Want to win? Stop trying to beat other people | Kayvon Asemani | TEDxPenn

[@excusemybeautytitiya9311]

I wasn’t normally this competitive or obsessed with being the best, I have good grades. But people started comparing me with a girl in my class and she passed me with few points like she is 4.86 and I’m 4.82 I mean really I’m grateful but I just don’t like the way I feel the need to pass her to be happy or called the best, which is why I’m here because this is not who I am😢

[@fjollaazemi814]

samee girl, ive been always the best and now high school made it harder bc in primary school not every teacher learned us well, however like i know IM reallly really smart. im smart. The feeling of having to compete with these girls smtimes just makes me less confident than i was but im trynna get over it.

[@fjollaazemi814]

its also a bit of luck and im jelaous of why didnt i try it when i could, like its confusing

[@Sasha1661_]

I’m proud of you!

[@OluwatofunmiAdisa]

How did you overcome this

[@user-ps6sm3cx1k]

Were you able to overcome it and if so how did u do it cause im in the same situation.

[@zamarsteward3506]

I think ppl are competitive because deep down we all want to be admired and accepted. The moment we are put in a position where we must compete and do not have the necessary skills or resources to be the best or amongst the best, that admiration and acceptance is robbed from us immediately. Because we all have this strange mindset that if you are not the best you are not worthy of respect, recognition, or admiration. Its a paradox we cant get away from

[@armannstraughter3296]

Hm.

[@encouraginglyauthentic43]

Nah we're taught to be competitive, because conflict distracts us from the fact that the government makes us pay taxes.

[@cherylniman5477]

Your Mother would be incredibly proud

[@loveapureheart]

I need to accept this. I get so sad and depressed cause I dont have what I want yet other ppl have what I want. I am learning to enjoy everyday life no matter what.

[@alyanadejesus2673]

same, I usually stop doing the things that I want just because someone I know is better than me. I stop because I want to stop competing with someone. It harms my mental health a lot.

[@tommychappell6359]

I would say. First of all yes. There's always going to be someone better than you are. Even the best of the best. And the very best.
2nd of all remember that you are PART of the equation. If someone rly wants to be competitive (as in to themselves). They should treat others with same respect. Not treating well isn't hurting you. It's HURTING THEM. Ultimately in the long run. It gets them nowhere. It gets you nowhere.
Third, if you want to build competition. Firstly Start weeding out those who were no good to you. Has-been friends. The like. you know who friends fly are. And it's not that narcissistic friend who lives round the corner from you.

[@tommychappell6359]

This is another point but.
STOP WAITING on your friends. (To do something). If they aren't there with you then clearly don't respect you enough to be present when you need them. Start by taking initiative yourself. And stop being a cry baby while at it. Some day your gonna need to learn to take initiative. They won't be there forever. And 2 if they wanted to be there. THEN They'd been there ALREADY. Their not. Also it's time you STARTED doing the LIFTING. I stead of waiting on buddy pal to do weight lifting. Go out there. And HELP YOURSELF.

[@dicksonamani4874]

"You ain't never gon' be happy, till you love yours " he quoted Cole.👏👏

[@rashid5271]

commenting so RUclips recommends it to more people

[@alexheschong2717]

Give it like 10 years, then all the comments will be people wondering why RUclips is only just recommending it to them lol

[@hayan_7]

Truly an eye opening session
1. How people perceived you, that ain't your fault. You're just a victim to their paradox of thinking. So don't try to prove others your worth, because they won't appreciate the seed until it's the tree they get benefitted from.
2. Comparing only brings unhappiness, so don't compare others blessings to your own. Accept your own blessings and keep watering your own garden.
3. Competition is an illusion, an excuse you give yourself to feel afraid. You're the competition. Be better at your field than who you were yesterday.
4. Life can be unfair. Be prepared. A soldier fights even if the battle wasn't won. Accept it and move on. 💕

[@suhani9093]

He talked in a modern way by teaching us a very ancestral lesson!

[@veronicarussell1031]

One of the best TED talks I have seen. He was genuine, down to earth, honest, not over practiced and had some great advice on how to change how we perceive things. Comparison is the thief of joy.

[@TheMalena14]

Kayvon, I really appreciated your message! I need to stop comparing myself to other family members and friends that have various degrees. Your path is definitely helping others, especially young people. You have a gift to help others who have also gone through such a horrific experience. I’m sorry about your mom, she is definitely proud of you!! Keep on striving and I pray for your happiness in life. God bless you Kayvon.

[@FuerzaFits]

11:30 - mental clarity.
It means regardless of what is happening outside our minds, we are still happy
12:29 - Life is not about wanting what you want, but wanting what you have.

[@leebtheloser]

Dunno who this fella is but other speakers should take note: if you can seem even HALF as genuine and down to earth as this guy then you will do well! :)

[@Hurtman2000]

‘Learn from it, deal with the consequences and move on’

[@samox5866]

Yes that's definitely right ,You ain't gonna be happy if you're not aware of what you got

[@raggamuffin2013]

This is how I think too, you have a choice everyday what thoughts you choose to give attention too.

[@nPhlames]

This has a surprising low amount of views.

[@zareen8757]

Exactly

[@xen3588]

hmm wonder why

[@Dust-in-this-universe]

Medicine is bitter 🤠

[@AndyTheCameraGuy]

The irony of this comment 😂

[@marimartinsx4874]

This video helped me so much! Thank you.
"Life is about wanting what you've always had"
Lesson learnt: Contentment is the giver of joy.
"Relative is negative."
Lesson learnt: Comparisons leaves us unhappy with ourselves. After all, your brain believes in your own potential.
"Retire your desire."
Lesson: Simplicity equates happiness even in our biggest endeavours.
:) Loved it

[@i_write7500]

Niceee

[@ethangilbert7305]

the only possible way to have what you want is by wanting what you have. You will never have what you want unless you want what you have. Great ted talk

[@oghenekewve2983]

That just flipped my mind😳 like I will never be satisfied unless I want what I have…

[@jhayvenearl9951]

I am an honor student I am ecstatic and contented with my achievements. But the time goes by, There's this girl who had surpassed me for being top of the class at first, I didn't care in the mean time not until, they started comparing me and I feel humiliated and insecured. Time goes by, I started cheating and doing some actions to be the first one and after 1 year, here I am watching this vid to be myself because I've lost who I am.

[@alirami1841]

I feel this way. Its the pressure that's been put on me from others when they want more and more and more even when i don't want to compete it seems people arent happy until they leave you with nothing and even when you have nothing they still continue to compete with you and then they wonder why they aren't happy and most of them know this but it becomes an obsession of theirs to constantly be competing with others. It can become toxic, childish and problematic because they want anything and everything you have and they'll go to the lengths of even pretending to care about you just to manipulate you and hurt you. Competition can be healthy, but obsessing over it and trying to hurt others in the process is narcissistic and will only hurt your mental health

[@reistde]

Kayvon, you And I share so much of the same story. You truly found the best in yourself and I strive to do the same. I try to live by your example and it’s my pleasure to call you a brother.

[@lolitzshelly7229]

One of the most compelling Ted videos, thank you

[@AquamarinaPearl]

This was actually genius. I got chills at the end. Brilliant mind

[@lukekennedy1470]

That last quote was AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@unfilteredthoughts.9175]

I'm so glad i pressed on this ted talk

[@Zephyr5702]

Great TED talk. I got so much out of this.

[@alanfike]

He's all these things, and delivers a speech like I did in the 7th grade. Resumes can be padded, celebrities can be schmoozed. You wear your experience in your behavior.
This is why nobody watches TED talks anymore. Where is the standard? I feel like I've been listening to my stoned barber the last 13 minutes.

[@AngelGGFR]

🤯 who else went to follow him on social media immediately after. This is the kind of person I want to be consciously & subconscioulsy influenced by.

[@Harthikreddyy]

I've always been competitive and trying to surpass the other person was always the right motive or atleast what I thought, but I've slowly realised over time that it's you who your competing with and not another external factor

[@tracyvo3]

“The best way to predict the future is to create it.” - Abraham Lincoln

[@grant8917]

Thank you sir!

[@Omkar3324]

the idea is very good, but competitor analysis is very important. michael phelps sure knew he was practicing with the best, he was aware of all the competitors because of the other matches that he would have flown across the world to see. we only watch olympics, they watch everything. in a game of studying to be the best in school, hardwork never wins no matter you compared or didn't. IQ wins. but that's okay, its important to know all of that and still move on with what we got.

[@tanaypurohit4655]

Wow Omkar your last line is one of the finest I have read in my life. We have to accept who we are and be the best of ourselves. Best as in being the nicest because that does not require any IQ at all.

[@anuradhathakur2740]

Amazing..!!😍 These r actually the fundamental lessons of lyf but great thing is that u got realised abt this in such a small age. Conclusion was fantastic. Keep rocking boss🤘💖

[@kittykat.88]

Loved this! Thanks for your inspiration!!

[@erinbraggs9551]

And why does this have 21k views?
U amazing keep goin lad

[@mikaylaharris775]

For people about to click off, the intro will make sense with the tangents. Keep watching!

[@illjoy1785]

Wanting something really does slow you down i guess

[@wellbodisalone]

Hats off to him. It was a great speech!

[@DrHarbirSingh]

Take care of your mind and it will take care of everything else 🔥

[@dl3537]

So much simple truth, things I knew that you’ve just reminded me of. Thank you ❤

[@alexandermerino1761]

This is an amazing TED talk!!

[@binay413963]

I want to do everything on my own

[@PersikkaYrjo]

What a great talk!

[@levlev25]

Life IS a competition it’s part of human nature. The sooner people except it the easier it will be to “win” I don’t like competing in anything I do because I believe my skills will stay the same regardless of who’s going against me. But this is how some people are. Protect your boundaries

[@charlenekaye5258]

More people need to watch this. Up up

[@hugojj101]

Love this guy.

[@BernadetteParkes]

No dude... It's not the same.. I'm so sorry for what you experienced

[@Smoothie782]

He is essentially saying ignorance is bliss

[@ricabautista5801]

"It's not about having what you want, it's about wanting what you have."🤍

[@shemadevolution3920]

So I’m other words owning what you have?

[@FreeFlow__]

Get one step further. Stop wanting.

[@clashamedfrippe5381]

We must learn how to handle our thought and emotion🌸

[@joeyq9953]

I won’t lie. Watching this TedTalks was incredibly difficult. My interest and attention waned because the speaker seemed super unfocused and kept going off on tangents.

[@alyssag1312]

❤nice dude

[@mrproop690]

I am not competitive atall and i have been feeling that this trait might just be holding me back from growing

[@milkman4eva]

This needs to go viral… What an inspiration 🙏🏽

[@punitparihar9752]

Hats Off to you MAN!!!
👍👍

[@timonsanchez3347]

Best Ted talk i ever watched :'( "relative is negative"

[@user-hd9oh9bk8b]

google trying its absolute hardest to not show me anything related to my search
"how to lose" shows weight loss
"how to accept a loss" how to accept the loss of a loved one
"how to accept defeat" how to accept defeat in an argument
good god

[@ireallylikehuskies9472]

dang dude this was amazing

[@areeaylgoodwin2824]

Retire your desire!

[@ParthKarnawat]

The last quote was gooooooooooooooood!

[@scortch1418]

I need him to be my school teacher

[@mctwistx1248]

It's not about having what you want, it's about wanting what you have = keep in your confort zone, dont fight for your dreams

[@shriyagupta982]

Soooo gooooddddd

[@healershearttarot3056]

It bothers me how competitive I can be. At the gym I was trying to lift the same weight as a professional body builder 😅 i got hurt and now I need to learn how to not be like this

[@nicoleegger4209]

I’m in love! 😍💕you are amazing my friend!

[@naomigoldman6612]

I’m sorry you had to go through that but I really appreciate your message!

[@chriszablocki2460]

The fable of the slop troff. 👍

[@josephfitz1022]

Leave it to Ted talk to present a problem and give no solution

[@chrislaezur730]

RUclips throttle this, or something?
Such a low view count

[@antoniomolina3612]

8:58 Shoutout to JCole!

[@athena4838]

That rap was amaze

[@SwikrutiMhaiskar]

Relative are negative
Retire u desire

[@jerrelljackson5785]

Why the person in the Seminole play a crying baby sound on their phone to try and throw off the message the speaker is trying to provide to the group

[@user-gq2yk5uo1t]

I'm so competitive in class since primary skul i have been at position 1 but then in 9th grade term 3 this boy came and he started passing me and he passed me in the final exam for 9th grade I got 500 marks and he got 517 marks although at our skul they don't calculate highschool GPA and this year I'm in 10th grade, we are in the same class stil competing and everyone thinks he's smarter than me and most pipo laugh at me at skul when he's first place and I'm second place i mean on the report card i had 7 points and he had 8 points but he's marks were higher than mine by 15 marks only and pipi started mocking me and in 12th grade they focus on points marks become useless and we are writing tests at the moment , i didn't do that well in accounts becoz it's abit hard for me to understand but I'm trying although i did well in geography and civic education i passed him, he passed me in biology and English ( we are writing another one) yeah the accounts test wasn't mid term we are going to write mid term soon i think 🥺 but i don't know what to do guys pls advise me 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[@teemwandila4579]

❤️✍️🙌🏾

[@ello.c]

🧠 💪🏽😤

[@jenwashington2702]

There's this game on Roblox,Race Around the World,that I keep losing.

[@douniabaghdad3395]

So cool

[@kedarpethe]

Lesson - Stop trying to please the world, you will always go powerless and alone to your grave... You can't even guarantee how people might take you there.. so always praise the lord

[@merrraki_music]

12:00 😭😭😭😭

[@kamerondonaldson5976]

"want to win? stop trying to win". what?

[@drSrimix]

[@ananyats5063]

For algorithm

[@celebrity_rooster7488]

Aka Want to win? Be lazy

[@eligonzales186]

Everything about this is just wrong.

[@eligonzales186]

@George Dimovelis we won at the expense of others. Wild life is a testament to that. Without prey, predators won't be nourished. Without their remains, it won't be served as fertilizer and as sustenance to millions of bacteria and fungi. Without competition, there will be no clear winners to shape history as we know it from the products we use to the system that governs us and it's all thanks to competition and by defeating others.

[@eligonzales186]

@George Dimovelis except it's not and you know it. It had always been about the strongest exploiting the weak. Idealistic society that which you described is nothing more than fiction. People will answer to power and the weak discarded.

[@eligonzales186]

@George Dimovelis I don't need to give you examples as you can already see it or rather you're born from a 1st world country. You never knew poverty, hunger, sickness, or inequality. The things you younglings say.

[@Hurtman2000]

@George Dimovelis look into Nestle and how they don’t care about us having free water. Eli is right :(

[@edwinromilly4645]

@@eligonzales186 Think you missed the essence of His message-Competition isn’t bad but ‘Life isn’t a competition’
Society is largely a ideological construct.
You have to compete in sport,Education,and the workplace otherwise there wouldn’t be progress but it doesn’t define you and you can be blissfully dissatisfied too!! as in be happy with what you have You can be rich by having more than you need or by needing less than you have!!The bottom line is, despite the real world challenges we face, the biggest and most complex obstacle you will have to personally overcome on a daily basis is your own mind...and the choices you make
peace🕊

[@charlotteformosa]

When you want things it’s never enough and when you compare yourself to others then you’re doing too much. When up in your head you’ll never fall but try to beat them and you wont win at all… Life’s not about having what you want it’s about wanting what you have. ❤️‍🩹