Conflict Resolution in 6 Simple Easy Steps
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- Опубликовано: 24 май 2024
- Conflict is a part of life. Most of us will do almost anything to avoid it. However, having a simple step-by-step process for resolving your conflicts or issues with others is not only healthy but can strengthen your relationships with others and even yourself. Learn some simple, healthy and non-aggressive steps to resolve your issues with others and feel more empowered in your life and in your relationships. You can learn more about Dr. Jennie Byrne and our practice, Cognitive Psychiatry of Chapel Hill at www.cognitive-psychiatry.com or visit our Facebook page at www.Facebook.com/CognitivePsychiatry
6 step process
S OURCE (what is the conflict)
T IME & PLACE (choose best time & neutral place)
A MICABLE APPROACH
B EHAVIOR (summary of behavior beginning with 'I')
E MOTION (because of this behavior I felt.... Never say 'You did...")
N EED (what do I need to end this conflict: "I need You to....")
Thank you for this which is exactly what I needed!
Paulette Stubbs v
Thanks
do not forget to say that conflict starts smaller but grow bigger than one can imagine. so conflict become an opportunity for new constructive resolutions when it treated well as soon as possible. however, it becomes a real fight when concerned parties neglect it and keep silence like nothing is happening. pls, handle your conflict before it handles you.
I am a trainer in mediation. We deal with conflict resolution everyday. You are spot on. Nice strategy. You have to express your feelings and need. Only then the other person understands.
Thanks for this. I tried this out a few times. But it works only if the other person is rational.... it doesn't work with irrational people!!!
Ashwin Kumar Rao Correct. Like narcissists.
truth, brother
Then, you have got another conflict, why do you surround of this people? Somtimes you have to meet them at work and there is no other possibility but even for them, by using this kind of approach you are giving example, and increasing your self respect for behaving as you think you have to.
Are you married
"we should make the kids do the dishes" BOOM
ruclips.net/video/ECnGsyFp_0E/видео.html get peace of mind
Thank you for your step by step example of conflict resolution that everyone, in which, high school can relate. I am using this to teach my high school seniors how to appropriately handle conflict. Please do not take this video down. It is by far the best video out there. Gratefully yours.
Thank you. I think this is something people need to learn and start taking out into the world to help resolve issues about race, religion, sexual orientation, and other types of hate. It's a start.
2013 wow... It is now 2020 and this video just helped me complete a nursing project, thanks a bunch!
Much needed no doubt. Compared to Nonviolent communication this is sloppy in a few areas. "Made me feel" is not taking responsibility for your feelings.
I tried this , but ended up buying a dishwasher
gooscooby thats right she probably makes a shitload of money..lmao
ruclips.net/video/ECnGsyFp_0E/видео.html Meditation
who loads and empties the dishwasher?
If a dishwasher loads itself, does anyone in the forest hear it?
@@alana1119 reloads
"Time and place" is super smart to include as a step.
After reading the comments I think that people don't really understand the dynamics of conflict resolution. What jennie has covered should be taken as principles rather than a methodology. The principles can take many forms depending upon your beliefs, values, needs or objectives. There are different types of conflicts and different reasons of conflict. This is a good summary of the most common emotions in play and a good approach to solve them.
11:07 *Husband calling saying hes is not doing the dishes tonight.*
Haha
Do meditation, ruclips.net/video/ECnGsyFp_0E/видео.html
Thank you very much Dr. Byrne, I will use this. Very informative, and your discussion is very easy to understand.
Positive, workable, explained well. Thank you!
Straight to the point and easy to follow steps. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you for sharing this info. I work in a stressful environment that often requires conflict resolution. The way you put things in that paticular order makes things easier to handle. Sometimes it involves doing dishes :)
This really helped for a school project! Thanks! it was funny when the phone rang, I would of been so mad
This is very valuable information! It’s taken me some time to learn how to resolve the conflicts in my life. The tough part is when I’ve done this a few times and it doesn’t change:/
I love this with my wife and it really works! Thank you so much. Cheers from Southern California.
Thank you for this ! It’s a great way to start !! ❤
Some people crave conflict and then blame someone else. They can not see that they are causing the stress and conflict. Its always someone else.
That's my dad every now and then.
Hi Jennie! I am doing a mock training session for a class I'm taking to get my HR certificate and my group decided to train people on conflict management. We are adapting your STABEN model because it's really great, but we changed the acronym to make a more sense. We turned it into an actual word - STRIFE. S and T remain the same, but R = Respect - Be respectful in your approach, I = Identify - Identify specific behaviour, F = Feelings - Explain how the behaviour makes you feel, and E = Essentials - What is essential to resolving the conflict?
Just thought I would let you know - it makes way more sense than STABEN which, if you don't pronounce it with a long A, sounds like "stab 'em".
I like it - thanks for the feedback!
JB
+Katelyn Smith Schruder Very clever acronym!
I like reading the comments. While the doctor had a great acronym and I was getting ready to implement it in my daily life. It's not exactly easy for me to remember new things I learn; seeing the way you changed it and why it's going to help me a whole lot more. Thank you for this great example and the doctor for helping out.
Thank you I really like this. I think this will help me. I do like this process, I think it is a good tool to have in your bag. I'm going to start putting it to a test to see how this plays out in my life and how I can conclude certain conflicts. I find it tasteless that many on here try to comment with humor which I find funny at times but this should be taken seriously people have a hard time dealing with conflict. This is a greet asset to have maybe start creating good environments and help change home/work atmospheres.
Very calm and collected to get a phone call...compose again and go on. Nice.
Great method, very organized presentation as well! Thank you
It was GREAT, very helpful and straight to the point. Thank you ❤
It’s really very useful way to resolve conflicts . Good job,!,!
Thank you Jennie- this really helped!
Thanks for the helpful information. We are using this as part of a Communication unit !
This is a nice example of how to keep it "short and sweet." I need to apply this in my personal life when speaking to my siblings about a specific problem haha.
Thank you so much! Great approach
Really helpful, helps you see that an argument can be broken down,will look to use, as it's easy to get entrenched in an argument👍
Thanks, you have done it very well.
Nice Technic to resolve conflict will try out - Thanks !!!
I’m going to use this thank you
very beautifully explained and so soothing to listen and understand
Wonderful video. The process is very similar to the one described by the Non Violent Comunication (from Marshall Rosemberg) but in here is adding two nice tips: the Time-place and te Amicable approach. Thanks very much. By the way, very good communication skills.
Mrs. Byrne, hello! My name is Lawrence. I wanted to know if I can use your concept as a teaching material. I really like the way you built the steps into an acronym and explained everything in a way people can relate. Your a rockstar! Learning constructive conflict resolution is as important as learning how to walk. Thank you for taking the time to help me.
I admire your precise explanation and full of confidence
+tesfalem fisuh Thank you for the feedback.
+Jennie Byrne it looks like you loss your train of thought when the phone rang.
thank you!!!
just a curiosity for you, in the venetian dialect "sta ben" means something like "be well" or wishing that a person has good health.
These steps are very information & Educative. Thanks for this video.
Very helpful, thanks. I will be sharing this at a leadership workshop I am facilitating...
Excellent video. I like the strategy she proposed and will try it.
Thanks. I really like your approach.
Thank you. Makes sense.
+sgt7 Thank you for the positive feedback and hope this was helpful.
This video was very informative and I liked how the video is explained in steps.
thank you doctor..very helpful video
i appreciate you this video is very very helpful
Thank You Madam for this advice, I really needed it. Yet to try it, will give you a feedback after a week😊
this is great
you are amazing that was so helpfull god bless you :)
Thank you very much.
Thanks!
Wonderful process.
Thank you thank you thank you.
cool video, I might use this
great! Thank you.
Very Very Helpful Video.. Thanks a lot
You are most welcome1 Thank you.
Thank you
So much
These are great tips
So good!
VERY MUCH HELPFUL
Many thanks!
You are most welcome!
Hi Jennie. Thanks for your generosity in putting out there a technique for helping people resolve conflicts. I'm wondering if you are okay hearing an idea for a small tweak that might improve your technique?
I ve copied staben and am going to use it thanks!
Would love to see this about a more serious issue
I LIKE IT!
No one can 'make' you feel anything. Your feelings are a response to stimulus. Your feelings are your responsibility.
She never said the person...she said the person's behavior
Hi thanks alot for this beutiful video
its very helpfull for me since I m working on conflict resolution in Iraq
What can you advice me??? in this regards
Great summary of people's reactions to conflict and how to deal with it. =) I'm thinking though that this depends a lot on culture. I'm from Sweden, where conflict is usually avoided (some kind of fear of confrontation), whilst in South America (where I live) fear is usually manifested through hard confrontation. =)
I've heard similar differences exist between northern and southern USA, but that information I've gotten only from books. Have no idea how true that is.
Henrik the Keynote Speaker Interesting and that is a good point.
also from Sweden, had a massive blowout with mom yesterday temperament from my British side I guess.
Henrik the Keynote Speaker here in the USA where i am, confliction varies from person lol, there's no specific or "more of this" category . it really just varies amongst person
@@bitchfightme2259 I would say maybe east versus west coast has more conflict diversity? Versus north/ south US
I love this. Thank you. Your dishes story; Most men, if not all men, are just plain lazy, period. Just chalk it up to laziness. They are too tired to come home from work and do the dishes, etc? Maybe the wife is, too. You'd think they'd understand and care about that part.
Should be STAB'EM XD
It's interesting how this does not work. Too many people could not give two flips of the mid digit what you need. My work would never ever go for this. I've tried. However, it works well in a video where you are the only one in the shot.
I know this video is from a while back, but could you talk about conflict resolution in the work place. between a trainer and an employee. I would greatly appreciate it. my training team loves to help people, but it also comes with the dreaded push back from employees not wanting to listen or become upset and verbally agressive. could you please upload a video I can show my team to aide them in becoming a more efficient leader by handling push back in a professional and effective way. thank you again!
Amazing video.
Very interesting ,on a lighter note with apologies Psychiatrists also go mad on domestic front. Nice professional approach respected Madam. I am sure your husband is very affectionate towards you.Wonderful family .Nice tips on workplace conflict also thank you. Please post more. 🙏☺️👏👍
Thank you
very informative video.and i like your smile.......
SAFI ULLAH KHAN BANGASH too bad she's married dude...lmao
Thanks
Hey thanks so much for this! Not surprisingly a recent conflict led me to this vid. I think this system sounds really great and well thought-out, and I hope I remember it next time I have a conflict. However, I have one question/suggestion: Do you have a specific reason for using the word "need" as opposed to "want"? I reserve the word "need" for things that are really key to my well-being, and I much prefer being asked nicely to being told I "need" to do something. But maybe you have a different view? Or maybe it's just better than "STABEW"? (Although if you say it out loud, it does conjure a strong image to remind you why it's good to resolve conflict) :))
“Honey, since you don’t like doing the dishes I will not put food on your plate.”
as I see it , dr Byrne your approach works with reasonable and honest person.do you have an approach for a cold person ?
Fantastic
HI I LIKE YOUR VIDEO OF CONFLICT RESOLUTION IN 6 STEPS.
I WILL TRY THIS BECAUSE MANY PEOPLE LIVE IN MY HOUSE AND MY SON ALWAYS
WASHES THE DISHES AND I ALSO WASH THE DISHES AND THE OTHERS DO NOT.
MY SERIOUS CONCERN IS THAT MY CHILD HAD A CONFLICT WITH ANOTHER PERSON
IN SCHOOL. IT GOT OUT OF HAND AND THERE WERE INJURIES. WHAT DO YOU SAY
TO THE PERSON TO AVOID FIGHTING WHEN BOTH ARE ANGRY ?
THANKS FOR YOUR VIDEO.
chuchu7s
That sounds great but about step time "Time and Place" in certain situations you don't always have the time to resolve the issue at a later time as the person is upset and is not going to say sure lets set up a good time where we can sit by the fire place and cook marshmallows? Specially at work or in a public place with someone you just met or on a social site where you need to respond quickly or there will be not change for resolution. Another question is how do you come up with all the steps right away on the spot because I think a litter slow and respond a little slow. The good thing is when you think before you speak it tends to be more clear it's just I am slow at thinking then responding fast like some people.
Love this! I am going to use it with my students.
Are you sure it's so good? For "S" - source she said it's "who" is the source. Like, "who is to blame?".
11:09-11:18 the way she stares at the camera after the phone rings lol good video overall though
I want to know exactly what she was thinking haha
Acronymn easier to remember as ABSENT...does the order matter?
it needs to be in order
Meditation music, ruclips.net/video/ECnGsyFp_0E/видео.html
Thx friend
That is a great technique and sounds a bit similar to NVC
What about when you ask someone several times not to do something an they continue to do it an they say you trip over small stuff
I misheard "stabbing" for STABEN, OMG it is the conflict resolution in a prison! :)
Wouldn't the amicable approach come across as passive aggressive if you are actually angry with the person you want to talk to?
ginger shock You don't want to be in an angry state when you use this process.
Telling a person to say something nice is an easy to fail attempt at the inner work you need to do before discussing the conflict with them. The inner work is to remember that this person is not an enemy. Remember the good qualities of the person. It is not even necessary to say it to them though probably much appreciated
That is a great point. I think one common tip people would give is to not hide your feelings per say, but to claim them and describe them instead of using them as a weapon. For example, " You don't care! " vs " I feel like you don't care! ". One is definitive and accusatory. You've portrayed the other person. They'll be defensive about the label you've stuck on them. The second, you've only represented your own emotions. This still might be upsetting to hear but it's still the complete truth ( assuming you haven't just said it to make them mad ) and not so much an attack.
Sometimes you either have to understand that it’s simply now your task or you’ll have to be prepared to walk away/fire them. So if he flat out never did the dishes, is him not doing the dishes worth leaving the relationship over? Is whatever the employee not doing fireable or just inconvenient to you?
Hi! Thank you for sharing this video to us. May I know you're opinion about conflict within yourself. Hahaha
I am 12 years old. My parents have always been arguing day and night so loudly. However, I didn't that it was my dad's fault, it's always mum who started it. It seems like my mum puts all her anger onto him since she dislikes him - that's what I thought. To be honest, the whole family felt like she has some mental issues in which she couldn't control herself in many situations but I think she noticed it too. When she gets angry, it is extremely scary that I could't sleep and started crying - it's happening right now too.
You should talk to your dad in private and let him know that what is happening is damaging to you. He needs to take steps to correct it. Sometimes, it's better for parents to separate rather than drag their children through hell.
Twitato Duck Hi Hunni, How are you doing? I notice this comment is very old, but I read it and my heart grow compassion for you. I pray things are better for you and all is well, GOD LIVES remember that always
Wow this was insane.
I am handling someone who is the eye of HR then at the time that you want to change her schedule. Then she would say, no you cant change my schedule co'z I was task by the HR to be at that scheduled. Then you knew that, that person has a bad record in his previous Supervisors who handled her, then here comes the HR trusted her to be her eyes. Then that eye tells everything regarding about the operations of your area. Then me as his supervisor would probably feel uncomfortable. I felt that my rights are already taken out from me because what I knew is I need to solve any problem before it reach to the higher management. If it reach to higher management they could say that I'm not doing my job well and it makes me feel discourage because of it. What should I do?
Shout out to NC