@@ammosophobia its not categorically a good thing to lose your mooring either. Effective people are just as dependent on their chains as they are on the slack they have in them to be effective.
I hope for a world where autism and addiction are better understood, both separately and in combination. This talk is very valuable in showing that not only does autism not preclude addiction, it makes complete logical sense that those with high anxiety and a syndrome involving repetitive behaviours and sensory overload would develop addictions.
feel like i have a bit of an inability to quit things properly some of it is a bit harmles but i end up trying to get the table to look straighter than straight or try to even things out a bit more eats all the cookies or candies read all the news articles play games for the rest of the day or drink all the liquor but apparently i'm autistic so i couldn't possibly be impulsive... think i have a mild addiction-phobia
Tears in my eyes as I listen to Dylan say he is not happy. It is so often the case for autistic people. It is heartbreaking that so many children go through school feeling different and needing to find ways of escaping the pain of rejection.
I know that this can go deeper, but I believe what he wanted to imply too is that... reward/punishment system don't work well (or at all) in us, so we tend not to feel pleased by what we achieve
Being a skilled person with autism can make life more difficult because your abilities will allow you to achieve but your interpersonal relationships, which you are cognizant of, can hold you back from improvement. A gifted person who has a history of difficult social interactions can find themselves much more anxious because the desire and need for connection is there and being themselves and being natural consistently gives negative feedback.
Yes! Totally agree! It's like some part of you feels like you can can never quite be your authentic self. Constantly striving for "normal" or acceptance, pushing the weirdness down learning what mannerisms other people like and don't helps other people more than it directly helps oneself. Because it's ultimately a lie, which is something society may like but people don't, it isnt who we are it is an act and actors can only stay in character for so long. If we could adapt a societal norm of practicing compassion, it would be the first step to truly understanding and ultimately alleviating fear if the unknown. I personally find meditation and exercise help tremendously, the hardest part is relaxing enough to get into a meditative state, forcing myself to get into a routine of working out and keeping the routine. But it helps tremendously I believe the endorphins or endocanabanoids whatever it is that you get high on while running stabilizes the autustic mind in some way and it's a fairly long lasting effect similar to what he said about fentanyl; 2-3days before it wears off and the anxiety comes back.
I've accepted I'm not going to be mixing with people much, I did try and there is no point in overwhelming myself over and over. Its excruciatingly difficult to maintain any flow with conversations unless I have a couple of drinks, that is dellusional in itself cuz what we feel and what others see can be totally different 😅 I'm happy I have my interests, we cant have it all I guess, some people would love to have our focus!
I know so much how you feel. I was just diagnosed with Autism with ADHD. I am 59 years old. 3 addictions dealt with. Yes, weird is good. My son of 19 is ASD as well. We have a saying that it is a requirement to be weird in our family. 2 nephews on the spectrum as well. Hang in there young whipprsnapper! You can be on my lawn any day. The mean people, most of them will never understand. You cannot reason with unreasonable people. I am proud to be part of the Neurodivergent Nation!!!! I wish I could hug you. You are a stellar young man!
Not being able to express oneself naturally leads to this imbalance. As a person on the autism spectrum, I can say this is not about autism so much as about (autistic) human needs. We are actively discouraged to take care of our own needs by our peers and family, taught not to listen to our bodies, which leads to this imbalance: constantly pushing for more than we can handle and wearing out our bodies and minds.
Yeah, but the level of pressure and wear that an autistic person gets in such an environment compared to everyone else is multiplied thanks to discrimination embedded in our culture (ableism). When people talk about this, they never talk about just how much burden an autistic person has been placed under according to our abilities and needs (not to neurotypical ones) realistically, without infantalisation. Because the needs of the individual comes second, right? Because everyone is the same and should get by? No, we are all different (to different degrees), and our core needs, our health needs, our survival needs always come first. Our bodies, our health, and our life is the most precious thing we have. Without it, we cannot help anyone, not even ourselves. The survival of the individual, accompanied by unconditional love (by love for life) always comes first -- that's the natural order of things, and a practical order at that. We survive and we love. We're together, but we are separate and connected. It is through this connection that we stand united in the first place. Our body, life gives us that chance.
@@bozzabee9069 Yes. And because neurotypical people operate from their own frame of reference, they have trouble understanding/believing/hearing how it is for us, leading to either dismissing it or infantilising us, IMHO.
Dylan, that was a really good talk, thank you. One thing I know at 63, which I did not know as a neurodiverse person when I was much younger, is that what bothers you may not go away, but they get outnumbered by better things, the longer you live. There will be more good and bad things, but the good things begin to add up, and also to count more. It's a weighted average. We find a way to give more weight to the good things. With the amount of insight you are already showing, you are on the right path.
U don't think his parents belong to jail? After all that was known in the 90s about child development? I wonder in which part of the world he grew up. Couldn't have been a developed country.
Hit the nail on the head in the talk. No amount of keeping busy is going to contribute to a sense of belonging. Connection works, community works. We get addicted to patterns as much as to substances. We see a link between the pattern of upgrading skills and social appraisal and that can make us jump to the conclusion that that's also how we get accepted and that we can finally relax in the sense of belonging. But it's our rusty parts that get us friends. I like seeing this talk as one of Dylan's first steps to sharing about his wounds and vulnerabilities. And it's also what makes me like and accept Dylan now.
The fact that this guy, whom I've never even met or heard of before, has, for the first time in the course of my nearly 18 years of existence, accurately summed up my life in less the 20 minutes is somewhat terrifying and uplifting both at the same time. One cannot explain what one feels like with autism but it can be a damaging spiral if not handled correctly. Unfortunately most cases are.
I'm starting to wonder if this has been the problem for all of my life. I just thought I was a nervous nelly, maybe I am on the spectrum. I don't know, I know I am weird and I am ok with that, but the rest of the world? Not so much. I think I will always feel like a freak because the world keeps treating me like one.
For a long time I abused drugs and alcohol so I could feel connected to people. I stopped when I realized I wasn’t truly connecting with anyone and that it would be more noble to face my discomfort head on.
Good for you, I quit drinking a few years ago when the hangovers became unbearable. Although I’m healthier I isolate much more then before. Not the best but trying to be better.
You’ve helped me to understand my son better. You deserve a good life. You really are a kind, brilliant soul. Thank you for these words and your bravery.❤️
Some comments were that you were nervous. I don't agree. I'm 78, on the spectrum, but it's been 50 years since the diagnosis. I've changed, but I like myself, at long last. No problems, except other people's inability to accept anyone different to themselves. Glad I saw your Talk. Bravo.
I've spent over 25 years addicted to everything and 6 months ago found I was on the spectrum. Dylan's story is like a "remix" of my own experiences, the same things but in a different order. I wish I'd known as a kid, struggling to understand myself has taken me down some very dark roads... and no coming back from some of them. I'm going to send this to my mum as Dylan explains things far better than me.
This is the realest Ted Talk. He’s not sugar coating it, just telling you what life is like, no happy ending, nothing inspiring. Just keep moving on and being real
Thank you for sharing this, Dylan. Yes, there is no normal. We are all different. Our job is to love ourself just as we are. You are a wonderful person.
I hope you will never again feel you're alone. Even though as human beings, with our aware-consciousness and developed brains (cerebrum cortex is where all the trouble begins for us wild, unique species), we tend to ponder upon thoughts of self image, familiarity or lack there of relatively to others and by so - we do feel very often that we're alone and no one really knows how it's like seeing or experiencing life from our eyes, the primary principle most of us (myself included) tend to forget, or even never realize, is that eventually we are all part of a bigger thing, it's called "a species". Ither animals, as far as we now know, do not get these neurotic thoughts of "I'm so alone and no one understands me" that are very valid an aware animal (us), they just are a part of their kind. And, so, even though we do get to experience a deeper grasp of reality by terms of time tenses (learn from past, think of tomorrow and try to balance the two decently so we'd live the best way in NOW) and all things that are consequential to it, we still are yet another animal species. So, this only, should forever give you the warmth of comfort by knowing you are actually not alone. Lonely at times, sure. but never alone.:)
As someone with Aspergers Syndrome i struggled with understanding humour and double entendres. I also got bumped up a class when I was 6 years of age as i was getting 20/20 in my maths and english. It was only four years later they realised I had autism. Obviously I did not have a clue what it meant but they basically said I see and understand things differently. This manifested in my passions for sports, space, history, english and gaming. It was weird being the youngest in every class i went to, even in university. People would ask me what it was like to be a prodigy, I told them there was no such thing. I told them i did not speak for the first time until I was three. And that my sleeping pattern was chaotic, with difficulties maintaining relationships of every kind. Not exactly prodigical markers. The level of self knowledge for people on the spectrum is second to none. This gives us an immense advantage in obtaining knowledge because we are hard on ourselves and always starved of information. Our standards tend to be so high that people are alienated away from our minds and souls.
Thank you Dylan. I was diagnosed with Asperger’s at the age of 4. I’ve done ok for most of my life but I’ve always struggled to make friends and hold down a consistent job. I’ve also drank too much at times in order to try and fit in with other people and that’s led to some bad situations. I wish someone told me at school that I didn’t have to be like everyone else growing up and that I was alright as I was. I think Asperger’s gets worse as you get older because you become more set in your ways and you discover that you can’t really hide what you’re like as a person. People can see through you if you’re trying to be something that you’re not and that can lead to trouble. The best way to deal with Asperger’s is to know your limits and try and live with what you have. If you don’t get married or have children (or hold down a job), you can find other ways to be happy (like hobbies.) I’ve had to accept that my life may not go the way of other people’s but that’s ok. What matters is to be happy.
I'm not weird, and I'll prove it too, just as soon as I've finished making this suit of BBQ Pringles. I might be a while, they often break when I'm trying to poke the needle and thread through.
Astonishingly honest - all the more surprising since the talk doesn't take the optimistic route in the end as usual. I really appreciate that Dylan didn't give the audience members what some of them certainly wanted ....like "how I overcame it"....
Very good. I was diagnosed at age 70 now 74 and the madness I lived, the puzzle of my life has come together. I used alcohol as a self medication but quit drinking at age 34. Now I know it was not alcoholism and no I have no desire to drink again. Peace to all on this path or The Hill We Climb.
What he says starting around 13:35 is so deeply true and just... honest. I struggle with that so much, how what other people perceive as 'achievements' don't make you happy since you are still lacking that feeling of connection that keeps eluding you as a non-NT. You do have a desire and need deep inside but the outside world is so utterly not setup to fulfill it, even to meet it halfway. So even as you try and live and achieve things, you still don't feel truly 'happy' yet it's almost a taboo to openly admit you are not happy. It downright scares people or they feel pity for you. I am in awe of how candid and brave he was to just say it out loud.
Personally I think the biggest part is being able to identify that desire that you have deep down. Only then will you be able to wholeheartedly persuade that desire. If you can do that, you're ahead of a lot of people. In this instance it seems he is talking about acknowledgment or maybe even simply respect from others, is that fair to say or is it an oversimplification?
@@MC-xw2ro Yes, I believe that may what he is saying; or at least I think people should heed it that way because even simple acknowledgement from others instead of judgement goes a long way. It removes one more reason to feel one has to mask and hide; it's one less pressure. Either way, fantastic talk. And I agree that it is huge to be able to identify that feeling, because it can devour you from the inside if you don't find ways to cope with it. It doesn't fix it but it's like having an chronic infection: If you know about it, you can contain it, keep it as clean as possible so it doesn't spread all over. It's a fighting chance.
I find it amazing how many people relate specifically to this (including myself). But when I'm out and about it seems like nobody knows what it's like. We should all have like a secret greeting to identify with each other haha
"This is not me, this is NOT who I am!!!" SO incredibly relatable!! We should never have to feel shame for something that is so normal. Props to you Dylan, Thank YOu for being so BRAVE!
Wow what a quote. "There is no amount of achievement that make people like you." That is so true. I like you. Not for your achievements but for what you do for the entire community on the autism spectrum. It is huge.
I think I figured out why he wants people from 5 years ago to treat him better. We relive it every time as He has the same long term, looping, persistent thoughts and memories that I do. It really does skew your day to day and make things way harder than they need to be. I know this about myself now and I just get on with the now and ignore as much in my head as I can. Probably also not healthy, but it works and it'll do until I learn something better.
That was a great talk.. I could see him shaking and at times getting flustered, but he did awesome, and while I do know some about autism and about the struggles I've seen family and friends face, it is great to hear another person's experience with it. Someone I don't know and how it's affected them throughout the years. And also learning more, so we can help people with Autism more. I love what he said at the end about how no one is normal.. Your normal is someone else's weird. All the best Dylan.
I’ve struggled with substance abuse on and off for over 2 years since I was 17. The reason I started doing drugs was partly because I didn’t feel much connection to the people around me. I also struggled to socialize and make friends. My only friends were practically my parents and siblings. But I think for a lot of autistic people, even if you do have other people in your life, it can be hard to relate to them on a deeper level. So depression is more common for us than NT’s, probably as a consequence of this. Most autistic people also have a greater need for continuity and habits, and addiction is just that. So to me it seems clear that the combination of loneliness as a result of lacking social skills and unfulfilling relationships, depression mostly as a consequence of the latter, and the need for continuity in your life very easily could send you down a bad spiral of addiction.
Thank you for this. I’m 31 years old and believe I’m on the spectrum. Watching your presentation in tears at the relief that what I’m not the only one with these experiences.
Do yourself a favour....get yourself assessed. I was over 40 before I got my diagnosis - it answered so many question, but it created so many more. I still can't answer the question..."do wish I was diagnosed earlier?" ...but I do know it changed the way I think about myself, mostly for the better. Getting a diagnosis isn't the solution...but it does help getting on the right path to finding solutions. Good luck.
I have Aspergers and really relate to your story. I have so much respect for you. You realised what I also realised. Achieving does not fix how we were treated in the past. We have to stop trying to be something. We naturally learn fast but we should stop doing this to be someone or be liked. Eventually you lose who you are wearing masks for others.
People will naturally draw their own personal conclusions from this talk. Personally, I think a clear message is that autism can't always be adequately addressed by modern treatments. An individual can give it their very best, and achieve metrics that society regards to be 'success', but that isn't always enough. Sometimes the condition brings about unabating suffering with no clear answers in sight. This reality applies to mental illness in general. It's a reality that society lamentably rejects with romanticism and anecdotes, because no one wants to confront the pain of hopeless suffering. The problem is, when you're the victim of such pain, you don't get the luxury of telling yourself a pleasant story. You're forced to confront it. Yet when you try to talk about it, many are keen to reject it. Just mention the term 'treatment-resistant depression', a firmly established medical designation, and you'll see what I mean. The survivor bias holds that those who survive, or 'succeed', are generally noticed more often than those who struggle, because the successful tend to have more visibility, while the less successful dwell in obscurity. This leads to delusionally optimistic beliefs. The survivor bias is - ironically - readily apparent even in Dylan's talk. The only reason he's able to tell the world about his struggles, is because of his perceived successes. No one wants to hear about an autistic, or mentally ill nobody, living in misery and squalor while subsisting off meager disability checks. Everyone loves to hear a good success story, despite the fact that they represent a small minority.
I have tried explaining this issue many times but I have never been able to state it as clearly as you have. I am sure you have heard "you're not the only one" and "if he can do it so can you" and "you just need a better attitude" many times trying to explain survivor bias. It is very real but no one wants to hear that the emperor has no clothes because they sincerely are oblivious and assume you're the delusional one. Subjective truth is an endless dilemma. There is too much to be gained from excessive optimism for society to risk allowing itself a healthier acceptance of painful reality. I have seen this phenomenon play out in countless ways within individuals and collectives.
@@andrewkleine5382 also the concept of self-determination is important philosophically and legally, but they are out-of-scope psychologically. No matter how much self determination a person has in one situation, if you put them in a categorically worse situation, it will eventually evaporate, and they will be just as sapped as the people they berate for lacking motivation.
People had high expectations of me when I was young. I did very well at art and school. Now I am on disability for mental illnesses and Autism. I keep thinking if only I try hard enough I will overcome my disabilities and accomplish something. However, I am 45 and should realize that this is probably not going to happen. I am grateful people believed in me but I am torturing myself trying to meet our cultural ideal of overcoming adversity.
I have not had a drink in over thirty years. I've watched dozens recover and thousands fail. I use to think one out of thirty succeed. Now I think, long term, it is closer to one out of hundred. We do not have a supportive culture. We do not have supportive families. I see a $40,000.00 month long stay at a recovery center and I wonder if the money would not be better spent on rent. Or a good bankruptcy lawyer. It is hard, especially with dual diagnosis. (I do believe those with a dual diagnosis actually have a higher recovery rate. Our consequences are much more serious.)
You have help me. No one has EVER understood me. NEVER. & even though you will probably never see this. I want to say I appreciate you for sharing what life is like with autism. I too ran into the arms of addiction to numb myself from this over stimulating world 🌎 God bless and I hope you have found peace ☮️ much luv ❤️
"I want everyone from five, ten, any number of years ago to just stop hitting me, and it doesn't work." I relate to this so much. I'm also on the autism spectrum, and I was bullied incessantly through middle school and a bit into high school. I was a loner (though I had a few friends), and my classmates just did not like me in general. I coped in a few of the same ways (being an over-achiever and a perfectionist, using the computer all the time, those things), but I eventually burnt out in high school because I pushed myself too hard. It took several years to recover and get back on track. I'm in university now, but I'm often scared that history will repeat itself, and I'll go back to being a complete hermit, which is how I deal with external stress like school and people. I also want those people to stop hitting me, taunting me, everything. But I can't erase the past, so I do my best to make my future as good as possible. Thanks for the Ted Talk, it was really beautiful.
it's really good to hear that you got back on track after a few years. i'm happy for you, and it honestly gives me a lot of hope. i had to leave school due to mental health stuff in 2016. i was about a semester short of finishing but i just couldn't do it anymore. i was able to get a high-school diploma through some exams (the equivalent of SATs where i am, sort of), but i havent been able to really do anything since then. it's been almost 3 years, and a lot of the time it feels like i'll never be able to get anywhere. at this age where i am, lots of people are finishing and starting lots of things - finishing school, starting college, getting jobs, entering relationships, finding groups they belong to, etc, and when you're just so stuck it really just feels like you're being left behind, and it leads to a feeling of being doomed, feels like i'll never amount to anything (and while i don't think being productive is what makes a human's existence worthy, it still feels awful to be doing nothing all the time because you just can't, while also feeling like you should, esp as someone who was such an overachiever and perfectionist all my life until it all came crashing down and now it feels like i can't do anything). the thing is, there are many things i would like to do, but i just can't, and it's hard to deal with it, and it feels like the whole world is judging you because your issue isn't so clear, so it might seem i'm just lazy or something, and then i start questioning that maybe i am and i spiral back down and it feels really bad! but seeing that someone who went through a situation that sounds very similar was able to get better and is now doing things even though it took several years to get back on track gives me a lot of hope, despite all the fear and anxiety and depression and everything else. i'm really proud that you were able to do it, and i hope to get there too. thank you.
I got picked on alot in school and at first I learned to fight back which got me in alot of trouble (teachers tend to blame the weird kid even if the "normal" kids threw the first punch) and then i just learned to avoid people as much as possible. I havent had to fight for quiet awhile, but I'm lucky in that i look kind of intimidating: I'm 6ft, 180lb, have a calm even demeanor (gotta love that flat affect), and I take my rottweiler with me just about everywhere and just like her daddy she looks scary but is actually a sweet heart.
I think you need to stop hitting yourself first. Am I wrong in assuming that you still blame yourself for their actions? Like you just need to work harder to reach a point where you're good enough to not be hit? To not be made fun of and ostracized? Do you just like the achievements because when you hot a milestone, you'll get some of that positive attention you've been craving since childhood? You can't go back and change it. And just a heads up, moving forward sucks. I'm not telling you to forgive them (though I bet some of the unemployed ones WILL come to you for forgiveness and a job). I think you need to find things YOU like. Preferably something that isn't too harmful (because I know it'll be at least a LITTLE self destructive). I use books as my coping mechanism. Along with chocolate. LOTS of chocolate. I think the most important thing is to realize that you don't NEED them. You WANT them to accept you and stop bullying you in the past, but they have nothing you need in the present. What you need to do is develop people skills. Depending on the field you go into, that might not be necessary. I recommend reading fiction for that purpose, if you need to. I went through the same stuff but I'll have to actually seek out a diagnosis myself. It's scary. Women on the spectrum don't get diagnosed until much later in life cz we learn to mask. Well, most of us do. PS: Being a hermit is fine, but do keep some friends.
I think this is the first time I’ve came across someone where with how they talk, it sounds exactly how my thoughts are set up. I enjoyed watching this.
Thank you ♡ My son is autistic, and he struggles with anxiety and rules and finding comfort in the chaos of the world, much like you do. I worry for him because he so easily falls into patterns of comfort that aren't good for him. I want to protect him from the painful things in the world, but I can't protect him from himself.
I'm late to the party as a parent but it's about acceptance and making changes myself and allowing my son to live in a way that he is happy. He smokes weed and this has been a big help to him. I control it with him now..
He looks nervous but composed. You won't have a mental breakdown, that does not happen a lot. It is in your mind. Train yourself, you will be surprised of your results.
His speech feels really similar to how I would talk about something, and it was somehow comforting haha. Really liked it, I have autism too and I felt less alone
'social skills' for autistic people might get you through the day, but will keep the selected few at arm's length when it comes to authentic connections. imitation doesn't equal understanding and understanding doesn't equal community. thanks for this talk!
Well Dylan - I don't know if you read these comment's 5 years later, but I very much appreciate your perspective and definitely hear you on all levels. Thank you for getting up there and talking to the global audience through the Tedx Community.
:( I’ve been diagnosed now at almost 28. Alcohol was my vice till I suffered from pancreatitis twice. I didn’t understand how addiction and autism could correlate till now. Thank you. Life is so hard and the anxiety and disconnect with others makes it even harder. I’ve never felt community and I’m fighting in school to hopefully get to a place to help others who’ve also felt like me. But I’m wanting to drop out again but I don’t want that to happen. Thank you for this.
I love south park fans W for you being a fan still I love your pfp. I tried to get diagnosed after having to do all the research myself from realising that I've been masking my whole life and my mom just said "I don't want you to use it as an excuse" as if it isn't detrimentally affecting my life at every single little thing. She thinks I don't need help just because "I'm high functioning and just need to act normal" basically saying that "in the real world people aren't going to accept you so you cant be yourself" what a supportive mom 😊
My first autistic reaction memory is when I had my second birthday. My parents invited some kids to my birthday party and I was like ‘wtf are these things and why are they around me?’ I knew I was somehow different from them. I was diagnosed with aspergers at age 45.
im sorry you only got diagnosed at 45, I got mine at 30. I am 32. It does make me wonder how my life would have been different with this self knowledge, especially at school!
He seams so sweet, I wish I could be his friend and get to understand him more. He just need someone to listen to him, even if it’s hard and I get that because I’m the same way. My brother is autistic and me and him are really close because I’m naturally a person who listens and try’s to understand people. I just wish he had someone like that in his life for him
Raven Deam Perhaps when you interact with people like this you should try to accept that you’ll never understand their life experiences. Also keep in mind autism is a spectrum of people who have very different experiences and interactions. Some people have autism and you might not even notice.
Moments I was merely making a suggestion, every person is different.i myself have aspergers and I just want to be treated like everyone else without pity because I’m thriving. I feel a pressure to prove to others that I’m well loved and popular because I’m so extroverted and have the label.
When I was 4, my dad got diagnosed. When they took me to get checked out, I was on the spectrum as well. My father hid the diagnosis from me, because where I was from, autistic kids are treated like monsters, and get placed in special classes. I did not learn about my diagnosis till I was 22.
Interesting! Sweet from your dad wanting to protect you. It makes me curious, may I ask if you think that the fact of not knowing you were in the spectrum helped you? Besides people treating autistic kids bad, did it help you or do you think it would have been easier for you to know it so you could have understood yourself better?
@@jocelynruiz2459 I'm not the OP, but I thought I'd respond. This is obviously only my experience, and doesn't speak for anyone elses. I wasn't diagnosed until very late in life, and I can tell you that I was bullied mercilessly in school, and still experience bullying to this day (though not to the same degree). Kids could tell I was different, they didn't need the label to be mean to me, they gave me plenty of labels of their own. And it wasn't just kids -- teachers, too, and my parents. Because it wasn't that I wasn't showing any traits -- they just got relabeled as bad behaviors. I spent my life trying to figure out what was so wrong with me, how people seemed to just know -- I truly believed I must be a monster or a demon and not human at all. My diagnosis helped me to start to shed some of those labels that others gave me. I can't sit here and say that I know things would have been better if I would have known. But at least I would have understood what was happening more, why I was being bullied.
Man... I can feel his frustration and appreciate his honesty. I struggle too sometimes with addictive behaviors, it is worth the fight though. Normal is way overrated. Be kind to yourselves people...
Thank you so much for your talk. I think you're incredibly brave, being so open about your differences and struggles. I'm 67, and I just figured out that I have ADHD. I've been reviewing what I can remember of my life - and your talk has put so many things in place. So much of my behavior has been based on getting people to like me, and finding a place where I belong. It has never worked well because I simply don't relate to most of the people I have surrounded myself with. And my addictions are all there, too. Your talk has given me hope, because life is about keeping on and learning new things. it's not about success, it's about living a healthier life.
A very brilliant and authentic talk. It invites relationship through the pain. Thank you for sharing and I pray you find close friends who can meet you in the depths of your anxiety.
Prescription drugs are nothing but trouble. Sure, they may help you cope with the social aspects of life up to a point, but at the same time there's a cost. Weight gain, high blood pressure, risk of type 2 diabetes and for women on the spectrum, cessation of menstrual periods.
"Just be weird," is nice and all but it doesn't stop said weirdness from having very real impact on your life. For instance, I have been passed over for a promotion at work that I that I was the most qualified applicant for. And I don't mean that in the subjective sense. I WAS the most qualified applicant in terms of qualifications and experience by a very wide margin. My boss informed me she had given the promotion to another applicant. I asked what quality they had that I didn't. She said "better communication skills". So okay I expect that as that's a constant in my life. What I did not expect was this: I asked her about how much experience specifically related to the job the successful applicant had. Her answer was "none". No experience doing the job. Some supervising experience (which I didn't have) this person had, but no experience in any field related to the one I work in. I was screwed over and I didn't see it coming at all.
Sorry to hear that you've been passed up, but depending on the field that you are working in, good communication could be more paramount than relevant experience. In engineering for example, if you are not good at communicating clearly and efficiently, no amount of books smarts will carry you forward.
There's compassionate people out there who find your insight on the world endearing. There are people who prefer your company to a socially able person, game cafes are good for people who say the wrong things, everyone just brushes it off.
I'm 40 and just realizing now , the storm I was in wasn't all pretend; it was me re-playing past trauma over and over thousands of times in my mind. Desperately wanting the answer till passing out from exuastion. Loved the Van Gogh quote Dillion!🤟
In my opinion you are a awesome person. To talk about all this bad things that are happened in your past & to share your thoughts about your presence is very brave. You are so honest & wise at the age of 18. Thank you. I‘m autistic too 🌈
I’m glad to know I’m not the only one that’s on the spectrum that battles addiction, depression, and anxiety daily. It’s always nice to know you’re not alone. Incredibly relatable. Thank you!
I just want to say that I don't think I've related to anything more in my life than what you just talked about. I literally burst into tears. I started doing research on autism several months ago because I own a gluten free bakery and wanted to make some things for a friends daughter who is autistic. As I started down the rabbit hole things started to sound more and more familiar/relatable... more like spot on. I've never fit, never had many friends, never understood why people can't comprehend certain things, apparently I've been obsessed with patterns since I was a toddler (found out when I started asking), dealt with severe anxiety & depression my whole life, ADHD and substance abuse problems, among many other things that I have found are diagnostic criteria of autism. When I was very young I was treated horribly (similar to the way you were) and the torture beat into my big brain that I needed to find a way to earn some "social currency" (as I call it) in order to survive. I have been hiding who I am, coping, and trying to fit in everyday of my life and it's exhausting. Apparently I'm a pretty great actress because I've brought up the idea that I may be on the autism spectrum to a couple people and they just tell me "there's no way you are, you're too social." If they only knew how much it takes out of me or what's really happening in my head maybe they could comprehend, but then again probably not. Part of me wonders if seeking a diagnosis is even worth it at this age, even more so when people are just going to judge me even more or worse say its false. Thanks for taking a seat at the "weird" table with me and making me feel "normal", even if for just a moment.
A really inspiring and important topic - my partner is undiagnosed autistic and extremely anxious. He is a workaholic, and used to be an alcoholic and seriously addicted to drugs. All to numb himself to a life too loud. Thank you Dylan
So many people here described the various problems I encountered and struggled with for years. The comment section also describes my goal to love myself. I tend to underestimate how much autism affects my behaviors, but everybody thought I was weird and I was socially awkward. People told me autism explains a lot, but I found myself lying to myself about being normal. Self Love does not occur through lies. The path I choose is self observation and non-judgement that helps me let go of my anxiety and self deceptions. I am gradually getting better with all of these things through self acceptance. I wish good luck to anyone watching this video. I understand your struggle. Hope this helps.
One thing I've learned the last year. I stopped caring about what people think about autism. I'm unique. No different then anyone else. It's my job as an aspie to educate when appropriate, and help people understand. I can't help judgements. But I can help perception. It's been an incredible journey. Failure makes you better.
You should teach; it will make a world of a difference. It did for me. The past is gone. I understand that letting go is almost impossible, because it happens to me. I simply can´t shake off memories like everyone else. But you have some childhood issues/trauma that only you can overcome. The best advice I can give you is find a niche. Become an expert. Teach about it. You´ll gain acceptance and even the admiration of people with similar interests. College and universities are the ideal place to do so. People in general will never accept us. That´s that. But small, fairly closed, groups of people can provide what we need: human contact and love. Cheers,
Much respect for this talk. Being 18 and knowing this much about yourself is really amazing. Keep working on yourself, it’s always something that needs attention, but it seems that you are way ahead of most people. Great work
@@mysteriousdarkrai5324the time can be different from person to person. The point is improvement is possible, and there is no time like the present to start. I hope you can look back from when you commented, and be grateful for where you are now. And if not, then maybe this can be a reminder that you can.
@@Ash-se6gh I hope you can look back at your comment and smile with relief. Some external things we can't control, but we should be responsible for managing what happens internally. And oftentimes, that can make a bigger difference in how we feel.
I have Autism myself, and received and ankle break that pretty much snapped my foot off and it had to be reattached. While at the hospital for week, they had me on a button IV of Fentanyl, Dilaudid, and Ketamine. After that incident I ended up being instantly addicted for about a year, with a prescription of morphine and oxycodone to my hearts content. Quitting was one of the hardest things I've ever done.
I’ve never been addicted but I’ve had narcs and it has made me so focused and makes me feel myself. It’s the happiest I’ve been but i know i can’t keep taking it.
As the mom of 2 kids on the spectrum, and that I might also be on it... I've figured out in life is that, what brings out real happiness is finding the feeling of acceptance and contentment. I used to be really anxious too throughout my childhood and early 20s. Those pressures that we put on ourselves to "fit in", to fulfill that imaginary list of what society says we should do with our lives. We need to unlearn that. Learn to see life differently and search for things that really fulfill us. I have hobbies that keep my anxiety at peace. I've learned to clear my head before sleeping. I hope I can pass these things on to my kids too. Good luck Dylan with your troubles!
Dylan, you are so brave to do this. You have so much to offer and give to us for awareness. Being weird is good. Embrace your unique traits. Thank you for helping me to see your pain and real world challenges.
Dylan, I have “High Functioning Autism.” I can relate to you in many ways. I found something that helped me in more ways then you could ever imagine. You have a purpose in your life. You have to seek that. Seek and you will find.
I bet you will find that there are many people in 12 step groups that can really relate to you and your experience. I am just lately realizing that i might be on the spectrum and it can explain so much of the situations that happened to me and the decisions that i made to cope. thank you for your TEDx talk.
It has been my pleasure to listen and learn about Mr. Dylan Dailor, I thank the power of TEDex and Mr. Dailor for taking his time to share a part of his life experiences. For the rest of us to gain knowledge and power to help teach the next generation of professional staff with new learning tools for the advantage of infinity. Thanks TEDex and Mr. Dylan from Brian Dale Bailey.
"I want the people from 5years ago to be nice to me.." oh boy do I relate.. I relate to SO MANY of those words... I'm a woman wondering if I'm on the spectrum. There is absolutely NOTHING socially related that EVER came naturally to me and at 28, everything is exhausting. I live hidden..
I feel you, I'm 35 and still wonder how should I function, should I let myself go to my default reactions (AS) or should I used the learnt reactions (NT) and I must say that learnt reactions work better, I connect better with people and have some friend-like experiences which is comforting, but the greatest support is my GF who doesn't know about AS but kinda senses I'm a bit different but accepts me just the way I am. So I hope you connect with someone who really appreciates you wether he/she percieves you as AS or NT.
@@ivan00001983 I experienced such deep pain for over 3 yrs & believed I couldn't reveal who I believed about myself .. which had been words spoken over me by my dysfunctional siblings. I hid & pretended, & lost hope, believing I was even too hard of a case for God. God used corona $ loss to humble me .. I understood His economy. I submitted & very soon He is showing me who He really is & has been pouring Truth into me. It's been mindblowing & He has healed me of all the dysfunction for 68 yrs. His thoughts & ways are higher than ours .. I want less of me & more of Him in me. He has freed me of my life issues/hurts & I see the value of my trials .. He works those things together for my good. I'm just grateful. There are many rejecting God but I know it's not their fault .. they are deceived. a bit of my story
I've decided that when we are allowed to be out again, I'm gonna pursue a diagnosis. All of the experiences of other autistic people ring so true to me
@@thes0mething One year after, I'm well advanced in a diagnosis path, consulted with experts, went through so much. Things do point towards sensorial issues. I feel so much lighter from all this jumping through hoops and loops.
I am 27 and have been realising I might be on the spectrum and masking it from everyone around me. I don't even think I'm "natural" around my parents. Like Dylan I feel like no matter what I do it won't fix some fundamental problem with me. It makes things feel futile. But understanding the condition has taught me ways to think around negative behaviour lately. I think awareness is important. I'm 3 months off of drinking after almost a decade of heavy abuse and looking back I can't even explain my own behaviour. But now I feel like I'm being less impulsive now that I've investigated aspergers.
I'm just diagnosed autistic at 52 and have struggled with addiction - I think the two are connected for me. Your talk is so brave and heartfelt, and I pray you are moving closer to the life and connection you deserve, and I also hope this talk gives others an insight into your reality as a young autistic man x
I hope everything goes well for you, Dylan. I'm on "the spectrum" as well. It's been rough. I'm finding at this late stage of life that I REALLY like to write. I hope you have luck finding what you like to do, but much earlier. Oh! I have a much better life if I ride my bike long and hard. It seems to settle and center me, sans drugs.
Am in happy/sad tears, thanks to this I understand my kid so much better, from now on I will stop working on him learning the normal ways of people and I will focous on his happiness...thank you so much for this talk, my soul needed to hear you.
"I want the people from five years ago to be nice to me." 14:40
Damn, that hits hard.
That's something that sticks with you. But it anchors you in the past. Hard to break away from an anchor.
@@ammosophobia its not categorically a good thing to lose your mooring either. Effective people are just as dependent on their chains as they are on the slack they have in them to be effective.
so did my father
Yep I felt that
...
I hope for a world where autism and addiction are better understood, both separately and in combination. This talk is very valuable in showing that not only does autism not preclude addiction, it makes complete logical sense that those with high anxiety and a syndrome involving repetitive behaviours and sensory overload would develop addictions.
feel like i have a bit of an inability to quit things properly
some of it is a bit harmles
but i end up trying to get the table to look straighter than straight
or try to even things out a bit more
eats all the cookies or candies
read all the news articles
play games for the rest of the day
or drink all the liquor
but apparently i'm autistic so i couldn't possibly be impulsive...
think i have a mild addiction-phobia
i just have autism and adhd
Yes. I know that I did in my late teens and through half of my twenties.
Tears in my eyes as I listen to Dylan say he is not happy. It is so often the case for autistic people. It is heartbreaking that so many children go through school feeling different and needing to find ways of escaping the pain of rejection.
I know that this can go deeper, but I believe what he wanted to imply too is that... reward/punishment system don't work well (or at all) in us, so we tend not to feel pleased by what we achieve
We vie for validation, that gives us meaning and helps to motivate us to keep going. 👻🤪🌶🤘😎♾️
Being a skilled person with autism can make life more difficult because your abilities will allow you to achieve but your interpersonal relationships, which you are cognizant of, can hold you back from improvement. A gifted person who has a history of difficult social interactions can find themselves much more anxious because the desire and need for connection is there and being themselves and being natural consistently gives negative feedback.
It might, but if you cannot achieve neither friendship nor skills you're failing twice as hard.
Yes! Totally agree! It's like some part of you feels like you can can never quite be your authentic self. Constantly striving for "normal" or acceptance, pushing the weirdness down learning what mannerisms other people like and don't helps other people more than it directly helps oneself. Because it's ultimately a lie, which is something society may like but people don't, it isnt who we are it is an act and actors can only stay in character for so long.
If we could adapt a societal norm of practicing compassion, it would be the first step to truly understanding and ultimately alleviating fear if the unknown. I personally find meditation and exercise help tremendously, the hardest part is relaxing enough to get into a meditative state, forcing myself to get into a routine of working out and keeping the routine. But it helps tremendously I believe the endorphins or endocanabanoids whatever it is that you get high on while running stabilizes the autustic mind in some way and it's a fairly long lasting effect similar to what he said about fentanyl; 2-3days before it wears off and the anxiety comes back.
I've accepted I'm not going to be mixing with people much, I did try and there is no point in overwhelming myself over and over. Its excruciatingly difficult to maintain any flow with conversations unless I have a couple of drinks, that is dellusional in itself cuz what we feel and what others see can be totally different 😅 I'm happy I have my interests, we cant have it all I guess, some people would love to have our focus!
Licensed massage therapist here, you are certainly correct.
@@codyminecrack248 I'm licensed too, I enjoyed college however I have not used my skills yet in the real world😅
I know so much how you feel. I was just diagnosed with Autism with ADHD. I am 59 years old. 3 addictions dealt with. Yes, weird is good. My son of 19 is ASD as well. We have a saying that it is a requirement to be weird in our family. 2 nephews on the spectrum as well. Hang in there young whipprsnapper! You can be on my lawn any day. The mean people, most of them will never understand. You cannot reason with unreasonable people. I am proud to be part of the Neurodivergent Nation!!!! I wish I could hug you. You are a stellar young man!
Not being able to express oneself naturally leads to this imbalance. As a person on the autism spectrum, I can say this is not about autism so much as about (autistic) human needs. We are actively discouraged to take care of our own needs by our peers and family, taught not to listen to our bodies, which leads to this imbalance: constantly pushing for more than we can handle and wearing out our bodies and minds.
Yeah, but the level of pressure and wear that an autistic person gets in such an environment compared to everyone else is multiplied thanks to discrimination embedded in our culture (ableism). When people talk about this, they never talk about just how much burden an autistic person has been placed under according to our abilities and needs (not to neurotypical ones) realistically, without infantalisation.
Because the needs of the individual comes second, right? Because everyone is the same and should get by? No, we are all different (to different degrees), and our core needs, our health needs, our survival needs always come first.
Our bodies, our health, and our life is the most precious thing we have. Without it, we cannot help anyone, not even ourselves. The survival of the individual, accompanied by unconditional love (by love for life) always comes first -- that's the natural order of things, and a practical order at that. We survive and we love. We're together, but we are separate and connected. It is through this connection that we stand united in the first place. Our body, life gives us that chance.
@@bozzabee9069 Yes. And because neurotypical people operate from their own frame of reference, they have trouble understanding/believing/hearing how it is for us, leading to either dismissing it or infantilising us, IMHO.
People being individual isn't the problem. It's societies lack of flexibility that is the problem.
Fine, you talked me into it. Let's go to el dorado.
who are you? Write me on instagram, you won't regret it!
14:40 "I want the people from 5 years ago to be nice to me 5 years ago." Thank you for putting that into words for me
Dylan, that was a really good talk, thank you. One thing I know at 63, which I did not know as a neurodiverse person when I was much younger, is that what bothers you may not go away, but they get outnumbered by better things, the longer you live. There will be more good and bad things, but the good things begin to add up, and also to count more. It's a weighted average. We find a way to give more weight to the good things. With the amount of insight you are already showing, you are on the right path.
Amazing
You sound like a good parent.
Well said
These are nice words, and I thank you for sharing this. Everyone is fighting their own hard battle.
U don't think his parents belong to jail? After all that was known in the 90s about child development? I wonder in which part of the world he grew up. Couldn't have been a developed country.
Hit the nail on the head in the talk. No amount of keeping busy is going to contribute to a sense of belonging. Connection works, community works. We get addicted to patterns as much as to substances. We see a link between the pattern of upgrading skills and social appraisal and that can make us jump to the conclusion that that's also how we get accepted and that we can finally relax in the sense of belonging. But it's our rusty parts that get us friends. I like seeing this talk as one of Dylan's first steps to sharing about his wounds and vulnerabilities. And it's also what makes me like and accept Dylan now.
We get addicted to substances because our brains arent working and the body is broken. It's all chemical.
The fact that this guy, whom I've never even met or heard of before, has, for the first time in the course of my nearly 18 years of existence, accurately summed up my life in less the 20 minutes is somewhat terrifying and uplifting both at the same time. One cannot explain what one feels like with autism but it can be a damaging spiral if not handled correctly. Unfortunately most cases are.
Yes😊😊😊
YES SAME
I'm starting to wonder if this has been the problem for all of my life. I just thought I was a nervous nelly, maybe I am on the spectrum. I don't know, I know I am weird and I am ok with that, but the rest of the world? Not so much. I think I will always feel like a freak because the world keeps treating me like one.
For a long time I abused drugs and alcohol so I could feel connected to people. I stopped when I realized I wasn’t truly connecting with anyone and that it would be more noble to face my discomfort head on.
Same. 👍
Good for you, I quit drinking a few years ago when the hangovers became unbearable. Although I’m healthier I isolate much more then before. Not the best but trying to be better.
Yes
Same here too.
You’ve helped me to understand my son better. You deserve a good life. You really are a kind, brilliant soul. Thank you for these words and your bravery.❤️
Some comments were that you were nervous. I don't agree. I'm 78, on the spectrum, but it's been 50 years since the diagnosis. I've changed, but I like myself, at long last. No problems, except other people's inability to accept anyone different to themselves. Glad I saw your Talk. Bravo.
💪💪
I’m loving these comments from “experienced” individuals. I’ll soak up wise words from my elders any day of the week.
You're odd.
I'm a self aware aspie . 41 .
Love this!
You're wonderful!
Psychedelic mushrooms really healed me years back.
These are great healing compounds! When used in proper context.
I've been looking to try some recently, but I can't find anywhere to source, anyone?
Is on Instgram?
I just had my first experience with golden teachers, it was really great! I loved it.
dr.neilan is really good, man is exceptional with anything psychedelic
Can dr.neilan post to me in France?
Protect this boy at all costs. He deserves a soulmate n his own tribe ❤️🤗
@jack bran why are you here?
jack bran Ah, I could say the same for us, women on the spectrum..
But I don't like self pity.
jack bran My wife doesn’t.
@@tiptoes9847 yes, and why is that? Men seem to want to compete with us, and in our wheelhouses we can usually mop the floor with them, imho.
Any tribe works, IMO. But some happiness would be nice.
Dylan, I identify with you so much. This was real and vulnerable. You’re brave to speak about the difficulties you’ve faced. I really like you.
I've spent over 25 years addicted to everything and 6 months ago found I was on the spectrum. Dylan's story is like a "remix" of my own experiences, the same things but in a different order. I wish I'd known as a kid, struggling to understand myself has taken me down some very dark roads... and no coming back from some of them. I'm going to send this to my mum as Dylan explains things far better than me.
I for one want to be friends with this young man. For SO many reasons.
This is the realest Ted Talk. He’s not sugar coating it, just telling you what life is like, no happy ending, nothing inspiring. Just keep moving on and being real
Thank you for sharing this, Dylan. Yes, there is no normal. We are all different. Our job is to love ourself just as we are. You are a wonderful person.
True what works for some people doesn't work for others. In our world we deal with society judging us.
Hi Dylan. If you ever read this I just want you to know that you've helped me. I thought i was alone
I hope you will never again feel you're alone. Even though as human beings, with our aware-consciousness and developed brains (cerebrum cortex is where all the trouble begins for us wild, unique species), we tend to ponder upon thoughts of self image, familiarity or lack there of relatively to others and by so - we do feel very often that we're alone and no one really knows how it's like seeing or experiencing life from our eyes, the primary principle most of us (myself included) tend to forget, or even never realize, is that eventually we are all part of a bigger thing, it's called "a species". Ither animals, as far as we now know, do not get these neurotic thoughts of "I'm so alone and no one understands me" that are very valid an aware animal (us), they just are a part of their kind. And, so, even though we do get to experience a deeper grasp of reality by terms of time tenses (learn from past, think of tomorrow and try to balance the two decently so we'd live the best way in NOW) and all things that are consequential to it, we still are yet another animal species. So, this only, should forever give you the warmth of comfort by knowing you are actually not alone. Lonely at times, sure. but never alone.:)
My names Dylan Subscribe
Same here man, things i like ruin me.
Nah! You are not alone
As someone with Aspergers Syndrome i struggled with understanding humour and double entendres. I also got bumped up a class when I was 6 years of age as i was getting 20/20 in my maths and english. It was only four years later they realised I had autism. Obviously I did not have a clue what it meant but they basically said I see and understand things differently. This manifested in my passions for sports, space, history, english and gaming. It was weird being the youngest in every class i went to, even in university. People would ask me what it was like to be a prodigy, I told them there was no such thing. I told them i did not speak for the first time until I was three. And that my sleeping pattern was chaotic, with difficulties maintaining relationships of every kind. Not exactly prodigical markers. The level of self knowledge for people on the spectrum is second to none. This gives us an immense advantage in obtaining knowledge because we are hard on ourselves and always starved of information. Our standards tend to be so high that people are alienated away from our minds and souls.
Thank you Dylan. I was diagnosed with Asperger’s at the age of 4. I’ve done ok for most of my life but I’ve always struggled to make friends and hold down a consistent job. I’ve also drank too much at times in order to try and fit in with other people and that’s led to some bad situations. I wish someone told me at school that I didn’t have to be like everyone else growing up and that I was alright as I was. I think Asperger’s gets worse as you get older because you become more set in your ways and you discover that you can’t really hide what you’re like as a person. People can see through you if you’re trying to be something that you’re not and that can lead to trouble. The best way to deal with Asperger’s is to know your limits and try and live with what you have. If you don’t get married or have children (or hold down a job), you can find other ways to be happy (like hobbies.) I’ve had to accept that my life may not go the way of other people’s but that’s ok. What matters is to be happy.
Kudos to this young man. It takes an amazing amount of courage to stand up in front of an audience and talk about his life.
Meh. He's an insulting sociopath with insufferable arrogance.
I’m almost 35 and this kid is my damn hero
Dylan I want to say the fact you have the balls to go on stage and do this talk ... just wow I’m so impressed and inspired!!! 💕
I don't believe in Autism per se. I think its the result of a compromised brain.
@@Monster33336 I'm sorry, compromised?
RoyalCalvin It’s seems more like “severe insecurity” sort of speak.
@@martialart2 Are you basing your ideas about Autism on this one video?
Why can't you just say "courage?" Why mention genitalia at all? Change your sexist lamguage
Normal is a setting on your dryer. If you don't think you're weird, you aren't paying attention. :) Props to you Dylan!
On mine it is called 'Daily'
when you dont think youre weird, youre wierd
I'm not weird, and I'll prove it too, just as soon as I've finished making this suit of BBQ Pringles.
I might be a while, they often break when I'm trying to poke the needle and thread through.
Mine is on fire
The Dude-- well said
Astonishingly honest - all the more surprising since the talk doesn't take the optimistic route in the end as usual. I really appreciate that Dylan didn't give the audience members what some of them certainly wanted ....like "how I overcame it"....
Amen!!!
i love it to because this is real life not a movie
Very good. I was diagnosed at age 70 now 74 and the madness I lived, the puzzle of my life has come together. I used alcohol as a self medication but quit drinking at age 34. Now I know it was not alcoholism and no I have no desire to drink again. Peace to all on this path or The Hill We Climb.
What he says starting around 13:35 is so deeply true and just... honest. I struggle with that so much, how what other people perceive as 'achievements' don't make you happy since you are still lacking that feeling of connection that keeps eluding you as a non-NT. You do have a desire and need deep inside but the outside world is so utterly not setup to fulfill it, even to meet it halfway. So even as you try and live and achieve things, you still don't feel truly 'happy' yet it's almost a taboo to openly admit you are not happy. It downright scares people or they feel pity for you. I am in awe of how candid and brave he was to just say it out loud.
C Ewing you just described me , have we meet? Lol JK but I give him respect for doing a Ted talk
Absolutely, I highly appreciate that he didn't sugarcoat it for the audience so that they can go home happily...
Personally I think the biggest part is being able to identify that desire that you have deep down. Only then will you be able to wholeheartedly persuade that desire. If you can do that, you're ahead of a lot of people.
In this instance it seems he is talking about acknowledgment or maybe even simply respect from others, is that fair to say or is it an oversimplification?
@@MC-xw2ro Yes, I believe that may what he is saying; or at least I think people should heed it that way because even simple acknowledgement from others instead of judgement goes a long way. It removes one more reason to feel one has to mask and hide; it's one less pressure. Either way, fantastic talk. And I agree that it is huge to be able to identify that feeling, because it can devour you from the inside if you don't find ways to cope with it. It doesn't fix it but it's like having an chronic infection: If you know about it, you can contain it, keep it as clean as possible so it doesn't spread all over. It's a fighting chance.
I find it amazing how many people relate specifically to this (including myself). But when I'm out and about it seems like nobody knows what it's like. We should all have like a secret greeting to identify with each other haha
"This is not me, this is NOT who I am!!!" SO incredibly relatable!! We should never have to feel shame for something that is so normal. Props to you Dylan, Thank YOu for being so BRAVE!
Wow what a quote.
"There is no amount of achievement that make people like you."
That is so true. I like you. Not for your achievements but for what you do for the entire community on the autism spectrum. It is huge.
I think I figured out why he wants people from 5 years ago to treat him better. We relive it every time as He has the same long term, looping, persistent thoughts and memories that I do. It really does skew your day to day and make things way harder than they need to be. I know this about myself now and I just get on with the now and ignore as much in my head as I can. Probably also not healthy, but it works and it'll do until I learn something better.
That was a great talk.. I could see him shaking and at times getting flustered, but he did awesome, and while I do know some about autism and about the struggles I've seen family and friends face, it is great to hear another person's experience with it. Someone I don't know and how it's affected them throughout the years. And also learning more, so we can help people with Autism more.
I love what he said at the end about how no one is normal.. Your normal is someone else's weird.
All the best Dylan.
I’ve struggled with substance abuse on and off for over 2 years since I was 17. The reason I started doing drugs was partly because I didn’t feel much connection to the people around me.
I also struggled to socialize and make friends. My only friends were practically my parents and siblings.
But I think for a lot of autistic people, even if you do have other people in your life, it can be hard to relate to them on a deeper level.
So depression is more common for us than NT’s, probably as a consequence of this.
Most autistic people also have a greater need for continuity and habits, and addiction is just that.
So to me it seems clear that the combination of loneliness as a result of lacking social skills and unfulfilling relationships, depression mostly as a consequence of the latter, and the need for continuity in your life very easily could send you down a bad spiral of addiction.
This kid is super brave and more self aware than most.
Thank you for this. I’m 31 years old and believe I’m on the spectrum. Watching your presentation in tears at the relief that what I’m not the only one with these experiences.
Do yourself a favour....get yourself assessed.
I was over 40 before I got my diagnosis - it answered so many question, but it created so many more.
I still can't answer the question..."do wish I was diagnosed earlier?"
...but I do know it changed the way I think about myself, mostly for the better.
Getting a diagnosis isn't the solution...but it does help getting on the right path to finding solutions.
Good luck.
I have Aspergers and really relate to your story.
I have so much respect for you. You realised what I also realised. Achieving does not fix how we were treated in the past. We have to stop trying to be something.
We naturally learn fast but we should stop doing this to be someone or be liked.
Eventually you lose who you are wearing masks for others.
People will naturally draw their own personal conclusions from this talk. Personally, I think a clear message is that autism can't always be adequately addressed by modern treatments. An individual can give it their very best, and achieve metrics that society regards to be 'success', but that isn't always enough. Sometimes the condition brings about unabating suffering with no clear answers in sight.
This reality applies to mental illness in general. It's a reality that society lamentably rejects with romanticism and anecdotes, because no one wants to confront the pain of hopeless suffering. The problem is, when you're the victim of such pain, you don't get the luxury of telling yourself a pleasant story. You're forced to confront it. Yet when you try to talk about it, many are keen to reject it. Just mention the term 'treatment-resistant depression', a firmly established medical designation, and you'll see what I mean.
The survivor bias holds that those who survive, or 'succeed', are generally noticed more often than those who struggle, because the successful tend to have more visibility, while the less successful dwell in obscurity. This leads to delusionally optimistic beliefs. The survivor bias is - ironically - readily apparent even in Dylan's talk. The only reason he's able to tell the world about his struggles, is because of his perceived successes. No one wants to hear about an autistic, or mentally ill nobody, living in misery and squalor while subsisting off meager disability checks. Everyone loves to hear a good success story, despite the fact that they represent a small minority.
I have tried explaining this issue many times but I have never been able to state it as clearly as you have. I am sure you have heard "you're not the only one" and "if he can do it so can you" and "you just need a better attitude" many times trying to explain survivor bias. It is very real but no one wants to hear that the emperor has no clothes because they sincerely are oblivious and assume you're the delusional one. Subjective truth is an endless dilemma. There is too much to be gained from excessive optimism for society to risk allowing itself a healthier acceptance of painful reality. I have seen this phenomenon play out in countless ways within individuals and collectives.
@@andrewkleine5382 also the concept of self-determination is important philosophically and legally, but they are out-of-scope psychologically. No matter how much self determination a person has in one situation, if you put them in a categorically worse situation, it will eventually evaporate, and they will be just as sapped as the people they berate for lacking motivation.
People had high expectations of me when I was young. I did very well at art and school. Now I am on disability for mental illnesses and Autism. I keep thinking if only I try hard enough I will overcome my disabilities and accomplish something. However, I am 45 and should realize that this is probably not going to happen. I am grateful people believed in me but I am torturing myself trying to meet our cultural ideal of overcoming adversity.
👏
I have not had a drink in over thirty years. I've watched dozens recover and thousands fail. I use to think one out of thirty succeed. Now I think, long term, it is closer to one out of hundred. We do not have a supportive culture. We do not have supportive families. I see a $40,000.00 month long stay at a recovery center and I wonder if the money would not be better spent on rent. Or a good bankruptcy lawyer. It is hard, especially with dual diagnosis. (I do believe those with a dual diagnosis actually have a higher recovery rate. Our consequences are much more serious.)
You have help me. No one has EVER understood me. NEVER. & even though you will probably never see this. I want to say I appreciate you for sharing what life is like with autism.
I too ran into the arms of addiction to numb myself from this over stimulating world 🌎
God bless and I hope you have found peace ☮️ much luv ❤️
"I want everyone from five, ten, any number of years ago to just stop hitting me, and it doesn't work."
I relate to this so much. I'm also on the autism spectrum, and I was bullied incessantly through middle school and a bit into high school. I was a loner (though I had a few friends), and my classmates just did not like me in general. I coped in a few of the same ways (being an over-achiever and a perfectionist, using the computer all the time, those things), but I eventually burnt out in high school because I pushed myself too hard. It took several years to recover and get back on track. I'm in university now, but I'm often scared that history will repeat itself, and I'll go back to being a complete hermit, which is how I deal with external stress like school and people.
I also want those people to stop hitting me, taunting me, everything. But I can't erase the past, so I do my best to make my future as good as possible.
Thanks for the Ted Talk, it was really beautiful.
it's really good to hear that you got back on track after a few years. i'm happy for you, and it honestly gives me a lot of hope. i had to leave school due to mental health stuff in 2016. i was about a semester short of finishing but i just couldn't do it anymore. i was able to get a high-school diploma through some exams (the equivalent of SATs where i am, sort of), but i havent been able to really do anything since then. it's been almost 3 years, and a lot of the time it feels like i'll never be able to get anywhere. at this age where i am, lots of people are finishing and starting lots of things - finishing school, starting college, getting jobs, entering relationships, finding groups they belong to, etc, and when you're just so stuck it really just feels like you're being left behind, and it leads to a feeling of being doomed, feels like i'll never amount to anything (and while i don't think being productive is what makes a human's existence worthy, it still feels awful to be doing nothing all the time because you just can't, while also feeling like you should, esp as someone who was such an overachiever and perfectionist all my life until it all came crashing down and now it feels like i can't do anything). the thing is, there are many things i would like to do, but i just can't, and it's hard to deal with it, and it feels like the whole world is judging you because your issue isn't so clear, so it might seem i'm just lazy or something, and then i start questioning that maybe i am and i spiral back down and it feels really bad! but seeing that someone who went through a situation that sounds very similar was able to get better and is now doing things even though it took several years to get back on track gives me a lot of hope, despite all the fear and anxiety and depression and everything else. i'm really proud that you were able to do it, and i hope to get there too. thank you.
I got picked on alot in school and at first I learned to fight back which got me in alot of trouble (teachers tend to blame the weird kid even if the "normal" kids threw the first punch) and then i just learned to avoid people as much as possible. I havent had to fight for quiet awhile, but I'm lucky in that i look kind of intimidating: I'm 6ft, 180lb, have a calm even demeanor (gotta love that flat affect), and I take my rottweiler with me just about everywhere and just like her daddy she looks scary but is actually a sweet heart.
You have no idea about the real world.
I think you need to stop hitting yourself first. Am I wrong in assuming that you still blame yourself for their actions? Like you just need to work harder to reach a point where you're good enough to not be hit? To not be made fun of and ostracized? Do you just like the achievements because when you hot a milestone, you'll get some of that positive attention you've been craving since childhood?
You can't go back and change it. And just a heads up, moving forward sucks. I'm not telling you to forgive them (though I bet some of the unemployed ones WILL come to you for forgiveness and a job). I think you need to find things YOU like. Preferably something that isn't too harmful (because I know it'll be at least a LITTLE self destructive). I use books as my coping mechanism. Along with chocolate. LOTS of chocolate.
I think the most important thing is to realize that you don't NEED them. You WANT them to accept you and stop bullying you in the past, but they have nothing you need in the present.
What you need to do is develop people skills. Depending on the field you go into, that might not be necessary. I recommend reading fiction for that purpose, if you need to.
I went through the same stuff but I'll have to actually seek out a diagnosis myself. It's scary. Women on the spectrum don't get diagnosed until much later in life cz we learn to mask. Well, most of us do.
PS: Being a hermit is fine, but do keep some friends.
Big mood
I think this is the first time I’ve came across someone where with how they talk, it sounds exactly how my thoughts are set up. I enjoyed watching this.
True 💓
Thank you ♡
My son is autistic, and he struggles with anxiety and rules and finding comfort in the chaos of the world, much like you do. I worry for him because he so easily falls into patterns of comfort that aren't good for him. I want to protect him from the painful things in the world, but I can't protect him from himself.
I heard micro dousing LSD or hallucinogens could work. There are studies with solid evidence.
I'm late to the party as a parent but it's about acceptance and making changes myself and allowing my son to live in a way that he is happy.
He smokes weed and this has been a big help to him. I control it with him now..
You looked so nervous I cried because if I were there I would have a mental breakdown I can’t even read a poem to a teacher!
Like me
standing next to u while u having the panic attack would make me feel kinda similar ... its strange .. dont get it..
@@ansnfbsknanssshshbsnsndnd5438 do you look in a mirror everytime you have a panic attack?
He looks nervous but composed. You won't have a mental breakdown, that does not happen a lot. It is in your mind. Train yourself, you will be surprised of your results.
If you look at the microphone he's shaking. 🙁♥
His speech feels really similar to how I would talk about something, and it was somehow comforting haha.
Really liked it, I have autism too and I felt less alone
'social skills' for autistic people might get you through the day, but will keep the selected few at arm's length when it comes to authentic connections. imitation doesn't equal understanding and understanding doesn't equal community.
thanks for this talk!
Well Dylan - I don't know if you read these comment's 5 years later, but I very much appreciate your perspective and definitely hear you on all levels. Thank you for getting up there and talking to the global audience through the Tedx Community.
As a person with autsim, i say thank you many times
:( I’ve been diagnosed now at almost 28. Alcohol was my vice till I suffered from pancreatitis twice. I didn’t understand how addiction and autism could correlate till now. Thank you. Life is so hard and the anxiety and disconnect with others makes it even harder. I’ve never felt community and I’m fighting in school to hopefully get to a place to help others who’ve also felt like me. But I’m wanting to drop out again but I don’t want that to happen. Thank you for this.
I love south park fans W for you being a fan still I love your pfp. I tried to get diagnosed after having to do all the research myself from realising that I've been masking my whole life and my mom just said "I don't want you to use it as an excuse" as if it isn't detrimentally affecting my life at every single little thing. She thinks I don't need help just because "I'm high functioning and just need to act normal" basically saying that "in the real world people aren't going to accept you so you cant be yourself" what a supportive mom 😊
My first autistic reaction memory is when I had my second birthday. My parents invited some kids to my birthday party and I was like ‘wtf are these things and why are they around me?’ I knew I was somehow different from them. I was diagnosed with aspergers at age 45.
..Usually vaccines are given at age two, often the MMR. So glad you finally got a diagnosis. My son is 16 and I'd like a diagnosis for him.
Diane Bingham vaccines have nothing to do with autism.
me at age 20
@@earthspirit516 How is that relevant? Stop spreading misinformation
im sorry you only got diagnosed at 45, I got mine at 30. I am 32. It does make me wonder how my life would have been different with this self knowledge, especially at school!
He seams so sweet, I wish I could be his friend and get to understand him more. He just need someone to listen to him, even if it’s hard and I get that because I’m the same way. My brother is autistic and me and him are really close because I’m naturally a person who listens and try’s to understand people. I just wish he had someone like that in his life for him
Raven Deam Perhaps when you interact with people like this you should try to accept that you’ll never understand their life experiences. Also keep in mind autism is a spectrum of people who have very different experiences and interactions. Some people have autism and you might not even notice.
Moments I was merely making a suggestion, every person is different.i myself have aspergers and I just want to be treated like everyone else without pity because I’m thriving. I feel a pressure to prove to others that I’m well loved and popular because I’m so extroverted and have the label.
It’s sad that people didn’t want to hang out with this guy. He seems awesome. I’d be his friend!
When I was 4, my dad got diagnosed. When they took me to get checked out, I was on the spectrum as well. My father hid the diagnosis from me, because where I was from, autistic kids are treated like monsters, and get placed in special classes. I did not learn about my diagnosis till I was 22.
Interesting! Sweet from your dad wanting to protect you. It makes me curious, may I ask if you think that the fact of not knowing you were in the spectrum helped you? Besides people treating autistic kids bad, did it help you or do you think it would have been easier for you to know it so you could have understood yourself better?
I would also like to hear back from you about the comment above. :) God Bless!!!
@@jocelynruiz2459 I'm not the OP, but I thought I'd respond. This is obviously only my experience, and doesn't speak for anyone elses. I wasn't diagnosed until very late in life, and I can tell you that I was bullied mercilessly in school, and still experience bullying to this day (though not to the same degree). Kids could tell I was different, they didn't need the label to be mean to me, they gave me plenty of labels of their own. And it wasn't just kids -- teachers, too, and my parents. Because it wasn't that I wasn't showing any traits -- they just got relabeled as bad behaviors. I spent my life trying to figure out what was so wrong with me, how people seemed to just know -- I truly believed I must be a monster or a demon and not human at all. My diagnosis helped me to start to shed some of those labels that others gave me. I can't sit here and say that I know things would have been better if I would have known. But at least I would have understood what was happening more, why I was being bullied.
Man... I can feel his frustration and appreciate his honesty. I struggle too sometimes with addictive behaviors, it is worth the fight though. Normal is way overrated. Be kind to yourselves people...
I cried when he said I want people from 5 years ago to stop being mean to me to like me as a mother I recognize the pain that he experienced
Thank you so much for your talk. I think you're incredibly brave, being so open about your differences and struggles. I'm 67, and I just figured out that I have ADHD. I've been reviewing what I can remember of my life - and your talk has put so many things in place. So much of my behavior has been based on getting people to like me, and finding a place where I belong. It has never worked well because I simply don't relate to most of the people I have surrounded myself with. And my addictions are all there, too. Your talk has given me hope, because life is about keeping on and learning new things. it's not about success, it's about living a healthier life.
A very brilliant and authentic talk. It invites relationship through the pain. Thank you for sharing and I pray you find close friends who can meet you in the depths of your anxiety.
I was addicted to prescription drugs too. Your a sweet person, Dylan. I wish i could know you. Keep on keeping on, my friend. ❤
Prescription drugs are nothing but trouble. Sure, they may help you cope with the social aspects of life up to a point, but at the same time there's a cost. Weight gain, high blood pressure, risk of type 2 diabetes and for women on the spectrum, cessation of menstrual periods.
"Just be weird," is nice and all but it doesn't stop said weirdness from having very real impact on your life. For instance, I have been passed over for a promotion at work that I that I was the most qualified applicant for. And I don't mean that in the subjective sense. I WAS the most qualified applicant in terms of qualifications and experience by a very wide margin. My boss informed me she had given the promotion to another applicant. I asked what quality they had that I didn't. She said "better communication skills". So okay I expect that as that's a constant in my life. What I did not expect was this: I asked her about how much experience specifically related to the job the successful applicant had. Her answer was "none". No experience doing the job. Some supervising experience (which I didn't have) this person had, but no experience in any field related to the one I work in. I was screwed over and I didn't see it coming at all.
I hear you.... I've never been promoted at my workplace.
((hugs)) I am so sorry, that really sucks
Damn. How did you deal with that?
That one must have really hurt..sorry for that
Sorry to hear that you've been passed up, but depending on the field that you are working in, good communication could be more paramount than relevant experience. In engineering for example, if you are not good at communicating clearly and efficiently, no amount of books smarts will carry you forward.
There's compassionate people out there who find your insight on the world endearing. There are people who prefer your company to a socially able person, game cafes are good for people who say the wrong things, everyone just brushes it off.
I'm 40 and just realizing now , the storm I was in wasn't all pretend; it was me re-playing past trauma over and over thousands of times in my mind. Desperately wanting the answer till passing out from exuastion. Loved the Van Gogh quote Dillion!🤟
In my opinion you are a awesome person. To talk about all this bad things that are happened in your past & to share your thoughts about your presence is very brave.
You are so honest & wise at the age of 18.
Thank you.
I‘m autistic too 🌈
We do have to do most of the work explaining, and explaining again. But thats changing, Because of talks like this. Keep sharing :)
I’m glad to know I’m not the only one that’s on the spectrum that battles addiction, depression, and anxiety daily. It’s always nice to know you’re not alone. Incredibly relatable. Thank you!
I just want to say that I don't think I've related to anything more in my life than what you just talked about. I literally burst into tears. I started doing research on autism several months ago because I own a gluten free bakery and wanted to make some things for a friends daughter who is autistic. As I started down the rabbit hole things started to sound more and more familiar/relatable... more like spot on. I've never fit, never had many friends, never understood why people can't comprehend certain things, apparently I've been obsessed with patterns since I was a toddler (found out when I started asking), dealt with severe anxiety & depression my whole life, ADHD and substance abuse problems, among many other things that I have found are diagnostic criteria of autism.
When I was very young I was treated horribly (similar to the way you were) and the torture beat into my big brain that I needed to find a way to earn some "social currency" (as I call it) in order to survive. I have been hiding who I am, coping, and trying to fit in everyday of my life and it's exhausting. Apparently I'm a pretty great actress because I've brought up the idea that I may be on the autism spectrum to a couple people and they just tell me "there's no way you are, you're too social." If they only knew how much it takes out of me or what's really happening in my head maybe they could comprehend, but then again probably not. Part of me wonders if seeking a diagnosis is even worth it at this age, even more so when people are just going to judge me even more or worse say its false. Thanks for taking a seat at the "weird" table with me and making me feel "normal", even if for just a moment.
A really inspiring and important topic - my partner is undiagnosed autistic and extremely anxious. He is a workaholic, and used to be an alcoholic and seriously addicted to drugs. All to numb himself to a life too loud.
Thank you Dylan
So many people here described the various problems I encountered and struggled with for years. The comment section also describes my goal to love myself. I tend to underestimate how much autism affects my behaviors, but everybody thought I was weird and I was socially awkward. People told me autism explains a lot, but I found myself lying to myself about being normal. Self Love does not occur through lies. The path I choose is self observation and non-judgement that helps me let go of my anxiety and self deceptions.
I am gradually getting better with all of these things through self acceptance.
I wish good luck to anyone watching this video. I understand your struggle.
Hope this helps.
One thing I've learned the last year. I stopped caring about what people think about autism. I'm unique. No different then anyone else.
It's my job as an aspie to educate when appropriate, and help people understand. I can't help judgements. But I can help perception.
It's been an incredible journey. Failure makes you better.
This talk really helped me to understand my son better. Thanks Dylan.
„Just be weird!” Thank you for sharing, Dylan. All the best. May you find peace where you are and on your path. 🌷✨
Made me cry. Thank you for this information. I need to understand what my son might go through.
Julia Mitchell My son is 3 years old it's really hard if you ever want to talk please feel free to msg me I have about 200+ PDF books on autism
look at how the microphone shakes. I applaud his ability to do this despite obviously strong anxiety
You should teach; it will make a world of a difference. It did for me.
The past is gone. I understand that letting go is almost impossible, because it happens to me. I simply can´t shake off memories like everyone else. But you have some childhood issues/trauma that only you can overcome.
The best advice I can give you is find a niche. Become an expert. Teach about it. You´ll gain acceptance and even the admiration of people with similar interests. College and universities are the ideal place to do so.
People in general will never accept us. That´s that. But small, fairly closed, groups of people can provide what we need: human contact and love.
Cheers,
Thank you SO MUCH for this true comment.
Dylan, you are very likable, just be the way you are.
Dylan, thank you for sharing. Your talk was courageous, helpful & insightful.
Much respect for this talk. Being 18 and knowing this much about yourself is really amazing. Keep working on yourself, it’s always something that needs attention, but it seems that you are way ahead of most people. Great work
Hey Dylan
I'm also on the spectrum and... life is hard, but it gets better. Become yourself and you will attract people who like you.
Good luck.
So it takes years for life to get better
No it doesnt get any better.
@@mysteriousdarkrai5324the time can be different from person to person. The point is improvement is possible, and there is no time like the present to start. I hope you can look back from when you commented, and be grateful for where you are now.
And if not, then maybe this can be a reminder that you can.
@@Ash-se6gh I hope you can look back at your comment and smile with relief. Some external things we can't control, but we should be responsible for managing what happens internally. And oftentimes, that can make a bigger difference in how we feel.
No, not really, and usually not, becoming yourself is exactly why they hate you in the first place. Didn't you get this talk and what it is about?
This guy is so sweet. Hard to imagine anyone not liking him.
I have Autism myself, and received and ankle break that pretty much snapped my foot off and it had to be reattached.
While at the hospital for week, they had me on a button IV of Fentanyl, Dilaudid, and Ketamine.
After that incident I ended up being instantly addicted for about a year, with a prescription of morphine and oxycodone to my hearts content.
Quitting was one of the hardest things I've ever done.
Ultimate Powa congrats on breaking the cycle
Proud of u
I am autistic and have been struggling to quit smoking for 10 years.
I’ve never been addicted but I’ve had narcs and it has made me so focused and makes me feel myself. It’s the happiest I’ve been but i know i can’t keep taking it.
As the mom of 2 kids on the spectrum, and that I might also be on it... I've figured out in life is that, what brings out real happiness is finding the feeling of acceptance and contentment. I used to be really anxious too throughout my childhood and early 20s. Those pressures that we put on ourselves to "fit in", to fulfill that imaginary list of what society says we should do with our lives. We need to unlearn that. Learn to see life differently and search for things that really fulfill us. I have hobbies that keep my anxiety at peace. I've learned to clear my head before sleeping. I hope I can pass these things on to my kids too. Good luck Dylan with your troubles!
Dylan, you are so brave to do this. You have so much to offer and give to us for awareness. Being weird is good. Embrace your unique traits. Thank you for helping me to see your pain and real world challenges.
Dylan, I have “High Functioning Autism.” I can relate to you in many ways. I found something that helped me in more ways then you could ever imagine. You have a purpose in your life. You have to seek that. Seek and you will find.
His hand is shaking so bad. I just want to give him a hug
@Raqueal Henry
Yeah, that's a perfect move for someone on the spectrum... 😄
Bruh
I bet you will find that there are many people in 12 step groups that can really relate to you and your experience. I am just lately realizing that i might be on the spectrum and it can explain so much of the situations that happened to me and the decisions that i made to cope. thank you for your TEDx talk.
Well done Dylan, I have some insight into how you feel. You are extremely brave. You are absolutely right, there is no normal. Wierd is wonderful.
It has been my pleasure to listen and learn about Mr. Dylan Dailor, I thank the power of TEDex and Mr. Dailor for taking his time to share a part of his life experiences. For the rest of us to gain knowledge and power to help teach the next generation of professional staff with new learning tools for the advantage of infinity. Thanks TEDex and Mr. Dylan from Brian Dale Bailey.
damn he's shaking that mic hand. i know how you feel being nervous like this. i have the same thing
I can't thank you enough for coming out and telling your story.
"I want the people from 5years ago to be nice to me.." oh boy do I relate.. I relate to SO MANY of those words... I'm a woman wondering if I'm on the spectrum. There is absolutely NOTHING socially related that EVER came naturally to me and at 28, everything is exhausting. I live hidden..
I feel you, I'm 35 and still wonder how should I function, should I let myself go to my default reactions (AS) or should I used the learnt reactions (NT) and I must say that learnt reactions work better, I connect better with people and have some friend-like experiences which is comforting, but the greatest support is my GF who doesn't know about AS but kinda senses I'm a bit different but accepts me just the way I am. So I hope you connect with someone who really appreciates you wether he/she percieves you as AS or NT.
@@ivan00001983 I experienced such deep pain for over 3 yrs & believed I couldn't reveal who I believed about myself .. which had been words spoken over me by my dysfunctional siblings. I hid & pretended, & lost hope, believing I was even too hard of a case for God. God used corona $ loss to humble me .. I understood His economy. I submitted & very soon He is showing me who He really is & has been pouring Truth into me. It's been mindblowing & He has healed me of all the dysfunction for 68 yrs. His thoughts & ways are higher than ours .. I want less of me & more of Him in me. He has freed me of my life issues/hurts & I see the value of my trials .. He works those things together for my good. I'm just grateful. There are many rejecting God but I know it's not their fault .. they are deceived. a bit of my story
I've decided that when we are allowed to be out again, I'm gonna pursue a diagnosis. All of the experiences of other autistic people ring so true to me
@@thes0mething One year after, I'm well advanced in a diagnosis path, consulted with experts, went through so much. Things do point towards sensorial issues. I feel so much lighter from all this jumping through hoops and loops.
@@marionmetathink3234 I'm really happy for you buddy ❤️
honestly what helped me with all this is meditation, connecting to my higherself and past life healing
I feel better now that I use A Course in Miracles to train my brain. it has changed my life.
I really don't want to come back to this video in 10 years. I really miss you Michael David.
I am 27 and have been realising I might be on the spectrum and masking it from everyone around me. I don't even think I'm "natural" around my parents. Like Dylan I feel like no matter what I do it won't fix some fundamental problem with me. It makes things feel futile. But understanding the condition has taught me ways to think around negative behaviour lately. I think awareness is important. I'm 3 months off of drinking after almost a decade of heavy abuse and looking back I can't even explain my own behaviour. But now I feel like I'm being less impulsive now that I've investigated aspergers.
I'm just diagnosed autistic at 52 and have struggled with addiction - I think the two are connected for me. Your talk is so brave and heartfelt, and I pray you are moving closer to the life and connection you deserve, and I also hope this talk gives others an insight into your reality as a young autistic man x
I hope everything goes well for you, Dylan. I'm on "the spectrum" as well. It's been rough. I'm finding at this late stage of life that I REALLY like to write. I hope you have luck finding what you like to do, but much earlier.
Oh! I have a much better life if I ride my bike long and hard. It seems to settle and center me, sans drugs.
I've neve seen such a raw and relatable ted talk. thank u so much. feeling seen.
I just love how real and open this is
Dylan, I love you buddy. Don't change. Don't expect the world to change either. Your purpose is to be yourself to help others do the same.
Normal is bad. Just be weird. Thanks dude. I needed to hear that.
Am in happy/sad tears, thanks to this I understand my kid so much better, from now on I will stop working on him learning the normal ways of people and I will focous on his happiness...thank you so much for this talk, my soul needed to hear you.