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Dealing With Narcissists: The Punishment Never Ends
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- Опубликовано: 17 апр 2023
- In this clip, The Little Shaman talks about punishment dynamics in relationships with pathologically narcissistic people.
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“They are always unhappy and it’s always someone else’s fault.” Describes one of my siblings.
The bottom line is that the relationship you think you have with them you really don’t have. The narcissist is existing for and responding to their own feelings in their head, and your existing in your own head in the fantasy of the healthy connection is not there. There is no real connection. It is a mirage.
yes, Horrible
FACTS
Spot on. 🎯💯
True.
Nailed it.
They will always find a way to hurt you. They are always right and you are always wrong. It never changes.
Yep
Narcs are paranoid
Never!
I’ll never forget the day my ex said to me on a video call…”I can’t wait to punish you.” I was so confused. When I asked him what he meant, he said he was just kidding. He wasn’t. My life was hell on earth for about a year after that….until I left the so-called relationship. What an effed up mess.
He told on himself.
I wonder how many times I didn’t catch him telling on himself
Walked away after 39 years, they nearly killed me but finally free from the insanity.
Held you hostage for way too long. Glad you escaped ✨ God bless
@@Dragonfly_magictarot So true about narcissist's holding you hostage. That's exactly what these cruel people do it makes them feel powerful. Any power they have is not coming from God that is one hundred percent for sure.
The punishment is so cruel 🥵it’s irrational when you are the one caring for everything, you do good they give back evil. It’s traumatizing 💔
Trauma bonding
This is why we need more mental health services in the US, too many sick people running around ruining peoples lives.
Closed them and let my mom go free sad 1986
They are untreatable.
Even if mental health centers were free and on every corner, narcissists would refuse to go.
Once I was in the car with him and I yawned because I was sleepy. He took this as me saying he is boring. He immediately drove off from our dinner venue and literally told me to get out! 😂
The narcissist's punishment never fits the crime. They get bored in a peaceful environment so they will make a mountain out of a molehill to add some negative excitement to their unproductive life. Good video.
This is 100% true. I have lived this reality with narcissists for decades. 😢
@@susancrank1587 Yes and they get worse as they age they go backwards not forwards. Take good care of yourself, make your health and happiness the priority.🕊
@@steadypace1262 omg I’m going through this right now
@@sexygabby30 Stay strong and protect your emotional energy, narcissist's are like an energy vampire when you are weak they feel strong. 💪
Perfectly put! 👌
When I asked the ex-partner why he was with me, his answer: “You’re too stupid to leave!”
Not too long afterward, I left. Now 6 years of no contact.
Well you just don't know what you don't know. In the beginning they knew that.
Good for you. Glad you're out of that toxic mess.
How long were you with the narc?
@@Bob-zh6dw
Counting dating years, just short of 30 years.
@@brianreed8271 yes, we Don't have that terrible trash wired brains, how can we know?
I was punished for everything she had done wrong .
Yes that's how they roll, narc's project all their faults on to you. They are emotionally immature people. 🙄
@@cs.8821 Yes and covert type narcissists use the silent treatment for punishment as well, horrible people they are.
@@cs.8821been there. ..
Great comment. ❤
Exactly. They never forgive you for what they did to you.
Narcs can be confusing. It's hard to see them as spoiled children when they're so successful, hardworking, and competent. It's their emotions that haven't grown up, not their work ethic.
The worst thing is when they have children and blame everyone else for any mistakes.
Thank you for this comment. I found myself wondering 💭 “you’re a lawyer,I know you have to pay attention to details at work, how is what I’m asking/letting you know confusing, irritating, upsetting such that you can’t elaborate or explain further!”
They claim they're "Sensitive" but they're just emotionally unstable and have no emotional control
Just realized the NP is nearly exclusively a punisher yet expects to be nearly exclusively a receiver of goodness.
Life is not a game! They’re playing chess and nobody is a chess piece. Everyone is equally imperfect and are humbled before God.
Not in their mind, they are spiritually empty.
The narcissist punishes himself all day every day he’s calling himself a coward & a worthless pos everyday, he truly detests himself, it’s almost pitiful to witness
Very sad 🙏🙌
This was the most accurate description of what my husband did… it was insanity! So exhausting and actually became terrifying because of his paranoia and then his vengeful cruelty towards me.
How did you get out?
Yeah. Toward the end of the relationship, the ex-partner was becoming more verbally abusive. And Little Shaman is right. They often want us to stay, even though they have no intention of changing their behaviors.
As we were moving out of the house on the last day before the new owners took possession, he asked if “once things settled” we could get back together! CRAZY!!!
We had the same husband jeeezlouise
@@susannay.3437 I don’t speak for miss Rock- but I prayed and our landlord sold the house we were renting and I told the ex…. “I’m not going with you.” I was ready to live in a shelter. A friend took me and the kids in. ❤
@@nryaneIt’s so sad. I can feel both sides of that. And unfortunately I have experienced the profound grief of being that guy to some extent. Realizing I could not take being destroyed and hurting others in the process, I stopped having partner relationships until I can get my shit together. Still working on it, but realizing I must go NC with my surviving narc parent to have a better outcome.
Spot-on description of my family. I’ve labeled their behavior “intentional cruelty” but “the need to punish others to self-regulate” is much more specific to what drives the cruelty.
Exactly! Punish others to self regulate.
They will punish U if U don't think exactly the way they do😢😮❤❤❤
They are extremely damaged individuals. It’s sad they are so wounded they are stunted. I am wounded and stunted in different ways from dealing with them. It’s futile to explain and engage with them so I go my way and take care of only what I am responsible for-myself.
They have arrested development
Beyond damaged. Irreparable. Broken mirrors.
He always said to me ‘I’m not a bad person’ and ‘You made me do this’ ….this was always after he did something horrible to me. 🙄
"Take delivery of their packages." Excellent analogy LS.⭐♥ Everything is arsebackwards, and we are their competition... it's all so exhausting. Once you see it, you can't unsee it.. Thanks LS
OMG so f-ing true. You can watch them act out and know exactly what you have just seen coming out of them. When you say, WTF the N will turn it all around to you being the problem and all you did was watch them perform for you. In the end the N will be standing there saying I didn't do anything and there's only you and him in the bloody room. LOL maddening to say the least. I do wonder how a person can walk through life with so little awareness of themself and how they do life with others and the mess they leave behind and that's what is not seen or owned ever.
This is where the expression " I do not receive it" comes in.❤
@@virginiacash-renbjor8455Their lack of self awareness and certainty of their rightness never fails to astonish me.
The pain is unbearable. Hope is non existent. The day drags on. Voluntarily coma self medicate drift-into the depths of my soul as the light at the end of the tunnel narrows the void is filled by the light of this woman’s heart I am saved by her presence and survive this darkness for one more day. She is my hero. Thank you.
I am so grateful to help. We are here for you You can do it..❤
You explained this pretty good. I was the only person helping him and he kept treating me like crap. I never knew why.
You are a punching bag . Does a punching bag have feelings?? I don’t know, never thought about it.
That’s you
My Husband passed away 5 years ago and I'm still healing!
My N-ex use to complain about how his narc mom would dish out silent treatment and ignore his sister for months on end when she made her mad.. he use to make fun of it and say his mom was ridiculous for it...and guess what!?! He does the same bs, but doesn't see it.. HOW?!
RUN fast from these crazies... they will NEVER learn to be healthy, to communicate properly or love you...
This was our childhood and most of our lives. Went no contact 2 years ago bc of my mother’s delusions and paranoia. It just keeps getting worse. I am not overreacting in my concern over her vindictiveness. She’s 84 but age has nothing to do with her potential to harm. I give her a very wide berth. I check parking lots for her vehicle and avoid situations where I might run into her.
With age, they are the worst
Return that package to sender. 😊
You hit the nail on the head. Every word. Spot on.
Often all this punishment is hidden behind fake declarations of love, caring, friendship or other lies, just to get you in their claws. This has been a surgical exposition of pure evil, which is more common than one might think. The choice to interact with them is always yours, as you said. Thank you.
Yes yes yes
Are there any people left who are normal? Can i find at least one? Because my family, my exes and most friends proved to ne narcs.
Not a choice when you have kids
How is it that you understand and can articulate these dynamics so well. I lived this. Everything I did hurt her feelings. Breathing, existing, simple normal stuff that had nothing to do with her. She'd be offended. Any behavior was justifiable because in her mind she'd been deeply wronged. Perpetually. She would withhold affection and information. I couldn't figure out if it was to manipulate or to punish. All totally exhausting and unproductive. Thanks little shaman for giving clarity/closure.
I left my ex after 18 years. They are just miserable and want you to be as well. I’m generally a quiet nerd and he would interrupt my reading books, I gardened- he would hide or throw my supplies away. He was/is a total cluster f&ck. Now the kids don’t want to deal with him. He is totally a disaster.
I had one eventually become an "affection withholder" too after they pretended to be a nympho at the beginning of course. I was willing to deal (within reasonable limits) with that. But it was everything else behavioral wise that eventually drove me away. (Technically they went away but that was after I put up some boundaries... They like to lie to people and claim it was the other way... Nothing but endless projection... I just wasn't going to play the game the way she's trying to sneak upon me once again!)
You have the best, clearest information on narcissism!Thank you for all your wonderful work!
Well said!!!!
Absolutely perfect truthful video of my life with my ex narcissist, little sharman you know him well. He lives permanently in a punishment mode. I have never known anyone that holds huge grudges over tiny things or slights he thinks occurred and his punishment is always way over the top and abnormal. 20 yrs ago my brother in law teased him for wearing a pink shirt, 20 yrs later he still fights about it and wishes death on him. If I tell him something is his fault he will argue and argue that it's someone else's fault and on occasions he will stand and cry and repeat "so it's my fault " and slap himself across the face each time he says it. It's very distressing. I can be reading a book and he comes home, he will walk straight into the room and scream "so what have I done now " I have no idea what happened but a huge argument will ensue, no matter how much I say I don't get it, there is nothing wrong he will continue until I leave the situation. Weeks later I would find out he'd be cheating or done something underhand to me and realise that's why he caused the argument. Living with a narcissist is not living at all it slowly erodes your peace, confidence and ruins your entire life.
They ARE crazy :))))
The sad part is they punish the people they love the most cause they can never show them that they love them, their ego won’t let them. It makes them week, and they can’t stand that feeling “. Of being vulnerable….
Most of 'em can't spell "Humility."
They don't love anyone. They are incapable of love. They despise live. Infatuation is about all they do.
🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
This was my life for 14 yrs.
He hasn't spoken to me since Friday... he has flipped the whole narrative to the point where he really believes I'm manipulative and that I'm manipulating him everytime I open my mouth so... there's no way to convince him otherwise... he just says I'm manipulative... he doesn't want to hear sh!t. Thank you for posting this, I was starting to feel crazy AGAIN. And still can't fully grasp my reality with all of this fxckery. He still brings up sh!tty choices I made when I was 23, I am now 29 and he is 35... no matter how many times I apologize, no matter how much I've changed my behavior (and I have, a lot) he still acts like I've done nothing different as if it happened yesterday.
@@gardener3017 that's the thing I'm struggling with, I've been very aware he's been creating this narrative for years, I even don't bother to correct him because I know it won't do any good so I've basically gone along with this fake narrative for years because I couldn't get through to him and I know how mentally ill he is... and now it's simply hard to walk away with all this time I invested, I dont even know why I'm here anymore except that it's hard to wrap my head around the reality that he really truly is too sick to see that he has a problem, it's a really sad thing to accept. Any suggestions are welcome and thanks for sharing your story ❤️🙌🙏
Please don't stop yourself from doing what is in your best interest because of what is known as the 'sunk-cost fallacy'!
(It is the phenomenon whereby a person is reluctant to abandon a strategy or course of action because they have invested heavily in it, even when it is clear that abandonment would be more beneficial.)
Please don't hope to redeem yourself (one fine day) in his twisted, worthless perception!
The world needs the commitment of good people like you; don't waste your empathy and energy on that insatiable bottomless pit!!
She said the same thing to me . They do that bc they are having a hard time managing their other people ..
Everyone experiencing this, life is short to waste time on not deserving better. Be your own best friend. I snapped out of it, so can you all. Competition and constant divisiveness is not love. Their veil is one of insecurity masked as power and control. When you're ready, you will move on. Be well x
They are having also a hard time managing more of some other person they seem to treat other supplies differently . Remember they have those cycles of abuse . This sounds like the-devalue stage .
Little Shaman:. The Narcissist Whisperer 💞
Omg !! That’s Awesome
“Package that needs to be signed for”””””
Return to sender, address unknown 🎶
@@barbarabuttler7647 “No Such Person“ 🎵
EVER Again!!!
This is an entirely accurate reflection of my experience and a mirror of repetitive conversations that were had. It literally drove me ill, not just crazy… but physically ill.
You're a genius 💯
Brilliant film..my ex cheated on me then took pride in telling me..she got a thrill from the pain she caused me...she is now dead to me
Another variation on the Narc's punishment is that I have to be punished for anything that anyone does to him. I don't have anything to do with what he doesn't like nor can I do anything to change it and never, never disagree with him. He sees that as my defending the offender and being disloyal. I have learned, after over 35 yrs of marriage, to expect that I will be criticized, insulted, humiliated and have to endure his harangue until he runs out of steam. I used to tell the Narc to confront the person about his complaint, that I can't do anything about it, and ask why he is yelling at me. The Narc's answer is that I am here and who else is he going to tell. So with that answer I finally learned that I have to brace myself and keep silent until it is over. And to know that the moments of calm are only when I am out of range of the Narc, in another room or when he is talking to someone else.
I always told IT, Iam NOT your dumpster out in the alley!!!
Brilliant. Every single time. Thank you, Little Shaman! 🙏
Protect your heart and be very discerning as to who you let in❤
According to in-laws, family, teachers, babysitters, friends, roommate, neighbors, I'm a good parent but to the ex narc spouse...'I'm the worst person & parent on planet earth' while he moved across the country to another state with me raising our kids.
They MUST BE in prison or other locked up facility
What would the world be like if this happened?
Better for all of us
@@rubberbiscuit99 more peaceful I guess
@@polnykwiatek12 Right, but then most of congress, the judiciary, CEOs and law enforcement would be off the streets. It's Inconceivable!
But really, some good stuff would definitely go down if that happened.
They would take over the prison as inmates, and they do
They want you to receive their nasty little packages …😂😂😂
It is so “Absurd” .
This is a brilliant and enlightening overview of the characteristics of narcissistic personality disorder; a very useful reference guide for people who have been gaining wisdom about this topic the hard way.
Jason-Moon, I totally agree with you. Enlightening but very painful when you’re the target of this everyday. 🥺
Man ol’ man little shaman, way to drive your point home at the end. That hurt me to hear, but I know I needed that. It’s so easy to play victim and blame them. I need to do what I keep asking her to do, take accountability and responsibility for my actions and choices. THANK YOU
Can't work out what took me so long to finally "get" that nothing could or would never change.
I know it's of no use, but I grieve for the self I failed to protect. It's the self-recrimination. 😢
THIS IS 100% ON POINT!!! YOUR PLATFORM IS AWESOME!!! HAILZ!!! 💥
❤
Im numb Feeling like avoid of myself.I constantly come back to your videos. four years and i'm stuck I'm on another ghosting.He won't answer and I feel so useless right now.And I know it's just a narcissistic game.But my heart can't comprehend that even though my head wants to.I've been crying constantly😢
If you are not married, get out! I have been there and am there, only my circumstance is much more complicated. You are NOT nothing. You are NOT invisible. They are like crack, and you need intervention. Look elsewhere, spend time with a friend who values you, pick up a hobby, better yet pick up the bible and seek Jesus. He will never leave you. Don't feel that just because someone with a mental disorder treats you like crap, that you are crap. YOU have feelings, YOU have compassion, YOU are probably the most loving thing ever and that is what makes you so appealing to someone who can't love. Life is so very short and precious, see your value and don't short change yourself. I know, it's almost impossible to think there are people who cannot love, but I found out the hard way that it's true. If you are here looking for answers, believe me that it's worth it to step back, reevaluate and see your value as something you shouldn't throw before a man who will trample it under foot.
Prayers to you.🙏
When I was talking about God the narc literally believed it was about him 🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️ to this day he probably still believes this even thou he’s been told otherwise
Your package delivery analogy is very helpful! I think its a terrible irony that I've spent years in therapy (off and on) to address problematic people in my life and even the best counselors I've had, have never been able to express or explain these personality disorders. How helpful it would have been to have fully understood that the painful people in my life weren't worth explaining things to. As you said, toddlers in adult bodies. And for years, this is who these people are... they are not evolving... this is who and what they are. And I think this is a very difficult pill to swallow for the populace in general, that some people can not really change for the better. Its taboo and goes against the faery tale notions or religious posturing that people can change for the better. Some peoples brains are literally wired differently. There is more mental illness or personality disorders than people want to discuss or face.
it's strange how narcissists are offended by someone standing up for themselves they go on a smear campaign narc is trying to get other family members to hate me i don't care what she does her life is empty anyway i have found sports and hobbies i have fun things to do she can do what she wants not effecting me great video!
I have experienced punishment from my narc mother, MIL and brother (not to mention in the corporate world). Scapegoats also punish themselves by proxy anyway.
Thanku ❤your channel helped with my recovery thanku
Add a little alcohol to this dynamic and you have some very dangerous people.
I'd include: cocaine, sex addiction, and depression. 😱
Have you ever done a video about narcissists loving to dish it but being unable to take it? If so, which ones fit that criteria?
So true. My narc would mock everything. Mock 10 of the last 10 things I mention to him. If I said anything i was "too sensitive". Say ONE thing to him that wasnt even bad "sometimes people want to be heard and not mocked ya know"
I asked him that exact question..if I’m so terrible why are you still with me? Why do you come back to me after punishing me? His answer:
“You can’t help who you love”
🤔
It has nothing to do with you, fear of abandonment... listen to Sam Vaknin
They don't love. It's a fear of abodnament. They're so use being abandoned by family and friends that it's one of their biggest fears.
Right on sister!
What a good video this describes my situation spot on, I 'm currently living in the same home with two narcs , one is more malignant than the other their a couple that fight constantly! I don't understand how they can even still be together? I got my answer in this video, as well as explanations of other issues, and very well explained, the dynamics of how these narcs perceive and interact with any random situation. I no longer engage in any activities or conversations with these narcs for my own self preservation, I know I'm allowed to choose to do so, by setting boundaries, and detaching myself from any association and keeping my distance, I found being silent has been my saving grace, I no longer give them any power, to their reactive abuse and baiting manipulations, Silence is golden! thank you for posting this I found it extremely helpful. 👍
You know, this is very sad. These people do not have a life and all the things you’re saying is true because it happened to me.
Such an accurate description. You got them pegged.
they do every wrong , no shame no guilt ,with high confidence they fool people after fooling victim
Now we're getting somewhere 🎉
You must’ve met my sister then. Because this video is an exact description of her. While there are certain aspects of her disposition I understand, because I know she doesn’t know anything about narcissism and no contact, which was what I did, I think I can parse out the difference between the injustice she feels from misunderstanding and her malignant narcissism, which is much more active, than our mother’s was. Anytime you’ve decided to disagree with and dismiss the court and break into someone’s house(I don’t live there yet), because the court approved the new owner changing the lock, you don’t even hide it, because you tell the court you disagree and you change the lock again, there are a lot of statements made there. It’s possible that the ONLY thing stopping her right now, is the court dinging her financially, but I agree that, once probate isn’t complete, it is, “But wait! There’s more!” I’ve let the court know that I’ve spoken with police so, once I have the deed, if I even see anything shift in that house, I will be trying to get that menace arrested, so she won’t need to worry about her house either.
But, I can see how the wheels in her head grind. Any possible injustices coming from her are utterly omitted and any she feels are from me are under a microscope. The projection is also insane. She has constantly called me underhanded. But she doesn’t see that, trying to get me to circumvent probate and just move in, was probably her way of ensuring that, as long as both properties remained within the estate, that once I passed, as the eldest (something she might even try to accelerate), there’d be little legal footwork that would stop her from inheriting what I have, as next of kin. So, while on the surface, while it may appear that she’s enraged, because probate is simply costing her control and money. As far as I’m concerned, from what I do know about her, it probably because she had a very long term, underhanded plan, where she does absolutely nothing in her entire life, but receive the work our parents and I did, in her absence. That she is poor, house poor, probably has no health benefits, nor retirement, means that probate has obliterated whatever she may have had in mind. So, if you want to see a crazy, angry narcissist, that doesn’t even care about the court - she’s the poster child. All of the intricacies spelled out here? Yes, they are EXACTLY her and I already know that, if I don’t sell the property, I will need security up to the 3rd floor - and there is no 3rd floor.
Let them go. See them in your next life. No hope, they are too damaged.
They love to withhold as punishment
Wow. The punishment never ends.
Two comments, LS: First, I think you're the best I've ever heard or read when it comes to explaining the root causes of this disorder. This video is an outstanding example. Second, and as you can tell from all the comments, you make your points and they are relevant to people whose N is a parent, sibling, partner, child, etc., better than anyone I've ever heard or read. Most people gear their information to recognition of red flags in adult partnerships. You tackle it all. Thanks for your dedication. 💯❤
I had a friend who encouraged an ex of mine to stalk me because it gave her attention when he went to her for advice, then she got someone to send me a threatening message because I stopped wanting to be her friend (of course she denied it) after i found out about it, she then got offended when I called her out for spreading gossip about me - and another colleague who went for the same promotion as her, she then cost me my job because apparently she was the victim in all of this. This happened in a space of over 4 years, and even though I've now moved away from her, I'm still half expecting her to pop up and throw something else my way.
*sigh
For decades, I have been taking the blame, apologizing, and "trying to do better". I thank you greatly for this video, one of many that helps me to understand the reality of the narc psyche.
Listened twice so far. Your teachings just keep getting better. Thank you.
Interesting that they feel the need to mete out punishment, and then justify it to themselves and everyone around them that someone deserved it.
My ex said he always felt full of rage- the implication being that I caused it. A rageful person is going to be out of control because their brain is not firing on all cylinders when so angry.
No…it never ends! After the Discard he „punishes““ me through our child! 🤦🏻♀️
Let them sit with their feelings, over time they'll absorb it, conciously or otherwise. You see, silence and solitude do good to everyone, but it does specially good to narcissists. Most people who I've heard had a breakthrough in their narcissistic symptoms (specially those who weren't in therapy), or even consider themselves "ex-narcissists" were in a place they couldn't escape their emotions and were trapped with them.
I've heard "I was locked in jail and...", "I was on a trip with my boyfriend and he dumped me, on a different state, on a rented house, I had no cellphone, I had nowhere to go, no money, I didn't know anyone, I felt abandoned, I felt shattered, so I just sat there on a corner and...", "My father had just died and I was scuba diving and...", "I was in a spiritual retreat and they made us walk on burning coal, I saw my life going through my eyes, then everybody went to sleep and we each went to our individual cabins and...", "I had cancer and I was hospitalized, I was pretty much tied to the bed and I couldn't even talk and something flipped on my mind, I started feeling those emotions that I didn't feel before". This is of course anecdotal, those are stories I heard from people I've met through life and on the internet, but there sure is a pattern which I believe is clear and part of something bigger: silence, meditation, self-reflection, calm and quietude, does good to people, as well as confronting and identifying one's emotions.
Now... nothing that extreme needs to happen, or to be forced upon anyone, but just not reacting and keeping silence and going about your own things can be the best help one can give someone like this to let their feelings start to sink in, and it won't be like magic they will change their behavior completely, not in a day, not in a month, not in a year, not in a few years, but they can slowly progress. And as a plus, it is helpful and healthier for both sides, even if neither side is narcissistic!
Very well said! 👏 Absolutely agree. From my view, as long as the other person in these relationships continue to enable and bow down to these soul-suckers, nothing will hit home for them. Blessings to you, from Austin 🔥
I was about to testify here in the comment section of this exact type of thing. It is an experience in which I've had the great fortune of having gone through, and have also had several years been able to reflect upon extensively. I've not enough time or thumb strength to go into detail and personally, anything other than my own verbal testimony of this experience has yet to come to fruition although it has been attempted many times. I was just taken aback at how uncanny it was that right as I was preparing to account for this exact thing, I happened upon this comment, and even more odd for myself us the fact that not once have I ever heard, read, or witnessed any account of someone acknowledging this to be a true and factual process. It's always been from an individual that's experienced it, and 9 times out of ten, they are called out to be liars, or told that they must not have had any actual narcissistic tenets because it is believed by most that these things are permanent and cannot be resolved or changed, and it's very refreshing and has brought to me a long needed acknowledgement of accountability and accomplishment that far to many folks believe can't be achieved. I appreciate your willingness to share your thoughts and experiences here, and thank you kindly for speaking on this matter on behalf of the recovered former narcissists. I just can't thank you enough.
Thanks. Needed to hear this today. Narcissist spiraling over some gossip stupidity and sending toxic/punishing texts today. Am not responding just renting space in my head as a result. Thanks for this Little Shaman. Gets me back where I need to be: into a better frame of mind and positivity and understanding. Much love and a happy weekend to all 🥰
WOW SUCH DIVINE TIMING THANK YOU LITTLE SHAMAN!
This answers so many questions, even some I wasn't aware I had. Super helpful!!!!❤
This is soo true!! Word 4 word, and i STILL don't understand
These are some special people I hoped to God that's the last ones I ever have to deal with in my life.. A life-changing experience.
This was my mother to
the last word!
Another excellent video thank you
Oh how I had to get this reminder from just yesterday’s experience!
Great message as usual L. S. This really hit home. You really break it down and explain so well. 💯 💜
I am blown away. To me this is the essence of narcissism. It is the root of their own suffering.
But it is the cause of all the pain they bring to people being in relationship with.
I listened closely.
I can releíy to the content myself. I have to do it for not being a narcissist.
In child forsters I was a victim of mental, emotional, espiritual and physical cruel violance. It has been done by humans you might consider non narcissistic people as well. The simple motivation was, there were no repercussions. I was a little kid, small, weak, I had no intelectual, emotional or body force.
I remember my violent fantasías to pay back that kept me away from sleep. A part of this fantasías was, it didn't matter if they were proportional to what had been done to me. It was about killing.
With time and nature I became an intelligent and physically very strong boy.
I begun to defend myself. In reality I was shocked about my compasión that I had with my formal aggressors that had become victims. I watched myself doing only the bare minimum to stop the attack.
I was now ruminating why I didn't make my early fantasies real, now I could destroy on many levels. I hated myself for being that «weak».
But often I was shocked about how little of my force emotionaly and physically caused far more damage than exspected as well. It was the close connection to reality and not loosing it, that had gone in competition to the incontrolables fantasy of punishing to the «end».
My soul simply couldn't do it. I had to accept that.
I began to enjoy the safty, no one attacked me any longer. I could stand on an open place not looking behind me, I no longer had to stand with my back to a wall. They had done IQ tests to me, not every thought or word of me was percieved as stupid any longer. I learned foreign language in a few weeks, I became great in sports. I had at that point a happy childhood.
Then I went into a borderle problematic as a late teen up to my twenties. Girls loved me to death.
I was abusive cause of my abandonment issues.
On one hand girls were the only one that protected me as a little kid, this was a reality I remembered on the other hand there was a deap fear due to the emotional deap relationship and loosing it.
I learned my emotional power in love connections. I was surprised of the harm I could do. I was amaized how vulnerable love could make me myself.
The vindictive fantasies started again. I was ruminating about destroying them emotionaly.
In reality I executed only a small part of it. I was suffering doing that. But there was allways this intense feeling of deap hurt in a frame of reality.
They didn't beat me up physically nor emotionaly, why does it feel like that. I wanted allways a 100% prove of their love and loyalty, that's impossible but they did it. But it wasn't enough for me. I was processing this mindfully cause I loved them so much. I began to love me for not punishing them in reality in the way my fantasías told me to do. I could feel my bounderies when I went crazy, I could watch myself or a higher institution in me calling it out, it's enough!
I began to communicate with this great girls what's going on inside of me, they said: I know. I knew. I understand. I understood. I love you. You can stop it.
I needed a few of this angles, I am so thankful.
I became an responsable adult, I became a real man. I learned how vulnerable relationships, even trusting friendships and love makes us.
I learned to split bad or good actions from a person in it's core. That made me able to accept and love myself. That forced myself to act responsable no matter of what I am thinking or feeling.
And there is a danger in it too. I became a victim of abuse myself by understanding the pain of a borderlinish narcish psychopathic girl.
We are equal, but we are not the same. And this reality saved my life. She didn't change like I did. I can trust my core. It was exactly me who did only the bare minimum again to defend my life against a tiny pregnant woman with a knife and a gun. And no it is not an adequate response killing someone for leaving a relationship for acting intolerable to the person that loves you. I have the right to survive only wanting to leave the situation.
Reality is your 911, it hurts sometimes like surgery, it is your best friend. It safes lifes, families, little kids, friendships.
When can you make friendship with reality?
When will you take responsability for yourself?
When will you take a fantasy for what it is?
When will you stop punishing yourself without bounderies by the hand of a disordered person.
When will you take care of kids you might have and leave?
There are no good persons and no bad neighter.
To me personaly, it is more a question of what part speaks louder to you.
There is a sudo ethics out there, it is grandious.
Don't go there!
God is freedom.
Punishment is so nessesary the same is pain. If it is meant to change behaviour. Go out of your head!
You deligated it to the psychopaths in the dominating governments. You are not free to use violence to protect yourself. The power of their law is the «good».entitled «lawful» punishment. I little sociopath might be godly sometimes. Trust your instincts.
It is not violence or punishment that is bad unless your pharoo uses it, even against you.
It is to be an adult and connected to reality in a distance to your thoughts and feelings to be able to use it in a way of the freedom of God.
Trusting and knowing your true inner core to do the right thing at the right time.
The last thing I will have to struggle til the end of my life is being a regulated sothiopath.
I go along with most of the laws, but not with the practice they turn them around against God and freedom and the very inner core of us we all know is right.
It is the made up definition of a sociopath that makes me one. You will hurt me doing this. But I will know that no clinical definition should depend on changing laws and regulations.
I wish to have a loyal loving woman and 15 kids.
Reality and the built up psychopathic system is a reality and to face it is pain.
But the sociopath I am can help little kids in child forsters with love, acceptance, education and money. I can have the relationships to women that I love so much, in the way it is possible. And accept reality another time.
I am a happy man. My life is joy.
Don't think you have to protect you only against narcs.
First protect yourself against you and your fantasies.
Protect yourself against society made of a majority of non narcs.
I recieved cruel abuse by non narcs in Germany in child forsters in the 60ies. The German narzi did ungodly things a few years before that. A few years before that the church burned beautiful women alive. By definition all no sociopath at that time.
The root of evil goes three ways.
1. You are in the dramatic prison of a cluster B and you lost reality completly.
I stay away from this dangerous people, but I have compasion.
2. You don't have the intelectual tools to get reality.
Something to have empathy with, but can't really do it. Stupid people hurt me the most.
3. You are currupted by ungodly previlegs.
Thies are the most dangerous by numbers.
You can't escape that easy. I have no campasion.
In my personal perception I deal with a mix of all three kind of destructive people.
I feel I am entitled for nothing, I love to feel my limitations, but I feel my responsability where it is possoble and nessesary to act or not to act.
US narc victims, stop bringing death and violence to the world and abuse poor countries for their resources with your elections and taxes. The enabler is the devil.
Desde Sudamérica
Always on point with the info. Love the content and the delivery of said content.
I finally found you again. Had a brain fa.. and couldn’t remember your site. Just in time. Divorcing after 31 years my narcissistic husband. Yes I stayed too long. 😢 he is definitely in the punishment stage or trying to be. The less I engage the worse he gets. Thankfully I have my kids and grandkids to keep me sane and on the right path. The hardest part is untangling from our business.
You are describing someone I know too well. The punishment will never end.
Youre a legend.
Your a very helpful person little shaman. So looking forward to no more man unkind and this age of head games ending forever. Hope the great spirit of love and truth agrees and gives the graces needed. Narcissistic abuse is like a virus of the soul and epidemic.
2:24 to 2:35 You've said it all within these 11 seconds!!!😮
I'm soooo glad I'm revisiting your channel. Even post divorce, you're helping to understand sooo much.
It's hard for me to believe i still "need" some level of validation. Wow.
Thank you, yet again. Brilliant. I am so glad to be out after 7 years and two kids. You explain it best and so funny. I love the dry humour in your videos. ❤
12:42 spot on!!! Took me years to get my head around this 🤯
He keeps trying to punish me for the sin of discovering his sins. Lol, his punishment is to spend the last 5 years on the couch and bring up my "digging" 5 years ago, every time he is caught in his bs. I'm quite content having the bedroom as my private space.
Anybody else notice how the more you learn about narcissism the more you realize this "woke" mental illness is pure narcissism?
Indeed, Willie. 😱
Agreed!
Definitely
Bingo ✊🏻 8:21 this is so true and they have a way of engaging you to accepting it with weird unspoken dog whistles ... better at dodging than I was but still not out of the woods .. they come in so many forms