving me a different and clear headed perspective to reassess from. I keep trying!!
@@21cormorants Thank you so much for this very thoughtful reply! (And I am so glad I just now thought to figure out what the dot on the bell icon was signalling to me. Heh.) I frequently over share and hearing feedback is kind of amazing. I am grateful you took the time. I love the reframing questions you are giving me. That will help me get to a compromising heart of the decision process. Thanks also for the decluttering video suggestions. I may watch them and then use them as imaginary body doubling support, playing them while I reorganize. It is nice to know I am not the only one struggling. Not that I wish this on anyone. It recently occurred to me that my best self is in my piles. It means as I excavate, I'll find me. It makes it less daunting. And actually a bit exciting. I will see if I can time block the projects into my weeks, realistically. Thanks again!
Thank you for explaining things in such an eloquent, concise, and emotionally sobering manner. Thanks to many channels like yours I’ve actually been able to trust some of the advice out there because people like you explain it in a way that helps lay a solid philosophical framework for my understanding of my inner world and how it can be improved. Your wording of these things both respects the complexity/maintains the integrity and essence of the concepts you talk about and also doesn’t muddy the waters with superfluous jargon. And you are attentive to detail without being myopic. The way you communicate ideas is how I try to communicate and I think you explain things better than any other RUclipsr I’ve watched, and certainly better than any therapist I’ve had (no shade to my many ex-therapists). Thanks to you and similar channels (and my own experience being a little silly in the brain) I am now interested in going to college to study psychology (while working on my perfectionism and my whole host of blind spots and neuroses so I don’t get overwhelmed and drop out lol). Just know you are appreciated.
I really liked this explanation of neuroticism and coping mechanisms. Looking forward to the vid on anxious+avoidant dynamics.
Heidi roasting the 17 year olds hard lmao 😂😂
💥😏
I think it’s necessary, it’s not mocking them, it’s just bringing perspective and reality. I was heavily parentified in my teens and felt like such a failure, but now looking back I can have compassion for myself because I was really underqualified. For me at least, it brings healing to acknowledge that I didn’t have a clue what I was doing at that age.
Thank you for being here when we need you! I've been listening to your older videos to refresh my self awareness
Heidi is GOAT 🐐 The example about confusion in proximity with someone chronically dysregulating is me right now, and other times I’m sure. It has been hard to see and once at that threshold, difficult to own that truth.
I love the babysitter analogy. I'm also an "ice creamaholic" so that fits me as well. Another great video that is incredibly on target for me and how my life has been for literally decades. Thank you, Heidi! I'm a big fan of yours and love your videos.
A list of common examples could help fill the missing data points so we know what to start looking for.
I struggle with what I call "maladaptive self-awareness" in social situations. I know it is a defense mechanism. I also acknowledge that we all must have some degree of self-awareness in social situations so as not to commit any faux pas and maintain equilibrium in social interactions. The magnitude of self-awareness that I experience often leads to a full-on C-PTSD thought spiral into feelings of brokenness and otherness that can sometimes linger for days. How might a person manage "maladaptive self-awareness" in social situations? Managing my level of self-awareness and avoiding the triggering of negative self-assessment thought spirals would be a gamechanger in my life.
i love u heidi preibe ❤❤
I really, really appreciate the academic approach you take on these videos. That jives much better with how I think that with the therapists when they talk about these things on RUclips. Thanks for that Heidi, it’s appreciated!
Love learning about this! Super applicable to the work I’m currently doing. Thanks for the high quality, consistent content.
I love your work, I wait for your videos, some how they make me understand more about myself and why I feel the way I do.i have never seen a more authentic creator on this subject than you, most try to promote or sell something by telling half things.whole of my life I felt misunderstood, ur videos are very compassionate at the same time filled with knowledge.thank you.sending you lots of love and peace❤.
The “I don’t know” container is such a great idea! Wow. Thank you.
You make disassembling our projections understandable to the lay person. I can't wait to listen to the rest of the series. Thanks for pointing out that we might have very real concerns that our defense mechanisms are designed to safeguard. As an avoidant raised by an avoidant, relationships have been terribly difficult to navigate. However, finding fairness in our decision-making, and learning to reparent do go a long way to settle my misgivings about past upsets. Thanks again!
I’ve been doing research on non-violent-communication because it was mentioned in one of your older videos and it’s super interesting!
I think it would make for a really cool video of yours to talk about!
Incredibly insightful! 🤩
43 minutes new video from Heidi Priebe, what can be better? 😅
I'm struggling with inner growing up issues right now. Your metaphor about a 17 year old babysitter is precious! THANK YOU ❤
Thank you so much your videos really really helped me. I think it was fate that you went through adversity in childhood. So that through your journey of self-realization you could help other people heal on a grand scale. It’s funny how life works.
Your vids are pure gold. Thanks
This is an extremely high value concept and video for me, thank you Heidi 💝
Thank you Heidi for all the knowledge and awareness around this.
I found it resonant.
I felt though how even feeling the little nudges how we naturally fail to notice all this.
Ad you said it might not occur to us.
What orchestrates that as it then feels a certain kind of weakness that somehow its a disadvantage to not even be able to register all of this.
Greet insight- I liked the mention of obsessive thinking as an indicater of a neurotic emotion . Like all of a sudden wanting food and pizza- just when I didn’t crave it very often. Thank you. Patience is what matters.
Heidi, thank you for making these videos available to so many people . They are very helpful. 💛
Your videos have been more helpful than years of therapy. I’m sure it’s not you alone, but I really cannot thank you enough. Your channel been life saving for me.
Heidi, this is incredible! You are incredible!! Sooo insightful!
Thank you Heidi
This knownledge is so on point & so healing, I can't believe I have not found you earlier ❤ Thank you!
This is the best video I have seen on this topic
Heidi Priebe put a Spotlight on my blindspot without me even telling her my story, while other therapist knowing all about me and werent able to light a single spark. Wow, thank you very much for sharing your talent with us.
Thank you so much for this, Heidi❣️ The fearful-avoidant/anxious-avoidant dominates my (lack-of) interactions-this week really sunk to new low on the ´not knowing’/existential crises depression/panic attack, so a wave of relief came over me thinking I can just put all of these particular thoughts and feelings in a box, and it’s okay to just be mindful about them, and not think stress out that a ´solution’ must immediately be realized to dissolve them, etc.-that it’s okay to sit with them being a part of myself at this time, and be patient to learn from them❤
Thanks!
My partner is the picture of having no idea what intimacy/connection feels like and I'm the no boundaries, low self worth example. Together we run in circles, but we're trying to heal. It's extremely painful being the person on the end of a lot of hurtful actions and words from someone who doesn't know how to repair or be vulnerable 😢. I know it's hard for him, too.
Some strange reason, this lady is a beautiful symphony of amazing qualities.
This is excellent information! Setting boundaries and being assertive allows us to be a separate person from others. When you don't have it, you may run from conflicting situations due to being neurotic (feelings for which we do not have an attribution). When our parents do not model and explain what we need to know as we develop, we develop blind spots for which we use defense mechanisms.
Heidiiiiiii😭 I just ran screaming and crying from that jerk Orion Taraban's channel.
I've started talking to a nice man about two weeks ago. Today he solidified plans to come from CO to AZ to meet me, in two weeks. I was enjoying talking to him and now I'm scared beyond belief and want to tell him not to bother with me.
Time to binge some of your videos again and see if i can talk myself out of being ridiculous and sabotaging what i really want😫
Hope your visit is going/went well :) I'm about to make a similar visit! Fingers crossed.
The fact that I have blind spot is so uncomfortable for me. I imagine a blood stain in white pants that other people make fun of behind my back. Just the thought of blind spots makes me want to crawl and hide in my bed..
lacking the understanding on how much comfort and support I need when feeling emotionally distressed has resulted to severe anxiety to the point I cant function if I am not able to disssociate it wasnt until recently when I started engaging with my therapist around this and having my partner around to hold my hand when I am struggling that it started to hit me, oooooh so this is what support feels like? so i dont have to catastrophize when things dont go according to plan 🙃🙃
This makes so much sense. Im such a scientific thinker. Im very intelligent...in many ways. but I have so many blind spots and that has made my life incredibly confusing!!! Thank you so much. Im taking this to my therapist.
Another great video from Heidi! You are simply an amazing woman!! Can’t thank you enough! Feels like you are selflessly there for us all!! 💝
Hello Heidi, love your videos! I have been watching and rewatching to hammer in the advice/tips/strategies you've put forth, such a treasure trove of important information, thank you!
I'm not sure if this is the right place to make a request, but I was wondering if you're planning on, or would consider making a video specifically focused on good/healthy/safe ways for people with complex trauma to approach creating healing spaces within their lives to gradually move forward in their healing journey. You do indeed share ways throughout your videos, but a focused video on it would really help me (and perhaps others!) to internalize the lessons more easily, as it's not easy to enact some of these approaches in day to day life, with others who have little to no awareness of what it's like to live with complex trauma/toxic shame. Hell, numerous times i'll just come up against others defenses when trying to put some of this into practise 😅.
Anyway, if you see this, I'm most wanting to express my thanks for your dedication to providing these well organized, informative videos! They're of great help to me! ❤
Thank you for this video and for all of your videos. You are doing such amazing, helpful work. You are helping me to heal my own CPTSD. Big love to you, Heidi!
She has mastered the technique of addressing both extreme ends of the spectrum of things. Because at the end of the day no matter what reasons people have they all still do the same things.
Amazing way of explaining such difficult concepts. I find your videos so helpful and valuable
Can you make a video explaining the Attachment activating and deactivating strategies in depth? I still have a hard time understanding those.
Heidi, I have been watching quite a few similar video channels and yours is far-and-away the very best!
This one really hit home for me. I hope the rest of the series will help me deal with my blindspot(s).
Lol reading the titles on all of your videos and relating to every. single. one. 😅 smh
I'm so grateful for the energy and time that you put into this channel, Heidi. 🙏🏼
Thanks for another great one Heidi! I gotta admit you're moving a bit faster than my mind and body can catch up with😅 But I'm confident there will come a time when I'll be able to properly metabolize what you're teaching me here. Thank you in advance❤
Edit: Just in case...I meant you're moving fast with the place at which you're making vids, not with how you're explaining the concepts
To sum up an important point she made: defense mechanisms are rules of thumb that sometimes fail to account for important information due to our blind spots and immature thinking habits or skills.
Frickin’ love this one Heidi!
I love when I see a new video from you on my feed
This is so, so helpful. I can't wait for the rest of this series.
Its an excellent video, thank you. Is it possible to know onse self? I find myself sometimes lost in trying to get grip of my psyche, in a way i feel the proces in itself becomes neurotic.
Thank you for doing this series. I felt very called out while watching, which is probably a good thing. Looking forward to the future videos
This Two pieced me at the park 😢😭😭.. I fired my 17 year old and her reasoning. I told her to go be 17! It reminded me of how big I felt the world was then, but now I have all this knowledge and wisdom from breaking down patterns - and that feels good!
Do you have tips regarding strategies - to address a defensive mechanism that prevents our subconscious from speaking out loud?
It would be really nice to have playlists that reflect themes of video series.
@heidipriebe1 I'm wondering if you've released the 2nd part to this topic on defense mechanisms. At the end of this video it's mentioned that there would be a second part but I can't seem to find it on your page.
Merci!
Commenting simply to be the first 😏 I love your videos though, I've been trying to watch one each day to work on building my understanding of myself and the people around me.
I am second 🙋♀️. I love her too. I watched more than a 100 video for this lady so far. And each video more than once. Writing notes and studying from it. She brainwashed me 😂. She changed my life. Blessings 🌸
@@nogatranslates8804 I'm glad to hear you've been growing through this too, I love finding fulfilling content like this on RUclips. 😊 I hope you have and amazing day, and an amazing life!
Absolutely powerful video, thank you Heidi !
As always, this is so right on time and so spot on… Thank you, Heidi! Really looking forward to the next part.
Well said. The first 6 years of my marriage had no partnership. Every time I had an idea or suggestion, my husband would just shut them down and accuse me of "controlling" him. This really killed our marriage. Feeling so alone and unheard forced me to leave my husband. Now, he's finally becoming more conscious of his defense mechanisms--though not perfect--in order to save our marriage.
You are spot on with me and my issues. Thank you for keeping it so positive Heidi!
Heidi, thanks so much for this video. It's going to help me a lot. I met this person who fascinates me and at the same time I feel like totally out of the league. At some point I realized I was obsessed with this person and I'm ashamed to say it, but I felt overwhelmed by the fear of not being enough. My defense mechanisms were triggered, and I felt I was in trouble, but I was also curious, could this person handle my hesitation? I'm still in touch with this person but not sure how to handle the ambiguity. I think this person is avoidant and I am definitively anxious. Heck, I didn't even know about these categories 6 months ago. However, even though I feel like I'm on a roller coaster, I'm truly delighted.
Heidi, I'm looking forward to your next video. I have recommended them to my friends. And I will definitively watch this one again to get the most out of it.
By the way, I never paid attention to what my mother thought about my friends. She never understood me, she never accepted me and I never gave a hoot what she thought about my choices. Now, my narcissist father, that's another story. Shit!
Take care of yourself.
28:51 what you're describing is something known as a confounder in research. It doesn't directly cause the effect to happen, but it may play a part in it
Heidi! I have two questions
1. Can you make a video about discernment?
2. Why the heck should I be mindful first before finding solutions?? I’m a FA and I’m on an attachment healing journey since May (thanks to your video, I watch them almost every day…) and trying to become more secure. And I think I have a blindspot around just being in ambiguity. It feels so threatening to not know a solutions to a problem. I’m realizing this rn as I’m typing this… I’m not functioning anymore rn because Ive started to unpack and psychologically take myself apart since May this year and with that all my traumas come up too, and when you said the first step is mindfulness and that it’s NOT to find solutions, I shouted out loud “Why not?!” because I’m frustrated 😅 like, for how long should I stay in this state of ambiguity?? I can’t like… forever not do anything about it?? Like, how 😭
Hello Heidi, Do you believe that it is possible for the symptoms of Aspergers Syndrome (High Functioning Autism) could actually be the result of parental neglect? I'd appreciate any input on this. Thanks for the information you share; it has at times been uncomfortable to process, but also invaluable.
Thank you very much, Heidi! You’ve helped me understand why do I feel anxious.
Heidi Priebe- Goddess of Healing
This is gonna be so interesting ! my fav youtuber on a topic I have been studying like a madman for 1 year.
Heidi, you are life changing! Thank you thank you thank you 🙏 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
Often people associate a defense mechanism with strong negative emotions. This implies that most people dismiss virtually all other factors in and components of this defense mechanism aka rewarding / punishment mechanism and threat detection mechanism.
Let's say that we are learning playing the piano from a teacher. The better I play piano, the more complex my defense mechanism and its rules become. But, it's not at all associated with strong emotions or shame. Most motor execution sequences likely rely on this defense mechanism. If this is true then we are likely unnecessarily blaming negative emotions as they have absolutely nothing to do with the increase of the defence mechanism.
Hello Heidi! I’ve been waiting for your new video💜💜💜. Thank you so much for posting. Sending good vibes your way!
Heidi..... I have so enjoyed and benefitted from your videos. In many episodes, you mention various books that have been helpful to you on your journey. Do you happen to have a compiled list of these books. I always have an audio book going during my daily walks and would love to listen to some of your recommendations. Thanks. :)
Heidi this is amazing as always!! Are you going to share your favourite books for 2023? Really looking forward to it, all the previous recommendations were incredible!!!❤❤
I tried so hard to communicate with her. Dropping my own shields, risking damage to myself, just to identify with her inner self, connect. The final discard happened despite my sympathy, feelings. I feel overwhelmed by loss.
Great video. Super informative! ❤
the babysitter metaphor reminds me of ‘firefighters’ in Internal Family Systems, would love to know ur thoughts on IFS if u have any!! it’s something me and my best friend resonate with and find super helpful (esp in the context of c-ptsd!)
So on point! Thank you so much for being brave and sharing these videos with the world.
Heidi i’m so grateful !! i love your videos!
As a fearful-avoidant, I often feel like I'm doing both the feeling aspect and thinking of a logical solution in relationships. It often feels like I'm the only one doing it and like I'm carrying the whole relationship on my back until I realize it's getting nowhere and it's too much to deal with it so I just end the relationship. Makes me wonder what the blindspot would be in this instance.
Excellent Heidi, truly!
This clip ALSO explains in detail why trying to work things out with friends that YOU think you may share some blindspots with..Exchanging blindspots causes arguments amd fall outs!?? Thanks Hiedi GREAT "Data analysis and exposition"
Can you say more about this?
@@laurah2831 Well we tend to have friends who are similar to us. I think I notice a fault that we share and instead of us both working on our "problem".they seem to get angry in a sort of denial. Heidi hints at it in the clip...I listen to clips at least twice and things get clearer.
💚Great content & so happy to see your subs continue to skyrocket! 💚