Military TikTok Fails... Part 12

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  • Опубликовано: 21 ноя 2024

Комментарии • 1,5 тыс.

  • @classmst89
    @classmst89 8 месяцев назад +678

    "Go home marines"
    "IM F**KING TRYING!" 😂😂😂😂
    That killed me

  • @CCandSMUDGE
    @CCandSMUDGE 8 месяцев назад +109

    The sorting hat would immediately put me in the Airforce, the only thing I’m good at is sitting and pretending to do something productive.

    • @Dondingo4
      @Dondingo4 7 месяцев назад +9

      Sounds like you're a better fit for infantry then.

    • @CCandSMUDGE
      @CCandSMUDGE 7 месяцев назад +1

      @@Dondingo4 lol

    • @karrimgyver
      @karrimgyver Месяц назад

      @@Dondingo4 How so?

    • @darkresurrections9484
      @darkresurrections9484 Месяц назад

      im indian my ass wouldve beeen sent to space force immedietly

    • @hisgross
      @hisgross Месяц назад

      @@karrimgyver cause regular infantry hardly deploys and doesn't do much the past few years.

  • @TheBibliophileFiles
    @TheBibliophileFiles 8 месяцев назад +252

    "If I don't act on my thirst..."
    My dude, then you're dehydrated! 😂

  • @tamarackgaming
    @tamarackgaming 7 месяцев назад +28

    You never knew that Nikko? I retired in 2004 and yeah. We had animals coming around all the time. Dogs were big, also cats. Ferrets and rabbits were there as well. They say danger noodles are snakes, nope. They are ferrets, made quite a few Marines, including me, kinda' happy.

  • @Michael-n1d7n
    @Michael-n1d7n 8 месяцев назад +130

    No joke, my brother and I are both vets. he was Navy and I an Army grunt. Both are disabled and we got to thinking how funny it would be to see a Space Force space cadet walking in to the DAV to file a claim for disability. Well speak it into reality and it will come true. My brother was there to sign some paperwork and sure as shit, one came in and all the vets that were there was biting their tongues when they found out he was filing for carpel tunnel.

    • @weeb3244
      @weeb3244 8 месяцев назад +11

      Gotta respect the grind

    • @Dondingo4
      @Dondingo4 7 месяцев назад +8

      Don't hate the player, hate the game.

  • @supersnipe0351
    @supersnipe0351 7 месяцев назад +39

    1:16 "I cant not undo this shit.. Help me plEase" got me dyin

  • @jesussampedro467
    @jesussampedro467 8 месяцев назад +585

    maby im a little gay got me 😂😂

  • @pickle4422
    @pickle4422 8 месяцев назад +17

    Nikko just about had a damn heart attack seeing that IDF soldier...

  • @Anthony-vq1wn
    @Anthony-vq1wn 8 месяцев назад +199

    😂 Nikko really kicking out the closet door in this one.🤣

    • @nikkoortizshorts
      @nikkoortizshorts 8 месяцев назад +9

      He did 😂

    • @Dinosaurchickin
      @Dinosaurchickin 8 месяцев назад +8

      Gay, straight, or lying.🤪

    • @danmanning4129
      @danmanning4129 5 месяцев назад +1

      @@Dinosaurchickin Don't ask don't tell

    • @smeissner328
      @smeissner328 4 месяца назад

      @@danmanning4129 My brother's best friend in high school enlisted in the Navy. When people would ask about their plans after graduating, he'd tell them he was joining the Navy and then he and my brother would lean in close. One would say "don't ask" and the other would say "don't tell."

  • @ryimscaith1593
    @ryimscaith1593 8 месяцев назад +9

    Nikko going all "Hulk ANGRY!" on the Air Force girl putting her hands in her pockets slayed me. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

  • @Topflightgp
    @Topflightgp 8 месяцев назад +97

    The head cocking and “Woooo” that would make Ric Flair proud was gold

    • @nikkoortizshorts
      @nikkoortizshorts 8 месяцев назад +3

      For reeeal

    • @kristinwojtowich8902
      @kristinwojtowich8902 8 месяцев назад +1

      I cocked my head at the same moment during that one 😅 Didn't say whoo though, was more like "holy shit!" 😂😂

    • @Topflightgp
      @Topflightgp 8 месяцев назад +1

      @@kristinwojtowich8902 I'm not one to follow trends, but I definitely yelled "GYAAAD" a lot louder than I should have seeing as my wife was around

  • @pryamul
    @pryamul 7 месяцев назад +13

    As a Navy Chief, on a deployment, there was a fleshlight found in Marine Berthing. Apparently it was being passed around and 5 Marines had been sharing it.

  • @AkodoKusamoto
    @AkodoKusamoto 8 месяцев назад +380

    As the big, angry, engineering-brained German, I'd totally get sorted into the Chair Force and forced to fix all the planes I want to fly because I'M 6'3" AND WON'T FIT IN ANYTHING COOL.

    • @nikkoortizshorts
      @nikkoortizshorts 8 месяцев назад +24

      Rough 😅

    • @CindyJoGorman-bt9ro
      @CindyJoGorman-bt9ro 8 месяцев назад +18

      I saw some pretty tall A-10 pilots..But Hey, you Can get too old to be a Pilot, Mechanics are FOREVER!

    • @TimmysHR
      @TimmysHR 8 месяцев назад

      You would be working on MK Ultra part two just like the last NAZI engineers we brought over.
      Sorry I meant German. 😂😂

    • @killianlile173
      @killianlile173 8 месяцев назад +8

      ​@@CindyJoGorman-bt9ro Yeah height isn't as bad nowadays, but when my uncle was drafted during Vietnam he wanted to be a carrier pilot. He's 6'4 so he got rejected, he was told he could be a heli pilot (apparently the Huey cockpit is fairly large) but he didn't want to do that.

    • @RenownHavoc
      @RenownHavoc 8 месяцев назад +2

      I would probably go with this guy

  • @SammyJunior1994
    @SammyJunior1994 6 месяцев назад +6

    Props to y'all "can't handle them". 👏
    Military women don't be messing with civilians

  • @vfdavis42
    @vfdavis42 8 месяцев назад +136

    Every Marine is a rifleman. Also every Marine is a janitor. Ooh rah!!!

    • @danmanning4129
      @danmanning4129 5 месяцев назад +2

      WE PAINT ROCKS TOOO!!!!! RAHHHH!!!!!!

    • @vfdavis42
      @vfdavis42 5 месяцев назад +1

      Both sides

    • @Project_31
      @Project_31 5 месяцев назад

      03 gardener is our b-billet

  • @MrStaybrown
    @MrStaybrown 5 месяцев назад +4

    Lmao.
    I remember getting to oki and wm's saying if you get pregnant, you'll go straight back to the U.S.
    They got pregnant and stayed in okinawa until they gave birth and had to travel back to the US to leave the baby with family so they can return to duty within 6 weeks to finish the obligation. Any days away from overseas deployment will be made up, so you are not going to keep your original rotation date.🤣

  • @Rat-King0331
    @Rat-King0331 8 месяцев назад +41

    The fox stealing stuff
    The saw gunner: more fire practice.

  • @sirelectricgaming3395
    @sirelectricgaming3395 10 дней назад +1

    The Sorting would definitly put me in the Air Force, or Coast Guard.

  • @SkywalkerPMs
    @SkywalkerPMs 8 месяцев назад +39

    I was Airborne for 12 years. Im 56 now, and everything hurts. Hey, but I got that jump pay beer $!

  • @kishkin8743
    @kishkin8743 8 месяцев назад +4

    Thank you for being serviced.

  • @deadpoolfanboy3012
    @deadpoolfanboy3012 8 месяцев назад +13

    I am a non combat army vet who got out last year and at my civilian job a former Airforce MP coworker never went to the field or knew anything I was talking about when it came to field training. I was upset and confused and upset and baffled and still upset 😂😂😂😂

  • @Psibound
    @Psibound 5 месяцев назад +1

    Nikko spittin hot facts about the AF. Everytime someone talk shit... Its like have fun talking shit time for me to get back my AC.

  • @11BeezDD214
    @11BeezDD214 8 месяцев назад +42

    There's gay and there's infantry gay

  • @julietmike1018
    @julietmike1018 8 месяцев назад +7

    I was in airborne school and almost landed on an instructor.
    The dude was like, "Slip away!" And I was still at 100 ft or so, and I yelled "I'm trying man!" When I landed he was about to yell at me, but luckily I had my aircrew wings sewn on and they guy happened to be a Navy instructor and was like "DID YOU FUCKIN HEAR M...ayo were you in the Navy before?" Saved my ass. Lol

  • @jstChase
    @jstChase 8 месяцев назад +68

    When the Army or Marines try to talk shit to Air Force, the best come back is, "and I'm making the same amount as you". Then walk away with your hands in your pockets. 😂

    • @anothernewaccount1657
      @anothernewaccount1657 8 месяцев назад +1

      Kinda like a certain moment from the Boondocks.

    • @apsuaha
      @apsuaha 7 месяцев назад +4

      Touche chairforce, touche

    • @Cm38271
      @Cm38271 6 месяцев назад +2

      ​@apsuaha My favourite I ever heard was "We're the ones they trust with WMDs"

    • @KnawedOne
      @KnawedOne 3 месяца назад

      👌🏽👌🏽

  • @DudeGuyBroGuy
    @DudeGuyBroGuy 8 месяцев назад +6

    Bro.......19 years in the Marines....magic bean hat goes "we know what you did in Thailand......"

    • @sabinal17
      @sabinal17 8 месяцев назад +1

      😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

    • @tyler-y4s
      @tyler-y4s 5 месяцев назад +1

      Had to bring up Pattaya Beach lol

  • @get_strawed
    @get_strawed 8 месяцев назад +50

    my dad was an FMF Corpsman and I’m 100% certain he was gay behind his wife’s (my mom’s) back when he was deployed to camp lejeune. he said he would’ve rather drank piss than that water btw

    • @bobohm21
      @bobohm21 8 месяцев назад +5

      What if the piss came from somebody who was drinking Lejeune water? That would be doubling down on the nasty.

    • @get_strawed
      @get_strawed 8 месяцев назад +2

      @@bobohm21either way, someone would be getting hospitalized. that was a good spin, though.

    • @tonypeppermint5329
      @tonypeppermint5329 8 месяцев назад

      ​@@bobohm21D:

  • @ashleymcdaniel8243
    @ashleymcdaniel8243 8 месяцев назад +5

    lets talk about Nikkos talent with hitting the mic 8:14

  • @sabinal17
    @sabinal17 8 месяцев назад +36

    15:37 his fainting broke me 😂😂😂

  • @spookyboi4784
    @spookyboi4784 8 месяцев назад +2

    Going for the grunt position in the Australian defence force. Will have to hook you up with some darwin award moments over here.

  • @mrkage4967
    @mrkage4967 8 месяцев назад +39

    Military sorting hat: are you Italian?
    Me: yes
    Military sorting hat: TRAITOR!!!

  • @CDiPaola04
    @CDiPaola04 8 месяцев назад +3

    10:23 kills me... he DEFINITELY was the smartest guy at the table.

  • @So1i7ud3
    @So1i7ud3 8 месяцев назад +11

    “The wind is the worst part” is how you know you’ve reached ultimate cold cope💀💀😭

  • @rileyhudson1929
    @rileyhudson1929 4 месяца назад +2

    I'm naming my 1st child after you You're iconic

  • @antoniaJay26
    @antoniaJay26 8 месяцев назад +26

    Fuck yeahhh! “‘Maybe I’m a little gay” got me I can’t lie 😂

  • @8sp3ct
    @8sp3ct 8 месяцев назад +27

    Nikko ain't gay, hes just.. Different

  • @andrewsincek2373
    @andrewsincek2373 8 месяцев назад +6

    airforce, i study physics

  • @sto1asgoetia600
    @sto1asgoetia600 8 месяцев назад +15

    A little gay? Bro you got that nuclear half and half energy

  • @tamarackgaming
    @tamarackgaming 8 месяцев назад +6

    Cop giving a roadside sobriety test to Infantry:'Recite the alphabet from front to back.' Infantry:'Fuckin A, fuckin B, fuckin C......'

  • @warphenex037
    @warphenex037 8 месяцев назад +6

    5:30 Serious Paws here, legit Navy do be doin' this for the seamen

  • @callsign_fatality
    @callsign_fatality 7 месяцев назад +3

    I’m %25 German and my great grandfather served in the luftwaffe. I’m definitely going to be sent straight to the airforce to be the red, white and blue Barron.

  • @BumpyBaluga
    @BumpyBaluga 8 месяцев назад +17

    As a Marine, i can confirm the govt issued gayness lol

  • @jeremycrossno5282
    @jeremycrossno5282 5 месяцев назад +2

    Omg as soon. As I saw chair force hands in the pocket, I was like OOOHHHHHH.

  • @CindyJoGorman-bt9ro
    @CindyJoGorman-bt9ro 8 месяцев назад +7

    LMAO! Air Force GLOVES! Bite me, we Still have the Best Chow Halls!

    • @sandrasherman9294
      @sandrasherman9294 8 месяцев назад +2

      Yes you do. Thank you for the good food.-Ex Army Vet

    • @CindyJoGorman-bt9ro
      @CindyJoGorman-bt9ro 8 месяцев назад +3

      @@sandrasherman9294 You're More than Welcome! In the End, we're one Big Family, my Brother Retired 82nd Air Born!

  • @Rizztaxski
    @Rizztaxski 4 месяца назад +1

    Brother (ARMY VET HERE), just imagining what you said about the space cadet got me, thanks!😂😂😂

  • @darkicity
    @darkicity 8 месяцев назад +5

    I'm so gonna say "you're welcome citizen" and all i do is laundry in the army ahahah

  • @theinsane4469
    @theinsane4469 7 месяцев назад +2

    So I chose CG, gunners mate specially.
    But I’m sure the Military Sorting Cover (MSC) would give me Army Medic.

  • @ZipKickGo
    @ZipKickGo 8 месяцев назад +5

    1:36 Thought I was on Guarding duty, naw dude, GARDENING duty.

  • @Pencil_Duck
    @Pencil_Duck 5 месяцев назад +2

    The sorting hat would probably put me in the Marines (I'm Half Cuban). We can swim like Olympic swimmers (How Else Did We Get To America?) and we are extremely aggressive/insane :)

  • @ethangarner05
    @ethangarner05 8 месяцев назад +17

    2:41 got me 😂

  • @Coffee_Nutz
    @Coffee_Nutz 8 месяцев назад +2

    Dude, 26 yrs I started in the USMC and swapped to the Air Force after 5yrs. I was shot at and in the field with the ODA more then I ever was in the Corps... depends on the Airmen, and yeah I'm fucked in the head from all the Mortuary Affairs and field feeding along side the 3 war zones I deployed to. I just knew to go to the doc and report my broken ass everything and still went to work the next day cause you know ppl in the military be abusing excuses at times, and I sit at 100%. Lol, BTW thx your videos helps me cope with being a civilian and retired. Mad props to you bud😊

  • @kwamemartin6371
    @kwamemartin6371 8 месяцев назад +7

    😂😂😂 9:04 Okinawa for sure I remember those signs

  • @gimpinainteasy
    @gimpinainteasy 7 месяцев назад +1

    As a Firefighter. I feel yalls pain with clean up. Somehow.. the weeds needed to be pulled in 90% weather..

  • @TheSleepSteward
    @TheSleepSteward 8 месяцев назад +7

    Always gotta love the edits. Love the content as always man! Thank you for making our days just a little bit better ❤

  • @Cullen-q9v
    @Cullen-q9v 6 дней назад +1

    4:14 only a true Floridian would know that is publix sushi

  • @Flametrooper998
    @Flametrooper998 8 месяцев назад +16

    These always make my day, thanks so much Nikko, also if you had to be in any branch other than the Army which one, and why?

    • @nikkoortizshorts
      @nikkoortizshorts 8 месяцев назад

      I say go with what feels right

    • @Flametrooper998
      @Flametrooper998 8 месяцев назад +1

      @@nikkoortizshorts I didn't mean for me, I meant which one would YOU choose?

  • @MarcusBumgardner-d4e
    @MarcusBumgardner-d4e 4 месяца назад +2

    Not me at the EXACT SAME TIME.....DAMNNNN!!!!!

  • @53cards92
    @53cards92 8 месяцев назад +4

    14:57 I’VE BEEN AVOIDING MY POCKETS FOR NO FKN REASON?!?!

  • @RealMoukeycat
    @RealMoukeycat Месяц назад +1

    5:29 "serious paws" lol.

  • @CrAzD
    @CrAzD 8 месяцев назад +5

    8:22, SGT Nkko has been summoned

  • @bossdeltapollito
    @bossdeltapollito 6 месяцев назад +1

    I would have been Air Force…. The moment I saw the F117 I was hooked

  • @Bear_the_shepherd
    @Bear_the_shepherd 8 месяцев назад +4

    Happy Monday, Nikko! I hope you have a wonderful week, stay safe and God bless ❤

  • @godofeniu316
    @godofeniu316 7 месяцев назад +2

    as a pog (25u) I've seen fleece jackets on another pog he had been in a fat min he Still had the Fleece still in the original wrapper

  • @benjiiscool12341
    @benjiiscool12341 8 месяцев назад +4

    Your videos always make my day Nikko keep up the amazing videos.

  • @WEKM
    @WEKM 8 месяцев назад +2

    That navy singer...
    I doubt I'll ever emotionally recover from this. 😨

  • @LeMemeJames
    @LeMemeJames 8 месяцев назад +4

    This guy is easily my favorite RUclipsr, EASILY

  • @billys5948
    @billys5948 5 месяцев назад +2

    "When you are 5 months in to your 9 month deployment". I see ya'll never seen a 15 month pump

  • @blaine1258
    @blaine1258 8 месяцев назад +12

    Yes our deployment we had a dog on the ship the whole 8 months, she even went up and down the ladder wells.

    • @jjwilliams4225
      @jjwilliams4225 8 месяцев назад +5

      i think we were on the same deployment, i was on a DDG and we had a dog from the carrier come onto our ship for the day

    • @blaine1258
      @blaine1258 8 месяцев назад +3

      @@jjwilliams4225 probably, we flew sage out all the time it seemed like 😂

    • @jjwilliams4225
      @jjwilliams4225 8 месяцев назад +5

      @@blaine1258 oh yeah we definitely were lol, sage only came to our ship once for like a couple hours😂

  • @geoffgrigg381
    @geoffgrigg381 6 месяцев назад +1

    The sorting hat would probably stick me in Marines because my friends use me to move all the heavy stuff they don’t want to like furnaces and stuff.

  • @myles555-c4r
    @myles555-c4r 4 месяца назад +4

    2:13 whys the door so small

  • @StevesSimStation
    @StevesSimStation 8 месяцев назад +1

    Im sorry,.... My unit said the fleece is an outer garment. That was per 1st ID 3rd Brigade. I wore it like a coat and it looked good.

  • @phoenixflyer1546
    @phoenixflyer1546 8 месяцев назад +3

    12:02 your left, your left, your left left left

  • @Bananaman-n
    @Bananaman-n 22 дня назад +2

    2:32 what that in the sky🗣️🔥🔥🗣️🗣️🗣️🔥🗣️🔥🗣️🔥🗣️🗣️🔥🔥🔥

  • @tiepon9147
    @tiepon9147 8 месяцев назад +6

    Yes

  • @80Jasonmw
    @80Jasonmw 5 месяцев назад +1

    Spies and fris at night.....being the bottom guy on the rope sucks when it gets windy

  • @bobbylite8394
    @bobbylite8394 Месяц назад +3

    8:30 on the .

    • @jimmiller368
      @jimmiller368 15 дней назад

      Did you see the Chaos Undivided tattoo when he freaked out?

  • @KingNiallGT
    @KingNiallGT 7 месяцев назад +1

    The sorting hat would've picked coast guard for me. But I joined the army.

  • @XxOniMCxX
    @XxOniMCxX 8 месяцев назад +5

    First

  • @lylebaierlein419
    @lylebaierlein419 4 месяца назад +1

    The sorting hat would have put me in the coast guard for sure lmao

  • @zay5929
    @zay5929 6 месяцев назад +1

    Being a military brat to a 22-year retired Filipino Chief... it is genetically in my blood to be sorted into the Navy, LOL.

  • @jacobjordan6406
    @jacobjordan6406 7 месяцев назад +1

    a blacksite would be where I get sorted too lol they don't want people who can ignore their feelings and/or enjoy hurting people

  • @Audio041194
    @Audio041194 8 месяцев назад +1

    Now they are understaffed from what I under stand. I served back 2012.

  • @Keirfey
    @Keirfey 5 месяцев назад +1

    My dad enlisted as AF in 68 as an officer to avoid draft

  • @ImUnchartedsoya-neverknow
    @ImUnchartedsoya-neverknow 8 месяцев назад +2

    If there was a military sorting hat, it would probably put me in either the army or the navy

  • @yamibakura1337
    @yamibakura1337 6 месяцев назад +1

    Definately getting into the coast guard.

  • @F.ALK_02
    @F.ALK_02 8 месяцев назад +2

    2:42
    you know the drill sauce majors 😂
    SEND IT

  • @noelhutchins7366
    @noelhutchins7366 7 месяцев назад +1

    Someone nearby is mowing and you smell Pennyroyal, so you stalk closer to find the topological-source for future measures.

  • @danmanning4129
    @danmanning4129 5 месяцев назад +2

    She did go "ooo" after that taser

  • @ZackKrenmueller
    @ZackKrenmueller 8 месяцев назад +1

    Ex navy here, never had a dog flown out, but did have a civilian camera crew doing a show about the ship that did bring us goodies from shore!

  • @Keirfey
    @Keirfey 5 месяцев назад +1

    Ask Jason Stanford if he took Frank's daughter "seriously" in the Naval office...

  • @TheCanadianCommunist
    @TheCanadianCommunist 8 месяцев назад +1

    I like how calm that guy getting dragged by a parachute is

  • @kylesaulnier943
    @kylesaulnier943 7 месяцев назад +1

    Definitely wouldve been airforce like my great grandpa

  • @PainfulTruth999
    @PainfulTruth999 7 месяцев назад +2

    "Left...left..........left" 😂

  • @caylahtaikoi
    @caylahtaikoi 5 месяцев назад +1

    I actually joined the Marines, I would probably be sorted into Air Force. My ASVAB score and critical thinking skills got me in trouble a lot 😂

  • @pickguy927
    @pickguy927 8 месяцев назад +1

    The sorting out would put me in the army just because I'm 6'4 big guy

  • @christopherwhite6451
    @christopherwhite6451 8 месяцев назад +1

    My mother was in basic training when she found out she was training and she forced to leave but this was 20 years ago too

  • @johnathancarson8338
    @johnathancarson8338 7 месяцев назад +1

    NGL the sorting hat would've immediately knocked me out and told my superiors that I'm too stupid to be a military man

  • @MechanicBloxy
    @MechanicBloxy 8 месяцев назад +1

    "You're welcome Citizen" Is such a hell divers thing

  • @Walle-rn6cy
    @Walle-rn6cy 6 месяцев назад +1

    Can't say I've ever seen dogs sent to the boat for morale. Seen greased pigs as pranks on a carrier tho.

  • @jacobhamilton1048
    @jacobhamilton1048 6 месяцев назад +1

    The military sorting hat would have put me in the airforce so fast