Religious Trauma: Why can't I accomplish new things?
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- Опубликовано: 20 янв 2022
- Hi friends! This week I'm addressing the topic of why it's difficult to try new things even after no longer being in a religiously abusive environment. Remember religious abuse is regular abuse, with God thrown in. So you also might find it helpful to research how the traumatized brain works.
I hope my personal experience with this topic is useful to you! Appreciate you being here, and let me know what part of you, you are going to believe today!
You know one of the worst things about growing up in religion is asking a question about something important in life and getting told to pray about it. That's useless information that's not helpful.
Depends on age. Prayer has a similar effect of just calming and focusing on issue so you can figure the problem out on your own.
@@thumper84That’s a religious misbelief. It has nothing to do with age. Did Jesus go to the sick and told them do pray about it? No he didn’t, he took action. It’s like going to a homeless person and telling them to get a job. So vile and cruel, it has nothing to do with being a person of faith.
Been out of church for several years now, and to this day I still feel guilty for having any sort of wants or desires.. Anytime I have a personal goal in mind, I always subconsciously convince myself of why I don't deserve anything that God hasn't "already provided me" and will often end up self-sabotaging. I'm thankful for many aspects of my religious upbringing, it wasn't all bad. But boy is there a lot of accumulated pain to work through.
I totally understand fr. ALOT of pain
Unfortunately, yeah. I really get this too.
These are such helpful things to think about. I was raised by hardcore fundamentalists and they primed me to be motivated by fear rather than seeking opportunity.
5 minutes in, this woman has absolutely expressed a super huge positive empowering message organized religion would never dare to promote outwardly.👏👏
When I was a teen, someone genuinely asked what interests me. I couldn’t answer the question and made up an answer that left the person speechless. Religious dogma diminishes your sense of self making the presence of self feel foreign.
On a side note-
One time when I was a young child my father thought ballet was of satan and physically abused me because it was “immodest” to this day, I always hold myself back when I want to peruse something that I like.
(Believe yourself) is key to grasp your sense of self and form your own identity after religious trauma
“Religious dogma diminishes your sense of self making the presence of self feel foreign“ this is so true!!!
This is so true. I experienced the same. It caused me a lot of pain, stress, and lost time. Sorry you had to go through this. I know how damaging it can be.
❤❤❤ Love you from India 🇮🇳
I was very eager to watch this video from a couple of months but did not saw it full. I am a Muslim and I am constantly suffering from Religious Trauma and OCD, but now I am going to heal 👍
@ 14 Feb 2024 # 1:02 AM
best wishes and my heart goes out to you, i got out of an extreme Catholic family and it’s the biggest trauma of my life, similar to going to jail or prison because it’s spiritual, emotional and mental (even sexual) prison.
Can’t thank you ENOUGH for putting out this content….🙏
I don’t really have the energy recently to articulate all I’m thinking but I do just want to say that this video made me tear up at the end and I appreciate you sharing from your personal experience. I’ve watched a couple other videos from you and I’m happy to have found your channel. (There is also a little negative voice in my head telling me that I don’t actually need to leave a comment like this, but because of this video I think I’m going to anyway. Especially because I do want you to know I appreciate you)
Well done making it through that pesky voice!! You are absolutely welcome to comment on literally all the videos. Talk louder than that voice in your head that is telling you you don't matter, that voice doesn't belong to you! Thank you for this comment!
@@AngelDeSantis oh I'm so glad to be reading this commend today! I was worrying that all my (long) comments were causing you to feel overwhelmed/ burdened/ anxious/stressed. and yet something in me WANTED to let my thoughts flow, and to use this space like a 12-step group where I can share fully where I'm at, without judgement. to the voice that says I'm taking up 'too much' space, I respond that people (including you) can read or not read what I write. I'm writing primarily for me, and if someone can take something from my words -great, and if not, that's fine too, b/c always I move myself in my writing, especially when I write 'out loud' with the potential to be seen by others.
I realized that even as a follower of God, I was trained to listen to my elders over God. As if their will always aligned with theirs. Like maybe I felt called to go on a mission trip but my family said no, there will be boys there and made a big deal out of it not being moral. I wasn’t listening to God I was afraid of backlash.
Angel, I've already gotten a lot out of your videos. But this one hit right in my core. I've tried asking myself these questions and I genuinely don't know what I want, they've become buried so deeply. But your story makes me want to keep asking, keep pushing, keep learning. Losing my faith was extremely destabilizing, but also immensely freeing. And as scary as freedom can be, I'm grateful for it. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Thank you for the “plant that seed” moment of encouragement to share. You’re great. ❤
This twelve minute video did more for me than ANY of the dozens of self help books I've read. This is amazing, thank you so so much
I'm so glad! Thank you for watching!!
Religion is such an oppressive psychological tool .... it's no wonder that many of us completely struggle with self worth, motivation, being confident in life .... I do work in a field that I totally love what I do ... that helps alot .... but working for myself has it's own set of issues that I struggle with daily ....
Even after years of almost militant non belief , living in a mostly religious society is difficult ....
Well said! This brings up a lot of feelings and thoughts. I have so much to say about this topic. I've struggled with this for years. It wasn't until recently that I allowed my inner voice to lead the way. I grew up in church, went to bible study, read the bible almost daily, and prayed morning and night, basically living out the bible. I thought if I didn't do the work of God (be like Jesus to the world), something terrible would happen. I had to honor thy father and mother. In my household, this was used as a scare tactic. I abandoned what I had imagined my future to be in order to pursue what was laid out for me. I lived out this life not for me but for the pride of my family. I was miserable. It didn't make sense to me because I grew up believing that God would make everything work out and fall into place. I made the brave decision to leave my profession, and it feels like a load has lifted. My journey continues and I'm so happy to come across your channel. Be well! :)
oh we're celebrating with you! every time someone courageously chooses to honour what they feel and step away from what doesn't feel good, I believe we all benefit!
I’m struggling because I feel what’s the point in anything if the world is gonna end soon. Just fear and anxiety is what I feel I keep getting drunk and high to cope
Same. Just don’t believe the world is gonna end. My dad talked about it so much when I was little and it never happened
Totally understand, I felt like this a lot too for the first few years after I left. Then I realized that the world ending was just a lie they made up to control us, and they created a false narrative and only gave us information to support the lie. The world will continue as it has always done, and I hope you are able to find some peace.🙏🏼
@@AngelDeSantisscience says the sun will die in a billion years
Angel. You are seriously doing A GREAT JOB ON EXPLAINING RELIGIOUS TRAUMA.!!!! Good job!!!!
Thank you and 😮 wow. You perfectly described my struggle and the “believe yourself” without the “in yourself” makes more sense ❤️🔥
Yes! I'm glad it makes sense! Thank you for watching!
Your videos remind me of the things I liked about group therapy, hearing experiences and sharing. Thank you 💞
So articulate and truthful and positive 😮 I cant believe these videos aren't viral, they should be, great video!
Angel, timing is everything!!! Thank you so much for this video session. You are speaking my mind, my heart and my spirit. I had been in battle with myself as far back as I can remember. You set these "goals" of what you want to do, and no matter how you prepare, set up, and purchase what you need, the follow-through drifts away from you replaced by straight-up brainwashing of how you can't and how you are not good enough and blah-blah-blah. You move into a comparison phase which makes your every attempt worse as it swallows your uniqueness, your talents and gifts. It's like you can see yourself accomplishing what you want on the other side of an invisible wall that puts it out of reach.
I have accomplished many things in my life and that happened when I took the imbedded religion out of the picture. It was at these times I learned and felt who I really am, my creativity, my power!! Although it has been a long time since I have dealt with religion and the tentacles that come with it, the remnants pop up every now and then but I quickly put them to rest, because I know better. Thank you again and again, you are speaking to me for sure. All the best!!!!💕
This is quite powerful. Thank you for sharing!!
I am dealing with the after effects of leaving a cult JWs. Why cant I make decisions and I am just learning how to make decisions. This is helpful and its painful.
Same here. Spent 35 years as a JW and didn't realize that my personal boundaries are blurred. I still over share. I'm angry and resentful. I'm working on it.
I'm glad its helpful, and sorry it's painful. I get it, and sending you luck on your healing journey!
Good for you for working on it! It's all we can do!
I grew up in a pentecostal cult, they totally eradicated my critical thinking skills. They called it “being humble and obedient to God”
I’m 50 and still struggle with this.
Thank you for your videos. I was raised as a Later Day Saint (Mormon) and still live with my parents. (I just turned 19) It is so hard to do what I want with my life or even figure out what I want to do because it's not "right".
For example, I shouldn't be with my boyfriend of 6 years because he's not a member of the church.
Right now I'm trying to break free of the guilt and anxiety my parents and church leaders cause. I want a lot of things in life and I am too scared to do it due to the backlash they would have.
I was a Hindu. Some Pentecostal church manipulated me to become a Christian and now they're trying to control my life. They always tell me what to do and what not to.
They even tell me to leave my job (I'm a full time PhD researcher) in a foreign land.
They tell me to not date any girl but pray to Jesus so he'll get me someone.
Pray, pray and just pray.
They're so judgemental and ask for money for some events most of the time. I feel no connection with them. They even ask me to stop all contacts with my close friends and parents if they don't accept Jesus.
Don’t listen to that legalistic stuff. I was Pentecostal and left years ago but I’m still little messed up. I don’t even go to church because of what I believe now. My advice is to run away and find something you’re comfortable be around. You only need Jesus not a bunch of rules from a church.
Did you have a fear of Hell and the rapture? How did you overcome it? What about having thoughts you may not like and being concerned God will judge you for the thoughts? How did you enjoy life after that and focus on things like work? I’m trying to move on and overcome my anxiety.
I overcame it by realizing that there was not a shred of evidence that hell/ the rapture were real things. I was living with real fear and stress in my body, meanwhile there was zero evidence that anything wrong in my life was based on anything other than human ignorance. So I decided to be educate myself and it turns out when you educate yourself, you realize that religions that are fear based are made up of falsehoods. So when I started believing thing with evidence, the fear went away.
You nailed it. You have given me not only a wepon to fight back but the power that can only come from me, my true self. Listen , be awear and act against the negitive thoughts at try to seduse my true self. What can I say, it only comes from my first expierances and all of tem were from religious institutions. Thank you again.
When you said, “if you find my personal experience useful it’s very likely somebody will find your personal experience useful” I nearly broke down in tears. As a queer divergent person, church taught me that I had no value outside the frames of the Bible’s ideology. Jesus loves me but Im inherently wrong. I once wrote a whole sci-fi book (300 pgs) and threw it away because it wasn’t “of God”. Even after I left I constantly devalued myself and put myself into service of others. Vigilant and matching everyone else’s vibe to the point where when I was alone I felt like a shell. I gave up my own soul to not be an abomination. This video was just…ugh, so healing. I’m finally gonna bring up religion in therapy because I’m ready to listen to (don’t mean to trigger anyone here but) the God in me. Not the one written by men eons who blah blah blah, I’m sure you know the story of how the Bible was put together . But thank you so much, sooo much. It’s weird but I feel like the real Creator of life wanted me to see this so I could finally see past the smoke and mirror meant to keep me frozen from my own purpose. 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾🫶🏾🤟🏾
oh so beautifully spoken; thank you so much for sharing! you clearly have a gift with writing, and something important to share with the world! you are indeed Divine, a perfect manifestation of the Sacred Source of Life, a unique representation of Herself/Themself/ Himself!
Also part of the lgbt & Neurodivergent. And also working on a scifi/cyberpunk/fantasy story. Multiple in 1 actually.
But it's been hard because tho I have a whole world inside I love building, many times I feel numb or like giving it up because "what if I'm not doing what I'm supposed to?/what if this isn't right?" Due to religion.
I've been told multiple times too that enjoying anything in life means I'll suffer eternity after. So that's been eating away at my inner joy & enthusiasm for some time now. Among other things.
Been slowly deconstructing what is harmful to me from it because I can see letting this continue to hover over me is only gonna turn me into a very bitter, angry, uncaring person who never experienced life/did anything.
I really love the video/talk by Alan Watts called Jesus, His Religion. It's long but worth the listen if you (or anyone else) is up for it. A quote that stood out to me is "Christianity has institutionalized guilt as a virtue" (about 35 mins in). And also bringing up how Jesus told us that we are God's too, after saying he is a son of God and people wanting to stone him for apparent blasphemy.
But, that part came to mind too when I read you wanting to find your inner God.
The way he explains and brings it up is better.
I wish you the best and hope you can find that spark & joy to maybe create more stories if it still interests you. Or anything you find joy & passion in. And of course on healing through all this.
I wasn't brought up in a cult but spent a few years in one in my 20's it really messed with my head. I'm trying to keep God in my life but from a new age perspective. I'm constantly finding I'm apologising to him for meditating with my crystals or reading my tarot/Oracle cards. I explain myself to him that I just need to be me but I'm really worried he'll punish me or that I'll go to hell for these things and the fact that I'm living with my boyfriend. I also no longer find the bible comforting as its full of judgement and talk about sin. Some days If I could just walk away from God I would but that feels impossible. I feel that I would miss him if I did.
You're allowed to walk away from something that is punishing and oppressive. Your idea of God as someone who hates you will contribute to the oppression continuing throughout your life. You don't owe god any explanations or apologies for the things you enjoy, but it sounds like they set up your mind to stay in captivity by creating so much fear around the version of god that they gave you. I hope that you know you aren't living life wrong. You only get one life and I encourage you to enjoy it. Remember, people who claim to know the mind of god are wrong, so you don't need to keep that voice in your head going. It is not god's voice, it's from people who needed you to be oppressed. You are allowed to free yourself from it.
Yes you are right I was fed a God of judgement and fear. But I'm beginning to realise that now and your videos are really helpful. I'm beginning to study other spiritualities. I'm hoping to incorporate some new things into my spirituality. I was able to do a meditation it was to meet a pagan Goddess one. I'd never have done that before and it felt freeing. Thankyou for your videos.
All religion's are a cult. Just think about it for a while. There all a pyramid scheme.
@@ShatteredRippleBooks hey.... How are you doing? I'm hoping you feel more confident and that you are enjoying your life as a natural human being💞
Wow. This sure makes sense of a lot of things! Love what you shared, especially the part about "believe yourself" vs "in yourself." -Bonnie
Thank you Bonnie, I'm glad it was helpful!
Believe what you are saying!!!
So important!
Excellent points Angel :)
Thank you so much for your healing words ❤ I’m so entrenched in this suppression of self and feeling like a bad person for just wanting to live life experiences
Omg girl you have me in tears this morning 😭😭
This video resonates completely with me, I am unable to come out to my family even though I am suffering from this double life and I don’t understand what is blocking me from ending all this pain.
It might be that you are disconnected with your true sense of spirituality (which is fundamental to be able to handle pain). Religious trauma really fucks you up because it disallows you from having true spiritual experiences. You can look into shamanism (Michael Harner) to understand what spirituality without organized, opressive religion looks like. Once you are more connected to yourself, you will have the inner groundedness to stand up for yourself and fully take care.
@@hiperventilat8064thank you very much, I will check on the topic you addressed
Thank you so much for sharing this. It really goes right to the heart of the issue and I totally relate to what you're saying. Thank you. Thank you❤
thank you for sharing this. for years i have been struggling with bringing my ideas to life, and the shame and guilt i feel from being stuck in this cycle of not is only met with "if you were better you could heal it" or "youre pathetic, try harder". i think "hey i want to take photos" then i go and make a sandwich and im like oh okay then i dont matter. but i do, and i will try to ask myself more what i want to do. i am hopeful.
You only get better at the things you are willing to be bad at, so I just had to be willing to be bad at a LOT of things haha, but now I am good at them! One step at a time, you're not doing it wrong.
Thank you for this video! You explain this so well!
This video literally saves lives.
Thank you for the video. Very informative! I'm glad that I can finally put a name to what happened cult while growing up in an evangelical cult.
I had this happen with a friend that came into my life. She called herself a Catholic medium. Totally mind manipulated me, made me doubt my faith and if I was doing right by God, told me I was sick bc of sin etc. would do readings on me without my permission telling me what I should do etc also I wasn’t going to a Catholic Church and so I was bad bc of that even though I love Jesus. i have such trauma from it finally blocked her but now completely questioning myself on everything. Don’t know who to trust for help. I don’t trust church people either bc of there role in some stuff too. Very confusing time. Rebuilding and learning who I am versus what I let everyone tell me I had to be. Painful process and lonely
Incredibly helpful. You have a beautiful soul. Thank you.
Thank you. I am sharing this with my wife, who can only try her best to understand these effects without having experienced them.
I just came across your channel today, and subscribed but eager to know more about your particular background.
Thx again
Thank you! I hope it is helpful!
excellent explanation first time watching and i'm in love
Thank you so much for this video. you are a beautiful person. ❤
Thank you for sharing. It's not only what you say, but how. Situations you reference are familiar. Yet its the tone of voice that reveals the subtle dynamics of intent. Your presentation flowed, a nice length, and a confident, encouraging tone. Not angry, critical, manipulative BS tones i am used to. How refreshing!
It “sounds” like it would be easy in theory but as I sit here thinking about believing myself in practice and I know it’s going to take a lot of work.
Thanks for the video!
It's work but it's worth it! I hope you are doing well!
Thank you so much for sharing this videos it’s really helping me a lot much love ❤
Thank you for the video. Your smile alone helps me.
Thank you for watching! I'm glad I could help!
Thank you for the succinct way you put the steps. I have had a lot of therapy and it has helped me heal many parts of myself. But, I tend to cycle back around to parts of the pattern. I have said for years that much of my therapy was really religious recovery. Just this week, I made a statement to myself that after all of the cutting-off abusive relationships, I'm still in one with myself. Those voices continue to echo. I'm making notes to reframe my focus. Happy your channel popped up.
I'm glad to hear it! Keep on choosing yourself and changing the voice in your head. Sending support from afar!
I've been healing from being raised in Pentacostal legalism and I never once thought the reason I struggle with doubting every. single. creative endeavor and failing to complete because I had no confidence in the final product, with my RTS. I always knew my identity crisis was...but not this part. And now I feel angry. I have been an artist since elementary school. This is infuriating.
I'm glad you're having the realization, but sorry it brings the rage! But use the energy of rage to fuel you deeper into your own healing, you deserve peace!
Thank you ❤
Excellent Excellent and PROFOUND Level Headed & LOGICAL ADVICE. Seriously ground breaking. !!!!!! DEFINITELY A MUST WATCH VIDEO!!!! WOW 👏
THank you Tammy, I appreciate that you found it useful!
Thank you dear one. I’m so glad I discovered you.
You are so welcome Nancy! Thank you for being here.
I feel like allot of Christian abuse survivors I am always looking for permission. Do you believe you are allowed, to totally change every decisions you made under the influence of a life of religious abuse mindset? The chaos and unknown chaos is exactly where I’m at right now.// Coming from a support based income childhood and then adult life. A spiritual warfare-based prophetic charismatic Christian background and entering into a relationship (marriage) from that place for 14 years. I came into it fully disassociated from reality. / /Fast forward- the second I get any personal agency it changes the dynamic of my life. I start to feel cut off and isolated even though I’m so happy for my personal agency
(a career and friends in the USA) I end up restoring the original dynamic (co-dependence) because I FEEL, -alone and selfish and even weirdly "unfaithful" though I've done nothing wrong. It’s causes me as an adult, to feel that I am in capable of thriving even in a blessed country like the United States. And desperate not to waste the rest of my life but feeling powerless to stop the inevitably that, THAT WILL be the outcome. I haven’t heard somebody articulate it quite as well as you did in this video ( If you have any more on this topic of seeking permission I'de love to watch it.) THANK YOU!
Just made a video this week on this topic because a lot of people have been asking for personal guidance i.e. "what should I do about my spouse" or "should I stop speaking to my aunt" etc. It's normal for us to keep externalizing our life if it's all we've ever known, but the healing and power comes from understanding that we have the double eddged sword (lol) of the power and responsibility for our life! I hope you find it useful!
@@AngelDeSantis I just realized my comment was a book long. Sorry. Thanks for the feedback. You rock the planet.
Thank you!
You're welcome!
Thank you
That is the ultimate form of abusive.
So true.
This helps me I'm a Christian but Jesus and abusive churches are not the same I just don't kick the baby out with the bathwater
I agree !
Well God is a significant person. Even if some Christians make you feel uncomfortable, you still have deal with Him.
I'm a Christian with quite low standards of conduct and I don't enjoy church myself to be honest.. but I still strive to be the best version of myself by obeying Christ's commandments. I think He's worth it, even if I don't find many of those who follow Him v appealing.
❤
@Angel DeSantis, How does one deal with PTSD that developed as a result of religious trauma? What is a good way to deal with getting triggered? Have you experienced adrenaline rushes attributed to a toxic religious upbringing that hit you out of nowhere? Do you have any suggestions on how to cope with that?
i suggest looking into EMDR for the PTSD and past trauma.
Dr. Gabor Mate videos are what you need. I love that man. ❤️All about childhood PTSD
I 100% agree with these replies! EMDR and Gabor mate are amazing recommendations.
I definitely have experiences being hit with the wave of anxiety and fear that tries to stop me from making progress. In those moments I always stop, put both hands on my chest, take slow breaths and repeat "I am no longer in the situation I am afraid of" over and over until I feel my nervous system get the message. Then I step back into my day.
Here are two of my videos on the subject too, this one is about CPTSD and hypervigilance
ruclips.net/video/b3RFsrtfzqQ/видео.html
This one is about how to learn to be proud of yourself after trauma
ruclips.net/video/31gXdzMLsus/видео.html
Find a way that works for you to help you calm down, my method is trying to find a thought that is true and useful and repeat it to myself until I am reminded of my new reality and I don't need to be afraid of old fears. I hope this was helpful!
👏👏👏🎯🎯🎯💯💯💯
I love this women ❤❤😂
How can I contact you?
Not only I can't accomplish but I also can't leave the past things
Add the word "yet" to the end of that, that way there's still hope.
@@AngelDeSantis thank you 🙏
no relation to our governor in Florida?
Morphic resonance
There’s a christian dating app ad on this video
That's pretty hilarious 🙈 I dont know how youtube does the algorithm but maybe they saw the word religious and just ran with it? heh.
😂😂😂😂
This is why Beyonce so big she doesn't have to adk Angels or permission from God to do something she makes a billion dollars on her own without the church. There are no spiritual forces against Beyonce because God is with her so she able to flourish.
I want to leave Christianity but scared of going to hell, is that religious trauma?
Hi there 👋 I am an atheist ⚛️ I don't like religion ☯️ there's no God
"Do you think God wants you to...". Dad might be a grandiose narcissist. Covert... a hybrid.
Could be!
Your relative is so different from you
After watching your content I feel twenty times better than I did last month. Thank You for your healing work Angel.
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