A Major Skill Narcissists Cannot Master
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- Опубликовано: 11 сен 2024
- Since every person is a unique blend of strengths, preferences, needs, and experiences, it stands to reason that we would give high priority to blending well. Right? Try telling that to a narcissist. They cannot resist the impulse to superimpose, depriving others of the right to be what they are. Dr. Carter identifies how this illustrates a major skill that is lacking in narcissists. As you see their deficiency in that skill, you can be poised to stay out of the crooked ways they use in their engagements with you.
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Narcissists don't want to "blend". They want to dominate.
Nancy, hope you are not with a narcissist 😈!
Nancy and control..boy you got that right on these atrocious humanoids, interspecies predators!
I want to blend get along nurture
& love IF RECIPROCATED
my best friend advised me Not to Obsess. However, the Narsiss. who invited me to Ecuador was so fake nice & passive aggressive that i didn't catch on . I should have noticed the Stifling when she would superimpose her own perceptions of events onto me such as "don't pile those books there", "did u say anything to them?" I don't speak Espanol so i did a sign language crossing my throat to show that i was yummy full; when she said to me that i had "just told them to fuck off". This is incredulous cuz i did not push my hand out from under my chin. When she left me in Loja over some imagined slight in her own head; i was actually relieved and took my time to get back. Seems she did not get my panicked reaction of running quickly to get back to her so she packed my bags. I had foolishly not changed my gmail password so that allowed her to read my mails to my best friend in Vancouver. By then she was fuming so she told me to come get my bags. But not before making up a fabricated page & 1/2 of all the things, in her mind, that i did wrong - after i asked her if i had worn out my welcome. I was so shocked that she would go to this length to make lies in order to guilt, shame & blame me (m.o. of diminishing that i HAVE ONLY NOW unscrambled -from these videos. I did not respond cuz i knew that she was only going to Brow-beat me more. To add insult to injury she returned to Vancouver twice to get her "flying monkeys" to shun me. None of those people would tell me what they had heard about me to ask for my side of the story. It has taken me a long time to get over what they have unfairly thought of me because of her intended cover-up cuz she was not going to allow me to damage her "benevolent public image". In her mind i had to be painted as the bad gal. sorry if this is long but writing it out is therapeutic for me as i have not had an empathetic ear. My accountability in all of this is that i placed myself in a vulnerable position by accepting Her invitation for a return flight of 3 months. 6 weeks only would have been safer as i did not have a plan B or $ in the bank. My best friend bailed me out by sending $. She made a card for me that said GOOD FRIENDS R LIKE METAL UNDERWEAR; THERE MAY BE SOME CHAFING & IRRITATION BUT THEY NEVER WEAR OUT & THEY ALWAYS HAVE YOUR ASS COVERED.
yess
2 things a narcissist cannot say:
I'm sorry
I was wrong
They can say it when they show their cognitive empathy (fake empathy used to get something out of something or someone in that moment or in the future) as opposed to affective empathy, which they lack. Cognitive empathy is strategical like in the way a lame ass lawyer or salesmen would use to gain insight into your thoughts and feelings without actually feeling bad for you/feeling your pain in order to forward their agenda on selling you/charging you.
he said it he just didnt mean it
30 yrs and multiple events in his choices and behaviors. I spent yrs accepting that my issues were the root source of issues in our household. It is so liberating, knowing I’m not the helplessly dysregulated party in my nightmare.
A weakness of a narcissist is their extreme hatred of being embarrassed. There is nothing worse for them than having someone point out even the slightest fault👍
This is so very true in the biggest way. I have been in a relationship with this guy for 17 years! We have a house together and all the nice things that go along with it. Something wasn't right in the relationship but I couldn't put my finger on it. Yes he was controlling but in a way you thought he was looking out for your best interest. He was constantly telling me I was wrong I had no voice and OMG if you said anything to his family then the evilness came out
It was always my fault. I'll cut to the chase because so much has happened. On October 23 I kicked him out for cheating however he denied this. I haven't
seen him since. He has texted me but as usual all my fault. I have to sell the house which he is giving me a hard time about signing the contract. I'm on social security so I cant afford to keep it and have no idea where I'll end up. But I'm strong enough to get through this and leave his very sick and sorry ass.
@@puppy-love705 great job! I applaud for making such a great decision. Good for you! I wish u well.
Yesss!!!💯💯💯💯
Yup. Told my NDad that he needed to cut back on drinking pop (soda) because he's been diagnosed as diabetic and drinks at least 2L a day.
He pouted and gave me the silent treatment for the rest of the day.
Sorry I didn't want you to die 🤷♀️ my mistake
@@puppy-love705 Are you in CA? Are you married to this guy? If yes, CA is a community state. You my dear are Entitled to 50/50 of that estate. Contact a Real Estate Attorney to see what are your options! Hopefully he can help you ASAP.
Does anyone else’s narcissist pride themselves too much with being ‘smart’ and ‘logical’ but could never in a million years wrap their heads around being wrong
Oh yeah. It goes with the turf. Dr. C
Hey mine told me shes techy and smart while she was telling me what i was doing on my computer, its super scary how not smart they are, if not for that message, i wpupdnt have an ongoing investigation.
My ex told me (I am a nurse) after sitting with his mother a few hours a day for a few days before she died "hey this is easy, I can become a nurse, too!". He would not go back to her at the moment she was dying, nor could he go back at the moment she died, nor could he attend her funeral and be with the family. He left her with the thought that he was with her like a nurse. Because he got to wear gloves. He forgets that now, he too will die alone. Creep.
Do your counselors take insurance as my employer provides?
Narcissists are incapable of admitting they are wrong, unless they are somehow maneuvering for some anticipated narcissistic supply from doing so.
Some Covert narcs reveal their bad characteristics so slowly, that you become the frog in a boiling pot.
Tell me about it! I'd never heard that term frog in a pot until recently when talking with a friend about my marriage to a narcissist. It's a slow, rolling boil.
pretty sure those are traps, traps set with intent.
@@beverlyorlando8040 yes for me, it was a thirty year super slow simmer, then it became a raging boiling pot of darkness and hell. Now I am free. Thank you Jesus!
Unfortunate that the grandiose narcissists when they see you as necessary for their organization always reveal their bad characteristics slowly. The only weapon to use against them is -- Better self restraint than they have and steadiness.
I had that happen with a friend! He turned out not to be who I thought he was at all. I don't speak to him anymore . It's too frustrating.
It’s funny how when you hit a narcissist with irrefutable facts to counter their stated falsehoods, they short-circuit and melt down. Like throwing water on a witch.
That's funny since The Wizard of Oz is my favorite movie!🤣
Don't water us, it makes our hair frizz. - The Witches
Lol
For real
YES! I finally had it with my sister’s emotional/verbal abuse of me and my 86 year old mother whom is in the beginning stages of Alzheimer’s.
I finally hammered her with the truth and how she has taken incidents from our childhood and twisted them into outrageous lies that made her the “victim” or the “hero”, and she LOST IT. I thought her eyes were going to pop out of her head! She looked shellshocked, then turned and leaned over my mother and screamed “You destroyed this family!”, then ran out of our mother’s house. Her back was to the nanny cam when she was making “crazy eyes”, unfortunately, because it would go viral on TikTok if I ever posted it, 🤣. I wouldn’t do that, I am not as evil as she is, but I have benefited from either taping every conversation on my phone, Mom’s nanny cam, or saving screenshots of all her texts to prove how much she lies and/or distorts the truth.
I gave my narc mother the option to apologize for her cutting words or lose her daughter. She chose to lose me. It made my decision easier.
i have a narc mother omg she stole my kid from me and everything i still talk to her because my son is there i dont know how to cut ties i want too soo bad i hate her
My malignant narc tried to steal my son from me... he was too smart at 15 yrs old (!) and cut her off!!
My mom thinks she’s always right and never needs to apologize for anything; even when she offends me with what she says or does. And she tries to convince me that I have to do everything her way or I’m stupid and will be miserable.
Sounds like my mom she passed in 2015. Part of me was sad but... a bigger part of me was relieved, she put me through hell all of my life. I will be praying for your you.
@@nedrabezak1825 can you do something with the courts? Or did she make it where you can’t ?
Empathy would be an impossible skill for a narcissist! They can only "pretend".
But let's face it, 'empathy' is really not a skill at least to me, but I get the point you're making.
They have the sensitivity of a porcupine
And because of their exaggerating way of pretending empathy, they are often percieved as more loving and caring than the empath itself. Thats scary.
What about chemical imbalances, for me - I am aware of my brain tissue issues, my
"bipolar" behavior can throw e off no matter how hard i am trying to be calm.
WHAT SAY YOU!!
I respectfully disagree Colleen. In the truest sense of the word I think "empathy" is something we often look at as a kind of ability to feel what someone else is feeling. I think they have it, but they use it in the opposite way we do. They get off on the cognitive dissonance they oftentimes cause us by trying to screw with our heads. So I guess I also disagree with Carter and many others. I think they have it like we do, but choose to look for or cause more nefarious emotions, instead of trying to be instead helpful to others we listen to in a conversation. Just a thought. I don't think they're blind automatons .... they're in fact something much more wicked as they choose to do what they do. Just a thought; for whatever it's worth.
They can't handle being told "no" when you set your boundaries. The rage that comes after that is over the top.
OMG...totally ballistic! They explode.
That is true. Whenever I hear "no", my brain understands "I hate you, you're worthless, you don't matter, you're disgusting" yadda yadda yadda... So I become very anxious and I spit all the venom I have.
An in law got 'a face on' after being told no.
All Colors Are Entombed In Black are you a narcissist?
@@PRETTYGIRLSWAGG918 I "was" one. Covert, suicidal type. Not the one portrayed by all these youtube podcasts and by mass media. I cringe whenever I hear such bullshit about narcissism, just like any other mental disorder. I've suffered for a long time, my adolescence was hell and I couldn't connect with anyone, yet I've managed to have many acquaintances. I also used to self-harm. But I'm not borderline, or bipolar, like many people would think. Deep inside, I was empty just like most narcissists are, and I was craving attention and, like you wanna call it, "narcissistic supply". I have to work a lot more than others to use my affective empathy. I just happened to develop my cognitive abilities earlier than average, and that caused a gap between me and the people around me. I was different as a child, and bullied, rejected and harassed because of that. But whatever, who cares? You people want the tough, "tall, dark, handsome and dumb-as-a-brick" alpha male whose body and spirit are built to serve people, especially women. They're disposable, and because of that, you would tolerate any form of abuse by them, since at the end of the day, you have the control. Who cares about creativity? I'm not a genius, but that was the main reason why I've been rejected and I still am (I've been told many many times that I'm creative and sensitive, but that I often waste my potential isolating and not putting any effort in what I do). I slowly came to the realization that seeking attention is completely useless, and EVERYONE is narcissistic and self - absorbed. People pretend empathy and acceptance from you, and then behave the exact opposite, it doesn't matter with whom they do it... This world makes you cold.
But yeah, I was a "narcissist". Bet you describe yourself as an "empath".
Scary thing is, is how easy it is to pick up on nasty narcissistic habits when you’ve been a victim of their abuse. If you have survived narcissism, check yourself frequently
Telling the truth? If their lips are moving, then they are lying...
Sounds like a politician, they are known for that too
Have you seen HG Tudors youtube? He's the narcissist psychopath that's telling truths about his kind.
True! And nose!
So true!!!
We have been deceived by narcs in ways you cannot imagine! Time to set our boundaries and stand up against them! Please read my "About" info and PC users also watch the 2min video. Time to fight back and free ourselves!!!
My ex narc micro managed my life on a daily basis!,,, I couldn’t clean my house right ,, or my decor wasn’t up to his standards,, etc etc ,,, he sucked the life out of me,,, when I discarded him in June ,, it’s been peaceful, calm , liberating,,, absolutely awesome 👏 👍🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊
SALON-my husband was EXACTLY what you described, and then some... I did NOTHING right!
Even attempted to "force" me to keep my hair long and UNkempt, (BECAUSE that's what HE liked) He even micro-managed what I should be "allowed" to cook and eat, even though he did NOT know how to cook. He even controlled what time I should go to bed/sleep. I'm not even going to waste time writing about his verbal, emotional, and physical abuse.
But, I am now FREEEEEE of ALL that.
Happy that I was smart (financially) and strong enough to walk away. Life is so peaceful and stress free now. WOOO HOOO!
To whomever is reading this: if you find your self in this type of relationship/marriage, please know, YOU, yes YOU, CAN walk away. DO IT! Save yourself AND your sanity too!
Much love to all you narc survivors ❣️❣️
Maria s ,, Awesome 👏 🕊🕊🕊🕊
Mine likes to tear through the kitchen pulling everything out of cabinets, pantry, fridge... Throwing flour and sugar everywhere. Because he thinks I do not manage the kitchen.
We have been together 16 years and he has cooked once for us and only makes himself some eggs once a year.
One time he tried to show me how I loaded the dishwasher wrongly. Of couse he has NEVER ONCE loaded or unloaded it.
I'm gonna go to his office one day and rearrange the whole damned thing. 🤣
@@brooke5395 I KNOW different circumstances, different people, different lives. but having experienced what you described (First time in my life) PLUS, PLUS, PLUS EVERYTHING ELSE in the house, and 2v2n beyond, in a 14 MONTH period, I could NOT take it anymore. Bless your heart and being strong to endure the control freak narc's bullSHIT for 16 years.
Congratulations. I'm happy for you (and a little envious).
For one thing.....Narcissist dont have confidence in themselves.....they have to constantly put others down....to bring them to their level. Theyre control freaks due to that! When they could just easily work on themselves. Its almost like they were hurt as a child and are determined to make others pay for it the rest of there lives!!
I married a Narcissist when I was 30. There's nothing I don't know first-hand. I confused love w/control. hence I let myself get stupid. I thought he walked on water. I learned everything the very, very hard way. It's hard moving on from that but any life is better than living a life chained to a Narcissist.
Hi would like to hear more about your experience. Similar situation
I was married 2 months short of 25 years. He put me through absolute hell on the face of the earth! He got to the point where I thought he was going to kill me. I was too weak to even drive. My friend called me one night and said I was just babbling and didn't make any sense. She came to get me and my dog. It was a 2 day drive. When I got back to my house, my friends cried when they saw me. I lost 40lbs from stress. I was in bad, bad shape. I have pictures and they don't even look like me. He wouldn't give me $5 in an envelope. I had to clean houses, and I'm an asthmatic. Well, it's been 6 years since I came back home. It was a long road..... that's putting it mildly. I still jump when someone calls my name. But I go out dancing on weekends, I have a boat-load of amazing lifelong friends. He got my best years, not not all my years! Sometimes when I'm riding home at night after a night of dancing, I laugh out loud when I think to myself, "How can I be having so much fun at this age?" My doggie is stuck to me like velcro and loves me more than any man ever did! I love him like crazy!
They are not wired to admit their faults because there is nothing wrong with them and they are always right in their world.
Hahahahaha! Tell me another funny one! 😁
Ain’t that the truth!
Lol. THE NARC I KNEW WAS A THIEF, PATHOLOGICAL LIAR & JUST PLAIN EVIL. DELUSIONAL TO THINK THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH HIM. NO CONTACT FOR 10 MONTHS NOW & LIFE IS MUCH BETTER.
Whats going on?
Genetics. And a lack of environment like a barrels involvement.
Yeah being right is a function of logic in a meandering world poised for nuclear reset.
Blamers, arguers, condemners, blabbermouths, clowns. Avoid them all.
Manipulaters. liers, controllers, lovers of conflict and drama
Thank you! I need to read your comment.
@@keplermission4947 Unless they raise tomatoes. Tomatoes are the antichrists of the vegetable world ... though they do make good projectiles.
Read the Fruits of God's Spirit.
Take the inverse of the qualities outlined in the Fruits of God's Spirit.
Voila!
I have been called all of these things by people with noticeable qualities of narcissism. 🤦🏻♀️
If your in a relationship with a narc... take charge of your own finances and protect your bubble 😔
Yeah, your bubble, that 's it.
Absolutely! This is probably the most important advice you will ever get when dealing with a narc. Financial abuse is devastating.
Good God, YES!!!!!!!
@@beatricebee4809 Yes! Also dont let them Manipulate you with their Tantrums and forcr YOU to buy them stuff. Oh ....you don't love them, IF you don't buy them X, Y, Z. The nerve.
Not looking out for myself first and always has been my biggest mistake in life. Too nice....
Hinting and implying without making direct statements so later they can say...”I never said that.”
Yes indeed, or even if they did say that, or if something is in writing, narcissists will think everyone else is too dumb to review recordings/documents/etc. And even then, you could play the recording or video right in front of them, or show them the documents, and they'll still deny it. I've dealt with this type of situation as a board member in my homeowner association with problem homeowners who think they are the exception to the very rules they agreed to follow when they purchased their home. They also threaten discrimination lawsuits and spread malicious gossip and smear campaigns when they don't get their way.
@@danielkaiser8971 yeah...HOA’s....
“If you like the neighborhood your in...be thankful for the HOA...they help assist keeping it that way!!!”
Sometimes...people get busy and me of all people “like” perfection. I’m the people pleaser in the relationship...
Sometimes I think a “friendly” reminder of HOA’s policy works better than “shaming” most home owners (not all). I’ve had literally a quarter size of grass coming through the side walk. Then a shaming letter came....a reminder letter would have work much better. I didn’t like the idea of me “slacking either, and having being told to do something I agreed to.
I have many responsibilities other than watching my grass grow.
Form letter: with boxes to check off as an FYI in case you missed it in your busy schedule was the best reprimand I have received. (Over 10 years of HOA’s...I received 2 letters)
I know this was totally random in a different direction speaking of HOA’s....! Lol! But when we sign into a neighborhood we agreed !
I changed my boundries to writing emails *only* for this very reason. This person hated it. We email once or twice a year which is a huge stress reduction for me. Funny how they don't have much to say when they can't gaslight you anymore.
@@lisaallen9339 You're absolutely correct. HOAs need to be civil, respectful and dignified. Most issues with homeowners are honest mistakes or simple oversights. When this is,the case, I have always recommended a HOA-wide reminder of all rules that need attention across the HOA without mentioning names, and then letting the issue pass as if it never occurred when the homeowner corrects the issue. We have rules for issuing fines, but we almost never fine anyone when they address the issue.
Only if a particular issue is a recurring pattern that we have documented over a course of three months or more do we write firm but civil formal requests to address the issue. We believe all correspondence should be worthy and appropriate in all respects if it is admitted as evidence of legal action.
A little grass doesn't hurt anything... so long as it is not making a home for a significant insect or rodent infestation. They should have moderated their tone with you, especially if you pay your HOA dues. If the board members cannot be professional, they should hire a real estate management company which can be fired and replaced if the company can't treat homeowners like you with respect and dignity.
Take care.
@@jelica9475 It sounds like you are doing exactly the right thing by limiting your contact using infrequent email messages. There is nothing better than achieving your rightful sense of control and boundaries and feeling peaceful as you do so.
The more you heal from toxic abuse, the more intolerable it will be for you to be around toxic people. Please be kind and gentle to yourself now and always through your continued healing in life. 👍☺
One of the things a narcissist does when we tell them they offended us in some way is to blame you as the foolish one for being offended. Then they will ridicule and bait you claiming you are out of control when they are the ones out of control. There is no reasoning with these people. They will use the silent treatment for days and even weeks for your daring to be offended by them.
Silent treatment waiting for you to start speaking to them as if they've done wrong & If you don't, it goes up a level on their anger meter. You're supp. to pretend you're ok essentially suffer in silence & be happy around them even if you're not which is really self sacrifice
@@LG-kx8xl Self-sacrifice leads to strength. When we know what they are doing we hurt less, because we know it is a tactic and really has nothing to do with us, it is about controlling us by causing us to lean into bad feelings. I encounter these narcissists from time to time still and feel nothing when they pull their nonsense because I see them as a small bratty child having a tantrum, this is almost laughable. When we learn to control our feelings, ignore them to do what is right we become stronger and the feelings diminish. I know this because I have done it. There will always be felt to some degree but we must master the feelings not allowing them to control us. This is power and we are under control. When we let our feelings fly the narcissist is in control, things escalate and nothing good is grown in us.
Or months!!
My narcissist (former friend in online community) always expects me to reach out to her or she assumes I have a problem. Once she had an angry spit at me in messages, I said a nicer version of 'You know, it's a 2-way street. How about you reach out to me sometimes?'. And I set the stipulation in my mind that if she didn't reply, I was 'leaving' the relationship. She NEVER replied since then. So yeah; silent treatment for up to a year now, but I'm not being manipulated into going back there. I am sticking to my guns in that she can approach me if she wants me.
@@KarlaBader Having lived many years around narcissists I can see when a new person in my life is going to want to control the relationship or is genuine about developing a mutual respect of one another. Early on in a relationship I mildly and in a friendly way I test my friendships. There are not many people anymore who want genuinely loving relationships, most are out for themselves. 2 Timothy 3 is a good example of these end times. I do however, trust everyone until I begin to see a number of clues that make me step back and take a closer look. I want to love people with honest communication and a desire to be a good friend myself.
They cannot master being human. They are low vibration beings. R U N
It is possible to acknowledge both the toxic behaviors of a narcissist and the humanity of a narcissist, at the same time.
@@danielkaiser8971 , sure can. The latter is non-existent.
You are absolutely right about that.
@@Star17venus this is so true. Covert parasite better describes
Very well put. Low vibration beings.
Respecting others - that's the first skill that came to mind
I hugely disagree that respect is overrated. It’s vital in the real world of healthy human beings!
@@rbnutwood4659 Respect is earned. Not given otherwise its pointless.
@@eatanotherzio6811 That’s what my narcissist daughter says
Could you do more on covert narcissists and the "nice" narcissist? The fake persona that everyone thinks is wonderful but they really aren't?
That would be helpful
That would be my brother. Ugh..it's so hard when everyone thinks they are special but you know that they are nasty self centered liars.
Lack of self restraint...this is so on point. Like when it comes to cheating, he would not stop. Spending money on a whim (my money, of course). Everything is always about him.
My narc lost me when i found out he was texting other women. When i asked him why he does it, he told me he can do as he pleases. Oh the honesty, the dasity and the nerve of him! Seems like my narc thought being honest some how doesnt make him a narc. I knew then he was a problem.
If you confront them with something they have done they freak out about something else and the degrading and names start
They have an inability to self-reflect. This is why you see the same patterns in them day after day, year after year... until death do you part. They do not, cannot change. 😔 Only hope is divine intervention.
Divine intervention oh yeah 🎼
I agree!
Hahaha I've seen my ex's loads of family members claim they are religious....They Even Manipulate and sickly twist the Bible ....the word of God. I've also seen them be False Witnesses. They're a lost case.
Death did us part, about a month ago! After 20 years together, I miss him, but I feel at peace also! I saw a saying the other day that said, "How many wounds are you willing to except, just because you love the person holding the knife"? Apparently, a lot more than most would!
Another possible hope for a narcissist is if they ever reach rock bottom. At that point they might be receptive to change.
Honesty? Compassion/empathy? Integrity? Fidelity? Compromise? Commitment? Selflessness? Self esteem? Love? Self reflection? Self-respect? Logic? Generosity? Letting things go?
Hmmm...good fodder for future videos. Dr. C
Exactly
They HATE logic!!
@@rbnutwood4659 They hate logic. Because their other goal is to Confuse you. So they don't get found out. They are so Energy draining!
I asked a Narcissistic partner if they ever Self Reflected to see how they could improve in life. Their response: "No never. Why should I?" lolol
I dreamed last night that I went back to him to give it another go. In my dream he was being lovely and kind and like a really normal guy and I was thinking he's changed and I'm going to have a happy life with him this time. I'm wide awake now and thanking my lucky stars that it's just me and my darling little dog.
They can't hold a decent adult conversation without making it into an argument.
Haaaaahaaaa. How true
Yes. A forever open ended only ever argument from the get go while they are confused about who they are: Their real self or their idealized self.
I felt like a butterfly whose wings he slowly pulled off one at a time, then threw what was left into the air to watch it hit the ground. I felt he was constantly dissecting me. He would say "I'm sorry" & make contact after I told him "goodbye " & as soon as I forgave & let him close again, the knife hidden beneath his charming facade pierced me again & again. He wanted to give me a gift, lend me money I never asked for, show he was a "good" guy, but he's not a good guy. I am no longer a glutton for punishment though. Life is far to short to be wasted on this cardboard man.
This is beautifully written yet extremely sad for me to read, as it resonates with me so well. I am trying extremely hard to keep up the no contact. It's been less than two months. Luckily, he's a halfway across the world and back where he belongs. He only has email access to me.
"I felt like a butterfly whose wings he slowly pulled off one at a time, then threw what was left into the air to watch it hit the ground."
Wow. Just wow. The stress of such a situation has negative metabolic consequences. Search Morley Robbins in order to renutrify and even detoxify to a degree.
If you want what I think is a Biblical reference to narcissism, let me know. I just connected these dots yesterday when I was watching a video, and it blew my mind.
I have extended experience with pathological narcissists, and I'm convinced they are helpless to their obsessive compulsions. They are stimulus response autobots with an obsessive compulsive need to control their environment -- especially their home environment. It appears to be based on an intense fear/insecurity-based "signal" tied to their subconscious. I have a theory as to how this works, and it ties in directly to the Bible references that I believe are directed at our current time.
@@wellnesspathforme6236 I would very much like to hear how this ties to bible references.
Yes! Exactly. SO WELL STATED. 100% same here. And they revel in watching you fall. God they are so f****** horrible. I never ever imagined my life would be affected by this demon beast to an even worse and never ending degree than when we were together. It's absolutely true that their vindictiveness knows no bounds. They constantly up the ante and go after the only things you still barely have that are tenuously holding you together...like in my case my fragile connection with my children. Fragile because of his constant criticism and undermining of me for years and years until the kids began to see their mother in a negative light. He even managed to convince them that I might be poisoning their food so then they would no longer eat my meals. I did everything for them. I worked my ass off supporting my husband and two sons by myself for 16 years only to have him discard me, take my 15 year old son, move away and further poison his mind. I sit here and cannot believe this happened. And that mother f***** is happy, got his career back on track after being a stay at home dad for 15 years, and now has enough money to constantly love bomb my youngest (they just bought a ranch with horses to keep him happy and distracted) whenever it's necessary. Omg I don't know if I hate myself or him more for thinking my efforts would be repaid someday with children who loved and respected their mother because they knew that I worked hard for the family. But that bastard somehow turned it entirely around to be the one they adore. My younger son hasn't spoken to me for 3 months. It was not suppose to happen this way and damn it nice guys definitely finish last. Oh and I no longer believe karma exists for these evil bastards. They have to win and they will destroy you by any means necessary to come out on top.
@Lolita Bilu so profound ey!!!??? Phew
I think people who who try to control others can't manage their own emotions, and rely on others to manage them for them.
👏
100% correct.
Boom!!! 💯💥💣
Absolutely
It is draining to be an empathetic person with an ability to sense the triggers and live with one or more of these types.
Empathy ?
They are cut of of their emotions. Due to sad reasons, but that does not mean WE have to pay for it.
They can fake empathy, but it’s not genuine. It is to achieve goals and to fit in society.
They only mimic us.
But empathic people can feel something is not right ...
So let’s stop ignoring the red flags for reasons such as not wanting to be alone or trying to save them. They won’t change 🤷🏻♀️
@Joseph Coon I bet you hate the air signs 😉
I think (hope) that it is possible for a narcissist to have empathy. I think the condition is on a spectrum and also caused by life stresses and upbringing. Over time, a narc can gradually find the empathy which is buried down deep. I suppose some narcs just have no empathy in their brain wiring (psychopathy) while others suppress empathy to get by (something learned /imposed in their upbringing). My narc spouse is now retired and life has become pleasant with few demands (narcissists cannot cope with stress / demands). I see him getting more and more in touch with his feelings. We have cats and he’s obsessed with their wellbeing. He cries when one of them gets sick. In other words, this empathy thing being released is difficult for him to control and figure out like the rest of us who’ve been dealing with our empathy all our lives. Perhaps narcs DO have empathy but are afraid of it or are unable to deal with it in some way. They envy us for our easy genuine real-ness and our relationships with others.
Perfectly said!
Hollow beings! they are just ticking no feelings! Be on your tick tock way please
Doctor Carter is simply an outstanding man who posses lots of knowledge and kindness
God bless you 🙏
It's like I'm having an intelligent conversation with a man. It's been so long since someone made me want to say, "Exactly, that's how I look at it". Thanks Dr. Carter for the normalcy. After a while, with nothing but a narcissistic viewpoint as my yardstick, my calculations became slightly skewed. Good thing I'm mentally healthy to start with, but every narc makes you question yourself at some point.what do you know? It is him, not me.
My narc Mother actually said tro me' Always do as I say because I am always right' she just could not comprehend that there was the slightest chance that she could ever be wrong about anything.
Owning their own mistakes
The narc I endured for a year had no sense of humor. Zero. He only laughed when he made fun of someone. Is this common?
They will laugh every once in a while...when they can’t hold it back, because what you said is so funny “even a narcissist can’t help laughing”...but most times they laugh only at what they say to be funny...and their laughs aren’t that convincing and content not actually humorous (usually mean and not funny). They truly are exhausting people to be around.
I was with one for 24 years. There was never authentic laughter, only sarcastic humor, usually making fun of others.
Admitting they are wrong or don’t know best
So so true
How do you know when a narc is lying? Their mouth is open and there are words coming out.
Damn straight. And in those rare moments when it's closed, they be lying to themselves.
Watch out for this. 'Let's pool our resources. That's what families do.'
I don't think I need to translate.
Or elaborate
this is a trap i no longer fall for,kkkk
Some people need love, but in contrast other people "say" they need love but they actually need "help" which, if they are toxic, can include manipulation of the situation entirely to their own advantage.
Oh totally...and before you know it, your paying for everything!
Mister Guy, the context is in regard to narcissistic abuse, and it is appropriate here to assume this context without specifying it. However, you are correct that the claim is absurd to make for every possible case.
I don't know why because it doesn't really fit with the description but the first thing that came to mind was "reflection" aka insight. Their inability to reflect and gain insight (and grow/mature emotionally) is why they project the stuff they won't look at in themselves, onto others and can only see in others what they dislike in themselves, as opposed to others' ACTUAL strengths and weaknesses.
That's the topic of another upcoming video about what would cure narcissism. Dr. C
@@SurvivingNarcissism I don't believe there is a cure
@@SurvivingNarcissism ooooh, maybe I'm psychic! heehee
I think they lack negotiating skills. It's my way or the highway. As long as you're living under my roof, you'll do it my way.... Actually, I think there are quite a few skills they can't master.
Such as basic, normal humanity.
Exactly, minor conflicts always end with "you need to find your own place", it's a lazy way to control the situation.
i hear that almost every day . . . "It's my way or the highway. As long as you're living under my roof, you'll do it my way." the other one i hear daily "get over it."
@@bilwisss the one I heard was " as long as you dont pay any rent you have no say in this house" glad Im away now...
@@jennyl7422 my 94 yr old mom is trapped. Phone tapped cant speak to her tells this 46 yr old grandkid to GET OUT N SHE SAYS NO I WONT. SHES IN HELL AT END OF LIFE OUR FAM DESTROYED
Self-reflection, maybe. Facing their own true self.
@Ten too I have been registered as a Democrat since I was 18 in 1989. However, I am now embarrassed because of it, starting sometime in the mid-2000s. It has become its complete opposite. Democracy is supposed to be the will of the people, not the will of the loudest and most uninformed.
I am so thankful I found this channel. I thought it was all me. The blaming, the lies, the put down, the emotional roller coaster, no love and as you all know it can go on and on. One of the biggest thing is if you say something against them especially to family, then the evil really happens. I had no idea what I was really dealing with until I found this channel. Thank you for opening my eyes ❤
Knowledge is power. You can't change them, but you can change the way it affects you. And the way it affects your self esteem.
Hi honey, atta girl, you found the right place!🌺🌺🌺
This channel illustrates a less extreme narcissist. There are truly those much worse than described here but I like his approach of beware. Other channels can advise you to run for your lives from the more malignant narcissist
Jean you would also enjoy listening to Lisaaromano. She is a life counselor and discusses this at great length.. 😉
@@DeborahAckerman1234 yeah, I like her, too. Nails it EVERY TIME!
I'm not religious but seriously. Bless this guy.
The Simpsons had an episode where Lisa made a science experiment where a mouse touched something and got an electric shock. It never touched it again. Then it showed Bart touching it and getting a shock and yelling "Ouch". For the rest of the show, periodically it would cut to Bart touching the item again, and yet again getting a shock, never learning from his previous experience. I thought at the time, That is just like my husband!!
Will saying simpson his last is simpson a narc is some sick person not human
I have to look that one up!
🤣🤣🤣
Yes, the earlier years of The Simpsons portrayed an extremely dysfunctional family. The show was popular because we need to laugh at tragedy so that we are not consumed by it.
Accepting criticism is one of many that come to mind, they have so many other flaws though.
During any of my family reunions at the dinner table, a bunch of my relatives are always talking over each other, fighting to be seen as the smartest person in the room. Before I thought they were just being pretentious know-it-alls. Now I think most, if not all of them, could very well be narcissists.
Only someone with extremely low self esteem resents being proved wrong.
@@Th-ch5ez >>someone aught to step in and sort out the mechanics to this
@@Th-ch5ez What I posted is a lot to absorb. If you care, I would suggest that you think through all this sloooowly, and ask questions without a closed mind based on preconceived ideas (that might not even be your own, but a cognitive algorithm implanted through biochemistry and/or propaganda!).
"Take with grains of salt that which is presented for your consumption! And ask WHY it is being presented!
Remember the four underlying principals:
that which you know you know
that which you know you don't know
that which you don't know you know
that which you don't know you don't know
which is the prime?"
...
"The prime MUST be to learn what is not known. Therefore, not knowing what you don't know is prime.
Learn what the questions are is first and foremost. Then find the answers.
This presumes that you are questing, and not just content where you "are"/"
~A Money Power Monopolist family member
@@Th-ch5ez Morley Robbins is the evangelist who exposed this to me. Search him out and listen to what he has to say, which is based on source data from the scientific literature.
Rogue iron drives oxidative stress, magnesium loss, electrolyte imbalances, cellular energy loss, inflammation, cell death, and calcification/fibrosis.
And the Rockefeller Medicine Men are completely blind to it!
@@juli_gotshal Compartmentalization is a thing. Most programmed diagnosed and druggers are just responding to their programming and financial incentives. They are basic order followers who don't question, and get paid well for their obeisance. Most are probably true believers.
The people at the top managing the system, though, that's a whole different story. Selfishness doesn't work at any level -- this is a very hard lesson to learn, but learn it we will. Unfortunately, pain is the best teacher.
Yes, and "resents" is the proper word in the original comment.
About 8mths ago, I expressed that I was angry with a friend of mine. I wanted to talk things out with her. She chose to discard me, rather than talk with me... Now, looking back over this 14 year friendship, I see where she used triangulation, blame shifted, was callous, felt superior to me, belittled me, and even made attempts to isolate me. I have no doubt she is a covert narcissist. Im learning now, to no longer make excuses for people’s inconsiderations, and lack of empathy. To pay attention to how they make me feel, rather than just believe they care about me and have my best interest at heart... When in reality they don’t care, or are wanting to hurt me... I’m very thankful for people like yourself that are educating the public. It is very helpful that now I see the red flags sooner, and I walk away faster. These types of videos are also helpful for getting the past into a better perspective. I appreciate you, and thank you. God Bless.
Keep learning, Barbara! Dr. C
I am the steady one, the giver~♡
a hospice provider for 25 years... since I was 19 off and on, a widow. My Covert Narcissistic partner saw me coming. I live with only 2% short term memory, as of 2015 due to a TBI, so it took me a few years to piece together .my life. but.. im BACK! And I'm RE-Learning! 🙃💥
These videos INSPIRE me to keep moving and staying on track!
Thank you! 🙏
Jenni Church, hope you are not with a narcissist 😈!
Jenni Church,You deserve better 🙏
I am no longer with this person but still being harassed through fraudulent activities 🤷♀️ I'm covering my ass, and staying out of reaction!
What an ass!
thank you for these videos. i have tried so hard to have a better relationship with my sister but she can never just relax or have a real in depth conversation. it seems that she just doesn't care to know about my life. there is no sharing it is just listening to her. i have watched every one of these and now i know...there is no way it will ever happen. she just can't.
I welcome various perspectives from other people. My husband, however, has belittled and shamed me for not agreeing with his opinions and way of thinking. He usually ends up getting angry with me for disagreeing with him and tells me I never have his back. When I have responded with the fact that him and I are different people and see things differently, the tantrum he throws is ridiculous! Then I typically get the silent treatment until I apologize! Seriously??? He even argues his points with extended family members. When they disagree with him, he tells them they're so wrong and he can't believe they think that way. He then gets upset with me because I have either stayed out of it entirely or I tell him everyone has the right to their own opinion. I used to think he was just very opinionated but I know realize it goes beyond that.
Really hard to live with, no matter how strong you are. I have to say there's a lot of really bright people here who feel your pain. I dont know how a troll survives here, but remember this.
NEVER explain, apologize, or justify. Ever.
That means, fortunately, you can pull all kinds of stuff to trigger them. Setting them off is half the fun.
Let the TROLL spend the energy on his posts. You're getting info that identifies him. The angrier he gets, the more you can identify, where he's from and sometimes his approximate age.
They dont want to be found out, so I'm always pulling back the curtain.
Take care.🌺🌹🌹🌹
He equates your disagreeing with him as an attack on him personally. That’s why. When he feels attacked he attacks back. You need to learn about the grey rock method. Do not engage with him. Be dull and unmoved. Show no emotion when around him, he uses any emotion on your part as a weapon against you. I hope you find a way through this. It can be hell on earth, I know, I’ve lived through it too.
May I also suggest the book Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. You will find it free to download on line. It will give you insight and the tools to deal with what you are going through. You are not alone. So many understand exactly what you are coping with. It is so hard.
I think there is a difference between needing someone's agreement and telling others they are wrong. I also think there is a difference between when one is the cause and the other is the effect, or if both are causes, or both are effects.
That's f'd up. I wish you weren't dealing with that.
The narc we have tobdeal with always tells me I have no self restraint as shes screaming and causing chaos. I guess thats her projection
Like , during an honest, open dialogue, suddenly screaming, "You're crazy! You need a psychologist!" before storming out of the room.
(Ironically because you wouldn't accept their illogical bluster.)
Yeah, been there.
Stay strong.
My aging ex narc is now berating, ridiculing & demeaning me in public ever especially in front of women. He's also threatened me 4xs since we've been dating a year ago. IM OUT
Dr. Carter. Thank you.
You always show me who I am and who I am not. You are 200% right, it is about true listening and connections can be found and opens the door properly to then talk about right and wrong.❤❤❤❤
It's like they believe that admitting fault will lead to their ultimate demise.
When you have had enough of the narc, there is a time when you just can’t stand them any longer. It’s just difficult when there are other people around who have no clue what’s going on. Your grey rocking will be misunderstood and misinterpreted. People can unknowingly or knowingly put you in a position where you find yourself having to be in the presence of the narc and making it very difficult for you to just manage that situation you find yourself in.
Your videos are really helpful, got to say. Thanks 🙏🏿
Dr C, you are the voice of wisdom and comfort for us survivors of narcissistic abuse. I am still recovering and your words remind me that I’m not the dysfunctional one. Thank you, again.
# 8 Narcissists love the sound of their own voice.
Love your videos !!
Taking any kind of responsibility. Admitting fault.
I’ve noticed that they can’t tell when u are genuinely taking responsibility or admitting you’re wrong, like you have to spell it out for them or ask them “how am I not listening?” And then they sit there stunned realizing they look kinda crazy
Dr Carter I send u gratitude overwhelmingly
Your channel has given me insight on a lifetime of narcissism from my brother !
My mental health. and renewed sense of self!
The pain of this behaviour is fading as I gain knowledge !
I am not wrong all the time ...I m not stupid I have value and like everyone deserves RESPECT DIGNITY but no longer going to take this . I want my joy happiness peace with the people that LOVE RESPECT and CARE .
No contact is my only option it’s hard but well worth it!!
He would say things and then say “I was just kidding”. I never knew what was true or sincere or not.
Because they say it in a serious or normal tone of voice, where you think they are serious. Also, the sarcasm they use, then they say "just kidding".
This video is spot on. First time I’ve taken notes from your channel. This is exactly how the relationship with the ex was. Narrow minded, no thoughts, that depth of thought comment was a real zinger. Even though I am 21 months out, 8 months divorced I still watch these from time to time seeking my own validation from the abuse I endured over 34 years. His way, his thoughts, his threats, his way of living, always downgrading me, my thoughts, hopes, dreams. Even say all the time “ don’t get your hopes up”. It was Alice and wonderland theater in that home. I felt a demonic presence and still do. He never liked to see me happy. Ex. Going car shopping for myself a car... he’d say while driving there “don’t show any emotion like you like something, these crooks love to see you like the car and start pushing you. You don’t say nothing. I will do all of the talking. Mind you, he didn’t work most of the time, I worked, and this was my car, I’m buying it, with my money, but have to be emotionless and robotic. Then, he’d wait and ask me in secret, you like that car, I’d say yes I love it. He’d try to talk the salesman down to where we didn’t get what I truly wanted because he’d see me happy. It was a prison sentence, not a marriage. I’m out, it’s over, and I will say, PTSD is real. I’m getting well. Still have my career and on my own. 57 and for the first time since I was 22 I feel alive. My true self is back and I love her. I’ve missed her. Thank you for your constant encouragement and knowledge!
Good Luck! Thoughts and Prayers. Just Rem that You Do You!! 😊🙏😊🙏💕💕💕💕
,I love your talks, you have hit the nail on the head. I. Have been married to one for 67years)now he has got short term memory , he has bad hearing for years, and I am a nervous wreck,
Even if a narcissist is not particularly successful or accomplished, he/she will still act as if they are the smartest person in the room. So many times they will make complete fools of themselves when they pontificate about a subject they really know nothing about!! They really are sad to watch!!
Yep
Or they put someone down that's smarter than them.. my ex used to do that to me, I have a bachelors degree and he didn't and I was proud about it (since it was quite the achievement) and he always had to put me down in front of others, like saying that even though I had a degree it doesn't make me smarter or better than everyone (in that room) while I never looked down on them in any way.. I was very proud of their achievements and always complimented them.. always encouraged them to do their best etc.. it's just crazy how jealous they are
After reading some comments, looks like it’s about the difficulty/inability to regulate emotions and therefore control themselves => which explains harsh reactions & even fury 😡
Rage = Fury. Scary when you only want to love 💗
@@andrewlowe2962 Yes very scary and shocking at first. But once we understand WHO we are dealing with, we understand that there is NO SOLUTION to that situation. This person will never be able to love us the way we want, need & deserve. So the only way is OUT => 💃🏻
@@dot.888 I have seen this first hand since my childhood and not understood what I was experiencing. As the narcissist ages their unhealthy characteristics become outwardly more noticeable. You begin to learn how unimportant you were to them. This is difficult to sort out. But part of the challenges we humans present each other. Unnecessary drama is oftentimes the resulting interactions.
Bingo!
@@davidsouza7871 Since my childhood for me too (this is often the case).
We ARE very important to them, but just not more than A, B or Z. We are replaceable... But they depend on us.
The drama is very necessary TO THEM. The outburst of emotions which then is our reaction, is something they feed on 😋
Dr. Carter thanks again for a good presentation. In summary: Narcissists in their lack of self restraint while trying to coerce and force conformity end up becoming more and more as they get older one of the biggest non-conformists around. And then gaining negative narcissistic supply too. Which leaves me all the more concerted and determined to work on my own listening skills as I get older while my hearing and eye sight dims.
Their need for fuel overrides everything else, that's why they conveniently forget that they promised not to do something.
I’ve always said that the three most important words my N mother would want on her tombstone is “I was right!”
Mine will say "See you soon"
I’m in an industry over-run by narcissists especially at the top. Have always wondered how people who can’t manage themselves think they can successfully manage others.
they never do, they successfully manipulate and exploit
👏👏👏👏👏👏 TOTALLY agree!!!
Self reflection and take responsibility for what they do and say. Demon people straight up. I know but I see it like that. Much love to everyone❤️
Dear Elin,
I see the demonic thing too. I saw it in my soon to be EX-husband. Much love right back at ya ❣️❣️
Yes, that demonic presence. It's a force to be reckoned with but I would rather just walk away. Unfortunately, the narc in my life is my daughter. Her father was my first narc
@@selenajwallace294 I am truly sorry but you are the strong one in all of this in the longround(sorry for wrongspelling,sweden here🙋🏼♀️) much love and much love to you 🙏🏻❤️❤️
@@mariasartzis-pellicier1723 Maria 🙏🏻💫❤️❤️
@@elinbrocks2457 Thankyou for your comment. I agree that I am the strong one but she will not stop in her efforts to destroy me. I hope all is well with you, after all we would not be watching this unless we were affected by a narc at some level. Blessings🙏🕊🙏💖
A family friend I know has no empathy for anyone else, has an over heightened sense of entitlement and casts himself being a victim when his poor choices backfires on him. In short he is too lazy to care for anyone else and is very impulsive.
A new hire was a malignant, pathological, evil narcissist. He nearly destroyed my entire department. Fortunately, coworkers complained and he quit. I nearly had PTSD dealing with this grandiose narcissism.
Real empathy and every skill that is derived from it? Usually even when they attempt to appear emphatic it is more like "fake it till you make it". Except they never make it, it always feels forced and unauthentic.
It seems to me that they love hearing how they sound! My ex used to let me say a sentence or two before he starts talking again, but what appeared to me he only waited for me to finish my talking so he could continue his "interrupted" monologue! I responded once "you have two ears and only one mouth, and yet you still talk more than you listen. You are clearly malfunctioning". It seems like those two ears are attached to each other by a string to only hold them in place, but disconnected from the brain. Or maybe there isn't any brain? Maybe just a vacuum? 🤔😏
😁😅😅😅😅😄😄😄😆😆😆💯
Lina Mink, you don't deserve to be with a narcissist 😈!
They can't master telling the truth lol
the secular atheist narc sees everything as morally relative..."there is no absolute truth to them"
Is anger control and a low tolerance for frustration part of narcissism?
My problem really is not how he treats me even though that's quite a challenge to control my emotions and my tongue. The thing that hurts my heart so much is that we have three kids and they have suffered tremendously. I admit that I was neglectful. I kick myself for not stepping in to protect them. I feel guilty. Thinking of the challenges the one who was hurt the most has in life is heartbreaking. Thank you the attention you pay to us(that leave long annoying comments)... And your videos are informative and validating.
They have no self restraint when they want something from you and have the expectation that they'll get it out of you.
One of the best videos of yours yet. Crystal clear!
Nature Fleur,I admire your lovely smile
I just found this channel.
You are perfectly describing a toxic person in my life. I will now be viewing all of your posts. Maybe I'll be able to better deal with this person.
Glad you found us. Stick around! Dr. C
All of these are so true. Living with a narcissist husband. Didn't know he was this way until I married him. Also had no idea of narcissism until I married him. I noticed his behavior was totally off and started looking it up, just started typing into Google what I noticed and this is how I found out. Everything being said here is absolutely true of my husband.
You’re a treasure ... a real treasure - thanks for sharing your wisdom
Thanks so much, Mary. Dr. C
Absolutely I agree!!!
Self reflect, self criticize.
What I'm getting about narcissists having no restraint, and you touched on it a little bit, is their insecurity. They have deeply negative feelings about someone else being in control, for whatever reason. As a result, they feel they need to be in control so someone else isn't in control. Their fear is what is guiding their impulses, not their conscious thought. This fear is what drives them to control others and this leads to them not being able to be empathetic toward others.
Very accurate!
I wish the people in my world would stop assuming that I miss the people who I went no contact with just before the pandemic started. I did not want to be no contact and I would have needed to go no contact even if there was no pandemic. Just because a person has a title of mother or brother does not mean that they are healthy for me to spend time with. For me, the blessing that is arriving from the pandemic is being no contact with narcissistic “family “ members. Even the word “family” is abused with narcissistic people because family is not supposed to mean people who are destructive to each other.
Thank you Dr Carter!!!!! Thank you for this video and all of your videos. You are very helpful!
I am working on living my life well, with purpose. The pandemic is making me very fearful, but I am working on not allowing the fear to control me.
Much love and respect to you!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
According to the image: reflection?
Mine sure doesn't and I pity her for thus repeating foreseeable mistakes again and again.
The lack Self-restraint includes people who keep going back to their narcissist.
If you know a person is unhealthy for you and you keep going back you have to address that first instead of just complaining about the “narcissists” behavior. Check your own. ❤️
My dear Dr. Carter....
you are ...
simply put...
a light in the darkness...
Thank you, Amat. Dr. C
Transparency
Genuine, compassionate and totally enlightening. It is ever so refreshing listening to your wisdom. As always, Thank you Dr C
I Love that! “Team Healthy”! We do not have that with the world right now! Everyone wants to be “Chief”! Why do we NEED a chief?
Dr Les Carter I wish I could hug you for what you do. Thank you for doing what you do.
Thank you for this lesson. You show the contrast between what is unhealthy behavior and what is healthy. It helps the viewer reinforce how to have a healthy relationship with others and avoid those who don't.
This sounds like one of my sisters to a T. She called our mother a narcissist, but I suspect someone diagnosed her as one and her ego wouldn't accept it so she turned it around to justify herself.
I do enjoy listening. A lot of encouragement going into a new week. Thanks
I am continually astonished by how conformed "to type" these people are. This could have been a thumbnail sketch of my darling cousin. Narcissists are as much like other narcissists as dachshunds are like other dachshunds. There are no happy surprises with these people in a larger, better sense, only variations on a constant theme of nasty surprises in the smallest sense.
Yes, sir, you are right it really is astonishing how they keep to the script.
It's a major weakness we can take advantage of.
Yes, the nastiness of retaliation and revenge are predictable when one unintentionally ‘crosses’ a narcissist. Whenever our narcissist Neighbor From Hell (NFH) felt we had disrespected, disobeyed, or dismissed him, he would blow up into a verbal tirade, veins bulging from his neck, flipping tools around his yard and patio, and stomp into his house. The retaliation or revenge was predictably en route, either days or weeks later. Sadly, we discussed, guessed, and tried to prepare for what it would be. Badmouthing us to the neighbors, with a heavy dose of triangulation? Check. Throwing poisoned food over the fence for our dog to ingest? Check. Destroying our landscaping by spraying it with herbicide? Check. Spraying water across the entry to our driveway in the dead of night in freezing temps? Check. Collecting our Christmas mail from the postman as a ‘friendly’ gesture, only to have it all disappear? Check. Installing cameras and flood lights pointed at our windows, invading our privacy? Check. Calling the police, to have us charged with vandalism, destruction of property, and theft? Check. We were always amazed at the demented creativity and the planning required to carry out his revenge. It certainly kept us on our toes as he unleashed his reign on terror. He recently sold his house, and we can sleep through the night for the first time in 2-1/2 years. We can finally enjoy our dream home, and we are blessed with truly wonderful next door neighbors. I haven’t fully recovered from the terror, though, because as I write this I am feeling the stress in my stomach and a tightness in my throat.
A side note: Our other neighbors around us have gradually approached us, telling us of how NFH convinced them that we were a problem, we were the crazy, unhinged people driving him crazy. They were totally convinced that he was the victim, as he was kind and charming and very helpful/knowledgeable. We kept to ourselves, knowing that his ‘triangulation’ tactics were in full force. One by one, he gradually turned on them, yelling at them and treating them with disrespect and contempt. Turns out, we weren’t the crazy folks after all. Just two days ago, a neighbor sat with me, apologizing for not picking up the phone and telling me about the horrible rumors NFH had been spreading. Not until he suddenly turned from his charming self into a pit viper, with venom spewing her way, did she realize that something was ‘off’ with this guy. It has been a lonely, terror-filled two years in our beautiful neighborhood. I am trying to come to grips with neighbors who shunned us when we were pleading for help, and now want to be our friendly neighbors. Maybe Dr. Carter can address forgiveness of those whom the narcissist has turned against his victim.
I recently realized my cousin is a narcissist--we've always lived on opposite ends of the country so it took a long time to figure out. I'd pulled away due to her manipulations and cruelties, but when I had to eventually call her about a death in the family she was scathingly mean--narcissistic rage at my not calling her anymore. I'd hoped to stay in touch with her but it's not possible.
@@probablynot1368 How many people relate to this post, EVERYBODY? Wow, what a nightmare and a cautionary tale for the rest of us.
I responded too, because I've been through the smear campaign, and I guess it depends on the neighbor, whether I will socialize, even in the street these days, huh?
New neighbors, I will cut them slack, they dont know anyone yet, and they will figure it out soon enough. The others, possible flying monkeys, nah, friendly distance strictly.
But here's a wrinkle that happened to me recently. A wheel on one of my vehicles "mysteriously got loose lug nuts" and almost fell off!!! My neighborhood is so good I can leave stuff around and it will rust or rot before anyone touches it!
Hmmm...the most benign guess, sketchy short term renter. But I have my suspicions......oh yes I do.
@@Elizabeth-yg2mg Hi honey, you're a sweetheart!🌺 I'm just a little embarrassed that I didn't figure it out until my FIFTIES!!!!
But one day I did. And God help everybody, I will weaponize everybody I can to defend themselves. It's really all I can do anymore. I left the wreckage of my family quite awhile back and, honestly, there's nothing to miss!!🤗
Seeking truth is not being “right” in the face of being wrong, especially, when it comes down to vetting out good science.
Possibly the most helpful description of "narcissism" I've come across. Thank you!!!
So glad I viewed this! The narcissist in my life can't keep her mouth shut - when she needs to. Now I know why.
I decided to go no-contact with pretty much my whole family a year ago. My mum wanted to know what she'd done wrong, so I told her. She deny deny denied it until she was blue in the face.
A week later I get a text from her... "So are you going to tell me what the problem is so I can try to fix it??"
I don't have the energy or the desire to explain myself anymore. Either she's incredibly stupid or thinks I am
the narcs in my life do not usually make statements about trying to fix anything? they typically do the blame shift, turning the fault onto others. I understand your sentiments, just sharing my experience...
Write her a note, tell her what is wrong and how it makes you feel...see what happens
“A giver of peace”. I like that.