This man got me at 8:49 when he says, "It's not enough to care about somebody; it's not enough to understand them. They have to _feel_ understood. They have to _feel_ cared about."
Who has time for that.... Ppl can even take care of themselves... Where are they gonna have time to make others feel cared for... For people who expect you to make them feel cared for like 90% of time is tiring..
There are many magic tricks where the magician intentionally blindfolds themself. To overcome sensory limitation is a common challenge in magic so I guess he can relate with the blind man in that way.
It was what broke me and my ex apart. I adored and cared for her very much but she didn't feel that. Emotion is all that matters in any form of relationship
ya, caring is a start~~~active listening is a challenge~~~more easily done than most think, lol (think is the prob)~~am on yer "page" ~~most sincerely, Jeff
Beside the fact that his speech was amazing, which it was, I think it's awesome that Brian took the time to look for this video and answer to most of the comments, it just demonstrates how a great person he is. Really looking up to you, thanks for the message you shared with us.
Mimi Munoz It's been wonderful seeing the response and reading the comments, so I'm doing my best to pop in every couple of days to respond directly. Your support is greatly appreciated.
+Brian Miller Magic Looks like quite a bit of us understood :) Bravo Brian, thank you. With correct or just different perspective sometimes it feels like you can see it all.
Stumbled on this particular 'TEDx' talk randomly and after having watched many previously of greater length and complexity, this one rang the bell for meaningfulness through simplicity and presented a greater message than many others that simply 'tickled' people's ears. This humble guy truly had a gem to share.
I've worked with Brian as an entertainer. He's smart, funny, and passionate about what he does. This talk is an extension of that passion. Few entertainers are as thoughtful and articulate about what they do and why they do it the way they do it. Well done, Brian.
As sad as this is to admit, I'm one of those "Think of something clever!" people. I'm 24, but I socially developed INCREDIBLY late, and didn't even speak until I was 16. Not to my family, not to my friends, to anyone. Because of it, I have real difficulty maintaining conversation, connecting with someone through something meaningful, or even communicating with someone in the same room with me, as I'm so used to being completely silent and never knowing what to say. I'm going to take your advice on board, Brian. Maybe perspective taking will finally be the hammer I need to crack open my shell and set me free. Great talk!
+Chris Sullivan as im going through the same, i deeply hope things will work out for you...! Like you i am so used to the silence it makes it really hard to build real deep connections with someone and as a result of that the internet became the place i lost so much time. Time i did not spend on improving social skills but rather on searching reasons for my lack of talking. Its a spiral. You might also spend your time doing the wrong things.
+Chris Sullivan Just say any old rubbish. That's what everyone else does. Here's a great ice-breaker. "Can you imagine that I didn't speak until I was 16?" Your interlocutor will say... (can you guess what their one-word response will be?) And what will you say next? Conversation.
From your response, I'm getting the sense that you're not a very nice person, so I'm not going to bother arguing with you. LOOK. I SAID ANY OLD RUBBISH. JUST LIKE YOU ADVISED. I DID WELL, RIGHT?
Chris Sullivan That's a good plan for you. Pick and choose who you're going to interact with, based on YOUR evaluation of them. Bearing in mind that YOU have almost zero experience of interacting to draw from. Meanwhile, yes, you made a start, at least. If you're planning on getting involved with the world, get ready for "not very nice".
In the book, "7 habits of highly successful people", one of the habits is.. "First seek to understand, then to be understood", this video demonstrates this beautifully!
klyser10 Yes, it's been said many times but I think we all (including myself) need to keep hearing it. It's so important to listen-to-understand. Thanks for your kind words!
"People in my life didn't feel like I was invested in them. That wasn't true, but it doesn't matter. It's not enough to care about somebody. It's not enough to understand them. They have to feel understood. They have to feel cared about." - Golden words!!
We are not listening, we are on the our end of conversation only. Ask questions, listen to understand the answers, to make meaningful and better connection with people around you. Simply the best advice i had ever got!
I feel like you and Ed were meant to meet. :) when you talked about the trick you did for him and how every card was right and he smiled and his wife was so happy, I almost started crying because I felt like I shared this beautiful moment with the three of you. :) Very nice talk and it holds so much truth for everyday life! :)
+ManthaaHD That's nice. Except Ed couldn't know what colour meant, and it could never be explained to him. Don't believe me? Explain colour to me. Explain what red and black means.
+strewf I don't think Ed has to understand what red or black means for people in general. To Ed, red was one tap and black was two taps. They could easily have said A card and B card and that wouldn't have changed a thing for Ed. The name of color was only used to amaze his wife, the audience
lamedumbjoker No, that's not right. Suppose I met you in the restaurant and, with foot taps, "explained" that the trick involved guessing the wardcast of the cards. That is, you were to guess whether each card was tredoo (one tap) or furren (two taps). You, of course, although having heard the words wardcast, tredoo and furren, would have no idea what they meant, because their concept could never be explained to you. However, according to you, you would simply catch on to the taps code and go along with it. And then wonder what everyone was getting so excited about. Right? A blind person can't even be made to understand the concept of visual symbolism. You couldn't make him understand that the cards even indicated a number, unless that number could be felt. The concept of a visual prompt would be as alien to him as would be the concept of a fifth dimensional prompt to you. So, forget about getting him to understand colours and suits. And getting a blind guy "on board" with such a trick, with no more "explanation" than a couple of foot taps would be a trick indeed. Also, the blind guy would, from the outset, have no clue what a magician was. You couldn't explain that to him either. As I said, everything visual, which we take for granted, might as well be taking place on an alien, unexplainable, inconceivable fifth dimension.
I disagree. Ed still had all his other senses, he still had touch, hearing, smell, and all the other senses our bodies have. He was an old man with a lot of experience. Just because he couldn't see doesn't mean he had no concept of spatial awareness. Instead of seeing with sight he "sees" with touch and even echo location. He can be taught to feel the thermal energy off of something and use that to shape his "palette." No, he will never understand color in the same way people with sight do, but here's how'd I'd try to explain it to you if you were blind. I'd describe colors as like the notes of music, A is red, B blue, C yellow etc. and objects are always emitting these different sounds that we pick up with our eyes. It's a crude explanation and needs work, but it would be relatable to Ed and within his scope of the world.
MrMrRapt Is that what the magician did? Explain colours to Ed using a musical analogy? Or did he just ask Ed to guess the "colour" of each card, out of the blue? Can you comprehend that it is very possible that nobody had ever tried (bothered) to explain anything about playing cards to Ed, given that they would never figure in his world (just as, although braille dominoes would be available, nobody would ever explain that ordinary dominoes are black and white)? That it is possible that Ed wouldn't be aware how many colours (musical notes) were involved (if he could be made aware that colours were involved at all)? There would never be a reason for anyone to ever explain to Ed that playing cards could be divided into red and black cards. Colour is simply not a concept you'd discuss with a born-blind person. The story is invented, Accept it. Learn how to think critically.
Excellent video! How to make meaningful and lasting connections: 1) Taking Different Perspectives 2) Caring & Understanding is NOT enough 3) Must FEEL cared for and understood 4) This will expand your opportunities 5) Ask others questions and show genuine interest 6) LISTEN - really listen to people 7) Continue Developing Soft Skills - it is never too late
You helped him understand and be the focal point of the illusion. You helped him to become the star and not the "feel sorry for me i'm blind" . "My God he's blind and look what he can do.." Brilliant.
He doesn't, unless he knows he's gonna die before hearing another speech, but these are silly questions to ask, because we get what he's trying to say. It's one of the best speeches he's ever heard, the rest is just exaggerating that. If you know the song 'Eight Days A Week' by The Beatles, you get what I mean, we know there are only seven days in a week, but so do they, that's not the point.
Brian Miller Magic You have to wish harder. Read some Brian Tracy, Tony Robbins and Bob Proctor, and focus on "visualization". Watch the video over and over again, and the laws of attraction will enhance the audio! Believe brother, believe!
" ... It's not enough to care about somebody; it's not enough to understand them; they have to feel understood and they have to feel cared about. " "When you feel I understood, we make a connection... Connecting is about taking on other's point of view. Our world is a shared experience, fractured by individual perspectives. Imagine if we could all feel understood." Wonderful talk. Thank you!
Tell story to make people feel understood Why should you care about making people feel understood? 8:50 "It's not enough to care about somebody, it's not enough to understand them. They need to feel understood, they have to feel cared about" 10:30 - 12:14 How to understand/know someone perspective (visual vs emotional)? "Ask question, listen to understand the answers."
+Brian Miller Magic Yes, I really enjoyed this! I was guilty of one thing last night which you described. Was at a social gathering with lots of people I didn't know and totally forgot the guys name shortly after asking. I did find myself paying more attention after that.
+Ryan Kuehl As someone who does a lot of business networking, while I do listen to the person giving their name, I've learnt little tricks to help it really stick in my memory. Unless their name is something really easy like "John Smith", I will ask them to repeat it or I will say it back to them. If they hand me their business card, I will read (not just glance at) the card so I can see the name again. I then use their name two or three times in the conversation. If someone joins our conversation, I will be the one to do the introduction... It all helps to make that person's name stick.
As a teenager who loves to talk to people, ask questions, and understand them, so much of what you said about yourself is also true about me (even having an interest in magic tricks). I've listened to soooo many Ted Talks on sooo many topics, but honestly this little talk on magic is my favorite. Thanks for reminding me to understand people, thanks for reminding me to listen when they answer my questions!
Very good talk! I especially liked the bit about asking questions and TRULY listening to the response instead of thinking of what to say next. I know I'm guilty of that.
To Brian Miller, you are an amazing person. A perfect example of using one's talent and love to tilt the scale on the side of goodness. The world is a much better place with people like you on it. You have one more friend in the USA. Seriously.
I had the very real pleasure of meeting and speaking with Brian at a benefit performance yesterday evening. He practices what he preaches here, and I've rarely met a more genuine human being. It sounds kind of vague, I know, but he was genuinely "present" throughout our conversation, truly listening. His magic is damned good, too.
This reminds of the scene in Fight Club where Tyler says that the reason he goes to all those meetings for dying people is because there people actually really listen to you instead of just waiting for their turn to speak. Great video
That was one of the best TED talks. Not only the message was precious but also the speech was so well-organized and coherent. In what you said as "perspective taking", i think there are two factors, one is understanding others emotions as you said and one is trying to understand other mentalities, logic and reasoning which may not be emotions but its important to undersrand them. I benefited from the talk both by taking the idea of perspective taking and also by trying to learn some of your skills in giving speech and communicating with the audience. Congradulations, that was great.
Oh and I loved the quote " the magician is the only one who cannot see the magic. And thanks for unfolding the secret to play magic with the blind man cause I was damn curious.
Watched this for the 1st time. Learn a lot from Tedx. Some are pretty good. I remember several. But THIS 1 ??? I will remember for the rest of my life! Outstanding Brian! OUTSTANDING!
Good what an awful crowd. Very reserved, or just tired? There was barely any participation. Good job Brian, you certainly persisted. Great delivery and enjoyed the message
bodrulm1 I appreciate the compliment. "What an awful crowd" is a comment you'll find on almost every single TED or TEDx talk video, and there's a reason for it. Here is my response I gave on a different comment: "The crowd was actually really awesome. The thing is, there was only one mic, which was on me. There were no mics capturing the audience feedback at all. Plus, the audience had been instructed to be respectful, courteous, and quiet for this 6 hour conference of talks, so they weren't in the "entertainment" mindset."
+Brian Miller Magic Great talk man :) went through the same experience. My girlfriend gave me the advice, "it's not always what they can do for you. What can you do for them?" which - in conjunction with your talk - improved my connections greatly!
I'm really struggling at this point in my life and you really opened my eyes, thank you brian, you really changed my prospective thank you, I really needed that. I can relate to how you always were thinking about what you were going to say next instead of listening to what other people have to say and asking questions. I was so self centered I didn't even realize it. Once again thank you for changing my life.
Excellent presentation, well spoken, thoroughly enjoyable and very practical. I hope that everyone watching will gain from it - no matter how many times we may be told something, it just takes the right way for us to learn. I certainly have - thank you!
+Lucas Pitcher You're very kind. I hope everyone can take something, even something small, from the talk and use it to improve their daily interactions.
+Brian Miller Magic this, Miller is easily the best done engaging presentation i've seen on TED and arguably elsewhere. Perhaps as I relate with being easily distracted and not paying enough attention to conversations and emotion. will definitely practice to best of ability. cheers
Thank you kindly sir, that was exactly the kind of talks I needed at the moment. I lost some of my friends recently and I wondered what could I possibly do to become a better person, and that talk is giving me a hint as to where to start, as too often I act exactly as you once did. I believe that too many of us fail at that connecting issue and grow up to be full of hatred and resentment, wondering why their life turned so wrong, why did their loved ones turn away from them. We must stop trying to find the culprit, as what truely matters is personal growth, finding out what you personally could have done better and expand on it. Have a good day
I have watched a lot of TED talks, most of them great. This is, however, the most meaningful and moving of them all. Imagine if just 25% of the world's population watched this and took it to heart. How much better our world would be.
Everybody kept wondering how ed did it or how brian made him do it but at last we understood that the actual question would have been how they did it together and the question answers itself , together ! By being connected ! I am facing the same issues in relations with people as you but now I know what to do about it . I always wondered that I really care about people around me and I really understand them but still they don't think so , why is that ? Now I know why . I will try my best to make them feel understood and cared . This video was a random recommendation but it turns out as much needed for me .
@@brianmillerspeaks Thank you so very much for your compliment Sir and also for this video because through this video you have inspired and helped us . I definitely wasn't expecting a reply from you neither I thought that you'll even read my comment but you did and I am really very happy and thankful .
The magic of connecting with someone is understanding someone by trying to look through their perspective. Talk to people, ask them questions and try to understand. Don't ask to respond, ask to understand and you'll be surprised at how well you can connect.
Amazing talk, truly amazing. The connection I felt through his stories and voice is heartwarming. Being an introvert at the same time lacking confidence and public speaking skills makes my life as a Restaurant Manager much more challenging comparing to some of my colleagues. I was recently brought back into my alma mater to teach their restaurant operations course. Which gave me a reality check that being a successful manager does not make me a qualified speaker/Lecturer. I repeatedly failed on my course lectures which threw me deep into this shameful condition thinking that I don't deserve to be where I am and the students deserve better. Every time I walk into that lecturer room at the beginning of class I just want turn around and leave, but day after day I switch strategies on how I can improve on my public speaking so I can share the wisdom and knowledge I've gathered over the years and pass it down to these bright young talents for future. it's time to truly listen.
I've learned this through trial and error myself. emotional perspective is so important.. communication is key... listen to understand, not respond. I am so glad others feel the same way
This is class, humanity, caring, and a great way of teaching us .. ..how to be a better person and be kind to our fellow human being. Mr. Brian Miller Magic, Thank you !
If we can make everyone feel understood, the way Brian just showed, the world can really change. This is Real Magic, which is actually taking place in the nature everywhere, with the only exception of The Human Mind. So today i learnt that Magician are more closer to nature.
This was a great and easy talk to understand but I see a lot of people complaining about the audience which is abit unfair. Personally I would sit there and smile and listen intently like millions around the world would do. He doesn't expect a reply from his questions, he asks those questions to get them into your head then he follows up with comedy which is even more engaging for the audience
+Paul Hodgson +Paul Hodgson As I said in the talk, "You've heard it before..." Sometimes we need to hear good advice a bunch of times in a handful of different ways before it clicks. I use my personal experiences, stories, and background as a magician to convey the ideas that, yes, have been around. Hopefully in doing so somebody hears it and, for whatever reason, it clicks finally.
Yes and your delivery of that idea (Love thy neighbor?) was perhaps some of the most practical and unique I've seen yet. To answer undershirtless though, whilst it would be good to see more from you there are a plethora of sources for him to refer to.
OMG yes! He needs to write a book!! From his own unique experience. I’m sure there are many books out there but his take on it is quite unique and impactful.
This is absolutely right for me, about just thinking of what to say next, or how do I look, how am I being cool. But if I'm not paying enough attention to what I look like talking, people would feel I'm a boring person to talk to, because I would reply or react so slowly to truly understand their talking. I have to get this balanced. Thank you for the gold talk!
What a wonderful TED talk, Brian. Kudos to you. You reminded me of lessons I've learned before but of late haven't been implementing in my life -- to my own detriment. Thank you for the inspirational talk.
He is completly right. We need people to be more empahtic and look into each others perspectives. Unfortunaly depending on who you are that's not a magic fomula for having great relations with people. You don't only have to be able to take someone elses perspective but you also have to be able to share that experience with them. For him it was the needed puzzle piece. He already was easy going on approaching people. But the whole thing can be exactly the other way around. You can be as empathic as you want, if you can't showit, it hurts relationships just as badly as beeing unempathic.
how to sustain relationships: ask questions; listen to understand the answer; really taking on other points of view. . our world is a shared experience; fractured by individual perspectives. . imagine if we could all feel understood. -- yea if I could concentrate like that, that would be magic!
What I have heard and try to practice is to make each person feel as if they are the only other person in the world while you are with them. People only remember what is said if they have an emotional connection to you. It does not matter that people agree, but it does matter how they feel when they walk away from their experience with you. Ever have that bad review where you felt empowered to do better compared to one in which you felt belittled like a little child or where you could never do enough correctly? Yes. It is all about perception and feelings that come as a result. Be the hero to inspire and not the zero who stands by and laughs.
Damn, I have to say this speech was on point! And i thought that thing he explained when you meet someone. That part of greeting. Where you forget someones name right after. That was very clever. Will remember that for the future. Thanks Brian :)
+Brian Miller Magic. Brian may God bless you you're a beautiful person for what you did for ed.. made me cry for real. thanks for the life tips take care buddy 1 love
"It's not enough to care about a person; it's not enough to understand them. They have to feel understood; they have to feel cared about." If nothing else, take this and not only remember it, but apply it in your lives. I know I now plan to.
+Zane Slocombe +Agdga Asfcasf .....truth * and brought it to light ( to perfection of harmony of music and every thing that was expressed with love ) for the people who could clearly follow his or mine idea of that "magic". well everybody naturally knows that this magic was totally true in the moment we shared it conscious. and knowing, it can be shared, must be real cause it fills you with joy and attention: keep that knowledge you now know can be done everytime you want!!! to create more joy, love, truth. its good you called it language, that skill some people seem to have :D we should all talk only that language, because as natural answer to any question doubting this language there will be truth and sense and clearness. i can describe your perfect sight to this truth with more words, but we dont really need that ;) thanks for sharing one more beatiful idea about the truth of being oneself. it helps to understand the simplicity of the universe. this truth, reality, love can not be falsified as long being real! so wake up everybody, love and be your natural self and pay attention to magic! :D you will love it ;)
***** thank you much more for playing the keyboard, feeling the love and truth in it, and sharing your perfekt idea with us all and yourself i love you and every being on earth that was and is and will be, because only magic can create that perfekt circle in every idea. and what we all know in our own clear dephts is that: that if we could help each other, the way we can help ourselfs, that must be true love. * and thanks for making myself understand that it was inspiration, i have searched for a little past ago... :P
Wow!!! such a beautiful talk. Im so touch by this that I have already watched it twice. I totally agree with Brian and I know I need to work on my listening skills. Most times I find it hard to connect with people and I hope this talk helps me to work on my listening skills and to connect with people more. THANKS BRIAN, KUDOS!!!
It was exactly what happened throughout my whole life ! I have always been pretty good at meeting new people n having heaps of relationships but unable to keep them. I have always wonder why n been looking for the answers for years !! I'm really grateful to have realized that it is not enough just to care/understand them but to make them felt understand, felt cared for. You are really amazing, Brian Miller ! Thanks heaps!
This is great. I believe part of the reason why there are some problems in this world is simply down to: not willing to ask or share from oneself to another.
This is... obvious, let's be honest, as social beings, this should be a daily part of our lives, to completely use empathy in our relations, yet we fail, and someone else needs to open our minds about something logic. This, is what I believe is necessary to watch for most of us.
I can't thank everyone enough for their incredible support of my work. I'm humbled that this message has resonated with so many people.
Brian Miller Magic That was fantastic! Don't be humble, be vibrantly proud!! You're the one who earned every bit of it! :)
You are very kind Z4 Custom Design , thank you!
Brian Miller Magic congrats on your engagement!
Brian Miller Magic
Wonderful speech
Brian Miller Magic Best Ted Talk I've seen.
This man got me at 8:49 when he says,
"It's not enough to care about somebody;
it's not enough to understand them.
They have to _feel_ understood.
They have to _feel_ cared about."
Who has time for that.... Ppl can even take care of themselves... Where are they gonna have time to make others feel cared for... For people who expect you to make them feel cared for like 90% of time is tiring..
"Our world is a shared experience, fractured by individual perspectives. Imagine if we could all feel understood."
Mind blown.
+Michael Caissie agreed, it would be great.. I do wonder if oneself understands his or her own thoughts, which explains the feeling of lost
It could be another verse in John Lennon's song like
Imagine all the people
Feeling understood.
That is beautiful
Literally felt like I was going to shed a tear at that phrase. Beautiful.
Yes, what poignant line.
I guess the point is would I have cared to listen without Ed and without the connection? Great talk.
Pulling that trick out of no where with the blind man was a real stroke of genius.
There are many magic tricks where the magician intentionally blindfolds themself. To overcome sensory limitation is a common challenge in magic so I guess he can relate with the blind man in that way.
"Our world is a shared experience fractured by individual perspectives"- Brian Miller
do u want to uhhh marry me?
buhahahahaha
I love that quote
say yes!
...because where we are and where we stand determines what we see
I didn't really learn anything because I spent the whole 14 minutes thinking of what snazzy comment I would write in the comment section. Nailed it!
+Dave 9/11
lol!
r oger bed erer
tony bennette
U totally nailed it
"To care for someone is not enough", very powerful message. My favorite TedTalk thus far!
It's so nice of you to say that. Thanks for taking the time to watch!
+Pao Rios Yeah I know, supporting you financially is XD
It was what broke me and my ex apart. I adored and cared for her very much but she didn't feel that. Emotion is all that matters in any form of relationship
ya, caring is a start~~~active listening is a challenge~~~more easily done than most think, lol (think is the prob)~~am on yer "page" ~~most sincerely, Jeff
Indeed, how can you claim you love her when you can't even eat her poop ?
Beside the fact that his speech was amazing, which it was, I think it's awesome that Brian took the time to look for this video and answer to most of the comments, it just demonstrates how a great person he is. Really looking up to you, thanks for the message you shared with us.
Mimi Munoz It's been wonderful seeing the response and reading the comments, so I'm doing my best to pop in every couple of days to respond directly. Your support is greatly appreciated.
+Brian Miller Magic Looks like quite a bit of us understood :) Bravo Brian, thank you. With correct or just different perspective sometimes it feels like you can see it all.
Well said, Mikela. And sorry, off-topic, but pretty thumbnail.
@@brianmillerspeaks ❤
Amazing talk. Bad crowd, though. If I was there I would have given him a standing ovation.
They're high school students lol that's all you can expect
Stumbled on this particular 'TEDx' talk randomly and after having watched many previously of greater length and complexity, this one rang the bell for meaningfulness through simplicity and presented a greater message than many others that simply 'tickled' people's ears. This humble guy truly had a gem to share.
I've worked with Brian as an entertainer. He's smart, funny, and passionate about what he does. This talk is an extension of that passion. Few entertainers are as thoughtful and articulate about what they do and why they do it the way they do it. Well done, Brian.
As sad as this is to admit, I'm one of those "Think of something clever!" people. I'm 24, but I socially developed INCREDIBLY late, and didn't even speak until I was 16. Not to my family, not to my friends, to anyone. Because of it, I have real difficulty maintaining conversation, connecting with someone through something meaningful, or even communicating with someone in the same room with me, as I'm so used to being completely silent and never knowing what to say.
I'm going to take your advice on board, Brian. Maybe perspective taking will finally be the hammer I need to crack open my shell and set me free.
Great talk!
+Chris Sullivan as im going through the same, i deeply hope things will work out for you...!
Like you i am so used to the silence it makes it really hard to build real deep connections with someone and as a result of that the internet became the place i lost so much time. Time i did not spend on improving social skills but rather on searching reasons for my lack of talking. Its a spiral. You might also spend your time doing the wrong things.
+Chris Sullivan Just say any old rubbish. That's what everyone else does. Here's a great ice-breaker. "Can you imagine that I didn't speak until I was 16?" Your interlocutor will say... (can you guess what their one-word response will be?) And what will you say next? Conversation.
+Chris Sullivan Actually, I wanted to say... Thanks. Now would you mind letting someone else get a word in?
From your response, I'm getting the sense that you're not a very nice person, so I'm not going to bother arguing with you.
LOOK. I SAID ANY OLD RUBBISH. JUST LIKE YOU ADVISED. I DID WELL, RIGHT?
Chris Sullivan That's a good plan for you. Pick and choose who you're going to interact with, based on YOUR evaluation of them. Bearing in mind that YOU have almost zero experience of interacting to draw from.
Meanwhile, yes, you made a start, at least. If you're planning on getting involved with the world, get ready for "not very nice".
In the book, "7 habits of highly successful people", one of the habits is.. "First seek to understand, then to be understood", this video demonstrates this beautifully!
klyser10 Yes, it's been said many times but I think we all (including myself) need to keep hearing it. It's so important to listen-to-understand. Thanks for your kind words!
I totally agree!
I would love to see this man in person, this crowd was dead and didn't deserve the hard work he put in
"People in my life didn't feel like I was invested in them. That wasn't true, but it doesn't matter. It's not enough to care about somebody. It's not enough to understand them. They have to feel understood. They have to feel cared about." - Golden words!!
We are not listening, we are on the our end of conversation only.
Ask questions, listen to understand the answers, to make meaningful and better connection with people around you.
Simply the best advice i had ever got!
I feel like you and Ed were meant to meet. :)
when you talked about the trick you did for him and how every card was right and he smiled and his wife was so happy, I almost started crying because I felt like I shared this beautiful moment with the three of you. :)
Very nice talk and it holds so much truth for everyday life! :)
+ManthaaHD That's nice. Except Ed couldn't know what colour meant, and it could never be explained to him. Don't believe me? Explain colour to me. Explain what red and black means.
+strewf I don't think Ed has to understand what red or black means for people in general. To Ed, red was one tap and black was two taps. They could easily have said A card and B card and that wouldn't have changed a thing for Ed. The name of color was only used to amaze his wife, the audience
lamedumbjoker No, that's not right. Suppose I met you in the restaurant and, with foot taps, "explained" that the trick involved guessing the wardcast of the cards. That is, you were to guess whether each card was tredoo (one tap) or furren (two taps). You, of course, although having heard the words wardcast, tredoo and furren, would have no idea what they meant, because their concept could never be explained to you. However, according to you, you would simply catch on to the taps code and go along with it. And then wonder what everyone was getting so excited about. Right?
A blind person can't even be made to understand the concept of visual symbolism. You couldn't make him understand that the cards even indicated a number, unless that number could be felt. The concept of a visual prompt would be as alien to him as would be the concept of a fifth dimensional prompt to you. So, forget about getting him to understand colours and suits.
And getting a blind guy "on board" with such a trick, with no more "explanation" than a couple of foot taps would be a trick indeed.
Also, the blind guy would, from the outset, have no clue what a magician was. You couldn't explain that to him either. As I said, everything visual, which we take for granted, might as well be taking place on an alien, unexplainable, inconceivable fifth dimension.
I disagree. Ed still had all his other senses, he still had touch, hearing, smell, and all the other senses our bodies have. He was an old man with a lot of experience. Just because he couldn't see doesn't mean he had no concept of spatial awareness. Instead of seeing with sight he "sees" with touch and even echo location. He can be taught to feel the thermal energy off of something and use that to shape his "palette." No, he will never understand color in the same way people with sight do, but here's how'd I'd try to explain it to you if you were blind. I'd describe colors as like the notes of music, A is red, B blue, C yellow etc. and objects are always emitting these different sounds that we pick up with our eyes. It's a crude explanation and needs work, but it would be relatable to Ed and within his scope of the world.
MrMrRapt Is that what the magician did? Explain colours to Ed using a musical analogy? Or did he just ask Ed to guess the "colour" of each card, out of the blue?
Can you comprehend that it is very possible that nobody had ever tried (bothered) to explain anything about playing cards to Ed, given that they would never figure in his world (just as, although braille dominoes would be available, nobody would ever explain that ordinary dominoes are black and white)? That it is possible that Ed wouldn't be aware how many colours (musical notes) were involved (if he could be made aware that colours were involved at all)? There would never be a reason for anyone to ever explain to Ed that playing cards could be divided into red and black cards. Colour is simply not a concept you'd discuss with a born-blind person.
The story is invented, Accept it. Learn how to think critically.
Amazing and spot on. Best line to the crowd - "Two of us watched Sesame Street"
This talk has filled me with tears, what a beautiful story!
So good. And such a humble guy, being so honest about himself. That's what connects people most--vulnerability.
well said, Monique.
- Monika (:
Honestly, he didn't say much, but what he did say, was perfectly said.
He's a great speaker, a perfect speaker. I'm out of words.
I like this guy.. "Imagine if we all feel understood" pretty strong..
Excellent video! How to make meaningful and lasting connections:
1) Taking Different Perspectives
2) Caring & Understanding is NOT enough
3) Must FEEL cared for and understood
4) This will expand your opportunities
5) Ask others questions and show genuine interest
6) LISTEN - really listen to people
7) Continue Developing Soft Skills - it is never too late
Ryan, thank you for this summary. Soft skills are hard!
You helped him understand and be the focal point of the illusion. You helped him to become the star and not the "feel sorry for me i'm blind" . "My God he's blind and look what he can do.." Brilliant.
One of the best speeches i have ever heard, and will ever hear.
how do you know it is one of the best speeches you "will ever hear"
He doesn't, unless he knows he's gonna die before hearing another speech, but these are silly questions to ask, because we get what he's trying to say. It's one of the best speeches he's ever heard, the rest is just exaggerating that. If you know the song 'Eight Days A Week' by The Beatles, you get what I mean, we know there are only seven days in a week, but so do they, that's not the point.
I couldn't hear anything :////
The real magic is in how Brian makes us all feel like Ed by teaching us the secret to create our own magic in conversations. Great talk.
maveric I didn't really think of it in those terms before. Thanks for expanding *my* perspective!
One way this speech could better connect with people is if it had better audio!
Kokjk
+CzechRiot I'm with you, man. I've been wishing that since the day it hit RUclips, but I had no control over it whatsoever..
Brian Miller Magic You have to wish harder. Read some Brian Tracy, Tony Robbins and Bob Proctor, and focus on "visualization". Watch the video over and over again, and the laws of attraction will enhance the audio! Believe brother, believe!
+CzechRiot +Brian Miller Magic Thank you for this presentation, Brian! I love it, and, thankfully, the video was crystal clear on my laptop!
+Brian Miller Magic That's what all the magicians say.. Once they're leaning forward, and invested, they have to pay attention.
" ... It's not enough to care about somebody; it's not enough to understand them; they have to feel understood and they have to feel cared about. "
"When you feel I understood, we make a connection... Connecting is about taking on other's point of view. Our world is a shared experience, fractured by individual perspectives. Imagine if we could all feel understood."
Wonderful talk. Thank you!
Tell story to make people feel understood
Why should you care about making people feel understood?
8:50 "It's not enough to care about somebody, it's not enough to understand them. They need to feel understood, they have to feel cared about"
10:30 - 12:14
How to understand/know someone perspective (visual vs emotional)?
"Ask question, listen to understand the answers."
So beautiful. It made me cry to be honest.
Brilliant talk, sir.
NKPyo You are very kind.
+Brian Miller Magic Yes, I really enjoyed this! I was guilty of one thing last night which you described. Was at a social gathering with lots of people I didn't know and totally forgot the guys name shortly after asking. I did find myself paying more attention after that.
+Ryan Kuehl As someone who does a lot of business networking, while I do listen to the person giving their name, I've learnt little tricks to help it really stick in my memory. Unless their name is something really easy like "John Smith", I will ask them to repeat it or I will say it back to them. If they hand me their business card, I will read (not just glance at) the card so I can see the name again. I then use their name two or three times in the conversation. If someone joins our conversation, I will be the one to do the introduction... It all helps to make that person's name stick.
Brilliant speech from a dedicated magician. Words to be remembered: perspective taking, ask question, truly listen to.
Let get connected everyone!
Brian is so likeable and a great storyteller. This message resonates with me. Thank you!
Esin Ozdag You're so kind, thank YOU.
As a teenager who loves to talk to people, ask questions, and understand them, so much of what you said about yourself is also true about me (even having an interest in magic tricks). I've listened to soooo many Ted Talks on sooo many topics, but honestly this little talk on magic is my favorite. Thanks for reminding me to understand people, thanks for reminding me to listen when they answer my questions!
So glad it had an impact!
"and magic if we all feel understood" beautiful statement
Very good talk! I especially liked the bit about asking questions and TRULY listening to the response instead of thinking of what to say next. I know I'm guilty of that.
+stancexpunks I feel the same... "WE'RE NOT LISTENING" quote of the day!
+stancexpunks Sorry what did you say?
+stancexpunks .. exactly! That's the very point that I took on board.
I liked this talk. It made me think I should actually listen or read what others are saying before replying. Anyone else feel the same?
Me too!!!
To Brian Miller, you are an amazing person. A perfect example of using one's talent and love to tilt the scale on the side of goodness. The world is a much better place with people like you on it. You have one more friend in the USA. Seriously.
you just changed my life Brian. thank you thank you thank you and God bless you
I had the very real pleasure of meeting and speaking with Brian at a benefit performance yesterday evening. He practices what he preaches here, and I've rarely met a more genuine human being. It sounds kind of vague, I know, but he was genuinely "present" throughout our conversation, truly listening.
His magic is damned good, too.
This reminds of the scene in Fight Club where Tyler says that the reason he goes to all those meetings for dying people is because there people actually really listen to you instead of just waiting for their turn to speak. Great video
That was one of the best TED talks. Not only the message was precious but also the speech was so well-organized and coherent.
In what you said as "perspective taking", i think there are two factors, one is understanding others emotions as you said and one is trying to understand other mentalities, logic and reasoning which may not be emotions but its important to undersrand them.
I benefited from the talk both by taking the idea of perspective taking and also by trying to learn some of your skills in giving speech and communicating with the audience.
Congradulations, that was great.
Oh and I loved the quote " the magician is the only one who cannot see the magic. And thanks for unfolding the secret to play magic with the blind man cause I was damn curious.
This improved my phones wifi connection
Lmaooo
How long have you been together with your wifi?
That took me a while
dustin yomouf i
im dead!
that story about Ed made me so happy
Watched this for the 1st time. Learn a lot from Tedx. Some are pretty good. I remember several. But THIS 1 ??? I will remember for the rest of my life! Outstanding Brian! OUTSTANDING!
Appreciate you! So thrilled to hear it made an impact.
It's not enough to care about them. It's not enough to understand them.....they have to feel understood.
So true.
Good what an awful crowd. Very reserved, or just tired? There was barely any participation.
Good job Brian, you certainly persisted. Great delivery and enjoyed the message
bodrulm1 I appreciate the compliment. "What an awful crowd" is a comment you'll find on almost every single TED or TEDx talk video, and there's a reason for it. Here is my response I gave on a different comment: "The crowd was actually really awesome. The thing is, there was only one mic, which was on me. There were no mics capturing the audience feedback at all. Plus, the audience had been instructed to be respectful, courteous, and quiet for this 6 hour conference of talks, so they weren't in the "entertainment" mindset."
+Brian Miller Magic Great talk man :) went through the same experience. My girlfriend gave me the advice, "it's not always what they can do for you. What can you do for them?" which - in conjunction with your talk - improved my connections greatly!
+Brian Miller Magic It's almost as if you had a different perspective than us....;)
I'm really struggling at this point in my life and you really opened my eyes, thank you brian, you really changed my prospective thank you, I really needed that. I can relate to how you always were thinking about what you were going to say next instead of listening to what other people have to say and asking questions. I was so self centered I didn't even realize it. Once again thank you for changing my life.
*****
Only you can change your life Christian. But I'm very glad that my message can be a catalyst for you to make changes for the better. Best, Brian
Excellent presentation, well spoken, thoroughly enjoyable and very practical.
I hope that everyone watching will gain from it - no matter how many times we may be told something, it just takes the right way for us to learn.
I certainly have - thank you!
+Lucas Pitcher You're very kind. I hope everyone can take something, even something small, from the talk and use it to improve their daily interactions.
+Brian Miller Magic this, Miller is easily the best done engaging presentation i've seen on TED and arguably elsewhere. Perhaps as I relate with being easily distracted and not paying enough attention to conversations and emotion. will definitely practice to best of ability. cheers
+Brian Miller Magic I'll use it, it's good
Thank you kindly sir, that was exactly the kind of talks I needed at the moment. I lost some of my friends recently and I wondered what could I possibly do to become a better person, and that talk is giving me a hint as to where to start, as too often I act exactly as you once did.
I believe that too many of us fail at that connecting issue and grow up to be full of hatred and resentment, wondering why their life turned so wrong, why did their loved ones turn away from them. We must stop trying to find the culprit, as what truely matters is personal growth, finding out what you personally could have done better and expand on it.
Have a good day
+Émeric Houde I'm so very glad that my story has helped you. Thank you for connecting.
I have watched a lot of TED talks, most of them great. This is, however, the most meaningful and moving of them all. Imagine if just 25% of the world's population watched this and took it to heart. How much better our world would be.
Everybody kept wondering how ed did it or how brian made him do it but at last we understood that the actual question would have been how they did it together and the question answers itself , together ! By being connected !
I am facing the same issues in relations with people as you but now I know what to do about it .
I always wondered that I really care about people around me and I really understand them but still they don't think so , why is that ? Now I know why . I will try my best to make them feel understood and cared .
This video was a random recommendation but it turns out as much needed for me .
Great observation, Mahi. Thanks for watching!
@@brianmillerspeaks Thank you so very much for your compliment Sir and also for this video because through this video you have inspired and helped us . I definitely wasn't expecting a reply from you neither I thought that you'll even read my comment but you did and I am really very happy and thankful .
You are going to go far in this life Brian Miller
EtownScott You're very kind, thank you.
This is an amazing talk. Brian is so funny and humble at the same time. I enjoyed it so much. Good luck man.
unknown Thanks so much for watching.
Brian Miller Magic , you , sir , are magic .
And what you gave to Ed is worth its weight in gold .
Inspirational .
Thanks .
This is easily one of the best TED talks I've ever seen, and I've seen a lot of them. This thing is way undersold.
Out of all the Ted speeches I've watched, I think this is my favourite.
came here expecting far less but that was beautiful
+13shivan Great! You win a Half Glass of Water trick. Have fun doing mind magic with it.
The magic of connecting with someone is understanding someone by trying to look through their perspective. Talk to people, ask them questions and try to understand. Don't ask to respond, ask to understand and you'll be surprised at how well you can connect.
Amazing talk, truly amazing. The connection I felt through his stories and voice is heartwarming.
Being an introvert at the same time lacking confidence and public speaking skills makes my life as a Restaurant Manager much more challenging comparing to some of my colleagues.
I was recently brought back into my alma mater to teach their restaurant operations course. Which gave me a reality check that being a successful manager does not make me a qualified speaker/Lecturer. I repeatedly failed on my course lectures which threw me deep into this shameful condition thinking that I don't deserve to be where I am and the students deserve better.
Every time I walk into that lecturer room at the beginning of class I just want turn around and leave, but day after day I switch strategies on how I can improve on my public speaking so I can share the wisdom and knowledge I've gathered over the years and pass it down to these bright young talents for future.
it's time to truly listen.
I've learned this through trial and error myself. emotional perspective is so important.. communication is key... listen to understand, not respond. I am so glad others feel the same way
Wow... He's a real magician. Just 14 min speech of a person, I see for the first time, with bad audio, but I feel so connected - amazing !
One of the best speeches I've heard so far.
The response was so lukewarm. This explains why Ted incorporated strict rules on the Tedx mode. He deserves a better crowd.
This is class, humanity, caring, and a great way of teaching us ..
..how to be a better person and be kind to our fellow human being. Mr. Brian Miller Magic, Thank you !
If we can make everyone feel understood, the way Brian just showed, the world can really change.
This is Real Magic, which is actually taking place in the nature everywhere, with the only exception of The Human Mind.
So today i learnt that Magician are more closer to nature.
This is the most important and interesting thing: Not listening the others, but understanding them.
Damn he pulls that hat off incredibly well.
The real power's off being a human, thank you made my day!
Connecting is a side benefit of listening. If you let people talk, they'll tell you everything.
one of my favorite Ted talks. "Our world is a shared experience fractured by individual perspectives."
This was a great and easy talk to understand but I see a lot of people complaining about the audience which is abit unfair. Personally I would sit there and smile and listen intently like millions around the world would do. He doesn't expect a reply from his questions, he asks those questions to get them into your head then he follows up with comedy which is even more engaging for the audience
I want him to write a book on this so I can know everything omg
He's practically quoting the book "how to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie
+Paul Hodgson +Paul Hodgson As I said in the talk, "You've heard it before..." Sometimes we need to hear good advice a bunch of times in a handful of different ways before it clicks. I use my personal experiences, stories, and background as a magician to convey the ideas that, yes, have been around. Hopefully in doing so somebody hears it and, for whatever reason, it clicks finally.
Yes and your delivery of that idea (Love thy neighbor?) was perhaps some of the most practical and unique I've seen yet. To answer undershirtless though, whilst it would be good to see more from you there are a plethora of sources for him to refer to.
+Paul Hodgson Of course, but there's no time for references in a 15 min TEDx talk format. A book from me would be loaded with sources and references.
OMG yes! He needs to write a book!! From his own unique experience. I’m sure there are many books out there but his take on it is quite unique and impactful.
"Our world is a shared experience
fractured by individual perspectives"
i do not know why i felt peaceful after this talk.......
First seek to understand and then to be understood. The cardinal definition of "Active Listening". A nurse of 40 years.
This is absolutely right for me, about just thinking of what to say next, or how do I look, how am I being cool. But if I'm not paying enough attention to what I look like talking, people would feel I'm a boring person to talk to, because I would reply or react so slowly to truly understand their talking. I have to get this balanced. Thank you for the gold talk!
What a wonderful TED talk, Brian. Kudos to you. You reminded me of lessons I've learned before but of late haven't been implementing in my life -- to my own detriment. Thank you for the inspirational talk.
Frances Caballo Really appreciate the kind words, and I'm thrilled that my words meant something to you.
One of the best Ted Talks I have seen in a long time
Brian, I'm keeping this with my "Best of Ted" downloads. You are a member of a very exclusive club. Brilliant!
He is completly right. We need people to be more empahtic and look into each others perspectives. Unfortunaly depending on who you are that's not a magic fomula for having great relations with people. You don't only have to be able to take someone elses perspective but you also have to be able to share that experience with them. For him it was the needed puzzle piece. He already was easy going on approaching people. But the whole thing can be exactly the other way around. You can be as empathic as you want, if you can't showit, it hurts relationships just as badly as beeing unempathic.
how to sustain relationships:
ask questions; listen to understand the answer;
really taking on other points of view.
. our world is a shared experience;
fractured by individual perspectives.
. imagine if we could all feel understood.
-- yea if I could concentrate like that,
that would be magic!
Mr. Miller, your presentation moved me to tears. Very well done and far deeper than I expected. A+ young man!
Simply incredible. totaly agree with a part of "we dont usualy listen" practicly
One of the loveliest presentations I've seen. Thank you Brian!
What I have heard and try to practice is to make each person feel as if they are the only other person in the world while you are with them. People only remember what is said if they have an emotional connection to you. It does not matter that people agree, but it does matter how they feel when they walk away from their experience with you.
Ever have that bad review where you felt empowered to do better compared to one in which you felt belittled like a little child or where you could never do enough correctly? Yes. It is all about perception and feelings that come as a result. Be the hero to inspire and not the zero who stands by and laughs.
“It’s not enough to care about somebody. It’s not enough to understand them. They have to feel understood, they have to feel cared about.”
Damn, I have to say this speech was on point! And i thought that thing he explained when you meet someone. That part of greeting. Where you forget someones name right after. That was very clever. Will remember that for the future. Thanks Brian :)
+CrazyGamerZ4G Thank you for the kind remarks, my friend!
+Brian Miller Magic damn i have a huge huge huge problem with remembering names and do magic to! you nailed may problem thanks!
+Brian Miller Magic. Brian may God bless you you're a beautiful person for what you did for ed.. made me cry for real. thanks for the life tips take care buddy 1 love
This was the most beautiful Ted Talk I've ever heard
Do remember to turn the volume down when you finish watching this video.
😂😂
thanks
Magic is how we connect with the world. Wow that is deep.
"It's not enough to care about a person; it's not enough to understand them. They have to feel understood; they have to feel cared about."
If nothing else, take this and not only remember it, but apply it in your lives. I know I now plan to.
How to Magically Connect with Anyone. One of the Best and Most Touching Ted Talks and Stories Illustrating Leadership with Brian Miller.
Thanks steph lake
Daniel Bachmann Yup one of the best
+St Ft You took the words out of my keyboard.
+Zane Slocombe
+Agdga Asfcasf
.....truth *
and brought it to light ( to perfection of harmony of music and every thing that was expressed with love ) for the people who could clearly follow his or mine idea of that "magic". well everybody naturally knows that this magic was totally true in the moment we shared it conscious. and knowing, it can be shared, must be real cause it fills you with joy and attention: keep that knowledge you now know can be done everytime you want!!! to create more joy, love, truth.
its good you called it language, that skill some people seem to have :D
we should all talk only that language, because as natural answer to any question doubting this language there will be truth and sense and clearness.
i can describe your perfect sight to this truth with more words, but we dont really need that ;)
thanks for sharing one more beatiful idea about the truth of being oneself.
it helps to understand the simplicity of the universe.
this truth, reality, love can not be falsified as long being real! so wake up everybody, love and be your natural self and pay attention to magic! :D you will love it ;)
*****
thank you much more for playing the keyboard, feeling the love and truth in it, and sharing your perfekt idea with us all and yourself
i love you and every being on earth that was and is and will be, because only magic can create that perfekt circle in every idea.
and what we all know in our own clear dephts is that: that if we could help each other, the way we can help ourselfs, that must be true love.
* and thanks for making myself understand that it was inspiration, i have searched for a little past ago... :P
The rubik's cube trick was spectacular. Great talk!
Wow!!! such a beautiful talk. Im so touch by this that I have already watched it twice. I totally agree with Brian and I know I need to work on my listening skills. Most times I find it hard to connect with people and I hope this talk helps me to work on my listening skills and to connect with people more. THANKS BRIAN, KUDOS!!!
Oswald Vas I'm so glad this talk was meaningful to you. Thanks for reaching out!
It was exactly what happened throughout my whole life ! I have always been pretty good at meeting new people n having heaps of relationships but unable to keep them. I have always wonder why n been looking for the answers for years !! I'm really grateful to have realized that it is not enough just to care/understand them but to make them felt understand, felt cared for. You are really amazing, Brian Miller ! Thanks heaps!
This is great. I believe part of the reason why there are some problems in this world is simply down to: not willing to ask or share from oneself to another.
Thanks Brian. Very Inspirational. From Australia!
Alex Foo I can't believe how far this is reaching! Thanks so much for watching and connecting.
+Brian Miller Magic and from the Philippines. Cheers!
+Brian Miller Magic Thanks from India too!
what a delightful story! So true...I am terrible about remembering names...never thought about why...i need to become a better listener!!!
Beth Stoller I couldn't believe it either when I first realized what I was doing wrong. Thanks for watching!
Bravo! One of the best talks I've heard on TED. Thank you Brian Miller for sharing your wisdom.
Children of the Law of One... We are all ONE. Thank you for this Brian. So much truth in your words.
This is... obvious, let's be honest, as social beings, this should be a daily part of our lives, to completely use empathy in our relations, yet we fail, and someone else needs to open our minds about something logic. This, is what I believe is necessary to watch for most of us.