"Gaslighting, blame shifting, projection, deflection, shame dumping, stonewalling, raging, the silent treatment, devaluation, discarding, and virtually every other behavior these personalities are notorious for, are all expressions of denial in one way or another." Powerful stuff.
You provide a fantastic service to those of us who are unable to get away from the narcissist. You have made clear the futility of engaging with or explaining to them because they are forever lost in their own heads! Sometimes I get caught up engaging with them because my default is that of a human being. Theirs is a vacuum. There is no past, present or future with this person, just vortex of nothingness below the thin surface of bullsh*t.
I once told him the truth would set him free. His response was, “are you threatening me”? I knew then that there is no getting through his denial and lies, and stopped engaging him in any significant way.
These people are truly on another level. I literally had video footage from the ring camera on my house of my ex saying some unbelievably diabolical things regarding what he wanted to do to me, my family, my house, and even my pets right before he tried to unalive me, and he still tried to twist the narrative to everyone by saying that God told him that I had a demon and he was "chosen" to exorcise this demon from me. You can see in the footage that I am in no way taunting him, provoking him, or threatening him....I'm simply just sitting there; sunbathing and minding my own business, and he starts saying these things out of nowhere. What I now realize is, is that he had been in a mild psychotic state all day because earlier that morning I apparently looked at him the wrong way while he was doing his word salad. The fact that I had a look of genuine confusion instead of awe and adoration while he was trying to be brilliant was enough to put him in this state. The sad thing is, is some people believed his explanation, because they could not believe that someone as "sweet and caring" as him could do something like that unless I somehow pushed him to that point...thereby enabling and encouraging his perpetual savior complex. It was the most disturbing and terrifying situation I have ever been in, but the fact that he was 100% serious in his explanation and trying to twist it back on me was just as disturbing. Thankfully, his testimony did not hold up in a court of law, and he went to jail...which of course, to him, was another example of how I was trying to "sabotage" him while he was just trying to "help" me. It really is like being in an alternate reality with these types of people...like realizing you're in a carnival that is being ran by Pennywise. If you ever start seeing signs of Narcissism in the beginning of a relationship...GET OUT. Don't even question it. Block, delete, and disappear. You do not want to be on this type of person's radar and you definitely do not want to find out the hard way. These people are sick. The red flags started as insults disguised as jokes, and intermittent reinforcement via texting. I also met him right after I lost my grandmother and was extremely emotionally vulnerable. I wish I had known about Narcissism before all of this...I almost lost my life because I dismissed and ignored those initial red flags.
Love longer episodes like this one. Seriously I could spend hours just listening to and learning from Little Shaman. Such wise teachings you have for us. Thank you :)
The comments in this thread reminded me of how I have used things like music, podcasts, etc., when doing things that triggered my PTSD episodes (like something as simple as housework, since I was raised in a toxic environment where housework was punishment for existing and an excuse for my abusive mother to inject her rage into me as a small helpless defenseless child). Whether I listened to music, podcasts, etc., or listening to the episodes of this channel when triggers were likely, I have found that doing this over the years actually helped reprogram the triggers of my PTSD -- by interfering with how the triggers work and instead by allowing me to be distracted by something that is helpful, therapeutic, and healing.
This video had me jumping up and down cheering! PREACH, SISTER! THIS IS THE REALEST SHIT I'VE EVER HEARD! Thank you, THANK YOU for putting into words what I have been tortured by for the past 3 years- the narc's mind boggling denial! I have so often thought "is he mentally ill? Does he have a brain injury I'm not aware of? How can these LUDICROUS words come out of his mouth? Are we existing in different dimensions where his reality and mine are so completely incongruent? How the hell am I supposed to feel loving and safe in the midst of this INSANITY?" We used to be so compatible, on the same wavelength, in tune with each other. Then, I made one choice he deemed unacceptable and the devaluation began. Now, life has deteriorated to a hopelessly frustrating, painful, lonely, and exhausting struggle to feel seen, understood, respected, and loved by someone who once was willing, able, and happy to participate in a reciprocal partnership. This video is a powerful, enlightening, honest appraisal of how denial dictates every facet of the narc's life and pollutes the dynamic between us and them. I would have liked it 100x of I could. Thank you!
After my dad threatened to disinherit me (again!), I confronted him over his manipulative behavior. He denied EVER saying that (he definitely did) and acted shocked and horrified at the accusation. I call this the “diaper genie effect”. When shame is compartmentalized and stuffed down over a lifetime you never want to lift the lid on someone else’s diaper genie. Thank you for this excellent episode on a difficult topic!
Narcissists don't talk straight, they tell people what they think they want to hear and will say one thing and mean another just to confuse things. Living in denial suits the narcissist's compulsive need to tell one lie after another, it must feel good to someone who doesn't have a conscience or remorse.
No, no, no.... When you show them footage, they become the victim and you are now the bad guy!! " How could you violate me this way? What kind of person would record me in my private moments?? You're a monster and this is unforgivable!!" Now you're confused, they've successfully diverted the attention away from the real issue and YOU are the one apologizing. 😠
Yep. 100% agree!! I took to recording some things he was doing -- just to prove to MYSELF that I wasn't crazy. He about had me convinced that I had lost my mind!! WHO DOES THAT!? When I played the recordings, which were obviously him with another women, he angrily denied everything and in fact told me there was NOTHING recorded. That I was hearing voices and must be having some kind of breakdown. I finally went to my mom and played what I had for her and asked her if this was an empty recording-- am I crazy?? She heard everything and assured me that the only thing that's crazy is that I'm still with him. Thank God I had my mom to help me. And of course, he says I'm the dysfunctional one for having recorded him!! I'll never win with him!! At this point it's just survival.
I comment all over your videos since i found you a couple of months ago,luv. Listen... I just wanted to randomly thank you again for all you do. You're a light in the darkness for many. God bless you. Christi.🇨🇦
wow! LS, you covered so much here, I was rewinding and replaying like crazy! One take away is the denial ON MY PART 😮 trying to make sense of the relationship that doesn’t even exist!
@@eyeoftheneedle1116 Maybe that's all we can really do with this knowledge, take it and look at ourselves, and the damage that was done, how we reacted, and are still reacting, etc. Trying to fathom them or change them, or mourn for what could have been, is a complete waste of our time. I've only just come to the realisation (I'm in my 60s!!) that this has been a factor in so many confusing and hurtful dealings with my father, and I'm struggling to feel OK with myself and for what happened over and over. It's really tough!
I feel super self-conscious when interacting personally with others, so having the option, I isolate. YT comments is my social life. Loneliness felt more stark before computers. For me, being online is liberating, not isolating.
Thank you! My ex is beyond denial. He has put on a new skin and become a new identity. He did bufu frog in CR and now thinks he has shed that person he once was. So not only did he not do those awful things, he is no longer that low life form. He is a new highest spiritual being. A snake shedding it's skin is still a snake. To him I'm the low vib person who knew the former snake.
I wanted to say thank you for saving my life, you've helped me leave a horribly toxic relationship, before you, I didn't know what trauma bonds were. Thank you
Word for word SPOT ON ,as usual! Thankyou so much for helping the healing! Did 25 years with a covert narc. Insidious! Insulting. Maddening! I am out! Still fighting to sort thru it all n trying to explain the CRAZY-GO-ROUND ....... I am still spinning! You are so talented at putting the words I can't seem to gather up! What a blessing! Namaste
This makes so much sense. You were one of the very first people I listened to about Npd. The narcissist has been gone now since 2019. I went through covid completely alone. The ex narc has hoovered me twice with no entry back into my life thanks to the tools and knowledge I received here and others. No one gets it but the online community. I went through the dark night of the soul. I reached out to years ago. I thought I was going crazy with the narc the gaslighting the triangulation, the smear campaign, silent treatment ghosting, cheating, etc. You helped me so much. I'm very grateful. Thank you.
It's so reflexive with my friend, almost every response starts with "No," even when really he's agreeing with you. So bizarre. I've heard him talk to his young daughter, and his tendency is to disagree with everything she says, and then she does the same to him. Great family dynamics.
WOW! I've been struggling with managing my emotions and maintaining my sanity with this individual. I have been losing it. But, not anymore and hearing this now was perfect timing. I have regained perfect control of my mental health. They are certifiably insane!
Denial + projection = I didn't do it, you did it/I'm not doing that, you're doing it. Telling a half truth to deny their real motives (e.g. getting you to pay for things like buy them a car when they are already planning to leave you), and then denying their real motives and totally cancelling your reality and any harm that they've done (and refusing to pay you back for the car after they've left you).
I have a woman in my family who insists she weighs 103lbs despite being very clearly obese. We’re literally talking 300+ lbs. Her entire identity revolves her being “teeny tiny.” Everyone around her plays along with this delusion, presumably because she was a D list celebrity at one point. It’s pretty wild.
This is my narc sister !! Omg you just nailed it- I'm a size 0 , she is size 6 ish ..I'm thin /small boned , she is very muscular ( not overweight) but not a size 0 like me YET EVERYTHING she bought was EXTRA SMALL . This baffled me for so long till I realized it's denial . The rare times I wore something of hers it would be TIGHT & I'd say to her - this is tight on me and I'm an xs , how do you even fit into it?!! & she always acted like she fit into everything just fine. This comment is the 1st I've ever read on the narc & how delusional they are around their weight !
When my mother was younger, she wasn't overweight but she constantly tried to get everyone around her to believe she had lost another five pounds that week. She would put on an oversized skirt over her regular clothes, suck in her tummy while pulling the waistband of the skirt as far forward as it would go, and say, "See how much weight I lost?". It honestly never occurred to her that if she really did lose five pounds every week, there would be nothing left of her.
If one follows the new obese takeover of the Body Positivity "movement", they describe someone of 300 pounds to be a "small fat" in order to make 650 pounds beautiful and "healthy". Great denial example to point out, and being a TRUE teeny-tiny of 120 pounds, I concur she and her enablers are fully delusional, yes!
It seems that denial and gas lighting are the same defense mechanism. The two sides of the same coin. Denial is the defensive refusal to admit reality, and gas lighting is the projecting of a false reality. both serve the same purpose. To deflect any fault of the Narc
Thank you so much for explaining why my sister always treated me with contempt. The excruciating agony we go through in narc abuse is mainly the continued attempts to befriend them. I am no contact, the pain was worse than a sexual relationship narc abuse and contempt because there's no one else left in our family and it's totally illogical. But it's always illogical. Thank God you can explain this, I've had 50 years of it and couldn't understand : I must be worse than her in order for her to exist : Egosyntonic sadism.
@@WingsofFlight-n5u So similar to my own experience 😪😪So strange to read how others went through something similar. It's always seemed impossible to relate this life experience to others, whose knee jerk reaction is I should forgive, reconcile. They have utterly no idea of the abuse, they assume it has to be about forgiveness, as if I am pettily holding onto a grievance when she has thrown a darkness and pain over my entire life which has utterly nothing to do with anyone I actually am. "Grotesque" is an accurate word. To even be in her presence or that family of origin, it is like having to don some filthy costume. It is not difficult to stay no contact.
@@bernadette573yep, no one gets it, it can't be explained to normals. If you relate an incident they say you should forgive, not comprehending the hopelessness of it. I'd like to be able to tell people she died, so no explanation is needed. I won't, but you know what, it's true. There's nothing there but the " defence mechanisms ". And I am the person, who she never had anything to "defend" against...But that's the case in every case. Made-up lies to get me punished. They get worse and just perfect the abuse. Incredible how it's only now being explained. Incredible how we never understood.
I had to do the same with my sister, it really is tough because "you can't abandon family!" I felt so terrible and still feel pity for my sister, but she has proven over and over that she will always try to hurt me. Finally getting away from the drama and chaos is so nice.
We had this happen just yesterday with the suspected N in our family. A silly, tiny mistake, that would make most of us the teeniest bit embarrassed, and then immediately go - "Oops! My bad!" But no, the person concerned denied that it had ever taken place. We were blown away by the sheer cheek of it, an outright lie. And it really was nothing, the sort of mistake we've all made many times.
Waaaw 😳✊🏻✊🏻 LS 🙏🏻......I don't know how you came to distill this subject but this reality red pill is so powerful it needs to be written down somewhere
finally someone explained why avoidant partner is staying away from me (we live together separate rooms) because i have had it and he doesn't want to face my face or lack of my face so great!! little genius shaman
Your content is so helpful. Not so that I can change others but so that I can have a perspective to help me navigate their behaviors. Then I can change my behavior and not engage with them.
1:42-- 'Denial of impact (of a transgression of theirs.) It can be done in the form of REFRAMING." Yes! My ex family of origin did this. I caught my older sister on a SMEAR CAMPAIGN talking to my leasing office manager trying to make me look and telling her about a drug history that was that manger's Business. That manager was cool about it and told me what she said. Years later when I called my mom out on it about my sister, she claimed that a neighbor complained about me allegedly. I said, "NOPE! I heard it straight from the horses mouth." She got off the phone uncomfortably without admitting a thing despite having direct evidence. This was just after I was discovering layer upon layer of smear campaign going on before I even knew it was occuring. Just as they often say, "the smear campaign happens long before you even know it." (Or to use another adage, "By the time the truth puts its pants on, the lie is halfway around the world." Some say to greyrock it, and sure that's the best way to go about it. But SOMETIMES, you just have to CALL IT OUT if you're me. Of it was easy to do because they infiltrated that apartment that all a sudden started ignoring critical work orders (such as fixing the shower... I put in my 1 month notice to move our subsequently), jobs I should have had, my social network. And those SICK FUCKS are 'in DENIAL" as The Little Shaman says here per title of presentation. But I live 2300 mi away for decades from the so-called family origin. They all have their lies about what supposedly happened in supposedly didn't happen and I cut them all off. My parents will never have my phone number again and I am done with the three siblings from my SO-CALLED family of origin. I made that public to my parents house after I got rid of them one by one or vice versa (essentially speaking in regards to the latter) I hate to sound like an extremist because I have not been in the absolute worst situation. But even I have to agree that BY SOME POINT, when you are pushed too far...NO CONTACT IS THE ONLY WAY TO GO! (As is often advised)
Thank you for giving me all this education. That's where I was six years ago! And, I am healed. I agree with you 100 per cent. I want people out there to know you can heal from narcissistic abuse. Be kind to yourself. Take time to enjoy yourself!! God bless everyone and I hope you have a nice day!! ❤😊
It cannot be understated how much you have positively affected my life. God bless you and keep you, and may God’s/the Great Spirits face shine upon you every day and every moment of your life. ❤
That is because there are diagnostic fads folks fall into. 20 years ago, you had Borderline, ten years ago ADHD, and today you have Bipolar "disorder".
That is because there are diagnostic "fads" and narcissism is a very old discovery. 😂 40 years ago, you had PTSD. 30 years ago, you had depression. 20 years ago, you were Borderline. 15 years ago you had ADHD. Ten years ago you were Bipolar. 😂 A LOT of these display maladaptive behaviors, and how does one without empathy KNOW whether or not they actually DO? And how does someone identify a "racing thought"? How does someone know what hyperactivity feels like when they have always been that way? Diagnosis are based on answers to questions, and since narcissists lie to them SELVES, their answers are invalid! 😂
Learning to trust and validate myself is extremely uncomfortable and actually hard. I'm finding it's very rewarding, but I find it's one of the loneliest and sometimes scariest things I've ever done.
@@eyeoftheneedle1116 For me, it's been about keeping my hopes, plans, ideas and self-driven projects to myself. It's really hard because I feel like it's a huge part of how I express myself to people and editing what I share is a struggle. I think working through things on my own has forced me to trust my own judgment sooner than I thought I could in a lot of cases because it's all I had confirmed was in my best interest to do.
The loneliness and the fear are temporary. It starts to become empowerment, and then you just start getting used to certain people not liking you. I'm there now, and it's much better on the side of things. Trust and believe.
@@eyeoftheneedle1116I can just give you my story and that's about it. I did multiple therapies like EMDR, internal family systems, DBT, and CBT. I practiced just telling the truth no matter what. Sometimes people reacted negatively, but it didn't kill me. You know? I just always stayed honest with my therapist even if it meant telling all myself and feeling embarrassed. The people who love and care about you truly and genuinely will stick around. You. Just have to keep telling the truth and practice it always unconditionally. Yes I lost some people, upset some people, but whatever I told the truth. That's the only thing that matters to me at this point. Hope that helps
29:30 "It's ridiculous b.s., in other words, and it doesn't deserve your validation." THANK YOU ❤ How much more simpler our lives would be if we could grasp that from the very get-go. You know, people could spend a month of Sundays trying to figure it out or they could simply tune in to the podcast and absorb wisdom. My wish for everybody would be that they would be able to let go, and focus on their own healing.
@j.t.1215 I totally agree with you and have a similar wish for my fellow humans, especially the ones who are caught up! On that note, I've noticed that I'm starting to feel frustrated with people who are still focused on wanting a narcissistic individual, or more, to change, even though I understand and used to do it too. I'm thinking that it's probably normal and it's not like I'm telling them to shut up about the person, or to leave TODAY without knowing the circumstances, which is what happened to me. I've read a lot of comments like this from people who call themselves empaths as well. ❤
I've been on the path to healing from a toxic marriage for over 5 years. This podcast literally connected all the dots of what I've been learning and trying to assimilate and apply. Thank you for everything you do and especially for this particular podcast. I am eternally grateful.
Giiiirrrrlll, wheeeww!!! I wish I could just hug little Sharman! The narcissist in my Life is this description to a TEE! It’s so unbelievable that FINALLY, someone can relate to my situation!❤❤
I’ve been around this my entire life; from my parents - to having an adult child who abuses, denies, twists, and triangulates just like them. I am currently dealing with more and more illnesses and wonder if being around this gaslighting crazy-making bullshit isn’t the reason why? I feel 100 years old somedays and am supposed to be having the time of my life in retirement, yet I sit here sick or tired over what I’ve been through and how much time I’ve given to these people thinking if I just gave more: love, time, effort, gifts, money, etc… that they could be loved out of it. They can’t. And I’m afraid I may have not only endured their hurt, but also harmed myself by trying so hard. Ain’t that a kick in the head?
Same here! 43yrs!!! Lost everything! My business my bank account and now my health. The stress of living in eggshells and fight or flight destroyed my health.
Me: So you didn't do this thing that everyone remembers and there's a legal paper trail? Narcissist: Nope, that didn't happen. Me: Are you absolutely sure? None of this happened? Narcissist: Nope! An actual conversation I've had with a narc relative.
So I kept winning at online scrabble with my Narc Mom. One day I stopped over and saw an icon called scrabble cheat on her desktop. My jaw was on the floor and I was laughing quite a lot, but she almost attacked me physically she was so enraged. She bared her teeth and hissed that she knew gd damn well I was the cheater. Lol....all the projection and denial in the world right there
This is one of my favorite to date and I’m a devoted follower. It’s so important to remember these things. No matter how much we know consciously I think our subconscious needs reminding periodically. Thank you I will be saving this one to keep me on my toes.
This is hard to hear because I often have "denial of impact" when it comes to the many narcs in my life who often act like everything I do or say has a higher level of scrutiny and responsibility than anything they say or do -- they take offense at anything I do, IE if I say something is disgusting, she acts like I said SHE is disgusting, at the time time she is allowed by her own code of conduct to lose her temper and call me a c*nt but I'm just supposed to forget and forgive.... the level of behavior I'm supposed to uphold is a much higher standard than she holds herself to and if I'm not quick to reply a text or if I show her with evidence like a screenshot of something I said which proves I was in fact being considerate of her feelings, or not behaving in the horrible way that she has framed it in her mind, then she gets angry at the contradictory fact and just says goodbye and stops talking to me for months.
I feel what you're saying. I have a sister that does that to me repeatedly. If I say or do the slightest thing that she deems offensive she will claim that I am "toxic" and smear my name to anyone that listens to her. On the other hand, when I point out her borderline-type antics, she denies my points, gets upset and stops talking to me for months or years. I am burnt out from her, had to go no contact and she's my only sister. Deep, sad stuff!
Bam! About being wrong or mistaken ( about 14 min), if you mention something unfamiliar or unknown to said narc, they immediately get nasty and up -in-arms. Instead of simp.y saying, " I'm not familiar with that. " or asking, " what is that", they accuse. " stop trying to one- up me" ( huh!?), or acting disdainful. " I can't be bothered with that", or some other comment to derail the conversation . Wow! Your analogy from 22 min on is very powerful and drives it home!
Sigh Just WOW. just wow. Even as defeated as I am. Still your knowledge and how you share it, lifts me up to get another breath. It's pretty much too late for me but I'm glad that its reaching people and the more it does then the better the odds for the victims to get out sooner. ❤
Little Shaman thank you for always delivering such great content, I've learned so much from you over the years and you have been of great support to me!
Hot mess. Because, even as a person who has no background in psychology, but have still learned a great deal from LS and others, it is sooo difficult to know what is going on in someone else’s mind. One of the issues I’ve dealt with twice, is the possibility of the aging narcissist. When dealing with this, it is HORRIBLY difficult to know what exists within that person, between narcissism and possible dementia, where one ends and where the other begins. It can also be more seemingly benign things like attention seeking, loneliness and care needs. Still, I’ve seen where, if I am not the caregiver or the target that simply isn’t doing as I am told, they are the victim, leaving me as, undoubtedly, the villain. The villain who isn’t simply smeared. But there might be real world consequences for this. Because those whom they may smear you to, don’t know they may be enablers and may see themselves as heroes, who will punish the target. I know I have been seen as the narcissistic villain a few times, without ever hearing it. My boundaries exactly make it look like I do not care. In actuality, I do. I can often see where things went wrong with that person, how wrong they’ve become, that the wrong has picked up moss along the way, and that everything may continue to spiral. That they are reaching out for help, perhaps. The issue, however, is that they may see you as a cure all to all of it, by checking out and handing all of their issues over to you. You not allowing this, at least for them, is anywhere from loss of control to an actual attack. As I’ve seen this battle of reality and perception go on, particularly between a narcissistic person and their target (me) or with family where it may have become a foile a deux where my mother and sister were concerned, it has felt that the only possible way out, is to have an external witness and, sometimes, that is the police, in order to document issues and allow the narcissistic person to understand there may be consequences.
I hat I feel I’m learning is that, for narcissistic people, which I find to be a marker, is that being told no or being told to leave you alone IS the intrusion. Talk about opposites!
Find myself listening to this again when Im not in a state of upset.Oh my! Denial of the victim is exacty what has evolved in the current fiasco! Glad Im listening to this again and picking- up on more of the wisdom and light. It can be really mind- blowing to hear and watch yhem in action when you have their number.
This was brilliant and packed with real helpful information. But I was especially glad to hear you talk on the psychotic aspect, which was something I noticed. With some, you can't NOT notice, it's so obvious. I still think she has bipolar manic/psychotic episodes. But I don't care anymore because the denial (or is it anosognosia?) cannot be pierced. I can't waste any more care. Thank you beloved Little Shaman. You've been such a help to me and to so many.
I just found you Little Chaman and I’m so grateful for you! I’ve been listening to many specialists on the subject for several years now and I’m impressed by the clarity and depth of your analysis. Thank you🙏🏻✨
Denial- gaslighting - it's sad you hold a grudge and let something small ruin the friendship. (Blame on me) Epiphany phase- I reflected. I understand everything you're saying. (I don't accept) Recent fight after him telling me he's moving next door to me- we just had a falling out, that's all. It's not like it's anything serious. You're the one holding a grudge. I'm not going to let some guy who's in his feelings about me determine where I live. I didn't tell you in hopes we'd be friends. I told you to give you a warning. Because you're a psycho and I knew you would think I was hovering over you. The move has nothing to do with you. Living 15 min from you and living next door is the exact same thing. I was just giving you a warning, I didn't want to talk or anything. ( Back to gaslighting and denial)
@@cyndigooch1162 Thank you. Yes, its the same pattern for like 15 years. He has multiple relationships like this but somehow can never see its him. Good luck to you too. Im sure you have stories if you are here too.
The narc in my life(future ex husband please God) ...as I struggle to understand the emotional abusive things he did to me throughout our marriage, I ll ask him about it..I m trying to heal....I m trying to forgive myself for allowing it due to low self esteem, trauma bond....but he is still in denial...zero personal growth....his new favorite excuses: " I thought I was doing the right thibg" " I didn t really think about it". " I didn t think it was important". I am beginning to hate this person... after knowing him 4 decades.
Dear Little Shaman, I’m dealing with this in my family. Could you do a video about flying monkey fathers, please? I really appreciated the one about flying monkeys in general that you did some years ago and it would help me a lot if you added one that deals with narcissistic mothers and flying monkey fathers. It’s terribly hurtful for me since he can’t be blindsided like outsiders may be who get recruited as flying monkeys. I experience him as very withdrawn towards me, and he runs away or gets annoyed whenever I get just a bit emotional - no matter about what subject. It can also be a nasty situation in my life. In general, I feel very much like a plant who was kept from growing by constantly “putting a lid over the pot”, that’s the image I get in my head when thinking about the interactions in my family. What I suffer from isn’t only this false image you’re talking about in this video here but also from not ever being able to “reach” my father, be close to him, he seems to be scared of me. Or just shut off, I don’t know. But he’s very old now and I fear losing him without ever having had real access to him apart from moments in my childhood where he was teaching me little things. He definitely isn’t a cold person but he seems depressed, shut off, scared, defensive, and not approachable now and I wish I could help him and myself. I don’t know what to do because talking about it makes him deny it all and literally leave the room.
@@thelittleshamanhealing Thank you! I learned a lot from the other experts on RUclips, but I often feel like watching them is sipping from the water fountain while watching/hearing you is like drinking from the firehose. Nah, that sounds unpleasant. What I mean is that your message is distilled and powerful in a way that I might not have been able to receive earlier on in my journey. Now, it's just right. I can't thank you enough.
Have you ever noticed how they take your acheivments & successes as personal insults. What causes this? I am not a competitor but am treated as one by the narc. Could it be they punish us for their own insecurities? Its sad😮❤❤❤
That was the most accurate explanation of what we experienced with them and the feelings that transpire because of their behaviors and ability to deny. You're very good at what you do! Keep On Keepin On❤
"Gaslighting, blame shifting, projection, deflection, shame dumping, stonewalling, raging, the silent treatment, devaluation, discarding, and virtually every other behavior these personalities are notorious for, are all expressions of denial in one way or another."
Powerful stuff.
You provide a fantastic service to those of us who are unable to get away from the narcissist. You have made clear the futility of engaging with or explaining to them because they are forever lost in their own heads! Sometimes I get caught up engaging with them because my default is that of a human being. Theirs is a vacuum. There is no past, present or future with this person, just vortex of nothingness below the thin surface of bullsh*t.
Vortex of nothingness - 💯!!
Succinct
Lol helps thinking of them as an AI chatbot
There like an abyss.
Very well put
I once told him the truth would set him free. His response was, “are you threatening me”?
I knew then that there is no getting through his denial and lies, and stopped engaging him in any significant way.
Denial of the victim 💯. "It's ok that I did this because I did it to you, and you don't matter."
These people are truly on another level. I literally had video footage from the ring camera on my house of my ex saying some unbelievably diabolical things regarding what he wanted to do to me, my family, my house, and even my pets right before he tried to unalive me, and he still tried to twist the narrative to everyone by saying that God told him that I had a demon and he was "chosen" to exorcise this demon from me. You can see in the footage that I am in no way taunting him, provoking him, or threatening him....I'm simply just sitting there; sunbathing and minding my own business, and he starts saying these things out of nowhere. What I now realize is, is that he had been in a mild psychotic state all day because earlier that morning I apparently looked at him the wrong way while he was doing his word salad. The fact that I had a look of genuine confusion instead of awe and adoration while he was trying to be brilliant was enough to put him in this state. The sad thing is, is some people believed his explanation, because they could not believe that someone as "sweet and caring" as him could do something like that unless I somehow pushed him to that point...thereby enabling and encouraging his perpetual savior complex. It was the most disturbing and terrifying situation I have ever been in, but the fact that he was 100% serious in his explanation and trying to twist it back on me was just as disturbing. Thankfully, his testimony did not hold up in a court of law, and he went to jail...which of course, to him, was another example of how I was trying to "sabotage" him while he was just trying to "help" me. It really is like being in an alternate reality with these types of people...like realizing you're in a carnival that is being ran by Pennywise. If you ever start seeing signs of Narcissism in the beginning of a relationship...GET OUT. Don't even question it. Block, delete, and disappear. You do not want to be on this type of person's radar and you definitely do not want to find out the hard way. These people are sick. The red flags started as insults disguised as jokes, and intermittent reinforcement via texting. I also met him right after I lost my grandmother and was extremely emotionally vulnerable. I wish I had known about Narcissism before all of this...I almost lost my life because I dismissed and ignored those initial red flags.
"Ridiclous bullshit, and it doesn't deserve your validation" Good god sis, u went all in on this one and we're soo here for it 😏😏😏😏😏
You maintain the reality that people have no healthy choice other than to have nothing to do with narcissists. You are saving lives.
Love longer episodes like this one. Seriously I could spend hours just listening to and learning from Little Shaman. Such wise teachings you have for us. Thank you :)
There was a time when I had Shaman playing almost constantly throughout the day and night. She has been a true life saver in rough waters.
The comments in this thread reminded me of how I have used things like music, podcasts, etc., when doing things that triggered my PTSD episodes (like something as simple as housework, since I was raised in a toxic environment where housework was punishment for existing and an excuse for my abusive mother to inject her rage into me as a small helpless defenseless child). Whether I listened to music, podcasts, etc., or listening to the episodes of this channel when triggers were likely, I have found that doing this over the years actually helped reprogram the triggers of my PTSD -- by interfering with how the triggers work and instead by allowing me to be distracted by something that is helpful, therapeutic, and healing.
@@doppelganger6091@stompthedragon4010
Yep Absolutely! I bet we all have watched most of her videos, if not all, more than once lol
When you bring up what they did, they go into narcissistic rage and wrath.
It's fine 4 them to bring up & keep track of your mistakes but don't U dare bring up one thing on them if U don't want major fights😢😮❤❤❤
Youre absolutely right. "It doesnt matter, it changes nothing". They double down.
This video had me jumping up and down cheering!
PREACH, SISTER! THIS IS THE REALEST SHIT I'VE EVER HEARD!
Thank you, THANK YOU for putting into words what I have been tortured by for the past 3 years- the narc's mind boggling denial! I have so often thought "is he mentally ill? Does he have a brain injury I'm not aware of? How can these LUDICROUS words come out of his mouth? Are we existing in different dimensions where his reality and mine are so completely incongruent? How the hell am I supposed to feel loving and safe in the midst of this INSANITY?"
We used to be so compatible, on the same wavelength, in tune with each other. Then, I made one choice he deemed unacceptable and the devaluation began. Now, life has deteriorated to a hopelessly frustrating, painful, lonely, and exhausting struggle to feel seen, understood, respected, and loved by someone who once was willing, able, and happy to participate in a reciprocal partnership.
This video is a powerful, enlightening, honest appraisal of how denial dictates every facet of the narc's life and pollutes the dynamic between us and them.
I would have liked it 100x of I could.
Thank you!
After my dad threatened to disinherit me (again!), I confronted him over his manipulative behavior. He denied EVER saying that (he definitely did) and acted shocked and horrified at the accusation. I call this the “diaper genie effect”. When shame is compartmentalized and stuffed down over a lifetime you never want to lift the lid on someone else’s diaper genie.
Thank you for this excellent episode on a difficult topic!
Very good analogy
Narcissists don't talk straight, they tell people what they think they want to hear and will say one thing and mean another just to confuse things. Living in denial suits the narcissist's compulsive need to tell one lie after another, it must feel good to someone who doesn't have a conscience or remorse.
You can show them camera footage of them engaged in an activity and they will INSIST "thats not me!". Pure insanity.
No, no, no.... When you show them footage, they become the victim and you are now the bad guy!! " How could you violate me this way? What kind of person would record me in my private moments?? You're a monster and this is unforgivable!!" Now you're confused, they've successfully diverted the attention away from the real issue and YOU are the one apologizing. 😠
For real
Yep. 100% agree!! I took to recording some things he was doing -- just to prove to MYSELF that I wasn't crazy. He about had me convinced that I had lost my mind!! WHO DOES THAT!? When I played the recordings, which were obviously him with another women, he angrily denied everything and in fact told me there was NOTHING recorded. That I was hearing voices and must be having some kind of breakdown. I finally went to my mom and played what I had for her and asked her if this was an empty recording-- am I crazy?? She heard everything and assured me that the only thing that's crazy is that I'm still with him. Thank God I had my mom to help me. And of course, he says I'm the dysfunctional one for having recorded him!! I'll never win with him!! At this point it's just survival.
@TF-fn3ds Just remember.....You Never Win with them!!
Yes insanity
I comment all over your videos since i found you a couple of months ago,luv.
Listen...
I just wanted to randomly thank you again for all you do.
You're a light in the darkness for many.
God bless you.
Christi.🇨🇦
You are so welcome! ❤️
wow! LS, you covered so much here, I was rewinding and replaying like crazy! One take away is the denial ON MY PART 😮 trying to make sense of the relationship that doesn’t even exist!
IKR? Also trying to come to terms with damage from narc parent. Am I empty and disordered as well, I wonder?
@@eyeoftheneedle1116 Maybe that's all we can really do with this knowledge, take it and look at ourselves, and the damage that was done, how we reacted, and are still reacting, etc. Trying to fathom them or change them, or mourn for what could have been, is a complete waste of our time. I've only just come to the realisation (I'm in my 60s!!) that this has been a factor in so many confusing and hurtful dealings with my father, and I'm struggling to feel OK with myself and for what happened over and over. It's really tough!
I feel super self-conscious when interacting personally with others, so having the option, I isolate. YT comments is my social life. Loneliness felt more stark before computers. For me, being online is liberating, not isolating.
Thank you! My ex is beyond denial. He has put on a new skin and become a new identity. He did bufu frog in CR and now thinks he has shed that person he once was. So not only did he not do those awful things, he is no longer that low life form. He is a new highest spiritual being.
A snake shedding it's skin is still a snake. To him I'm the low vib person who knew the former snake.
A snake shedding it's skin is still a snake. That's a quotable
I wanted to say thank you for saving my life, you've helped me leave a horribly toxic relationship, before you, I didn't know what trauma bonds were. Thank you
Word for word SPOT ON ,as usual! Thankyou so much for helping the healing! Did 25 years with a covert narc. Insidious! Insulting. Maddening! I am out! Still fighting to sort thru it all n trying to explain the CRAZY-GO-ROUND ....... I am still spinning! You are so talented at putting the words I can't seem to gather up! What a blessing! Namaste
The best everything narcissist channel on youtube! ☝️
Indeed 💪🏾💪🏾
They live in delusional denial. There's no "shared pool of meaning" when it comes to narcissists.
She is great. A total expert on narcissism!
This makes so much sense. You were one of the very first people I listened to about Npd. The narcissist has been gone now since 2019. I went through covid completely alone. The ex narc has hoovered me twice with no entry back into my life thanks to the tools and knowledge I received here and others. No one gets it but the online community. I went through the dark night of the soul. I reached out to years ago. I thought I was going crazy with the narc the gaslighting the triangulation, the smear campaign, silent treatment ghosting, cheating, etc. You helped me so much. I'm very grateful. Thank you.
I'm grateful to help and so happy to hear you're doing well!
It's so reflexive with my friend, almost every response starts with "No," even when really he's agreeing with you. So bizarre. I've heard him talk to his young daughter, and his tendency is to disagree with everything she says, and then she does the same to him. Great family dynamics.
WOW! I've been struggling with managing my emotions and maintaining my sanity with this individual. I have been losing it. But, not anymore and hearing this now was perfect timing. I have regained perfect control of my mental health. They are certifiably insane!
Denial + projection = I didn't do it, you did it/I'm not doing that, you're doing it. Telling a half truth to deny their real motives (e.g. getting you to pay for things like buy them a car when they are already planning to leave you), and then denying their real motives and totally cancelling your reality and any harm that they've done (and refusing to pay you back for the car after they've left you).
SO SO SO BRILLIANT AND CONCISE! Everything is absolutely so true, wow
I have a woman in my family who insists she weighs 103lbs despite being very clearly obese. We’re literally talking 300+ lbs. Her entire identity revolves her being “teeny tiny.” Everyone around her plays along with this delusion, presumably because she was a D list celebrity at one point. It’s pretty wild.
This is my narc sister !! Omg you just nailed it- I'm a size 0 , she is size 6 ish ..I'm thin /small boned , she is very muscular ( not overweight) but not a size 0 like me YET EVERYTHING she bought was EXTRA SMALL . This baffled me for so long till I realized it's denial . The rare times I wore something of hers it would be TIGHT & I'd say to her - this is tight on me and I'm an xs , how do you even fit into it?!! & she always acted like she fit into everything just fine. This comment is the 1st I've ever read on the narc & how delusional they are around their weight !
When my mother was younger, she wasn't overweight but she constantly tried to get everyone around her to believe she had lost another five pounds that week. She would put on an oversized skirt over her regular clothes, suck in her tummy while pulling the waistband of the skirt as far forward as it would go, and say, "See how much weight I lost?". It honestly never occurred to her that if she really did lose five pounds every week, there would be nothing left of her.
Does she mean kilos!?
Whoaaa..that's bizarre..😢
If one follows the new obese takeover of the Body Positivity "movement", they describe someone of 300 pounds to be a "small fat" in order to make 650 pounds beautiful and "healthy". Great denial example to point out, and being a TRUE teeny-tiny of 120 pounds, I concur she and her enablers are fully delusional, yes!
I Trust Patterns ♡
Thank you Little Shaman (the BEST on YT)!
It seems that denial and gas lighting are the same defense mechanism. The two sides of the same coin. Denial is the defensive refusal to admit reality, and gas lighting is the projecting of a false reality. both serve the same purpose. To deflect any fault of the Narc
Yes, gaslighting is essentially denial.
❤This lesson is so powerful, so revealing. It brings the necessity of no contact into laser focus.
Thank you so much for explaining why my sister always treated me with contempt. The excruciating agony we go through in narc abuse is mainly the continued attempts to befriend them. I am no contact, the pain was worse than a sexual relationship narc abuse and contempt because there's no one else left in our family and it's totally illogical. But it's always illogical. Thank God you can explain this, I've had 50 years of it and couldn't understand :
I must be worse than her in order for her to exist :
Egosyntonic sadism.
@@WingsofFlight-n5u So similar to my own experience 😪😪So strange to read how others went through something similar. It's always seemed impossible to relate this life experience to others, whose knee jerk reaction is I should forgive, reconcile. They have utterly no idea of the abuse, they assume it has to be about forgiveness, as if I am pettily holding onto a grievance when she has thrown a darkness and pain over my entire life which has utterly nothing to do with anyone I actually am. "Grotesque" is an accurate word. To even be in her presence or that family of origin, it is like having to don some filthy costume. It is not difficult to stay no contact.
@@bernadette573yep, no one gets it, it can't be explained to normals. If you relate an incident they say you should forgive, not comprehending the hopelessness of it. I'd like to be able to tell people she died, so no explanation is needed. I won't, but you know what, it's true. There's nothing there but the " defence mechanisms ".
And I am the person, who she never had anything to "defend" against...But that's the case in every case. Made-up lies to get me punished. They get worse and just perfect the abuse.
Incredible how it's only now being explained. Incredible how we never understood.
I had to do the same with my sister, it really is tough because "you can't abandon family!" I felt so terrible and still feel pity for my sister, but she has proven over and over that she will always try to hurt me. Finally getting away from the drama and chaos is so nice.
Big up Sister Shaman
We had this happen just yesterday with the suspected N in our family. A silly, tiny mistake, that would make most of us the teeniest bit embarrassed, and then immediately go - "Oops! My bad!" But no, the person concerned denied that it had ever taken place. We were blown away by the sheer cheek of it, an outright lie. And it really was nothing, the sort of mistake we've all made many times.
Brilliant content, wonderful voice. Thank you.
Waaaw 😳✊🏻✊🏻 LS 🙏🏻......I don't know how you came to distill this subject but this reality red pill is so powerful it needs to be written down somewhere
Thank you beautiful person
Your videos have always been great but they're getting even better. Please keep them coming.
finally someone explained why avoidant partner is staying away from me (we live together separate rooms) because i have had it and he doesn't want to face my face or lack of my face so great!! little genius shaman
Your podcasts are like a splash of cold water to the face. I really enjoy it.
So true
Sane, validating, and spot on.
Your content is so helpful. Not so that I can change others but so that I can have a perspective to help me navigate their behaviors. Then I can change my behavior and not engage with them.
1:42-- 'Denial of impact (of a transgression of theirs.) It can be done in the form of REFRAMING." Yes! My ex family of origin did this. I caught my older sister on a SMEAR CAMPAIGN talking to my leasing office manager trying to make me look and telling her about a drug history that was that manger's Business.
That manager was cool about it and told me what she said. Years later when I called my mom out on it about my sister, she claimed that a neighbor complained about me allegedly. I said, "NOPE! I heard it straight from the horses mouth." She got off the phone uncomfortably without admitting a thing despite having direct evidence.
This was just after I was discovering layer upon layer of smear campaign going on before I even knew it was occuring.
Just as they often say, "the smear campaign happens long before you even know it." (Or to use another adage, "By the time the truth puts its pants on, the lie is halfway around the world."
Some say to greyrock it, and sure that's the best way to go about it. But SOMETIMES, you just have to CALL IT OUT if you're me. Of it was easy to do because they infiltrated that apartment that all a sudden started ignoring critical work orders (such as fixing the shower... I put in my 1 month notice to move our subsequently), jobs I should have had, my social network.
And those SICK FUCKS are 'in DENIAL" as The Little Shaman says here per title of presentation.
But I live 2300 mi away for decades from the so-called family origin. They all have their lies about what supposedly happened in supposedly didn't happen and I cut them all off. My parents will never have my phone number again and I am done with the three siblings from my SO-CALLED family of origin. I made that public to my parents house after I got rid of them one by one or vice versa (essentially speaking in regards to the latter)
I hate to sound like an extremist because I have not been in the absolute worst situation. But even I have to agree that BY SOME POINT, when you are pushed too far...NO CONTACT IS THE ONLY WAY TO GO! (As is often advised)
Thank you for giving me all this education. That's where I was six years ago! And, I am healed. I agree with you 100 per cent. I want people out there to know you can heal from narcissistic abuse. Be kind to yourself. Take time to enjoy yourself!! God bless everyone and I hope you have a nice day!! ❤😊
It cannot be understated how much you have positively affected my life. God bless you and keep you, and may God’s/the Great Spirits face shine upon you every day and every moment of your life. ❤
It's true they are all misdiagnosed ...if they're ever assessed in the first place
That is because there are diagnostic fads folks fall into. 20 years ago, you had Borderline, ten years ago ADHD, and today you have Bipolar "disorder".
That is because there are diagnostic "fads" and narcissism is a very old discovery. 😂 40 years ago, you had PTSD. 30 years ago, you had depression. 20 years ago, you were Borderline. 15 years ago you had ADHD. Ten years ago you were Bipolar. 😂 A LOT of these display maladaptive behaviors, and how does one without empathy KNOW whether or not they actually DO? And how does someone identify a "racing thought"? How does someone know what hyperactivity feels like when they have always been that way? Diagnosis are based on answers to questions, and since narcissists lie to them SELVES, their answers are invalid! 😂
Learning to trust and validate myself is extremely uncomfortable and actually hard. I'm finding it's very rewarding, but I find it's one of the loneliest and sometimes scariest things I've ever done.
How do you do it?
@@eyeoftheneedle1116 For me, it's been about keeping my hopes, plans, ideas and self-driven projects to myself. It's really hard because I feel like it's a huge part of how I express myself to people and editing what I share is a struggle. I think working through things on my own has forced me to trust my own judgment sooner than I thought I could in a lot of cases because it's all I had confirmed was in my best interest to do.
The loneliness and the fear are temporary. It starts to become empowerment, and then you just start getting used to certain people not liking you. I'm there now, and it's much better on the side of things. Trust and believe.
@@eyeoftheneedle1116I can just give you my story and that's about it. I did multiple therapies like EMDR, internal family systems, DBT, and CBT. I practiced just telling the truth no matter what. Sometimes people reacted negatively, but it didn't kill me. You know? I just always stayed honest with my therapist even if it meant telling all myself and feeling embarrassed. The people who love and care about you truly and genuinely will stick around. You. Just have to keep telling the truth and practice it always unconditionally. Yes I lost some people, upset some people, but whatever I told the truth. That's the only thing that matters to me at this point. Hope that helps
@@PaisleyMarie80 Just finished a book called The Courage To Be Happy which touches on the subject.
29:30 "It's ridiculous b.s., in other words, and it doesn't deserve your validation." THANK YOU ❤ How much more simpler our lives would be if we could grasp that from the very get-go. You know, people could spend a month of Sundays trying to figure it out or they could simply tune in to the podcast and absorb wisdom. My wish for everybody would be that they would be able to let go, and focus on their own healing.
@j.t.1215 I totally agree with you and have a similar wish for my fellow humans, especially the ones who are caught up!
On that note, I've noticed that I'm starting to feel frustrated with people who are still focused on wanting a narcissistic individual, or more, to change, even though I understand and used to do it too.
I'm thinking that it's probably normal and it's not like I'm telling them to shut up about the person, or to leave TODAY without knowing the circumstances, which is what happened to me. I've read a lot of comments like this from people who call themselves empaths as well. ❤
@@cyndigooch1162 I think it's normal. We are on the other side and we can see and we want so badly for others to have the same freedom.
Explained so well 👍
I've been on the path to healing from a toxic marriage for over 5 years. This podcast literally connected all the dots of what I've been learning and trying to assimilate and apply. Thank you for everything you do and especially for this particular podcast. I am eternally grateful.
When The narcissist hurts you physically the narcissist will tell you you did it to yourself.
Kitchen Nightmares TV show often show denial by restaurant owners that their food is bad.
Giiiirrrrlll, wheeeww!!! I wish I could just hug little Sharman! The narcissist in my Life is this description to a TEE! It’s so unbelievable that FINALLY, someone can relate to my situation!❤❤
The love they give is not for you , and this will never change There is no unless Think you Little Shaman 🕊🌹 and God bless
Pure gold! Thank you for this Lil Shaman
Can you do one on narcissists and friendships?
My experience is you are JUST a mirror to them but they will never be (an accurate) one for you.
I’ve been around this my entire life; from my parents - to having an adult child who abuses, denies, twists, and triangulates just like them. I am currently dealing with more and more illnesses and wonder if being around this gaslighting crazy-making bullshit isn’t the reason why? I feel 100 years old somedays and am supposed to be having the time of my life in retirement, yet I sit here sick or tired over what I’ve been through and how much time I’ve given to these people thinking if I just gave more: love, time, effort, gifts, money, etc… that they could be loved out of it. They can’t. And I’m afraid I may have not only endured their hurt, but also harmed myself by trying so hard. Ain’t that a kick in the head?
Same here! 43yrs!!! Lost everything! My business my bank account and now my health. The stress of living in eggshells and fight or flight destroyed my health.
LOVE your tell it like it is approach. Just found your channel a week or so ago, I enjoy the preciseness as well.
"It's ridiculous bullshit, in other words, and it doesn't deserve your validation." That sums it up quite nicely 😁
Once again you have outdone yourself!
Thank you ❤🙏
Me: So you didn't do this thing that everyone remembers and there's a legal paper trail?
Narcissist: Nope, that didn't happen.
Me: Are you absolutely sure? None of this happened?
Narcissist: Nope!
An actual conversation I've had with a narc relative.
The mantra of the Narcissist:
"I'm RUBBER and you're GLUE, whatever you say bounces OFF ME and sticks to YOU!"
So I kept winning at online scrabble with my Narc Mom. One day I stopped over and saw an icon called scrabble cheat on her desktop. My jaw was on the floor and I was laughing quite a lot, but she almost attacked me physically she was so enraged. She bared her teeth and hissed that she knew gd damn well I was the cheater. Lol....all the projection and denial in the world right there
Thank you! Well done!! Amen!!!
This is one of my favorite to date and I’m a devoted follower. It’s so important to remember these things. No matter how much we know consciously I think our subconscious needs reminding periodically. Thank you I will be saving this one to keep me on my toes.
You helped me more than I could ever relay especially when hardly anything existed regarding “Covert” - thank you Soooo Much - Godspeed… Rj
You are simply, the best!
This is hard to hear because I often have "denial of impact" when it comes to the many narcs in my life who often act like everything I do or say has a higher level of scrutiny and responsibility than anything they say or do -- they take offense at anything I do, IE if I say something is disgusting, she acts like I said SHE is disgusting, at the time time she is allowed by her own code of conduct to lose her temper and call me a c*nt but I'm just supposed to forget and forgive.... the level of behavior I'm supposed to uphold is a much higher standard than she holds herself to and if I'm not quick to reply a text or if I show her with evidence like a screenshot of something I said which proves I was in fact being considerate of her feelings, or not behaving in the horrible way that she has framed it in her mind, then she gets angry at the contradictory fact and just says goodbye and stops talking to me for months.
Yes, a narcissist commonly lets others know, "Rules for thee but not for me."
@@danielkaiser8971 thankyou, that's exactly it💯
I feel what you're saying. I have a sister that does that to me repeatedly. If I say or do the slightest thing that she deems offensive she will claim that I am "toxic" and smear my name to anyone that listens to her. On the other hand, when I point out her borderline-type antics, she denies my points, gets upset and stops talking to me for months or years. I am burnt out from her, had to go no contact and she's my only sister. Deep, sad stuff!
Excellent Miss.
T.y.❤
Bam! About being wrong or mistaken ( about 14 min), if you mention something unfamiliar or unknown to said narc, they immediately get nasty and up -in-arms. Instead of simp.y saying, " I'm not familiar with that. " or asking, " what is that", they accuse. " stop trying to one- up me" ( huh!?), or acting disdainful. " I can't be bothered with that", or some other comment to derail the conversation . Wow! Your analogy from 22 min on is very powerful and drives it home!
Still one of the best ❤. Thank you 😘
Thank you for this. So true.
Sigh Just WOW. just wow. Even as defeated as I am. Still your knowledge and how you share it, lifts me up to get another breath. It's pretty much too late for me but I'm glad that its reaching people and the more it does then the better the odds for the victims to get out sooner. ❤
Thanks Little Shahman! One Love! 🫀🌌
This is spot on!!! Thank you
Denial is a river in Africa 🤣
Kidding 😍
On thr money as usual Shaman!❤️
I can't thank you enough for the wonderful revelation, Ms. Shaman. Have a wonderful day and God bless you abundantly 🙏🏻🎉
Little Shaman thank you for always delivering such great content, I've learned so much from you over the years and you have been of great support to me!
Hot mess. Because, even as a person who has no background in psychology, but have still learned a great deal from LS and others, it is sooo difficult to know what is going on in someone else’s mind.
One of the issues I’ve dealt with twice, is the possibility of the aging narcissist. When dealing with this, it is HORRIBLY difficult to know what exists within that person, between narcissism and possible dementia, where one ends and where the other begins. It can also be more seemingly benign things like attention seeking, loneliness and care needs.
Still, I’ve seen where, if I am not the caregiver or the target that simply isn’t doing as I am told, they are the victim, leaving me as, undoubtedly, the villain. The villain who isn’t simply smeared. But there might be real world consequences for this. Because those whom they may smear you to, don’t know they may be enablers and may see themselves as heroes, who will punish the target.
I know I have been seen as the narcissistic villain a few times, without ever hearing it. My boundaries exactly make it look like I do not care. In actuality, I do. I can often see where things went wrong with that person, how wrong they’ve become, that the wrong has picked up moss along the way, and that everything may continue to spiral. That they are reaching out for help, perhaps. The issue, however, is that they may see you as a cure all to all of it, by checking out and handing all of their issues over to you. You not allowing this, at least for them, is anywhere from loss of control to an actual attack.
As I’ve seen this battle of reality and perception go on, particularly between a narcissistic person and their target (me) or with family where it may have become a foile a deux where my mother and sister were concerned, it has felt that the only possible way out, is to have an external witness and, sometimes, that is the police, in order to document issues and allow the narcissistic person to understand there may be consequences.
I hat I feel I’m learning is that, for narcissistic people, which I find to be a marker, is that being told no or being told to leave you alone IS the intrusion. Talk about opposites!
You have clarified so much for me. Our little narc is all of the above.😢
Find myself listening to this again when Im not in a state of upset.Oh my! Denial of the victim is exacty what has evolved in the current fiasco! Glad Im listening to this again and picking- up on more of the wisdom and light. It can be really mind- blowing to hear and watch yhem in action when you have their number.
This was brilliant and packed with real helpful information. But I was especially glad to hear you talk on the psychotic aspect, which was something I noticed. With some, you can't NOT notice, it's so obvious. I still think she has bipolar manic/psychotic episodes. But I don't care anymore because the denial (or is it anosognosia?) cannot be pierced. I can't waste any more care. Thank you beloved Little Shaman. You've been such a help to me and to so many.
I just found you Little Chaman and I’m so grateful for you! I’ve been listening to many specialists on the subject for several years now and I’m impressed by the clarity and depth of your analysis. Thank you🙏🏻✨
Denial- gaslighting - it's sad you hold a grudge and let something small ruin the friendship. (Blame on me)
Epiphany phase- I reflected. I understand everything you're saying. (I don't accept)
Recent fight after him telling me he's moving next door to me- we just had a falling out, that's all. It's not like it's anything serious. You're the one holding a grudge. I'm not going to let some guy who's in his feelings about me determine where I live. I didn't tell you in hopes we'd be friends. I told you to give you a warning. Because you're a psycho and I knew you would think I was hovering over you. The move has nothing to do with you. Living 15 min from you and living next door is the exact same thing. I was just giving you a warning, I didn't want to talk or anything. ( Back to gaslighting and denial)
@josereyes1148 I really hope the person doesn't move next door to you because that set off alarm bells! ❤
@@cyndigooch1162 Thank you. Yes, its the same pattern for like 15 years. He has multiple relationships like this but somehow can never see its him. Good luck to you too. Im sure you have stories if you are here too.
The narc in my life(future ex husband please God) ...as I struggle to understand the emotional abusive things he did to me throughout our marriage, I ll ask him about it..I m trying to heal....I m trying to forgive myself for allowing it due to low self esteem, trauma bond....but he is still in denial...zero personal growth....his new favorite excuses:
" I thought I was doing the right thibg"
" I didn t really think about it".
" I didn t think it was important".
I am beginning to hate this person... after knowing him 4 decades.
They really are disordered people.
You’re the BEST!
Wow a 30 minute one! Can't wait to listen. We need a rooster update at some point. Thanks for all your amazing videos.
Dear Little Shaman,
I’m dealing with this in my family. Could you do a video about flying monkey fathers, please? I really appreciated the one about flying monkeys in general that you did some years ago and it would help me a lot if you added one that deals with narcissistic mothers and flying monkey fathers. It’s terribly hurtful for me since he can’t be blindsided like outsiders may be who get recruited as flying monkeys. I experience him as very withdrawn towards me, and he runs away or gets annoyed whenever I get just a bit emotional - no matter about what subject. It can also be a nasty situation in my life. In general, I feel very much like a plant who was kept from growing by constantly “putting a lid over the pot”, that’s the image I get in my head when thinking about the interactions in my family. What I suffer from isn’t only this false image you’re talking about in this video here but also from not ever being able to “reach” my father, be close to him, he seems to be scared of me. Or just shut off, I don’t know. But he’s very old now and I fear losing him without ever having had real access to him apart from moments in my childhood where he was teaching me little things. He definitely isn’t a cold person but he seems depressed, shut off, scared, defensive, and not approachable now and I wish I could help him and myself. I don’t know what to do because talking about it makes him deny it all and literally leave the room.
Steve urkel.... " did i do that"... sums up a narcisssist response to everything.
LOVE YOU AND YOUR WISDOM. GO DIVA ANGELA IN MT. XO
Essential wisdom here. As usual. Your work is the best of the best, The Little Shaman.
Thank you
@@thelittleshamanhealing Thank you! I learned a lot from the other experts on RUclips, but I often feel like watching them is sipping from the water fountain while watching/hearing you is like drinking from the firehose. Nah, that sounds unpleasant. What I mean is that your message is distilled and powerful in a way that I might not have been able to receive earlier on in my journey. Now, it's just right. I can't thank you enough.
Have you ever noticed how they take your acheivments & successes as personal insults. What causes this? I am not a competitor but am treated as one by the narc. Could it be they punish us for their own insecurities? Its sad😮❤❤❤
I loved this so much!
Wonderful!!!! So well done. Thank you.
Amazing channel!!
‘It’s ridiculous bullshit’!!!
That was the most accurate explanation of what we experienced with them and the feelings that transpire because of their behaviors and ability to deny. You're very good at what you do! Keep On Keepin On❤