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A Narcissist's Dirty Little Secret
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- Опубликовано: 18 авг 2024
- Dr. Les Carter describes how narcissists want you to think they are confident and that they manage life better than you. But their dirty little secret reveals something quite different. What they show you on the outside does not match what drives them from the inside.
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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who lives in Dallas, Tx. In the past 40 years he has conducted more than 60,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.
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Hi Dr Carter I got the message and went to have a look....it's not free and I'm unable to afford it due to various reasons lol.
@@Lawton1111 You're not worth it. Trailer park BUMS shouldn't look at what they can't afford.
@@keplermission4947 was that a compliment or a slur? Not sure what the he'll you meant mate!
@@Lawton1111 Well, if you're a Helot ... we need to honor Sparta.
@@keplermission4947 ok again I do not understand. So unless you elaborate I can't respond in the relevant manner....So you got 5mins....haha...then I get bored....helot? Mmm that's a new one even for me....ok then!!
When almost 1700 people has watched this in 30 mins you know we have a huge problem in our society these days.. having 3 of these in my life it is very hard to exist.. espec when being an empath... i am exhausted...
I hear you; it is exhausting!
Dr. Carter has the most solid narcissism awareness channel on RUclips.
@@t5396 he has helped so many .. very greatful for this :)
@@rachelvoss5519 Thank you. Sounds like you know how it is by experience..
@Mark Kenny Thank you Kenny. I am ver gald you fond a way and that it has worked :) I actually scared her with the police last time.. but now after 3 years she is sneaking up on us again ..It is quite complicated reg. the property but we are trying to have No contact with her.. but she injects herself now and then.. but hopefully she does something stupid again so i can call the police,, She treatend to kill ( in a very sneaky way) but i decided to take her seriously and she was shocked when they came.. I have found a way to keep her away .. BUT she is full of revenge.... i am very empatic but i will admit that if she died i would not share a tear .. not one.. she made me a nervous wreck.. i recovered but now she is back.. but she will not win this time either.. sorry for ranting/ repeating myself. just so angry and tired...
When you're with someone who sees things only in black and white, my way or the highway, like it or leave it, you're dealing with a narcissist.
Some of these people will really see u in black and pretend to treat u in white, all the while theyre trying to take digs and lower your self worth. Only when u leave do u realise how they've treated u
Not (completely) necessarily. There are several - I think it's cluster B? - disorders that have these traits and sometimes it's very hard or impossible for the patient to get out of that way of thinking, making it seem like they're narcissists when they're not.
Two important things to keep in mind with that is that you're right in saying it is narcissistic, and of course its unhealthy for all parties but that goes without saying I think. The other thing is that if the person, for instance has a bipolar disorder and is perhaps going through a manic episode, or someone has borderline personality disorder and has learned to think this way to protect themselves from complex situations and emotions (which is how my father dealt with his bipolar disorder), they're not narcissists and chances are pretty good that you can reason with them and that they'll see that there's a problem they can get help with. Unfortunately you can't reason with narcissists that way.
@@mongoose59 vote for Putin!
I guess I’m dealing with a narcissist. Although borderline personalities are like this as well.
@@drawitout Yeah. Black and white thinking isn't limited to narcissistic personality disorder. I mean, everyone is at times because, fuck it, that's why :p I think the completely and utterly realistic depiction of the future: Star Wars had it right: Only a Sith deals in absolutes. But if a person _only_ deals in black or white thinking, chances are very high that it's a narcissist. Even someone with BPD can very often be reasoned with to reconsider a black and white fallacy. A narcissist "did nothing wrong", ever, and will gaslight you and double down before ever admitting anything. For reference see Trump and religious people defending their gods.
When a covert narcissist attempts to console you, they sound like they're reading, word-for-word, from a book of inspirational quotes, and their words lack any semblance of warmth; they just cannot conjure up anything that sounds like genuine empathy and just come off sounding robotic and disconnected.
I was very heartbroken one day bc of how narc was treating me .... I was supposed to go workout but didnt feel like it. I said "I can't my heart is broken" ...he said without any warmth "I don't care if you have a broken heart...You need to get out there and run...I'm ENCOURAGING you!"
the narc i know reads alot of psycobable books and quotes verbatim into sentences which sounds like a script
Narcissists don’t stay in long term friendships or relationships. If they do it’s because of some need you feed in them and you haven’t caught onto their game or you’re conditioned to narcissism abuse. They don’t know how to get along with people long term. They always look for a reason to fight with you and make you look bad. They have no insight into healthy, loving, mutual and positive communication.
They do keep a collection of people they can fall back on if need be, though. They may try to pass this off as long-term friendships, but they don't communicate with those people much unless they're gearing up for a hoover or a fallback plan. My ex had an 'old friend' in California that he only saw once every few years when she'd be passing through, but suddenly communicated with her a lot in the few weeks leading up to his "great escape" so he'd have a place to crash. He was notorious for blowing up his life and running away, so I pretty much saw it coming. Later I went through is phone records because they were in my name, and he'd been suddenly in constant contact with a few "old friends" putting out feelers until he hooked this woman. He even got her husband to drive all the way back to our state to get his stuff with him a month later. I gotta say, his sob stories are quite effective. The master manipulator. Good riddance to bad rubbish.
@@m0L3ify all they do is use people til they are all used up then they go to the next and the ex and the next ex and the best ex...and so on and so forth. If it’s someone new it’s because they’re not aware of their games and haven’t caught on yet until they completely drain them of all their support and made their support their new supply. It’s sad when this happens because their whole lives revolve around using people to death. Literally sometimes
Very interesting, because while I was with my narc (3 years) I noticed he had a revolving door of friends. People who were his best friends today were out of his life months later...usually after a failed business venture. He was using them as supplies to support his businesses and cut them off when he couldn't pay them back. Me, well, I was the loyal girlfriend who kept bailing him out but was starting to become suspicious and I even said to him, If I have nothing more to give you, am I still going to hear from you? He said of course, yes. But the moment I had nothing more to give, he cut me off. Once in a while I will hear from him with promises that he'll repay me. I wish I knew that his "I'm a successful businessman" routine was just an act. I thought I was helping someone after a bout of bad luck. Instead, I was being played (and cheated on even after how much I helped him).
@@WorldOfARandomVegan they take and take and take and never give. Everything is one sided and on their terms. Kind of tough to have a long term relationship with no compromise or mutual respect. Sorry you went through that. I did too. It sucks and kind of takes the joy out of friendships and relationships when you keep getting used and set aside.
@@LittleBird888 100%! Absolutely disgusting. My ex is doing this now with a new friend who is investing in a couple of his businesses. He hung out with the new friend on Christmas and New Years while I got a text. I already knew what he was doing, I'm just hoping to get some money back. This new friend is the new supply and eventually he'll be discarded when my ex has nothing to repay him. I now see this as the pattern of his male friends/business associates over the past 3 years.
Needy is an understatement. They will suck you dry in every possible way. What drives me crazy is they have to tell you every time they do something that you do hundreds times a day without notice. Exhausting.
@@janeydoe1403 lol....Thank you for the advice. I will say that next time he tells me he took out the garbage.
Shelley S 😂. ❤️😎
Yes so true I am mentally exhausted right now with all of his lies in affidavit's he keeps writing up
@@bandpackoflions3299 Yep, lying is their first language. When you finally catch on to them they become less relevant and almost comical. They live in a fantasy between their ears. You'll get through it. :)
Shelley - Oh I know. I know. 😂
Watch for their silent anger. I was married to a person I suspect is a cerebral narc and he would never show anger but he was punishing in so many other destructive ways. He was silently destroying our finances, my reputation behind my back, my self esteem. One thing I noticed was if I made a food dish that he had previously made and I got complimented on it or I made it well. He would punish me in another area of my life. He would give me the silent treatment or simply deny me basic needs. I also found his 'black book' listing my so called faults. I thought it was issues he wanted to discuss with me at a later time. Years later I realize it was notes on what areas I was vulnerable so he could say them to hurt me when I confronted him about his abuse. These monsters are slimy.
Wow Leah he sounds a total bast*rd.
What is the situation now with Mr B? 🤔
@@Lawton1111 He left me 2 years ago and after a long legal battle I'm happy to say I've been divorced for 2 months. It's a tricky situation because we have 2 teenage children together who are struggling to deal with a dad that is not a dad. It's very confusing for them. I'm healing and have come so far that I have my oxygen mask on so I can support them.
@@leahboynton1280 yeh I understand totally. When kids are involved it's the deal breaker isn't it. You hurt and you see them hurting. Tears your heart right out doesn't fit x
@@Oceans780 Find a way out. I simply started not caring about what he did and he left.
A Narc is a demon. Their brain is damaged and run by something else. There’s no such thing as a cerebral Narc- they are damaged
Your videos saved my life. I am not joking in any way. I don't want to think about where I'd be if I hadn't found this channel. You're a true Earth angel. ❤
Me too.
Me too. I've been free for almost 3 years.
@K Strong me too
I read one of lives of the saints books, and there was angel's phrase "humans must be taught by humans".
Me too. I've got him out the house 5 months ago when I was 12 weeks postpartum with my 5th child. Haven't seen him since. Stopped responding to emails 2 months ago. I take it day by day much like an addict to remain no contact these videos are my 3 am support when I'm up work a crying baby wishing he was here and normal.
My ex was THE most emotionally needy Covert Narcissist I’ve ever known. He needed constant encouragement and affirmation. Nothing was ever enough. So glad I am now married to an incredibly emotionally stable man who loves me so well. Run, don’t walk, away from your narc!
@@KE-mk1fk Hey K. E. Come and live with me! (lol) I also escaped: he tryed to "burn" me OUT of my house: stalking me and climbd on my bacony to skare me, ha ha, "but he is gone, Im not,
when i realised that he was trying to skare me so i would lock myself up in the hous:
I start working everywhere IN public space: so.
and i warned him: do not approux me: i wil put jou down. that ius also what i said to the police: het is stalking me: make shore that he will not aproix me:
they controlled me the whole summer: then he dissapeared.
ha ha, what a pitty person!
@@KE-mk1fk start saving money in a secret way. Ask giftgards for your bday, buy 5dollar giftgards added to your groceries or whatever. Look for a job if you dont have one.
I had an ex girlfriend who was the opposite ,stable at work , friends , but when it csme down to being fare , thsts how she used her covert/ overt personality ....when i had the ability to see her movements i used a sitution that triigerred her controling behaviur...
@@KE-mk1fk, I totally get it. We were married for 47 years and frankly, at that point, I no longer cared where I might live. There is always a way out, we just have to find it. God bless you, I wish you the best!
@Mark Kenny that's almost impossible if you have children together... I wished for years that was the answer but... now my son is 18 and I left my ex about 2 years ago... now things are settling down for me, it has been very very hard but I can say now, since a few months that I am almost 'free' (I will never be totally free because we will always be connected trough our son).
Unfortunately they do more than fall apart when they don’t get their way. They riot. Not peacefully, either.
I once, years ago before I knew what she is, innocently asked her "what are you so insecure about?" The anger that came at me was absolutely unbelievable. I did not know what to say, do, or even think. Now, of course, I know what she is all about and it all makes sense. After too many years sitting on my thumbs, thinking "I can make this work" I am in the process of getting away for good. I thank God for this site for teaching me what narcs are all about and helping me to start the healing process. Thank you Dr. C.
Good for you!
Go brother !!! Been there for 20+ years thinking I can make this work or things will turn around. The intensity and heat of anger and rages is maddening. Only solution not to be physically near them. Never know when they may explode.
The last verbal rage I endured over nothing was so frightening, the word DANGER reverberated in my mind and body. I left soon after and never returned. Best decision I ever made but it was still tough...heartbreaking. I remembered the way he used to be. But I know now that was an act. He deserves an Academy Award.
I also had an ex beautifull girlfriend that had this persinality wow , feisty and explosive ...And twisted a few things anx flipped on her fo see her narc
..
Go bro go :-)
When Interacting With Narcissistic
Ppl An Awakening Mind Is Ur Best Safeguard.
Narcissistic Ppl Are Very Unhealthy Ppl.They Live
Double Lives.....
That is so true.
Well said. So true.
@@shelleys1551 Thank You
@@thorvaldmelum9877 Thank You
Absolutely true!
They are deeply disconnected from their true self. Early in their life, they learned it was not safe to be their true self so a false self was developed to survive. They stopped being attuned to their body's wisdom and consequently abandoned their connection to the higher version of their soul. Whenever they are triggered, it is the higher self speaking to them and the pain is extreme. To manage the pain, they are compelled to kink the hose in the form of withholding, withdrawing and projecting. They get to survive the moments, but they are not thriving as they are locked away in their minds.
Great understanding of this!
Well said !
@ Private jen You nailed it with that last sentence. Well thought.
So very true! You said it perfectly!
The Narcissist we have was sent away to boarding school at age of 9. ("I rest my case" as the lawyer says...). G
"They need you, and they despise you at the same time." Wow. They can't handle someone having a different opinion from their opinion. Pretty much explains them in a nutshell. I try to be understanding with this. I had to work on my own self with some of the not allowing others to have their own opinions and feeling insecure if they didn't. So I LIKE to think these things between people are "fixable." Which led me to something else I needed to fix: The need for the other person to do so. If they don't want to make efforts to fix these things with someone, then it's ok to walk away from them and allow them to stay stuck. It's not ok for me to stay stuck.
Take any king: he need peasants and despise them. Typical middle ages chauvinism.
Exactly!
They are definitely fixable, but the narc won't because they're too far gone to admit they have any faults. It's always gotta be someone else's fault. They can't own their actions. I had a dream when I first started doing work on my self-esteem where I said "Oh, I get it! If I don't have to chase other people's validation, they can't control me!" and then I woke up. Most insightful thing I've ever dreamed! It takes two to tango in these toxic relationships. Knowing your Core Worth is constant regardless of anyone else's opinion is a friggin' super power! 💪
One of my favorite quotes: "You can't change the mind of someone who's dedicated to misunderstanding you."
Nailed it!
Raised ( neglected / abused ) by a narc mother, my greatest lesson learned was my last relationship. A malignant covert id pure evil. I ended up arrested for standing up for myself. He plotted all along to ruin me as I have always been successful & confident. These disordered creatures will ruin anyone who makes them feel inferior. Run like hell and never return. Although they will return again, and again and again. I have no empathy for these demons.
Yes. They are scary because of their premeditation. I’ve lived the same thing you wrote about here and it is jarring. Namaste and please be safe
Parallel lives here.. Mine killed pets
Endless, absolutely endless need to compare himself up by putting me (and others) down. People don't know what he says behind their back.
You should kick his sorry butt.
The narcissist's emotional neediness can be described as the "stronger than you" passive agression. The fear of rejection is always present when you disagree or don't share the narcissist's opinion. It's exhausting. The projection is mind-boggling: the blame shifting "you not being able to build a foundation" or "you not respecting the narcissist's point of view" is the covert guilt tripping. It's always there. The narcissist's professional victimhood mentality. Control freaks.
Yep, that's exactly right. It's mentioned in another video as well, narcissists are extremely insecure and overcompensating in the most extreme and often bizarre ways.
I think you hit the nail on the head.
Oldest of eight. Narc dad considered my siblings with good incomes (a few are millionaires or in a relationship with one) to be "the right people". My brother and I worked all all lives and are now living on Social Security. We're considered to be the "bottom feeders" by the rest of my family. They seldom bother with us.
The family motto could easily be: "Whoever has the most money wins!"
Yep!
Younger siblings learn from older ones mistakes and get to learn their qualities, they should have to pay up for the co-parenting.
Hello, Doris, Understand that situation too. I’d much prefer being a friend of yours than any of theirs. You and your brother exemplify true character, courage and humanity! YOU are the RIGHT people. Their lives are only full of meaningless smoke and mirrors. I’d vote for both you and your brother for president and Supreme Court! All that glitters is not gold. I love you.💕❤️ 💕 eliza
@@e.conboy4286 Your message means a lot. Thank you.
That's really sick and selfish to say the least, and I'm sorry to hear that this is what you have had to put up with. Money is and always be the root of all evil.
Some will keep a failing business just to avoid the "shame of failure." They would rather be broke and look good to others' than do what is actually in their bet interest.
1000% my ex. As long as he looks like he's succeeding to his friends and family and associates, that's all that matters.
And if you dare acknowledge their failures even in a constructive way they will interpret it as provocation or disrespect to their grandiose self and they will rage at you for that and worse they will even go as far a blaming you for their failure because you dare disrespect them by talking your point. It is preferable to let them sink it is sad but they will never listen to you to start with and will even put all their failures into you. One narcissist was not doing his task properly so I propose to him my advice so as to help him be more productive but he interpreted my advice as an insult and started insulting me back maybe I was not suppose to talk maybe not I don't know but I apologise for 'disrespecting' him and I move on with my task later he uses my 'advice' and applied it as his own and without surprise everybody was praising him for his 'amazing idea' I laughed in my heart. I left this place.
Agreed
My ex used to belittle and devalue me so much and never built me up that I craved her affirmation. She called me needy for wanting normal reciprocation. And everything I would say she would go against me everytime. That made me kind of crazy because she never saw my point.
@@KSpirit54 yes exactly. My needs were not important to her and when I tried to talk about or expressed frustration I was either gaslighted or she began projecting her feelings onto me. I was told I was in lust not love constantly but it wasnt true. I did love her. Now I know she was in lust not me she was projecting. If I wanted my needs met sexually forget it. No sex unless the narcacisst is benefiting. They never did and do not care about us. And they never will. Once you accept what they are life is going to be much better. They played us. I called mine out I told her I know what she is and what she did to me. I told her I knew what she was when she discarded me for the 5th time. And it felt gooooood to call her out. Idc if its frowned upon or not I needed her to know I know. Since then complete silence again she's probably planning on how to ruine me but I dont care. I've moved on I'm healing and starting over. Not letting the narcacisst in my case the vulnerable victimized covert narcacisst dictate my life. They are soul suckers and always will be. I pity the fool who falls for what we did. And eventually the new supply will see. Thank the lord you were discarded take it as a blessing and move on stay no contact and you will get your life back.
Thank you for this. With narcissism and incest, I knew I wouldn’t be able to get closure from my estranged family. I had to learn how to love myself, re-parent my inner child and gave myself permission to grieve for my stolen childhood. The best love is self-love and it’s very healing. With love and light. 🤟🏼
😔❤️❤️
Me too
Oh they demand it with out earning it
So true. Dr. C
You can’t win...they are truly hopeless. This is so defeating to see how dumb they think.
If you ask me, it would be "I have a lot of fears that I have never come to terms with and I'm not mature enough to cope with the life's curveballs but I'm afraid to be found out."
I pinpointed this with the last narcissist I had to deal with. When he'd act up, I'd gray rock and then make observations out loud like 'I'm sensing a lot of anxiety going on here' ect...stopped him in his tracks and he became VERY uncomfortable around me and minimized his interaction with me because I made it clear I could see what was happening behind the facade of red-faced yelling and verbal abuse. I could SEE the 'oh no, she's onto me' written all over his face.
Very observant.
Dr. Carter saved my life! Thank you Dr. Carter. You helped me to leave the narcissist.
DR C helped me too!!! I have been free for 16 months!!! Good Luck on your journey of discovery and freedom
Me 6 months. Finally rediscovering who I am.
So pleased! Dr. C
Narcissist does not care if you have needs or if you have wants, all they care about is there wants, their needs, yours are not important in fact they dehumanize you, it's like you're their personal drone, a machine that was made especially for them! The only time you are not their personal drone is when they want to hurt or upset you enough so they can get their supply from you that they need to survive with! You need to look at their brain is kind of like a coffee filter, because it filters out all the stuff they don't want to hear, like the truth and the only thing that stays in that filter is the delusional things that fit their side of the story which is the untruth!! Thank You once again Dr C You're Amazing!!
Yes, Kellie, this is EXACTLY how it goes.
My mother my whole family fake
I noticed that they sometimes appear shizophrenic. Lots of contradictions
Woaw very much my prolonged thoughts!
@Forgotten Remedies she was all fake. Said she was a member of mensa 😂, she also said most people including her x is irrational and stupid. She was 43, no carrier or job, no xact plan for the future..
Sometimes I also believe that they appear shizophrenic but I have to agree with the comment below: it's hypocrisy big-time at work!
My narc for example talked of wanting to open a animal-shelter and even tried to gather money from the European Union and guess what (as it happened last year) Corona stopped it all... yeah right and she doesn't even have dog/cat at home for crying out loud!
She also was so into questioning why out of a big city Zagreb (where I live) I decided to live with a small family that rented me a room yet she herself by the moment was living with roomates and earlier shared an apartment with her brother!
Just ridicolous and on top of it all: she said to me that everything I did for her was as if I was "pushing myself towards her to love me" yet she was doing it from the very beginning that my initial reaction was just approaching to what she gave me but guess what? Narcissists never want to engage and take it to the next level! They rather like to use you to their power, play with you but are trully inside insecure and unreliable to make any plans with them... it's just not possible!
Deep hatred of themselves?
Deep hatred of the world? Of the different?
Fear and being emotionally dead?
Probably all of it contributes to their state of mind: they stay with you just long enough to ridicule you and make fun of you and than when they leave you they think they've done a swell job and that they're a cool person yet they wouldn't be able to properly tie their shoe laces if their life depended on it! Big ego but weak souls!
YES!! That's for sure!
@Forgotten Remedies agree. It seems like they want to create a picture of themselves that is bigger than life. So entitled and so superior even though it is all fake and easy to spot... The mask slips
Paranoia. Everybody out there exist just to scrutinize, criticize, and dismiss them with a hearty laugh.
That's my guess, too! ☹️😕
And then they do it to others..
I laugh sometimes. Other times I ignore. 😁
During this pandemic, he's taken to baking, & giving it away for his brownie points. 😂
They seem to have been emotionally traumatized by humiliation at a very young age.
Dr.C. sure does more than he realizes to help people. Thank you for making dealing with a narc more palatable and digestible. It is amazing how an understandable explanation and validation of difficult situations can be turned into a positive and encouraging change for emotinal growing and maturing. Dr.C is amazing. Tears of learning, and gratitude for growing...Want to Thank You in person. But for now, Thank You.
Thanks again to you, Thorvald. Dr. C
I completely agree with you. Since I’ve been listening to him I have more understanding, self love and confidence. I am well on my way to becoming who I was meant to be. I recommend his videos to those who may need them if I think they are ready to hear his messages. Thank you Thorvald for applauding Dr. C.
@@susandiamante1042 Two words to express gratitude for all Dr.C does. Well, he sure has helped. Glad to hear he has opened up your outlook as well. Sure nice to look forward instead of down, amazing.
@@susandiamante1042 Same here. Every time I click on one of Dr. C's videos I'm recommended a gazillion other channels and none of them explains things so clearly and concise as Dr. C does.
One point of criticism to you and him both though, I'd very much prefer it if the words _meant to be_ are dropped. It implies that there was a plan for you that is out of your control that is better for you than what you would want and would fight to learn and grow for when there is no better plan than to figure out what you want and try fighting for that and discovering your limits and capabilities for yourself.
There is no indication whatsoever that we were "meant to" do or be anything. Everything points to us simply having evolved to, for instance, be learning and growing social animals because it works. If it didn't, then we'd simply have died out or evolved different survival mechanisms. Logically it helps to take advantage of shared experience, knowledge, and skills. Thousands of animals species take advantage of being in numbers and working together because a thousand ants can just do more than one ant can. An avalanche weighs more than a snowball - it's that simple. There's no meaning behind it, it's just physics. That the results have increased meaning for us is a result of our brains interpreting and being able to distinguish between beneficial and detrimental, or neutral things and anything in between and in all the complexity that comes with uniqueness, our brains working the way they do, hormonal systems reacting to thoughts etc.
So I hope that you're well on your way to becoming who you _want_ to be, or if you insist on using the word _meant:_ who you meant yourself to be, and I hope that that includes perpetually learning and growing.
@@stylis666 absolutely true!!
My question is, just how bad can narcissism get? The N in my life, in my opinion, has been so crippled by it that it has held her back in all aspects of life to the point where she is practically agoraphobic and has worked hard to avoid interacting with people as much as possible. She's incapable of a natural, easy conversation that flows without her looking for something wrong, or believing you're trying to take some kind of backhanded swipe at her. It's utterly tragic.
The evidence is that they MUST be in relationships. Most codependent people on earth.
If they were alone they would have to self reflect... that’s terrifying to them!
13 steps: jes that was what was going on in my mind also jesterday,
Strange to understand this. but true
Not all want relationships-some are satisfied with immersing themselves in large groups of strangers to create an illusion of belonging. Superficial contact is attractive because they can control the contact and eliminate any expectations from others. In every situation, it's always about control.
@@Nancy-yw1rr you are describing fascism from a psychological perspective. All cult leaders are definitely narcissists too.
Yep. Jump from person to person. Usually when people realise who they really are they have to find others. Because they are shut out completely
I needed to hear that description of a balanced person. In dealing with a high conflict person, sometimes i get angry, and then I start to question myself. I have to remind myself from time to time that I’m trying my best to communicate with someone who is afraid to be vulnerable.
I strongly disagree with church and God when they say that you should not be offended by anyone. If soul is not real, why it hurts so much? And if it is real, why we shouldn't care about it?
@@user-rv9vw5ef9e that's true my friend. Im a Christian and yes God gave us a soul with emotions and feelings. We should feel offended when we are offended. I believe what Jesus is telling us to do about them is to pray for that person so we can get on with our lives without staying offended. So, when we are then with good people we don't carry any defenses to over to them. Stay well!
Which secret? They have several!!!!
@Krista Awesome 🤣
yep and not very pretty
@Krista Awesome lol!!
So true. The narcissist in my life had spent many years studying psychology and social norms and could emulate normal for extended period of time. It's when you get close, then you discover the damaged person.
No way of fixing it.
Hey! Their dirty little secret is who they really are.
The word 'pokerface' isn't t a strong enough adjective to really describe what they master as a hobby.
Wow they are pretty sad. How exhausting.....
Yeah it is really exhausting, but imagine being them? OMG now that is exhaustion!! LMAO :)
@@jamnoise72 ....
.hey yes that's what I meant!!! It must be exhausting being them!!! Sad or what huh x
Exhausting is not strong enough, I am depleted... Rest solves exhaustion. I need solitude, to just find myself again... I just can't fathom a 1 dimensional world. How lonely that must be. No wonder there is such anger and manipulation. To me that is exhausting!
@@Lawton1111 Yeah it's so sad, but we are amazing for putting up with their sh1t but we have the power to just walk away from them...they live with themselves omg lol
@@deanhilbig8606 Solitude has been so good and healing for me!! My house has no negative energy anymore and you can feel the difference here, even my Mum noticed the difference. They make the air heavy with their negativity and craziness. Are you still in the situation?
My X in family court told the judge that she has only lied twice in her life. Even when we provided evidence and documentation proving many lies she continues to work her narrative and I truly believe that she believes her reality
What you say is accurate, and that gives you great reason to double check everything she says. Dr. C
Insecurity??? "I'm so insecure. Or maybe not?" That's how I imagine their inner world: they're insecure if they're insecure...
White hot! Dr. C
@@SurvivingNarcissism what means "white hot" I am not a native speaker.
@@annarothkopf5301 he means 'you're on fire' or 'you got it, that's correct!'
@@fayzane thank you very much for your explanation. God bless 🙏❤️☺️✌️
😂😂😂
When I tried to talk to him about healing some of our past issues and said I wanted to work on my inner childhood wounds as well as work on healing our pain together with forgiveness and understanding as he's part of that, his response was... "I want, I want, I want!!" Needless to say I didn't get much further, and I realized later what you said is true, we do not have a foundation we can build upon because it DOES take two! Sad. :(
The problem I have had is being called selfish for having my "needs" by my narcissist (or who I assume is a narcissist as he hasn't been formally diagnosed ). This is what happens when trying to explain what my needs are to him when he wants to have his way; he pulls the "you're so selfish" card out every time.
so true
They always pull that card out because of their selfishness & projections of their deficits onto others!
I never cared about my own needs because I wanted to be liked etc but now I set boundaries and a lot is reciprocal. If I don't get it then bye bye narc.
That is the absolute truth! Even when there is not an argument going on, they are still so draining, with the praise me, look at me, aren’t I so wonderful. Geez, go away.
"They have to be right". That's painfully true. It's maddening. Every conversation just dies, or becomes a fight. Here are some common behaviours:
They will try to teach you about subjects that you know very well and they don't.
They will expose every little mistake you do while you talk, and they always comment on your small mistakes.
They will only choose topics that they feel secure with and ignore other topics.
If you try to change the topic, the narc will sigh and let you know your topic is crap.
They will simply ignore you if you are well read, until they can dominate the conversation again.
They will lecture to long about things that they know nothing about, acting like clowns.
I have never felt at ease with my dad, because of his neurotic need to be right and to be on the secure side of every conversation.
He had to dominate, no matter what. Fighting about details was always more important than the whole picture.
I have always been afraid of making mistakes. If i used the wrong word or got the details wrong, he noticed right away.
If I said 3 inches, he had to say 3.1 inches. If he thought I started a story the wrong way, he had to steer me right after one sentence.
"Now, wait a minute!" was his favourite phrase for decades. You said only five words, and he said "Wait!"
Wait for what? Wait for him to hijack the conversation, of course. What he meant was: Wait for me!
This behaviour has been constant through his life. Even as an old man, he didn't learn to behave.
My stbx spouse became very angry if I ever disagreed with him . He would accuse me of taking a different position just to annoy him. The man is a domestic abuser- there's no way I would ever do that. He's arrogant, and could never accept that his opinions are just HIS opinions- not facts. Impossible!
You can't correct narcissistic people who think they are god!!hahahaaaa
How can narcissists see themselves as superior to others, love themselves and yet also feel extremely insecure? They seem incompatible traits.
The anger I think can be very healthy . It helped me take focus off missing my ex husband and feeling sad to be MAD about what he did to me and helped me heal. But , I didnt hate or want revenge . I just wanted to stop the hurt and anger helped until it was time to stop giving him any of my energy being angry and to learn and move on to he a healed and strong person with boundaries. Thank you Dr. C. I dont feel I
" need " to be here but I love your videos and it's a reminder to watch out !
I once told the ex " you despise me " and he said I'll have to look that word up. I think it said" strong dislike " and he said ok yea I do feel that way sometimes : )
They are like empty robots waiting to be programmed/admired by anyone around them... They copy emotions and feelings.. I'ts quite sickening once you see them for who they are. It scared me so much when the N raged and his eyes would actually go black!! Guys once you are aware of what and who you are dealing with then make plans to leave the situation. I grey rocked for ages and just switched off before ending it all, that really helped me with my healing, because I had already ended it whilst still in it!! There is hope and life for everyone. If I can do this after 29 years then anything is possible for me now and you reading this...I have been free and me for 16 months now!!!!!!! Releasing yourself from a N is a spiritual awakening !!!! I'm looking at it like a blessing now. :)
I am just learning about this and it’s been 27 years in my marriage. Since this quarantine it’s been absolutely noticeable in my life bc now it’s 24/7 he is home. 🥺😢❤️
@@lisamiska8468 keep learning arm yourself with the knowledge to plan on sneaking away . . . Life is better I’m doing it I’ve done it and Life is Beautiful Lisa I am 55 Christine Williams here. Try Narcissist Chronicles - Queen Bee Angie - Narc Survivor there’s a few . Don’t tell that your learning . Then Plan Sweetheart
take a small step and keep making baby steps til you are out the door, away. Don't tell them until gone. Unless you are strong enough to get out sooner.
@@lisamiska8468 Stop being the amazing person that you are...don't give him anymore energy...he will notice. Just go grey rock be the most boring person around him... It will start to help you to heal and he will start to panic. Keep going. I am 48 now and my life is my own after so many years. PLEASE believe me you have the strength to live without him!! You may take some 'L's' but who cares when it means living as yourself without anyone's influence or control over you. Start a new hobby. I started to make art with Polymer clay and Air Dry there are loads of tutorials on here. He hated it, hated how creative I could instantly be... What do you like doing? What were you good at before you met him? What would you like to learn? Start thinking about just you...
@@lisamiska8468 ASSC Direct is another great channel that I learnt a lot from.
They were bullied then became the schoolyard bully to me.
Narc in my life... mmm found out about her secrets, she hates me for it 😂, and hates it even more she’s been challenged about her secret 😂.... and hates it even more that now I know I can comfortably walk away with no regret or misunderstanding of whom she is and what she’s capable of. A leopard never changes its spots ....
@@caroann ... yes I’ve received that reply too 😂
The secret is that Gus has no secrets...
The man I was married too needed constant attention. First thing in the AM, when I left for work I called , talked to him all the way to work , talked for an hour at lunch, talked all the way home . I thought it was because he loved talking to me ; ) thank you Dr. C
AWE... Dr. Carter, here's a sisterly hug...🤗...you help so many! Thanks for peace of mind! Love your concerned voice. You literally show real care for people. 💞
Hug received, with gratitude! Dr. C
I do not bother anymore about narcissists and I do not know any of their games, I'm not interested. I like to stay alone, far from people. Most of them is false. Some few I'm interested with, with those who do not say bullshit.
There is 1 (at least) not BS in Vilnius; we can have a coffee…still…😊
@@agnieszkag.5170 Dzien dobry, I suspected that you are from Poland. 765 Krakow ? I “have traveled this road”… many times. Just registered on the web; you are No 1 😊 Not sure how it works… I wish I could have a chance to communicate with no BS woman 😊 P.S. I putted 1 public comment recently below this Les Carter video… so you can get some clues…
@@agnieszkag.5170 Meditation is good 😊 I do it every morning in a dark room 😊 then go for a run in a park/forest (meandme) then switch myself off in a car for 10 min before gym. Like mountains...skiing... maybe send me an email ...I left it on youtoube when registered few days ago… I think it’s there visible…
Yes they guilty as hell when asked a question and they kick off carnt be honest lies deceit very needy ,
I just know that I am done being treated badly.
I've only learned that I was in this Narcissists relationship just 3 months ago through marriage therapy and married 22 years and why didn't I see this back then. If I could go back and tell my young self this relationship isn't going to go smoothly I would have jumped out along time ago. I never even heard of the word narcissists, or stonewalling, covert, or even gaslighting in my adult life now I know and fully understand.
cheri dow, you don't deserve to be with a narcissist!
Ha, the opening line! my narc: "My therapist said I'm the most well adjusted person she's ever met".
I left my narc husband 33 years and he was very needy
Well done you... God bless you on your journey to future happiness.
How were u able to stay so long?
@@angelabaldwin9889 my father god Carried me
How needy? Could you expand on that?
The shallowness and lack of insight really drives their behaviors. I know they like to project that they are happy, but IMO, there is a reason why many narcs are also substance abusers. They don't have meaningful lives because of their self-absorption. I've often wondered if they get a clue when their life is nearly over.
some go back and forth between being smarter than, to helpless victim
Yes but in the helplessness they won't take help and care unless it matches the secret image in their head, so its everyone's fault and anger ensues.
You have been such a help to me. I only wish I had found you earlier. It's my daughter that was with the narc. I knew something was wrong with him; I just didn't know what it was. After they moved in together, he really started showing himself. Now my concern is my grandchildren and the harm he did to them. They did get counseling.
Now when I look back my life I realise so many things that has bothered me. The rediculous thing is that they have lowered my self-esteem! Without any real reason!
Narcissism is a very common problem and people just do mot know what it is! I did not know! I do not even remember why I started to watch these videos! For curiousity? Then, all kind of things revealed to me! My life got completelly the new light.
This message brings a lot of clarity for anyone caught in the eye of the storm of narcissistic abuse. Thanks, Dr. Les 🙏💙
I wish I could agree with your comment. This video made me more confused.
Again, this is my boss. Prayers appreciated because I have two potential job opportunities to escape from here.
Best of luck to you. I finally escaped my narcissist boss a week and half ago. The time you have away from this person, be extra nurturing to yourself, avoid alcohol, and meditate or practice some form of mindfulness (I do crosswords). I’ll keep you in my prayers.
Les Carter you are a person that has sought wisdom. Your words resonate in a Big way. In our culture these positive traits (you listed) hv all but disappeared. You are making an impact! Thank you!! 🌿
Thanks so much, Lina. Dr. C
@@SurvivingNarcissism sometimes when I'm in anger, I break things. What does it mean? Am I wasteful? Sometimes I can stop myself when want to break only things I have, like computer or phone. Does it mean I'm reasonable? I break things only sometimes when I got injures, no more than 1-2 in year. And I always too coward to beat human (I can slap my cat, but not strong, because he is very small to me, usually I use short broom - not hurtful, but scary for him, but my cat is very responsible and well-mannered).
Lina,I admire your lovely smile!
Dr Les I really love your use of language, the colour, breath and variety you use when explaining while keeping your teaching conversational and accessible. You express with great clarity both the healthy and unhealthy 'states of being'.
A huge help to me regarding our in-law. Thank you so very much. Georgina (Ireland)
Thanks Georgina! Dr. C
Yes they live for praise and admiration. Always have to be superior. This is were they go wrong because after a while people begin to notice.
@Mary Carroll
Yes Mary that is exactly what they do.
They cry to people who in the end see through them.
Narcissists are Emotional Cripples! My family sensed this unfortunately before I did.
I remember her before I knew about narcissism I would always try to confront him about the mistakes he made that affected me and he would deny it and he kept denying it when I got caught up in that cycle with him as I look back that's what happened but now I know he's too scared to feel low vulnerability and to feel those feelings of insecurity and now I understand about his denial that he needs to be in control of that and doesn't want to look at that but at the time when I was with him I didn't know about it thank you Doctor Carter I can't thank you enough for these videos I'm learning so much
My mother CANCELED MY WEDDING cake order then laugh at me (my dismay) when I discover she ruined our Reception
You deserve so much better. Dr. C
Doctor C thank you
my mother was worst than JOAN CRAWFORD MOMMY DEAREST
PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL ABUSE
AND ALLOWED BROTHER TO ABUSE ME ON EVERY LEVEL
IN EVERY WAY
AND PUNISHED ME 60 days for a public
mistake SERVER POURED A CUP MELTED BUTTER ON ME
I WAS NEVER MEDICALLY TREATED
JUST PUNISHED INCESSENTLY
Dr C. Experience sort of removes all these things that block us in life like need for excessive attention, need to be right, need to have the upper hand in interpersonal relationships, etc. Life is an amazing teacher. How come their unsuccessful experiences don’t influence them in a more positive direction in life?
Hope Dr C. see's this and answers......IMO: Because their lack of success (especially in interpersonal relationships) is not their fault, it's someone else's and who that someone is can't be them. It's their parents, their partners, their boss, their co-workers, their children's, etc. etc. They are the victim, no one "appreciates" them, they just need to find someone who will "understand" them and realize they're "special." They're children in the body's of adults. How can you self reflect when nothing is "wrong" with you? How do you learn from mistakes when you don't make them? The only mistake they've ever made was picking YOU as their partner. (like a human being is an item they bought/picked out that didn't "work" like it was supposed to)That's how they think.
@@luciddreams5200 It's sad. There's no getting through to them, they're in deep denial. The narc I was married to is a covert, so was his mother. I didn't fully understand what had really been going on until after we divorced. I started coming out of the mental fog and had a lot of questions. The gaslighting was intense. Late one night, I started typing questions into the search engine. Articles on emotional incest (him and his mother) started coming up. He was her golden child. The dynamic between them was creepy but he managed to convince me I was imagining it. He actually accused me of being jealous of her. Not realizing what a telling accusation that was. He was projecting how she felt onto me. She competed with me, throughout our marriage. The most important information that the search yielded was articles and videos on narcissism. There it was, the truth of what they both were/are. She passed away, a year ago. It wasn't a good thing to find out anyone had been subjected to the same nightmare but it was a relief to find out I wasn't "crazy," after all. I'm 10 years out and still watch video's sometimes, to remind myself of the signs and to stay on the path of recovery. Our children are all adults now. It's taken a lot of counseling to heal, thankfully we have. Channels like this, Dr. C and everyone who dedicates themselves to helping survivors are so important. Angie Atkinson and her survivor group played a huge role in recovery. It's amazing how much life changes, how much we change, once we're free of their abuse and toxicity. I hope that you're healing as well. Blessings to you, going forward.
@@luciddreams5200 Thank you :)
Great video. My wife thinks that different people will always come to the same conclusion (hers) if they have the same information she does. Consequently, everyone else must be ignorant. No matter how much I explain that people process information differently, she cannot understand.
Thankyou for teaching me how a Healthy person behaves. Sincerely I had arrived at a point of my life when I was confused about what was normal and what was not
You’re why I do the videos! Keep learning. Dr. C
Actions speak louder than words. Their words and actions don't match. Denial deflection need for constant admiration. Like a pail with a hole in it.
My narcissist is proud to be completely unbalanced, and thinks the rest of the world is the problem for trying to act "normal" and "fake". Same implications, just opposite extreme...
They can sit for hours and stare into space and think nothing of it. It's the strangest thing to me how inert they can be. lol.....
interesting
He calls it planning so his next day will go well. Incall it looking for new loopholes to squeeze through to avoid accountability. Its creepy.
@@joywebster2678 Yes, it is. They are trying to figure out how little they can do while benefiting greatly at someone else's expense.
This message was particularly relevant - I’ve never understood my narc partner’s emotive response to disagreeing, and on the most trivial things. What you said Dr Carter, all rang so true. Thank you!
Do they take badly to people declining doing what they want people to do as well?
Thank you Dr Carter. My ex used to simply tell me that I was being negative if I ever talked about needs.. He said it in such a flippant way, with the hand gesture... I sigh with relief that he's out my life...
I agree they need agreement, which is difficult to resist or deflect as a child towards a parent. Tough to deny an adult or parent life's lessons with out stirring rage when dealing with a narcissist.
Some of the narcissists I know like hanging out with losers because they can control them, they can easily be the star, the can create an easy network and not all narcissists are histrionic narcissists. Otherwise I usually agree with most of what you claim Les.
We must engage in the disambiguation of self.
In other words; if you have lost yourself to these individuals and to the dynamics of the relationship, you must find yourself again! 🤍
From time to time if you listen well those narcissist will complain about their life and show how controlling they are.
Steadiness and decency: these words describe my efforts to survive after being in the grip of a narcissist.
OMGoodness! Always right on the money, Dr.C!!! I asked the covert in my life just the other day... “What is something that makes you mad?” His answer? After the long traditional pause (i think this is where he is hoping i will get upset at having to wait for his answer and just move on so he won’t have to answer...) he said, “Nothing really makes me mad.” Honestly! No honesty whatsoever! Thx again, Dr.C for all your help!
Ughhhhh
“Falsely building them selves up, at the expense and abuse towards other.”
No getting the narc to self reflect or accept responsibility or empathIze with others; for their destructive projections and behavior towards innocent Good natured loved ones.
Best thing for me, has been, no contact and very limited contact. Just way too fruitless to even try to gain understanding from a toxic abusive narc!
Exactly! ❤️
...but my needs... they just don’t count! Said he... yes, yes they do!
Thank you so much for this video. For years I felt so broken living with a seemingly "perfect" person with no problems. He just did not share anything. I've learn so much wrong stuff about relating from this person and this video has opened my eyes. It makes me freel sick just to realize all what I did not know, and how sick this person was 🤢
Sir Salman Rushdie says: "Never underestimate the need that a tyrant has for being loved!"
Every so often I watch one of Dr. Les Carter's videos. I also bumped into other channel on this subject. I must say that it seems to me that, not Dr. Les, but that when many counsellors talk about narcissists they are like counselling themselves. It's like they were probably hurt that badly by a narcissist that they can't never get over it. They keep learning from others about narcissists too and it seems a deeper and deeper rabbit hole. It happened to me, my family. For many, many years I was at a loss on why they were behaving that way. It's like living in hell, and if you don't fight back at them they don't like it and they come up with incredible new ways to punish you. They even comment on how you breath, how you walk or the pressure you put on your foot whilst walking. Whilst watching a nice show with them, I'd watch the tv, the would watch me to see if they could catch me doing something they didn't like to bring it up. The torture was extraordinary. I used to be a very calm, relaxed and rational person; I still am but unfortunately because of all those decades of abuse since a very young age, now I lose my patience every now and then. What a pity. I feel like I was robbed of my patience. They hated my calmness. They couldn't handle it. The issue with narcissists is that they can be quite clever and like a chameleon, once you block one of their strategies to get to you, they come up with unlimited variations. It's like they live to hurt others to the point of self-destruction. They are like kamikaze, hard to beat. Yet, USA won that one at the end! Anyway, it's funny that the Drs. speak of narcissists like you find one here and there. I must tell that it's hard for me not to find a narcissist, probably 95 out of 100 have different but intense shades of narcissism. I think it's a battle you can't win because it's also spiritual and counselling without that spiritual side has its limitations.
The analogy you use with usa and the kamikaze is relatable. You coukd further that analogy too a bit. It took a lot of sacrifice and the 2 most destructive bombs ever dropped in anger to win. So how do we win against these people?
@@tiberiusclaudiusnerogermanicis Hi. Well, I won a few battles but not the war. I had my parents plus 2 sisters against me. I thought one sister would be on my side but then I discovered that she was talking behind my back (I can't say she was a narcissist though). However, I believe that I won when I left the "nest". Now, I don't know your situation. If the narcissists are your parents, move out as soon as you can. If the narcissist is your wife, I tell you what I would do because this is how I believe I won, at least I've found some balance. Maybe the following may be able to help anyone else reading this comment, even the Dr. You hardly hear this from counsellors or psychologists because they are usually nonbelievers. Yes, I gave it away already. God! You see, I'm a bit of a perfectionist and like a chess players I think many moves ahead. Perhaps I developed this skill for survival reasons with the narcissists. This is why they teamed up on me, 4 vs 1, since they never managed to tame me as they wanted. Actually, I tried to adapt to what they wanted from me. Once I did, they didn't like it. Can you believe it? This is why, it is not what you do, it's about independence. I even tried all kinds of mirroring techniques, even agreeing full heartedly with the narcissist but once I did, since they couldn't fight or hurt me, then they changed their way of thinking 360 degrees, so that we still held opposing views. I couldn't believe it. It's a long story, it's hard to summarize. In summary, the minutia and details you have to think about when dealing with the narcissists is a full time job. It's impossible to keep up. Until I was born again. That means finding Jesus Christ. I used to be in a very famous, large religious organization, but I didn't have a relationship with God. Once God becomes your Father, He looks after all of the details. It's not easy; in fact as a Christians I still tried with all my heart to respect and love my parents at a distance. Yet, God was in charge then. In short, the narcissists continued in their behavior at a distance but this time they self-destructed. Was it God's will? I don't know. I believe God gave them many, many chances to change but they did not. I invite you to believe in the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. Please see, 1 Corinthians 15:1-4 and Acts 16:30-31 from a KJV and read the Gospel of John. If you do, then pray to Him and He will guide you through the roller coaster ride with the narcissist. He will show you, one way or another, the right direction to take. That's how I did it. After being born again, He even helped me wrote a once-in-a-lifetime book, perfectly edited. Highly recommended. I hope this help, www.amazon.com/dp/0648045366?ref All the best.
Addendum. if the narcissist is your wife, (or husband for a woman), once you become a true born again Christian, if she loves you, with your help she might try to become one too. Now, if you are married (and you haven't changed 5 wives already! lol) God is there to help your marriage succeed. In the Bible, husband and wife becomes one flesh. This is not symbolic, there is something more going on there. That union, true love blessed by God, will transform the narcissist into another person. Trust me, behind narcissism, like in many other mental instabilities, is a combination of many factors even chemicals, I'm sure Dr. Les Carter would be able to help in that regard, but it is also the work of another spirit acting in their lives. This is why I believe that psychology alone is never 100% sufficient to get to the root of the problem. You must go the the greatest counsellor of all, Jesus. Isaiah 9:6. For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace. - You see the appellative Counsellor there? That's not random! Good luck.
@@howtobesure3950 I appreciate all you said. Im not married but a partner with a child which is what makes it difficult.. i appreciate the time you took to write all that, I used to be a Christian, I no longer believe and I doubt I will. My mindset had changed over the years but I think we should all be allowed to believe what we want as long as nobody gets hurt as a result. And I'm really glad its helped you through your struggles. Because I know how hard it is and nobody understands until your in the situation. Ans yes you definately have won. By escaping the narc and living your own life you have won! Im so happy for you. I hope one day I'll be in the same position! Stay safe friend!
@@tiberiusclaudiusnerogermanicis That's ok. It was a pleasure to share some ideas and you are free to live your life without believing in God. However, you can't really be a true Christian and go back to be a nonbeliever: it's basically impossible! Once you are born again, you know that God is with you. You can't be a narcissist and born again at the same time either. This is why I mentioned my book. There's a chapter about my encounter with God; unmissable. Perhaps, God send you to my comment because I also used to live with my partner with a child for around 8 years before getting married. You wouldn't believe the struggle plus I felt guilty often and I didn't understand why. Until I got married. God blesses your life once you get married. And I'm not talking about being married by a priest or in a religious setting. For a true Christian, it is not compulsory to participate in any religious institution, it's you and the Bible alone, that's it. If you really want a church setting I'd recommend a Baptist one. Until you are married, God won't be part of your marriage but if you are a Christian He might still help you out in dealing with the narcissist. He also might still loves you but He won't intervene. This is why I wrote the book, to show that the Bible is not an instruction manual but it is The only true manual for success in existence. However, everyone is free to believe or not believe in whatever they wish but I'm truly convinced that once you read "The Greatest Bible Who Ever Lived" you will know what's best for your life. Up to you my friend. Best regards
I have lived with a narcissistic for over 22 years. My warning to others is get out while you can. Now I an 69 years old and in poor health. He took the most productive and best years of my life, because I let him. Now I'm left with nothing. please, please please listen to the experts and believe what they say. I kept thinking that I could change him. I couldn't.
They constantly want their ego stoked by everyone. I got tired of hearing him telling me so and so don’t like me or they’re jealous of me. I always asked why do you care and than I learned he tried to triangulate me with others.
Very good video Dr. Les Carter, you know the truth of a narc do not let anyone tell you they know what the truth is in your life,they have not lived it.
Just giving my opinion. I would love a video on enmeshment trauma with the narc. Reconnecting with herself is the most important part to don't be emotionally codependent of the narc.
This sounds like just like my sister in law. She didn’t like the news channel we had on and went on a several hour tirade about how we are racist and stupid. She was flipping out beyond belief. She rips off anyone’s head who thinks differently than she does:..yet goes around talking and marching about peace, acceptance, unity. She has started several outrageous fights with other family members..,and her mother joins in. We no longer speak. I had enough. I’m dreading a wedding we will all be at this summer. I’m glad the bride told everyone that they will be asked to leave if politics are mentioned or anyone is bullied.
Thanks för your channel, it has helped me a lot. I am just 1 week from the day when my now former wife moves out. It has been 7 years of true hell. She is a person with, as I think, covert narcissism. In your films you describe HER. She has not in those years admitted any kind of fault. All faults was on me. She costed me my health, money, time, joy.... for what? Some love back when she decided. So thanks again for your channel. Best regards from Scandinavia.
They don't believe they're human....they truly believe that they are invincible & immortal.
This has to be at the core of their delusional mind. Another astonishing behavior that I witnessed is they also do not believe that they age...they believe they stay and look young all their life. This level is probably the psychopath.
Thanks for all your helpful vidoes Dr. Carter.
Thanks for your comments. Dr. C
I've watched a couple of Dr. Carter's videos tonight and one a few days ago. While they (and he) are new to me, they are hitting ALL my buttons regarding the narcissistic bent of certain folks in my life. But the button the videos hit tonight was, "Oh my goodness, * I * do that!
Sure. I have at least one narcissistic person in my life. And I need to deal with that fact in a more mature way (thus the video watching). But YES, I also have to admit that I, too, can be as self-centered and oblivious to others' needs as the ones I'm currently condemning!
Let's not get so high on our horses as to lose sight of our own short-comings in this area. We currently live in a terribly "me-centric" society, and to be honest, folks of a certain age (like myself - Boomers) were raised a generation or two ago in a *newly-emerging* "me-centric" society. Therefor we, too, were ingrained with some of this stuff. As human nature easily provides further impetus toward this bent, we should ALL be patient with the short-comings of those around us which are merely reflecting our own short-comings in several areas.
I am inspired to work at being better - at being less narcissistic and more loving and accepting. Boundaries are HIGHLY important for us, and we sure need good ones with the narcissists in our lives! But while keeping those boundaries, I need to have more understanding of where others may be coming from. I don't have to agree or comply, but I can understand and then, hopefully, be able to forgive and/or move more easily on based on that understanding. Thanks for posting this, Dr. Carter. I'll be looking up more from you. :)
Keep learning! Dr. C
The more I listen to videos about narcissism the more confused I am about narcissism. The list for "being an emotionally balanced" person seems daunting (unattainable). According to that list I'm not emotionally balanced and I don't think I know anyone who is. i.e. Sometimes I'm fair minded, sometimes I'm not. I may not realize I was unfair until years later. And, why are so many people accusing their loved ones of being narcissists just because their values may differ or they disagree with each other? Is it that therapists are using this term more with their clients to make them feel better? My therapist asked me if I thought my sister was bi-polar or a narcissist? Once she planted that seed, it's hard to now look at my sister in any other way.
Thank you for this and the knowledge you share. I’ve noticed with these men their most vulnerable times are in intimacy moments and they become childlike. Showcases how depleted they were from given beautiful love as children. Great questions. Balance is key 🔑
Jennifer, hope you are not with a narcissist!
@@lioydwilliams1850 thank you, Lioyd. It was an interesting and learning ride while with them. It enlightened me to total self love, so because of it, I am grateful.
@@jenniferstaten you deserve better my dear.I am Lioyd from the States.You?
The narc that I know is extremely fake and insecure. He's illiterate(not saying that to be mean,just facts),read at a 1st grade level when I met him over 30 years ago,has progressed to about a 7th grade level because of smartphones. Instead of him learning to adequately read,he spends most of his time trying to convince others that he's intelligent.
I wonder why you got 8 likes for this comment? I can't imagine what it would be like to not be able to read in this current time. I think it's a legitimate reason for him to feel insecure, probably very embarassing, and I doubt people would be understanding if he told them he can't. Why does this make him a narcissist?
frenchbutter My comment was simply meant to help illustrate the level of his arrogance. I offered to discreetly teach him to read many times. And he got angry at me for even offering. That alone does not make him a narcissist. He's a narcissist in spite of not being able to adequately read. His entire family is narcissist. And you'd be absolutely surprised at the number of people who cannot read. I work in a field that requires that legal documents be read and/or signed and we tackle this issue daily with care,respect and compassion. Take care and blessings
@@dyoung2739 Thanks for your explanation. I ask questions because I'm trying to figure out if someone I know is a narcissist. Be well!
@mz. white Narcissists are insane and pros at making their victims think that somethings wrong with them(the victims)
Excellent insight as always Dr C. Thank you for posting.
Yeah right, when I admitted to my flaws and my lows in specific group of people it was used against me. It didn't end up well ;(. Unfortunately in present times there is a lot narcisstic people and groups.
I believe no one has been perfect, I certainly have made mistakes and adjusted but some people never adjust and continually hurt.