I would add Rule #8: A gentleman never dominates a conversation. They listen and ask questions first since they know that to be heard one must be able to hear first.
I think it depends actually. Sometimes it is better to listen if it’s a larger group of people with free flowing ideas and stories to talk about. Other times you could be on a date one on one with a lady and it’s up to the gentlemen to lead and delegate the conversation, at least for the first date in order to help break the ice.
A gentleman just gets his point across with grace, simple. Im pretty sure gentleman dominate conversations by controlling conversation flow. You can’t date anyone if your convos suck. If you suck at holding conversations, that doesn’t mean youre not a gent, youre just awkward and need social training. If you’re good at swaying conversation flows and controlling it, you’re a charmer, not necessarily a gent. Gent does not equal dominating/listening to conversations. If you let the lady speak and listen, it doesn’t make you a gent, it just means youre a good listener.
Important to note...women have not been taught how to accept a gentlemanly fact of courtesy with grace and maturity. I've opened a door for adult women who absolutely looked lost..not knowing how to respond. One young woman thanked me...but was completely awkward about it. I knew she meant well and just smiled.
@@MrGchiassonI totally understand, it’s weird nowadays after third-wave feminism. I assure you that there are women out there that are dying for chivalry - myself included 😂. Please don’t let society make you feel like what you’re doing is wrong or makes women uncomfortable by just being a gentleman. There are women out there that truly appreciate chivalry. It’s just good manners after all 😊 don’t change yourselves gentlemen, the right woman for you will truly appreciate every little thing you do for her. I would love it if a man bought me flowers, wrote me cute love letters, pulled out my chair, followed the side-walk rule etc. I appreciated all those romantic things and think it’s beautiful when a man treats his woman and doesn’t get shy about expressing his love for her in public❤ Edit: What do I bring to the table? I could say “I am the table” but realistically, relationships have to be a mutual effort and each partner has to bring something to ‘the table’…and not just food. I would bring my natural feminine energy and submissiveness by allowing my future husband to lead and embrace his true masculinity and provider mentality. God would be at the centre of our relationship so we can truly love one another unconditionally. I would bring lots of positivity and warmth into his life. I would not tell anyone our personal business apart from God, I value privacy greatly and would never talk negatively about him to anyone. If he did/said something that bothered me, I would always correct him in private and not embarrass him in public. ❤
It’s nice to have rules set out for you: if you’re socially awkward & self-conscious, you can lean on the rules that you know about. But even more important is the underlying sentiment behind following rules of politeness: other people matter, their thoughts & feelings matter, the comfort of “the room” matters.
I applaud you for getting today's generation of younger gentlemen on board with good manners. Having good manners is one of the best investments a man can make in himself. Good manners pay for themselves many times over in terms of increased social opportunities, and in personal and professional relationships. Even something as simple as receiving great service in restaurants and shops comes down to a gentleman conducting himself in a considerate and polite manner. Whatever your age, whatever your personal financial, physical, or social situation: You'll be a better man if you have good manners.
Excellent video. Please note that a gentleman follows the lead of the host or hostess when it comes to toasting. The host or hostess is in charge of the table, not the guests. If you feel compelled to make a toast, ask permission of the host/hostess to do so. Do not just take charge of the table to offer a toast. Do not encourage others to clink fine glassware when you are visiting in someone's home. Do not be the guest who chips the fine crystal stemware. If, as you are toasting, you see the host/hostess move to clink glasses, then okay, but otherwise, don't clink. Just raise your glass while keeping your eyes on whomever you are toasting or on whomever is making the toast. With your eyes looking at the same person, take a sip and lower your glass back to the table. Once the glasses are back on the table, the toast is over and you can look elsewhere. You don't have to clink glasses to complete a toast.
Appreciate your content Gent Z, it's just such a pity that many men, especially the younger generation seem to have not adopted even basic social skills and etiquette.
I appreciate your content very much, because it is so valuable in today's times. I represent the Z generation as well, and, in my opinion, our generation lacks the very basics of etiquette and general good behaviour. I think that a general rule that a gentleman should follow is what Antoni Słonimski has once said: "When I don't know what to do, I prefer to behave decently just in case". Thank you for your devotion!
For some years now I've always advocated to dress one level up for any given venue. Once in awhile make it two levels up. It's an "under the radar" way to stand out just a little bit.
My parents when I was a child in the 1960’s were rigid followers of etiquette. Both my parents were great cooks, and my 3 brothers and 2 sisters always eat at the dinner table together with my parents. My mother and sisters always set a lovely table and helped serve. When they arrived at the table my Father and brothers and I would rise from our seats and pull out the chairs for the women. My parents had beautiful cocktail parties that looked straight out of the cast of Madmen. I have to say your wardrobe is evolving very well. Better and better each time.
How would you loophole #1 if you don’t drink any alcohol? I, personally don’t like the taste, so I can bring different alcohol but what if I’m asked to drink it?
I'm new to your site, and I am keen to learn. I've always considered myself to be a gentleman but have had no proper training. Opening doors for a lady, standing when a lady nears, or departs a conversation these are first tier. I know I require much more. Thank you in advance.
I love a good etiquette video! Happy to see you are teaching a new generation of gentlemen. And as a European millennial lady I enjoy your content too. Keep up the good work 🥂
I would also add, when going to other's houses to not sit on the seat thats at the end of the table because that seat should be for the host since the person sitting there has a direct view of everyone
1. Never show up empty handed (to an event) 2. Wait for everyone to get their food to eat 3. Don’t show up uninvited 4. Remove shoes inside 5. Make eye contact with toaster & say name 6. Dress for occasion 7. Don’t leave without clothes ironed
Thankyou your videos are fantastic! I am currently going through a separation with my wife after 44 years of marriage. So I am now focusing on me and want to portray me as a real gentleman and a much improved version of myself to any future lady in my life . Best regards boy from oz
You are so right that many of us simply did not grow up knowing these things. For example, I grew up in a working class household where it was unheard of that somebody would remove their shoes when entering the home. I didn’t become aware of this until I met my then-friend, now-wife, who came from a middle-class suburban background where this was Absolutely expected. I now really appreciate it, as it makes cleaning our home every weekend much easier. Shoes are filthy! Same goes with waiting to start eating until everybody else has theirs. Had no clue about this until I was an adult. God bless my wife for helping to tame the savage I apparently was growing up. Lol
That's because it's actually rude and petty to ask someone to take there shoes off. If your shoes are dirty, muddy etc. Then you just take them off no matter what.
@@KevinUrban-u1z it is absolutely neither rude nor petty. When you are a guest in someone else’s home, you are subject to their preferences, within reason. I always let people know in advance that we prefer shoes off in our home. That way, I’m not springing it on them at the door, when maybe they might have worn a different pair of socks if they had known. We also keep a box of plastic booties in the entryway area for folks who prefer that. You aren’t entitled to tromp through anyone’s private space in your street shoes, though… unless you are willing to clean the floors afterward. :) I figure, anyone who doesn’t like our house rules doesn’t have to come over
The best etiquette for a reasonably large table gathering at a restaurant is for those that get served first with their meal to wait but if the wait for everyone to get served is longer than 5 minutes then for those that are still to be served (especially if a man) to say please go ahead to others - that way the ones waiting still have the satisfaction of being in control of the etiquette . If a lady is last to be served (a good waiter will ensure this should not happen usually ) then even if she says go ahead , the men at the table should stil defer
While it's not really a rule of etiquette, I personally think every man should carry a nice refillable pen with him. Parker Jotters, for example. Even if you're just impressing your friends when they don't have a pen when they need it, a nice pen goes a long way. I used to use generic BIC pens until I started using more formal ones - I had a phase where I'd use a fountain pen for everything purely because I prefer older tech. Nower-days I use the Jotter I mentioned earlier. (Parker Jotter Originals Ballpoint, specifically.) It feels the best in my hand and my had never aches when using it. They're cheap as a one-off purchase, too - and can last a lifetime if not lost and properly looked after.
just don't lend your, nice or not, fountain pen to anybody, most people nowadays don't know how to use them properly and might bent the nib or worse, let it roll off the table/desk. a nice felt tip is, imo, a better option for that.
For keeping your clothes ironed, in my opinion, a thick oxford cloth button down shirt is another garment where some wrinkles can be part of the charm.
Has he been known to use TikTok music in the past? His videos are usually accompanied by some nice, unintrusive cool jazz, which I think adds to the refined ambience of the channel
Excellent content, James and a polished delivery. While there should always be an informal parting salutation at the end of an event, such as a dinner party, I think a case can be made for an appropriate personal 'thank you' note or message sent the following day. This conveys to your host(s) your appreciation for having thought of you for the invite in the first place.
THANK YOU, on the wait before all the food comes before eating! To me this is so completely basic, but almost no one seems to understand it these days.
Right, but it’s generally not people intentionally trying to be rude. People don’t know what they don’t know, and many of us simply didn’t grow up in households where these etiquette rules were observed. I didn’t learn about that one, for example, until my early 30s
@@HYPERxSONICxFANx2012 i grew up with this rule but it didnt apply everywhere, like at a family bbq just get your food and eat same at christmas but if it was at a restaurant then we would wait for everyone
Really, really great advice. Like you said, a lot of this was 101 back in the day, but somehow along the way we lost much of it. Thank you for keeping the torch burning.
I am dating an incredible woman, a former runway model. I am Joe Average, height, weight, income. She told me that she first noticed two things about me... I was well dressed and a gentleman.
I'm 71 and hope that I'm a gentleman. There are very few gentlemen today. If you don't believe me, go to a church service or a funeral service and see what the men are wearing. I would guess that very few men even own a suit these days. I have several in my closet and my dad was always a very sharp dresser even though he had a blue collar job. Etiquette was very important to my parents and grandparents and a slip in etiquette was always called out at the appropriate time so that the same mistake was not repeated. I could add several rules to your list, but one that I would defintely add is that a gentleman ALWAYS walks next to his lady (never in front of her) so that he is positioned between his lady and roadway. This is to protect the lady from danger from the roadway or possible puddle splashes from passing cars. I really wish that men would return to wearing hats (not baseball hats). I have several in my closet. Regarding proper dress, I was taught that a gentleman always wears a white shirt with his suit and never a colored shirt. I probably have 100 ties and was taught very young how to tie a double windsor knot on my ties. A classier look than a single windsor. Some ties are not of sufficient length for a double windsor know without the end of the tie ending too high above the beltline. Shoes should always be freshly polished and I was taught that black shoes should always be worn with a dark suit. Many men wear a lapel pin, but when worn, it should never be more than one. Spats were out of style when I was taught etiquette. My list of 70 year old etiquette rules goes on and on.
My wife and I don’t have people over for dinner all that often. However, as the host, my rule for myself is that I am served last. I also assist wife in serving the guests and preparing the meal.
If you don’t get invited to an event, you just have to be perfectly ok with not making the cut sometimes. Especially if it were an invite that you kind of wanted to decline anyway. As for footwear, I would usually bring slides or slippers as I have diabetic neuropathy and I can’t go barefoot 🦶 or just socks 🧦 in the house, I always have to have something on my feet.
Good idea to bring some clean house-shoes of your own! I feel the same when I'm invited and the floor is dirty due to their dog and cats and don't care as much about washing the floor enough.
Earlier this year I went to New York with a friend of mine from back home in Wisconsin. I was Ironing my suit before we went out to a nice dinner at Delmonico's and I caught her looking at me and when I asked what was up, she replied she never saw a man iron his clothes before.
I believe the classic approach to food is to wait only when food is room temperature. Hot or cold food (e.g, ice cream) should be started when served. I’ll of course wait for slow count of ten before suggesting that whoever has been served should begin. Thanks.
When I was in 6th Form (UK), I started going to 17th and 18th birthday parties. Was going to an 18th once, at his house. My Mum told me to take something with me (not a present for him, something to contribute to the party). I told her that we’d already been told that there’d be plenty of food and drink. She insisted and even offered to give me the money for it. I bought 4 cans of beer, better than nothing, and she was happy. Got to the party and gave the birthday boy’s Mum, the beer. She took me into the kitchen and showed me all the booze that was there- more than your average pub. She thanked me nonetheless. Thought nothing of it but hours later, towards the end of the night, the Mum came up to me, very drunk, gave me a hug and told me I was the only one who brought anything. She was very grateful. I understood there and then how important such gestures are! It’s now a long term habit and is nearly always appreciated. Good advice from Mum.
i would add that a gentlemen should compliment any ladies at a gathering and of course wait for the lady to indicate if she wants a cheek kiss/slight hug or handshake before attempting one
Rule 2: Napoleon used to break that rule all the time. He was reportedly such a fast eater that he often reached the terminal stage of the meal while his guests had hardly finished their soup. I read somewhere that Napoleon's mistresses said he had the same attitude in the bedroom as in the dining room. With the ladies he normally achieved his desired outcome in mere seconds.
Regarding toasts, if you are the person being toasted, you shouldn't raise your own glass and you shouldn't take that sip. Keep your class on the table until the toast-clink-sip ritual is over.
What you're saying is just common sense, to be a gentleman is to take self-pride in ourselves, it's to do the right thing and people will notice and maybe learn something from it, oh by the way, you look great!
Eating before everyone else also shows that you lack awareness for the people around you and can come off as selfish. True story: a little over a year ago, my parents' friends and a few others came over for dinner. One of them sat down and began eating before anyone else started. I feel a strong sense of etiquette is seriously lacking in young people these days.
interesting and accurate as always! is the free course accessible only to men or can I participate even if I am a woman? I like the topic and I like learning to recognize an elegant man from one who isn't, and being supportive to my future man who I imagine is going to be a gentleman who wants a woman who knows how to appreciate his effort and to knows how to stay at his side with elegance
Sonya from Sartorial Talks wears men's style all the time. I don't think James checks the gender of who wants an education in classic men's style, it is just that it is targeted towards men; just as the majority of men would not desire a course on how to dress in skirts and high heels if you were to offer such a course.
Those rules in full : 1. When dining out and being told by the waiter to "f**k himself" he should respond in like manner for about twenty minutes if he wants the other diners to respect him 2. He should always push in front of a lady in a doorway to make sure that she will be safe on the other side 3. He should never blow his nose with his fingers but use his lady companion's sleeve instead 4. When hosting a garden party in the summer if a wasp appears he should never scream and run away to leave his guests to deal with it. Unless one is his mother-in-law 5. Talking of m-in-l, if the buttons on his flies need reattaching he should not let her do it while he is still wearing the trousers 6. Again talking of m-in-l he must resist the temptation to buy her a gift voucher for Dignitas for Xmas. A one-way ticket to Zurich is the best thing, and then e-mail her the voucher on her arrival 7. When addressing the serfs working in his garden he should never by mistake call them smurfs. They will not like it
Hey there, been binging your videos for the past week or two. Have you done one on hair? I’m 29 and have been dealing with a receding hairline since 25 and would really like to fix that. If you have any tips please let me know. Thank you. Regards, Edit: P.S. I’ll actually take that back. If I had to choose the thing I am most curious about it would be on the situation of asking a girl out from work. Would a gentleman even consider doing that and just keep it professional or would he follow his interest in the woman nevertheless? Would really like to know as I seem to be at a bit of a crossroad right now. If you have any tips thank you in advance. Regards,
Several things to consider - does your employer have a policy regarding this? What is your working relationship with her - is she above or below you in the same chain of command or in a completely different department? How much interaction do you have with her during the course of a normal day - a little or a lot? Most importantly, if you pursue a relationship and it doesn't work out (read: ends badly), how would that affect your status at work? Best to proceed very cautiously and carefully consider the downside.
@@heliboy8762 Thank you for your much appreciated advice. She is in a completely different department as the social media manager for our store and is technically in a position above me but she is not in constant contact with me. I am a sales associate at this clothing department store. There is very little interaction going on between us through the coarse of the day and of course sometimes one of us is not there. But when we do interact I like the chemistry we have. She laughs at my jokes and seems very nice, not just to me but every person I see her interact with (which may be expected sense we’re at work but I guess what I’m getting at is I like her personality from what I’ve seen so far) etc. I will certainly look in to the policy though because if there is anything saying they don’t allow this then I will gladly drop everything and it will be a no go. But all this being said would you say this is more info supporting the date or not? It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve thought of asking a person out like this so I know that what you said is what a lot of people say but that of course doesn’t mean it’s not true. I’m sure it is. I was just curious if there is an angle I haven’t considered yet. The policy check seems to be it so thank you for that sir. Will certainly look in to it but am still curious to hear what you think about there being enough to support the date or not. Let me know when you can. Thank you! Regards,
How do you get the clean shaven look? Because if I use razor blade, it still looks a bit green after use, how can I get rid of that? Love your vids. Keep up!
Green?!?! if I’ve never had green residue from shaving. maybe that little green bar on your razor is coming off too fast Probably just a switch of razor. i was using a gilette with the mach 3 or mach 5 blades and i switched to a “crappy” 3 blade one and it shaves better. also, he likely shaves an hour or two before he records so he isn’t getting a 5 o clock shadow that you might be seeing.
try a double pass if you're not already, or maybe look into a safety razor. I had the same problem as you, switching to a safety razor gives me a much cleaner shave
i disagree with 1 and 2. it's not something me and my friends and family do. we don't do fancy dinner parties. as for ironing i buy clothes that don't need to be ironed
If your host is Asian there's a good chance it will be a shoes-off house. To be polite they may well let you keep your shoes on, and it's likely not a big deal to them, but assume they'd rather you took your shoes off. They will appreciate the consideration.
Also: If the people are from a country or culture where the weather tends to be more rainy and coldb like Germany or Scandinavia, shoes off is the way to go. If it's people from Spain or Italy, they usually just keep them on.
As a courteous host or hostess, if you wish to preserve the condition of your rugs and floors, I encourage you to invest in disposable shoe covers to offer your guests, which are quite inexpensive. This way, guests won’t feel uncomfortable going shoe-less - and you can spare yourself worry over the appropriateness of requesting shoes be removed. I understand that removing shoes indoors is the norm in certain cultures, however certain people may need their shoes for stability (such as the elderly) - or they may need their supportive inserts to alleviate foot pain - or they may suffer from unpleasant foot issues such as odor or perspiration which could make make removing footwear an embarrassment. Wishing everyone comfortable, pleasant and entertaining home gatherings!
@ ‘Tis a far more graceful way of handling the situation than requesting guests remove their shoes. Alternatively, you could invest in a bunch of guest slippers. The term “tacky” generally refers to an obvious display of something cheap or of the lower order and in poor taste. For example, the use of foul language in genteel discussions.
From what I’ve learned I do not believe you are meant to clink glasses I was taught to raise your hand with the glass and then say the toast like to friendship. I wonder if it’s different in other cultures, also great video I didn’t know some of these thing
Yes please careful with giving wine! People can be fussy about wine, preferring from a certain country or region (as I do) and will feel disrespect by given some other wine, or get offended when someone guzzles it, or it can offend someone getting off of alcohol altogether.
Just a request to also consider us non-drinkers when mentioning certain points, like when you mentioned about gifting a bottle of wine on a dinner invitation or beer with friends, please also give a recommendation for someone/households that doesn’t drink 😅
1962 Vermont. I was in the 2nd grade in parochial school. In the winter, instead of 1/2 outdoor recess..2nd & 3rd grade boys had a course, "Growing up to be a proper gentleman". Open a door for a lady, help her with her coat, pulling out her chair at restaurant...dining, table manners, conversation, etc. Then we'd play role with the girls. We enjoyed it. Society expected it...a civilized social pleasantry. Then, late 60's femin*sm crashed that for two generations.
If it's formal and a suit you are correct. It should be black. If it's a mis matched jacket and trausers then brown or another color is correct. You also should not be wearing a matched suit as it is either a work uniform or a black suit for a funeral or other color for a wedding. If dressing up for on the town it should always be a separate coat and trausers. Never a suit.
What a beautiful suit goes really good with your dress shirt & tie Speaking of a present I like to always send thank you desert or present if someone does me a favour
How about a segment on how to properly hold and use utensils while dining. I see so many guys these days just wrap their fist around their fork, leaning forward, face inches from their plate, just shoveling away. 😮
The "shoe" thing is absurd, Nobody should ever ask someone to remove their shoes as a guest(exceptions*),i know this is something certain cultures practice, but IMO. If a host asked me to do this,I'd simply just apologize and leave the party ,idc the consequence, its just weird ,if somebody is that ocd about their carpet, then have it cleaned later or offer a special mat by the door for guests to use,,but this comes across obsessive ,cheap,and tacky, this should not be happening, fullstop
It’s entirely cultural. Your opinion makes perfect sense in the US while at the same time in Japan for example literally no one would ever invite you if you didn’t wanna take your shoes off. There’s nothing inherently wrong about either approach. Like, I’m German and here it’s also somewhat rude not to at least offer to take your shoes off. Has nothing to do with OCD or anything like that
I have a travel iron but I need a good ironing board. Recently I've seen a board with a built in sleeve arm, so clearly I need to do my research on what is out there.
I iron everyday my works clothes. I cannot even imagine walking out of the house looking like a disheveled schmuck. Even 'no iron' clothes need at least a few minutes of attention.
To continue improving your etiquette, follow The Gentleman Method. A 2 hour video course for free - www.skool.com/gentlemans-lobby
Are you a Libra or a Capricorn? Sorry if the question isnt too gentlemanly😊
Good work my friend. Glad to see a light shining in these savage times. 😎
I would add Rule #8: A gentleman never dominates a conversation. They listen and ask questions first since they know that to be heard one must be able to hear first.
Yes! I’ve known enough people who are better at talking than conversing.
I very much agree, Steven. Thanks for your comment
I think it depends actually. Sometimes it is better to listen if it’s a larger group of people with free flowing ideas and stories to talk about. Other times you could be on a date one on one with a lady and it’s up to the gentlemen to lead and delegate the conversation, at least for the first date in order to help break the ice.
A gentleman just gets his point across with grace, simple. Im pretty sure gentleman dominate conversations by controlling conversation flow. You can’t date anyone if your convos suck. If you suck at holding conversations, that doesn’t mean youre not a gent, youre just awkward and need social training. If you’re good at swaying conversation flows and controlling it, you’re a charmer, not necessarily a gent. Gent does not equal dominating/listening to conversations. If you let the lady speak and listen, it doesn’t make you a gent, it just means youre a good listener.
@@Braiining By listening and asking questions, one will learn more about the other person. One can lead a conversation without dominating it.
💯 being a gentleman is never outdated
Right, but I miss some accessoires on the jacket and more fashionable for a dinner, dancing night etc
That’s right sir
Well said sir
I’m a lady but I watch your videos so I know what to look for when I meet my future husband 😊❤
Important to note...women have not been taught how to accept a gentlemanly fact of courtesy with grace and maturity.
I've opened a door for adult women who absolutely looked lost..not knowing how to respond. One young woman thanked me...but was completely awkward about it.
I knew she meant well and just smiled.
@@MrGchiassonI totally understand, it’s weird nowadays after third-wave feminism. I assure you that there are women out there that are dying for chivalry - myself included 😂. Please don’t let society make you feel like what you’re doing is wrong or makes women uncomfortable by just being a gentleman. There are women out there that truly appreciate chivalry. It’s just good manners after all 😊 don’t change yourselves gentlemen, the right woman for you will truly appreciate every little thing you do for her. I would love it if a man bought me flowers, wrote me cute love letters, pulled out my chair, followed the side-walk rule etc. I appreciated all those romantic things and think it’s beautiful when a man treats his woman and doesn’t get shy about expressing his love for her in public❤
Edit: What do I bring to the table?
I could say “I am the table” but realistically, relationships have to be a mutual effort and each partner has to bring something to ‘the table’…and not just food.
I would bring my natural feminine energy and submissiveness by allowing my future husband to lead and embrace his true masculinity and provider mentality. God would be at the centre of our relationship so we can truly love one another unconditionally. I would bring lots of positivity and warmth into his life. I would not tell anyone our personal business apart from God, I value privacy greatly and would never talk negatively about him to anyone. If he did/said something that bothered me, I would always correct him in private and not embarrass him in public. ❤
@@bebeface9822 as a female as well I do so appreciate your words.
❤❤❤
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Glad to hear it!
But what do you bring to the table.
Etiquette has to do with courtesy and respect - starting with oneself. Thank you sir.
Very true!
Being a gentleman is skill that every man needs to learn. practice always improve & maintain
Indeed. It is a constant journey. Every man can always improve and better himself
It’s nice to have rules set out for you: if you’re socially awkward & self-conscious, you can lean on the rules that you know about. But even more important is the underlying sentiment behind following rules of politeness: other people matter, their thoughts & feelings matter, the comfort of “the room” matters.
I applaud you for getting today's generation of younger gentlemen on board with good manners.
Having good manners is one of the best investments a man can make in himself. Good manners pay for themselves many times over in terms of increased social opportunities, and in personal and professional relationships. Even something as simple as receiving great service in restaurants and shops comes down to a gentleman conducting himself in a considerate and polite manner.
Whatever your age, whatever your personal financial, physical, or social situation: You'll be a better man if you have good manners.
Right ,
Excellent video. Please note that a gentleman follows the lead of the host or hostess when it comes to toasting. The host or hostess is in charge of the table, not the guests. If you feel compelled to make a toast, ask permission of the host/hostess to do so. Do not just take charge of the table to offer a toast. Do not encourage others to clink fine glassware when you are visiting in someone's home. Do not be the guest who chips the fine crystal stemware. If, as you are toasting, you see the host/hostess move to clink glasses, then okay, but otherwise, don't clink. Just raise your glass while keeping your eyes on whomever you are toasting or on whomever is making the toast. With your eyes looking at the same person, take a sip and lower your glass back to the table. Once the glasses are back on the table, the toast is over and you can look elsewhere. You don't have to clink glasses to complete a toast.
Appreciate your content Gent Z, it's just such a pity that many men, especially the younger generation seem to have not adopted even basic social skills and etiquette.
Thank you, Scott. Well, with such a lack of role models, it’s no surprise. I aim to fill those gaps as best as I can with my channel.
I appreciate your content very much, because it is so valuable in today's times. I represent the Z generation as well, and, in my opinion, our generation lacks the very basics of etiquette and general good behaviour. I think that a general rule that a gentleman should follow is what Antoni Słonimski has once said: "When I don't know what to do, I prefer to behave decently just in case". Thank you for your devotion!
The one about not forcing an invitation - it's instinctive. So glad to hear it explained this way.
For some years now I've always advocated to dress one level up for any given venue. Once in awhile make it two levels up. It's an "under the radar" way to stand out just a little bit.
My parents when I was a child in the 1960’s were rigid followers of etiquette. Both my parents were great cooks, and my 3 brothers and 2 sisters always eat at the dinner table together with my parents. My mother and sisters always set a lovely table and helped serve. When they arrived at the table my Father and brothers and I would rise from our seats and pull out the chairs for the women. My parents had beautiful cocktail parties that looked straight out of the cast of Madmen. I have to say your wardrobe is evolving very well. Better and better each time.
How would you loophole #1 if you don’t drink any alcohol? I, personally don’t like the taste, so I can bring different alcohol but what if I’m asked to drink it?
Thank you so much for your work, good sir! One of the most crucial channels every man should have, in my opinion.
Thanks!
@@nealrichardson8032 Thank you for your support
I'm new to your site, and I am keen to learn. I've always considered myself to be a gentleman but have had no proper training. Opening doors for a lady, standing when a lady nears, or departs a conversation these are first tier. I know I require much more. Thank you in advance.
I love a good etiquette video!
Happy to see you are teaching a new generation of gentlemen. And as a European millennial lady I enjoy your content too.
Keep up the good work 🥂
I would also add, when going to other's houses to not sit on the seat thats at the end of the table because that seat should be for the host since the person sitting there has a direct view of everyone
That makes NO sense. Youre visiting, not sitting thru a business presentation.
@steverobertson1729 it does make sense because visually the seat at the end of the (rectangular) table has a direct view on everyone
1. Never show up empty handed (to an event)
2. Wait for everyone to get their food to eat
3. Don’t show up uninvited
4. Remove shoes inside
5. Make eye contact with toaster & say name
6. Dress for occasion
7. Don’t leave without clothes ironed
Another great video James!
Thankyou your videos are fantastic! I am currently going through a separation with my wife after 44 years of marriage. So I am now focusing on me and want to portray me as a real gentleman and a much improved version of myself to any future lady in my life . Best regards boy from oz
You are so right that many of us simply did not grow up knowing these things. For example, I grew up in a working class household where it was unheard of that somebody would remove their shoes when entering the home. I didn’t become aware of this until I met my then-friend, now-wife, who came from a middle-class suburban background where this was Absolutely expected. I now really appreciate it, as it makes cleaning our home every weekend much easier. Shoes are filthy! Same goes with waiting to start eating until everybody else has theirs. Had no clue about this until I was an adult. God bless my wife for helping to tame the savage I apparently was growing up. Lol
You were willing to learn….an even bigger sign of a real gentleman!
As you wrote, removing the shoes is completly middle-class suburban style and therefore not the style a gentleman should aim for.
That's because it's actually rude and petty to ask someone to take there shoes off. If your shoes are dirty, muddy etc. Then you just take them off no matter what.
@@TheTellerwaescher I also should have mentioned that my wife is Japanese American, so there’s a big Asian cultural component to it too
@@KevinUrban-u1z it is absolutely neither rude nor petty. When you are a guest in someone else’s home, you are subject to their preferences, within reason. I always let people know in advance that we prefer shoes off in our home. That way, I’m not springing it on them at the door, when maybe they might have worn a different pair of socks if they had known. We also keep a box of plastic booties in the entryway area for folks who prefer that. You aren’t entitled to tromp through anyone’s private space in your street shoes, though… unless you are willing to clean the floors afterward. :) I figure, anyone who doesn’t like our house rules doesn’t have to come over
The best etiquette for a reasonably large table gathering at a restaurant is for those that get served first with their meal to wait but if the wait for everyone to get served is longer than 5 minutes then for those that are still to be served (especially if a man) to say please go ahead to others - that way the ones waiting still have the satisfaction of being in control of the etiquette . If a lady is last to be served (a good waiter will ensure this should not happen usually ) then even if she says go ahead , the men at the table should stil defer
While it's not really a rule of etiquette, I personally think every man should carry a nice refillable pen with him. Parker Jotters, for example. Even if you're just impressing your friends when they don't have a pen when they need it, a nice pen goes a long way. I used to use generic BIC pens until I started using more formal ones - I had a phase where I'd use a fountain pen for everything purely because I prefer older tech. Nower-days I use the Jotter I mentioned earlier. (Parker Jotter Originals Ballpoint, specifically.) It feels the best in my hand and my had never aches when using it. They're cheap as a one-off purchase, too - and can last a lifetime if not lost and properly looked after.
just don't lend your, nice or not, fountain pen to anybody, most people nowadays don't know how to use them properly and might bent the nib or worse, let it roll off the table/desk. a nice felt tip is, imo, a better option for that.
For keeping your clothes ironed, in my opinion, a thick oxford cloth button down shirt is another garment where some wrinkles can be part of the charm.
Finally ! No Tiktok music. Thank you for this great video.
Smith? 👀
So many RUclipsrs go wrong with this. I really don't want music at all, I just want to listen to the host.
Has he been known to use TikTok music in the past? His videos are usually accompanied by some nice, unintrusive cool jazz, which I think adds to the refined ambience of the channel
@@pensivepenguin3000 Exactly, i'm not talking about him but other youtubers
Excellent content, James and a polished delivery. While there should always be an informal parting salutation at the end of an event, such as a dinner party, I think a case can be made for an appropriate personal 'thank you' note or message sent the following day. This conveys to your host(s) your appreciation for having thought of you for the invite in the first place.
THANK YOU, on the wait before all the food comes before eating! To me this is so completely basic, but almost no one seems to understand it these days.
Right, but it’s generally not people intentionally trying to be rude. People don’t know what they don’t know, and many of us simply didn’t grow up in households where these etiquette rules were observed. I didn’t learn about that one, for example, until my early 30s
@@pensivepenguin3000 Fair point pensive! Yes my mom and dad would harp on that one a ton, and most of all...."chewing with one's mouth open"!
it's not a rule i grew up with
@@HYPERxSONICxFANx2012 i grew up with this rule but it didnt apply everywhere, like at a family bbq just get your food and eat same at christmas but if it was at a restaurant then we would wait for everyone
Really, really great advice. Like you said, a lot of this was 101 back in the day, but somehow along the way we lost much of it. Thank you for keeping the torch burning.
I am dating an incredible woman, a former runway model. I am Joe Average, height, weight, income. She told me that she first noticed two things about me... I was well dressed and a gentleman.
Keep it up!
@@vesi908Both literally and metaphorically.
Yeah but how about those miles on her yeah?
@@russ9921 that was actually quite funny
I'm 71 and hope that I'm a gentleman. There are very few gentlemen today. If you don't believe me, go to a church service or a funeral service and see what the men are wearing. I would guess that very few men even own a suit these days. I have several in my closet and my dad was always a very sharp dresser even though he had a blue collar job. Etiquette was very important to my parents and grandparents and a slip in etiquette was always called out at the appropriate time so that the same mistake was not repeated. I could add several rules to your list, but one that I would defintely add is that a gentleman ALWAYS walks next to his lady (never in front of her) so that he is positioned between his lady and roadway. This is to protect the lady from danger from the roadway or possible puddle splashes from passing cars. I really wish that men would return to wearing hats (not baseball hats). I have several in my closet.
Regarding proper dress, I was taught that a gentleman always wears a white shirt with his suit and never a colored shirt. I probably have 100 ties and was taught very young how to tie a double windsor knot on my ties. A classier look than a single windsor. Some ties are not of sufficient length for a double windsor know without the end of the tie ending too high above the beltline. Shoes should always be freshly polished and I was taught that black shoes should always be worn with a dark suit. Many men wear a lapel pin, but when worn, it should never be more than one. Spats were out of style when I was taught etiquette.
My list of 70 year old etiquette rules goes on and on.
Sir, I think you are doing great work. My uncle used to iron his shirts whilst watching the grand prix. Pretty cool.
My wife and I don’t have people over for dinner all that often. However, as the host, my rule for myself is that I am served last. I also assist wife in serving the guests and preparing the meal.
I've watched a good dozen of Gent Z's videos. I like them in this age of frumpy disheveled dress.. Subscribed.
Your work on this is truly amazing! I am so impressed with your work.
Good right up until the part you spilled your drink in your lap - whoops! 😂
Thank you sir.
This is an awesome channel!!! I’m learning a lot about these things!!!
I am interested in seeing how your little project goes. Well done on the video james!
How about outfit ideas for different settings, casual, formal, winter , date night , etc
If you don’t get invited to an event, you just have to be perfectly ok with not making the cut sometimes. Especially if it were an invite that you kind of wanted to decline anyway. As for footwear, I would usually bring slides or slippers as I have diabetic neuropathy and I can’t go barefoot 🦶 or just socks 🧦 in the house, I always have to have something on my feet.
Good idea to bring some clean house-shoes of your own! I feel the same when I'm invited and the floor is dirty due to their dog and cats and don't care as much about washing the floor enough.
Shoes inside houses is such a wild concept to me
Great channel Mr Z. Most is review for me, but I do find the content worthwhile and well done. Cheers, my friend.
Earlier this year I went to New York with a friend of mine from back home in Wisconsin. I was Ironing my suit before we went out to a nice dinner at Delmonico's and I caught her looking at me and when I asked what was up, she replied she never saw a man iron his clothes before.
I think black or burgundy Oxfords would look far better with that outfit. Brown looks a little naff.
I believe the classic approach to food is to wait only when food is room temperature. Hot or cold food (e.g, ice cream) should be started when served. I’ll of course wait for slow count of ten before suggesting that whoever has been served should begin. Thanks.
When I was in 6th Form (UK), I started going to 17th and 18th birthday parties. Was going to an 18th once, at his house. My Mum told me to take something with me (not a present for him, something to contribute to the party). I told her that we’d already been told that there’d be plenty of food and drink. She insisted and even offered to give me the money for it. I bought 4 cans of beer, better than nothing, and she was happy. Got to the party and gave the birthday boy’s Mum, the beer. She took me into the kitchen and showed me all the booze that was there- more than your average pub. She thanked me nonetheless. Thought nothing of it but hours later, towards the end of the night, the Mum came up to me, very drunk, gave me a hug and told me I was the only one who brought anything. She was very grateful. I understood there and then how important such gestures are! It’s now a long term habit and is nearly always appreciated. Good advice from Mum.
i would add that a gentlemen should compliment any ladies at a gathering and of course wait for the lady to indicate if she wants a cheek kiss/slight hug or handshake before attempting one
Wow you are THE best ! ❤
Rule 2:
Napoleon used to break that rule all the time. He was reportedly such a fast eater that he often reached the terminal stage of the meal while his guests had hardly finished their soup.
I read somewhere that Napoleon's mistresses said he had the same attitude in the bedroom as in the dining room. With the ladies he normally achieved his desired outcome in mere seconds.
I must remind was born and raised a Corsican peasant.
I don't think I have the eyebrows to be a gentleman.
Regarding toasts, if you are the person being toasted, you shouldn't raise your own glass and you shouldn't take that sip. Keep your class on the table until the toast-clink-sip ritual is over.
What you're saying is just common sense, to be a gentleman is to take self-pride in ourselves, it's to do the right thing and people will notice and maybe learn something from it, oh by the way, you look great!
Eating before everyone else also shows that you lack awareness for the people around you and can come off as selfish. True story: a little over a year ago, my parents' friends and a few others came over for dinner. One of them sat down and began eating before anyone else started. I feel a strong sense of etiquette is seriously lacking in young people these days.
interesting and accurate as always! is the free course accessible only to men or can I participate even if I am a woman? I like the topic and I like learning to recognize an elegant man from one who isn't, and being supportive to my future man who I imagine is going to be a gentleman who wants a woman who knows how to appreciate his effort and to knows how to stay at his side with elegance
Sonya from Sartorial Talks wears men's style all the time. I don't think James checks the gender of who wants an education in classic men's style, it is just that it is targeted towards men; just as the majority of men would not desire a course on how to dress in skirts and high heels if you were to offer such a course.
@@CanadaFree-ce9jn thank you! I did not know that chanel! it sounds interesting but maybe it is focused on fashion style and not etiquette
Lol I think anybody can download the PDF. Pretty sure there’s not some biometric screening of your gender before you’re allowed to download
@@pensivepenguin3000 the link I have found under the video brings me to a network group
Absolutely. The video course is accessible to all. Although I made it with men in mind, the majority of the content applies to ladies too.
Those rules in full :
1. When dining out and being told by the waiter to "f**k himself" he should respond in like manner for about twenty minutes if he wants the other diners to respect him
2. He should always push in front of a lady in a doorway to make sure that she will be safe on the other side
3. He should never blow his nose with his fingers but use his lady companion's sleeve instead
4. When hosting a garden party in the summer if a wasp appears he should never scream and run away to leave his guests to deal with it. Unless one is his mother-in-law
5. Talking of m-in-l, if the buttons on his flies need reattaching he should not let her do it while he is still wearing the trousers
6. Again talking of m-in-l he must resist the temptation to buy her a gift voucher for Dignitas for Xmas. A one-way ticket to Zurich is the best thing, and then e-mail her the voucher on her arrival
7. When addressing the serfs working in his garden he should never by mistake call them smurfs. They will not like it
I have never in my life been asked to remove my shoes before entering an event I was invited to.
Rule #9 Always show common courtesy to those who are serving you
What ever happened to the great black zip up boot? They looked great and went with everything.
Hey there,
been binging your videos for the past week or two. Have you done one on hair? I’m 29 and have been dealing with a receding hairline since 25 and would really like to fix that. If you have any tips please let me know. Thank you.
Regards,
Edit: P.S. I’ll actually take that back. If I had to choose the thing I am most curious about it would be on the situation of asking a girl out from work. Would a gentleman even consider doing that and just keep it professional or would he follow his interest in the woman nevertheless? Would really like to know as I seem to be at a bit of a crossroad right now. If you have any tips thank you in advance.
Regards,
Several things to consider - does your employer have a policy regarding this? What is your working relationship with her - is she above or below you in the same chain of command or in a completely different department? How much interaction do you have with her during the course of a normal day - a little or a lot? Most importantly, if you pursue a relationship and it doesn't work out (read: ends badly), how would that affect your status at work?
Best to proceed very cautiously and carefully consider the downside.
@@heliboy8762 Thank you for your much appreciated advice. She is in a completely different department as the social media manager for our store and is technically in a position above me but she is not in constant contact with me. I am a sales associate at this clothing department store. There is very little interaction going on between us through the coarse of the day and of course sometimes one of us is not there. But when we do interact I like the chemistry we have. She laughs at my jokes and seems very nice, not just to me but every person I see her interact with (which may be expected sense we’re at work but I guess what I’m getting at is I like her personality from what I’ve seen so far) etc. I will certainly look in to the policy though because if there is anything saying they don’t allow this then I will gladly drop everything and it will be a no go.
But all this being said would you say this is more info supporting the date or not? It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve thought of asking a person out like this so I know that what you said is what a lot of people say but that of course doesn’t mean it’s not true. I’m sure it is. I was just curious if there is an angle I haven’t considered yet. The policy check seems to be it so thank you for that sir. Will certainly look in to it but am still curious to hear what you think about there being enough to support the date or not. Let me know when you can. Thank you!
Regards,
Helping a woman select a dress and shoes can sometimes be dangerous. Expensive too.
Agreed. I'd stay clear of that one too. Better to just to offer some sincere flattery.
yes better to just compliment the lady on whatever she has chosen
James, can you tell me what knot did you use to tie your tie in this video?
Im the main one who cooks in house. I have the rule cook eats last to ensure everyone is good; before I eat.
How do you get the clean shaven look? Because if I use razor blade, it still looks a bit green after use, how can I get rid of that? Love your vids. Keep up!
Green?!?!
if I’ve never had green residue from shaving.
maybe that little green bar on your razor is coming off too fast
Probably just a switch of razor. i was using a gilette with the mach 3 or mach 5 blades and i switched to a “crappy” 3 blade one and it shaves better.
also, he likely shaves an hour or two before he records so he isn’t getting a 5 o clock shadow that you might be seeing.
@@Mich-jk2ze He probably means that he still notices some hair even after shaving.
try a double pass if you're not already, or maybe look into a safety razor. I had the same problem as you, switching to a safety razor gives me a much cleaner shave
i disagree with 1 and 2. it's not something me and my friends and family do. we don't do fancy dinner parties. as for ironing i buy clothes that don't need to be ironed
You are a godsend for the young nan without a male role model. Excellent content, as usual.
4:52 the thought of Maria made you clumsy, totally in classy 😅just joking 😊😂
If your host is Asian there's a good chance it will be a shoes-off house. To be polite they may well let you keep your shoes on, and it's likely not a big deal to them, but assume they'd rather you took your shoes off. They will appreciate the consideration.
Hahaha
Thank you! 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻
Also: If the people are from a country or culture where the weather tends to be more rainy and coldb like Germany or Scandinavia, shoes off is the way to go. If it's people from Spain or Italy, they usually just keep them on.
@@hyperulf im from sweden so i thought everyone took off their shoes, i didnt know you kept them on in spain
As a courteous host or hostess, if you wish to preserve the condition of your rugs and floors, I encourage you to invest in disposable shoe covers to offer your guests, which are quite inexpensive. This way, guests won’t feel uncomfortable going shoe-less - and you can spare yourself worry over the appropriateness of requesting shoes be removed.
I understand that removing shoes indoors is the norm in certain cultures, however certain people may need their shoes for stability (such as the elderly) - or they may need their supportive inserts to alleviate foot pain - or they may suffer from unpleasant foot issues such as odor or perspiration which could make make removing footwear an embarrassment.
Wishing everyone comfortable, pleasant and entertaining home gatherings!
No. You shouldn't.thats tacky AF
@ ‘Tis a far more graceful way of handling the situation than requesting guests remove their shoes.
Alternatively, you could invest in a bunch of guest slippers.
The term “tacky” generally refers to an obvious display of something cheap or of the lower order and in poor taste.
For example, the use of foul language in genteel discussions.
From what I’ve learned I do not believe you are meant to clink glasses I was taught to raise your hand with the glass and then say the toast like to friendship. I wonder if it’s different in other cultures, also great video I didn’t know some of these thing
Good manners? Always making sure people feel comfortable.
Mui bien, Muchacho.
Yes please careful with giving wine! People can be fussy about wine, preferring from a certain country or region (as I do) and will feel disrespect by given some other wine, or get offended when someone guzzles it, or it can offend someone getting off of alcohol altogether.
"More than 8, don't wait."
Just a request to also consider us non-drinkers when mentioning certain points, like when you mentioned about gifting a bottle of wine on a dinner invitation or beer with friends, please also give a recommendation for someone/households that doesn’t drink 😅
candles, a bottle of high quality olive oil or maybe a bouquet of flowers could work
This suit is great. 👍
1962 Vermont. I was in the 2nd grade in parochial school.
In the winter, instead of 1/2 outdoor recess..2nd & 3rd grade boys had a course, "Growing up to be a proper gentleman".
Open a door for a lady, help her with her coat, pulling out her chair at restaurant...dining, table manners, conversation, etc.
Then we'd play role with the girls. We enjoyed it.
Society expected it...a civilized social pleasantry.
Then, late 60's femin*sm crashed that for two generations.
This feminism discussion went so wrong and I am a lady.
What's up James
I want to learn more about Gentleman Method.
This is why my father and mother stays without taking dinner until i come home
Stop the brown shoes with dark blue suits - same of the belt. It never looks half as good as you think.
If it's formal and a suit you are correct. It should be black. If it's a mis matched jacket and trausers then brown or another color is correct.
You also should not be wearing a matched suit as it is either a work uniform or a black suit for a funeral or other color for a wedding. If dressing up for on the town it should always be a separate coat and trausers. Never a suit.
Good content. Manners and etiquette have unfortunately disappeared from modern life and I appreciate you attempting to impart it to young men.
Everything right except the colour of your tie…it looks dark grey to me here on my screen….navy would have been better, then I’d give you 100% ☺️
The 1st rule pit a cigarette out in there wine and say I don't drink that chit beer or vodka man or be man b151 with a mug keep the shot glass
What a beautiful suit goes really good with your dress shirt & tie
Speaking of a present I like to always send thank you desert or present if someone does me a favour
How about a segment on how to properly hold and use utensils while dining. I see so many guys these days just wrap their fist around their fork, leaning forward, face inches from their plate, just shoveling away. 😮
proper dining etiquette for me is just chewing with your mouth closed
The "shoe" thing is absurd, Nobody should ever ask someone to remove their shoes as a guest(exceptions*),i know this is something certain cultures practice, but IMO. If a host asked me to do this,I'd simply just apologize and leave the party ,idc the consequence, its just weird ,if somebody is that ocd about their carpet, then have it cleaned later or offer a special mat by the door for guests to use,,but this comes across obsessive ,cheap,and tacky, this should not be happening, fullstop
It’s entirely cultural. Your opinion makes perfect sense in the US while at the same time in Japan for example literally no one would ever invite you if you didn’t wanna take your shoes off.
There’s nothing inherently wrong about either approach.
Like, I’m German and here it’s also somewhat rude not to at least offer to take your shoes off. Has nothing to do with OCD or anything like that
@haugi357 it's still rude and invasive if you think about it,and it IS ocd fullstop
@@mikegeld1280 that’s just like.. your opinion
Analyze Damian Quintero's Dressing Style
The "shoes off" part just sounds like some creepy European thing. It's charming in an east asian context though.
5:45 why is this even in this list I don't think anyone will leave home in wrinkled clothes
you would be surprised these days
great thumbnail of Peeky Blinders :O
👍
I have a travel iron but I need a good ironing board. Recently I've seen a board with a built in sleeve arm, so clearly I need to do my research on what is out there.
Shoes in doors is just crazy,
We own an iron but there’s this miracle stuff called Downy wrinkle spray
I iron everyday my works clothes. I cannot even imagine walking out of the house looking like a disheveled schmuck. Even 'no iron' clothes need at least a few minutes of attention.
i don't iron anything. ironing makes my clothes feel wrong
Lucky to have asian parents who know etiquettes. Taking a gift etc
Upstairs shoes off. Downstairs was designed for shoes on. Leave them on. Big golden likes to roll on carpet.
I have an iron and steamer.