@@artmeacademywiththesaltyse9537 I know one who had a child under 3 yrs old (narcs love when they are to young to speak), and when his wife went out with a friend once, maybe twice per year, her child would end up hurt in an unfortunate "accident" and she would be called home asap. Not only one time, not two, more.
I have 2 in my life: my malignant narcissist older brother and my covert narcissist mother, who spends much of her time and effort promoting, defending, protecting and "explaining" his toxic conduct. Brother will issue abusive, condescending, ridiculously irrational abuse on anyone, family, friends, public officials, etc, with often permanent negative results for himself. He will never, ever acknowledge even so much as the fact that there was a better way to handle the situation. Mom, on the other hand, will issue a classic "faux-pology" if you have the temerity to simply refuse to engage, react to or accept her invalidation, abuse, or ridiculous excuses. The faux-pology goes like this: You grey rock narcissist brother at Thanksgiving dinner by limiting your responses to his baiting remarks to "Oh, that's interesting", "I haven't thought about it", or "You may be right." Mom, in front of entire, extended family: "Well, you're being extremely rude. . .if you can't participate, then you shouldn't say anything at all." You: "I'm sorry to have offended you" and for the rest of the evening, you engage only with the other members of your extended family, help clean up and put away everything afterwards. Mom, late that night, in private: "I'm sorry I made you mad earlier." No acknowledgement of what she did or said to try to humiliate you in front of everyone, embarrassing herself in the process. Just projection of her anger onto you in an effort to get you to defend, explain your refusal to react per usual to narcissist brother. You: "Thank you for your concern, but you didn't make me angry at all." Mom: "Well, I think I certainly did." You: "No, you simply expressed your low opinion of me. I disagree with your opinion, but you're certainly entitled to it. I know that I'm not a rude person." Mom (physically backing away and looking at her feet): "Well, I have a pounding headache and need to go to bed." This was the outcome of my very first encounter with my 2 narcissists after by brother's final (for me) comversation with me in which he mocked me, called me several names, accused me of having selfish motivations, and implied that he and others in the family shared this opinion. I decided to ignore the jabs and attend the large family Thanksgiving gathering the next week, regardless, because I had begun researching NPD and felt prepared (thank you Little Shaman!! 💕) to handle whatever he dished out. Besides, I was 95% certain the "others" he said agreed with him was really just Mom. I was right; I had a great time with my other brother and his family, uncles, aunts, cousins, etc. all of whom are familiar with my older brother's haughty, monopolizing verbal rants, and some of whom want nothing to do with him because he's abused them. It was scary and hard, and awkward at times, but I needed to do that. Months later, older brother abruptly decided to move far, far away from the town where he, Mom and I and my family all live. He was living in a home Mom built for him. For days before his moving day, Mom hinted at having a "meeting" between him, her and me on the pretext that I, as a lawyer, needed to come see the house before she leased it to the new tenant. I told her I had other plans, could go see it on a different day later that week, etc. Finally, she broke down and said she needed my brother and me to reconcile before he left and "he is willing to talk about it." At that point, I just said, "No." I thought she'd just cut me off after that, but she's been trying to reel me back now for months. It's sad. She's 85 and quarantined in her house, so I check on her occasionally. I wish I could say I have affection for her, but I just feel a sense of obligation to make sure she's safe - that's it. I realize what I am, to her, is just a thing, something she finds occasionally useful but has no understanding, respect or affection for. I can talk about the weather, her health, her friends and her garden with her, but won't ever put anything more of myself out there for her to talk about with narc brother, because she's proven, over and over again, that's the only reason she asks.
It's not hard to say goodbye to that 💩. It may be harder to reinvent yourself not knowing where to go, who will support you, and how generally to pick yourself up after losing your identity and then some.The change of habits, ways of doing things, lifestyle, and expectations have to go out the door. When you've had enough of the Narc's illogical mind games, lies, deflections, emotional abuse, i.e. gaslighting 🤯, you will feel relief just to escape. No matter what you have to face , e.g. in uncertainties, unknowns, you know that you have already faced many all-time worst moments that you couldn't believe would ever happen in your life. By the time you've made the decision to move after countless attempts to improve the situation, you know there is no other choice but to forge ahead alone. Only afterwards, can one reflect and realize what horror would have come had you stayed in a relationship that held you dissatisfied going nowhere for so long. Say hello to peace of mind, a calm state of being that is not only possible, but arguably more important than gold. 🌈
It is important to get the truth out there. But the harsh reality is that most people have to go through multiple narcissistic relationships before noticing the pattern. Where's the early education on this? I'm nearly 40 and just saw the light after yet another disaster, this time with a covert......damn near destroyed me!
M Stafford yes because they know their core true self is unlovable and the person you fell in love with, the person they portray themselves to be, is fake.
I remember one time my narc got caught cheating. He denied cheating on me for years but this particular time I had proof. Omg the next time I was alone with him his true self came out. He showed me his true self that day. It was scary. And if what he did to me wasn’t bad enough the last thing he said before walking out the door was “it’s your own damn fault I cheat on you. every time you start your shit I’m gonna do it”. (Me “starting my shit” is basically wanting normal relationship things like respect love loyalty or help with things around the house etc.)
I hope you're out.......I was with my husband for 15 years and things did get back he was more of an abandonment, discarding narc. It was rough but the last 4 years I started to open my eyes and really look in the mirror and realised this isn't normal anymore..and I lost myself and wanted my old self back. But I mean for your to say that you're the reason he cheats. .....that's terrible. I hope you found a way out.
Oh my gosh. I don’t think he was cheating quite yet because we were only together about a year and a half. But of course there were other things the abusive language, the control, The lack of empathy etc. and when I would bring it up he would say the same thing that I was “ starting my shit”. And that was his excuse for acting abusively. Or his excuse for leaving or whatever. My divorce is final July 7. I had a narcissistic mother. I thought she was the only one on the planet. Very naïve of me. I was a set up for trauma bonding. Because I had had that relationship with my mother for years until I cut her off. Lots and lots of years in therapy. It’s unfortunate that I have to get towards the end of my life to finally understand my vulnerabilities in these areas and to work on them. Peace to you
I have always loved your objective, clinically detached approach. I believe that it truly parallels the proper way to deal with these people. Don’t take it personally. It’s even okay to pity them. But respect how dangerous they are, and cut them out of your life definitively. That is the best way to go
Once again, another video that validates my experiences with my narc husband. Some days I feel as if he is from a different planet with the things he says. He is a perpetual victim and I am the horrible (fill in the blank depending on the situation). No logic, no rational thought, paranoia and forever the expert on everything. You’re right, he is miserable. This is easy to see. It’s very sad. He destroys everything good around him.
I love how REAL this is. STRAIGHT, NO CHASER!!! I need to hear this so I WON’T BELIEVE that I will be able to save my adult daughter...... AGAIN!!!!I’m new to this community and have been learning so many ways to protect myself. I feel like you’ve given me a pair of glasses to help me see the blurry vision that was causing me so much pain and sadness...... NOW IT IS A FAIR FIGHT! 😉💕 Thank you Shaman
Feels like I’m in the twilight zone learning how complicated it is with narcissism. Its so draining but I find it comforting to know that eventually the truth comes out.
Dee Dee be patient with yourself while you’re learning. not only is it a lot intellectually to wrap your head around, but it’s a lot emotionally to process this information. be sweet with yourself.
H hahahaha no no no no the truth doesn't always come out in fact usually it does not.. You will lose ppl dear to you as they will believe the narc. Or at least part of what they said. Anyone who knows them will have a skewered perspective of you based on what the narc told them about you in their smear campaign. Don't be waiting for everyone to see what you see.. They won't. It will be decades of heartbreak if that's what your are waiting for. It's radical acceptance time. For me too. This has been the worst but the only way out.
Yes but not as bad as living through the nightmare of decades of the violence and abuse they inflict on you and attracting every other narcissist and abuser for miles around until finally 54 years later You Tube tell you the truth. Even as an Empath it is difficult to really feel sorry for them.
@@mandyg5747 well said. I would feel sorry for them, if it wasn't for the absolute hell they inflict on others. Plus, studies show that narcs sleep nice and sound. So surely, they can't be feeling that bad. In contrast to their victims who get PTSD for years and struggle to get a good night's sleep.
@@MR-tr2fz , telling yourself you pity them can help you get over them, it helped me. think about it, the Nac has to wake up every day, every day to their fake life and live the lie they live , over and over and over. I know of people in their 60th, 65th, 70th, 75th and 80th year of living their lies. good luck and have a good life!
@@MR-tr2fz , you know, with all the toxic people I have been around threw-out my whole life, and there have been many-many of them, I have come to understand that they have shown me that I am a pretty nice person
Great info thank you for sharing this! So crucial for me was pointing out they can be very intelligent but due to their immaturity of living in the moment, they can’t make good adult decisions. My ex narc has no home, no savings and mounds of debt, including back taxes. He wants a mommy (but bully’s like he’s large & in charge) to care for him as he earns just enough to have a good time but not enough to climb out of debt or lay away funds for retirement ... he’s 62.
I see a lot of people comment how it took them years or decades to come to this realization. And all I have to say is I thank GOD that he shown me this in my early 20’s. I met my ex narc when I was 19. I figured out he was a narc a couple months ago right before I turned 21. I’m currently in a spiritual awakening phase. I’m a dream and intuitive empath. I’ll always get these dreams or visions of him. I’ll even have a urge to ask a out of the blue question. Then get an answer from a dream. The abuse was insane he abused me in multiple ways but the emotional abuse is more damaging then the physical abuse. He was my wake up call now I’m on the right path to healing and becoming a more empowered woman. But to do so I have to learn more about these demons to protect myself.
I am a dream and path too I have lots of dreams that come true and sometimes I have visions that come true I guess you might say that I'm a psychic but it never works the way people think that it does I can't ask for it to work it just works on its own sometimes sometimes benign things but I had it Dream about this relationship in the beginning and all of it came true and I understood the meaning of the dream by the time the relationship was over strangely in my dream he was gone and I was on a swing He was back in his trailer chaotic of mind and that is actually what has happened only he does have a new girlfriend wait until she finds out what nothing Burger he is.
They're not "demons." They're cyborgs. Lol. Lucky you for getting out as soon as you did. Hopefully you won't have to repeat the lesson. I'm an empath as well. I was raised by a narcissist, so being with a narcissist felt like "home" to me. It's been a long, hard road out of hell. I'm nearly 60 and I've been through some sh**.
The way they treat random strangers that come in their life better than you is so true. They will certainly do this in a public setting as well... Always really threw me for a loop... But you make,so much sense. The reflection is just to good to resist. If you look at them you can see they are getting a high off of it.
@VICTORIA LAIDLAW yes I get that... It's just so abrasive... Almost like they cant help themselves. Whereas a regular con man or women would understand there is a more subtle way to navigate said situation... They honestly have not a lick of sense.
I consider this to be one of your best videos (they are all very good, though). I'm putting it on my *Best Narc Videos* Playlist! You are gifted at explaining narcissism in a way that provides more than just information -- it gives deep insight into complex issues. You bring out nuances that many who comment on the subject are not able to address. Thank you so much. 👍⚘
Arthur Fleck Not that I owe you an explanation, but I am actually a female. It’s not my problem how my face looks with makeup. Nevertheless, it doesn’t negate my right to state my opinion. But by all means, and with sincerity, may the Lord bless you too.
I have never met a more self-destructive person than my narc. Yet if I try to calmly and lovingly point out that a certain behaviour may be harmful to her, that triggers her big-time. So I shut up. And sadly shake my head.
After being married to a narcissist for nearly 14 years, I had enough of the abuse, emotional deregulation, confusion, doubt, separation of family and friends and constant chaos over nothing nearly every day. You, too, 'Critical Path' can find solace in your life; I've been free for 3 years. I'm still traumatized and try to heal by researching and watching videos for nearly 5 years while reaching out to others for help and advice as well as providing any kind of hope, support and love to RUclipsrs who are trying to get out of or are stuck in a relationship with a narcissist. It was a difficult process in leaving, however, I now live in another state. I have not dated anyone, enmesh myself in my job and isolate way too much, but my emotional state is improving. Hope you all are doing well tonight! Peace!
@@LauraVee63 I have come to the sad conclusion that leaving may be my only option. It's just so hard to do. I need an exit strategy. Thanks for sharing your experience.
@@LauraVee63 it's been No Contact, 4years strong, I no how you feel,I was diagnosed with PTSD, and receiving trauma therapy, counseling, and these on line RUclips videos, and Quora, 2020 will make 5 years,and I'm no where near 100%,I just keep digging into all these videos and keep journaling, I hope I come outta this,and not let this consume my thoughts anymore, I'm hoping I can feel that happy place again,its been awhile.
Lauranicole84 story of my life girl 11 years and decided to isolate myself even some more.. I don’t want to hate men I know there’s someone good out there,but my mind is wanting to hate.. I am in the process of healing 1 week of separation and I’m so traumatized and crazy. I’m not in the right mental state it is sad..I want to just work and work to get my mind off all the mental and emotional abuse.. I don’t want no one come in contact with me it’s sad because what I need the most right know is a friend to listen to me hang out, but choose to work in fact my job is part time and I’m in the search for another part time because I don’t t even wanna arrive home to early it’s lonely I’m all alone in a cold Mobile home.he can care less and of the none text and messages from him is serious I can know say he has found a new supply, but I’m so abuse that I wanna give in, but I haven’t these videos and what I read is what keep me strong young adults who tell me everything gonna be okay and I did the right thing they told me it’s better to have left then to let my kids continue seeing how unhappy there momma was sadly I am not in the right state of mind to be with my kids so he has full custody I am gonna heal without them for the best of us me and my kids I can care less if he heals or not I’m taking myself serious I’m believing in me and loving me something I never ever got from him he has more patience for are boys I give him the best advice is to continue the patience be positive to are kids understand them and love them something he never really showed to me and I did I loved him deeply since the day I meet him but he taught me to become like him careless for him not give him much love like before know I just don’t love care at all period all I want is someone to come into my life with the promise of the same affection love I want to receive and feel love right back.. I’m someone happy where I am right know wish I can have my kids but I’m content to see them daily for 3 hours even if I can’t enjoy them well with the ass hoe around but once I get home I relax
OMG! Yes, he will, when things blow up, apologize. Yes others get more attention than those closest to him. Yes he plays the victim never taking responsibility for his own actions. Thank you so much for this. They come in all shapes and sizes of behavior.
I need to listen over and over! So much information packed into such a short lecture. I get stuck thinking about a particular point and miss the next several points. Really good stuff. Thank you. I do believe you’re saving lives.
Same Diane same 3 years of educating myself don’t share any links to a narc big mistake I did he didn’t even read or told me to sit down and have the talk of changes he and I bought can do nope they don’t want to know anything evil of them they just want to continue on abusing
It’s false humility. Crying and begging for forgiveness, all while continuing their deplorable acts. They’re nothing but demonic freaks who need to be eradicated... and WILL be.
This is your best video to date. You have saved my sanity with your videos. I have been no contact with my narcissist ex of 4 years for 5 months and things become more and more clear about them and your part in the relationship the longer you are no contact. Sometimes I wonder what’s worse, being blinded while involved or the horror of who you realize they are after you are out. Thank you, so much.
This would explain when he was physically abusing and the first time we talked about it no surprise he blamed me and told me to ask myself why I’m the first women he ever put his hands on. He doesn’t want to admit or accept his own feelings and trauma. It’s so much easier to blame someone else it’s sickening. He nearly ran me down after I said he never apologized after he claimed he did. He couldn’t face the truth he literally went crazy throwing a tantrum very kid like.
*This is your BEST video to date* Shy, overly polite, well mannered and generous described my narc. At the same time she was tardy, counter-productive and stubborn. She could not understand why flaking on someone at the last minuet was wrong. Without getting too angry, I "pulled" an apology from her. After we reconciled.... 1]Dread game 2]Fake Love Bomb ( she exposed some childhood trauma) 3]Devalue (she became controlling and disrespectful) 4]Discard (she got very nasty right before my vacation). Two months later, Hoovering. When I got my emotions in check, we had a polite conversation. I mentioned *"our falling out".* She denied everything and said I misunderstood her.
Narcisists everywhere they go, are problem. Like customers are terrible too. They believe they deserve special treatment, they expect more than others. And that is difficult for some people who we are very caring, and can't change. And narcisists are very happy to meet very caring person, and they will use that.
It is the hardest thing to comprehend, how can such intelligent capable people who can function on so levels be so unaware of how their words and actions effect others and be in such deep denial about consequences. My ex made me believe demon possession Is real, like a whole another entity takes hold of him that's how he can switch the abuse on and off, and he is able to still think and operate in a state of rage. How else can you explain a man who can be infuriated and violent one minute and cool as a cucumber talking to a police officer next minute? That man has legion living in him. Only by the grace of God did I survive his evil intentions. I honestly believe he wants me dead. Jesus Christ is real, if you need spiritual protection call on him. Everyday I beg to wear the full armour of God, I have been so blessed with worldly and spiritual assistance in my healing journey. God uses evil for good. Peace and blessings, Little Shaman you do the best videos on narcissists. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. I'm extremely grateful.
True but they choose to be wicked. It is demonic behaviour but I believe that they enable or do the will of the demons rather than are possessed. I say this having seen evil on the face of my husband as he tried to strangle me and I have also seen it on my mother's face, my sister and another member of the congregation. I actually think overt Narcissists are a little easier to handle! Sadly in my family of 6...there are 3 coverts and one overt, a flying monkey and me...the survivor!
When that face comes over then it does look hella demonic! It is as if they “check out” and something else rules their bodies. Could be their soul and not their actual spirit. If little shaman is right, then it’s that part of them that never connected to the emotional side of them.
I called upon God too. The energy was real. It came through me and brought my awareness back. I felt and saw a blue 💙 light go through my body, it woke me up from my sleep, as I had fallen asleep praying asking for healing. I prayed intensely. Since then, my life has been peaceful. I asked God to remove all the narcs out of my life. My veil dropped, my mom is a narc, my ex bf is too, and so was my best friend. No wonder I was so exhausted and drained. They all wanted something and they all abused me and used me, in different ways. I believe in source energy, God. My spiritual growth and awakening has been intense. And these energy vampires are out of my life for good.
When they apologize, in my personal experience, they do it to feel better and to get you back into their lives. My brother never stops telling jokes but will rage at the slightest disagreement. Its rage or laughing nothing in between. I think he uses joking to endear people to him because he is so unhappy himself. He is literally "serious conversation challenged."
My ex Narc frenemy didn't have the confidence to ask for a sale receipt yet she claimed she could've been a Director in her career. Lol. A toddler in a woman's body. She said she got demoted from being a Manager but didn't accept her role so she got made redundant. I can see the reason they demoted her! She had delusions of grandeur.
This describes my former best friend to a tee. After nearly twenty years, he suddenly ended our friendship and became overtly hostile to me literally overnight. There was no fight, no argument, in fact the conversation immediately prior was the usual daily "whats up"? The red flag is that he had been emptying his troubles on me and I was listening and trying to offer solutions....He revealed alot to me...I must have said something he took as criticism but I don't know why he would feel that way until I listened to you...The details are too long to go into but everything you say fits to tee. That was seventeen years ago and from time to time he still pops up with hateful, provocative messages to me. I was probably lucky, we weren't in a "relationship" and when he changed. I was wise enough to keep distance, so my experience was post discard and it truly was hurtful and traumatic so I understand how someone who had been in a marriage or relationship would be bitter, angry and betrayed. But my feeling listening to all of this is profound sadness for him. I truly loved him and to come to understand that these people are actually suffering, and externalizing that suffering onto others. Its tremendously sad. "The truth is, you've exposed them to themselves..." truer words could not have been spoken.
David My wife of 34 years was exposed by me as we approached retirement. I thought that in retirement we might spend more time together her idea was to be with her family and friends and as I had generally worked away from home there was no desire to be in my team. It was only on reflection that I could see the red flags that were always there. She is a victim covert who threatened suicide when caught in a big fat lie and extra gaslighting. Everything is my fault. Her latest gambit I am a really nice generous person but somehow I brought the worst out of my husband.
I’ll just keep saying it. Sin, though I have my personal problem with your esoteric name and branding, I cannot overstate how important, reasonable and helpful your messaging is. Everyone in the entire world needs to hear from you. Our entire society is going down the drain because people don’t know/understand what narcissism is and how it works. Not a single other “self help book” or RUclips coach-personality has an insight as no-nonsense as you. Thank you. I hope you’ll be speaking and writing in public in the future
Natasha Mudford If you consider yourself as possibly being a narcissist, it might be that your upbringing influenced you to choose some narcissistic behaviors, which make your life more bearable. I know my upbringing did. I was a terrible wife/mother/friend. I had no clue how to behave other than what I had observed. The saving grace was knowing that I wanted to be better and strived constantly, through various therapies and self-development, to rid myself of the “narc fleas” I had acquired. It took life with the now-ex (after my divorce) for me to see that I needed HELP to change even further than I had accomplished before I met him. EMDR/CBT therapies awakened my grieving process and opened my eyes to new ways of being, and I chose to CHANGE. If your religious beliefs help you, great! If you still have self-doubts, I recommend EMDR to bring you to an awakening of an even better you! Blessings!❤️
I am currently reading a great book on this topic. The author is a Christian and talks about how leaders in the church are often narcs and even overlook narc abuse in their “counseling sessions”. She says a lot of what Little Shaman teaches and adds the Christian perspective as well. The title is “Healing from Hidden Abuse” by Shannon Thomas.
VICTORIA LAIDLAW Your “but” negates “I mean no disrespect”. In other words you DO disagree with the words/methods of a shaman. Shaman were originally aboriginal, of the land. As such, they were not Christian. Current shaman are people who believe in nature/natural healing, etc. As such, they may have religious beliefs that align with present-day Christianity, though likely not. Although I was raised Christian, my atheist father taught me to question a whole-hearted belief in ANYTHING that requires that one not be able to PROVE its existence. Religion and gods of any kind, and their prophets or religious leaders were to be questioned. Miss Sindelle gives information based on studies of narcissistic personality disorder and that matter-of-fact, straightforward accounting seems valuable to those of us looking for insights and means with which to deal with these individuals in our lives. Because she has chosen shamanism as a way of life doesn’t discount the information’s validity. Blessings!❤️
My mom used to admire my cousin bc my cousin is just like her. My cousin is a single mom of 2 and had her first child before graduating high school. My mom never admired me and she pushed me to be better than her by shaming me for having sex in my teens. Literally when I graduated high school I was so proud that I was better than my mom by not having a kid before I graduated. I couldn’t even just be proud that I had a diploma and could proceed to college. My mom wouldn’t let me be. It’s weird that the fact that my cousin didn’t graduate high school and had 2 children that my mom showers her with love but I’m just here in the shadows. 🥺
And she loves the fact that you know that your cousin gets showered with love and affection she can literally feel you cringing in pain and she's doing it all on purpose she wants to project that self-loathing onto you she knows how much it hurts you the only thing you can do is walk away and go no contact
@VICTORIA LAIDLAW my mother was the most violent most dangerous person I've ever known in my life there was a rage deep within her that was pure insanity the most painful thing in the world to her was to see other people happy people like this usually destroy themselves they live horrible miserable painful lives that are truly pathetic and they just destroy themselves just like my mother did I remember telling my mother when I was younger you will grow old and die alone with no one no friends no family nothing and you will not understand a word that I'm telling you right now because you are incapable of understanding such a concept sure enough many years later I got a phone call from a social worker telling me your mother is dying of HIV she would like to speak to you I told the social worker that's not real that's not a human being that is a demon that woman that you see there is pure evil
Hey, congratulations, and good for you for graduating!! That is something to be very proud of, and you earned that all on your own! Go out and live your best life, take with you the knowledge of "what not to do", and be the awesome human you were meant to be 🤗
@@natashamudford4011 Very true. I was the scapegoat in my 'Christian ' family and yet I was more spiritual and followed the rules more than any of them. Now I realise that they were jealous of my faith. I actually think that it is demonic attack to destroy your faith because when you are isolated from others outside your religion you can only be got at by those in the so called safe congregation. I cannot go now because of my CPTSD but my faith is stronger than ever. My family members, friends and congregation members abused me Not God.
If your mum.was happy that you didnt make the same mistakes that she did, she would be admitting her own failure and of course, a Narc is never at fault! By siding with your cousin against you she is justifying her own mistakes.
My ex wife NEVER truly apologized. She would say she is sorry "that I feel that way" or some other patronizing bs. Never true contrition for her behavior and I honestly dont think she ever understand the concepts. A few rare times she apologized for something, that in hindsight , were things she felt like she was being viewed negatively about herself. But ALWAYS at a later time she would take it back and say she didnt mean it. Usually when it was a repeat behavior and it got to the point that the past apology had to be brought up in order to prove her denial of the problem being real and a reoccurring problem. Never. No self reflection. Her apologizing is not possible. Nothing is her fault. Ever
They just love to play with your head the more you argue with them the more they loved it they have little baby Feelings by the way it's very easy to trigger them and very easy to set them into narcissistic rage they are extremely fragile they just seem very strong you could actually have fun with them all you have to do is what they're doing to you and not react just respond and give them fax and watch them scramble like crazy
@VICTORIA LAIDLAW I thought it was between the age of 5 or 6 oh and yes absolutely stay away unless you really know what you're doing and you are very confident within yourself and you realize that the narcissist is a fragile little egg is that can be shattered very easily with just a few comments then by all means go at it
I got the non-apology apology all the time. When I left my stbx wife I told her I was disappointed that she just quit on our marriage; her response was; "I am sorry that you feel that I quit". Wtf, why couldn't she just say "I didn't quit" rather than have a vague implication that it was me that was at fault. What kind of thinking process is going on here? Why even bother replying unless the goal is to drive your SO crazy.
@@spindrifter7519 it only gets worse in time if you think she is bad now give it a few more years where the small steady supply of narcissistic food is not enough and she needs a bigger supply that's when they start getting violent and it doesn't matter if they destroyed themselves as long as they destroy you
My gratitude for sharing your knowledge and wisdom about the subject, Little Shaman.. just as I think I've heard the most succinct way of relating this topic to others, you bring yet another podcast to top it! Please, do publish your work and speak publicly to educate the health professionals as well, God knows some of them truly need it.. So as you put it.. may the Great Spirit bless you and have a wonderful day! 🌹😌♥️
From the million videos I’ve seen from thousands of channels you have the best ever understanding of the narcissistic person nature and the most IN DEPTH knowledge of the topic that blows my mind away. This is just fascinating. Thank you! You really helped me! God bless you!!!!!!!!!! Little shaman!
This is soooo good! It debunks some of the things that make narcissism questionable. I feel like you'll know it in your gut. The state of confusion and delusion will lead you to search for answers. The fight or flight feeling you get when there's no actual behavior to pinpoint you in that direction or no way to explain your feelings, wil let you know you're with a narcissist. I also feel like this relates most to the covert narc. It helps explain why they do what do. THANK YOU! 🙏🏽
Hard hitting! I would love to hear you address at length the topic of self-aware narc ppl who were raised by even worse narcs. It’s discouraging that the prognosis you issue is so dark and sounding basically impossible to avoid. As a person recovering from doing narc behaviors w/o realizing it for so many years, I feel it would be helpful to others who find themselves shifting direction away from narc coping mechanisms.
Very rarely do authors of videos on narcissism address the issue of suicide. Thank you for addressing it head on. My ex partner committed suicide 6 months after I disengaged myself from the relationship but was still trying to support him from a distance while protecting myself. I had no clue whatsoever about narcissism at the time, There were suspicions of bipolar disorder. I now understand that he had entered a fatal de-compensation and self destruction phase that no-one (not even his therapist) could help stop. This has been the worst and most horrible experience in my life, witnessing the meltdown (and not understanding it), wanting to help but resisting to re-engage in the relationship (my survival instinct) and then all the unanswered questions and the excruciating sense of guilt for months and months after his suicide, and finally coming to understand the causes of it all through therapy (with a therapist competent on narcissism, very few are!) and self education through video channels such as Little Shaman which I have found to be the best of all. You are right. These poor and troubled souls can be dangerous to others and to themselves. Thank you so much.for your work.
I’m so sorry you went through this. I just left my husband of one year only a week ago. I left for three months before because I was so in love with him I returned when I saw how devastated he was. The reason I left in the first place was that he terrified me, and had become physically aggressive. Most of the time it was the threat when he would rage about some small issue that would trigger him and of which I had no idea. Now of course he has mentioned about taking his own life This is horrifying to me but I also know that for narcissist, it can go in either direction. I couldn’t control his violent behavior towards me, and I can’t possibly control it if it turns towards himself. On the other hand, I also know that he could simply discard me and move on with someone else quickly. The painful part is a 90% of the time he was very loving, affectionate, and adoring as a husband. None of that could make up for the intermittent bouts of being terrorized. Of course, everyone on the outside, thought he was one of the most beautiful people, and he actually could be even with me. On those other occasions, it was like a demon entered my house. Yes, a very painful experience, that fills you with sorrow. For that reason, I try to remember my anger it’s easier to bear.
This is one of the few videos I've ever seen that address the fact that narcs can be covert and overt. My narc MIL has apologized a lot but it's usually what you said, it's because she got called out on her BS. She also apologizes about the way her food turns out and she's a very good cook but she has to get compliments. She's constantly apologizing for food she knows is great, fishing for those compliments. You are dead on. She is extremely immature and unhappy. That's exactly right. She's always complaining about everything no matter how lovely it is. She can find fault in perfection every time. Oh my goodness, you are so right. MIL absolutely does not get it. I think that's part of why people don't believe that her covert abuse is done on purpose. She pretends to be stupid, uses alcohol to hide and is so emotionally immature. You have some very good insight.
we must have the same mil..lol..mine is always the victim and asks my husband for money but forgets it's MY money too and she doesn't like me very much cause she knows I see right through her manipulating BS..just love your partner more than you hate your mil..thats what works for me for 33 years
@@lauramarzen7081 Well, MIL passed away a few months after I commented. It's such a weird feeling. Being sad that she never changed and that she must have led a smear campaign against me because now Golden Child SIL has taken up the queen bee mantle and has shunned us when she can get away with it which just like her mother is most all the time. And then there's that relief that MIL won't be targeting my kids or me anymore. It's just sad really. You never want to feel that way about someone and yet here we are. Honestly I'm feeling pretty bitter towards my husband these days since I've come to realize he was using the kids and me as human meat shields to protect himself against his mother. He did it from the beginning. She likely irreparably damaged my marriage before she went which I'm sure she would've been secretly quite pleased with herself over. It all just makes me wish I could go back and change everything but I can't. Gotta move forward.
@@jaykay3839 I'm sorry to hear your mil passed away without acknowledging the behavior she displayed while she was alive. you never got to hear" I'm sorry" for anything she did. I understand the resentment you feel towards your husband cause I still feel that sometimes cause he never tells her no to anything and I'm totally excluded from any of their conversations when she needs money. I know this isn't a " nice" thing to say but I'm sure a little part of you doesn't miss her and you might even have a sense of peace not having to deal with her anymore(just your sil for now) but it's ok to be able to breathe without her on the earth anymore. I hope you and your husband can get through this and remember you married HIM- not them. good luck and know that you're not alone when it comes to crazy family members who aren't from your bloodline😊 be well , blessed and happy❤
My ex narcs friend had to point out her behaviour and the fact that she had hurt me so badly. My ex was truly sorry, but it was because it caused her pain and shame
Little Shaman I am so glad you are back, when you disappeared and all your videos were gone I was shocked and very heart broke, and over that. I'm glad that you're back. I don't know what happened doesn't matter I'm glad you're back thank you! For all your hard work you've helped me so much!!!
LIttle Shaman is incredible. I truly appreciate her insights and the easy to understand way she presents them. I was stuck in a cycle with my narc until I saw her video about trauma bonds. Once I understood that, I had the strength and resolve I needed to break away from a 6 year relationship. Everything she has said in her many videos matches how my ex acted. This particular video helps me get over the feeling that I could "just somehow fix him". It's not gonna happen. Thank you, Little Shaman!
Thanks Little Shaman! I could never understand why my first narc was a pathological liar. Now it makes more sense. He would lie about inconsequential things. Never understood it. This was so helpful!
Quite possibly one THE CLEAREST presentations on narcissism across which I have come in ages. A must listen for ANYONE seeking to educate themselves on the topic. It is complicated personality disorder and knowledge is definitely power. Thank you! 👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽
Mine never appologized, never once stepped up to reconcile a conflict. He lied by omission to hide things. He taught me it was not worth it to bring up any grievance because he would just shut it out and deflected with a "what about you!!" Yes, others were more important than the closest to him. That was sooo confusing, now it makes sense. Yes, mind blowing that someone who thinks normal, handles conflicts in a sick way. Intellectual ability vs. feelings. Flawed perception for sure, delusional! Most of his rages blindsided me because it was delusional thinking.
The way you explain and speak really resonates with me. Thanks so much for the vids. My mom is a covert narc. She recently punished me by ignoring my 30th birthday. But its okay. I've grown to the point where I don't need it.
Thank you for explaining these issues. I am amazed that I didn’t grasp that there are these types of people among us. How could I not have known? What else don’t I know??
My partner tends to get very angry when he doesn't understand something. My family, including adult children, are very intellectual. We often have conversations about complicated subjects. My partner has temper tantrums when he can't grasp what we are discussing. He will pace and become visibly frustrated. It was one of my first clues.
This happened to me in the late seventies and again in the early nineties. It was brutal; there was absolutely zero info out there then. No more serious relationships for me; it's too risky and I take tons of time. My first husband and I knew each other for 3 years before we married! . However, I still listen to everything...It's great that today the info is here ❤️❤️❤️❤️.
i am officially dead 😵 that was brutal; true, and devastating. knew him for 50 years. always seemed to be upstanding, confident and what i thought was mischievous. turned out to be the worst monster i’ve ever known. this sure is some ingrained and chaotic illness. feel like i need a ‘karen silkwood’ shower. your academic explanations are easily and viscerally understood. thanks.
I feel like the grandiose narcs do contact you years later because they’re so full of themselves they think that you want them back. But the covert/vulnerable narcissist probably would never because they’re too scared of rejection and being embarrassed. The same reason why they don’t post that much on social media. They’re very much insecure on the outside
9:18 for years I never understood why he treats strangers or people he just met like they were longtime friends whilst me and the kids are treated with annoyance… or silent tolerance at best -Seriously messed up
Oh my narc apologizes all the time, he doesn’t mean it and only does it so he doesn’t have to listen to what he’s done to hurt me. “I’m SORRY! That’s all I can do moving forward!” Only to have him repeat the same hurtful behaviors over and over. Now I simply say, “I don’t care that you’re sorry. Your apologies don’t mean anything.” And they don’t, I am almost free.
This very very hard for me to hear! The fact that my wife will not change ! I even walk around the apartment listening to your videos while she is here and has no other choice but to hear it. It breaks my heart to the core to know you’re right. And I have to say when “ this” is not happening when the cycle is on another course”? It’s great! But when it’s “ time” it seems to mesh with her bi-polar cycle.. I wish this was not my life I wish she had self awareness and just can’t grasp how it’s so in your face but is never addressed.. I get shit thrown in my face.. most anything I tell her is used against me and the shitter of it? She speaks as if she knows when it’s more than apparent she is not firing on all cylinders.... as soon as I can I gots get out of this
This describes my experience with my ex in every possible way. This has drained my life force,my ambition, and nearly my sanity from me. I wish I could find a way to help her but I don't think its possible. My heart is broken but there's nothing I can do to change it. Reality can be horribly cruel at times but it has to be faced. The killer part is that I lost everything to my narc ex-wife then fell head over heels with my now ex narc fiance. Didn't think lightning struck twice in the same place but apparently I attract it. I wasn't aware the first time and didn't want to believe it the second time around but the truth is the truth. They both check every box on the list. I'm gonna work on being less prime of a target from now on.
The self sabotage thing is so TRUE. My ex failed a course and despite everyone in his inner circle urging him to take it again to pass the program he REFUSED, claims to this day, " I succeeded on my own terms." The truth is he needed HELP with the material at the time, but he was to prideful to admit it or even ask. As a result he never got his degree. We were in the same program and I did get my degree, I always felt he was jealous of me achieving that because he would say how trivial my degree was at every opportunity. 🙃 You bring up a great point, if they were truly con artists they would not shatter pretty much everything they work so hard to create unintentionally, including but not limited to relationships. 💔
Thank you! Your explanation and delivery is unlike any I’ve heard but 100% accurate! I’ve only recently began to grasp and understand narcissism- I’ve been married for 20, experiencing everything you’ve described. There’s so much hatred out there, towards narcissists (and understandably so), but the childlike nature, vulnerability, and attempt at complete self-deception that they are experiencing within, is rarely discussed.. So, thank you for putting this out there. I’m looking forward to watching more of your videos:-)
You're very welcome. I think it's very confusing for people to be told that narcissists never apologize and yet they are faced with someone who fits all the criteria except that they do apologize. Some narcissists do apologize. It doesn't mean they're sorry. It means they apologized.
Thank you Shaman sister for this ever helpful clarity, will keep this in my playlist. Please know this one, me, myself is very grateful to you continue your journey to help others.
these videos are great and easy to comprehend thank you so much! you’re helping me see myself as well as others around me and hopefully i can start changing some of what i believe to apply to me and at the same time have better boundaries with others around me with npd or just a few traits. good stuff
Better to have loved and lost than to live w a Narcissist the rest of your life! 💯
👀🔮👌
Walking on eggshells with these people is the worst.
What a waste of love!
Right on. Divorcing a covert narcW now. Get out stay out. Sad for the kids tho. Find dr. Craig Childress for narcs in court with children.
@@artmeacademywiththesaltyse9537 I know one who had a child under 3 yrs old (narcs love when they are to young to speak), and when his wife went out with a friend once, maybe twice per year, her child would end up hurt in an unfortunate "accident" and she would be called home asap. Not only one time, not two, more.
How many narcissists does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer:
None. They all use gaslighting 🤣
How many narc's can you spot waiting in a waiting line at a haunted house in a theme park
None cuz they don't want to meet family members 🤣
Good one!!!
R K lol nice 1
R K 😅😂🤣
How many narcs does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, they hold the lightbulb and the world revolves around them.
Accepting their apology is the same as giving them permission to abuse you again. That is how they see it.
Jennifer Williamson
100% agree
Even though mine rarely apologized....
Mine always said, "Better to ask forgiveness than to ask permission." I HATED that!
@@mensatic just horrible. Why are they f'n creepy & vile (rhetorical) ?!!
Exactly!!
I have 2 in my life: my malignant narcissist older brother and my covert narcissist mother, who spends much of her time and effort promoting, defending, protecting and "explaining" his toxic conduct.
Brother will issue abusive, condescending, ridiculously irrational abuse on anyone, family, friends, public officials, etc, with often permanent negative results for himself. He will never, ever acknowledge even so much as the fact that there was a better way to handle the situation.
Mom, on the other hand, will issue a classic "faux-pology" if you have the temerity to simply refuse to engage, react to or accept her invalidation, abuse, or ridiculous excuses. The faux-pology goes like this: You grey rock narcissist brother at Thanksgiving dinner by limiting your responses to his baiting remarks to "Oh, that's interesting", "I haven't thought about it", or "You may be right."
Mom, in front of entire, extended family: "Well, you're being extremely rude. . .if you can't participate, then you shouldn't say anything at all."
You: "I'm sorry to have offended you" and for the rest of the evening, you engage only with the other members of your extended family, help clean up and put away everything afterwards.
Mom, late that night, in private: "I'm sorry I made you mad earlier."
No acknowledgement of what she did or said to try to humiliate you in front of everyone, embarrassing herself in the process. Just projection of her anger onto you in an effort to get you to defend, explain your refusal to react per usual to narcissist brother.
You: "Thank you for your concern, but you didn't make me angry at all."
Mom: "Well, I think I certainly did."
You: "No, you simply expressed your low opinion of me. I disagree with your opinion, but you're certainly entitled to it. I know that I'm not a rude person."
Mom (physically backing away and looking at her feet): "Well, I have a pounding headache and need to go to bed."
This was the outcome of my very first encounter with my 2 narcissists after by brother's final (for me) comversation with me in which he mocked me, called me several names, accused me of having selfish motivations, and implied that he and others in the family shared this opinion. I decided to ignore the jabs and attend the large family Thanksgiving gathering the next week, regardless, because I had begun researching NPD and felt prepared (thank you Little Shaman!! 💕) to handle whatever he dished out. Besides, I was 95% certain the "others" he said agreed with him was really just Mom. I was right; I had a great time with my other brother and his family, uncles, aunts, cousins, etc. all of whom are familiar with my older brother's haughty, monopolizing verbal rants, and some of whom want nothing to do with him because he's abused them. It was scary and hard, and awkward at times, but I needed to do that.
Months later, older brother abruptly decided to move far, far away from the town where he, Mom and I and my family all live. He was living in a home Mom built for him. For days before his moving day, Mom hinted at having a "meeting" between him, her and me on the pretext that I, as a lawyer, needed to come see the house before she leased it to the new tenant. I told her I had other plans, could go see it on a different day later that week, etc. Finally, she broke down and said she needed my brother and me to reconcile before he left and "he is willing to talk about it." At that point, I just said, "No." I thought she'd just cut me off after that, but she's been trying to reel me back now for months. It's sad. She's 85 and quarantined in her house, so I check on her occasionally. I wish I could say I have affection for her, but I just feel a sense of obligation to make sure she's safe - that's it. I realize what I am, to her, is just a thing, something she finds occasionally useful but has no understanding, respect or affection for. I can talk about the weather, her health, her friends and her garden with her, but won't ever put anything more of myself out there for her to talk about with narc brother, because she's proven, over and over again, that's the only reason she asks.
You nailed it! The hardest part seems to be the feeling of sorrow that comes when you realize there is nothing you can do but say goodbye.
It's not hard to say goodbye to that 💩. It may be harder to reinvent yourself not knowing where to go, who will support you, and how generally to pick yourself up after losing your identity and then some.The change of habits, ways of doing things, lifestyle, and expectations have to go out the door. When you've had enough of the Narc's illogical mind games, lies, deflections, emotional abuse, i.e. gaslighting 🤯, you will feel relief just to escape. No matter what you have to face , e.g. in uncertainties, unknowns, you know that you have already faced many all-time worst moments that you couldn't believe would ever happen in your life. By the time you've made the decision to move after countless attempts to improve the situation, you know there is no other choice but to forge ahead alone. Only afterwards, can one reflect and realize what horror would have come had you stayed in a relationship that held you dissatisfied going nowhere for so long. Say hello to peace of mind, a calm state of being that is not only possible, but arguably more important than gold. 🌈
So much sorrow, deep and more intense than sadness, you nailed it!
It's because we grieve for the shared fantasy. Literally grieve.
I don't believe anything a narcissist says, I don't believe their apologies, and I don't believe their gas lighting crap.
You right.
- 😄 - Haw you know that the narc is laying ?
- His lips are moving.
You can't believe anything they say it's unreal!
This woman knows what she is talking about 🤔!!!
They reluctantly apologize when they're caught. Not meaningful.
Omg 10 years . My divorce should be final next week. Praying
I am married for 40yrs
I dont know what to do
I am so scared 😓😓😓
#6
They hate you for loving them.
This is SO TRUE.
Boom. Nailed it.
Spring Time
I plagiarized from Paul Jordan.
It is important to get the truth out there. But the harsh reality is that most people have to go through multiple narcissistic relationships before noticing the pattern. Where's the early education on this? I'm nearly 40 and just saw the light after yet another disaster, this time with a covert......damn near destroyed me!
M Stafford yes because they know their core true self is unlovable and the person you fell in love with, the person they portray themselves to be, is fake.
I remember one time my narc got caught cheating. He denied cheating on me for years but this particular time I had proof. Omg the next time I was alone with him his true self came out. He showed me his true self that day. It was scary. And if what he did to me wasn’t bad enough the last thing he said before walking out the door was “it’s your own damn fault I cheat on you. every time you start your shit I’m gonna do it”. (Me “starting my shit” is basically wanting normal relationship things like respect love loyalty or help with things around the house etc.)
I hope you're out.......I was with my husband for 15 years and things did get back he was more of an abandonment, discarding narc. It was rough but the last 4 years I started to open my eyes and really look in the mirror and realised this isn't normal anymore..and I lost myself and wanted my old self back. But I mean for your to say that you're the reason he cheats. .....that's terrible. I hope you found a way out.
You're not supposed to have any needs and how dare you ask them to do anything?? They need a blow up sex doll.
Oh my gosh. I don’t think he was cheating quite yet because we were only together about a year and a half. But of course there were other things the abusive language, the control, The lack of empathy etc. and when I would bring it up he would say the same thing that I was “ starting my shit”. And that was his excuse for acting abusively. Or his excuse for leaving or whatever. My divorce is final July 7. I had a narcissistic mother. I thought she was the only one on the planet. Very naïve of me. I was a set up for trauma bonding. Because I had had that relationship with my mother for years until I cut her off. Lots and lots of years in therapy. It’s unfortunate that I have to get towards the end of my life to finally understand my vulnerabilities in these areas and to work on them. Peace to you
They really do sabotage themselves. It’s actually quite shocking when you think about the repercussions that their actions have on them.
yep that s my covert narcarcist sister in law. She says in her taunting tone some people you just get. She doesn t get it!!!
I have always loved your objective, clinically detached approach. I believe that it truly parallels the proper way to deal with these people. Don’t take it personally. It’s even okay to pity them. But respect how dangerous they are, and cut them out of your life definitively. That is the best way to go
Pas de tes patates facts!!! It’s hard not to take it personally though
Once again, another video that validates my experiences with my narc husband. Some days I feel as if he is from a different planet with the things he says. He is a perpetual victim and I am the horrible (fill in the blank depending on the situation). No logic, no rational thought, paranoia and forever the expert on everything.
You’re right, he is miserable. This is easy to see. It’s very sad. He destroys everything good around him.
The fifth one about them sabotaging is so spot on. They simply have very little impulse control. They Will sabotage any and everything eventually.
They sit on their self created island of misfit toys.
from 11:57 to 13:20
I love how REAL this is. STRAIGHT, NO CHASER!!! I need to hear this so I WON’T BELIEVE that I will be able to save my adult daughter...... AGAIN!!!!I’m new to this community and have been learning so many ways to protect myself. I feel like you’ve given me a pair of glasses to help me see the blurry vision that was causing me so much pain and sadness...... NOW IT IS A FAIR FIGHT! 😉💕 Thank you Shaman
You found the #1 EXPERT on narcissism in the entire world. Congratulations & best of luck!
Feels like I’m in the twilight zone learning how complicated it is with narcissism. Its so draining but I find it comforting to know that eventually the truth comes out.
It will I know but 55 years on and I am still waiting!. But I only learnt to understand it a year and a half ago.
Dee Dee be patient with yourself while you’re learning. not only is it a lot intellectually to wrap your head around, but it’s a lot emotionally to process this information. be sweet with yourself.
H hahahaha no no no no the truth doesn't always come out in fact usually it does not.. You will lose ppl dear to you as they will believe the narc. Or at least part of what they said. Anyone who knows them will have a skewered perspective of you based on what the narc told them about you in their smear campaign. Don't be waiting for everyone to see what you see.. They won't. It will be decades of heartbreak if that's what your are waiting for. It's radical acceptance time. For me too. This has been the worst but the only way out.
Nightmares dressed as a daydream.
good one. A good analogy of the old bait and switch.
So true.
Very well said.
Thanks to these lessons , I've stopped expecting normal reaction or responses from the Narc.
As much as they hurt others. I feel the horror they must live in , it must be a nightmare to live with yourself like that .
Yes but not as bad as living through the nightmare of decades of the violence and abuse they inflict on you and attracting every other narcissist and abuser for miles around until finally 54 years later You Tube tell you the truth. Even as an Empath it is difficult to really feel sorry for them.
@@mandyg5747 well said. I would feel sorry for them, if it wasn't for the absolute hell they inflict on others. Plus, studies show that narcs sleep nice and sound. So surely, they can't be feeling that bad. In contrast to their victims who get PTSD for years and struggle to get a good night's sleep.
@@MR-tr2fz , telling yourself you pity them can help you get over them, it helped me. think about it, the Nac has to wake up every day, every day to their fake life and live the lie they live , over and over and over. I know of people in their 60th, 65th, 70th, 75th and 80th year of living their lies.
good luck and have a good life!
@@sideswiped6874 I so agree, they never change, and they are pitiable.
@@MR-tr2fz , you know, with all the toxic people I have been around threw-out my whole life, and there have been many-many of them, I have come to understand that they have shown me that I am a pretty nice person
Great Podcast, This is all True.
They don't change, they get worse.
NO CONTACT. NO CONTACT.
Thank you.
M. F. Richardson no contact!!!!
@@lizalaska5084 you got it😉
Wouldn''t that mean they do change?
Hope to go no contact soon.....I wanna die.....I need sanity....
Great info thank you for sharing this! So crucial for me was pointing out they can be very intelligent but due to their immaturity of living in the moment, they can’t make good adult decisions. My ex narc has no home, no savings and mounds of debt, including back taxes. He wants a mommy (but bully’s like he’s large & in charge) to care for him as he earns just enough to have a good time but not enough to climb out of debt or lay away funds for retirement ... he’s 62.
They are stuck in Trauma and are definitely arrested developmentally. Good Video Little Shaman! Thanks.
I see a lot of people comment how it took them years or decades to come to this realization. And all I have to say is I thank GOD that he shown me this in my early 20’s. I met my ex narc when I was 19. I figured out he was a narc a couple months ago right before I turned 21. I’m currently in a spiritual awakening phase. I’m a dream and intuitive empath. I’ll always get these dreams or visions of him. I’ll even have a urge to ask a out of the blue question. Then get an answer from a dream. The abuse was insane he abused me in multiple ways but the emotional abuse is more damaging then the physical abuse. He was my wake up call now I’m on the right path to healing and becoming a more empowered woman. But to do so I have to learn more about these demons to protect myself.
I am a dream and path too I have lots of dreams that come true and sometimes I have visions that come true I guess you might say that I'm a psychic but it never works the way people think that it does I can't ask for it to work it just works on its own sometimes sometimes benign things but I had it Dream about this relationship in the beginning and all of it came true and I understood the meaning of the dream by the time the relationship was over strangely in my dream he was gone and I was on a swing He was back in his trailer chaotic of mind and that is actually what has happened only he does have a new girlfriend wait until she finds out what nothing Burger he is.
They're not "demons." They're cyborgs. Lol. Lucky you for getting out as soon as you did. Hopefully you won't have to repeat the lesson. I'm an empath as well. I was raised by a narcissist, so being with a narcissist felt like "home" to me. It's been a long, hard road out of hell. I'm nearly 60 and I've been through some sh**.
Hard to accept and yes clears a lot Tfs and appreciate You and this community ❤
The way they treat random strangers that come in their life better than you is so true. They will certainly do this in a public setting as well... Always really threw me for a loop... But you make,so much sense. The reflection is just to good to resist. If you look at them you can see they are getting a high off of it.
Absolutely!!
@VICTORIA LAIDLAW yes I get that... It's just so abrasive... Almost like they cant help themselves. Whereas a regular con man or women would understand there is a more subtle way to navigate said situation... They honestly have not a lick of sense.
I consider this to be one of your best videos (they are all very good, though). I'm putting it on my *Best Narc Videos* Playlist! You are gifted at explaining narcissism in a way that provides more than just information -- it gives deep insight into complex issues. You bring out nuances that many who comment on the subject are not able to address. Thank you so much. 👍⚘
Sister Sin does indeed articulate well what most of us intuitively know is wrong but can not describe
Covert Narcissists are the perpetual victim and usually holier than thou.
Yup they are and Because usually so many love them and they are typically very good looking and charming it's even easier to manipulate.
Arthur Fleck Not that I owe you an explanation, but I am actually a female. It’s not my problem how my face looks with makeup. Nevertheless, it doesn’t negate my right to state my opinion. But by all means, and with sincerity, may the Lord bless you too.
I have never met a more self-destructive person than my narc. Yet if I try to calmly and lovingly point out that a certain behaviour may be harmful to her, that triggers her big-time. So I shut up. And sadly shake my head.
After being married to a narcissist for nearly 14 years, I had enough of the abuse, emotional deregulation, confusion, doubt, separation of family and friends and constant chaos over nothing nearly every day. You, too, 'Critical Path' can find solace in your life; I've been free for 3 years. I'm still traumatized and try to heal by researching and watching videos for nearly 5 years while reaching out to others for help and advice as well as providing any kind of hope, support and love to RUclipsrs who are trying to get out of or are stuck in a relationship with a narcissist. It was a difficult process in leaving, however, I now live in another state. I have not dated anyone, enmesh myself in my job and isolate way too much, but my emotional state is improving. Hope you all are doing well tonight! Peace!
@@LauraVee63 I have come to the sad conclusion that leaving may be my only option. It's just so hard to do. I need an exit strategy. Thanks for sharing your experience.
@@LauraVee63 it's been No Contact, 4years strong, I no how you feel,I was diagnosed with PTSD, and receiving trauma therapy, counseling, and these on line RUclips videos, and Quora, 2020 will make 5 years,and I'm no where near 100%,I just keep digging into all these videos and keep journaling, I hope I come outta this,and not let this consume my thoughts anymore, I'm hoping I can feel that happy place again,its been awhile.
Been there. Mine accused me of trying to be his mother when I expressed concern about his escalating binge drinking.
Lauranicole84 story of my life girl 11 years and decided to isolate myself even some more.. I don’t want to hate men I know there’s someone good out there,but my mind is wanting to hate.. I am in the process of healing 1 week of separation and I’m so traumatized and crazy. I’m not in the right mental state it is sad..I want to just work and work to get my mind off all the mental and emotional abuse.. I don’t want no one come in contact with me it’s sad because what I need the most right know is a friend to listen to me hang out, but choose to work in fact my job is part time and I’m in the search for another part time because I don’t t even wanna arrive home to early it’s lonely I’m all alone in a cold Mobile home.he can care less and of the none text and messages from him is serious I can know say he has found a new supply, but I’m so abuse that I wanna give in, but I haven’t these videos and what I read is what keep me strong young adults who tell me everything gonna be okay and I did the right thing they told me it’s better to have left then to let my kids continue seeing how unhappy there momma was sadly I am not in the right state of mind to be with my kids so he has full custody I am gonna heal without them for the best of us me and my kids I can care less if he heals or not I’m taking myself serious I’m believing in me and loving me something I never ever got from him he has more patience for are boys I give him the best advice is to continue the patience be positive to are kids understand them and love them something he never really showed to me and I did I loved him deeply since the day I meet him but he taught me to become like him careless for him not give him much love like before know I just don’t love care at all period all I want is someone to come into my life with the promise of the same affection love I want to receive and feel love right back.. I’m someone happy where I am right know wish I can have my kids but I’m content to see them daily for 3 hours even if I can’t enjoy them well with the ass hoe around but once I get home I relax
Narcs can be sorry..."sorry they got caught"!
toneman335 Exactly!
Hahahaha!!!! That's what I always say... LOSER'S!!!!
"Sorry"...... My Ass!!!!!😡😡😡
toneman335 They are never caught. They will ALWAYS explain it away.
I always got an apology but never changed behavior 🤣
Same.
OMG! Yes, he will, when things blow up, apologize. Yes others get more attention than those closest to him. Yes he plays the victim never taking responsibility for his own actions. Thank you so much for this. They come in all shapes and sizes of behavior.
I need to listen over and over! So much information packed into such a short lecture. I get stuck thinking about a particular point and miss the next several points. Really good stuff. Thank you. I do believe you’re saving lives.
I listen to her videos over and over.
Endorphin Rider She’s well worth the time. She puts a lot into every session.
She absolutely is.
I have to do the same thing. Sometimes, three times
Same Diane same 3 years of educating myself don’t share any links to a narc big mistake I did he didn’t even read or told me to sit down and have the talk of changes he and I bought can do nope they don’t want to know anything evil of them they just want to continue on abusing
It’s false humility. Crying and begging for forgiveness, all while continuing their deplorable acts. They’re nothing but demonic freaks who need to be eradicated... and WILL be.
this is 100% what i experienced after he got caught and kicked out!!! NO CHANGE!! EVER!
Really thank u.
You put everything in place cognitively emotionally. Your work is priceless.
Really is!
This is your best video to date. You have saved my sanity with your videos. I have been no contact with my narcissist ex of 4 years for 5 months and things become more and more clear about them and your part in the relationship the longer you are no contact. Sometimes I wonder what’s worse, being blinded while involved or the horror of who you realize they are after you are out. Thank you, so much.
They are sorry that they got caught, and Nothing more.
You are absolutely overflowing with information and insight. THANK YOU for sharing 🙏
Narcissism..the gift that keeps on TAKING
Thank you - it is all starting to make sense now- and for those of us living in a foggy gaslit world, it’s like a beacon of truth
Girl, you are the BOMB!
This is the clearest and most concise explanation of narcissistic personality disorder that I've discovered so far.
This would explain when he was physically abusing and the first time we talked about it no surprise he blamed me and told me to ask myself why I’m the first women he ever put his hands on. He doesn’t want to admit or accept his own feelings and trauma. It’s so much easier to blame someone else it’s sickening. He nearly ran me down after I said he never apologized after he claimed he did. He couldn’t face the truth he literally went crazy throwing a tantrum very kid like.
*This is your BEST video to date*
Shy, overly polite, well mannered and generous described my narc. At the same time she was tardy, counter-productive and stubborn. She could not understand why flaking on someone at the last minuet was wrong. Without getting too angry, I "pulled" an apology from her. After we reconciled.... 1]Dread game 2]Fake Love Bomb ( she exposed some childhood trauma) 3]Devalue (she became controlling and disrespectful) 4]Discard (she got very nasty right before my vacation). Two months later, Hoovering. When I got my emotions in check, we had a polite conversation. I mentioned *"our falling out".* She denied everything and said I misunderstood her.
Definitely she's a covert narcissist. Keep that trash out your life and don't look back.
@@Ртп67в And thank God I didn't have sex with her.
Cyn, you definitely have a way with words! I think about your videos and the way you articulate the message sticks with me. Thanks!
Narcisists everywhere they go, are problem. Like customers are terrible too. They believe they deserve special treatment, they expect more than others. And that is difficult for some people who we are very caring, and can't change. And narcisists are very happy to meet very caring person, and they will use that.
It is the hardest thing to comprehend, how can such intelligent capable people who can function on so levels be so unaware of how their words and actions effect others and be in such deep denial about consequences. My ex made me believe demon possession Is real, like a whole another entity takes hold of him that's how he can switch the abuse on and off, and he is able to still think and operate in a state of rage. How else can you explain a man who can be infuriated and violent one minute and cool as a cucumber talking to a police officer next minute? That man has legion living in him. Only by the grace of God did I survive his evil intentions. I honestly believe he wants me dead. Jesus Christ is real, if you need spiritual protection call on him. Everyday I beg to wear the full armour of God, I have been so blessed with worldly and spiritual assistance in my healing journey. God uses evil for good. Peace and blessings, Little Shaman you do the best videos on narcissists. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. I'm extremely grateful.
Narcissist know the effects their behavior has on other people they just don't care
Yes, suddenly switching to "normal" when police arrived, FAKE! Only abusing when no witnesses. Sadistic.
True but they choose to be wicked. It is demonic behaviour but I believe that they enable or do the will of the demons rather than are possessed. I say this having seen evil on the face of my husband as he tried to strangle me and I have also seen it on my mother's face, my sister and another member of the congregation. I actually think overt Narcissists are a little easier to handle! Sadly in my family of 6...there are 3 coverts and one overt, a flying monkey and me...the survivor!
When that face comes over then it does look hella demonic! It is as if they “check out” and something else rules their bodies. Could be their soul and not their actual spirit. If little shaman is right, then it’s that part of them that never connected to the emotional side of them.
I called upon God too. The energy was real. It came through me and brought my awareness back. I felt and saw a blue 💙 light go through my body, it woke me up from my sleep, as I had fallen asleep praying asking for healing.
I prayed intensely. Since then, my life has been peaceful. I asked God to remove all the narcs out of my life. My veil dropped, my mom is a narc, my ex bf is too, and so was my best friend.
No wonder I was so exhausted and drained. They all wanted something and they all abused me and used me, in different ways.
I believe in source energy, God. My spiritual growth and awakening has been intense. And these energy vampires are out of my life for good.
" But, what have you done for me lately? "
Flabbergasted does not do justice to my reaction.
When they apologize, in my personal experience, they do it to feel better and to get you back into their lives. My brother never stops telling jokes but will rage at the slightest disagreement. Its rage or laughing nothing in between. I think he uses joking to endear people to him because he is so unhappy himself. He is literally "serious conversation challenged."
My ex Narc frenemy didn't have the confidence to ask for a sale receipt yet she claimed she could've been a Director in her career. Lol. A toddler in a woman's body. She said she got demoted from being a Manager but didn't accept her role so she got made redundant. I can see the reason they demoted her! She had delusions of grandeur.
This describes my former best friend to a tee. After nearly twenty years, he suddenly ended our friendship and became overtly hostile to me literally overnight. There was no fight, no argument, in fact the conversation immediately prior was the usual daily "whats up"? The red flag is that he had been emptying his troubles on me and I was listening and trying to offer solutions....He revealed alot to me...I must have said something he took as criticism but I don't know why he would feel that way until I listened to you...The details are too long to go into but everything you say fits to tee. That was seventeen years ago and from time to time he still pops up with hateful, provocative messages to me. I was probably lucky, we weren't in a "relationship" and when he changed. I was wise enough to keep distance, so my experience was post discard and it truly was hurtful and traumatic so I understand how someone who had been in a marriage or relationship would be bitter, angry and betrayed. But my feeling listening to all of this is profound sadness for him. I truly loved him and to come to understand that these people are actually suffering, and externalizing that suffering onto others. Its tremendously sad. "The truth is, you've exposed them to themselves..." truer words could not have been spoken.
David My wife of 34 years was exposed by me as we approached retirement. I thought that in retirement we might spend more time together her idea was to be with her family and friends and as I had generally worked away from home there was no desire to be in my team.
It was only on reflection that I could see the red flags that were always there. She is a victim covert who threatened suicide when caught in a big fat lie and extra gaslighting. Everything is my fault. Her latest gambit I am a really nice generous person but somehow I brought the worst out of my husband.
Most of the other NPD channels rehash the same info. I always learn something new from you. 🙏
I’ll just keep saying it. Sin, though I have my personal problem with your esoteric name and branding, I cannot overstate how important, reasonable and helpful your messaging is. Everyone in the entire world needs to hear from you. Our entire society is going down the drain because people don’t know/understand what narcissism is and how it works. Not a single other “self help book” or RUclips coach-personality has an insight as no-nonsense as you. Thank you. I hope you’ll be speaking and writing in public in the future
Natasha Mudford
If you consider yourself as possibly being a narcissist, it might be that your upbringing influenced you to choose some narcissistic behaviors, which make your life more bearable.
I know my upbringing did. I was a terrible wife/mother/friend. I had no clue how to behave other than what I had observed. The saving grace was knowing that I wanted to be better and strived constantly, through various therapies and self-development, to rid myself of the “narc fleas” I had acquired.
It took life with the now-ex (after my divorce) for me to see that I needed HELP to change even further than I had accomplished before I met him.
EMDR/CBT therapies awakened my grieving process and opened my eyes to new ways of being, and I chose to CHANGE.
If your religious beliefs help you, great! If you still have self-doubts, I recommend EMDR to bring you to an awakening of an even better you!
Blessings!❤️
I am currently reading a great book on this topic. The author is a Christian and talks about how leaders in the church are often narcs and even overlook narc abuse in their “counseling sessions”. She says a lot of what Little Shaman teaches and adds the Christian perspective as well. The title is “Healing from Hidden Abuse” by Shannon Thomas.
VICTORIA LAIDLAW
Your “but” negates “I mean no disrespect”. In other words you DO disagree with the words/methods of a shaman.
Shaman were originally aboriginal, of the land. As such, they were not Christian.
Current shaman are people who believe in nature/natural healing, etc. As such, they may have religious beliefs that align with present-day Christianity, though likely not.
Although I was raised Christian, my atheist father taught me to question a whole-hearted belief in ANYTHING that requires that one not be able to PROVE its existence. Religion and gods of any kind, and their prophets or religious leaders were to be questioned.
Miss Sindelle gives information based on studies of narcissistic personality disorder and that matter-of-fact, straightforward accounting seems valuable to those of us looking for insights and means with which to deal with these individuals in our lives.
Because she has chosen shamanism as a way of life doesn’t discount the information’s validity.
Blessings!❤️
myarea51 check out Rethinking Narcissism by Dr Craig Malkin haven’t finished yet but it’s super informative in a way society doesn’t look at
My mom used to admire my cousin bc my cousin is just like her. My cousin is a single mom of 2 and had her first child before graduating high school. My mom never admired me and she pushed me to be better than her by shaming me for having sex in my teens. Literally when I graduated high school I was so proud that I was better than my mom by not having a kid before I graduated. I couldn’t even just be proud that I had a diploma and could proceed to college. My mom wouldn’t let me be. It’s weird that the fact that my cousin didn’t graduate high school and had 2 children that my mom showers her with love but I’m just here in the shadows. 🥺
And she loves the fact that you know that your cousin gets showered with love and affection she can literally feel you cringing in pain and she's doing it all on purpose she wants to project that self-loathing onto you she knows how much it hurts you the only thing you can do is walk away and go no contact
@VICTORIA LAIDLAW my mother was the most violent most dangerous person I've ever known in my life there was a rage deep within her that was pure insanity the most painful thing in the world to her was to see other people happy people like this usually destroy themselves they live horrible miserable painful lives that are truly pathetic and they just destroy themselves just like my mother did I remember telling my mother when I was younger you will grow old and die alone with no one no friends no family nothing and you will not understand a word that I'm telling you right now because you are incapable of understanding such a concept sure enough many years later I got a phone call from a social worker telling me your mother is dying of HIV she would like to speak to you I told the social worker that's not real that's not a human being that is a demon that woman that you see there is pure evil
Hey, congratulations, and good for you for graduating!! That is something to be very proud of, and you earned that all on your own! Go out and live your best life, take with you the knowledge of "what not to do", and be the awesome human you were meant to be 🤗
@@natashamudford4011 Very true. I was the scapegoat in my 'Christian ' family and yet I was more spiritual and followed the rules more than any of them. Now I realise that they were jealous of my faith. I actually think that it is demonic attack to destroy your faith because when you are isolated from others outside your religion you can only be got at by those in the so called safe congregation. I cannot go now because of my CPTSD but my faith is stronger than ever. My family members, friends and congregation members abused me Not God.
If your mum.was happy that you didnt make the same mistakes that she did, she would be admitting her own failure and of course, a Narc is never at fault! By siding with your cousin against you she is justifying her own mistakes.
My ex wife NEVER truly apologized. She would say she is sorry "that I feel that way" or some other patronizing bs. Never true contrition for her behavior and I honestly dont think she ever understand the concepts. A few rare times she apologized for something, that in hindsight , were things she felt like she was being viewed negatively about herself. But ALWAYS at a later time she would take it back and say she didnt mean it. Usually when it was a repeat behavior and it got to the point that the past apology had to be brought up in order to prove her denial of the problem being real and a reoccurring problem.
Never. No self reflection. Her apologizing is not possible. Nothing is her fault. Ever
Total denial.
They just love to play with your head the more you argue with them the more they loved it they have little baby Feelings by the way it's very easy to trigger them and very easy to set them into narcissistic rage they are extremely fragile they just seem very strong you could actually have fun with them all you have to do is what they're doing to you and not react just respond and give them fax and watch them scramble like crazy
@VICTORIA LAIDLAW I thought it was between the age of 5 or 6 oh and yes absolutely stay away unless you really know what you're doing and you are very confident within yourself and you realize that the narcissist is a fragile little egg is that can be shattered very easily with just a few comments then by all means go at it
I got the non-apology apology all the time. When I left my stbx wife I told her I was disappointed that she just quit on our marriage; her response was; "I am sorry that you feel that I quit". Wtf, why couldn't she just say "I didn't quit" rather than have a vague implication that it was me that was at fault. What kind of thinking process is going on here? Why even bother replying unless the goal is to drive your SO crazy.
@@spindrifter7519 it only gets worse in time if you think she is bad now give it a few more years where the small steady supply of narcissistic food is not enough and she needs a bigger supply that's when they start getting violent and it doesn't matter if they destroyed themselves as long as they destroy you
My gratitude for sharing your knowledge and wisdom about the subject, Little Shaman.. just as I think I've heard the most succinct way of relating this topic to others, you bring yet another podcast to top it! Please, do publish your work and speak publicly to educate the health professionals as well, God knows some of them truly need it.. So as you put it.. may the Great Spirit bless you and have a wonderful day! 🌹😌♥️
From the million videos I’ve seen from thousands of channels you have the best ever understanding of the narcissistic person nature and the most IN DEPTH knowledge of the topic that blows my mind away. This is just fascinating. Thank you! You really helped me! God bless you!!!!!!!!!! Little shaman!
This is soooo good! It debunks some of the things that make narcissism questionable. I feel like you'll know it in your gut. The state of confusion and delusion will lead you to search for answers. The fight or flight feeling you get when there's no actual behavior to pinpoint you in that direction or no way to explain your feelings, wil let you know you're with a narcissist. I also feel like this relates most to the covert narc. It helps explain why they do what do. THANK YOU! 🙏🏽
Hard hitting! I would love to hear you address at length the topic of self-aware narc ppl who were raised by even worse narcs. It’s discouraging that the prognosis you issue is so dark and sounding basically impossible to avoid. As a person recovering from doing narc behaviors w/o realizing it for so many years, I feel it would be helpful to others who find themselves shifting direction away from narc coping mechanisms.
the narc in my life ( mil) never apologizes for anything and is always miserable no matter how nice people are to her
Very rarely do authors of videos on narcissism address the issue of suicide. Thank you for addressing it head on. My ex partner committed suicide 6 months after I disengaged myself from the relationship but was still trying to support him from a distance while protecting myself. I had no clue whatsoever about narcissism at the time, There were suspicions of bipolar disorder. I now understand that he had entered a fatal de-compensation and self destruction phase that no-one (not even his therapist) could help stop. This has been the worst and most horrible experience in my life, witnessing the meltdown (and not understanding it), wanting to help but resisting to re-engage in the relationship (my survival instinct) and then all the unanswered questions and the excruciating sense of guilt for months and months after his suicide, and finally coming to understand the causes of it all through therapy (with a therapist competent on narcissism, very few are!) and self education through video channels such as Little Shaman which I have found to be the best of all. You are right. These poor and troubled souls can be dangerous to others and to themselves. Thank you so much.for your work.
I’m so sorry you went through this. I just left my husband of one year only a week ago. I left for three months before because I was so in love with him I returned when I saw how devastated he was. The reason I left in the first place was that he terrified me, and had become physically aggressive. Most of the time it was the threat when he would rage about some small issue that would trigger him and of which I had no idea.
Now of course he has mentioned about taking his own life This is horrifying to me but I also know that for narcissist, it can go in either direction. I couldn’t control his violent behavior towards me, and I can’t possibly control it if it turns towards himself. On the other hand, I also know that he could simply discard me and move on with someone else quickly. The painful part is a 90% of the time he was very loving, affectionate, and adoring as a husband. None of that could make up for the intermittent bouts of being terrorized. Of course, everyone on the outside, thought he was one of the most beautiful people, and he actually could be even with me. On those other occasions, it was like a demon entered my house.
Yes, a very painful experience, that fills you with sorrow. For that reason, I try to remember my anger it’s easier to bear.
the best video ever on this.
This is one of the few videos I've ever seen that address the fact that narcs can be covert and overt. My narc MIL has apologized a lot but it's usually what you said, it's because she got called out on her BS.
She also apologizes about the way her food turns out and she's a very good cook but she has to get compliments. She's constantly apologizing for food she knows is great, fishing for those compliments.
You are dead on. She is extremely immature and unhappy. That's exactly right. She's always complaining about everything no matter how lovely it is. She can find fault in perfection every time.
Oh my goodness, you are so right. MIL absolutely does not get it. I think that's part of why people don't believe that her covert abuse is done on purpose. She pretends to be stupid, uses alcohol to hide and is so emotionally immature.
You have some very good insight.
we must have the same mil..lol..mine is always the victim and asks my husband for money but forgets it's MY money too and she doesn't like me very much cause she knows I see right through her manipulating BS..just love your partner more than you hate your mil..thats what works for me for 33 years
@@lauramarzen7081 Well, MIL passed away a few months after I commented. It's such a weird feeling. Being sad that she never changed and that she must have led a smear campaign against me because now Golden Child SIL has taken up the queen bee mantle and has shunned us when she can get away with it which just like her mother is most all the time.
And then there's that relief that MIL won't be targeting my kids or me anymore. It's just sad really. You never want to feel that way about someone and yet here we are.
Honestly I'm feeling pretty bitter towards my husband these days since I've come to realize he was using the kids and me as human meat shields to protect himself against his mother. He did it from the beginning. She likely irreparably damaged my marriage before she went which I'm sure she would've been secretly quite pleased with herself over. It all just makes me wish I could go back and change everything but I can't. Gotta move forward.
@@jaykay3839 I'm sorry to hear your mil passed away without acknowledging the behavior she displayed while she was alive. you never got to hear" I'm sorry" for anything she did. I understand the resentment you feel towards your husband cause I still feel that sometimes cause he never tells her no to anything and I'm totally excluded from any of their conversations when she needs money. I know this isn't a " nice" thing to say but I'm sure a little part of you doesn't miss her and you might even have a sense of peace not having to deal with her anymore(just your sil for now) but it's ok to be able to breathe without her on the earth anymore. I hope you and your husband can get through this and remember you married HIM- not them. good luck and know that you're not alone when it comes to crazy family members who aren't from your bloodline😊 be well , blessed and happy❤
@@lauramarzen7081 Thank you. Blessings on you as well.
This is the very best definition of “supply” I have heard or read. It is such a difficult thing to understand.
What can I say, this Lady is so knowledgeable, speaks with authority on this subject, OMG I'm so impressed, so helpful, so much to take in.
My ex narcs friend had to point out her behaviour and the fact that she had hurt me so badly. My ex was truly sorry, but it was because it caused her pain and shame
Gordon Cunningham
She wasn’t sorry. She was embarrassed
@@yzwoody Agreed!
My exes friends told her the same thing. Shocker. It didn’t wake her up to becoming something other than what she truly is.
Nope she isn't sorry. That's her trying to reel you back in. Don't fall for it. If a Narc was sorry they wouldn't repeat their abuse over and over.
Their apologies are just another form of manipulation, because without you they face nothingness.
Little Shaman I am so glad you are back, when you disappeared and all your videos were gone I was shocked and very heart broke, and over that. I'm glad that you're back. I don't know what happened doesn't matter I'm glad you're back thank you! For all your hard work you've helped me so much!!!
LIttle Shaman is incredible. I truly appreciate her insights and the easy to understand way she presents them. I was stuck in a cycle with my narc until I saw her video about trauma bonds. Once I understood that, I had the strength and resolve I needed to break away from a 6 year relationship. Everything she has said in her many videos matches how my ex acted. This particular video helps me get over the feeling that I could "just somehow fix him". It's not gonna happen. Thank you, Little Shaman!
This video is so eye opening!! I love the explanation of their intelligence vs emotional intelligence. It makes so much sense to me
Thanks Little Shaman! I could never understand why my first narc was a pathological liar. Now it makes more sense. He would lie about inconsequential things. Never understood it. This was so helpful!
Me too. I never understood it either because I wouldn't have been bothered by the truth, but am by the lying.
“It’s themselves they are trying to convince”… such a lack of self worth they cannot escape .
BEST EXPLANATION EVER!!! To Whoever puts this together “ YOU ARE A GENIUS”
Quite possibly one THE CLEAREST presentations on narcissism across which I have come in ages. A must listen for ANYONE seeking to educate themselves on the topic. It is complicated personality disorder and knowledge is definitely power. Thank you! 👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽
Fantastic content. You dive deeper into theor mind than most!
Mine never appologized, never once stepped up to reconcile a conflict. He lied by omission to hide things. He taught me it was not worth it to bring up any grievance because he would just shut it out and deflected with a "what about you!!" Yes, others were more important than the closest to him. That was sooo confusing, now it makes sense. Yes, mind blowing that someone who thinks normal, handles conflicts in a sick way. Intellectual ability vs. feelings. Flawed perception for sure, delusional! Most of his rages blindsided me because it was delusional thinking.
Mine did the same ...shut down..deflect...gaslight ....I couldn't understand it now it's clear
@VICTORIA LAIDLAW Yes and I would add that those Narcissists who profess to be devout and religious hate you for your faith and spirituality.
The way you explain and speak really resonates with me. Thanks so much for the vids. My mom is a covert narc. She recently punished me by ignoring my 30th birthday. But its okay. I've grown to the point where I don't need it.
"Based on patterns" YES, YES, YES
Thank you for explaining these issues. I am amazed that I didn’t grasp that there are these types of people among us. How could I not have known? What else don’t I know??
Thankyou... great dissection!
My partner tends to get very angry when he doesn't understand something. My family, including adult children, are very intellectual. We often have conversations about complicated subjects. My partner has temper tantrums when he can't grasp what we are discussing. He will pace and become visibly frustrated. It was one of my first clues.
This happened to me in the late seventies and again in the early nineties. It was brutal; there was absolutely zero info out there then.
No more serious relationships for me; it's too risky and I take tons of time. My first husband and I knew each other for 3 years before we married!
. However, I still listen to everything...It's great that today the info is here ❤️❤️❤️❤️.
i am officially dead 😵
that was brutal; true, and devastating. knew him for 50 years. always seemed to be upstanding, confident and what i thought was mischievous. turned out to be the worst monster i’ve ever known. this sure is some ingrained and chaotic illness. feel like i need a ‘karen silkwood’ shower. your academic explanations are easily and viscerally understood. thanks.
I feel like the grandiose narcs do contact you years later because they’re so full of themselves they think that you want them back. But the covert/vulnerable narcissist probably would never because they’re too scared of rejection and being embarrassed. The same reason why they don’t post that much on social media. They’re very much insecure on the outside
What a sad world they live in always running from themselves 😔
Queen Elizabeth they are like locusts
Moving from place to place destroying and consuming.
My therapist of 10 years was a younger Male Narcissist. It has almost made me his female client insane.
Get this I got gaslit with gaslighting I was told gaslighting wasn't real 😂 good one
9:18 for years I never understood why he treats strangers or people he just met like they were longtime friends whilst me and the kids are treated with annoyance… or silent tolerance at best
-Seriously messed up
Yes!!!!! The narcissism Does mess with cognitive function! I could Not Figure out WTF until you said that! Thank you!
Oh my narc apologizes all the time, he doesn’t mean it and only does it so he doesn’t have to listen to what he’s done to hurt me. “I’m SORRY! That’s all I can do moving forward!” Only to have him repeat the same hurtful behaviors over and over. Now I simply say, “I don’t care that you’re sorry. Your apologies don’t mean anything.” And they don’t, I am almost free.
This very very hard for me to hear! The fact that my wife will not change ! I even walk around the apartment listening to your videos while she is here and has no other choice but to hear it. It breaks my heart to the core to know you’re right. And I have to say when “ this” is not happening when the cycle is on another course”? It’s great! But when it’s “ time” it seems to mesh with her bi-polar cycle.. I wish this was not my life I wish she had self awareness and just can’t grasp how it’s so in your face but is never addressed.. I get shit thrown in my face.. most anything I tell her is used against me and the shitter of it? She speaks as if she knows when it’s more than apparent she is not firing on all cylinders.... as soon as I can I gots get out of this
May your escape be well planned and you get out safely.
Txs
This describes my experience with my ex in every possible way. This has drained my life force,my ambition, and nearly my sanity from me. I wish I could find a way to help her but I don't think its possible. My heart is broken but there's nothing I can do to change it. Reality can be horribly cruel at times but it has to be faced. The killer part is that I lost everything to my narc ex-wife then fell head over heels with my now ex narc fiance. Didn't think lightning struck twice in the same place but apparently I attract it. I wasn't aware the first time and didn't want to believe it the second time around but the truth is the truth. They both check every box on the list. I'm gonna work on being less prime of a target from now on.
You are brilliant amazing
The self sabotage thing is so TRUE.
My ex failed a course and despite everyone in his inner circle urging him to take it again to pass the program he REFUSED, claims to this day,
" I succeeded on my own terms."
The truth is he needed HELP with the material at the time, but he was to prideful to admit it or even ask.
As a result he never got his degree.
We were in the same program and I did get my degree, I always felt he was jealous of me achieving that because he would say how trivial my degree was at every opportunity. 🙃
You bring up a great point, if they were truly con artists they would not shatter pretty much everything they work so hard to create unintentionally, including but not limited to relationships. 💔
Thank you! Your explanation and delivery is unlike any I’ve heard but 100% accurate! I’ve only recently began to grasp and understand narcissism- I’ve been married for 20, experiencing everything you’ve described. There’s so much hatred out there, towards narcissists (and understandably so), but the childlike nature, vulnerability, and attempt at complete self-deception that they are experiencing within, is rarely discussed.. So, thank you for putting this out there. I’m looking forward to watching more of your videos:-)
This is F-'ing EXCELLLENT AND FULLY COVERED ALL THE WAY!!!! NO ONE out there does BETTER re: Narcissism! Youre AMAZING Little Shaman!! thank you.
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So many lifelong questions answered in such a small and insightful clip.
Thank you so much for pointing out that they DO apologise 🙏🏻🙏🏻 you are the first ive heard to say so...
You're very welcome. I think it's very confusing for people to be told that narcissists never apologize and yet they are faced with someone who fits all the criteria except that they do apologize. Some narcissists do apologize. It doesn't mean they're sorry. It means they apologized.
Thank you Shaman sister for this ever helpful clarity, will keep this in my playlist. Please know this one, me, myself is very grateful to you continue your journey to help others.
This info is gold.
The one that i was married to told me that i may never get an apology. Thats when i knew that he knew what he had done.
these videos are great and easy to comprehend thank you so much! you’re helping me see myself as well as others around me and hopefully i can start changing some of what i believe to apply to me and at the same time have better boundaries with others around me with npd or just a few traits. good stuff
Omg! Wow..this is deeper than I thought..it stings to hear the truth. Something for me to digest..